How To Have An Unforgettable Wedding Without Breaking the Bank
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Visit buyatoyota.com, the official website for deals to find out more. Toyota, let's go places. I'm Nicole Lappin, the only financial expert you don't need a dictionary to understand. It's time for some money rehab. So I got married. I know I haven't talked about it on the show at all. And that's because I'm keeping that memory just between me and a very, very tiny group of people that was with me and my husband on that day.

But I decided to talk about it today because I had such a hard time making my wedding budget and actually sticking to it. And you know me, I love a budget. So I figured if I was struggling with this, I couldn't be the only one. And as it turns out, a survey by The Knot found that sticking to a wedding budget was the number one challenge for couples who got married last year. So

So if you're trying to figure this out, this episode is the masterclass I wish I had. But like I said, I had a hard time with this. There was so much I didn't know. So I am calling in the experts. I'm working with The Knot to give you the best guidance in the biz. Today, I'm talking to Lauren Kay, wedding budget expert and executive editor of The Knot about actionable strategies to have your dream wedding without breaking the bank.

Lauren Kaye, welcome to Money Rehab. Oh, thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to talk about your life and your gig that sounds like the coolest. I picture your life like Jane from 27 Dresses. Have you seen that movie? You're the expert, right? Obviously, always at weddings, you're reading about weddings. Like, is that 24-7 Lauren Kaye life?

Sort of. I was at a wedding this past weekend. I haven't been a bridesmaid in a hot minute, but I did wear some pretty, pretty memorable dresses over the years. But yes,

My gig is all weddings all the time and I love it. And because you're the pro, I'm really excited to talk to you about all things budgeting specifically for weddings because I just got married and I found this to be one of the hardest parts about my own wedding planning. Did you struggle with this when you were getting married?

Absolutely. Doesn't everyone? You know, for me, I actually started working at The Knot just before I got married. So I went into it.

not knowing much and learning really quickly between August and November of my wedding date, all the things I didn't know. I used the not to help plan my wedding, but it was just enough to second guess all those decisions too. But the biggest mistake I think I made, and I feel like so many couples do this, is I just picked an arbitrary number with my parents and made that my budget. And then I

oh gosh, as we started doing research and as I started figuring out what I wanted, I realized that number didn't quite really match with my vision. And so I ended up having to adjust my budget and I did end up going a little over budget. So I'm really excited because we are aiming to fix that at the knot. It's our life quest now. I love that. I am so on board. Let's start super, super broad here. What are couples on average spending on a wedding?

Sure. So we do a ton of studies every year because we love data at The Knot. And our Knot 2023 real wedding study revealed that the average cost of a wedding is around $35,000.

And I just have to caveat that because average means so many different things, right? Depending on the region you get married in, your guest count, how many vendors you use, budgets can vary widely. And so it's important to think of it as an average. That being said, I feel like you very rarely talk to someone who's like, it's

Sign me up for that average wedding, right? Everybody has their own vision. So I think it's a number we know and we have the data to support, but I always kind of tread lightly there because it can really look differently depending on the type of wedding you're having and where you're doing it. And what's the most expensive item typically for a wedding?

So the most expensive item is typically the venue. It's one of those things you book really early on and it's a big chunk of your budget. Sometimes it also includes catering, but if not, then catering usually comes next.

And then we see couples spend a lot of money on music, photography, and flowers. So those are where we see the most of the wedding budget going to. But again, it's so hyper-personalized. Weddings these days have so many factors that go into it around personalization and authenticity to the couple. So everyone spends a little differently, but that's the general consensus of how the budget gets spent. And what are some sneaky expenses that people don't anticipate?

Okay. So I think the most important thing is to budget for the entirety of something. And I feel like that gets lost in translation a bit. So, you know, for example, you're budgeting for your wedding dress, right? But you're not thinking, wait, I'm going to want shoes and I'm going to need alterations. And what about my jewelry? So I always say, when you think about your wedding budget, think about the entirety of each expense. But some of the common things that we see people kind of just forget to include or think about are event rentals. So

So if your venue includes tables and things like that, great. But you might also want to bring in a lounge or a specialty dance floor. Another sneaky cost is wedding insurance. I got married in an art museum in Florida and I was required to have wedding insurance. And that certainly was not on my early line items of my budget. Also thinking

about your vendors. A lot of times there's travel fees associated with them, meals, and then gratuity. So it's just really thinking about the entirety of the expenses. You start to put those in your pie chart. Can we double click on gratuity for a second? What's the etiquette there? Are you supposed to tip all of your vendors? How, and should it be in cash or should the, if you have a wedding planner, should that person do it? Yeah. So it's a great question. And we always say that tipping is totally at the sole discretion of the couple.

That being said, I think it's such a nice way to recognize the hard work that goes into pulling off a wedding. Your vendors are out there. They're part of the service industry. And I think giving a tip is definitely appreciated. And I think fairly customary. When we got married, my husband and I did...

use our wedding planner to deliver all the tips on the wedding day, but we wrote a handwritten note and put them in an envelope. And in most cases we did cash. I think cash is still king, but I think it is one of those things where, you know, you have to feel out the services you're getting and make those decisions. But nowadays, my goodness, you buy a cup of coffee, a tip, you get groceries delivered. I mean, it's just so part of our culture. I think we will be remiss not to do it to those hardworking vendors.

I did an episode about this a few years ago and argued that wedding planners are a great way to save money because it's someone else who's accountable for that budget. And they also might have special relationships with vendors and might be able to get you a discount. Do you agree? Yes. Overall, I would say working with vendors is going to save you dollars, save you stress, save you time. So I think partnering with them is so invaluable. Well,

Hiring a wedding planner is a definite flex. I hired a wedding planner right away and I was so relieved because at the time I was actually planning my wedding elsewhere. So having somebody who already knew the industry and knew the niche of where I was getting married was so helpful. She recommended vendors who knew my vision or could match my vision, who knew what I wanted to carry out, who'd actually worked at the venue where I got married. So I think a wedding planner can absolutely help you. But I would say anybody on your vendor team can offer really invaluable advice.

and can also be a great resource when it comes to the budget. So share your wedding budget, share your costs with these people and let them help you because they are truly an invaluable resource when it comes to planning. Yeah, I brought one on toward the end. So I was doing a lot of the negotiating myself and I definitely wished I had brought one on

sooner because I think that originally I figured it would be too much of an expense, but what I maybe saved for in that expense, I made up for in a lot of stress that I brought on myself. Totally.

Yes. A couple say that we found it when one of our surveys, a couple said that 68% of it was managing the stress and 34% of it was aiding in decision-making. I mean, you do get a bit of decision fatigue with all of these things and having somebody by your side, like a wedding planner who can help advise and they know what you're trying to do and they're helping you bring this vision to life. It is, it's huge. If you're dealing with the vendors directly, or if you have

wedding planner as the liaison. You know, you mentioned photography and flowers and some of the other expensive things in addition to the venue.

Have you seen some creative ways to save on those things, whether you're doing it directly or via a wedding planner? Yes, absolutely. So there are so many ways to save. So for example, if you hired a wedding planner and you found a venue you love, maybe the Saturday night option is a little out of your budget, but you could pick an off-peak time, whether that's seasonality, whether that's getting married on a Friday. Catering, this is another easy one where if you're working with a good caterer, you can say, here's what I have to spend. How can I do this?

what I'm wanting to do for a little less money. It might be serving more in season foods. It might be having just a signature cocktail or two, and then having wine and beer at your open bar. So there's lots of creative ways to do that. I also think that picking a band or a DJ is a great save in music. Sometimes we see couples do both.

Or some people will say, oh, you know, the DJ will save you cash. You're really just better off choosing one and allowing that person to work within your budget. So a band, it might be going from a 20 piece band to an eight piece band or something of that like photography is also a big expense. And I feel like one of the things I love is hiring somebody who is local to your wedding location. This means you don't have to pay for the travel. You can usually cut back on some of those expenses.

and wait until a little later to work on all the after effects of like the album and all of those prints. Sometimes you can spend that money later. So if you don't have it in your budget right away, you could ask for it down the road, which is another great flex. And lastly, flowers.

I think that so many people go into it not knowing how much a peony or a ranuncula might cost. So talking to your florist about the look you're after. Sometimes they can choose alternate stems that might be more affordable, also help you repurpose arrangements. So maybe arrangements you had at your ceremony setting can be repurposed at the reception. It's a great way to make your dollar just go a little further.

I think it's just really important to decide on what you want to spend on. Like you can't splurge on everything, but you can maybe splurge on one thing and whatever that one thing is really important to you. Maybe it's important to get a great wedding photographer. I remember I had Elaine Welteroth on the show and she told me something about her stoop wedding during COVID that was super cute. She said one of the things she really, really wanted was getting an

awesome photographer because those photos are going to last forever. My husband is really into music and he wanted a harpist. And so that was the first vendor we ended up getting. What was something that you really cared about when you were

getting married. Yeah. Oh, I love Elaine. She was on our cover. She had a beautiful super wedding. And I think her advice is so sound, right? You spend all this time planning your wedding. It's so nice to be able to have the memory of that. So I would absolutely agree with capturing that. Photography is huge. I would also say a videographer. A lot of people don't think about that until later in their planning and they've already started to spend quite a bit of their budget. I've

but I watch our wedding video all the time. My kids love it. And I think now that we're in this era of video where you've got audio and you're seeing video all the time on social media and websites, you're used to that kind of live action. And so being able to hire a great videographer who will edit a beautiful vignette of your day is such a wonderful keepsake. There's a give and take, right? So if you splurge, you go big on one area, maybe you can scale back

in another area. Did you try to do that? Like opt for an awesome videographer, but then do a more budget friendly alternative on something else?

Absolutely. You're so right. You cannot splurge on everything, nor should you. We don't want people going over budget. I think it's super important to pick a couple of things that are a value to you. So we ended up getting married at a museum, an art museum, and we did a lot of our activities outside. So we had our ceremony and a reception outside. And at first I had this really big flower budget. And as I got out there, I thought, gosh, this is really beautiful. There's a beautiful trees, a beautiful setting. All the sculptures were lit at night.

So we ended up scaling back on our floral budget. I still had panties in my bouquet, but we did...

greenery down the centers of the table. And we ended up hanging some lanterns in some of the trees as opposed to doing some of more of the flowers. We also scaled back on the idea of a favor. We asked our guests to travel for the wedding and it was a bit of a weekend affair. So we did welcome bags, but at the actual wedding, we didn't do any favors. We served everybody a hot pretzel on the way out the door and we had a photo booth, but we didn't invest in, you know, anything tangible for them to take home. So those were two ways we kind of

cut back a little bit or saved a little bit so we could prioritize other things in our spending. Honestly, I love a hot pretzel. I would take that over some of the gift bags I've gotten any day. Right? Great call. There's so much pressure though, in general, to make your wedding the perfect day. A lot of us dream about what that looks like. And so you just

I was filled with anxiety going into it and trying to recreate what that perfect day looks like. Was there anything that you spent money on that you felt like maybe in hindsight, I shouldn't have spent money on that? Absolutely. So I chuckle a little because we all have this notion of the perfect day. And I just want to caveat that there's no such thing. Things will go wrong on your wedding day. It never fails. We hung tons.

tons and tons of market lights on the beach for our welcome party. And the whole thing got rained out. We had to go to plan B. So all of my lighting budget on these market lights were never seen or appreciated by my guests. You know, it rained on our wedding day. We had to make a few pivots. We cut into the styrofoam layer of our cake.

our champagne flutes broke. Like at the end of the day, we were still married and it was still an amazing day. So I always say to people, the perfect day is what you make it. And, you know, yeah, priority spending on the things that are most important to you. The market lights were not most important to me, but we did it. And now I'm kind of like, gosh, I wish I maybe would have spent a little less there. There's a lot of little things you stress about and feel like you need to

Right.

I've never not once not ever thought back and been like, oh my god, those linens. That was the best wedding I've ever been to. Yeah, and so much went wrong on my wedding too. We bought lanterns as well and those didn't go off. Something happened with the flame. We also ordered these custom candles but they came in plastic and you can't light plastic. That's problematic. There was a bunch of little things that happened but

Overall, it was my favorite day because I had my favorite people. I know this sounds so cheesy and so cliche, but we just had so much fun. It was the most fun I've ever had at a wedding. So I love that. And that is exactly that is so it. And I feel like it is cliche. But now that you're on the other side, you know that there is truth behind the cliche, right? That like it really is the best day because you're with your person. You're with your people. And whatever happens at the end of the day, you made this huge commitment in front of all your loved ones and you're married.

Yeah, that's right. Also account for the dry cleaning when you're thinking about your wedding budget. My makeup artist put like body makeup on me that got all over everywhere. It was a whole thing, but super, super expensive dry cleaning bill. So just factor that in. Aside from that, and I love that you talk about these little hidden costs because it's the whole shebang. It's not just the dress. It's

I love hosting on Airbnb. It's a great way to bring in some extra cash. But it's also a great way to bring in some extra cash.

But I totally get it that it might sound overwhelming to start or even too complicated if, say, you want to put your summer home in Maine on Airbnb, but you live full time in San Francisco and you can't go to Maine every time you need to change sheets for your guests or something like that. If thoughts like these have been holding you back, I have great news for you. Airbnb has launched a co-host network, which is a network of high quality local co-hosts with Airbnb experience that can take care of your home and your guests.

Co-hosts can do what you don't have time for, like managing your reservations, messaging your guests, giving support at the property, or even create your listing for you. I always want to line up a reservation for my house when I'm traveling for work, but sometimes I just don't get around to it because getting ready to travel always feels like a scramble, so I don't end up making time to make my house look...

guest friendly, I guess that's the best way to put it. But I'm matching with a co-host so I can still make that extra cash while also making it easy on myself. Find a co-host at airbnb.com slash host. And now for some more money rehab. So my biggest piece of advice is don't do what I do. Don't just choose an arbitrary number. Do your research. One of the best things you can do is really set your budget based on real data. And we know that

The budget, the B word, as we like to call it, is so, so tricky to talk about and so tricky to unpack with not only your significant other who you're marrying, but also other people who might be contributing to the wedding spend, right? They might be contributing money from your parents or their parents. And so it's a tricky conversation. But I think if you can set your budget by actually researching wedding costs,

you're going to be ahead of the game. So we found that 86% of couples go blind like I did. And 78% of vendors feel as though these couples don't really have realistic expectations. They don't understand the value of the service they're providing. And that can lead to a bit of a discrepancy.

So like I said, at the top of the podcast, we are trying so hard to solve this for couples because it is such a huge pain point. So we just launched the not budget advisor. I am obsessed with this tool. It is the thing I wish I had when I got married. It's kind of like crowdsourcing all of your friends to be like, wait, how much did you spend on that? What does that cost? It is a digital tool and it really provides.

a real wedding budget estimate based on your location, based on your priorities of what you want to spend. And it really leans into all of the insights we've collected from all of these couples on average costs, things that might be influencing pricing. And it's packed full of some of that really helpful service, right? Those tips, those tricks, those things you don't want to forget, the things you might want to account for. Our editorial team is really hoping to do this journey hand in hand and leave you at the altar with...

totally in budget wedding venue, wedding costs, nothing in the red, everything in the black. That is our goal with this tool. And I think it's been really, really successful. We have seen so many couples jump in and play around with it and say, oh my gosh, this is so great. Like I didn't know this is how much things cost. So

So I think you can really utilize it as an early research tool. So if you're getting married or if you just got engaged, even before you start planning, go in and do a little research, figure out where you might like to have your wedding, do a little research on what it costs to actually get married there. So a wedding in Alabama is going to cost you a lot different than a wedding in Baltimore, Maryland, or then a wedding in San Francisco, California, right? They're all different. So if you pick your location, you can start to narrow down what things actually cost.

And the budget tool is this really cool little wheel. So you can start to break apart those pie charts. Maybe you really love music and you want to have a bigger piece of your pie dedicated to music and your budget. So you can really start to customize it in a way that makes sense for you as a couple. And ultimately that will leave you in a really great spot to start wisely spending your funds. I wish I had that. Yeah.

I mean, how much wiggle room should you leave? I assume most couples are going over budget. If you go into well research, I think that you can be realistic about what things cost and you can stay within budget. But I would always say about 10% is a safe cushion, you know, just in case you have unexpected expenses that come up. And what I mean by that is like, let's say it's

It's typically warm at the time of year where you're getting married, but a cold front comes through and now you need to like roll in some heaters for your outdoor event, right? Just little things like that that might come up or extra alterations that you need on your dress or turns out you have to...

Seat a couple extra guests, whatever that cost might be. It's really nice to be able to cushion yourselves just a little bit so you can feel confident that you are going to stay within budget and that you have that cushion just in case some extra expenses come along the way.

Yes. Heaters were a sneak attack for me at the very end as well as like trying to get a podium for the officiant that I totally forgot about. I know, you know, and that's why it's really helpful. I say, you know, relying on these vendors because those are things that like they won't forget about, right. But you don't think about it until the 11th hour and now you're scrambling and you might be overpaying on the podium. So I think that is another great plug for the beauty of a vendor team. I think there's a

there's a moment where your budget doesn't feel like it aligns with the wedding of your dreams, like your secret Pinterest board or not so secret Pinterest board that you've had planning it or imagining it for so many years. We talk on the show a lot about money dysmorphia, this feeling that we don't have as much money as we want. And we're constantly comparing ourselves with others. I think it's really hard to budget for your wedding when you see multimillion dollar weddings all the time.

featured on Instagram. What advice would you give someone who's struggling with this feeling of money dysmorphia around their dream wedding? Yeah. So I think it's important that we all remember that social media is just a highlight reel, right? And there are some of those amazing weddings that take place, but there are plenty of weddings that are done in a more modest fashion. I also

think that it's important to think about budgets in a subjective manner. So what can you realistically afford? You don't want to go into debt over what you hope to put out on Instagram, right? And getting back to that earlier thought where I was joking about the linens, right? When you close your eyes and think about some of the best weddings you've been to, often the things that stand out the most aren't necessarily the most expensive. I was at a wedding where someone used their escort cards to write personalized notes to everyone at the wedding. And it was just so magical and very low cost, but I

high impact. I still remember it and will always remember it. So I think there's a lot of moments where you can say, okay, maybe I don't have the money to do that, but what are the things that I'm going to really leave my guests with? How are they going to walk away from this wedding saying, oh my gosh, that was so authentically them. And I'll remember it forever for these reasons.

So it isn't always about the stuff. It's about the couple. It's about the feeling, the energy, and that doesn't necessarily have to be costly. So don't let the money dysmorphia get you. Think about the things you really want to prioritize and use your budget thoughtfully towards those things and realize that at the end of the day, you can have a very personalized, authentic celebration that is very memorable to your guests without going over budget.

Listen, I wouldn't have believed you until I went through it myself. But I absolutely agree. There are those priceless moments that don't cost a lot. There are also a lot of levers that you can pull on your wedding to make it more affordable. Like you could push your timeline back so that you have more time to save or plan in advance. You could invite fewer people. You could do like micro wedding, have a bigger party for everyone else. I mean, there's a lot of ways to do a lot of levers to pull and push.

Absolutely. Yes. And I think that's something that you have to kind of go in with, right? I always say to couples, think of the three priorities that you and your partner can align on and where you want to spend. And then think about all the things you're willing to compromise on because you will have to compromise. You can't splurge on everything. And as long as you both are aligned and you kind of put it out there early on, then when the blow comes and you do have to compromise, you don't feel so badly about it. You're like, oh yeah, I kind of knew that that was going to come up later. So I'm

okay, with that, we can move on. And I think it just makes you feel better about where you are putting those dollars.

Okay. Tell me more about the not budget advisor. Yes. Okay. So it is such a power tool. It's providing couples with a wedding budget estimate of what actual couples spend. So this is data derived from real couples who got married, like really recently, not 10 years ago, how much did they spend and how much did they spend on different items of the wedding? So this is helping people not only to have, you know,

data around what the average cost of wedding is. This is the cost of a wedding where you want to get married. So you can really think about the location and you can really think about the costs across the whole map. Because depending on where you get married, it can really impact the cost.

So regionality is certainly part of it. And then prioritizing those vendors. If you and your partner are on the same page, you can use the tool to really help you prioritize your spend based on the moments that you really want to emphasize, whether that's music, food, guest experience. You can also see pricing estimates. And what I love about this is once you've kind of got your budget in a good place and you're really ready to like pull the trigger, you can actually be connected with vendors in the not vendor marketplace that can help you bring this to life.

So not only are we giving you all this great data to arrive at a realistic number to hopefully keep you in the black and to keep you from going over budget, but then we're willing to partner with these vendors and pair you with people who can really bring that vision to life. And I think that's the big part of it, right? So not only do you have to align on what you're going to spend and what's realistic, but then you need to meet those people who can realistically offer you flowers at a certain cost or a cake at a certain cost. And I think that's where the magic comes in.

I think that's so smart to connect the dots between what's showing up in your budget and who can actually execute it. Yes. So our executive producer Morgan is planning her wedding right now and she used the tool to make her budget. She showed it to me. It's very, very cool. It has a pie chart that represents the average cost of a wedding for Bar Harbor in Maine where she thinks she's going to get married and then it breaks down each separate category like the dress, the venue, all based on where she's getting married.

So if somebody is starting to use the tool for the first time, are there any tips that they should keep in mind? So the best part about the tool is it's real data. We have over 20,000 couples who recently got married in these locations who shared with us what they spent. And that is so much more valuable than guesstimating on what you think something might cost because

So it's also really helpful, like I said, as a research tool before you do set that big budget number of really researching the cost. So for her in Harbor, Maine, what's that going to cost? What is a realistic amount to spend or an average spend on a wedding venue? You can also see how much each category impacts your total estimated budget. So you can select or deselect vendor categories in this pie chart. So then you can really see how your money is moving around in real time.

And I'm a visual person. So I am here for the pie chart. I'm not a spreadsheet girly. And I love that you can see kind of the shifts in real time. So again, it's just linking all those pieces and trying to take a lot of the guesswork and a lot of the stressful part of planning and make it totally seamless. That's awesome. Lauren, we end our episodes by asking all of our guests for a tip listeners can take straight to the bank. Is there a last piece of advice that you would give listeners going through the wedding planning process to budget to

to save. Okay. So I have two, can I have two, two, two savings? All right. So two first one up bonus. Yeah. So the first one is to prioritize with your partner on the three big things you want to spend on. I think that is such a huge myth not to get on the same page as it goes. So do that with your partner and utilize that to make all your decisions.

And then the second thing is going back to something I said earlier, there's no such thing as a perfect day. So if you throw out that notion of the perfect day and everything going a certain way or having the right flowers or the right this or the right that, you're going to really live in the moment and be present for that commitment you're making. And it will be the perfect day because you will have married your person in front of all your loved ones and it will be memorable and magical, even if it isn't perfect.

And sometimes those imperfections turn out to be quite nice surprises. A girlfriend had a moment. She took a moment in the bathroom and was crying when it started raining on her wedding day. But the photos turned out amazing because there was that cloud cover. Yes. Everything looked stunning. Well, and it also gives you a great story to tell afterwards, right? Like the best stories are often the things that you didn't plan or that do go a little awry that you can kind of chuckle about down the road. So I say go for the imperfect.

For today's tip, you can take straight to the bank. When you're in wedding planning mode and want to make budgeting easy for yourself, use the Not Budget Advisor. I am honestly jealous because I wish this was around when I was planning, so please do not sleep on this tool. You can check it out at the link in the show notes. Money Rehab is a production of Money News Network. I'm your host, Nicole Lappin. Money Rehab's executive producer is Morgan Levoy. Our researcher is Emily Holmes.

Do you need some money rehab? And let's be honest, we all do. So email us your money questions, moneyrehabatmoneynewsnetwork.com to potentially have your questions answered on the show or even have a one-on-one intervention with me. And follow us on Instagram at Money News and TikTok at Money News Network for exclusive video content. And lastly, thank you. No, seriously, thank you. Thank you for listening and for investing in yourself, which is the most important investment you can make.

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