The NDA Hotline
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Hey guys, welcome back to another episode of Pretty Lonesome. This week I'm in bed, but I'm not just in any bed. I'm in the bed of the guest house of dad. I'm staying in Alex's guest house right now.

And I have never felt more like a child in my life. She is taking such good care of me. I, the other day I got up and I went to the fridge. She stopped my fridge. She left me bagels. She hand brought me bagels and then left me a collection of them for breakfast. She left me orange juice and she came in to like, we went out like last week and we got a little bit

fucked up and then the next morning she woke me up with a bagel and a coffee and then she was like your room's a little bit messy I was like yeah I had unpacked a box of clothing and kind of just like left it on the floor got dressed and ran out and then she was like don't worry I'll send you a cleaner

Next day, the whole flat is cleaned top to bottom. What is this? I'm living a life of genuine luxury like I've never experienced in my life and I'm obsessed with it. And they keep trying to convince me to drive their Porsche. I'm not even kidding. I got a text like 20 minutes ago and it's Matt and he's like, just take the Porsche.

no i'm not taking the porsche you don't understand like i can't it's not a case of oh like it would be fun no if i got a scratch a dent on that thing which i would i would never look her in the face again like i would be so ashamed it's the nicest car i've ever seen and like

They keep trying to like, they're trying so hard to get me to drive it. Like, I think they've asked me to drive this fucking Porsche 73 times. And I'm like, no, there's nothing you could do or say that would get me behind the wheel of your fucking Porsche ever. Never. Like my car at home.

I don't care. Like, I would love it to not be dented. I would love it to not be scratched. And actually, so far, it's not. But, like... And I'm a pretty good driver. Like, I am. But I have previously put cars into things. You know? And, like...

The last time that I was in LA, I rented out a massive brand new Range Rover. And like, that's a rental. So like, I don't have emotional ties to the person renting it to me. I'm paying. And I still was literally so anxious behind that wheel that I was going to hurt it in some way. That when I would get out my car, my legs would feel like I just did a workout. Like, I'm not even being dramatic. Like, it was...

Every single time that I would get out the car my legs were like jelly because I had been like tensing them and shaking the entire time that I drove anywhere. And I'm not gonna lie it took all the fun out of driving for me because I was like what I'm just terrified all the time. Usually driving is like my happy place and then suddenly I was just having like consistent panic attacks behind the wheel so I was like you know what

the next time I'm in LA we can't do this so this time I've rented out what I thought was a Honda I thought it was like a subsection of Honda but what do I know so I've rented out one of those and I'm really enjoying it because it's like I don't know what year it is it's not like a new car but it's really nice and it's really comfortable so since being in LA I have lived with girls for what I'm not kidding is the first time in my life I mean other than the fact that I was raised in a household of girls

But that's not the same. So when I went to university, right, a little bit of history here. When I went to university, I don't know what happened to me, but I fell into a friend group of basically only boys, which if you've ever been in that predicament, you know what the fuck I'm saying when I say it was the most traumatizing few years of my life. The way men live is

is fucking absurd and listen i everyone knows i'm not the most clean person in the world okay order and tidiness it doesn't really bother me you know what does bother me mold in the sink do you know what i mean like especially when it's not my mold in the sink like okay say i leave a bowl of cereal in the sink for like three days and it gets a little bit funky okay well it's my bowl of cereal i'm not that bothered by it and i live alone fuck it

When it's somebody else's moldy bowl of cereal, I'll go fucking ballistic. And mind you, I was like pretty well behaved when I lived in shared houses. Like in terms of not leaving my food around in the kitchen, I was pretty good. Like at the occasional pot in the sink, yes, the occasional plate. But like I was never one of those people to be like so fucking disgusting that you just can't even get through to them. You know what I mean? But I lived with four of them, unfortunately. ♪

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So my first year of university I was in halls and I had pretty good housemates and I just got this false sense of security about about the way that people live their lives. So I ended up living with boys in my second year of university because my first year went so well I was like oh yeah like you know boys and girls we're the same aren't we we live the same way no we don't we don't um

The things I saw, and bear in mind, there was another house. So my friend group was like two main houses. The other house didn't have any girl in it. And I've never, I've never seen people live that way. Even on TV shows where it's like hoarder TV shows and like house cleaning, crime scene cleaning TV shows. I've never seen anything that matched that university house. It was fucking shocking. And...

Then I decided I wasn't gonna live with these people anymore and I went and I found myself some completely random roommates on this random website and I was like, hey, I'll move in with you guys. And we all just like found each other on this website. None of us knew each other. Moved in with them. The most disgusting things I've ever seen in my life. Like guys, I'm sorry. This is so fucking TMI, but I have to tell you this. I don't think I can keep this to myself anymore. I once went to the bathroom and

Which I shared with only one other boy because we were the people on the ground floor. So we had one bathroom between us. But a lot of people used it because it was next to the kitchen. So it was like convenient. So I don't know who it was to this day. When I went to go get some toilet paper from the toilet roll. Do you know what was on it? I'm going to give you one fucking guess. About what someone had left on the fresh roll of toilet paper. Human shit. There was human shit.

shit and I brought it up in the house meeting I said guys because it wasn't the first time it happened the first time that I had noticed poopoos in that toilet was on the wall and I I wanted to be nice about it because I had a couple roommates that I was like I'm not sure if you were ever taught how to wipe your ass like you know when you look at people and you're like I don't think you have life skills but that can't possibly be your fault but like also you're

you're 22 but also I'm just gonna like give you a pass on this one because this is so shocking that it can't be a choice you have to have had no guidance in life and that's sad so I was like the first time I saw it I was like I'm actually gonna let this slide which is crazy that's how all

how generous I am okay I was like I'm gonna let the poopies on the wall slide because that's if I bring it up and it's someone who actually has not had guidance in their life because these were the people that I was living with I was like they've had really like I don't know there was just a lot of people in the flat who had like some kind of crazy stories and I was like okay I actually feel bad to bring this up

Because I've had the privilege of a mum who taught me how to wipe my arse. And not everybody's had that. So I was like, okay, I'm going to let this slide. When it was the second time that I found poopies and it was on my fresh toilet roll that I nearly used, that was kind of where I drew the line. And then I brought it up in the house meeting. I was like, guys, can we just be sure that there's not poopies on our hands when we're going to get the toilet paper? And maybe just check the walls after. Everyone denied their involvement whatsoever.

I said, okay, well, it wasn't me. So I will just let this one go. Then it was the pubes. Pubes were everywhere. There were pubes on the toilet seat. There were pubes in the sink. There were pubes in the shower. Everywhere. One day, I got up. I go upstairs. I'm going to take my shower, my daily little shower. And I go to get in the tub and it's just filled with vomit. What do you mean it's fucking filled with vomit? The story doesn't stop there.

So we know who vomited because there was only one of us that was blacked out last night. So we go to him and we're like, hey, babe, any chance, any chance that you could clean up your puke from the communal bathtub? He goes, yeah, don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. Later on in the day, he's telling me I had a crazy night. I also threw up all over my bed. And then I noticed that the washing machine is on. So, oh, your sticky bedsheets in the washing machine. Yeah. Because, yeah, OK, that's logical.

Later in the day, I need to put some laundry on myself. So I go to the washing machine. His stuff has been removed. But you know what wasn't removed? I'm so sorry. Chunks of food. Undigested chunks of food from his vomit. Yeah, I'm not even kidding you. Because this boy didn't like...

rinse off anything or like god i don't know just like scoop it up at least he just put actual entire vomit into i'm so sorry this is so disgusting into the washing machine and then let it circulate where do you think that's gonna fucking go so anyway i got him back down i was like would you mind picking your chunks out the fucking washing machine babe and he did it and i was grateful

And then I didn't want to wash my clothes after that because I was like, you know what? This washing machine is actually going to make my clothes dirtier than they are right now. So those were the kinds of characters that I was sharing spaces with. And comparatively, I was extremely clean and extremely hygienic. Later in life, I found out I'm actually disgusting, but that's... I will never be as bad as those people. So I'm like, eh, it's fine. You know, it can get worse. As long as it can get worse, then I'm all right, you know? And anyway, my actual point here was...

I've been living with girls for the first time in my life. So I, we had a friend in the same guest house that I'm in and we shared it for like a week. And then she left yesterday and she was making me coffees in the morning. We were talking on the sofa at night, like having little glasses of wine. Like it was so fucking cute.

And she kept being like, it's like being in a sorority house. It's like being in a sorority house. I was like, is this the luxury that you guys were getting in a sorority house? Like little girly talks on the sofas and bagels and coffees? Because I never got this. I got puke in my washing machine and mold in my sink. Do you know what I mean? And poop on the walls. I was like, why have I been fucking living like this all these years? You guys mean to tell me that you just picked to live with women and then you got coffees and bagels?

In a clean living space. Genius. I don't know why I was living with boys. Like I really don't know what possessed me to do that. I genuinely don't. Like everyone on earth kind of knows that's a bad idea. Especially at university. Especially at university. Girls can be fucking disgusting too though. And I've had my fair share of...

female friends that are like actually like the thing is i have no issue with mess when you're like messy in your bedroom like fuck it if you want to let food rot in your bedroom be my guest genuinely could not give less of a fuck i do it but like the second that you're letting food rot and you're in the kitchen that you share with like six people

like hello i used to keep plates of food in my university bedroom when i wasn't ready to go up to the sink and wash it yet so i would like have dinner in my room and then just keep the plate there maybe even overnight and then i would take it up to the kitchen when i had the capacity to go and do my fucking washing up because hey it takes you a while to be able to do your washing up especially if you're like at university and fucking depressed like washing up is hard so i

I would not be like in the mood or like ready to do it. And so I would just keep my shit stored in my room. And yeah, I would stink and it was gross. But like, I would rather that than put it in the kitchen and let seven other people have to sit around my mess. Oh, God forbid, clean it up for me like as if I'm some kind of child, although I'm not even gonna lie to you.

I did let the person that I was sharing this guest house with clean up my mess at least twice while we were here because we would like have food and then have a glass of wine and then go to bed and then I'd wake up in the morning and none of it was there. Just like magic. But it's because she wakes up at like 7am and I wake up around midday. So but I'm having the most fun ever. So we had I was sharing this guest house with a girl and then we've got

Alex in the main house in her home which is only a little bit away she's within arm's reach you know and it's so much fun she texted me yesterday she said are you depressed that Kate's gone I said shockingly yes because I usually love being alone but when I've like shared a space with someone

And then they leave that shared space. But I stay. I feel so lonely. And like normally I just love being alone. And I don't want anyone in my space. And I'm just like yes. Give me solitude. But then when someone actually comes and infiltrates that. I love it. And I act like I love being alone. And I do. And it very much depends on the person. There's some people that I can't.

imagine sharing a space with and like it would genuinely be torture for me and then there's other people that I'm like I actually think I prefer this than being alone yeah that might be generous but like I

feel like I could actually use being alone less in my life. Pretty lonesome, what's going on? I feel like I just... I don't know, maybe I'm just growing up to enjoy other people's company a little bit more. Plus, it keeps me productive. Like, when I'm just by myself, fuck if anything's getting done. Like, it's not. It's not. Like...

I cannot hold myself accountable to my tasks. I just can't. And it's like, I want to, but I just have this block of like, I can't get up and do it right now. And I don't know why. And it's such a simple task. All I need to do is film a podcast or edit my vlog. So easy. And yet I'm going to sit on the sofa and I'm the kicker is I wouldn't even enjoy sitting on that sofa because I don't even fucking want to be on the sofa right now. I'd rather be doing something, but I can't get up and I don't know what it is.

And then when someone else is around, I'm so much more inclined to get up and do what I need to do. It's like their energy. I'm kind of like, oh, yeah, like we're up today. We're doing things. I don't know what it is. But like the second that I'm not alone, I am so much more productive. So, hey, maybe this is my lesson. Get a fucking roommate. No, that's too far. No.

This episode is brought to you by Mejuri. You know, I had a thought the other day. Since Rwanda jewelry becomes something we only bought on special occasions, Mejuri approaches fine jewelry a little bit differently. Each one of their pieces is handcrafted by jewelers committed to quality craftsmanship as well as ethical and sustainable jewelry production. Created by women for women, Mejuri is breaking down barriers in what has long been an exclusive and occasional category of men buying for women.

In 2020, the brand launched the Missouri Empowerment Fund in support of higher education for underrepresented women and non-binary individuals. Because fine jewelry doesn't have to cost the world, feel good about your jewelry in more ways than one. Start stacking your favorites, shop online, or visit the website to find a store near you. So the other thing that I was going to say about living with girls, I like the quote that the devil works within, right? It's kind of like

I can get so easily persuaded to do something by another girl. Like, I...

It's like you get in this like little headspace and you can like crazy things can just unfold. Like it's like I am so suggestible to ideas. And then if you get a couple of girls together and you've had a couple of drinks and someone gives you an idea, you're like, you're right. You're right about that. And I should start a fight over that right now. So that's my problem. So

Since being in LA, I feel like I've encountered a lot of crazy shit. Like just a lot of weird shit that I'm like, I would never talk about that publicly because I don't want to create...

any trouble like i don't want to be like oh guys guess what the fuck i heard guess what the fuck i saw like ew but i will say that i do love yapping and it's sad to me that i can't yap about all these little things that i'm seeing and hearing because i'm like they would love this you guys would love this you would love to hear about this but i'll never i'll never i'll never tell

So I was thinking what I might start is something that I have dubbed the NDA hotline, which is where you guys can write in to me and tell me things that you can't tell anyone else. And I'll change the names and I would never give your name out and I would cut out specific details if I thought they were too much.

But this way I can share your guys' secrets without ever damning myself. You know what I mean? I think it could be really fun. I think we could get on really well if we did that. Let me post something on my Instagram right now. I get so anxious when I post an Instagram story that like somehow...

there's like a reflection of a mirror and I'm naked and I don't even know that I'm naked and I'm showing everyone that I'm naked you know what I mean like I get so fucking paranoid okay now we wait oh this one's good this one's just in this girl says I hooked up with my best friend's little brother yesterday and she doesn't know yet I'm not gonna lie that's really bad that's kind of bad little brother too I feel like that's worse because I feel like people almost understand the big brother thing like

If you have a big brother in his heart, you just kind of have to live with it. But like you, you hooked up with your best friend's little brother. Look, I don't know what the dynamic. I'm not trying to give advice. I'm genuinely just here to tell you that's kind of bad, but I love it. I support you. This one says my sexuality is my Roman empire. One minute I'm convinced I'm gay. Then you might just be bisexual. And that's okay.

I also you don't have to think anything if you like a girl one minute and then you don't and then you like a boy that's fine I feel like there's a lot of pressure to put a label on it and like figure out where you are I've talked about this before in like the first ever podcast video I did I think that's what I was talking about the whole time but

I get it. Mine is also my Roman Empire and I would have thought that I had it figured out by now because I've had long term relationships with both men and women. And I you feel like after that you would have figured it out like you would know where you stand. I'm still just as fucking baffled as you. So don't worry about it. It's a lifelong issue.

and I don't know why I can't just come to like one solid conclusion but I don't know what it is I get weirdly obsessed with people and like not in a creepy way but it's like if I have a crush on a boy and he's my like fixation I don't have a crush on women and not only do I not have a crush on women but I I like forget that I ever did I'm like I like can't relate to that version of myself where like I had a crush on girls and I'm like I have like

this thing where I can't remember having an emotion unless I'm having it in that moment and apparently it's an ADHD thing like lack of emotional permanence I think is cool I can't remember but if I have a crush on a girl I'm like men are fucking gross I can't believe I ever went there like I don't see what people see in them it's women women women and then the second I have a crush on a boy I'm like I only have eyes for boys I only am interested in boys like it's really crazy and it's like

It's not to do with my sexuality. It's to do with the one person I've fixated on. Anything that resembles you, I now like. So I don't know what the fuck that says about me. Someone says, I've created five different fake accounts just to stalk his ex and all of his classmates. Completely valid. I don't blame you. I do the same exact shit. I do the same exact shit. Actually, I don't, but I used to. Someone said, I'm in love with a narcissist so bad. No, you're not. I don't know what the word is for that. I've been there. You're not.

stand up right now because that person will never fucking change they're literally never gonna change and you don't want that the the way i always look at it is like if i fundamentally disagree with a person's traits and behavior but i still feel like i'm in love with them i'm not i'm obsessed with them but if i fundamentally agree with their traits and behavior and like their morals and just like the way they are and i feel like i'm in love with them then i am in love with them

but if you actually don't agree with them and it's not in a way of like well we have our differences and blah blah like you actually think they are like low-key a bad person and if I'd be embarrassed to be told that I'm just like that person I'm not in love with them and even if I am I'm gonna stand the fuck up please someone said I cannot finish with my boyfriend even though he does it right so I pretend okay so many people have this fucking issue like so many of my girlfriends

have never had an orgasm in their life and it's fucking insane to me but it's like even if he does it right i feel like it's not always about that like it's like something in you that like won't let yourself get to that point because i do believe you that he's doing it right i don't know what the suggestion is but i know that that's a thing like don't feel crazy i have so many of my friends who have never been able to like finish with a guy and it's been like over multiple guys too

guys just fyi i don't have any advice i'm just like reading and gasping we're just gossiping basically oh someone says i don't love my boyfriend anymore but i can't break up because he doesn't have anyone else but me personally if i was him and i honestly i have been him before where like i don't have any fucking friends except the person i'm in a relationship with i would still be mortified to know that the person that i'm dating is only dating me out of like sympathy like i would much rather be alone so probably just break up with him

I feel like it's a nicer thing to do. Like, he'll survive. He'll be fine. Someone said, when I was younger, I used to spit on people's sofas to mark my territory. Babe, don't even feel bad about that. Don't even feel bad about that. I feel like kids do weird shit. I would have 100% done that if I had had the thought to do it. I would have found that so fucking funny. Do you know what I actually did used to do? Do you remember those, like, markers that you could get as a kid? And they were, like, you could only see them under a UV light. And for some reason, they sold these to children. Um...

My dad had this brand new car and it was like made out of leather. Like all the seats were like cream leather inside. And he was so proud of it. Like me and my sister, like borderline had to take a fucking shower before he would even let us in it. I used to sneak my UV light pencil in there or pen in there and I would scribble all over his fucking seats. In fact, this is the first time I've ever even admit that to anyone because he would fucking kill me. Even to this day, he would have words with me about that. So...

Someone says I once used an alcohol wipe on my arsehole. Why? Like any reason? Was it like the only thing you had or you just wanted to? Fair enough. I mean, I'm not judging you.

Someone said, I'm in love with a guy and he doesn't like me back, so I'm shitposting on my Insta. I so know what the fuck you mean. The second I have a crush on someone, the way my Instagram is the most active thing you've ever seen in your life. And like, it's not even, it's like shitposting. I'm like memes. I'm like, he's going to find me fucking hilarious. No, he's not. He's going to like be like, oh, she's not okay.

I support your actions. I support your actions. Honestly, I don't know what it is about shitposting when you like someone that's not like fully reciprocated. It's so fun. I used to create, this is embarrassing. I used to make, I don't have Snapchat anymore, but when I did, I used to make private stories and I would add like just like this one person that I was in love with and like two of my friends and I would just like post every single thing that I did during the day, like breakfast, lunch,

My nap in between breakfast. The work that I was doing. I would like post. This is so embarrassing. I would post pictures of my laptop screen. That I was like doing at university. So that I would like. Hoping that she would think that I was smart. And I'd like post like my most complicated work. Like working in the library. Bored.

With like an intense mathematical equation on the screen. I'm a linguistics major. It works, I'm pretty sure. Just kidding, it doesn't. Because they never, never, never, never swiped up on my stories. But keep doing it because it's fun. YOLO. Wait, this one's fucking funny. Slept with my ex-boyfriend's best friend because he cheated and lied. Then in brackets, he raps to himself. Someone said, I know that my mum is having a lesbian affair with a woman who I've known from my childhood.

This was like weirdly my biggest fear as a kid. You know, one time, oh my God, my mom is going to fucking murder me for telling this story. One time I was at my dad's for the weekend and he, one of me or my sister needed something from my mom's house. So he drove us back there unannounced and was like, just run in and get it. And he took us to the door, rang the doorbell and was like, go get it.

My mom opens the door fuming. She's like, you didn't fucking tell me you're bringing the kids here. He's like, they just need like a swimming costume or something. She was like, you can't bring them here on the weekend without me knowing. Now, unbeknownst to little eight year old me, my mom had a boyfriend that I didn't know about. So she would have him over when me and my sister weren't there because she didn't want to bring a random guy into the house. And he was there at the time.

Now, she handled the situation very well and she hit him and I never knew. But I wasn't stupid. I could tell something was off. Like, I knew my mom didn't want me and my sister at the house. I knew that she was trying to hide something. But to me...

It made no sense that my mum would hide a man because why would she? Like, she's a grown woman and I didn't understand that she didn't want me meeting these, like, men that she was dating because they might not have been serious or whatever. So I was like, wait, why would she hide a man? This doesn't make any sense to me as a child. And so where my brain went for some reason...

was my mum's a secret lesbian and she was having secret sex with her secret lesbian girlfriend and that's why she was so embarrassed. And I convinced myself of this narrative so strongly and I remember being so upset about it because I was like, why wouldn't she tell me? Also, I, as a kid, was very confused

confused about sexuality because I was starting to believe that I like girls and I was really scared about it so the fact that my mum might like girls was just so baffling to me and I was like wait what the fuck is going on and it just bothered me so much for some reason I remember being like heartbroken about it

so weird and um and I in my head I went to the point of creating a narrative of who her girlfriend was and it was this lifelong friend of hers that they're still friends and I've never told them about this there's also a picture of my mom and this one friend of hers in our house and it's of them in their like 20s and they had clearly kissed each other and like exchanged lipsticks just for a picture and then taking the picture

And then I saw this picture in the house, along with my random theory that she's hiding her lesbian lover from me. And I was like, oh, my God, that's her girlfriend. Why won't she tell me?

And this went on for years. I thought my mom was a lesbian most of my upbringing until I was old enough that I started asking her questions about her dating life. Someone said, I think I'm bi, but I don't know. I've never done anything with a girl. So how do I know? Honestly, I feel like this is bad advice because I never hear other people say it. And like, I think the only way you can really be sure is through life experience. Like you can know that you like women. Like, do you admire them? Do you look at them? Like, do you think about them? But like,

really just go out and experience things, meet people, talk to people, kiss people, like do whatever you've got to do and don't brush yourself for an answer. Like I had my suspicions since I was six years old that I like girls, but really I couldn't figure it out until I like really met the first girl that I fell in love with. So it's like, you kind of just have to like

Let your life play out and see how it goes. And don't rush for an answer before you even need an answer. You know, like, it's not an important question to answer. It's more just like,

are you going to have these experiences and are you open to these experiences? And if so, everything will pan out the way it's meant to pan out, you know, and you might kiss your first guy and be like, oh, shockingly, that wasn't for me because I've had my friends do that same thing where like they thought that they were bi for the longest time. And then they ended up getting with girls and they were like, you know what? I don't think it's for me. And I'm like, that's fine, babe. And then I've had other girls who have dated guys and then they've gone out and they've kissed their first girl and they've been like, oh my God, I'm a fucking lesbian.

I've never felt this with a boy. So, you know, just do what you gotta do, have your experiences, your life is yours, you don't have to like follow it in any certain way and you'll be fine. So this sticker that I posted on my Instagram story said tell me your secrets and someone said no because tomorrow I'll have the remorse. Completely fair enough. Completely fair enough. This is fucking funny. I lied to all my friends about my birthday because I think my fake date sounds better.

That is actually so valid because some people have like ugly birthdays and I don't mean to be a massive bitch but I just feel like anyone that's born in like September should lie. What a boring day to have your birthday in September. Sorry this is so mean. I don't even know what star sign I'm offending right now but I'm kind of scared for it. I don't think I know anyone that was born in September. I might.

Someone said I slept with my godmother's son. I feel like that's fine. I don't have a godmom so I don't know but like that's fine. Like that's just like a close family friend that you've slept with which is fine. That's fine. I'm validating you it's fine. Do it again. Someone said my ex is handsome but tells me lies. Why is that such a funny way to word that sentence? My ex is handsome but tells me lies.

Well, at least you know he's lying. And at least he's handsome. It could be way worse. Could be believing an ugly man, you know? So, you're fine. Someone said, when people talk to me, I don't pay attention. I'm in my own world. Me too. Like, I will ask someone their name and then I will forget to listen to what their name is.

it's it's like bad i don't listen to anyone i i do i do i do i'm lying i do listen to some people but like it's a bad trait of mine like i don't listen sorry especially if i'm like overwhelmed or i've had a long day yeah there's no chance there's no chance i'm listening to you someone said i eat brackets not a secret honestly good for you i never have someone said i cancelled my doctor's appointment because i have a huge crush on my doctor

First of all, I feel like that's a reason to go more often, is it not? Like, why would you not want to go unless you have something embarrassing going on? But, like, I recently went to this doctor in LA and he was the most attractive man I've ever seen in my fucking life. He looked like the guy off Grey's Anatomy. And he...

Like the... What's his name? The neurosurgeon guy. And then I was literally like kicking my legs and giggling in the whole appointment because he had to check something in my throat and he like grabbed me like this and I was like... Best day ever. And then I came back to this house and I said to my friend, I had the most insanely attractive doctor today. And she was like, what's his name? Then she said his name and I was like, yeah, what the fuck? She calls him up and she's like, hey, my friend came and saw you today and...

And she said that you look like the guy of Grey's Anatomy. And he was like laughing. And he said, I didn't realize that you two knew each other. Like I would give her her blood work and everything for like a way better price if she wants to come back. And I was like, what do you mean? What is this little perk of L.A.? Like what is going on? And then I was like, you idiot. I can never fucking go back and see him now. You just told him I think he's hot. Like I'm not going to go back to his office. Okay.

Like, no. So now I need to find a new fucking doctor. Life is so hard. Okay. Someone said I suck dick in my uni library in the stacks.

good for you i feel like this is really common i had these friends at university who were each other and they would in the library and then they would leave something there like in the war or they would like mark it in some way to let everybody know that they there because it was like a known phenomena that they were like secretly all over the place i don't know if that's normal but i found that really funny because it was in like all of the bookshelves like everywhere you went oh

They've been here. Yeah, you gotta pass the time somehow. Someone says, is it wrong to find your cousins attractive? Probably. Hope that helps. Someone said, I eat Marmite on its own. Me too. It's so fucking good. And do you know what's crazy about Marmite now that we're on the topic? It is the only...

food that has some kind of happiness chemical in it that can make it to your brain completely unfiltered by your body. Now this may not be true but that's what I read somewhere once and I just got really excited about that fact and I've just told you as if it's true and it might not be but I'm pretty sure that it is. Someone said I'm convinced that all my plushies are alive. Me too. I can't even tell you how sure I am of the fact that the teddy that I've had since I was born has thoughts and gets up when I'm not looking.

Like it's almost not even a question in my head. Like he's alive. It's fine. And so are yours. It's okay. You should tell more people that. Someone said, I took tit pics on a zip line when I was a guide. I'm in just the harness. I don't know if they had security cameras. They probably did have security cameras, but it's fine. They probably loved it. Whoever watched that probably loved it. Someone said, I hate dentist ASMR because I have a cavity and I don't want to be reminded.

me fucking too like i get so even if someone like you just even reminded me i have a cavity and now i'm fucking stressed and upset because i'm like it's the worst thing in the world like knowing like when you first like feel it or even see it and you just like you know something's wrong you know gonna have to go to the dentist and you know they're gonna have to drill and give you the numbing thing oh my god i don't know if there's anything i would like to do less than get a fucking cavity filled

And you just know you're stuck. You just know there's nothing you can fucking do about it. It's going to have to happen. Like, you can't rebuild your tooth. Oh my god, it's the worst. I feel for you. Okay, I'm done. Guys, that was fun. I feel like we should do that more often because you lot are deranged. Um, I have to go get a facial in, like, half an hour and I need to shower because I've been, like, breaking a sweat making this podcast. I don't know why it makes me anxious. I'm, like, sat here drenched in sweat right now. Can you tell? Probably not. I hope not.

My skin's getting better though. Is it? I don't know. I don't have my glasses on so I can't see the lens. Okay, well, oh my god. I really want to go back to sleep. I don't know what time you guys are watching this, but it's morning where I am. I'm tired. It's actually not morning. It's actually 12.35 and I'm fucking lazy. So anyways, thanks for watching. I love you guys so much and I will see you next week on Pretty Lonesome. And that's it.