No Gaetz, No Glory
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Learn more at phrma.org slash IPWorksWonders. Hello, Los Angeles! Welcome to Love It or Leave It. The wave of celebrity lookalike competitions has finally hit L.A. to celebrate Shohei Otani. I, of course, tried to host my own lookalike contest, but apparently there weren't enough Jewish twinks post-Pilates pre-surgery in the area. What surgery, Kennedy? Laughter

But which one? Thank you for calling me a twink. Tonight on the show, Brad Turbo takes a victory lap for all alpha kind. Wendy Malick and Mark Evan Jackson play the game that keeps on giving. And then we all spin the wheel and say thanks, even though we're not exactly in our gratitude era. But first, let's get into it. What a week. Another week, another flawless batch of Trump appointments. Much like gremlins to the new batch, they all look horrible. And one of them I'd secretly like to kiss.

Donald Trump has tapped Dr. Oz to lead the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services, an agency that oversees health coverage for more than 150 million people and a role that has traditionally called upon a great deal of government expertise. And you know what? Here's where I'm at. Good luck, Dr. Oz. This isn't a TV job. This isn't a flashy job. This isn't Commerce Secretary throwing on a kimono for a photo op in Kyoto on the importance of international relations. This is a real fucking job.

And you know who doesn't love having real jobs? Doctors that are like, fuck it, and climb the greasy television pole. Trump also announced on Tuesday that he selected his transition co-chair Linda McMahon, WWE co-founder and wife of alleged sexual abuser Vince McMahon, to head up the Department of Education. All right, democracy, let's get ready to crumble! Kind of a mixed blessing to be appointed the head of a department that Trump wants to dismantle. The president trusts you to sear this ship into those rocky shoals.

Really busted up. McMahon has no experience as an educator, but she is a defendant in a lawsuit alleging that she and her husband were aware that five WWE ring boys were being sexually abused by a ringside announcer in the 80s and 90s and failed to stop it. On the bright side, Linda McMahon has not been personally accused of sexually assaulting anyone, which makes her the Malala of Trump's cabinet.

And then there's Matt Gaetz. When a number of Republicans in Congress balked at the idea of confirming Gaetz to the highest post of the Justice Department, Marjorie Taylor Greene jumped in to allege that those other members of Congress have skeletons of their own. What's wrong with having a skeleton in your closet, said RFK Jr., dancing with Rosemary Kennedy's bones?

Said Green about her colleagues, I am used to Green issuing threats, but this is the first time she's threatened us with a good time. Also...

That last line has no business being that good. If we're going to dance, let's all dance in the sunlight. All right, QAnon Stevie Nicks. Cool.

One Trump advisor told ABC about the Gates confirmation. If you are on the wrong side of the vote, you're buying yourself a primary. That is all. And there's a guy named Elon Musk who is going to finance it. Alas, the public pressure, private buttonholing, threats of primaries and public shaming. It wasn't enough to overcome the opposition to someone as odious as Gates.

For on Thursday, Gates withdrew his name from consideration. There were four GOP senators who were immovable. Lisa Murkowski, Susan Collins, Mitch McConnell, and Utah's Senator-elect John Curtis, according to sources close to Gates. Said the sources close to Gates, he said that? We're not close. Weird. No. Ew. Then, just before we recorded, Trump nominated his former attorney and former Florida Attorney General Pam Bondi for Attorney General. Stop it.

Who's Pam Bondi, you ask? Not Matt Gaetz. And that's all we're really going to offer today. It literally just happened. On Monday, Republican Congresswoman and woman who returns things to White House black market just to argue with the salesperson, Nancy Mace, introduced a resolution to ban transgender women from using women's restrooms in the U.S. Capitol. I don't know why you're booing trans women. The Republican... Now, why did Mace do this? Democratic Congresswoman Sarah McBride is about to become the first transgender person to serve in Congress when she takes office in January. Woo!

And Nancy Mace likes to fill the silence in her life with headlines and attention. Mace, enjoying the press and fundraising she's doing, later added to her stunt, posting a video of her taping a handwritten sign saying biological to the woman's restroom sign. That's right, Capitol visitors. If you want to use the bathroom, Nancy Mace is going to need to see your genitals. Anyway.

If any teed up post-top surgery trans men want to travel to the Capitol and use these biological women's bathrooms en masse, I encourage it. Just a caravan of beefy fucking trans guys. It's what Nancy Mace has required. Get in there.

When asked if the rule was designed to specifically target McBride, Mace told reporters, yes and absolutely, and then some, I'm absolutely 100% going to stand in the way of any man who wants to be in our women's restroom, in our locker rooms, in our changing rooms. I will be there fighting you every step of the way. There I go, Googling, does Congress have HR again?

They don't. And they don't. On Wednesday, House Speaker Mike Johnson issued the trans bathroom ban for Congress, saying all single sex facilities in the Capitol and House office buildings, such as restrooms, changing rooms and locker rooms, are reserved for individuals of that biological sex. Added Johnson, women deserve women's only spaces like the kitchen. When when asked what else women deserve, Johnson froze, having literally never considered it.

Given that trans visitors and guests at the Capitol have been using bathrooms without incident, the Capitol also has unisex bathrooms, and each congressperson's office has a private bathroom for them to use. The Republicans are just trying to shame McBride for being trans while grabbing headlines to prove their fealty to hyper-engaged anti-trans weirdos on the internet, ultimately achieving nothing except making trans people more fucking nervous than they already are about going to the bathroom in public.

Bitch, good luck.

It's a great statement, refusing to take the bait. Me, on the other hand, I'm here to fight about bathrooms, the trans bands, but also the hand dryers. They're loud. They do not work. They blow germs everywhere. Give us paper towels. Leave trans people alone.

AOC rightfully pointed out that what all of this boils down to is an attack on women. And I think we should all just watch what she had to say in full. What Nancy Mace and what Speaker Johnson are doing are endangering all women and girls. Because if you ask them, what is your plan on how to enforce this? They won't come up with an answer. And what...

it inevitably results in are women and girls who are primed for assault because they want, because people are going to want to check their private parts in suspecting who is trans and who is cis and who's doing what. And so the idea that Nancy Mace wants little girls and women to drop drow in front of who? An investigator?

Who would that be in order because she wants to suspect and point fingers at who she thinks is trans is disgusting. It is disgusting. And frankly, all it does is allow these Republicans to go around and bully any woman who isn't wearing a skirt because they think she might not look woman enough.

People have a right to express themselves, to dress how they want, and to be who they are. And if a woman doesn't look woman enough to a Republican, they want to be able to inspect her genitals to use a bathroom? It's disgusting.

Everybody, no matter how you feel on this issue, should reject it completely. What are they doing? They're doing this so that Nancy Mace can make a buck and send a text and fundraise off an email. They're not doing this to protect people. They're endangering women. They're endangering girls of all kinds. And everybody should reject it. It's gross. Thank you. Thank you. That was really good. Speaking of toilets, Vivek Ramaswamy...

announced this week that he and Elon Musk, co-heads of the Department of Government Efficiency, or DOGE, will launch a podcast about their endeavor. I'm focused on making sure that we actually accomplish the goal rather than just talking about it. So to that end, for the next little bit, Elon and I are going to start a separate track of DOGEcasts that explain exactly what we're doing to the public. We're not just talking about it. We're starting a podcast.

Rama Swami then pivoted directly into his first ad read, saying, tired of waiting in line at the post office? Good. We just eliminated the post office. Here's the problem. Here's the problem. Elon and Vivek, they're going to want to make this about scientific research projects that sound silly or expensive boondoggles, of which there are many. But take a look at this from the Center on Budget and Policy Priorities. The first one is,

The federal government is an insurance and pension service that also has a few long-range bombers. 75% of the budget, 75% of the budget is military spending along with health insurance for seniors and children, retirement and health benefits for veterans, social security for retirees and people with disabilities, and of course, interest on the national debt, most of which is owned by Americans, which means it goes back into the economy. All the

Thank you.

And lo and behold, while Elon and Vivek are setting up their microphones as a freelance audio engineer Googles ways to kill himself, Trump's economic advisors and Republicans in Congress have begun discussing possible work requirements and spending caps for Medicaid, food stamps, and other safety net programs in order to offset the cost of tax cuts. In other words...

Cutting the benefits that go to 70 million Americans in order to cut taxes for the 400 wealthiest families in America. Just one example of a proposal. This is something they're discussing is a rule to stop the president from increasing the value of food stamps without congressional approval. It's not the kind of thing that'll get a lot of coverage. And actually, President Biden and this bother Republicans issued the largest ever, the largest ever permanent increase in food stamps. Did anyone here know that happened?

Some of you knew. Did anybody know how much it is? Do you want to know how much it is? How much the largest ever increase in food stamps was? It was $36 per person.

$36 per person per month. Not a lot of money, but for a lot of people making a big difference in their lives and in the lives of their children. So a little over $400 per year per person. Republicans hated this. And now they want the president to no longer have this authority. Now that Trump tax cuts for households making more than a million dollars, what do you think the average benefit is for those taxpayers?

it's $70,000 per year. As you go up in income, the cut is worth much more than that. If you earn at least $5 million, the cut is worth nearly $280,000 per household. So in order to cut one rich person's taxes by $280,000, so their take-home goes from 2.6 million to 2.9 million, let's say, they will stop the kind of policy that allowed 700 people,

to get $36 extra per month to be able to afford healthier food. Is that what the undecided voters who disliked Trump but were furious about inflation wanted? Is that what Republicans campaigned on doing? Of course not. They campaigned on stopping migrant trans prisoners from becoming fabulous.

But that's the real plan. Elon and Vivek podcasting about lazy bureaucrats in D.C. and expensive chairs at the Department of the Interior. All of that is a sideshow. They want to cut taxes for the rich. They will either run up the deficits or cut Social Security and health care and food stamps to do it. And they will start with programs for the poor, but it will not end there. The last time Republicans controlled Congress and the White House, but for a handful of Republican senators saying no, they would have repealed the Affordable Care Act, jeopardizing the health insurance of 30 million people.

not to mention increasing costs for copays and preexisting conditions that hit everybody else. Earlier this year, the Republicans in the House unveiled a budget that raised Social Security's retirement age, which is just a sweeping cut for future retirees. Did anyone here know about that? Did anyone here know that 170 Republicans endorsed raising the age for Social Security eligibility? Of course not, because Trump wore an apron and Kamala did a whoopsie on The View.

And because we live in the information environment that functionally exists to make the simple reality of the choice in our elections unintelligible. Bernie wants to say Democrats abandon the working class. Centrists blame identity politics. I personally blame Joe Biden and, of course, Chapel Roan. But Republicans campaigned like Norma Rae and governed like the heart attack at the mill that killed her father.

And I'm sorry to say, but this is why we have to keep fighting, because we have to make sure people understand what Republican governance, not just the outrages and dramas and insults, but actual governance means. Okay, now, speaking of making me sick, dozens of people have fallen ill across 18 states after contracting E. coli from organic carrots. Could have probably done that transition better. Got him, said Elmer Fudd, standing over the corpse.

Of Bugs Bunny. Some fans at early screenings of the Wicked movie have been singing along in the theater. Yeah, to the frustration of other theater goers. I saw the story.

And it was shocking because it never occurred to me that people would sing along during the movie. Maybe that's naive because it's so obviously selfish and rude. But this is what one person told the New York Times, a self-described theater kid who said, people who are judgmental in that way, please wait to stream it. Don't go the first day and yell at people for singing, for sharing that kind of joy when we've been waiting so long in anticipation for this movie. No deal.

I want everyone here to know this, and I mean this. This is sincere. I am seeing this movie on Saturday. The last couple of weeks have been so stressful and sad.

I have a reservoir of frustration and rage in my soul. And if people start singing in my theater, I promise you they will stop or I will make an extraordinary scene that will take them all the way the fuck out of the experience. I'm not kidding. I'll ruin it for them. I'll ruin it for everybody. Last night when I read this story, I turned to my significant other. I really did. And I said, hey, if someone starts singing in our theater,

I'm gonna tell them to stop and I need your permission to take it all the way. If you say I can't, I will honor that. If you're not cool with it, I'll just take it. But if you give me permission, I will fight to the fucking end. And they agreed because I think they saw the crazy in my eyes.

Because if you think I'm going to sit there in silence and watch Cynthia Erivo sing Defying Gravity in concert with you because we have collectively abandoned all manners and common courtesy, think again. So if you care to find me, look to the AMC Burbank. As someone told me lately, everyone deserves the chance to watch a movie in a theater without listening to rude, self-centered, internet-addled freaks forgetting that they are not the center of the universe.

How does Trump happen? We let the little things slide and then we let the big things slide. The line must be drawn here, this far, no farther. The line must be drawn here, this far, no farther. I will go to jail. Oh no, my parents have just got in and I'm stuck in jail? No thank you, no need to post bail.

And finally, in a bizarre story I've been following closely, kayaker Ryan Borgward was presumed dead after he disappeared on a lake in August. However, strange signs led police to suspect the missing man may actually have faked his own death and fled to Europe. Hey, he stole my idea.

Now, if there is one rule for faking your own death, it's that you better not let TikTok pick up on it. Following the disappearance, a man on the street interview featuring a person who sure seemed like Borguard, a real Borguardian type, Borguard-esque, if you will, surfaced in which he asked the extremely level-headed host this question. Need advice on anything? Like go to Uzbekistan or stay here?

Don't you just get a really bad vibe off of how he says that?

Something deeply troubling. Sorry to the women of Uzbekistan, we are sending you guys who belong at the bottom of our lakes. This week, authorities confirmed what we had suspected all along. Bourgois lives. Authorities have been in touch with the missing married father of three in Eastern Europe, but so far he is refusing to return to the US. Said Bourgois, how mad does she seem? LAUGHTER LAUGHTER

Up next, Brad Turbo returns. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.

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And we're back! We all have a lot of anxiety and anger built up from the election and just, you know, everything constantly crashing down around us at once. Next week we'll add to that ambient angst with the most tension-inducing event of all, Thanksgiving with the family. That's why we all need a healthy outlet for our rage, fear, and catastrophic cuntiness. Enter the National Dog Show!

That's right. Every Turkey Day, over 2,000 of the prettiest and most well-behaved puppers promenade in front of the judges for the title of best in show. But are they? We'll be the judge of that. As we offer our candid no-holds-barred takes on the past winners of the National Dog Show, it'll be like when we judge Olympic gymnasts, except none of these contestants can read or understand human language, so we can tear them apart and no one gets hurt. So save your emails. The dogs don't know we're being bitches. Kennedy, please, show me the hounds. Up first...

We have Stash, the Stellyham Terrier, 2023's best in show. I can't prove it, but I know that this dog calls other dogs racial slurs. Stash is from Pennsylvania, so maybe Kamala should have gone on his podcast. Too soon? Okay. You know what? Honestly, I've done this before. At first, you're not ready to laugh about Kamala, but you will be.

And when you are, I'll be here. Stash's registered name is Good Spice FB Money Stash, a name he chose after converting to Islam.

Doesn't mean anything. Stash's owner told people, it's an exhilarating feeling to win. Stash deals easily with multiple things happening around him. He's so well-balanced and he loves to show. Of course, that was the same thing Cheryl Hines said when RFK Jr. got the cabinet appointment. Up next, this is Winston, the French Bulldog, best in show 2022. Winston lives in Oklahoma, where his stench comes sweeping down the plane.

Best in show, Judge Vicky Seeler Cushman said of Winston, he has that razzle dazzle that says, I am here to win tonight. You can just tell that he also goes home and is the perfect pet. Vicky, it brings us no pleasure to say this. It sounds like you want to fuck that dog. He's named after Winston Churchill since they're both physically hideous and slightly better than Hitler. What that slightly means, that's not fair to Winston Churchill. Fair to that dog. Slightly. Slightly.

And this is Claire, the Scottish deer hound, 2021 and 2020 best in show. Said her owner, Claire, in her mind, really believes in herself and has a lot of confidence in who she is. And if you look like her, wouldn't you? It brings us no pleasure to say this, but it sounds like you want to fuck that dog. Look at that ugly ass dog. Where's Kristi Noem when you need her? That's right. I've got more dogs to roast. KRFK Jr., jealous? This is Whiskey the Whippet.

Whip it? Believe me, I'd like to. This freak is Newton the Brussels Griffith.

Best in Show winner from 2017. I want to throw a glass of water on Newton and see if he goes gremlin. Piece of shit. Where's Kristi Noem when you need her? And finally, we've got the last of the losers from the National Dog Show's Best in Show. Here's Vicky. She's a fluffy white toy poodle. Took Best in Show in 2006. She also took her neighbor's Kamala Wall sign off her yard. And yeah, there's footage, Vicky. Vicky is originally from Japan, and it's the worst thing they've sent over here since hentai.

Let's end with Raisin. Raisin is a Doberman who took home Best in Show in 2003. Seen here, Raisin a Hail Hitler. Nazi-ass fucking dog. I guess in 2003, every dog in the competition except for Raisin somehow turned up malt to death. Fun fact, Raisins are actually toxic to dogs, which is ironic because this Raisin's making me puke. You hear Hallie laughing in the background.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Where is Christy Gnome when you need her? All right, I think that's all you can tolerate. Thank you to the National Dog Show. Thank you, dogs. We needed that. All right, when we come back, Brad Turbo. And we're back.

Whether or not the data ultimately bears it out, the narrative has been written. Donald Trump's win was a triumph of the manosphere, a victory of the meatheads. That narrative feels right, so who am I to question it? Here tonight to give us the dude perspective on where we stand now, please welcome masculinity influencer and friend of the show. It's Brad Turbo. Yes, baby! Let's go! Come on! Hey! It's a new day, baby! Oh!

Oh, where the men at? Oh, there they are. Let me hear you, big dogs. Woof, woof, woof. Let me hear you bark. A lot of alpha men in the audience tonight, Johnny baby. Yeah, the love it or leave it audience, it's all alphas. Wow. Wow, Brad, it is great to see you're in good spirits. Well, listen, baby, it's raining men, John. I mean, sorry, it's the rain of men. We won, boys. Mamma.

Ma'am, I beg your pardon. Make America manly again, John. Ma'am. Ma'am. Of course. Brad, I'm so glad you're here tonight. I feel like you're well. Yeah. No, you're spreading. Yeah. No. And it's and it's working. I feel like you're well equipped to speak to this moment. Oh, I'm definitely well equipped, John, if you know what I mean. Hey.

All right. I'm saying I got a big, heavy hog, baby. Yep, got it. 100% got it. Yep. What I'm saying is, wait, hold on. I'm a little distracted. By the way, you're looking good, Sean. All right. Oh, my God. You know what? You're looking good, my man. You're looking paleo max. Oh, wow. You've been slamming sticks of butter before you hit the weights?

No, Brad, I haven't. All right, well, the trick is not to chew it. Just slide that bad boy of butter right down your throat. Pretend it's Paul Meskel or whatever. Nah, nah. I'm just kidding around. Don't pretend it's Paul Meskel. And I definitely don't deep thricks. Don't... And I absolutely don't deep throat sticks of butter as part of some kind of hot gay fantasy. I do swallow them whole, though. That's real.

Okay, well, we don't have time to unpack all that, so let's get to some questions. So you seem pretty excited about Trump's victory. Why is that? Well, this is a new dawn for men. It's so important for young men in America to see a man in the White House. Representation manners. No, it...

No, that's a really important point. It's a role model for young men. Absolutely. You know what? Men are tired of being afraid of women being afraid of them. We're tired of it. We won't stand for it. Trump is going to make straight marriage legal again, too. I'm really excited about it. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah, you're excited to get into the whole straight marriage thing? You think that's the direction you're going? It's my issue! It's my single voter issue. Okay.

It didn't get a lot of press for some reason, but Trump did come on my podcast and talk a lot about it. Have you listened to my podcast? What was your podcast? It's called Meat Gobblers with Brad Turbo. No, it was crazy. You had Trump, you had J.D. Vance. They all came through. All my guys. Don't you think it's weird that Trump and J.D. Vance were willing to go on Rogan and obviously Meat Gobblers. Meat Gobblers with Brad Turbo. But not Pod Save America.

What do you think that is? Or love it or leave it. I think it's because you sit like this. What is this? I don't know. This is not the way a man sits. I don't sit like a man. Hey, do you think there's anything Kamala could have done to win over young men? I'm happy you asked, John, because I do. Oh. I think she could have done a little bit more of this. Could you describe to the people at home what I'm doing? Sure. I would say it was like a coquettish wink and then a shoulder shimmy.

Now it's sort of like a shimmy that's about the boobs. Now it's kind of a vaguely... She could have done more Betty Boop shit. Oh, it's a Betty Boop? You're Betty Booping it. Show off her assets. You know, like a sexy over-the-shoulder wink. Shouldn't have talked so much about women's rights, that's for sure. I hate hearing about stuff that doesn't affect me. It's like, shut up about climate change. The temperature in my Cybertruck is perfect. LAUGHTER

It's a perfect 49 degrees. You like that Cybertruck? Yeah, man. Look at it. It's got hot, sick angles. It's really... No, it seems really cool. It's so sleek. My favorite straight male word. Sleek. No, I saw somebody parking one at the Starbucks on Hillhurst. They were having a hard time. Well, it's big like my dick.

How do you feel about Trump and Elon getting so close? Basically inseparable. Okay, wait, no, stop. Literally, stop. This pisses me off so bad. Stop, stop, stop. Okay. It's not a big deal. Two guys can hang out all the time and it's not a gay thing. Like, please leave us alone. I'm sorry, I blacked out for a second. Did you have a question? Yeah, sure. What do you think about...

What do you think about Trump's... You got my plus one, right, Marco? Yeah. Your plus one, Marco. Baby, get the car. I mean, dude, fuck off. Any other thoughts on Trump's cabinet picks? Oh, I love them. I love them all. They're all so hung. They're all hung alphas. Even the women. Linda McMahon. Hung. Oh, she's a hung woman.

I've actually, I've got some news, baby. You got news? We got news from Brad Turbo? I've been appointed U.S. trade representative. Yep. Hold your applause. No, I don't know what it entails, but I hope America's ready for some rough trade. Well, I guess trade would get pretty rough. If tariffs are imposed, it would be some rough trade, probably.

Tantriffs are not something I am advised to talk about right now. Okay? All right. Do you have a favorite cabinet appointment? Yeah, hot take here, John. Lee Zeldin for EPA. He sounds great to me. That's surprising. He's got thinning hair. Classic sign of high tea. He might not know about the environment, but come on. The guy's from Long Island. Home of the best nature in the country. You ever been to Faroe?

I have been to Fire Island. They got hot, I mean, good trees there. I like that Pete Hegseth, too. He's got a fat ass. I mean, he's qualified.

That's interesting because, you know, Pete Heig said he marries his first wife in 2004, gets divorced five years later. He marries his second wife a year later. In 2017, while still married to his second wife, he has a baby with a Fox executive producer. He divorces his second wife, marries the producer two years later. And in the middle of that, also in 2017, a woman accuses him of sexually assaulting her in a hotel room at the California Federation of Republican Women. After he spoke there, he says it was a drunken consensual encounter. Is that your guy?

I think he's got big hog energy, okay? So yeah, that's my guy. You know what? And so what? He's got like a white supremacist tattoo. Don't we all have a tattoo we regret? Mine's of two Popeyes sucking each other off. It doesn't mean I'm gay. Doesn't mean anything! John, look, only someone who loves and respects women would get married that many times, obviously. The guy's a hopeless romantic. Like me, he love Sandra Bullock. Yeah.

What are you fucking the Mario Brothers? Oh, I love Mario and Luigi. They're great. They're great. They're great together. You want to know something interesting? You want to know something interesting that I learned from Tick Tock? I would love to hear you say one interesting thing, motherfucker. Do you know that they have a third brother? What? Yes. Yes.

Who? Ready? About to blow your mind. Dr. Mario. No, that's the brother? That's great that they have a doctor in the family. I bet the parents are very proud. Yeah. No, I think we never meet the parents. Wow, yeah, that's weird. Should we write it together? We're in Hollywood, aren't we? Do you want to be my creative partner, John? Yeah, I do. Hey, Brad. Hey, John. What about RFK Jr.?

Oh, come on. RFK Jr. You know, let me say something. Please. So RFK Jr. is an outsider, right? Let me tell you something about the experts who knew what they were doing. They were all too pussy to get behind raw milk when I said everyone should get behind raw milk. They were all too pussy when I said make Viagra over the counter, John.

So it's time to try new people. TV doctors and roadkill enthusiasts. Honestly, I feel like, I think it's crazy more people aren't campaigning on Viagra over the counter. That seems like a no-brainer. It's huge, man. I mean my dick after Viagra goes over the counter. Let me say something. The fluoride of it all.

Talk to me about the fluoride. I go to the gym, babe. My teeth don't need fluoride. Teeth are a muscle, John. You just got to train them. Brad. What? Yeah? Come on. You can't really be on board with all this. I got to come clean, John. I'm so scared.

I am so afraid of what's coming. Really, Brad? You, the Brad Turbo, scared? I don't know what to do. It's like winning was cool, but now guys like me are in charge of America? Fuck! I mean, I'm ten years behind on my taxes, John. I mean, I'm ten years behind on my taxes. Oh, no, Brad.

So I think some of this pressure must be in some ways a kind of overwhelming. You never thought. It's building up and I need to release bad. Marco, get the car. All right. Well, U.S. Trade Representative Brad Turbo, everybody. My deep, deep fear is just femininity leaving my body. Mama, everybody. Brad Turbo. And again, obviously, you can follow along with Brad on his podcast, Meat Gobblers.

And obviously, if you want the bonus content, you can subscribe to Meet Gobblers Plus. When we come back, Wendy Malek and Mark Evan Jackson. And we're back. Put your hands together for two people whose voices people actually want to hear tonight. This sucks, Kennedy. Please stop with these cruel intros. I'm begging you. Please welcome the wonderful Mark Evan Jackson and the phenomenal Wendy Malek. Thank you. Lovely to see you. Please. It's a mess. It is a bit of a mess.

You can sit there. Great, perfect. Hi. Hi. Hello. Thank you for being here. I thought it was John Lovitz. Does that come up? That comes up. You're not the first, and you won't be the last. So I'm here under false pretenses. You know what's so funny? I'm so glad you said... Well, I mean, you are, but they're not intentionally false pretenses. Sort of a happy accident on my end. And for me, too. Well, we'll see. We'll see. For the record, backstage moments ago, Wendy said, don't tell anybody, but I thought...

And then the first thing you say when you make the stage. I have to tell you something I knew. I could tell from your eyes when I came back there. You weren't expecting me, were you? Well, you had this look of like, this look of sort of like, this is where I'm at. You know what? But I'd be here now. Okay. Yeah, so I'm good. All right, great. Okay. And they seem nice. Yeah. It's going to be fun. It's a fun show. And actually, here's the thing. Surprisingly popular.

It is surprisingly popular. Yeah. No, I know. It does quite well. People can't believe it. Now, we play a game on this show, and it's a perfect occasion to do it. It's called Was I In This? Here's how it works. Because you both have such storied and varied careers. Our producer will go into the audience. Mark and Wendy will give you, the audience members, a role. You, the audience member, will answer true or false. Almost feels too simple a game to need to explain. But after seven years of doing this podcast, such a game that is too simple to explain does not exist.

One must explain it. That feels like a question. Isn't that funny about explaining things? You got to explain it or it won't work. No matter how simple. And they're smart people, some of them. I'll decide. Mark will decide. All right.

Let's kick it off. Mark, do you want to kick us off with one? I can. I meant to read the first bit and then someone will answer whether it's true or false. That's exactly right. Should I explain it? All right. This is the statement. I played a reserved yet loving gay husband on Brooklyn Nine-Nine. That is true. Mark played the spouse to Andre Brower. And hey, what was it like playing gay?

You know what's funny? I asked before, is he gay? And you're not. I'll decide. No, I'm not, as it happens. Oh, okay. Yeah. And that's fine. Nobody's perfect. What was it like playing gay? Yeah, what was it like playing gay? It was interesting. It was an awful lot like playing a human being. Oh. Yeah, it was. But you still got to fag it up a little bit. Oh, man.

False. No? No. Oh, that's a misstep. No, in fact, to get serious for one moment, like when I first met Andre Brauer and we were going to do this, he was like, I want to play, like these two are, these characters are weirdos, but not because of who they love. They're just like super specific, hella specific characters. And I, we,

as often happens in television, like you get to set and things move very quickly. And pretty soon somebody was saying, you know, roll sound pictures up kind of thing. And I went to the showrunner who was a friend of mine and I said, wait, who is this guy? And he said, he's you. And I was like, oh, I, I can do that. You may have been thinking about Modern Family. I listen. Maybe I was. All right. Rapid fire, quick opinion on characters who are gay and tell us how you think they did. Cate Blanchett is Carol.

Oh, visual. What do you think, Wendy? Are you talking to me? Yeah, both of you. Oh, can I talk? I thought she was spectacular. Am I supposed to say, was she gay? She was gay. Oh. Oh, I missed that. She also was gay in the film Tar. Yeah, yeah. I have a friend who's a conductor, and she was really pissed off about that one. Why? She said, you know, it's so rare to acknowledge that there are women conductors out there, and to make her insane just made my friend...

Because that's redundant? Well, yeah. It was problematic for her. But I digress. My friend is a conductor, also a woman. Bad for the back conducting, apparently. They get back problems. Does your friend have back problems? She's very short. That's cool. Also, Cate Blanchett played Hela from Thor Ragnarok. Oh, Troy Ragnarok is a movie I'd watch. Yeah.

Nice. All right, Wendy, you want to do one? Sure. Do I read it? Yeah, you read it. Oh, I read it. Okay. I played Dr. Julie Barham in the second season of The Apple Plus Shrinking. Very true, and you're very sexy at it, too. Why, thank you very much. And you kissed Harrison Ford in it. Oh, yeah. It was the second day of shooting, and...

You know, it's very strange in television, as Mark was just discussing. You get thrown into this, you come to the soundstage and you maybe never met the actor before. And the second day you're together, you're wearing just his shirt and making out with him. But he was so lovely. And he said, I'm so sorry that last night I had salmon and spinach. And I put a lot of garlic in the spinach. And I knew I had to kiss you today and I hope you're okay with it. And I said, I'm fine, but can I bite your lip? And he said, yes.

That's a fair trade. That's a fair trade. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What an interesting confession. Yeah. Well, it's all about collaboration. Which is such a, what a cool trade. It's very funny to admit that because it's like, because he could have just, he's like, I knew this was coming. I did it anyway. He admitted it. He said my will was too weak.

But it's not even, it's like for shrimp, for spinach and was it salmon? Yeah, salmon. And I happen to love salmon and spinach and garlic. So it was a win-win. It's not a fishy, it's not a fishy fish.

You know? It depends. It depends if it's really fresh. I assume Harrison Ford's eating fresh salmon. I don't think he's... You don't ever want to touch farmed salmon. I don't think he's doing all these franchise movies because he wants not fresh salmon. You know what I mean? You know what I'm saying? I think he can work out the fresh salmon. I think he can get the fresh salmon. It better be fucking fresh. I hope so for his sake. He made that movie where he was wrestling with that cartoon dog. I think it's because he likes salmon. You know what I mean? He likes it fresh. That's mine. Yeah.

Mark, you want to go again? Sure. Statement. I played Dawn's dad on the underrated, thank you, Netflix Babysitter's Club show. True or false, sir? Oh, no. You're obviously the target demographic. False. Why not? Yeah, false. It was false. You played Marianne's father, Richard. I played Marianne's father. That's right. Yeah. Oh.

Whoever inserted the word underrated, thank you. It's worth it. If you haven't seen it, it's a lovely couple of seasons of television. Wendy's up. Statement. I voiced Yzma in the 2000 Disney animated film The Emperor's New Groove. False, but you would have been very sexy at it. Wow.

But I was in it. You were in it. I was in it, but that was somebody else. Sure. And she was fabulous. You played... I played Chicha. Chicha. Chicha. Hard to remember. Either Chicha or Chicha. It was Chicha. But she was the first pregnant Disney character. First sexy pregnant Disney character? All right, just calm down, Mark. This is Disney we're talking about.

Do you think Eartha Kitt would have liked me? I think she would have beaten you for breakfast. Yeah, I think that's probably... And honestly, I don't like that. That'd have been cool. That'd have been cool. All right, Mark, you're up. All right, statement. I portrayed God on NBC's The Good Place. That's very false, right? That's very false. Yeah. Super false, yeah. Yeah, it was super false. Yeah. Did you play

I played the devil, yeah. Oh, you were the devil. That's why you were talking about how you look like a mild-mannered reporter, but you really can be evil. It's under there, yeah. I was saying to Wendy, well, it'll... I don't think we should repeat that. It's a spoiler. It was a private conversation. Yeah, I don't want John Lovitz knowing this. Sometimes John Lovitz gets my mail.

Isn't that a funny thing? I bet he's envious of your gig. I think, yeah. He could probably come in and, you know, if you ever want to take a vacation. Honestly, I would love that. I would love to have John Lovett sitting here. I bet he would. I bet he'd do it. Although he might not be interested in what everybody else has to say. He might want to just talk himself. Well, honestly, we have that in common. Well, good for you. The good...

The Good Place was such a good show. Thank you, yeah. You were great on it. Thank you, I appreciate that. So funny, very funny. It's a unique show in the sense that there aren't a ton of half hours about what it means to be a good person and moral philosophy, yeah. And it's a really wonderful show, yeah. If you haven't checked that out, first watch Babysitters, then watch The Good Place. Everybody should watch The Good Place.

Wendy, you're up. I'm up. I'm up. I voiced BoJack Horseman's mother, Beatrice, in Netflix's BoJack Horseman. I'm sorry. How can they see? I'll just say it's true. It is true. Did you understand when you were a part of BoJack that it was going to be something that

that became so meaningful to this diehard group of fans? Did you have a sense of it when you were reading it? I kind of did, although as the seasons went by, it just got richer and deeper. The art direction was off the charts. It was one of the most fascinating visual animated things I've ever seen. And the arc they gave me as BoJack's mother, because I was just a shrew the first few seasons, and...

And they gave me a whole backstory where you understood why I was the way I was. And it was so brilliant. It was really one of my favorite roles of all time. It was beautiful. I'll cry just thinking about it. It's actually interesting because The Good Place, it's like BoJack and The Good Place were these ostensibly like just...

Comedies, right? Goofy, yeah. Goofy, but beautiful explorations of how to live, how to be a person, what's important, what's not important. And heartbreaking at times. That whole world that he created was quite wondrous and magical. Yeah, I was thrilled to be part of that. Yeah. It was a beautiful performance, yeah. Really cool. Yeah. Yeah.

Look, I'm getting like, I'm really like, have anyone here not seen BoJack Horseman? Shame on you. All right. Babysitters. Good place. Go for the Bs. Babysitters. BoJack Horseman. And the good place. All right. And Mark. Stupid. Mark, you're up. Statement. I appeared on two episodes of the iconic sci-fi horror prank show, Scare Tactics. No, it's true. And we have a clip. It's a little bit true. I want to see it.

Someone tell us a statement. What people refer to as right range. Yeah. So we got to be careful with that. Take it easy. Everything's going to be okay. It's okay. Oh, my goodness. Wow. That is truly disturbing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thanks for picking something so recent. I am...

This statement... So I'm obviously on the show. I'm on way more than two episodes, though. Before I was somebody that you might recognize, I did a lot of hidden camera prank shows, and it always felt terrible. That show is one where...

says to their friend, hey, come out, before we go to the thing that we wanted to do, come make $50 by going out to the nowhere desert outside Las Vegas with me to stuff envelopes or whatever. And I would play like a guy at whose house it seemed normal, sweater vest. And then you'd like, I'd ask you to go get something from my mother's room and it was just dolls. And we would scare the fuck out of people. Like, we

We would take them to fight flight. It was the worst karma television ever. I'm very good at it. But we took people to the place that they thought, because we'd separate them from their phone, and people thought they were going to die that night. Did anybody die? Nobody died, but every once in a while, somebody would get tackled or something. Not me. I'm a ninja. Yeah.

But it was fun, but also frightening. Every instinct as a human being that you have, when things start to get crazy around you, everything within you, you want to go, I think we're okay. We're okay. We're okay. And in that show, the producers would be like, stop saying that. Go, I don't think we're okay. Do you think we're okay? To get the mark talking. It was fascinating. It's back on, I think. Yes, it's coming back. That's right. It's coming back. Are you going to go back? I don't think so. Oh, that's too bad.

You should go back. Now I'm in. Just do one. Okay. What's going to happen? Nothing. I'll get tackled. You get tackled. No, I'm good at it. Because you're doing two shows. You often have an earwig, an IFB in your ear. So for the mark, you're doing a scary show. But for the truck, you're doing a funny show. And it's a fun puzzle as an actor, as an improviser. Yeah.

Unless you're the poor bastard who you dragged into that terrifying thing. They thought they were going to die. You know what? You sign the release. I know. Take your chances. It's true. Read the releases before you sign them. Yeah. A lesson I learned recently. Wendy, you're in the new show Night Court. I am. I'll go, true. True.

Well, it's the new old show. It's the new old show. It's the new boot of the old Night Court. And it's a hit. Yeah. People love it. Yeah. Of course they do. It's Night Court. It's court at night. It's court at night. What's going to happen? Well, you just never know. No, it's a bunch of wackadoos that show up at this court in New York City. And I'm the new prosecutor, but I did two guest appearances on this show playing...

a criminally insane person who John Loracut's character had sent to prison many, many years ago. And I tried to come back and seduce him just to get back at him and eventually mess with his head. And now I'm the prosecutor. And I said, how did that happen? It doesn't make any sense. And they said, it's night court.

Is it canonically the same person? Yeah, I'm the same person. So I'm fine, and apparently I was an attorney before I went to jail. I burned down my boyfriend's house or something because I was upset with him. That's barely a crime. But now, as long as I'm on my meds, I can really do my job, but sometimes I forget to be on my meds. Well, I think that's a cool representation of people that have whatever that is. You know, lawyers are kind of like psychologists, that a lot of them are crazy. Yeah. Oh.

Yeah. But you like yours, you know what I mean? I like her. Yeah. Yeah. You also interned for Jack Kemp. I did. In 1972. I did. Wow. It was during Watergate and Jack...

Do you guys, are any of you old enough to know who Jack Kemp was? He was a Buffalo Bills quarterback. He's from Buffalo. It turns out we actually are from the same town, basically. Wow. Went to the same elementary school, which is so weird. Same elementary school? Yeah. And I just met him. And like, we're very close now. And now we've told each other secrets that we then shared with you. Yeah.

No, but Jack was, he became a congressman after being the Buffalo Bills quarterback. And my family skied with his family. At Holiday Valley or Kissing Bridge? Kissing Bridge and Glenwood Acres. Wow. Local reference. And he said, if you ever want to come to Washington and see what it's like, you could come be an intern. So after college, I went to Washington during Watergate and graduated.

Got to spend four months there during that crazy time. Wow. It was pretty amazing. Isn't it amazing to think of a time where the president commits crimes and everyone's like, we got to do something. Absolutely. You know? And it's amazing that that was a time where everybody stayed in Washington on weekends and they actually had dinners together. So Republicans and Democrats would go have dinners and drinks and then they'd say, you know what, I'll help you with your bill, you help me with mine. It wasn't, you weren't like...

sleeping with the enemy to go and work things out with someone on the other side of the aisle. Yeah, they all now go. Very different. It is very different because it used to be they would stay there and they lived there and now they go home for five days a week. Yeah. And then just absolutely thrash each other, you know, rhetorically. It's hard to imagine that during Watergate and Vietnam and all that stuff, it was a kinder, gentler time, but it was in a way. Yeah. Yeah. Well, maybe we'll get back there one day.

You know, after, you know, it's darkest before the dawn, you know, they say. Well, I'm hoping we're hitting bottom and then there's only one way to go from there. You know that we said that four years ago. No, I know. I remember. I remember. That's where I got it from. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, Mark, you're in Red One starring Dwayne the Rock Johnson. Correct. Is Die Hard a Christmas movie, you think? Oh, wow. Let's talk more about politics. Um...

I mean, I believe it has enough trappings to qualify. I mean, it's not Home Alone, but it's a Christmas movie. Yeah. Don't you think it's strange? I agree. Don't you think it's strange that in Home Alone, no one ever mentions that there's probably an insurance deductible? They have probably an umbrella homeowner's policy, which means that probably, let's say it's a couple thousand dollars, they shouldn't really have defended the house.

That's your takeaway? Yeah. Well, they never talk about it. Like, you nearly died to protect our things. We're a well-to-do Chicago family. We clearly have a good homeowner's policy. The family didn't defend the home. A 10-year-old boy who's probably unfamiliar with the policy specifics. Right, no. And that's true. But we know about insurance. So why are we rooting for him to do this?

The whole time, every frame of that movie should be everyone being like, just leave. It's just a stupid house. It's just things. What kind of materialistic goes our way? It's just things. But they're bad guys. I guess. You're rooting for the wet bandits? I mean, no. I mean, I guess it's just sort of like, they just wanted to take some stuff. Sure. It's the kid that escalates. This is all the world he knows, though.

This is existential for him. I'd put, oh, you're moving to Wendy? He's trying to bring her into the conversation. I wanted to hear what you said, but I want to bring her in as well. I'm very interested in what you have to say. Just making conversation. I didn't care for the movie. You didn't like Home Alone? Red One. Oh, Red One? You didn't like Red One or Home Alone? I didn't like either of them. Wow.

Mark, you're also in the new Ted Danson show, A Man on the Inside. I'm excited about that. It's good. It drops tonight. It drops tonight. I'm going to watch it tonight. I really am. It's good. It's good. I've watched the whole thing. I won't spoil it, but...

Ted Danson is a national treasure and, um, and he's, uh, doing something, uh, like it's, if you liked him as Michael in the good place, you're going to love him in this. It's a, it's a multi-generational, very sweet story. He plays a retired engineering professor who, uh, uh,

finds himself with time on his hands and answers a brick and mortar want ad in a newspaper and becomes a private detective in an old folks home. So there's like an actual mystery to solve. It's littered with stars from all of our lives. Sally Struthers is in it. And Susan Rutan from LA law is in it. Stephen McKinley Henderson is in it. It's, it's,

Fantastic. It's so loving and affirmative and positive. It's Ted being Ted. It's Ted being, you know, bumbling and sweet and trying to get things right. And it's authentically hilarious. What do you play? I play the jerk. I'll give you a minute. I play the jerk whose mother, the inciting incident is that my mother is in an assisted living home and something of hers that's of value goes missing.

So I hire a private detective who's like, I can't just send an old man into... Yes, I can. I'll take care of it. And she seeks out Ted and he can do it. When do you think you'd be a good private investigator? I'm going to say no. And let me tell you why. Let me tell you why. It's strange because you're such a good actor, but I can just tell what you're really thinking.

Wow, you get so clear on my face. Yeah, well, I just think you just, you don't, I don't think you suffer fools. No. It's a little bit intimidating, despite what I'm being so foolish. And yet here you are. And here we are. Here we are. No, I don't think that would be my thing, being a private detective. You know, on law shows, I'd really prefer not to be the lawyer. Don't tell anybody at night court. I'd rather be on the stand.

Oh, yeah. I like that. I like being the one who did it. Yeah, I can see that. I can see that about you. No, I mean, I can do that every now and then, but procedural stuff is not my forte. Wendy, based on what you've learned so far, do you think Mark would be a good private investigator? I think he would be fabulous. I do, too. You know? I do, too. I can hear you.

I do. No, I think that... No, let's look at him. Yeah, I know. So it's such a... He's very... The same way... He's very still. He's very still. And I'm not. No. I move around a lot. No, I think we're similar in that way. I noticed you're all over this chair. Yeah. You're like a monkey. So you're like a monkey on that chair. Yeah. Yeah.

I know, I know, I know. I have some undiagnosed things. Do you think, because you and I, I think we feel this. Did you really write, were you a speech writer for Obama? I really was. I had such a serious job. Isn't it wild? It's so hard for me to connect these dots with you. I used to get up. It's all she was talking about backstage. I know, it doesn't make sense. I used to get up, I used to put on a literal suit. Literal suit. A real suit from, usually from Joseph A.

E. Banks, Jose Banks, because that's what I could do because you get a two for one and you got to wear them all the time or they start to, and you got to get multiple or they'll smell. And you were making a fortune. Yeah.

I was really pulling in bank, but I was just writing speeches, very serious speeches, and it didn't suit me. I wasn't good at being professional, especially because I rode my bike into the office and I was so sweaty by the time I got in. That was a big part of my day, being so sweaty. I'm sweaty all the time. See, look at how he's just letting us, letting us just collecting data. I want no part of this. That hurts to hear.

That hurts to hear. I'm glad you sat far away. It's just us now. I mean, it was a body. Have you noticed this whole body language thing? Yeah, no, he's just observing. The bar just wants to be over there and just observe. So still, so contained. Do you ever break...

Like when you're shooting a scene. I bet you don't. I think you just, other people break around you. I'm later to break, but I mean, sometimes things happen that are irretrievable. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow, that was intimidating. You know? What a cool energy. I like him. Do you like him? I like him. I don't believe you. Fuck you.

Now I'm on the spot. I like him because he's from Buffalo and they're good people from Buffalo. Wow. But he didn't decide to be from Buffalo. No, nobody decides to be from Buffalo. Nobody would choose that. All right, let's leave it there. Everybody check out Wendy in Night Court and check out Mark in A Man on the Inside when we come back. Let's have some Thanksgiving gratitude. Don't go anywhere. This is Love It or Leave It and there's more on the way.

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Hi. Sorry I made a mess, or someone else made a mess. It's good to see you, Matt. That was another version of me. Aren't you the same guy who was here before? He looks like him. He looks like him. He looks like him. All right. Now, Matt, this is your first time being here, so I just have to ask you. You also have a new show coming out on Netflix called No Good Deed. Sure do, yes. Do you think your doppelganger Brad Turbo would approve?

You know, I think that no, I don't think he would. It's like a comedy murder mystery. Like it's from the creator of Dead to Me called Liz Feldman. Yeah, it's great. It's got Ray Romano, Lisa Kudrow, Linda Cardellini. It's really, really a great show. That's cool. And I think Brad Turbo kind of just likes like alt podcasts. Yeah. So I think it might challenge him too much. Yeah, he's watching YouTube. But it's going to be great for everyone in the audience and all your families too. Yeah.

It's funny having a show coming out called No Good Deed right now because I just want to go, no good deed. Yeah, the wicked of it all. I've seen it twice. I don't want any spoilers. There's a wicked witch. No, it's great, yes, but it does have the same title as a song from Wicked, and I was singing it around set. Oh, how nice for everyone. Yeah. Yeah.

That sounded worse than it. As turkeys fly out the shelves and out the window, we're getting into the Thanksgiving spirit here at Love It or Leave It, but instead of sharing what's tickling our giblets, we're going to be sharing something more people should be thankful for, because as we're gearing up to share a meal with our wasn't-technically-convicted uncle, we've all got to hold on to the small good things with all of our might and all of our buttered fingers. What? Anyway. Anyway.

I don't know. I like buttered fingers. Hold on with our buttered fingers. In a segment we're calling Gotta Have Things.

Look at us. Look at us. We're a band. I love that I got to play the keyboard. I love that. Yeah. Look at that. Look at that. I'm the front man, I guess. You are. Yeah. I'm the mysterious bassist. Yeah, you're a real mystery in that photo. And I'm animal. Mark, you look insane. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Yeah, you look insane. Let's spin the wheel.

It has landed on that. Matt, what is something we should be thankful for? You know, I think that people aren't actively excited about this Beyonce halftime show that's going to happen on Christmas Day at, I guess, a football game. For me, it's like I didn't even know football happened on Christmas Day, but now I'm quite aware. I think it's going to be huge for football. It's going to be huge for football. It's been around for a little bit. I know it has. You know, my dad's actually a varsity football coach.

Which you would really think he'd raise more of a Brad Turbo than me. Well, where are we? Where are we in Long Island? Long Island, New York. Where? What school? Oh, would you know? Suffolk County. He was Lindenhurst. Oh, wow. Okay. See, this is the part where two people from Long Island say the names of towns to each other. And they go, oh, yeah. Dan Loria is from Lindenhurst. You know, my dad is really good friends with Dan Loria. And he played football there for that high school. Yes, they played together. Oh, that's fabulous. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, I saw him actually. Oh, yeah, you know what? I think I knew that because I didn't tell you this backstage, but I'm a huge fan of yours. Like, I love Just Shoot Me. It was my favorite show. Thank you. That was me holding back because I had to be Brad Turbo.

So I couldn't be like gagging over Wendy backstage. Now I understand that was your alter ego because that made me very nervous that you seemed like such a sweet guy and then you came out here and you were such a pig. It was a lot of volume and I apologize for that person that was out here. I guess we're sort of shattering the illusion. Huh, John? That's me, Matt Rogers playing Brad Turbo. But yeah, no, we'll catch up about Dan Loria. That's so funny. Yeah. Yeah.

I had, what's funny as you say that I had this strange feeling when I saw that Beyonce was doing the Christmas thing, because it's obviously not the Superbowl. It's its own thing. And what I thought was there's like, like there's something about like,

These companies and their voracious need for scale and to have more all the time with more viewers. You're not being very thankful right now. But that what we want is the magic of something scarce, which is an amazing show by Beyonce being something special. And so it's like, how do these companies keep doing more and more spectacle when what draws us to spectacle is the fact that it's special? That was what I thought.

But I'm excited about it too. Well, I'm excited to hear Texas Hold'em. I think it will be really fun to see her sing it live. And yeah, no, I agree with what you said as well, though. That was what I was going to say next, everything you said. But I'm still interested in it. It's just what I thought. I had a strange feeling. I had a feeling of foreboding. That's what I felt, foreboding about the future. You really are clutching yourself. I don't know. You can breathe now, Simon.

But I wonder, to your point, I wonder if it's too close to the Super Bowl for it to be as meaningful. Will that make the Super Bowl, like who's going to play the halftime thing for the Super Bowl? Who's playing the Super Bowl? Can I pause on what I think it is? Do we know it's Kendrick, right? Yeah, Kendrick is doing the Super Bowl. But what I think it is, is I think Beyonce has a deal with Netflix and she owes them a performance. And I think they're trying to do the live thing. Yeah.

And I think after the fight didn't go so well, you know, the Tyson, Logan Paul fight. People watched it. Right. It was like they were having, get this, buffering issues. Welcome back to the 90s. Like...

Like, it really didn't go well. So now people are a little nervous about the Beyonce thing. And I'm like, you guys, just wait till after when it's streamable. You're going to have a whole Beyonce show. Like, I don't think we need to get in the weeds about the Beyonce halftime show. Let's just be grateful. We're going to get Cowboy Carter visuals finally. I agree with that. Who is out there? No, they agree with you. They agree with you. All right, let's spin it again. I agree with you completely. Okay. As always.

That's who I am. Mark, what is something you think we should be grateful for? Um, this will be meandering. Uh,

But I'm grateful in this time where there's a legitimate existential threat to our country for mental health professionals. And on a personal level, my therapist recently pointed out to me in my distress since the 5th of November that I always find –

uh, solace and, and happiness in helping others. And my wife and I don't have, uh, kids, but we somehow have a lot of daughters. We have lots of nieces and the daughters of friends. And, um, and so, um,

to help, like I've, in the last couple of weeks, actively reached out to go like, where are you? What do you need? And that's made me feel better. Um, and so I'm grateful for, uh, a, a trained listener, uh, who can remember the times that I've said, I'm happy. Um,

And it's when I'm helping others. And then briefly, I would just love to plug something that I've been doing for 12 years now, my wife and I, to help others. And that is that we have a 501c3 nonprofit charity in Detroit, Michigan, where I came up through the second city. We teach improv free of charge in Detroit middle and high schools. And it's the best possible life skill. It's what made my life good and interesting and taught me how to listen to people and respect people and see other people's perspectives within reason. Yeah.

So please check out the Detroit Creativity Project, dcpimprov.org. That's cool. That's so lovely. I like that. Let's spin it again. Are you crying? Not right now. Just most of the other times. Do you have somebody spinning this that can make it, like, make it? Yeah, this feels fixed.

Cause I don't know who those other people are. Well, they're the team over there. Yeah. Yeah. It's the team. It's the team on there. I mean, it doesn't really make sense that there's a wheel. Cause obviously it's just going to land on everybody once. At some point there was a, there was a, there was a historic value to the wheel when we first had the wheel, but it's become a bit Baroque over the year. And now it just exists as a way of saying who goes next. Did you change it? Because one time it was like 10 times the same person. They're like, and also, uh,

No, it was, so the wheel was always fixed, but not by me. So in the original conception of the wheel, there were topics on the wheel and then it would land on a random topic and we would have to rant about it. But that was hit or miss because we weren't prepared. And so now it's just, it just lands on a person. It's sort of fun. It's just a wheel. Because wheels are fun. You're having fun, right? Nobody's denying it's fun. It's landed on Wendy. What's something we should be grateful for, Wendy? Wendy.

I would say these days, first and foremost, my ass. Let me just explain. I live on a ranch in the Santa Monica Mountains, and we have now three horses, one dog, and a miniature donkey.

And his name is Luca. And I actually have friends who come over just to make out with this miniature donkey because he is the most adorable thing that you've ever seen in your life. His legs are like this long and his head is huge. And he's too fat. But he is the dearest creature. And along with the horses and the dog and my husband and my daughter, but she's off at school, there's something so...

It always brings me back to being present and being grateful, being around animals. That's always been my, that's just my go-to place that regrounds me. And every morning I do a little gratitude ritual and it's always when I'm among them that I just sort of,

try to reboot and reset myself every day to not squander this opportunity to really honor this day and try to be love in the room. Wow. Did you know that ass is a word for donkey? You're very smart. I can tell you work for Obama.

That's cool. How high up does this donkey, like if the donkey was in the room? His back's about here. Wow. And his head's like there. But if you get low, you know, if you sit like on a salt lick or just scrunch down, he'll come over and put one of his little legs on you and try to climb up into your lap and put his head on your shoulder. Wow. Yes, please. But his head weighs about 200 pounds. Do you have a dog? Do you have dogs? Can I ask you a question? Yes.

Donkey, dog. Don't you make me choose. And I wouldn't and I don't want you to choose. Yeah.

So people always say, oh, which is smarter? But I don't care about that. Here's my question. What are the donkey qualities that a dog doesn't have? What is a dog quality that a donkey doesn't have? Like when a donkey curls up in your arms, people say it's like a dog. But is there an innate... Is there a quality of dog... Is there a quality... Who says that? Is there a quality... Is there...

Is there a quality of donkiness that the dog doesn't have? That somebody says, oh, a dog wouldn't do this. This is only something a donkey would do. And is there something a dog would do that a donkey would never do? Do you know? I just want to say, you've already given your answer to the prompt. And you don't have to say anything else. You've done great. During most of that, Wendy, were you back on your ranch? Were you just...

I'm going to my happy place now. But you know what I mean? I do, and you look like you're about to just... You really look like you could use a donkey in your life. No, there is something unique about Luca. That's the donkey? Yeah, he is the most affectionate animal I've ever been around. And I love all my animals, all the creatures that I've lived with over the years. But he has a particular...

to be close to you. And I don't know. There's some soul connection with him that I've never experienced with another animal. Interesting. Interesting. What is your address? All right. Let's spin it again. Probably. It just landed on me. Oh, my God.

That's a really good picture. That's a good picture of you. Your hair looks really good. Thanks. It is a good picture of me. Although, who was the person? Brendan Scannell was on the show and he said, ugh, that's a terrible picture of me. I was like, nope, because it's a picture of me. And I'll never let him or this audience forget it was brutal. It was brutal. We had to just move past it. It was awful. No, it's fine. Now, here's something we should be grateful for. We should be grateful that Jay Leno is unkillable.

I don't know if, have anybody been following what's been happening with Jay Leno? I was with him recently.

We were at an event. I mean, we were at some awards thing, and I heard about what happened with the fire. Is that what you're talking about? No, that's a different incident because Jay Leno has almost died three times in the past year. A car exploded, and he had burns all over his body. And he looks great. His face looks great. He survives that. There was another incident, another accident where he, again, almost died. And then this week, he shows up to do a benefit.

And he is bruised all along his face, all along the side of his body. One of his eyes is completely puffed up. I don't think he knows if he's going to be able to see out of it again. He was wearing an eye patch. He was wearing an eye patch because Jay Leno was staying at it. This is his story. We believe it. He said he was staying at a Hampton Inn. And it's like, okay, man. Harrison Ford's like, what? All right.

You can get the fresh salmon, you don't have to stay at the Hampton Inn. But Jay Leno is staying at the Hampton Inn. He's trying to go walk to a restaurant that's across the street. Instead of walking the way... Because these things are built for cars and we live in a broken world. But...

He like looks and is like, oh, that hill doesn't look so steep. He rolls down a 60-foot hill into a ditch, bouncing along rocks on the way, bruised from the top of his head to the bottom of his body. He looks like he owed some bad,

people money yeah he looks beat to ever loving shit and he walks out to do an interview because I guess he felt like he needed to tell somebody about this so he's interviewed by like inside edition on the street wherever he's doing this benefit and he's like yeah I'm really fucked up that he takes I mean he the man the man is a survivor a survivor he's a survivor and we send our best we send our best

And we send our best. And we really send our best. I think I speak for everyone when I say we send our best. I began this by saying we should be grateful that he lives through all of this. Yeah. But like, you can cancel a date. Like, you can go, tonight's not going to work. Well, that's the other thing too, because he's like, and I didn't miss my date. Okay. Then I guess your set was about how you looked like you just got hit by a bus. Yeah, how did that work? He looks fucked up.

Oh, it's not even bruising. It looks like a tattoo sleeve. Yeah. Like it's a solid purple...

And he thinks it may be permanent damage? I'm not sure. It was just a street interview. Well, from the inside edition interview that you watched. I think it does look... He was sort of being like, you don't know. Was that your line-up? He's got a line-up. He's like, we'll see you in a minute. Turns out Kremity. No, no.

But yeah, he didn't cancel the gig. He played a gig that night, I think. Yes. Yeah. Well, the show must go on. And the show must go on. I don't know. And on that note, when we come back, it's time for a joyride. All right. We're back. It's almost over. Wendy Malek.

Can I go home? In a second. Can I joyride home? Santa Monica Mountains. I'm like, oh my God, you came all the way to the Koreatown from the Santa Monica Hills? Fuck. Nobody told me where this was. Yeah. All right. All right. You know what? You know what? That's not on me. That's on your people. Where is it? We'll talk. Who's your publicist? No, we'll talk about it after. But the

All right, let's bring up the lights. We just need one person. Again, it's time for a draw, right? One tiny thing that was a fun, joyful distraction for you this week. Something small. Ding!

What do you got? I got two and they're real fast. One, they're going to hate one of our best friends in the world surprised one of our other best friends for her birthday today and she got surprised at this show. Very excited. That's nice. Yeah, very happy. Second, I have two Chewinis, Bumper and Tiny. I go and walk them on my lunch from work and I go home and I open the door and their little tippy tippy tappy feet run out of the bedroom and they're wearing little sweaters and they're so happy

to see me and it's really nice. What are they called? They're Chowinis and their names are Bumper and Tiny. Chowinis? Is that a Chihuahua and a... A dachshund. Thank you. A dachshund and a Chihuahua, they're called Chowinis? Obviously. Oh. Well, I'm glad two things that God doesn't want to exist bring you such joy. All right. John! What? No, he's right. Chowinis. They can't do stairs. They'll get fucked up on stairs, I bet. No.

So brave. Should they have to be? And that's our show. Thank you to Matt Rogers, Wendy Malek, Mark Evan Jackson. There are 710 days until the 2026 midterms. Have a great night and have a great weekend. Thanks, everybody.

Thank you.

And Milo Kim is our videographer. Our theme song is written and performed by Sure Sure. Thanks to our designer, Bernardo Serna, for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast. And to our digital producers, David Toles, Claudia Shang, Mia Kelman, and Matt DeGroat for filming and editing video each week so you can. ♪♪♪

It's Love It or Leave It.

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