Stardust Rhapsody | Ep. 12 | Highway Star
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Welcome to Legends of Avantris. I'm Pike, and you're listening to Stardust Rhapsody. Here's what happened last time. We need to get the fuck out of here. Now is not the time for jokes.

We don't have all the fucking time in the world. There could be 300 more swarm ships on their way right now as soon as they realize that we haven't been wiped out. Without Dandy's navigation, I don't know where we're gonna end up. We might end up in the middle of a star. Fucking anywhere, Chuckles. Okay. And a giant pie hits the Rhapsody and knocks you out.

Out of the weave, you head towards the twin spotlights, swirling in the distance. I can't believe I'm gonna say this, but lead the way, Chuckles. Welcome to the Carmel of Fun! Welcome right this way to the ball-throwing event! Now, who is your first contestant? Well done, big guy. Alright!

Where's the ticket? Oh, right here, sir! The sign that says "PIE Engineer" here, with giant red arrows blinking and moving. It's me! It's me! Do you remember me? Tuckles! It's me from the ship earlier! It was a while ago! Do you remember me? Hi, hi, hi! These are all my friends! You're very caked up! I mean, our ship is caked up!

Chuckles! Chuckles, immediately you're snapped up into its grasp. Oh, I haven't had this much fun in so long! I tell you what, everybody, I'll make you a deal! Leave Chuckles with me, and I will fix your ship instantly! And better than that, I can deliver your friends back to you! No deal! No deal! Everything stops, and...

There's a brief moment where you hear a voice in your mind. Her offer is a lie.

I can restrain her momentarily. Her head rubber bands backwards for a moment as it's shrouded in white cloth. Get the fuck out of here! No! No! It's the believer. He whispered to me. He can get us out of here. You're the best, buddy. The rhapsody starts to soar through the honk weave as now, finally, you come to...

and opening, and you explode out of the Honk Weave into space. "The most exciting race of the season dominates the skies! Tomorrow night, here at the Prismatic Pathway!" Space, where everything exists in extremes. One moment you can be lost in a clown hell fighting for not just your life, but your sanity.

And the next, you could be on your way to an electronic raceway. Oh yeah. Dealing with the fallout of the Saurian trap, the party dove once more into the Honkweave. Except this time, their journey was anything but normal. Being pulled out of the Weave, the party lands in a strange land. Chuckles, haunted by a ghost from his past, leads the party to a demonic carnival.

Once Jolly gets her hands on the gang, she reveals her desire to keep him and offers the return of Dandy and Kvir. Something begins to stir deep within Labouche. A remnant of a power that marked his soul intervenes, ensuring that the forces of the Honk don't claim what lays dormant within him. Fleeing quickly, Chuckles tears open the Honkweave once more,

The party breaks out into space and finds themselves finally at the prismatic pathway. With the entries closed, will the Grand Prix Cup elude their grasp? Or will they somehow take the coveted checkered flag and the million credit prize? No way. No way. No way.

That's it folks! The prelims are over as Racer #8 takes the checkered flag securing his place in the Grand Prix! Entries are now closed as the most exciting race of the season dominates the skies tomorrow night here at the Prismatic Pathway! You've dealt with prehistoric war parties, gods of time and tale, and chaos demons.

We made it! *Groans*

I'm not really feeling up for a wacky race and sort of adventure right now, guys. You're feeling up to waffles? I think we're looking for a diner. Yeah, I could do waffles. I'm with Chuckles. Everything we have is in complete disarray and ruin. But we do have this as our only lead, right? Chances are good we'll find Rex here.

And if we can deal with him or get some more information, maybe that'll give us some leverage with the boss or somebody else. And it'll put us one step closer to maybe where the Saurians went. I want us to stop thinking about the Saurians. I don't want the thoughts of dinosaurs or Dandy to cross our minds again. We just need to focus on being bounty hunters, you understand?

How can we forget about Dandy? She's our friend! I have my state file on KingDonut64 waiting for her to be! Now I... I just don't... I... And Kavir! We all saw what she did to Kavir. As far as I'm concerned, that wasn't Dandy. Whatever the Prophet did to her made her someone else. And like I said, you'd have the full fucking force of...

Grom Corp. Or the fucking Empire. And who knows if even that would be enough to save her. If she even can be saved. Alright. And I can't torture my fucking self about past regrets. I've done that enough in my life. Alright. I agree. I won't mention it again. But I'm not giving up. We can't give up. But I am with you. When I was just learning to speak, I watched media to try and

Expand my vocabulary! And I watched one video many times during Atlantica. It's fine, it's close enough. The Chrome Colossus! He was a gun, but also he was his own self. That was Dandy's fate. They are not the same. Yeah, I just don't know who I'm gonna drink root beer floats with. No. You know, the end in the Chrome Colossus is actually pretty dark.

I remember. And look, I'm not going to forget about the dandy we knew, okay? I'm not going to forget about her. But we need to focus on getting back to what we're fucking good at. And that's hunting bounties. Yeah. Ain't it? I would not mind losing myself in work a little right now. And so Rex pulled the wool over our eyes. He pulled a fast one. Let's get him back and let's fucking turn him in. Yeah. Yeah.

So, you know, I know that Jolly said that, like, she's the horrible elder demon and, like, she wanted to do bad stuff. But, I mean, like, what if we're just misinterpreting, you know, what she was saying? I'm gonna turn the rhapsody around and fucking drop you back off in Clown Hill if you fucking entertain the idea of thinking twice about her. We were captured by a bunch of horrific demonic corpses on springs.

That poor lava corn, yeah, that's true. That's true, but I mean, whoa. You watch yourself, or we will drop you off, and you'll be drowning in pies before you know it. Pear pie and peach pie. Oh, boy, okay. You're right, you're right, you're right, you're right, you're right, you're right.

I mean, you need the knife guy. Chuckles! Okay! Has anyone ever told you the saying, "You don't stick your nose in crazy"? Oh, okay. Chuckles. Chuckles. Yeah. Take it from me. Yeah. The wrong woman will kill you. Well, obviously. Gosh, we almost all just met our makers from the wrong woman. Whoo!

Yeah, you're right. Right, Pike. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm feeling very conflicted now. I think I need to solve those feelings by emotionally eating with a giant comically large tower of waffles. I need a drink. You need a peach slice of... Beats me. Probably. Peach cobbler. Let's look at the map and see if there is a diner.

I will lead the Rhapsody. I will pilot the Rhapsody down to wherever the hangar might be for visitors. You do so. And this space station, the Prismatic Pathway, as you descend down and you go to enter it, you see that above ground there is what looks to be absolutely massive stadium stands that extend out in kind of like a widened U-shape.

In the center, a little bit of an inclined hill that comes up that people can also climb up on and watch the race as it takes place. There are two large floating metal beams that extend out into space. You get the sense that possibly while the race is going, these will engage to create different types of track.

But neath all this is the hangar where you will enter and board the station. You pull the Rhapsody in deftly and you set down in a space where you can disembark and be greeted by those who will check you in. I'll look to Hank. All right, buddy. You start working on the ship and I'll keep you posted.

- He acknowledges your command. - This is the Rhapsody looking for Berth in one docking station, length of stay, couple days. - Yeah, can we afford to get our ship prepared? - How much do we have? - Not a lot. Let's let Hank work on it and I can cover the rest once we're done. And maybe if we can collect the bounty,

That'll fill the gaps. And who knows what other work we might find while we're here. That's right. These races often draw in some unsavory types. Yeah. Let's have a nice, fun time to do the healthy thing and avoid processing what we've just experienced. Agreed! Agreed! Agreed! Emotional eating and avoiding! I walk up...

I walk over to a drawer, compartmentalize it. And so is the battle cry of the crew of the Rhapsody. Emotional. Let's not talk about it. Cigarettes and drugs. We're going to try and dress it again. Escapism. Frothing mug of root beer. Alcoholism.

Crippling depression. This is why we chose space. Cheers, by the way. Don't trust the most relatable campaign, somehow. No wonder it's a fanfare. Watch how many cigarettes I can smoke at once.

And when you hail out Rhett requesting a berth to drop the size of your ship and explore potential repairs, you hear a response. Hey there, Rhapsody. Yeah, you can come on in. I've been docking hangar C3, and we will presently pop on in and check out what you have. All right, C3, roger that.

You fly in and dock where directed. You may all leave or come to the hangar bay and get ready to disembark the ship if you choose to do so. If there's anything you might do before leaving, you can do now. Otherwise, the hangar bay will swing open. I would wait for the gang and be ready to depart. There's nothing I need to do before we leave the Sparrows and Beezes.

I will see my game station and I'll see that KingDonut64 is slotted in and think about dandy save file. I'll think, I'll pull it out and I'll pull out a copy of my copy of Suncat64 and just put it in there. I guess the silver lining is that we have the perfect number of players for Suncat64.

Jesus. I call pet me! What the hell is suncan64? I hope that the game will... Maybe I can convince the rest of the guys to play when we finish the thought. I'm only playing if Rhett finally learns how to do a barrel roll.

Not that hard, Rhett. Anyway. Well, it's hard to hit Z and the C buttons at the same time. Anyway. You've got like eight arms. Figure it out. They're not the most dexterous. They're good at gripping. I do not bring the Ether Engine. It is remaining on its stand in my room. You...

That's a good decision. You wouldn't know this intrinsically, but you may have heard or been told that there is general, though you're absolutely correct, it is a bit of an outlaw magnet, the Prismatic Pathway. However, it is very, it has a simple set of rules that are very heavily enforced. No fighting at the Pathway.

As you go, your hangar bay drops down and opens. You are met by an absolutely enormous docking station, larger than even was on Space Station 777 in the boss's quarters. Certainly not as ornate.

Simple metal, it stretches out in all directions. Gangplanks, you have crews of people hoofing to and fro, working, checking people in, repairs are going on around. This is a raceway. There are ships all over the place. There are pit crews coming and going, getting things back up and running. And you have a smaller, also solar elf, walks up.

and comes to check you in. He wears just like a kind of a white t-shirt with almost like a black, looks like kind of like a blacksmithing apron. And he has goggles pulled over just to the top of his forehead as he walks up.

Okay, well hey there, let's take a stock of what you're dropping off here. We'll just do a quick inventory of any repairs you might need if you're interested in that and we can quote you a price and go from there. Well, we're gonna need four personal vehicles repaired.

Okay, I-04's not too bad. We can get that up and running probably about a week's time. Let's take a look at the... And he looks out through the hangar bay of what you brought in. Oh, I'm in the hangar bay. Oh, I'm sorry, in the... Yeah, yeah, you're in the hangar bay. At the damages. And says, Damage? Uh... Where are you all coming from? This is pretty rough work. You don't want to know, kid. Yeah, well...

"Okay, well, we'll make the rounds. I'll give you a number and I think maybe it takes a week, best case scenario, to get this up and running." And he starts to go around the room. He'll start with, "Ret, your vehicle, take a look, like large size vehicle, probably 5,000 credits."

Move to Chuckles' saucer. Medium size, not too crazy. 3,000 credits. Yeah, you don't have to worry about how it works. You just kind of need to have the form and all the rest. It's okay. We can polish it back up. Don't you worry. What if it makes a...

Sound as it goes. We could probably figure that one out. Exactly. And he gets a Lubush's mech suit. That's not too bad. Pretty easy fix. Just a little glass here. A couple tears here and there. And then he comes to the Sparrow. And he looks at it and he starts to take notes. As soon as he opens his mouth, I'm like...

Alright, now listen. I know this looks pretty bad. The only person I really trust to make any changes, adjustments, or upgrades is this guy. Alright? So, and I start listing off a litany of things that it's supposed to be, exactly what it's supposed to look like, here's where it's broken, this is what's not broken, that might look like it's broken, you're wrong. And basically giving him the rundown, because normally I wouldn't let anybody touch the ship except for me or Red. Yep, yes sir, yes sir, got it, got it, okay, okay, well, I didn't notice you.

Huh. Okay. Yeah, that, yeah, we can put that there. Oh, those are weird. Yeah, okay, okay. And he takes a moment to really look at the sparrow and move around it. Wait a second. What do you call this ship? I call her the sparrow.

- His mouth falls agape for just a moment, chewing on a toothpick as he was walking around. The toothpick drops from his mouth as he looks at your ship. - The sparrow? - That's right.

"Doc, come take a look at this!" He shouts out to somebody else in the hangar bay. And similarly dressed older gentleman, kind of curmudgeonly, comes up, goggles pulled down onto his eyes, and blinking, "What? What? What is going on? This guy's got the sparrow! This is what he says, at least!"

Well, that can't be right. I mean, that, no, that's ancient. I haven't been around here in, well, damn near forever. It's gotta be a different ship. No! He says it's the Sparrow. Look! Look at what's requested. Well, that can't be. And he walks up to the ship with the goggles on. He starts to kind of like twist and turn. You see him kind of zoom in and zoom out. Um...

And he inspects, unless you interrupt at all, he inspects the control unit. Just the controls to pilot the ship. Well, I'll be damned. It is the Sparrow. Oh, ma'am. You the original pilot? Yeah, of course. Well, damn, son. I got a poster of you on my wall back at home. I used to watch your races growing up. What? What?

I didn't think you'd ever come back! Pike's on a poster?! Well, the sparrow is! What's brought you back? You came for the Grand Prix? Are you a secret mystery racer, Pike?!

Why didn't you tell us? It's not like that. That's the coolest thing I've ever heard. This guy's no secret racer. The Sparrow's a household name. It's not raced on the track in decades, but... Trust me, Chuckles. It's all the shit. It's not me. Guys, this is way cooler than my shit factory. I agree. Man.

- Man, that's amazing! Would any of this be, would this be old news to me or would this be news to me? - You would know that I have a background in racing. You know I have, why I'm an ace pilot. - Right. - You would absolutely know of that. You might not know of the infamy of the Sparrow so much, but whenever we would've talked about the ship, it would've been me talking up the Sparrow, not necessarily me. - I see.

Wow, Pike, you know, I knew you were good. I didn't think you were that good. The sparrow is a very special machine. You better take good care of it. Oh, gosh, sir, it's an honor to work on the sparrow. I mean, this one will do for free.

Well, that's certainly not necessary. No, no, wait, wait, wait. Now you're talking my language. Free. For free, you think? To work, well, for you. Oh, wait. Triple. For you, it's triple. Yeah, to get that special sound when you fly, I mean, that takes a lot of engineering. Can you do it after me? Well, that's going to cost double, triple.

There's an art to discordant magic, but I suppose someone like you would-- Real Marvin the Martian-looking motherfucker sort of deal, you know what I mean? That makes me very angry. Yeah, exactly right, I know what you mean, and it's gonna stay in a double-triple. But for the sparrow, gosh, Pike, it'd be my honor if you'd let me work on it. I appreciate it. Well, people gotta know that you're back! Kid, go tell 'em, go run out! And the smaller kid starts running out. All right.

Here we go. Well gosh, this guy, top three racer of all time at the Prismatic Pathway. What? Top three? Top three. Of all time, you think? Of all time, I say. Wait, do top three racers of all time get free waffles down at the local Jeff's Expectors by 250 space diner? I can't think of a single chef in the Prismatic Pathway that would charge Pike for waffles.

And his friends! Yeah, it's gonna be double-triple! No, I'm kidding! Yeah, I'm hiking! Anyone who walks with him, Loffels are on the house! Do you do, like, custom detail work? Like decals and such? No, no, we're not gonna pay extra. It just needs to be fixed!

For Pike, if Pike's oldest clown chum chuckles. Well, describe what you want and excruciate in detail. We'll see if we can't get it done. Don't say clown chum. Come here. Okay, okay. Can it look like this? I'm going to hold a piece of paper with... Oh, you are one sick puppy. You want this on your ship? That's anatomically correct.

I know it doesn't seem physically possible. I mean, we can do it, sir. We can do it. But are you absolutely sure you want to fly around space with that thing hanging off the ship? Give me the Pixar special, my good man.

Well, alright. Clearly he hasn't seen women from the Pixaris system. That's fucking brilliant. You son of a bitch. Can you do it? Have it be on the opposite side of my bumper sticker on my other ride in the Llama Corn. Yeah, the Llama Corn one. I noticed that coming. Give it a little bit of symmetry. Just like that.

"Alright, well, I'd like to supervise you taking the ships out of the hangar so that I can lock up appropriately." "Not a problem! We can get them slept out, you can lock up the ship, and we'll get started as soon as we can presently." And he'll walk around snapping at a couple people. "Hey, move quick! You don't understand! This guy's got the sparrow! Come on, it's back!"

And a couple other like very similarly dressed people all run up and they'll have like basically forklifts that'll go under the ships and kind of lift them up with a little curved like a hammock kind of thing. And they'll take your personal ships out into the hangar at large and drop them there. Take them probably.

20 minutes to get just the four ships out of the bay. Well, there you go. I mean, we're all out, so we can definitely get started here. We'll start with the Sparrow. I don't know how quick I can get this done. I want to give it the care that a ship like this deserves, but we'll work as fast as we can, sir. There's no need to rush. We're going to be here for a bit. I'll hit a few buttons on my...

arm and the hanger will go a sort of purple force field that normally kind of keeps it sealed descends and shuts off the hanger hey buddy don't let a single soul on board you understand including robots anyone if a fucking single thing happens or anyone tries to get on board you let us know right away you understand

All right. Good job. Good boy. The doc will see this force field come over the ship and just kind of gaze at it extremely appreciatively of the feat of engineering it would take and recognizing the color. I'm going to go ahead and guess that we'll just provide whatever tools you need to work on your own ship. I mean...

Plenty of self-modifications on mine. I mean, do what you can, get her fixed up. I can handle the rest. And if a Robo-Pug shows up, you follow his orders. Well, okay. I mean, you can dictate a second, for sure.

It'll make sense when you see the RoboPug. We'll try. We'll listen to the prayers of the RoboPug. They were friends of the sparrow now. I dread not. It was not special at all. A hydraulic mining vessel. If it would cost less to buy a new one, then to repair it. Do that.

Well, okay, we'll see what we can do to get you back up and running in that old mining gear. I don't know that we have anything like that laying around on account of here as this is a racetrack and not a mining colony, but we'll see what we can do to just patch it up for you.

And to clarify, it's not a Dreadnought. It's an Excavator 9000, but it's with an X. Oh, I noticed that. Very edgy of you. Is that true? I don't know. I wonder what that is. Let's continue. Let's move on. Moving beyond that little snafu. Well, exactly it.

Yeah? Um, do we get like a big, uh, are there like a lollipop or something that you have for customers? It's like a bank. We don't have lollipops. We have space lollipops. I will lead me to the bowl. Well, alright, here you go. It's normally just for good little boys who come with their parents to the shop, but I guess if you want one. Do I see a sign that says take only one?

Yes, you do. Fuck. Yeah. You see a sign that says, take only one over the lollipop bowl. And you reach in and you grab a pink and purple swirled one. And if you were to taste it, it is firmly a cotton candy flavor. I'll chew on it like it's a cigarette. You did good, kid.

We're gonna go get some baked waffle. Well, I'm not a kid. That was the other guy. I'm like 97 years old. See ya, kid. Okay, well, you got some strange traveling companions, sir. Yeah, you can say that again. Okay, well...

I would suggest you all the best pancakes in town are at the watering hole. We said waffles. Oh, shit. Well, that's way on the other end of town. Definitely not the watering hole. We don't mind the water. Get the fuck out of here with your pancakes. Did I say pancakes? I meant waffles. The best waffles in town are at the watering hole.

You have been there many a times. You could say almost that you grew up there. It fills you with slight apprehension to go back. Yeah, I feel it. As you're saying it, I feel it. What I would do is basically, if nobody else has anything else they'd want to do, I'd be happy to lead the way. And I would start walking towards the watering hole and almost not realize I'm doing it.

right and like just kind of like talking to to you guys as we walk and say uh there's a chance that we run into some people who are pretty surprised to see me it's been so long i almost didn't make the connection until we were hearing it that being said given the clientele of the track nobody's gonna sell us out people might be able to help us out with some favors so this is our chance

What we need is a word that you can say that tells us that you want us to kill them. No, didn't you hear? There's only one rule. What rule? No fighting. No fighting. And that implies certainly no killing. So the word is no.

No, no, that's not the word at all. No? There is no word. We're not killing anyone here. Take care of them. What if Rex shows up? What if Rex shows up? Yeah. We're going to come up with a plan and we're going to deal with it. We're not going to fight with the guy. I'm telling you, you don't want to mess with these people. Oh, gosh.

Are space goblins gonna come out if we start PvP and kill us, Bruce Lee? I can either confirm or deny. Oh god. The prismatic pathway bouncers. Oh yeah! Okay, I won't mess it up. I won't mess it up. We will follow your lead. You know what? I feel like we need some waffles.

I feel like after my recent experience, I can't deal with pancake. I gotta stay away from all cake of all varieties. If they only have pancakes, then the no fighting rules. The watering hole has waffles, and we're almost there. Just everybody hold on to your pants. Okay. Should I change? The word is no. No, no, the word is not no. I am with you. There is no word. Can you please talk to him? Look, don't kill anybody. Don't fight anybody.

Can we just sit down and fuckin' enjoy our fuckin' waffles at a fuckin' 1950s diner in a science fiction setting in peace? Yes. Trust me when I tell you, this is one of the first places we've been in a long time where people like us are welcome. In fact, we don't draw attention. It's not uncomfortable to have a bunch of bounty hunters around, so let's just relax a little, alright?

We've had a pretty brutal few days. I feel beat up. Let us relax. Oh gosh! What if that one guy's here? Which guy? What one guy? The three horn guy! The guy with the eyepatch. Not the guy with the four arms? He runs the diner, he's gonna be there. No, I know he's gonna be there! That one guy! But with his name! Bracken! What if Bracken's here? Oh god. Just space pirate these here for free? Or period?

I would have never seen a Saurian here, right? Or like, I mean, that would be kind of... Extreme. You would never have seen a Saurian. They were like on the outskirts of the galaxy. Well, the Saurian like war host, the actual like primal Saurian band is extremely pushed to the outskirts of the galaxy and really only savages right at the edge as like a ghost story.

But Bracken was like a defector, right? Bracken had split away. Turned to piracy. Turned to piracy to reject the more primal side of things and live basically like a furry life. You make a good point, but I don't think in particular Bracken's gonna show up. Even if the occasional space pirate happens to wander here, they know the rules. They're bound to. They'll take care of him. Okay, I'm just trying to get a lay of the land so we don't like, you know, cause trouble.

No trouble. No trouble. No trouble! Hey, you heard me. We've had a very emotional 12 hours. I'm ready to completely drown myself in... in waffle. Waffle. Not cake. Waffle. Or pie. Just waffle. Whatever you want and we can afford, get it. Okay, cool. And just, you know, try not to make a scene. Yeah. Yeah, but we would never make a scene, right, LaBouche?

No. Cut to the Space Waffle House. Bruce is going ape shit. That weird green bug alien from Geonosis and the Alien Actions. I go over to the record. Okay.

Let's go! It's the best smash cut. Oh, man. Alright. We walk to the- we walk to the- We walk to the water and- We have that whole conversation on the way to the water and- Yeah, not yet. You make your way out of the garage. I apologize, yeah. And as the door swings wide open in front of you, lights strike your eyes so bright you have to blink it away for a second. I have no eyelids.

You know the scene well, Pike. The race having just recently finished a prelim track deciding who would be able to take place in the Grand Prix, securing their racers number.

won by a mysterious racer number eight. Celebrated by all. You can see banners of people running throughout the town, carrying different numbers of their favorite racer. You see depictions of people as you walk around with helmet, with goggles. You see, though, what is a little bit odd,

is there is a large group of people running all throughout, all different types, celebrating and cheering, but right at the mouth of the garage as the door opens has begun to amass a small crowd that is whispering as you walk out, and you start to pick up words such as "The Sparrow. He's back. It's Pike." And you will have a couple of it in hushed tones,

Is it him? Is it him? Is it actually him? It couldn't be. He hasn't been here in years. I thought it was pronounced PK. I've only ever read it. This is crazy. Run like the wine. That guy couldn't have been right. I always thought it was PK. Oh, is that why he always says PK fire when he shoots his little gun? PK fire! PK fire! Oh!

Holy shit. This group of small kids runs up to you and says, Pike, Pike, is it you? Pilot of the Sparrow? Yeah, yeah, that's me. I'm Pike. He holds up a poster of the Sparrow in its beautiful coloration. She in mint condition. Would you please sign this for me? No.

Yeah, sure, I guess. And I take it and I open it up and I'm like, who the hell is making these? I didn't know they... I'll take whatever signing up on me he has and I'll just sign it. Pike and the Sparrow. He hands you a silver marker. And you draw Pike and the Sparrow on the poster. Wow! It's really him! Oh my gosh! I didn't think this would happen! Oh! Oh!

And they run around and the crowd's kind of like, oh my gosh, it's him! It actually is him! And his best friend! And no one else but Bums! Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum!

And his best friends, little two. Yummy! Three balloons to all fan the pike. Three balloons? Yeah! Can you do the sparrow as a balloon? Oh, of course I can. I fought alongside the sparrow, if you didn't know. What kind of ship do you fly in? A boat.

A hellish flying saucer! He said flying saucer? Yeah, I think he said flying saucer. From the depths of the realms of Dipkor. Well, that's pretty lame, I think, right? I mean, it's no Sparrow. Yeah, I don't really know. I mean, flying saucer, that's about the oldest thing anyone's ever said. Oh! Wow! What is it? It's perfect!

Sorry, it's a little off. I miss, the shape isn't entirely right, but it's close enough. Sorry, I'm a little off my game, because we witnessed the death of our friend. One of our friends turned into a horrible super weapon. And I witnessed my favorite animal being brutally murdered. And either my greatest enemy or my dearest love, or both,

I had to confront her just an hour ago. It doesn't look like the sparrow at all. It's just a butt. It's actually what you pull open together. It's a very thick thigh representation of Charlie. Oh! Space Freud was right! Is that not what it looked like? Is that not what it looked like? Sometimes a peach is just a bitch. Ha ha ha ha ha!

Remember that, kids. You got it, PK. Let me try again. No, they're runaway screaming. Wow, you're-- Go on, get it. You're really famous around here. I don't know if famous is the word that I would use. I'm kind of surprised anybody would even recognize me, to be honest. It's been so long, I think most people had forgotten.

And that would be the case. It's been so long since you've held such a prime position at the track that most people would have forgotten. But as one of the top three all-time contestants at the track coming in second place, your ship and your name lives down in the hall of fame of sorts of greatest racers who have ever come through.

And their parents, old generation from a long time ago that still talk about the time they got to see Pike race the Sparrow at the Prismatic Pathway and how unbelievable it was to see the flames tear across the track. - May I ask one question in clarification of time here? Are solar elves living

Naturally long-lived lives. Like, unnaturally long-lived, yes. Yep. So, when I said that Pike was between late 20s and early 30s, that is the equivalent of... Yes! Biologically. Just so you know. Mm. Mm-hmm. It's not, you know, he could be a couple hundred years old. Uh, right? Depending on what the equivalent would be. Yeah, yeah. When we decide that. Yeah. He's still unnaturally long-lived. Anyway. Thank you. Uh, exactly right.

We head to the Waffle House. I mean the watering hole. And you make your way. You guide the party down these pathways. People race through the streets chanting, "He won, he won. "Oh, next time we'll get him. "I'm so excited for the Grand Prix tomorrow. "Can you believe it? "It's tomorrow night."

as people are just celebrating in the streets, confetti, streamers blasting out, lights shining as you make your way through the crowd. And you eventually come upon a more modest building that you know as the watering hole. All the buildings look more or less the same.

outer gray metal standard door in a larger archway, double entry, almost like saloon doors. You could walk right through and head into the watering hole. And as you stand at the steps that lead you up there, you pause for just a moment, considering whether or not you should.

I would say that you would all see me generally as a person who doesn't waffle. I make decisions and I stick to them, especially if you make a decision or whatever. And you might notice this. I step up. I take one step up the stairs and I pause for a moment before I continue and I walk through the doors. I'll follow. You know, Pike, I knew you were good. I didn't know you were that good. It was a long time ago, Red. Another lifetime ago. I'll follow Pike.

into Dexter Jester's 1950s space diner. I mean, the watering hole. Is that another, that's gotta be another Star Wars episode two, Attack of the Clones. And you walk into Dexter Jester's Johnny Rockets 1950s diner. You hear the words before you see them.

And there I was, fighting for my life at the edge of the universe. The wolves didn't bite half as hard as the cold. Oh, he's so dreamy. Just out at the other end of the bar, you see it first, sitting on the edge, a white cowboy hat. Surrounded by a group hanging on every one of his words. You see...

That same orange hair that bleeds into vibrant red framed the face of Rex. I had to blast my way off that planet single-handedly. My robots destroyed, speeder broken. I made my way on foot back to my ship. Everything you can think of stood in my way, and some you can't. But nothing stops Rex Maxim.

Oh, gosh, he's just so dreamy. I could fall into his eyes. Oh, Rex. Oh. And it carries on like that at the other end of the bar. He doesn't yet notice you enter. I will point at him and I'll say, hey, wait a minute. That guy's wearing white after Labor Day. Shut the fuck up.

He looks up. He looks up. What a fucko. He doesn't say that. He doesn't say that. He would say that. Yeah! Yeah!

Do you actually shout out that he's wearing a green hat? That's up to you, brother. I try to stop him. I don't think I'm saying it loud. I'm saying it to my friends. Okay, we'll make that claim. I'm screaming. You get this in the jungle, it doesn't recognize you. And I was like, get your fucking head down!

That's Rex! I wanna like, we keep our backs and we try to get like a... How are you gonna hide me? There's no... I was gonna say, my hair sticks out like a sore fucking thumb. You know. I didn't recognize him without his hat on. You can all roll a group stealth check. Oh, Jesus. Oh.

- Oh no. - Hey, wait a minute. - Oh, I don't have the, what are we making? - Natural 20. - 27. - Oh my God, okay. - What are we making? - Still to check.

Oh, we all rolled action better! I don't have the ether engine, so... I spiked a 17, let's go. 17, 27... Oh, a disadvantage 'cause of my-- You are disadvantaged. 27... Oh, we're disadvantaged. No, no, no, I'm disadvantaged 'cause of my-- 25! 25, 27, 17, and 8! Yeah, fuck you. It's approved! It's approved! We're twisting it. 15? We are so fucking stealthy right now. 15. They just not recognize us. 15. Lowest you guys are 15.

- Okay. - 25. - And then when he doesn't see us, I walk up behind him and shoot him in the head. - So, would I have been able to have gotten a new outfit?

Since when? Basically before going off to... Getting dressed to go on this adventure. Yeah, you would have had... Before you left the Rhapsody, as you docked in... I mean, even as you were just coming into land, you all had plenty of time. You have, in a neat sense, that you're in a far more safer environment. There's no pending eldritch or chaotic horror knocking at your front door. You can...

get dressed in your, wherever you want in your room and be ready to go. - I will have basically put on an outfit that is basically a mix between Dick Dastardly from Wacky Races. - Oh my God. - Or Snidely, they're the same guy. The Snidely, the guy from Wacky Races and Wario from Super Smash Brothers Brawl.

And so I'll have a kind of a helmet and I'll have like a mustache. I'll look like a racer. That's my racing persona that I have. So I also look clown-like. I'll still be very clownish, but I'm going to try to not be like so chuckles. So slightly whiplash. There you go. You get this outfit on, equipped with the hat, the full-blown cape. You also...

classically have racing goggles, which you couldn't find. - Oh yeah. - So instead, in the hangar bay, you ask the young mechanic for his, and because you are a companion of the Pike of the Sparrow, he gave them to you. So you have pressured a young engineer out of his engineering goggles. - Oh sick, thanks kid. And as we leave, Hank walks up and does this.

That's a deep cut. And then he goes back into the... Get on it! Get on it! Hank is muttly. Oh, Jesus. I need to take one side of the booth entirely, given my massive form. You guys are on one side, and I'm just having... And you shuffle, even though you are a very odd, noticeable party.

You're able to kind of hang to the shadows just a little bit as you shuffle on over. It's been crowded. It's crowded. There are people in here. This is the watering hole. This is the spot to get a bite to eat, to hang out. And you hear also there is a crowd of people around Rex and make a perception check. Whoever thinks they'd be perceiving the area.

I am definitely making the first of the object. Yeah, definitely pike. Please don't fuck this up. We're twisting, we're twisting. Yeah, yeah. 100%. I got a bazillion plus here. Use two trances, if needed. No, that's a 26. Oh, yeah. 26. I said it once, let's say it again. Hello?

You hear and see a couple things. As you look, you keep your eyes primarily on Rex, but you're also on the lookout for one other person. You scan the crowd, and this is a figure you couldn't miss by a wide margin, and you don't see that person. But you catch Rex.

You see as he shifts and he's regaling the masses with his story, you see pinned to his jacket the number eight. You also hear from them gathered around, "Oh, oh Rex!" I almost said Pike. "Oh Rex!" Yeah, that's right, say my name, baby. "Oh Rex, what's it like being the top three best racer of all time?" Well...

Oh, it's pretty great. It's hard being as good as Rex Maxim. I hate that guy. Pike. Yeah? Who is the third best razor of all time? Would I know all three? Mm-hmm. I know number one. I guess technically he's now taken number two. Rex has taken number two? By the sound of it? Rex is definitely number two. The...

I'm just trying to make sure I work out. The number one spot has been unchanged since the track has opened. Okay, I know that one. The two and three spots have interchanged between you and Rex for decades. So as it stands right now, based on the conversation that I'm hearing, he's probably beaten my previous record and he's number two. Very possible that he is now number two. Yeah, I can name all three.

- With you and two others. - Because I haven't raced in so long, and from the sound of what Rex is saying, I fall into number three. - Oh. - Given whatever's going on here right now, Rex probably beat whatever paltry record I left behind. And number one is a man who's remained unbeaten since the opening of this track. - Who's that? - His name is Leo Khan. - Leo Khan? - Leo Khan? Who?

I've never heard of him, but I'm not really much of a racing enthusiast. Although my Dick Dastardly outfit would imply otherwise. It was Dick Dastardly. I was right. The most slightly different place is from Rocky and Bullwinkle. I'll play with my mustache as I'll fiddle with it. So, is he... do he still race? Do you know this guy? I... I did know him. As for still racing, no. Probably not anymore. Is that old bastard still alive?

If I had to put my money on it, I'd bet yes. I honestly don't know. I used to read his name in the space papers. Man, I haven't heard that name in a long time. I have a feeling that if something happened to him, I would have heard about it. Wow. I can't believe you're famous. I feel like how long have we been hanging out for a long time?

Why would you never say anything about it? You must be very proud and really open to talking about it. *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *Longer* *Longer* *Longer* *Longer* *Longer*Longer* *Longer*Longer* Longer*Longer*Longer*Longer*Longer*Longer*Longer*Longer*Longer*Longer*Longer

Well, I mean, it's a pretty cool spot. I mean, I've never been, you know, friends of anybody famous that I'm aware of. You know, before this, I was feeling a little conflicted about turning him in. But God, that guy's a cocky jackass. I'm ready to fucking apprehend that guy and chuck him to the boss.

Wait a minute. We've been sitting here for like 15 minutes. Do we need to go up or is someone... No, this is a disgusted alien with four arms and a filthy apron and a fucking mustache. It's a race. And that guy exactly walks up. What kind of... Oh, I saw you scratching your head on the way over here.

That's a part of the experience. You don't have to pay extra. Oh, wow. Well, I haven't had space dysentery in a while, so we'll have as many waffles as you can offer. One waffle coming up. And coffee, please. One waffle?

One waffle. Can you make two waffles? No, four waffles. No, can we get four dozen waffles? Four dozen waffles. Who do you think you... Wait, do you make them? Four dozen waffles coming right up. Oh, yeah. And a round for the table. Something extra strong. Your most pungent root beer, please. And for the ice cream, let's make it strawberry. Strawberry.

That's a nightmare. But he didn't answer my question. Do you make the waffles? I don't cook, I just serve the food. What he said is good. Please stop touching my around. I can't. I wasn't touching my ass, I was scratching my balls. You're behind me. You're behind me.

That's how the anatomy of whatever this creature is works. You don't have to use three arms to do it. Just use one arm. Well, one was for scratching. The other two were for pleasure. He doesn't say that. I hate everything about this session. I'm not going to tip more than him. Four dozen waffles.

And a round of your strong strawberry ice cream root beer float from space. And all the space eggs and space bacon you have. Ooh, yeah, yeah, yeah. A lot of space eggs and bacon. No, I don't think you understood what I fucking said. I don't mean a lot of space eggs and space bacon. I mean all of the space eggs and space bacon you have. You're not kidding. All the space eggs and bacon we have.

There could be hundreds of credits of space bacon and space eggs. 400 credits! Who would order this much space bacon and... What is bacon lasagna? This is going to be the end of Star Wars Rhapsody. We will see you never again. It's been a real fun time. Campaign is over!

And Eldritch Horror falls from the sky and consumes all. I find a mini jukebox at the end of the table, and I take out a single credit, and I slip it in, and I select a song, and now we wait. That's not my song. Wow, this is my favorite song. That's not the one I chose. I'm waiting for it. Nobody cares what you chose. It's the song that's playing.

Wop, bada-woo-bop, a-wop, bam-boo. Holy shit, that is so fucking funny. Okay, well, I'll be right back with all of the space eggs and bacon we have. Four dozen waffles. A strawberry ice cream root beer float. Coffee, please. And coffee. I'll have an orange juice.

We don't have orange juice. What's an orange? Oh, no, he means schmorange juice. Oh, you meant space orange juice. Otherwise referred to as schmorange juice. Schmorange juice. Schmorange juice. We have schmorange juice, but only if you say schmorange juice. I like the waffles with fruit on them. We don't have that on the menu. No.

No, you do. It's waffles with some fruit. Say the name. I'll have the fresh and fruity, fruity, fruity, please. That happens. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared.

And comes back, and is like covered in peaches. "Aw, everything reminds me of her." Alright, and this creature with four arms, you know, shuffles away. And he never changes his apron, that's fucking disgusting. And he cleans his hands on his apron, and it has like grease stains across the front of it.

As this four-armed creature walks away. God, that disgusted Mustache. Why did they think he was a good idea? He should have been fired years ago. Well, what's the play here? I think we need to figure out what Rex's plan is. I guess he means to compete in the Grand Prix.

He thinks he's gonna win the whole thing and win that million credit prize. Well, we have a few options. We can let him win, and then we just take his million credits as a finder's fee for the boss. Or... maybe we can try to get you in and you fucking beat him, and we win the million credits. Whoa! Well, here's the thing. We missed the freelance. There's no way they'd let me in at this point. I didn't earn my spot.

You're famous! And even if we steal the million credits from him, you and I both know that that's not gonna be enough to satisfy the boss. He's gonna want Rex... in person. Okay. Hoth. Don't we know that, like, the boss is actually even more nefarious than we thought, and he killed our old pal, Kilibat? What?

No, that was Grun Corp. That's totally... What the fuck are you talking about, Shuckles? Oh, so the boss... Okay. So the boss is more of an agent out for himself. And so we're fine turning him over to be horribly tortured and executed by the boss. Well, Kilovax was killed by corporate goons. Okay. The boss is more of like a black market mafioso type. He really was a mafioso.

Oh, that reminds me. A round of onion rings, please. I'm going to put on Don't Stop Believin'. My song still hasn't come up. It's pretty good. Immediately, as soon as you hit the button. Don't stop. I put my present. That's exactly what happened. That's exactly what happened.

Okay, okay, time out, time out. I just want to say, before this stream started, we were talking about Thursday when I was DMing, and Mace was like, yeah, you know, you always think you don't prepare enough, and then you throw in a throwaway breakfast scene, and you think it's going to be two minutes, and it lasts an hour and a half. You did this to yourself! This is all part of the plan. It's been a while since we had space eggs and space pancakes, that's all I'm going to say. I'm now a master at pacing. I planned for this. LAUGHTER

The best part is we can play until four in the morning. The whole time that we're having this conversation, though, do we still continue to hear Rex? Yes. Like boasting. You hear him boasting. You hear him specifically talking. You hear him talking about the stories that you were all a part of, but with him as the central hero and none of you as even players in the show. I'm listening to hear if he starts name dropping.

Oh. Okay. Shit. Okay. Now, ladies, this is Space Wonderwall. I kill him. I kill him. I pull out my clown gun and I shoot him. Don't stop me, Mr. Black! Three o'clock! Three o'clock!

Holy shit! Oh, it's landslide land. It's two meta. Holy shit. You're not gonna fucking believe this. Yeah? He killed 16 Grunt Corp goons. Guy with an interior decorator. Ha ha ha!

Hey everybody, Chuckles here. It's time for an ad read. This podcast is brought to you by our very own Patreon. Become a patron today at patreon.com slash legendsofadventures and gain access to tons of exclusive perks, including a monthly movie night and a weekly Patreon-exclusive campaign set on the high seas.

We cut back to the diner.

Wellllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

There's only one way that a racer can bypass the eliminations, the prelims, and get into the race. And it's if they have a special bid or vote from the number one racer himself. You okay, LaBouche? I'm fine. They just weren't playing my song. There are like four or five of them now.

Blue splash, I was thinking of-- - My car! - It'll play soon, it'll play soon. - I'll put in another. - I mean, when was the last time you saw a car?

Is he fucking- is he still around here? What does he look like? Is he also a solar elf? Are all the best racers solar elves? Why is that the case? Uh, is he really- do they- do you all drive variation of the Sparrow? Why does he get to drive the Speeder and you have a whole spaceship? How did that fucking work? I don't know if he's still around here. Okay. My thought is... probably didn't leave. The issue is that the last time that I saw him, we parted on less than friendly words. Hmm...

Well, I'm sure we can patch that up. There is no better healing agent than a slice of cake between... I mean, something that isn't cake between friends. Maybe like a... What's something good to split? Like a big bowl of beef stroganoff? Do they have that here? Look, Chuckles, even if I wanted to apologize, I don't think the man would see me.

Why? You never know how many years have it been. Maybe in the decades that have followed your falling out, he'd gotten time to heal and some perspective to reflect on your... whatever it is that went sour in your relationship, of which I know nothing about. It's hard to say. It's been too long. Maybe enough time to forgive. Yeah. What happened between you two?

To this point, the four-armed gentleman who is operating the establishment walks up. "Well, here's all the stuff you ordered. Four dozen pancakes, all the space eggs and bacon you can eat, and that we have one chocolate soda, float, root beer, and coffee.

Thank you so much, mister. Let me read your name tag. Oh, Shup Glitto? I... Thank you, Mr. Glitto. I hate to be that guy, but we ordered waffles. Wait a minute, pancakes?

No, no, take him back. Take him back and bring his waffles. Whoa, look at that stack. Look how it moves. You have four arms. Four arms for breaking. No, Laboosh. There's no fighting. No. No. No, there's no fighting. Whoa, those pancakes are...

I mean, you can just leave the pancake. You've already made them. And he's famous. They're the fluffiest pancakes in town. I really should call her. Maybe she'd take me back. A river of butter, just like. I told you we should have left him. Exactly, the melt just descends around each layer. What do you think? What do you think, Guy? No. Leave them, though. Leave them.

Go through Glitto. Shub Glitto. Now canonically forearmed Shub Glitto. That's awful. I'm so sorry, Mace. Restaurant Pruviter. Whatever the proper nomenclature is. I'll be back with the waffles. Can you check on the jukebox I have? I've been waiting on a song.

Okay, I'll get right on that. And with all four arms, he walks away. The pancake's absolutely, like, bouncing and jiggling as he takes him back to the kitchen. Are you okay, Shuckles? I mean, really, I mean, Jolly didn't think that bad. Enough about Jolly! All right? Okay! She was an evil, heinous clown! You're right, you're right.

You're right. She can't be fixed or saved. That we know of. Here's hoping. Will you stop touching your fake mustache? Yeah, sorry. I gotta, I gotta, I gotta, I gotta, I'm gonna focus on the jukebox. Oh, they have the dancing brothers here in the credit. Gonna have a good time tonight. Gonna have a good time tonight. Gonna have a good time tonight. Gonna have a good time tonight.

You know I always liked those dancing brothers. I'm so hungry. Well, we got all the space bacon and space eggs we could ask for. Yeah, come on. Let's eat up. I will just vacuum. I can grab whole handfuls of bacon and you just watch it fold into my arm and go into my torso, dissolving en route. That's a good question. Have you still been particularly hungry since the incident? Or is he like...

Not since the Weaver. The Weaver, okay. Once the Weaver... He boofed my mask. He boofed my shoe. Once the Weaver intervened, that sensation receded. So this is normal hunger. Got it.

- I'm imagining it's been so long that it tastes and the experience is like the breakfast scene from Howl's Moving Castle with how delicious and satisfying it is. - Yeah. - This is like the most standard greasy burger

bacon, eggs, diner fare you could get. Absolutely not what would be served in the nicest of establishments or hotels, and that's exactly what you were in the market for. This hits spots you didn't know you had as it goes down the stomach, and you are fully satiated as it's, well, you're not even close to satiated, but it's delicious, it's quite good. - Oh, I can't wait for those waffles.

- Not pancake. I'm trying to be a good clown. - Like, is there anything we should do about Rex now? - As he's been asking this the whole time, I've been listening to him just like run in his mouth. - Yeah. - I will say that as

As you've been listening to him, there have been one or two moments where he's telling a particularly heroic story, and he has mentioned you by name in the vein of having to have saved you from something, some threat. Armed penguin forces on Aurora as they attempted to run down the two of you.

He paints a very heroic tale for himself and you as in distress. I light a new cigarette as LaVouche asks me this question, I say, I'm not sure what we can do right at the moment, but he's over there running his mouth about us to anybody who's willing to listen. We may not be able to fight in this place, but surely we can embarrass him somehow or do something. Well, he's doing his best to embarrass us.

Oh, who gives a fuck? Nobody knows who we are. I mean, maybe they know who you are, but frankly, the more incognito we are, the more folks believe his story. The more we can fly under the radar. Yeah, and I mean, how are we going to embarrass anybody? We don't know how to embarrass anyone, especially not ourselves.

As you see that, the Shulk Glitter comes back with four dozen waffles.

The pancakes are gone. The pancakes are gone. Guys, maybe being like a courtier is not the way to feel bad. Oh, God. Shup Glitto comes back. Great googly move. Here are the waffles you ordered. All four dozen of them. And he walks up and places the stack of waffles down in front of him.

Oh, thank goodness. This'll keep me on the straight and narrow.

I'll dig in. I'll take the top waffle and I'll roll it up like a cigar and then it'll slowly make its way up like a chute into my arm as it makes its way towards my central area for digestion. I imagine this is so delicious, it's like the waffle scene from Old Dogs Go to Heaven. It's actually like the peanut butter French toast scene from Shazam. So deliciously. These are deep cuts. That's fucking delicious.

Oh, did my ear float arrive? He brought you the wrong thing. That came in the first order. This guy really fucking sucks. Also...

It's a little cramped on the front of the booth. Pike, are you okay? I'm in the middle, like... I got in first. Pike, are you okay? Am I alright? Oh, sorry, Pike. I'm right-handed. I don't know what else to say. There's plenty of room, and I'm like, with one, I'm trying to squeeze the bacon in between my legs while I keep the cigarettes in my mouth. Because I can't get my other hand up. Who's at the ends of the booth?

Well, LaBouche has one side to himself and then Chuckles is on the other side. So I'm on the outside. He's all the way on the inside. It might take a dastardly amount of time. It's at this moment you hear, Well, now I just had to see who had ordered four dozen pancakes and had them sent back to the kitchen only to get four dozen waffles in return. My favorite bounty hunting party.

How's everybody doing? And Rex sits down at the table next to LaBouche. He leans forward and simply slams his fist on the jukebox and... Free as a space bird. Fly away with me. How did you do that? It's clearly not broken! I've got another credit. Well, well, well. Pike...

I didn't think you'd come back here. I didn't think I'd come back here either. Oh, chasing little old me still, are you? Heard you, uh, qualified for the Grand Prix tomorrow, eh? Oh, you saw that race, huh? Yeah, you know, I did pretty good. First spot. Didn't see the race, just heard the news.

You only won because I wasn't here. Tough talk, tough talk. How's my smile looking on the sparrow, by the way? Oh, man. Does the captain know you're here yet? You know him. Word spreads fast. He was probably the first to know. You got some balls walking up to this table, Rex. Oh, that's so good.

Again, he's only doing it because he knows there's no fighting. Otherwise, we'd hand him his ass. Whoa, tough talk, gentlemen. I just came for a friendly chat. I have handed people their ass before. He's testing our fucking self-control.

He's like a reindeer across the table from the... Oh yeah, hey Rex. It's me, Jungle. I don't know if you recognize me. Who? Was he there last time? Yeah, I'm in the sky.

We haven't eaten in a while, so... Oh, sorry, I don't mean to interrupt. Well, it's a shame you can't take place in the race tomorrow. You got a fucking huge bounty on your head, Rex. You understand that? I'm a wanted man, right? Everybody's looking for a little time with Rex Maxim. Also, the word you were looking for is "lucky".

Because you know you haven't beaten me in a race in, well, decades. Decades is a long time ago. Today's a new day, and you don't even qualify to be on the track anymore. I got better things to do, Rex. Yeah, it looks like. Lot of waffles. Well, I hope you all enjoy the meal. God, you smug fucking jackass. Wap that stupid fucking grin off your face.

If you could race, would you? If he's like getting up and leaving the table, when he's like five feet away, I'm going to say, oh, and Rex, the moment you step off this track, we're taking you in. Well, I believe you're going to try. You know, they say he never got back in the ship after you left. If that's true, then it's a damn shame. Oh.

I'm sure I'll see you in the stands tomorrow. I'll shoot you a wink from the finish line. You gentlemen enjoy the waffles. You enjoy your final fucking days of freedom. Oh, man. I'll never get tired of our witty back and forth.

And he walks away. You hear him hail the bartender. Yeah. Can I get just an order of space eggs and bacon? We're all out. Yes! Dig a fork in there and you're like shaking the fork and you have bacon in the air. He definitely looks back and he's like,

I'm making the bacon, I'm just making a ring. Well, well, well, that certainly looks very silly now. You're like covered in milkshake. You have mustache. Yeah, he certainly looks very silly. You upended it when the straw no longer worked, so you have this rim of ice cream around your face.

Oh, God. Cut him! Never-- Never melt! That's exactly right. You gotta fuckin' find a way into that race. We can't let him win. If he wins, he'll be such a fuckin' celebrity, there's no way we're takin' him in. We'd have to go talk to Khan. Alright. We'll talk to him. We'll get him in. We'll get you in the race. And then I'll...

Do those modifications I told you about. I have some ideas rattling around in my brain. It's not a guarantee that he's going to let me race. I'll have faith, Pike. If there's anyone you can convince, it's an old racer like him. We'll see. Do you know where he is? Is he just living here somewhere? I know where he used to live. A man like Khan probably wouldn't move very much. My guess is he...

Probably is in the same place I left him. But you never really know. I haven't really kept tabs on this place. You think he's dead? No. He was always a tough bastard. And a whole lot smarter than me, that's for sure. That's for sure, really. I agree. He kept his nose out of trouble. It's part of the reason we had a falling out.

'Cause you got into trouble and he bailed you out and you cost him like his arm or something or and he had to sacrifice for you and you were really not grateful at all? It's not that... Oh. It's not that intense. Oh. The man basically raised me. Whoa. He took me in when I had nowhere else to go. He's the one who taught me how to race. Ultimately taught me how to fly. He's the reason I'm as good as I was back then.

Rex and I were more or less rivals. We were racing against each other all the time, and Khan, of course. That's how we learned. That's how he taught us. Who would win more, you or Rex? Well, in the beginning, it was Rex. What a bitch. He was a natural learner. He had something that I didn't. He does have a certain je ne sais quoi to him, you're right. A what?

A certain...ish one of thee. A what? A certain thing what he's caught about. Ah. But over time, something changed. You know the light, the radiance that emanates from me? You've seen me do it. The solar step, the abilities that I have while we're fighting. Your elf-y etherealness.

Something about that unlocked. Khan said I had potential. He saw that within me and he helped me nurture it. And after that, I couldn't lose. Whoa. Needless to say, old pretty boy over there didn't take it very well. He got some light coming in second. But ever since then, I never lost to him again. Time went on and...

Khan tried to shield me from certain things, especially regarding this inner nature, this soul, something about me. But adventure called. Whoa. I had to get out of here. I wanted real freedom. And where else to find it but in the stars? So I left. He asked me not to go, and I told him to get Ben. Whoa. Did he get Ben? He didn't take it well. Needless to say...

That was the last time I ever saw him. He told me not to return, and I didn't. Until now. Well, let me posit this. Let's say we go to the old man. What are the odds that he gets, you know, like Hollis Mason from The Watchmen, you know what I mean? Like, we go back to this old man, get him wrapped up in his old business, and he gets beaten to death in his own home.

That's a really deep cut off of the apropos and dark and shit, Rhett. Pike, I feel like now's your chance to regain your honor. Oh! Oh! The milkshake is everywhere. Knock the milkshake over. It spreads all over the table. Oh, my moody, tooty, fruity smoothie! Somehow, it didn't seem like there could be any left in the cup because most of it is on your face. But the table is covered. Oh!

Oh! Damn it! Oh, I got it, I got it. I look to Rhett and I say, uh... "Trust me when I say, he is a tough old bastard." Alright, I'll take your word for it. Just wanted to throw it out there, so we don't have any regrets.

I'll take my bet. Well, I think now's the time for you to come to terms with your old mentor. And then I think that'll give you the je ne sais quoi that you need to beat that bastard. And I had no idea that you were so accomplished, Pike. I always kind of thought you were sort of a deadbeat like the rest of us.

You know, a bit of a loser down on the block. In more ways than you know, Chuckles. Yeah. I didn't know that you really had any kind of skill set before that. That's really impressive. You've seen me fly hundreds of times. I thought it was more of a hobby that you turned into a profession. So be it. Who would do such a thing? That was very metaphorical. That's very funny. Anyway.

I think that we need to find this guy, get his blessing, oh shit. Sit down with your fucking hands. It goes all over the table again. Okay, I'm sitting on my hand. I think that we really need to, we need to get you in the race, or else there's no way we'll ever pay for the repairs. How is he going to race? Isn't his ship mostly destroyed? How are...

That is tomorrow night. With any luck, the guys who are currently working on the ship, they're gonna put a... they're gonna fast track it. Given, uh, you know, who we are. And if we can get in there and make some extra modifications to it, well, we'll be ready in time for the race, but it's all for naught if we don't get Khan's approval. I need his nomination before anything else happens. All right, Will, I'm stuffed.

I mean, what else is there to do besides look for this guy? We wait. We wait here until my song plays. What song do you want to hear? Remember Walking in the Sand. Oh, let me try real quick. Let me try real quick. It's probably not going to work. It's definitely not going to work here. Oh, there it is. Beep.

Hey everybody, my name's Chubby Checkers and I'd like to do a little dance-eye cool little twist. The milkshake breaks the jukebox and it touches my heart. Awww! That wasn't my song at all! Oh man, that's the one that I picked! Let's just go. Wait, hold on, we gotta pay the check. Check please. Oh yeah.

Okay, here you go. We'll just put it on your ship tab. No, no, no, no. Rex agreed to pay for our order. Rex Maxim? Yeah, we're all racing buddies with him. Yeah, didn't you see him sit down at our booth? We had a lovely conversation. Do you mind if I look at the tab before you pass it along to Rex? 400 fucking credits. Roll pursuit to check a disadvantage. Ha ha ha!

I'm kidding, out of vintage. Out of vintage. No, out of vintage. Straight 17. We didn't order all of the space eggs and space bacon that he had. Hey, how much space we got in the freezer? We got a lot of leftovers here. Okay, all passing along the racks. Here's your go boxes for the rest of the space eggs and space bacon.

Enjoy your fucking stay! Thank you, Mr. Glitto! Oh, um, whatever happened to those pancakes? That we didn't order? We threw them in the trash. That seemed like an awful way. If you want, we could go through the trash. Maybe just a look. You're a bunch of sick fucks.

So why do they keep moving like that? You leave the watering hole. Oh my god, I'm so bored. As you leave the watering hole, you see the trash cans out front jiggling to and fro. Leave the waypoint quickly! Where are we going to wait for this horrible diner? I would...

Attempt to lead us to where I remember Leo Khan's residence being or maybe where he would hang out in his shop. But looking for people that might know where he is and ask along the way. And just go off of what I remember, what I recall, and whoever we might pass that might have knowledge. Um...

You're leaving. And as you get just almost out of earshot of the watering hole, you hear, How much did they eat?

As you carry on. You pick up the pace. Oh, hold on a minute. Do you have a third menu? No, you're out. You're not in the diner anymore. You're out. We're going! We're leaving! The DM being like, get out! No, no. You're actually already at LeoCon's.

You're walking down the street. - Oh, it's right over here. - Go over there! - Holy shit, it's right over there! - There you go! - This is the un-existent Leon Kong's place with like a blinking light. - Oh, that's funny. - You come across the exact same, you come across a dock walking home from the hangar bay that checked you in.

Um... Oh, hey Pike! Hey, Doc. It's good to run into you again. Do you, uh... Can you tell me if Con is still around here? Does he have the same shop or residence? It's been a long time since I've been to the track. You're looking for the captain? Yeah, that's right. Yeah, well he used to live just down that way, but since... a couple years back, it's hard to remember when...

He moved, built a little extension on a shop out by the track up top. He's got his garage up there and he just lives over there now. No one knows why. He hasn't been back in the ship in, it's hard to say how many years. Oh no, you got Hollis Mason, didn't you? Come to think of it, probably around the time, I mean, it would have been around the time you stopped racing. Oh God. All right. Thanks, Doc. We'll go find this shop.

Come on guys, and I would uh, I would go search for this, you know, shop that he may have built by the track in the back and see if we can get in there and hope that people wouldn't stop us. And he'll say just as you're parting, uh, it's hard to miss, it's just he's got the best view of the place. As the number one guy, he gets free reign, so...

I mean, some say hell, he built the prismatic pathway. It all sits on his shoulders. He keeps this place running, but he's got a little spot that just looks over the whole thing. He can see every race. Thanks, Doc. We appreciate it. Damn shame he doesn't do it anymore. Good luck. Thanks, Doc. You're always full of wisdom.

You're welcome, nameless companion of fire. With your foxy idiom. We proceed. Oh, yeah, but so many voices. Let us proceed. I've never seen him so down. Or ever before. I've never seen him so wide or ever before. I've never seen him so down. Or ever before. Um, guys. Yes.

I don't want to spoil... And you're walking. We're walking. I don't want to spoil a moment with your former mentor. He might be like, "Holy shit, that's a Mottlian. What the fuck are you doing? I know my disguise is really good." But does it make more sense if we split the group and we sabotage Rekt while you guys take care of getting the approval?

Maybe Labouche and I can sabotage. Is that against the rules? Oh, it's definitely against the rules. But like, we're not gonna get killed or anything. Well, they take racing here pretty seriously.

I can't stop you if you want to go mess with Rex, but if I had to guess, he's gonna have security and then also the shop guys and then also the race officials and there's a lot of personnel that float around here and keep an eye on things. How are they going to stop us? They won't fight. Whoa! There's a reason that no one fights. And those people are the ones that would stop you.

To put your mind at ease though, Chuckles. Yeah? I don't need you to sabotage him for me to beat Rex. Damn straight. Well, do you think it would help? I don't know what to tell you. I think you're putting yourself at needless risk. Especially being a Mottlian and drawing attention to yourself unnecessarily. You're right.

Maybe we just stalk him a little bit. I could do harmless pranks like tie his shoelaces together. This is a thing. We could just harmlessly prank him. Let's harmlessly prank him. Now, if the man wasn't able to sleep for the next 24 hours, that would probably mess him up pretty good. I don't want to poison him, but let's just say if he...

If he has to go number two, he's gonna come in numbers. He's gonna berate their number two. During the race. Go buy some space laxatives. I've got my concoctions. You already have laxatives? Did that surprise you? No. Anyway, how about you guys go have the emotional reunion, and we're gonna go see if we can stalk and harass and sabotage Rex.

Whatever you want to do, I'm not gonna stop you. Okay, I have a really good idea. Great, I will join you. I mean if we're gonna split the party here, I could get started on my modifications.

If it's not, you know, if it's tomorrow night. Well, I definitely wouldn't hate that. That's a good idea. And that way we're not cramping your vibe, Pike. I feel like, oh, hey, it's me and all my friends that I've abandoned you for. How's he going to take that? Especially when I've got this mustache. He's going to take it however he takes it. I choose to be with you guys. I wouldn't bounce around the solar system if I didn't want to.

I hear you, but I think if it's for the best, the urge to scream Khan would be irresistible. Yeah, no, I gotta take him. All right. We'll go. We'll go find Rek. We'll be really incognito. Whatever you say, but I'm telling you,

Be careful and don't break the rules. We won't. We would never fight. Never. We're not fighters. We're not fighters. I'm a lover. I'm not a fighter.

We are the Galaxies. Come on. We are the Uzoids. We are the Mafia. Enter the party sports. We are the ones to make the world a better place. You go wherever to go on your iGents. I risk. I'll help you. Rhett goes to the hangar to fix his ship, and Pike makes his way to the captain. And...

And break. And break.

Rhett, you get to the hangar bay quick and easy. You see the ships are well underway with the work that they're accomplishing. Doc has already made solid headway on the Sparrow. It looks almost completely fixed. He has dedicated a lot of blood, sweat, and tears into bringing this back to its former glory, but it still has a ways to go. He has a team working on it what looks like around the clock.

You can tell he did also spend some time on your ship in particular, fascinated by the marvel of engineering that it is. Nothing Aether Dwarf or specific engineering feats by yourself, heavily modded, have been touched. But just standard, like, whole repair with great care to respect what you've done to maintain in its place.

You two chuckle fucks. I don't know what's going on. You're going somewhere to do something. They said, and I quote, we want to stalk Rex Maxim to do harmless pranks. You're going to stalk Rex Maxim to do harmless pranks. You go back to the watering hole. You get mesmerized by the trash cans, and you're tanked for right now. Yeah, no, we're off doing shenanigans. Focusing on the guide. Yeah, so just to the trash cans in the diner.

Everything was... Should I call her a little bit of sh... No. Yeah, she was evil, right? Would you even be able to call her if you wanted to? Was she like, maybe more of the gray? No. Yeah. No, she was evil. Do you remember when she cut the Llamacorn's throat? Yeah, that was pretty bad. That was really bad. That was really bad. Jack in the Boxes, those were all people she found named Jack that she murdered and then turned into Jack in Boxes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's pretty bad. Yeah, that's bad. She tried to turn us all against you. Yeah, you're right, you're right. The further I get away from it, the more I'm starting to, like, make it confusing.

- You're right, that lava core, oh, that's horrible. I'm glad we saved him. Okay, well, I have an idea for harmless pranks. - Okay. - That may not be that harmless. - And Pike, you arrive at the captain's place. You walk up by yourself to a familiar scene. It is a large space. The workshop door is open. You see a dusty,

like covering or tarp thrown over what you would assume to be his racer, the Atlas. It looks like it hasn't been touched in years. There's a crew

running around just standard maintenance people. You don't see the captain as you walk past, but they're attached at the far end as you move along the garage space. There is what looks to be a residence that very clearly has a second level with wall, floor to ceiling windows that looks out over the racetrack.

I would just be walking through this area like taking it all in like you know the smell of like the oil and the machinery and like you know a fuel and things like that and like remembering back to the last time that I might have been here. The oil hits you the oil hangs in the air and hits your nostrils like it never left. As you walk through you can almost swear that you could hear the roar of the engine of the Atlas coming to life one more time.

This is as much memory lane as is possible for you as you move through this space. You think about all the near winds, the checkered flags, the laughs, the heartbreak that you had while you were here. And for a moment, you think on that time fondly. I would proceed forward to find an entrance to this residence and see if there's a door that I can knock on.

As you move forward, you go along the garage. It's granite floor cool with little work that's happened as of late. You move towards the residence and it's very clear that someone's home and there's a front door that you can knock on. It's a couple seconds before the door slowly opens and an imposing figure stands in the doorway.

I can't remember where I put these things. Okay. A large, not quite as large as a Labouche, but a tall, imposing figure stands there. What was once white fur now turned a deep gray as the captain, Leo Kahn, a giant, now gray-furred Leonin, stands in front of you. One blue eye,

and a large burn scar that runs up his right face and what now is a glass eye. I heard you were back. Hey, Con. You got some nerve showing up here. And he turns and walks into the house but leaves the door open. I'm gonna take a step inside and say, mind if I smoke? He'll just gesture. I'll walk in, I'll close the door behind me.

It's been a while. Sure has. What brings you here, Pike? I'm gonna be honest with you. We came here because we had a tip that Rex was coming back and he's got quite the bounty on his head. And you came here to get him. You know there's no hunting at the Pathway. A rule I put in place. We know and it's not a rule that I'm here to break.

But the moment that he steps off that track, we're taking him in. That's between you and him, as long as it doesn't happen in my town. And he'll continue to walk upstairs, presumably you would follow. As we head up the stairs, I'll just say to him, Rex is mixed up in some pretty bad stuff. Rex is Rex. He's always done what he's wanted. Gotten into trouble here and there.

but nothing like what drew you away. - I know, I understand. - Rex is an upstart, but he's not a bad guy. Sits down in a big leather chair that looks out over the racetrack. Nothing's happening out there, but he sits down and he stops looking at you and you see he's got a drink in his hand and you can see his desk off in one section of the room. Very, very minimal.

Only two things stand out to you that's on it. A framed photo that's placed face down and a stargazer lily, a single one that sits in a vase. - Did you have any hesitation letting Rex enter the prelims? - Anybody can enter the prelims that wants to race. Rex is an honored racer.

He entered of his own accord and I wouldn't stop him. You gotta let me enter the race. Pike, I take no pleasure in saying this, but you're lucky I let you stay the night. You want to give people a show, right? There's only one man on this track that can beat Rex Maxim, and it's me.

I guess I shouldn't be surprised that after all this time you showed up on my doorstep and still you just want something from me. Well here's what I'll give you. I won't deny you and your friends tickets to the show. You can sit in box seats and watch the race. When it's done, you leave the pathway. So that's it? What, do you want me to beg? I don't want you to beg, Pike.

I just don't want you to stay. There's nothing I can do to change your mind. I saw the sparrow tear up the track more than enough for my lifetime. I don't need to see it one more time. I'll nod to him and I'll get up.

and I will put out my cigarette in an ashtray that might be on his desk. And he'll slide four tickets, like electronic, like gray slab things with blue readouts. He'll slide them over the table to you. Pick them up, and as I go to leave his office, I'll stop at the doorway and I'll turn around and I'll look at him and I'll say, "You know, for what it's worth, you were right. I shouldn't have left, and I'm sorry.

And then I'll proceed down the stairs and leave the shop and head back towards maybe the hangar to find Rhett where I know he's working on the sparrow. With my head kind of hung low, hands in my pockets, tickets in my jacket pocket, and I'll light another cigarette as I walk through this city to go back to find. Make a perception check. 17. With a 17, as you start to walk away,

You hear what sounds like... maybe something you kind of recognize. Like a frustrated, almost guttural, not quite a roar, but the sounds of extreme frustration and the shattering of a glass. And you make your way back to your friends. Uh... and you would know this, but for the relevance of it, his racer number is seven. Oh! Of course I knew that! And you prank Rex.

Oh, we have ideas. No, we cut back to then and they're still like... Yeah, you have to check. Sir, what do you want to do? I don't know. What do you want to do? I don't know. What do you want to do? Well, Chuckles is planning on sabotaging Rex in a subtle way. If it's possible. I have my own ideas as well. We're walking full of bush. What do you think we should do to him?

Well, uh... We could go to the nearby store, a market of some kind, and buy some sort of outrageous fruit or vegetable. And we leave it. We leave it in his mailbox or on the seat of his car. Kavir told me once that happened to him, and it lived in his head rent-free. That's a pretty good prank. Kavir was a sharp guy, wasn't he? Yes...

But I was thinking about like finding out what he's allergic to and then using my mind-altering discordant magic to basically make him get absolutely wasted and eat nothing but stuff he's allergic to and not sleep. I mean, I think we can find ways to make sure he doesn't sleep without actual sabotage. That was what Pike warned us against. Uh, triggering an allergic reaction could mean disqualification or perhaps jail. Uggh!

That's why the fruit or vegetable angle is just so insidious it could work. No, you're not gonna notice it for like days and the race will be over. Ah, it may happen, yes. Yeah! Perhaps we roll the dice and we try that and whatever you want to do. Man, should we try it? Should we be like, oh hey Rex. Oh, we also disguise ourselves as like sexy ladies that wanted autographs.

I don't know how to do that. I just wear this suit and I look like this. Oh, I mean, I could give you one of my magic masks. Does that work? Yeah, remember what Kashru and Shrookles did? It was very effective, but he was a humanoid desk like yourself. I don't know if it'd work on my oozoid body. Well, we've been distracted by the trash can. I'm gonna take a look to see if Rex is still there, and then we'll see. Okay.

Gosh, this is really a filthy diner. Okay. You peer in through the window and it looks like Rex is long gone. We lost him! Fuck! We lost him! Okay, now we have to, we've got to figure, let's track him down. Yes. If I was an unbearable douchebag, where would I go? Oh my gosh. He is going to the tasseled leather legging store.

Sounds right to me. If I was him, that's where I'd go. Well, let's go! Okay. We go around the wacky shenanigans, trying to find Rex. We go down to the market and we look for millions of tassels. You spend hours doing this. You find every excuse to go to every SpaceX shop you can think of to explore where you think you might be. Roll an investigation check.

Sound exactly what it is. I'm helping him. Roll. I don't fucking know. I don't fucking know. We'd like to stalk Rex. Advantage. Well, doing what we said we were gonna do. Investigation. God, that's funny. 17. You...

Where were you going? The Tassel's Legging store? Yeah, we're trying to think about, yeah, the Tassel's, like, leather store. Like, we're going to the... Got it. We're going to, like, a store that has a big neon cow skull on it. Oh, my God. And maybe an Outback Steakhouse. Yeah, yeah. We're going to, like, oh, he would go there. I stomp up to one of those, like, in-the-mall menu maps that they have.

The kiosks. Yeah, I'll stomp up to that and I'll look for tassel stores and I see that there are two. There's millions of tassels and there's white tassels. He could be in any one of these two. I'm just making this up. I may or may not actually be doing that. You see a shop that does have not a...

not like a horned cow skull, but a large star belt buckle as its logo.

- Long start. - And you go up to the shop and you look in through the window and you see the smiling face of Rex Maxim. As a cardboard cutout that shows that he is like a sponsored, he wears their belt buckle sponsored on the racetrack. - Whoa, what a nerd. - I was able to swipe this zucchini on the way.

Good job. We'll save that for plan B. And he is also in there, purchasing another belt buckle. Okay, hold on. I have my mask. Are you ready? What do you want to do? Okay, we're going to be fanned, and we've got to find out what he's allergic to and or afraid of. And then leave the rest to me. I'm going to twin spell disguise. Ooh. I guess I need a roll for my wild magic. Oh, God. Where's my D8? It triggers. Okay.

We're not going to get to the prank. We're going to just burst into flames. No, we don't know. We don't know. I need a d10 that isn't a fucking percentile die. Oh my god, they're all percentile. Well, this will be the first. 62. It is in my character sheet, I believe. Manage. Manage characters and levels. Well, class features. Okay. 62. It's probably not that bad.

For the next minute, I'm gonna shout when I speak. What? Fucking hilarious. For the next minute, I have to shout while I speak. Okay, Laboosh! Right in there! What? Oh, and so now, so we, I twin spell, and I hand the mask, and I hand it to you, and I put it on, and I am going to turn into...

basically attempting the spitting image of the host from the Cowboy Bebop Bounty Show. Yeah. Judy. Judy. With, like, the blonde hair and, like, the tassel-y vest and, like, the cowboy hat. Does that just happen? It's this guy's self. Yeah, perfect. Okay. There's, like, a limit to how much taller or shorter you can make yourself. It's nothing crazy, right? As long as it's humanoid, it's good. So you're able to replicate that perfectly.

There might also be rules of some eight like touches you right like you closely Yeah, cuz that might that might come in You actually change your shit, and then there's like it's a skin illusion around right? I remember it's like if they touch you illusion I think the changes Rob is well feel the whole of the physical inspection. Yeah He's gonna physically broke

- Well, we'll stay away from you. - Okay, partner. I look like the other guy from the-- - Punch! - Yeah. - No, you gotta-- - They are Punch and Judy. - Oh, well, this is-- - Which is a deep cut of its own. - This is-- - I mean, you choose to form for me. I would not be choosing for myself. So whatever Chuckles would say-- - We're a pair of sexy tourists looking for what you call, you're like my sister. - Well, yeah. - We look like the sisters from, I actually, we're from the Sisters from Soul Eater.

You're Liz and I'm Patty. Liz and Patty. Yeah, you're Liz and I look like Patty. Do I look okay? Yeah, you look great. Stop shouting. Oh, you look great. Let's go in there and see if he has any allergies or fears in there. Using the momentum of the screaming and knowing that Rex is almost certainly looking over at us through the window, I'll go, Is that the one and only Rick Brett and Rex Matthews?

Oh, my goodness. I wonder if you have allergies or feelings. Wow, he's looking for a lucky bell puzzle. The door swings open as you're doing this. And you hear, now, don't worry. This happens to me quite a bit. Ladies, aren't you a tall drink of water and a short stack of pancakes? Oh, I didn't know he had such a wife with words. And you can race, too.

He's so handsome! It's okay there, lady. I'm here now. You don't have to keep shouting at me. This is my sister, Liz. My name is Patty, and we just came to the spaceport to watch the big brawl of Brie. We just couldn't help but seeing you, Mr. Ratsmaxter, and you being so famous of all things.

Well, for fans, I see. I'm happy to sign an autograph or anything else you might like me to do for you. Oh, yeah. Well, we have a bet, you see, going on. And my sister Liz says, we was guessing what y'all might be allergic to and also what you might be afraid of. If you just have a list of your feelings.

of your fears. Yeah, yeah. So, what was that was, well, gosh, we thought that Mr. X Madison was so, so brave and so perfect, but, you know, certainly he must be down to earth and a relatable fella. Probably not brave enough to give away all of his fears. Oh, you think? I don't believe that at all, so that's our bet. So, if you can sign

This has to be so confused right now. You look at this roll-up and this is what happens. If you sign this poster... And then Justin did the paper menu from the diner. If you could just sign this with that, that would be so amazing. Oh my goodness. Well, darling, I'll sign anything you'd like me to. Here's a

Roll a persuasion check. Spike it. We're putting 50 twists on this. I don't give a shit. I'm ready. Give me two twists. Another one. Give me one more twist. One more. 13, 12, 14, 15. Weird. So 15, yeah. That's not bad. That's good. So 15 plus, I mean, I don't know how I'm gonna... I mean, you're a skill monkey bard. Yeah, that's true. It's gonna be a nightmare explosion.

Plus 11, that's 26! That's pretty fucking good. That's good. That's really good. We're at 26. Well, yeah! And as he's signing with a 26, I'm just pancaking, like, so hard. You're clapping without the hands. I'm doing the Aaron Brakovich, like... Gotta bend and snap, bro. I'm doing this.

Wow. You're all very convincing. Mr. Rex Maxim, of all people, will be right in this town.

Well, I am happy to write down this signature for you. And you should know that Rex Maxim has no fears. However, for ladies such as yourself, I'll let you in on a little secret. Oh, we love secrets. Don't we, Fetus? And he leans in close. Oh, not too close. And he reaches out to put a hand on your shoulder. Oh, no.

I've never been touched by a celebrity before. This is brutal. I am terribly allergic to shellfish. Oh, is that so? I just clam right up. Is that the darn truth of the space golf club? Exactly right, but don't let anybody know that Rex Maxim is allergic to shellfish. That's just a little something for you two. Well, God, it would be a terrible tragedy if you spent all...

I would never do that. I cast Suggestion on him. I would never do that. Yeah, you would. Oh, what is that, a save? Suggestion! And I'm using Heightened spell, Mad Imagine, which he's disadvantaged on this roll. It is a wisdom saving throw.

Wisdom 16. And he's about as wise as a bucket of shit. It's very funny. Well, did I say I'd never do that? I meant normally I'd never do that. But I haven't had shellfish in so long, I'm curious if I'm still allergic. You truly are afraid of nothing? I think I'm going to spend the rest of tonight down in oyster shooters at every bar on the pathway. Well, maybe.

you could buy us a round of oyster space oyster shooters just so we can confirm that you're actually going to do it and then we'll blow you a kiss goodnight how about that big fella yeah well I think I would enjoy that quite a bit oh well how about it let's go this is disturbing and why don't you take these two VIP passes to join me you can cheer me on tomorrow in the box seats we'll be there well actually do you have any more than just two now do you have

four because we have some. Our other sisters are coming in. They look just like us. That's true. They're as pretty as you are? Except for the pretty one. She's really pretty. Actually, we are ugly compared to our two sisters. Well, then, you can have five tickets in case you meet a beautiful friend along the way. Oh, well, thank you. Gosh, let's go celebrate these VIPs with a round of wintership.

And you navigate to the closest bar, at which point the three of you will down the first round of oyster shooters as you blow Rex a kiss and carry on with your night. Oh, good night. You have a wild night ahead of you. Farewell. Farewell. It was nice to meet you. Let's get out of here, Liz. Let's pretty up.

I think that worked. I can't believe he didn't say that he was allergic to latex. Honka honka!

That's very funny. Thank you. Thank you. Banned! Banned! I'm headed back immediately to where Rhett was. We head back to the Rhett. I don't want anything to do with any of that. You all meet back together. We would have probably, like, faded. Like, we'd have been strutting up and then suddenly...

My stuff bulges out! Your pretty skin would like slough off. The hair falls out of your hair as the blonde just lands on the floor. My head gets larger and larger, actually filling out the helmet so it pops away and my helmet is there. Well, as long as I don't get-- as long as I concentrate on this-- oh, I mean, excuse me. Yeah, you don't-- Oh yeah, I got me big old death through the glove.

Should we walk back directly to the Rhapsody or swing by a trash can or two? It's right over there. No, I gotta stop reminding myself of her. We gotta forget about that. That was kind of fun. This is like, you know, kind of guys night.

- It's the thing that Rhett and Pipe missed out on. - That makes me feel better for some reason. Let's go! - Yeah, let's go! - Snack cut to Rhett. - Just like, take your hand away. - I didn't know that was gonna work. - Take your notes. - And you all recollect at the Rhapsody together. - Gotta go. - Not good. - What does that mean?

Khan said after the race tomorrow we have to go. But he gave me these and I pull out four tickets and I drop them on the desk next to you. We have a box. We can enjoy the race from afar but he won't let me race. I told him. Rex is in some serious stuff. He's in way over his head. I told him about the bounty. I even apologized to the man. But he didn't want to hear it. Damn it. Well, I guess I...

Stop wasting my time, man. Wait, you weren't able to persuade him? There was nothing I could say that would change his mind. Well, the boosh, I guess we gotta suit up again. We have a lot of oysters to serve. Oh my god. That's incredible. Ahhhh.

Well, I set out to run Pirates of the Caribbean, but now I'm running VeggieTales. Oh, we scored four VIP tickets.

Do you have VIP tickets too? We have our own private box, it seems like. Well, gosh. Let me take a look at these. Yeah. Oh gods, these are Rex's section. We're not sitting there, that's for damn sure. Yeah, I don't know if Rex is gonna be up for racing tomorrow. At least he won't be atop of his form. What did you do?

We definitely didn't violate the rules. I told you not to sabotage the man! No, we didn't sabotage the man! So it was a harmless prank.

"Not just a prank, bro." So, so LaBouche and I, we go back to the diner. We spent a couple of, you know, about a half hour by the trash can. - It was like three hours. - It was like three hours they spent at the trash can. - Yeah, you know, we hung out by the trash can, hanging out, you know, and then we were like, "Oh shoot, Rhett isn't there." So we went down to the shopping district, went to the novelty belt buckle Emporium. Of course he was there.

So we disguise ourselves as two very pretty tourists who are here for the race, Liz and Patty. Our whole thing is that we were a pair of blonde sisters, who actually there were four sisters, but we were just two of them. We got there a little early, so we decided to explore the town. And so then we approach, and he signed this sign.

Autograph! I hand over the diner menu that I have stolen with his signature. And he told us he's allergic to shellfish. So I use my Mottlian discordant magic to warp his brain and suggest that he goes and downs as many oyster shooters as he can without sleeping. So he'll do that for the next eight hours. You know, Chuckles.

We could have at least sold those tickets if he was gonna race tomorrow. But the second they announce that he's puking his guts up, those tickets are worthless. Oh, you think that- it doesn't matter how bad he's feeling. Rex is way too much of an arrogant prick to ever actually bow out. He would rather shit and puke himself on his beater during the race.

And he's really gonna become racer number two out there. You have a way with words, Chunk. I'm telling you, he's gonna show up. And we can still sell these tickets. We can pawn them. Look, at the end of the day, it doesn't even matter. I'm not allowed to race, all right? Easy come, easy go. There's gotta be another way. I was so sure he would be accepted into the race. Well, why don't we just watch the race, let him win, and then the second he fucking leaves, let's scoop him up.

That's fine, as long as we do it far away from the raceway, all right? Khan gave me fair warning that there's no bounty hunting, no fighting anywhere here, all right? And I told him that we weren't going to break the rule. We were just waiting for Rex to leave. All right, well...

Guess I did all this work for nothing. And you'll see like the Aether core is now in like a larger engine that I can just like bolt onto the back of a spaceship and it's beautiful and glowing and like... That was really nice, bro. I'm sorry, buddy. I really thought that he might... You guys convinced me that he might let me race, that if I apologize, all might be okay. Man. I don't understand what he sees in Rex. Well...

"Laboosh." "You're thinking what I am thinking?" "That we should all get our own celebratory belt buckles to celebrate?" "That was not what I was thinking." "Oh, what were you thinking?" "Oh, I was also thinking about that. But what I was actually also thinking about..."

If he isn't able to race and he's too sick, maybe he'll say, oh, we need a racer. Who else can? Oh, it's such a shame to be down to one fewer than the standard race composition. And then you can be, I have returned after all of these years. And now the crowd will go, what? It'll be drama. I can try. But again, no one steps foot on that raceway without the captain's help.

Wait, hold on. If Rex is gonna be shitting himself for the next 48 hours... Oh, next... Yeah, it'll well depend on how allergic he actually is. Hopefully he doesn't die and then we actually commit a man-flaw. Oh, he would look like such asses! Doesn't he, uh... wear kind of an anonymous getup? Face covered? Just the number 8 on his back? What if we just send Pycan with a similar outfit? We'll just play him off as Rex. Whoa!

That's the greatest idea I ever heard, Brett. That's genius. Do you think you can shit yourselves? No, no, no, no. I'm gonna, I'm gonna. That really got me. Holy shit. Oh my god. And you all decide to go to bed. For the night. I guess I'm gonna go to bed.

- We immediately pass out. - Yeah. - The night passes uneventfully, except for you, Labouche. For the second time since your journey began, you have a similar dream. You see yourself on the beach. An expansive, almost looks like ice, like snow white ice extends

as far as the eye can see out in front of you. You calmly enjoy the view for a while until you stand up and you move towards the water and you realize that it's not ice at all, but white webbing that extends all out in front of you. Like the silk of a spider covering, covering. And everybody awakens.

I'll wake up, I'll be holding the cinnamon rabbit that I made, and I'm gonna try, either before bed or after bed, try to think about Jolly and think about what I remember, see if there's anything else, and then I finally have some private time to decompress. And all of the shenanigans, I do.

That's not what I'm doing! Finally! It was just like, "Squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze,

I'm so confused. I have no idea what's happening. I'm gonna try to think about that before we get to the shenanigans of the next day. When I finally have some time alone to decompress. Roll a history check and an arcana check. What? Uh oh. Let me know which one's which. Give twists. I'm gonna use one of each. I'm gonna use one of each. Well, I don't know. Oh, that's not, that's an interesting one. Okay. No. Okay, that was worse.

Thank you for the twist chat. Thank you. So history was a 10. And so I'm adding, I'm adding, oh my God. History. Do you be home folks? Oh, history was a 12. Arcana was a 14. Not bad.

With a 12 in history, as you focus on this very deeply, you get snapshots as you rattle your brain and you try and think, what was that? And you think about a time before corruption. Surrounded by llama corns, peaceful and happy. You see across the field a smiling girl

very beautiful, with long blonde hair. You laugh together. With a 14 in Arcana, you recall a time after corruption. When your form had shaped and shifted, and you gained chaotic powers. And you see, across from you, Jolly. Both of you laugh together. - Oh no. I am gonna try to forget all that again.

And I'm gonna sleep. And you all head out into the day. You have moments to discuss or do anything you may want to do before you would head to the Grand Prix and make to take your seats. We long rest, presumably? Yes, you would long rest. All right, what's the plan?

Do we just sit back in our box and watch? Here's the thing. As much as I would love to take Rex Maxim's place in the race and give him the glory and not myself or anyone else for that matter, if for some reason Khan discovered it was me under there, we'd have way bigger problems than the boss, let me tell you. Do you have any way to know if you're

Prank worked. I would have held concentration, that's how I wouldn't be able to sleep. So that's where I was basically thinking and ruminating on Jolly. It's about standard for this level of Chuckles mental health, ruminating and ruminating and thinking about it. So I would have stayed up for the whole time. I don't know if I would notice if it would break. I would keep concentrating on the suggestions.

I would say that if you were concentrating on it, you know that it worked. You got the sense of that intrinsically. You watched him take a space orderster shooter. And if you were continuing to focus on it, I would say that regardless of where he was, as long as he was within the pathway, you are confident that your spell, your suggestion held.

I would have woken up and I would have kind of looked at my forefingers in the gloves, like try to pull them off and not able to and like gotten back up and after that question I would say, "Well, all I know is that he was pounding away through Shooter and drinking and eating shellfish all night, at least for eight hours. So maybe not all night, may have gotten a quick nap in, but what he said was true.

he's gonna be hurtin' and even if he isn't allergic that boy would drink a lot of liquor I'm sure he's never been thicker so then maybe we just hope hey he at least doesn't get the glory some other racer's gonna win the million credits well and if he has to leave the raceway in shame he's gonna be real easy to catch 12 hours after this race is done that's for sure

What if that is the solution? You could take the place of this race or eight and you could race the worst race of your life. I just, I worry about what would happen if Khan found out. I know you guys can't understand, but this is, this is serious. Khan doesn't mess around. What he says goes, especially here.

And that'd be a seriously intense con. To pull the wool over everyone's eyes and play Pike off as Rex. And he'd need to get his clothes and his outfit and his speeder and convince everybody. It's fucking unlikely. Yeah. And it's fucking dangerous. Plus ten minutes on that speeder and they're gonna know it's not Rex. And we need... Oh, because you're gonna do so much better than he would. Yeah. That's the idea. Wait, a speeder is kind of your thing? Or does any kind of stat the vehicle...

If it moves, I can race it. Pike caught a fast, Peter. Ah, it's stuck in my head.

Look at the lyrics, they're the lyrics. The space lyrics, thoughts, space, calm. It just says, humba-numba-numba-numba-numba-numba-numba-numba. And then it goes, humba-numba-numba-numba-numba-numba-numba-numba. We can always get jobs. You do know that you'd be able to race any vehicle that you were to step in or step foot on, but you have a special intrinsic connection to the Sparrow, and there's nothing quite like piloting that. Sure, sure.

I would convey that to them, that, you know, obviously I was trained, like you said, you know, by Leo to do all sorts of different racing, but he taught me to fly, and the sparrow is where it's at. For sure. And look, there's no way that the sparrow is gonna get into this race. You understand? And there's no fucking way that we need to add another enemy to our long fucking list of enemies. And if we piss off Leo...

Yeah, I don't care what kind of fucking background and history y'all have, but, I mean, what's gonna stop us from-- or stop him from fucking sending, you know, hitmen after us? Let's just watch the fucking race and just deal with Rex after the fact. Rhett is right. And again, I'm not racing. You guys did good.

If he's doubled over and he can't even walk, it's gonna be the easiest bounty we've ever walked away with in our entire lives. That's the goal! So let's just enjoy the race. We have box tickets. You know what that means? Free food and drink. Come on! Let's enjoy it. The booze! You think they have space pigs in a space blanket? Oh, I'm sure they do. I know they do, Rhett. Oh.

This is gonna be fun. I'm gonna enjoy myself. Let's fucking enjoy ourselves after what we've fucking been through the last few days.

Guys, I don't want to bring the mood down once we're there. I think I had a really hot wife and an awesome life and I lost all of it and got turned into this horrible abomination. Anyway, I said it. I said it. We don't have to talk about it. I had to get it out there. Right as I was saying, no bummers, Sean. I knew I would have been dwelling on it all day. I need to process it in my own way.

I need a real strong root beer. How do you know that? You had a wife? I think so. But why do you think so? Because my brain or whatever it is, I've been trying to think about my memories. We don't have to talk about it. I don't want to bring it down. This is Pike's big day, but I feel like if I don't say something, I'm going to be dwelling on it all day.

And all night! Hey, time out. Let's get one thing straight. This isn't my day. It's not anybody's day. You've been back in so long! It doesn't matter. The point is we're here to enjoy the race. Okay? It'd be a different thing if we had to race and I had to win, but I don't. So let's just relax. Yeah. Alright? Tell us about your dream.

Well, I was in a really happy place. I was on a beautiful farm of llama corns. And I was there, and I was just normal. I had, like, regular old human hands with five fingers. And I, like, had normal, just regular guy flesh. And I looked over, and I was laughing, and I was happy with just a beautiful woman who was...

Kinda, from a certain point of view, looked a little bit like Jolly. I was like, "Damn, how did I bag that?" I don't know who I used to be, but I fucked it up, clearly! Are you saying you were some sort of rancher? Maybe. That's the inference that I can make, and maybe that's why I love llama corns, and that's why I fucked those strong leaves, and that's why Jackson and I really connected before he turned into goo.

Look, don't read too much into dreams, all right? If dreams were true, I wouldn't have any teeth and I would have been killed by a tidal wave 8,000 times over. Yeah, it's right. I mean, it's one of those, like, idealistic dreams where I'm like, I'm not... Me, Chuckle, would be happy and also a person. I mean, I feel like I was one of the Mottlians who just spawned out of the Honkweef. I don't know. Anyway. Do you think you can maybe, uh...

You know, have fun today. Yeah. That's what Dandy and Kevir would want us to do, right? People want us to have fun. Look, and with any luck, we're gonna have a pretty big laugh at old Rex's expense when, uh, things go south. Yeah. I hope it's all harmless fun and he doesn't, like, crash and die. He's so bad about it. Are the reefs very dangerous that way?

Good question. You have seen... It is relatively similar to the...

It's not like a bloody death race. Sure. But it is extremely high octane space. Crashes happen. Racing crashes happen. But specifically this race is not ships. It's speeders as well. It's a different style of race. No, it's both. Okay. Whatever your preferred... Got it. As long as it's within regulation. Got it. Whatever your preferred entry ship is. It's like the monster race from Scooby-Doo. Gotcha. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, accidents happen, but death is pretty rare. I think you're gonna be fine. And we'll have fun! We'll have a good time. Do you think that they have space rim cocktail? I'm sure they do. I'm gonna pull all four tickets out of my jacket pocket and say, "Come on, first round's on me." Yeah! After all this talk of shellfish, I really could use one of those. Or ten. Alright, you lead the way.

And I will do that. I will walk to where I know the entrance to the pathway to be, present our box tickets, and hopefully enjoy lots of free food and booze. As I am following Pyroclastic,

Pike and the rest of the gang. I'm thinking about what Chuckles said about his dream. Not so much in the sense that I am thinking about what he's going through, but I am trying to put the puzzle pieces together and saying nothing about my own dream experience and the trauma I've experienced in the last day or two. And then I catch up and we get let into a place, I assume.

It is race time, folks. Racers, make your way to the starting line. Everyone who is here to enjoy the show, come on down. Fill up the seats. Butts in seats. It is the greatest show on earth. You do not want to miss out. Longtime champion Rex Maxim is racing against a crew

of Desirables, everyone fighting for the crown. And you make your way from the Rhapsody through the garage up to the upper level where the pathway is and the massive stands. And you go around and you enter with a large crowd and they go in and they start to filter into section A, section B, section C, and you keep going to

the more elite section as you go up the boxes, right? And you move and you see there are people there taking tickets, getting everyone to where they're meant to be, helping you find your seats, right? And eventually you come across someone who you get to the section for the boxes. You come across a person who is there, a similar forearmed creature like Shlup Glitto.

but not Shlup Lido, but he's gonna sound exactly like him, is there, four arms, ready to take tickets. Hand me your tickets, please, and I'd be happy to direct you to your seats. I reveal all four electronic tickets passes as I, with one swift motion. He grabs the tickets. Grant, you can enter.

All right. Juckles, you can enter. Thank you, my good man. And Laboosh, you can enter. Not you. Excuse me? Yeah, you don't belong here. I got those tickets from the captain himself. That's not what this says. You don't belong here. What is it, Faye? It's in this moment you hear a panting shout as you see Doc running up from far away.

Pike! Pike! What are you doing up here? What do you mean, what am I doing up here? The captain gave us four box tickets. I'm trying to enjoy the race. Well, I don't understand. Didn't you talk to him? I'm doing the boss. Hang on. That's close enough. Oh, I'm so old! Didn't you talk to him? I did talk to him, and he told me once the race was done that we had to get out of here. I don't understand. You talked to him since last night?

No, I talked to him at the workshop. He told me to get lost and I did. Look! Look right down there! On the race line! The captain himself came down to the garage. He didn't say a word to me, just stretched out his hand. But I knew what he wanted, I handed him my wrench. And he got to work on the Sparrow himself.

- Look over there! - What? - I look. - You look down at the race line with all the ships and cars laid out on the starting line of the track. You see Rex's speeder and him dressed in the medium gray with a dark black helmet on, all visibility cut off.

It's for our safety, not his. You see the sparrow at the starting line in pristine condition. You see, which looks hand-painted, the number three on top of it. I will, as you guys have gone into the box, I will look over this ticket attendant and I will say, "Well, boys, I guess I'll see you after the race."

We'll see you in the winner's circle. Oh, damn it! I should have fucking installed it when I had the chance. What? The fucking Ether Core. All that worked for nothing. All right. You know what, Puck? You don't need it. Look, I appreciate everything you've done. I'm sure you put her in top working condition, made the upgrades that she needed to, and... Well, if the captain took a look at her, well...

Let's just say after this I'll bet you want to compare notes. I mean it does look like a fine piece of work and I think it'll probably run better than it ever has.

And you can tell even from this distance, Rhett, with your zoom in eye and your general ability to just scan and understand engineering, you don't just get a sense that this has been repaired beyond even its height and form before, but you feel a great deal of care went into this. Well, as an old wise man once said,

If you ever run into any trouble out there, use the boost to get through. If that doesn't work, try a somersault. And if all else fails, do a barrel roll. I embrace Rhett deeply. I take a long drag on the cigarette and I say, all right, I'll see you guys after the race. And I turn and I take off. And you take off. Good luck, Pike. You got this.

You head back down the way you came, running. You make your way to a place you know all too well, the locker room for the racers. You dive in and already hanging in one of the lockers is your old race uniform.

I immediately take off my jacket, and I begin to change into my race uniform. One more cigarette for the road, and, uh, I'm ready to go. I've got the racing gloves, I'm ready. And, uh, I misspoke earlier. As you don your racing uniform, painted on the back is the number three. What's been painted on the top of the sparrow is the number seven. Oh! Oh!

and that would bring a slight tear to my eye. Me, me, me, me. You would understand that to mean that he has anointed you as his champion's pick, and you're racing under his number. Seven was previously Leo's number. Oh, that's cool. Yeah, so then I don my number three, and I rush out to the hangar where the sparrow would await and hopefully also come. You have not seen

The captain. Okay. The Ocon. Alright. You don your racing uniform. You head out, actually just onto the starting line as you walk out and you stand next to the Sparrow. Directly to your right is Rex Maxim Speeder and him standing right there, dressed in medium gray, black helmet on. There's a palpable stench in the air.

It smells a bit like... a smell not old too dissimilar than the smell that hung in the air in your previous adventure in the home. Some sort of mix of sulfur and rotten eggs.

I'm going to be sick. Look, his complexion looks like old chewed bubble gum. That's amazing. Look, the homeless people we gave his tickets to are entering his booth. Ha ha ha ha!

So the dirty vagabonds were drunk and stumbled into Rex's beard. Teeth missing, skin pale. You can't actually see Rex's complexion, but you know that what you've said is 100% true. That if you could see his complexion, it would look like chewed bubbles. Oh, God. I walk up to the sparrow and...

I put a hand on her and I see the seven and like I kind of just like touch the seven and then I would put one foot on the ladder and with a hop skip and one leg over jump into the cockpit. And the racer's spirit ignites within you as you look out at the stands that surround you. You hear the cheering of the fans and something that lay long dormant awakens again.

The incline hill that people would normally climb up to walk to get some of the best view, you can see just at its tip stands a large imposing figure and with room right around them, a crowd has gathered but clear space for respect around the person that stands at the head to watch the race. As you get into the sparrow,

We have an exciting announcement folks! We haven't seen this matchup in decades. Rex Maxim on his speeder has taken to the starting line and by his side in the spell! And cheers are rough from the back.

- Mr. Sparrow! Mr. Sparrow! - Pike's gonna win! - Pike! - Pike's gonna win! - I didn't think I'd ever get to see this! - Cheers, the crowd goes wild, a clash of titans that many in the stands have never lived to see, but no one is cheering louder than the older generation who has caught it once before, as the two of you take the prime positions.

I see you sent your clowns to disrupt the race. I have to, like, stifle a smile before I respond with the communication to say, I don't have any idea what you're talking about, Rex. Why don't you take that mask off and show the crowd who you really are? Yeah, I bet you don't know what I'm... You all right over there, buddy? You better focus on the race. You just run a clean race, okay? Ahem.

Oh, the boob shawls. I have a cocktail. You're like in your cups. It's just some cocktail. You swirl the cocktail sauce back and forth. Oh, the boosh. I believe our friend Rex is not feeling his best. Oh, cheers. That's very funny. Oh, the shellfish.

I pull a mint julep out and I just clean it. Cheers! Well, I guess it's time to show you why I'm number one around here now. Please, Rex, you haven't been number one since before I left. A lot's changed, Pike.

And as the race begins to kick off, the ships all rise into the air as the twin metal beams explode in each direction and this rainbow pathway creates and connects as this looping chaotic movement extends all around creating this unbelievable, uh,

racetrack. The prismatic pathway reveals itself. The starting light sits above you, standing at red. You can see now, elevated in the air, the figure on the top of the hill, the captain, Leo Kahn, looks on. I press the communications button and I say, win or lose, Rex, this is your last day of freedom, so you better enjoy it.

You couldn't catch me before, and you won't catch me after this. Remember, just when you start, to buck left and jump off the side of the race course so that you can fall onto the farther part along in the race course. Oh yeah, right after the third turn. But don't miss. Otherwise you will lose if you miss. There's a weird turtley-looking guy in a cloud with a fucking fishing rod that'll scoop you up, but you'll lose at least 15 seconds. Spike...

I miss my wife, Pike. I take my earpiece out and I set it down as soon as I hear chuckles. You put it on the dash. I miss my work click. Pike. Keep the head straight. This is my day. Okay. Okay.

It is a beautiful night. Uh, the moon, it's not quite a night, it's approaching night, it's like midday in the night. It's a beautiful night, more or less. The moon hangs full in the sky above you, a beaming spotlight on your first race in decades. Uh,

And as you sit there, engines revving, everyone on the line, you see, I almost said a Slytherin. What's the snake people? - You want a Slytherin. - You see a Slytherin. - Slytherin is the craker. - A Slytherin, you see a Slytherin in a snake-styled racer that swirls around the track.

You see a metallic horse of sorts. Doesn't look like it even has a racer. A prismatic horn erupts from its head. Damn. You see all manner of racers extend out across the starting line as the race gets ready to go. Red light, yellow light.

as it hits green and everyone erupts off the starting line. Clearly, the difference is noted immediately. You and Rex erupt off the line, leaving everyone else markedly behind you.

And I need you to roll a d6. Oh, sweet Jesus. He perfectly timed the A button. Gotta give it up. Off to a good start. Whoa. It's easy to miss. There's a very small window. It is. And if you hit it too late, you skid out. Five. Five.

Oh no, it's been sabotaged. It was Sebulba. I knew that guy was a jackass. Watch out! You are blasting neck and neck. Then I die. You are blasting neck and neck across the prismatic pathway. The familiar curves as the two of you weave neck and neck to and fro as you blast over the phalanx.

over the technicolored highway.

As you're going, you can see, you look over for just a moment, your wrecks adjust on your side. You can see him a little strangely. He's riding the speeder, but he has to kind of like step up on it, shift it a little bit. It feels like he's not quite comfortable. He's standing up a little in the stirrups as he's going. And it's with that that he slows just a little, and you pull cleanly ahead. And I need you to roll another d6. Whoa!

One. One. Not good. Oh no. You are racing. You've pulled clear ahead of him. And it's at this point that two things spawn in front of the two of you. Uh-oh. A green light appears in your pathway and a red light appears in his. As you crash through them, your guns are active and you can fire in front of you or behind you.

But his guns have activated as well. And roll a dexterity saving throw. Ah, yeah, this guy's a chump. Pew, pew, pew. Pew, pew, pew.

Uh, if I can fire on him, if that's like totally legal and good to go, I'm gonna fucking light his ass up. Uh, that's gonna be a 22 dexterity saving throw. A 22, with a 22... I do a barrel roll. With a 22, you see a red beam fire out from his speeder that arcs towards you, but you see it coming, you enact ace maneuvers, and you roll on the field, and you stay just ahead of him. And I need you to roll another d6.

"Now this is Pike Racing!" Another fucking one. Another one.

You have dodged his attack, but the roll has slowed you just a little bit. Naturally. As he pulls back neck and neck. You spin over a curve. You're pulling around the edge now as you race up, no longer flat on the ground. The two of you horizontal against the track as it turns completely sideways, bringing you around the bed, back to neck and neck. I need you to roll a d6. Can I twist these? Yeah.

A two. Oh! Saurav's so strong. It's in this moment that you hear the engines of the speeder rev just a little bit, and he's able to pull ahead of you slightly as you fall just behind. Yeah. You have a...

You have a your guns of inactive. Yeah, and should you choose to do so you can make You can attempt to make an attack against his speeder. You would have to angle slightly to try and shoot him God I feel like I wouldn't fire on the guy it just feels like it's fucking I

Well, I think is it part of this race? Yeah, is that a part of the race? Oh, then I'm unloading on his ass. He's an idiot. I'm gonna fucking blast his ass. It's like stunning shots and things like that. I'm shooting to kill. You...

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sexist stunt. Yeah, all phasers are sexist stunts. Do I need to make, like, an attack roll or anything? You can make your attack roll. Okay. Like, based on my, like, plus eight or whatever it is? Yeah. Can I twist these? I don't need to. It's a twenty-five.

25 lands your hit. As he moves ahead of you, very briefly and deftly, you swerve. The cannons at the front of the sparrow fire out a green blast as it collides with the side of his speeder. Though you arc just a bit to make that shot, it allows you to zoom right past him as you pull ahead. Come on, come on. And I need you to roll a d6. Come on, you fucks. Please. Guys. Guys.

A two! No! It's not looking good. He needs encouragement. Should I try calling him? I should have broke out my loaded D6s. I'll try calling him. He didn't respond to me. I think he turned off the communication. You get it now, Pike. Phase of Thunder is too loud. This is Pike. When you hear the thing, you know what to do.

Exactly.

It's not great for you. It's great. You are tearing up the space track. Everyone else in the race is almost a full lap behind you. It's clear why the two of you duel for the top spots. Rex, just slightly ahead of you now, moving just a little bit further. Top speed just a bit higher than yours. And you roll another decent. I didn't want to look at it. I got three. Two moving up. Moving up.

It's about average. As you straight out on a straightaway, on the pathway, what spawns right ahead of you is a white light. Oh.

And as you run into it the sparrow erupts from the space and boosts beyond him by a head. Oh. And I use your roll one more decent. Come on motherfucker. He did it! I used the booth! Yeah, I used the booth! Come on! What was the other advice you gave me? Try a somersault. Try a somersault? That's gonna really send me by. Yep. A one. Oh!

A one. Yeah. No, not now! Not now! I just, I do this. You think you're playing SSX tricky, and you're in the middle of the race for no good reason at all, you just pull a move again. I do a kickflip. Yeah, you do a kickflip to gain additional points. And that maneuver has brought you back head-to-head. Dead ahead of you, you see the finish line. The two of you moving head-to-head.

This is just like Giuseppe Buggy 64. Giuseppe Buggy 64. That one I don't know. I got it. I get it. I got it.

The homeless people in Rex's house. Oh. I get it. I get it. So, Mr. Salone, what are you doing here? That's not very much. So, Mr. Salone shows up. The two of you are erupting forward on the track.

This is the first time you have been on the Prismatic Pathway in decades. The spirit within you, long dormant, the spirit of the racer, has awoken once more. And...

Not desiring, but knowing that you can beat Rex, you throttle the sparrow forward. And as you do, something ignites. And the sparrow erupts in burning flame, starting to tear up the track. As you move clearly ahead of him, the finish line... He's got some truck up his sleeve. The finish line, in full sight, it is clear...

that you were about to take the lead and win. It's at this point, roll a perception check at disadvantage. Yeah, sure. This is where I'm a viking. Watch me get, I'm gonna get two absurdly high rolls here. Nope. Got a nine. Twist it. I can just re-roll the low? Or just take whatever the lowest is after I re-roll it? No, no, no, no. Just so you get a full re-roll. That would be a 17. With a 17. Or you just take, if that's higher, you take that.

That's not good.

I need you to make a dexterity saving throw. Yeah, disadvantage. Disadvantage. Come on. Come on. Here we go. Spike big numbers. I look up at the moon in the sky. My lows of 14, which dex saving throw is like 22. Yeah, yeah. 22. 22. That's no moon. Yeah. The flaming magenta light of the sparrow deftly pulls horizontally as you see something crashing down in front of you.

Something dark strikes the prismatic pathway so hard that it splits the racetrack. It shatters the rainbow bridge before the finish line.

You look, you careen as you attempt to regain control of the Sparrow. You straighten out. You've flown off the track at this point. You're flying freely in space and you're looking to get back. And what you see now looks like black rain falling from the sky. And as you look up, what you thought was a full moon hanging in the sky above you is not that at all. Roll...

It looks very familiar. It makes no sense that it would be here. It's not even in the same sector of space. But Aurora hangs in the sky above you. The ice planet where you almost captured Rex. It's a Saurian super weapon. Smash cuts of dinosaurs with like weird helmets like this and they're doing this. What starts crashing all around the prismatic pathway are horrible black oozing creatures.

that land all over. *BANG* *BANG* *BANG* *BANG* *BANG*

You would see this in the stands. Some of them might even be landing close to you as they crash into the ground. Some of them land on people. There's confusion at first, like the first three shots that go out. Nobody moves until the first person screams. A horrible, jagged, toothed monster with tentacles reaches out to the closest viewer, grabs them, pulls them in tightly and consumes them deeply.

Everyone shrieks, panic ensues and everyone starts running. You see the captain, Leo Kahn, bolt down the pathway. You see him charge along the decline to get back down the hill. Creatures are crashing all around. Everyone that lands, he dives in and with a deft strike, he attempts to rend it. But...

They survive his claws and they seem as the slashes cut in they seem to reform as all this is happening for a moment You're back on the beach you see the white web Extend out in front of you and the surface starts to bubble and rage and you snap back. What are y'all doing? I in my head

picturing that the booth that we're in is probably at the top of this like rim of the stadium looking down at the tracks and there's something of a distance before they're actually like stadium seatings going all the way down to the actual track track I'm trying to get a sense of if LaBouche could push

through the window, how far he would need to drop in order to start to race towards the finish line or towards the place to intercept with Pike or the Sparrow to try and get to him as quickly as possible. How far would you have to drop, like, from where you are to the ground? I'm just trying to think through the steps, like, what is the journey? Is it even worth considering? He's out in space, is that what you mean? Oh, yeah. He's flying around in space. I don't know. Yeah, well, so you would be able, if your goal was to get down onto the ground...

you would be able to probably run down the steps as quickly as possible to get to the ground level, but the track is elevated to the same, effectively, the eye level of the box seats. Yeah, I just wanted to make sure that we were on the same page in terms of the...

dimensionality here, so it does not look like it would be easy for me. Not easy, but even hard. It is impossible for me to get from here to where the sparrow will end up. It would feel very much impossible for you to get to the sparrow. I would immediately make a call out to Rhett from the sparrow and basically be like, Rhett! Rhett, come in! Can you hear me, Rhett? Yeah!

We gotta get out of here. You guys have to get to the Rhapsody as quickly as possible. I don't know what's going on down there, but we have a serious problem. I don't know what the fuck that is. Is that a fucking planet? We gotta go right now. And I'll just start, like, knocking past people. And maybe Labouche will be ahead. It would be very easy for me to just, like...

Ram through. Yeah, let's get outta here! I would crit half easily for you. Listen to me! Listen to me! I'm just swiping people. Fuck Rex! No matter what happens, he is not our priority anymore! Get off this place as quickly as you can! Is that the thing that I see from the ice? Is that what's happening? Does it look similar? Hank, buddy! Fire up the engine, we gotta fucking go!

And we all will start running to the Rhapsody. You all start running to the Rhapsody. As you make your way through the stadium, you see these black creatures, almost like oozing piranhas, as they swim through the air in front of you.

You see them reach out, tentacle, oozing tentacles erupt from their bodies as they envelop onlookers and they consume them bit by bit. A furious hunger seemingly impossible to satiate. - If they were dropping onto

the pathway and there was like no one like in the immediate vicinity I would try to make some strafe runs to see if I could like light them up and like do any kind of damage that I could provided there's like

no innocent people around. If they're like already climbing into the stands and like consuming people, I wouldn't, I would not fire on them. I would say that you, they're climbing, they're in all manner of stages. They're climbing into stands, they're consuming people. But if you would like to try, you can fly through the ones that are still falling, descending. Yeah, I would absolutely. And you could start peppering the skies. I would do what I could.

with the sparrow to try to lay down as much cover fire as I can from the ones that are raining down onto the tracks, and onto the pathway. And if the idea that everyone here is afraid of their self defenses does not fight it, are there like bouncers or like,

or something that is also fighting them, like enforcers that we would have been avoiding. I presumably am, we wouldn't be fighting because there's some like crack team of special forces to show up, right? You do see a crack team of those four armed creatures running around with all manner of cannons, kind of like bigger versions of Rex shotgun.

They're running around pumping firing blasts into these creatures and you see they're having moderate success. But this is an unending tide.

These creatures are tearing through the pathway and the bouncers are doing everything they can to simply slow them down. You'll see as you start to pepper the skies and provide the time that you can to your friends, you'll see Rex's speeder leap off the track towards the captain's hangar bay.

The captain, as he runs down the decline, is starting to turn around the edge. He's clearly trying to make it back to his home. It's at that moment you'll see a large force descend directly down upon him, right as he makes it to the door. Oh no. And then you'll lose sight of him in the black mass. You all...

are just making it back to the Rhapsody and your individual ships. You can get in them, you could get in them, move them back onto the Rhapsody. - If I feel like we could get our ships back on the Rhapsody in a matter of minutes, I would probably do that. - Yeah. - I can get my,

ship onto the Rhapsody on me. So like I could fly it, but I'm basically just stomping into a, in a super suit and like walking into the hangar bay. And what, and the clown card did not take that much damage.

It was damaged, but not like destroyed. So I could basically have my Extendo arm kind of help drag whatever, if there are any kind of not fully repaired ships. And I feel like telling Hank that he might have already gotten started. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. You can make a call into Hank and say, hey, like shit's going down. The crane arm grabs them and puts them in the hangar.

Do what you can to get him back. And as you're running, a mass of these hideous monsters are chasing you. Oh, shit. And as you break into the garage way, Hank has Rhett's vehicle, the hammerhead, pointed directly at the mouth of the door and says, and you take it to understand, get down.

Oh! Get down! And we all dive for the ground as Hank unleashes a barrage from the hammerhead at the mouth of the door, exploding these black masses onto the ground. It looks effective at first. They're blasted, shattering droplets all over the ground, and it slows them down, but they begin to bubble and tremble.

and slowly move back towards each other. Rhett, what's your status? We're almost out! I'm doing what I can. It looks like Khan's home's been completely enveloped by the Ooze. I don't know what we can do for these people. I'll see you in one second. And I'm gonna rush up to the cockpit, and as soon as the ships are on and Labouche and Chuckles are on, I will basically fly out of the hangar and just sort of get a sense of what the fuck is happening.

You fly, everyone's ships get on. You're already in space. You're continuing to pepper these droplets as long as you can to hold back the tide. You take into the Rhapsody and you spin

Around to look at what's happening. You see the horror unfold in front of you Aurora no business being here black veiny cracks Run the length of the planet as these droplets clearly emanating from it Whatever this is Hungers and it falls as this is happening. I

I am thinking of the dream that I've been having, and I'm thinking about the experience that I had on Aurora. And I'm wondering, does Labouche put any of those pieces together? Does the nature of these shadowy creatures feel connected to the thing the Weaver suppressed at all? Do I feel like I can be unlocking some sort of...

power or a communication or anything at all would be passing through Lelouch's mind as it holds on to the interior of the hangar bay and Rhett pilots us away and I watch as the raceway and everything starts to shrink away from me. You, as you look upon this, you feel deeply a resonance. Could almost be described as a kinship.

You see the white webbing in your mind stretch out in front of you like a locked door and something knocks and you feel that in every piece of your body. Can I open the door? Is there a peephole on the door? Uh oh. You can try.

I think that seeing this and hearing everything that's going on, I would only try if I felt like it could help. Like if it was going to give me some ability to convey information, like unlocking knowledge, or if it was going to give me some way to defend better against this serious threat that is assaulting down, that's coming down on this area.

You put your hands on top of the web that covers what could only be described as an ocean in front of you. You try to lift at its edge. You can almost feel the same sensation of the hunger of what lives within you. You grapple with it, but before you can make the decision to pull on the thread, Pike, you hear over your comms,

a call comes in at first you just hear shotgun blasts and revolver fire as laser blasts fire out all right you have to get out of here we don't know what's happening something terrible is coming down i'm not just gonna leave if there's anything i can do to help i'm not gonna leave again i don't know what we can do but i know one thing i think i got one race left in me

And you hear a very familiar call. Yes! You hear the roar of the Atlas. War to life. It sounds like the mighty cry of a lion. As the garage of the captain explodes in a brilliant blast of light.

The Atlas takes off into the sky. It's a yellow sheen, undriven in years, but in pristine condition. The number seven sits on its side. Watching him fly is like watching a leaf dance through the rain, untouched by water, as he takes off and flies directly at Aurora. And that is where it won the second place. Oh! Mace!

It's going to be like the planet Venom from Star Fox 64. He's going to have to do all the things. There's going to be a giant brain in there. I have the brains to rule the Stardust Rhapsody. Unbelievable. Mace, thanks for running the session. I have one of the other CDs. And I have one of the CDs.

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