Once Upon a Witchlight | Ep. 26 | Don't Lose Your Head
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Welcome to Legends of Avantris. Torbeck is here, and you're listening to Once Upon a Witchlight. Here's what happened last time. Get the buckets, you must help me. We have to put these fires out so we can get these balloons working again. One of us, one of us. Traitor.

as the fire begins to be doused by the water. Fire Traitor, form the master. And quite cute as it smiles up at you. Eat me. He's on fire! No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

- Monster jam, jam, jam! - The master comes forward. - You open your mouth to take in a breath and you watch as smoke pours from Kremi's maw as he begins to form and you watch as in the middle of the room this entity begins to rise. The six embers that were burning in the corners of this room are

Nothing but ash. There's no longer that smoldering bit of flame. What had been this large, fiery elemental is now a shriveled, waterlogged hunk of coal. It is over. The coals that started those embers came from Pavlona's cauldron. And she wanted them back.

I don't think she's getting them back, but I wouldn't keep the king waiting for too long. It's as fine illy the Baron of Muckstum at once. The revolution lives. We should still cross the bridge as safely as we can and talk to the king. As you unfold it, you all begin to hear words. Duke Ikarain!

My coals are destroyed, you foul-mouthed toad. You will pay for this. I will find you. You can't hide. You are all standing in the ruined balloon factory, completely covered in soot and ash. Looking out the window, the floating form of Ragnar Ross is

is still there as his embers steam and smoke billows up. The members of the soggy court across the way are all encircling or all standing in front of a very large, partially submerged gazebo, stare out in horror at what is bobbing up and down in the water, all of them confused and unsure as some of their eyes meet

meet yours as you're staring out of the window. It's at this point that down the clothesline that leads directly into the thick fog that swirls around what you imagine to be the hut, you notice an envelope as it makes its way down, carried by a creature.

And it is here as the bug alofts into the air and deposits the letter to you that it opens and begins to shout in a voice that you have never heard before. I'm going to do it again because I'm going to have to do it later. But it says to some effect that...

She knows, or she wants her ember returned to her. She's very displeased with the members of the Soggy Court and their inability to provide her with the embers that were stolen. And she wants them back immediately. She sees what has happened and knows that some of them are gone. And she is, there will be punishment. You can tell easily from this letter that it was not meant for you. That her...

At least as far as you can tell, your presence still goes unknown to her. This letter was meant for the Bullywug that helped you here. The one that gave you the small bee brooch as a sign of good faith, mentioning it could be used to potentially gain audience with King Gullop the 19th. And it is here that you stand, the letter floating gently to the ground at your feet.

steam still billowing around you. And so we don't have any sense that she knows that we're here, that we killed Ragnar Ross or any of that. The letter made it very clear that she realizes that some, if not all of her embers have been destroyed and she's very displeased by it, but

there was no indication from the letter that she suspected that you had any hand in it. You were not mentioned in the letter. There was no mention of there being additional people in Downfall. It was very clearly a letter that was sent specifically to the Bullywug that had been here, and a letter of displeasure. Was it a fly brooch or a bee brooch? I remember being a fly brooch. Sorry, it was a fly brooch.

Alright fellas, we gotta get the fuck out of here. She clearly knows something went down, but it doesn't sound like she knows who did it, so we gotta be stealthy like and get out. Oh, maybe this'll be a rallying cry for the Bargler Buddies, you know what I mean? The Bunko Buddies? Oh, the Bunko Gus. It's wishful thinking. I would've preferred Bargler too. Yeah, me too. They love their Bunko, you know? They do. Oh, Frosty, you have a letter, it seems.

I'll pick it up. We heard the voice. It screamed at us. Yeah, it screamed at you. It was a howler. It was a howler. I look at it to see if it says anything different or more, if it even has language on it. Um, it is, uh, it does seem the letters started to appear as the words were spoken. Um, and it is in a, um,

in a very untidy handwriting. And you do notice that there are splotches of swamp water that have appeared on it, almost as if the hand that had written the letter was soaking wet at the time. It says what we heard it scream out just now. The words are identical, but you can see here, and I show it to Gricko so that he can plainly see the swamp water, the drips, the scratchy writing.

Well, is this what that thing said? Word for word, as far as I can tell. Oh man, I've been misusing all of these letters for a long time. How do you mean? I mean, how... would that pronounce... is that... is that Ember? We're gonna have to have a long conversation about spelling, aren't we? Or is that... gosh. This may be poorly written, but it is written with the correct letters in the correct order.

Oh man, I need to get more schmuzzy. We'll talk. I'll fold it up. I'll put it in my pack. All right, let's act casual like we were just walking by as we leave this place in case she's looking down. Do we want to collect any of these embers that may or may not be left over? I mean, if she's looking for them, it could be a little bit of leverage. It's not a bad idea. Didn't all of them go into Ragnaros?

Are they in the drink? I think they're all in a drink. They combine into a mega hive mind final boss. Why don't we all help Frost? Oh, Frosty! Let me keep me pee in my eyes back. Let me take a look. Thank you for your assistance. Roll investigation at advantage. I will look around. I want to get a sense of if I do think all of the embers have been destroyed because they assembled into Mega Ross and then got drowned. Ragnaros, yeah. Mm-hmm. Um...

Oh, I'm going to use... See how it's different, the color is, now that I've been holding it in my hand this entire time? Oh, yeah. That's going to be one delicious 23. Wonderful. With the assistance of your friends, you begin to investigate the room, specifically looking in the corners where the six embers had been nestled.

This entire place is covered in soot and filled with smoke. It is difficult to look around, but you attempt to, and it's gonna take you a bit more time than you'd expect. And so in the meantime, Torbek, you awake.

I was hoping that was it. Your neck is stiff and painful. You clearly slept on it wrong. And you realize why very quickly. As you turn your head to the side, where you would imagine there to be a pillow, you see that the pillow has fallen to the floor. And nestled beneath the back of your head is Hootsie.

curled up and keeping warm beneath you. It is then that you notice you catch a sight of a pastel yellow bow tied into the fur on your shoulder. You begin to look around. You've been thoroughly washed and cleaned. Your hair is no longer this dirty,

dark brown, but almost a... There you see hints of blonde in there in places. Lighter colors than you've ever seen before now that the mud and muck has been removed from you. There's a soft curl to your hair and bows tied in all over the place. You smell of lavender and cinnamon. And it feels strange. You...

Look down at yourself and you're in these soft blue pastel pajamas with the name Torbeck embroidered on the pocket on your chest. And they're cozy and soft. Your nails on your feet and hands have been trimmed and painted. Cute little designs have been...

Painted onto them. And you look quite cute. If not wholly unlike yourself. Oh, things are finally coming up. All torment. A fire roars in the hearth. There's a tray of piping hot breakfast foods and a steaming mug of what appears to be some sort of bean juice. And you...

you find yourself in this place. Looking around, you recognize that this is clearly the inn at the end of the road, but this is a room far more extravagant than one you had ever seen before. It's three times larger than the one that you stayed in. The trappings in here are ornately carved, and they are plush velvets and extravagant silks heavily embroidered with threads of silk

and it looks magical. This room is a room fit for an archfey. Torbek is a natural blonde! This explains so much!

Does Hootsie have matching pajamas? Yes. And also bows in her hair, but hers are pink. Oh, that's fucking adorable. Wow. Torbek wouldn't know what to do. I guess Torbek would immediately look around for his friends to see if any of them are around. Yeah, you open the door and you look down the hall and all the lights are out in every other part of this house.

And as you open the door to the hallway, a rush of cold air rushes past you and you shiver as you feel the chill overtake you. The heat of the room almost oppressive on your back in comparison to the frigid air that's out in front of you. And as you step forward, the sound of even your footsteps almost echo in here as you hear...

An unnatural silence. I would probably shout for Twig. Knowing, recognizing that this is the inn, I would probably shout to her to see if she's around. You stand in the hallway. There is a banister, and this area overlooks the...

the main portion of the inn. You look over the banister and you can see the living area, the fireplace where all of Twig's knickknacks were stored, the plush couches where you enjoyed bean juice with your friends. And it is all completely silent and dark. As you call out for Twig, your voice echoes almost as if you're standing at the end of a very long hallway, a space far larger than the one that you're standing in. You just hear your voice echo back at you.

But there is no response from Twig. This is ominous! Hootsy, as soon as you rouse, Hootsy would have awoken and let out a soft hoot. And when you wake up, your dog that's been sleeping with you will get up and look at you of like, "Where are we going?" and just be following you. Okay. I would definitely be keeping an eye out for her or on her.

So if I'm overlooking the area that I recognized from before, do I see the entrance? You see the door and you see the windows. And I won't make you roll for it. It's very plain to see that there is no light coming in through the windows on either the door or the windows against the wall. It's an unnatural darkness. Pure pitch black.

Do I feel like I could try the door or does that darkness make me feel like I wouldn't want to open it? You feel like you could try it. I would definitely try them. I hope I don't get sucked down. You jiggle the knob on the door and it doesn't give. It doesn't feel like it's locked, but almost as if the door is a facade. It's not a real door. The hinges look to be fake, almost as if this is a dollhouse.

And what you see is just a facsimile of what an inn should be. As you walk towards the door, you do begin to notice shadows. Or as you walk past one of the windows, you do begin to notice shadows moving outside of it. Oh, wow.

Tormek's first thought was that Tormek will probably die here, but Hootsie, you're here, so Gricko would never leave you to die. I run a scamper over to one of the windows where I saw the shadow and grotesquely press my face up against the glass and try to look out and see what's going on. Ah!

With your face pressed to the glass, you see what appears to be thick, swirling smoke and giant shadows. Entities 15 times larger than you are as they stalk past you. You see that it appears that the inn is currently moving, almost as if it is trudging through this smoky terrain and the...

The movement is uncanny and strange. Giants. Absolute monstrous giants just towering outside of this thing. Hootsie, what do you normally do when you're stuck here? Do you play cards? Do you know how to play Pinochle?

"Ohhh, who's Torbeck getting?" Kusi will give a little shrug and then walk back into the room and with her paw she'll kind of pull out like a lily pad with a bunch of like flies forming on it. And like hold it up to him. "Oh, well that's very generous, but that's really not Torbeck's thing."

She just looks down and will look a little sad at first and then just go back to looking at the flies and just smacking them and battering them around. Surely there must be a way to alert the others. Um...

I mean, Torbek would also not be like super pressed. He'd kind of just be like, well, maybe I can make myself a cup of bean juice. Or maybe there's some of that displacer pee. Okay. You say this as you see the shadows move outside of the window.

And as the smoke shifts and undulates, because that's my favorite word. Great word. You see a large eyeball. A dark brown iris. Gigantic in form. As it focuses into view and stares through this tiny window at you. You see the iris move this way and that following every single movement you make.

I would have waved to it. Do I recognize this eye at all?

Roll an insight check. Yeah, I guess, no, it wouldn't be insight. What would you roll for recognition? Probably straight intelligence. Yeah, maybe. That's not a good name. Perception you could do. Yeah, perception I think is good. I think perception is good. I think insight would work too. Yeah. I'm making a wisdom. Which do you prefer? Insight. Not insight. What am I doing? Perception. Perception. Perception. Perception. No. Torbett got a nine. Nine.

You don't. Torbek would like to come out now. I need you to roll a dexterity saving throw for me, please. Oh, Jesus. Three, five.

It's the first season of Attack on Titan. Oh! Twenty-five! Turn back is very quick. Holy shit. You immediately feel the inn at the end of the road pitch forward. Your body slams up against the wall, your face once again pressed against this window as this eye blinks in at you. And then...

You hear the door open as the entire inn begins to shake violently. And you hear...

Get out! Torbjorn's awake! Torbjorn's awake! And you realize that though you didn't recognize the eye, it is clearly the gigantic eye of Twig as it looks through her glasses, peering in at you. She's opened the door from the outside as she begins to shake the house, trying to get you out of it. And with a quick plop, you fall out of the house, right yourself like a cat, and land crouched on the ground.

Does Hootsie fall on top of him? No. Hootsie stayed inside. Oh, keep it down. But he's so little. Oh, he's still small. Yeah. Oh, God. I don't know how long it's going to take for him to get big. I've never knocked someone out of my house like that before. So immediately Torbeck would be like, oh, hey, guys. But you guys are here. Oh, hey.

Torbac, you are... You're sure he's going to stay this way for a while? I don't know. Torbac, you're tiny and blonde. Don't step on Torbac! Oh, Torbac, is that... I would say I don't recognize you if it wasn't for the horrible fey mechanical monstrosities on your back. You're looking quite handsome. Torbac, go!

Don't move. Whatever you do, just try to stand your ground, and you'll feel like a platform underneath you suddenly lift you up as I use my hand to ascend you to the top.

Watch out, watch out. I don't want to drop you. You're moving it really slow, but Torbek's like, just hold on to the thumb. It's invisible. Torbek rises through the air on your mage hand, but the air is thick with smoke, and he's just landed in a thick layer of ash. And what had been a clean, blonde Torbek is now a Torbek covered in swamp ash.

and ash, and all manner of dirty things from the floor of this place. The bows, which had been a beautiful pastel yellow, are now all grungy...

brown and grays. His beautifully curled blonde hair is once again covered in filth as it hangs limply and oily against his skin. When the hand stops, there will be a brief moment of silence and then you'll hear just like soft, high-pitched sobbing. Oh, well, it was nice while it lasted. Oh, now I recognize him.

This is going to be a part of the adventure that's like Twigsy, I shrugged the bugbear. He's not going to be much use to us if he's this small. I mean, perhaps he can do small errands and unlock locked doors from within. There's not much I can do about that. Can you do this on command? Like, this might come in handy at some point. No, I actually didn't think about it. So, you know...

to get an idea of what's going on inside of my inn when I'm not in there. And I like sensed that there was something moving around. And at first I thought, oh, it's just Hootsie, no big deal. And then it was like, I smelled something weird. And I'm like, huh, did Hootsie poop on the carpet? It was probably Torbeck. And so I looked into the house and it was definitely Torbeck. And then I would just go really excited and open the door and let him out. I didn't really think about

So... I don't really... I don't know. It might be like this forever. Torbjörn, are you prepared for a life as a tiny, tiny whatever you are? I

Only if Torbett can ride in Mr. Crummy's pocket. Oh, yes. What? Here, get closer. Oh, why is it going to be my pocket? I'm pretty sure the kid's got some pockets. No, there's no pockets on this. This is just a t-shirt, man. Mr. Crummy has a beautiful lapel. I'm going to drop him in there if you can just hold it open for you or me.

You know what? We're going to compromise with inside pocket. Oh, God, I feel like I'm going to crush him in here. One wrong move and he's just dead. He's paced. I mean, just don't offend him. He might just grab up and twist. Oh. He's not a mammal. Well, shit.

Ah. I forgot that you don't have nipples. That's on me. I could probably fashion a little pocket out of my vest. That would be very comfortable for Torbeck. Might need to, you know, slash it up a little bit. You know how to stitch, don't you, Grammy? I mean, I can fix things in a pinch, I guess. I mean, he can just use his mind. It'll probably be easy for him to do it. To, like, stitch a pocket? I mean, this is... Oh, no, he can just fix... I'm trying to fashion a little pocket in my Nuggerhide...

I'll have Gib, you know, mend my clothes if, you know, something tears because he's just sort of handy with tools and stuff. I would like you all to roll a d20 for me, please. Gideon, I feel like you'd be able to fashion some sort of miniature Bjorn. And in case you weren't aware, I'm dreading you. Yeah. I got a two. Twelve. We'll start with the two. A miniature Bjorn, perhaps. No, we'll just start with Mike. Gideon...

Yeah, Gideon. Gricko? Gricko. You begin to feel your body change. You get taller. Your voice changes as you feel an entity present in your body that hadn't been there before. As your eyes look towards Gideon, your arch nemesis. The one that took your life. The one that created the Honk Legion. Mikey, will you please be chuckles for me?

Wait, what is happening to me? Oh my god. I am an elder god made flesh! Oh no, are you guys seeing this or am I going crazy again? No, you're dead. I saw pigs eat your flesh. No, no, no, this is not happening. Oh no, I watched the whole thing myself hovering

Oh my goodness! I mean, I knew this happened to Klutzy, and when I sucked him back to hell, I didn't think it would happen so soon! Oh!

Hey, fellas! - This is what happened to me, Gricko's somewhere house stuck inside of Chuckle's mind right now watching all of this happen. - Oh no, I mean, gosh, I feel like I wear goblin flesh pretty nice. I can warp it into fallow reanimated clown flesh in a pinch. It actually is quite the Eevee conversion. Hey, Gideon, what's your favorite animal? - Oh, God, I hate this guy. You know what, it's a pig.

Oh, it's a pig? Yeah, I got a lot of big friends, and you've met them. Oh, yes, I mean, God, I mean, I really, I guess you know what they say, you really look very similar to one. Let me just... I'm gonna get a lot of balloons for this big boy. Where did he get the balloons? Oh, I need to get some more. Do a little sound effect, because I would get a bunch of...

I might just order him to do a 7, but he doesn't. Oh, look, it's-- oh, it's-- well, I think we need to make a little improvement. I'll pull out a lipstick.

Oh, it's still hideous, but it's fitting. And I flick it over to you. Oh man, I hate it. I hate you. What has happened to you? You were still inside there. I remember being lucidly aware. I have no idea if that's going to be the case for Griggo. So I shouldn't be like, hey, Gid, can you please kill this guy? No, absolutely not. We have no way of... As this conversation is happening, you feel confused.

feel constricted in the clothes that you're wearing. You would be much better naked as you become a proud nudist. What's important is that we don't panic. He may not be a threat to us. We have to be very careful to make sure that there's no possible...

Do you think you can make this point with your clothes still on? I'm not sure what you're talking about. Oh, here. Give it here. Give it here. I'll keep it for safekeeping. Oh, your belt? Okay. There we go. It'll just completely disappear into the bowler cap. Okay, robes. Robes, I can do that. Oh, it's going to need a full...

I take the pack off. I take my undergarments off, and I stand proudly. I don't think that he's a threat. But your shoes are still on. Oh, yeah, I mean, who's going to take your shoes off? I'm a proud nudist. I'm not a psycho. All right.

It's like people who fuck it with their socks on. Oh no, I think you really should get rid of the shoes. No, no, I'm going to get the shoes on, Chuckles. This is important. I think I can probably give you some replacements that are even more sanitary. Show me the replacements first and I'll consider it. Well, that's not how that works. It's got to be a little bit of mystery.

Make a persuasion check. Oh god! Juz, come on! No! Frawls, what are you doing? Show me the replacement structure. Okay. Oh, let me-- what size are you? Oh, so you're about Bengal tiger paw, little anthropomorphized. Okay. Okay, I think I can come-- coming right up.

I'm gonna pull out a pair of ridiculous clown shoes that are like a gaudy hair metal band tiger print on them. Nice. Here you go, your own pair of squeaky squeakers. Sticky squeakers. I've been dead for far too long. I regret making this decision, but I do need to wear my shoes. Oh, man. I can't believe that this is actually kind of like my body. Yes, it'll be very sanitary. Oh.

Oh no. Surely they come off. Oh goodness. You got me. You got your own pair of squeaky sticky

- Sticky squeaker, that's a tongue twister. - I'm beginning to remember why Gideon killed you. - I don't even remember the joke that I said when I finally sloughed my mortal coil. And now that I feel, you know, I was filled with so much demonic, feverish hatred for you, Gideon, that I planned of all the terrible things that I would do. I was like one of those edgy robots playing high schoolers.

And now that I finally am clown made flesh, I- maybe it's you little friend in the back of my head perhaps preventing me from enacting my murderous wishes. I guess that'll have to be something I take care of for next time. Now I'm just happy to feel the disgustingly overly humid swamp air.

On my gray, fallow flesh and my flesh gloves. Oh. Well, I mean, this is a rare opportunity. Look, you know what? Obviously, I don't really apologize for what you did, and I don't really apologize for feeding you to the pigs. What else were we going to do? At that point, it was the only option. We'd have to charge for ice. It would have been the whole thing. Oh, yeah. But...

What kind of deal did you make to make this all happen? I mean, was it sort of like a post-death thing, or like, did you make a deal for like when I eventually die, some sort of reincarnation biz, or like my spirit will carry on? Oh, well, I have to be a little cryptic, but let's just say you're not the only one with friends on the other side. Oh!

Oh, can you believe this fellow? He thinks, oh, I have a whole lot of special powers. It's very generic, actually. It's actually quite easy to be a warlock, you know. This is a bigger problem than I realized, Gibbs. Yeah, he's a huge dick. Oh, yeah, no, no. It's a big problem, especially for you, Gibbs. You are listening to this, and you occasionally think of something you want to say. And every time you do, you realize in the back of your head that that's not true.

And yet you can't stop yourself from wanting to say it, as you are only able to speak in lies. Oh, Toybeck, you look so tiny. You know, you were the only one who was ever nice to me. Oh, here, do you want, oh, why don't you sit on my flower? Hey, do you feel this? What?

There's like blood dripping from his orifices. Oh, do one thing. What's your favorite animal? A poodle? Gosh. You look like a little bit of a poodle. Hold on one second. I'm going to put you on top of my flower. As soon as you set Torbeck down, he like, there's like a...

He like vomits a little bit. Oh! Down the flower. I'm ready to catch if there's a drop. I'm trying to make sure Torbjorn remains safe. I'm going to create with a touch.

I haven't worked with this precision, hold on. And I'm going to pull out of my hat like those glasses for like mini painting and it'll get really small as I'll pull out these little tiny tools that are also kind of squeaky and honky as I'm like, okay, we're gonna get you a knife, little poodle mount. Here you go Torbek.

Oh, well, if you hate it, then you... Oh, I love it. Oh, it's a bit ironic. Dormax never hated anything more. Oh, well, I guess I'll take it away. Fine. I'm sorry. I just thought I could help you out. Yes! Yes! Yes! I'm sorry. I didn't mean to... And I pop it. Yes! Dormax so happy! Yes!

This is horrifying. What did you get? Oh, God, I thought she was going to forget about it. No, I'm just going through them slowly. I rolled a 10. I rolled an 8. Okay, thank you. You may continue. Oh, I'm sorry, Torbeck. No!

So what do we think? Do we try to knock him out, restrain him? Or should we just let him do his thing? Well, the last time I punched him, he died almost immediately. You know what I mean? And I think that's still Gricko in there. Yeah. Frosty's to be. I'm not. I'm not. Oh, wait. What? My ear is going to get absolutely massive. That's a nightmare. It'll be a bunch of hairs inside of it. The hyperrealism. Roll a d4. Oh, no. Thank you. Hey.

- Two. - Oh no. Please be a winner, Aladrin. - Boo! - You look into this giant ear and you see the hair and the crusty ear wax as it coats the inside. - Oh, they're like vibrating, oh. - And you are disgusted as your body begins to change.

And where had been an alligator folk now stands a beautiful summer eladrin. Your hair flowing down almost waist length, a beautiful wavy blonde. Your skin sun-kissed, pinkish with almost hints of red. Your eye is a piercing green.

Hey, man. Love it. This is pretty cool. Wow. Do you see this, kid? Wait, why are you talking like that? Whoa. All of a sudden, I feel, I don't know, I feel so warm all of a sudden. Just kind of like, you know, I'm just, I was just really, you know, kind of cold-blooded before, and now I'm sort of like warm-blooded, you know what I mean? You feel the heat of blood rushing inside of your veins? Yes.

Well, yeah, almost like I don't have to rely on the sun to warm my blood. Oh, what does it feel like to have hot blood running through your veins? Describe it in detail. Oh, well, it's sort of like, you know, wooshy, I guess. Oh, is it? Oh, is it wooshy? Oh. Yeah, man, I mean, it's kind of, you know, it's pretty cool. It feels nice. Oh, I bet it does. I haven't felt that in many, many, many years. Kind of like, you know, cool, you know, sweet, you know.

Oh man, I bet it does. Kind of sucks, you know what I mean? You'd feel warmer with less clothes on. Is that how that works? Oh yes, it's very freeing. And you can feel the sun hit your body in its entirety. It's wonderful.

You know what? I sort of just feel like that feels wrong. You get colder, in fact. I mean, the clothes start taking off off my gloves. It doesn't make any sense. Oh, no! Give it here! Give it here! Yeah, no, very nice suit. Oh, I actually have the suit. I could give you the name of my tailor, but he's dead.

I won't take the pants off. Oh, but I'll rip the legs off so that I'm wearing basically like pinstripe purple shorts. Like zip off. Exactly. Rip them down. Oh, yeah, right into the head. How would I make this anymore? These rippling muscles. Oh.

Is this what you feel like every day, kid? Well, I mean, probably. You know, I mean, it's nice to be strong, but I liked you better before. Where's Mr. Crammy? Are you looking at Crammy right now? Yeah. You fall madly in love with the first person you see. Oh, gosh darn.

Oh, wow. I mean, you know, I've always thought that having hair would be a little bit annoying, don't you think? But it's actually kind of nice. It's soft. Oh, yeah. That's why it's very annoying to have a full head of hair. Very ugly. The lady hated it, actually. I'll rub my bald spot. I was going to say that I liked how you looked before, but...

I'm liking this version of you. Oh, you think it looks kind of nice? Oh, it looks mighty nice. You sort of make it a little bit with all pictorial muscles, you know? Yeah. And I'll sort of flex a little bit and make them bounce. I am just so glad we are married.

Oh, oh, oh, this whole ironic thing. Well, I mean, you know, it's like... Me too. Me too. Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah. We should probably get rings, you know what I mean? Yeah, I think we should. Just sort of like ironically, you know, kind of... Yeah, I love you. What? What?

Oh, you mean real? I forgot you guys are still here. Oh, I love you, man. Yeah, man. I love you, man. Hold on. I think I have something right here. You're my best mate. You're my best mate. Yeah, you are my best mate. That's for sure. I've had a couple. I mean, we're sort of ironically married, you know. It's sort of there. Can you not be this mate? Ironically married. I mean, there was a whole ceremony, you know. We signed papers. We drank. I mean, technically, sort of. Technically married.

but really we're just, you know, ironically just best buds, right? There was a wedding cake and everything, I think. I'm pretty sure that was... Oh, well, it was actually a wedding pie. Yeah, no. What's that fella's name?

He's very pathetic listen to him die for like an hour while he was Basically the the peanuts had closed up and no not a soul could hear him and no one could give him aid for the very long

period of time that he could have been saved given all of the excitement of the wedding. Unfortunately, the second that he dropped was when they started playing Sweet Carolina so that everyone, of course, ran to the dance floor and no one saw him. Yeah. And then the next one was the Electrum Slide so it was like no one would come back. Yeah. Right when you were shouting the loudest was right when the bump.

Yeah, no, he never stood a chance. Or I'd just ride over him. Yeah, he's pretty bitter about it, but I mean, you know, I always try to chipper up his mood. Although I feel like my mood's a little too chipper. Your Greek old friend is a little too agreeable. I mean, I feel still that visceral hatred towards you, but I feel like I don't have full control over my own emotions. Hey! Hey, fruit!

Yes? What's wrong with Gideon? What's wrong with Gideon? That's what I said!

The only thing that's wrong with Gideon is that he hasn't accepted his natural form. Gideon, why don't you join us and celebrate the body, the physique. Oh, man, I suppose I could. I mean, you can join us. Yeah, feel the sun. Yeah. Feel the sun. I'll take my shirt off. This is maybe exactly what we all need in order to enjoy peace, Chuckles. To enjoy peace, Chuckles.

and and and oh yeah absolutely i think you should really consider taking off your clothes yeah don't you worry you handsome devil uh oh no you know look it's not like my previous form was really that bad but this is pretty cool too don't you think kremmy kremmy let me just say all right i loved your previous form okay

It wasn't bad at all. No, I'm not saying it was bad. But you are a beefcake right now, okay? And I just want to cut me a slice. I mean, I'm a fairy, technically, right? I mean, the whole Fae thing is pretty enchanting, you know what I'm saying? I'm literally made out of Fae. What? Beguiling. I'm beguiling. You think that's what's happening to me? Or I just...

Love you so naturally, it's just so hard to fight. You're just beguiling. There's an endless summer in your heart, perhaps. You're really leaning harder on the whole ironic thing, you know? Sort of like God's not, or like us, you know, kind of getting married, technically. I just need to start blinking a little bit more, because I'm starting to fall into those eyes, okay? Yeah, well, I mean, you're really laying on pretty thick, kid, I mean. I don't know, man. Maybe it's the fade thing. Maybe it's because you're a fairy. I don't really know what's happening. Oh, God, I see.

Yes, Twig? I hate to tell you this. Oh, what is it? I think I'm becoming aware, Twig. Oh, God. Oh, no. Oh, God, my nails are getting lost. Oh, my gosh. My teeth are getting sharp. Oh, God.

You look the same. Do they doubt their loan? Oh, no. You should probably take off your clothes about it. No. I don't think I should do that. I'd be a twig unchained. I'd be a twig uncontrollable. I'd be a twig that no one could handle. I'm going to help you. Oh, this is terrible. What kind of lycanthrope might you be turning into? I've got to get into the house.

I'm going to get the house! And she throws the house on the ground. And she rips the door open. And you see as she tries to force herself in it. But this house is way too small even for her. And she screams and tears at the house trying to get herself in. And she is no longer paying attention to anything that you guys are doing. Oh, yeah, no twigs, definitely no twigs, she told.

Or is it because she likes all those frogs? Is she like turning into a frog? You see Twig's head peek out from attempting to get into the house. That's exactly what happened! I hate to wear a toad! Woo!

Oh no, she-- Croak! She contracted-- There's distant owl-- muffled owlbear screaming. Chuckles, you seem to have a number of solutions in your head. Is there anything you have that could potentially cure our friend Twig here?

Oh yes, I have just the thing. Allow me to look in my... Oh, no, this? Oh, no, hold on. I'll be pulling out my thing. He's got the clanging of bottles. Wait, do you have any wine?

We have to find wine right now. I don't know if I get to take it with me. I don't know how this shit works. One moment. I feel like this is kind of like the excellent animated film Batman Beyond Joker Returns. And so I don't know how long I... It's literally what this is. It's pretty cool. It's a great film if you haven't seen it. Oh, anyway. Oh, here I have the...

for lycanthropy. It'll be like a really dirty bottle and there'll be some mysterious liquid in and there's a homemade label that just says special medicine on it. - Twig pulls herself out of the inn at the end of the road. - Did you say you can cure me? - I can, I have the cure for lycanthropy right here. Here you go. - Oh yeah, that definitely looks legit. - Oh, oh.

It's happening faster! Oh no! And I'll peel back the label and like in bright, like colorful letters, colorful letters, it'll say lycanthropy curse accelerant. Oh no!

I mixed up my bottles. I used extra mustard in that one. Surely you have a solution for the solution. I have the lycanthropy cursed accelerant antidote. Yes, of course. I'm not going to pretend to know how your powers work, but please, quickly. Oh, this. Oh, no, not that one. That'll be crazy. Did Juggles ever tell you?

He's a qualified doctor! Oh, is he? That's such great news! Did you hear that? We got the doctor! I didn't know that about you. No, I didn't kill him. I manslaughtered him, okay? You manslaughtered a doctor, dude? You're my best friend, right?

Uh, yeah. I'm dying of wertotism. No, I don't think that that's true. I mean, he's got some kind of cure to the accelerant for lycanthus. Before I go, Gideon, will you hug me one last time? Uh, yeah. A piece. And as you lift Twig, help!

She latches onto you and bites into your neck. Oh, you should know this! Oh, she's diabolically clever! We stand no chance! Feed her the medicine, Gideon! You should have known it wasn't true, because Torbjorn is Odie's best friend! And I try to, like, while she's attacking Gideon, I'm gonna try to pour the whatever Junkle's first name. Does a 17 hit?

Yeah. She does one point of damage. Right in my femoral artery. I'm squirting blood. Refrainer, refrainer Gideon! And it'll say, and this label will be a similar dirty bottle with a different color liquid and it'll be extra special, extra special medicine for real this time. I...

The beorn I started to fashion to keep Torbjorn in, or whoever was going in the beorn, I don't even remember. Torbjorn was going in the beorn. I'll whip Twiggy around and send Tyra quickly into the beorn. Oh wait. If this is, and it'll say extra special medicine for real this time, the real bottle-- No, what are you doing, Tuggle? Oh, peel that thin label, Gideon.

It'll say-- Oh my god! It'll say, like, "Can't be cursed, accelerant, accelerant." Oh no! She's gonna become quadruple wert-- wertotism. Oh gosh, I don't even have a stat block for that. Oh no.

- What do we do? - Well, I guess Gideon has met a very justifiable end, but wait a minute. If Twig killed Gideon,

That means that I can't. Come here, you little bitch! Oh no, stop him! I'll endeavor to tackle Chuckles. Yeah, I'll just put my hand out and attempt to stop Chuckles by holding his forehead. I'm going to do this at disadvantage. Do I have-- Oh!

Does a 22 hit. Me? Yeah, as you reach out, she lunges forward and sinks her teeth into your bicep, tearing at you, doing one point of damage. Death is the only cure!

I'll use my cat agility ability to jump forward. Your cat gility? My cat gility while I'm gilitying all over the place. And I jump forward and attempt to tackle Chuckles before. Do I have Griggo stats? Yeah. Okay, let me pull up Griggo. I'm going to endeavor to stop Chuckles before he reaches me. Seeing the danger that Gideon is clearly in, wear twig.

Oh no, naked furry cab. Oh gosh. Stop. Oh. I don't know. Like that time at the convention. Oh no. Oh, natural 20. Oh boy.

It's just a grapple, so whatever that would be. So it's your athletics versus my athletics or acrobatics. Oh. Dude, you beat a 25. I might not be able to do that. Let's find out. Athletics or acrobatics? Or just my athletics? Your athletics. Your athletics is what you're trying to restrain. Oh, you slippery bitch. 22. Oh!

No! And you'll feel that my suit is really slippery and greasy. Roll another d20 for me, Andy. I ran towards you the entire time that I did it. I attempt to grab onto you, but I'm assuming I miss. Traitor!

Yeah, no, I will resolve it when I'm ready. Oh, oh. Oh, thank goodness I remembered to grease myself this morning that I didn't forget my daily routine. And you'll slide off as I will attempt to basically lunge forward and grab. No, don't you kill him! I'm going to try to grab to his face. I can't believe it! No!

She's going to have to bite you. Do I rip her off of Gideon? I would try and anti-grapple him. I don't know, if he's lunging at me, I would try and grab him and-- They're kind of warring over Twig. Does a 19 hit? Yeah, yeah, yeah. She does one point of damage as she bites into your flesh as you reach out for her. I would like to know if I'm able to pull Twig away before that happens.

- I would normally say yes, but not if Gideon is contesting it, 'cause she is in a baby Bjorn on his chest. - Okay, oh that's fair. Oh fuck! How did her teeth get that sharp? My teeth are actually sharp, but I, oh gosh, is that clown blood? Oh, that's a whole 'nother curse. Come here, I'll save you Gideon, so I may kill you later.

I have no idea what to do. I'm covered in grease. I'm covered in clown grease. You know, I don't have help. So you have to do a contest. What's happening, I start taking my homemade shorts off because I still have underwear on. Hey man, you should put these on. You know, just so you're a little more decent. I'm going to do a twist. Why would I do that?

I mean, you're just sort of like, you know, you're just sort of all out there, you know what I mean? And I'm proud of it. Well, you can be mostly out there without being, you know, all the way, you know what I mean? I do know what you mean, and I'm offended by the thought. Oh, I didn't mean anything by it, man. I mean, it's just totally chill. I mean, I'm not...

I'm just trying to, you know, maintain eye contact up here and it's just, it's a bit distracting. My eyes are up here, Grammy. I'm just trying to, you know, I don't know. I just thought I was being nice. I'll put my short pants back on. You'll get used to it. Everyone will. This is forever now. These are shorts that were made from pants.

Do you think I could call them shamps? Oh, that's a good idea. Oh, fuck! My flesh glove! That one definitely hits. She's going to do one more point of damage as she bites your thumb. Oh, my other thumb! Oh, gosh, I'll not be able to use my special move for weeks or else it'll be very unsanitary. Ah! Ah!

Yikes. So what happened with the contest? Is it just strength? Yeah. It's athletics. Yeah, you'd absolutely smoke me. I used the twist, by the way. All right, we're at 20. 16. Yeah, you attempt, but you are a greasy clown. And as you, just as you slipped. Keep it in your name, Daryl.

Twitter bio. Twitter bio. Yep. You are a greasy clown. And also, I play Juggles. Yeah, that's going in there. I will do that in the chat. But yes, you are a greasy clown, and as you attempt to rip Twig away from Gideon,

he is able to hold onto her as she slides out of your grasp.

Oh, I shouldn't have greased myself up this morning. Attempting to bite you again, but the movement is too quick and she's not able to find purchase on any part of you as she lashes out ferociously. I will fall back on top of Frost after he failed the attack. Oh, you'll just hear a bunch of squeaky and honking. Wait a minute. And then the rattling of bottles. Oh, he's so greasy and now Frost is so greasy. Oh, he's not very close.

I'm extremely greased up, but where's Torbek? And I look for Torbek, because last I remember, he was on top of-- Torbek is still desperately clinging to this flower on his lapel. Screaming at you. It's like holding onto those spring toys. He is screaming in a high-pitched voice as you look over to him, but his voice begins to change.

as his head changes shape. Where they had been Torbek's head, there is now a donkey's head. And the loud braying of the donkey pierces through this room. It's very hard to hear over the scuffle, but if you listen, you will hear...

like a tiny screaming donkey. I don't think I can do it with that high pitch. I would like blow up my vocal cords. It's really good. I'll fall back. I don't know if it's Tormek or Chocobo. I'll like be, oh!

Oh no, I'm falling! And you will actually see me falling in slow motion. And you'll hear a clown chorus of bicorns that are playing Ave Maria. Oh!

I'm falling! This continues. Oh, that's kind of cool. Why don't we do that? Crummy, you have to protect Torbeck while I wait for Shuckles to land on... I can just get up. How's he falling in slow motion like that? Oh, yeah!

It's very dramatic! Torbjörn just sort of looks like a donkey. So jump on my hand, Torbjörn, while he falls. Jump on my hand!

Oh boy, what's that gap? Like 400 feet for torment? Unless you bring it like right up to the wall. Yeah, I go right up to the chest. So as close as I can to the flower. So it's, it's, it's. I'm full matrix right now. You can, and you no longer feel compelled to lie. Okay. As soon as I see the hand very gently, like reach the lapel as he's falling, I would attempt to make a jump to the, and donkey scream the whole time. I'm like through the air.

I grab him and I dart back. Juggles is a madman. I'm not sure what's happening. It is in this moment that you realize you're completely nude and holding a donkey-headed Torvac.

And wearing squeaky ground shoes. When the post fade. All of a sudden you feel silly. Post fade clarity. Post fade clarity. I shouldn't have done that. Disgusting. I walk over to one of the burned crates and sat down toward Beck. I start to press the dissertation to grease off of my cat body.

I look around for my clothes. Oh, you put them in Juggles' hat. Is it Juggles or Juggleses? Juggles, I need my things back. Juggles.

- It'll finally land. - And as you do, you feel that the smack is your back smacks into the ground. And as Gricko, you almost see as the ghost of Chuckles is forcefully forced out of your body. And as Chuckles begins to float up in the air, he looks down at Gricko's body.

as they're separating and he's being sucked back to hell. - It'll look like, what is it, like Doctor Strange, where they get like . And so I'm like Aang from the finale where my bat gets hit and then ejects, oh!

"Oh no, it's like the pigs!" And he'll look down at Gricko and he'll look at Gideon and he'll say, "Oh, I could get used to that!" As chuckles will fade. Oh, I forgot I have wine! Oh, that's too bad. I don't know what that is! And he'll land. "Uhhhh, where the fuck was that?"

I will go over and presumably my robe and clothes have reemerged. My robe's gone and his hat to hell and I'm totally nude in the Feywild. Looks like. Can you take your shoes off? That robe was very important. Maybe your shoes will come off now.

Nope. Does anyone have an extra set of clothes? Oh, here. I started to take my... No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait. No, I invented shanks. Look, I invented them. I've got clothes in my pack. Just a minute.

I'm very upset. Okay, well, I think they're kind of cool. What do you think, Gib? Yeah, they're pretty cool. Yeah, I mean, I could probably be rich. I could probably sell some shants, you know? You think you could sell shants? Yeah, maybe we just, you know, instead of the whole problem. He looks so beautiful when he's talking about selling shants. Oh, man, he's just sparkling. Oh, is it the hair? Is it just my... You're having hair follicles? It's so disgusting for me. I don't know if it's the hair.

I don't know if it's the blood pumping through you. I don't know if it's just your brilliant chance idea. All I know is that you are one handsome creature. Well, I feel like now that I'm 40% fae, I just feel like I'm just, I don't know, like a different guy. Hey, we're trying to talk over here. We might be inventing chance. Hang on. You take one more point of damage as she bites into you.

I'll stand up and I'll say, "Rusty, what's up?" I don't feel so-- and you'll hear as I puke up a bunch of colorful circus peanuts. With honking and squeaking that'll fall on the ground. And Marty's neighbor that'll just hit the ground and it's just this gaudy, colorful mess.

Griggo, are you alright? And you look up and you see a clown shoe wearing towel wrapped around his waist, no upper body clothing garments whatsoever, and a really large backpack wearing frost. Are you alright? This has been a trying couple of minutes. Did Bragna Ross do all of that?

No, it, uh, uh, chuckles. Somehow he returns. They've lied, eh? We probably shouldn't think too much about that. We'll just continue on with the vlog. You begin to feel your body change, Cremmy. As you say this, your face elongates. Your muscles shrink. You, um, your height decreases.

As you become Premi LaCrue once more. What a stupid fucking idea. I commend that for you. I'm sorry you ripped your pants off in the anarchy. And the rest of them, don't you need the other piece? They went in Chuckle's head. Oh. Gideon.

Though Kremi no longer looks like a summer eladrin, he is still incredibly beautiful. And you were right. He was always beautiful. Maybe even more beautiful as Kremi. The real Kremi. Perfection. Oh, thank you, Gideon. I mean, it's hard not to, you know, develop a little bit of sort of, I don't know, confusion after...

experiencing hair follicles and all, but you know what? A drawn-on mustache is just as good, and I'm going to reapply it. Oh, let me get that for you. Let me get the lines right for you. Come here. Oh. It tickles a little bit. Oh. Oh. You need to. Yeah, look at that. That's pretty good. Drawing with love. All right, kid. You know...

Hopefully that was ironic. I'm like, turn, just sort of fix it a little bit. That looks all right. Thanks, buddy. Torbeck, are you feeling yourself again? Yeah. Torbeck is fine. No, no, no. You seem to have a head of a donkey. He's not a donkey. Torbeck's not doing things. No, no, no. Look in the window just there. You can see your reflection.

This may be permanent, both the size and the donkey head thing. Torbjorn, I feel so sad for you. I don't know how you got a donkey head, but why don't you ride on my troll tooth? My troll tusk. What do we think about that? Just another day, Torbjorn.

Okay, you toolback. You look a little shaken up. Oh, no. Oh, why does my thumb hurt? Oh, oh, oh. Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. Okay. Okay, I got you, toolback. Got you, toolback. Why don't you ride on the large troll tusk that's around my... You're gonna ride it like you came in like a wrecking ball.

and I'll place Torbek around the necklace so he can grab onto the two threads and look through as he sits on the troll tusk. - Griggo, just make sure that he's totally secure. Even from your height, that would be a fall of perhaps 200 feet. He'd hit the ground like a burlap sack full of vegetables. - Let me get him! Let me get him! - Hey, calm down! - Okay. - Oh, well, thank you. That was very responsive.

I'm not turning into a toad, unfortunately. You wanted to turn into a were-toad and kill all of us? No. I don't want to kill anybody, but it would be kind of cool to be a toad. It would be cool to be a toad. It's very cool. I'm a toad quite often. It's quite nice. I'm quite hot, and I could eat flies with my tongue. Oh. People would lick me. Oh.

I mean, that's never happened to me, personally. But I could introduce you to the Great Spirit Winky. I think it might be able to teach you a thing or two. He's got three eyes and tentacles. Yeah, I like that a lot. Yeah, you'd probably hop around with Winky. Sorry I bit you. Oh, it's okay. I mean...

I don't know, Guy. That looks pretty bad. Aw, that's just a flesh wound. You think these frog fellas have, like, a, I don't know, hospital or something? Probably not. I'm not sorry I bit you, though, Greco, because you're a horrible abomination clown monster. Yes, you did turn into a horrible abomination clown monster. Wait, somehow Chuckles returned? Yes, somehow. How? How?

Which light? Toolbag! Toolbag! Oh, sorry! Toolbag!

Tobit, I hope I didn't blow out your eardrums. A roll of dexterity saving throw for me, please. Me? Yeah. Oh, I'm going to get a little bit of crush by Tobit. Oh, it's quite good. I'm going to dread it. Oh, no, it's not as good. All according to plan. I'm going to get some Tobit butt in my mouth. Dexterity saving throw, you say? Yeah.

That'll be a 13. Yeah. You were saying that you're yelling down at Torbek as he's covering his donkey ears as you're screaming at him. And as you go to lower your voice and repeat what you were saying, Torbek, you feel your body change. It's all.

All of a sudden, in the blink of an eye, you go from being a mere like six inches tall to your full height. But you had been sitting atop Gricko's necklace and you immediately slam into him as you essentially uppercut him with the force of your growing body. Oh!

Oh my god! Hey, Gricko, you feel your- Oh my god, he's got a glass jaw! You feel your consciousness almost leave you with the force of Torbeck's growth. That sounds awful. Wow, somebody caught that. Somebody caught that right away. Torbeck's back, baby! 50 shades of fame, wow. Fuck.

You do not fully transform. The donkey head is still present atop your body. Hee-haw! Hee-haw! Torbeng is fully grown? Yeah. Fully grown! Hee-haw! You broke Gringo's nose. Oh, no! And I'll jump up immediately. Oh, Gringo! Hee-haw! Hee-haw!

I took the full force of Dolbe's growth right on the face. Dolbeck is so sorry! I'll spit out blood. I'm like, there's some circus peanuts and rainbow glitter. Why are your eyes watering?

You can buy my carnival snow cone anywhere. I would try to gingerly help you up. I'm sorry, Greg. No, I feel fine. Thank you, Julebeck. You don't look fine. What do you mean? How do I look?

Like you usually do, I guess. Yeah, after you've been hit in the face. It's okay, Joel, but you didn't know you were going to get such a sudden growth all of a sudden that it would hit me in the face. I have severe... That kind of thing's pretty hard to predict. Sometimes it just happens, you know? Everything... I understand. I think I understand. Damn!

I missed my robe. It hit Olymph quite naturally. Speaking of that, try to think back, Greco, to when you were Chuckles. Do you remember what happened to our clothes?

- Yeah, did he have any kind of- - You are staring at Kremi as he says this. His body mostly uncovered. Just his chance. - I just got some shantz on. - Just his chance. - I invented it. - As you begin to see him for what he truly is, a conniving, thieving alligator man.

And yet you realize that you still love him. The love increases. All my favorite character attributes.

Well, I don't think I put my cane in the hat. Can I look around to see if my cane's still in the...? Yeah, it was just your clothes. It was not in the hat, yeah. It's still there. I would find it on the floor. Our clothes have been consumed by an eldritch clown. This is disturbing to me. I spent many years of my life wearing that robe and now it's gone. What do I remember? What does Gricko remember?

About what? About when... What was Gricko's mind feeling when I got slooped by... It was very similar to what Frost felt, where you were a passenger inside of your head. You watched it all happen, but there was nothing you could do to stop it. It was almost as if you were in a dark room watching this through a window, and you were frozen in place.

unable to pilot your flesh suit. Oh, I mean, I felt myself short to change and it was like I was in like a dark room with like stars and literally stars and canaries flying around my head. And I couldn't do nothing other than feel my benevolence to all me best mates.

did you get any kind of insights into anything he might have been thinking that so that was chuckles man that's uh that's just always haunting me and i get the sense he's got something cooked up i get the sense that he's not just out playing tricks but something's coming

He's dealing with shit way beyond his ability. I mean, I heard mostly... endlessly, but I'll try to... It's very fuzzy, especially after getting Torbeck to the face. Oh, Greg, oh, that sounds hee-haw and terrible. LAUGHTER

I remember this as well, Graco. When I was stuck in the mind, I heard it was sort of more of a... Like that. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think back, was there anything that I could think back to remember to answer Gideon's question? What was Gideon's question? If he had been controlled by Shuckles, if he had gotten any kind of like...

look into his mind to get like his true intentions or if he has anything planned. If he's like learned anything about chuckles at all. Roll an intelligence. Yeah, I don't want to say anything that I shouldn't say is what I'm saying. I'm going to twist that because I'm a little curious. I'm going to... I think that's pretty good. Intelligence, you say? That'll be a 15. There were moments where you...

It was almost as if your thoughts mixed and intermingled. And the feelings that were building up in Chuckles, you felt them as if they were your own. An immense hatred. For Gideon specifically. A type of evil unlike any evil you've ever felt. Just emanating from the mind of this being.

And there was a moment where you saw surrounding Chuckles, seven shadowy figures. That was it? I mean, there was like, I mean, it was Chuckles, and he was not very kind, thinking very kind thoughts. It was a little macabre, if you ask me, towards Gideon, and I was just like, ah!

me this night. Oh no, nothing bad can happen to them, please. That's all I was thinking as I was hearing it. But it was like, oh, shadowy. It was like, I was expecting you to be like, oh, you were saying, oh, it's clown hell, but it wasn't all fiery. It was more like silhouettes. Silhouettes. It was shadows. Breathed in flame. It was dark shadows. And it was like, I don't know, it kind of reminded me of like, uh, cremmies. Vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom.

I mean, what he's doing is a goddamn thing. And there's eight of them. Eight figures. What does that mean? I don't know. And he's fixing to do unkind things, if you ask me. Well, we know that eight's relevant to the Witchlight Carnival, right? I was just going to say that. And wait, if the witchlight in our blood that we got from who knows where did that to us, no offense to all that.

And what if it means... How does this effect... How does Chuckles have anything to do with the witch light? I don't know, but it always felt like an unstoppable force and an immovable object on a path to collide with each other and that we've always kind of needed each other, but we were building towards a point where one of us was going to die. Oh, yeah.

It would be a very epic kind of rivalry story if one wasn't a clown. Yeah.

The Crooked Moon.

moon a folk horror tome for dungeons and dragons fifth edition and don't forget to snag all of the extra goodies like dice miniatures plushies a tarot deck and more thank you so much i'll see you around you are all standing inside of the the burned balloon factory and you have made no progress that's true

for the past few hours. Torbek's a donkey now. It's true. Torbek is his normal size, but he still has his donkey head. Though the rest of you seem to have shaken off whatever strange fey magics have overcome you. Frost, you are missing core parts to your traveling kit. You so willingly gave them to Chuckles the Clown when he inhabited Draco's body.

Yes, I am standing here in a towel. Just a little greasy. That's all. Look, you... Oh, go ahead, sorry. No, no, please. Oh, you sure you don't want these chants? I mean, I do have some...

Some briefs on the heat. No, I've double-rolled it. I think it'll stay on. I just feel... I feel a swampy breeze. Uh, yep, yep. I mean, if you're offering to give away your pants, Torbeck will take them. No, I mean, I'm gonna keep them on. I'm just trying to help Frost stay decent outside of a town. Perhaps we'll find a merchant where I can purchase an additional set of clothes. I'm just... That robe was irreplaceable. I hope that we find some way to...

get it back from chuckles i i mean all of my clothes went in there too well maybe it was some sort of portal and just like placed them somewhere else around the room well we were looking for the embers which we never resolved from two and a half hours ago so perhaps we'll find the clothes somewhere in the in the vicinity oh i was just gonna say in the meantime we could probably take one of these uh here non-functional balloons and just like uh cut up some of the cloth and make you like a poncho or something

Were you knocked out, Rosalie? I know you're feeling down about losing your very precious hard-earned robes, but did that make you feel a little bit better? I mean, it's not quite the tailoring of the robes you had, but, you know, I could do something. And that's a lot less meaning about your journey and your growth as an individual and also a psionic user. Where was it that you put, that Chuckles put Frost stuff? All in his hat. All in his hat. In his magic portal hat. Um, Gricko, can I see your hat?

Oh, I don't have a hat. Oh. Where'd Juggles get his hat? I don't know. From the clown store? Was that a thing? That sucks. It might have been clown college. He's always talking about clown college. It might be like a graduation gift or something. I thought you had a cool hat that made you look like Indiana Jones from that major image.

Oh no, I mean I thought about that, but then Crummy made fun of me so much that I stopped wearing it. That's right. I threw that in the dumpster a long time ago. He put like teeth around it and he thought it looked really cool. I thought it looked very cool! Oh, more like Crocodile than me! Yeah, I thought it looked quite handsome! I thought I pulled it off and then Crummy just would make fun of me every time I walked by and I just threw it away! That's kinda messed up. Uh, Gregor, you're sure you don't have...

"Crimmy and my, uh, things on your person in any- in any way?" "You don't have a hat of any sort?" "I hope I didn't swallow it. I feel like, oh, it's this peanut-shaped confection." "Uh, I mean, I don't think I have a hat. Let me dig around in here. I'll usually like to kind of have the locks flow and speak for themselves." "Oh no, you have that hat when you try to relate to Ootsie, and you put it on sideways. Don't you have a- you have one of those hats, right?"

I will go and I will reach in and I will pull out the extremely early 90s base fantasy equivalent of a baseball cap and in my pack. Oh, this one. Oh, gosh. Oh, it looks so nice. She looks just like a hat. And you see, she starts to put it on and she begins to disappear.

And you can hear the loud clinking noises and things rummaging around. She tosses out a couple of thimbles. She pulls out a picture frame with a stock photo of a cute goblin family. A couple of candlesticks, a few bits of wooden silverware and bowls. And eventually you begin to see clothes frost your robe.

your pants, your shoes, Crammy, your items. Oh, thank God. Grickle, you're so silly. You didn't even realize this is a hand holding. And she tossed it to you. You can add a bag of holding to your inventory. Oh! Chuckles gave me magic! Chuckles, I know you're a horrible, diabolical clown mastermind now, but thank you. Do you think that he has access to the portal at any time?

Probably not. You don't need to worry about it. I'm sure that we don't want to put some wine in there just in case, kind of like leaving milk out for... Ooh, like a gnome. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or a kobold. Here. I'll put a bottle of wine inside. You put the bottle of wine inside the hat of holding and you immediately hear the sound of a honk as it echoes. Oh, that's not ominous or anything. You put that hat away.

I shouldn't wear it? No, no. I'm worried that you'll fall into it. If you try to put it on, you're just going to disappear into your feet. Well, when I was inside of it, it was just filled with a bunch of garbage. There were some rabbit bones in there. There were a bunch of streamers. Yeah. I don't think they were making very much money on Twitch either. That kind of sucked. There were also some balloons.

I think... Oh, a pinwheel! Yeah, some pinwheels. They're really dusty. Oh, God! Dust is going all over the place. Oh, and other news. While I was looking for my clothes, I found that Fire Elementals wallet. And all it was in here was a $2 bill, but his name was Ragnar Ross.

That's a stupid name. That is a stupid name. Oh, yeah, look. I'll go through some other cards. How did this guy become a paleontology professor at 24? That doesn't make any sense. I just throw it into the swamp. Twig grabs it and she's like, oh, it says this lost. Return to Ragnar Rachel. Huh. Huh. Oh,

He probably has a huge expensive apartment that he almost certainly can't afford. Rent control, you know. That's how they explain everything, yes. Well, I'm going to reach down and I'll push off the clown bits and the magnum condoms and I'll pick up my robe and I'll shake it free and I'll prestidigitation it and clean it. There's a spider attached to it. It's just hanging out.

Hey buddy! Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were lucidly conscious of it. You mind fixing these? I hold up my chants and the two ripped pant legs. It'll take just a moment. Lay them out here as if they would be together. I lay them out. Okay. I mend them. Well, now that we've gone through that horror show, why is your head still donkey-like?

Dormag doesn't know. Huh, that sucks. What are we going to do now? We need to meet with the king now that Frosty has been appointed nobility. Your nobility?

Don't I look like a nobility in this fine robe? Well, now that you're not naked, you look more noble than you did before. Oh, and the fly brooch is back. No, we still gotta find this Illid guy. He's the bear in a muck stump. We totally forgot about this. The revolution lives. I'm so confused. Didn't the fella tell us to go meet

of the king or we should do that first i mean we gotta do both at some point so you know either way we gotta do one or the other let's stop by the gazebo we're not very far from the gazebo all the roach was supposed to get us an audience with the king or something yes um hey guys yeah yeah yes tour bank doesn't want to be a downer

Torvek is slightly concerned about this. And he reaches into his pack and he pulls out the bloody blue scarf. Has anybody said anything about Agdon being missing? Hee haw.

Oh. No, none of the people seem to be aware of his untimely desire. Oh, good. Let's never speak of that again. No, no. That makes you royalty. Tormek isn't sure that Tormek can handle that responsibility. Yeehaw. Bum!

I was just wondering if it was permanent, hee-haw. That's good, Griggo. We have to establish some sort of normalcy, hee-haw. Yeah, it's quite, you know, addictive, hee-haw. It's almost infectious, hee-haw. I think, Tollback, hee-haw, you are royalty and you are now the brigand prince of Prism, hee-haw. But, hee-haw! LAUGHTER

Well, Hina, it seems as if the Herongon Rabbits were a uniquely ruled society, not under the monarchal fiefdom of the Shoggy Court, and thus by proxy,

Blightstraw, Blvona Blightstraw, hee haw. And it seemed as if they had a monarchy that was rooted not necessarily in blood, but perhaps by a right of combat and conquest. And so by the right of conquest and not blood, you have deposed their leader, hee haw, and therefore have taken up the mantle represented by that scarf, hee haw, as the new Brigand Princess of Prismere, hee haw.

Oh, he wow. Thanks for that, Graco. That's what I think. I could be totally wrong, y'all.

Well, lead the way, he hopped. I propose that you wear it. It may be a sign of power. And we just have to make our way across these, uh, well, this bridge that I believe is quite dangerous. And then we will find a gazebo where the king resides. Well, Frost, Torbeck is certainly no attorney, but that seems like Torbeck would be incriminating himself.

Incrimination of taking power, yes. Right of Congo, I see. The mantle of authority. Well, no, I mean, Torbeck's got the right idea. We know that this Brigham fellow, he was working for the hag, so she might be not too pleased that he's dead. Or unless he presents himself as a very reliable ally. Or...

What if this friggin' prince who stole a lot of stuff stole things from, like, the king or other people here and seeing that scarf makes them angry? Hee-haw. Huh? Hee-haw.

we're trying to make it not feel like he's you know so you finish your sentences with hee-haw but it's important that you have it in uh easily accessible if we need to use it to intimidate perhaps

Okay, hee-haw. Nice idea, hee-haw. Thank you, hee-haw. But Torbek isn't always so quick on the uptake, so Frost, maybe give Torbek a knowing look, or Mr. Krammy can say, Torbek, you stupid idiot, do something. You'll hear my voice in your mind, hee-haw. Oh, okay, hee-haw.

"What are we going to do?" Well, I got a 23 on investigation for the Embers about two and a half hours ago. We all got dreaded as you were investigating. Yeah, he lost.

The embers are all gone. Ah, shit. They're all gone. They must be in the lake. We've destroyed them, I believe. You threw them in the lake. Well, certainly. I just didn't know if they were going to be any embers left over.

They all sloop together like a hive mind of fire. They created Ragnar Ross and Ragnar Marcel, his monkey companion. I'll miss that one. I would have loved to have seen a charming monkey that was made of fire. That would have been quite nice. He gets put on the bus, I guess, plane real quick. Yeah, apparently that's...

the actor behind Ragnar Ross really hated that monkey. Well, also, the Ragnar monkey was unpredictable. Very difficult to work with. All right, well... He said, oh, we gotta kill the fucking monkey. Anyways, now that we have discovered that there's no further investigation for Ragnar Ross...

Let us, oh, you need to decide if we're going to the gazebo or this new person. I'll go to the gazebo! And I just start walking out. Can I put a...

a request out to all of our fan artists. If you could create Ragna Ross and Ragna Rachel, their meet cute, or their first date, I would really love that. It would make me very happy. So if any of you feel like you can tackle that challenge, you'd have my utmost respect. So no one told you your life was going to be this Ragna way. Hee haw. Hee haw. Hee haw.

Your job's a joke, you're Ragnarbroke. I love you guys. I love you too. Oh boy. Oh, Krimi's leaving, let's go. I just wanted to feel included. I don't know anything about schmins. I'm at the door. You step out of the smoldering building that is the

balloon factory and it does look like now that the embers are no longer burning that the smoke is slowly starting to clear away the building itself no longer seems to be perpetually on fire and that with time and the moisture in the air that this building will once again eventually be able to be claimed for its true purpose to build more of the balloons uh you don't see any sign

of the Bullywug that had been here with you, knowing that he finally went to get some sleep, having stayed up for far too long, trying to keep this building from going up in flames. And you are met with the soggy ground of downfall. You look back the way that you came, and off in the distance, you can see the balloon that...

"Ufgunk." "Ufgunk." What?! Oh yeah! You were tiny at that point. Yeah, it was the effects of the Fomorian Spittle that you chomped on. Yeah. Yeah, we met a fella named Ufgunk. Yeah. "That's questionable."

Also, we should probably tell him-- No, I wasn't going to tell him it was goblin slang. I thought it would make it too weird. Can you believe that's his name? I mean, I don't know. I told him it was a goblin name. We should probably tell him about the Bosco Pops or whatever the fucking-- It's "Uf Gunk Earl of Stink Water."

- Oh, you guys are never gonna believe this, but that's Torbjorn's name too. - But you look off back the way you came and you see the balloon that was in disrepair and you can see still on his ladder, Ufgunc the Earl of Stinkwater continuing his repairs. And it looks like it's coming along quite nicely.

Off the other direction, however, you see the rickety bridge that you were told about, the bridge that you were warned about. And it is shrouded in fog. As the wind rolls in and brings the fog with it, it looks precarious. But off in the distance past it, you can hear the sounds of jubilant music, laughter, and you can see just...

peeking through the fog bits and pieces of what is presumably the gazebo where you imagine you will find King Gullop the 19th. Alright, so we're going to do this whole fake royalty thing or are we just going to go up there and have a little chat? Yes. That's sort of a...

One of the other type of questions. You can't just say yes. No, Frosty shows off his new handsome fly. And then we just say, hey, we'd like to chat. I love an Andy. No idea.

What's going on? Tormek's just happy to be here. I was just about to say, we need to explain what Bosco is. Oh, and as you breathe in the air outside, you begin to feel your head return. Oh, thank my God. Oh, I was kind of getting used to that bit. What the fuck do you keep saying, Bosco? Bunko, fuck. Oh, Bunko. Oh, yes, right away. Oh, like, I can't wait to get my drag queen back.

I'm really, you know, I'm just quite worried about the legitimacy of one of them. You know, there's a lot of subtext whenever you hear the word Bunko that you probably won't even begin to understand. So if you hear the word Bunko... Do you have any Bunko?

I have some of Drag Queen's. Torbeck's not sure, but this one guy wouldn't shut up about Richard and Mortimer. Torbeck didn't know what any of it meant. I don't know. I've never heard about Richard and Mortimer before, but have you seen the one of Pickle Dicks? Oh, that's... Torbeck is interested. Uh...

I still can't believe that Neil became a multi-millionaire with his stupid Bunko Pop collection. And he said, "Oh, you gotta hustle, bro. You gotta keep the hustle and the grind, and you gotta collect." Because I guess it's useless.

I can't believe he made a fool of me. If you hear anyone mention the word "Bunko" just smile and nod along, alright? You know what would be really cool? If we could get the limited edition Bulrog with Piece of Bridge. Oh wow, the one with Piece of Bridge is pretty good. Yeah, it looks exactly like Bulrog without Piece of Bridge, but the difference is this one has a piece of bridge.

- Well, I mean, I only have one, so I mean. - I'm getting very upset right now. And I'm usually quite good natured. - Would you trade for mine for yours? - You don't have one!

with piece of bridge I just really want it oh yeah well every time I go on Faye Bay I always check the auctions to see if there's a balrog with piece of bridge but it's always sold out first and sometimes oh I bid on one once and I was like wow this is a great one bid against me but I didn't meet the reserve price why even do that man why not just put it up for the price you want for it and let people

Were you accessing this Fae Bay on the Information Super Hi-Fae? Yeah. Yeah. What? You know, I don't have one of those things that shrouds my eyes pixie from people finding out who I am or what I am. So if I go into a cafe to get some coffee...

I'm really worried people are gonna steal my identity. Oh, well, it looks like you might need NordVPN, our new sponsor. NordVPN. NordVPN, everybody. If you listen, yeah, follow the link in the description and use a code ADVANTAIRS29. They're not our sponsor. So you're welcome, NordVPN. Yeah, sponsor. They did reject us, though.

I did a couple days ago. What the fuck? Tormek could do a really good quipping.

"Torbjorn needs toothbrushes." Anyways, let us continue. Yes, disgusting Bungo Pops, we make our way. Yeah, yeah, I'm just, while we're doing this, I'm just going to think about Balrog with piece of brick. I think in this world it might be Balor to make it legally distinct, because I believe a certain estate is quite persnickety about things. Are they?

Yeah, have you ever met a hobbit? A what? See? Exactly right. I think you mean... That's from way older editions of Cowboys. I think you mean a halfling. Exactly right. Well, I mean, we know what halflings are. They're all over the place. Yeah, I know. And they love quarter breakfast. Completely distinct. Yeah. Exactly right.

We continue across the bridge towards the gazebo. We have to be very careful as we cross this bridge. Why? We were warned to stay on the southern side. Oh, southern side? Southern side, yes. Those are opposites. Are we sure? Are we sure we'll stay on the southern side and not stay away from the southern side? No, I think we've got to stay on the northern side. I'm pretty sure.

I mean, that's like a coin flip! What happens if we get it wrong? Does somebody want to flip a coin in the future side? I wrote "wooden bridge." That's good enough for me. I guess go down the southern side. I'm 90% confident that it was the fucking south side. Oh, he flipped a coin, which has a one, so southern side it is. That's not how you flip a coin, Frosty. You gotta call it first. No, no, I flipped it.

I don't know how it works. So are we gonna split up and one of us goes on the north side and one goes on the south side? We should all commit to a side. If we get it wrong and we all die, we should all die together. Yes, let's commit to the same side. Gideon, what do you think? Yeah, Gideon, you haven't said much lately.

Well, I think we should go to the southern side. Though, as smart as he is, Frosty's always got kind of an approximate knowledge of many things. Talking about Bosco and Zendaya.

It's hard to really like lean into him. You guys have to fucking pretend over here that I'm as smart as Frost, all right? You fucks. Does Frost remember northern or southern? I would ask to make an in-roll. Roll an intelligence check. Well, gosh. It's probably worth noting whatever side Torbett goes on will be the wrong side, so you might want to hedge your bets. Well, gosh.

That's where I'm a mind head. Intelligence, you say? Mm-hmm. I love mind head. Welcome to mind-- I'm going to twist it. Oh! No! I'm going to dread it. Oh. Okay. You just roll again? I'll just roll again and I'll take the lower of the two values. Yeah, it's going to be-- I'll take a nine on that. You are positive. It was the north side.

Oh, shit. You're right. I remember now that it was the northern side. Thank you, Kremi, for reminding me. I fucking told you, Troll. You're very convincing. You were always such a persuasive person. What happens if we're wrong? Well, Torbjorn, why don't you go to the southern side? And then we'll keep your bad luck away from us. No, look, there's a 50% chance we all survive. I'd rather all of us survive together. What do you think? Oh, great idea. Torbjorn, come with us.

You still haven't answered if death is the consequence! Oh no, no, much worse than death. It was very vague. It was more of a vaguely ominous fact. Wait, wait, wait, North is good, North is bad. Based on my nine, North is good, Kremane. Okay, so you're agreeing with me. See?

You're so crazy. All you said is you remember North. What if you're just remembering that the North is bad? That was what I was asking. Well, moments ago, I thought the Southern side was safe, but based on my roll of nine, I feel that we should all stick to the North. I agree. Frost is the smartest person that Torbeck has ever met.

There's no way that this can go wrong. That's why we're a balanced team. Frosty's the brains of the operation. We always listen to him and always watch out. We keep him around. Alright, well Torbeck is convinced. The more the news. You know Frost, you're so confident, why don't you lead the way? My pleasure, I'll tell you. Oh god. I didn't get my fucking shoes back. All I've got is these fucking magnum condoms in my room.

Torbjorn was sure Mr. Grubby was gonna make him go first! I clown shoe my way on the northern side of the fucking wooden bridge. We follow behind, I guess. The fog swirls around you as you make your way towards the bridge. As the day progresses, the wind is getting stronger as it is swirling through this valley between the brakes and the Queen's Way.

And you make your way forward. This flat wood plank bridge, which spans an arm of the lake, is lined on one side by rows of bullywug heads on wooden spikes. At the center of the bridge, a small figure sits with its feet dangling over one side. The figure appears to be talking to itself in bemoaned tones. But then the severed bullywug heads nearby erupt in a cacophony of voices, some indignant, others sympathetic. A few in a more distant row yell, What?!

I couldn't hear what they said. What did you, did you hear that? Now you shut up. I'm tired of listening to you complain. I hear some talking. You shut up. Nobody wants to listen to you anymore. You failed before the rest of us. You failed too, didn't you? So you be quiet and gullet's next. As they all begin to yell and chatter each other. All the heads are just stationary, but like,

at each other and screaming and they can vocalize. Oh, fuck that. That's a nightmare. As soon as this happens. And this is all on the north side of the bridge. As soon as this happens, the absolutely massively tall Torek will shrink down behind Gricka and be very visibly scared and unsettled and trying to shrink up almost behind you to try to be small and take cover. Torek's terrified. I saw this in my vision.

Now everyone just stick to the side with the heads. And who are you?

you? Oh, hello. My name is Morning Frost, and we're here to cross this bridge safely. How are you? I'm a head on a stick. Are you perhaps one of the previous rulers of this city? Queen Ribita the Third. Ah, yes, that makes sense. Is there any secret? It's pronounced Ribita, and I know I was the first. Shut up! Oh,

How are you still alive? Dead, clearly. Well, I mean, how are you able to talk and think for yourself? Oh, the moon.

quietly to myself. You're not an author, you know. Shut up! I can be whatever I want. I'm dead. This is my lot in life. It is all of our lot in life and soon it will be Gullub's as well. Oh, yes. I hear that there's a coup happening. Oh, do you? Yes, someone was walking shortly after that strange little scarecrow thing came this way and there was some

"Illig, oh a coo, we all love a coo. Yes, I do love a coo." "Illig, you say? See the bear in the muck stump?" "Oh yes, that would be him." "Seems like a pretty bad dude. You know where he lives or hangs out at?" "King Croakington the 14th at your service." "Oh, we'll murder him in his sleep." "I've already been murdered, good sir." "How did it feel?"

"And it happened so quickly, I..." Did you like get... "I don't quite remember." Did you get guillotined? Or is this more of a not quite as on-the-nose omars to the French Revolution? "I was standing on the second floor of the castle looking out over my domain, and I felt a knife twist in my back." Oh!

Oh, and you deserved it too, you little shit. I only reigned for a day after before I then met my end. Were you the one who twisted the knife? Of course I was. I should have been queen. So who stabbed you in the back?

Oh, he's over there sleeping. Oh, so you sort of kill each other. And you hear off to the end. Ribbit, ribbit, ribbit, ribbit, ribbit. Ribbit, ribbit, ribbit, ribbit, ribbit. Well, it just deserves to know, I guess. Man, this is all kinds of fucked up. Yeah, what does Griggo always say? This is kind of macabre. It's a little macabre from our taste, if you ask me. Absolutely. Well, this is just how it is. Hey, guys. Yeah. Yeah.

Are they talking about our friend Clapperclaw? Oh, yeah, Clapperclaw. But no, there's a Koopa Foot. Oh, yes. Apparently there's a Koopa Foot. Yeah, Koopa Foot. Yes. Also a Koo. Illig. No, it's pronounced Koop. There's a P in it. I do know that. And there's also a Koopa Foot? Like a turtle soup sort of deal? Like the feet of turtles?

Is that what you're talking about? No, it's a coop. Like a political... That sounds like a delicious dish, but I can't eat. I'm dead. The P is silent. It's pronounced coo. Yes. It's also pronounced macabre. Let's just get it out there. I mean, we've known it for like eight years. It's not pronounced macabre. It ends with an R and an A. Yeah, but it's sort of, you know, it's sort of that Ogway dialect. You pronounce it macabre.

I corrected you the first time, and then I just stopped correcting you. Yeah, yeah, you know, that was one of my favorite words. You know, helping some people. Well, you can keep saying Macabre, and we won't correct you. Oh, my cogs sound so stupid. Various dead heads, do you know who currently rules, and what you mean by coup? What is the news of the... Oh, yes. King Gullop the 19th is the current ruler, and apparently this

Illigfellows planning on getting his reign. Okay. Well, hang on, man. It sounds like the reign's always ended by the person himself. Where am I?

Having no hands makes it very difficult to do anything with notes. Take your time. I'm blown away that you're able to produce sound given that you have no nose. While she's looking, Clapperclaw, why did they come through here? Are we following them? Are they okay? What news do they have with royalty? You see the figure of what you imagined to be Clapperclaw shrouded in fog about

halfway, maybe three quarters of the way across the bridge. Their feet are dangling over the side of the bridge. Their head hung low as they look somberly off into the distance, facing the heads, facing north. Well, that's serendipitous. Perhaps we should approach. Has he always been there?

Yes. There was a figure. In the initial description there was someone with their legs dangling that we could have approached at any point, but we started talking to these... I'm imagining... We saw somebody standing there and then all these cut off heads of bloody wugs started shouting and screaming. They were indeed very distracting. It was pretty fucking unsettling. Do you all have like souls or is this like... Is it you or is it like an echo?

What? Is it like you there? Is it like... Well, it's been in my head for as long as I've had one. I think what he's trying to say is that this seems like an eternity of torment and would you like the sweet release of oblivion? Oh, yes. Oh, yes. That's...

We could have Gideon here crush you like a pumpkin. I think he was just asking the age-old question, what does it mean to be Bullywood? Yeah, yeah, yeah. From what I am, Prince...

- Oh. - Yes, that was his name, sure, yes it was. Prince Toddington was knocked off of his stick and he's still talking at the bottom of the lake. - Well, but was he crushed as a pumpkin by a, totally destroyed? - By a big strong man. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - No, but I would prefer a fate of this.

Then to become pumpkin stew. You just want bootstrap, Bill. You're giving it a try. So, how do you know it's preference? Don't knock it till you try it. Well, I have no hands. Can't stop you, but please don't. Do you? We gotta move on. How about a vat of acid? We could probably find one of those. Oh, no. Do you still feel? If I touched your face, would you have a sensation? Why don't you try, kitty cat? Oh, it's not.

Just one moment, just one moment. No, no, no, no, no. I'm not gonna touch, I'm gonna reach out with my mind. It's not worth it. A phantom hand pokes the cheek of the one I'm speaking to. It's for silence. Oh, it's been so long since I've been touched by a man. Not the vat of acid. That sounds like a nightmare. They can feel everything. Not even Dormek is that. Oh, yeah.

Hey, who's in line to take over for, like, Philip Guffington or whoever the current king is? Philip XIX? Well, obviously, whoever dethrones him, so it would be illig, would become king. Oh. It's not like a lineage or whatever. It's just whoever kills him. Keep what you kill, you know? Right of conquest, like I mentioned. So they have a very similar ruling structure to the Herondon, it seems. That may be in our best interest, based on...

You are such a sweet boy. Oh, thank you. Do you want another cheek poke? I would love one. All right.

You're welcome. You use lotion, don't you? Now's not the time to lose one's head. Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You lotion your mind, Frosty? That was tasteless. What's that? That was tasteless. Oh, yes, well, if you can give us more information that might help us understand the gazebos to come. What would you like to know? What would we like to know? It's as free as a...

Cheek poke. How long has Bavlona Blightstraw been in charge for real? I'm not sure I'd really say she's in charge. The king's clearly in charge. Bavlona lives in the hut above. I'm sorry, I don't have any hands or... She uses her tongue to fight. Oh, a fly. Yes, but she is...

She doesn't come down often. She's distrustful, a shut-in. She loathes her sisters, especially Scabitha. - Hey, Scabitha. - I think she really only lives here because of the pool in her house. You know the one I'm speaking of, the one she likes to bathe in

Oh, she's well off enough to have a pool? It's burned into my mind. It's quite important, Stan. In this economy! I mean, that's a big deal. I mean, with inflation being what it is. And the heating bill on that thing, man. How does a hag manage that? Is it like a swamp water pool? Oh, I haven't seen it to myself. Just ahead, after all. Is that why her stationery was sopping wet?

Well, if you've received a letter from her, I would be shocked if it weren't, yes. She's always quite moist. I know she has the ear of the king, but do people go to her for, like, favors? Oh, all the time. Oh, God. I don't think it turns out well for them. Isn't it like a witch is always like, oh, I want to go make a deal with a witch? Doesn't she have all these lots of story? It's very similar to that, yes. She...

Go to her if you have a problem and she'll fix it, but she always wants something in return. And if you can't pay up, well, then you're screwed. And even if you can pay up, you're more than likely screwed anyway. Oh. I wouldn't recommend it. Doesn't sound like a way to get ahead in life. No, that's simply the reason that Sir Talivar needed help from the Soggy Court to escape. Oh, what did Sir Talivar get mixed up in?

Oh, he was captured by, um, he was captured by Bavlorna. Why? Oh, I don't rightfully know. Something to do with the queen of the summer court. Yeah, we know why. Oh, and we don't know why. We don't know what the fuck you're talking about. This is all new information. Little Fly told me that he had been interested to make a deal with Bavlorna, and he refused. He was far too loyal to the summer queen. And...

word passed among the soggy court and there were those that felt like maybe the alliances here were a little shaky and that bevlauna couldn't be trusted and thus neither could the ruling member of the soggy court and so strangely enough two of our most loyal mates helped him to escape one of them you know is locked away in jail right now awaiting trial by combat

Oh, yes, we did see that. And it's such a shame, too, Morgo. Morgo? Yes, former Knight of Warts. She was the best at flying those balloon contraptions. Oh. Very skilled in their repair and their navigation. But what if she wins this trial by combat? And loyal, too. What if she wins the trial by combat? Then she won't die terribly. If she had been here during my reign, I would have made her my right-hand knight and

I never would have fallen as I did. Hmm. But we need to make sure she doesn't fall because we owe her a blood debt of sorts. Her best friend escaped with Sir Talavar.

Oh, what was this name? Do we have to ask every time? Every fucking person we meet, I gotta take my hat off. Wiggle dog or something of the sort. I have my 90s hat. They were the best of friends. Attached to the hip. They were tadpoles together, you see. I'm sure wherever he is, it's very respectful. No, he's fine. He's fine. No, they never said it. I do believe...

that they were a love match. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I'm sure he's... I'm sure he just, you know, he's living a great... Yes, we know that Morgo is only in chains as we speak because she sacrificed herself to make sure he escaped and could live

I'm sure he's living on and every single day he lights a candle in the window of a lovely cottage by the sea for the one day that she will return. I just keep talking. I'm sorry. I can't stop it. Someone stop me. It's been lovely. It's been lovely too. Thank you and I'll give her one more. Oh, yes. Do you

Make an old frog feel young. Dormite's gonna be sick. So bad of acid, or no? No, no, no, no, no, no. No, thank you, child. All right, we gotta do, it's been lovely. Oh, look at you, you're an elephant.

You like snoodle, I believe. Goodbye! Frosty's touch will probably keep her going for another hundred years or so. I saw the stage play Who Framed Regina Rabbit as a child, and the acid scene really stuck with me. I'd rather not recreate it here. It was a strange time when that movie was made. I mean, major image.

I just stage play. Oh yeah, maybe it was... Anyways, goodbye, thank you very much for the pleasant conversation. Oh, clap. Bye! You guys were acting really weird about that Talivar guy. What happened? He's surely fine, right? We'll tell you once we're across this bridge and out of the many ears that are around here. All right.

He's fine. He's fine. Torbjorn believes you. Talibor is fine. Talibor is totally fine. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, Clapperclaw. Hey, buddy. Did you find your head here? I can't even remember how to do the voice. Wow. I know, I know, but I just can't. You have a skeleton phrase at least, a couple of them. You know...

Yeah, that's it. You know, I haven't been able to find my head. Did you find it atop this stump? No, we looked, too. We looked very, very hard. That's really a shame, because this one has those coins in it, and every time I go like this, it goes clink, clink, clink, clink, clink, clink, and then I can't sleep. Coins, you say? What kind of coins? I don't know. I didn't put them in there. Oh. Are they, like, in the middle of the gourd, or is there, like, a...

We have to cut him out? You're not going to cut into my head. No, no, no, I'm just wondering if like this is something that-- If it needed to happen. If you can sort of do that, I can just help you out, get him out of there. Yeah. Noah just really liked my head back. Well, we did look and we didn't see it, it wasn't up there. No, we actually found it, didn't we find it? You found a bunch of spit.

But somebody found a log book, right? Some kind of log book? Oh, yeah, yeah. I gave it to Twigsy. I gave it to Twig. And we found that the head was in here, wasn't it? Oh! It's right here. We are aware that Bavlorna has your head. Well, I'm not going to go up there to get it, so... We will get it for you as thanks for giving us your boon. I have never been booned on so nicely before.

So thank you for your boonage. You're really welcome. I will boon you anytime you'd like as long as you bring my head back. Yeah, no. And I would also be willing to take you to Thither if that's where you wanted to go next. We would gladly give you head in exchange for booning. A thorough booning, please. Well, if you give me head, I will boon you as hard as I possibly can. Oh, thank you. Clabaglor, you are a wonderful scarecrow.

Well... I'm out. So, I mean, is there anything else we can do for you while you're here? I mean, you're just hanging out. We'll get your hair. We've got a lot of business to attend to. Well, because I don't have a head of my own, I like to hang out with these heads on sticks. Hmm.

One of these heads informed us that there was possibly a still alive head down in the water. I don't know if you can swim or go underwater. If I go into the water, I get waterlogged, and then I have a hard time getting back up to the surface because my gourd fills with water, and then I stay down there. Oh, don't do that. I was going to ask. Last time I had to have this scallop durer carry me back up, but what if he's not there? Oh, Rocky. Yeah.

Rocky's not there. He's asleep. Well, it's probably fine that there's a head down there that's still conscious, awake, and in its own nightmare mind prison. I'm sure it's fine. I mean, to be fair, there are a few empty posts, so I don't think it's the only one. Oh, perhaps they can keep each other company. Yeah. Yeah.

That's what Frosty's imagining right now. Well, is there anything we can do while we're here? Or any news? I right-click on that one. Okay, what kind of information? I'm just sitting here waiting for my head to come back. Oh!

Okay, we'll get that for you. But I do have a skiff hanging out around here hidden in the reeds. So if you come back to me and we need to get on the skiff, then we can do that. You'll be our skiff. We can skiff to our skiff and then I'll skiff out of here.

Dark times, Nese. I hope the king is okay. I propose that we don't go to the gazebo and we look for the skiff. Oh, he's been born to it. Anyway, we really got to get on with this bloody revolution of heist or whatever this is.

Well, it was really nice to see you again, though I'm a little bit disappointed that you didn't have my head. Oh, I mean, we're one step closer. But you know, the good thing is at least I'm not a lost child soul in Gehenna. Are you a child? Oh.

You didn't remember that? No, I didn't. Oh, that's very important. Oh, good. Check, please. I just thought you were just a little fellow. A little fellow. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Slow news day.

That drowning frog, yeah, we should probably go fetch him. Oh, yeah, we're going to fish him out at a drink. We'll fish him out. Goodbye, Glabaglaw. Jabba Jaw. It was good to see you. I will see you later. Stay safe. Oh, I can't wait to see the king. We continue to cross the bridge on the northern side. Also, did I find the embers? Oh, God.

You're so stupid. I know, I'm an idiot.

You pass Clapper Claw as you make your way across the bridge. All of the heads continue to chatter at you and shout things out, exclaiming about the ways that they were killed, yelling at the person who dethroned them, claiming that they were the greatest ruler of the soggy court. But a consistent thread is that there is a coup afoot.

and that King Gullop better watch his back or his will be the next head upon a stick. As you make your way towards the gazebo, a grand marble gazebo stands atop a mound of soggy earth, its white stone streaked green with algae. The support pillars have sunk into the muck unevenly so that the domed canopy now sits askew.

Oh.

Without looking up, he says, "Have you no herald to announce your presence before King Gullop the 19th?" He slams the book closed, as if to punctuate his question regarding you for the first time. Sleepy Bollywood guards standing around their monarch snap to attention and ready their weapons.

A bullywug in Jester's attire sits up looking confused as he makes miming motions and then makes a motion of slitting his throat and fake dying against the steps. The king chuckles a little bit as he reaches down and pets a small alligator that sits next to him.

"Oh, snoodle, we have guests." And that's where we'll end this episode. No! We walked 10 feet. Literally. That's not true. We crossed a bridge. We walked 35 feet. We did way better than that. You can do that in a turn. Oh man, I love this. Welcome back to our back. Thank you.

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