Love Languages & Is Cuddling Foreplay?
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I like to be a backpack sometimes. What? I'm always a little spoon. You gotta be little. I'm a big girl, like a tall girl. I don't wanna be beyond a guy. 98% of the time I'm little spoon. I'm just saying sometimes it's funny and cute. You're little and cute. You're cute and little. You're not 5'8". But the man who's your height. Fucking giant sometimes, Alana. Literally. You could be the backpack. I've never been a backpack.

hey guys welcome back to another episode of mean girl pod

Hello. We're back in the studio today. Shabbat shalom. Wait, no, we were in the studio last week. We're back again. We're back at it again, baby. Back yet again. How you been, Alex? I feel like, do you ever have those times where you see your friends consistently, but you feel like you haven't really chatted in a while? Yeah. That's kind of how I feel today with you guys. Okay, I actually like that, because...

Somebody the other day was like, you need more girl time. And I was like, no. No, I don't. Who's that? I think my therapist or someone was like, do you get girl time? And I was like, yeah, plenty at my job. Like, such a unique job to where it's just girl time constantly. You're like, do you know what I do? I'm like, I need couple time or something. I don't know. I need boy time. Yeah. I'm like, I live. Yeah. I need sex.

I need sexy time. No. I need sexy poo time. False. What did you say? Sexy what? Sexy poo. Poo? Poo. Sexy poo. Do you know pet? Do you like pet names?

Okay, so describe a pet name because I feel like they're different for everyone. Okay, well, I think the least offensive is Babe. Babe is still a pet name, but Pooh Bear. Your poo reminded me of that. Okay, I love nicknames. I think that they're such a great way to connect with a person and it shows... I don't know. I feel like when a guy gives you a nickname, it's like, all right, they might have a crush on me, you know?

But I feel like there's like different tiers. Like you can say like the last name, you could be like George J. And then it can go to like babe, baby. And then the pet names I think is like sugar, sugar lips, poo bear. And I, I never kitten. And I, I never want to, I never want to be a pet name, but I love like a bay. I love a babe. Ooh.

I agree. I think, I think babe is the best name there is. I agree. I like a nickname, but like, I don't want, I don't want the person I'm with to call me Alex. I feel like I'm in trouble. Like, it's like Alex. I'm like, Whoa, no, no, no. Like I'm baby sweetheart. And typically babe, um,

But then I think, but like, I want my guy friends. They can call me like Bennett. Yeah. Like that's fine. But I think we've got problems when the person, you sound like you're in trouble. Totally get that. I love, um, like, uh, I hate, like, don't ever call me honey, but like a hun or a babe. I don't like baby. I don't like the long ones. I like the quick, like babe. Yeah. That's quick. You know what I think is so awkward when you're at dinner with other couples, um,

and your significant other's like, "Oh, baby." It's like, listen, we got it. You guys are together, you clearly like each other, you don't need to prove it to me, but it's so awkward when they're like, "Baby." Like, I can handle a babe at dinner. I can handle like, sweetheart, will you pass me that? If you're far away, I think it's a little endearing, but like, when we get into the babies, I'm like, stop, my skin's crawling. - Nickname etiquette is a thing. - Yes, also, how do you feel about PDA if you're all at a dinner?

Like just hands. Yeah. We don't need kissing. Just stop. I agree. I think you're trying to prove something. Same. I think it's weird. It's like, we know you like each other. Yeah. We're good. Be mature about it. Yeah. It's, it reminds me of like high schoolers making out in the hallway. Yes. Like do that at home. PDAs involved, evolved for me so much. Like I used to be that person who was like, do not, please do not touch me in public. I just like, didn't like that. But the older I'm getting, the more I'm like,

I love like a good handhold or like arm around you or like getting all handsy sitting at the bar or something like that. So I definitely feel like I'm into that by myself with the person I'm seeing, but do not touch me too much in front of my friends. Oh, wait, I just remembered that this guy I dated in college that I was like obsessed with. He used to call me by my first and last name. No, I know, but it was like hot. Oh, I don't know why. It was weird. He'd be like, oh, hi, Lana Vizzoni.

I didn't hate that. And like if I like if I was like like being like rude or something he would like call me by my first and last name. Can you say that again? He'd be like oh hey Alana Vizzoni. I've never heard you say your full name before. Now I know how to pronounce it. So it's Vizzoni. I was like say it again because I never said it. I've gotten that like my whole life. People are always like what's Alana Vizzoni?

Something like that. Me? Yeah, me. I want to be. I literally thought the same thing. I was like, say it again. That's really funny. No, I've gotten that my whole life. But I don't know. Something about it just like, mm-mm. That's cute. I like that. The one thing I will disagree with you on is I do get when someone's like, Alex, you're in trouble. But I will say when a guy says my full name in a different setting, it kind of gets me going. A full name? Now that you're saying that. Not Jordan Woodruff. Not Jordan Woodruff. But if he said it in like a...

Jordan. There's something kind of hot about that. It was almost like the theory of you. It's like thinking about the idea of you. I like that. I love when people say my name. Yeah. But not like, I don't want to, I get it when it comes to being in trouble too. It does feel like you're being disciplined. It's all about tone. Tone is massive. Tones change, but guess what doesn't? Because we always talk about how the seasons change and where we record changes, but what doesn't change? I think Whitney shots. That does work because

Doesn't matter what your tone is for the day. A Pink Whitney shot is always going to help you out. Doesn't matter what your tone is for the day. A Pink Whitney shot is, what was it? Pink Whitney shot all the way. Somehow we need way in there. Yeah, I love that. Not the best rappers alive. But the point is, Pink Whitney shots never fail. So head over to your local bar today and order you a Pink Whitney shot and everyone around you a Pink Whitney shot. Cheers. Love that. Love that.

Okay, so I have this thought that I ran into. Love your thoughts. So Graham and I will get in these discussions, and I've realized there's like a trump card exists, right? Like one that I found myself unable to argue with. And so we'll be... Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. There's something you can't argue with that exists? I must know right now what it is. My therapist said. And I'm like, hmm.

I've pulled that once or five times. Yeah, because you can't argue with my therapist said, because I'm like, they have a degree. So we'll be like, listen, I don't think you should do this. Well, my therapist said, and I'm like, I guess we're going with that because your therapist said it.

Yeah, that's a good one. But it's hard because you guys have different therapists too. So you can be like, well, my therapist said this. I realize our generation's problem is my therapist, well, my therapist. And I'm like, well, let me sit down with you and your therapist next time. Then it's like, no, that's my sacred time. Then I'm like, but my therapist. And then we're like. That's like us on the pod. We're like, well, my therapist one time said.

my therapist said I should date somebody well mine said you should be single it's like well what do we do because it's like they have a degree yeah so it feels so qualifying yeah but then you're like but what about my opinion as your wife my therapist said are you able to tell us what it was I do have examples but I don't want to the specifics I feel like are personal I get that I mean with therapy yeah we have to realize there is boundary it's like Graham's therapy tell your wife to F off don't even ask him

Yeah. You're airing out to everybody who listens. We respect Graham on this podcast. Yeah. Okay. So he was tired as therapist about love that. Love that. Um, okay. I, one other thing I was seeing you about is you made a comment to me, I think like last week or something about sex hurting.

Or not. I did. I did that. Yes. And then, and then I had sex and it hurt. Oh, and do you want to know what I thought about? Yeah. I, do you, this is a theory, your theory or a theory? My, well, my, I don't know. You invented it theory? I think I invented it. I thought it, I'm sure. So I'm sure it's, somebody's going to DM and debunk it. Okay. Um, but does, this is more of a question. Does sex hurt you?

when it's not your ideal position. Furthermore, there are positions I know won't hurt me and they're my favorite, but I've been trying to be selfless in the bedroom because the boobgasms ruined my life. So like I'm orgasming in a second. It's ruined it. So I orgasm like that. So I was trying to think like, what can I do for him? And it's doggy style and I hate it. I knew you were going to say that. And it hurts. It hurts me so much. Like it's very painful for me because my tilted uterus, but I don't know that

know that it's painful for me because of that it's because my tilted uterus my doctor told me this is my therapist said so that's what's brutal about it now actually when it was happening i was thinking do i have a tilted uterus and i don't think i do but i think it's because i'm not enjoying it so then i think it might hurt more it could be all in your head too because you've also just heard us say we don't enjoy it so your brain could be being like well i shouldn't enjoy it either but i don't know i don't know what like do you like it

Oh, never mind. I'll say I don't know any great positions that I feel like... You and Hailey Bieber. We love it. It's a good company right there. Love it. Sex hurting is so interesting because there's like three different reasons I can think of why. Some people say sex can hurt from past trauma too. It could just be like you're not into it, like you're dry or not wet. That's what I think it was. Or three...

Like you're in your head. Or maybe four, it actually does hurt. I don't know. I caught myself literally being like, I'm doing this for you and it does hurt. Yeah. Then I thought how thankful. I was like, I should be. So we ran into this guy upstairs who was telling us, one of our coworkers, was like, oh, when you have kids, you start to lose physical energy.

Around sex? Sorry, I thought you meant like you and Graham ran into a guy. I was like, wait, where is this story going? We as in we. Oh, yeah, we. We. No, I didn't tell you. I was kidding with the guy. I was kidding because you were like, that's all we were going to do. But he was saying how when you have kids, you lose like physical energy. And I was thinking that's going to be so crazy. Like right now, I'm like, oh, my God, it's hurting. But then I'm like, there's going to be a time because we talked about kids last episode. And I'm like, there's going to be a time when...

I'm going to be so physically tired that I'm not even going to want to have sex with my partner. Then it had me thinking about losing...

like physical attraction to your partner, like the older you get. Yeah. And it's so interesting you bring that up because I know a long time ago we had a great episode about being friend zoned by your partner. And I feel like we just have to make sure people understand the difference. Like when you were talking about that, that was more, I feel like emotional. Like you became like friends. Correct. And this is like, you physically are losing that attraction to that person or you're physically, you don't have that in you anymore to, um,

get it on with your partner. Yes. And that's, and I think like the first time we talked about it, it had happened. This is more of like a fear. It probably will happen one day. I know. And it just like scares me. One of my biggest fears, cause this happened to me in my longterm relationship is like losing my,

It's hard to say like losing physical attraction to someone because they just will assume like, oh, that person got ugly. It's like, no, not necessarily. Like that person was still very attractive. I just like wasn't physically attracted to them. So I have a fear that in my next relationship or my marriage or whatever comes for me in the future, like that's going to happen again. And I don't know how to fix it because I didn't fix it last time. We just broke up. Right. Right.

Okay. So, you know, I love Ed Milet. Yes. He, he one time, and it shocked me that he said this, but somebody asked him, cause he's been with his wife since like, he's known her since kindergarten. Yeah. And they were like, what do you think the key is? And he was like, I don't think a lot of people will say this, but I seriously think it's remaining physically attracted to her. And I was like, okay, that's, that's fair. Does, but then I started wondering, does that mean he thinks she's hot? Because do you know who, who's like the guy Pierce Brosnan or whatever? Yeah.

Oh, God, I know who you're talking about. He posted a photo with his wife recently, and I guess maybe she's gained some weight or something. And they had an immense amount of internet trolls coming after her. Oh, no. I know. And he went back, and he was like, she's like the mother of my children, and I love every curve that she has. I'm like, I find her so beautiful. Yeah.

And it gave me so much perspective on Ed's quote because it was like, oh, he just like, no matter how we evolve as humans, like I even hear my mom sometimes and she's like, the older you get, like the harder it is to lose weight. So I'm like, I don't think it's a weight thing. I think it's like so cheesy, but they say beauty is in the eye of the beholder. But like when you see them go through all these life changes with them,

I'm like, I would think you would grow to, like, love them for that. But there's the other side of that where you can seriously lose, like, attraction to them if they kind of let themselves go. Yeah, no, letting yourself go in a marriage or even, like, when someone stops trying in a marriage or relationship, I shouldn't say marriage, any type of relationship, it's really difficult because I don't know how to come back from that. Because when that happened to me, we literally just ended the relationship. What was it that happened? Like, you just...

Did anything specific happen or were you just like, I don't, I'm not attracted to you anymore? Well, so I think what happened was, so I was in a relationship for five years. We lived together. And I think since we did it in college and a year or two after college, we had so much going on in our life where we just got really comfortable, very routined. And then one day we were just like, what happened? Yeah.

Like, we aren't trying anymore. We're just living day in and day out as essentially roommates. It got to the point of like, maybe he didn't see it that way, but I did because like we weren't physical. We weren't having sex anymore. Like we would have sex like once a maybe once a month. Right. And I just he was a very good looking guy. Like nothing about him changed physically. I just wasn't physically attracted to him anymore. I don't want to have sex with him anymore. So we literally just became roommates and I stopped trying physically.

He stopped trying and we just like didn't work at it. Oh, that's interesting. Yeah. So we broke up. So we broke up. Yeah. You know what? I, when we, when we started to talk about this topic and,

It's like I've been existing beside Graham and all the things that I find so attractive about him right now in this phase are like how he handles me, how I feel like secure with him, the way he like talks and the things he does. But when we brought this up as a topic, I feel like I like snapped out of it and like looked at him. And I was like, I don't feel like I've looked at you.

in I don't know maybe a year and been like wait I think you're so like I think he's so cute but I'm like I think you're so hot love but I haven't like but I hadn't snapped out and been like wait like I see him get dressed for work and I'm like you're so cute but it's like I love him for the personality right now yeah but then I think there's gonna come times where that's gonna get tough and so then it's like it's nice that I think you're cute but I would think I would think that the two would run because you've got physical and then you've got emotional and

And I think they would both come into such significant play the older you get. Like, I saw something that a girl posted and she was like, my husband can either be fat or he can be mean, but it can't be both. And I was like, I think that's kind of, like, funny. Yeah. I also think for age, like, the older I've gotten, what I think is hot in a man has changed so much. Like, what you just said about Graham, how you're like, how he holds himself, how he, like, or handles himself, how he treats me. Like, when I...

am now looking at guys like I, I never am going to pick the guy with the six pack. I don't, that's not my vibe. Like I don't need that in my life. But a man who is like polite and is just like confident in this or that, like that's what I find hot. Yeah. And also you probably are starting to see the older you get longevity in that. Yes. Like you want the guy that comes home and he's like, this is what I learned at work today. And you're like, that's so hot that you're like a good worker. Also like I can't,

We can't have six packs forever. Like, and I don't want to have a six pack. Like that's a lot of pressure for me to date somebody who's just like super hot and chiseled. Like,

I don't want that. Yeah. Like, I think, I think we've evolved on the topic of like, when we first did this of like losing attraction to a person and it's like, wait, it's so not physical. It's like, it's actually mainly emotional. Yeah. Like when we think about the dinner table combo over like really, like a really hot person, we're like, we want the good dinner table combo. It's like, I think that's what makes the person like you can be so attracted to that. But the other side of it is I think like letting your, so like letting yourself go would be like,

get like not trying hard, like just not doing anything, not a little physical, but mainly like mentally challenging yourself. Like that would be, that would be how I would be letting yourself go. Yeah. And I, the way I would agree with what you said and just like losing motivation in life. Like, like I said, my partner doesn't need to be a six pack person, but like, let's say,

let's say like you're married, you do start to gain some weight. It's like, you don't need to get back to that weight you were when you were 22. But if you're going to the gym every day and you're trying and you're motivated with your job and you're getting up early, you're going to work, like you're a good person. Like that to me is like not letting yourself go. Like your body's just changing over time. There's nothing you can do about it sometimes. No. And it's beautiful. Like,

you, you learn to love that. Yeah. But like, yeah, if you're not motivated at all like that, I feel like I'm going to read you this. I asked cause what you're saying is like so in line with Graham. I was like, what are you? I said, I said, when you get a sex, send me some, um, staying physically attracted to your partner thoughts.

I love that you asked him that. What I was so shocked by this, but he said, I think it's more up to the guy to not let themselves go. Physical attraction, I think will come throughout a different stage of a relationship. Now we're talking if somebody completely lets themselves go and it's disgusting, 400 pounds, not motivated. That's, that's a whole other, that's a whole other, but physical attraction will grow through time after witnessing and seeing what a woman's body can do. Like, cause we're the one that's going to have the hormones. Yeah, I know. I was like, wow. Every day.

And then he's like, but I think like guys, like he's like a lot of times when you think of physical attraction, you think of it from, um, a male looking at a female, but he's like, I think that the pressure should be on the male to keep it up. And I'm like, Oh, that's kind of interesting. Um, and then I was like, what's your excuse? Right. Like what are you doing? Like you didn't bear children. Literally just existing gross. Yeah. Stop by this percentage every year after 21. Yeah.

No, but I know that scares me every day. They said, I think our definition of physical attractiveness changes over time. And I'm like, I think so. It would have to. I mean, and if not, that's on you. You need to fix that. Because there's no way you can expect your wife to look like she did when she was 18 when she's 50 years old. Like, it's physically impossible. Unless they're really wealthy. I'm kidding.

And has the same ghost. I don't look the same way as I did when I was 18, but I still have the same traits as I did of being motivated. I know we're talking about love languages here in a second. And I find them so ironic in this topic, so ironic that we're talking about on the same day because...

It's this constant battle or like this hack that we're all trying to do of like loving a person. Like we're all put up, there's a ton, there's what, 8 billion humans on the planet and we pick one and we try to love them really, really well. And it's really hard to do. Like I come from the school of thought that I could probably do

function in life with a handful of males. Wait, say what you said about when we were in the conference room the other day, that was a really good analogy. Okay. Yeah. So like I could, I could probably be with, give me a handful and I could do life with them, but I wouldn't love them. Like I wouldn't have sparks with them, but I could probably function well as a human with them and be a good partner. Yeah. But when it comes to this like physical attractiveness or like this physical sparkness, I think it's so much harder to maintain because

But we can learn how to do it well. But I think it's like the perfect combination of like self-worth. Because when you think about looking good, you have to ask yourself, for me or for him? Alex, I asked myself that question. I don't know, ever since like we started this, actually like a few months ago, ever since we had that conversation about the mirror pic, I always go, am I...

Am I doing this for me or him? And him is not like actual person. It's just like guys in general. Yeah. Yeah. And I think it's, I don't know that we solve it. Like, I think the answer is a little bit of both. I asked myself, I'm like, why do you go to the gym? Well, it's to feel good. But then I say, I want to look good. Why do I want to look good? A little bit for him. But when I'm my best, he gets my best, which is so okay to want to look good for your partner. Like there's nothing wrong with that, but just make sure like you want to do it for yourself too.

Right. Like I'm, I think it's a bit more for me. I think it's 60 me, 40 him, or like he gets to reap the benefits of a happy me, which is better for him. And like, I think, I don't know that there's like a secret sauce to it for me, at least maybe you feel differently, but I'm like, I'm like, we're just trying to learn to love each other well. And that's a little bit on us and a little bit on both of us, but the better we both exist individually, like the, the best we exist together. Yeah. I just feel like when it comes to giving up on a relationship, like you really just have to be intentional and like,

communicate to your partner and actually try every single day. Even if it's like holding hands again or going on a date once a week or maybe waking up 30 minutes early to journal, go to the gym, make breakfast. Like,

Just to show your partner, like, you're still motivated with life. I feel like the underlying thing is kind of, like, spending quality time is different than just being physically together. Like, making an effort to actually, like, be present with one another. Yeah. That's a good point. Because that's what me and my ex would always do, too. We'd always be together, but we weren't actually together. Just, like, being together is not... Yes. That's kind of, like, the snap back in and look at them thing. Yeah. Thinking about...

sitting on the couch a lot. Yeah. Beside the person, but not actually being with the person is really valid. Can I ask you a question? No. So when you moved in and this goes with you and Mike as well, Alana, like when you guys moved in with your significant other, do you feel like it was easier to lose yourself in that relationship or, um, give up in that relationship?

because you were living together and you saw them all the time, you didn't have to make an effort as much because like you would just be sitting on the couch with them, hanging out with them all day and,

Cause you knew like, you're like, well, we live together now versus like you didn't live together. So when you would hang out on that couch, you'd be intentional. Like we, maybe we should have sex because I have to go home after this. Or maybe we should like hold hands because I have to go home after this. Is that making sense? Totally. Cause that's, I think why my ex and I lost it. Cause we moved in together and we stopped trying because we were like, well, we're together all the time now. Like we'll do it tomorrow. Cause we'll be together. We'll wake up together.

Yes, 100%. I was actually very cognizant of that at first. I would feel like, I don't want to say guilty, but I would try not to let myself be in my disgusting natural state as much. When you weren't living together. When we started to. I would just be my living with girls roommate self all the time. And I try not to do that a lot because...

Like, I just, I don't want to be too comfortable. Even though I totally am, but I put in that extra effort to, like, brush my hair if we're going to watch a movie together. I don't want to be, like, fully, I don't want to be too comfortable, if that makes sense. Even though I am, and, like, I will gladly do that. I don't feel like he would ever look at me and be like, ew, you look like shit. But I want to feel like I have to keep some level of standard to keep,

us from, to prevent us from becoming roommates, which is my number one fear always because it happened with me and my ex. - Well, I really like, I like that. - I think that, I think you hit it there because

I've also been in relationships where I didn't have that desire. Like, so you have something that motivates you to want to stay cute for Mike. Don't know what it is. It's something you can't put your finger on. I think it's just love. And I feel that a lot too. Like I'll leave my makeup on sometimes more just because I'm like, this is so fun. And I think that I want you to think I'm cute and I feel pretty, but there's a lot of times where that goes away and,

And you know how when you try something and it's not really who you are and then you try it for like a week and you're like, I can't keep doing it because I don't love it. It's like that. It's like...

this is one of those things where you want to keep doing it and you want to keep working on it. You want to like keep the fire alive because it's your person. Yeah. Cause like when you're dating someone in the beginning, you're always making sure you look your best. You look your cutest. Like even if you're, if you're going to watch a movie with them, we all wear our best leggings, our cutest sweatshirt. We do our hair and makeup. Totally. But it's like, as soon as you get comfortable in a relationship, that kind of kind of fades. And then as soon as you live together, that fades more because like you become this person you were with your roommate. Yes.

And that was, I loved what you just said about the roommate thing because me and my ex did become roommates. So it's like, how do you prevent that from happening? It's like, you just have to keep that standard and like, you can't get too comfortable. Yeah.

But you don't want the standard if it's not the right person. Like, I think, I think there's a standard for yourself. Yes. But I think, I think to answer your question of how do you know what relationships are worth fighting for and which ones aren't worth fighting for? I think that's your answer. Like sometimes if this, if you want to have the standard in your heart, you have it because that's your person. If you don't, you give up on it. You never look back and you don't, it's not your person. We didn't like that. Yeah. I think that I thought that was the answer was like, oh, because you want that in your heart, but I'd never felt it.

before I met Graham yeah and then whenever we went through our phase of roommates I hated it and I was like no I have a crush on this person but I feel like his roommate so I wanted to fix it yeah that's scary I never really thought about it like that because we're so used to having roommates our entire life or even with our parents and siblings like we don't need to try with them but it's like when you live with someone you have to really especially if you live with someone older in life

Like, I mean, the next time I live with someone will probably hopefully be in my thirties. Right. Like I haven't, like I went almost 30 years of just having roommates. Do you, yeah. And do you guys like roommate? Cause you live with someone and you live with someone, but yours is different than yours. I am not my slobbiest self unless I'm by, unless he's out of town. Like I have to be fully by myself. Are you guys like that? Like has to be, I'm the only one home and I know that I can slob out. Yeah.

Yes. Well, I mean, I'm a little bit of a psycho clean freak, so it's hard for me to be that, but I can be my most ugliest self, I would say. Yeah, when I'm alone alone. Same. We're all shower-less. Yes. I don't give a shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, isn't that crazy? Your body just knows we're the only one here. Let it rip. Oh, it's bad. Yeah.

Yes, let it rip is like the feeling. Oh, it's crazy. Oh, God, so now if I ever live alone before I live with somebody, it's going to be even harder. Before we get into the next topic, No Days Wasted. Oh, you, we, I should say, love No Days Wasted. I took it last night. I took two. Did you drink last night? Uh-huh, and some wine. Okay. Some Sancerre. Love. Yeah, I know. We should go get a bottle soon. No Days Wasted is here to help us bounce back after drinking. I literally felt fine today.

DHM detox is the ultimate vitamin for when you drink. I was also passing them out to our coworkers yesterday and I told everyone to take it home. I love. I know. Some of the Chicago guys are here. I was like, here. Wait, question. So did you take it before you drink or did you take it right after you drink? During. Oh, you take it in the middle. You take it while you're drinking. Oh, I love. And it's a pill. It's a pill. It's a pill. And you can, if you're drinking a lot, like in Nashville, I took two packets. Yeah. Cause you can do it throughout the. Which are pills though. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

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I personally love that it's a pill because I always forget to take like the packets of stuff. And in Nashville, we were running around with our head cut off. So it was nice that all of a sudden we'd be drinking and be like, wait, I need to take this. It's a little pill that you can just put in your purse. You can pop it in and you don't have to like get water to take with it. You can, it's just so much easier. Yeah. Two little capsules, pop them down. Good to go. So it really does make a big difference. Yes. Listener question. Yeah.

Alex is already fired up about it. Yeah, Alex is fired up. Okay, so someone wrote in and said, I just had this debate last night with my friends. Is cuddling foreplay? Men instantly think they're getting ass if you cuddle. What do girls expect? Love. I don't think, well, I would think all men would think when you're cuddling it is foreplay, but there's a guy named Graham who I'll cuddle. I'll be cuddling, and I'm so ready, and I'm so excited.

And he's like, bed? And I'm like, we're cuddling. Wait, I'm with Graham on this. What? What? You think foreplay is... Cuddling. You think cuddling is foreplay? Yes. How are you cuddling? Is this finger up your butt? No. We're just like... When we're cuddling in bed, I get so excited because I'm like...

Yeah. Are you facing him or your ass is to him? Either way. Are you shaking your booty? I'll be laying on top of him. And he'll be like, are you tired? And I'm like, no, I'm wide awake. You don't think cuddling is foreplay? Not at all. I think you have to be touching or kissing for it to start the foreplay. But okay, but you started cuddling first and then you just randomly started kissing. Let me rephrase that. Yeah. Yeah.

Always. Out of nowhere? Yeah. Aren't you ever just like with someone and they just like start kissing you? I think it's cuddle then kiss. I guess not. Are you standing up? Yeah. Okay. In the standing up scenario, I get it. But if you're laying in bed and you're cuddling, don't you think that usually is going to transpire into something? No. Because I, like if I'm laying on my couch with someone, even if I'm on top of them and we're not kissing or touching...

We're not starting the sex yet. But if they grab me or we start messing around or the lips start touching, then I'm like, all right, foreplay. Let's get it on. Grandma agrees. No, I'm kind of with Alex. I feel like it's the type of cuddling.

Especially if you're spooning, it's like you're rubbing your ass. You couldn't make it more obvious that you're trying to have sex. Yes! If you're cuddling, let's say you guys are spooning and Graham starts to touch you. Then yes, because he's touching you in your places. Yeah, he doesn't because I don't think he thinks cuddling is a cue for that. It's not. What?

For me, it is. Your point of view is nice, though, because then it doesn't make cuddling equal sex, which is good. Yeah. But on occasion, it could. I think if you have a little... There's something called a little dirty cuddling. Like, when you're cuddling someone and they start to, like...

start rubbing you and putting their hands on you. All right. I don't think the guy, let's get it on. No, I will be laying on him and I could, he won't catch it. You're depressing me. Or if you're cuddling and like, I actually, I take it back. If you're cuddling and like the hand goes on the thigh and starts rubbing the thigh, let's get it on. But yeah,

Let's get it on. I don't know that you're cuddling with a hand on the thigh. That's what I mean because cuddling is not foreplay. Yes, I think cuddling is definitely foreplay. You have to add a little spice to it to make it foreplay. You can't just be sitting there like... I do! And he's like, that's foreplay! I think that cuddling leads to the... I think...

I just think it is, right? No. No? Are you rubbing? Where's your hands? Yeah, it depends. Well, where do they have to be? Can they be around him? Can I be like... Is he a big spoon? Yes. Okay. Always. So if you're... And your arms are just wrapped around his chest? I think girls that are big spoons...

That is so not like, I like to be a backpack sometimes. What? It's more like a joke. You just said that about Graham. Yeah. No girls that are big spoon. You said Graham's the, he's the big spoon. He's a man. Graham's my big spoon. Oh, I'm always a little spoon. You got to be little. I'm a big girl. Like a tall girl. Like I don't want to be. 98% of the time I'm little spoon. I'm just saying sometimes it's funny and cute. You're little and cute. You're cute. You're not five eight. But the man who's your height. You're like a fucking,

a fucking giant sometimes, Alana. Literally. You actually can be the big spoon. Finding a man who can pick a girl up this tall is just depressing. Debatably, we are the big spoons, okay? Fucking hands and feet, okay? You can be the backpack. I've never been a backpack.

We are backpacks. We are full-blown hockey satchels. We're golf bags. We are golf bags. Fucking hate it. It's like the backpack's cute. And we're like, yeah, you're cute. Yeah, you're also like, what, 4'8"? And you're below 5'5". You'd be a little spoon. I feel tall standing there. I hate it. I hate it.

Okay, so Graham is the big spoon, you're a little spoon. Where are his hands? I have to be a little spoon or else I feel huge. I'm so triggered. I'm so triggered. I'm feeling like a giant. Sorry, our giants. I'm sweating. Yeah, Graham's always the big spoon. Okay, where are his hands?

around me but maybe oh maybe you think it's um foreplay because he's he's around near your boobs and your boobs are such a big turn on spot for you that's that's what it is it's probably that i'm like oh because you're like he's touching my boobs and i can get an orgasm it's getting worse that could be it because i'm assuming it's like this right yeah yeah yeah yeah it's like wrapped around okay so you're like okay remember i told you like sometimes when you

when you're attracted to someone and they just like touch you, your body just like zaps. Do you know what I'm talking about? Just like, they could literally just put their hand on your back or just like graze you and you're like, oh my God. So you could be... That had rhythm. You just did. Oh my God. It's trying to get a silly goofy mood. She's liking it. She's being touched by somebody, the chair, I guess. She's like, oh my God.

No, if he even touches my hand, I feel like a zap. So that's what I mean. So like for you, since like he's grazing your boob, even though he's not thinking about it, like that could like start zapping your body. And then I can see why that could be foreplay for you.

I agree. I think I just cracked the code. Thank you. You're welcome. Thank you. I think that cuddling... So you think no, you think kind of, and I think absolutely cuddling is foreplay without a shadow of a doubt. If a girl wants to cuddle with you, she wants to have sex with you. No! Yes. That is lies. Tell me lies.

Tell me. Wait, what is that? Damn it. Tell me lies. Tell me sweet little lies. Oh, we're going to get copyright demonetized. No, that's a lie, Alex. Because what if they're laying flat and you're doing the old school type of cuddle? Like Graham's laying flat and you're just laying on his chest? To me, that's so PG, just cute. Like,

No. No. That's maybe that one. That one specific act of cuddling. Okay. The spooning one to me that was like, just go for it. Yeah, spooning is like I...

Just put it in. Your hands better be down my pants if you want to start having sex. I agree with Alex on that one. They have to put in the work. You want to start touching me. What if you're the backpacker? Is that the scenario? The backpack is more like a silly, goofy mood kind of thing. We're not really that. A back scratch maybe. I will say though. That's not sex. Okay, if you are backpack.

Never. Think about the control you have over the guy because like you have easier access to like grab him or like touch his neck or like play with his ear or his hair. You know what I mean? Yeah, it's true. It's kind of fun being, I'm never in the back, but it's kind of fun being in the back. No, no. I feel like I am 6'2 and I am a backpack. I grab a 6'7. It's a little close. A little close. Yeah, yeah.

Okay, so we're going to agree to disagree. Yeah, that's good. That's good. It boils to the individual. I think this is a great time for that. Everly Well, your favorite food sensitivity test, Everly Well, is a digital healthcare designed just for you at an affordable price.

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Languages. You got it. I was going to say what, and then I'm like, I think it's languages. Love languages. Tell us the love languages. Okay, so I feel like we've talked about love languages, not on the pod, but just in general with each other. And I always thought everyone knew what a love language was. But I was talking to a friend of ours the other day, and I brought up love languages because she was telling me a story. She was like, I'm talking to this guy that I like, and our communication's been off lately. Like, he...

It just seems like he's pulling away. And she was giving me examples. And I was like, well, maybe it's because he receives love differently that you're giving him. Like, what's his love language? She's like, what's a love language? Like, what? How do you know?

I didn't shame her. I was like, Oh my gosh, you don't know what a love language is. So I was, I was explaining her the difference, like how you give love is different than how you receive love. And this man maybe is a words of affirmation and you're more of acts of service. So he, to see, to show him that you like him, he might want like, you're cute. You look great today. How was your day? And you want to receive love by, I want him to take me out to dinner and it's

spend quality time with me. But like, since you guys don't know how you receive or give love, your communications being a little, a little icky, a little, a little, a little Roman against one another. And it was just like very eyeopening. Cause I thought I assumed, which I should never assume that everyone knew what a love language was, but they don't. And it's so fascinating. Okay. Give us the five. Okay. So you have quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service,

Physical touch. Sorry. And then giving gifts. Okay. Are acts of service and giving gifts the same? I don't know. No, I think just gifts is like it. Like physical, tangible gifts is like. Okay. So acts of service, giving gifts, physical touch, words of affirmation, and quality time. Okay. So I was digging into this because I knew we were going to talk about it.

And I thought it would be, I thought like to do as a discussion, I found points against it kind of like, but they're thought starters. Oh, okay. But they're like, I don't, I don't, it's not a neck. I'm all for the love languages, but they haven't existed forever. So I thought that was interesting. That's very correct. Yeah. Like I love things that if they did them in the caveman times, I'm like, okay, it's probably a thing. But then if it's like a new one, I'm like, well, what's going on with that? They didn't do it at Yellowstone. It's not real. You can't do it on a horse. I'm not for it.

Oh my God, no, we're trying to figure out themes for my best friend's bachelorette party right now. And they were like, ask them to me. And I was like, space cowgirl, beach boots. And they were like, come on, you got to give us something different. I was like, I'm so sorry. You're like Barbie cowgirl, space cowgirl, real cowgirl, country cowgirl, city cowgirl. And they were like, we're not doing any of those ones. Sorry, that is on the mind. You're on invited. Literally. Okay, so...

I saw this article that was talking about how love languages can be an oversimplification of us. Like we can't fit into these all five boxes. And I thought, no, I think we can like you. Cause we all know our love language. We know how to give and we know how to receive. Like we know how our partner wants to receive and we know how to give.

And so it was like, it's an oversimplification of us as a, as people. And I thought probably not because I'm for the five love languages. But then it said, because it can result in you keeping score. And I thought that was really fascinating. Oh, so if you're like, I know your gifts and I brought you a gift, then I'm kind of like, when is she going to give me my words of affirmation? What's your favorite part about love languages?

So I like... I love love languages. I love love languages. Because I think it's a really good way to... I don't know how to describe it, but have a healthy love connection with your partner. And it also helps me realize the type of person I am. I am...

Quality time. I'll give my past relationship example. I feel bad. I'm just like my past relationship. That's all I have to stand up. I'm not going to do it. I'm not in a relationship. I love... Sorry. And it was serious. Very. It was five years. It was very serious. But I am words of affirmation and quality time. Okay. My partner was physical touch. Yeah. So I...

I lacked the physical touch because I was just at the time only thought love language was one sided, but I had to learn like, okay, just because that's not how I receive love. It doesn't mean that's not how he receives love. So I need to learn how to give love to my partner based off of his love language. And I need to be more physically touchy. And then he needs to be more words of affirmation to me and more quality time with me, even though

he doesn't receive love that way. Right. Like, that's the thing about it is I think when you, I think that's the pro because you,

It's hard because the way you view love languages is so healthy, but I don't think it's the way everyone does. I view them how you do them. Yeah. Like I think through them that way as well. And then it's like, you know, you have to give one way, receive another, and your partner has to know that as well. Yeah. Well, no, I feel like a lot of people are closed minded and they're like, well, I receive love this way. So my partner has to receive love that way too. Right. And the problem with that is it puts the power of being loved in somebody else's hands. Yeah. Oh.

That's like my biggest con on it because it's like if you don't understand the way love languages work, then you're like, well, I'm waiting to be loved because he's supposed to give me this. And it's like, well, no, you have to have your cup full. The love language is an added bonus. It requires communication, but you can't just walk around and be like, he's got to do acts of service for me or I won't feel loved. So you have to communicate it. You have to tell him. You have to.

And it's like kind of a weird conversation or like something to ask someone if you're maybe first dating them, but it's so important because even in friendship, I am words of affirmation. So if you guys aren't giving me reassurance that you love me on a daily basis, I'm going to panic. I do think that's good to know in a, in a, I think you should do them. It's like with therapy. I think you should do them all days, but especially on the rainy days when you need the umbrella where it's like, if you're having a hard time,

I never actually do this, but knowing yours is words of affirmation, it would be good of me to be like, okay, this would be a time when we could use words of affirmation. It's not when you want me to bring you Starbucks. No. That's not going to do it for you. No, I could care less about that. But you have to like... I also think...

One of the things I struggled with the most of it was using it as a quick fix, though. Instead of fixing the underlying problem, being like, well, I know if I do this, we could solve that for today. But then it's like you didn't really fix it in you. Yeah. I just tried to help fix it, which I like. I like that because I think it's helpful. But I think the thing about love language is they're an everyday thing, not a rainy day thing. It makes me think it's more of like...

It's more understanding what will make them really upset. The lack thereof is what you're trying to avoid. I'm physical touch, I would say. So if Mike... I should probably make him listen to this episode, actually. If he pulls his hand away from me if we're holding hands, I am irrationally mad. Or a few nights ago, he came to bed after me and didn't give me a kiss goodnight. And I was...

so irate, I got up and started reading a book in the living room. I'm crazy. - But that's your thing. - Because it means so much to me. And he's like, why are you being so dramatic? Because it means so much to me. Do you know what I mean? - Yeah, the lack of one. - It seems like such a stupid thing, but it's like the lack of it is what is so upsetting.

I love thinking about it kind of in reverse. I do too. Cause there's, we can't be one, but you can know the trigger point. Like if I don't do, she's going to be a, so it's like, take you for example, your physical touch, you're going to be a lot of things, but, but kiss you goodnight. Like you, you don't need to get me a gift. I don't really care about that. But if you don't, if you fucking pull your hand away from me, if we're holding hands, walking down the street, I am like crazy, like spiral, like upset.

Like, why did you just do that? That was so mean. Like, there was no reason for you to pull your hand away. There was no one coming. Why'd you do that? Right. Literally every time. I love you. Like when I was in my relationship, I was like, you have to tell me you love me every day. Yeah. And if you don't, I'm going to flip shit. Like get off the phone with someone and they don't say, I love you. I'm sorry. Really? So I wouldn't even think about that. That's so interesting. Even with my parents, I'm like, I love you. Hello. I love you. Say back. Say back.

Say back. Or when I would say, I love you, and they'd be like, you too? I'm like, oh, do not pull the you too. You type out or you say, I love you too. Do not say you too. Put the L word in there. And don't say love you. Say, I love you. You're right. I'm crazy about that. I'm irrational about that. That must be your thing. It is. And quality time. If someone doesn't give me quality time, like if I was dating someone who only wanted to hang out with their friends and me, I would flip shit.

I need alone time. Oh, I see what you're saying. I need to be one on one. But see, this is my problem. Listening to you two feel so passionately about these. There's not one on the list. I think of the five love languages. I identify with four of them. But then I'm like,

I don't feel so passionately about all of them, which is why I feel like, I'm like, how are we one? But so I like the whole, you might have like no room for error or like not hitting one on the head because it'll cause like the pop. Yeah. I agree with that.

like steer clear of of not saying I love you if it's words of affirmation or like not kissing her goodnight if it's physical touch because it'll make them spiral we're not maybe yours is gifts but it goes beyond like physical gifts maybe it's like Graham you know like cook

cooking you dinner is is that an act of service or as a gift i don't know that's kind of like where it gets confusing but you know the birth the birthday thing triggered you yeah i like to be thought of yeah maybe that's more of like what gifts is i think i think so because remember how you told me when i when i bought you dinner how much that meant to you oh oh that's true yeah yeah do you want to know something really funny what i just thought of this so

So you're really good about always being love you to me. This is so embarrassing. I remember one time, like a month ago, you always say love you before you leave and you didn't say it. And I walked away and I was like, no, I was literally, I was like, oh my God, she didn't say it because I don't have a lot of friends who are consistent. You're very consistent about love you. You always say you're like, love you. Bye. And then one time you didn't say it. I was like, oh my God, she hates me today. Oh my God. She hates me.

I had no idea. I don't even remember it. That's what I mean. Like, I just, they just like, I forgot about that, but it just sparked something. So I was like, well, maybe with friends too, but you're my only friend who's consistent about saying love you. Oh really? Yeah. Okay. Now that there's my question. So I know that's yours and now your physical touch. Yeah. I wouldn't say as much as friends though. No. What? Like, okay. So I know both of yours.

The least concern I have is what mine is because you're supposed to give them to me. So am I just supposed to walk around like shooting like your guys is at you? That's my thing with this whole deal. I'm like, so you're a pew, pew, pew. Love you, love you, love you. And you're like, I'm going to come give you a hug every morning. So like I'm constantly. No, I think it's different with friends though because I'm not that touchy with my friends. Yeah, it's so different with friends. You're just the, it's more of, it was like, it was funny because you're the only friend. You're like, I love you, love you, love you. Love you, bye. Love you, bye. Love you, bye. Yeah.

So in my head, I think I was just like, oh my God, she didn't say it. I wonder if she's mad at me today. Oh my God. No. That's also happens when you're single and you don't have any. I'm mad at you. You will know. Yeah, but definitely different for friends. And yeah. And yeah.

romantic partners yes very highly I know I always like yeah I feel like we I can't I can't be touchy with my girlfriends I love being touchy with guys obviously but I've never been on that friend who's like you know some friends like can like cuddle or hug all the time or like I'm I can't I'm not like that either do not yeah don't touch me

- Don't fucking touch me. - Don't fucking touch me. When somebody says my love language is physical touch, I'm like, "Wah!" - I hate when a friend will grab your hand or put their legs on you. I'm like, "Please don't touch me." - Oh yeah, I have this one friend that if you sleep with her, she spoons you. - No! - And she rubs her foot on your leg. - No! - Stop it! - And she does it to everyone and everyone's like, "Oh, who's sleeping with Lisa tonight? "Not me, never, ever." - No. - I would kill you.

kill myself. Yeah, she literally crickets your leg with her foot. No, no. No. It's fucking crazy. And nobody wants that. No, no. That's my thing with physical touch is you need it, but you're touching another person who might not want to be touched. Yeah, I don't like physical touch with friends at all. Like, no, no ma'am. No ma'am. No ma'am.

I can't. I can't do it. - Can you do a Live Pure ad? - Yeah, I can. - 'Cause we love Live Pure. - I'm obsessed with Live Pure. I was gonna read it, but we don't even need to. Okay, so I'm on the energy packet one a day,

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So good. I love that there's a different type. You can hydrate. You can energize. There's a recovery. Yes. So that's really nice, too, because then you can take the one that fits you for that day. Or you can take all three if you want to. Absolutely. Or however many flavors there are. And I've been putting the whey protein in my shakes, and they don't make you feel bloated at all.

You know how some whey protein will kind of like bloat you a bit? This whey protein doesn't do that one bit. Yeah, I'm really sensitive to whey protein, so I have to make sure my protein isn't whey. But with Live Pure, yeah, if it's not going to make you bloat, that's incredible. It's not going to make you bloat. It's great. But they also have vegan protein for your lactose intolerant-ness.

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Let me just note that it's L-I-V-P-U-R. So drop the E's. Live pure, and then you can drop the E's. No E's. I kind of love that. Live pur. L-I-V-P-U-R, drop the E's. That does not rhyme. That does not rhyme. Mean 25 for 25% off. Enjoy. I'm telling you, it's the best. Yay. Okay, so we were talking to a friend who had on a bracelet.

And it matched Alana's ring. And you were like, oh my God, I love your bracelet. And she was like, this blew my mind. But she said, I got this after a breakup. I just went to Cartier and bought myself a bracelet. And we were like, we're going to talk about that. But then she said, I'm dating the guy now. And we were like, what? She said, I bought this. She bought this for myself because he couldn't have bought it. He couldn't have afforded to buy it for me, which I thought was such a bad bitch power move thing to say. Such a power move. Yeah.

But then you made a really valid point of, I think you said the thing about jewelry. It's like if you buy, I think buying a breakup gift is so awesome, but jewelry is hard because then you see it every day and you're like, oh, I bought that because I broke up with

blah blah blah and now you think of blah blah blah every day yes but now now i think she now that i'm thinking about it it's funny when you say something back to me that i say i'm like oh well but but obviously she was proud of herself in that moment so she looks at it and she's like go me i got over him i mean they got back together because second chances yeah but how cool of her to go to the store and buy herself something like that's a girl boss move i was so impressive i was like you go girl

Yes. And then to get back together with him sparked our thoughts of like second chances. Yeah. What do you I mean, I know I know your thoughts to someone on second chances because you gave Graham a second chance, but a little bit more like broadly outside of your marriage. What are your thoughts on second chances? I think it's hard because I always think when somebody shows you their true colors, let them like I'm always like, that's your true color.

And we have to see that. And it's, it's probably not going to change on a moral level. I have a harder time with it with friends. Like if we burn a friend bridge, that bridge for me is usually burned. Yeah. But when it came to Graham, like I did let him rebuild that because he was a good person. Like he had potential.

in him but i don't ever stick around long enough with a friend to see if they have the potential does that make sense yeah i used to always tell myself growing up um you broke up for a reason that was always my excuse i think it was more of a cop-out now that i think of it like once a cheater always a cheater you broke up for a reason but i feel like now that i'm actually have gone through seasons of life i'm realizing people can change as human beings so the person i was

even two years ago when I dated X, Y, and Z is not the person I was today. So if I broke up with that person because of a certain reason, it maybe would work now because I've matured and I'm different. So I feel like it really depends on the reason why you break up with that person and why you're getting back together. Because if you, let's say you break up with someone,

And like, cause you're like someone else is out there. It's I'm going to find someone else. But then a few months go by and you're lonely and you're like, well, I mean it worked with that person and I just don't want to be alone anymore. So let's just get back together. I think that's so wrong. Yes. Like we, that's such a good point. We get these DMS all the time. I mean, I feel like any of us log on at any given day and it's, I want to break up with my person because they're not motivated because we don't have the physical attraction. We stopped having sex. Okay. Okay.

All of those we, you can change if you want to for the right person. Like I think the classic example is you and I are dating. You don't have a job. I'm paying all the bills. You're not motivated. I'm like, I'm going to cut the line. Okay. That could either make or break you. You could be like, that's going to light a fire under my ass. I want to go get a job to get her back.

Or you could be like, and float on your merry way. But if you go and like fix what I wanted for me, and then you come back around, chance all day long. That's so true. It's like, it depends on, yeah, like why you broke up and if that person fixed the, like fix that specific thing that you needed in a relationship. Yeah, for you. Yeah. Like one time I heard, I heard this thing on TikTok and I can't remember who it is. So I apologize because I did not invent this. But this girl was talking about how,

Sorry, I was in the box theory. Just kidding. No, no, no, no, no. It wasn't the box theory. She's like, bro. She was like talking about how people, they're always like, girls are always like, why this, why didn't it work out this guy? But,

Or why didn't it work out with him? But then a month later you found a girl and it worked out for them. And she was talking about how we have different energy levels and your energy level might be a force. You need like a four from that person, but they're at a two. So all they can give you is a two or you're at a six and you need a, or you're at a six and you need a 10, but you're with someone who's only a four. Like you need to find someone who matches. And I feel like,

I was like math. Yeah. I can't cut that out. I can't. Well, no, I, I like that. Maybe I can finish it for you. I mean, I'm not gonna be able to finish the tick tock. So what I was, so that you're saying is like, you need to find someone who is on your wavelength energy wise. So at the time, if you break up with someone, because let's say you're, you really need a 10 now at this point in your life and your partner's only giving you a four, let's say in a year that person's at a 10 and they can give you that 10.

Does that make sense? It does make sense, but it's like, it's like, then we get to, we get to the fork in the road. And if you guys did break up in this scenario, the 10 and a six, the 10 might be on their way dating somebody else, but it might come back around where it works for you. Yeah. That's when it's like a timing thing.

which isn't a bad thing. Timing, man. The timing. It's like, I think if, okay, I think it's the intent to it. We always talk about the intention behind things. If you break up with the intent, you're going to get back together. I think you've lessened your chances so significantly. Wait, say that again. If you break up with the intent to get back together,

So if you say, we're going to break up, I need you to go do X, Y, Z, then we'll get back together. I think you just cut in half the odds you're going to get back together. If you truly break up and say, I'm breaking up with you because you're not motivated and I want someone motivated. And then you, you do like a clean line in the sand and then they happen to go get motivated. I think then they have a chance of coming back, but they have to do it for themselves, not for you because they're doing it for you. I don't think it's a permanent fix. A hundred percent.

100%. And I also think it's all about the reasoning of getting back together because I know so many people who were like, well, I haven't found anyone in a year. It kind of worked with my ex, so I'll just hit him up.

That, okay, so I don't even think that's considered a second chance. That's a second go. Yeah. And also just like 1.5. The wrong reasons to get back together with someone. You should never get back together with someone because you're lonely. Yes. Or because you're desperate or worried you're not going to find someone else. I agree. I think, okay, I think when it comes to second chances, I'm like, I love a second chance.

because what's the harm in it? Other than you're going to lose time, and if you're not going to hurt yourself again. I do think people can change, and I do think we evolve the older that we get, and I would want somebody to give me the grace of a second chance, so I think I'm pro second chance. Yeah, you've really changed my mindset on second chances. Before you, I was like...

You burn the bridge, it's burned forever. But after hearing what you and Graham have gone through and just becoming, I feel like, a more emotionally aware human being, I'm like, you know what? I think everyone does deserve a second chance, depending on the situation, because we change...

If you put in the work so much as a human being throughout life, like I think people change. I'm going to say it like people, like people never change. Like people change, people change. And there was a risk when I got back together with Graham and it was going to be this. I could in a year be saying, fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. And I was like, I joke could be on me this time around, but is the risk going to be worth the reward if it's not that? And it was, but you do have to ask yourself,

You know, because sometimes, you know, if you and I were friends and you stabbed me in the back once and then we're going to be friends again, what if you stabbed me in the back a second time? That one would be on me. Yeah. I mean, you'd have to question that, but you might be like, it's worth it. Yeah. Especially if you can emotionally handle it. I agree. And especially if enough time goes by. Mm-hmm. Time does heal, which could be a bad thing because then, you know, you're like ready to take another shot. Yeah, it does. Time heals all. Yeah.

Does it? Are we okay?

Time heals everything. Does it? I don't know. I think this is a great time for that. Adam and Eve, speaking of cuddling being or not being foreplay, what? Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item? Can I just say something quick about Adam and Eve? What? You guys, I got a new vibrator from Adam and Eve. Oh, yes. Yes, you did. The crazy little fucker. The flower. It's a flower with a little tongue thing-ma-jigger. It's like da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.

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