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- All right, we're here interviewing black Republicans. LeMaire, what's it like being a black Republican now? - I haven't fully committed to Republicanism. - Yeah? - I haven't completely committed. - What are your policies so far? - You know, I hate,
When they kill babies. I hate that. Oh, you hate abortion? That's your main issue? And I think we should keep people out. I know you're here, but we should keep people out, dude. My mom's visiting. Her and her friend were out. They were out drinking wine last night. I got to overhear my mom and her friend discussing Israel-Palestine last night. Oh, that's great. I was just trying to play a video game. My mom was like, well, they started it, and this is war. So I was sitting there like...
pausing the game like mom what do you know about israel palestine he's like no i know that hey it was so funny to watch how you and your mom like with each other it's really funny yeah she's just trying to be nice you're like mom does that really make sense i i do i need to stop being a brat to my mom yeah you got to be good to your mom i know and i'm such a i look i'm being good on paper i'm very good to her what do you mean like i'll buy her stuff that's good
Off paper, though, you're a fucking demon. In person, people are like, oh, man. This guy's kind of mean to his mom. I don't know why I treat her... Not badly, but when she makes...
You know how... This isn't good. She'll make up stories. Like in groups to try to like sound funny. Like embarrassing stories about you from childhood? She'll talk to us about embarrassing stories. What's an example? Last night she almost did it. Yesterday at the table, I heard she was hitting me with the fucking here it comes. Yeah. As in like when I was a kid. I'll be honest, third grade. I sharted at the end of the day. Yeah.
I made it the whole way home with it I escaped no one caught me how much poop was it was enough that it smells what time in the classroom did your friends realize waiting for the bus why shit in the classroom when they were calling the buses I shit my pants got home stonked the bus up I was like oh it stings who did that and then I got home and at dinner the
they were like how was your day and i was like it was messy i said it was messy you didn't elaborate and then no and then i was like i shit my pants but the story the joke is that how was your day it was messy yeah and then yesterday we were sitting outside and i heard her she was like how was your day was it messy i was like don't don't me shitting my pants right now so i'll give her that that was a good one
She was telling us the other day how she tried her hardest not to make you feel. She was like, I used to read him books. I used to read him stories. But he just. Tried to not make me my father? Yeah. Whoa. But then he just started turning into Phil. That's what I mean. She says wild shit like that. Yeah, it's pretty dark. She loves Phil. She does.
It's not like they're divorced and they've never had a problem. No, she does feel so much. Yeah, it feels the best. Yeah, what the fuck? She says like dramatic things like that. Yeah. And that I can't, I get annoyed. I understand. So I need to work on that and be very nice to her. For sure.
Did you buy her a house yet or what? I got her a pool. I'm going to make them keep the house. Okay. I like the childhood house that I grew up in. Oh, shit. You bought her the Mechanicsburg house. Yeah, the Mechanicsburg house they own and I bought a nice... They got a nice pool. So you paid for renovations? Yeah, yeah. That's pretty solid. Yeah. Is it a lap pool or it's more like a small one? It's a pretty big fucking pool. It's worth...
close to as much as they paid for the house. - God damn. - And I was like, you can get a pool. I was like, mom, I don't care how much it costs. I didn't think they were that expensive. - How much was it if you don't mind me asking? - It was like, right now it's probably sitting at like 200. - Oh, you bought her a nice house. - She got a giant pool.
Because she was like, okay, here's what I want. And I was like, mom, you don't have to go cheap on this. You can get whatever you want. And then she sent me an invoice for like, she's like, with the landscaping, it's going to be about $250,000. She's like, all right, so I don't ever want to hear that I'm a bad fucking son again.
Last night was funny too. Yeah, I was making fun of her for it. I was like, mom, the pool is $250,000. Shut up. She was like, it is not. It is not $250,000. And I was like, how much is it? She was like, there's one more thing we have to add to it. But she's having fun. So it's good. Yeah. Yeah. She put up with me being a fucking loser for 30 years.
So that's good. Well, now you did it, man. You're on top of the world right now. For the time being, yes. Full circle. Until I blow all my money on pools for my mom. Anyway, it's nice of you to join us, dude. Andrew Callahan, everybody. Let's get it. Thanks for the invite, man. I appreciate it. I'm a huge fan. We are such big fans of yours. I wish Matt could be here for this. Matt.
Matt's a really big fan. He's been talking about you a lot on the pod lately. Yeah, that's why I hit you guys up. Yeah. Pennsylvania excellence in the pod. Hell yeah. So you're Mechanicsburg. He's Havertown. Yes. And where are you? Just Philadelphia. Just Center City? Yeah, pretty much. Center City, Fairmount.
Nice. That's where Matt lives. He lives in Fairmount. I grew up right behind Eastern State Penitentiary. Nice. Right between Girard and Springfield. What years were you there? I was there from 1997, year of birth, to I would say 2008. And my dad was such a Pearl Jam fan that he got a bunch of Pearl Jam lyrics tattooed and he's like, we're moving to Seattle.
And so he just picked up and followed grunge across the world. That's pretty fucking wild. No, not followed Pearl Jam physically, but followed the spirit of Pearl Jam. The spirit of Pearl Jam, which doesn't exist there anymore. We found out the hard way. They divorced about a year after. The spirit of Pearl Jam. It doesn't... What, did they got to divorce the...
Is that what you said? Yeah, they did divorce. Yeah, after the Pearl Jam move? Not because the spirit of Pearl Jam was a thing of the past, but they had an independent... George is dead. This marriage is dead. Yeah, Seattle's nice, though. I like Seattle. It's all right. I was in Vancouver first and then Seattle. And Vancouver seems like just a nice version of Seattle. Did you go to the downtown east side of Vancouver?
No, I heard about that. It's like the Kensington of Canada. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I heard it was the Kensington. Yeah, I got in an argument. There is that weird sense of pride you have where you're like, no, Philly's the worst place on Earth. And I was arguing with a Canadian lady, and she was like, no, Vancouver's the worst place. And then we shared videos, and I think I shared your K&A stuff. Oh, okay. I would say Philly's far worse than Vancouver. Thank you. You win. In your face, Canadian lady.
- Yeah, we do take pride in our-- - Oh boy, you're from Philly. You got that bias. - I'm from Philly, but when I grew up, my parents always told me like, no matter what happens, do not cross Girard Avenue. So I knew there was like some mystical nightmare land about a mile from my house, but I had no visual. And so I was 26 and I was like, let's go cover this. And I was like, holy shit. It's the most disturbing place I've ever seen, the corner of K and A.
I've seen some shit, and that's the worst. Do you remember when that guy, it was like three years ago, he was driving like 120 miles an hour in an Escalade and just slammed into a, he eviscerated a bum. He hit a bum going like 120. That's crazy. He hit one of those guys that was like, standing at a train station. That's got to be the worst high ever. Or the best. I think it might honestly be the best way to go. Did the guy survive?
No. No. Dude, it was going for real. It was a lightning bolt down K&N. Because certain drug users have superhuman strengths. I think a couple of them got hit and survived, like bounced. The tweaker survived. Yes. The junkie's out. They made it. The junkerman was asleep. The junkerman. The junkerman.
Yeah, it's a fun. I know you're an advocate for the fellows, but we like to refer to them as the junker men's. I mean, I think that's fair. And the junker men's, we would drive around K&A and junker men's. We didn't taunt them out the window. We were yelling in the car. Yeah. Hey, no harm, no foul, right? Yeah, we filmed a lot of the show and a show we made in Philadelphia. This sketch show we made. And at night when we were done with the shoots, we would drive around and just like take a look at K&A at night. What was your main takeaway from those drives?
It was so shocking I kept doing it. Yeah. Like it was that fucking crazy. I'm like this is I can't like injecting into open wounds and that's not like a rare thing. They're all doing it when you see them. Yeah. You will see that. Ben Shapiro just went down there. Oh man. He was like filming in the back in like the back seat of a fucking Escalade. Yeah he was probably like this isn't an open air prison. This is pretty nice. He's like look at what the Democrats have done. It's like oh yeah they created Trank huh? Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, the Republicans are going to fix homelessness and end abortion. Dude, you were saying... We were talking a little bit before. They will clean it up, dude. They'll get them out of there. We won't notice. They're going to go through hell, but we won't notice. Dude, I kind of want to know about the Trank Bros. They seem like cool. I mean, I know... You know, but like...
I don't know. They seem like good, not good guys, but like, you know. I don't think I really know what you mean. They look like they have fun. That was Matt's top question, too. It was like, make sure you ask him about the Trank Bros. Oh, yeah. Those are the head chefs of Kensington.
That was some dark energy in that house where I talked to him. Like I'd never been around just like sheer darkness in that sense before, but those guys were not playing around. And my eyes were burning because like the, I guess the mist or whatever, the powder coming off the table was like creating this thick, dense atmospheric layer of like shrink dust. And your eyes were fucking burning and like they're heating up lamb in the microwave in the kitchen behind there because all they eat is lamb. Yeah.
They only eat lamb? Yeah, they see it as like a super high class delicacy. That's pretty cool. Lamb is pretty high class, dude. Some lamb chops out the microwave. Yeah. And then you dish out trank. People dying outside. Yeah, that's truly dark energy. That's like real. Yeah. Those are Satanists. They had like one moment that I didn't even put in because it was so weird. I guess they're like trying to be funny.
One of them was like, hey, you know who my favorite bitch is, right? And I was like, what? He was like, Kim Kardashian. I go, why? He's like, that white girl. And I was like, what? I was like, what do you mean? He's like, that's my favorite bitch because I love that white girl. And I was like, like Coke? And they're like, yeah. And that was it. You know, and I was like, that was fucking awesome.
I know. But it was like in the middle of an intense interview and I was like, am I supposed to laugh right now? That was like their attempt at like hilarious comedy. Yeah, we're going to break this thing open. Yeah, it was crazy. I should probably get into open mics. That's what the Trank Brothers do. They're going to head down to Helium Philly.
hit the raven lounge yeah they had the raven lounge they'll make some sales they could make some sales yeah yeah they get you what i couldn't believe dude i couldn't believe that they're willing to actually talk to me yeah yeah but you learned that like everybody no matter what they're doing wants to be recognized for their work like they want to be remembered by history even if what they're doing is like technically immoral
They think like we did something historic, which they did. Yeah. They created Trank. Yeah. And that's basically had an impact and they want to be recognized and have a statement. How the fuck have they not been arrested? I don't know, man. What do you think? Like if you can just go interview the guys that did it.
I've had that thought a lot. It's almost easier as a journalist to get to someone than it is for the cops. Yeah, for sure. Because they're trained in avoiding cops, but they love exposure. Everybody loves publicity, especially drug dealers. Yeah. Didn't Sean Penn interview El Chapo? Sean Penn did interview El Chapo. And then didn't El Chapo get arrested? I think Sean Penn's fed, dude. He's like, diddy, bro. Yeah.
The informant. I think that happened because El Chapo said he was a huge fan of Sean Penn's movies. I think El Chapo actually requested to send your pen to God, isn't it? He's like, look at him, he's fucking retarded. The whole movie, he's fucking retarded. You gotta see his movie, he's fucking... That's good stuff, huh? I think the first five minutes of I Am Sam is really funny.
I was just talking about this the other night. They set the base. They set the base for like how retarded he is. When he falls? No, in the beginning of the movie, he's like literally like organizing sugar packets at Starbucks. And then he goes to the hospital and the baby happens. And then the lady abandons him with the baby by walking into a crowd of people.
That's how she loses them? Yeah. She probably didn't even try to abandon them. She fucking lost them. Yeah. It was crazy. I will say, though, if somebody followed around me for the first part of my day, I'd be putting out the first, yeah, I'd be organizing sugar packets. Yeah, fuck it. Splendous.
yeah dude so what the hell are you doing down here in austin um i wanted to come on your podcast went on the lex friedman podcast a couple of pods man i also love austin i haven't been here since the country shut down for kovitz i was like i heard that it was super different and there was like a big california influx so i had to come confirm firsthand is it confirmed oh for sure yeah this city's like three times bigger than it was in 2019. it's crazy
Also, the eclipse is happening in five days. So we're going to go to this field near Uvalde where all the totality nerds are going to meet up. Bill Nye is going to be there. I'm going to try to catch him. But people are freaking out about this shit. I don't know what totality is, but it's a big deal apparently. It's like a 100% cover of the moon in front of the sun.
Right? Yeah, that's an eclipse. So does that mean the whole sky is going to go dark? I think so. That's going to be sick. For two minutes, I heard. It's on Friday, right? Yeah, I think we're going to be in Michigan, dude. We're going to miss the fucking cool eclipse. The 8th. It's on Monday. It's on Monday? Yeah.
Why do you think it was Friday? Saginaw is like where they have that cool ass bridge that goes from like regular Michigan to the upper peninsula, right? I've never been there. I've been there one time. I went to a bar and like I've never had a straight up like neo-Nazi like approach me before. But I was in Saginaw and this fool was like –
I thought he was going to say huge fan. He's like, what's up, man? I'm embracing for like the, Hey, good to meet you. And he goes, are you a B like Aryan brotherhood? And I'm like, no. And he's like, Oh, I thought you were my Sally, my bad. And I was just like, what the hell? And that was the only experience I've ever had in Saginaw, Michigan. And that was, I was there for maybe a half an hour meeting a neo-Nazi. I had a real fascist. I met fascists. One, I was in Spain at a bar and these dudes were like, I could barely speak English.
or Spanish and English at that point but talking to these guys and they're like yeah yeah yeah we love Franco and I was like sick and then he's like put out his cell phone and it was him giving a Nazi salute in front of a burning swastika on his phone what do you say to that I was like oh bien muy bien that's fucking loco and then I told the bartender I was like bro they're fucking fascistas and he was like
I was like, well, Fashisa's a key. And he was like, yeah, that's a... He's like, that's just a regular guy. He's a bar, dude. Don't be fucking gay, dude. Don't fucking tell on the fascists. You ever get to meet any Nazis? No, but I was thinking about burning crosses the other day. I watched that movie, The Black Klansman, and at the end they have a burning cross at it. And I was like, that's actually kind of a powerful...
like visual, a burning cross. And then I like looked into it and one of the emperors, I can't remember his name, but he used burning crosses to like scare people when he was trying to, when he was crusading, trying to get the Bible together.
I think you should do it. Burn a cross. What are you going to say? I would love it. If LeMaire got into cross burning, he's not at my house. Not here. Definitely not here. I think it was, it's powerful. It was like kind of moving the way they did it in the movie. Like it was like, cause like reconstitute, we reconstituted the meaning as, uh, get out of our neighborhood. I mean, I guess the meaning was originally get out of our neighborhood, uh,
But like, it could be beautiful. It could be a statement against the oppression of the church. Dude. Christian values forced on our society. Yeah. Undoing it by reclaiming the image. Damn, dude. Yeah.
Yeah. Next time there's like a pro-life rally, get down there. Burn a cross. Burn a cross. And say, I'm pro-life. In front of the playing parents. When the fuck did you become so pro-life? I had to do a thing last year that I didn't like. Oh, Jesus Christ.
Oh, man. That's really funny that you said that. Yeah. Well, God bless, dude. You've seen the light. Yeah, it happens. You committed the ultimate sin. Yeah. Is that the ultimate sin?
I think it's up there. Top five. Top five sins. Top five. Well, dude, all sins are equal in the eyes of the Lord. Whoa. That can't be true. You said that in the beginning. It cannot be true. It can't be true. So me and Hilary are tied right now. Yeah. In the eyes of the Lord? Oh, that's not fair. Well, dude, get your score up.
You got a lot. You got 599. You got 5,999,999. You got to catch up, dude. Yeah, I got to catch up. I don't think, yeah, you're going to want to, yeah, you're probably going to want to remove this, but yeah. Who cares? You got the wide shirt. Free internet. Free speech guardians. Yeah.
So you still thinking about working at InfoWars? I don't know if they'd hire me anymore, man. Really? Yeah, now that they know you're fucking libbed, dude. I think people think that I'm like super fucking like libbed out to high heaven, which I understand because I'm like an empathetic person and shit. So when I talk to people, I let them tell their story. So every time I interview like a migrant or something, all these comments are like, you fucking leftist fucking libbed hard. I'm just like, damn, I'm just talking to bro. Yeah, I don't think that's wrong.
Yeah, I think people are so divided and polarized now. Everyone has to fall into either bucket. You're either Antifa or you're a Trump soldier. Do you know what's crazy? The video with you crossing the border didn't get taken down, but your damn ID video did. What the hell? It's crazy. Did you follow that? I didn't get to see the ID thing. What happened? Pretty much, we had this Vegas Tunnels documentary, right? And we used 10 seconds of this Fox 5 publicly broadcast clip in this like
basically 95 minute video and they had lawyers hit up YouTube and got our shit taken down, which is illegal. Like, you know, cause they said it was a fair use violation or copyright violation, but they reinstated it about two hours ago. Oh hell yeah. What were they, what were they doing on there? Uh, I mean it was basically just like footage of, uh, this nonprofit, like helping people living in the tunnels. And I guess it was their property. Oh, so they had an issue. Yeah. I thought there was a conspiracy about it.
There was some saying. There was no conspiracy. Well, the conspiracy is like Las Vegas right now is going through like a Disneyland style image rehab because it's known for being like a neglected kind of like shitty place, right? Yeah. But they just got the Raiders, the athletics, the sphere was just built and Las Vegas is trying to double down and be a whole new city. And so the idea of homeless people living in the sewers basically below –
The most expensive casino on the strip is not really positive PR for the town. Yeah. And given that like Fox 5 is their biggest news affiliate, I suspect that the mayor or someone high up in Las Vegas City Council was like, yo, how can we get this video down? Let's do a copyright strike. But maybe I'm just on some tinfoil hat shit. But I feel like there was a real... I don't think that's real tinfoil. I think that's perfectly... I thought the tinfoil thing was like...
The Dems wanted it down because you were exposing how they're trying to get those guys' IDs to go vote left. Oh, shit. I didn't even consider that. I'm always thinking from that angle. It's all about the vote. I'm always worried about what the Dems are up to. They're trying to get people to vote, man. They're trying to get fucking...
Yeah, they're trying to get the... How long ago did you film that, if I can ask, the Vegas one? Shit, I filmed that about a year ago now. Oh, okay. Have you ever, like, have you talked to the guy again? I can't remember his name. You talked to any of the fellas down there? No, man, because I tried to help as best I could, but there's a certain situation where, like, you have a paternal relationship with somebody. I don't want that. I don't want them calling me being like, I need 10 bucks today, 10 bucks tomorrow. So I tried to offer the help, and then from there, you got to guide it yourself.
Yeah. Because you're not going to change your situation unless you want to. Yeah. And if you have someone coming every day blowing your high being like, hey, man, you want to do some day labor? And they're coming down from like a three-day meth bender, you're going to become their worst enemy. Yeah.
So you literally did the first step of like every addict. They're like, I can't get there. I can't did. And you did it. And now like, if any, it is up to him now. Yeah. Yeah. That's what tripped me out is like what I filmed first was the San Francisco streets video, then Philly, then Vegas. And the Vegas video is different because it's like me actually trying to help in some way because like,
Like when you've been living that way for a long time, a lot of people get used to telling this like story of like, oh, I can't better my life because of this. I can't make a change because I don't have an ID or because my social security check is not coming. But then if you think about it, like a lot of those roadblocks, we already have like billion dollar programs set up to help them. It's just a lot of people don't want help or they do want help, but they don't know how to take that step. Yeah.
Because people aren't babies, you know? Yeah, 100%. No one really likes living on the street. Yeah. You know what I mean? But a lot of them are really embarrassed, and they want to make it seem like they're just a victim of bad luck, which in some cases is true. But, dude, you got to think, in the older generation especially, bro, like, it's embarrassing for them to be living like that. Yeah. My generation, if you're in your 20s, it's like we're kind of drifters, vagrants, kicking it, van lifers. It's a whole different thing if you're a boomer living in Philly on the streets. That's fucking embarrassing. Yeah. For them. I mean, whatever. Yeah.
Yeah, it's pretty embarrassing. For sure. For everyone. Have you ever been homeless for more than a day before? No. Really? You never had a car breakdown in West Texas? Stuck? Just stuck. Yeah, but I was on a friend's couch and stuff. Yeah, for sure. Never outside. You never slept outside in a park? I slept in a car in a rest stop, yeah. Which rest stop was that? That was on 95 outside of D.C. Yeah.
On the way, yeah. You know what my favorite rest stop is? Breezewood, PA. Have you been? Breezewood's nice. It's a nice rest stop. The Cracker Barrel there? Yes. Crazy. Planet Fitness, Cracker Barrel, everything you need. That's a crazy rest stop. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah. Oh, you're a rest stop aficionado, dude. You're a big van lifer. Some could say. Yeah.
Yeah, how long were you living in a van for? Shit, about two and a half years. Yeah, okay. Were you tired of it? Yeah, by the end especially, there's like, you know, living with two other dudes and a car sucks. Yeah. Oh my God, dude. For two and a half years. But then the electricity stopped working and the generator was supposed to be like 10,000. How'd you guys beat off, dude? You wait till your friends aren't in the RV. Or you make them leave for some reason. Yeah. Yeah. Like, you guys gotta go to Starbucks. Gurby just told me a funny story about that. He was...
Because I did a joke about when you're a kid, you love your mom until you jack off for the first time. And then you're like, as soon as she leaves the house, you're beaten off. And he was like, I heard that. And he remembered his mom coming home one day and like, what do you want for dinner? And he was like, pasta and broccoli. She was like, well, I have to go to the store if you want that. Is there anything else you want? He was like, you got to get pasta and broccoli. He made his mom run an errand so he could jack off. Yeah.
Dude, that's how it was. I remember I jacked off for the first time in the bathroom of an Italian restaurant in Seattle. Damn, I mean. Hey, grunge life. Grunge life's back. Dude, I didn't even know what was happening. I went to go wash my hands. So I got soap in my hands and I just touched my dick for a second. I'm like, yo, that was crazy. That was fire. Yeah, that's soap. So I remember it took me about 45 minutes to complete the mission, right? So I'm in there trying to make it work and my parents are banging on the door like, are you okay?
Andrew I'm like I'm just taking a really gnarly shit just give me a second here I have no idea I can feel this good yeah I came out of that shit like a changed man I was like I don't know what I just did but I think I'm the first guy to do it yeah that's how it goes yeah
Then the homies reported similar situations, and I was like, we're all doing this? Everybody starts reporting back around the same time. By the middle of seventh grade, bro, it is insane. Everyone's a chronic master. Yeah. That's actually my material right now. That's what I'm working with. Yeah, you figured it out. Yeah. You cracked the code. Hell yeah, man. The magician's been revealed.
Yeah, that's a fucking insane first one. Yeah. What about yours? Mine was... Actually, I got a wild one. I was sleeping at my friend's house. I was on his family's couch watching porn while they were in the kitchen.
Where did he ask? I can't believe this. You're on the couch watching porn or like cooking food? Yeah, yeah. He was a weird ass. You could watch porn there. What? Really? Yeah. His parents were super chill. His parents were so chill. Would they just come in and be like, I love this scene? They'd go, oh, what are you guys doing? No. My parents would literally beat my ass. Yeah, dude.
It's weird to let your kids watch porn. Yeah, it's very weird. Yeah, it's not chill, but I mean, you can't stop them. When you're a kid, it's the chillest house of all time. It's like when they let you smoke drugs in their house. Like, as long as your door get here...
Yeah, I had a friend's mom like that. We abused the fuck out of that rules. Exactly. That was 20 people over just hot boxing. That's exactly what we did. She's like, just I'm happy you're doing it here. I'm like, why? Like what's out there that's so dangerous? Like we can't smoke weed at the park now. When was your first? I'd love to hear this. I was I think I was 13.
Yeah, it was just in the bed. Cracked one off in the bed? Yeah, to like the squiggly channel. Oh, really? Yeah, I thought I saw a boob and I was like, my cousin's been telling me about this. I might as well try it. And your life forever changed. Yeah. Has anyone been giving you any guff about sharing a flashlight with your brother yet? Oh, no. No.
Did we cut that from the last one or something? Is this improvised or is this real? No, this is real. Nice. Yeah, we shared a flesh on the floor. He has a brother that's equally, they're the same. Yeah. There's two of these guys. It makes sense why that would happen. Yeah. Yeah. We're pretty close. Yeah. Real brothers. True brothers. They're the best. There's two of these guys walking around and they used to split, they used to have two air mattresses in their room and they would, occasionally one of them would explode. They both had two air mattresses.
He said they'd be sleeping at night. You'd just hear someone in the van like... They'd just have to sink into a fucking... Poor ass. Sleep on a cold ground. How long does it take for an air mattress to explode if you're doing nightly... One of these big fellas? And this is... LeMaire's looking good, dude. He used to be 400 pounds. Really? Damn, congratulations. You were exploding air mattresses. Yeah, he was...
Chabri was never 400. No, but he's mad small now. He's skinny as heck. Yeah, he is.
Jabrigat's game, but he was a unit too. Yeah. He was probably three. Right. He was easy 350. Yeah. 350, 400. Holy shit. The Lee brothers combined 800 pounds. The one-ton brothers. That makes air mattress shit way funnier. It's so funny. Just two brothers exploding air mattresses, sharing a flashlight, being 800 pounds. Yeah.
Smashing animals. Did Jabri ever kill any animals, too? He was there with me when we dropped that rock on a bird. The disgusting brothers. You were out torturing animals? We didn't torture. Me and my brother and our cousin Jared, we were outside. Was Jared a big dog? Yeah. Yeah. How big is Jared? He's tall, too. He's probably like 30 pounds. So he was the leader of the unit, too. Dude.
I think I was the leader. You were the leader of the units? I like to think I was the leader. You've got good leadership. I led all the pizza roll missions. You led the pizza roll missions? All the late night pizza roll missions. That is a leader. How many missions a day was that? Just that night, dude. Whenever the parents, you know, 11 o'clock. We had a strict household.
Really? Yeah, I couldn't watch South Park. I couldn't watch anything past like 10 p.m.
Yeah, it was pretty strict. But then the brothers were out on a mission. You found a bird? Yeah, it was in the back. It was already under the rock. It was already under the rock. And my cousin was like, yo, guys, look what I found under this rock, a bird. Oh, he didn't find that. Birds don't go under rocks, dude. Birds don't get under rocks. It was there. It was under the rock. And then I lifted it up, and I dropped it, and it went...
Like squeaking. Oh, no, it was alive. No, it was dead. I think it was just all the air leaving its body, I hope.
There's a rapper in Kensington right now named Skrilla who's been sacrificing animals for his rap videos. Whoa. Decapitating goats and shit and using Kensington junkies as extras in his fucking background. I'm going to send you guys this shit. Wow. It is horrific. Is he sacrificing goats on Kensington? Yeah. What? The cops are letting voodoo happen now too? He's like a demonic Kensington trunk drill rapper. Yeah.
Damn. I'll take the under on that life expectancy. That's fucking wild. Price big. Trank drill wrapping. Yes. I hope one of those goats gets loose. Yeah. Make it.
Where do you get goats from in Jersey? You can get goats in the field. Well, so recently I did. This hasn't came out yet, but I know exactly where to get goats in the Philly area. You got to do it in Jersey. So we have an episode coming out called like, it's called the hunt for the Jersey devil. Are you guys familiar with the mythical beast? Yes. So we went hunting with this actual like unit of researchers who believe that it's real. And so they said, if you want to find the devil, you got to get a bunch of goat's blood because the Jersey devil is a distant cousin of the goat.
So I went, we had to go to a goat farm in Jersey and we're like, can we have some goat's blood? And we get there and they fucking kill this goat basically like out back and bring us like a giant jar of blood to hunt the devil with. And so, yeah, they just literally kill a goat. We didn't ask them to fucking kill it. We go, Hey, do you have any extra goat's blood laying around? They're like, Oh, we don't have any right now, but we'll take care of it. We can like hear this goat get killed. Jesus Christ. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, dude. Did you find the devil? No. Damn. I seen it. You saw the New Jersey devil? I saw the devil. Me and Jabir were driving back from Ramapo. We saw it on the road. I was like, oh no. I was so scared. You guys saw the Jersey devil? Yeah, I was so spooked too. Yeah.
Sounds terrifying. It sounds like you're making that up. I'm not making it up, dude. We saw the Jersey Devil. It was like a dog. It had horns. It was up like this.
Sounds like you really saw it. Yeah, I saw it, dude. Were you guys high as fuck? Yeah, I mean, a little bit. We were a little high. What did you guys do to celebrate seeing the devil? Did you pull off and get some Roy Rogers? I hit the next Wawa. I was like, did you fucking see that, dude? Some Roy Rogers. Roy Rogers is the best rest stop food. That's crazy. That's one of the worst rest stops. Roy Rogers is the best one. Roy Rogers is a letdown. What? You get to make your own burgers to tenders?
We're Rogers Tenders on top, too. Those are solid tendies. I'll give that to you. Solid tendies. Sheetz has good tendies. Sheetz does have some good tendies. Sheetz has the best tendies. Sheetz or Wawa? What do you think? Wawa's the hoagies. That's where it's at. But Sheetz has a fryer. She can get some good tendies. Although I think Wawa might have fryers now, too, right? Wawa has pizza. Pizza.
Oh, really? Yeah. They don't have the tendies. Yeah. Sometimes all you need is some tendies and sheets is the answer. Yeah. You can't microwave tendie. They come out too wet. Yeah. It's so true, dude. Shane, you feel like you connect more with like the Pittsburgh or Philly area? Growing up, Mechanicsburg is way more like Pittsburgh. Yeah. Like once you get past Lancaster, it's kind of like just the Midwest. Yeah. It's a whole different world up there. Yeah. Outside of Philly. Actually, as soon as you leave Philly, it's kind of the Midwest. Yeah.
And then Lameezy's a Detroit man. I was born there. So when you smashed the bird, was that in Detroit? Yeah, that was in Detroit. Well, that bird had it coming. What was he doing in Detroit? I thought I hallucinated black squirrels for most of my life. But they only kind of...
Yeah, I thought... Wait, you thought you hallucinated black squirrels, but you're certain you saw the New Jersey Devil? Well, here's why I thought I hallucinated a black squirrel, because when I saw it, it was eating a rib bone onto, like, a trash can. That was a Detroit squirrel. Dude, let's get some ribs. That's what I was like, bro. Dude, let's get some ribs. The animal's probably new to stay away from the Lee brothers, dude. Yeah.
You're Omar, dude. They heard you comment. We did kick our dog in the nuts. That was pretty fun. I heard about that. I remember that story. You've never done that? I would never kick a dog like that. Really? No. Why not? Because they're dogs, dude. You don't kick them in the balls. I kicked you. We didn't really kick each other in the balls. We'd do it for fun.
This is probably why our mom didn't let us watch South Park. Because there was an episode of South Park where they did Rochambeau. And they would just kick each other nuts. And then me and Jabri just started doing that because we were like, that looks fun. Did you guys build up tolerance? Yeah, I was going to say. That's good battle for all the bullies. Yeah, practicing getting kicked out. Yeah, you guys can't hurt the Lee brothers. The Lee brothers hurt themselves. Yeah.
getting kicked in the nuts is horrible yeah that's crazy it's only happened to me once or twice yeah well as a kid i didn't i was like 10 or 11. yeah before puberty doesn't hurt that much yeah yeah when they're still small yeah but yeah once once like sixth seventh grade hits and everyone starts hitting the like the nut taps yeah that was uh that was a devastating time period that taps yeah yeah the full body yeah
So you were out in Seattle. How old were you when you moved to Seattle? About 11 years old. Okay. Did you get to play any cool sports while you were in Seattle? No. It's not a sports town. For me, as soon as I started smoking weed, all sports went away. Yeah. There's like a path when you're 13 where you divide between stoners and athletes. Yes. And I'm happy to take path one. But before then, I was a first baseman. Nice. Nice.
Actually, Fairmont Sports Association MVP of 2007. Oh, shit. If you want to look it up. Fuck, you were an MVP in 07? Yeah, we lost to Germantown in the last game. Damn. Aside from that, I did pretty good. You're an MVP and you chose the drug life? Well, I mean, it was just weed. You're like Daryl Stroll, man. Yeah.
But no, I've never been a sports guy. Mostly because I moved when I was 12. So I was an Eagles fan and a Phillies fan. I get to Seattle and they had the Sonics and shit. Are you a Seahawks fan now? A little bit. I have a hard time following sports. I don't know. It's just boring as fuck to me. That's fair. It's pretty boring. Because it's not real.
What do you mean? I feel like it's all rigged. You know what I mean? Like they're like for profit fake, you know, divisions between regional areas in America. Yeah. They're trying to distract us from having like true liberated thoughts. I think that's pretty reasonable. It's true. People live and die behind these logos and these teams. Yeah. Yeah.
Dude, I still like sports though. They're fun. People's whole lives depending on whether or not their team wins or loses. Dude, there's some Eagles fans. I'm sure you guys know what I'm talking about. Their year will suck if they don't make the playoffs. No matter what. Yeah. Our friend Tommy's like that. Tommy gets like, yeah, the Phillies. Wasn't that the Phillies? The Phillies lost and he put a fucking hole in the wall while they were watching it.
Jesus Christ. I lived with him. I was like, he watched fucking two regular season games. He didn't watch the season at all. And then they got to the playoffs and he's like, ah, fuck. I was like, this is crazy. Dude, I'm the same way. I'm not going to lie, man. Yeah, it's exciting. 2008 when the Phillies won, that was the best fucking game of my life. That was awesome. Do you guys remember that? Yeah. Yeah, they rioted, dude. I lived on Broad Street at 13th, like right, and I could see the street. Like, they were pulling people out of cars, just like beating people up. It was sick. Yeah.
The roster was so sick at that time. Ryan Howard, Jimmy Rollins, Roy Victorino and shit. Victorino was the bro. J-Roll was my favorite baseball player of all time. He was like my role model when I was a kid. Yeah. He's a good role model. Yeah, I wonder what he's doing now. He's around. He's probably just living. He's probably living. Doing his thing. Yeah, he does stuff with the field. I see him do sports broadcasting. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah.
Why don't sports guys ever become like men's motivation dudes? I feel like that would be like a natural path. Like men's motivation, car sale guy, you know?
Men's motivation sick. Yeah. Have you guys seen that full Andy Elliott on Instagram? Yes, the car salesman. Yes. He gets me amped, dude. I want to sell cars. Yeah, I make some sales. We discuss Elliott a lot. Okay, we're part of Elliott Army here. You guys signed up for the online package. No, not yet. Not yet, but we're considering it'll really help you level up, bro. How many how much money do you make a year selling cars? I don't have a six pack yet. If somebody true. I'm never gonna get in, dude. Yeah.
We got on that and I was hating on him for a while. First couple times I saw it, I was like, fuck this guy. On what grounds? What was your initial hatred? The first hatred was how fucking dumb the one thing he said was, which was like, how many cars could you sell in a month? And the guy's like, 20. And he's like, what if I kidnapped your family and said you have to sell 40 this month or I'll kill your family? He was like, well, then of course I could. And you're not doing it. Why? He's like, well, because my...
No one's got my wife at gunpoint. What are you talking about? He's like, Elliot Army's on the way. Elliot Army's going to kidnap her. But then I kept watching it and it's pretty good. The guy's fired up. He's excited about life. He makes me want to exercise. It's hard to hate on him. Do you guys have any other favorite men's motivational speakers online? My number one right now is a guy named Luke Belmar. What's up with him? Luke Belmar. You wouldn't believe it.
He's just a guy. He copied Andrew Tate. He's not necessarily a men's workout guy, but he's an entrepreneurial type. Some of these takes, you wouldn't believe. They're like, who was your mentor? He was like, Leonardo da Vinci. I'm going to steal that one. That's amazing. Do you follow this guy, Davis Clark?
No, I don't know if Dave is Clark. He's like this locked in ass marathon runner from Boston who's really excited about going to the corporate office every morning. Yeah, yeah.
I'm making a fucking documentary about him. Really? Final question. Oh, this guy. Because I know you're a man of mystery. There's two types of chefs. Those that work for profit and those that work for passion. Do you agree? Do you have a secret pasta? A secret pasta that you can make me. For you? Yeah. It's coming. Oh, yeah. Gracias. This is one of my favorites. Very simple, very tasty. Like mother used to make it.
Thank you, sir. Thank you, sir. He got the secret pasta. That's how a boss eats. I didn't know what that guy's name was, but I see him on my feed all the time. That's how a boss eats. Yeah, I remember he was like, he was talking to some college kids. He's like, how many of you guys could ask a homie right now for a 500K wire? And they were like, none of us. None of us. He's like, because you don't hang out with fucking bosses. You need to upgrade your social network. I was like, oh, shit. He has one. He's sitting there and he's like,
What do banks do? Rivers. Banks control the current. What is a current? Currency. If you can control where the current's going, you can let the water, the currency, come to you. And everybody in the room had to be like...
He's doing the beautiful mind solutions. Yeah, he's doing beautiful mind solutions with like a pretty low IQ. He might not be low IQ. I think that's his second language. Look, I'm going to turn and be a fan of Luke Belmar in a month. Yeah, I mean, at least he's on a positive tip, I guess. He is positive. Yeah. He is positive.
So who's this guy you're looking at? So Davis Clark, aka the locked in UMass king. So every morning he posts shit. He's like, yesterday he was like, I don't have to go to the office on Monday. I get to go to the office on Monday. Here come the heavy hitters. We're locked in. Oh, yeah. I know this fucking guy. It's him at work. He's like, another day at the office.
the office? Does his mouth always open? Always. Yeah, I've seen this guy. Yo, so I got his number and I'm going to Boston to do a documentary about him. Hell yeah. I just watched. He just linked with the 25-year-old DC Bachelor. You ever see that guy? No, I haven't. What's his name?
Tony P. They linked like recently I saw a video of them at the steakhouse together and they're like, it's great to be here with Tony P. And Tony P's like, let's go man, we got steaks coming. Yeah. Those guys are the ideal employees for any company. They will never betray you. They'll give 100%.
Yeah, that's it. Those are the funniest dudes possible. Tony P. You guys need Tony P. What's best about them is they didn't mean to be famous. You know what I mean? He just wanted to genuinely post the shit. And now the whole world's watching. They literally want to just inspire people. That's like Pookie though. You watch Pookie? Pookie and Jet?
Those are good people. Are they motivational? No, it's just rich. It's just two rich southerners. Oh, sick. Jet just keeps buying Pookie nice shit. He's like, Pookie, you look amazing tonight. Pookie, what are you wearing tonight? She's like, this jacket's from... It's great. I can't wait to watch it. It's really wholesome. What did fucking Pookie do? Pookie was in hot water for wearing an antebellum dress at a party in her college days.
Antebellum-like during the slave times? Sort of, but it wasn't, you know. They're from the South. I feel like everyone used to do that. Who the fuck didn't think Jet and Pookie were clearly racist? These are somehow still slave-owned. They own slaves now. They figured it out. They're definitely owning slaves. I looked up...
Actually, McCaffrey did. That's hilarious. Christian McCaffrey was obsessed with Pookie and Jet. Yeah. And then he looked into Jet. The guy, I think his name is Jet. The guy's a fucking genius. He finished top of his class at Penn. Jet's the fucking man, dude. Yeah. You watch it, you're like, this guy's a fucking idiot. Just the way he's like, I don't know, he's like autistically talking to his...
His bae? Yeah, you got to see the boy. Oh, he's a handsome southern man. He's a southern gentleman. He's put together. He's the best. Pookie's... So she was wearing an antebellum slave owner outfit.
When you, was it a relic from that time or was in the style of that time? I think it was in the style of that time. I think that's totally exciting. Isn't that like a Disney princess? Sounds like a hatchet job. It was. It was sort of. It sounds like they pissed off the Matrix, right? Wait, they were in Aspen? They were in Aspen. Oh. That's a big deal, dude. Pookie's a... You didn't link? You gotta link with them.
they're having dinner at steak steak places steak places they're going fucking steak top tier steak places Andrew do you have a favorite interview damn that's a tough one because like there's like there's the most impactful interviews but also my personal favorites yeah I'm trying to think what do you think comes to mind as like your favorite channel 5 show you've seen I liked the I liked the January 6th one with the
QAnon Shaman. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. With the Q Shaman. That was pretty good. That was fun to watch him just like screaming in the park and the other guy. Yeah, I liked that. The guy that linked you guys. Oh, Kelly J. Patriot. Oh, yeah. Kelly's a real homie. Oh, no. I think it was in the movie. Oh, the one, the guy that ended up actually having...
for... Enrique Tarrio? Was that the guy that was like a pedophile hunter? Oh, yeah. And then you sat down with him and you're like, what's this? Peter Dave. And he was like, what the fuck is that? Oh, yeah, because like, we had found this guy. Here's your mugshot from being a pedophile. And he was like, I don't know what the fuck that is. Who sent you that? The CIA? Yeah.
No, it was crazy. Because we found this guy on Bit Shooter and he was like, I'm Dave the Pedophile Hunter. He's like, every day he exposes a new pedophile. He's like, today, Eminem. The next day, it's like Chris Tucker. And he was like, Ice Cube, like everybody. So I looked the guy's name up and he has like, he's a convicted child molester. So I'm like, you'd think that he would...
You'd think he'd want to drift away from talking about that kind of stuff, but no, he wanted to really own it. He's hunting them down. But off camera, he gave me some whole explanation where like the deep state set him up because he was criticizing the pharmacies for prescribing Adderall to the kids and the Boy Scout troop that he was...
a leader of. And so the Adderall lobby and the Ritalin lobby took him down on false charges. And I was like, really? I hope not. So wait, he was a boy pedo? He was a Boy Scout leader. Oh, no. And you know what's more fucked up? In Bed-Stuy in like the 70s. Oh, no. So like he was like commuting into an inner city black neighborhood to be a Boy Scout leader and then do a molestation. So it's pretty fucked up. Oh, yeah. Ew, they were black? God, that's even worse. Yeah.
I honestly did kind of feel bad about that scene though. I'm not going to lie. Yeah. Like I wouldn't do something like that. You weren't trying to do like a gotcha thing, but I didn't, I don't like you kind of build a glass house when you do shit like that. You know what I mean? You kind of seem like this like ball buster person who like misleads interview subjects. So now if I was to meet him, I'd be like, Hey, I happened to see online that, you know, you have these charges.
Can we talk about that? But, you know, I don't like... My style has changed a lot since those days. I don't like ambushing people. Dude, your style has changed so friggin' much, dude. You've evolved. I had to. It's so good. It's so great. Hey, man. Yeah, I was talking to you outside about the end of the Trump convoy thing at the border. I thought that was great when you were like, let's not make fun of these guys. Let's figure out why they're doing this. Like, it doesn't help at all when people show up and are like, look how dumb these people are. It's like, that's only going to make them...
More against you. I don't know although I will say I saw a not that this is totally Similar to what we're talking about. I saw a black dude wearing a MAGA shirt yesterday when I was leaving the airport shit pumps me up I can't deny it that shit fires me up See a fucking black dude who's jacked wearing a MAGA like the fucking predator shield on it the Punisher I would say predator Punisher shield on there. I was like, let's go brother. I wonder if it was MAGA Hulk that you saw I
He wasn't that, but he wasn't Hulk status. Because he's a huge black bodybuilder dude. He's like Trump's most loyal California soldier. I appreciate that you like that part. I think that's the most important part of it. I think that like 95% of people don't have hate in their hearts. I think that they think that they're advocating for the right cause. So when you talk to people, it's not like they're spewing racist bullshit or whatever.
Like they're just normal people who think they're there for the right reasons. So you got to figure out why start with that, lead with that, and then see if you can have a real conversation. But too much of the news is already has the agenda laid out. So you're going in hot, trying to make people look a certain way because you want to rise in the ranks of whatever corporate newsroom that you're working at. And the same, it's also on the conservative side. You feel me? Like they don't want to possibly admit that they're wrong about anything. And so when I was at that trucker convoy,
it was half mainstream Democrat reporters from ABC and Comedy Central who were there to make them look as stupid as possible. And the other half is conservatives who were just raising funds and just figuring out how to make money off the situation. Like, "Oh, can you sell me for gas money "so we can go defend the border?" It's the typical playbook of like, 'cause on the conservative side, it's more like just individuals hustling their supporters for money. Whereas on the more Democrat side, it's a larger force at play.
You know what I'm saying? Absolutely. Everyone's finessing in their own lane. Yeah. I'm about to become a conservative. I'm about to start finessing. Can you give me some gas money? You're finessing me, motherfucker. I'm your sponsor. I brought candy. You did get some candy. You got jelly beans, dude. Jelly beans is the best candy.
Jelly beans is not the best candy. That's a crazy take. It's not. No? It's across the board. Jelly beans are so fucking good, dude. Jelly beans are the best candy. They're not top 10. They're top 10 for Easter. For Easter? They're top 10? That's a deep breath.
Top 10 for Easter. Bro was like, letting that stew for like 30 seconds. He was like, fuck. Top 10 for Easter. Yeah, yeah, stew. Oh, shit, they're here. Why does he sound like that? Okay.
What fucking accent is that? Kentucky vibes. I've never heard anyone sound like that anywhere. Yeah, he's awesome, dude. Yeah, that's the man. He's the man. People were trying to hate on him for it. Now they love him. Now they're like, everyone loves Pookie and Jet. I think, yeah. Shout out Pookie and Jet. Yeah, shout out to them, bro. Luke Belmar's the fucking man, dude. I'm back on Luke. Nothing but positive vibes, dude. I don't want to make fun of anybody. No, hell no. Only positivity up in here. Luke Belmar's the fucking man.
He is. All these people we talked about. They are really funny. So... Elliot Army fucking rules. Elliot is my favorite. I want to talk to him so bad. Like, I want to go to one of these sales conferences. Yeah. Because being a used car salesman is inherently built on, like, deception. I sold cars. You sold them? I sold cars and I... That's one of the reasons also I had, like, a...
instant dislike for it was like I was imagining if I showed up to work and they're like we're going to a work conference today or like there was a mandatory work conference at my dealership you have to be one of the people in that conference room where he's like going around like you're fat I'm selling cars I gotta call me fat do you love selling your cars do you fucking love it no I don't want to do this
What kind of dealership was it? It was a Honda dealership. Oh, nice. Yeah, real low pressure. It was great. At least they're selling reliable cars. Yeah, I was like, do you want a quarter, a CRV, or whatever? We got it. If you don't want it, that's fine. So what is the main way to make sure that you land a sale? I was not the best salesman. I was too low pressure. I was genuinely like, if you leave this dealership,
go to our competitors get a price from them come back I'll have to match it or beat it I don't care how much you pay for the car I'd rather you pay the cheapest amount and I would go in and get them the slip to show them how much we paid for the car yeah I'm like this is close to as low as I can get it so you weren't deceiving these people no but they thought I was because I was doing all that yeah there were certain people that were like you fucking scumbag yeah and I was like I swear to god I don't want to be
I don't want to be here. I just got out of college. Was that in Mechanicsburg? Yeah. Nice. Where'd you go to college at? Westchester. Oh my God. That's where I was born. Yeah. Westchester's the shit. I was born at Bryn Mawr Hospital. Hell yeah. Did you go to college at the same time that Asher Roth made the I Love College anthem? I was there when it was going around. Oh my God. Let me see. What a legendary time. That was huge. Had to be like 2010. 2010, 2011.
I think it was, yeah, I love college. Was the album Sleeping in the Bread Owl? Yeah. I want to go to college for the rest of my life. I mean, he's 38. It was probably around the same time. He's 38? I'm still in college. What year? Yeah, it was right when I got there. Did you live in the borough?
Yeah, I lived in town. It was awesome. That's sick. That's where we were filming our show. That's on Netflix. So I was just there. In Westchester. I was in Westchester yesterday. Nice. I love it. You and Bam Margera are two Westchester legends. I love it. There's a high cultural output. I believe Modest Yahoo. Modest Yahoo is from Westchester? I believe.
He does like a monthly show at Stubbs here. Asher Roth, Modest Yahoo, Bam, and me. Yeah. I guess. Although I'm a Kingsbury. I'm a Kingsbury all day. Yeah. Modest Yahoo is Westchester. Let's go. Dude. So the SNL moment, you tired of talking about it or what? No, I don't care. It was pretty neat. To have that full circle. Like, did you feel like more gratitude or more vengeance?
Definitely, I don't want to say gratitude because that's lame, but yes. Were you like, fuck yeah, fuck you guys, I'm back? No, no, no. There was almost no part of me that was in your fucking face. So you've just grown a lot the past couple years? I didn't really feel that way then either. When I was getting fired, I was kind of like...
Yeah. So you just take a step in stride, basically. Kind of the whole time you're like, I knew this was going to happen. Yeah, the entire time. I was like, there's no way I'm getting hired on this. Yeah. And I did think it was funny. As soon as I got done with my monologue, there were articles about how I sucked and I bombed. That was funny. After the show, I was like...
There was a party. I was in the car on the way to the after party and I was like, I'll look at the internet now. I turned my phone off the whole week because I knew everything was going to be that type of shit. And then I was like, yeah, let's see what the internet can't talk shit on that. Let's see what the fucking liberals have to say now. It was like Yahoo News, Shane Gillis bombs. That was like a headline. I was like, oh man. You definitely did not bomb. No, I didn't. I was happy with it.
It was really cool. It was very nice. My family was there. It was a truly there's, you know, it was like happy. I was happy for like an hour after the show. You got an hour of happiness? I got an hour. It's rare. It's more than most people get. Yeah. It felt good. As far as bombing, like that seems like the most difficult part of becoming a standup comedian, right? Yeah. Just that, that fucking pressure of perhaps doing that sounds like a nightmare. Yeah, it is. Yeah. Well,
- Yeah dude, absolute silence and no joy. - Absolutely, that's the worst. At least if people hate it, you can be like, "Yeah, fuck you!" - I did a show, I'd say it was like two years ago, it was at the Cellar. There's a club downstairs I killed, and then I had to go straight away upstairs and I was on next. So this is all within two minutes of getting off stage, I got on stage on the next show and got zero. No one was upset.
No one was laughing. It was just dead silence. Just stone-faced. For 15 fucking minutes. Oh, Jesus. Of just quiet. And then I did a Trump impression at the end, and they were like, yeah, this is really funny. And I was like, no, fuck you guys, dude. You guys hated me. Were you in Portland or something? No, I was in New York. Oh, shit. Yeah. Just hit a rare fucking absolute zero from the jump. Flat tire. And I also, I think it was because I went in with the energy of like, pfft.
I just killed down there. It was in your head. You're like, this crowd's going to be hot too. They love me downstairs. You go up to them and you're like, hey, what's up everybody? They're like, ew. We did a fucking tour for Channel 5 for the movie we did a couple years ago. I have no idea how to do stand-up, but I had to do a 10-minute monologue before every screening. I was doing so badly at first that I would just start complimenting the city the whole time. Everyone was
Yeah. So I remember I got in Fresno and I was like, you know what, guys? People want to come to California. They want to go to San Diego, Santa Barbara, Los Angeles, San Francisco. But there's no California without Fresno. And everyone's like, yeah. So I would just filibuster for 10 minutes straight by being like, let's go Bulldog.
I just went over to the Trader Joe's. That place is awesome. And I just kept going and it worked for me. So that's my strategy. Oh, that really works. People respond to regional, uh, yeah. You know, appeasement. Yeah, they really do. Did you guys talk to, uh, Jeffrey Johns down by the highway? Yeah. That's my guy.
Cincinnati was the easiest because of the Skyline Chili. I just brought the chili on stage and pulled it out of my jacket. I was like, look what I got. Yeah. And I was like, don't you guys hate Cleveland? Fuck Cleveland. It became so easy. Yeah, that's very fun. You can do that. That's very easy. It's more fun to go on and make fun of it. To shit on it. What do you think is the easiest city to shit on?
Peoria. Peoria. The people of Peoria got very upset with me. Yeah. I guess on Rogan, I said it was the biggest shithole I've ever been to. The guy who works... Somebody from the government there sent me a care package, like a shirt that's very funny. It's like, Peoria, it's not that bad. I take it back. Peoria is not that bad. It's not the worst. The worst city...
The best performance I've ever had was Bakersfield, California. Wow. That was the worst. How come? They were just rowdy. It was all like oil workers, like dudes that worked on an oil rig in the oil fields. They're pent up, bro. Yeah. And they got to... Yeah, it was like... Yeah, they were just hammered yelling. They were having fun, but it's hard to...
Try to do your little act while dudes are out there. Ugh. Tend to Trump now. Side ease. Yeah. Where's Matt? Uh,
Indiana's got some rough spots. Oh, yeah. Indianapolis. Yeah. I actually like Indianapolis. Which, by the way, Gary's pretty rough, too. Gary's fucking rough. Gary doesn't exist. Everyone's living in a shed there. Yeah. Have you seen the houses there? It's fucking wild. Isn't that where Michael Jackson's from? Yeah. And Freddie Gibbs. Yeah, we got some good ones. Peoria's got... What's his name? They got Kinnison and Pryor. Yeah. Yeah.
Dude, I was on the plane like a month ago in first class and I was sitting next to this Anheuser-Busch representative. Sick. And I was like, how you doing? He's like, we're fucking coming back.
Coming back. I'm like, what do you mean? He's like, we got fucking Shane Gillis. I'm like, really? He's like, all that shit from last year? No one's even going to fucking remember that. He's like, we got this shit. He's like, don't tell anybody. I was like, I want to say, we got fucking Shane. He was amped up, bro. I know he's going to watch this, man. Yeah, they're going to be pumped. Yeah, dude. They're pumped. You know what's funny is that's how they are. A lot of those guys. Yeah, bro. I'm friends with a lot of those guys. I'm sure I knew the person who was. Probably so. Yeah.
They get fired up. They came to Austin. They came to Rogan's Club. They got after it. It was like the night we were agreeing on me signing with Bud Light. And they got after it. Yeah. I was surprised.
And it's, thank God something was done. Cause I was in a like central Iowa and I ordered a Bud Light and dude, it was intense. I was like, I'll grab a Bud Light. And they're like, you want that rainbow beer? And I was like, what? They're like, here you go. Here's your Bud Light. Everyone's like, I'm like, fuck.
you guys yeah they held it down a lot of dudes held it down they were pissed and they're like where you guys from california and i was like no and he's like well i'm not going there i was like what there you go i've seen the videos i'm like of what i know what videos they're talking about but he was like the ones with the stealing yeah i was like did i do that shit
A lot of bros call Flack for still support for supporting Bud Light during the dark times. I held so strong, dude. I held it down. I was like, we're gonna be back, dude. Yeah, people really overreacted about that shit. And also, the thing is, it didn't fuck any of the people that made any of those decisions at Bud Light. It only fucked all the distributors, all these normal dudes. Middle class, they
They got fucked. Right. You know? Yeah. I don't know if you saw like Sturgis Bike Week last year. They had like a Bud Light tent that was just totally vacant. Right next to it's like Corz and Miller. You can't even fucking walk around. I was like, Jesus, guys. Yeah. Go grab a Bud, dude. My dad's on it. My dad's holding strong now. Yeah. For or against Bud Light? He's for. Oh, nice. But now he goes... He lives in Mechanicsburg, so he goes to like shitty bars. Yeah. I love bars. Where like at first they like hand you a Bud Light and they're like...
Yeah. My dad's just sitting there by himself. If you go to a bar in Mechanicsburg, do you see Steelers flags and shit? Yeah, there's a lot of Steelers fans. Mechanicsburg's a lot of Steelers. Mechanicsburg's split, say, 60-40 Steelers. There's some Raven heads in there, too. Oh, yeah, a lot of Ravens. Why? It's close to Baltimore. Baltimore's the closest. I love that place. Baltimore? Yeah. People hate on it, but it's sick. There's some good parts. Yeah. Yeah. Fells Point? Yeah.
Hamden. Hamden. Two Hamden men. Dude, I was in Boston. Boston's so nice. It's sick. I can't believe how nice, like, obviously the nice part of Boston is, like, it's easily the nicest northeast city. Even, like, around Boston is nice, too. Yeah. Yeah, Cambridge is nice. Yeah, yeah. Somerville, Everett. Foxborough? Is that it? That's where the Patriots play. It's out there, yeah. All right, cool. Hell yeah, bro.
What's your favorite city? My favorite state? City? City. Right here in Austin, Texas, brother. It's pretty nice. It's actually pretty nice here. Austin's pretty fucking good. Every time I go somewhere else, I'm like, I can't wait to get back to Austin. Can't wait to get home, dude. Get back to that nice long day. Nashville's fun. Yeah. Nashville rules. You guys ever been to Yuma, Arizona? No. It's nice. I have.
I was out there. I was staying at Bismy, Arizona. That's not too far. Wild West Town. Yeah. Is that after the movie? The movie's after. It's technically the hottest city in the U.S. It's like 128 in the summer. God damn. I can't go to any really hot places. I know I'm going to be a complete puddle this summer. You need to start doing Pookie and Jet videos. Where I get to fucking dress you up.
I go, Pookie looks absolutely stunning today. He's wearing swim trunks and a Hawaiian shirt. Pookie looks amazing tonight. He's got on these skaters from Target. These shoes are sick, man. Thanks. I just got these off the internet. I didn't know you had shoe swag. Are they? Yes, bro. What the hell? Yes. You're playing graffiti writer from Australia with those. Yeah.
draw a fucking swastika put a fucking spray paint of swastika on this fucking aborigine's ass that type of graffiti or what type of graffiti yeah that type of graffiti talk about a guy outside of LeBron James house that one time wait what happened at LeBron James house I don't know I think it was a false flag oh okay he tried to get I think that one I think that one was a false flag
What was the NASCAR guy? That was a false flag. Bubba Wallace. Bubba Wallace. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
That was a false flag. That destroyed Talladega race weekend for a lot of people. It did. Shit, back when I used to go to Talladega, it was way more rowdy. Yeah. Now that kind of polarized the community. Are you a raceman? Do you like racists? I like the people with the racists, for sure. Yeah, it's fun to go to. I like to be in the lot across the street where all the camper vans are at. Yeah, okay. Speaking of false flag graffiti, do you guys remember that white guy from Ohio who said that he was being targeted by anti-white vandals? And he spray painted his own house with Crips Rule and shit? Yeah.
You guys got to look this up. Holy shit, that's so funny. I'm going to go talk to him. Because he still stands strong. He's like, no, they did this. I love when dudes stand strong after. Is there proof of him actually doing it? No, but it's like he lives in the middle of the suburbs. It's like blacks rule, crips rock, all this crazy shit. Whitey sucks, all this shit. He's like, they're coming after me now. I don't think they are. If I was a kid, I would do that.
So if there's one white guy in the neighborhood, that's a black kid. Yeah. I'm going to do that.
I'd throw rocks at his house. Yeah. Not if it was the other way around, but yes, in that scenario, yes. Yeah, you're a little black kid. If I was a little black kid and there was one White House, yeah, I'd be all over that fucking house. Yeah, burning a cross on his lawn. Yeah, that'd be hilarious. My favorite holding it down was the translator, the guy who got on stage with Obama in South Africa.
It was a thing for Nelson Mandela and the guy pretended he was a translator and just stood on stage directly next to Barack Obama just like... He didn't speak sign language. He had no idea. He had never done... Oh, shit. Turns out they go to his house to interview him and he was like, I'm fucking schizophrenic. He's like, you have no idea what I'm doing.
He's like, yeah, I got out of a mental hospital and went straight there. Wait, so nobody even hired him? No, he just showed up and was like, I'm the interpreter. You can do that. There's a whole thing of people getting in trouble for being a fake interpreter. And sometimes they're very serious. Sometimes it's like a missing woman or they found the body of a child or something and there's somebody at the police press conference next to it like...
That's amazing. Yeah, just up there. The peekaboo murder case. The peekaboo murder.
Oh, man. So you're sticking around tonight? I think so, man. I'm down. Damn, those Bud Lights look nice on you. Hey, yeah, by the way, this guy gifted me these sick-ass Bud Light Air Force 1s. They keep sending me Bud Light Air Force 1s. I can't wear them. I refuse to wear them. They're very nice. I'm going to wear this shit every day for the next month. Like, you know who got me these? Check this. Post Malone. They are fresh, dude. Yeah, we should be good. It's about time.
Dude, thanks a lot. Oh, fuck yeah, man. Is there anything you want to talk about? No. Anything you want to promote or anything? Oh, shit, no. Okay, cool. I just wanted to hang out and shit. Cool, cool. Should we promote anything? Nah. No, no, no. You're more than welcome to. Just follow rule number one. Hell yeah. Have fun. Panties in my pockets. Say it with your chest. I said it, dude. Panties in my pockets. Go ahead, give her a listen. Yeah, listen to it. Thank you. We miss you, Matthew.
