Uprooted | S2E3 | Prodigal Son
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Welcome to Legends of Avatris. I'm Grumbly, and you're listening to Uprooted. Here's what happened last time. Chill time is slow time. Well, how do you do, my new clients? My name is Jean-Claude Chanticleer, attorney at law. I am certainly a lawyer. What are they charging us with? Are we going to be executed?

Yeah, you might be. I say, I say, I say, objection! I object to you, you no good! You no good living! Action was all clawed! You two come and flim flam! How did you escape that lavatory I locked you in? What are you in here for? Yeah, it was messy. Do you watch your ass? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

I won't get you anymore sangarees if you don't watch your mouth, alright? I look big Ned up and down. I shit bigger than you. Christ. Now, to frame an innocent man. Once again, Jean-Claude, lawyer in law, frees an innocent man. Eventually you make your way to Chateau Chanticleer.

which is away from the walkways of this area, but very clearly a soggy basement apartment. You read the letter and are officially, curtly, but politely informed that you have been disbarred for violating the crimes of both Critter Kine and the Almighty.

You are prohibited from practicing law for as long as you may live. Fuck! You're all standing down the sad, soggy stairwell as Jean-Claude is reading his letter after saying, well, fuck. And you don't know why he said it, but his house is boarded up, or his sad apartment is.

And it says, yeah, repossessed. What do you all do in this moment? I say, I say, fuck the American Eagle Bar Association. That's very funny. Has disbarred me. What? Wasn't last episode it was the Bald Eagle Bar Association? I'm just doing what I'm told. You never said it out loud. It's not canon. So you're telling us that you're no longer an attorney.

Well, I don't even know how. I mean, I've never seen the legal system move this quick. They could just take that away from you? Well, I've never seen it happen before, but... Well, we should definitely fight it. We gotta get you bought again. Well, that's actually a great idea. I mean, maybe if I raise a legal contest against this here disbarment, that'll put it on pause.

Does it say what you got disbarred for? Because you're assuming that you were disbarred for...

trying to get us all off in that jail, framing that innocent man with our crimes, which weren't actually our crimes to begin with anyway, and everything else that happened, but you could have been disbarred for something you did weeks ago. Or for something your brother did, because he was pretending to be you the whole time. Well, that could, in fact, be the mistake. But let's get one thing straight here. I didn't try and get everybody off, I say, I say. I got everybody off. What?

I got everybody off! Oh, he did! I don't know if you did, you just... you broke us out of jail. No, he... Look at you, free and clear! He got me off. Did he not get you off, Booker? I'm still waiting. I thought it was supposed to be some big, you know, reveal, some penultimate moment, some really just release of tension. You look like you've been very freshly gotten off right there. I said, did you not see the tension I released at the door?

"Oh, there I was, but once I opened the key, "I was working the door and then as it gave for swing." Can't argue with that. "Up goes the weasel, as it were." So did they actually-- Yeah, that weasel seemed like he was having a lot of fun before he scampered into the woods. Did they even tell you why you got disbarred? You turn and you see a up-and-down weasel with his shirt untucked walking out of the woods. Why is he so moist?

- Everything is more shit. - And then he walks back into the town.

So they didn't tell you why you got revoked there? I say it's in the letter. And as much as I'd love to blame Jean-Luc, that no good flimflammer. Flimflammer, you say? What does it say you did? Well, it says I've done a little bit of evidence tampering, which they've never gotten me before. But...

Then it goes on to say I've committed crimes against all Dimwood, Condon, and the Almighty. Wow. Oh, even the Almighty. And the Almighty, didn't we? Wow. You're probably pretty lucky all you've done is gotten off with getting revoked instead of being thrown in prison. I got it. After pinning what you all did, I saw the evidence of what you all... I can't even talk about it. I forgot. I can't mention it aloud, but...

Once I pinned that on old Nedgehog, I knew.

I knew it was over for me. You do know that we didn't do anything, right? We're being honest. We really didn't. I mean, yeah, I attacked that guy, but whatever you saw in the evidence locker, whatever scarred your psyche so bad that you can't even talk about, like, we really didn't do that. I say, I say, I wish I'd gotten you on the stand. Oh, okay. You, you, my friend, would have soared through the legal system. Am I misrepresenting myself? Yeah, I feel like I'm being honest.

You're doing very well, Booker. I don't know what he could possibly be talking about. I mean, all I can think about is what if they reconstructed the pervert's hovel beneath deck?

I mean, that was pretty awful. You know, there was that entire bucket full of piss and stuff. I mean, that would definitely, that wouldn't be good. The curtains were hard as rock from all of the semen. Yeah, did you see the banjo? I mean, there's a reason I had to throw it away. Oh, you poor banjo. We couldn't try to fix it. And to be fair, I'm not even worried about the banjo at this point. I'm worried about the fish population. The ecology's gonna be fucked.

the ecosystem it's it's it's oh my god do you think you've got all those fish percanante i think they're just gonna die straight up yeah oh is that how that works it was like an instant oil slick i mean i it's horrible oh you did see the color of the water change the second that banjo those plastic rings of the turtles they got nothing on what happened with that banjo in the water they do not they do not

Sorry, I just, there were sounds currently freaking me out. Sounds? Yeah, because that, you know, that weasel, that really slutty weasel is just following us around. Go away! Why are you here? Come in, son. Can you put your nipple back inside your shirt? Listen, pal, if you came from the mansion, we don't want any of what you're selling, okay? We got plenty of that back there.

Just go away! Yeah, go on! Get! Go on, get! It's a rookie mistake to stop by Wardwaller when you visit from the Hollywood. Don't talk to us! You gotta go straight to Muck Pit Creek. Don't talk to us! Go!

Begone! This is his house, get out, you're trespassing! God! We're not really in his house. No, we're just standing here like a bunch of jackass. Well, the property extends this far out into the yard, though it has been repossessed. Why's your house so soggy? Hey, hey, hey! I've never seen it this soggy before. Oh, that's a likely story. Or ever before. Why's it so soggy?

Well, I don't know. I mean, we could go in and investigate as to why the situation is so... Is that going to be another crime if you don't even own this place anymore? Well, my follow-up was that it's repossessed, and so we can't do that. Oh, that's strange, guys. We didn't know that before. All right. Let me continue with the letter. I was just going to say you should let it sit. Crimes against the dim wood and the almighty for a bunch of nonsense. Allegedly, they can't prove a thing, probably. Uh.

But yeah, officially the house is all boarded up and it looks like they came through and sawed it all up for whatever reason. Well that's unfortunate. Should we try to get in? That would be breaking the law. The what? The law. Okay. How many months or years do you think you could continue to practice before they realize that you don't have a license?

Well, this is the demo, so probably indefinitely. So that's a backup plan then? We definitely have that in our back pocket. Yeah, I mean, I've never yet had somebody check my law license, so I think we could go on if I needed to represent the court of law. But man, if that bald American Eagle Association gets me, then whoo-wee! Curtains.

You could just snap them in half. That's what we did with all the curtains below deck. I know that's true. Once they go, they just kind of get real brittle and they just kind of shatter. You could serve a meal on them like a plate. On the curtains? Yeah, sure. I wouldn't recommend it, but you could do it if you want to.

If I was lost in the desert, with 14 glasses of water sitting on those curtains, I would just die. I would take death. Well that would be a really stupid thing to do. You just pick the bottle of water up off of it and you drink it. You wouldn't have to touch the curtain to do it. I'd have to know. I'd have to know always that I did it. And that's too much. Glass is shockingly permeable. You're exactly right. Oh, so it's not just the proximity.

It's Danic. Oh, it's potential. Splooged through the glass. That was a good, right, potential-y sploog. Poetic choice of words there. Awesome, thanks. Well done. Go away! You're not getting seconds! Go to the foxhole! The cheeseburger special might still be going. You better listen to Grumbly or I'll have to go rabbit on your ass. Yeah, you show up one, two, three, four more times and I'll get you!

Yeah, you don't want her to pop that weasel. It won't be the same as what Jean-Claude did. Fine. I'm gonna go back to my hair B&B.

God, he even sounds like a pervert. And you see him walk-- But at least put your pants back on, you fuck. Come on. He walks ten feet this way and walks up the stairs to the apartment apartment. He walks on the floor with two flags. I say, now we know why it's soggy. Ah, I guess words are just dripping with pervertism. Yeah, it's a rookie mistake to stay at an inn or a tavern. You gotta use Hair B&B. Very clever.

Door slams. He seems to be struggling with the lock. It's one of those combos. All right, everybody, take a few steps away from the balcony. I don't know what this guy's going to do. Let's not stand underneath the balcony. Hold on, hold on. Oh, they sent me the code. Okay, yeah, no, no gas. Okay, yeah, I know that. I have a ring camera. Okay, yeah.

Yeah, I can't use the gas. I need to clean up too and I also paid a cleaning fee. You're not allowed to use the hot tub after 10 p.m. Oh, yeah, yeah, you're right. Oh, and the lights automatically turn off. Don't forget about the property line rules. It's very important. Yeah, you can't.

Fuck this shit, I'm going to the hotel. And you see he turns around and walks back towards the nearest tavern. I mean, I know I keep saying it, but that guy is really sweaty. It's really disturbing. He's really sweating a lot. It's not that hot. No, I... Yeah, did you see that giant sweat stain on the front of his pants? So weird. Mysterious. Well, if we can't...

Get in here. Where are we going to go? There's a Airbnb upstairs. You think we can just book it right now in our flypads? I mean, it might be a lot cheaper because he had a last minute cancellation.

Oh, I've never booked a hair B&B before. It gives me anxiety staying in someone else's home. It is a lot of creepy. You never know where they're hiding things or if they're like under the floorboards, you know? Little cameras and shit. Do you have PTSD from staying in Hamilton's mansion? That was basically just a glorified hair B&B. Yeah, sort of. Oh, no. It was a glorified a lot of things.

We should leave the dim wood forever. This is a nightmare. And go away to Hollywood? No, surely there's somewhere, somewhere out there. Somewhere out there, over the river. My brass music comes out of nowhere. It's around you. It's that fucking wheeler again.

No, what happens is Bizzy starts the song, and then the weasel comes out of the woods, and he picks up the duet, the second half of the duet, and you guys have a lovely moment. That's what the theme is, but on the VHS tape, that's the part where you always fast forward so that you can get to the rest of the story. What actually happens is the brass music, you realize that there is a marching band funeral. You see a bunch of foxes and hares, and

and mice, very rudely singing over the funeral march, as they're walking through the town going towards someone. Well Booker, you're from here. Why don't we go, I don't know, stay with your family or friends? What?

Are you trying to say words or are you hoping that I think you're saying words so that I stop asking you? Are you okay, Booker? Yeah, I'm fine. I don't even know if my family's here anymore. I certainly don't have any friends. I left a long time ago and then I met all of you and you're my friends now.

I'm still warming up to you, but I'm sure we'll be best friends in no time. Well, I appreciate that. I'm sure we can look your family up. He's cool. In the local directory. There's a certain chance that they could still be here. It's a pretty big place. What is your last name? Raccoon? Actually, it is. It says right here on my card. Booker T. Raccoon. Oh. Yeah, so we just looked through the local directory and see if we can find any raccoons. Shockingly common last name. Are you related to all of them or just some of them? No, that's the weird thing. None of us are related.

This isn't a hazelnut situation. You know, that's weird. My middle initial is also T. No. How has this never come up? I know. What does the T stand for? Wait, on the count of three. One, two, three. The. Theodore.

Close! That would have been... Can you imagine? Well, Theodore starts with "the". After all this time, it would have been crazy if we had the same middle name. Wow. You know, for all the years we've been traveling together, at least five or six probably. It's been a while. It has been a while. We've had some good times.

Remember those crazy deer in the woods? I try to forget them. Me too. They haunt my dreams and my nightmares. You know, it's so fuzzy it's almost like it's non-canon. Almost. Almost. Almost. Almost. You hear a snap in the woods nearby you and you look and you see in the shadow a pair of antlers and then suddenly it's gone. Only you, both of you see that.

What are you freaking out about? I'm choosing that I didn't see that. No, it's probably a coincidence. They're long dead, right? You know, hundreds of years. Just more weasel perverts, that's all. Thousands. There's a lot of them about. What are we gonna do? I don't know. They were reminiscing about their times together, so I started reminiscing about us, Bitsy. We've had a long, like, couple-day friendship. Yeah. Yeah, you remember when you got blitzed out of your mind and you pissed in my nachos? What?!

I do not know that. Whoa! No. Yeah, I figured you wouldn't. That sucked for me. When did this happen? I don't know. A couple of days ago. Days? You all have had some wild adventures. Did you ask me to piss in your nachos? No, we were just walking back from that general store when we were out late at night, you know, after you got blitzed out of your mind. And you were like, I got up.

pee and I said now isn't a good time we're literally only two minutes from where we're staying and you were like no no let me do it you grabbed my nachos put them down on the ground squatted over them started pissing and then you tried to pick them up and eat them I had to smack them out of your hand it was ridiculous why did I do that because you would blitzed out of your mind why was I I don't remember being blitzed out of my mind it's magic

Peggy? Yeah? Is this another one of those weirdly real life-time stories? Yeah, it really happened. Oh, no. Absolutely it happened. Booker really hopes that's not the case. Oh, dear gods. And don't worry, she didn't eat the nachos. It came pretty close, but she didn't eat them.

But she still put him on the ground and pissed on him? Oh yeah. And then she tried to eat the nachos? Yeah, because she had completely forgotten that she peed in them, even though she had literally just put them down and peed them. This is too specific to be a coincidence. But that's all I'm saying is it's amazing how we've all bonded. Truly a God's blessing. Corn and corn alone day feels like only yesterday. Yeah.

I guess it was only like three days ago. Well, you know, a lot has happened in three days. Well, no, I guess there was a two-week... It's been a few weeks. Yeah, a few-week break. You know, we had a little bit of a time jump. Should we go to the strip joint?

They might not let me back in that place. I just don't know where else to go. I feel like you've got to know somewhere. And the good thing is, if they might not let you in that place, it means someone there might recognize you. Thus, we can ask them where your family's at so we've got a place to stay. Well, I hope that nobody at the strip joint knows where my family is. But hey, you never know.

Anything's possible at this point. Like father, like son, right? Let's go to the strip club. Oh, could you imagine if we ran into my old pops at the old strip joint? Mm, man. Mm-mm-mm. That would make for a very interesting tale. Oh, well. Here we go. We head on over to... We head on over to the muck bed. Yeah.

The fox's hole. Oh, that's right. The fox's hole. No, that was a... That was a different one? No, no, no, no. I'm just making a gross joke. There are actually a handful of... I mean, if you would like to go to... Please tell me there's not more than one. Oh, you better know there is!

It's like that entire street in downtown Baltimore where it's just like-- That's right, strip bro. No, it's the strip strip. The strip strip. Where there's muck, there's clams, that's the Odyssey. Oh, like, you mean like that side?

Where there's muck, there's clams. You should go to that one. Holy smokes. Yeah, we got the fox's hole. We got the muck bed. We got the, you know. The muck bed, the fox hole. There's also the bog of being. We got Beaver Creek. Whoa, Booker, I didn't know clams could have beards. That's right. Wow.

You gotta look real close. Oh, I've never seen one of those. Oh, look, ratty tat tat, we should go in there. You go to the red light district of Muckbeck Creek, and you find the foxhole. As you hear the sound of a loud player piano, as you push your way through the doors, as it is mid-afternoon, right, at this point?

And so it is the grade C clientele is working at the foxhole right now. It is very dark in here, but it's not dark enough. As you see, there's actually a surprising number of patrons. There's probably a couple people working right now, doing what they do here at the strip joint. You see that there's a large bar serving and a handful of cocktail waiters and waitresses serving drinks.

It's like home. The more things change, the more they stay the same. You know what I'm saying? It smells weird in here. That's right. That's right. That it does, Bitsy. That it does. I'll have the cheeseburger, please. You come with me. You see as a gray ape.

A gray fox woman in a cocktail outfit shows up with a pad and a writing tent and says, "Okay, honey, you want the cheeseburger?" "Yes, please." "Okay, good, we got a special on that. It's not too late to get the cheeseburger special." "Oh, it comes with french fries on the side for free."

Well, no. It comes with chips. You can upgrade to French flies. Oh, shit. What do you think? How much money do we have? I have no money, but definitely don't tell anybody who works here that. Okay. They're just putting it on your tab. Well, the thing is, you can only run up the tab so far before they start to catch wise, and then it's...

Well, that's right. I had quite a bit, but John Luke and all his tax scheming cleaned me out. So, well, I say I got nothing left. You could always offer your pro bono legal services. I'm sure there are people in here that could use it, and they don't then, otherwise. Well, that's not a bad idea. I could give them the old pro bono. That's why I'm the creator of the world. The French flies. Yes. How much was the upgrade charge? $10.

Oh, it's just a couple pennies. According to my inventory, I have 4,185 gold pieces. Oh, I can't be right. Jean-Claude, just so you know, be careful where you're doing the old pro bonin, because that is a serious offensive you get caught around here. Well, yeah, based on the lettering, I think that's probably correct, but they'd have to catch us first.

Oh, Jean-Claude, I like you. You live on the edge, man. You're a firecracker. There are probably a lot of people in here who like living on the edge. That's true.

Miss, I'll take a hot toddy, but make it ice cold. Okay, well. Just look at Grummanly like, what the fuck? Hot toddy doesn't get on until seven. Well, I say I'll wait. Okay. What time is it right now? Three. I'll take a three p.m. in the afternoon. I'll take a rye, if you got it, neat. Okay, rye, neat.

Make it a double, too, please. Double. I have a feeling that I need it. Okay. For you, honey. Oh, me? I'll have a water with lemon. We've got the water over there. You see it's a rusty bucket with still water and flies flying around it. Okay, thank you. And for you, honey. Yeah, I'll take a root beer. Okay, root beer. That's in the name.

We've got a lot of root beer in the Dimwood, but here it's just beer in the world of root. That's very funny. Yeah, I know. That's why I ordered it. That's very funny. Okay, any more food? Can you make sure it's extra frothy? Oh, okay. That'll cost you extra. Yeah, but how much? A couple pennies. All right. Make it not frothy at all. Oh, okay. No froth.

Can you do medium froth? Okay, I can do medium froth. Thank you. Could I have a pretzel? Sure you don't want some nachos? I don't remember doing that. Yeah, we got a pretzel, but it doesn't come with mustard or cheese sauce. Do you want to upgrade that? You mean I need to get the cheese sauce or the mustard also on the side? Yeah, that's extra. Extra what? A couple pennies.

Okay. Okay. Okay, pretzel. Okay, I got the burger special with french fries on the side. We got hot toddy waiting until seven. Rye, uh, neat, uh, double. We got a medium froth root beer and then the pretzel with both the, uh, cheese sauce and the ground mustard. My cheeseburger. Oh. Yeah. Burger special. What kind of cheese?

What are my options? You want it, you want it, uh, what color? Uh, what, I mean, just, like, meat cheeseburger colored is fine. Okay. What cheese? What are my options? We only have one option. Then that one is fine. Okay. You don't want to know. Just, uh, you know. Look, I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, all right? But generally ordering anything with cheese from a strip joint is a bad idea. What?

It's not that, I'm just hungry. I've, you know... We're rolling the dice pal. I've just been, you know... Really rolling the dice. Thinking about this burger since we were in prison. Your funeral then. If it looks off, I won't eat it, alright? You can make it a double if you're real hungry. Can I make it a double? Yeah, you can get a double, it'll cost you a couple pennies. And if you're really, really hungry, you can make it a triple. I can make it a triple?

You can make it a triple. And if you're really, really, really hungry, you can make it a quadruple. I can make it a quadruple? You can make it a quadruple. Let's stick to the quadruple. Okay. 4X. Does that come with four times the cheese? No. That's extra. How much extra? Double pennies. Okay.

I'll have four times the cheese, too, please. Oh, dear God. There's too much cheese. Well, you know, to be fair, you're going to get a quadruple with quadruple cheese. You've got to get, like, monster flies, right? Like, you can't just get the regular side of flies. You've got to get cheese, flies, and bacon. With a little spring onion on top. It's so good. Oh, that seems a little rich for lunchtime, don't you think? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

You mean the loaded extreme mega french flies? Yeah. That's an option? Yeah, it's on the menu. How much? Much extra. It's a lot of pennies. Well, according to my inventory, I have 5,200 gold. Yeah, we've got a bunch of gold for some reason. That'll charge. There's no way they let us keep that after prison. Why would they

But they steal money and give it to us! How do you guys have all this money? I got zero gold! We sold the crawfish claw! We sold it for like ten thousand! So what are you having as your side? What are you having as your side? Okay.

Any gold we had absolutely got fused into one giant, like, gold metal brick after being in that, uh, evidence locker, so there's no way in hell. Yeah, I probably have zero gold pieces. I'm gonna delete all this. I'll delete all my gold pieces. Remove. Remove. Um, just surprise me. If you want it, you gotta order it from the menu.

I'll have the super duper nacho-- That's not what they're called. Oh god, what's it called? You have to say it. Oh, what's the name? Well, I think it was the monster-- Loaded extreme mega dumbo. French flies. I'll have the monster extreme double loaded dumbo French flies. Mega dumbo. What? Mega dumbo.

Mega Dumbo French fries, please. Thank God you didn't order the Big Sloppy Daddy. Oh, there was an option! Can you imagine saying that out loud? Oh, they have that? I don't want the pretzel. I'll have the Big Sloppy Daddy. Well, I think that's on a different menu. Okay, the Big Sloppy Daddy. You come with me.

Okay, my name is Roxy, if you need anything else. Well, thanks a lot, Roxy, we appreciate it. Before you go, can I put in an order for the glory holes, the donut holes that are on there? That's very funny. The glory holes is just there in the back, they're free. For real? Yep. To the left or the right? Yep. I'll be back in these great songs. Well,

Boy, you know, when, uh... I never thought that my character arc would involve me becoming a degenerate serial strip joint enjoyer. But here we are. I'm surprised that Peggy's gonna get a glory hole before her meal. She's gonna fill up on glory holes. It's the beautiful things in life, isn't it? It is. Truly a wonder. Oh, that looks like a cup of malaria. Oh. LAUGHTER

You take a sip and there's actually around the whole rim there are like 14 mosquitoes all drinking with you. She's on the hush.

The bit seaside story. It's very funny. B-plot. So Booker, do you recognize anyone in here? I take a look around. Maybe someone that could help? An advantage. Oh my god. Do I ever. Perception?

Oh boy, I got a 13. 13. It's very dark. It is dark. I don't have darkvision. You look. Technically I do. Get out of my ass. You see a, it's very easy to see that there is a large table in the center of this place where several of the dancers are dancing in front of.

And you see that there are several, you see one large fox and three large otters as they seem to be guarding a table of very well-dressed Riverfolk Company people.

So I would recognize them as the Riverfolk Company. They're the Mom. Are you looking for anyone in particular? I would just be looking for a familiar face or just to see if I recognize anybody. Do you think your father's looking for you? If you had asked Andy three hours ago, I'd have said no. But here we are. What's your father's name? Oh, Jesus. His name is...

Beauregard. Beauregard. T-Raccoon. A raccoon. Beau T-Raccoon. No, still T-Raccoon. Yeah, Beauregard. Oh, okay, okay. Beauregard T-Raccoon. Oh, yeah! That's the stuff, baby! Oh, I love the 3PN special! You hear the very familiar voice of your father. I love that he sounds like Beetlejuice. Oh, my God!

There was a moment that sounded very much like me. Oh, that wasn't worth the fire and the whole special, baby! You are never... Wait here. Wait here. Oh, okay. And I'll jump up and I'll hold on to my hat as I rush over and I stop and I'm about five feet away and I'm hesitant. I take a step forward and I stop. I go to reach out my hand and I pull away and I say, Dad?

You see as he turns, he looks like just a plumper, older version of Booker. A little grayer. Grayer, yeah, definitely grayer around the mask area. And he's wearing a... His outfit is even more kind of stitched together and patched than Booker's. As he looks, he says...

There's no way, Booker! Is that you, little Booker? Dad, it's me. Oh, it's my boy! It's your son, Booker. Oh, the prodigal son returns! That's right, it's me. He stands up and he gives you a huge hug. Dad, I miss you so much, Dad. Booker, you came just in time for the 3 p.m. show. You knew that's what I love. You knew you were here, old Dad. You know, deep down, I had a feeling, Dad. I just had a feeling you'd be here and...

The things I've seen, the things I've done. You wouldn't believe it. What have you done? You gotta tell me everything. Are you here by yourself? No, no. How long are you down? I don't know. I'm not sure. You gotta meet my friends. Come sit with my friends. Your friends? Oh, speaking of before, before you, before, after I meet your friends, this freaky looking frog.

What? Dad ran into the bath. A frog, you say? We gotta make sure we don't miss out on that. Oh, oh, oh my God. No, Dad, no, no, no, you don't understand. I think you're referencing one of my friends. Whoa! You're an adult, you can do what you want, but I'm just... Freaky doesn't begin to describe it. Oh, okay, okay, let me meet your friends. Come have a drink with us, come on, we just went around...

You see as Booker brings this raccoon over to you. Guys, this is my dad. Oh my gosh. Wow. Mr. T. Raccoon, it's a pleasure to meet you. Oh, you can call me Beauregard. Mr. T. Raccoon was my father. Hi, my name is Bitsy.

How you do? Jean-Claude Sinclair, Sir Jean-Claire. Oh, I see your billboards. Oh, perfect. How'd you like them? He's new to the group, but he's fitting well. Well, he just became friends with a lawyer. I didn't know you were doing so well. Yep, really moving up in the world, Pops. Really moving up.

Wow, I can see that. It's at this time that Peggy appears. There weren't even any donuts in there, just a bunch of penises and holes. And that's Peggy, the one that you probably saw right in the back earlier. Oh, well, how do you do, young lady? This is my dad. Oh, it's nice to meet you. Very Beauregard T. Raccoon. Can't you see where I get my good looks from? Yeah, for sure. He's a handsome old raccoon. Mmm.

He's a mess. He's an ass-lit mess. God, you haven't had a day. What are you back in town for? Why are you hanging out with this lawyer with this fancy billboard? There was frosting everywhere.

It's a crazy long story, but, you know, we were adventuring through the dim wood and we were seeing things and going places and doing things I may never see again, but we eventually ended up in this mansion full of perverts. Oh, you would have loved it. It was wild. I was scared for my life, which, you know, added to the excitement a little bit, but it was crazy, and eventually the whole mansion went up in flames and we had a daring escape. There was a...

a crazy, crazy toboggan showcase accident. - Whoa! - We almost staged a revolution. It was wild. And then we ended up here in Muckbread as we went down the river on a boat. And you know, I tried to kill a man.

You did? I don't know what came over me. Oh, I knew you would take after your old dad. I'm so proud of your book. But I didn't get him. I cursed my tiny raccoon hands. I wasn't strong enough. No, you got to learn how to. It's all in the finesse. It's not about strength. They threw us in jail, and that's how we met our attorney, our lawyer. He got us off. He got each and every one of us off.

He didn't rest until we all got off. That's a good lawyer. I'm a dedicated law man. Once I heard the story, I knew it would be easy to get in this group of. And then unfortunately he lost his license to practice and his house was repossessed and it was soggy and weird. We saw one more weasel pervert and we said, you know what? We got to hit the strip joints. And here we are. Well, you came to the right place at the right time. Of all the strip joints, of all the strip joints,

We walked into yours. Crazy. Unbelievable. And they added donuts.

That's, well, they'll restock them soon enough. Can we get you a drink? What are you drinking these days? No nonsense, I'm your dad. I'll buy you a drink. I'll buy you all a drink. Oh, thank God. We don't have any money. Thanks, Dad. We appreciate it. Okay, no, I just recently got a new loan. So I'm good. We're going to hit the pill bug track later. Oh, a little bit of gambling? Yeah, we're going to bet on the pill bugs. Can I ask you a question, Mr. Booker's dad? Absolutely, sweetie. Can we stay at your house tonight?

Oh! My, how many of you? Just the five of us right here. The five of us, yeah.

Oh, uh... Yeah, of course you can stay with me. I should have enough room. I mean, only if you don't have any lady friends over. No! I mean, my lady friends, they're out of town. You know, after your mob moved out, I downgraded size. You know, I just moved to a different location. That's what they always say. Yeah, yeah. It's smart. It's smart. It's a smart thing to do, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I'm not too far from here. So, yeah, I'll need to make sure I get in an order before you guys come by. But, yeah, you guys can stay here while you're in town, you know. Thank you. Thank you. We appreciate it.

My case-a, you case-a. Yeah, that's right. My dad speaks multiple languages. He's very smart. Very well done. He's real smart. He's the smartest guy I know. Me case-a, you case-a. Yeah, you can take that one to the bank. All right. Yeah, I'll buy you guys a drink, and then I've got to just quickly talk to my friends over there. Wait, wait, before you do, what have you been up to? You've got to tell us what you've been up to. Oh, you know me. Living the dream.

You know, I go about the town. I go, I do my rounds. You know me, everybody knows, everyone knows Beauregard. That's a good way to be. Yeah, I do the rounds. I, you know, I hit the track. I hit the pill bug track. That's always a good time. And, you know, if I want to mix it up, I'll bet on the termites. Wow.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Guys, doesn't he have the best life? He's so exciting. Oh, wow. I'm usually here around three for the fire and the whole afternoon special. Yeah, you know, it's just living the dream, Booker. Yeah, I do a couple odd jobs here and there for, you know, the Riverfolk Company when they need a little hand, you know. Wow, that's impressive. Did you know Ned the Hedgehog?

Oh Ned! Yeah. Yeah Ned! Oh he's in jail. That don't surprise me. Yeah. I think he's gonna be put away for a long time. Well usually he's always in on a misdemeanor and he gets out real soon. I don't know what the worst thing could be. He's enough of attempted murder this time. Ned! Who's gonna look after his brother? Here's a brother.

How old is his brother? Can he look after himself? Oh, that's right, he did mention Sonny. Forgot about that. Oh yeah. He's 32 years old. Oh, he's so young. It's his kid brother. It's his kid brother, 32 years old. Wow, what a shame. Oh no. That's what happens when you get rough. Yeah, terrible. Ned's kid was Brother Sonny. Terrible, just terrible. What does Sonny do all day? That's, you know, he hangs out.

He looks at his little comic books, he's, you know, he's a little... Yeah, you know. Oh, oh, oh, different. Oh, I know what you mean. Yeah, you know, he watches, like, the plays that, you know, is... The curtain shooter. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Well, look, we won't hold you up. I said you had people to talk to. Our drinks should be here any minute. We'll wait for you. We'll wait for you. You let us know when you're done with your business. Yeah, I just gotta say hi to my friend. I gotta catch up with old Vinny over there. We gotta catch up. He's a good friend of mine. Before you go, what's a good way for a broad to make some money around here? Isn't Muckbed Creek where that big riverboat casino is?

We're more misremembering. No, you're 100% right. Oh, yeah. The catfish. Oh, the catfish. You could win some money at the catfish. Oh, no, I'm not a gambler. I forgot that was a thing. You've got a lot to drink. The hungry catfish. Why not? Why the fuck not? It's been a long time. What I'll say is the hungry catfish is usually a guy of my salt of the earth.

is not quite as welcome at a fancy, schmancy, expensive place. The tables there, they're all, it's so expensive. Sounds like the kind of place I'd like to go, actually. But so, how does the broad make some money around here? Around here? Talk to Roxy. She'll hook you up. Sure, which one's Roxy? Our waitress. Our waitress. Our lovely waitress. Oh, yes, when she brings the root beer over, I'll ask her.

Alright, I'm gonna go talk to my friends and uh... But we're here for you! Yeah, don't worry about your old man! No, I would never worry! Don't worry about him! Well, you know I worry about you a little bit, Dad. Yeah, yeah, you know, oh, you're... Yeah, it's okay, you don't have to worry about me. Alright. Yeah, why, you think you're stronger than me, huh? No, no, of course not! Okay, okay, okay, okay. It was a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Bozog. Ah!

Isn't my dad the best? Oh, he's so cool. Strike and portal into your future. What? Oh, I hope. I could be half the man my father is. Oh, yeah, he does set quite the example. You see as the two well-dressed otters

Step aside and let Beauregard... This is gonna get so dark. Beauregard walk up to talk to someone sitting down, smoking a cigar, a very large ring on every single one of his fingers as he starts to talk to... starts to talk and you eventually get your drinks and the food comes out.

Okay, if there's anything else that you need, you let me know, honey. Roxy? Yeah, honey? What does a broad do to make some money around here? Also, they're all out of donuts. Yeah, I went into the room you told me to, and it was covered in frosting. But I couldn't find a single donut in there at all, just a bunch of penises. You looking for the glory holes? Yeah, the donut holes. You know, the center of the donut, the glory hole? Uh...

I was looking for a dozen of them and I just found 12 penises. Yeah, no, we call those munchkins here. This got bought out by a Dunkin' Donuts franchise. Why would you ever call something like that a munchkin? That's so gross. Mug bed creek runs on Dunkin'. Dunkin'. All right, well, I don't want them anymore. But what would we do to find work? Like, what's a broad gotta do to get some work done?

Oh, you could dance. You could serve, wait tables. I'm not a great dancer, but I'm pretty good at taking my clothes off.

Well, it is the afternoon shift. She is really good at taking her clothes off. It's like a go-to maneuver. It's her whole thing. Yeah. It's mostly Velcro. You can usually get honest work by the dogs. But you got a position open? Like, if I wanted to, you know, work today, the afternoon shift, could I cover the meals and drinks for my friends? Depends on how long you dance for. I don't know, an hour? Yeah.

An hour? One slimy burger and some fetid water. I'm gonna need... Let me do a quick background check. Remember, I only got medium froth. I'm gonna do a quick background check. Yeah, sure, go ahead. She walks around and looks at you. Two hours. And now we're in a half. Make a between. Oh, a shrewd negotiator.

Very funny. Persuasion, you say? Nine. Two hours. And now we're on 55 minutes? Five minute break, that's fine. You have to wait until seven anyway for Mr. Chanticleer's drink. Yeah, look, it's a good time for us to just relax and let Peggy do her thing. I'm going to go in the back with the rest of the performers. I don't have to be Peggy, right? I can put on a persona like...

Lollaloopsie or whatever that person was. It's 3.30 in the afternoon. You can do whatever the fuck you want. Okay, perfect. Just don't steal any of the broad stuff. Oh, no, not at all. I will see you in two hours then. And everything that they ordered was covered by my wages. Yeah, and then anything else that you get is tips. Okay, perfect. Yeah, that sounds great. You keep your tips. Okay. Write them in. All right. See you guys in a couple hours. Good luck. Thanks.

Looks like it's pretty easy. I know you can do it. And I give you inspiration. Thank you. Right, see ya fellas, don't get into any trouble. Oh, good luck! Have fun out there. Oh, I bet Peggy's a wonderful dancer. Well, we're gonna find out. Hey Rocky, could I get something other than this water? It tastes like panties. That's fine, honey, what do you want? I don't know what you can- what do you have? That would be good. Uh, you want some root beer? What's root beer?

It's what your friend is walking away with. It's beer. It's just beer? Yeah, in the setting of root. Okay. It's actually uprooted beer. Uprooted beer? It's of the Dimwood DM. Oh, legally distinct beer. It's legally distinct beer. Here you go. Oh, if you actually upgrade, you can upgrade to this souvenir cup. Oh, yeah? It's the Foxhole Souvenir Cup. What does that look like?

- Okay. - I ask if it's dishwasher safe. - Is it dishwasher safe? - Absolutely not. - Oh, I knew it. - Foil again, foil again, I say. - I'll just have the beer regular time. - Okay. - In a styrofoam cup.

I got a souvenir mug from one of these places and it was, you know, shaped like a shapely woman. Put it through the dishwasher, all of her clothes got rinsed right off and it was just a flesh-colored mug after that. I did the exact same thing. Except on mine, all those hills turned to valleys. This was enjoyable. Thank you, Rocky.

You know what? You know this place is classy because they serve you drinks. You head on over down to the Clam Bar and you find out it's all BYOB. Crazy. The only thing they'll sell you is mixers. You gotta walk in there with a whole handle of booze and mix your own drinks. What's BYOB? Bring Your Own Beverage. Oh. I just ordered a beverage. Well, yeah, it's 'cause like I said, this place is classy. Hey Booker? Yes?

Did you know that guy who came and sat down here? Yeah! Mitzi, that was my dad! That was my father! Oh! His name is Beauregard T. Raccoon. Beauregard. Yeah. You're quick, Mitzi. You're real quick.

He has very important friends, seemingly. Yeah, he's hanging out with the Riverfolk Company. I mean, they run everything around here. I look over there and I see, what's he doing? You see he's like sweating. He's looking really nervous. He's like... As you see... Please, please! As you see, one of the otters is like... They look like they're having a great time. Oh, good friends are just... You can't beat it.

I hope I get my big sloppy daddy soon. I'm hungry. You know what? This calls for a toast. A toast! I'm so glad that I'm here with you guys back home in the fox's hole. There's no place I'd rather be than a fox's hole. Well, I haven't known you guys long, but I...

We haven't been served yet, have we? Well, at least the drinks. Okay, the food came out too. Oh, the food came out? Oh, good. This looks delicious. Sean Clark, you were saying? I'm inclined to agree. I haven't known you long, but I wouldn't rather be in any fox's hole other than anyone other than you all. Well, it's been an honor serving with you. Cheers. I hope Peggy does well.

What do you think's going on backstage? Peggy, what do you find backstage? Oh, I mean, it's just a mess of people wandering. They've got their own little vanity stations where everyone's getting dressed up. You pass a sparrow and then a fox and then an otter. And Peggy gets... I would think Peggy would get along with all of them and she would... I don't have any makeup. Does anyone want to put a lipstick on this frog? And I'm going to...

Hang out with them and get dressed up and all dolled up and get my character ready to go and wait. We'll just enjoy some alcohol and hang out until it's time for Peggy to go on stage. Do you see any big sloppy daddies? Oh, there are a few. Asking the important questions. You got a chance. You do that as you get your character ready. They share their makeup. They will not share other things that they have with you.

That's way too expensive. Oh, that's so unfortunate. Memoirs of a Peggy. And you, as you all, how do you have this toast? It is time for Peggy to take to the stage. The spotlight goes on center stage. A small curtain has been pulled across the stage. Just right in front of it is one of the poles.

and you hear an announcer, "And now, welcome to the stage, Phyllis the Feet." And from behind the curtain-- - We go wild for you. - Behind the curtain, you just see one long frog leg pop out and just start to move around the hole.

Toes laid, just doing really nasty feet things for an hour and 55 minutes. Yeah, get him a cake! Woo! Yeah! People throw things up and Phyllis the Feet catches it. That's a good foot! Tosses it back. Oh yeah! A cage where people will put things on the stage and Peggy will stick her feet into whatever it is and throw it back out into the audience. Oh yeah, show us the weapon!

How did she open a pressurized 12-ounce can with one foot? That's remarkable! The dexterity in those toes is insane! Make a performance check. Perfect. I hope it's really awful. And you have a bardic inspiration. Yeah, you do have a bardic inspiration. Oh, what is bardic inspiration? Probably at this level, 1d6. Let me check. If I had to guess, it'd be 6. Yes, 1d6. 18. Okay! Hell yeah. Mm.

The crowd goes wild as every hour, every 20 minutes that pass, more and more people are going in for the evening rush as the afternoon goes on. I'm glad we got a table early. Yeah, you got a table early. It's getting sweaty in here. Yeah, it's getting damp. It's getting sweaty. That's what that smell is. In Muck Bed Creek. Yeah, Muck Bed Creek is definitely a little damp. As you, I would say with an 18,

You get thrown probably 15 gold pieces worth. Oh, my God. There's a couple of high rollers over the course of the two hours. Or the one hour and 50 minutes. That's amazing. She always grabs the coin out of the air and then does that weird thing with the fingers. No, definitely. And Peggy dressed up the foot in a really sexy negligee. And throughout the course of an hour and 55 minutes, it came off.

And there were nowhere else to put the coins. So she just started throwing the gold towards the table and the group of her friends. I got tapioca pudding.

Tapioca is one of the specials for today. That big sloppy daddy was really good. That's disgusting. See, I told you the foodie is real good. The foodie is fantastic. Second to none. Mine was relatively mediocre. Really? I should have gotten a big sloppy daddy. It was so sloppy and big. It didn't look big and sloppy, it was the sloppiest and the biggiest. And did it taste as sloppy as it looked?

Or did it ever? I think I'm gonna go see if those hot dogs, not hot dogs, the donuts! The donuts, I'm gonna go see if the donuts have been restocked. Okay, I'll stay here with Booker. Thanks, Aunt Claude.

And Mr. Chanticleer. I'm not going to the donuts. I would advise it. Not to give you advice. You're the advisor here. Please, I take it. I mean, you know, I was a little unsettled watching her eat that Big Sloppy Daddy. For whatever reason, I just couldn't peel my eyes away. Like a train wreck. Like a train wreck. Exactly right. Like roadkill. You just can't look away from it.

I didn't know your dad was a boxer, look! What?! Dad! No! And I'm gonna jump up and run over. Oh! The sparring, look at that! Dad! Dad, are you alright? Hey, this doesn't concern you, kid. No, no, that's my dad! Okay, I don't care whose daddy he is. I don't give a shit. Get the fuck away from me. No, no, it's important you can't hurt my dad! Make a persuasion check.

I got an 18. An 18. You really fucking know this guy? Yes, yes, this has got to be a huge misunderstanding. Hold on a second, hold on a second. Then he goes over and he stops the really big otter who's just beating the shit out of him. Oh no. As the otter...

who's been sitting down and smoking the cigar, looks at you and takes a puff and he stands up and he's wearing a very nice suit. He's got all sorts of ring. His fur has slicked back. And he looks at you and he says, this is your dad? Yeah, yeah, yes it is, yes. Well, your dad owes me a lot of fucking money. Well, I'm like, that can't be.

You biologically related? Yeah, no, it's fine. Booker, it's not what it looks like. We're just roughhousing. We're playing around. I don't know, Dad. It looks like you're getting your ass kicked. Well, we were just giving him a little bit of a friendly reminder. You understand? What kind of reminder? A reminder that he owes the boss a darn lot of money. How much?

You really want to know? When you put it like that, I'm a little scared to ask. Come here. Come here closer, kid. You're a good kid. He kind of smacks, like, gives you a clap. Oh, yeah. Oh, wow. You're strong. How does the tune of 15,000 sound? 15,000? That's what I said. 15,000? 15,000 clams. That's a lot. Little raccoon. Is that a clam's...

copper pieces or clams silver pieces or maybe even he's a comedian huh maybe even electrum pieces he's a comedian me i'm not a comedian no i'm a musician i'm a musician are you do you think that this is a joke no it was an honest question you don't know what a clam is can you believe this

Can you believe this pistachio? What's that? Pistachio? Guys, do I look like a pistachio to you? What? It looks like you're doing great, Booker! Do I look like a pistachio? Oh, you can do it! You have inspiration now! Not mechanically, just feel inspired. You know what? You look like you're new in town. Is that true? Oh no, I grew up here. All I can say...

is that the, uh... You need a reminder if you've been away for so long that the, uh, Riverfell Company owns this place as much as the Erie likes to pretend that they rule the clearing. You understand? I don't think there's no miscommunication there. We know. We understand that. All I know is that this gentleman here has three days to get the 15,000 clams to the boss or else, uh...

He's gonna be sleeping with the fishes of night here, if you know what I mean, if you catch my dream. Okay, well, one, in three days I don't think the river's gonna clear up by then. I'll just be fully honest with you. There probably aren't gonna be many fishes left. Okay. Two... I don't understand what you're saying. Three days, 15,000 clams. That's a lot of clams and not a lot of time. That's not my problem. Okay, all right. Okay.

Okay. Oh Vinny, it's fine. He's a good kid. He's a good kid. No, I'll get you your money. I got a job coming in. It's an investment. It's fine. It's fine. Don't worry about it. Okay. Okay, Mr. T-Raccoon. Beauregard. The dawn will be waiting. Get this piece of shit out of here. As he is thrown. I'll catch him. Dad, no! Oh!

Come on, come on, come back to the table with us. Come on. What? What happened? How could this happen? Is it true? Is what true? They're trying to, it's the Riverfolk company, they're trying to say that my dad owes him 15,000 clams in three days. I say 15,000? How could this be? How could this happen?

Oh, I just, as soon as I get my hand on a few clams, it just slips right through my little fingers like cotton candy. Oh, curse us on our tiny raccoon hands. We never could hang on to cotton candy or clams. That's the raccoon family curse. What's the exchange rate between clams and copper pieces?

Oh, it's a lot of clans. It's very unclear. So what are we gonna do? Tell me how this happened. Tell me! Well, I got a loan, and then I thought I was gonna make it really big, and so I went to the track and I won really big! And then I thought, well, I could win even bigger! And so I bet it all, and I won! It was so much, and then I bet it all again, and then it was all gone.

You didn't stop? No, because... I mean, if I stopped, then imagine... What if I stopped right before I got hit big, kid? Flawless logic. Okay. All right, all right. We're going to come up with a plan. We're going to figure this out. This isn't good. This isn't good, Dad. You don't have to worry about your old man. I've got it handled, Booker. Don't worry. I'm fine. I got a few leads...

You know, I got a few leads. Ned and I were gonna do a little bit of heist on the sly. I guess that may not work out. No, Ned's in prison for probably ever. Well, are you in on the hot dog heists? Uh, the hot dogs, he did that for the Don. We were gonna, you know, whisk away some, uh...

some game implements. Oh, this is a good dad. Yeah, Sonny let us know that there was some cards coming in that collectors go crazy for. We was gonna do a little bit of a heist and sneak 'em, sell 'em on the third party market. Ah, Dad, you can't be resorting to crime to pay back your debts. That sounds illegal!

Well, it's only illegal if you get caught. Well, it's just illegal normally. Then you gotta pretend that it's legal when you get caught. But it starts illegal. He's a lawyer. He would know. Well, if we have a lawyer on our side, then we don't have to... We're good, right?

I could get you off. You can get us all off. I could get everybody off, that's true, but I gotta work real hard. It's not as easy as people think. You gotta put a lot of work into it, a lot of elbow grease. And to be fair, if we don't get the money before three days are up, there's not gonna be a trial, Dad. I got it on good authority that the Riverfolk Company kills people. Well, you're right. Son, I didn't want to mix you up in this, but they do kill people.

And there is no justice in this clearing. Mayor Blowfish is bought and sold by the Riverfoe Company. Damn, we're in quite the pickle here. So, well, if the racetrack didn't work, why don't we try the casino? That could be a good way to make some money. You know, the stories, don't they go and they, you know, win big, bonanza, et cetera. You're right.

i didn't know you were hanging out with such smart friends book oh that's my boy these guys are great my best friends oh you're awesome whoa yeah you got some good friends look at the legs on gladys wowza i think it's phyllis whatever they call them and it's just feet

All she's showing is feet and is still paying at least five to ten copper pieces every month for this? Whoa! It's just feet! Well, currently she's flinging tapioca all over the place. Oh, I guess if you had the tapioca pudding. That good dodgy stage is a mess. It's graded into some of its parts, I suppose. It's like dodging the rain in here. LAUGHTER

Biffy comes back with a plate. Oh, no wonder. Oh, the feet was a good choice. I didn't know she knew that the hotshot director from the Hollywood was visiting. Jesus Christ. You see the weasel. Oh, no. We can't get rid of that guy. He's been following us around. He's sweaty and gross. That's a hotshot.

He's a big deal in the Hollywood. I don't want to know about it. You got to assume at this point not butting in the pants is a choice. I mean, he's had plenty of time to figure it out. Bitsy comes back with a plate. The donuts are restocked. She steps down and there are three standing full donuts here on the plate. I got some for Becky.

Why'd you eat so many before you came back? I only grabbed the three. Your face is covered in glaze. By all of the gods in the Dimwood, just kill me now.

I said I only grabbed the three. Well, and there's also powdered sugar too, and I don't see a powdered sugar donut either. They were just hanging on the wall right there, ready to be pulled off. Is that an eclair filler? Oh yeah, the girls love their powdered sugar in the back. I can't quite tell if that's sham sinasauce.

We single-handedly tanked the Doomwood and made this the most vile place in all the multiverse. This is our fault. We did this. We did do this. I hope your dad's gonna be okay. All right, look. He's right there. Yeah. Dad, look, I know you said you needed some time to get the place ready for us tonight. We won't keep you, but stay out of trouble, all right? We gotta get you out of this.

Okay. It's... It's... You don't gotta worry about your dear old dad. You can... I'll... I'll get the... I'll get the apartment ready and we'll have plenty of room. God. I'm gonna... Here's my spare key in case, uh... Alright, thank you. Yeah, you know where it is. Okay.

I'm gonna get it. It's good seeing you. Good meeting you. It's gonna be fine, Booker. Don't you worry, okay? All right. I'll try not to worry. Yeah, and you know, maybe it's all a big misunderstanding and I could just go talk to the Don at the Bargabing and we can, you know, talk it over a plate of clams. Goodbye, Beauregard. It's been a pleasure to meet you. Your son, he told me his name was Hank for like weeks. That's a good alibi, good kid.

You're good. Yeah, I learned from the best. Okay. Goodbye, Mr. T-Raccoon. We'll see you tonight. Bye, kids. I'll see you soon. I'll see you soon. He walks out very clearly blue. He's got like a swollen eye. He's roughed up. Man, what are we gonna do? Oh! What's going on? Why you all... Is that tapioca pudding? Please tell me it's tapioca pudding.

"Bucket tell me it's tapioca pudding right now!" It's, uh, it's, it's tapioca pudding. I'm lying, I'm lying. Oh, thank god. I'm lying. Oh, just tapioca pudding. Nothing to worry about. I stretch my chair, like, farther away from Brumley. Just tapioca pudding. Oh no!

I mean look, even if, you know, even if I got back to scamming people, there's no way I could make 15,000 clams in three days. 15,000 clams in three days? That's right. The only way you could get that kind of money is with a heist. A heist? Oh my god, Bitsy, you're brilliant. What? A heist? We could just steal all of that money. That's the only way you're gonna get that kind of money. One lump sum.

From the casino riverboat. That's right. The only place in Muckbed that's going to have that much money in one place is going to be the riverboat. You mean the Hungry Catfish riverboat? That's right. Huh. We might be onto something here. Well, but aren't heists illegal, Mr. Chanticleer? And they require a ton of planning. I say they are illegal, and I wouldn't endorse doing crime without a ton of planning. Well...

Do we have time for a ton of planning if we only have three days? I don't know. I don't know. And here's the thing. The heist would have to go off flawlessly. They'd have to know that we were never in there. They'd have to not realize that a single clam was missing. Because if they know that the money's gone, and then my dad shows up with 15,000 clams the next day, they're going to put two and two together. No, that's why you've got to get a fall guy. And it's going to be say goodnight here. Oh.

Oh, good night. That's very good. Thank you. Oh, what if Sonny was our fall guy? Who?

Ned's brother. Just destroying Ned's whole family. I mean. Just chopping them all out of the tree. Branch by branch. He has a clear motive. He would want to steal the money to post bail. Didn't that fucking batter the weasel and the fox or whatever so his bail was like hundreds of thousands of gold pieces? Oh yeah, that guy was way worse than we were.

He was like the head of a revolution. He's a violent revolutionary is what they said. And so Sonny would naturally want to bail his brother out. Yeah, once he comes to find that the Don's not doing it. Well, I hate to suggest such a thing.

I can't believe I even had that thought. It doesn't have to be your first plan, but it's an option. We'll need an alibi. You just tell people that you're at a spelling bee. They never question it. No one wants to go to a spelling bee. They're like, oh, yeah. Sounds great. I'll have to write that one down. That's pretty good. Sounds funny.

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a folk horror tome for Dungeons & Dragons 5th Edition. And don't forget to snag all of the extra goodies, like dice, miniatures, plushies, a tarot deck, and more. Thank you. You're discussing a heist as Peggy shakes the goods and the feet as, uh, um, I won't say the weasel's name. It's probably for the best. But the weasel is really enjoying it. And, uh, Peggy, make another performance check.

Oh yeah. At advantage. Because of this new development. She's done very well. Nine. Nine. I'm tired. You get three more gold pieces. Yes, 18 gold pieces. As you are all planning a heist, discussing the heist, discussing the Fall Guy, you talk about Ned, you talk about Nestor, you talk about Sunny, you talk about the Don at the alleged, he apparently hangs out not just at the headquarters of the Riverfolk Company, but also the Baga Bing.

Look, I don't want to belabor the point here, but, you know, maybe a heist isn't the right direction. I think it's a solid backup plan. How else are we going to get the money? I don't know. But I have to think. I need time to think about it. We have a couple days. Well, I say, Booker, not only do we have to come up with the money, but we have to find a believable way to get it to your father. Right. Right. For what it's worth, the river company probably won't care where the money comes from.

Provided it doesn't get traced back to them. It's one the money, you know Oh, did they run that uh that floating casino? Good question I think back to the history of my knowledge of muck bed Creek who owns and operates the hungry catfish make a history check advantage. Oh We roll dice here natural 20 or a total of 24 24, you know that

You know that there is, that while the Riverfolk Company owns most of the clearing, that the Hungry Catfish specifically is owned by a very entrepreneurial alligator known as the Grinning Sinner. That's not ominous at all. It seems to be where he is friendly with and does deals with, but is not owned by.

Yeah, I mean they don't own it. That's the good news. The Rivka folk, they don't own it. Just some crocodile guy. Name is not important right now. Well, so if we were to put off this year's heist on the hungry catfish, I mean we aren't robbing from the people who are paying back.

I don't love it, but I don't see how else we'd come up with 15,000 clams, I'll say, I'll say. And then they wouldn't care! Maybe they'd be like, "Oh, who gives a fuck that you robbed that weird crocodile guy? Now it's our money!" Yeah, backup plan, backup plan! Alright, it's a good, solid backup plan. We only have three days! If we were gonna steal a bunch of money, we wouldn't want to steal exactly what your dad owes. We want to make sure that it was a lot more!

I mean, this is our chance to get really, really rich in the process. I mean, we don't need to get super wealthy or anything. I'm just saying that that's the best way to obfuscate. But again, it also has to go off without a hitch. No one can know that it's happened. Otherwise, the suspicion will immediately be thrown on my dad. Precision timing. We'll talk about it.

What we need is like a real sick-ass montage. Where like maybe we spend tonight and tomorrow planning everything out. Maybe like two days, right? And we can do kind of this cool time skip where we plan it all out. And then as we're doing it, you can narrate the whole thing as if you're telling us to plan, but then the viewer will be watching it play out. The only way that we can do that is if we had a set of bongos.

No, it doesn't quite work. Oh, that's right, and we'll have to kick it off with a, "All right, here's the plan." And we all come together. But then I don't say anything and the camera smash cuts to the next scene. Let me try this. No, it's not quite right. Don't use your fingernails, use the pads of your fingers. I don't think that that's gonna... See, it's too low, it's too low, the pitch isn't right. Ah, speaking of, I miss my banjo. I gotta get another instrument.

What are you gonna get? I don't know. Just another banjo? I would like that, yes. That's what I know how to play best. Well, it's very unlikely they sell banjos here in this clearing. No, no, I think it's actually very likely that we can find... I can't imagine. I need money. Anyway, doesn't matter. I need another drink. At least we have a place to crash tonight. Yeah. Sean Cloud, you seem awfully interested in breaking the law, even though you're a criminal lawyer.

Why are you a criminal lawyer? Well, I'm a little bit of both, to be honest with you, if the pay's right. Unfortunately, you all paid me in IOUs, so I can't help you out with this here problem. I don't like breaking the law, but if you're gonna, you might as well understand it to a great deal. So if anybody tries to say, hey, you're breaking the law, you just start talking about the law ad nauseum, and then usually they get so bored, they just walk away. That's pretty smart. Well,

Well, that's exactly right. That's why I got into lawyering in the first place. If this was Wuff Ruff, you'd have the ability to blather at people. It'd be amazing if we could both do that. We'd have people dazed for years. Whoa, is that a roll you could make? It's kind of an ability and a roll. It's a lot of different things. Wow. Yeah, yeah. I'm going to roll a D100 about it right now and see what I get. What the absolute fuck is a Wuff Ruff?

A 55, does that pass? Out of all the craziest things we've said, that's the question that you have? Yeah, that doesn't make any sense. That's not a word. I'll tell you what a waffrup is if you tell me what's under your hutch.

I can't tell you that. Why not? Because it's a secret. Well, one rough's a secret, too. There's a difference between me telling, no, that doesn't make any sense. You're just making that shit up. Ah, maybe I am, maybe I'm not. Fitzy, you're going to have to sleep on it. Think about it. Mull it over. Chew on it. Let me know what you're thinking. You want a donut? I do not want a donut. In fact, get that away from me. They're still warm. Nope, nope, nope.

Nope, I'm good. Nope, please remove that from the vicinity of me. I could go get you a donut. I'd love to have one of these. Don't even think about it, really. Don't ever think about it again. Don't offer it. Don't tell me. I don't want to know. Appreciate it. I think he wants a donut, but he's too afraid to ask. Well, I don't know. He seemed pretty adamant that he didn't want any of your donuts. You want a donut? No, no. I think you can just hold on to him. You look like you're enjoying him quite a bit. I wouldn't want to take the experience away from you. Okay.

So now what? What do we do? Well, we have to wait for Peggy to get back after her... Oh, surely one hour and fifty-five minutes of that. She put on one hell of a show. At this point, you feel, Peggy, like you could... You could get your... Finish your shift, but you could also try to keep working for tips.

Yeah, I think he's just gonna keep working for Toad's. Okay. And also... Roll another performance check. Boy, she is popular. At an advantage because he's still there. Oh, yeah. Look at her go. Look at her go. And it's only like 5.30. We've still got like an hour and a half before whatever the fuck he said earlier. It's a hot toddy, but he wanted it cold. That's cold. Oh, 17. That's pretty funny. Because at this point, now the feet are sweaty.

Oh, I actually brought my very large red high heel. Make another 23 gold pieces worth. Over the next two hours. Perfect. Director Ferret Weasel's very into this. So that's on top of the 18? That's on top of the 18? Yeah. Damn. Yeah. That's very high.

Ferret Weezo. That's very funny. That's very funny. Exactly right. He's from the Hollywoods. Very clever. And so it's at this point that the evening shift... It's starting to get pretty crowded here. As the evening shift is...

going on. The changeover for the B to A, maybe A minus. B minus to A minus tier clientele is there. And at some point, I need you, Sean Claude, to make a perception check. Not Sean Cloud. Sean Cloud. Sean Cloud. Because you were looking at it.

You rolled away from Derek, but that time it didn't work, did it? Well, I rolled in the upper half, so... 13. 13. Clearly works. You don't see him walk in, but as you're enjoying your drinks and you look over, you see as the large center table of the reserve for the River Pro Company VIPs, you hear the hooting and hollering of none other than Jean-Luc.

as he's sitting at the VIP table. I say, I say, take it off! I say, I say, show me the goods! And you hear that from the VIP table. Is that my stand-up? Is that my no-good, suffering, flim-flamming brother Sean Luke? Flim-flamming, you say?

It's very loud in here. I storm over to his table, pounding my feet into the ground. I'm right behind Sean Cloud. I say, I say, Sean Luke, what in the hells are you doing here in the foxhole? Immediately, two large otter bouncers get in your way.

as he says, "Now, now, don't know, we don't need to make a scene. Don't worry, Mr. Stachio and Mr. Piss." - What? - Okay, thank you. - "Whatever your name is, this is just my dear, dear disbarred brother, Jean-Claude."

What are you doing in a fine establishment such as this? Well, I'm doing in a fine establishment such as this because you tax-broke it on my money away. And now my house, my vacation home, which is definitely not normally damp and under the basement of a... of a... of a Airbnb, is now boarded up!

Ah yes, I will savor the results of my identity theft as I savor my mint julep. This guy sucks.

Oh, you are the worst kind of gentleman, my brother, Jean-Luc. And what are you doing thrown in with a guy named Mr. Piss? Just the company I would normally expect you to keep you wrapped in. That is questionable and bastard. Jean-Claude, I do not name the goons. I don't know if that is even his name. That's just what all of the wise guys call him. That's not true.

That is an unfortunate gangster name. Let me tell you, that sucks. I need to be that guy. I think it's because the other guy's name is Tarsier. That doesn't make it any better. And you are, that is unbelievably clear from you, of all people, for you to be that guy.

having a moment of clarity. I'm very good at puzzles. Well, you'll see now, you'll see there's Mr. Pierce, Mr. Stachio, and then of course Mr. Moe and Mr. Lester.

Well now bitchy let's not get ahead of ourselves I mean he is my brother so absolutely yes but save it for outside

Well, you would not dare to harm some way an accountant under the employ of the Riverfolk Company, would you? You under the employ of the Riverfolk Company? You haven't holed down a job in all the years I've known you, you no-good bum. Well, all I know is to say that they needed someone who could find a good loophole. Oh, damn it. He was always good at finding loopholes at jobs.

Getting around the tax policy of the Erie. Oh, tax accountant. I mean, of course, of course they'd be looking for the worst. I say worst. I mean, murderers, thieves. The Erie tax code hasn't been overhauled in nine centuries and I spent while you were out partying and enjoying your law school parties. I studied the Erie tax code and

This guy is pure cringe. Where did our fans come from? Holy crap. Our tax money's paying for that. Is this guy for real?

Ah, well now I know why that one Hollywood exec is here. That's funny, that's funny. We're getting closer. This makes a lot more sense now.

Listen, don't let your brother torture you. He clearly doesn't have the understanding of the importance of family. Oh, betcha he's just got a way of getting under my skin, seeing as how he commits so many crimes directly at me. Well, yeah, he commits a bunch of crimes on me. Oh, exactly right. I've taken you for all you're worth. I've gotten you disbarred and your home dispossessed. You got me disbarred and dispossessed? Exactly right. Why do you think I was stealing your identity?

Well, I don't know the letter that said I was disbarred. I had just my own crimes that had happened after you had stopped stealing my identity. So I kind of assumed it was my fault, but it makes so much more sense than it was your fault. Did you think all those crimes that you had forgotten that you had committed was done while you were blacked out after drinking too many mint juleps? Oh! I knew I...

I say, I say, exactly right. I say, I say, you are the worst, brother. I shoulda, I shoulda. Well, you wouldn't dare strike an accountant of the Riverfolk Company. Now, now, I say, I say, you wouldn't dare, you wouldn't dare. No,

I wouldn't dare, but would you dare step outside with me right now and throw down just as old family would? Just outside of here, the perfect, most poetic backdrop of the fox's hole. You're not brave enough. You couldn't take your brother, no way. No, I don't think I will.

I think I will enjoy my mint julep here with enjoying the fire in the hole special next to Mr. Pimps.

We gotta go! Just back away! Just walk away! Oh, you're gonna get what's coming to you, Jean-Luc, I say, I say! You're gonna reap what you've sown out there in the fields! All your turncoat seeds you've planted into the ground are gonna grow into bushes! Bushes the likes of which you won't want to reap, but you're gonna have to. Well, our family was always bad at farming.

Well, that's just correct. That's why we turned to the lawyers and tax accountants. Exactly right. Our parents had such high hopes for us, and look at all of the scum and villainy we turned out to be. Yeah, well, we came from artists, so it makes sense. That's very funny.

- Well, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I think that you wouldn't dare draw the ire of the dawn. He and I are good acquaintances. I take him out and we enjoy the front nine.

Uh, every other Sunday. The equivalent of Sunday. What's the front line? What are you really playing? Oh, you do not partake in the sport of golf? You're just playing normal golf. Playing normal golf with normal ass electric golf carts.

He was riding around with a caddy and everything. The range of technology in this world is eclectic. You can't just leave it at golf. This is the dim one. It's goof.

They're a bunch of gophers. Gopher? We're playing gopher golf. No, we're playing gator golf. Gator golf. Oh, no. Over on the Hungry Catfish, we're playing gator golf. On Mr. Ledoux's private golf course, he lets us play every equivalent of Sunday. Mr. Louis Ledoux. Well, I don't know how the Don has fallen himself into a company such as yours. He's really downgraded. Well, I say if you do not have any good hobbies, I would recommend...

A gator gulf. Give it a whack. Well, I think I will give it a whack and see if I can't send it on back. I love that one brother's tagline is, I'll get you off, and the other one is, give it a whack. That's right. Oh, my God. Spending too much time with the mind. He's going to get whacked up.

Before you go, my dishonored and disgraced brother, check out my new business card. Oh no. It is pristine. There's a watermark. It is the fine tastefulness. It's so crisp. The tastefulness of the leathers. The perfect symmetry. Is that a watermark? And the foam. Then more dynamite.

A bold choice, bold choice. You can keep it. Damn, he's just stomping on them. I got plenty printed at Skinko's. Skinko's? I'm going to enjoy my nice plate of gobble goo. Oh, there it's, uh, Teresa Turkey's coming on. Gobble, gobble.

He sits back down as the goons step back in. Just walk away. Just walk away. Well, I will walk away, bitch. Not without doing this. Roxy? Oh, yeah.

What's up, honey? I'd like to send over a little something special to my brother. Here, it is the gentleman sitting right over there. Oh, Jean-Luc? Yep. I know Zachary's gonna love. Gene Luck? Gene Luck.

That's exactly right. Address him as such when you get to the table. Okay, what do you want? I'd like to send him two Sloppy Daddies. Oh, the Big Sloppy Daddy. Yep. You have to say it. I would like to send him... That's all I gotcha. I would like to send him... Big Sloppy Daddy Badass Burger with Badass Bangin' Sauce. Two...

of the Big Sloppy Daddy Badass Burgers with the Badass Bangin' Sauce. That's good, I didn't expect you to get it. That's kind of an insult, huh? People are savage. That comes with a bag of chips, is that okay? No, I'd like to upgrade them to the Monster Mash Double Monster Spooky Extra Special Fries with the Voodoo Sauce on top. Oh, I thought for sure you'd say Sloppy Sauce.

That is on the menu, surprisingly. Okay. And for dessert, I'd like you to send him a plate of your finest glazed doughnuts. But hold the doughnuts. You know how much that costs. Well, that's okay. He's an honored guest. You just put it on his tab. Make a persuasion check. 19. Nice. Okay. Whatever you say, honey.

She struts off. Well, thank you, doll. You've been a gem. So have you. Her gray tail kind of flits at you. Can we leave now? Oh my god, John Claude, John Claude. Was that your brother? That was him, the no-good scoundrel. I may have come up with a new plan. What? What? New plan? I don't know what you're going to say, but I like the with the strange hugger in your eyes. I would say it's telling me about this time Peggy would show up. Now that the A-team is up on the stage. Yeah.

She would have been a man. He would look at you like, yeah. Okay. Peggy, that was amazing. Yeah, you were unbelievable. You were such a dancer. What a feat.

I didn't know somebody could eat tacky yoga with their feet. Thank you. Did you like how even though I'm a cartoon frog, I had photorealistic human feet? How do you do that? That was magic. Had to be magic. Well, I am the creator of the world. Did you hear that Jean-Luc has photorealistic golf carts? Really? Yeah. He's here? He's right over there. And I'm so glad you showed up. Holy shit, he's right over there. Because we got a new plan. I got a new plan. Did we have an old plan? What?

Well, the old plan was a heist, but we were going to do a heist? Maybe. We might still do that. Well, officially, we have a backup plan, and it's heisting. Wait, for what? Peggy, we're not doing a heist. For what? What do we need to do a heist for? We've got to steal money, because my father's in an unbelievable amount of debt. Oh, that sucks. I made a lot of money showing off my feet to a bunch of perverts. How much? Oh, well. 41 gold pieces. All right, we only need about 14,939 more gold pieces. I don't... Yeah, all right. That's a good point.

So, I think the plan is... I know, I think that's, yeah. Do you have any idea how much organs sell for on the black market? Yes, exactly. We can murder and kill and butcher your brother for his organs. What? Booker, no! We're not gonna kill anybody!

I draw the line at stealing from somebody. Okay, but if we're gonna do a heist, we gotta frame someone for the heist. Well, that's the thing, is that we can't even really have a heist because if they notice that the money is missing and then we give all the money to my dad, then they're gonna know that they're gonna pin the heist on him. Here's the thing, Bouquet. I have no problem with you wanting to kill Jean-Luc, but his body's so riddled with mint julep

I don't think his organs are any good. I think if you were to pull out his organs, it'd look a little bit like Swiss cheese. Who does he owe the money to? The Riverfolk. The Riverfolk Company. You mean like those otter guys that are there with your brother? Yeah, the mafia. Okay, so what if we just... What if we steal the money from them...

But we frame your brother for doing it, because you guys look exactly the same, right? And we give them back their own money? And then we give them back their own money. They're going to know! But no, we beat him up and take the money back, and we say, hey, we don't have the money that he owed you, but we brought back the money that was stolen by John Luke.

So... It's not a bad plan. That might be slightly above heist. We're getting an order of operations here. This is good. Or at the very least, we can just frame Jean-Luc since he's done all this horrible stuff to you. If you want, I can take my clothes off, put my clown mask on, and go up there and give him a lap dance and see what I can steal from him. I got the Polaroids right here. That's a plan even above

the frame, we're getting there, we're getting there. The only reason I bring up murdering him in the first place and then selling his organs piecemeal for lots of money is because, and please don't be mad, but the other day when I, actually it wasn't that long ago, when I threw the banjo into the room, I was so angry. I was so mad at everything that had happened to us that I may have cursed him for life. I prayed that Night here himself would strike down your brother and all of the other people that have wronged us.

That was only 15 hours ago. It was even less than that, to be honest with you. That was like three hours ago. That was when we were walking over here. I've just been so angry that it felt like an eternity. You prayed the night here. Just curse my brother? And a strange creature came up and took the banjo down into the depths. I made eye contact with that slimy bastard. Not a year is real? I'm not sure what I... I don't know. But I know what I saw. I don't even know if I know what I saw.

I'm just worried about stealing from the guys that beat up your dad so bad. I don't want to alarm you, but if we need him dead, there's a way. No, no, I'm not going to entertain this, all right? We're not going to kill anybody. I'll entertain it. Hit me. If we want him dead, I can peggy him to death. What does that mean? What does that mean? I mean, it's really what's written on the tin.

All I gotta do is get in there. Look at him. Cat calling. Howling at that turkey. I say gobble, gobble, gobble. He looks like he'd fall for a little weed and strange in a heartbeat. I can get him into a dark room. Unleash my magic on him. You know what I mean? He looks like the kind of guy that's gonna take, what, two minutes? It's done. It's done. The donuts are restocked.

- Oh, cool! Ooh, these ones are cream stuffed. - Oh no. - Look, whenever we decide-- - I'm salty! - Whenever we decide, we don't have to make a decision right now. We got a little bit of time. And how much? We got three days.

That's all we got. Wait, we got three days to find 15,000 gold pieces? Yeah, just three days. Clams. That's why we are using... Not even gold pieces, clams. What's the exchange rate between gold pieces and clams? Very unclear. You don't want to know. Mostly you don't want to know because we don't know. Hey, Roxy. Yeah? You're a business owner. You got to do some exchanges every once in a while, right? Yeah. If I gave you like 41 gold pieces, but I wanted some back in clams...

Like, how many clams would I get for 41 gold pieces? It's really unclear. I'm right, that's what I figured. The problem is, it's really unclear what the exchange rate is. It is, it is. It is, it's unclear. That's why, if we steal from Mr., what was his name, LeBron?

Oh, the guy who owns the Hungry Catfish, yeah. Well, then we're not stealing from the otters. So even if they found out that it was a heist, they won't care because they get all the money. Yeah, we could just frame John Luke for stealing from the riverboat. Yeah, or Sonny. Why Sonny? That little freak. He just looked like he deserved it. Sonny, that cocky little freak. Grumply Grumply coming alive here, guys. Look at that.

Who knew that he had a dog streak in him? Good for you, Grubby! Wow! Good for you, Grubby! Finally rubbing off on you! I just put four large patties of beef in him and he just wants frame free. He said that he's coming alive. He's got that dog in him! No, I shouldn't say that. But if we need to frame somebody...

You know, we know his brother Ned. Ned, our little freak. Was kind of weird, and I didn't care for him very much, so his brother, who does heists with him, probably similarly nasty and unkind. If we're going to frame anybody, I think it should be Sean Cloud's brother. Yeah, he's got his rooster ring out. We got a... Gross. We got a few options for viable people that we can pin this on. For sure. We should pin it on both of them.

Maybe they were accomplices. They were working together.

Yeah. Oh, that's a great idea. Oh, I could dress like John Luke, and one of you could dress like that cocky little freak, and we could take a couple Polaroids of us robbing the Hungry Cat. Oh, I thought that was going to go in a completely different direction. You naughty, naughty rooster. I thought you were going to talk about getting him off. Wow, you are a deviant rooster. I'm referencing the first plan we had. Oh, yeah, referencing some plan. That's right, pal. I see what you're doing.

Do you still have Polaroids? Yeah, I got Polaroids, all sorts of stuff. All right, I'll make sure I got cream later. Let's go do your dance. All right, all right. He said he needed some time to clean up. I think he's had enough time. We'll have a nice place where we can at least rest for the evening and we'll tackle this problem fresh and new when the sun is shining and we're like new people. How's that sound? I'm tired. Me too. I'm full of big sloppy daddy. He was such a way with words, bitsy. I...

I appreciate you. I hope you know that. Yeah, your belly's practically bursting with big sloppy daddy. And it's all over your face. And beer. I should have gotten that. It was really good. Really fills you up. With what you've done tonight, you're not going to be able to poop for weeks. Why not? I want to sit down.

Why are you walking so crooked? You guys are crazy. I'm gonna go get more donuts. What's that clapping? What's that clapping? We leave. We leave the foxhole. Why are all those donuts hanging up on a sausage?

We leave. We go to Booker's father's studio apartment. I'm like, guys, this is going to be great. It's going to be just like the old times. After my mom left and I spent the weekends with my dad and it was going to be, it was great. We watched movies and we eat popcorn. It was great. It was going to be awesome. It was just like the old times. And I go up to where this place is and I use the spare key to try to let myself in. It's a little bit smaller than I remember. I try to let myself in. Yeah, you do. And you open it and describe the studio apartment.

Oh, jeez. That you find, that your father has. I think that Booker would remember it very differently than it is. Absolutely. It would be kind of run down, ramshackle. He probably would have just moved into it right before you left. When you walk in the front door, you're like walking into the small studio kitchen. That's the first thing you see. There's a tiny little like half-

You know, an oven faces the door. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Basically, like, as soon as you walk in, you're in the kitchen. Please tell me there's a dirty futon. Well, yeah, there's definitely... There's a lava lamp in the corner. There is, like, one bedroom, but, like, that's really it. And you can tell that, like, the living room has some space to, like, lay down some...

some cushions and... Yeah. And, but like, you know, it's kind of cramped. There's boxes, there's boxes everywhere. Oh, yeah, there's boxes. It's dimly lit. There is a pot of half-finished mac and cheese. Yeah. On the cook stove. Yeah, it might have been sitting there for a while. Yeah, there's the, the, you feel like it's the same bugs that you had seen at the, at the foxhole. We're all kind of buzzing around it. They're all enjoying eating it. And you all make your way inside. It's incredibly bright.

- Oh wow. - It will be very, it's tiny. - Smaller than I remember. - It's absolutely tiny. There is a lava lamp. It's really kind of like this glass jar, but it's filled with swamp muck that goes up and down. - I wish you'd made it straight off of borders.

No, it's not the vibe. That's not the vibe. It's definitely like single dad. Yes. It's a really sad single dad vibe. It's like there's only one thing on the fridge and it's a magnet that holds up two coupons. Is it actually? That's right. And they're all expired. For the cheeseburger special of the foxhole. I'll open the door to the bedroom. Oh, wow. Your dad sleeps in a race car. That's really cool. Whoa. What the hell?

That doesn't make any sense. And you find a note on the counter above the studio apartment. Pick it up. You do, and you read, and it says, Son, I didn't want to have to get you all mixed up in this, so I'm not going to be back tonight. I got a plan. Don't worry. Your old man is smarter than he looks.

I'm finally going to go to the hungry catfish and bet it all and win big. And that is rule of the session. Thanks for having us, Mike. Thanks, Mike. Oh, that's fun. Shit.

I say, I say. Thank you so much for listening to the Legends of Avantris podcast. We hope you enjoyed the session. If you want even more campaigns to listen to, become a member of our Patreon at the Pearl Dolphin tier or higher to unlock Shroud over Saltmarsh, a patron-exclusive campaign set on the high seas. You can find that at patreon.com forward slash legendsofavantris. If you want to chat about the episode with the Avantris community, join us on Discord at legendsofavantris.com forward slash discord.

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