Ep 491 - Who Piped Carl Winslow ? (feat. James Mccann, Lemaire Lee, & Shawn Gardini)
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kicking the door. Nigga, I seen, I looked, I seen Carl Winslow put his head up. Ain't that the father from Family Matters? Yeah. No way. Oh, the dad. Who's talking this bullshit, man? What it got? Dad homie. Neighborhood crib. Wow. I seen that. So who's piping Carl up? Diddy? Yeah, Diddy was. So when I see that cuz, right,

Diddy came back and he was telling me, he was like, it's nothing more enjoyable than having a man do something for some money. Dude, I don't want to keep, I want to keep Harvard on the Diddy story. That might be my favorite Diddy story. Him piping up Carl. That's a false. That's fake news. Isn't it beautiful that he wanted the man though? He wanted the older man from that show. Dude, there is a thread connecting. He does like those fat boys.

That one producer, he's a chubby chaser. He's a male chubby chaser. Ed Sheeran was on the catch for a while. He used to be a chubby boy. The thick ties. He likes the thick ties. The curves. He might be Diddy Henderson, bro. Diddy Joshua Henderson. He likes those balls. He likes those balls. Dude, watching family members fall. They might be able to jump for the same reason, too. For what? Oh, yeah. Wait, Henderson's getting locked up? He got in trouble for diddling.

What? That diddling Jason. That's in the diddling universe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was beaten off in the middle school? Yeah. He was on the JV Pog Squad? If you don't know who Josh Henderson is, look him up right now. It's funny because we look up. I have no idea who Josh Henderson is. Oh, my God. Joshua Henderson is this black dude. Yes, please.

He looks white. No, no, no. That's not the right Josh. Well, it's funny because there's like a bunch of B-L. Type in Pog, Josh. Black dude. There we go. Remember my name. Black dudes don't like when you shorten their name, by the way. No. Black people in general, if you call them like, if I call my wife Brit, she's like, my name's Brittany. And I'm like, bro. She just wanted to correct you. And he was. It was a short stint. What was he doing? He.

He just loves to thick-taw it. He likes pogs. Pog Nation. Yeah, give him just a little taste. What a brother got to do to get some sucky-sucky around. Remember my name. Joshua Henderson. Yeah, if you don't know this guy, I think about this guy pretty constantly. This is a king.

He's just a guy. He's just a guy on the street. He's not just a guy. He was. He was just a guy on the street. What's your type? You like black, white? I like white girls more better. Especially the thick time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That was on time. That

Yeah

What's your name again, bro, before we go, bro? Because we got to go, man. I ain't got a lot to say. We ain't going to hold you up, bro. What's your name, man? My name, Joshua Henderson. All right, bro. Yeah, he's the best. Anytime I'm, like, thinking about anything that's somewhat big, I just go, let's take time. I say it in my head now. Remember my name. Until I die. The curvy type. Yeah, I don't like the Carl Winslow slander. Bro, look, all I'm doing is just bringing the news. I don't know. I've been following the Diddy story. Diddy was back in the blue. Diddy was back in the blue.

It is crazy to have watched Family Matters. Was that show? Yeah. I always called it Urkel. It's funny to watch Family Matters and just be like, you know, we were just all enjoying Urkel's antics, but just sit like young Diddy being like, one day I'm going to pipe up Carl Winslow. I'm going to take down Carl Winslow. Wait, he was having sex with Urkel? No, it's Dan.

The dad. I'm surprised he didn't take down Urkel. If he's really clout chasing. If you took down Urkel, I think the black community would be like, bro. Urkel got his own thing. Urkel don't need Diddy. He's a lady chaser. Yeah. Damn, you put your Urkel in the Stefan machine to get some of that Stefan pussy, dude?

That's good American slang to know, James. What's the Stefan machine? Hey, it's great to be here. What is the Stefan machine? Jimmy. I don't want this just to be me asking for references. You know what bussy is, right? Boy pussy. Some people try and say it's bum pussy, but I have it on good. Bum pussy is... I have good confirmation it's boy pussy. Yeah, but I think people are getting the boy mixed up with little boy, but it's actually just gay stuff. They're just saying boy pussy for butt pussy. Yeah.

Oh, you could use it for a little boy. I mean, whatever. You could do whatever you want, I think. If you're in the bussy universe, I think you can kind of use it however you want. The BU? My dad. It's definitely a cinematic universe. Dude, my dad does demolition, so he was on an excavator one time.

He's working for some guy and the dude's son was like a young, young, young kid. The kid was like but a boy. And there was this laborer standing next to the machine. I was talking to him. My dad let the big boss's son sit on his lap and do the machine. And this old laborer, his name was Hawk. He just sat there and go, damn, I know your daddy like that boy pussy. Dude, this is a nice moment. You don't have to. What the heck?

Yeah, he was a motherfucker, dude. I know your daddy like that boy pussy. Why are you thinking about that? It's a fight of words, bro. Yeah. I should have fucked him up. Yeah. He also, he drove like a Mitsubishi car and he always held it down. Like, he's like, bro, these are top of the line. I was like, dude, they make coffee makers, dude. They make like dirt bikes, dude. Nah, man, that's how you know they're good. Yamaha is the one that's the most crazy. Yeah.

Because Yamaha doesn't sell a product. They sell a feeling. I've read their website a lot. Really? Yeah. So they only make products that move their heart that they can do at the top level. So they do pianos and motorcycles. And guitars. And guitars. And they did archery work, but they decided the bow couldn't be done at the top level of Yamaha excellence. What? Is that what Yamaha is? Yeah. It's a Japanese company that just is hooked on a feeling. It's a vibe. They're basically just vibes. They bring a vibe into this. They have a philosophy. Yeah.

Oh, man. I didn't know that. What's the philosophy? You just said it. It's like you take the spirit and you, a lot of it is in Japanese and it's hard to understand. But listen, you can do a deep dive on the, it's one of the only companies that seems based on an insane man's feelings. I feel like all Japanese companies are like companies based on like my feelings, but they all have like the, they all have a backbone. Yeah. They don't change. Corporate mission, you're saying? Yeah. Yeah.

Toyota. We have loose corporate missions over here. Over there, they're like, I'm making sushi by myself in my house until I die. True, yeah. Yeah. Honor system. Yeah. Yeah, we're all about the bag here. We're all about the bag here. All about the motherfucking bag, bro. Yeah. But no, the...

There's all those things, like, did you ever hear the thing, like, there's a word in Japan that doesn't translate to English. It's wabenshwan. It's when the sun touches the ocean. And that feeling you get, it's like, yeah, we know what that is. It's called a sunset. It's called chillaxin, bro. They act like they have words we don't know. It's like, bro, it's called chillaxin, man. Wabisabi. When you break a plate and you fix it and it's more beautiful than having been seen. Oh, excuse me, what's wabisabi?

I don't know. I've been sounding like a fucking idiot. Wabi Sabi. That's when you flip over at the massage, you say, Wabi Sabi. I think Katsurugi's particularly with gold, and then he melded it back together with gold. I hold it, I do, what's it called, Katsurugi? Yeah. I hold that down in my house. I read about that one time. If anything breaks, I get the super glue, then I take the gold Sharpie and I just highlight it.

There's a sad Japanese man working in the same room. It's just not. Not to my echo. I put my own little wabi-sabi on it, too.

What words do you think we have they don't understand? Bussy. Bussy. No, I reckon they've got bussy. They know about the bussy. All the pervert words they would have. Yeah, dude. They started the bussy. They did start the bussy. Maybe chivalry. Chivalry? No, they'd have some sort of Bushido card. No, dude. I don't know. I don't know if they got chivalry. You remember the Nanking?

Yeah, true. There's no chivalry in that. Well, I don't think they also, like, did romantic literature hit Japan? That was a European phenomenon. Yeah, I wonder when that would have come in. We were talking about Hiroshima. Hiroshima's blowing up Conservative X. Really? Yeah, it's a live issue. It's blowing up again. Yes, it's the third explosion. Like, Tucker went on Joe Rogan and was saying, like, the nuclear bomb was wrong. And now all the neocons are coming out going, no! No!

It was good. It was nice. And that's the fault line. It was good and nice. Yeah, it saved more Japanese people than it killed. They're saying, yeah, it was for the collective. It's a tough one. For the greater good. That is nuts. If you think about the hubris to take that position where anyone can be like, I'm talking for the collective. It's like, you have no idea what the fuck you're talking about.

I'm dealing more numbers of like tens of million Japanese people 500 years ago. It's like, okay, dude. Yeah, you're right. You're the boss. You win. Shut up, dude. It's crazy to be like a big bomb that killed everybody. It's pretty nice. Yeah, well, they're saying like, yeah, but think about all the other bad stuff that would have happened if we didn't bomb them. It's an insane, it's a nutso argument. It's a slippery slope. The Hiroshima ratio, I think they called it.

They tried to figure out how many people would die if they went in because the suicides were outrageous. Yeah. Really? Yeah. Like every place that the US soldiers went, people were committing suicide. So then the bomb was kind of like a guy with a noose like, hold on, little buddy. I got you. It's just short, sharp. It's a warning. It's a warning shot. That's crazy. That killed hundreds of thousands. But like, dude, can you imagine? Nanking, can you imagine the karma you must feel like as a society? Yeah.

For Nanking? Yeah, like raping and killing a bunch of Chinese people. So when people start invading you, you're like, they're coming for me. I don't know, man. I've been reading the Japanese textbooks. I don't think that happened. I think that's fake news. It's Korean proper handling. The rape is such a strong term. Yeah, it is a harsh word. The taking.

You're a Japanese PR. They took Korea. Yeah. Yeah, Japan. Reappropriation by force in Korea. Yeah, the Koreans don't forgive them. Oh, man. All right. I was on the Wikipedia page for Indonesian-Japanese relations. Yeah. How's it going?

It's very politically, diplomatically worded. One of the opening paragraphs is like, the Japanese occupied Indonesia, killing huge numbers of people in what was a difficult time for both countries. That's crazy. Japan just went through a breakup. All right. The Indonesians had gotten rid of...

Or maybe like the Dutch were in charge and then the Japanese came. But there was like an old Javanese prophecy that like white giants would rule for 300 years. That prophecy is pretty widespread, by the way. Yellow small people is their term, will rule for a very short amount of time. And so when the Japanese came, people in Indonesia were like, that was like partying on the streets that the prophecy was being fulfilled and they would have independence. And then it was not good. Oh.

Yeah. They immediately turned into indentured persons. Forever. But I just love that thing of celebrating. True. You know, the prophecy. And then they got their freedom. So maybe it did. There are some great prophecies. Yeah. And the festival must have been nice, too. And they were like, yeah, this is a big party. Then you get clamped down on. And there must be something kind of like a spiritual BDSM to be punished by a deity. Hmm.

You know what I mean? It's the book of Psalms. Yeah, dude. I was just reading about the advent of Christianity and like, yeah, the Jews got like crushed, dude, over and over. And they were like, we're the best. They thought they had like God in a room. That was like the covenant. Yeah. Like,

that little room in the highest part of the temple and i think jesus showed up and you're like oh fuck what was the name no not even this was like jesus what's it yeah the other guy in the triumvirate goes in there yeah what the fuck was his name i forget it was like oh i'm so embarrassed not to know what's his name august augustus maybe no pompeii i think it's pompeii i think pompeii rolled in pompeii rolled in and said there's nothing in here yeah but he still he still he was like this room's kind of cool though

And then they were like, how the fuck did he get in here? And then they started having to be like, we're fucked, we're fucked, we need to repent, we need to repent. It's crazy, dude. It's big waves. Yeah. We're on top and we're on the bottom, which may be...

continuing to this day, potentially. But then Pompey got, I think, kind of fucked up pretty hard because they were like, dude, this guy, because if you would start taking over large portions of the world, like if you'd see somebody doing that, every other religion would be like, fuck, I think their gods must be the one. And then they would get like shot in a boat and just burned alive. And like, yeah, my God still rules. That guy got destroyed. Then Caesar became their champion, I think. And then they wept in the streets when Caesar was knifed. I know I would.

Oh, man, Caesar was so great. I'm pro-Caesar. Yeah, me too, dude. Last time I was on here, I got in trouble because I was asked if I liked Franco. And I gave an over-the-top answer. Yeah. Don't love fascism. I think fascism is bad. I just want to say. Yeah, true. Brother, fascism is bad. Set the record straight. But Julius Caesar, so cool. Is that okay? Yeah, I think it's a long time ago. It's okay. Yeah, time has to pass. I don't even know what he did, but hey. I don't know either. He took Gaul.

He won a civil war. He redistributed land for people. That rules. Oh, yeah. He set up Galatia. Galatia had the ladyboys, too. Did it? Yeah. That was their highest priest were just dudes who dressed like girls. That does sound like the fanciest ladyboy. Galatian ladyboy.

They were. They were the Gaulish. Yeah, they were the Gaulish people. I think it's modern-day Turkey. But yeah, Turkey, their original religion was ladyboys. There were these ladybros that would walk through, and Rome was just kind of like, dude. Islam does sound like an improvement on the ladyboy religion. If that's the best you were doing on your own, then you would welcome the Arab horde. Well, no, they were pillagers. The Galatians were just nonstop pillagers, and Rome came through, fucking piped them up.

big time was like knock it off and then built them a bunch of cool shit and the Galatians were like yeah we're basically Romans now but that was like the last vestige of their religion was like

Lady bros. We're still in Afghanistan. Have you read about the Bakabazi? You get the hottest little sweet boy. And if you're like a feudal warlord in Afghanistan, part of your status is you can grip up a little sweet boy and make him dress like a girl and he'll dance for you and all your bros. And they've got playing cards for them. So the Taliban were trying to stamp it out. This is what I read. And then they got a pro-Bakabazi guy in as the president under the Americans.

And he had to go to the UN to give an address. And what I heard, he had to be talked out of bringing his dancing boy. And he was like, but they won't respect me if I don't have the most subtle boy. And he was like, you will not be bringing the boy to New York City. He's like, how do you know you don't like it if you don't see my boy dance for you? It is funny to be so plugged into your context. You're like,

why can't I bring my hot young boy? These are powerful men. This is what powerful boys there. I'll be the only boy. Let me get him in a hotel. Come on.

Yeah, man. He probably brought them too. It was just like, oh, look, I'll talk to him. Everything's cool. Say you're my son. Say you're my incredible makeup dancing son. They love that here in America. Made up dancing son. Yeah. It's funny having just like Mitch McConnell be like, what? No.

Tell him to... No. Bring in your little boy in a cat carrier from Afghanistan. Put him in the overhead compartment. This is my... What's it? Emotional support board. Yeah, my emotional support twink.

Yeah, it's funny how that just kind of lived on through like all of the high, I mean, they're like ultra conservative. Yeah. And yet just like. But if that's what you want to conserve, if that's already the culture, then you're a conservative. True, true, true, true. That is true. Then you're in trouble. Yeah, it's just funny how that sprung up. It's like women must be fully clothed, blah, blah, blah, blah. And all of a sudden it's like.

My little sweet boy. I need my little sweet treat. And that whole system of thought was like, no, yeah, that's fucking chill as hell. Don't take the boys. Leave the boys. It is kind of like, does it only throw gay guys off a roof? I do. I know. I heard. Wait, does who? Does who do that? Don't fucking. You could not. You could not. Did I toss the shit out of a gay guy?

Kevin Hart got into trouble for this. You ain't going to pass. Yeah, dude. You're going to get an Oscar. If my son was gay, I'd stab him. Shame on you. Shame on you. The only thing you should stab him with is your love and respect. I'm like, I love you, gay. I love you, gay. I distance myself from these comments immediately. I do, too. You can't do the Oscar thing. You guys are being full gay. I dare you to throw me off a roof, dude.

You can't throw all of us off the roof. True. Not while we're furiously sucking you, dude. I was trying to get a bit about what like progressive saying is.

the Islamic State had in common. It's like they both love slut dropping, but that's the closest I got. It wasn't a good... They like what? Slut dropping. It's a dance move and also the pushing of a person off a building. I gave up on it a bit. It was just making people unhappy. Yeah, yeah. There's something deeply unsettling about being tossed off a roof. Because you can't see it clearly. Yeah.

I like to think that the noise I'd make if I got thrown off a roof. A high-pitched scream. Splat. You'd have that fucking road... You'd have that coyote moment where you pause, and you're like, help. Yeah, true. Yeah, that sucks, man. Getting... How many people do you think they've really thrown off a roof? You think some boys, it was just a little bit of bod-mon action that got like... You think that's like a standard procedure? Throwing off the roof? Yeah. Yeah.

It'd be so much cheaper than the next way. It was like in movies and stuff where they hold people over the corners of roofs and stuff. Like Michael Jackson. Yeah. So I think there's a chance it could happen. Like the mob, a lot of their stuff wasn't real, but they started making it real after movies. True. I didn't know that.

Yeah, also, I heard in Africa, in like Liberia, if you're gay, they put you in tires and burn you and like roll you down a hill. What? Yeah, dude, I used to work with guys. That's a bad way to go. Yeah, it's terrible. They should put a ramp, turn them into gay evil Kamevo. I mean, they ain't playing, bro. But then you go the other side. America can't figure out how to kill people. Do you follow this in this country? What, with the capital punishment? Yeah, you have capital punishment. You won't get rid of it. But then like in Ohio...

They tried to find a new way of doing it. They're trying to find a humane way to kill people. And surprise, surprise, it's hard to kill people in a way that everyone's jazzed about. Well, everyone's also different. So the fatal dose, we're like, all right, this will work. Sometimes it just doesn't work on a dude, and he's just like... Yeah, that's tough. They don't do the electrocution. I think they do multiple injections, and everyone hits a button, but only one person actually hits the one that gets them. What was wrong with firing squad? That seemed like a nice, simple... Quick and easy. Yeah. Yeah.

There was a lady in Thailand. Man, I don't want to just repeat things I've read on Wikipedia. No, that's all I want to say. Welcome to the secrets of podcasting. I take you to the kingdom of Siam where a woman was drug smuggling with her partner and they do machine gun killing. Like they line you up against the wall and they shoot you like 100 times with a bullet through the heart. And so like they're all standing around and they machine gun this woman. But she had a weird –

Like, her body was a mirror image and her heart was on the other side. And so she lived. And they had to get her back to do it again. It's the only time it had happened. But then her boyfriend, who didn't have that condition, same thing happened. They just filled him with 100 bullets and then they had to do it again. What? That moved me. Wait, they don't get to live? I feel like if you survive a fire response, that should be allowed. Yeah, that's trial by fire. They should let you go. He's a witch!

Well, they all hit the same spot. It might have been like 72 bullets. I don't know exactly how many bullets. Even so. I mean, 50 cents is probably nine, so. True. Yeah. True that.

There hasn't been another famous shot rapper. Megan Thee Stallion? Yeah, she was the only one, but that's not true. She's getting in trouble, bro. For what? She had sex with a lady in her car and she made her photographer, she was like, you can't leave, you fat bitch. You gotta sit here and watch. Oh, hell yeah. She made her photographer watch? Yeah.

Maybe she took the wrong lesson from Lizzo getting through her scandal and was like, I don't know. What was Lizzo's scandal? Lizzo went to a Thai Wikipedia sex show and made her dances go in there. Yeah, and like do explicit things with like fruits. She took them to a bridal shower. Like what is it called? A hen's night. What? Basically. Lizzo bounced back from this?

Is she not fine? She's fine. Lizzo can bounce many things. ISIS have tried to kill her many times off the top of the building. She just keeps... She was rubber. Yeah, she was rubber. So Megan Thee Stallion's in trouble now. She said she was off her thought shit. She said she's no longer a thought. Well, she's a liar. She couldn't give it up. No, she can't give up the thought shit. So she was just lezzing out on some thought shit and then made her fat photographer watch. Yeah.

It's the alcohol, dude. It was so funny. It's just alcohol. If I was a PR, it's alcohol, dude. It's just alcohol. And also, I don't know. She's like, sit down, dude. Sit down, you fat bitch. Watch this. What would you do? Walk away or watch it? For my job as a photographer? That's not as cool if you're a big fat lady. It was a guy. What?

What about that firing squad? A guy's complaining? It was a guy. He's trying to get her for fucking, he's trying to get her on the reverse rape shit. Meg's about to be the first reverse rape, dude. Give me the gavel, dude. I'll smack his head. I'll say, dude, get the fuck out of here and shut up. Is that the first Me Too'd woman? Yeah.

No Ellen got me too for being mean Was she the one drugging people no Carly B. It was Carly B. But she's not gonna get in trouble for that She was a fucking hooker. She was a hooker doing like hooker tricks. She was doing hooker things. Yeah, that doesn't count She's a hooker doing hooker stuff. Yeah, if guys can rap about murdering people Carly B. Can drug John and steal 50 bucks She's gonna be the first she too She won't

Nobody, dude, the public opinion is going to go, dude, shut up. Dude, there's going to be so many. Is it a gay photographer? That'd be kind of shitty if you had a woman. I don't know if he was gay. Sounds pretty fucking gay. Me free. That's all I have. That's news to me. Dude, the women are about to get owned. I hope so. There's a bunch of dudes who've been beat up by their girlfriends who are about to be so beat free now. Oh, me and Ham got in trouble. Remember when she put the hands on her breasts?

Bo? Who's that? Mia Hamm, the old soccer player. Yeah, the goalkeeper. Was she beating up a lady, though? No, it was a man. She was beating up her husband, I'm pretty sure. Oh, no, that's not the one I'm thinking of. Her husband. The one I'm thinking of did not have a husband. You're thinking of Megan Rapinoe? Maybe. No, not Megan. With that last name, she might have been getting up to some real bad stuff. It's the lady Hope Solo. Oh, Hope Solo, that's it. She sold her butthole. Who the hell did I say? Mia Hamm. Mia Hamm's gay. Who's Mia Hamm? She's a soccer player. Yeah. It's Hope Solo. They're all...

In relationships with each other. No, no, it's Hope Solo. It's Hope Solo, yeah. Hope Solo? Oh, she's a ranch. There it is. It's right at the top. It's right at the top. Yeah, she put the hands on Bo. What? She's big as shit, though. She shot the fade with Bo. Did she really? Yeah. Hope Solo is like 6'5". Gorgeous angel. Yeah, she's definitely an Amazon queen. I'd like it if she beat the piss out of me. Yeah, also. Death by Snoop Snoop. I'm just kidding.

I mean, dude, that is, uh, Hope is not guilty of any crime. She was, she was assaulted. My nephew came at me. My niece and my nephew ganged up on me. Oh, she fought an NFL player? That was her ex-husband. Oh, was it Sean Merriman? No. No, Jeremy, Jeremy Stevens. Uh-oh.

Damn, she got drunk and beat up her husband, an NFL player. Yeah, dude, that doesn't count. Girls can't get in trouble for this. Yeah. They should just, like, lose all their money in a divorce. If they beat up their husband, they should be like, all right, you don't get it. Nah, man. Yeah, she loses all $70,000 she made from the women's side. Yeah, but he's an NFL player. What about equality, dude? They want it. Dude, I believe in a powerful theocracy. Equal lives. True. True.

I'd beat Hope Solo ass. I mean, no, in the letter of the law, for sure, you can have equality. But then in the spirit of the law, it's like if some dude was like, I just divorced my wife for beating me, it's like, dude, just say she was annoying. Don't say your wife was beating you, you weirdo. That is a nice scapegoat. It's going to be super hard to beat the bitch allegations, though. Like, if you, like, sue your wife or, like, divorce her for getting beat up or, like...

You know? What do you mean? Yeah. Yeah, everyone's going to call you a pussy in Latin. Oh, man. But Jay-Z would. If that was Jay-Z's worst thing people were saying about Jay-Z, he would be thrilled. What do you mean? Because he got beat up by a lady. Did he really? Yeah, in the elevator. Oh, sorry. Oh, no, that doesn't count. He just kept kicking him in the testicles. That doesn't count. That doesn't count? That's because he was cheating on Beyonce with Becky. Yeah, he went with Becky.

Yeah, she beat him up. That is weird. Her younger sister tried to attack him? Yeah. Because he was just doing a little Joshua Henderson. He was up to the pogs. He was up to the pogs and Solange didn't like that. Remember the name. Yeah.

He had the beautiful hair. Who did? Joshua Henderson. Yeah, he's got the Lego head for sure. I'm going to take him and put that in a – that should be sampled immediately. Someone's probably already done it. Well, there's a bunch of Joshua Hendersons. I was looking them up the other day. There's like serious dudes on LinkedIn. They're like, they get interviewed for job interviews. He comes up, I'm going to think, Todd. Oh, no, I was looking for the other Joshua Henderson. Who? Who?

No, you try and get that particular Joshua Henderson for a job. I know. You're like, dude, I'm definitely hiring this guy. Dude, I got, not to be gross, but I got some warts blasted off me today. Nice. Yeah. I'm a nitrous shit. This is something else. This wasn't even a wart. That's uncomfortable. I've had that done. Yeah, dude. He hit me. He gave me a full five seconds. I got one on the motherfucking leg. Exactly.

He's like, what are you coming in for? I was like, you got to take away my wicked wart. He did five seconds, dude. He just had the nitrous or the nitrous, whatever it is. That shit, nitrous oxide. The upside down. Liquid nitrous oxide. He didn't blast me with a fucking funny gas. Yeah, dude, he hit me in the leg for like five seconds, dude. And it like, I was yelping. He was like, it's three. And I was like, it hurts. How many warts have you got? I just had one. This is something else. This is like a...

Pre-cancerous type thing. They got one. Something like that. Huh? They got one. You got a motherfucking wart? No, the pre-cancer thing. Yeah, bro. I had one right here. It's the sun. We're getting fucking beat up by the sun. I'm sun maxing. I don't believe in that. I'm sun maxing. Yeah, me and Gar Diesel were in Vegas this weekend. Shout out motherfucking Vegas. Shout out Wise Guys. Shout out Vegas. Shout out Wise Guys. That was sick. We stayed in the historic Mandalay Bay. I was telling you guys last night. Yeah, my view was absolutely despairing.

Because I, literally, the view they gave me, I thought I'd see the pool. They gave me the full tragedy view. Oh, they gave you the back? No, I think it was the front. I can't tell. But I think it was in the front. Because I was like, dude, I heard they had a really sick pool. I probably, I was on like the 59th floor. Look out. It's just like a covered tent. Almost like, not like a circus looking thing, but like a big party tent and just like a desolate lot. And every day I'd crack my windows and look at it and go...

By FaceTime my family, my wife and the kids, because they like to see my room, so I'm like, check out the view, and then I didn't realize I was naked and I was being totally reflected in FaceTime. It's a big, bushed out...

I had to take a picture of my passport and I was naked in the house and I realized the first picture. I was far enough away and I was naked and there was a light behind me and my entire flaccid penis. It looked great, but I did decide to retake that photo. Yeah, hopefully my kids are still on that MIB flash part of their development where they don't remember anything. Wait, do your children not see you naked? No.

They've seen me naked a bazillion times. But one's four now. Four is the kind of cutoff. Four, they start to kind of stare and you're like, all right, take it easy. Because they're intensely curious. They're all about classifying. I know. When I take them to a restroom when we're out and about, I have to ask them to turn around. That's what I do. They want to see. They're a bit voyeuristic, though. They're like, turn around. I'll turn around. Like, yo, turn around. They don't have the shame yet. No, they don't. They want to see. It's the job of a father to put the shame in the children. It is.

But it kind of sucks when you're in a public bathroom with, like, your daughter. And, like, dudes are coming in. Dude, she's always... It just feels weird because, like, dudes are in there shitting and, like, dudes are pissing. And she'll full-on, like, go to her urinal and try to, like, bird watch. I'm like, yo, get... Come here. Touching the walls. Oh. Man. They'll hear a guy... We'll be in a stall and she'll be peeing and a guy will be, like, unleashing, like, a 50-year-old man dump. And she'll be like, Dad, is he pooping? And I'm like, yes. Shut up. Be quiet.

There's a glory hole at a gig recently. Yeah? Where? At the Crake. Oh, oh, oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right.

Someone had draped some toilet paper over it as a respectful... A curtain. A little curtain. A wizard of us. Pay no attention to the man. There's a GH there? Yeah, a big one. Like an unnecessary... And I was next to a man who was vacating the bell next to me. It was because he did it for an album picture. Somebody's album picture. They put a glory hole in there and he never took it out.

How hard is it to get some plaster down at Home Depot? Is it dormant or active? I assume it's active because they have just, it's a very thin covering. Let me hit the subreddits real quick. I don't think I've ever seen a glory hole in real life. Me neither. It's your first. Chill by it. It's the least glorious hole. I was wondering how glorious it was. Put a trail cam on it. You should.

You should put a sword-style guillotine on the other side to treat people right. Put two fingers through and just see if anything pops through and just grip it up and be like, freeze, you're under citizen's arrest. I'm calling the police. I have a gay man by his penis, officer. Take as long as you like.

He just starts bucking you. Stop moving! You're making me jerk you! Stop! Stop! I'm going to make you cum! I'm going to make you cum! That'd be like keeping a big fish on the line. That'd be the fight. Yeah, put your thumb in the hole and get the lick. You gotta hook up with an officer. I've got a gay man by the penis. Get here quick. It's going soft! He's just...

Against the wall. Damn. I mean, how do you think police caught George Michaels by doing that? He was doing that funny business. Man, there's a number. Yeah, he got four counts of funny business. There was a senator who had his foot under the... He said, I have a wide stance. He was tapping his foot in a special code. I know.

Being a secretly gay senator, is there any better life? Just being a powerful man. The rush every day you survived would be incredible. Exactly. And just being like, passing a law, just stopping fucking like, stopping a bunch of people from getting benefits. I'm like, alright, I won that battle. It's time to go suck a guy's dick in the gas station bathroom. This truly is the greatest country in the world. You gotta go home and kiss your wife and be like, we did it. Oh,

Oh, yeah. We did it tonight, honey. Just a cheek kiss at that point. Once you get super powerful, you can only kiss your wife on the cheek. The saddest article I ever read was by a gay man who was addicted to having sex in public toilets. And it was him going like, I'm so disgusted by myself and I want to stop. This is not who I am.

But I keep going back to the toilets. And I believe he had a bad experience in the toilets that went in a direction he wasn't happy with. He had a Hiroshima. I believe he was assaulted, but he was like, but it's too good. So even though I'm traumatized and I have to relive my trauma every time. What?

I can't keep away from the toilets. He's like that traumatized. Oh, you bet. That's how horny he was. I was in ground zero. I told you guys this weekend. I was in the, I've got a spa pass so I can do the sauna at the historic Mandalay Bay. And I was like, I'm going to go get a sauna. They had a cold plunge there. I'm like, this is going to be sick. I can't wait to do this.

By the way, you also have to pay 25 bucks to work out at the Mandalay Bay. Kind of fucked up. You'd think they'd be a little more enticing. It's enough to make a man real angry. Aspiring gay rage. Took a second. That's so unreasonable!

Yeah. I was angry there. Yeah, man. It is a kind of, it does kind of piss you off. What happened in the spa? So I go, so I get the spa, again, pausing myself on the spa pass. I know it's not like the sickest, most hetero thing to do, but usually it's chill. I go sit in the sauna. I sweat it out. This had the cold plunge as well. And it was like, it was beautiful. It was like these two hot tubs with like rocks and waterfalls. And then like a, what looked like a hot tub, but it's just cold water. It wasn't that fucking like 30 degree bullshit. It's like 50. It's nice. You can get in there. Um,

So I walk, and by the way, I had my bathing suit that I was saving for my swim with Sean. So I didn't want to waste my bathing suit. So I rocked it. We hit the pool later. We hit the wave pool. Yeah, we were in the wave pool. But this is before the wave pool. So I'm sitting there, and I'm like, all right, I'm going to preserve. And I was like, it's the spa.

I'll just rock the boxer briefs, but I had my towel. So I have my towel, my boxer briefs. So I'm like, I'm walking with my towel on me. And this dude is like 50 year old gay man. Just stay, just like leers at me. And I'm looking, I'm like, bro,

It was enough. A glance is a glance, whatever. This was a locked eye contact that I was not making, but I could feel them burning into my head. And I look back and I'm like... You felt the male gaze. I felt the male gaze. The predatorial gaze. It is not comfortable. And I just go... Dude, I look and I go, fuck. All right.

Cause you think it'd be nice, but it's, uh, it's not, it's not dude. It looks like hunger. I always feel like it feels like they're going to eat me. It feels like, not just like a, like, Oh, you're beautiful. I want to be with you. It's like, I'm going to consume and have, like, I think we must look like that must be what I look like when I look like at a woman. Yeah.

It's not pleasant. It's not like a welcoming gesture of sensuality. It's not. I experienced it firsthand. It is not flattering. It is not welcoming. Because then you start to question yourself. There's enough gay guys in there. I started being like, am I just gay? Are you sure this was the hotel sauna? If you had to pay to get in and it was full of gay men? Was there a little swing in the corner? The Mandalay Gay. No, it was. For real. Dude, you got so many gays.

You're like you just started to feel you're like maybe I'm wrong well the part here's the thing I suppose that was that was kind of like alright, whatever I'm in the fucking Las Vegas in a spa in a hotel obviously there's old gay guys in there no big deal keep it a fucking hundred broke go ahead soldier go in the spa or go in the fucking sauna so I walk in and then I'm just chillin so now obviously I'm recovering from it right now. I had a vicious Hemi I had a little another one of those just blood but

butt-blocking hemis. Blood clot. Oh, blood clot. Are you recovering from that because you had it frozen off with nitrous oxide? No, no, no. I go natty on these. I get these... LaMera has gotten them as well. They're called... I get thrombosis where it's like a... It's like... It just like comes...

It merges out and it blocks half your... It's the boulder in front of the tomb. It blocks half of your butt. Three days later, by the way. It's more like six or seven. After three or four days, it starts to go down. It's good. The first time I got it, it affected me mentally. The first time I got one of these vicious hammies. Now I'm able to get them and just go business as usual. The first three days are kind of painful and then it starts to subside. Now it's like the size of a fucking tic-tac, which is...

much better. But it was on full blast in the Vegas spa. So I bust off the towel. I'm in my boxer briefs. I couldn't sit on my ass like that. You should have used it to scare them away. You should have flashed the heavy to the gate. He would have popped it, bro. He would have popped my cherry, bro.

Matt, if you were on all fours in a sauna... I was on all fours. I was on all fours. I'm just saying. How much of this was his fault? That's what I... Dude, again, obviously... Don't fake a blame. So first of all... So I go like this. I have my legs up like a fucking merman. I was like this. I had my legs up like this. Oh.

In my boxer briefs. Dude, so I'm like, I'm in there alone though. So I'm like, all right, I'm cool. The same guy walks in and just doesn't even sit down. He just stands by the door and just is looking in my direction. I'm like, bro, get out. So I just fucking put the head down. I was like, oh man, this is not a good look that I have right now. So I put the head down. Like two minutes later, he leaves. And I was like, it was just so uncomfortable. I'm like, dude, what the fuck? So I'm sitting there. All right, get out of there. I'm like, all right, man, whatever. Keep the towel on. Chill out.

So then I go, I'm walking, I'm like, is every dude in here fucking gay? And then I'm like, nah, dude, you're just being a psycho. Now I'm casing everyone up. I see the one guy, I'm like, he's just a regular dude. They give you a little key thing. It's like this. It's like a real tight version of this with a key wrapped around it. I was just carrying mine. Some dudes wear them around the wrist. I'm like, all right. This one dude, I'm like, yeah, he's not gay. I looked up, he had his key ring around his thigh, and I was like, fuck.

I think it's fair for you to go, I don't want to have a man have sex with me in this sauna. For sure. Or even approach, or I'm telling you, there were so many gay men in there that it has a disorienting effect where you go...

I have a gluten allergy. I'm in the spa. Maybe I am just a gay guy. Maybe I might just be. I was sitting there like, dude, this is fucked. You got caught in a gay delusion? I did. Luckily, I had a good luck. I had Stockholm, dude. But luckily, I was able to confront this as a thought pattern and go, bro, relax. You're being a psycho. And I was able to completely detach from this and chill. And then I was telling Sean, I hit the cold, like the cold plunge.

Total hetero sanctuary. Yeah. Sat in the cold plunge. Dude, the gay guys are swimming around the hot tub. I was just in fucking like 60 degree water, 57 degree water being like, you bros can't even come in here. Gay guys couldn't go in cold water. That's base. That was on base. That was one thing. I got to sit there. Yo, bro, you guys can't come in here. Gay guys are afraid of cold water? They love immense comfort. Yeah, they want immense comfort, bro. And they want to hang.

Yeah, they did not. Dude, I'm telling you, that was the only place I went in there and it was just like no one would step foot. Yeah. It was crazy. They can't handle it. They were crocodiles. They were crocodiles in the hot tub. I was in the freezing water just like, come get me, dude. I was going to look for a gay gym to go to, but now I don't want to do it. Why? I wanted a gym that didn't have ladies at it.

I don't want to be a creepy guy and I just want a man-only gym. But then that might be what they want to be. You want to be top of the food chain or bottom of the food chain? I want to be outside the food chain working out in private. You can't exit the food chain. I learned that sadly this week. I want the asexual men's only gym. That's what I call it. That's what I go to. Is it? No. That's Planet Fincher. Just the Y. There's nothing gay about the YMCA. The Y rules, but they got some babes at the Y.

I think there's a whole song about how... I know, I was joking. I was laughing a lot. Yeah, I go to a gym now, and I won't say the gyms. I don't want to get in trouble. But it's pretty sick. Also, they have a sauna there, which is pretty sick, but it's always just packed with the most insane people every time.

But the one guy, I was talking to someone, a dude who listens to the podcast, caught me in the sauna, which we also took a very compromising photograph. He's like, hey, you had a picture? I'm like, yeah, man, we took a picture in the sauna, and I'm just like both sweating their shirts off. I'm behind him like...

So then I was talking to that dude and he was telling me, someone asked him about the steam room. He goes, I don't go in the steam room. I'm like, why? He's like, well, the manager of the gym told me. He's like, what about the steam room? And the manager of this very gym was like, you can go in there if you want to get cum all over your feet. Like a movie theater. I think he was talking about a different location, though. I don't get into trouble. The big sex hotspot is the prayer room.

So what? You know when you begin a hospital or like an office building, like a big business. Like in an airport? Yeah. Because it's empty. No one goes there. I thought about going in there before, but I'm always like, I don't feel like it. I went into the Pittsburgh one before I left. I was trying to do a podcast and I needed somewhere quiet. What if you see someone from another religion? Don't you have to vanquish them?

Yeah, it's the holy war room. You've got to pick it around the time of the war. You've got to rip the towel out from one of them like a tablecloth. It's meant to be interfaith. Everyone's getting along, but I can't believe it.

I can't believe that would get along. But that was a big scandal in our parliament house in government. That's where everyone would go to have sex in the prayer room. Sons of bitches, man. It's not right. Nothing's sacred anymore. Every religion's upset. Yeah, true. It's non-affiliated. Yeah, people are mad about that. You can't go into a prayer room and just jerk off. Unless you're like, I'm like a Dionysian. You could be like, I'm from a Dionysian cult.

I'm practicing orgiastic rights.

Dude, we should start an airport prayer room orgy. That sounds like a blast. I mean, if you look it up on the internet in a different subject. He's on his freak bullshit. You on your freak shit again? What are you talking about? I've been a nice boy all episode. You gotta find the light, brother. True, bro. There must be. Every time I look at the airport and they have these chambers now, I think people must use them to wank. Do you know the... Lactating suites? The lactating suites and the working suites and just like rooms you can't see into that are just big enough for one person on the internet. Did you see those things in the airport? Not that I would.

do that. What are you pointing at Gardini for? This guy takes hotel or airport beats. No. Brother, I've done it on the plane. I've done it on the plane. I get chubbed up on the plane. If they can milk themselves in there, why can't I?

Fair point. Hashtag. I can only be honest, and I definitely have FAP. It was like a two-seconder, bro. I had like a spite beat in one. A spite beat? My flight was delayed like six hours, and I was like... That's not your fault. I had to get the evil out of me, dude.

I was a grumpus. You had to become a good customer. Yeah, I had to become a happy customer. No, the customer is sometimes wrong. Yeah, I feel guilt about that. I just had a vicious hangover boner one time on a flight, and it was kind of long, and I was just chubbed for hours. Dude, it was crazy. We sandwiched a freaking nasty babe on the flight home from Vegas.

Yeah, she was a girl spreader. Yeah, girl. She wouldn't move to the side? No, she was in the middle. No, she was in the middle and she was just fucking boss hog on the fucking both armrests. Yep. Just mushed me into the wall. Yeah, but that's the thing. She was girl spreader and I can just go perv zone. Oh, our elbows are touching. Yeah.

Is she a large person? Yeah, she was a muscle. She was like a muscle mommy. She was stripper build. I would say pre-muscle mommy. You know, like women are like, they're large, but they're not like big or like proportioned. They're like well-proportioned, but just tall. Like that sucker player. Sort of like Hope Solo, yeah. Yeah, but a little, I would say more, I haven't really got a good glimpse of Hope Solo, but definitely a little more feminine.

She was an Amazonian queen for sure. Yeah, she was a thick tie. She was a thick tie. The tall tie. I don't know my name.

But yeah, we were getting like crushed. Because that's the thing. It's like whenever I'm on an airplane, I'm like, please, I would prefer for a lady to take the seat next to me. Just because you get a big dude and it's like the dominance battle will kind of bother me a little more. For a lady, I go, yeah, you take that. I was next to LeMair on the flight back from Nashville and I thought we'd struggle to healthy people sitting there. It was fine. We both shared. Two HPs. I can't. Have you spoken about that? No, no.

I have it. We did a, we went to Disneyland. Right. And then we did a show at the comedy club and there was a,

Maybe I shouldn't give away how I know, but I don't want to shame that woman. True. Well, it's not a shaming. It's, it's the, so we, we basically, we talked to a Disney insider, put it that way. Someone who worked at Disney. And I don't know how we were just talking about like the, how do the fat people get on the rides? Yes. That's how it started. Good question. No. How do you handle it? If someone is too fat to get on the ride? Cause it's like, yeah, obviously people have gotten fatter. Like how do you know? So they have to be at Disney world.

Everyone, anything you ask them, they're like, what's that? Oh, yes. Of course. So nice. And everyone's like ridiculously nice. It's like, yeah, if you encounter the reality of a situation, how would you keep the Disney magic on that? And that's when she hit us with the code for if someone, how did it get, it came from that. Too fat to fly. She's like, if we need to put them in a special area, we go over the intercom. We got two HPs here.

Healthy people. What's HP? It's healthy people. I can call myself a healthy person. Got a healthy person. It was very funny to have that. That's very nice. The nastiest thing you could say about them that if they heard it.

No one would lose their job. Yeah. Healthy people. It's also, if you just said healthy and you have a big fat wife and husband looking at each other like, we have been taking care of ourselves. It's time for us to take the biggest thing as a treat. It's healthy. But yeah, we got hit with a fucking, we took the tour of, what the fuck was that called? Not Space Mountain, the Epcot ball. Oh,

I don't know. It's not the sphere. That's the other one. But Spaceship Earth? Yeah, Spaceship Earth. It's nice. The whole history of Western civilization. Yeah, that's fun. I did that when I was a kid. It's very tight. It hits harder. If you see it now as an adult, especially as a Red Pill adult such as yourself, you'll see it. You'll see it. It'll for real hype you up. It's nice. Anything's possible. We got it all down. Anything's possible. The whole way up was great. The whole way up, it's like how we invented everything. And then you get to the top and there's the stars. And then on the way back down...

They just play you a little video about the future, which is, that probably is the future, is a nice little video where we all just sit in our little chairs and watch that video. But I definitely felt the way up was great and the way down was- Well, it was crazy. Made me sad about the future. Yeah, I also, my shit was in Chinese, so it was fogging me up. My whole tour was in Chinese. We sat in a car. We sat in a car for our CPs, dude.

I don't know. It was just the programming was fucked up. Damn, that'd be so nice if the Chinese one was completely different. True. We invented everything. Look at these lies. Everyone else lies about everything. This is the Roman Empire. We invented gunpowder way before this. I mean, technically. The Roman Empire is fucking sick, dude. So tight. I don't know. Yeah.

It is pretty cool. I'm going to know so much about it. You like the Roman Empire? I don't know. What are you talking about, fool? What's your problem with the Roman Empire? I don't know nothing about the Roman Empire. Aren't they dead, though? Yeah, they're dead, though. People keep trying to claim it. They live on in the Catholic Church, pretty much. They're not better than us, though. We're the greatest empire over here. I mean, we would smash the Roman Empire, dude. They would have no idea. One drone. See how long you can hold on to it. One drone. They had like 700 years. How long has this been going for? We're like three.

Shit, it's 700. It's a good start. We're there. We're halfway there. If we can- You're living on a prayer. If we can fully, you know, I think what democracy came out of Greece. If we can come up, we gotta come up with a cool new way to do everything. That's the problem. I already got in trouble for saying Franco was the answer. So I don't want to do that again. And it's not the answer. We're falling into damn capitalism right now, which is not the answer. What do you mean? Yeah.

It was an improvement from feudalism. Well, it's just going to decay us. Yeah, but it's like, here's the thing. It's going to bring us to a breaking point that we'll have to come up with a new and cooler system, which I think we might be on the cusp of. Or we can become the USSR. What do you mean? Like, as soon as the war was over, everybody was poor and nothing worked. Like, nothing. Everything was gone.

Yeah, I don't know. I don't see it hitting that way. I think you'll get poorer first. It's weird because Australia is just like America, but 20% poorer? Yeah. I don't know. It's like gas is a little more and all the servings are a bit small. And we haven't risen up in...

Changed it, yeah. Your living standards can come way down before you'll be ready to kill people in the street. It's the thing. I'm ready to kill somebody right now. If you win a war, your standing of living doesn't decrease. It just only gets better. Yeah. If you win the war. If we just win all these wars we're starting, we might be in an even better space. If we win all the wars we're not involved in, yeah. If we just win all these proxy wars and then conquer Africa for once.

Africa's over, dude. There's Chinese and Russia. Yeah, but they might let those boys do their thing and then topple them and be like, yank. Who, us? Yeah. US of A. The great liberators. We did let them kick France out. Yeah? Yeah. France was down there? France was in Africa. France was there? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's why they had so many civil wars.

In Africa like last year because it was a Chinese-Russia operation to get rid of the French leaders. France held on to its colonies incredibly. Britain has almost no ties except we all get together and we do a running race once every couple of years. France is still, I think, economically dominating those countries. Damn. They're in the five, right?

The big five? Yeah. Isn't France in the big five? Yeah, they're holding on. Yeah, they're top five countries. Yeah. Top five for sure. But yeah, no, I don't know, man. I don't know. No way. India's got to beat France by now. No, I don't think India's in there. In terms of what? In like for the UN. Oh, no, India doesn't get in the UN. It seems unfair. India's not allowed in the UN? No. Well, they're not allowed in the big five security council. Okay. And Germany's not allowed in there. It's France. France.

China, Russia, America. Oh, for real? Wait a second. I thought we were at war. We're all on a council together? Yeah. That's why it exists. So we don't do a war. Yeah. But then NATO is a whole different thing. Yeah. NATO is, yeah. So we're in a group with Russia, but then NATO is a thing kind of against them. No. NATO is like, NATO is kind of like another version of the UN, but for like over there. Yeah.

Or like Europe, right? Not Europe, but like the whole... Yeah, like Australia's not in NATO. We have a different deal. Apparently, it's meant to be a trade organization. Like, the name is trade organization. I don't know how much trade is going on. They're trading weapons. They're trading bullets. They just passed that bill, dude. 95 Billy. To who? Russia or Ukraine? Ukraine, Israel, and what's the other one? I'll be honest. Israel doesn't need our help. Yeah. I don't know. Maybe. Maybe not. Nah, man. They seem like they're winning.

Yeah. That doesn't seem. Well I mean yeah they're getting that fucking bag bro. They actually have pretty good defense and pretty good military themselves. They don't need us. Defense wins championships. Let's go. Yeah it is kind of shitty. I was I was saddened to see the 95 bill passed. I saw it. I was like who else they give that bill to. One other country like Taiwan I

Taiwan is... That's to piss off China, though. That's pretty bad. You can't give money to Taiwan. I'd like to give $95 billion to Taiwan and see what's up. Yeah, watch all them ladyboys. Blue.

Imagine the rockin' tits they're about to get. It's Thailand. It's definitely Thailand. It's not Taiwan. It's Thailand. It's harder to imagine that. They messed up. Oh, shit. We just funded a bunch of ladyboys. It's all going to be the same country in 50 years. Dude, people get mad when you say that. The People's Republic of China. People get mad when you say that. I've said that, too. I'm like, the eventuality is that we, I mean, it's like, you want fucking one world. It's like, I don't want anything, bro. It has nothing to do with me. I wish I was that powerful, but.

It does seem that way. It's all going to congeal into some fucking thing. One day somebody's going to rise up and take over China. Who? I don't know. A brave female warrior. I think it's going to be a new Chinese guy. It's going to be a new Chinese guy. Well, in China, they say what happens is the coast gets very rich. The coast gets rich and the inland people get poorer and poorer. And then they revolt and they smash them out. They pipe them up.

And then they all start fighting. That's how China has been. That's been China's just like story over and over. Kind of sounds like here, but with like Trump, you know? No, nothing at all. You don't think Trump's the Midwest guy? Not like that at all. Trump's totally Midwest. No, dude. You're talking about like peasant farmers and then like international traders. Dude, you see how much money farmers make? Yeah.

Farmers are all the rage here. If you're like a leftist armpit hair lesbian here, you'd love farmers. Farmers don't make a lot of money. All their profits are cut by Monsanto because they have to buy seeds every year. Yeah, I had to bet that. They weren't really getting the bag before that either, Lamar. Farming's been a pretty fucking ruthless, earthy...

Although I think if you get the family farm popping hard enough, you can cash in a couple of milli. Mid-1800s, people were doing very well financially. But since then, it's come down. And rightly so.

Rightly so. No way, dude. They ended the slavery. James, no way, dude. This shit used to be sweet. I think. I don't know. I think you might be right, James. Increase the minimum wage. One thing about slavery, it's a perfect way to build an economy. Really? Yeah. Because you're not paying any money. We could all take turns. We could all take turns. Yeah, routine slavery.

Working at Walmart's pretty close. Yeah. They seem like this is a trope and everyone, I don't talk about it on stage, but it's the thing that most shocked me about America. Every person at Walmart is unhappy. Yes. Everyone at every other business, everyone at Target seems happy. Everyone at, they're doing better. Yeah, better than Walmart. I went to Walmart here, there was a lady with big weird hair. One of her, the arms on her glasses was missing. So she was like, she was like that the whole time.

She was so unhappy. Also, everybody spoke Spanish. I had to use my high school Spanish to buy a mesa por mi familia para niños mesa. That was all I had. Corn. Para por. Corn. Corn. Isn't that mesa? No. Mesa. Gross.

Messer was table. I hope it was table. I hope it was table. Corn. They'd love some corn right now. If we can work it out in this country, we'll be fine. But otherwise, they're just eating corn. Yeah, dude, the level of that, that was my justification for the... That was my justification.

Any of you buying corn for your children at Walmart? I'm here to buy a single cob of corn, senora. Yeah, that was my justification from stealing from the self-checkout. Because I was like, these people are in such an existential black hole of despair. There's no way they're paying attention to what I'm walking out with. And I was right. That's why they hire... They don't have security. They have a policeman at the...

At the door. When I was- Cops are working at Walmart. In Philly, they just had like the most depressed 19 year old black dude in the world just standing there like, and you'd walk by him with like four bags full of stuff and a receipt that long and be like, later bro. And he'd be like, and you just walk by him. What do they do? Have any of you worked at Walmart? I tried. No, they wouldn't let you work at Walmart? You were too much energy. My goal was I wanted to get a job at Walmart and fully document, see how high is within the organization I could rise. Yeah.

And just document the whole thing in almost like a medieval-style book of just like, I started here and just see how high in the organization I can penetrate. And just share all the secrets. Walmart is where one of my darkest times was. Oh, yeah, you worked at Walmart. I handed out snacks at a Walmart and I purposefully pissed my pants in the aisle. You were a sample man?

You purposefully pissed your pants to get out of there? No. You were so depressed you pissed your pants? I was so depressed. I had a mental break. I seen that. Yeah. I was like, if...

You don't do catch and release. You had a mental breakdown? I pissed your pants in the water? I was just walking down the aisle and I was like, if I pee my pants, I had to pee. I was like, if I pee my pants right now, nobody will care. Nobody will give a fuck. And I just pissed. How long ago did this happen? It was like 10 years ago. All right, good. I'm glad you're still with us. That's very sad. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Then I just had to sit in my car with piss pants. And nobody cared. Was that the lesson? That nobody cared? That you peed yourself? Yeah, nobody cares.

I would have cared, man. Well, did you get right out of there? Or did you leave a puddle? No, I got right out of there. I was pissing, and I started walking. I was like, why am I peeing? Why am I peeing? Did you lift the snail trail? Did you do a full pee, or did you let half out? No, full piss, dude. What? My jeans were so full of pee. What was the lesson learned? There had to have been a lesson in that. The lesson is nobody cares, but don't do it because you'll be crazy.

That's a fair point. I think if somebody had truly discovered that you left a humongous puddle of pee on the floor, they would have cared. They wouldn't have been like, are you okay, sir? They'd be like, get the fuck out of here right now. I care a lot about this. It got soaked up by my pants and shoes. What? Is that what those tall tees are for? You could definitely use that as proof of emotional abuse if you had a lawsuit against them.

Really? Yeah, I don't know. My clarinet teacher was a lawyer and I was getting bullied at school. And I'm like, I don't know, I'm having a bad time at school. He was asking how it was going. He was like, you should piss your pants.

that's how you know you have real emotional damage as evidence in a court it's true and kids going to bathrooms the kids who are severely emotionally disturbed like take shits on the floor in the bathroom and like to get into that behavior and that's like a that's a sign like that something very very bad is going on in the house there's a kid doing like scat play in the bathroom by himself you have to like call the state and be like there's something up going on in that house sure yeah josh where are we time wise where are we time wise

Oh wow. Beautiful. Cover girl. Glad we got away from that Carl Winslow talk. I'm just presenting what I'm hearing. Here's the thing. We live in a universe where either Diddy did pipe up Carl Winslow or there's just a guy making that up which is insane because dude he said he swore on his fallen homies. Why Carl Winslow though? That's great dude.

But it fits the profile, bro. The chubbies, bro. Throw his shit up. What about Meek Mill, though? Where does that fit the profile? The Meek audio. I don't believe in Milkwanda. That's Philly split on Meek Mill. Philly split on Meek Mill. I got deep into a no jumper with this guy Skrilla. He's supposed to be the face of Zombieland, which is like the K&A, which we'll call it, Trank area. And he is like...

No, he holds it down like he didn't. That's bullshit. But then there's another guy from Philly who coined the term no diddy, and he's like really making a good run for himself talking about how gay Meek is and all this stuff. I heard somebody got beat up recently for like talking shit about Meek online and stuff. Who? In Philly. I don't know. I just looked at it on Twitter. It's going to be me when I go back for a wedding. No, I don't know. I mean, dude, I don't think I've ever said anything, but the...

But yeah, dude, the guy, the interview is with, it's the craziest shit I've ever seen. It's on the No Jumper and it's with this guy Skrilla who's like born and raised in KNA or somewhere around that area. And he just rips nitrous the entire, like a big, not like a tank tank, but like a big enough vessel of nitrous. And sorry, there's a hair floating in the air. Let's just go...

It really modulates your voice in kind of a creepy way you come out Yeah, give me a second Adam I got the wubs doctor destructors, but he says everything three times on the whole podcast like yeah, that's my motherfucking man and

Yeah, that's my man. Yeah, that's my man. Then at one point, the nitrous takes him over so much that he goes, yo, this shit's whooping my ass. And he couldn't talk. He was trying to form a sentence. And he was just like... Yeah, he had the whoopers. That's not the representative I would want. Very sad. For my reputation. No, but dude, there's a whole genre. I can't... It's like...

Is he black? Yeah. Well, it's like a Philly rapper. It's like one of those underground Philly rappers. And nobody cares. I feel like it's such a non-fruitful area of research I've undertaken of like underground young Philly rappers. But like, dude, these guys are so fucked up on pills, on opiates, like visibly like junkie level, like, and apparently that's cool.

Like I'm watching it like they're like the coolest dudes right now. Yeah for young black dudes is a guy just like yeah And I can't even talk they can barely walk and it's fucking insane and everyone's like yo, and they rap and it's like

Not even like it's unintelligible, like mumble rap. It's for real, like a guy who's fucked up just being like, all they talk about is switches on glizzies. Switch on a glizzy? I think you could turn your semi to a foley. Yeah, it makes the gun shoot really fast. The glizzy is the weapon and the switch is a modification that makes it shoot automatic. But then Adam keeps talking about glizzies. He's like, what, like on a hot dog? He's like, yo, no ditty, bro, no ditty.

No, on a glizzy. It's like dudes leaned over on promethazine just talking about one function of a gun. It's insane. It's the craziest shit I've ever seen. We can watch some on the break, dude. I'm telling you. Do you think no diddy lasts? I think it's going to last for a minute, man. Yeah, it's pretty. Because once they get him in court, that's going to be the funniest shit in the world.

Because they're going to get his ass in court soon. They're going to be releasing so many docs. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, they've done, there's five, Nick Bryant was telling us there's five fucking cases going on right now against him. And he settled the one with Cassie quick. Yeah, no trouble. But again, look, man, I don't know. I don't know. I don't want to, you know, it's so, it's so tempting to sink your teeth into it. Go, I know he's guilty. I know it. I don't want him to be guilty.

I like the remixes too much. Yeah, true. I don't know. What's going on right now? Also, isn't Zuckerberg hot right now? Yeah, he's about to be sexy. Zucker, baby. Bro, this is Fortuna, dude. The wheels of fortune have spun, did he? Pedophile. Zucker, hot guy. Chad, hot guy. Chad.

The nerds will rise. They have, dude. He's been doing jiu-jitsu. I think that's why he's starting to get hot. He was at the UFC 300. He was front row. He was looking good. He loves the UFC. He does. Yeah, it's good he's found something, I guess. He was one of the most hated men on the internet for a long time. That must be tough. To be a billionaire and have everyone be like, gooo!

I went to the... Can't shake that. Although he's doing a pretty good job. He is doing a good job. I think you just have to wait it out. He's spending probably like $40 million a year on not being appeared as gay. He's for real. There's a team. That's what the Oculus Rift is for. So that everyone just looks at him and he's shining and cool. He's like that Brian Johnson guy. Who's that guy who's spending all the money to reverse his aging? Oh, right. I don't know who.

Did you ever see this guy? No. Who eats blood? He gets new blood put into his body. I've heard about people doing that with...

rituals, but not for real. I think it's Brian Johnson. Could be wrong. The guy from ACDC? No, no. He's a billionaire. It's been Brian aging. There you go. Yeah, hit that motherfucker. I don't think that's him. I know Steven Seagal. That is him. That's him. He looks like a completely different guy. 46. He is, he's always with his sons too. He's always like compared me to my son. Because he's taking their blood. Compared me to my boy. How old is he? Look,

That's not great. 46. He looks pretty 46. He's 46? I thought he was older than that. Yeah, 46 is... I've seen 46-year-olds look like that without posing shirtless with their sons in the vial of blood. He also doesn't go in the sun, which is terrifying. That's why he has that translucent skin. Yeah, he does. He's all about it. I wonder if he's a Mormon. He's absolutely a vampire. You can't drink your son's blood and be a Mormon, dude. There's no way. They can't have coffee. True.

Yeah, he did an Instagram live with two people in Dubai recently, and it's pretty insane. Liver King, bro. Yo, Liver King, fucking go beat this guy's ass. Can we click on Brian? I just want to see more of it. He looks terrible. It's something. It looks. There you go.

He looks kind of like a woman. He started to look like a girl. He got work done. Look at all the work on his face. This is like Bruce Jenner right before the transition. Yeah, this is... Oh, that's the family tree. That's the family tree. Why is he like... Hard nippled and smooth. Well, if you're on all that test, bro, your nips are going to be hard as hell. He looks like a lady. He starts to look like a girl, yeah.

Dude, that shirt's kind of fucked up. He got surgeries and shit. Dude, he looks better as he was a fucking... Yeah, that other guy's cool. That's a bro. That guy could get some pussy, dude. That guy's... Although, girls would love nothing more than a tap-in to your, like, whatever that is. Like... Drinking blood and, like, dude, women, I've said it before, but I will say it again. Women are in a sick arms race now where they're just pumping themselves full of shit. Yep. Women are going to start looking like this guy.

He's going to look like them. They're going to meet in the middle. What's up with him and his son? You can't be doing this, dude. What is the point of that? Dinner at 11 a.m. You sleep alone. Must give plasma. Oh, fuck. Dinner at 11 a.m.?

That's his thing. He eats like a shot of sake in the morning and a piece of chocolate and a bunch of beans and shit. Weird. Is he doing performance art? I think so, dude. Two million a year on age reversal. Has dinner at 11 a.m. No way. Cool, man. All he cares about is his body. It's going to be funny when he dies. Yeah. Penis? No.

I'll look into that research. Rejuvenation therapy. Alright, alright. This guy's not a total quack. Let's see what he's got. Maybe he's on to something. This is from the West Australian. Everyone's got some good ideas. Yeah, the Perth... Perth Now. We care about that. He is all about sexual health. But he's only 46. It's like, bro, it should still work. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Is Perth Now a good source? They're fine. They're good. It's a real newspaper. Okay.

Why is his stomach like that? It looks like a dog's belly. Penis is erect for longer. Because he's older and he used to be fat. Now it's three million a year. Penis rejuvenation therapy. What is the... I'm going to see what the therapy is. He's shocking his penis. Six therapies three times a week. Yeah, dude. Lay on your belly and slam the ground. Heart dysfunction. He's all about how hard... He's constantly bragging on how hard he is. He's like, dude, I'm fucking hard as a rock at bedtime. It's like, all right, dude.

He's got my penis goals. He looks like Gavin Belson from Silicon Valley. He's looking for three hours and 30 minutes worth of nighttime erections. Oh, yeah. He's trying to see how hard he is. He doesn't even want to enjoy the erections. He wants to be hard while he sleeps. He doesn't know they're there. He's claiming that's a serious thing to show you how good you're doing, just being rock hard. Also, you know he's peeking in on his son's dong. I don't want to put smut on him, but he's comparing himself.

Yeah, he's fucking dolled up, dude. What I would give to have a penis that didn't work great. True. You know what I mean? I know.

Surgery. But either way, I'm gonna stop ruminating on this or staring at this guy. He makes me feel really fucking weird. He's got the heebie-jeebies. Put a beautiful note to leave the first one on, eh? True, we'll go to the motherfucking page. This is the state of things. It's fucking perpetual warfare. This guy trying to become an immortal. I need to go and look at the sun for a few minutes. That man has upset me. Yeah, we should all go sun max right now. Yeah, that'll really fucking show him. I'm gonna go fucking get the sun on my frozen wart. Let's get soft in the sun.

James McCann, thank you so much for coming. James McCann, catamaran plan. Plug it up, plug it up. James Donald Forbes McCann, catamaran plan. That's the number one, number two. It's the number two podcast after this one. Dude, the visual component is so good. Thank you, I appreciate it. Visual component is crazy. Number three, pennies in my mouth. Name, name,

should change we've all got too long a name just everyone and every one of these podcasts has seven names i'm just gonna call it the catamaran plan i wanted to call it catamaran plan but that abbreviates to cp and i didn't want that catamaran plan you'd rather get a jdfm cp it's called james cp yeah james cp james the cp james the cp

Thank you, guys. We will see you in the Patreon maybe. And if not, love you. See you next week, brothers. Thank you. Sayonara. Great stuff.