What a Weekday: Forget Paris
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Introducing Instagram teen accounts, automatic protections for who can contact teens and the content they can see. Learn more at Instagram dot com slash teen accounts. Shout out to my friend Vicky, who is one of the muscle mommies on stage at during Chaperone's Lollapalooza set. That phrase sits no better with me than it did when you introduced me to me a year ago.

Well, fortunately, the concept continues apace. And shout out to all the Muslim mommies on stage and off stage. So what is a Muslim mommy? I think it's just a jacked woman. I think it's just an internet term. I didn't know if it was more compliment. The concept is fine. I hate the phrase. Well, listen, and if perhaps the door will open and you may have to pass through to become a Muslim mommy, we don't know what life will bring. It's just something to think about. ♪

Well, I'm John Lovett. I'm here with my trusty morning zoo, Kendra, Lazarus, Allie. Let's get into it. What a weekday. On Monday evening, Elon Musk sat down to interview Donald Trump live on X. Sorry, I couldn't watch it. I was too busy chopping my own dick off instead. It was an innovative format no one's been brave enough to try before. What if Donald Trump were permitted to speak at length with absolutely no fact-checking?

Naturally, the ex-base for their interview kept crashing over and over again, just like it did when Ron DeSantis announced he was running earlier this year. Can't believe the checked-out, demoralized engineers still working at this desiccated husk of a company while desperately seeking job interviews elsewhere haven't crushed their punch list. Musk claimed it was a DDoS attack on the platform. Basically, hundreds of gigabits of data were saturated. As this massive attack illustrates, there's

a lot of opposition to people just hearing what President Trump has to say. Yes, and but for this kludgy, glitchy version of a conference call, there is simply no way to hear from Donald Trump. The man is a mystery. And also, yeah, sure, I scream we're under attack when I've been exposed to being bad at my job. Why was I in L.A. to this meeting? Because our shadowy enemies don't want you to hear my thoughts on North Carolina tour venues.

According to The Verge, several ex-employees denied there was a denial of service attack, with one staffer saying they were 99% sure Must was lying. And 1% in love with him?

It's so important to leave open that 1% possibility that he isn't just lying, but also unspeakably stupid. Meanwhile, according to the New York Times, close Trump allies have described the three weeks since President Biden dropped out of the race as the rockiest stretch of Trump's campaign so far. Boy, you know your campaign is in trouble when an assassination attempt wasn't the low point.

At a dinner with donors on August 2nd in Bridgehampton, one donor asked Trump how he planned to take control of the narrative and present a positive vision for America. Trump ranted about Harris for a while and then said, I am who I am.

OK, flop by this dinner is a great microcosm of the way in which the kind of techie finance guys who are politically confused or have had their minds melted by social media have come face to face with their decision to get behind Trump.

at the peak and are now recognizing that they may have made a terrible, terrible mistake. And I fucking love it. They got game stopped. I love it. They did. They got game stopped. They got game stopped. They bought Trump at the peak, at the peak. And here we are. And here we are.

When a donor asked Trump about the Democrats message that the GOP ticket is weird, Trump replied, not about me. They're saying it about J.D. Fantastic. I love that Donald Trump has been consuming all of this. Republicans are weird commentary. And his main takeaway is that it's just simply not about him.

It's impressive. His mind is a fortress. It cannot be penetrated. Has not taken in new information since like 1990. It couldn't have been about him. We heard about him. Never. Could it be me? A million years could have been. He's too normal. He's too normal. There's such a, even the parts that aren't,

You end up focusing on the silliest and most ridiculous parts of a moment in which Elon Musk has a conversation with Donald Trump. And the fact that, like, it didn't work and it was just rambling nonsense is what the headline is. But even the premise, as Elon Musk introduced it, I signed on actually at the very beginning of it, in part because it was crashing and I was just curious. And Elon says this, makes this point that I think he believes is insightful that, you know, you can't understand somebody in a...

a true interview that in a hostile interview, you never get to really know someone. And so that's why I just want to have a conversation with Donald Trump so that we can just get to know the real Donald Trump, which like fundamentally, I think, misunderstands like the role of the press, what we're actually trying to understand about people like

Like, you believe that the goal of this is to get to know the real Donald Trump outside of politics. But the Donald Trump inside of politics is the only one we should ever care about. The reason the questions are hostile is because you're trying to get him to explain or reveal why he's taken unpopular or politically unpalatable positions or or or done terrible things. Of course, that's not what happens when you're just shooting the shit at a bar. But we're not just shooting the shit at a bar. We're choosing the president.

Yeah, I think Elon fundamentally reveals, I hope for the last time that we ever have this conversation is like, just because you're smart in some way does not mean that you're not incredibly gullible and naive and stupid in another way. Like it wouldn't, he has a conviction about Donald Trump. So he, that's his understanding of what interviewing must be like, oh, the media doesn't understand you. I understand you. But really it's just a projection of himself. He has to project everything onto Donald Trump

Even during this conversation, like they're not really even talking to one another. It was that he Elon rambles on at length and then says some version of. So what do you think? Yeah. Hostile interviews are some of our best work. Like I think the most revealing interview that Tom Cruise ever gave was the Matt Lauer interview. Remember? Glib.

Oh, vaguely. That's like one of the most revealing moments that he's ever had in like the pop culture space. Yeah. Like the idea that Donald Trump just needed to have a conversation will understand him. It ignores the fact that Donald Trump has been having that conversation with us the whole time. It's also just it's it's the kind of thing a person in a position of power can.

who has not given much thought to those dynamics and the fact that he has access to these people is that fundraisers with these people can call these people up and that the interest of a of a voter is not to find out what it's like to shoot the shit with donald trump because you get to do that and you think it's so fascinating it's to find out what they'd actually do with this power also the idea that donald trump in our last conversation isn't the exact same person using many more slurs

That's what he is behind the scenes. Right. Like there's no, yeah. In fairness to Donald Trump, he's actually quite authentically himself. He's very high, 100%. And that I think is like, it's almost like we can't believe that. We can't, from our side too, like we won't allow that to be true. We have to be like, no, there's something else going on. It's four dimensional chess. It's like he has been nothing but honest with us about what a piece of shit he has been this entire time. And I think now it's like, let's just accept it. We can just do it.

What a relief. According to the Times, Trump is speaking of which, according to the Times, Trump has called Kamala Harris a bitch repeatedly in private conversations and not in the RuPaul Drag Race kind of way.

Historically so.

Actually, when asked for a citation, the Trump campaign sent this clip. And as a woman, there's a balance to be struck between being tough and being a bitch. First of all, she doesn't call herself a bitch in that clip. Uh,

Second of all, if I was Trump's communication director, I wouldn't be sending out videos of Kamala Harris being funny and relatable while making a point every woman in America can relate to. They have just completely lost the plot. They've also given like a really good pairing. Have you seen the clip that's going viral of her being asked what her favorite curse word is? Oh, no. And she's like, I can't say it, but it starts with an M and ends with an uh. Yeah. It's a perfect pairing. It is great. She's so charming. It's funny. Like, it's just like you don't understand any to send this out to the presses.

insane i saw them like i love her she's great yeah there's something we were right before we came in the studio uh we were watching uh chapel ron at lollapalooza and i was just thinking when i saw chapel ron and the fact that we're gonna be talking about kamala harris that there is a similarity between the embrace of chapel ron this summer and the embrace of kamala harris this summer and it is the there's a a kind of like collective enjoyment of knowing that like

This energy and enthusiasm is coming from, it's not something that you've asked for. It's something that's coming to you via our collective desire to celebrate what you represent to us. I think there's like a little bit of like,

misogyny in it, which is that like, oh, no, no, Kamala didn't campaign for this. She didn't show her ambition to get this. But at the same time, there's something like beautiful about the fact that both like Chapel Roan and Kamala Harris were fucking grinding it out forever to get to the point where they could be collectively celebrated at a moment that almost seemed natural or organic.

Yeah, like there is a level of like forcedness to like every personal persona. Like it does tend towards a robotic sense. And then to have someone step up and be like, oh no, I have all this good stuff. I brought all this stuff with me. There's a relief to it as a viewer. You're like, oh, thank God it's good. Okay, good. Phew, because we've been dealing with so much shit. And I say both in politics and in pop music. We're just sort of like, you're trying to convince me this is good. And then to have someone be like, no, no, it's good. I have all this good stuff. Let me tell you about it. It's like, okay, good. We don't have to like pretend-

in the way that we were having to maybe pretend before. It's the relief of, oh, she can actually sing. Yes. Oh, she can actually perform. Oh, actually, she's she can speak and it's great. Yeah. It's a beautiful thing. Yeah. And I love Chaplin. She's so good. And the looks, the looks are great. So Trump has been knocked off balance by Harris dominating in Armenia. But to be fair, it doesn't take much to knock him off balance. Trump's center of gravity is located outside of his body like a boomerang.

You see, it's like you can you would have to you can see it's off. We could you could see it's probably like somewhere forward of his belt line, like a few inches. Like his joints are like three inches off of everyone else's joints. So he's constantly trying to hide it. Well, I think part of it is the the lifts, because I do think they pitch him forward a bit.

I've never thought of him as a lift person. Oh, yeah. Really? After the assassination attempt, he says, like, get my shoes, get my shoes. Oh, there were lifts. Some claim that when you see the shoe fly, there's the shoe flies and you can see a lift falling out of it. I guess it's the same as like why he's always going to have like the 80s style shoulder pad. Like it's like, oh, he that was when he was biggest. So he's going to commit to whatever he was doing then. Yeah. His whole look now is just preservation of a time when he was alive.

a normal looking man and sort of like the ideal of what a 1980s man should look like, I guess. Tony Fabrizio, the Trump campaign's chief pollster and not a sculpture of an Italian chef proffed outside a spaghetti restaurant. I don't know that we keep making these jokes. We love Tony Fabrizio, though. Yeah, sure. Um, uh,

Anyway, he said that Harris has gotten the equivalent of the largest in-kind contribution of free media I think I've ever seen in all the years I've been doing presidential campaigns. You can't but but you can't stay home and golf instead of campaigning and then complain that the news isn't talking about you. You have to do the work. You have to get out there and tell a bunch of confused Wisconsin voters about how much you love Hannibal Lecter, you know, president stuff.

Trump's advisers have urged him to steer away from personal attacks and focus on the economy, immigration and crime advice that Trump has ignored. Said Trump, thank you for the advice, though, you fat, ugly idiots. The idea of like, oh, yeah, we're going to finally be the people that convince Trump not to do personal attacks. Like trying to convince the coyote that the proper way to capture the roadrunner is

is by taking some time off the field and learning sharpshooting for the better part of a year, or maybe kind of in a way that isn't showy, perhaps poisoning some food and then leaving and seeing if you come back a few days later to find a dead roadrunner, you know?

I'm a disciplined approach, a disciplined approach. I love imagining the person in 2024 who's like, I can fix him. Give me five minutes to remember this guy. I'm going to fix him. Meanwhile, new polls by The New York Times and Siena College show Harris leading Trump by four points in Wisconsin, Michigan and Pennsylvania. Does that feel good? That feeling a hint of relief? Squash it.

The polls may be wrong. As Harry Enten pointed out, the polling error from 2016 erases this lead. Also, even if the polls are right, a lot can change in 83 days. 83 days of living like we're 0.5 behind in every swing state may be hell on the digestive system, but it's how we must live. Do dreams where Nate Silver and your rabbi explain how the model wasn't wrong right before crying Simone Biles who cannot hear you pushes you out of a plane and you realize you don't have a parachute because you forgot to fill out all the down ballot races? Does that help us win? No, but it means you're in the right headspace.

That's not a dream I had. Simone Biles got here. Just in the consciousness. Yeah, she's in the ether. I guess like just check to see whether you're registered to vote. I think unfortunately there's just going to be, there's just all this news where it's like, oh yeah, it turns out my parents who have lived in the same house for 30 years are just, their registration isn't, isn't in or whatever. We got to run like we're a tiny bit behind. Like we're 500 votes behind in every swing state. Because we might be. Because we might be. Because we might be. It's like we can't, we went through the doldrums.

We experienced the doldrums. We can't be irrationally exuberant now. We just can't. If you could make it to Lollapalooza, you could make it to the polls. Lollapalooza. We don't want a Lollapalooza. We want a Lollapalooza. We don't want a Lollapalooza. We want a Lollapalooza. The election. No, you have to stay. This is your job. I just thought of somewhere I have to be. Is it Lollapalooza? Nope. Windsor.

Lollapalooza. Is that better? Oh, you think that's better? Just saying it's the original. Trump has continued to obsess over crowd size at Harris's rallies and falsely claimed in a string of Sunday Truth social posts that she had used AI to fake those crowds. But go ahead and count the tits, Trump. I believe you'll find an even number.

Trump himself held zero events in swing states last week, instead heading to Montana for a rally in support of GOP Senate candidate Tim Sheehy. For sure, when you're losing in critical swing states, head to Montana. Like when I feel a case of diarrhea coming on and make a beeline for the Ferris wheel. That's actually kind of a joke that describes a terrible situation, but also has some hope in it, which is you can feel diarrhea coming. You know, sometimes you can. Sometimes you can.

Kendra, do you feel diarrhea coming? Oh my God. I know. I knew you'd hate that. Speaking of diarrhea, the dogs are crooked. Yeah, really. We got to do something about this. They have to wear diapers or something. We found like three day old shit in the other conference room the other day. I think that there is an important conversation to be had about dogs taking shits in various rooms. But I do think it's important not to say it's all the dogs taking shits.

Not all dogs. Hashtag not all dogs. Here's what I have learned from watching 15 years of Bravo. The richer you are, the more likely your dog is to be shitting inside. And that's all I'm going to say. Somebody said it. That's all I'm going to say. It's not just your dog. We're not saying it's just pundits. It goes all the way to the top. I'm saying pundit is reverse sneezing left and right. Listen, I take great care to make sure that pundit

poops before she sets foot in this office. And this is a girl that you could set the watch to on the when those poops come. It is a giant poop in the morning and then at best one other poop at the end of the day. Though as I say that, if she were secretly pooping in the office, I might not know.

That's the problem. But we've like having seen the poops that emerge in various conference spaces. They're just not our brand. They're just simply not our brand. And a dog owner knows their dog's brand of poop. The investigation continues. You know, he's never owned a dog. Well, honestly, let's set up some fucking cameras. Let's get some cameras and catch a dog in the act. And if we catch it. And I'll own it.

After Trump's plane had mechanical issues that forced it to make an unscheduled stop on Friday, Trump spent the weekend flying around in a Gulfstream jet previously owned by none other than Jeffrey Epstein. What was he supposed to do? Find any other plane in the world? Look, I do agree that it is an unforced error to use Jeffrey Epstein's plane, but it's not like it's haunted. Yeah, the plane didn't do anything wrong. It was what happened on and after the plane. Would you want to live in his house?

Would you live on his island? Yeah. Like, I don't want to be anywhere. It's a bad look, but the plane is ultimately just a plane. Yeah, the plane is innocent. The plane is simply a plane. The plane is a plane. I wouldn't want to be in there. Well, I mean, look, if your view is that the plane is haunted, fine. And you don't want to ride on it, fine. Haunted is a strong term. More like bad vibes. Yeah, the energy in there is not bad energy. For sure. Listen, and I want to be clear about something. Don't want to go on Jeffrey Epstein's plane.

I think we all are on the same page. Not interested in taking a flight on that plane. I'm a Delta gal myself. Yeah. A nice commercial flight. Go to the Sky Lounge? Have a couple of, you know, little tacos if they're available at the Sky Lounge. If not, I'll grab a cookie. The Sky Lounge. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.

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Thank you.

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On Monday, Trump's lawyer threatened to sue the DOJ for $115 million for their investigation into classified government documents Trump took to Mar-a-Lago. Again, not what you do if you're trying to make the race about anything other than how much of a fucking mess you are.

You look at what he's been doing, a Twitter space with Elon Musk going to Montana. And again, like that, that event was probably set before. Right. They thought they were leading. They're going to go help this Senate candidate to beat John Tester, because why not? It'll be better to win that seat and have a bigger majority and win the Senate. But.

You could stop if you're flying from fucking Mar-a-Lago to Montana. You fly over several swing states to get there. Then you also file a suit that brings to mind some of your worst behavior that the American people by great majorities find terrible and a reason you shouldn't be present again, a disqualifying event from your presidency like that. It's none of it is about winning. None of it's about winning.

I think fundamentally, like we are running up against the fact that like and this is true the first time, but even worse. So now it's like he doesn't really actually want to be president. Like, I don't think at the end of the day when he's sitting on his bed, takes off his shoes, his little lips fall out. I think he wants to just hang out. I think he wants to go golfing. But there are so many people propping up his wobbly table that he does it. He's like, well, there's no way out of this. It wouldn't occur to him not to bail out.

But he there's no nothing coming from him. He doesn't have it or any interest anymore. So sort of like who's around him making these decisions? I think he doesn't want to. Obviously, he's never wanted or really done the job of president. But he also wants to win and doesn't want to lose and wants to prove that he didn't lose. And so the and the only way to get the kind of ego solve that he needs.

is to run for president of the United States. And to escape legal accountability. It might be giving him too much credit, but I do think that that is part of it. Yeah, that makes sense. And to escape legal accountability. Yeah, that's, of course, important too. But there was a period of time where I would have said, wow,

Donald Trump is so afraid of going to federal prison that it has concentrated his mind. He's put in place a better campaign team. He's showing more discipline in the weeks after the debate. He showed incredible discipline. It's very much like because he thought he was going to win, it got him to really behave more responsibly. And now that he's in this cycle where he thinks it's unfair because he was supposed to be Biden, he could beat Biden. Now Kamala's ahead. He's

He can't have that same discipline when he feels like he's being in some way not being treated correctly by the system because the same threat

It's like what seemed to have concentrated his attention just a few weeks ago is now absent. And that's hard to make sense of. Also, I wonder if he regrets delaying all of his trials at this point because those news cycles, we enjoyed them, obviously. But it was also he got nonstop attention. He got to play the martyr and the victim, which was a better look for him than whatever this is. I wonder if that was almost a misstep. Yeah, there were tons of news cycles there.

about his malfeasance. There was tens of millions of dollars spent on ads and he was ahead. So meanwhile, there is one candidate and campaign in this race focused exclusively on winning at a campaign rally in Nevada on Saturday. Vice President Kamala Harris came out in favor of eliminating taxes on tips.

And it is my promise to everyone here, when I am president, we will continue our fight for working families of America. Including to raise the minimum wage and eliminate taxes on tips for service and hospitality workers.

This policy is better than the current one, which boils down to a shoebox full of cash and what the IRS doesn't know doesn't hurt them. Trump, who's also campaigned on not taxing tips since June, quickly accused Harris of stealing his idea. Trump is like an open mic comedian who insists that SNL stole their idea. And the idea was a guy at a party, but he's acting silly.

Those screens get me every time.

It's the iPad. Oh, the screen's got us. Yeah, the screen's got us every time. In other populist economics news, the Biden administration on Monday proposed a set of consumer protections to make it easier to cancel subscriptions, get refunds, and submit health care and insurance forms online. Plus, Americans will be able to plug in USBs perfectly on the first guess. You'll be able to hit print and documents will just print from the nearest printer with no questions asked. And the hot bartender doesn't just want a tip. They're really into you. It's a new and glorious American future. The, uh,

It's so funny, too, because Trump's like, she stole my idea for for for for non-taxing tips. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She did. Good. Sorry, buddy. It's a policy. It's not a it's not a work of art. The whole point is to get people to adopt your policy views. That's the nature of it. And this one will be better because yours is fake. You're just a lie. Well, sure, you were lying when you said it. But and because when Republicans introduce a version of it, it ends up being something that mostly rewards the rich. So that's a fun part of it as well.

The idea of like, oh, we're not going to text tips and all of a sudden hedge fund managers are suddenly figuring out ways to describe what they do as tips. Do you guys think Trump tips? Oh, I could see it either way. There have been I've read some firsthand accounts from like doormen and stuff that claim that he does.

I could see it as like a way to like just show off. Yeah. I don't think it's out of concern for the service worker. Like this is I think why he likes this policy. Like he likes a tips based economy because it's one in which first of all, it shifts policy.

Tips shift the responsibility from employers onto customers, and it shifts the responsibility from the ungenerous to the generous, right? Like what decides how much a person makes is it's the it's the average of how generous a group of people are. And so over tip, you know, people who tipped more go above 20 percent, whatever. They subsidize all these people. They come in and tip under. And like, what kind of fucking system is that? Why is that? And and like.

Why are these the jobs in which you like are rewarded interpersonally and also in ways that like bring in like being sexualized, being judged on how you looked, having to be obsequious? Like, why is why are these the traits we want? Like there we don't expect people to need tips to do their jobs in virtually any other place other than hospitality. It's gross. It's gross. And like, yeah, we should not tax tips if it gets more money to people. But then like like it's just a it's just a like.

a bandaid on like a broken system. And I guess that's okay. But and like half the problem now is or at least when I haven't

been in service in like a minute, but at least when I was still breezing and waitressing, I preferred my tips obviously in cash because then you could hide it and you didn't have to report it. But as we increasingly go to a more cashless society, more tips are actually right now subject to tax, which sucks for the service worker who's making like maybe $3 an hour in some states. Right. Well, that's part of it too, right? The sort of like understanding that cash tips were like under the table, but like we don't want to build an under the table economy. Also,

It's something that a bunch of economists told, I believe, NPR that like there are states with higher minimum wage for service workers and states with lower minimum wage for service workers. So a state like South Carolina that has a much lower minimum wage for tipped staff and more of their salary comes from tips. This benefits them more than somebody in California. So you're benefiting. It's a it's a it's a perverse incentive that rewards the places that have the fewest protections for people. But hey, I'm for it. It helps us win. Do it.

That's where I'm at. Yeah. I don't remember the details. Fuck the details. You got one? An alleged photo of J.D. Vance in drag hit the internet over the weekend, reportedly taken when Trump's VP pic was at Yale Law School in 2012. Here she is, in all her glory, hillbilly hella double Ds, little miss fapalachia, hill frilly elegy, J.D. Prance, hill busty bell of the ballogy. Hell yeah. Great.

I think that's our favorite. Yeah. Hillbilly Bella the Bology. Works perfectly. Perfect. I knew this photo wasn't from Vance's time in the Marines because, honey, he's not serving. The photo started trending on Twitter with the hashtag SofaLorraine.

Excellent. Excellent. So fuller and a reference to the fictional rumor that Vance wrote about having sex with a sofa in his book, Hillbilly Elegy. In reality, J.D. Vance wrote about having sex with a sofa in his book, a couch fucking work of staggering genius. A second photo also of J.D. Vance and drag later surfaced on Monday. So a lot of people are making jokes about this. I don't totally get what the joke is. Like, is it J.D. Vance wore drag at Yale Law School? Uh,

Like, sure, I guess. But that was J.D. Vance, a highly ambitious person who worked incredibly hard and pursued elite acceptance and success in cosmopolitan circles to which he aspired.

So I'm not sure that these are the photos of J.D. Vance in drag. I'm pretty sure this is J.D. Vance in drag. Donald Trump doesn't know anything about and frankly doesn't care for. But yeah, look, my attitude to these people attacking my wife is she's beautiful. She's smart. What kind of man marries Usha? A very smart man and a very lucky man, importantly. And my view is, look, if these guys want to attack me or attack my views, my policy views, my personality, come after me. But don't attack my wife. She's out of your league.

Now, first of all, that's a line from the American president. You want a character to debate, Bob? You better stick with me because Sidney Ellen Wade is way out of your league. Nice. I just like J.D. Vance saying that Trump could be America's Hitler and then becoming a obsequious defender of him and won't actually denounce Trump for having dinner with white nationalists at Mar-a-Lago. Like,

That's the performance. This is the performance. Like J.D. Vance kind of at law school going to a party.

I don't know. That doesn't seem like more of a costume to me than this does. I also think like as at least as queer people, it's like there is an honesty to like our acknowledgement that a lot of this is a performance. J.D. Vance has completely committed to the performance. Like it's obvious to see from like any video of him, his deep discomfort and robotic personality.

appearance of what he thinks he's supposed to be. So the idea of like seeing these photos of like someone having fun or playing with gender, it's like, well, there's an honesty to that. That's real. What he's presenting is a fictional white man's idea of what a vice president would be. And it feels like that, at least to me. I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. There's an inauthenticity to J.D. Vance, to this character that he's playing.

And when I saw the photos of him just being like a kid at law school, dressing up and having fun, it's like, wow, you had to subsume. You had to push down so much of yourself and like your normal reactions to fit like this sort of right wing cultural norm.

masculinity that you're putting on display and it's not working. It's just not working. You're an elite cosmopolitan Yale lawyer. Like you can take off the fucking tech rest, but we can see it and people could see it. And it made me think too, like, like this whole idea of JD Vance being weird and it being like, like, why did the couch joke work? Like, what is it about JD Vance that makes the couch joke work? I do think it is that like on some level, like he is

in the uncanny valley all the time when he's when he's in his good moments his best moments he had a lot of very good moments in these interviews that he did over the weekend he was not the joke that he'd been in the first couple weeks but even still even at his best you

You don't buy it. You just don't buy it. Speaking of wearing costumes and judging people, the Paris Games has come to a close, but not before one last round of Olympic controversy. In case you haven't been following the drama, U.S. gymnast Jordan Childs was stripped of her bronze medal by Olympic officials who reallocated the bronze to Romanian gymnast Ana Barbosu. Barbosu initially came in third, only for Team USA to contest a deduction to Childs' difficulty score, which judges agreed to, bringing her up to third place.

However, the Romanian Gymnast Federation appealed the ruling. He said the U.S. coach who submitted the inquiry into Child's score did so after the one minute grace period following the official score had been posted elapsed. The IOC agreed with Romania's appeal and knocked Child's score back down, shocking Team USA and awarding Barbosi the bronze. However, Child's and her team have since submitted video evidence, which they say proves U.S. coach Cecile Landy did submit the inquiry ahead of the deadline with seconds to spare. And yet

As of this recording, mere hours ago, an appeal has been denied by the Court of Arbitration for Sport. Did we know a week ago that there was a Court of Arbitration for Sport? No, we did not. But now we fucking hate it. And that's what the Olympics is all about. The Olympics is all about rediscovering. I knew, Kendra, when I wrote this into the document that I'd have to talk quickly before you could interrupt to tell us that you, in fact, did know about the Court of Arbitration for Sport. I knew you knew. I knew you were going to tell us that. That's why I'm moving quickly.

The Olympics are not about people who know what the arbitration of sport is. It's for people who have no idea what any of this is and then become deeply enmeshed in the technical rules of sports we forget about for years at a time. I feel like if you gave sports a chance year round, you would get into it. Ooh, I could see that, yeah. You get to find the right sport. He clearly has. Gymnastics happens not every four years. Oh, you could be on this all the time.

We've got college championships. We have nationals. We've got worlds. We've got the Pan American game. Every year, so much gymnastics. I'm watching Wrexham. And it is like, I keep thinking like, oh, is this going to get me to be into soccer? And then there's an episode that has a good 10 or 15 minutes of a play-by-play of a game. And I think, no, no.

Probably not. Soccer's not for me, so I can't push you towards that one. I do like all the people in the town, though. I'm rooting for them. I'd like to watch them play.

A game. A hundred year old man. And now I'm on board with that. The elderly Olympics. I like that. The golden games. I have people watching any sporting event that isn't the highest possible stakes. The Olympics is fun because it is the pinnacle. Anything that isn't sort of life or death in sports terms, I can't care. Then you need to get into the NFL. Absolutely not. Yeah, no, no. You want life or death.

Who is on the international? What is it? The Court of International Arbitration? I mean, I can't tell you that much, but I know it exists because it's been brought into other. Yeah. The idea. Yeah. Who is on this fucking court? Probably is a ridiculous ruling. Who's on this court? I'm trying to get to this joke. Who the fuck is on this court? Ripped Clarence Thomas.

If it's any consolation, and it is, Flavor Flav gifted Jordan a bronze clock on Tuesday. That is a beautiful bronze necklace clock.

I also think it's just nice that I hadn't thought of Flav since Flavor of Love, pretty much. And to have him back and be like a benevolent figure in the Olympics, I loved every second of it. I have only one problem with the bronze clock. It shouldn't... It is currently... The way that it is hung, it looks like...

It is for other people to use as a clock while you're wearing. I see. As opposed for it to serve as a pocket watch type clock or when it's around your neck. You think that she's just going to wear it like to Target. Are you not familiar with Flava Flav's work? Because that's kind of his whole thing. No, I'm aware. But what I'm saying is just practically speaking, wouldn't you want the time to be the other way so that when you lift it up to look,

Again, no, that's not how it works. The mind of a madman. Well, what's it meant to do? No, it's just a chain. I understand that it's just a chain, but if it's going to have a working... Yes, I am familiar with the wearing of the clock. I understand that it's a piece of iconography. I'm just saying, practically speaking, if I were wearing a clock around my neck, I would like it to be so that when I lift it up, I don't have to do this. It can be both beautiful and practical. She's only going to wear it twice at her wedding and to be buried in. Like...

My other question, obviously, they should have given them both bronze medals. Is it possible they ran out? How many extra medals do they make? What happens to the extras if they aren't all used? Like Lucy's. They got to have a couple Lucy's just in case something happens. You're right. Right. Because there are ties and they do award multiple. And then at the at the Olympics four years ago, I believe the Summer Olympics, there was an agreed shared gold and they give them both the gold.

They also said apparently that these Olympic medals were made using discarded pieces of the Eiffel Tower. That's what's at the middle of them. That metal in the middle, the kind of the iron in the middle or steel in the middle is from a renovation of the Eiffel Tower, which I guess was probably limited. Maybe they ran out.

Maybe they ran out. Yeah. It should also just be said to like wrap this up. It's like pretty unprecedented that this has even just happened because no one has been stripped of their metal except for in cases of doping or cheating. Like this is like, this is pretty wild. Yeah.

There is something I think that like the technical scoring and like precision and confusing way in which like they try to make a subjective sport objective in gymnastics stands in stark contrast to what we saw with breakdancing because there was obviously Ray Gunn or Rachel Gunn, the Australian breakdancer who earned zero points in competition. Let's take a look. Wow. She's doing the fish on the floor. She did it. She broke dancing. Yeah.

People are laughing. You're laughing. And this is how Australians have to dance to avoid all their deadly spiders. The way they scored breaking is they didn't do any kind of technical points system at all. It was just a bunch of judges. There were multiple rounds. Judges would choose who they thought won each round. If they were closer, there would be judges would have to census. But obviously, Reagan lost.

Every single round, she got zero points. No judge said she won a single round in her, I think, three times in the competition. I do think there's something like between the we're just going to pick a winner version of scoring breakdancing and the kind of like, I don't know, like the idea that like when you watch Olympic athletes,

um gymnastics even the like the smartest smartest commentators who are like experts are like I don't know what the score is going to be because I don't know how they're doing these micro deductions and deciding that like they've tried to like layer on all these ways of making it precise as if it's not subjective but I think that like what's happening with Jordan Childs is a reminder that like

You can try all you want. It is, of course, subjective. It's, of course, subjective. Well, allegedly, they're not going to have breaking at the L.A. Olympics. We chose not to have it. Why? First of all, it doesn't seem like accumulate like it should just be in forever now because then it's like, oh, next time we see this, it's like, oh, OK, now we're like learning collectively. But also it's just fun. I don't know. That's such a bizarre here, especially I feel like it would just be so like, I don't know, the world I want to get.

I think it is called like the Federation of Dance, the World Federation of Dance Sport. Okay. Whereas the organization who got breaking into the Olympics, that federation has been trying to get some form of dance into the Olympics for years. That's cool. It was they originally because they have jurisdiction over international ballroom competition. That would be so cool. If you have ever watched like ballroom competition,

Ballroom actually kind of makes sense as an Olympic sport. Like, it's still a very subjective judging, but you can kind of see that working, especially with all the different styles. But then basically what happened was they were having no... This is the TLDR version. They were having no luck with ballroom. Oh, okay. So they pivoted to breakdancing, which they have no involvement in any international competition for, which is how then, when this finally happened...

the international like breaking whatever like the community wasn't necessarily all ready well I mean that makes a lot of sense I want you to know something you do not need to have all that information to be aware that what you watched was a sport that was not ready for the international Olympic stage is there any chance we could get

ballroom at the LA Olympics or is it too late? LA has already been settled. Brisbane is next and Brisbane has the option to bring breaking back, which would be a hell of a redemption story for good old Ray Gunn here. On Sunday, the Olympics closing ceremonies wet the world's whistle for the 2028 games in the best way they knew how. That's right. It's Tom Cruise doing a stunt. Tom Cruise dove into the closing ceremonies from the roof.

Tom Cruise. Wow. He'll die for us. He was up there all group. He was just like, let's go. I also feel like I've never seen him in another outfit. Awesome. Who's going to die for us? That guy. To say only Tom Cruise is a little unfair. This is a stunt he could do in his sleep. Gaga did this at the Super Bowl.

That's true. Tom, the point is, the point is he is going to do stunts until one of those stunts goes wrong. That's how he leaves this world. And I think it's beautiful. Does Los Angeles have an arc to triumph? An Eiffel Tower? A river that wasn't paved by the Army Corps of Engineers between 1938 and 1960? No. But we do have the world's most cherished and valuable resource, celebrities.

Here's Tom Cruise taking the Olympic flag from Simone Biles and L.A. Mayor Karen Bass on behalf of our fair city. Simone Biles and Tom Cruise. Take it, Tom. Take it, Tom. Take it, Tom. Take it, Tom. Take it, Tom. Words I've only said in my dreams. Those two black women living my dream.

Speaking of Karen Bass, for those of us trembling at the thought of driving in Olympics traffic in 2028, don't worry, Mayor Bass is here to reassure us. It is our goal in Los Angeles to have a car-free games. Yeah, and it's my goal to have a carb-free morning, but at least I can admit it's a pipe dream. Just one more Tom Cruise moment. Here he is riding away with the Olympic flag on a motorcycle. And in Tom Cruise style, ah, yes! Ha ha ha!

Yes. So perfect. He's driving maybe 10 to 5 to 10 miles an hour. And finally, we bid the games adieu with some L.A. greats performing all the way in Long Beach. Snoop Dogg, Dr. Dre, Billie Eilish, and of course, the most L.A. musical act of all time, the Red Hot Chili Peppers. The Olympic Village is about to see untested levels of Californication.

USA, USA. Before we go, hot dogs, Lake Michigan, a rich history of corrupt politicians, Chicago has it all. And that's why Love It or Leave It is coming back to the Windy City on August 23rd at the Vic Theater. Join me as I welcome comedians, Marcella Arguello, Liz Winstead, and our own Kamala Harris here at Love It or Leave It. Alison Reese, to debrief after the DNC and to talk about whatever new deranged thing we assume JD Vance will have said about women and or diet Mountain Dew that day, get your tickets at crooked.com slash events.

Oh, and one other note. This is our last What a Week day until we come back after Labor Day because we're going to be at the DNC next week and then we're going to be off for two weeks. We will have a feed drop for another show that you will hear. But this show will be back for the final push into the election. So with that, Sarah, Kendra, Hallie, what a dream. You have Olympic gold in my hearts, you know? Oh, thank you.

See you on Saturday.

Love It or Leave It is a Crooked Media production. It is written and produced by me, John Lovett, and Lee Eisenberg. Kendra James is our executive producer. Chris Lord is our producer. And Kennedy Hill is our associate producer. Hallie Keeper is our head writer. Sarah Lazarus and Jocelyn Kaufman, Peter Miller, Alan Pierre, Will Miles, and Mahana Del Shiki are our writers.

Evan Sutton is our editor. Kyle Seglin and Charlotte Landis provide audio support. Stephen Colon is our audio engineer. And Milo Kim is our videographer. Our theme song is written and performed by Sure Sure. Thanks to our designer, Bernardo Serna, for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast. And to our digital producers, David Toles, Claudia Shang, Mia Kelman, and Matt DeGroat for filming and editing video each week so you can.

There's a lot of dogs at this office. There's a lot of dogs. I have one main culprit. I know you do. And it's not pundit. We know who the culprit is. So I just want people listening that we're talking around it and we're joking about pundit. But I want to say two things. If pundit poops or pisses, I want to clean it up. I want to clean it up every goddamn time. Two, there's a dog that we're not referencing that we believe may or may not be responsible.

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