State of Deez Nuts
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What's up, everybody? Welcome to Love It or Leave It. While President Biden gives the State of the Union, I'm here to give you the State of Deez Nuts. Strong enough. And we've got a strong show for you tonight. Ron Funches, Max Silvestri, Kid Fury, and Marcela Arguello are here. The luck. Do you understand? You didn't have to watch the State of the Union. We watched it.

You're going to get jokes on the State of the Union that just wrapped up. You're going to get all the pertinent information. We did all of the work. You're so lucky. So let's just don't thank me. You know, Betsy, I thought I was going to see you voting because the last time I saw you, you were doing you at the polling center that I voted at. But you weren't there. You did another. You did. But you volunteered. Give it up for Betsy. I thought I was going to see you.

Unlike the State of the Union, you people paid to be here, so let's get into it. What a week!

Taylor Swift urged her millions of Instagram followers to cast ballots on Super Tuesday without endorsing any candidate or party. Wrote Swift, I wanted to remind you guys to vote for the people who most represent you into power. If you haven't already, make a plan to vote today. And that's how Taylor Swift accidentally got elected Attorney General of Utah. On Wednesday, Nikki Haley suspended her presidential campaign after Donald Trump defeated her in every Super Tuesday primary except Vermont.

It seems like we'll have to keep waiting for our first female president, unless, of course, Marianne Williams' ritual manages to summon that golem to be her campaign manager. He's made of mud, and his ideas are just crazy enough to work. Haley said in her concession speech that she has no regrets. This is why Haley never took off. That is not relatable. I have had, like, 50 regrets just from waking up this morning until now. Leave it to someone who sat on the board of Boeing to know how to practice radical self-acceptance.

Haley congratulated Trump but did not endorse him. It is now up to Donald Trump to earn the votes of those in our party and beyond it who did not support him. And I hope he does that. Her hope is that after basically a decade of running for president and 78 years of being on this earth, he's going to finally believe he has to earn something. Good luck with that. With Haley out of the race, we've officially got ourselves a Biden-Trump rematch this November. Hey!

This feels like turning 40. You knew it was coming. There was never any way around it. But somehow deep down in a small secret part of you, you thought maybe you'd be dead already. In a statement, President Biden invited Haley's voters into the fold, saying that Donald Trump made it clear he doesn't want Nikki Haley supporters. I want to be clear. There is a place for them in my campaign. Come on, Haley voters. You'll learn to love him. Ice cream, sunglasses, sentences that rumble and pop like a Ford Fairmont.

Sure, he's not who you saw yourself ending up with, but no offense, you're not going to do any better. Give him a chance. After all, Trump had this to say about Haley's voters on Wednesday. I'm not sure we need too many. And leave that. That's correct. Don't check his facts on that one. He doesn't need many. If anything, you don't need them at all. Keep it up, Mr. President.

Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, meanwhile, endorsed Trump in the wake of Haley's announcement, saying in a statement, it is abundantly clear that former President Trump has earned the requisite support of Republican voters to be our nominee for president of the United States. It should come as no surprise that as nominee, he will have my support.

It's pure logic, you see. If all my friends jump off a bridge, ipso facto, I will jump off a bridge. Now, if you'll excuse me, the gamer 300 years from now playing in this simulation has to go to the space bathroom, so I'm going to freeze here for one to two solid minutes.

Anyway, it's obviously completely pathetic, but not a surprise because McConnell's whole political career has been organized around the consolidation of power. And so even though after January 6th, McConnell stood on the Senate floor and said there was no question, none, that President Trump is practically and morally responsible for provoking the events of that day. And in the years since, Trump has spent his idle time issuing racist attacks on McConnell's wife. It's not a surprise.

surprised that he bent the knee the moment Trump locked in the nomination. It's like when a cyber truck cuts you off in traffic and then does a rolling stop through a crosswalk in front of a school. It sucks and you're pissed, but no, you wouldn't call yourself surprised. While Biden won the vast majority of each state's delegates on Tuesday, the uncommitted campaign in Minnesota won nearly 46,000 votes, 19%, and far above the organizer's goal of 5,000 votes. But like a lot of people who are noncommittal in their youth, the choices don't get better, they just get older.

Dean Phillips also ended his presidential campaign on Wednesday. More like done, Phillips. Phillips endorsed Joe Biden in his stead. It is clear that Joe Biden is our candidate and our opportunity to demonstrate what type of country America is and intends to be. Dean, Dean, Dean. All right. Also, RFK Jr. said this during an interview this week when asked about flying on Jeffrey Epstein's plane. I run into everybody in New York.

I mean, I knew Harvey Weinstein. I knew Roger Ailes. I knew OJ Simpson came to my house. Bill Cosby came to my house. Oh, never mind then. Sorry we said anything. It's a real who's who of people you don't have to announce have been to your home. Imagine how disappointed each of these sex pests were when they showed up at a party at RFK Jr.'s house and it was just a bunch of other male sex pests. Like when two FBI agents realized they've been trying to entrap each other. Meanwhile...

In the down ballot races, Super Tuesday once again lived up to its incredible name. For example, the virulent conspiracy theorist and anti-trans Facebook troll Mark Robinson, who is also the state's lieutenant governor, will square off against Democrat Josh Stein this fall in the North Carolina race for governor. But no worries, I'm sure Robinson, who has a history of promoting anti-Semitic conspiracy theories and denying the Holocaust, will be incredibly normal while campaigning against Josh Stein. Anywho, here's Robinson in a newly surfaced video from a 2020 event hosted by the Republican women of Pitt County.

Absolutely want to go back to the America where women couldn't vote. Do you know why? Because in those days we had people who fought for real social change and they were called Republicans. The logic of this. Back when women didn't have the right to vote, we fought for real social change, like the right for women to vote.

Now, you may be wondering, why am I holding this Molotov cocktail? Because right now, there's so much that divides us in this room. But in about 15 seconds, we're all going to be united, doing the same thing, running for our lives as flame lap up these curtains. Democratic Representative Adam Schiff is all but guaranteed a place in the Senate as he will face off against Republican Steve Garvey, who finished before Katie Porter and Barbara Lee in California's Senate race. We tried to fly a whiteboard at half-mast, but it was too heavy. It just kind of clanked against the flagpole.

In the wake of Super Tuesday, House Speaker Mike Johnson was asked Wednesday how helpful Trump would be in ushering in Republican majorities. How big are Trump's coattails this year? Well, his coattails are humongous. He continued, they'd have to be to cover his enormous dumper. Johnson was really on a roll this week when asked about the disposal of embryos that can occur during the IVF process. The House Speaker said this. If you believe life begins at conception, fertilization, and I know you do,

Do you see that as murder? It's something that we've got to grapple with. You know, it's a brave new world. IVF's only been invented, I think, in the early 70s. It's a brave new world is also what Mike Johnson said right before he tried sex with music going.

Meanwhile, Super Tuesday gave way to boring but important Thursday as the nation gathered to watch the Traders finale and, to hopefully a greater extent, the State of the Union. Not content to remind the country that he sees IVF like the Apple Vision Pro, Speaker Johnson also begged Republicans to show decorum and turn the temperature down to dissuade his more prognacious members from heckling during President Biden's speech. Yeah, that's what I was thinking too, actually. Decorum, totally, said Marjorie Taylor Greene while hoping nobody noticed the rolled-up poster of Hunter Biden's hog poking out of her black rifle coffee tote.

I'll see what I can do, said Lauren Boebert while she slid a cooler filled with throwing embryos further under her seat. President Biden arrived late to the State of the Union address, mostly due to a ceasefire protest blocking the presidential motorcade. Also, it takes a minute to get into full drag. I'm sorry.

On his way to the podium, Marjorie Taylor Greene, wearing a Trump 2020 hat, in violation of House rules, no less, tried to get Biden's attention only to be drowned out by Democratic applause. And sure, it may seem tacky that Greene wore a Trump baseball cap to the State of the Union, but you have to understand, she had to be at a wedding right after. Democrats clapped and chanted four more years, said Biden's personal physician. You're right. It's a good night. It's a good night.

President Biden's populist message was front and center during the address, where he unveiled a new tax plan that would raise the corporate tax rate to 28% and raise the corporate minimum tax from 15% to 21%. Love this, but again, he's got to put that ice cream cone down. Biden began his speech by immediately calling out Republicans for not giving him funding for Ukraine and by comparing Ronald Reagan's tear down this wall to Donald Trump's do whatever the hell you want. Mr. Gorbachev, you do you.

Biden segued from threats to democracy abroad to threats to democracy at home. We will not walk away. We will not bow down. I will not bow down. In a literal sense, history is watching. History is watching. Just like history watched three years ago on January 6th, when insurrectionists stormed this very Capitol and placed the dagger at the throat of American democracy.

I'm loving Joe's energy level tonight. I don't know how many Red Bull IV bags he has taped to his legs, but it's the perfect number.

Said President Biden in his decision to overturn Roe v. Wade, the Supreme Court majority wrote women are not without electoral or political power. No kidding. Clearly, those bragging about overturning Roe v. Wade have no clue about the power of women in America. But they found out when reproductive freedom was on the ballot and won in 2022 and 2023. And they will find out again in 2024. If Americans send me a Congress that supports the right to choose, I promise you I will restore Roe v. Wade as the law of the land again.

That's right, women have power. And this time I'm not just talking about what Jill does to me when she gardens in one of my old shirts, but Jill knows what I'm talking about. So you heard him, America. Pokemon Road to the Poles.

To highlight the issue of IVF, Senator Tim Kaine brought us his guest, the country's first IVF baby, Elizabeth Carr, to fight Mike Johnson. I will say, though, bringing Elizabeth Carr as a guest did backfire when she rose from her feet and screamed, I don't have a soul. I don't have a soul. I am a zombie monster woman. I watched life through two openings in the front of my skull but cannot participate.

Biden even got off a laugh during his speech, telling the chamber about infrastructure investments. Some of you who are cheering voted against it. If you don't want that money in your district, let us know. Every Republican, meanwhile, is meeting on Monday with the action item, make bridges collapsing cool somehow. Are bridges gay? A little effeminate, just hanging in the air like that. Real roads stay on land. Biden also announced that the U.S. military will build a floating pier off of Gaza in an emergency mission to allow hundreds more aid shipments to be delivered by sea.

We're supplying a floating pier to help get aid to people in need because the military campaign we're also supplying is making it impossible to get aid to people in need. If only we had some lever we could use to exert our influence, some way we could put pressure on the Netanyahu government. Oh, well, guess we'll have to come in from the Med like Israel is a hostile power, not one of our closest allies. And after all, sure, the military support we provide has helped produce inhumane and unrelenting misery and deprivation. But good news, we're bringing snacks.

Will the hang in there barge also say made in the USA on it or is it just the bombs? Biden also ran through a list of economic proposals from tax breaks for first time homebuyers, raises for teachers, caps for drug costs, increases to Pell grants, support for family caregivers, a bill to stop shrinkage of goods.

And the restoration of the child tax credit, among many others that will surely poll incredibly well, yelled Biden, tears rolling down his cheeks. Is that enough? What will be enough? What if Netflix were cheaper? Will that do it? Cheaper Netflix? Because I'll tell them to get the plane fueled up. I can be in Hollywood by daybreak. Biden also proposed a 25% minimum tax rate for billionaires. How dare he, said Elon Musk, turning the conspiracy nozzle up at Twitter HQ. No, no, pass Jewish space lasers. LAUGHTER

President Biden mixed it up with Republicans when they booed his description of their tax breaks. You aren't going to cut $2 trillion? Good to hear. He clowned the GOP and he can hear? Biden is crushing this.

The most contentious section of the speech was, no surprise, immigration and the border. Marjorie Taylor Greene disrupted the speech, yelling that Biden should say the name of Lakin Riley, who was killed by an undocumented immigrant. He then said the name before pointing out that it was Republicans blocking a bipartisan border bill to hire more Border Patrol agents and secure the southern border. Lakin Riley, to her parents, I say, my heart goes out to you, having lost children myself.

I understand. My Republican friends owe it to the American people. Get this bill done. We need to act now.

On the whole, this was Joe Biden at his best. My lifetime has taught me to embrace freedom and democracy, he said, a future based on the core values that have defined America, honesty, decency, dignity, equality, to respect everyone, to give everyone a fair shot, to give hate no safe harbor. Now some other people my age see a different story, an American story of resentment, revenge, and retribution. That's not me. I wish you were a little more specific there. I think he's talking about Trump, but he could also just mean everyone on Facebook.

And speaking of Trump, Politico reports that America's worst poster may begin receiving classified briefings as is customary for presidential nominees, despite the fact that he is currently under indictment for mishandling classified documents at Mar-a-Lago. Can we give him some kind of fake custom briefing about Genovia's nuclear program?

You know that's the fake country from the Princess Diaries. I know that's the fake country from the Princess Diaries. But he doesn't know that's the fake country from the Princess Diaries. Obviously, this has intelligence officials quite concerned. One senior official told Politico, I mean, who knows what kind of riff he would do.

We know. We know what kind of riff he would do. We've been watching him riff for the better part of a decade. We can imagine it in vivid, excruciating detail. And speaking of indicted politicians with access to classified material, New Jersey Senator Bob Menendez and his wife Nadine Menendez, who you may remember from being charged with bribery after stashing a bunch of gold bars around the house, have now also been charged with obstruction of justice. They can only run from police so fast in those suspiciously heavy shoes, holding those suspiciously bulky wigs.

It's so cool that this guy hasn't resigned from the Senate. I get self-conscious showing up at work when my hair's being weird. Speaking of our worst senators, Kyrsten Sinema announced Tuesday that she will not seek re-election to her Arizona Senate seat after all, as her independent bid was polling terribly against Democratic veteran Ruben Gallego and Republican maniac Carrie Lake. Sinema also realized her talents were better suited to being the president of every condo board and homeowners association in America. That is the role she was born to play.

Oh, I'm sorry, but we don't allow that kind of bush. While a guest on Stephen Colbert this week, Bernie Sanders told Sinema, don't let the door of Congress hit you on the way out. We work with the president for something we call Build Back Better. We had zero Republican support.

We had 48 people in the Democratic caucus prepared to transform this country on behalf of the working class of America. Two people, Sinema being one, Manchin the other, refused to support us. We couldn't pass it. So no, I will not miss Sinema. Sinema. Nice.

Listen, we've been pretty tough on cinema here at Love It or Leave It, but now that she's announced her retirement, I just want to step back for a moment and say, in the interest of all fairness, it was all warranted. Good riddance, you selfish, smug, foolish, denim-vest-wearing nightmare. With any luck, we'll soon forget all about these two, and mansion and cinema will go back to meaning the places where Nicole Kidman spends most of her time.

In other cool Arizona news, Governor Katie Hobbs announced Monday that the state will partner with a nonprofit to cancel $2 billion worth of medical debt held by up to 1 million Arizonans. No Arizonan should have debt hanging over their head because they needed help through no fault of their own. Added Governor Hobbs, you can't both live in Arizona and also have medical debt. You have suffered enough. Come at me, Arizonans. Turn off your humidifiers and text me angrily.

In New York, Governor Kathy Hochul has dispatched hundreds of National Guard members into the New York City subway system in response to a spate of recent high-profile attacks. And we are getting word that they all got lost trying to switch from the Q to the R at the right stop. Thank God I got Park Slope, said one National Guard member drinking a latte in his Patagonia jacket. Also this week, we learned that Jeff Bezos is once again the world's richest man, having surpassed Elon Musk with a net worth of $200 billion. But is he happy? Oh yeah!

Elon Musk replied, I'm still the richest because the greatest wealth of all is the priceless bond of family. Then he tossed his latest baby onto the baby pile. When asked how he plans to celebrate, Bezos said he's considering losing his mind and then buying and dismantling a social networking site. Madame Webb star Dakota Johnson said she's not surprised that the movie hasn't been well received and told Bustle, I probably will never do anything like it again, which is word for word what I said after watching Madame Webb. Okay, I think we can't do it.

Keep going. A German man who allegedly received 217 COVID vaccination doses over the course of 29 months appears to be perfectly healthy, according to a new study. Well, physically healthy. There has to be a psychological cost to being trapped in Fauci's basement like that. And finally, photographers managed to capture images for the very first time of two humpback whales having sex. And as it happened, both whales were male.

said one of the photographers, they really had a whale of a time sucking and fucking each other. It's a fun story until you think about it from the whale's perspective. This has never been photographed before. They had to assume they were in the clear. Now imagine the conversations they're having with their whale wives. Anyway, the pictures will be made available later this month on OnlyFins. We'll be right back with Ron Funches and Max Silvestri. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.

Each year, the International Rescue Committee's Emergency Watchlist Report assesses the 20 countries at greatest risk of new or worsening humanitarian emergencies. These countries are home to only 10.6% of the world's population, but carry a disproportionate burden of global humanitarian crisis. The civil war in Sudan has left over 24 million in need of humanitarian aid.

while armed conflicts and natural disasters have displaced 1.26 million people in the Democratic Republic of the Congo. And Gaza has become the deadliest place for civilians in the world. Donations help the IRC provide families affected by humanitarian crises with emergency supplies in the aftermath of a crisis,

and with the resources they need to recover and rebuild their lives for the long term. Just $14 can provide a temporary shelter for a displaced family, and $72 can provide two months' worth of emergency food for a child. Donate today by visiting rescue.org slash rebuild.

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. What are your self-care non-negotiables? Maybe you never skip leg day or your skincare routine or therapy day. I have to tell you, I am a creature of routine. And I walk pundit. I get the same quad espresso every morning from Starbucks. Oh, and I also do go to therapy, although I did cancel therapy last night to do Anderson Cooper. Oh.

Healthy, very healthy call. That's real. That's real. Sorry, Dr. Christie, I can't do therapy. I got to go on Anderson Cooper. You can watch. I'll be saying the same things I'll be saying to you. If you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists anytime for no additional charge. Never skip therapy day with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash love it to get 10% off your first month

Obviously, you should not do what I did. You should all be in therapy and stick to it. And by the way, I also did Chris Hayes. So it's like therapy or Anderson Cooper plus Chris Hayes is a no-brainer. It's a no-brainer. As is you getting therapy, betterhelp.com slash L-O-V-E-T-T, betterhelp.com slash love it.

Hi, I'm Stacey Abrams, host of the brand new Crooked podcast, Assembly Required with Stacey Abrams. Each week, we'll work together to better understand one of those big issues that seems insurmountable. Whether it's the Electoral College, America's loneliness epidemic, or the future of Hollywood post-strikes, I'll challenge you to dig in and ask, how do we get here? What obstacles lie ahead? And what can we do to get good done? Are you in?

And we're back! What's a better legacy for a man? A successful podcast or a brand new human being? Here to answer that age-old question are my next guests, the amazing Max Silvestri and the wonderful Ron Funches. Come on out, gentlemen.

Good to see you both. Good to see you, John. Hi. Oh, I'm shaking hands like that. Oh, we're doing shaking hands. We're doing hands shaking hands. Very cool. I know. I was holding a can. Oh, that explains it. It's good to see you both. It's great to see you. This is my first time out of the house since my son was born. Very first time. First time doing a show. Yeah. Really? Yeah. Wow. That's an honor. I got nothing. For you. For you, I would do it.

Wow. Yeah. Thank you. I like that you said it like a man out of prison. You're just like, I don't have social skills. It's my first time out. This chair is too comfortable. Is it cool if I sit on the ground? That's what I'm saying. You're both dads? Yeah. Oh, yeah. You're a brand new fresh dad. Fresh dad. Yeah, yeah. Now, Ron, your son's nickname is Mr. Hot Nuts. Yeah, that's true. Yeah.

Walk us through that. Is that not normal? No, I mean, I think it's cool. Thank you. Well, it basically became a story from when he was about 13 years old. He started becoming a bit of a jerk. And he would just start to rebel. They start to do that about that age, you know. And his way of rebelling would be that he would like to eat his meals with company around, but not wear any pants nor underwear. Right.

Neither pants nor underwear? So just out there, just out and about. Full Winnie the Pooh. Donald Duck in it. Yeah. That's cool. Rural on your chairs. Yeah. And so one day he was eating a big old slice of pizza with a bunch of extra sauce on it. And my best friend was there. And I was like, hey, will you go put some pants on, please? And he was like, no. He's just being rebellious. And then he just started to eat his pizza. The sauce fell onto his nuts.

And he just started screaming, hot nuts, daddy. And I laughed and laughed. So here's my, I have a question. Sure. You know he's being rebellious. Yes. But he doesn't know that. Like he doesn't, that's not the reason he thinks he's doing it. Why does he think he's doing it?

I think he's just like, why are you interrupting me and my pantsless pizza eating time? Right. If you were me, wouldn't you want to eat pizza without the confines of pants? I do get it. No, I mean, once you hear the idea, it's like you can't, it's like the iPod. You can't go back. Yeah.

It's like, this is cool and better. Is he unfolding a napkin and putting it down or anything like that? These are chairs that presumably, maybe he rolls his gaming chair out or whatever, and it's kind of like my bed, I'll sleep in it. But if other people are using those chairs, I feel there must be some sort of courtesy. In my culture, Mr. Hot Nuts, I put down a napkin. Or no? No, no, just bare ass. Okay.

Straight cheek to chair. So you're burning through chairs. Yeah. But no, he's gotten it together now. He's actually in the month he's going to be turning 21 years old. Wow. I know. It's wild to have a full grown man and I got a two year old as well. Speaking of nicknames. Sure. Your mom...

Presumably she wanted to be called grandma or something of that nature. Well, what happened is, is like a month before my son was born, my wife asked her, I wasn't around like, Oh, have you thought at all about what you want your grandparent name to be? Cause that like is a thing, you know, like, and I, I don't know. I grew up just being like, either it's like grandma or maybe it's like,

Meek Mock or whatever because a child chooses it. It's for babies. And she was like, my mom is a very polite, together, waspy, quiet woman. Not presumptuous, but she was like, yes, I have thought about my name. And it's because I visited a cemetery.

two months ago for a funeral and I was visiting my father's grave, which I haven't seen in 30 years, and I saw that I had a relative next to his grave that I didn't even know about that had the most beautiful name I'd ever seen. Arabella. Isn't that so beautiful? My wife's listening at this point being like, totally. And so she says, I want my grandmother name to be Nanabella. And

So she added syllables to it? There's so many parts of it because also the name she saw was not Annabella, which might get you to a place of like Nanabella, but it was Arabella. She wants to be Nanabella. And my wife was just like, oh yeah. And I guess if, you know, the baby can't say all that, he can just say Nana. And she goes, no, Bella. It means beautiful grandma. Yeah.

Is that about a discomfort with the being called grandma? I think I'm like connecting it now in my mind because I've heard about other parents her age. She's like 70 something, fully white haired that are like trying to be like, call me, call your like grandfather Zeus. And I want to be like Athena. It's a boomer thing.

of absolutely being unwilling to accept frailty or irrelevance where it's like, no, actually I'm like the most beautiful young forever grandma. That's what I want my name to be. I want to be number one family member. Yeah. When my, when my, my, when my grandfather was getting up there, he needed a cane, but he didn't want to use a cane because he said it made him look old. And I was like, grandpa, your face and body.

I will make you look old. You're not tricking anybody at the casino. They know that you're old, my friend. Gentlemen, while we have you, we wanted to get your paternal approval or disapproval for all the recent dad news fit to print in a segment we're calling Cats in the Cradle 2, Tokyo Drift. Oh, look at us. That sucks. Yeah, I want to watch that movie. That...

You slide so well. I know. I feel like I should be in the movie. I feel like I'm being kicked into Ted Danson violently. It's not quite. Yeah. This looks like the two of us were inserted into a picture of Ron and Tom Selleck. It's deeply troubling. And by the way, just for those listening at home, my face has been put on the baby.

And it also is just a little window into what I would look like if I hadn't gone to Beverly Hills a few times. And then been on vacation for two episodes. You didn't go to Turkey? You have to save a few bucks. I'm not going to Turkey. No, no. I'm doing this in America. I want someone I can sue. Best money I ever spent. All right.

In recent dad news, Garfield, this is the upcoming movie, was apparently kidnapped by his long-absent biological father, Vic, voiced by Samuel L. Jackson in the new trailer for the Garfield movie. This is Vic, my father. Welcome back, Victor. Listen, I need your help. Get them! I haven't seen you for years, and when I do, you're on the run from a deranged cat. Um...

Were before this people under the impression that Garfield was John's son? Is that the relationship that we think that that was? Yeah, Garfield was the son and Odie was his child with John. Oh, that's beautiful. This is why Lives of TikTok has to exist. Before we go further on this movie, we have like 100% we have to make sure that Ron's not in it. LAUGHTER

No, it's safe to make fun of it. Okay, cool, cool, cool, cool. I will say that. I mean, that actually looked like the plot of my childhood. That's cool. Say more about that.

I didn't have a relationship with my dad in and out until I was like 13. And then I went to live with him. And then I was like, oh, you're also in a weird situation. And I end up hanging out. You know you're in the best spot when you're hanging out with guys who have the pins with the naked ladies on them. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

That fucking crush with Kendra. Yeah, well, you get it because you know people, you see it, but they own it. Yeah. Those guys go to those third shift bars or whatever that open at 3 a.m. Yes. Like those people that have naked lady pens, they're living a different life. Absolutely. And it's cool when you're 13. They're like, oh, I'll never, you know, I know the internet exists, but sometimes I need my lady in pen form. Yeah.

I get to see a naked lady every time I sign a $2 check. It is strange. It is strange. If an adult has the naked lady pen, it's like they have the relationship to pictures of naked ladies that kids have to have to candy, which eventually you get to that age and you have that moment where you realize you can have candy anytime you want. Yeah.

I mean, I wish I had the pure enough spirit to have a mechanics relationship to pictures of beautiful women. Sometimes I see one and I'm like, it'd be so nice to just print that out and hang it up on the wall, but I'm obviously not the sort of person that in a workspace I'm going to be like, look, sometimes when you're having a hard day, it's nice to look at a picture of a beautiful naked person. But wouldn't that be simpler if we all just embraced that? I mean, maybe they're right. Maybe just hot people having little pictures. You know, it's like...

But why not? My son is getting about to be 21 and he's at the perfect age where he not only wants to see pictures, but since he doesn't really have access to them, he'll paint drawings of his favorite ladies. He has a picture of Kim Possible above his bed right now. And is she wearing all her Kim Possible clothes? Not the bottom. She's eating pizza. Oh, so she's at dinner. Yeah. It's a pizza party. Yeah.

Bradley Cooper, in his campaign for that maestro Oscar, discussed his relationship with his daughter on Dax Shepard's Armchair Expert. The first, like, eight months, I'm like, I don't even know if I really love the kid. We don't know her yet. It's dope. It's cool. I'm watching this thing morph. And then all of a sudden... I love that honesty, by the way. That's my... That's a lot of peoples, I think, and they're afraid to say that. I mean, my experience was totally that. Fascinated by it. Love taking care of it. Would I die if someone came in with a gun? It's only a couple of...

This rules I think it's awesome. I think it's awesome. He did it in the last week of the campaign This thing morphs it rules Fascinated by it what I take a bullet for it maybe

Incredible. Incredible. That's kind of my experience about fatherhood. I'm unwilling to... Yeah, that's all I know. Your baby's... How old's your baby? Seven weeks. Oh, so you don't even know it. Oh. I don't know it at all. I'm fascinated by it. Do you enjoy watching it morph? I mean, I love watching anything morph. That's famously my deal.

You big Power Rangers fan. I feel like he might win because of how he landed the plane on that interview a day before voting closed.

I think it rules. I think it's awesome. Just for the record, he did say he grew to love his daughter. Just going to make sure we get that in case she listens to the podcast. Little three-act structure on that story he was telling. Wow, what a filmmaker and artist inside. Can I also say I like that the other person was like, finally, somebody's saying we all hate our babies. No, I think it's cool that someone had his back in that moment. That's good co-hosting, honestly. You just want to just say, absolutely. Oh, I would have left you out to die on that one.

I'm like, tell me more about how you didn't love your daughter. But even as he was doing that in one interview, here's what he was saying in another. This is when he cried to Leonard Bernstein's children about missing their father. Do you miss him? Oh, yeah, man. What do you miss about him? It's hard to talk about. Gentlemen, this is important. Bradley Cooper has never met Leonard Bernstein. He had never met him. He died in 1990. He has, however, met his daughter, Leah Bernstein.

The point is, would you like Bradley Cooper to cry about missing you after you die if you've never met him? I think yes. Well, it is at this point that I truly realize that I had no idea who Bradley Cooper is. Because I was like, I don't know who this man is they're talking about. And then I was like, oh, that's, oh, well, Lady Gaga. Yeah, Rocket Raccoon. Yeah. Oh, that's who he is? Yeah. Okay. All right. It's okay if he don't love his daughter then. Yeah.

He came to love his daughter. Gay dad-to-be Colton Underwood said of meeting... Great segue! Said of meeting his egg donor over Zoom, it's like extreme Tinder. Did he do his shirtless like that? He said it's like extreme Tinder. Should Tinder offer this tier? If not, why not? This really feels out of my wheelhouse to talk about.

No, no, no. You can. I don't know what... Sure. If he wants it to be, I don't know. What has taken place? I feel like what's taken place is a misuse of hyphens. Gay dad-to-be can really be read a couple different ways. Like, you could... Wow. Yeah? How many ways?

What are some of the ways? - I'm a dad, I could be a gay dad to be if I were to come out later. I just mean it implies he's gay and he's a dad to be or he's a dad who's gay to be. There's a lot of ways. - People have been telling me I'm a gay dad to be for 15 years. - Loot season two. - I love that idea.

Remember when you, Lute, was shooting season two, I believe, in the office building where I record podcasts, and you were sitting with Joel Kimbooster in chairs, as one does, and you were sitting side by side, and I said hello to Joel, and I said hello to you, and then maybe I DM'd him, and I said, I think Ron had no fucking idea who I was. And he said, that's correct. Ha ha ha ha ha!

Yeah, that's probably true. I mean, I try to... But you tried to fake it. Yeah, of course. I try to be nice at all times. But I only tend to know about people in the positions that I meet them. So if I saw you on stage here, I would have been like, oh, I know who that is. But if I see you out in the regular world, I'm like, I don't know who that could be. That could be...

a lot of different white guys, you know? No, I understood. And it's a thing that I'm practicing just as a belief that, like, there's just so much belief that I'm supposed to remember every white person I meet. And I choose to reject that theory and try to not remember any of them. I hate that that's the truth. LAUGHTER

Maybe it was just his loot character that didn't know who you were because you go fully deep. The whole season, you're basically never break, right? All the time, yeah. Yeah, you're like Daniel Day-Lewis-ing it. Yeah, well, I mean, yeah. Making shoes and stuff. I always play, yeah, anytime I'm always in character. I just don't let them do anything that's not me. Max, this is your first time leaving the house.

I left the house to do small errands, but this is my first time being in front of an audience. My man been locked up for seven weeks. I did a seven-week bid. In the playpen. It's great to see you, bro. For seven weeks, I've seen the world through the bars of a snoo. I don't know. Whatever. Snoo ain't got no bars. Don't lie to the people. Go with it. All right.

Well, they'll be back later for hot takes. When we come back, we have some hot tops. Wait, what? With Marcella and Kid Fury. And we're back. Our next guests have their fingers on the pulse. Here to tell us if we're all still alive, please welcome to the stage the incredible Kid Fury and the hilarious Marcella Arguello. Come on out.

Welcome to you both. Thank you so much. Should I sit like this? Sit however you want. Wow, I just, okay. Something about this black doll behind you just caught. Oh, is that Michelle? It's 100% Michelle Obama. Oh, wow. It's from Boris Whitaker's ex-wife's estate.

It's from Forrest. And just for those that couldn't hear that, Kendra says that it's from Forrest Whitaker's ex-wife's estate sale. I'm sorry I brought it up. Which, by the way, is like one of the... You're sorry you brought it up? Yeah. Why? I don't know. I feel like I just transported myself into a weird place. But whatever.

It was just a pretty black doll, and then it became Michelle Obama, and then Forrest Whitaker. By the way, in terms of short stories, Forrest Whitaker's ex-wife's estate sale is a six-word tragedy. Right? Now, all right. Kid Fury, I'll start with you. Oh, please don't. No, I'm kidding. Go ahead. All right. So you have been dedicated to...

To the study of pop culture. To the enjoyment of pop culture. Sure. Okay. To doing deep dives on the read. And I feel like right now, I don't even know where to go to find out what pop culture is. Because they put a subscription block on the cut and Twitter is terrible. It's basically just TikTok for me now. Right.

You know, I don't really know where to go either, to be honest with you. I mostly search the same hashtags and rely on my funny friends on Twitter and just like really ratchet blogs is where like you do like a deep dive is where you can find some of the fun stuff. But I'm mostly just regurgitating stuff I'm seeing on my timeline, I guess. Yeah.

But you're not missing much. Oh, thank goodness. Because I'm 41. And if you think you don't give a fuck now, oh boy. You don't even know. No, that sounds gorgeous, actually. How are you? I'm good. How are you? Nice shoes. Thanks. Do you find that you can keep up with pop culture or do you just not give a fuck? I do, but that's because I'm unemployed. So I do the same thing where it's like you just bounce around all the socials. You just sit there fucking lounging. Fucking Beyonce. Okay.

Crazy hairdo. Oh, Biden. Crazy hairdo.

And then I'm up to date. Yeah, that's it. It's pretty tight. It's also like, I feel like being a fan of something used to take, it was harder and took more effort. Even in the early internet, it was harder and took more effort. You had to go and track something down. And now there's such a flattening, like something becomes, some niche very quickly becomes a style or a take or a vibe. And then that spreads, it gets bounced in front of enough people. And then it's like, it's,

Things come and go incredibly quickly. Because it takes no effort to find it and adopt it, you don't care when it's gone. So there's no cognitive dissonance. It used to be if you got into records or you got into a certain band, the work you did to find the music or understand it became a symbol to you that you cared about it enough to invest more time in it because...

That was because the time you invested had to mean you loved it enough to keep loving it. And now, like people, it's like when someone says like, oh my God, I'm such a nerd. I'm obsessed with Star Wars. It's like, are you? Are you obsessed? Are you obsessed? Wait, can I just acknowledge that beautiful hipster monologue you just gave? I was like, damn.

Thank you. Yeah, that was really poetic. Can you explain why your eyes went up to my hair and back down like twice during what you said? Like you were searching for something else. I have curly hair. I'm always looking at everyone's curls, okay? Okay. It wasn't disrespectful. And how are we doing? It's curly. It's a true fact. It is. It is. And... It's so you. And it's so, so me. Now on the read...

You have a, you have a segment called hot tops, which you highlight the hot topics of the week. I feel like, uh, I'm starved for news that isn't about one of our two ancient grandpas, uh, slowly battling it out for the fate of the nation over the next seven months, which is why we're going to discuss some news. We think people should be talking about in a segment we're calling hot top shortage. It's a real thing. Oh, it's my life right there. Truer words.

Yeah, Biden didn't mention the hot top shortage in the State of the Union tonight. I mean, he wouldn't, honestly. Necromancy. We need better necromancers, frankly. Yeah, for sure. Sometimes I play video games as a necromancer. Oh, do you? Yeah. You can reanimate some of the people you kill and then they'll fight with you. Yeah, that's cool. All right. I feel like I'm on a date. Yeah, great. Don't remember asking. Cool.

Check, please. I still fuck on the first date. It's not going to stop me. As a gamer, I could have totally supported you, but I feel like the pessimist or whatever evil part of me was like, I want to see how this is going to unfold. Dang.

I don't see what's going to happen. I usually choose mage, so I couldn't even really help you out. You like to hang back. You like to fire from afar. Magic. See, I prefer the bar. I'm more of, I play more like a barbarian. I like to be beefy. I like to get up close.

Now you guys are on a date. Well, there's a hot top shortage. There really is. The picture is still here. It's not going anywhere. I'm just glad they didn't put my face over that thing. They should have. They usually do, don't they? All right. First hot top.

Oh, my God. Yeah.

Oh, my God. He was like reading this like... Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Whoa. Yes. By the way, you were the first to tell me that NATO members are traveling by train and only now this was announced on our news. You are my secret informant, love. Hey, have you ever been catfished, Marcella? No, I've done catfishing. It's fun, but that's wild.

Yeah. Shocking. My sweet Dave just sounds like a liar. Yeah. There's just, what in the fucking Romeo and Juliet? My sweet, no, who says that? Imagine being such a loser that you fall for that. That's sad. It is sad. It is sad. Like virgins fall for that shit. He's 60, you're 63. Yeah, that's elderly abuse. Yeah.

This must have been so lonely. And then like Dave. It would be. Sweet Dave. Not even sweet David. It's so, it's like, it's really bot adjacent too. Like whether it's a foreign agent or a bot, it just, it's so clearly not real. My sweet Dave. Thanks for valuable information. It's great that two officials from this USA are going to Kiev.

I'm doing jerking off motions for those living at home. Also this week... I don't know. They asked me to do comedy on here, so I just got to take a bite where I can find it. Yeah, I don't even know how. Beyonce revealed in an interview this week, when I'm not dressed for an appearance and I'm training or hustling, my go-to outfit is a black hoodie and black sweatpants. I enjoy consciously wearing the same black hoodie. On a good day, I can sneak into Target unnoticed. Can you imagine?

Imagine you're just like, who is that bleached, blonde, beautiful black woman under that black hoodie? Nah, that ain't her. It's me. It's me, Beyonce. I'm shopping at Target. It's unbelievable. It's incredible. It's a blessing for me to be at Target. Renaissance live. Thank you so much.

I'm going to do the self-checkout. Thank you so much. That's a wild place to run into somebody that famous. That's crazy. Yeah. But you know, Blue makes her go in there. I want a toy. That's like his love going to buy toys at Target. Yeah. There's also something so homey about like, I feel like if I were someone who everyone could recognize, I would still want Target. They're all the fucking same.

You know, you walk in, you take a right, alcohol. So it's like, you don't really, why would you, everyone wants that. You think she uses her red card and gets 5% or 0.5%? You know she does. Puts in her phone number? Maybe. You met Beyonce recently, didn't you? I did just about two weeks ago. What? I wasn't going to bring it up because, you know, why gloat?

Well, but now that you, now that you humbly didn't bring it up and let it come to you, tell us how it came to pass and what it was like. Decades of obsessing, openly obsessing over this individual person and her talents and speaking about it incessantly like a psychopath. So I think that this just, it finally became a situation where I think she was like,

Please bring this butch queen to meet me. You know, I feel like doing something nice. I really don't know what was going through the team's mind, but they invited myself and my friend to meet her and it was great. Did you think about what you were going to say beforehand? You know, I think you do that when it's like, oh, the person I admire so much, I'm going to say this.

And then you meet them and, you know, your mouth betrays you. And you forget language and phonetics. And so I just defaulted to tears. I cried immensely. And, you know, she was gracious enough to not throw me out. I don't think that is your mouth betraying you.

That's what it felt like. It was like, you know, you're meeting Beyonce, say at best hello, you know, and my mouth was like, right. I think she gets it. I'm sure it's been worse. Right. But I'm more thinking just that like that whatever emotional response you were having was the truest one. Yes. Right. And there's got to be some sort of beauty in that is what I tried to tell myself when I went home crying. Yeah. Have you ever met Beyonce? No.

just want to look in the mirror thank you so much right before i get on stage i meet her i love beyonce i'm so jealous do you yes i started from from the beginning okay yeah no no no no no no okay that's when i started

I was like, who is she? I was like 12 years old. Who is that? Yeah, it was me and my two female cousins watching the Destiny's Child video.

and me demanding. Which one? The one that always comes to mind is Bills, Bills, Bills. Okay. And I was like, oh yeah, I'm the lead singer in this group. You all can catch the harmonies. If you can keep up, please don't disgust me. And then we would perform it for the family and no one knew I was gay. Ha ha ha ha!

what about you? How old were you when you got into Beyonce white boy? Everybody knew I was gay. They're like, listen to Beyonce. So yeah, meet Beyonce. I recommend it. It's great. And if there's one thing you take away from the show tonight, if you can put yourself in a position to meet Beyonce, do it, do it, do it. It's pretty great. You can catch Marcella's special grow up bitch on max. It's grow up, get it right or pay the price.

And listen to Kid Fury every week on The Read. It's an awesome podcast. Plus, grab tickets to your Life is Better comedy tour. Yeah. We come back. We bring this simmer to a boil. It's time for some hot takes. Don't go anywhere. This is Love It or Leave It, and there's more on the way.

Hi, I'm Stacey Abrams, host of the brand new Crooked podcast, Assembly Required with Stacey Abrams. Each week, we'll work together to better understand one of those big issues that seems insurmountable. Whether it's the Electoral College, America's loneliness epidemic, or the future of Hollywood post-strikes, I'll challenge you to dig in and ask, how do we get here? What obstacles lie ahead? And what can we do to get good done? Are you in?

Episodes of Assembly Required with Stacey Abrams are available starting August 15th. Head to your favorite audio platform and subscribe now so you never miss an episode. And we're back. Before we get to Hot Takes, we have an exciting pre-announcement announcement. We are announcing...

Love it or leave it's tour dates in just a few days. Pre-sale tickets will only be available for Friends of the Pod subscribers starting on Tuesday. So you got to go to crooked.com slash friends to sign up. You're hearing this on Saturday. By the time we get to next Saturday, the general sale will have begun. So between Tuesday and Friday, that's when the pre-sale is. And you go to crooked.com slash friends to sign up. Look at my little action figure. There's something very toy-like about it.

About me? Yeah. I find that to be a compliment. I mean it as that. You think there should be, I'm like an action figure or there should be an action figure? Whichever one makes you feel better. And now for a segment we call Hot Takes. Here's how it works. We'll each have 30 seconds to defend an absolutely horrible opinion as if it were actually our own. We each get one skip, but beware what you skip to may actually be worse. Let's see what we've got. Who's up first?

It is me. Panda Express is superior to all other forms of Chinese food. I'll take that. It's simply true. Panda Express is superior to all forms of other forms of Chinese food. Is it superior in terms of quality? No. Is it superior in terms of taste? No. Is it superior in terms of health? No. But here is the one way it's superior. It is the only Chinese food that arise before you think to order it.

You say to yourself, I would like Panda Express. It's in your home. It's there that quickly. I don't even know how it's possible. It's like there's people waiting, waiting just for them. There's like, we think John may order. Let's just make what he usually gets in the event that he orders. And they're rarely wrong. Thank you. I feel like they should be allowed to boo. They are allowed to boo. I'm saying like they need to be told that.

What is it about my personality that makes everyone, everyone everywhere always thinks, oh, he needs to be cut down to size. It's just a toy in you. I just like, remember when Buzz Lightyear came and it was just like, Woody had this stank attitude because he was like, he was, I'm done, I'm sorry. Am I, am I Buzz? Or am I Woody? If it makes you feel bad. Which one am I? What? What, Ron? Don't talk to Ron like that, bitch. Oh. Who are you? What?

Let's see what's up next. Stand-up is a dead art form, Max. What an easy thing to defend. I'd like to donate 20 seconds of my time to a charity of John's choice.

I feel like stand-up has been dead for a while. And if it's meant to be a pithy way to express your opinions, now people just do it through what this is, live podcasts. Comedy clubs are dead. They are event spaces that for many decades were organized neatly around comedians that had been on broadcast or cable television that no longer works. And now you need to have a platform to

that can be conversational. It doesn't have to be the idea of organizing stuff around one hour is completely dead, but podcasts are growing and I'm happy for you. Hell yeah. You guys check out my podcast called comedy is dead streaming on YouTube. That's a very real thing that I just started because I agree with this. This one hurt, but I did it. Let's see what's next. Marcella, you're up.

I don't like that this gives me personality. Do you want to skip? Sorry you couldn't hack it, losers. Yeah, I'm going to skip. I'm going to have some balls. All right, let's see what's next. Partners who coordinate their outfits and enjoy couples' costumes on Halloween are gross. We get it. You're together. Oh. Fuck, we were just talking about this. Yeah, she loves doing this. I do. There are drones in here? You know, I... Okay, look. I...

I don't want to do this game. I don't like rubbing it in people's faces. We're in love and we look like Olive and Popeye and Olive Oil and Popeye and I think it's hilarious. I don't care. I don't care. I don't want to do this. Okay, that's an energy to bring to it, I suppose. Boo! You got booed! Boo, Marcella! Boo, Marcella! Yeah, that's right. Let's see what's next. Oh, that gives me life. Yeah, she feeds off your booze.

Kid Fury, nothing about Miami can ever begin to measure up to Los Angeles or New York. This is super easy. Okay.

So nothing about Miami can ever begin to measure up to Los Angeles or New York because there's just way, way, way, way more to do in both of these cities and ability to build yourself up and learn a lot more about yourself. Miami's great to buy, sell, and transport drugs. Great for sex work, which I support.

And that's about it. Now, if you're a black Floridian, then you know a lot of the magic that exists there. But in comparing it to these other places, I would never, ever go back to Miami unless it was for a funeral or maybe like, you know, I lost some money. Yeah, you got one boo. Let's see who's up next. Professional wrestling is the last fashion of the fool. Oof. Oof.

Yeah, I mean, that sounds good in a way. I don't understand it, so if I hope. Yeah, I mean, you want me, so you, so, but you guys, so people who like wrestling, I mean, I knew this was what you were going to give me. Easy money. Of course, I love wrestling, but it's easy for you to hate it. I get it. It's not, it's predetermined. You're like, why is it happening? I don't enjoy pleasantries and fireworks and feather boas. Um,

I like regular normal things. When people fight, I want them to hurt each other because apparently I'm a savage that enjoys other people's pain. I will say that most professional wrestling fans are usually never nourished. They are either mal or over.

Those are the other options, right? Yeah, Mal are over it for sure. Yeah. Yeah, a lot of overnourished. I mean, it is the most, it is certainly, because I go to a lot of different sporting events, but the disparity between the people doing the event and watching the event is...

is the biggest at pro wrestling. They seem like if they got in the ring, they would die easily. So yeah, I get why people don't like it, but they're not right. Nice. All right, let's see what's next. Marianne Williamson has the strongest platform in the Democratic Party. All right, let's skip. As long as it's cleaned up within 10 minutes of happening, it's fine and normal when a dog pees in the office.

I'll take this one. 10 minutes? As long as it's cleaned up within 10 minutes. Well, because, you know, someone doesn't see it. I don't know when it happens. That's the 10-minute rule. As long as it's cleaned up within 10 minutes of it happening, it's fine and normal when a dog pees in the office. Here's the thing. We don't just have a dog at the office. We don't have two dogs at the office. We have a non-countable number of dogs at the office. On any given day, there are dogs everywhere. And this is great news.

An office with dogs is great. Now, are we a place where multiple podcasts are being recorded virtually all the time and dogs are constantly barking as people come in and out of this large office? Yes. Does that lead to a certain amount of tension?

No. But... Yes, that means occasionally there'll be a little puddle somewhere. I mean, again, this is what... And I love dogs because I know if I don't say this, then people will turn against me. But I will say that you guys are some of the most entitled and, like, believe that you can do whatever you want because what if me and Max just brought babies to every fucking work event and was like, yeah, my baby took a shit on your floor? LAUGHTER

I'll get to it within 10 minutes. I...

That is a good point. And no one is saying that's not a good point. I'm not saying it's good to leave the pee 10 minutes. The second I hear that there's pee, I'm on it. Also, Crooked is famously a shoes-off socks-on office. No, it is not. There's a lot of just squelching. It is not. Toes. That is not true. Bomba socks. That's not true. Which give one pair to... Save that shit for the Young Turks. Yeah.

I don't know if they do that. I don't know if they do that there. All right. Let's see what's next. 40 is basically the end. I'm dying. Truly, 40 is basically the end. There's almost no reason to keep living past 40.

Unless you're amassing wealth for a mother or children, there's no joy to be had that's new post-40. There's no insights to be gleaned that are not sort of like dripping in all the exhausting like...

I'm old and decaying and I only care about money and mortgages. 40, I think as a creative, as a sensitive person, as an activist, as anyone that wants to do anything important is fully the expiration dates. And if you haven't had a good idea that you can then capitalize on post 40, you should just quit everything because you're not going to have a new one after. Not a,

Not a fan of Grandma Moses' work, I suppose. Tough hit on Grandma Moses. Grandma Moses raised a family, began painting in her, I believe, late 70s. Late 70s. I love all the booing. Thanks, guys. I like it, too. Let's see what else we've got. The perfect and most feminine height is 5'6".

Hey, my boo thing is 5'7", so I agree with this. And he's pansexual and non-binary, so I fully agree with this shit right here. And he stay eating my pussy. That's a perfect height for eating pussy at 5'6". For me, I'm 6'2". Yeah, he's 5'7", I'm 6'2". When we're 6'9", it looks like a 6 and a 9 in two different fonts. Who's a 6, who's a 9? Depends on the font, bitch.

Wingdings. I agree with this. I agree with this. I'm a masculine bitch. You're a feminine bitch. It's perfect. I like it. Yeah, we are in love. I actually do agree with this. Yeah, I'm just thinking that like... Who the fuck wants to boo me? Beat your ass. What came to mind is like superscript. You know what I mean? Yeah, that's your... You know what I'm saying? Is that your five foot six feminine height font? Yeah. Well, they're not...

I don't know whether the six or the nine. I guess it would be the nine is smaller and higher up. You know? If you try it that way. You're nasty. You thinking about me like that? Do you think...

The circle part of the nine is the head? Or do you think it's the genitals? Because that's really what the superscript thing gets to. Do you think the hook of the six and the nine is the penis? That's what I was realizing. No, I think that's such an important point. Because I'm realizing what I just said would imply that the genitals... I don't know. Talk us through this.

I think that Show your work. I think that, well, I think it's because I think that that's head. The circle is the head. Which doesn't work that. It doesn't work. On nine or six?

It's on the both. They're not both the same. They're two different numbers. But the circle bit is the skull portion of the body. You know what I'm saying? The curvature is the body. I disagree. You disagree. On the nine, the nine, the circle is the head and then it's got the little body. But on the six...

No, but like 69 is basically saying that in the six, the head is at the bottom and the hook of it is the penis. And then the nine is... This is why comedy is dead. Okay. Okay. Okay. Actually, I think that this is important. And I know that this is also a show about reelecting Joe Biden. But today, it's also a show where you need to... If you're listening to this, you need to draw the number 69...

And then you need to tell us how you imagine that represents people. When you picture, when you think 69, and again, my mother listens every Saturday morning. What, where, what is it? Because I don't even think I agree with you. I don't agree with you. I don't think the thing coming out is the penis. I think that's the whole person. Right? Yes. Okay, fair.

No, this is me learning. This is what we want our system to be. That's right. Having conversations with people. Give it up to Max. He really tried. He listened. I can't believe I met Beyonce two weeks ago. I know.

And then that's life. This is already better. What if you met Beyonce, died, and now you're stuck here? And you've been doing this over and over and over again ever since. What do you think the 69 represents? I don't.

I remember when I first learned what it was. I think I was in like seventh grade in math and 69 somehow I came up on the board and the kids went, hmm. And my teacher was like, do you kids think that you made this shit up? What's so funny? God bless her. I mean, I was like 24 before I realized you could do it lying down. I truly thought it was exclusively. You can? We're not all the same bitch? I know who.

You're like, I gotta go work out for this. A lot of core stuff. I too am five foot six. I have gay sex. I don't know if this is anything to do with me. Let's keep going. Let's see what's next. Oh, Kid Fury, the Nintendo Switch is the worst game console ever made. Okay. Uh,

Yeah, man. The Nintendo Switch fucking sucks. It's... Who the fuck wants to take video games on the road with them anywhere that they go and have that kind of convenience? It creates problems. You know, like, you should be able to... You should just play games at home a sensible 45 minutes in good lighting before 7 p.m. And I think that taking...

amazing experiences like Legend of Zelda on a plane or a bus or, you know, to your in-laws house for Thanksgiving. Why do that? Why do that? You know, you're really aiding addiction. Yeah, I would say the only downside to me of the Nintendo Switch being mobile is the moment when you take it out on a plane and you're a 40-year-old man and then the person next to you takes out a book and it's like,

I know I shouldn't care. Yeah. But you think you're fucking better than me? To go back to 69s for one second, I didn't mean standing up. Okay. What I meant is... What did you mean? What I meant is learning you didn't have to do it as a vertical stack.

Okay. That you could do it on your side. Okay, hold on. What? Like further more confused. I wanted to go along with it. It's funny to flip, but what I meant was I thought it was exclusively a double cheeseburger situation. Right, right, right, right. No, I see what you're saying. You were saying... You weren't saying that you did...

You were not referring to the Z axis. No, I'm sorry. You were rotating around the X axis. One on their back, one on top. When I learned that you could both be on your side was a breakthrough. We can go back to Nintendo Switch. I just feel like if we're recording this, I wanted to lock it in. Right, for sure. No, and I'm glad you did. Let's make sure for the record that that's amended in the...

In the archives. We don't want that to go down without having been noted. If we can put a little asterisk earlier in the transcript just so people know to go further down lest they stop reading there. Let's see what's next. Weed is over.

Ron, weed is over? I couldn't do this one. You can skip. I mean, it seems more fun to try. It's weird to do this while being currently high. Put a vape in my hand.

You came to show everybody how not to use it? Yeah, exactly. This is how not to use it. For those listening at home, he just took a hit of his vape pen. Not in the weed, man. Hard drugs are back. Why would you want to do a drug where you stay alive?

Just enjoy your life and keep a sense of whimsy. I say just be angry and, you know, when you're stressed, drink. That's helpful. Classic, too. Yeah, it's old school. All American. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, so we over. Don't smoke it. In fact, if you have some, just put it in my mailbox. I'll dispose of it. And that's how it takes. When we come back, we'll end on a high note. And we're back. Here it is. The high note.

Hey, love it. My high note for the week is that I recently reconnected with a friend. He was actually the one that got me into your podcast a few years ago. I found out that he submitted and defended his dissertation. And while he might be quiet about it, I am extremely proud of him. Thank you for the work that you and your team are doing and have a wonderful week.

Hi, I love it. This is Erica in North Carolina. And my high note is that my longtime voice student who I've been working with since 2018 and is turning 18 this week voted in the North Carolina primary today. And I am just so proud of who I've seen them become over my time working with them and that they're getting involved in the cause right away. Just really warm my heart.

Thanks, everybody. Send in a high note tonight. If you want to send us a message, send a voice memo to lowlyhighnotes at gmail.com or if you're a friend of the pod subscriber, you can send it to us through the Discord. That is our show. Thank you so much to Marcela, Arguello, Ron Funches, Max Sylvester, and Kid Fury. This is so fun. There are 240 days until the 2024 elections. Have a great night, everybody, and have a great weekend.

Scrap, scrap, scrap.

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Thank you.

Stephen Colon is our audio engineer and Milo Kim is our videographer. Our theme song is written and performed by SureSure. Thanks to our designer, Bernardo Serna, for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast. And to our digital producers, Zuri Ervin, David Toles, Claudia Shang, Mia Kelman, and Matt DeGroat for filming and editing video each week so you can.

It's Love It or Leave It.