Ep 489 - The Council
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Jim West, Desperado.

No, you don't want not. The Wild Wild West. Oh my God, dude. Screaming into the atmosphere. We're finally back, dude. We were fired up, dude. You got me fucked up right now. About Freud? Yeah. About motherfucking Sigmund Freud. Psychoanalysis can go fuck itself. That's a position held by a lot of people. That is a position held by a lot of people. But then there's, you know, technically the talking cure did work.

Letting people talk, talk, talk, talk, talk and rearrange their basically symbolic self. There's something to that as well. Talking, talking, talking, talking and going, oh, wait a second. So you can gleam an insight. You can gleam a valuable insight that only you can experience as being completely valid. Through conversation. Yes.

Yes. And that's the argument against therapy. Some people say like, dude, this is we're basically prostituting a form of relationship that should just be held. You know? Hell yeah. But that's that's I see both sides of it. I absolutely see both sides. Yeah, I could see it working.

If you didn't have any buddies? Yeah. No brewskis and buds? No brewskis, no buds. No brewskis and buds. You're going to need to hire someone to talk to. True. You can't go down to the local B-dubs and chat it out and go, fucking my wife is such a fucking cunt. Yes, can we get another picture? Or you might want to access something outside of your context. I'll get 10 garlic parm. My wife's a cunt. And all your buddies go, yeah, dude, my wife's a cunt. And then you go...

Yeah, but maybe I should have gone to her parents' house. Yeah. And they go, wow, I just saved $700 to listen to some fucking dickhead from NYU talk to me about. Have you considered going to her parents' house? What comes up for you when you think about her parents' house? Like a extreme boredom? What happened to you as a child that you don't want to go to her parents' house?

Yeah. Now I'm just against being bored. Like, wait a second. I had fucking parents. Were you ever bored at your home growing up? Holy shit, I was. Well, this is a breakthrough. Well worth every penny. I was basically molested by boredom. Yeah. But there's an argument to like, you can get outside of your context because if you...

If you're in the B-Dub circle, only has access to a certain level of discourse. And then you're trapped within this thing where you either conform or... The B-Dub circle. The council. The high council. Just different sports jerseys like... My most trusted advisor. My most trusted advisor. My friend in a Vikings jersey. God, these wings are hot today. Fucking B-Dubs makes them hot.

Your friend's eyes are just tearing his nose. That truly sounds like hell. I feel sorry for you. That's good, though. You need the beat ups. You need the beat ups counsel to be like, stop being gay. Fucking go do it. You are at 1000 percent right about that. You need the beat ups counsel. Yes, for sure. And I do pity those without the beat ups counsel. It's true, man. You need to be. Otherwise, you can get sucked into the absolute labyrinth that is your wife's brain.

Because they are world builders, dude. They can create just the wildest world. And you need the B-dubs council to be like... Yeah, you're not in that world. Because you get lost. She's making the world up. You will get lost in her world, dude. You will get lost. God damn. Without the B-dubs council. Going to your lady's house. Just dreaming about being at the B-dubs council instead. Can't wait to get out of here to go straight to the dubs, dude. The garlic parm. The garlic parm. Yeah.

Man, that was a major issue in a previous relationship of going... B-dubs council? No, going to her family's house for holidays and shit. Actually, it's been almost every relationship, but there was one particular one, an old one that was... I couldn't do it. It was just women. There was literally zero B-dubs council within the family house. Bro.

You need... I'm telling you, that is a real thing. It's... And I... Dude... They would sit and just talk about stuff. Yeah. They would talk about... They're like, oh, at Macy's, they have a sale on these. And then the other girl would go, oh, I need to get down there. At Boscov's, they're selling these blenders for 30% off. Dude, it's insane. I go, these are really good blenders. They're birds. They're birds grabbing twigs for their nest. It's insane. I'm telling you, if you don't have...

You can be the hardest strain of feminism, whatever, but I'm not being mean. I'm not trying to own babes, but it's like if there's not a dude around for years...

It's you need it. Otherwise, lady, the chicks go crazy, dude. You need someone talking football in World War Two. You'd absolutely need that. Or just a guy going, what are you worried about? Yeah, that's not real. And they go, oh, OK, thank you. Because they will spin themselves out into oblivion. Chicks can hold, I think, like six thoughts in their head at once. It's a fucking curse.

I swear to God, they're running on just like, it's insane. The Hydra's in there just like, yeah, she called you fat. The blender is good. I caught a glimpse one time. He's at B-dubs again. Get him. Call him right now. Ruined the council. I think your stomach hurts. Yeah. Yeah, dude, there's one time, because you know when you're like at nighttime and you're falling asleep, that's when your brain can really just kick it into gear and you're like, well,

what's going on one time like pretty was breathing heavy i'm like what's up with you and she went and named like 14 things in 10 seconds and i was like oh what the fuck god damn i was like you're running like six fucking worries at once yeah i'll get home and just be like i was a fucking idiot tonight and that's just one track she was like doom doom doom doom doom past present future three different people and it was just like what the fuck i was like whoa just stop yeah okay just lay down

Although I'll say the ultimate cure, especially for the babes, like, you know, when you talk and talk and they're like, I don't want to sell my problem. You just got to grab them and you have to just squeeze them. Yeah. You just literally need to squeeze babes and be like, just shush. It works. You can talk all you want. They just need to be squeezed and hugged. I like that point. And you rub their bellies. You got to squeeze them.

And then you squeeze them and you go, ooh, this feels good. Maybe I should touch you. Parlay that in. Yeah, I've been much more forceful. I was talking about it with Lamer. Sexually? Yeah. Not like forceful, but like I've been putting it on the table, man. I've been letting it be known. Like, look.

I'm a man, goddammit. I am a man. I'm a man and I have needs, goddammit. And I don't guilt. I go, look, if you don't want to do this, that's fine. I will not hold it against you, although I will. Deep down inside. Deep down inside, I'll piss. Yes, dude. Of course. But I will be like, no, for real, I'm not mad. And then I'll like just... That's just your ego, dude. Her arm will touch me and I'll go...

Yeah. Are you mad? No, I'm not. I'm not mad. Why would I be mad? Get off me. You're my only outlet for sexual pleasure and you're not giving it to me. I'm not mad. Yeah, man. That's fine with me. Especially off the nog, especially since my governor is saving me. The governor has, I forget every single time I forget. And you go. I go, I go, ooh. License and registration. I haven't done this in a few days. And they go, I'm going to need to see your license. God damn it.

Do you know why I pulled you over? I can't believe Texas. Because I'm a big, disgusting pervert, maybe? Texas took the nog from us. I refuse to go to another website. Really? I refuse. Are you hitting them with a photo ID? No, I haven't. I've been off the nog. You've been off the nog? When I'm home, I'm off the nog. Damn, so you wait until you travel. It's a tough stretch. Yeah. We're going to test the nog this week. This is a tough stretch. I'm home for a few weeks. We're going to see what happens. You might fall to Reddit porn.

I have never done the Reddit porn. Everyone I talk to... Turns out OnlyFans is legal here. I might have to become a little fat pay pig. Get some girlfriends. Although I've seen OnlyFans and they're never great. Really? I don't think people are having sex or anything. It's just like a girl's boobs.

you go god damn it i wanted to see you really yeah i'm sure there's ladies out there going yeah yeah hog wild but i haven't found them yeah dude you're probably thinking of just like rachel dolezal's only fans yeah i get tricked that's probably straight up i've been tricked on uh instagram i'll be honest i've i've got myself so i went off no porn all of lent i'm still on no porn but i have i'm back to the point where i can fire up like chicks in bathing suits

Yeah. I can do a bikini fap, which is, dude, you feel like nice. Just fapping feels good, dude. Fapping does feel good. Just jacking off on your own. Although if you get. Dark room, quiet. But did you ever get into a weird thing where you're just like, I'm jerking off a guy?

That fucks me up. I'll get into that one. That's Freud, dude. Jerking a guy off. That's Freud, dude. You're just jacking off. Just relax. I know. Just relax. But you're jerking off a guy and you are liking getting jerked off by a guy. Analyzing instinct and thought bothers me so much. It's not an instinct. Jerking off is a technology. Jerking off is pure instinct. It's technology. It's pure instinct. It's tech. It's tech.

It's big tech. The phone is part of the tech. Just jack it off. Dudes have been whacking off. That was step one. True, but the wheel is tech. Fire is technically tech. It's a natural element. I think it's in the Bible. Don't fucking jack off, dude. That was day one shit. Was it really? I don't know. Is jacking off in the Bible? I don't think it's in the Bible. I just think your dad couldn't catch you or else you had to leave the country.

I think if your dad caught you fapping, you'd be going to exile. You'd take like four camels and just walk across the desert. The Bible never specifically mentions masturbation. What the hell am I worried about? They're going to hit you with some fucking purity, becoming sanctified, avoiding lust.

Yeah, but they were avoiding lust back then because you would knock a lady's tent down and eat her ass in the middle. You know what I'm saying? Dudes were getting mega horny in the desert. So they were like, yo, chill. Bro, Romans 8, 5, 6 says, The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the spirit is life and peace. That's what I'm talking about. The habit of self-pleasure is a great example of the flesh governing the mind. Damn. The flesh keeps governing the mind, dude. It does. Thankfully, the actual government

governs my flesh and you cannot watch Pornhub true god damn it if I could even get one of those gifts that they advertise with I would fucking thumbnails would be fine thumbnails all the boy needs thumbnails Governor Abbott released the thumbnails yo did you notice how cool guys were about that by the way they like came after our reproductive rights and we were like alright whatever the state decides we weren't fucking kidding

We became communists immediately. The state decides. I saw a sticker, a bumper sticker the other day. It said, if men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament. And I was like, or maybe we would just handle it and shut the fuck up.

That lady just goaded me on. This is misogynist. I know, I know. We're getting rowdy. No, it's not just you. I've been fired up. But that lady just... That Sigmund Freud bullshit fired me up. Now I'm based, bro. Fuck thought. True. That's the ultimate based. That is, dude. And you might be on to something with that.

Fuck thoughts. Very Eastern, by the way. Fuck thoughts, dude. Don't put that on me either. Don't you dare put that on me. Very Eastern. I hate the... That's very Eastern. Slash through the web of mine. Eastern Madison can go fuck itself, dude. I'm done with Eastern Madison. Nah, it's going to pervade our culture. It's coming. It is here. Oh, it's... La Mer's in the house, dude. Eastern bullshit's here. Look at the shit he's drinking. That's just Chinese grape soda. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

That's his eastern medicine? Damn, that's the fucking black nerd elixir, dude. That's crazy. Chinese grape soda. That's every black nerd's dream. That is high octane black nerd fuel. When you sip it, it's like... The cap hit. God damn it. Where did you get that? Oh, there's that fucking store right up the street, yeah.

I got it from Asahi. Yeah. What is that, like a sushi place? No, it's like a Japanese market. It's pretty cool. God damn, dude. That's pretty tight. You have access to a Japanese market. Yeah. It's just you and 12 other black nerds. The fucking owner doesn't know who to follow. There's so many of you in there. Just walking like this. Yeah.

Bumping into each other. Oh, pardon me. Pardon me. After you, pardon me. That's pure Metal Gear Solid, dude. They're in boxes. Damn, dude. Snake! What the hell was I thinking about? I gotta tell you this. This is what I was gonna tell you, and I think you'll enjoy it. It's funnier. So I went to... I'm the most sore I've ever been in my entire life. I couldn't sleep on... I couldn't lay on my side.

my back are you a side sleeper as well my back is butt fucked dude all right pause this guy so i get in there i was like all right i haven't worked out in a while i'm gonna go rogan's get a nice easy one hit the sauna this will be a nice day i get in of course one of the navy seals train one of the navy seal security guys in there he's like you ready to hit the gauntlet with me brother and i was like dude i'm not hitting the fucking navy seal gauntlet and then he was he shamed me into it he was like come on dude come on hey

Yeah. How could you say no? It was nine different lifts and workouts, three minutes on, one minute off. You have to go three minutes to exhaustion on every single lift. What? Dude, it sucked. One of them was just hanging on the bar for three minutes. A dead hang? It ruined me. Yeah, dude. Just hanging there. This muscle is, it's ruined.

Hang for a minute. And then he was like, all right, pop your shirt off. He was like, we take our shirts off. It's going to get hot in here. And I was like, I'm definitely not doing that. I'm not going to work out in front of a mirror with my fucking shirt off right now. And he was like, you need to find the problem areas. I was like, brother, the whole thing's a fucking mess. We don't need the shirt off to diagnose the problem area today.

I can feel them. What are you talking about? I can feel them moving when I stop. The problem areas are shaking on every workout we're doing right now. I'm doing a curl and my hips are shaking. We don't need a shirt off for this. I thought you would enjoy this. That is so fucking funny. Honestly, driving over, I was like, this will be nice. It's just going to be me in there. It'll be nice and quiet. Just Navy SEAL. Bro, jacked Navy SEAL with his shirt off. Like, you ready to hit the fucking gauntlet? How could you have said no, though?

I hit the no instantly. I was like, dude, I'm not. I would have signed up at a recruiter. All right, this workout, three minutes straight of pull ups. I was like, dude, I can't do a pull up. What are you talking about? Damn. I'll hang on the bar for three minutes. That's so fucking hard. It was impossible. Jesus. I hung for like 30 seconds and then five seconds at a time after that. Dude, that shit's hard. It was impossible. The whole thing.

Just a Jack's Navy SEAL yelling at you. I would love that. It felt good after a while. It felt pretty good after a while. I bet, yeah. Get out there, brother. Just lay down. You're doing pretty good. I was like, thank you. That's fucking awesome. Thank you, daddy. That's all I needed. Pop that top off. I was like, no, daddy. It'll ruin the workout, sir.

I'll be done working out I'll be frozen in front of the mirror I'll go what have I done I just joined 24 hour fitness I might start stealing value you ready to hit the fucking he was hitting me with pure Andy Elliot was he really pop the top off we need to see the problem areas I was like dude what no what are you doing

Yeah, that's a bit much. He was being friendly. It was funny. You should have fucking held nipples. Came out with a towel around the top. I should have instantly took my dick out and be like, that's the problem, Mario. How do we get this bigger, brother? My ass is all shitty. My ass is flat and shitty.

Damn, dude. Yeah, I went to... I did burpees in the garage yesterday. That's real tough, dude. Pretty sick. 100 burpees. You got a good garage for it, too. I know. It was awesome. Who was kicking around? We had a home inspector kicking around. So I'd get every time I'd be in there doing burpees and I'd hear him coming and be like... What are you doing? I was like, well, just working out in here. Just had an argument with my wife. I'm shadowboxing. Shadowboxing in the garage as hard as I can. Tsss. Tsss. Tsss. Tsss.

I was there working out on my phone on my trash can, just playing YouTube lectures. Came up with a new guy. I have a new YouTube crush. He's awesome. Dude, I think people know about him. Michael Sugru. He's an old school fella. Look at that guy.

He's an old school professor. He's dude. He's really nice. You love these chalk hands. I love, I like chalk. I hate the chalk hands. My thing is if they just have one, I'll sit through it. If they have one good idea that I can use. Oh my God. I've totally constructed a worldview. I had no worldview for the longest time and I've put together personal philosophy and something of a worldview. That's nice. It's kind of nice. Yeah. Yeah. You know, I'm just on it. He's talking about Heidegger, big B being.

I'm like, fuck yeah, dude. I love that shit. Let's do it for her to bed. I'm like, yeah, there's nothing wrong with enjoying that. Fuck this small bee being. Yeah, I get it. People, some people don't like it. And I totally understand. No, I, I, I have, yeah, it's like gay stuff. It's like, dude, whatever you're doing in your own home, just don't shove it down my fucking throat. All right. Don't put it in my fucking face. Don't fuck my kid with it.

That'd be cool if that got injected into movies. Every movie had to have like a cool... Yeah, just a philosophy in it like that. Yeah, just a guy hitting you with like... Not this Heideggerian bullshit again. I do... Well, it's funny for me because I'll be like, all right, I hear a lot of fuss about this guy. Like, let me see what they're about. And a lot of it is just like, dude, you wrote 4,000 pages on this? Yeah. On like the nature of being itself. And he's like, well, if you be, you are being, but you can't know what being is like.

Dude, this is... Even I'll get kind of like, what the fuck are you talking about? Yeah, why'd you write that down? What are you talking about? You didn't need to write that down. But Heidegger was a Jesuit. He was in the Jesuit seminary. Ooh, like that. Yeah, he was a Jesuit seminary. Jesuits are up to good stuff. They're pretty sick. Yeah.

So apparently he wrote like a highly abstracted version of Jesuit theology. That's what my new mentor, my new, he's dead. That's what we need to get into. Thomas Seeger. We need to get into fucking good Catholic philosophy. That's where all my stuff's leading to. Fucking right. It's very tight. That is where it all ends. I'm telling you. There you go. I'm going to read about Freud sucking my daddy's dick, killing my dad, sucking my mom's tits. I'm gay. Everyone's gay.

Then all of a sudden the path just leads straight back to our Lord and Savior. Yeah, dude, it might be perfect disciples. I think it might be the supreme philosophy. I've been taking on a lot of different worldviews, checking them out. The Eastern stuff is for sure cool, but I was into it for a while, but I was like, no, man, Christianity still, still reigns supreme. You read it and you're like, cause it kind of the Eastern stuff to a point is like,

Total detachment. Like, oh, and you'll like kind of totally clear your mind. Christianity is the opposite. Yeah, those guys can... I'd like to punch one of those guys in the belly. Go find him in his cave. I'm going to go to a cave and sit here for 80 years. It's like God gave you life and you spend it sitting in a cave, even though that's kind of what I do. I dwell in a cave. You're in full on... Yeah, it's just...

My guys need to take that bridge. The World War II game. Company of Heroes 3. Yeah, but Christianity is like you have to fully get into the mud. You're an absolutely fallen creature. You're a mud dog, dude. You're a totally fallen creature. And guess what, dude? Guess what? Jesus never got mad at someone because they're a sinner. He got mad at people because they thought they weren't sinners. Oh, they do it.

It's for real the best. It's for real the best. Yeah, they're like, you think you're king? You're hanging out with all these fucking whores and tax collectors? He was like, bro. Well, he was pissed at the Pharisees. He was like, he was chilling with all the fucking... I thought fucking Mel's movie was supposed to come out on Easter. That's what I thought. It's coming out in October. God damn it. Although he might be trying to fight the witchcraft and Satanism of Halloween. Yes. Thank God. Thank God, Mel.

Ooh, big in black news. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. What you got? We got breaking black news. We got... Dude, you see J. Cole apologize? Yeah, I saw that. What the fuck, dude? I think it fits his... It was actually kind of nice, honestly. Yeah, I think it fits his thing. He's trying to break the mold of...

You know, that's like the classic pantomime thing that permeates through the black society where it's like, he dissed me. Now I have to absolutely destroy. And they like that gets carried out full stop. We're like, yeah, guys shooting each other over that shit. And he was like, you know what, dude, this is lame. Why am I doing this? When I get 50 cent, apparently it's not into it. 50 cents, like bro, 50 cents, the dark 50 cents, the new president of black people. Yeah, he is. He for real has completely rose into the total president. Jay-Z is out 50 cent.

It's in there, dude. Jay-Z's Biden, 50 cents Trump, 100%. Yes. And black people being ruled by black Trump right now, which is 50 cents.

Which, I mean, he's 50 Cent. I'm not going to have to. 50 Cent fucking rules. 50 Cent does rule. And he's ruled for a very long time. Yeah. He has been the man. He never stopped being the man. No. And now it's like he's coming into, everyone's recognizing, like, holy shit, this guy is a serious employee. Holy shit, he was funny and right the entire time. He's been an asshole the entire time. He's hilarious. He called Diddy a fruit pop, like, years ago.

Diddy did offer to take him shopping. Yeah, you can't do that. He's like, y'all, I'll buy you clothes. And he said, what? What? I take him shopping. I took Nate shopping the other day. Did you really? And we were laughing about it. I was like, I'm definitely Diddy, dude. I'm taking you to Dick's Sporting Goods to buy some gym shorts.

Oh, no, was that you and me? Yeah, that was you and me. You got to collect what's yours now. That's because I was going to go buy some shoes. And I was like, you can get some shoes, too. And then I didn't buy any, and he bought shoes. Yeah, but this is what's different. And he felt a way about it. That's the squad. He was like, you keep these. I was like, I'm not wearing those. Those are yours. Dropping a bag on the squad is different. If you were to find someone. Find another man. That wasn't in the squad. Another comedian. That was just like finding another rapper, just being like, yo. Exactly. Matt Rife.

I'm gonna take you shopping boy. I'm gonna get some clothes bro. Let's pick up some clothes. Checking out a dude's gear and being like we need to revamp your wardrobe is 50 cent was 1000% spot on being like what? Yeah that's nuts. Dude what are you talking about? I'm not gonna let you buy stuff for me. Freud would have been all over that. True. He would have been like that's gay. Yeah he would have for sure. That's your gay subconscious. It would have been. Yeah. Big power game. Although that is so powerful.

Buying another man clothes yeah, yeah, and being like I'm gonna get your outfit figured out that was then you get into the dresser Let me just get in there and check out. Let me see how this pants look on you Then you can go in the air you know try these on He's like your mom just Zip yeah, man zip because of your giant penis. It's dude. Yeah, that's calling me. I want to kill him I

Shit, I might have answered. I said, I want to kill you. My dad's calling me. I want to kill him. Phil saw my stand-up act and didn't approve of it. What? Well, actually, my mom saw my stand-up act and then reported back to my father. Really? My father called me. He was like, you can't say that. Your mother and I are sad. Oh, he saw. So now he's trying to get back on my good side. You did. Because I was like, shut the fuck up, Dad. Yeah, dude. Dad, this is my art.

It's not ready yet. It wasn't done, and I said inappropriate things, and I apologize. Did they see all of this? Is there one joke in particular they saw that they got upset about? Yeah, I can see that. You see that? Yeah, they caught a glimpse of that one, and they were none too pleased. I had one recently that I'm retiring forever. I thought it was the funniest thing in the world, and then I did it, and I felt so evil after it was...

The whole joke was that women get to like, yeah, we have sex toys, we have dildos, and it's like, guys have sex toys too. And people are like, what are they? It's like, they're called women. That's our sex toys. That's pretty funny.

The crowd is like, Jesus, man. Yeah, that is evil. My mother-in-law was there, and I was like, oh, no. Oh, no. Let that one rip in front of her whole family. I thought it was funny. I was like, this is really funny. It is funny. But when you say in a room full of people, it's like, oh, Jesus. It does make you look like a complete psycho. Yes. I just thought it was a funny play on words. Yeah, they're just inanimate objects. I fuck. I fuck.

It was a funny play on words that once I said it out loud, I'm like, oh, I can see that being very hurtful for women everywhere. Yeah.

That is a funny thing to think about what women have to deal with that, like just being completely used as a sexual object where people are your entire, just like being in personality. Someone could be like, yeah, skip all of that. And it's like, and then you come back and start talking like I have to go right now. When we do that though, we also have to, because we're all pretending women like sex like that. Yeah.

so then they can they should they should enjoy that if they liked sex like as much as they say they do yeah they should enjoy that they like skipping all the bullshit and fucking they should love that true as much as we would yeah true but they don't yeah true they don't makes me wonder well they don't like sex as much once on their natural cycle you start to see they are horny for like three days out of the month

That's pretty much... Unless they see a guy that they'd really like to make their boyfriend, and then they'll get horny for that. Now, don't get me wrong. There's definitely women out there that enjoy just the... True. The pump and dump, but... True. But I also... They need a lot of context around it, I think, too. They need, like... They need, like... They're big situation heads. They're big, like, you know...

You'd have to be in an environment where it's like, we shouldn't be doing this. We're really breaking down the broads today. We shouldn't be doing this. Shush is nice. We're breaking down the broads. We can break down the fellers. We'll break down the blacks next. Are we still in the black news segment? No, black news segment. Jay Coldis was great. I was like, good. Please let Champagne Poppy get involved, dude.

Rap is just WWF. Big time. We had a perfect story going and then J. Cole said nah. There is an opportunity though for Kendrick to go full sicko mode. He could. And diss him again, dude. Just be like, that's what I thought, bitch. Yeah, he could.

But it is a... He has to. He's going to. He's going to be like, when I talk shit, everyone runs away. He's going to say that. But then J. Cole might go, fuck it. I thought I did the higher thing. Man, I'm trying to take the high road, baby. Yeah, you think he's going to be like, now it's down to the low road. Now I'm going to rhyme about you. Down to the bro road, dude. Yes. I mean, I could write his verse if he wants to, dude. Just let me know. We should have come up with some verse. I listened to the thing. I was like, that's nice. There was a part of me, too, that I was like, what the fuck are you guys doing? Yeah. This is so stupid, man. So silly. Let's all just have fun.

Yeah, let's have fun and also like, you know, let's have fun. Make a good rap. Why did Ken, what was his whole thing like? He probably was just having a bad, rappers gotta be careful with their bad days. Yeah. You have one bad day and you're like, I'm top three, he's not top four or five. And then everyone's like, did you hear what he said? Yes. We need to write a, we need to write a,

I had some lyrical prose. We just need Drizzy Drake, dude. True. Please, Six God. Please, Six God, respond. He'll be back. Although he got kind of, he did get destroyed by fucking Kanye. Although Kanye's circumstances kind of engulfed him. Kanye is wild, man. He destroyed, that's how nasty he is of an MC. He destroyed Drake and then destroyed himself. And then he's like, fuck it. I'm going down too. I love Hitler.

He didn't really destroy Drizzy, though. Other than that track. Did you ever hear that? Him and the Pusher T came up, and it was like, that was pretty good. Pusher T went wild on him. That was as good as they can get. But yeah, I guess Kanye didn't do as much as Pusher T, but he did produce the track. And it was just, it was good. No, Kanye made that poop-to-de-scoop. Poop-to-de-scoop was fire. That's hilarious. That's just mean. That's just a mean thing to do. Stop laughing.

Poop Diddy Scoop? I think so too. What is that? When he was going, Poop Diddy Scoop? He was like, Drake, I made this. I produced this beat for you. Oh. And then he gave it to Drake. And I think Drake made a song with it. Or was about to. And then Kanye released. He just wasted it going, Poop Diddy Scoop. Poop Poop. Poop Diddy Scoop. It's just that Drake, he just wasted Drake's time.

It's just on purpose. I mean, that's really funny. It's just a crazy move. That's insane. You'd just be like, wait, why are we fighting? Wait. That's so nuts, dude. Yeah. I think that's the story, and it's very funny. He's off the God train, too, now. Kanye's totally off the God train. He's like, well, I thought you were a Christian. He's like, he abandoned me. I need to help myself now. I saw that clip. So I'm going to rap about getting pussy. I saw that clip. It wasn't... Is that the one where he's like... Where he's like...

We need to do more than pray. Where's God? He doesn't help me out. That's kind of Christian theology also. You can't just pray, dude. I think his thing was, he's like, I'm not cursing anymore. I'm not going to rap about getting pussy. And then he was like, what the fuck am I doing? I'm back, dude. Who am I talking about? I just said I love Hitler. I do like his wife. She's a constant news story. So I can't figure out, is that like a...

A PR firm thing? Or are they just like... I don't think Kanye is dealing in PR firms. I don't think so either. That's the wildest PR firm of all time. Dude, she's in my fucking news feed. Every time I pick it up, it's like she's wearing a spandex suit with her nipples sticking out. She's wearing saran wrap with her... Farts are trapped wherever she goes. Every week, it's like Gaza, Kanye West's big-titted lady that he prays around. It's like she's a major news story constantly. That's good.

It is pretty cool. I was trying to figure out... She's getting more burned than Ukraine right now. She is getting... She's getting way more burned than Ukraine-Russia. She is. She's for real. In terms of, like, our collective attention, like, her future slut outfits are...

Future slut outfits are pretty cool to see. That is pretty awesome. Yeah, those jumpers, man. Especially they're always in a place that a future slut outfit should not be. It's like in the airport or like the shopping mall or just on the street in Venice. They'll be in Athens. They go to like ruins of ancient societies and she just like... Here's a future slut, dude. Just farts on it. Yeah.

Kanye West's wife farted today. She farted on the Parthenon today. We saw her pussy shake all over the appearance. Black news. Kanye West's future slut farted on the Parthenon. Yeah, I love it. Then they're like, he doesn't let her eat. And he doesn't. It's like, yeah, dude, it's. I think she's eating, bro. True.

She is definitely. She's a voluptuous woman. She's a very voluptuous woman. But I think he's trying to keep her snatched. You know what snatched means? No. It's when like your midsection's super tight. Oh, yeah, yeah. Snatched. Just a natural. Brittany said that to me the other day. She's like, you get your body snatched. I was like, where the fuck are you getting this? You just need a permanent corset. Yeah, true. Yeah.

Or you just need a diligent husband who's going to monitor your calories. Who's going to monitor your calories. Yeah, what's wrong with that? That's a good husband. You go, oop, put that down. I need you in peak physical condition. I need you to show off my ski suits. Damn, that'd be tough to tell a lady to put down a fucking suite. Bro. You've ever done it? I've never. Obviously, I've never been in a position to monitor someone else's calories. If someone breaks out the suites, I go, ooh.

Give me one of those. Girls love monitoring a dude's sweet. They like getting you fat, first of all. They'll be like, yeah, they're enablers. And then they start going. And then they go, you're getting a little chubby. You don't. Are you hungry right now? I'm like, I'm basically, I'm not like, my stomach's not hungry, but it's been a long time. I'm like, yeah, I can tell I'm a little bit weak right now. Yeah.

I'm off the pig cycle. I was on a hard pig cycle. You were pigging out? Oh, my God, dude. I was... Dude, I'm like... I went to Dizzy... Pig cycle is crazy. I was on the pig cycle. I'm off. You should see it when I hit a pig cycle. It's fucking chaos, dude. We're going to B-Dubs. I'm going to order wings when we get there. Drink a couple beers. Ooh, second meal. Yeah, true.

I was on a hard... I fucking just caught Lamizi on a pig cycle the other night. What were you on? Sneaking back to his room with slices. Sneaking back to his room with slices of pizza. I was like, where are you going, dude? He's holding two pepperonis.

Taking it to the bedroom for the pig cycle. There's nothing better than just holding the moments before you're eating a pizza. Just carrying it is for real. It's the best. I don't even sit down when there's pizza. I go first slice doesn't count. I picked it up straight out of the box. I go, all right, now I'm going to settle down. Now I'll get a plate, put two on it. I'm going to stand for these two.

I'll go, maybe no one saw me get that first one. I can say this is only, I've had three. That's a lot. I've had four.

taking a double slice onto the plate i mean double slice onto the plate after the first standing the first right out of the box standing while everyone's organizing like the soda such a nice move i mean when it's when it's when it's grub for everyone like that oh it's feeding greed the greed kicks in dude i saw a thing where they're like we don't understand why sharks engaging feeding frenzies and was like what are you talking about of course you do yeah they're pigging out and

And they're just spazzing. They're going nuts, yeah. I've seen it happen with humans. Yeah, buffalo dip at Gillis Family Christmas. Oh, my God. The boys were circling. Big dogs circling. It is nice. I'll tell you what, Nate's close. He's a bitch. I will say it does. See your fucking gay husband get hit with that hammer? Slow down. Goddamn, you're taking all the dip. I've been to family parties before where there's not...

like a lot of times i'll go and like it almost feels infinite where you're just like yeah and you're piling mac and cheese i've been there before i'm like oh rations are like the rations that sucks and you're just kind of like and then i'll just literally like a different part of me will take over and i'm like yeah why shouldn't it be mine they don't even they're not even gonna eat the whole thing lemusia i saw lemusia hit the greed we got barbecue

The boy got a lot. Oh, yeah. Yeah. You got to eat it out. I was down to one slice of brisket after I look over at his plate. Ten. There was two. There was two. Two. My hands. How many ribs? How many chicken? How many ribs? I had two. I didn't have any chicken. I didn't get any chicken. You broke my heart watching you do that to me.

He ordered like the breast kit chicken ribs. Yeah, I had the ribs. First dibs obviously go straight to the Meezy. He dibbed it out. You and Nate took a majority of it. That's me and Guard Dog with scraps. We portioned it out, dude. It was fair. Damn. We didn't take anything crazy. Kind of racist.

They teamed up on you guys? Yes, but it was over ribs. That's what I'm saying. It was their subconscious. I couldn't argue. It was the black man's sub. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Black subconscious. They were running hand signals. Yeah.

Divvy the wings. Divvy the ribs. These honkies wouldn't even know what to do with all these ribs. I told you, I got hit with that in a KFC one time in West Philly. I was ordering just a biscuit, and the guy literally went, probably never even had a biscuit before. And I turned around like, why would you do that? Of course I've had a biscuit. This is my seventh biscuit. What?

He fucking can't believe that I got, you know, people want to say, you know, you ordered just a biscuit at a KFC. Times are hard back there. I was struggling. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Times. I was struggling. This was a recent thing. This is back in the day. All I had, all I had money for was my biscuit. I would just a single biscuit when I was working at Ardmore Toyota, I would take the change in my car.

To buy a single dollar cheeseburger at the McDonald's for my lunch break, I would pay with 10 dimes. You'd have to treasure hunt? Yeah. It was very... You were a 49er. Dark times. Yeah, you had to hit the hills and pan for silver. Pan for nickel. Oh, this is a quarter. This is good. Used all my quarters. I was down to nickels towards the end. Got a flat tire, bankrupt. Oh.

That flat tire on the way to work almost cried because I was like... Did they fix it there? Yes, they did. But then, you know, I was working basically factory. Oh, yeah. You know, it was like factory thing where they were like, now you owe the company your tire. Oh, they wouldn't hook it up. They didn't really hook it up. Pigs.

That's crazy. I got a flat tire one time. I went and I picked up a quarter pound of weed at the post office and was so excited that it worked out. Then I got a flat tire on 76 and I had to just drop some off to somebody. So I was just going, oh, no. So I'm not pulling over. I was so in my head. I was like, if I pull over, they're going to know. It's like, you know, when you have something like that, you're like, if someone that smells.

It was vacuum sealed. It didn't smell? No, it was vacuum. But I think I had like an ounce of weed on me to give to somebody. So I just like pulled up to like the Eagle Stadium on a flat and just like gave someone an ounce of weed and just drove. Damn, you're doing deals in the parking lot at the link? That's fucking awesome, man. I pulled up like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Here you go, brother. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. All the way home. That's Philly strong, dude. It was, dude. That's the ultimate Philly strong. That's bleeding green. That's bleeding green. That's bleeding green. That's bird's colors. Go birds, dude.

That's a bleeding green right there. Yeah, true. I match it. Coffee's not for birds fans, dude. Match it. True, it has to be matching. I'd say coffee's more for birds fans, actually. Yeah, Wawa. If I show this to my dad. 48 coffees at Wawa. Hot dogs. It's time to hit the job site. With the most vicious diarrhea imaginable.

Hangover from light beer. There you go. All right, now it's time to get seven coffees, three hot dogs. I am in awe of dudes who hold down just pure Wawa diet on like 48 to 60 ounces of coffee a day. I think if you stick to one thing, I mean, don't get me wrong, it's going to destroy you, but. True. Yeah. Yeah, I guess so. Your body probably gets used to digesting insane shit. Like it probably just fast tracks it through. You get no nutrients out of it, just fucking.

flies right out of you. If you're like a sizzly with coffee and an Italian hoagie with a coffee or a soda and a coffee in the way, yeah, your body is just flying. You must shit. You must shit as soon as you eat it. There's a mortar. Your stomach's like a steel foundry. Just the cells are like...

And you drink a glass of water and say, man, it's Mad Max. You drink water and the whole body's like. I told you, I have an uncle. I've never seen him drink water. Bees. Ever. Bees are, yeah, I guess he won't drink water. I've never seen the bees. Gatorade, soda, milk. Yeah. Gatorade's when he's like, all right, it's time to fucking take care of myself. I'm going to slam the Gatorade, which is such a tight way to hold it down. And he claims, he goes, dude, I don't feel sick. Because he's like, I just don't think I ever think about it.

I was like, damn, that's fucking... That's one of the business heads. I heard that guy. He's like, no, I don't get sick anymore. Being sick is a mind frame. Yeah, I remember. He's like, yeah, well, my sister has cancer. Yeah, true. It's all in her head. Yeah, well, they're just talking about colds. Yeah, it is. That's the problem. They're just talking about colds when they say that. Yeah. Yeah, true. Yeah. It's all in her head. That's exactly what the doctor said. Turns out it's all in her head.

they're going to cut it out of there. They're going to chop her fucking head open. Those business guys are talking about colds. They're like, I don't get sick. It's like, you're talking about a fucking common cold and like going to work and blowing your nose in the bathroom.

If you had a stomach virus and you were puking and had a fever... Yeah, if you're shaking, chills, sweat... You're not going to be like, this is bullshit, I can still make some day trades. I get it. I get that all applies. If I have a cold and I totally freak out about it, then yeah, maybe it makes it a little bit worse, but...

yeah i don't people are like it's all in your head it's like you're just not sick right cold you can plow through you can plow through a cold but when you're like it's all in your head it's like you're just not sick yeah if you were actually sick you'd be yeah you know it you know it when you're actually sick yeah dude if you had like if you're like diarrheaing blood you guys got to be more positive i need to do fucking 100 push-ups right now true i just diarrhea blood

Yeah, Watson's West. Big homie West is the king of that. Yeah. Him and his boy just being like, I was telling you about this when they did that whole video where they're just like, yeah, dude, like I don't even sleep. And like if I'm tired, it's just I just go to the gym even harder. And he's like, I'm so shredded that

That if I lay on my bed, it hurts. He's like, my fat body fat is so low. That happened to me, dude. My back got so shredded. This morning I woke up. I was like, I have to just lay. The whole conversation was like, yeah, we're rich. Yeah, we're loaded. But like, we hate our lives. Yeah. That's why we're rich. And he's like, you have to hate your life forever. That's how you keep your edge. It's like, I guess, man. Man. I guess. That way you can be stay the boss.

And just hate your life and just be like, this is what it is. I'm so shredded. It hurts when I sleep. I don't sleep. He said he doesn't eat carbs during the day, too, which is a sick move. He doesn't eat any carbs, just protein. So that way at nighttime, he has carbs. He crashes. Insulin spikes. He just passes out. Because if you're that shredded, you just need to go into an insulin coma and pass out.

Kind of sick. I want to see. That's going to reach a fever pitch. It has to. Getting shredded business head. Yeah, well, the bedtime. Watson's pushed up the business head bedtime or the wake-up time. He's like 2.30 a.m. Eventually, they're going to become nocturnal. They're going to become vampires. Because you can't get up any earlier. I'm doing power cleans at 2.30 in the morning. I mean, Wahlberg, Jocko, or Dick swinging at 4 o'clock. Yeah.

Big homie Wes is, I think, 2.30 a.m., which is arguably partially nocturnal. 2.30 a.m. is like it's the middle of the night. That's chaos, dude. It's going to be dark for so long while you're awake. I know. You just wake up at 2.30 and just take your shirt off and just start screaming at your iPhone. Someone's going to surpass that. It's going to become something. I don't know. Last night was funny. We were talking about...

Brian Simpson was talking about like this for some reason, I don't know why I thought this, uh, screaming at your iPhone and surpassing things. Eventually they were like, AI Rogan was on one. He was like, AI is going to get so powerful that it's smarter in our lifetime. It'll be smarter than every human combined. And then Brian Simpson was like, and then,

The real dilemma is, do we elect that AI president? I was like, dude, there's only one human that can stop this. It's Donald Trump. Donald Trump versus the AI supercomputer. There's only one human that's like, I'm smarter than that. That computer's dumb as shit. Or who could roast it. If you hit that with a killer nickname, it could completely... The virus, just like, that's actually not true. I'm not that. I swear. My legs are an appropriate length. Yeah, true. That could defeat AI.

Trump dogs are only shot. I wonder what kind of nickname, Trump nickname, an AI can come up with. If you're like, give a Trump nickname. What if the AI defeats Trump at making nicknames? It's like Deep Blue for like the chess program. Oh, no. Just crushes him. Although, I don't know. It still doesn't have the humor that well. Yeah, but the funnier, the dumber the nickname that Trump comes up with, it's funnier. Well, that's something. That's the AI's advantage. AI can't figure that out. Yeah, exactly. The AI is too small. I mean, dude, he for real...

Crush DeSanctimonious DeSanctimonious See you later, next Who's next? DeSanctimonious Dude, I was in his great state of Florida Oh, nice What'd he say? I'm chat GPT-ing it right now I said, can you give me three mean nicknames for Donald Trump? And it's just thinking

damn i can't think of anything it's been it's already been defeated gbt pussy ass stomped let's see i don't think grok would do it grok on principle would be like no trump is important for the future of our democracy i'm i could be wrong i like when bitcoin came out people talked about people talked to me about bitcoin and like

2012 you know you got to buy it and i was like shut up and i was like all right i was wrong about that one but ai i'm still kind of like yeah we'll see like in terms of like script writing and all that stuff i think it'll it'll be a flurry of them but then they're all they're all gonna you're gonna be able to be like yeah it's an ai script you'll be able to read it like yeah this is written by a machine there will be after a lot of them i think there will be telltale signs yeah i don't know aren't they doing like an ai george carlin

like a special really let me see could you look that up and i think that's selfish what do you mean he's dead dude don't ruin stand-up yeah don't come back and be like i'm better i'm still better than everyone yeah it's his it's his estate yeah true it'd have to be approved probably by his descendants i think they're the ones yeah they're doing it yeah that'd be nice imagine the bag you could give to your family by allowing them to do ai hours for you

But the problem is, is you wouldn't have, I guess they could build, eventually it would just become so far away from the actual thing because they're going to just copy all of his material, base it off that. But then it'd be based off like the copies of the copies of the copies. And eventually it would just be like, yeah, I'm a fucking slut. George Carlin's new hour. Yeah. Yeah. I had like seven. Sorry. I like dick. I know that bothers men. Yeah.

I hope he does like a woke like I'm black sorry white people I know you hate to see a black man if his thing comes back and he's just black yeah what if he started doing hybrids like Carlin Pryor

And then they come up with like an amalgamation of the two people. That'd be pretty tight. Yeah. Just Carlin screaming the N-word? Just calling himself the N-word. Yes. That would rule. Yeah, that would rule. It would be number one. Did you find anything? Yeah, it's called George Carlin, I'm Glad I'm Dead. It got sent to private because the family sued them. Oh, they were making it and the family said no? No, it was a guy from a podcast who made it.

and he posted it on YouTube and the family sued him and he made it private. And then he later said that it was actually written by people, but I think it was AI. Yeah, dude. Whatever. So the family sued because he couldn't use George Carlin's likeness. Yeah. Fair enough. Yeah, that's what they get. Good. Good one point for the Carlin estate. I wonder how much they got from him though. Like what are they, how much do they squeeze the YouTuber for?

$1,500. Yeah, true. Or like we're going to monetize. They should have just ran ads. They got 18 million views. They got $1,500. I guess that would bother me if like somebody just put up a video of like my dead mom talking for an hour and I'd be like, what the fuck are you doing? Yeah. That makes sense. Well, we should probably switch over to the patch. Yeah, switch to the motherfucking patch. Where are we at, Lemaire?

No way. My God. I thought we were way further. Me too. I could have sworn we're at a solid hour. I thought we were well past an hour. Either way, I can still tell you about this. I went to the magical. Yeah, I was going to save that for the Patreon. But yes, let's hear it. Spill the beans on that. So we get down to the world. First of all, we flew at 7 a.m., which, dude.

I understand Brittany was like, it's either that or we go, we connect a flight and have like a layover. And I was like, you never really know how bad it's truly going to be. I'm like, yeah, we'll just do like a super early flight. I was like, wake the kids up. They'll be all right.

Dude, it was... The flight wasn't really that bad as you get there. And, like, when you throw kids' sleep off, they were just, like, melting down. It was bad. We got there. We were all exhausted. It was bad. We had to get up at, like, fucking 4.30 or 5 o'clock. I was basically on Jocko time for a day. My whole family fell apart. So you get down there, shattered from the day. And then, you know, you get in, you do all the stuff you got to do. And it was...

Me, Brittany, our two kids, comedian James McCann, his wife, and three kids. So we just found this... Brittany found this Airbnb that was like 10 or 15 minutes from Disney World. So they had like a Super Mario room with like a castle bunk bed. Yeah. There was like a dinosaur room. That's exciting. The place was fucking nuts. Yeah, it was very fun. It was actually really sick. There was like an air hockey table. It was fun. We get into there.

Day one, we're all just dead. Second day, we wake up at like 8.30 in the morning. We got to Disney World by like 9.30 maybe. And I didn't realize when you drive into Disney World, it's like...

we got dropped off thank god but they had to drive and park there's a line for parking so you sit in a line for parking you get into the parking thing and then you walk to sit in another line to get on a ferry to get to the place where you can go through and show your ticket so then that's another line and then so i'm like dude this is going to be a fucking disaster like we're not even going to make it we're going to be in lines all day so then we got out of that and we get into the magical kingdom and i will say i got completely converted into a disney head

Soon as we walk in, it's just you. This is giant. It's like this little they really do make this little town. You're like, this is so clean. I mean, this is so nice. Yeah. And then there's just Mickey Mouse having like a Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse bringing out like princesses and all these characters. And like my kids were just fucking losing their mind. And I was like, oh, OK. Yeah. I saw ice now. I couldn't understand when you're sending me those bounding videos.

I couldn't... I was like, what the fuck? I had no idea of why they were doing this. Now I'm like, I get it now. Yeah, they're obsessed. Disney is for real. It's like a religious thing to go down there and kind of immerse yourself in that world. Now I'm like, okay. Dude, there's like for real adults that would go... We were doing the princess meet and greets. They're like a 30-year-old lady in a dress. Bro, by the way...

I was, I'm telling you, I was like, if my kids, because they offer a hug. They would have had to greet the meat. They offer, they offer a hug to every kid. So I was, I was trying to slide into the hug line. If Chloe would walk away, I'd be like, I'll take that. And I'm like,

I'll take that hug. You took the hug? No, no. Oh, I thought you did. I was like, holy shit, dude. They would have called security. But, dude, the print, they keep it. How nice were the princesses? Were they very pretty? Bro, they keep it tight, dude. They keep those princesses. Snatched up. They're snatched, bro. They keep them. I really think if you gain too many LBs, you get fired. Rightfully so. And they'll change that. There's going to be fat fucking princesses soon. I mean, dude, if they've gotten around it now, I don't think.

I think fat ladies can like usher you through the line to the princess, but I don't think there's plenty of that going on, but there's, I don't think they allow them to be princesses because Disney could argue like, dude, we have to capture the illustrated likeness so they could get around all that. We're like, this is a role we're casting. I think I found a way around governor Abbott's nasty rules. What?

Disney princesses at the park. Let me take a look at these. Oh my goodness, Jasmine. Yeah, dude. Did you get to meet Jasmine? No, unfortunately. Holy shit. Very fortunate. If you would have met her, it would have been... True. I could have turned into Jafar. You would have kidnapped her immediately. The Disney princesses are beautiful. Dude, it was... I was for real like... I would just walk in there like, all right, I guess we'll meet Cinderella. And I was like, what the fuck?

You've met Cinderella, Tiana from Princess and the Frog. She's not really a princess. She becomes a princess due to the loophole because she marries a prince. Don't come back with that bullshit. Oh, my God, dude. They're very old. And he kisses her after the marriage, and then she is a princess once she marries a prince. The Little Mermaid has giant tits, dude. Dude, the Little Mermaid was a slut, bro. Yes. They did a princess parade on the floats, and the Little Mermaid, I remember being like, she looked like a raver Burning Man slut, and I was like, what the fuck? She looked...

Little Mermaid might have been the sluttiest princess, I think, of the whole day. Definitely. But you didn't see Jasmine. Jasmine in this is... Let me see. Let me just for... Yes, for research. Yes, for the next time I go to Disney World.

You got to time it. You got to call ahead and go, I'm bringing my kids. Is Jasmine going to be in the park today? Does Jasmine need anything for lunch or whatever? Does she have like a favorite restaurant? You got to visit the one in California now. Disneyland? Yeah. I don't think Disneyland's as big as Disney World. I don't fuck with Disneyland, dude. Yeah, no, I don't. I'm East Coast all day. Yeah, I keep hearing about Disneyland. I also do think Disney World's the OG world. Yeah.

You know what Epcot stands for? Environmental prototype community of tomorrow. Tomorrow. Never would have got that. Dude, you would love Space Mountain. Oh, brother. Yeah, that's tough. Space Mountain. The ball in Epcot. Dude, so there was a ride. So we meet the princesses all as well. Everything's great. They're also, they're very quick, too. They're in character. If you ask, was I like, there was one lady who was Princess Elena.

It's like a weird Disney show. It's just on Disney+. I don't think a lot of people know who it is. Me and Maya would watch it. So I was like, holy shit, it's Princess Elena. And I was trying to hit her face. Holy shit. Well, Brittany was like, which one is that? And Maya didn't know. I was like, that's the Red Princess. That's Princess Elena. And she was like, oh, it's me. And then I asked her. I said something about Elena. I was saying something about the kingdom. I was like, I'm from a kingdom. And they snapped back real quick. I bet your kingdom's great. Kind of like, shut the fuck up.

Oh, man. But they are very quick, dude. They're like anything the kids would throw at them. Isn't Rainy like a Disney head? He's an adult Disney. But he's like an adult Disney pervert, I think. I think everything Rainy does, it's whatever he does, he perverts it.

But there is a weird adult kick element at Disney World. We got to get the rain train on to discuss these princesses. We do, dude. Because there is a... Because there is also... So there's like little kids. Like I had the little girls like kind of freaking out. Then there's like the bounders, like the Disney adults. And then there's like dudes who are taking pictures, like couples that are like... You can just tell it's like their fifth marriage. Yeah. There's like a dude, like a tanned guy with a goatee and just kind of like a barfly. Just in front of the Magic Castle. Just drunk. Just...

Holy fog is Princess Elena. Holy shit, she's here. She's beautiful.

He starts questioning his fifth marriage. He's like, I just love the princesses so much. I need to talk to the princess. But that's why. So that's the reason behind the bounding. I didn't realize this. If you're an adult, you can't wear the costume because then you can be mistaken as an actual cast member. Yeah, that's why they have to bound. That's why they bound. Yeah. That's why they push the limits. That's the point. Yeah, it's pretty. But there was like a, it's 14 and under. You can dress as a princess. Anything above that, you can't. You'll be kicked out for impersonating a cast member.

Yeah, I can see how that was a problem. Yeah, dude. I'm going to dress up like a character so I can hug all the kids. And pervert. Yeah, and pervert. And they're perverts, yeah. But, dude, we go there. So we do all that stuff. I was like, man, this is actually kind of blowing my mind. Is that a bounder? That's a little too close. It's literally just like what if every character was gay as fuck, dude.

That also, that was a fantastic joke by James McCann when we saw the princess parade. The princes are with them. James is like, wow, I wonder if the princesses know all their husbands like men. They're just gay guys in the float like, ah.

That was really funny. Yeah, we watched. So we did that. We went to. So we saw the Princess Parade and then there was a guy. This was the dude. We were getting assaulted by British guys. Rude British guys constantly. If you go to Disney World, watch out for the Brits. They're fucking assholes. Yeah, of course. Get the Brits out. Dude, I'm telling you, man. Up the rod. Up the rod. Disney. Dude, we'll bring you up the rod. One guy pretty badly, dude. It was we're at the Princess Parade. And so we get we're like right in the front.

And this guy standing there, he has two teenage kids. His kids are sitting down so people can see over their backs as it was his little kids. The dad is standing... The dad's like six foot two, just standing there blocking the vantage. He's a Brit? Yeah. And Brittany was like... He's like, all right, hey, the princess. Dude, it was... They probably worshipped the fucking princess. That's what I'm saying. I think they saw that monarchy. I think they're jealous of our monarchy. Yeah. But they were like... They were sitting there and Brittany was like, hey, do you mind if like...

Like there's this line. He's like, do you mind backing up like two feet? So like the little, we had like five little like fucking four year olds. Do you mind if they get in front of you so they can see? And you can, you know, and he was like, no, I got here first and I'm videotaping. And Brittany's like, you're videotaping this shit? And he was like, I got here first. I'm not moving. And he had like two teenage kids with him. So, and Brittany's, I'm like, just chill, just chill. And I was like, dude, can you just do me a solid? I was like, back of a foot. You can videotape. Just let, just so the kids can see around you.

no, I'm not moving. I'm like, dude, I was like, that's kind of crazy. I was like, that's really weird. You're doing that as I do your thing. I'm like, that's bizarre. He was like, and then they start coming. Brittany held Maya up in front of his camera. Oh yeah. Real nice. Real nice. Very nice of you. Oh man. Oh, very nice. Yeah. He was pissed off. That is a gathering of fucking dickheads at that place. Well, dude, and that's the thing. Disney world is like,

There is that weird, almost like you're in church where there's a pressure. You can't act up in there. It looks crazy. Yeah. Because it's supposed to be a very special place. It's fun and there's kids. Yeah. But there are apparently compilations of Disney World arrests, and I can see it going wrong. I've peeped those. It's pretty fun. Because they do pump you. You can get pumped with the alcohol and Epcot and all that stuff. People get pumped on that booze. Yeah. They get a little rowdy. Getting hammered in Disney World is kind of tight. I had just a simple mark and a flight of mezcal. My dad took me to Disney. It was just me and Phil when I was a kid. What?

I was in fifth grade, I think. Oh, that's nice. Yeah, I was a little old. I was third grade was when he told me I was going. Oh, yeah. It was a Christmas gift. I didn't get anything for Christmas. You waited for two years. I didn't get anything for Christmas that year except a towel with Mickey Mouse on it. And I opened it. I was like, the fuck's this? They're like, you're going to Disney World. I was like, holy shit. And you went two years later? Two years later. My dad finally had like a business trip in Florida. And he was like, all right, fine. Yeah.

he got fucking that's all we did we just went to fucking epcot my dad just i just watched my dad go to like the german section he was like look at this i got you one of these it was like chicken on a stick you know yeah i was actually pumped yeah it's actually i was like this is so fucking cool if you give kids stuff on sticks they are yeah that's that's a that whole check though that's

Freud would know all about that. True. That's just gay. True, it's phallic. We like to eat phallic things. Your father's handing you his penis. Your father's handing you his penis. You're eating it. You're gay. You want to kill me. No, you're destroying it. You're destroying your dad's cock. You can't have the threat of obliteration from your father. Your father will cut your penis off. Your father will cut your penis off. Time to read fucking Popper. Carl Popper's the bro. We're done with this Freud bullshit. He's too reductionistic. I can't.

I mean, for physics, yeah, but for the subjective human experience, Popper just is lost, dude, in the mirrored hallway. Well, I say, hold on still. Let me put this in my lap. Oh, you want to suck your father's cock? Yes, this is nice. This is totally normal. I had a rough improv last night. I forgot about that. I don't know if you saw it. I just broke out into a Hitler. When? There was a part of a joke where I was like...

If you don't laugh, this is just hate speech right now. And I was like, it's an Eindhoven. And people were like... Because I fucked up the impression. It didn't even sound like Hitler. It just sounded like I had a stroke. Ha!

I was on stage. Although, he does sound like he's having a fucking stroke. He's fired up, dude. Yeah. You would be, too. Yeah, I made the mistake. I'll never do it again. I came out last night and greeted the crowd. I was like, where are all my Jews at? I thought it would be funny because I wanted to talk about Jewish people. People were not happy. Yeah. And I got all self-conscious. I was like, oh, shit. Fuck. Where are all my motherfucking Jews at? When you start with a rough one, it... Yeah, it's tough. I've opened with that joke that my mom got sad about a couple times, and it's...

An intense bomb. Yeah. It's an intense one where people are like, oh my God. I thought it'd be, I thought people, this guy's a prick. Yeah. People went, ooh. And I'm like, well, I'm not going to like, I'm not trying to kill them. It's like, I'm not going to fucking beat them up.

i'm gonna subject him to a certain yeah oh uh but dude so then we went to epcot and did you go on that inside like the i don't think i did dude the ball you would get so fucking fired up in that ride on the ball i forgot all about it i went on it when i was little and i didn't yeah i was like i like i was like i think you just walk around this thing because james like what is it i'm like i don't know he's like walk around it's like a gift shop i think no dude you get on a ride that takes you from like

Throughout history and shows basically like the evolution of Western civilization, but I see some mechanical guys that are taking you through this big like dome and you're looking at like cavemen, then the ancient Egyptians. Pretty much it's actually all of civilization, but they, you know, it's like they throw in the Egyptians and I think like the Middle East.

But they have like this, this age, that age, that the Greeks, the Romans, and you're going on and on. It goes to like the, like the twenties, the fifties, the seventies. It just shows you like how humans have evolved through technology. And dude, I was like so fired up about it. It was really cool. And then you go into a thing and like, you look at the nighttime, it's like a, they show you like the stars and this giant dome. It's fucking awesome. That is nice. I was so fucking fired up, but our, our fucking thing was in Chinese.

So I had to narrate every, I was like, cause they were just like, cause our, our cart, somehow the language was set to Chinese.

Where our guide was just weird. And Brittany was so fucking mad. And I was like, no, I know what this is. This is Greek. This is Greece. I can tell. And now we're in Rome. So I had to narrate all this stuff to her. So she was kind of bummed about that. What the fuck was it in Chinese? That's what she was saying, bro. She was so mad. She was so pissed off. I'd be pissed. I'd be pissed. But I was trying to hit her with that stuff. I'm like, this is even better. Because we can just think about it for ourselves. We can just think about it for ourselves. I was spot on. I got to the Greek. I'm like, we're about to hit Rome next. We did. And then...

What the fuck else? It was sick, though. But I didn't know when they were showing papyrus, like the invention of paper. I was like, yeah, that's like the Turkish empire. Egypt inventing paper. I had no idea. All right. Yeah, let's swing it over. Let's get to the real stuff. Now it's time to get down to business. Let's get to the real stuff. On the Patreon. Let's go.