Ep 528 - Magic Burrito (feat. Nate Jackson)
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Oh, hell yeah. Nate Jackson, dude. What's going on, man? Making it easy for me, bro. You got the name tag on? Yeah. Goddamn, dude. Yeah. It's awesome. Right on top. You showed up to work, bro. Just a little narcissistic jacket. My bad. Dude, so I saw your clip, and I think you took it down with a freaky-ass little boy. I don't know. I think it's up. Is it up? I couldn't find it. I was trying to show my wife. The one that's like air-eating? Yeah, with the kids like licking. He just keeps licking. Air-cucci? Yeah. Yeah.

So that's still up. I thought it was down. After I watched it, I was like, oh, maybe he has like a tick or something. No, he didn't have a tick. What was he doing? He was just a badass little kid that saw himself on the screen. Same thing I would have did if I was a kid. The exact same thing. I'm like, you know what I'm saying? Literally. Yeah, I remember he was with like an older, I guess it was his parents or grandparents. Yeah, and he was just eating. It was just like the focused thing you're talking to. I think his grandfather and he just, this little kid started just going...

Yeah, that's pretty funny, though. Either way. I'm telling you. No, I'm doing like two or three. Oh, so it got buried. It's right there. Freaky ass little boy. Freaky. The young freaky. That's right there. For sure. People.

People were like, somebody just randomly decided that he had Tourette's. And I was like, he super didn't. And somebody wrote me. I think he did, dude. Hey, all clips associated with Keaton are perfectly fine to post. And I was like, but who's Keaton? They're like the little boy. Freaky-ass little boy. They had to remind me. And I was like, oh, okay, bet. Oh, so they got the okay. They wrote me. It was like, just so you know, it's okay to use the post. Yeah. It was fun. I watched it, and he was doing those little faces. But no, man. That's what I thought. I thought he genuinely did have like a tick.

But have you also seen every other little black kid that sees himself on a screen?

You know what I mean? He got one response and he was like, oh, here we go. Yeah. He started wigging out. True. Look, he was there. You know, he was there and he was licking the air. And it did, it did like change because it was, I was watching like, what the fuck is this kid doing? And he was just licking the air. And then once he started talking about him, he started like. He was killing. That's what was happening. He was murdering. The motherfucker had timing and everything. He was air, he was, every time I had just any little gap or a pause or me taking a breath, he was like, let me fill that space. Oh,

And I'm not looking at the screen. I just see the explosion. I'm like, what am I missing? I turn around and there he is. I'm like, oh, hell no. Yeah. He was young, too, man. He was like five. I don't know how white people do that. Yeah, when they bring a five-year-old out. It's like the casino. You see the casino. Literally, you probably did the origin story of a comic from 2055. True. Well, thanks for coming, bro. No, man. Thank you for having me. Appreciate you for coming here. I wanted to do this real bad. Really? Yeah.

Doug, I've been on the road for hella days. I could have been home right now. I know, dude. I really appreciate that. I left and I came back because I'm here for this. I didn't think, yeah. I was like, when you were going. Other people are like, hey, I'm in Austin for something else. And if I swing through. No, I flew my ass here from a gig to be here to do this. I wanted to do this. I appreciate you, man. It's a big deal.

Thank you, man. I feel blessed to be here. Yeah, dude. We're fucking forging a connection. I feel fucking blessed as hell. I feel more blessed. I'm hard as fuck right now. Dude, my fucking ass is wet, dude. I'm just going to go the other way. See how it happens? Do you see what I'm saying? I know. I actually do get freaky as hell.

By the way, we're just jumping in. How freaky would you say you are? I don't give a shit. There's a spectrum to freakiness, right? Gay is the end of it. You just get gay at the end. Gay is the freakiest? That's a new spectrum though, right? It's the tip of evolution. Let's say 1 to 10 and when you hit

10.1 now you're gay it's like the evolution moves in a spiral it just jumps to a whole different thing but then there's another spectrum what's when they hit 10.1 on the gay scale where do they go I think it's when you start like eating women and stuff like eating their legs I think once you're done being like cannibalism yes like sexual cannibalism where's baby oil just based on the recent I just want to know like where's baby oil it's like a bullet it depends what you do with it I

A bullet? Yeah, like a bullet by themselves or like nothing. It just depends. Are you shooting somebody? It's jewelry. Yeah. Right. So it's like, so I think baby oil depends what you're doing with it. Even if you throw it as hard as you can.

You're still not going to do anything. The bullet you're saying? Yeah. Exactly. It depends on your intention. So baby oil, again, you can give you like your- What else would you throw as hard as you can? Rock. Okay. I thought you were talking about like your dick or something, but I feel like- So if you throw- I do throw that as hard as I can to little effect usually. Okay. So-

So straight, freaky, freaky, freaky, freaky. Watch out. You know, went too far. Yeah, exactly. But you can't get back down into the, once you go over. People are doing it though. Milo Yiannopoulos was like a famous gay guy. He's not gay anymore. What? Lil Nas X claims he's not gay anymore. You can't un-gay. He sucked the devil's dick, dude. He did it. You can't, you can't un-gay. I didn't, I don't think you can either, but these guys are doing it and they're making millions. Have you dabbled in gay? No. You can't.

Yeah, you can't go back. But white guys kind of really play with that a lot. Yeah, we're gayer, definitely. For sure. Like, nut check-in and got your dick. You guys are wild. We have fun with it. You guys are wild. I will say, and this could be debatable, but I feel like when black guys do become gay, they really quantum leap into like,

Very gay. Does that make sense? I don't know. I think everyone's channeling the same black auntie. That's been my experience. Why is a gay person from Austin, Seattle, L.A., Chicago, Germany, why do they all sound like, yeah, bitch, why do they all sound like my aunt? Even gay white guys do it. Gay white guys go. They, like, jump in on it, too. Every flight.

Every flight. Oh, dude, yes. That's true. Sugar, can I get you something to drink? Sugar. Yeah. And you're like, what? Yes, Chad. You're a 29-year-old white guy. Why are you talking to me? What's going on? I don't know.

I think they think just from being gay, they get to just like take the whole menu and be like, I'll be a black lady too. I'm gay. I'm fucking. Right. But nobody's like a gay old white auntie. True. Do you understand what I'm saying? Yeah. Like when they want the razzle dazzle, they go black auntie. They do. Yeah. They don't just like sit at like a kitchen table, quietly smoking a cigarette. They all sound like Jennifer Lewis. I don't know why. That's been a recent development.

No, it hasn't. Really? They've been... As long as I know. Really? Channeling the same voice.

Same auntie. Same snaps. Yes. Yeah. Why is that? I don't know, dude. You're from Wisconsin. Yeah. You guys don't snap? Yeah. Unless you're calling cattle or something. Yeah. They need to hear about that. They need to stop that. If I see that again, if I see that happening, I'm going to be like, because I'm not bragging or whatever. My wife's black, so let me deal. But she'll get those guys fired up on the airline. Huge deal. It's a huge deal. Huge deal.

As far as deals go. What? Look, my wife's black. No big deal. Moving on. Her hands aren't, though, on the inside. So that's the part I let her touch me with. But she gets them fired up. She sees gay white guys in the airplane. She'll be like, yeah. And they just like. She turns them up. She's like, yes, look at Joe. Oh,

Okay, serve it. Exactly. Exactly. And you're just sitting there like, oh my God. She fires them up. They feed off each other. But I think she gives them... And what are you doing while that's happening? I just have my headphones on looking down. I tell her, I'm like, you know, stop getting the gays fired up. Oh man, there's an entire Pokemon having an evolution in front of you and you're not going to watch that? What do you mean? I tell her, I'm like, dude, you're getting these guys fired up. You don't want to see this? Have you been watching Pokemon? Because that's a... When I was a kid. That's a deep... Jigglypuff song is a deep cut. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, I got no stuff. I'm watching Pokemon again right now with my kids. The whole thing? Yeah, it's so good, dude. I'm watching it with my kids. They need to do live action. You mean like the live action movie? I know they have like the Pikachu movie where it's like an old dude's voice, but I mean like why not the battles and stuff? Dude, I would love that. Pokemon, it holds up. I'm re-watching it, and I'm like this show, I was right. You played the game? Yeah, played on Game Boy.

No, the one where you have to catch them in real life on iPhones where people were just in random fields, where people were getting hit by trains and shit. I think so, dude. They also said that was like a spy app. They were using that to see everyone's location. Because if you had millions of people playing that, you could big sweet and zoom in anywhere in the country. And what do you do with that information?

Be Chinese with it. I don't know, dude. Just do your shit. Just squint at a monitor. Oh, we know where they all are right now. Everyone in the same place. Wow. He thinks he has a Charizard. Right. If we release the Charizard, we can see all at once. I don't know, man. I guess to like... What is the point? I don't know. That's kind of a... That's why I didn't understand about the TikTok stuff either. I'm like, the fuck do they want to know about us? That we can do this shit all day? Yeah, true. What? What?

Yeah, they tell Xiaoping, they're like, they're doing a Soulja Boy. Right. Our rich aren't on TikTok. What do you want? The dumbest of us have them. I guess that gives them ability because that would be almost just too much if you have millions of people and you're trying to like, yeah, it'd be just a bunch of people like, ugh. So yeah, I guess you're right. I kind of, I don't know what they do with that.

Send you an email? Yeah, or try to just see what you're up to. But yeah, you'll just be catching Pokemon. Yeah, I don't get it. That's a good point because I hear about that all the time because they say we have more surveillance here in America with ring doorbells and all the private stuff than the whole Chinese government. Really? Yeah, but it's all just privatized.

Through all the ring doorbells and stuff. That's interesting. Yeah, I bet if you had access to all of them, you could go straight. Which people could do that. And that could be like you just set it up to where it's like... Yeah, I die. Exactly. You don't watch it all at once, but if it's like, hey, I need to see right here, right now, you can be like, go through a bunch of metadata and be like, okay, I'm dead.

We have all these phones in that area. Matter of fact, I saw when they tracked the... They tracked, like, four days of the guys that killed Young Dolph before. They just went back and they had him for, like, four days. Like, this is what he was wearing. Kid was wearing the same outfit for, like, three days. Really? Yeah. Oh, yeah, all the cities now, too. But they use all the Ring cameras, like, just tracking every move. Like, they would walk out of frame and then a new camera would pick them up. Like, they had them tracked. Yeah, dude. And then cities have their own grid. So between the city's grid and the Ring doorbells, it's like...

You're done. What's that show where they let people try to get away now? You seen that? No. It was like, what do you like? They give you like 24 hours, like run. What? Yeah. And you got to like, I always wanted to do that. You can stay away. You get like a million bucks.

From like the police or like... The point of the show is that they're going to look for you. They're going to get you. And so you think of the place that no one will ever find you and they're like, come out. What? Yeah, we saw you on a ring camera. So you can just ditch your phone, ditch everything and just hide. Yeah, but then you walk by somebody else and you're in the background of a FaceTime video and they got your face or...

Oh, Jesus. You run a red light and they're like, oh, he's going south on... And they could just hit up all your loved ones and investigate you, basically, and be like, yo, where is this place? Here's his 10 likeliest places. It's a TV show. They've made it... People are like...

Like, it's like, this is Dave. He's a wilderness expert. He's been off-grid for 95 days, the longest known man. Can he evade for 24 hours? Six minutes in, they're like, Dave, get your ass out the truck. And they get him around. All right, damn. He's just at his aunt's house, like, don't ever get me. I got all these MREs. What the fuck? All right.

What channel is that on? It sounds awesome. I don't know. I can't even find that. I always wanted to do, because everyone does like the 5Ks and 3Ks. You mean like running? Yeah, like a running race where you could, against like the police department, where you could like stimulate like live action chases where it's like, all right, we're both going to run out of this deli. You got to catch me, and I'm going to try to evade the police. They got that, but it's on ESPN. It's called Tag. I've seen that before. That's the same shit.

Yeah, well, that's like a course. I want like uniformed police officers. I want to like run out of a bank and see if they could catch me. Well, you don't got to wait to do that. I could do it, yeah. I'm not going to be a part of that, but you definitely. And actually, yours won't even be mortal or anything. You think they would let me go? As long as they don't know you got a black wife, you're good. True, yeah. Oh, here's the plot twist. She used to be a cop. See? Exactly. Yeah.

I have a little thing that says officer's boyfriend because we weren't married then. Yeah, true. But yeah, I always wanted to see if I could actually like, I mean, I ran from when I was little, like, you know, that was like, you can go to the woods and they were, they were beat. But like, okay, what if it wasn't actual cops? So what if it was like, you know, you just put black shirts on some friends and you're like, all right, this is what we're going to find out today. That's the tag game. And that game's cool too. No, but like, it's helpful. Like, but it used, used all of downtown.

And it's like, we'll start outside of the door of this joint. And how far of a lead do you want? Yeah, I'd want like 10 feet. I think that's hella. You think that's too far? No, like, yeah. What if you had a block lead? You're already gone. Yeah, but I want like the whole city. I guess that's kind of a waste of the city's resources. This is where they get dogs. Yeah, true. Oh, yeah, they can drop a dog on you. Yeah. Yeah, I don't want that. So no canines. No canines, no. No horses. No horses.

Horses are fine. So you got a horse too? No. They have a horse and you're on feet? Yeah. You're caught right away. Hit the water. Hit the water. They're fucked. What water in downtown Austin? Hit the lake. Hit the river. I just drowned myself in the river. Yeah, it's not going to work. Then my family gets a million dollars. That would be cool if you were in that show and you just jumped off a cliff.

And your family would never find you. What would you call the show? No, I'm saying that show you're talking about where if they don't find you, you get a million bucks. Just kill yourself. So you just jump off of a cliff and die. But they're still going to find you. Like, this idiot killed himself. He was his corpse. Yeah, you'd have to self-immolate. You'd have to burn yourself.

You have to completely get rid of yourself. You'd have to completely get rid of yourself. You'd have to literally close yourself in a barrel of acid. Your family gets a million bucks. If they can get your account number right. And your life insurance. And your life insurance. And they can sue the show and be like, yo, you fucking, he's gone forever. Yeah. He hid so goddamn good, he's gone. I'm sure they vet the people. Yeah, true. Make sure they're not going to kill themselves. Yeah. This could be to catch a predator. How so? Same name.

What do you mean? Yeah, that would be funny. It's just plot twist. You're like, it's not actual sexual predators. This guy's going to be a predator, and we're going to be the chasers. And then you just go. Yeah. I don't know what you're saying, though. So why would they be the predators? They'd be the predators. You'd be the predated. But this is just a good name. Like, people would want to watch that IP. Or if they do catch you, then they get to, you know. They get to do what?

Which makes them. Which makes them. They get to predate on you. And we're right back. Yeah, true. That would be so funny, though, to have that prime time, almost like the Great American Chase channel where everyone's grandmom's watching it and being like, Shit! Woo! You know what I mean? Golly!

I mean, as far as ads go. That was there for an ad. I'm pumped to drink it. That shit dilated my eyes. You're not allowed to mention extreme sports in their ads either for some reason. Why not? I'm like, what the fuck? That's like your guys' thing. Who guys' thing? Mountain Dew. Mountain Dew. You know when you say that. Mountain Dew and ours. I thought you were talking about me and your wife. So Mountain Dew's thing. Why would you say that? She was an officer, dude.

She's black now. She was blue before. I get what you're saying. She chose. So Mountain Dew, you can't say extreme sports? They say that. I don't care. It's up to them. That's their problem. That's crazy. Yeah, they fucking sponsored extreme sports for years. My whole life, literally, it's like you chug one of those and then hit a motorbike or skateboard or a halfpipe. They're like, you know what? Don't do that now. That's Red Bull. I think they had too many people just trying to do backflips on dirt bikes, and they're like, all right, we got to drop this.

Well, Red Bull's going hard. They got people doing backflips off of hot air balloons and shit. Yeah, Red Bull's nothing. I'm surprised they haven't been sued yet. Red Bull's definitely been sued. Dude, a girl just died drinking Panera's caffeinated iced tea. No, but I mean like from somebody jumping off some shit expecting it to give them wings. Yeah. That's a risky campaign. Dude, I guarantee Red Bull's been sued five million times. Yeah? Yeah. Dude, people have heart attacks.

from drinking it yeah what yeah dude if you drink too many there's people who have like genuinely no understanding about like touring what's in anything and they'll just drink like i need people who drink like five rock stars a day back back to back yeah during the day like it like up your kidneys and thank god mountain dew doesn't do that to you it's organic thank god mountain dew doesn't do that yeah red bull okay 13 mil that's nothing bro

What was I saying? Throughout the situation, Red Bull insisted their marketing tactics were honest and clear, rejecting any deceitful practices. However, the lawsuit was settled in 2015 when Red Bull paid customers $13 million, but maintained their marketing was not dishonest. You can't see any of that. Oh, because he said for not... You can't see any of that glare.

I just ripped right through it. I didn't see it until you mentioned it. I think there's an angle where there's like a glare. No, now that you mentioned it, now all I can see is you. So the guy sued Red Bull for not growing wings and won. Damn! So you can't do that twice. Yeah, you can't fuck around.

He won $13 million for just exploiting their thing? Yep. That's like the dude who measures cereal. Can we get Pepsi and be like, we haven't thought anything young? Yeah. You know what I'm saying? If anything, we think we're older now than those that think young. I do like the Coca-Cola commercials when it's just beautiful people just dancing on a rooftop. And it's like, dude, they're not slamming Coca-Colas, bro. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? It's just like a bunch of models just chugging Coca-Colas and doing salsa dancing. Or like...

gorgeous athletes and models eating McRibs yeah in traffic nothing spills yeah you don't see that at all not in real life I stopped eating behind the wheel I got in a small accident one time what were you driving uh I was driving like a just a minivan you were driving a minivan yeah so I think it's like my friends uh it's like an astro or one of those things like a safari okay and what were you eating tacos

That's pretty aggressive for driving. It was. It was too much. I did have a little white wine, too, beforehand. You were drinking and driving in tacos? I think I drank before, and then I took food to go. How come you think? You don't know? I don't remember. I don't think I was drinking white wine while driving. Were you blacked out? No, no, no. I was barely buzzing. That was the problem. But if I was drunker, I would have paid attention. So you were full-on driving, head sideways, eating a taco? I was at a red light eating, and I just didn't realize I let go of the brake. I let go of the brake at the red light. You just rolled forward into traffic? Rolled forward, bonked into the city car.

It was like a city, like an LNI inspector just bonked them. It was so light, but it was just, they came out and tried to be like. They were in the car? Yeah, yeah. Was that a red light? They got out the car and they're like. They tried to be like, what the fuck? They were within their right to be like, hey, what the fuck is that about? You fucking want a taco, bro? I just, I put that down. I was like, dude, I don't know what the hell happened. And they were like, we're going to call the cops. I'm like, come on, man, don't do that. That's crazy. You guys don't have any damage. And then they were just like, you know, just got out of it.

So now you don't eat and drive. No, I stop. This is a real story? Yes. I just let go of the brake and just totally... So you're blaming it on the brakes. Goddamn brakes went out. I sure did. But I have good... I've had people hit my car multiple times in a similar situation. I was like, whatever, man. We're fine. Yeah, if it doesn't leave a mark. Exactly. Or if it's fingernail polish big, so what? That's what I'm saying. Nobody wants to deal with that paperwork anyway. That's what I'm saying. I was like... So I let two people off the hook and I think it just kind of...

I had a lady fucking nail my car, but it was like a Ford Contour. Dude, they had like a steel bumper. Why'd you let her go? She nailed your car. The car was such a piece of shit, and I also... Her car or yours? Mine. Mine. It was like a different color panel, all that stuff, and I also had a guy at a wedding, and the car was like such a piece of shit, but the guy backed in and crunched my door in. Damn. And I fully went after his ass, and I got like...

I got more than the car was worth. Dang. And he was really pissed off about it. And then I felt kind of bad about that because I did definitely just pocket all that money. Didn't fix the car. From insurance? Yeah, but all he had to pay was a deductible. So what? He only wanted to go through his insurance. So he cut me a personal check for like $1,700. For a $200 car. And he was kind of evading me a little bit. So I had to call him up. And I was outside his office.

I'm like, bro, I need to get my car fixed. Like, you got a fork? And he was like, I know you're not fixing this fucking car. And I was like, bro, I'm fixing it right now. My spine. Please. I didn't do that. Yeah, because I wasn't in the car. We were at like a wedding and he backed into the car. He did fuck my door up. Was he at the wedding too? Yeah. He might have been having a little white wine and tacos himself. He was part of the family? It was like in-law, other side. You know, the two sides come together at a wedding. So yes. It wasn't blood. If it was blood, I would have let it slide. But I don't know. It was crap. Yeah.

I don't know this fucking guy. And it was a long time ago. He's on the other side of the aisle. Fuck him. Yeah, I'm a better person now. But back then, I was hungry for that paper. I need my money. Yeah, I was like, give me my $1,700, bro. Amazing. Yeah, I let somebody go too one time. I got bumped. It wasn't bad, but I couldn't understand him. So I was like, fuck this. Yeah, I had an old Chinese guy hit me one time. And I got all the way to Spanish 3 in school and lived in L.A. for 12 years. And this guy, I couldn't understand him.

but i knew it was spanish-based yeah you could have really wrecked his life too if you're like now the cops are coming bro yeah yeah you could have called ice

Potentially. Potentially. That would suck to have to go back to Honduras over a fender bender. I wonder if he was Honduran. Yeah, I mean, you know, I'm just guessing. That would fucking suck, though. They just pry him away from his children and his wife and send him home. It's like you have a family of a job, but you're living the American dream, and then it's like, no, dude, you scratched my paint. Wait, the fuck you doing eating tacos in traffic? Yeah, you got to go fucking back. He's like, what's a taco? Yeah, true.

You had an old Asian guy bump me one time. Really? And, dude, it was like we were just in gridlock traffic, and he just somehow, and I'm like watching the whole thing. He was driving? Yes, and I was like, there's no way. He just tried to get into my lane and hit my car, and I was like, dude.

He just never saw you. We had nowhere to go. Oh, he did that thing where he expects you to stop and let him in. Dude, we were, it was like, I started laughing. Were you parked the whole time? Like still? We were pretty still from what I remember. I think we stopped. But did you inch forward at all? No, it wasn't one of those. Because I always, I let people go. I'm not going to be like, no. He like came, I didn't even see him. He was behind me.

He just came from behind? Yeah, so I think I was like... Wait, hold on, I'm sorry. Yeah, no, did he? The double entendres are strong. No, did he, dude? I got hit by an old Asian dude. Hit me. From the back. You saw the whole thing. That would be crazy. I think I just saw him in my mirror coming, and I was like, what the fuck is this guy doing? All of a sudden, he was just donking. I was like, bro. He was so funny when he came out. He was just like an old Asian guy. He was like, he got alerted. He had the exclamation mark above his head. And it was...

I was like, dude, you're too funny. You got to go. I can't hold this against you. This is so funny. Did you get his name? No. He couldn't speak any English, and he kept being like, oh, not so bad, not so bad, whatever he was trying to say. And I was just like, bro, you're hilarious.

Yes, Cal. You guys are so fucking funny. That's amazing. Yeah, so that's why I got blessed by the L&I guys from the city. They could have got me. They're tied in with the whole thing. So you're saying it's karma. You believe in karma. Big time. So you let all those other people off, so then when you slow rolled into the L&I guys and they let you off, you're like, thank God. It's because of all the people I let off. That's just how I roll. I wasn't even thinking about the future rewards. I've always fantasized...

lightly about like someone like fucking like nailing my car or something and me just being like cool as fuck and being like dude I don't even care about their L&I yeah they're like so they just went to work and put in a claim it's a city vehicle it's not even there they probably they probably fucking did they probably changed their fucking lives they'll never work again that's by the way that's what cops are all after

They're all trying to get put on disability. Like, oh my God, it's crazy. I've never met, I thought construction was bad. Cops are like, they all want to go on, I mean, I shouldn't say all, but I would say like 99.6%. 0.6 is so specific. Most people just go 99.9. They just go all the way. 0.6. 99.9. Like you literally left 0.3% for error. Like a poll. 0.4, bro. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, I've took from the .99. So how do they get disability? Like they're chasing someone and twisting an ankle? So a cop can't sue the city per se, but yes, if they get hurt, they can go on just basically disability and the city will cover them. If you get hurt, you can't sue the city and get a million bucks. But if you can prove that you're hurt because of the job,

You'll just carry cop benefits for the rest of your life and you can just chill. Really? Yeah. So like, oh, I can't sleep and my feet hurt 100%. Yeah, but what they will do is if you're not hurt enough, they will put you on desk duty. So if you can prove that like if you sit down at a desk and it still hurts your back, like if you're like, oh, I can't sleep, they're like, you go to desk duty. But if you like get fucked up and you're like, dude, sitting all day doing paperwork. It's not going to work. Yeah. My knees are locking up. My back is... They'll fight you on it. But if you can prove it, they're like, all right, you just have...

You're done. Do they send people to follow you and see you? Probably. You're probably the same thing. Playing softball like, motherfucker. Yeah. I knew a dude who lost a couple hundred grand playing goalie in street hockey when he had a case. I knew a guy. They took pictures of him just fucking playing street hockey. His lawyer was like, motherfucker. Yeah. I knew a guy. I was in... There's a guy named Mr. Terry. And Mr. Terry...

He would put his head down like that, and he would act like he had a club foot and walk. Mr. Terry had an L&I claim open. He won, but it was a trip to see him be like, all right, y'all about to head out. God damn. And then do it when he leaves. He held that shit for like three months. What was that movie where the guy at the very end was like limping, and he starts walking? I forget. There was a fucking- I have no idea. That's stupid.

I think so, yeah. Is that it? That's a real thing? I'm just talking about Mr. Terry. No, there's a movie where... I used to work with a guy who fucked his foot up and he would limp and we'd all laugh. Like, dude, I guarantee on Friday he just fucking... As soon as he gets to his car, he's like, ah, all right. Wow. He limped and he...

I think he got like, yeah, they fucked his foot up like forever and he got like a hundred grand. I think, I think there's like prices. Like if you lose a finger, that's like 16,000 bucks. That's it. Yeah. Yeah. It's, I mean, you would think so for his finger, but yeah, it's not like you don't get like a hundred G's for a finger. I could be wrong.

But I think there's like based on the finger, like you lose a thumb. True. They got to break. You're fucked. Yeah. Not even a human no more. That's just true. The only thing that separates us. I could be wrong about that, but I think there is like a for real like value thing on like your body parts for like if you lose them at work. Is there value? Yeah. I think a pinky is like pinky. You get like, what do you think is the most expensive body part?

A private? Yeah, if you lose your dong, you're fucked, dude. Because you can't even reproduce. That's got to be a milli. Or it might be like a deli counter. They'll be like, what's your meat? There it is, the value of body parts. Yeah, there we go. Arm 124. Yo, let's go. Stitch an arm. It's got a blur on it. Yeah, so assembly line worker loses a finger, might receive 18 Gs. I'm pretty close. Accidental death and a dismembered insurance policy might be 5,000. What the fuck? I'd be pissed if someone paid me 5 grand for my life.

Your arm would be 124,000. There we go. Eye, 64. Fourth finger, yeah. So your pinky finger is 6,000. Your thumb, you do get more. You're absolutely right. 35, but 35, bro. That's not enough to never be able to grip again. Yeah, I mean a thumb, your eye's worth more than your thumb. How? Because you can't see. If it's 82, yep. Big toe. You can't even balance without a big toe.

Yeah, that's yeah, dude. That's that's what you get New York workers compensation board They figured out your body parts and a dollar amount. I don't know how there's a hundred thousand Yeah, 100 G's for 115 for a leg. That's not why is your arm worth more than your leg? I guess it's easier to kind of have like a peg leg I guess why is an arm worth more than a leg? Yeah, I guess you know you use your arms more But if you're your leg you can just stand on whatever it doesn't even fucking matter get a kickstand fucking arm should be at the top for sure Yeah

I is nice. You can't even hug anymore. That's true. Yeah. Can't do a push-up? Mash yourself against ladies' tits and be like, what? I'm being nice. You can't drive a manual? Yeah, you can't do shit, really. But with a leg, you can. You just got to get real busy. Yeah, legging, you just peg it up. You'll be all right. But yeah, now you know. No ear? No ear.

What's an ear if you lose your ear? But I think this is the trouble working for yourself. Yeah, losing an ear, I don't think they even include that. But if you work for yourself and you lose your hand, you're just fucked. This is amazing. There's no dick, nothing on there. Like, I need more body parts. Dicks probably, like, they keep that behind the glass. That's, like, reserved information. They don't want people knowing. Because that's got to, dicks got to be millions of dollars. Your ass? Yeah. If you blew your ass, they'd be like, here's 80 grand, shut the fuck up. You think so? I bet an ass is worth, like, 6,000. Yeah.

It's got to be the least. You don't even need it. I fucking blew my ass up at the factory. They're like, dude, shut the fuck up. Can you type in how much is an ass worth? I think something else is going to come out. It's got to be. True. What's an ass worth right now? What is ass worth right now? Shit. Depends on if it's from a prostitute girlfriend or a wife. A wife? Half.

Yeah, so I don't think you can really... Well, $20 is $20. Because they can also, if you're talking about losing a cheek, they can pop a cheek on. That's nothing, man. You can mix and match with that. Yeah? Yeah. If you get someone somehow... Again, that'd be a crazy accident to cut your ass off.

That would be nuts, dude. I feel like more people smear it off. What do you mean? Like motorcycle accidents or something. Yes, big time. Or they just like a pencil eraser their ass off. Or Mailman. They got that whole window open, man. If you fall out, you can just scrape your ass off the fucking side. It's gone.

That was just a little smudge on the ground and disability. Yeah, true. $6,000. Yeah, if you lose your ass, you know, again, it's like, the problem is if you somehow destroy your asshole at work, that's where the big bucks come in. You get the hole, they got to pay you. But they got the surgery where they just snip something and bring some new hole down. True, yeah, they pull it down. Yeah, they can cut out like half your intestines and they're like, whatever. We got over 100 feet. Yeah. Who was I talking to? I don't know. Someone I know had like a shit bag temporarily.

They got fucked up. Because of that? He didn't like fuck his ass up at the factory, but he had like something else going on where he's like. And they just pulled down, gave him a new booty hole? I think they gave him a temporary setup where he had like a. Colostomy bag? Yeah, yeah. He had like the colostomy, but temporarily. So I don't know if it was for life. I don't know how the fuck they do that.

I don't know either. I know somebody that just got one. The shit bag? I don't know if it's a shit bag. What's the one for urine? Just only pee. Is that a thing? I didn't know you could. I think it's a camelback. That's like those back. No, I don't know. I don't know where. I don't know. I'm sure you can have one of those, but a pee bag wouldn't be bad. Shit bag is rugged, dude, to be out in public.

My friend has a, he has actually a ring, well, not a ring doorbell, but he has security cameras around his house and he's caught a dude emptying his shit bag in his driveway. Really? On cam, yeah. Do you know that guy? No, he doesn't know that guy.

What the fuck would make him do it there? I don't know. It's already in a bag. Take it somewhere appropriate. It's not like he had pressure on his body. His house was in like a, the neighborhood's kind of fucked up, but it was like his house has like a driveway and none of the houses have driveways. Okay. So people would go up there for years and like, dude, he'd have, people would fuck back there. So it was like. Oh, he had that house. Yeah. So yeah, exactly. Yeah. Exactly. And like, it was like, and it's right off of in Philly, there's like Lancaster Ave.

And that's like Lancaster has like an open area. It's like an open air, like drug and prostitution markets where everyone goes. He's like a block behind. So that was like the quiet area you would go to do shit. Yeah. But to drop out all your shit out your bag. That's disrespectful. Yeah. Fucking is one thing. But but he does have he has it all in vid. He is. He is like dudes just busting on prostitutes quickly.

What do you mean? Like just little quick videos? Well, it's just that it doesn't, you know, he has the video. It could be as long as they want. They're good at their job, man. Yeah, especially when you're standing in the driveway. You got the adrenaline pumping. You're holding up a leg. You got blood flowing. Yeah, dude. Yeah, he said these things. Somebody's like, I got to pour out my shit back. Exactly.

Yeah, it's like disturbing. He showed me some of the videos and I'm like, man, that's like almost disturbing. You should put it out a series. It would be within his right. Honestly, that's a dark driveway. Like that's your, I'm like, that is your content. You could put it out. It's like shit bags. Fucking mostly people fucking probably be the stuff people want to say.

Just got a lot of blurrings. Yeah. Blurring stuff out. Well, I feel like if he hung up a little disclaimer, it's like, yeah, at that point. Just on the fence? Yeah, be like, we are live. You think people don't give a shit? Or they just don't read it. If it's nighttime, it's like, you can't see that. But then it's like, you're going to go see. Man, I remember one time in high school, I was with this girl. You ever been with a girl and you're looking for a place to fuck in a car? Mm-hmm. And usually they're like, they're just going, mm-mm.

No. They're like, we're not doing this? Just depending on the different spot. They're looking around like, too bright. Yeah, yeah. Too whatever. Well, this particular girl was like, make a left. Right? And I was like, oh shit, you got a spot already? Oh, wow. We pull all the way into the spot and it's dark. And then mess around or whatever. And then I get in the car and I turn on the parking lights or whatever. And right in front of the car is a sign that's like, help us stop prostitution. I was like, whoa, you took me to a spot where...

It's that popular that they already have a sign here. Whoa. Yeah. What did you like grill her on this? That's like when women have condoms. Whenever women have condoms on them, I'm like. Right. I don't think she knew that. I don't know. But she acted like she didn't know that that was there. So we both were like, what does that say? Yeah. Holy shit. I had another time. This is completely separate. I had another time in high school where I was.

We were looking for this place and then found one messed around. We didn't even smash, but I think we just like petting, you know, in high school, little finger bang action or something. Oh yeah. And I got out of the car to get from the driver's seat to the backseat. And somehow I dropped my phone and I didn't know where we were. Cause it was dark. Um,

Which sounds like a cop-out, but where I'm from, I'm from Lacey, Washington. And so, like, you can literally be on a street with hella lights and then pull off where you are the lights. Yeah, yeah. So anyway, the next day in broad daylight, like, we had a phone call. It's like, hey, I heard my dad on the phone. And it's like, yeah, we found this phone on our property. And this number, dad or whatever it was. And so we dialed it. This was when we had the LG flip phones. Yeah, yeah.

He's like, okay, who is this? It's like, oh, this is pastor something, something. It's like, bitch, you took me to a church? So, yeah, I finger banged at a church unbeknownst to me, or at least in the parking lot. Yeah. I feel like there's a lot of finger banging going on in the church parking lot, though. I think there's more inside, but I just didn't know. I didn't know where I was. You know what I'm saying? Yeah.

Yeah, I used to do behind the Verizon store. There was a Verizon that they just stopped construction on. So there was just an empty Verizon store. That was like my spot in high school. There was a Les Schwab. A what? Les Schwab tire store.

Oh, a tire store would be decent. I used to keep a blanket and a pillow. They had the building and they had like four bays and then the building ended and there was like an outside bay that was like completely invisible. That's kind of a nice little carport. Right. Yeah, I remember I... But I was with the girl and she showed another guy. So one time I went to go back there and there was already a car back

They're moving it. Occupied. What the fuck? What the fuck? You're honked. And I knew whose car it was, though. Oh, no. Yeah. License plate's like, Jeremy. I'm like, what the fuck? God damn it. God damn it. Jeremy Nelson strikes again. Yeah, my dad called me carrying a blanket and pillow. That you might want to delete out. That's a real name. That's a real person. Yeah, we'll blank his name. We'll blank his name. Yeah, fuck it. He'll like it. What's up, Jeremy? I was there that night. He was fucking. No problem. Yeah. Yeah, I had a... Graham Cracker toenails. My dad...

My dad called me carrying like the blanket and pillow to my car one time. He's like, what are you doing with that? I heard you say you had a blanket and pillow in your car. He was like, we don't. I was like, I don't know if I ever have like a sleepover. I'll be like ready to roll. He was just like, all right, dude. I also had like some like landscapers. The Verizon finally went like active.

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And so what I would do is, why'd you perk up so much? I didn't know what you were talking about. What the fuck are you talking about? I'm talking about being ready for whatever in a car. We're talking about fucking in cars. I'm with a magic burrito. Check it out. Let's go. Let's go. Here we go. So this was what a magic burrito was, right? Like, I had this whole period in my life where I was like, let me see if I can get a hand job. For sure. Right? And so a magic burrito was a hotel lotion wrapped in a face towel. And so all of that shit would be in my backpack. Like, I had magic burritos.

What would you use them like a Fifi base? What are you saying? It's a Fifi, like the prison pussy people make where they put like sandwich bags together. No, you just store lotion in the towel in case the hotel lotion. Oh, and then you roll it up like a blunt or whatever. I thought you were saying you like squirt it into a towel. I was still in the container. Got you. But if I, if a girl was like, ah, let me see. I'm like, I'll bet you would pull out the magic. I got a cloth. I got a lotion. Let's go. Oh, you had the whole set. You had a mobile kit. Magic burrito. Ah,

I see what you're saying. I thought you were saying you squirted. I just need this cold, awkward hand. That's all I need. Yeah, true. We were young. It's true. Yeah, they should. I'm talking before people knew the twist at the end. Yeah, true. We were young. It takes a woman a whole life to learn how to give a handjob properly. Yeah. Do you remember when you first got like one, you were like, wait a minute. I was getting hurt, dude. Yeah, it was the first time I got a handjob. I think it was in like grade school. No, I don't mean like a bad one. I mean, do you remember when you got the first legit one? Oh, the first time I got one that I was like, hold on. Yeah, dude.

It's crazy. It was a revelation. Right. Like, do you ever have a handjob that was like...

It was better than what you had been doing to yourself before? I'm the best, bro. I'm the best in the biz. No, I'm the best in the biz. There had to be a time where you weren't, where you were just doing straight shots and somebody hit you with your first double twist and you're like, oh, you can do that? No, I'm telling you, man. You on your own figured out you could double twist your dick. I don't double twist. I've never double twisted. High and tight or whatever you figured out, but you were on your own. You figured out there's levels to this shit? I mean, I didn't realize how bad girls were.

Until, like, grade school, and I was kind of like, whoa. I was like, yo, stop. Like, this hurts. They were just, like, trying to, like, upward it. Yeah, yeah. Just hanging. That's a lot of meat. Bottom part's worthless, dude. Please, I can't feel any of that. Yeah, move on. Come to the tip where all the nerve endings are. Yeah, I mean... I'll hold everything down. You get that. I guess I'd have to say, like, a... Maybe, like, a wishy-washy. I've been to, like, the wishy-washy before, back when I was...

A young man. What is wishy-washy? That's like when you go in the massage parlor and the Asian ladies give you a bath and jerk you off. No, I never did that. Yeah, I wouldn't start if you haven't already done it. Is it addicting or something? When you're younger, it's just like you get drunk. Those are everywhere where I'm from. They're fucking everywhere. Foot spa. They're everywhere. Everywhere. Every time you drive around and once you know what they are, I'm like, ah, fuck. It's probably too easy to just be like, ugh.

It's, yeah. You know, I ain't doing shit. I might as well just pull off. The problem is, is. Kids, I'm going to the movies by myself. Yeah, yeah. The walk, the entrance is the worst part. You got to like walk in and you're just like, Jesus fucking Christ. And then you're in there and then you leave and you're like, oh. Do they know you? Or is there like a process where you're like trying to not look like a cop?

Yeah, I don't know. I kind of look like a cop, so I was like, I don't think they care. You don't think they don't even give a shit, huh? No, not at all. A lot of them have the FOP stickers on the outside window. They're paying the cops. They're like paying. Really? Yeah, you can be like an FOP donor. Okay. I remember thinking that was kind of a wild move, though. They had like FOP year after year all over the window.

Just say, hey, we donated. You guys leave us alone. I would say allergies. I think it's a bad habit. It's a bad habit. Are you getting emotional? I'm thinking about the wishy-washy-getty emotions. I mean, dude, to be fair, they literally lay you on a table and just dump buckets of hot water on you and just fully wash you down. This sounds like a relaxing experience. It's definitely, if nothing else, it's a relaxing experience. Do you think people could tell that you did it?

No, what do you mean like when I came out of I mean your hair might be a little wet That's kind of suspect. What about your general amount of relaxation? Mm-hmm motherfucker you went didn't you the way the wet hair and the smelling like lotion would have been more of a giveaway but but not the light feet and floating around no, you're good you kind of like come out of there like You have to like emerge back into the world. It's likely if you ever like a sex shop You gotta like walk in and walk out and you feel dirty. Yeah big time. I grew up Catholic So it's like anything did you ever get over that feeling?

where you walked out with your chest up? One time, no. Whistling? I wish I did, but I did see a man one time who did exactly that. I was working. I was doing demolition, and we were taking down a parking garage. So my job was to stand on the third floor of it and just make sure people didn't have shit fall on them in the little alley. And there was a wishy-washy in that alley. What? So I just watched people go in and out all day. We would all fuck with them. We'd be like, yo, and they would come out. Most people would scamper. This one old man just looked at us and went,

Did a little bow. You're welcome. I was like, dude, you're the man. I was like, I just want to be like you when I get older. Yeah, that confidence, that's nuts. But yeah, then you get into it, though, and then you find out later a lot of them are kind of like sex slaves, so that's not good. Sex slaves? Well, what happens is if you run one of those things, what you do is you bring girls over. You say, hey, we have a modeling agency. You're really pretty. You bring them over from Korea, and then once they get there, you just yank their fucking paperwork, and you're like, this is what the fuck you're doing. Really? Yeah. I didn't know that. It doesn't seem to be what's going on.

Because, like, the cars outside are like old-ass Honda Civic hatchbacks and shit. Like, these are old ladies. Yeah, well, that's the mama-san. But then it's like there's definitely a dude running that place. Really? Oh, yeah, bro. Definitely. They're like organized crime. Yeah, you're bringing women in. What's mama-san? That's the head lady, the old lady. Yeah, the madam. She gets to run it. Yeah, the mama-san. I know a little bit about it because Seattle's built on whorehouses.

Yeah. Yeah. Like the whole underbelly of Seattle. Really? Yeah. There was like one madam that had like 37 whorehouses. And so the entire industrial, it being built and stuff was like paid for by. Yeah. I was, I was reading a book recently. That's fucking awesome. I was reading a book recently and. Type in like Seattle. Let's check these Yelp reviews first. Let's see. Yeah.

Yeah, I read a book. It was like set in the 1890s. That's not what I'm looking for. You're about to find some actual ass for sale. No, like the history of Seattle and whorehouses. I'd like to maybe try history. Apparently they had a huge boom out there. Maybe that was the gold rush. I don't know.

Ma, Miss Ma or something. First prostitutes were Native American women. Yeah, I'm sure they weren't really kind of, you know, like, hey, guys, you want a job? That might have been a kind of a coercive situation. There was a lady, Madam Lou. Boom. Who is right at the very bottom? Man. Click that. Madam Lou. There it is. Lou Graham born Dorothy Georgine Emmeline Obin was a German born woman who became famous as a madam of a brothel that is now the Pioneer Square District of Seattle. That's shorting what she did.

But they had, like, taxes. They had a seamstress tax. All that was was just how to tax the whores. Oh, that makes sense. Yeah. So, like, this city was built on... Yeah, dude, back in... Those little towns or those... You know, they were little towns originally. That's probably Madame Lou Gram. Yeah, I was like, who the fuck is that? But everyone was coming in for working on the railroad, working on the lumber, working on whatever. So people had money. Yeah, man. And she was cleaning up. Well, dude, and back then, too, it was like...

Say you were just like a girl and your parents both died. You would be like, if you didn't have any immediate family, you'd just be fucked. So you'd just be like out, just like sitting there. Can we click that one right there that says she got arrested by a rookie cop that didn't know? Oh. The left one and the red. Yeah. What does that say? It just looks interesting. Oh, shit.

She was so influential that she had all charges cleared and had the police commissioner fired. Yeah, dude. Do you know how much pussy you have to sell that if you get arrested, you can get the commissioner fired? Yeah, and also she probably had the DOS on all those guys. So she was like, she called the mayor and was like. For sure. She got the diddy list. For sure. She's untouchable.

That rookie cop fucked up. Yeah, that was probably crazy. 1890s hitting like whorehouses and shit in a new, like in a wild western town. That must have been insane. Yeah, that's...

Yeah, they really. But it's not like they had tapes and videos on people. Like that lady's word was bond. Like she could. Yeah. She could just lie on you and it's a wrap for you. True. Or it would be like, you know, you might have had a guy in there, like a mayor, get like rough with like a younger girl. And it's like, yeah, all it would take would be like, yeah, that guy's a piece of shit and everyone would believe it.

Believe her, for sure. For sure. And they could be like, I've seen, I know... I'm a lot of things, but I'm not a liar. True. Or it could be like, he has a mole on his ass, I can prove it. And the mayor would be like, fuck, dude. His wife would know. Yeah, exactly. God damn it, Henry. She knew that you had a piece of your asshole removed and a new asshole on. Dude, I was reading another book, and there was like this, it was like, I think World, no, Korean War. And they got stationed in...

Like we're a Germany and they would have like their cigarettes. It was like this Irish immigrant guy who came to America and he joined the Korean war. So like all the American soldiers were over in Germany and they would have to drive like the laundry back and forth. But on the road they would stop at refugee camps and trade like coffee and cigarettes to like starving like refugees, like Eastern European women. Right. And just fuck them. What? In like a hovel. It was like, I was reading this like, God, that's ruthless, dude.

Just back then, just like a shitty like makeshift like tent set up. And they would just like go back there and just like get blown by like starving women for cigarettes and be like, nice. Oh, they were giving them cigarettes for the head? Yeah. And be like, head or just fuck them. And just be like, nice. And it was like, he was explaining it. He's like, they were freezing cold and like dirty and like starving. And I was like, oh, bro. That's horny. Cannabines. Yeah. That's pretty horny, dude. Back then, dudes were like fucked up how horny they were. Yeah. But like, you know.

You got to have a pretty good skill set. Yeah, the guy did say he came pretty quickly. In a sex tent. Especially survival mode, yeah. Right. And you got to hurry up before your laundry's done. Yeah. Funny enough, the laundry was being done in Dachau. What's Dachau? It's like one of the concentration camps. So World War II had just happened.

So it was pretty fresh when they, like, were, like, exterminating Jewish people. And that was, like, one of the, it was, like, you know, Dachau and whatever the name was. I always heard Auschwitz. Auschwitz. That was the big one. But there was a couple other ones. Okay. Auschwitz gets, you know, kind of all the, it's the most famous one. People talk about that. But, yeah, he had to go to Dachau. And, like, he was with a Jewish guy. And they, like, pulled up on it. And he was, like, oh, shit. And the guy, like, completely freaked out.

Just from being back at the same place? I think his parents were there or something. Back then, I think your family would just get wiped. If you were a Jewish dude, yeah, your whole family would just get obliterated. You mean just during... World War II. But the Korean War. When was the Korean War, Josh? I think it was pretty shortly after. The 1950s. Yeah, it was pretty shortly after World War II. I don't know anything about the Korean War. Me either. Other than recently on TikTok and Instagram, they're saying that the Korean War...

And all the black soldiers going over there is how Koreans learn how to make such good fried chicken. That could be because they love fried chicken, dude. Oh, that's literally. That's. Like the recipes from like Louisiana, the way they do it. Whoa. It's 1950 to 53. Damn, dude. They learn from the black soldiers. Because, dude, I used to work for a Korean guy and they love fried chicken, dude. Right. Oh, I didn't know that. Well, that's kind of. I learned how to fry chicken from the black soldiers. Damn. That's fucking nuts.

And they came over there and like, all right, we're going to, yes, African American soldiers stationed in Korea during the Korean War. Most likely taught Korean soldiers. Okay, sick, man. That they shared the barracks with. Damn, dude. Then they came over, they all came over shortly after, set up the shops. And made beautiful children. True. From there's a lot of like black and Korean couples and white and Korean couples and

Black Korean girls are stunning. Yeah, that was. Like that Kimora Lee look. Blasian was like mythologically hot back in like the early. Or even like white nation, like Jhene Aiko or whatever. I don't know. Is she white nation? Yeah, she's black nation. See, I'm hooked. Yeah. That is a whole look. Just pull up. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, it's literally the hottest combination by far. Oh. Yeah, it's pretty nuts.

True. No, it's an Asian lady with a black attitude. Depends how it goes. It depends how hot she is. Chopstick, fuck you. I think the hotter they are, they go either way. If they're kind of beat, they'll present pretty age. If they get hot, they're just like, I'm letting go. So the hotter they are, the blacker they act? Wow. That's my theory. I don't know. I could see it. I would. What the hell?

I'm not bringing anyone a glass of water if I'm a fucking Malaysian 10. I think it's more, I think it's like based on what city they're in. True. I mean, that's probably more. You know what I mean? Yeah. Because there's black and Korean girls in Korea. They're not all here. Yeah, true. And they don't act like that. No, not at all. I was just making a joke. But the, but no, I dated a Malaysian girl. What was the joke? I missed it. I was just saying if you're hotter, it's like, why would they be like meek and humble like typically Asians are?

You know what I'm saying? That's fucking funny. And I'm sorry I missed it. That's okay. It's totally fine. No, it's worth going back to get. Asians are really like, how roogie, you know, but they're like, how roogie, motherfucker? To be honest, though, I dated a girl who was half black and half Asian years ago. Was she a cop, too? No, she was not a cop. She was a fucking doctor. She was studying to be a doctor. Of course. I only deal with women of magnets of industry. There's big leader titans in the industries. But the...

i would like be sitting there like drinking water and like my water cup will get low and like we're not even like making a big stink about it she would like pick it up real quick fill it back and set it back down i was just like what the fuck wow the hell is this this is this is part of what i do that was i was just a setup it was just like oh shit your water's low let me go get that and fill that back up and i was like man culturally hospital yeah exactly the hospital i asked her i'm like what the fuck was that about she's like it's just been drilled into my head i could see that i have i have a homegirl that's uh

Guamanian and she's similar too. What is she? Guamanian. Oh, Guamanian. Got you, got you. Yeah, from Guam. Yeah, very service of their husbands oriented. I know, it's fucking, you know.

know not the worst thing in the world I think it's pretty damn cool to be honest with you so what are your what are your aspirations in the romantic like the romantic sense are you bachelor for life or do you have kids no man I don't have any kids I'm not married I'm single right now I want all that shit yeah but I think it's

Oh, my God. I don't know how. I don't know how I'm going to do it. Yeah, you travel. You're saying you're on the road a lot. It ain't even that. It's like now things have really taken off. True. Like, it's been in two years, like, to give perspective. Like, I went from not having TikTok or whatever to, like, do you know my whole little origin story? No, no, no. Tell me. So I own...

I own the biggest black-owned comedy club in America. I did see that. In Tacoma, Washington. It's called Nate Jackson Super Funny Comedy Club. I did Wildin' Out and a bunch of stuff like that. A friend of mine told me to get on TikTok because he was having success on there. And I was like, come on, dude. Like, who needs another app? And he's like, go to my page, screenshot it, come back the next day and compare and tell me if you still don't want to be on there. And I went and looked and I was like, that's ridiculous growth in one day. Yeah, yeah. And so I...

got on TikTok like posting posting the stuff that wasn't jokes yeah that wasn't material right that ended up being crowd work or whatever that so that's Matt Rife telling me to do we were boys he he

Not consistently was my feature, but we had some gigs before he was that. Oh, so that was the Rife man being like, bro, do it. Yeah, it was Madison. And then I did it, and then shit went crazy. And so now I've got like 3.8 million or something on TikTok. Damn. And so my road manager was telling me the other day, he was like, dude, that's like one in every 97 Americans are following you.

Oh, fuck. Yeah. So dating has changed. Yeah. Because if they don't know who I am, somebody is like, oh, my God, bitch. I've seen him on TikTok. Or a waiter is like, sir. Yeah. Can we get a selfie? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so then it affects the dynamic of just getting to know somebody. When you're dating and that happens, it's the best. Because then a girl is like, eh. Is it though? They like that.

Why? What's the downside? I mean, there's plenty of downside. Like they're not even now they're not even being who they are anymore. They're like, oh, caught a whale. Yeah, that's sugar. I didn't think about that. I'm just thinking about coming. Yeah, that's true. If you're trying to life building, that is. And that's another thing. Right. Before they knew that, like coming was an option. Yeah. Now they know that they're like, oh, let's see how I can string this out.

Women do that. They'll give you pussy faster if they don't think you're an actual contender for their heart for real. I can see that. That's the new thing. You've been married a while. So the new thing is if a girl thinks she has no real future with you, but she's attracted, she will smash you. But if she likes you, now she's going to like, yeah, she'll wait. She'll string you along forever. You know what I mean? Let's build a friendship first. Yeah.

And you're doing all that being patient. Meanwhile, that same guy has no potential with it. It was like, it was cool. Have you ever done that though? Has anyone ever just like sat and just like not smashed and built like a genuine friendship? No. Well, he said he has. Well,

What do you do, though? Are you just like, hey. Legos. Let's wrestle, buddy. Have a shitload of wet dreams. Yeah, I feel like I, you know, I wasn't like, man, I wish I did that. I was with my wife, luckily, when, like, you know, we were all in, like, an air mattress, so it wasn't like...

So you guys were, you were in the, you got it out the mud together. Yeah. So that was kind of nice. Right. But you know, the woman you said you were going to have sex with behind my back on camera. Um, a cop on an air mattress. That sounds like it was made up anyway. But no, dude. Yeah. We met before that. So yeah, I couldn't imagine if it was like, it would be kind of weird, but then it's like,

What is even the problem with that? It's like being a lady with big tits, being like, you just like me because of my big tits. It's like, well, that helps, but it's also... And I swear to God, I've had this conversation many times, but it's like, who wants a cupcake with no sprinkles? Like, let's appreciate it for every part of it.

- Yeah. - No, they go, they're like a bag of M&Ms and they come to you pulling one of the colors out. Being like, let's appreciate all the other colors first so then I know. Like, well, no, I like the yellow ones too. Most men are like, if I'm dating a girl or getting serious with a girl, I want access to the whole girl.

Yeah. Every like, well, let's talk mind, body, spirit, ass, all that shit. If they're serious. Yeah. Yeah. Right. And so what, what's happened now is there's dudes that have acted or taken advantage of that. So then they build a wall around it and now they, they're giving up the pussy last. And unfortunately it's like your only barometer for telling if a girl truly likes you. Is, you know, she gives you the pussy. Right.

because she can act like that. And then the girls are also like, you can get pussy anywhere. Let's build the other stuff first. So it creates this weird circle of just like... It does. And you're both open. That's the problem too. You're both open to... If you're online dating, it's like...

There's just people who like they have been talking to or you have been or hitting you up and you got to be like, oh, actually, it's like. Anyway, got somebody, a floater, an ex, a next. Yeah, that's a practice. They say it's called cushioning that women do where they'll keep like communications going with like four or five dudes. I call it vine swinging. Yeah, it's some fucking bullshit, man. That's something I was never a fan of. Like, dude, just my friend. I'm like, I don't have any fucking friends, dude. They have a whole column of guys that they would marry.

You ever been over there? Then they got a call of like, they literally, they run their dating life like a game of fuck, marry, kill. Yeah, true. Legitimately. Yeah, that's pretty. Yeah, I never, I was always more of a boyfriend type. I wish I was more of like the mysterious kind of sexy intruder. I got a friend that's the one that always, the one that they fuck. Yeah. And he's like, I just can't get a girl to like love me for real.

Yeah, yeah. That's his whole thing. Gorgeous dude. And he just got to the point where he had enough. He'd slayed enough. And he was like, I want a family. Yeah. And every woman is like, ooh, fuck.

oh yeah and he's like calm down can we just talk we chill they're all tracing his lips he's like god damn it are you still talking about matt right no i'm not i'm talking about a whole nother dude but i bet matt goes through that same shit right yeah he's a very he's a very uh yeah and once that like catches on too once like enough women are like

Oh, my God, he's so hot. The rest of the hive mind kicks in. They're like, I want to suck his dick, too. And you're like, well, hold on. Yeah, I can see it, I guess. I mean, I'm not into dudes, but he has a jawline. I think that's a feature that they like. Yeah. You know? The money. Yeah. But, yeah, it is tough. I never thought about the kind of like, yeah, once you're kind of doing well, then you have to kind of like try to pick. We have to pick someone. They just told me there's a dating app. I heard about this recently.

I've heard about it. Does that sound right? Yeah, it's like an elite dating app kind of. So everyone's not overreacting at who they see on there. How do you even do that, though? Apparently you sign up like one of those private Facebook groups where you've got to answer the questions and they vet you and then they let you in. Oh, really? I mean, how else would a police chief date? How else would an attorney date? How else would a brand new...

Detroit lion in the Detroit market. That's my question. How hard do you have to be balling? Like if you're like in a, if you're like a base, I feel like it's a grad thing, but it's gotta be a notability thing, right? Like a weather woman is in there. Right on. Should be. Yeah. She's on TV every day. Okay. She's not making the same kind of money as, but yeah, I know what you mean.

But, yeah, so they told me it was called Raya. Someone just literally told me about this. Elite Singles apparently is one. Yeah. But my, there you go, how do you get on Raya? My users sign up by inputting basic information about themselves. Oh, they probably check your follower count and blah, blah, blah. Yeah. Well, my boy was like, you're going to have to get on Raya, dude. Damn. But then it's like, I don't know. I'm not even a celebrity like that, but.

I think you're still a rare material. I do get stopped, though, in real life. Like exiting the Austin airport just now. You know how you go at that last checkpoint? If you go past there, you can't come back in. Well, there's two ladies sitting right there. And one was like, shut the fuck up. You know what I'm saying? Let's get a picture, sugar. So we took a picture and everything. And she's like, we are fans. That's cool. Yeah, but how do you date? If I'm on a date and that lady walks by,

Shut the fuck up. I mean, I mean, like, I'm like, it is a having online notability or notoriety is like a blazing sword in the online dating scene. And I like got to test this theory out back when I was dating online. So I like a regular profiles, you know, it's kicking around regular dude doing stand up. And then I my friends did like a web series called

for and had like comedy central so then i got a picture i got to add like a small role in it so i got to put a picture on my dating app of me with the comedy logo the comedy central logo forget about it bro it was actually it wasn't even right i should have done it i mean it was it was kind of like it was kind of some bullshit on my part because i had like a two second thing on a web series but they people see that they go tv yeah and the messages came in way faster i tried to do

Tinder, I think it was. And so where I'm from, my show, it was a show before it was a club, super funny comedy show. And we had this backdrop or like we had a photographer, Scott Payton took immaculate pictures and he did it for like four years. So you could like just get dressed up as possible. And at the end of the show, be like, Scott, and he would just literally be taking headshots. Yeah. He was that good. Yeah. So when I got on the dating site,

Like 99.6% of the bitches. Okay. They saw it. We're Scott Payton. Scott Payton pictures is like from my show. You can just reckon, you know, I can't get on the app. Everybody's literally taking pictures for my show. Yeah. I mean, I was a pig. I had no problem. Just,

Utilizing that to my advantage. But they wouldn't pick me. I don't know what it was. They would assume, because I'm the guy that has the show and the star of the show or whatever, that I'm slaying. So they would pick my band members that were sitting behind me, or they would pick the comic that's in town, or they would pick...

Like, it was – and, like, my homies were like, dog, I'm crushing. I had a homeboy. I'm not even going to say his name because I think he's about to get married. But anyway, he was like – I just saw him on the road in Greensboro, and he was like, dude, I used to slay off saying I know you. I'm like, what? He's like, yeah, we'd be like, you want to meet Nate? Yeah.

I'm like, are you kidding me? He's like, yeah. Like, if they kind of liked us, like, we would say that, and it was a wrap. Yeah, and, dude, you can totally, I mean, you know, yeah, I hear what you're saying. It is tough because it's like if you genuinely want to have a family, you have to, like, somehow do the opposite of that line of thinking. And also, there's a certain type of woman that it would take, right? Like, a woman has to sign up for a man that is, like, truly trying to go get it, and she may not be his partner.

Number one priority at all times. Yeah. Right? And that's not a normal, like, she's got to be raised away or have, like, a certain upbringing or be around industry before or have tried to chase it on, like, some sort of a proximity to the game to be like, this is a good guy and this is what he does. So if they're, like, and that's not on, that's not on the app. That's not a thing. So the women that fit that profile, like,

They have to have had some sort of history with somebody to be like, you know what I mean? I know what you mean. You can't be their first rodeo that's a comic. There's no earthly – if you popped, there's no way. Yeah, it's tough. You're 38 weeks, you're out of there. You're gone all the time. The money's insane, but you're gone. Yeah, you're gone. They don't like that at all. And it's like –

pick some dates and come with me let's do that part and then it's like but you're still working dude it's nothing worse my wife does that she's like we'll just like go out to dinner before the show and i'm like i'm not fucking going out to dinner before the show i don't want to talk i just we got it and we got to sacrifice and go now we're sitting in fuddruckers like what people yeah excuse me can i have a picture you're like i'm just trying to just with my family here but yeah so it's a challenge yeah um i'm it's not like to the point where i feel like

cursed by it or nothing but I could see where it's like yeah I just let it rip man I was like but that's the thing too then like imagine like who's a super known face like that person trying to date like they have to struggle like it's always there you know what I'm saying but it's one of those things yeah it is it's always there where it's like you like me for me or for Joey from friends like in real life it's just like I just want to meet a girl that appreciates me who I am yeah like shut up Joey

Yeah. I'm my real name. Luckily, I think luckily for me, I've never, I'm always just kind of like, I'm always like, whatever. And it was, again, I didn't have to deal with any of that stuff. Cause we met. Yeah. We met on air mattresses. Yeah. But I always do rub my, like what little success I have in her face at every moment. I'm like, dude, how you like me now? She's like, shut the fuck up.

It is funny, though, because when you get recognized when you're dating, it's like, yes, dude, I'm definitely getting pussy tonight. Now it'll happen with my wife. And I used to even rub that in her face. And now she's like getting me into it. She's like, whatever. She's like, yeah, here, I'll take a picture. So before I'd be able to be like. I'm not even to that point. If I'm with, let's say I'm with friends. And this is my new pet peeve. Let me just share it. It may not even fit where we're at in the conversation. But this is my new pet peeve.

If I'm with friends or really it's my own like road, like my openers or videographer or road manager, somebody will like not know who we are. Like, why do I recognize him? And they're like, you don't know who that is. Oh yeah. You don't know who that is. Oh my God. We are on tour. That's the nature. And I'm like, I was just trying to fucking eat a sandwich. I was like, come on guys.

I was cool. I was flying under the radar for just a second. My wife does it. She'll blow my spot up all the time. And they don't even care. The internet, the way it is, is people will see you and be like, oh my god. Or nothing. So my wife will just be like, oh, well, actually, my husband's a comedian. I'm like,

bro, will you please stop doing that? Yeah, it's weird to sell it. I don't want to. And she's like, I'm just so proud. But I'm like, don't do that. She says she's proud? Yeah. I know they do it because they're proud of their role, like what we do together. You know what I mean? Because we're building a thing and there's such inclusivity and, you know,

Well, I really, we're really building a thing. And so I know they're proud of it, but I'm like, well, just let me just, yeah, dude, I don't want to talk about it. Yeah. Yeah. That's weird. Cause I'm, I rarely even wear this jacket. I don't even want to be who I am, but no, it's a, it is weird. Cause it's one of those things. Like if you were like a dentist and you had 40 fucking dental practices and you're making millions of dollars,

People won't freak out like that. There's something about show business that gets – it, like, rocks people to their core. And I'll go a step further and say, yes, for sure. But then the social media, like, it's a whole – because they are taking – they're taking a shit and holding you like this. Some people are like, dude, I got your stuff on autoplay on my TV. I don't even watch TV anymore. Or I got, like – the amount of connection is nuts. Yeah.

I got out of an Uber two hours before my show where my assistant and merch manager was late and I had to bring in a crate. And this husband pulled up with his wife. They were looking for parking at that moment. The wife jumped out the car, runs around the front of the car and beeline straight to me. I'm like,

shit, and I drop the thing, and I just book it, right? And she chases me, and there's like this light post. I grab the light post and do like, you know how you can spin around, and I do that, and I ricochet back the other way. Her husband gets off the car. He's like, she's a fan. She loves you, bro. And I'm like, yeah, I get all that. Well, fuck that. Like, I'm playing now. Yeah, you're fucking around, yeah. But she's like, can we just get a picture? I'm like, come on. Yeah, that's always awkward. And her husband's like, yeah, say cheese. Like, while the love of his life is like...

Dude, that is the most uncomfortable possible. For what role, though? Her, him, or me? You and him, I would say. I think she's having a great time. I'd probably say him the most. Yeah, probably. Sometimes in the pictures, you'll feel like someone mashed their tits into you, and you're like, yo, get off me, dude. Your fucking husband.

This happened to me in... I might start being like, get off of me, ma'am. Get off of me. Back the fuck up. I'll take a picture of you, too. That was in Austin. It was in Austin? Yes, this was here in Austin, the Moody. And so two days ago. And this lady came up and her collar was all smushed inside of itself.

Right? Yeah. And she had a meet and greet and we were, you know, take a picture. And I was like, well, hold on, your collar's not fixed. And I went to go, I was like, well, do you have a husband or anything like that? And she's like, oh, yeah, he's not here. I was like, well, let's just fix your collar. Fix her collar. And like, it's still stuck. Her purse is like cutting a titty off. I'm like, let's, so I grabbed the strap. I'm like, let's move that, move that, move that, fix that. All right, we're ready. You ready? She's like, I'm ready. I'm like, cool. We take the picture and then.

And then she walks forward to the exit, because the entrance and exit's separate. And she's like, "Oh yeah, and that's my husband." I'm like, "What?" And this big ass light-skinned dude's like, "Yeah, man." I'm like, "She say you weren't here, bro." He's like, "No, it's all good. I heard her do this shit. She be doing this kind of shit in public, fucking around."

I feel like a dickhead for that. Yeah, dude. She literally was like, he's not here. But again, if you were just like, yeah, I own fucking 47 Carrabbas and people, they don't give a fuck. They wouldn't know. If your image gets plastered onto a screen, it deifies people and people think it's a big deal. I'll say they do know.

But it's not like it's different. Like people know their church because they like tithe and they're like, oh, he balling. Or they know at Rotary or wherever. True. It's a meeting of those kind of, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. But this is just different. So I don't know how in the hell I'm going to date. You got lucky. You got in there beforehand and all that. But I don't know. And I never thought this was one, this was, you know, this is an offshoot of what,

But I was asking, yeah. No, I'm saying of fame. Like, I wanted, like, this was always the, I was like, I'm going to get it. I'm going to get after it. And now it's like, God damn, I can't find a woman that doesn't, that just, you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah, you'll find someone. Hopefully, but like. Well, they'll burn out of the novelty. I want to meet you. I'm like, you are meeting me. No, but like the you that's not, like the separate from the comedy. They'll say that?

I'm what I do. I've been doing this for 20 years. I am what I do now. I'm a comic. You can't say, who do you think you're meeting? And then they'll say my government name. I'm like, I want to meet Nathaniel. I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about? No one's called me that since Little League Baseball. And then you're supposed to be like, well, let's just be buddies after you said that. It's like, dude, I'm... I don't even know what it is. Here's another thing. Check how awkward this shit is. There's another Nate Jackson.

Right? Like anybody Googles himself, there's probably another your name somewhere. For sure, yeah. Well, there's two for me. There's a white guy that plays guitar. And so I would say like year five of my career –

I was in the number one spot on Google past. You were battling the other Nate Jackson? At first. That's sick. But then, so there was a backup tight end third stringer for the Denver Broncos that wrote a book about smoking weed and playing football. Sick. And as soon as the book dropped, he went, ricocheted into the first book. He overtook you. Dropped me back like five pages. No, dude. Yeah. Right. But now I'm back in the number one spot. Just whatever. Sure. But I'm on a date and it'll happen every now and then where somebody's like,

how long did you play for the Broncos? Because they Googled and I didn't play in the league, right? But it still comes up if you search sometimes. Yeah, yeah. If you just type Nate Jackson, but if you type comedian Nate Jackson, it's all me. Sure. So I was on a date and the girl was like, what was it like playing for the Broncos?

The only place on earth that says that is Google. So I'm like, you Google me? Yeah. Like, that's... To me, that's weird. Yeah, it is fucking weird. No, actually, for women, it makes sense, though, because they got to do, like, a thorough investigation to make sure, like, you're not going to kill them. So they all do that. No, but they... Like, you know...

I'm not a guy she met in passing. Like, she was at a show, and there we are at a dinner, and she's like, how long did you play? Like, you went further to Google and asked. Yeah. You should have been like, you know, it's pretty hard. A couple years. That's what it is. Elway was a motherfucker. I was like...

I didn't always get a kick out. I had friends that would like completely lie to women. That was like their move. They'd be like, like I was like, it was like years and years ago, but I've had friends that'd be like, yeah, man, like we were like younger. Like, yeah, like I own a business. Like, you know, we work together and I'd be sitting there like, you don't own a fucking business. But I'm like, yeah, that was always a wild move. Yeah. I had a, I remember I was in the movies and one of my home, there was like a scene where like the guy had like a lot of game and my homeboy out loud was like, Ooh, I'm going to use that.

But it blew my mind at the time. I was like, wait, what? You can procure game from just mimicking this kind of shit? Definitely. I didn't know that. I was like, you got to be who you are. I'm going to be who he was. He was fucking in that movie. It's good to have.

You're with that? No, I would never lie like that. I always felt weird being like, because then it's like they're going to find out eventually. But like I had friends that would just like cook up these wild lies. Like one time my boy was on the hood of other people's cars and shit like it was his. Yeah. One time I did tell a girl I played on. I was visiting LaSalle and I just like told this girl that I played, I think like soccer or football for some reason. I think somebody said that about me just fucking with her. And I was like, yeah, I play football.

And I think we made out because of that. So that's on me. That's my bad. But I was hammered. I don't remember. But I do remember I stole football. I almost got a hand job in college for saying I was a Seahawk. What? So they did their spring training in Cheney, Washington at Eastern Washington University where I was a student. And so they would offer you to stay over the summer and like help the preseason stuff. And all you're doing is just like bringing them water and making sure the cones and stuff are set out. For sure. Showing them around town or whatever. But like.

It's a small, rural, populous town. Like, as a black man, like, it's not a far jump for someone to assume you're in town during the summer because you're a Seahawk. Yeah, yeah. Right? And I was like, yeah, I am. I was signing autographs. As a Seahawk? My name, Nate Jackson, number 67 or whatever. Yeah.

How much for an autograph? I'm like, I don't know, five bucks for a sandwich. Yeah, gosh, no problem. I must have made 15 bucks and signed a couple footballs. And almost got a handjob. That's not bad. Yeah, but I didn't sign it to say, oh, I wasn't like emulating that just because. It was like this most innocent little kid that was like, can you sign my ball? And I was like,

Fuck it, kid. Yeah, I might have to explain this. And then not only that, 60% of the people that are out there playing that are Seahawks won't be in three weeks anyway. Yeah, true. You know what I'm saying? They're not making cutlists. And he Googles it, and he's like, holy fuck, dude. He played for the Broncos, but I got him. And he's hilarious. For sure. Well, dude, we're at an hour, man. Thanks for doing this, bro. That's crazy you flew in. I really appreciate that, man, for real. No, I appreciate you for having me, man. I hope that...

One, that we're friends now. Friends. And then two, that the avid people that watch this can appreciate this dynamic that we have. For sure. This was fun and organic. It was awesome, bro. Yeah, you're the man. You know what I mean? I hope it splashes and hits well.

Yeah. So there's going to be somebody like, who's this fucking fat black dude? But there's also somebody else that's like, oh, my fucking God. Exactly. I want more of that. Hell yeah, dude. That's what I'm talking about. I just want people having a good time, man. And so you're invited to come to my club. Dude, please. That'd be sick. For sure. And yeah, I give healthy deals. I want you to eat what you kill. Okay. Hell yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah.

It's in Tacoma, Washington, so we're like 30 minutes south of Seattle. Right on. And there's another club in town called the Tacoma Comedy Club. I did that one once. They're cool. No hate, but we're the other club. For sure. We're bigger and nicer and newer. Nice. And...

But you can still go there and obviously I'm a comic so I'm like feed your family. I give a shit. Yeah, do whatever you gotta do. Yeah, but this is me inviting you to my stuff. I appreciate it, man. Yeah, once I get a new hour, dude, I'll swing there. Yeah, or even if you're working it. Fuck Tacoma, dude. I'm not even worried about the... What's it called? The Tacoma Comedy Club? I don't want you to say fuck. I'm kidding. I'm fucking around. They were nice. They were very nice. I don't want you to say fuck them. I know. I'm kidding. Jesus Christ. I'm kidding. No, they could use another... No, fuck them. So...

They were very nice actually. It's just fun to say that kind of stuff. The owner, he's a stand-up originally. Oh, is he really? Yeah. Oh, nice. Funny guy. Nice. So, no, I'm not knocking. It's hard to run a club, man. So, anybody that's doing it, I'm like, I got appreciation and respect. Yeah. Even if you're in the competition. Oh, why don't you just have sex with one of your waitresses at your club?

That's a hell no. Jesus Christ. I frankly shouldn't fuck anybody that works for you. You know what I mean? People found out about you too? Sheesh. Yeah, we got to get back to 69 and actually we were really working it earlier. I just heard about this shit called a rainbow kiss. What's that? We don't have time. I think I've...

We don't have time, and it's the nastiest shit I've ever heard of. But the kids are doing it now. Come on, tell me what it is. I can't. Well, it'll be a great way to end. You'll just have to. They need to look it up. I'll look it up. I'll Google it afterwards. Right now? Yeah, let me see it real quick, dude. Okay. I want to see it in rainbow. Could you give me a rainbow, Chris? It's a new thing for the kids. Images, please. No, don't show it. Oh.

Yeah, just heard about that. This is what the kids are doing. A supposed sex act in which a man and woman who is menstruating simultaneously perform oral sex on each other. Followed by a kiss where the couple makes a semen and period blood in their mouth. Yeah, that's disgusting. That's what the kids are doing. No way, dude. Yeah. That's so fucking nasty. And there's another one called a snowball kiss or something like that.

Where she just like, "Hawk 2" was in your mouth after. Is this supposed to like, then I think after you're like, if you do a rainbow kiss, you do, I'll give it to you if you want to be like, "Yo, I'm non-binary." I'll be like, "Yeah, you earned it, bro." Yes. You have transcended all of sexuality. Like that's way past either of the spectrums that we got. For sure. I will call them like, "Zer." If you do a rainbow kiss, I'll be like, "Yes, Zer." I fully respect you. That's wonderful.

You want to tell them where to find me and stuff? Yeah, dude. Yeah, plug those shit. Okay, so Mr. Nate Jackson on Instagram and TikTok and...

Nate Jackson comedy on YouTube. And so on TikTok and Instagram and Facebook, we release two clips a day of stand-up or crowd work or whatever, two clips a day. Something will tickle your fancy. And then once a month at my club, I do an eight-camera shoot called the Crowd Work Joint where I only do crowd work for an hour. It started off, it was just a challenge. That's awesome. Well, now there's like 14 of them. I've been doing them all year long and...

they cumulatively have like 15 million views or something. Fuck. Like they're going psycho. Well, dude, that's how whenever people like, you know, here's someone and I always just pop up the Instagram, watch the first clip and I watch yours. I'm like, damn, that's hilarious. And I was like, yeah, right away. I always do that. I'm like, hilarious. Thank you. But I mean, I'm just glad that like I get to show

that I'm gifted in that way. You know what I mean? Yeah. Cause like you can go viral for anything you put online essentially. Yeah. I'm not just like online every week wearing a wig or something. I know what you're saying. Yeah. I mean, I'm so glad. They're very funny. They're very fucking funny. Thank you. But yeah, so on YouTube is where that experience is. So, um, and I'm on tour right now. It's called the super funny world tour and, um, I'm rolling and it's going really good. So for 2023 and clubs, I sold more tickets than any other comic in America. And then for, yeah,

Damn. Name them. I beat them. Damn. I did 17 shows in one week in Chicago and broke the record. Damn. Yeah. Yeah. It's been a lot. And then, so 2024, transitioning to theaters has been awesome. And so we'll see what happens next and where that's going and stuff. But I just want the people to tap in. Sick, dude. You know what I'm saying? Hell yeah, man. Hell yeah. We should do something together. Let's go.

Let me try my hand at crowd work. I'm terrible at crowd work. I alienate the crowd. I don't do crowd work on the road. I do something. You're saying like a show. Yeah, let's do the show. We each do a chunk of time and that's the show. Let's do it. I'll be sick. Let's do it, dude. I'm down, dude. I can't wait. Right. That's a fucking deal, dude. Bro, appreciate you. Thanks for doing the do.

I feel evil selling that stuff, dude. I'm wired. I went from like yawning to like, let's fucking play Parcheesi. Yo! So yeah, thanks. Thank you, man.