Ep 479 - Red Team Vs. Black Team (feat. Lemaire Lee, Nate Marshall, & Shawn Gardini)
01:07:29 Share

All right, we're here, dude. Nate, LaMare, Sean, it's Red vs. Black. What's up? What's going on? Wait, come on. This is for a purpose. This is a podcast, though. Red vs. Black, Black vs. White. It's all of them. We're at it now. I wasn't going there. I'm just going. I dove right in. I'm just going Red vs. White. I've been in Texas a little bit too long. It's kicking. True. Dude.

The division. I mean, what is our skin besides a jersey anyway? God damn, dude. I always thought, like, that's how I think people should be about race is, like, your race should be, like, your favorite team. So you root for them, but you're still a good sport. Like, you don't want anybody to get hurt. True. Yeah, yeah. Nobody likes a sore lute. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, beautiful.

yeah i hate him i don't

I don't know, dude. A lot of the negative feedback is about the God himself. I mean, a lot of blasphemy. Well, Vivek's like a... Vivek the snake. He's phony. Why? Why do you say that? Because he wasn't this guy three years ago. What was he like three years ago? He was like a tech bro. He was doing the thing being trumped. He was medical. No, he's a tech bro. He made his money in tech. Medical, dude. You don't even know who the guy is. You just made money in tech. You're dealing with a media straw man. I hate to break it to you. I don't know. Look,

He could be a silver-tongued devil. I don't know. He's a snake. Why? Why do you guys think so? You're being swooned by a snake, man. I'm just hearing the man out. What are his major points? What is he standing on? He's America first. Okay. I do like America first. The people you elect should be the people who run the government. He repeats it 50,000 times. The people you elect should be the people that run the government. That's fair. But if he gets elected, he's not going to be the guy running the government.

As soon as he wins, he's going to fall in line. I mean, you can't. Never mind. People can't run it all completely, but maybe they can. He was saying...

Just never sleep. Yeah, I don't know. I'm not going to get mired down in the details. I'm talking about just in terms of a verbal sparring. Charlamagne got whooped yet again, dude. They were debating. They had a push-up off, dude. It was such a weird... Charlamagne lost the push-up off?

He technically tapped out first, but then Charlamagne claimed, like, ha-ha, I made you do that fool. It was the weirdest. Their dynamic might be, and they keep just clashing. Like, he keeps coming back. I think Charlamagne likes that shit, clashing, just having a break. They're both silver-tongued tricksters. True. Yeah, I'd say one is slightly less of a silver tongue, though. Charlamagne's no. He's kind of right-ass. He's a massive wordsmith, I would say. Fake is bizarre. You watch him, and it's just like.

Holy shit, this guy's so good at talking. Look at his eyes. He smiles. His smiles suck. Why? Because his eyes are not... You just hate Hindus, dude. You just fucking hate Hindus. I don't hate Hindus, but I don't know that I'm ready for a Hindu president. I'm so ready for a Hindu president. That's my thing. I don't care about his politics. I just want a Hindu president. If I can't eat hamburgers, I'm going to fucking flip.

He's going to ban all cow products. He's going to ban hamburgers. I know this is going to sound ridiculous, but I want a Puerto Rican president before we have a Hindu president. Just because I feel like it's just, I don't know, the next step. White and black, that makes sense. It was like, y'all, then we got here. Then we can't have a Native American president. They're going to cause too much chaos. They got a lot of pent up.

Yeah. Old rage. We got to have another black president first. I'm not even like a completely black president. Can we all agree, red and black, that we'll have no women presidents? Yeah, for sure. For sure. Can we cheers on this?

We'll sign the papers later. No. Dude, girls have never become the president. What the fuck? What's the matter with them? They try. Yeah. And nobody's stopping them anymore. No girl has a tricky enough tongue. Ah, they're tricksters. I mean, dude, Hill Dog was pretty nice.

What? She fumbled constantly. I got to be honest. I did love Hilldog. You did? I loved Hilldog. All she did was fumble conversationally. Did hot sauce work on you? Yeah. Oh, my gosh. She has hot sauce? She's just like us. The only part that was respectable about that is when they called her out for it. They were like, you know they're going to say she's paying to rent a blah, blah, blah. And she's like, is it working? That I respect. She did pull out hot sauce, though, at the end, I think.

Oh, that's crazy that she packed hot sauce. You think she packed it, or do you think she actually carries hot sauce? I'm 100% sure she packed it. She does not carry hot sauce. I don't know, dude. She is from Arkansas. I don't think she eats, bro. She doesn't eat food. That's a fair point. She just stands outside and gets her energy. She eats the blood of the hotel. Yeah, chlorophyll. She eats like a plant. She photosynthesizes. She needs to make a comeback. Hilldog needs to make a comeback. She was kind of entertaining. Oh, man.

Oh, my God. If they joined forces, that would be so sick. Yo, Trump, Clinton, Carr. Like she's his VP? Or the other way. She can't be the president. We already decided that. You're right. She can try, but for some reason, girls cannot become the president. I've been supporting them with all my platform. I've been like, girl, I don't care what they're about. I just want a girl president. Girl, become president. Yeah, you go, girl. I just want a you go, girl. So hard to wrap up. You go, girl.

Girlboss. Mickey Haley's getting up there. I don't know, man. I don't think she's not going to beat the T-Dog, bro. No, she's not going to beat the T-Dog. T-Time. T-Time. Yeah, I mean, I don't know. It was just fun to watch. I watched the first Vivek versus Charlamagne in the Breakfast Club, and they had this lady who was on a screen, and she was just...

Yeah. Brutal. It was just total girl logic of like, he'd make a point, but yeah, but what about this? And he'd be like, well, yeah, I obviously was a doctor. Okay, thank you. That's all I want to know. I was a doctor? Yeah. Does he have an accent? I haven't really listened to him. He doesn't have an accent. No, no, no. Okay, okay. Yeah, he's almost like totally non-regional. Yeah. He was stunting though, being like, he spent $20 million on his presidential campaign out of his own pocket. Charlamagne was kind of hitting him like, pshh.

damn dude sucks to be you and he's like bro 20 million is nothing to me stunted on him so hard and it was like and he was like you gotta understand in my position 20 mil is like it's light work basically he's like i knew i he's like i was gonna put more in if i kept going but it'd be so funny if he was like i'm ruined charlamagne i'm ruined can i have a job here i'm a silver tongue trickster too

People complain about presidents all coming for money, but I'd be mad as shit if my president didn't know how to get money. You're going to run the country, but you can't get money out here in these streets. You can't. We need a poor president. Was it Abe or...

Or was he fake? He was like a lawyer. Andrew Jackson was the people's president. He was poor as hell. But he sucked. But poor back then. No, he didn't suck. He was the man. Coming back from being poor in that time, that's like when you did it. But now we've been too powerful for too long. There's too many ways to get money out of you. Yeah, true. Start an OnlyFans. I don't care what my president did. Just get rich. OnlyFans president? Uber, Uber.

One of those guys gets up at 3 a.m. and drives, then switches to Lyft and just never sleeps. Just the worst ethic on that man. I love Uber drivers that are making like $3,500 a week. It's my favorite person. I had one that was sleeping in his car. He was like a big fat. Excuse my, you know. He was a heavyset man. You fat as him? Yeah, he was pretty fat. He was big as hell, and he was like, I got to be honest with you, man. I sleep in here. This is where I live. I just like kick the driver's seat back.

And it sucks, but he told me about his plan to make a zillion dollars. Did he say a zillion? No. He just wants to be gone. Really? He wants to go to, like, Nebraska or something. He was like, Florida's too expensive. I can't stay here anymore. I got to. Damn, what's he going to do, though? The Ubers are going to drop off out in Nebraska. Yeah. Nebraska, yeah. Maybe not. Maybe he hit, like, the college town. Or he just dominates the market like it's just him. True. Trying to get in the Uber. It's probably like, in Nebraska, Uber is probably like a novelty. Like, he just.

oh shit, I got one. You had to sit in there for 30 minutes and it just pings. True. He's going to evolve to DoorDash driver when he gets to Nebraska. Oh, true. Yeah, that makes sense. Especially if he's, well, if he's already a fat, that could be tough though. Dude, I've heard DoorDash drivers pick like one order per shift and just gobble it.

Because there's like, they can all take one missed order per shift. Someone told me this. And they can take like, if one thing doesn't get there, they're like, whatever. Because for them, it's like they'd rather take that one bad order than not stop and eat and waste the time. So they just pick one thing, munch it, and then the people are like, where are my food? And Uber just refunds them and says, keep it rolling. Yeah.

Pretty slick system. Yeah, I like the Uber Foods teams, too. There's like a couple in there working. I like that, man. I always feel like that's a dude who got caught cheating before, and she's like, you're not using this as an excuse. I'm coming for the ride. They have their kids in there, too, sometimes. Yeah, I see the cheering in there. I always say, listen to your mother, boy. Listen to your mother, boy. Give me my food and listen to your mother, schoolboy.

Stay in school. A whole family. They're definitely munching your fries if a whole family's riding around in a minivan. Your old boy, that would torture me, dude. The ninth McDonald's run, I'd be like, Mom, seriously. Just pizza showing up. Like, give me a pep. Just one pep, Mom. Just need one little pep.

You take one of the ones that's like on the crust a little bit. This leaves no evidence. No evidence. You can't take a cheesy one. You got the whole. Because then you'll pull all the cheese. Yeah. Or you can see the cheese is lighter if you lift the pepperoni. It's like when you put furniture on a carpet. There's a spot. There's a spot. You can tell. It's a pepperoni divot.

That might be a way to get a free piece. You order it on Uber Eats, take a pep, and then just take a picture, send it to them. Like, I know someone took this. It's a pep missing. Yeah, true. I'm sure if you hit the Uber AI, I'm almost certain a Somalian eight-year-old ate a slice of my pepperoni.

The only thing that does suck, I guess, now, if they get a whole... Pirates. Pirates. Pirates. They've taken to the lands. How are those guys doing? How are the Somalian pirates doing? I hope they're doing all right. I think they're okay. They landed that big movie. That was tight. Hollywood just came in and were like, yo, here's a bunch of money.

We need real pirates. You think they took in anybody? You know how, like, when they do mob movies, they got a couple real mobs just to be on set? I think they did have some real pirates. I could be wrong. Yeah. You had to. The captain now, man, was a real pirate, I'm pretty sure. Yeah, dude. Really? What a come up. That's kind of a crazy Somalian pirate story. Do you think that pirate captain never, like, you know, wanted anybody? What do you mean?

Like, you know, I don't want to get YouTube 18 plus, but like put his penis in somewhere. Oh, for sure. He's a pirate. Pirate style. It's a part of it. Yeah. It's a part of it, dude. I don't know. They do have a code.

I don't know. She might have asked for parlay. Yeah. Parlay. Parlay. I don't want to get YouTube 18 plus. American Nightmare, dude. I hope that pirate they casted didn't, although, you know, what would Hollywood care? Yeah, Hollywood probably. That's probably why they picked him. What would fucking Holly Weird care? I'm the real people's champion. Matt. Matt. Matt.

Dude, we're about to get mentally devastated the next year for the election. Everyone's about to get butt-fucked. Yeah, all my agendas are showing me, like, war. It's just like, be scared. I've been getting crushed by the Super Bowl presidency posts. Have you seen those yet? No. Like, last time the Chiefs and the Niners played in the Super Bowl was the last time that Donald Trump and Biden ran against each other. What do you think is going to happen this time? They're going to use Taylor Swift to sway the vote. Yeah.

To the Dems? Taylor Swift swayed to the Dems? Why is she swaying to the Dems? Little teen girls? Yeah, because she sold her soul, bro. I feel like she's not going to sway to the Dems. I think it's, well, you know what? Kelser fires Kelser. Is he a lib? It's a grand. I don't know if he's a lib, but he definitely is a Pfizer spokesperson. Oh.

And he started doing that as soon as him and Taylor Swift started fucking. What? It was almost like they were like, you can have Taylor if you fucking... She's got the Pfizer pussy. Yeah. She's got the Moderna pussy, dude. That does sound good, though. I don't know why. Pfizer pussy, dude.

They've probably been injecting it and crafting the perfect fucking snatch. Just. Like aesthetically tight inside. You think Taylor Swift has a fat pussy or a skinny one? She's got the paper cut, bro. I'm imagining a good hybrid. Like a little fat but not too fat. Like a buttery mini butt? A buttery mini butt. It glistens when it's wet. I think she has a chunky monkey, brother. You think she has a chunky monkey?

I don't know. I'll be honest. This is all just speculation. I'm sure. Yeah, dude. All the dudes. She's like, she's, she's quietly slaying everybody. She is ran through. She's run. Really? Yeah. I haven't been following her. Who's she even running through? Everybody. All the famous white guys. Really? Yeah.

You think Kanye smashed? She hasn't had one black guy, right? Not to my knowledge. She's like Alexis Texas. She had Gerard Carmichael at the game last week. He a fruity bull, though. That's true. A fruity bull.

I shouldn't have said homo thug. I take that back. Yeah, I'm sorry for calling him Fruity Bowl. Fruity Bowl is fair. Fruity Bowl is fair. Dude, homo thugs are sick though, dude. There was a homo thug bar in West Philly. Like, dude, those dudes fucking rule. Yeah, but they're terrifying. They are. They're terrifying. Those dudes are tough as fuck, dude. Can you imagine all the shit you had to go to to be gay and a thug? In black high school? And everyone has to know you're tough.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. You get tried all the time. I bet he has tons of bodies he's done things to. Maybe. You're thinking pirate style? I'm thinking pirate style, dude. I don't know, man. Running on their ships. Or is there like a soft side to the thug that you never, the love life might be a very soft side. Just tender. So tender. Like the wire guy. Yeah.

Omar. Omar. I forget his dude's name, though, but the light-skinned boy, he was devastated when they got him. That's what broke him. Yeah, that was his baby girl. Yeah, we don't have spotlight homo thugs enough. Studs get all the attention. Yeah. Studs get all of the attention. And it's, you know, I don't know. Because you can fuck a stud, dude.

I'll show you the stub reddit dude. It's called sneaky studs. There's no way that won't get us taken off. Who are they? Is it showing their lovers they pick? No, they're trying to like... They pick a guy like me? Yeah. You'd get snatched up real quick, dude. No.

Now, are they aggressive? Sneaky stud. Are they submissive at all? Are they trying to be dominant the whole time? I haven't been in it. I got to be honest. I haven't had a success, but I've been in the group. I've been looking around. You've been trying to corral a stud?

I thought you had before. Forgive me for bringing up personal information. I don't think that counts. Yeah. Because she looked feminine at the time. I just remember the picture you showed. She was in a bikini. He bagged a theater, John. Not a stud. Not a stud. Bagging a stud is...

Yeah, it's power. I mean dude have you seen the new true detective though? No, there's a sneaky stud in there. Yeah You have to watch it. It might be the funniest shit. I have ever seen. Yeah, it's the toughest bitches, dude I'm not being a jerk. I did not know girls could be that tough. Yeah, so fucking tough. Yeah, and are they smart - oh my it's crazy

Tough and smart. I mean, detectives, detectives you would give, women are naturally good detectives. Yeah, for sure. They're very, like, that is up their, that's up their alley. Did they solve the crime on Instagram? Yeah, yeah. They're looking at it. It's going through likes. Dude, it's forced cream pie. It's like this stud. Yeah. It's fucking Jodie Foster, I think. Yeah, yeah. And then, I don't know the lady's name, God forgive me, but it's just a, just of the toughest. With the jawns. Yeah, she got the, yeah. Yeah, the dimple piercings.

What? Dude, and they have Jodie Foster. It's like a classic buddy cop dynamic where it's like a racist old curmudgeon. Right. And like, you know, I think she's like native, whatever. Inuit? Maybe. I don't know. She's definitely putting on hard for the Inuits. The whole time, Jodie Foster will be like, like the lady's super tough, and then Jodie Foster's like a tough white bitch. Mm-hmm.

So she'll be like, yeah, why don't you go do some of your Inuit voodoo with your animal spirits, you dumb asshole. And it's like, dude, it sounds like people, you know people who don't curse curse? It sounds like that with racism. They're like, yeah, why don't you use a voodoo doll, you old Inuit Alaskan bitch. There's no white ladies out there being like that racist. And it's like so bad, too. If she was racist, she would have called her Eskimo.

Exactly. She's like, my animal spirit eats old white ladies like you for lunch. Is that what she actually says? Yes, that is an actual line of dialogue. Holy shit. That sounds awful. But the plot, the mystery is pretty tantalizing.

It's like this shot in the area where it's technically shot in Iceland I don't want to ruin it, but it's supposed to be like a part of Alaska where it's nighttime for like two months Yeah, which is a sick setting. It's like snow everywhere. It's a cool idea Yeah, but then it's just these tough-ass bitches dude non-stop force cream pie first episode

Second episode would appear to be another forced cream pie or a quick bus. Yeah. Which my brother did. For a quick bus? My brother brought up a fair point. Like, you couldn't really prove that a dude didn't intentionally come in court. Because he'd be like, how would you prove a forced cream pie in court? If you're a dude and you got forced cream pie'd by force. Yeah. A dude got a forced cream pie? Or you did a forced cream pie? A dude forced cream pie'd. He was like, no, no, no. And the fucking tough Alaskan bitch was just like, shut up.

I thought you meant like he was forced cream pie. No, bro. The ladies are forcing the cream pies around these. Fuck it. She stole his seed. He got FCP'd by an ice dyke. God damn it, we're 18 plus. Just like that. Every single person has to sign into their YouTube. God damn it.

Bro, first of all, she's hetero. Second of all, I mean, it was a shocker. It was a shocker. And the dudes are so girlish, too, on the show. The guys literally, I don't know if this is like a, almost like a theatrical, like, twist. Like, you know, it's like being played up on purpose. This is what they think it is. But it's like a longer haired dude, like, naked under the sheets, like, don't go.

Just stay here. And it's like, she's like, nah, you know how I am with my job. Thanks for fucking blasting me with jizz. I got to be on my way now. She just does a piss, pulls the panties right back on. Yeah, dude. I got to take my cum wall. Sick. I can't get this case out of my head.

The old white lady's like, where you at, you fucking Indian bitch? Some guy just spit in my asshole. What the fuck is this? But the mystery is good. The show, it looks like it was a good script. You're selling us to me. I'm going to watch the whole thing. Dude, the one lady comes in, the lady with the two things in her face, she comes in and to the camera makes a tough face. She'll come in and be like,

And then it'll cut to something else. It's like, dude, what the... It's insane, dude. So for real, come in and just be like... Mean mugging. And then it'll be like a close-up on someone being like...

Can I be honest, dude? Ice Dyke does sound like a nice rapper. Ice Dyke, dude. There'd be a... I like that. Yeah, there would definitely be... I could see a stud taking that on. Yeah. That's the one word that, like... No? No, no, it's not like... It hasn't really... No one's lost a job over that. Yeah.

You know what I mean? It's kind of like... I'm glad I work for you. You give us 18+, you're fucking up. I'm going to put a long thing out and say I'm deeply troubled. If you watch the CGI take, I did not laugh at all.

phonetically it is a winner though that is a winning phrase it's got the hard K it just plays things up in comedy if you know comedy theory at all I mean they take that as a compliment too like they wear that shit as like a badge of honor it's not

I don't know. It's not an insult. I think stud is the insult, actually. Studs are fucking, dude, I'll be honest, studs are fucking with the podcast. What do you mean? Studs fuck with this podcast. Really? Yeah, bro. What's up, sexy studs out there? Y'all hope your shit gets blown up by studs. They just hold straps. You just get abducted by studs. You like this 8-inch boy?

No, please. If you get pegged by a stud. That's what I think the finale of True Detective is going to be. Them just pegging the murderer. And then be like, all right, I'm finishing both of us. Figure it out. They peg him to death. That would be nasty. The worst way to go.

You just get gaped by some studs until you bleed out. Oh, my God. Having Jodie Foster specifically, like, she's kind of old and really frail and skinny, just fucking work. Having them increase the kink slowly throughout the new True Detective would be the funniest thing in the world. I bet old Jodie Foster spits in an asshole before she fucks you. She goes, pfft.

Spits and it puts a thumb in a glazierette. And just spreads it. Dude, you remind me. I had a thumb butthole dream last night. Really? I had a thumb butthole dream. As soon as you said that, I was like, holy shit, I was dreaming about that. I was dreaming last night about getting all the thumb I wanted. Just right in there. Just getting like a thumbs up from the front. Like, oh, for sure. It's about time you got with the program. Yeah.

Sorry, it was just a dream I had. You have a double thumb. They're like, thumb, thumbs up. Thumbs up. Yeah. True.

Damn, imagine a stud with a long wingspan who could reach all the way back and get you from behind while you're getting... That would be crazy. A Wimby Amistad. Britney Grimean. It's only fair. It's only fair. It's only fair. Any WNBA stud can fucking totally do that. Just get you. Yeah. Like a good center. As good as dunking.

You gotta just submit and just let what happens happen at that point. Oh, yeah, she's taking me That's gay avatar

And you go, you are one sneaky stud. You are one sneaky stud on many levels. That's a subreddit. I saw a sneaky stud post the other day where the girl was like, that's it. I'm done. Y'all can't keep your mouth quiet. I'm out of here. Like she was fucking dudes. And the dudes were telling people.

Oh, the sub? I thought it was just like a picture sub. It's a sub for studs that are like, I don't want anybody to know I'm not completely gay. Yeah. Ah, the reverse closet. Sneaky studs, dude. The reverse closet. Damn.

That's gotta be the funniest conversation in the world though. Just a dude done a stud being like what the fuck dude. Why'd you tell everyone we fucked? Like I was oddly proud Nobody believed me I'm gonna come down the street and beat your ass Once everyone finds out I'm straight I'll be ruined That'd be a sick movie Just like two people pulling their pants up in the street like yo dude for real fucking knock it off and they start just kissing I fucking love it

That's gay porn. Get my funny bone, dude. God damn it. This is what I get. I was drinking last night. This is what I get for being a miserable fucking asshole. Oh.

I was drinking at a party last night, and I, like, I was shooting shots in the morning, but at the party, I, like, hurt my... We were playing beer pong, and I, like, I hurt my quads playing beer pong. I don't know what I did. You tell your shit up. Yeah, dude. Were you hitting full jumpers playing beer pong? No, I wasn't hitting full jumpers, but it was intense. You stepped back across. You're releasing at the fucking apex. We went to...

We did go three and one. Me and Mike Eaton did a good job. Did you really? Yeah. Nice. Yeah, it was wet. You were shooting shots? Yeah, and I fucking pulled my quads.

Damn. That's crazy. That's not good. Yeah. What was the ratio at the party? I need to go guys, girls. Was it a sausage fest? No, it was a good ratio. It was a good ratio. The term sausage fest. I still hold it down. If I go to a family party, I'll be like, kind of a fucking sausage fest. What the fuck does ratio mean? Bitches. You just need bitches at the party. You used to feel so bad when you pull up with all the homies. Yeah.

You're part of the problem. Bring zero bitches. Drink two beers, punch a hole in the wall. Well, no, then you take the party to the bar, and at that point you're just a terrorist cell. The sausage fest hits the bar. You're militarized. You have to get into a fight at that point.

That's the only next best thing to get in a pussy. You have to get in a fight. Yeah, I know. That's the Jersey Shore. We used to play on the Jersey Shore. You try to get pussy. When you don't get pussy, you get into a fight. You beat up boys. You beat up other guys. You couldn't get pussy. You guys have a brawl? Yep. First one to get a thumb to the butthole wins.

I might take that up in a fight. Just go, I swear to God, I'm at the age now where, like, I just can't risk it. I'm going to go full sexual, just like thumb on the butt hole and be like, you sure you want to do this? I'll have a gun right on my head and I'll go, you sure? This is a mutually assured destruction. That is the reset button, like on an alarm clock.

Can you imagine having a gun to your head and the guy goes, oh, because you're so close. That'd be crazy. He just gets more aggressive. Fucking go deeper. He takes it from you. He's just like, fuck. He realizes he's gay. He's done with himself. I didn't know.

I've lied to my family and my wife. All the homies are there. Yeah. All the studs that are out. But that's for real, though. This is like modern psychology. But if you are in a closet, you should just kill yourself, dude. Why? It's so okay to be gay, dude. Just be gay. Yeah, but why? I'm goofing. I was goofing. Obviously.

You guys abandoned me. Here's the second horrible thing he said. What I'm saying is this. If I was gay, I'd want to be in the closet. That's like a birthday party you only have just once. So you can't just come out and be like, yo, I'm ready for some dick. You have to tease it out. You got to show your dad your penis. I don't know the process. I think you come out and you say, dad, would you? When you're 18, you just stomp weird and your dad's like, that's slow.

Got to take him away from his mom for a little bit. Yeah, I don't know. That is such a fun interaction. Just be like, Dad.

I'm fucking gay. I'm a stud. It's up so you can blow it. Like, that's what you get one shot at having a good reveal. Yeah. There's no going back. But like, if your parents are good, though, if your parents are good, though, no. Because like, they've been watching you your whole life. Not if you're a homo, though. Not if you're a homo, though. If you're a homo, that's going to be a big surprise. Yeah. Yeah.

Like when did it happen? Was it in jail? No Way before Way before That's why I went Way before dude That's why I chose this life Yeah Some guy found out I was gay I killed him I killed every guy I ever fucked That's what That's what happens When guys like Fuck trans That they don't know They get so mad They're like I'm gay And they kill him

Yeah. There was a guy who in Philly chopped a trans lady up. Goddamn. Like, he was a contractor and he... Oh, I heard about this story. Fell for the sauce, dude, and he fucking, like, chopped... He had, like, tools and just chopped this person up and threw him in the river. Yeah. That's crazy. That's rugged. There was also a...

I don't remember who it was. It was a Philly politician who got mugged by a gay male prostitute. John Fetterman? Yeah, right. He could beat up... I'll say this about John Fetterman. He could beat up any trans in this country.

I still think John Fetterman, post-stroke, I think he could beat up any trans-female countryman. I'm just saying. Raw power, raw facts. No ideology behind it. I fully, I would put money on him. As soon as they get a little estrogen in the system, they're done. Yeah. Okay. I bet he carries weapons under his head. For John Fetterman, he's a huge man. Yeah, for sure, for sure. He has weapons under his hoodie, I bet.

It's like a sword or a mace. Yeah. Yeah. It seems like a war hammer. Trans UFC? I don't know, but then they get trans UFC later. Oh, Fallon Fox. It doesn't happen anymore. They should just have like a trans league in the UFC. They don't want to smoke.

Yeah, why not? You could still see dong, but just giant tits on them, like unreasonably big tits. It would be the biggest tits in the UFC. Don't be gross. We're talking about trans athletics. Don't sexualize me. We're talking about the revered institution of trans athletics in America. It's definitely a fact, though. If they did trans UFC, they would be the biggest tits in the UFC for sure. Would guys beat off to it? Yeah, obviously. But...

That's not what trans sportsmanship is about. No. It's about excellence. And sexuality. Yeah. And sexuality. Yeah.

Might it be ultimate surrender rules? Maybe. We don't know. Okay? We're still pioneering the field. Yeah, Trans UFC is the first thumb in the butt. That's the one. Thumb in the butt loses. They used to actually do that in wrestling. You'd check the URL. What? Is that a move? If you're screwed, you'd give them a little fucking what for, and then you'd get out if they're... That's a good move. Unless they love it. What about a honk? Unless they're homeless. Did you ever do a fucking... I never did a honk. Yeah, that also might power someone up.

Yeah, sometimes you check the URL, yeah. Just to get them off you. Sometimes you're dead to rights. Did you ever encounter a natural power bottom who just fucking pushed right now? Thank God. That would have been screwed. Fuck. It gets like cum strength.

You know when you're coming and you're like, God damn it, dude. Just those four seconds of ultimate strength. Every muscle fired in line. Does it work? Does it pop a guy right off you? It works, yeah. You never go in there, but you kind of just... You let him know. You let him know. You go, get the heck off me. Unhand me. Fiend. There's more where this comes from. I'm going to use my face next.

I gotta be honest. If I'm gonna win, I'm just gonna take it. If I'm really close to a win, I'm like, yo, we got it. It's three seconds. Oh, it's only three seconds? Oh, yeah, but dude, imagine. Oh, that's tough, though. Yeah, because forever in your, like, wrestling career, when pinning somebody, you're gonna kind of want a thumb in your butt. Because that's gonna be, like, as you're pinning someone, you're just like, oh, fucking

Yes. Every pin you did from there would just feel empty. You'd have to grab his hand and just shut it down. It's like something's missing. It's sex on ecstasy. Like, you can't go back.

I don't see how people have sex on Molly. Yeah. I got microburn. It was crazy. The smallest dick. Oh, it was insane. I've actually never tried it. I've never tried it either. I feel like I'm getting too old to give it my first shot.

Oh, you got to do it. Deal with your babe. You don't think it'll kill? Like, I'd be worried about trying new shit in my... Are you like... How do you handle coffee? Does coffee fuck you up? Nah, not really. You'll be fine. I'm the biggest stimulant baby. Like, a full cup of coffee spins me out. Yeah. Molly is kind of a stimulant, but it's like, if it's not cut with speed, it's like... Yeah. I had like a bug out for like 10 minutes as it kicked in. I was just like... Yeah. And then it just...

Not that whatsoever. Then it was probably the nicest feeling ever for four hours. It's worth the weird woozy onset. Okay, okay. You get real lightheaded and you're like, what the fuck? I want to try it. I just hate to have your first time doing any drug kill you. It just feels like a bad thing.

It feels like one of those. Dude, I'm telling you, I have the most sensitive system of stimulants. Like, dude, if I drank this as a full cup of coffee, I'm, like, lightheaded and bugging out. Okay, okay. Molly is, like, it's definitely you're, like, oh, my God. But it's, like, not. If I could handle it, I would say most people could. Sick. I would take it, though. I don't know how people go and take it at parties, dude.

That's crazy. That's the best spot. I like the lights. I did stand up on it. Did you really? Yeah. Like, hours after you took it, or like one hour? Like one hour, but it was, you know, I was chilling. I was already drunk, so I just rambled for 20 minutes. It was like, it was Cullum's midnight show, so it was kind of not real stand up. I see. I just like, belly ached. It was like, yeah, it was like a venue for dudes who were kind of under the influence. Exactly. Yeah. It was fun. Okay, but what a joke I can never do again.

Why? Because you're under the influence and it doesn't work again. It won't work again. One time I was on Molly and this is what I said. But yeah, deal with your babe. I think that's the best thing for it. But don't fuck on it? You could try. Y'all said micro bird happens? Micro bird. It was crazy. I think back in the day, the ecstasy was highly cut with speed.

So people were probably just having like meth sex. They were just having like chem sex. Yeah. Which is another epidemic in this country, chem sex. It's killing everybody. It's killing all kids.

No, no, that's like I don't think there's much sex. That's like sex gay dudes are ripping like meth and just going it's like a thing that's hard to shake like if you want to talk about pinning someone with the thumb of your butt the meth sex is apparently like there's like rehab specifically designed for it. There's like the old it might be the ultimate. Yeah, the party and play. It's the ultimate nut and then dudes have to stop and you're just like bro, it's crazy.

Because you're taking something. It's like if you somehow ramped up jerking off times a million, it's like you're just going to jerk off. Yeah. It's tough. If you take an addictive thing and attach it to your sex life, that's tough to come back from. Chasing the ultimate nut. You'll never stop. I'm telling you, it's a fucking problem, dude. You know, there's a subreddit for that, too.

Ultimate nut. It's called spun fun. Spun fun? Spun fun, yeah. What's that? You get on math, you get spun, and then you go have some fun. Oh, I see. Yeah. You better not get into chem sex, LeMah. No, dude. I would never do math. I thought I knew all the weirdest subs, but you keep, you're the only person who gets. Yeah, I thought it was me. I told you, dude, I have some darkness in there. I thought I did, too. No, dude, I went deep.

Spun fun is deep. That's crazy. I'm happy. How are the vids? I was just looking, you know. How are the vids? The vids? No, they're brutal. It's always girls with like pancake tits. Just like actual addicts. Yeah, meth bodies. I can get into that.

I think I could do a deep dive in hobos. I had a phase where I used to watch like crackhead porn. I had to get out of that. Which are better, I would say, than meth heads in terms of, you know. They're about the same, right? They got some grit to them. Yeah. Titties are sagging. Titties are sagging pretty hard on them too. It's like usually outside or like a motel. Yeah. Working them.

man. God damn, the work ethic on him is crazy. It looks like they're in love with it. Like, you would believe that that's their guy, the way they're working for it. Yeah. Before I left Philly, there was a lady at 30th Street Station. She was like, you could tell she was new on meth because she was still kind of hot, you know? But then, like, when I was leaving a couple months ago, I saw her again and I was like, I

You had your shot. Yeah, she was ruined by the meth, dude. I had a lady one time when I was delivering beer in Philly. She had, for real, like, toothless or had, like, many missing teeth. And she straight up was like, I'll suck your dick in that van for whatever it was, like, 25 bucks. And I was like, I had a hand truck. I was like...

Went in dropped a thing I get five cases of beer off came back I won't be doing that It'll be the best and I'm like I don't deny it so fantastic But I was like I can't open that kids missing these two teeth I think she's missing like a lot like here here gummy worms perfect. They're cool. It was I mean She was built

She was built for it, dude. The gummy bears? Yeah, dude. That's a sensation I've always been intrigued by, but I don't think I'll ever experience it until it's too late. I was on the doorstep. I was on the doorstep. I mean, they can get it. You could knock out all your girlfriends. That's the easiest way to do it. I mean, it's got to be crazy. I mean, it's a baby mouth. But you weren't there when it was.

Oh, my God. What the hell? Next time you're out in Newport, just stick your pinky out. Just a factory reset on the mouth. It's like a fresh new. Put your mark on it. Yeah, but then you have the mindset of a 40-year-old crackhead.

Knowledge, bro. Yeah. Wisdom. A bunch of wisdom. That's absolute wisdom. Just. In terms of head? Yeah. The wisest. Just the wisest in terms of head. It's like the time crunch that they have sucking dick. Like, I need this. I need this done. I need to get my crack. They're making you pop in a minute, minute and a half. So you would have ruined my life. She would have absolutely ruined my life. You'd have been chasing that nut. I would have been smoking crack with her. I'd be like, wait, what are we doing now? Yeah.

What are you all about? Your head's so good, you become a crackhead. It exists. It happens, dude. Oh, yeah. I know people who have smoked crack late in life. Whitney Houston? Yeah. She got Bobby Brown into cocaine. I thought it was the other way around. No. Because Whitney Houston, they used Bobby Brown to get Whitney Houston over. I see. Oh, she got him into cocaine. Yeah. When did he start hitting her? After the coke or before?

After? I don't think he hit her. That was Ike. Ike hit Tina for sure. Oh, Bobby Brown didn't hit Whitney Houston? I don't think he hit Whitney. I thought he did hit Whitney. No, I think they just had a loud, toxic relationship. Okay. I don't think they hit each other. That's good. You don't think he ever fucking pushed her or anything? No.

Now, he pushed her into that tub. You know, he definitely pushed her because she's fast. I don't think he hit her, but he definitely gave her a good, like, don't you fucking hold her by the shoulder. Like Kevin Costner had to break in and be like, hey. I've sworn oath to Whitney Houston. Did you grow up with your mom watching that movie every other day? The Bodyguard? No. My mom watched The Bodyguard every other day. I've thought about it now, like,

what about that movie was so intriguing to our kids? Kevin Cosner. Kevin Cosner. That's red team support, bro. That's what I'm saying. Did my mom quietly have a thing I didn't realize? Red team support? She would never admit it.

honky your dad ever go you always watch that damn Kevin Costner no brother no my dad my dad had red team sport that's where I get it from with the snow bunny I have an older sister I have an older sister that's like she's basically Puerto Rican because she was adopted by Puerto Rican people but she's half black half white my dad got her pregnant in like the 60s and her mom was like

we can't tell anybody about this. Wait, say what now? My dad got this lady pregnant. I'm not following the story. Who did he get pregnant? Oh, a white lady. My bad, my bad, my bad, my bad, my bad, my bad. She's basically Puerto Rican. She's basically Puerto Rican. Oh, he got this lady. You said, you were like, my sister's this, my dad got this lady pregnant. I said, bro. What? She said this lady and that became your sister.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just for the people at home. Yeah, my dad wasn't fucking with me. Don't get it twisted. Sorry, that's just a porn brain on the screen. No, no, thank you for fixing that. Thank you for fixing that. That would have been devilish. But long story short, she just, we found her super late in life because my dad was a snow bunny chaser and then got one pregnant.

Seems like... Yeah, it's genetic. It's genetic. It's cool. I'm going to get married to my girl. We're going to get divorced and then I'm going to find a queen. True. I feel like only one guy at this table has gotten a white girl pregnant. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. Nobody. Pull out kings. I don't think so. I hope I never did. I hope I don't have a white bastard out there waiting for me.

It's an all-white bastard out there. Paul. Where's Paul? Father came through this town and did an okay 15 minutes one time. One thing led to another. Then he died in the war. Culture war. Mommy, why does that guy on YouTube look just like me?

Quiet down, son. Quiet down. Why is my flaccid penis so small, mom? Put it away. I can't bear to look at it. It reminds me of him. It's all the way back into the body. Retractable penis. Retractable penis. Oh, God.

Goddamn, we still got, what, 20 more minutes left on this motherfucker. Oh, yeah. Did y'all see Kanye's new video, Hip Spazzing? Kanye? Yeah, it's a great one. What's he spazzing about? Some T of Z lady walks past him and asks him about his wife, like, does your wife have free will? Bianca Sensori? Yeah, she answers Bianca, and he just starts spazzing, like, yo, why would you ask me that? I'm a fucking legend. I'm a grown-ass superhero. He calls himself a

A grown ass superhero. That's legend stuff right there. He's fucking right. It's crazy that he's getting pussy and they're like, oh, he definitely has her brainwashed. It's like, what? It's fucking Kanye. Yeah, dude. Every woman, like not every, but I'd say 90, about 95, 95% would be like, I'm taking the shot.

Yeah, to act like Kanye couldn't take your babe down is like... I mean, you can do that if you want, but I wouldn't be like, what the hell? I'd be like, bruh. I knew. I knew. Yeah, it's not like he can't...

Yeah. Kanye can't get pussy ever again. We're being literally slaying pogs. He's blessing us by getting married. He's like, you guys, I'm going to get married. You guys can take the rest of the pogs. Yeah. And dude, girls don't care if you like Hitler. I'll be honest. They don't fuck.

What's the one from Miss Concediality? I forget her name. Sandra Bullock. She like Hitler? Well, I think her ex-husband was big into Nazi shit. What? Bruce Willis? Jesse James, I think, right? Was it Jesse James? Jesse James was a Nazi. Oh, he was like East Coast choppers. Yeah, and so it came out that he was big into Nazi shit, and then she tried to disown him. She divorced him. Yeah, yeah, but they were already on their outs because she had to know that you don't get...

to marriage level and just figure it out. Was he like Aryan Brotherhood? He might have been like gang affiliated. That I don't know. Or he was giving her a straight up Nazi pipe. Yeah. That's tough, dude. The Jews will not replace us. If you think you're fucking for a whole race, though, like you're going hard in the pussy. I fuck with black people, all black people, every time.

That's exactly what I do. This is for Africa. This is for Wakanda. This is for Detroit. Oakland. You're just eating pussy like this. What's up with Black Panther? Is that coming back? No. Yes. I am a revolutionary. I think so too. I am a revolutionary. Are they supposed to try it with just a sister?

Yeah, I think that was the plan. Is that coming out? I hope not. They did that in the comics, but Disney's back to not doing movies a bunch. They're becoming calculated movie makers again. They needed a hard restart. They were fucking up. Because it was the lady. I can't remember her name, but they did an episode of South Park, the Pandaverse. The Pandaverse was out on it, and the lady was like...

okay, you better put a woman in it and make it fucking gay. That episode was so good. How does South Park continue to smash this hard after 20 something years? My whole life almost. South Park's been crushing. I heard that so... I always save them up and I'll watch the whole season. They have a whole season. I'll be right back. I gotta spit. No problem. I'm sick right now. They have a whole season and four movies. That's a whole season. And the new season is crazy because there's a...

There's an episode where Mr. Garrison, he has a husband, and somebody's like, hey, dude, you were the president. Trying to go rally? Can I tell you guys a secret before Mac gets back? Yeah. I shit my pants this morning. What? Yeah. Where were you at? Don't tell Mac. I heard the whole thing. I had to get it off my chest. What happened? You shat yourself? Yeah, I had a little...

squirt in my pajama pants. Did you wake up with it or was you fully awake? It was this morning. This morning? Yeah. Were you in your pajama bottoms? Yeah. That was not the best part of waking up.

that was the worst what diameter splatter are you talking about dude it was really like i so me and the mayor went to the shindig last night we had a couple cold beers and i woke up this morning had to take the garbage out forgot to have some gabagoo and i went in my pajama bottoms and i was in the kitchen making a cup of joe and i didn't have any underwears on and i was in my pajama bottoms

You thought it was going to be a good fart? I thought it was going to be a good fart, and it just is like a total bird poop. It went straight down my leg onto the hardwood floor. You shoot yourself in pajama bottoms like a homeless guy? Yes, dude. I squirted in his morning, and it went right onto the floor, and it was humiliating. You

You were by yourself though, right? Yes, I was by myself. Thank God I was by myself. Holy shit. Did you hear the splat? It was like a bird shits on a car. It just straight up fell out of my freaking leg. You shit through your leg? I shit all the way down my leg. And it was so humiliating. I didn't even really care. That's a case-in-all-yourself scenario though, just alone in the morning. How soon did you clean it up though? Did you finish the coffee first?

Is it still there? No, it's still there. Did you reprimand yourself? Yeah. Bad Sean. Bad Sean. Put your own nose in it. I sprayed myself with a squirt gun. I went to the toilet, cleaned up, handled the problem at hand. And then I took a wipes and...

Yeah. Cleaned up the mess I made. God damn it, man. Yeah, I wanted to share. I wanted to get that off my chest. What was the culprit food-wise, do you think? I appreciate you sharing. I had the slice next to the madre. I thought you were going to talk about the damn Diddy Dog. The Diddy Dog has the bulgogis. I forgot about the bulgogis. Josh, you know the Diddy Dog, right?

It's a hot dog truck that is around. It's by the creek, and they have really tasty hot dogs. It's pretty good. Pause. Damn, did you crush a pizza and a dog? This was a while ago, but we were all there together. But they're messing in your stomach, though. I mean, yeah, my bowels are in shambles. You got crones, dude. I think you got crones. Oh, damn.

The Diddy Dog is the shit, bro. Chinese clone. All right. Just power through. Just keep a lot of... I think the drummer from Creed had Crohn's. My friend Bray says Crohn's. Shout out to Bray. Yeah, it's fucking sick. I might have got it from him. Crohn's is just when you have a food allergy and you ignore it. That's all Crohn's is. Crohn's is all about it.

I have Crohn's disease. He's like, well, stop eating that. You'll not have it. You know, my allergy is alcohol. I'm allergic to alcohol, I guess. Yeah, I'm allergic to 10 beers and hot dogs. It's like just a pizza at 3 in the morning. You might have an allergy. Two liters of beer and...

I had extreme gut health issues like a couple months before we moved here. And I got my gut back on track. But since I got here, I have not been treating my body right. It's tough, man. It seems like it's going to be tough out here to treat it right. It's just too much Tex-Mex and fucking hot sauce. So much yummy food, dude. So many yummy hot dogs, dude. Gotta be fair, dude. There are a lot of good glizzes out here. Are there really? Yeah, there's a lot of good. Casino El Camino got that glitch.

You can't walk like a block on 6th Street without passing a glitz stand. My thing is, why wouldn't you eat a burger? You're there. Why would you not eat a burger? At the casino? What scenario is there where you want to eat a... True. Girls get hot dogs. Boys get hamburgers. That's what I'm saying. Burgers are so supreme to hot dogs. I don't know, dude. What? They're tougher to eat on the go, though. A burg? A burg is a little tougher to eat. Like, depending on how, like... True. You can just hold a hot dog in your mouth. You can just deep throat that thing. Yeah.

Every barbecue I've ever been at I'm like dude I'd watch all my cousins crushing dogs. I'm like do you need another burger one dog is nice though Yeah, dog. You have one on the plate. I just don't fuck with I don't like them I don't like how is it the process is you know what's going on like no even when I was little I'd like would munch well I had to burn him up though. Yeah, I would munch him. Yeah, I'd still be like oh

Dude, you have crushed a burger. You might be the ultimate hetero. Just like something about this feels wrong. I can't. Dude, your butterfly dog, it looks just like a pussy. Butterfly and dog. Butterfly and then like, yeah, fry it up. That was the only one. Then I licked the middle. Okay.

Again, it was always a mystery to me. I was always kind of like, dude, what the fuck is going on with these things? I think you would like the bulgogi fries, though. Those are pretty nasty. They destroyed the squad's bowels the other day. It gave us all the worst sparks. What are bulgogi fries? Is that Korean food? Bulgogi is...

korean it's like korean beef like loaded fries but with like beef and nice sauce k-pop would be nice i mean i'll i'll your pants

A morning shit on yourself in your own house is crazy. Now that I think about it. It's just an insight into advanced senior age. That's what you do. You're going to need diapers in 20 years. Sleep in a diaper. That'd be nice. Sleep in an hour in a diaper. Sleeping in a diaper would be chill. Just peeing and not getting up. Whatever, dude.

Waking up with a hard diaper rash. Which is creepy. Damn, getting the lotion on you first thing. Yeah, the ball base or whatever. Get some butt paste on you, dude. Oh my God. I used to always get the crotch rod at the beach and use the diaper powder. The ball mix. Right? That's what it's called? Crotch rod. Crotch rod. That's what my dad would call it. When you pee in the ocean and then for some reason you get a rash after you pee in the ocean. Yeah, my dad calls it monkey ass. What?

Underneath your balls gets completely inflamed. Like a baboon, yeah. The inside of your thighs. It just hurts. When you pee in the water, do you take your trunks off or do you just pee through the trunks? Taking your trunks off is freak shit. There's kids around. Is that another subreddit you're on? Yeah, we gotta talk about Vince McMahon being a freak ball in the

Dude, I wanted to ask you about that. I don't know anything about that, really. Besides what you told me already. Dude, are they legit? They're legit. Those are court documents. Those are court documents. What? Yeah, he's... He might be the freakiest. Yeah, dude, he's the freakiest boy. I was reading some of those, and I was like, dude, I don't know if he's real or not. And I was like, this is pretty nuts. We'll do an extensive deep dive. We should do an extensive deep dive of those in the page. I want to really dig into this. Do you ever pee in the shower?

When it's steamy and it hurts your penis? No. No. Dude, it happens. I've noticed. If the shower heats up and I pee in the shower, I think... I've heard when I was little, like, when you pee, your dick also, like, sucks in a little bit. Yeah, it goes...

Dude, whenever I pee in the shower and it's hot, it's like a fucking blinding pain. I'm like, oh, and if I pee in a cold shower, no problem. Yeah. I've never had that. Yeah. No, me neither. Are you getting a steamy urethra? I think so, yeah. It must have a thick, wide urethra just sucking. I don't know, dude. I don't know what it is. Yeah. The pump mechanism. You're gaped, bro. I'm like, yeah, you might. Yeah.

It might be spent.

Yeah, that's weird. I've never had that. Do you guys pee in the shower? Yeah, all the time. Bro, I'm telling you, if I pee in the shower, it feels like I'm passing a kidney stone. I'm like, oh my God. Is it post-cleaning? Post-pee. Have you already cleaned? Are you getting soap in it? No, I don't even have to have soap. Damn. I don't know if it's the angle sometimes. Sometimes after I bust a nut and then do it, I'll get a stingy pain in the shower.

I've had that, but I'm talking, this is like an ache. I don't know anyone else. I've been trying to figure it out. I've been like testing. I took a pee in a cold shower recently. I'm like, no problem. I was like, it's got to be the steam. I don't know. It could be the human, yeah. Maybe it's just an ignored STD. I don't know. It could be that. You got super guttery. It could be that.

Now that I'm being honest with myself. Suffering in silence. All these years. Yeah, that's one thing about it. I've learned another thing about my body. Do you know if you close your eyes and think about your leg, there's a subtle sensation in your leg? And if you close your eyes and think about your forearm, you'll feel a thing in your forearm.

Your awareness travels through your body, and you can feel various parts of your body. It's pretty cool. That's meditation, right? That's part of it, I guess. I just noticed that. I lay in bed at night, and I would just always do a thing where I'm like, all right, let me relax my legs. And I noticed there's a fleeting sensation. Now it would be tough because we're on.

now we're fucking working if you lay in bed and think about your feet there's like a like a pulsing presence in your feet if you think about your legs it's like now your legs are like it's pretty nuts dude ain't that some like military go to sleep tech technique or some shit like that yeah they do that yeah that's what I thought I read it never worked for me I've tried it and I just fucking my ADD brain I just start getting horny yeah but say think about your dick you're like I should probably beat off you do have ADHD brain cause like

At the house? Yeah. When you're not laying down, you're walking around the whole place. I can't. Nate stands up in the house the whole time. He's just walking. He's a guard dog. He's just walking around. Yeah.

That's uncle Nate. That's uncle Nate. Looking out the blinds. I'm just making sure everything's safe. You're out there and away from everything. I'm watching the front of the house. I'd imagine you have the opposite movement pattern. Completely vaguely. Very stationary. Okay.

Your fingers are probably strong as hell. No, it's crazy. I could poke. Oh, man. God damn it, dude. I'm so sick. I'm working sick. I'm working sick. But you got a little cold? I don't know what I have, man. I think I probably got a fucking AIDS right now. That's why my penis is cold. Yeah.

I don't know. I don't know if it's allergies. It could be RSV. I don't fucking know, man. Cedar fever? Could be cedar fever. That's what they say. Could be that new fucking RSV shit they're pushing out. There's a new... There's a new draw? RSV is like... They follow that up like...

All right. Spike Vax is for Spike Vax commercials. It's just a weird Vax commercial. I don't see it comes on. I watch this comes on after every like game I watch basketball. It's just like a generic vaccine ad. It's just get Spike Vax. It never says what it's for. It's just it's just get Spike Vax. It's just racist. Yeah. You just watch the whole NBA game. Yeah. Yeah. It must have been a Utah Jazz on the court. Mm hmm.

It's Philly. They're not even that white anymore, the Utah Jazz, right? They're kind of white. They're one of the few teams in the NBA where their main guy is white. It's like them, Dallas, Denver. And I think it's the three. Maybe the Rockets. I don't know. Just so happened to be my three favorite fans.

Red team. Just kidding. Red team. Does it bother you that they're all foreign white stuff? There's no... For sure. I don't like... I kind of... I feel like that would bother me. Austin Reeds is cool. That's what I figured. That's what y'all got. The best basketball players in the NBA now are all foreign black people. Like, it's like...

Giannis and B. It's like, when B. We're all losing our damn jobs. We're all losing our damn jobs. Coming over here and taking our jerbs. Basketball jerbs. Yeah, I went to a G League game here, and there was a guy from France, this black dude, and he was, like, unbelievable. Yeah. Just, like, and everyone now in the NBA is, like, skinny and tall. Yeah. They all look like Slenderman. Yeah. Yeah.

They're just bombing threes and just kind of like floating up and down. They don't even like have to jump. A lot of the guys go, yeah. It's weird. They're future people for sure. Yeah. And then you're already aliens. Remember they were saying the aliens were eight foot, ten foot tall? They could be. I think so. I think social media is leading. Okay. You know how social media makes it all so girls can fuck one guy?

Huh? You don't know the theory? Slow down. I'm sorry. There's a theory. Social media, because before social media, you could only see really hot guys or guys you would really want to own TV. But now you can see them all the time and they're accessible. Yeah. So all those guys are going to be the people everyone's fucking. Oh, I see. So they're going to create all the next people? Yeah. Talking about hypergamy. Yeah.

Peterson talks about this shit all the time. It's like, yeah, they're just getting access to these dudes that are just like hot, rich dudes who are just banging all the chips. But then they have to eventually scramble. I mean, you're talking about sexual marketplace value. We're getting into fucking the man. We're starting about the sexual marketplace. Yeah, that's the theory now. They have access to all these dudes and they just get fucking piped out. And then right when they turn 30, they just go. It's not the theory. It feels like the truth. Yeah.

Could be. I mean, dude, if you had access to, like, babes and they were like, what's going on? It'd be crazy. It'd be so hard. But girls shouldn't do that. They're taking advantage, you think? Yeah. Yeah, that's not right. Because they need to be focused on, like, running the country, becoming president. Being smart and tough. That's why these girls can't become president. They're not fucking these hot guys all the time. Do you think they're forcing CPs? They gotta be forcing CPs. Not on a gig of Chad. Yeah.

Yeah. A gigachat would be like, I said stop. And his fucking triceps just front. You cannot have my seed. I'm about to make partner this month.

I've had a surgery where my cum falls out of my ass. Sorry, lady. I called you an Uber. Leave. Good luck in your marriage. Dude, one of the best things was he shit on, like, a girl's forehead during a threesome. Yes. Yes. I can't wait till you see the test. On her fucking forehead? Yeah.

Do you think he looked either side of the room like he was on the top ropes before he did it? I'm on a ship. Just trying to pump people up. They also said he had a bunch of dildos he named after wrestlers for size.

Oh, nice. Damn, you were talking about that on your guys' podcast. Was that you, Lamer, or Nate? No, it was me. Me and Tom did panties in the mouth when you were talking about doing Google reviews on dildos your size. Why did you say that, man? I've been avoiding it ever since I saw it was a thing. I don't want to know. Did you do it, man? No, I just forgot about it.

That's definitely too like you forget about it till you're laying in bed. You're like, oh, yeah Right after you're like what is white coffee? No, it's a new coffee that like they cook it a lower temperature It's white and has like four times the caffeine. That's like the shit. I'll hear things throughout the day I'm like right Google white coffee tonight. I'm gonna be laying there like man. I can't sleep again. I

Let me review my fucking dick size. Is he good for anal? There's a black queen on social media who's going around being like, size doesn't matter, dude's dicks aren't that big. She is, dude, just...

Preacher. What an angel, dude. I caught a clip of her and I was just like, please load my algorithm. Start hitting save. Just black doctor ladies being like, you're actually huge. Thank you. Nate tries to act like he doesn't have a big piece. Nate has a honker. Really? How do you know? I see it in his pants.

Who are you looking at my dick for? That's nuts. That's crazy. We're trying to get to the truth. If you have a honker, fess up. I don't think I have a honker. No, Gardini, fess up, Nate. You gotta fess up, too.

I wore my heart on my sleeve. You even came out of the big dick closet. I had to. I had to live my truth. That's a honker. A honky. A honky. Oh, man. I'm just tired of you living in this little dick pool, dude. Get over there in Sean's pool. I don't know where my pool is.

Measure and read the reviews. I don't want to know. Because I am teetering on like, maybe I am. But if I find out I'm not, then it's going to change my confidence. You want to keep your work ethic. Yeah. One, I want to keep my work ethic. But also, like, I'm not going to lie. I do kind of. I think I might. It's definitely not a space for. If you think you might, you probably do. You got it. You got to stop talking shrimps with the wimps. And come over here and start talking lobster with the monster. Yeah.

Have you seen that? Oh, the team's just shifted, dude. The team's just shifted. No. Team's shifted. Oh, my bad, my bad. Nate, you left them hanging. Small dick guys are funnier. What the?

But whatever, fine love.

That's such a dumb thing to be embarrassed about. He might be big. Don't you want to hang out with me? He's not going to like me anymore. All my bros are going to turn on me. We don't invite him out anymore. I just think if guys became like girls, I just don't know. It's just been annoying.

Too big for the crew. Did you see what he was wearing? Packy. You can all see his honker. His honker. He keeps flaunting his honker.

Jesus Christ. God damn it. I think that about does it. We're at an hour. I mean, I'm just working sick. I don't know about you guys. Dude, you're nailing it. This is nice. Fuck. Oh, please, guys, plug yourself, please. Panties in the mouth. Please get on there. I'm excited about the new episode. Yeah, me and Tom were just on there. Yeah, you and my brother Tom. That was so fun. Yeah, that was fun as hell. It was good to have you back around. The mayor hasn't been there for a month. We've been missing him. For sure. So, plug Patreon after you listen to it if you like it.

Yeah, patreon.com. We need it. Please. Get in there.

God bless you all. God bless you all. Also, please, this weekend, I'll be at Zany's Comedy Club. I think there's a little bit of tickets left. Please get it. Oh, yeah. And then I'll be in Pittsburgh March 7th. It's a big room, and I'd like to fill it if I could. Yeah. Funny Bone Orlando. Go to mattmccusker.com. I'll be there with you. Slash dates. Yes, Lamer will be there. Oh, can I swap one more thing? I'm trying to plug my Hyperlink. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead.

Please, go ahead, Nate. No, no, no. Fuck that. I don't know. I'm just fucking around. The show Gardena used to run. I've been doing it. Drip is the 7th. February 7th. Let's go. Nate's cucking me on my show. No, if anything, it's just the brotherhood. April 10th. Who better to pass it off than to me? I know. Honker to honker. Transaction.

Cap City, March 19th. Come on, I'm headlining. Come on, please. Go see Cap City, LeMary Cap City, and Helium Comedy Club, April 10th. I'll be there if you'd like to come, please. I'd really appreciate it. Yo, Philadelphia. Let's go. So long.