Solo: My Personal Life Update - Entering a New Chapter, Feminine Era, Acne, Mental Health, Confidence, Wellness Routine, Family Planning, Goals, Listener Q&A
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Welcome to the pursuit of wellness.

What is up guys? Welcome back to the pursuit of wellness. I am your host Mari Llewellyn. If you're new here, we talk all things wellness on this show from a holistic approach, not just nutrition and exercise, but mental wellness, social life, whatever wellness means to you and whatever makes you feel your best.

Since starting this show in January, I have learned so much. We've had such incredible guests on the show. Every week I'm learning more and more. We do new episodes every Monday and I'm so happy you're joining me today. Today is actually a solo episode. I'm sitting down for a heart to heart with you guys. You seem to love the solo episodes. So I'm just going to give you guys an update on my personal life today.

We're talking mental health, confidence, acne, kids, wellness routine, goals, entering a new chapter and more. It kind of feels like everything is about to change for me at the moment. I'm definitely in this like transitional period and I've been doing a lot of soul searching. So I really want to share kind of what I've been going through with you guys. I think the podcast is a really good place to do this and I've just been really pulling away from

from social media at the moment, other than TikTok. So I do share a bit about my skin journey and other things on TikTok. But anyway, I also asked you guys for personal questions on my Instagram and you asked a ton. So I'll be answering those here as well. Plus, I want to do a giveaway at the end of the episode. So make sure you listen to the whole thing the whole way through. Without further ado, let's hop in.

Last time I did a solo, it was about my fitness journey. So if you haven't listened to that, make sure you do. It was about the tools I used, mindset, exercise, nutrition, and more to lose 90 pounds. So last time I did that episode, I broke it down by chapter, which really helped me stay organized. So I kind of did that method here as well. We're going to go step by step with each category you guys were asking about, and then I'll hop into the Q&A.

Also, I'd like to say if you're watching on video right now, I am crusty dusty today. I'm breaking out so badly and also Leo's new puppy peed on my shirt. So we're just feeling good today. But that's what I love about the podcast because although we're filming, I mostly am just concerned about having really great, valuable audio for you. So I have to worry a bit less about the way I look.

Which is perfect because we're talking about confidence today. But anyway, let's start with mental health and where I'm at with my mental health. So I've spoken about my borderline personality disorder on this show before and kind of the way I've evolved through it.

And I'm at a really interesting point with my mental health at the moment because it feels to me like I'm kind of in the best place I've ever been with my mental health, but I'm also struggling a lot right now. And I'll go into that more. But I feel like on the positive side, I feel really stable and flexible. So yeah,

I've always been someone who's, or as of recently, I've been someone who's very rigid in my routine. Just a couple of years ago, I couldn't miss a workout. I ate the same thing every day, woke up at the same time every day. My day was like the exact same. And if it was in that way,

I would kind of fall apart. And lately I've been traveling a ton. We've had so much work going on and I've just overall had less control over my routine. And in general, like my workouts have been so different. I've been weightlifting maybe three times a week as of recent and doing Pilates here and there, some home workouts. So I've really had to let go

control and roll with the punches. And I think I've been a lot better at that recently. We went to Seattle just a couple of weeks ago for work. We've had a lot of big pitches happening with big retailers and just a lot of

high pressure situations happening that I think in the past I would have been really anxious about, really stressed in terms of my routine. And I'm just finding myself trying to enjoy it and find the positive in each situation. I leave for Arkansas next week and I'm not used to this amount of travel and flexibility with my routine. And I just think I've been handling it a lot better. And I think a big reason why is because

Due to my recent brain scan that I had with Dr. Amen. So you guys may have heard my episode with Dr. Amen. He is a neuroscientist, psychologist, the brain doctor of Justin Bieber, Miley Cyrus, Bella Hadid. He

He's incredible. And after speaking with him on the show, he actually invited me into his clinic for a brain scan. I brought Fi with me and we were there for the entire day. I did extensive testing as well as the actual brain scan. And I sat with him for two to three hours talking about my life, my mental health, my thought habits, everything.

And he basically broke down my scan with me and gave me tools to move forward with. Now, we filmed this whole thing for his channel. So that should be coming out soon. And I don't want to give too much away because I really want you guys to go and watch that. But this brain scan was so enlightening for me. You know, I kind of always knew that my thought patterns were...

having a negative impact on my life. And I think a lot of times we carry whatever worked for us in childhood, no matter what that situation was, whatever worked for us back then is kind of what we carry into our adult lives. And it doesn't always serve us the way it did as kids. So what he showed me on my brain scan was what I thought it would be, but kind of worse. He said he hadn't seen a brain that looked like that in a long time.

So I think I've just really gotten comfortable with this very like negative hypervigilant way of thinking due to my childhood. He said that I have a strong disposition for negativity and hypervigilance and I'm always looking for things to go wrong, which is true. Go wrong in my environment with other people, but also with myself. I'm kind of always waiting for myself to trip up. Like, oh my gosh, there you go again, Mari. Another mistake or another failure, right?

or another blemish, whatever it may be. So we've really been working on squashing those negative thoughts. He called them ANTS, which stands for Automatic Negative Thoughts, I believe. And the exercise he gave me for squashing ANTS has been really helpful. You basically label the negative thought you're having. So, okay, let's say one of them was I'm a bad boss, which is a thought that I've had.

And then you essentially go through and argue with yourself, okay, why do you think that? Is there any truth to that? What is the evidence? How would I feel if I didn't feel that way? And it just completely like shifts the way you think about that thought and kind of shows you the alternative route. You kind of have to prove yourself wrong. And I know it sounds like a lot of effort, but if you just kind of do that every single time one pops up, it really does have a big impact.

So we also talked about my tendency to dissociate, which is something I've done since I was a kid in super stressful situations or even when I'm having a conversation about my past. I'll tend to kind of check out and lose that feeling in my body and just kind of feel like I'm not grounded anymore. So I've been working on that as well and kind of having deep breaths now.

through hard conversations just to make sure that I'm still there and still checked in. If you know what dissociating feels like, for me, the first thing I feel is like my eyes kind of glaze over and I lose focus of what I'm looking at. And then I also kind of feel like I can't feel my feet anymore, which sounds a bit weird, but you just can't feel that connection with the ground and you don't really feel anything. It's kind of like this numb feeling. And

So I've been working on that. And some of the tools I've been using for my mental health recently are breathing exercises. So I actually did my first ever breathwork class recently. And I'm someone who's always been like a bit skeptical about the woo woo stuff. You know, I live here in LA and a lot of my friends are really spiritual and really into that kind of thing. Sort of lean towards the science of everything health wise. But

I kind of think at this point in my journey, like I kind of need to accept this more spiritual side of myself and play around with it. So I went to a breathwork class with my friend Celeste for her birthday. And I wasn't really...

expecting much. The teacher said, you know, you might feel vibrations through your body. You might cry. You might scream. And I literally was like, okay, like great sales pitch. Let's see. And I hopped into the class and it was, it was hard work. The breathing isn't easy. And within five minutes, my entire body was vibrating. My hands were shaking. I was crying. I cried six times in one hour of breathing.

We were letting out noises, which I feel like I'm someone who is always aware of my surroundings and aware of what people are thinking of me. And to just kind of let out this like animal noise was very therapeutic. And I was shocked at how much I was able to let go in that one session. So breathing...

is it guys I've kind of been into it lately and I do plan on going back for another class so breathing is one of my tools the squashing ant exercise that I told you about earlier

gratitude journal, do that every single morning, focusing on the best parts of other people. That was something Dr. Amen recommended and I've really been trying to do that and just kind of have a deeper appreciation for the people around me and also showing that and saying, thank you, thank you for being here. You're doing an amazing job rather than kind of waiting for someone to do something or say something that might upset me or irritate me.

And then allowing myself to have more fun. I think I've mentioned this a couple of times in this podcast, but I have for years now been someone that works, works out and basically doesn't do anything unless it's productive. So this summer, I've really tried to lean into

fun and socializing. I actually got a little house down in Laguna for the summer, which I feel so blessed to be able to do because I was doing that drive so frequently to go and see my horse, Beau. So I decided to get a little house near the beach in Laguna, near my barn, so I can go ride, I can go hang out, be on the beach. And it has been so good for my soul. I

I just go down there Friday or Saturday. I actually just spent the weekend down there with Fi and her partner for her birthday. And it's just so pure and wholesome and people down there are so nice and

And it's been really good for me. And just riding for fun. I think I had to check myself a little bit with the horseback riding because I was taking it so seriously, guys. I don't know how to do anything on a casual level. Like I started this as a hobby. And then next thing I knew, I was like, let's compete. Let's go. I'm doing crazy jumps like I want to go for it. But I had to reel myself in and remind myself this is a hobby. So I've been doing a lot of trail rides, still jumping, still trying to get better, but just kind of toning it down a bit.

And then in terms of socializing, I've just been saying yes more. And also realizing that the same way that working out and staying busy kind of helps me mentally, socializing and being around other people and putting my phone down and having an actual conversation has really helped me mentally as well. And just learning about other people. We just went to Aspen and

with a bunch of friends that we do work with as well. But it was so lovely to spend time with other people in a different place. We went on bike rides, we went hiking, and I just felt really like my cup was full after that. So I've been really leaning into that lately. So the next chapter, if you will, or the next thing I have to talk about here is acne because

As I go to prepare for this solo or think about what's going on in my life right now, acne is really at the forefront, especially with my mental health. As I said before, I feel like I'm doing so well, but also so badly at the same time. And I think it's the mix of my progression with my mental health, but also the acne has just destroyed me.

And it's a defining part of my life right now and something I think about pretty much every day throughout the day.

And I've never been so humbled in my life. I think acne is such a humbling thing to go through and anyone who's experienced it, it will just strip you of your confidence. And it sounds dramatic. And whenever I talk to other people, they're like, oh, I don't even notice it. But it's all I see when I look in the mirror. And every time I check myself, it's like, oh, what news do we have today? Or how bad does it look today? You just feel like it's all that you are. It really consumes every part of you.

And it's to the point where I can't look people in the eye and I have severe anxiety about people seeing me with no makeup. So when I go to the gym in the morning, I keep my head down and try not to say hello to people, even though I would like to, because I'm just so self-conscious of it. I will say it has been such a test for me and it has made me dig deeper than I ever have in my life.

Not that I'm a supermodel or someone that's like known for my looks, but when you have your looks taken away from you, it really makes you look at yourself in a different way. You're forced to evaluate your self-love like never before.

you have to ask yourself, how do I appreciate myself for who I am rather than how I look? And how do I start to love myself and accept myself for everything that I am right now? Because I'm doing everything that I can for this acne. And I know a lot of people give me suggestions and I really appreciate that. And I've had such an outpouring of support during my acne journey. I've

been posting about it on TikTok pretty candidly. So if you want to hear more about it and see what my skin looks like right now, you can go on my TikTok at Mari Llewellyn. But I've had such an outpouring of support. Like I've had people coming to me and getting on phone calls with me for hours to talk to me about my blood work or my skincare or the makeup I'm using or the food I'm eating just because they want to.

I've had many people just do that for me for free, which has been so mind blowing to me because I'm so used to everything being kind of transactional. I even said on the phone, please let me pay you, let me compensate you. It even got to the point where I was like, why are you doing this? One of the people who's been helping me is a blood chemist and she's one of the most intelligent people I've ever met. She looked at all my lab work for me and has been giving me my supplements. And I said, why are you doing this for me for free? And she told me,

you know, she's religious and she said she felt like God wanted her to help me. She just kind of had this sign that she should help me and I'm not religious, but I don't know that that meant a lot to me. And she said, you know, I think one of the things you need to work on during this time is accepting help from others and accepting it for what it is and understanding that some people just want to help.

And I do think that I have certain trust issues that make it difficult for me to believe that people just want to help me and just want to be there for me. So that has been interesting. I also think that this time has really forced me to evaluate my stress levels and thought patterns because I think a huge reason for my acne on top of everything has just been my anxiety. I think I've lived...

in this fight or flight state for the past five years of my life, ever since losing 90 pounds and starting this business. I feel like I've been in the sympathetic nervous system for a long time. And your body keeps the score, as they say. And I went through a lot of trauma in my body and I haven't felt safe in my body for a long time. And I've kind of been living in fear. I heard this term the other day, are you doing it because you're being driven or because you're being dragged?

And I kind of have been evaluating my life and looking at the things. Okay, well, what am I doing out of fear? What am I doing because I feel like I have to and I'm scared what will happen if I don't? And what am I doing because I actually genuinely want to? And that has been a really interesting journey for me. And I know we're talking about acne right now, but I do think it's all related. I was also having a conversation while I was in Aspen with some of my girlfriends and they were saying,

When you're in that fight or flight overworking yourself, you're kind of living in your masculine era. And I don't know how true that is or, you know, really what that means. But I do kind of feel like I've been embodying this like masculine version of myself for years now because I've had to.

you know, with the start of the business and losing the weight, I had to kind of be in that mindset to get everything off the ground and get myself to where I needed to be. I needed to be super disciplined. I needed to take everything super seriously. But now I'm in a place where I don't really need that anymore. Kind of what I was saying earlier, the same things that served me back then are not going to continue to serve me now for where I want to go. My goals have changed. I've changed. My life has changed.

So I think I no longer need to be this harsh with myself and I need to kind of embrace my feminine error. And I'm kind of feeling that in my body. I'm feeling like I'm ready to

to embrace maybe a slower life and focusing more on my relationships because at the end of the day I think you can build the biggest business ever have the best body ever have the most money you've ever wanted but when you look back the things you care about the most are the memories and the connections you've made and I'm really leaning into that at the moment and

I'm still obsessed with my job. And in particular, when I thought about what I'm being driven to do rather than dragged was this show. I think this podcast has completely changed my life, if I'm being honest, and speaking with you guys and connecting and being able to share such valuable information has just brought me so much joy and fulfillment. And I feel really authentic and in my true self when I'm doing so.

I've also been working on affirmations for my skin. So one of the women I've been speaking to from an acne clinic in New York called Pacific Touch,

She has been having me say, my skin is healing. My skin is telling me that something's wrong. I'm grateful for my skin. I'm going to have clear skin. So those are some things that I think about when I'm really at my lowest point. So if you're watching this on video, I am wearing a hat today because my forehead is breaking out and my forehead never usually breaks out. I generally break out in this kind of U shape from my cheeks, jawline, chin area, which is a

sort of a classic hormonal area. But for some reason, my forehead is just popping off right now. And my naturopath told me that in Chinese medicine, the forehead is connected with the heart. So if you're having emotional struggles, that's often where the acne will show up. I also just think I wore a helmet while bike riding with makeup on and Aspen. So

There you go. I'm paying for that now. But again, this is just such a test for me. And I think the universe kind of telling me I need to one, slow down, but to start to love myself for who I am and not what I look like.

So in terms of what I'm doing for my acne, I feel like that should be a whole other video. I've really shifted my focus lately from fitness and protein and calories to holistic wellness. You know, what products am I using in my house? What oils am I cooking with? Where is this coffee coming from? I just got my house mold tested. I'm really focused on ingredients and holistic health at the moment.

I'm also doing extensive supplementation for the mycotoxins and bacteria overgrowth in my system. So we did find that I have mold and gut bacteria that we need to work on. So I think we should do a whole episode about mold and mycotoxins. I'd love to get an expert in here to talk to you guys about it, possibly even the blood chemist I'm talking to. So let me know if you're interested in that because I am mold obsessed these days.

avoiding it and just learning about it. We are moldy people. There's mold everywhere. I actually had a nightmare last night that I was in a bunk bed and I looked up and there was mold all over the bed above me. So if that doesn't say how triggered I am by mold at the moment. And anyway, I think the message of all of this is also just patience. I know I'm doing all the right things. I just need to be patient and not grab the spironolactone or the Accutane because

doesn't line up with my beliefs. I got to heal from the inside the healthy way. So the next thing I want to talk about is the new chapter that I'm entering. And I'm not there yet. And I don't think I can fully disclose what's going on. But I just want to share that I feel like a lot is about to change for me. And it kind of has been changing.

Ever since starting this podcast and also with where Bloom's at right now, Bloom has grown an exponential amount. We're in Target and Walmart now. We're currently the number two bestselling supplement on Amazon, which is insane. And my role at Bloom has completely shifted. We've recently hired a VP of brand, which was essentially my job for the last few years. And she's incredible. She's so fantastic.

and it's really allowed me to focus on telling the story, focus on my podcast, all the traveling I've been doing. And it kind of feels like, you know, our life has always changed a lot year to year. I think this year it will change for us, but also the people in our lives as well. And I'm so grateful for that. I'm so grateful that we can share this life with the people we care about. That's the most special part, I think, and the thing that I enjoy the most.

But I also just kind of feel a shift inside myself, like I was talking about. I'm ready for my feminine era, if you want to call it that. I really feel this urge to expand our personal life. I think it's fair to say the past five years or ever since starting Bloom, Greg and I have been really just hyper-focused on business and on growth in that area. We really don't

spend a lot of time thinking about our personal life, whether it's like kids or where we want to raise our kids or, you know, just anything personal has always gone on the back burner. And I'm really feeling this urge to focus on it, I think. And that definitely doesn't mean, you know, neglecting the business in any way. It will always be a huge part of our lives. But

I am so excited to have a family and I feel this like urge in myself to take care of something. I've been lucky enough to spend some time with kids lately in Aspen. I was with the lovely three-year-old, the child of our friends, and I was just fascinated by him. And this sounds weird, but I just couldn't believe how articulate he was and how polite he was. I was having a full conversation with him. We were

blowing dandelion seeds together and he was so, so sweet. I was just in awe of this child and I really feel pulled towards that in my life.

I also think with everything I've been through, the thought of having a child and fingers crossed being an amazing mom also just brings me a lot of peace. I think it will be a whole new level of healing for me and it will just bring out a whole new different Mari. I think I'm really excited to see who I can become and hopefully be even better than I am now. I also want a farm. I know I've said that so many times, but I'm just going to keep saying it because I am manifesting this farm, guys.

It's going to happen. Also, I got the yes from Greg for a second dog. And I think we know what breed we want. But I want to hear from you guys. What breed do you think we should get? We want something active, not as big as Lulu. I'd say maybe max 40, 50 pounds.

lovable, great with kids, great family dog, someone that Lulu can play with. Okay, I heard this statistic that if you introduce a younger dog to an older dog, like you have them live together, the older dog will live for longer. The second I heard that I was like, I'm getting a puppy immediately because Lulu needs to live forever. So with all this said, we've kind of been thinking that LA may not be our forever place.

Because we want to have kids. We want to have a family. I don't think LA is a great place to raise kids. Specifically Venice. It's wild out here, guys. But pretty much everywhere in LA is wild. So, you know, whether that's Orange County, Austin, Texas, we shall see. I think it's just something we're starting to think about. And I'm excited. I'm excited to see what happens. So

That's kind of my update at the moment, guys. Acne, mental health, kids. So with that said, I want to hop into the questions from the community. You guys asked some really good ones. I love chatting with you on Instagram. So let's hop into the Q&A.

Okay. A lot of the questions were baby related. Pregnancy. Are you nervous about body changes or cravings when the time comes? So funny you asked that. I used to be paranoid about getting pregnant and what that would do to my body. When I first lost weight, I was like, oh my God, when I get pregnant, I'm going to have to deal with that weight gain and what's going to happen to my abs. Now I could not care less. I think

being a mum and carrying a child is the coolest thing ever and I can't wait. I think I needed to work on my self-love for a bit because clearly if I was worried about my abs, like I wasn't ready to have a child.

Now, I would just be so blessed to even get pregnant because I know so many people are struggling with that at the moment. I think the statistic is like it's a crazy number of people struggling with fertility. So I would be honored and I hope that I have a cute pregnant body. But either way, I don't really care. I'm just excited.

And the cravings are going to be fun. I plan on being a very healthy pregnant person. I'm already a psychopath about everything that I eat being nutrient dense. When I'm pregnant, I'm going to eat tons of salmon roe. Apparently that's incredible for you. Avocados. I also can't wait to cook for kids. Like I can't wait to do fun little recipes and healthy pancakes and things like that. So I'm excited.

number two fertility wellness so if you're new here i've mentioned it in previous episodes but i actually lost my period for over a year after taking birth control and i was getting nervous so part of the reason i ever got a naturopath and went on this wellness journey was because i wanted to get my period back and work on my fertility

And I did, thank goodness. After, you know, acupuncture, diet changes, supplementation, I did get it back. So if you don't have yours at the moment, be patient, have faith, be kind to yourself. It will come.

Also, Greg and I did go to Dr. Gidea to get our blood work done for genetic testing because he can actually see in both of us any underlying disease. So I had albinoism and then I had another one, but I can't remember the name of it, but it was a very severe one. And that would only be a problem if Greg also had those two genetic diseases. So

We're waiting on his test results, but we are definitely proactively thinking about our fertility. So stay tuned. Will you ever talk about your relationship with your mum? No pressure. I had a lot of questions about this. You know, the truth is I'm still healing and figuring out what I want that relationship to look like. And I've definitely, it's gotten better recently for sure. But

It's baby steps. And I think if I come on here and talk about it too much, it will potentially deter that healing process. And I'm not really ready because I don't know my own thoughts on it yet. And I also, you know, with families, other people are healing at different rates. Like maybe I'm further along on my journey than someone else might be. And I think if I talk about it on here, it violates the privacy of my family and my

It's just unnecessary. So I love sharing. And I hope if you're listening and you do have a difficult relationship with a parent, just know that I've been through it too. And I hope that gives you some comfort and I would love to talk about it one day. But I do want to respect the healing journey of other people in my family as well.

Face the haters and how you've changed. I love this. Fi and I actually spoke about this on our recent episode. So if you want to listen to that, go back and listen to my episode with Fi. I gave a pretty detailed response. But yeah, I've changed. I think everyone should be evolving and hopefully becoming a better version of them. At the core, I think I'm still the same person. And if anything, I've evolved into a better version of me.

I don't want to go too in depth in this, but also I think

The amount of love I get completely outweighs any hate that I get. And I also just think having a podcast now, my opinions are out there and it's opening up the discussion, which I'm down for. That's what I knew would happen when I started a podcast. And I also just think on social media, if you have an opinion out there, you're going to get some feedback. So that's just kind of part of it. And anyone who knows me in real life or listens to me regularly, I think knows that

my heart is still the same and I have remained the same person regardless of anything else.

So much conflicting info out there. How do you decide which wellness methods to follow? Such a good question. And I feel you. Every time I have a new guest on here, I completely want to change my life. I'm so overwhelmed. Who do I listen to? Because people have differing opinions, which is also another great part about having different guests on. I love hearing different perspectives and that's kind of the goal of this show is

I think working on sitting with yourself and noticing how things make you feel and really working on that intuition because everyone is so, so different. As we can tell by the different guests on this show, people have differing opinions and different things make other people feel... One thing might make someone feel amazing while it would make someone else feel awful. So...

For example, I know that oatmeal and fruit smoothies in the morning make me feel awful and I feel way better when I have a lot of fat and protein. That might be different for someone else. I think being open-minded and trying different things is also so important and not necessarily just going with the trend or what your favorite influence is doing. Try things out for yourself and really notice how that feels in your body.

Also, just having confidence in knowing that it's good for you. Like I think when we get in group discussions or listen to a certain podcast, it's like, oh wait, that person said this. Maybe my routine isn't good for me. If it makes you feel good, you're thriving on it, then that is the right routine for you and just have confidence in that. Do you think you'll ever make YouTube videos again? I love YouTube. I've been consuming YouTube since I was so young. Like I think I started watching when I was like,

12, 13. And I would make little YouTube videos on my flip cam, like baking cakes with cake mix. I was like an OG. I would watch Zoe and Alfie, if anyone knows them, the Shaytard family. I loved it. And I loved making YouTube videos. If you go on my channel, Mario Fitness, I have old vlogs of me and Greg from back in Colorado, from visiting New York. I loved making those. I think I

it's just a lot of work and I kind of needed to be selective at a certain point with what I wanted to do with running Bloom and Slay and the podcast it's so much so at the moment the podcast is my main focus but I'm never going to say never I think I could go back to YouTube one day and I appreciate you sticking around what is your emotional connection with horses and what was your experience with equine therapy and

So I haven't talked about the equine therapy experience. Fi is laughing in the corner because it was interesting. But I'll start with just my emotional connection with horses. It's funny because as a child, I've always been animal obsessed. And I really think that people who have emotional issues or trauma really gravitate towards animals. I found that to be true with so many other people. My obsession with animals is so strong that

Compared to my husband, he likes them, but he doesn't love them. And I'm obsessed. I could just go to a petting farm or be on a farm all day. And being raised in the UK, I definitely spent a lot of my childhood on farms. That's kind of what you do as an activity. But the connection I have with horses is just insane. The feeling I get when I'm around Beau, my horse, is next level. The serotonin I get is unreal. Yeah.

It's very humbling to be around a 1500 pound, I think Beau's like 1700 pounds. He's huge. To be around such a big animal like that and connect with them and learn them and learn how to be around them is so grounding. And riding is just the craziest high for me. Like the last time I rode, I managed to do something called a gymnastics jump for the first time.

which is basically where you just bounce over them. There's no break in between. You just go boop, boop. And it felt so good for me. I was ecstatic the whole day. Just the fact that I could sit on this giant animal and be one with him and make it work is just...

insane and probably like my favorite thing that I've ever done for myself for fun so yeah I think horses will probably be in my life forever Bo will probably be in my life for a very long time I don't plan on ever reselling him and I would love to get more I want

Shetlands. I want more horses. I'm currently at a barn that is fantastic. They take such good care of him. But one day I would love to have my own space or a pasture or something where I can keep more animals because I truly, truly love it.

equine therapy. So equine therapy was interesting. I fee had a connection and we drove an hour to go to this equine therapy center. And by no means am I bashing this place? Like what they do is fantastic. They work with kids with autism veterans. And I am so happy that a place like this exists. So other people can experience what I have with horses and

I don't think I knew what I was getting into. I just knew horses were involved and I was like, oh, I'm going to love this. It was a lot more in-depth and emotional than I expected. I definitely am someone that has trust issues just due to my past and I don't open up easily to people, especially when I don't know them. And it was one of those situations where

I felt kind of caught off guard and I wasn't in a place where I was ready for that. I wasn't ready to explore that part of me yet. No fault of the people we were working with.

But it was too much for me. And Fi had a lovely time. She was running around with donkeys, having a blast. I ended up having a full meltdown with a certain horse. You know, it was funny. I ended up connecting with this abused racehorse that they had at this rescue farm.

And she ended up kind of allowing me to get close to her, which she doesn't usually, which was really meaningful. But yeah, I think it just pushed me a bit over the edge and I wasn't really ready to share in the way that I did there. And we were also filming because it was for social media and I wasn't really comfortable being filmed in that vulnerable state. So it was just a lot for me, something I would definitely do again, maybe when I feel more ready for it and more prepared.

And I think what I love about being around Bo is that he lets me move at my own pace and he kind of accepts me for whatever mood I'm in that day and I don't need to talk. So for me, Bo has been so therapeutic and I'm excited to see him this weekend.

What is the story of you and Greg? How have you supported each other on your journeys? So for those of you who don't know, Greg and I actually went to the same high school, Scarsdale High School. We didn't know each other in high school. We were in very different circles. He was like a football player. I was a shy kid from the UK and he's a year younger than me. So he was in my sister's grade and I didn't know him.

Then we both ended up going to Drexel University in Philadelphia. And I got a text from someone I went to high school with and they were like, hey, you should really meet Greg Lavecchia. He went to high school with us. Turns out he lived in the frat next to my sorority and I could see him in his kitchen every day cooking from my bedroom, which to me was a little weird because back in college, we were all eating Subway and Chick-fil-A and he was cooking. So I was like, what is this guy doing?

Eventually, we met at a Halloween party at his frat. He was dancing on a table. He actually fell through the table, through a hole. He broke it and stabbed himself with a piece of wood by accident. So that was kind of my intro to Greg. And ever since that day, we've kind of been inseparable. College was up and down for us, as I think it is for many people, but we have seen each other grow in such insane ways. And

you asked how have we supported each other? He was my biggest support on my fitness journey, hyping me up, teaching me how to weight lift, helping me meal prep. And I think I've supported him on his entrepreneurial journey. I've really watched him become this incredible CEO and leader that I always knew he could be. He's always had this insane charisma and enthusiasm, but watching him in his element here at work and just seeing him

bloom in that way, no pun intended, has been insane. And I think anything I can do to help him live out that dream, I will be there for. When are you and Greg going to have mini hulks? I love everyone thinks that our babies are going to be like these hulk babies. They probably will be because I'm 5'10". I'm not small and Greg's definitely not small. So our babies probably will be hulks. TBD, hoping within the next year. Do you feel like living in LA has changed you?

It's interesting because I have a very different take on LA than most people, I think, because I moved to Venice first. I've always lived in Venice and we've always kept our circle pretty small and our whole world is Bloom. So I'm not like an LA Hollywood party girl. I've never went through that phase. I will say I think it has made me way more conscious of just like aesthetics and the way I look because everyone here is

really concerned with that and it's difficult to not be when you're just surrounded by like supermodels all the time and I'm kind of ready to get out of that if I'm being honest I'm kind of tired of it LA has been fantastic for my career and such a awesome place and I've met amazing people but it is definitely a vapid place so yeah I wouldn't say it's changed me at my core though

Things you're doing to balance your hormones. So I do want to do a whole episode about this, but I want to touch on things briefly. For anyone listening who's having a hormonal imbalance or acne, I know how frustrating it is. I get it. So just to tell you some things that have really helped me lately. Good sleep, crucial. Have an aura ring to track that. Cooking food at home. Places when you eat out, like you don't know what oil they're using and that can have a huge impact on your skin.

changing my cooking oils from avocado and olive oil to ghee or tallow, supplements and herbs, along with my greens, my bloom greens. I'm taking a number of herbs that help me with the mycotoxins and bacteria, focusing on eliminating those mycotoxins, bacteria and heavy metals. I've reduced the amount of seafood I'm eating for that reason. I'm eating high fat, low carb,

Less intense workout schedule, listening to my body more. I'm only really weightlifting three times a week right now. Less caffeine and alcohol. I drink something called King Coffee, which you only absorb eight milligrams of caffeine each cup. And it also has ganderma and reishi mushrooms in there, which help with the mycotoxins.

I'm also very picky with the coffee I get when I'm out. Make sure it's organic and freshly brewed or whatever you want to say. A lot of coffee can be moldy. When I do drink alcohol, I drink dry farm wines because there are no sulfates or additives or sugars.

more rest. So just taking my life a bit slower and allowing myself to chill when I can. More self-love, breathing exercises, spare mint tea, incredible for high testosterone. And I'm swallowing a chunk of frozen liver every morning, which has been interesting. I'm getting more and more used to it. The taste doesn't bother me as much anymore. Liver is nature's multivitamin. It's incredible for you. I feel so much energy when I have my liver. So I've been doing that as well.

It's a full-time job, guys, but that's just a few things I'm doing at the moment. How have you forgiven yourself for past actions, trauma, et cetera, and moved past it? Such a good question. And I'm still on that journey. I was at the point where I couldn't even talk about some of the things that I've done in my past without shutting down. So I think therapy, opening up, allowing myself to speak about it,

Because there was kind of this belief I had where if I said out loud what I had done in the past, that people wouldn't accept me or love me anymore. And testing that out and telling my therapist, which is obviously a safe place, and having her give me love back and having her forgive me helped me take that step.

And also just on this healing journey, having an understanding that holding onto that negative past is never going to allow you to grow and move into your future. So if you're listening and you're having a hard time with that, I forgive you and you're allowed to forgive yourself and move forward.

Have you had any issues losing your period due to weight loss and getting lean? I don't believe that was the reason I lost my period. I think I was just on birth control for a very long time and it confused my body. It's very common to lose your period after being on birth control for a while. So I think that's the reason. But it's also possible I was working out too much. I was working out very intensely for an hour, six times a week.

until recently so that could have been why as well and when I allowed myself to slow down my period came back my period also came back when we were in Austin Texas so I don't know if that has something to do with it maybe LA is toxic vibes but anyway

What are Greg's beige flags? I actually had to look up the meaning of beige flags when this question popped up. I looked it up on TikTok. It's when you notice something in someone and you're not bothered by it, but you just think it's a bit odd and then you move on. Anyway, Greg's beige flag is that he doesn't like to share food or drinks with me for germ reasons, but then will happily make out with me and sleep in the same bed. It's like, what? That's so weird. I just think that's weird. Like,

How were you raised that you don't want to share a drink with me? Like if I have, he has a water bottle and I want to sip, he's like, I'll just keep it. He'd rather just not drink water if I had a sip of it. Isn't that weird? I'm not like a dirty person. Anyway, who would you say is more motivated, you or Greg? That is a difficult question. We're both crazy and very driven and

I think when it comes to money and business, like finances, Greg is more motivated than I am. I think when it comes to like inner healing and nutrition and things like that, and maybe health in general, I'm more motivated. But it's tough to say. As a couple, we're pretty motivated. I think it just depends on what you're talking about. Tell us what procedures you've had done and why, e.g. lip filler. Okay, so the only things I've had done...

cosmetically are botox and lip filler i haven't had lip filler done in a really long time it kind of has just stayed there and also it hurts so badly i really don't want to go get it done again botox i get done regularly i feel like i metabolize it very quickly because i work out a lot and i go in the sauna a ton i do my forehead eyebrow and crow's feet and it has made a big difference honestly

I also have veneers on my top teeth. If you saw my teeth before, they were really tiny and had big spaces. So yeah, I have veneers and it's probably the best purchase I've ever made. Very expensive, but it completely changed my life and I started smiling again. So that's all I've had done. Do you run into celebrities a lot now that you live in LA? I see a lot of influencers out and about. I've seen some celebrities.

It's so weird running into influencers because you feel like you know them, but you don't, you know? And I've also had a lot of people come up to me out and about here. But yeah, it's not like a defining part of my experience here. You know, it's cool, but it's not like insane. Who's someone I saw that I like freaked out over recently? I saw Madison Beer on a plane. I saw Alexis Renner at a farmer's market. I saw... What else have I seen? People recognize me. I was getting my nails done yesterday.

And the girl sitting next to me, it was like a small place. It was just two people. And she was there the whole time. And she came up at the end and she was like, I love your podcast. And I was like, thank you. Thank God I have makeup on is what I thought actually out loud in my head. Fi actually gets recognized a lot now. She's more popular than me. Do you think you'd ever release an in-depth wellness book?

interesting and in-depth wellness book so fun story I thought that I wanted to write a book I've always wanted to write a book let me just say that even as a child I wanted to be an author because I love writing I love reading I was our head copywriter at Bloom for years and about a year ago I was like okay I'm ready to write a book and I was speaking with publishers and I decided that it

It just wasn't the time because I wanted to start this podcast. I had so much going on, but I absolutely want to write a book one day. I just don't know if it should be about my journey or as you said, an in-depth wellness book and everything that I've learned. I would love to get experts to contribute to it, you know, obviously because I'm not a qualified naturopath or anything like that.

But yeah, I'm super, super passionate about this. So I would love to write a book one day. I've also dabbled with the idea of a kid's book, Lulu's Adventures. I would love that. I think that'd be so cute. Maybe one day when I have kids.

Anyway, guys, that is it for the Q&A. And that's it for our solo episode. I really hope you enjoyed it. Just a reminder, we do episodes every Monday. And if you haven't subscribed yet, that would mean the world to me and you'll never miss an episode. Plus, please leave a review if you enjoyed it. I want to do a giveaway for you guys, as I mentioned in the beginning. Let's give away a Bloom PR box. We have a really exciting PR box coming soon. So let's

please rate leave a review and subscribe on apple podcasts or spotify and then take a screenshot send it to the pursuit of wellness podcast page on instagram and we will choose two winners to win a bloom pr box thank you guys so much for joining me today i'll see you next monday bye

Thank you for listening to today's episode. Go comment on my last Instagram at Mari Llewellyn with the guest you want to see next. I'll be picking one person from the comments to send our bloom greens to. Make sure you hit follow so you never miss my weekly episodes. If you enjoyed the conversation, be sure to share and leave a review. See you next week.

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