Side Stories: Son of Ram
01:14:23 Share

Hey, listeners, love this pod and want even more? You can be the first to unlock exclusive bonus content, early access, and ad-free listening to the latest podcasts from your favorite shows. Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcast Plus on our Apple Podcast Show page or the SiriusXM app now.

On Wizard and the Bruiser, we find all those crazy little moments in geek history that made the things we love into inescapable cultural behemoths. If you love video games, movies, comics, and anime, this is the LPN show for you. But wait, Holden, it's not just educational. Shouldn't we talk about all those crazy boner jokes we make all the time? No, Jake! No!

Fair enough. Last Podcast Network presents Wizard and the Bruiser. Find it on your favorite podcast app and hit that little subby-dubby button. Ooh, we would love it if you did that. Oh, that would help us out so much. God, wouldn't you love to do that? Don't I sound like the kind of person you want to help? Like, hit the button. Like, just do it. There's no place to escape to. This is the last podcast. On the left. Side stories? That's when the cannibalism started.

Side stories. Yes. So I pitch a lot of ideas to Natalie and obviously she's kind of the litmus test of like how, how I feel like society will react. Yeah. Cause she has a conscience. Yes. Yeah. I know. It's good. I do the same thing with Julie. She's my feelings. It's nice because like, they're like genuine, wonderful women with consciences and,

And we destroy them with horrible ideas. No, it's just nice because then we don't have to have those feelings. Yeah. I can just say it to them. Yeah, my wife does that. That's the idea. That's what they do. Yeah, my wife fights for good causes. Yes, they should. Yeah. And we should be at war. We should be in Iran right now fighting, though. Which ones? Them. Yes. We should be doing something. I'm sure. But I was coming up with some ideas. Right? Again, because Ho Spice...

It's taken off. Yeah. I'm already seeing a lot of people. I did get one message about ho spices that one kind of issue is that there is a lot of old men grabbing at butts in hospices. Yeah. Like already. Oh, for sure. All. Yeah. That's what old men do. But if you George Bush senior, we saw he, what was his thing? Oh, we used to be in the, they call me David Copperfield. Yeah. The best thing a president has ever said. And then you, but,

So they say that there might be an issue with that, but also at the same time, but if they're like professionals and everyone's getting there and we're there to grab butts. Great. Right. I think that'll be good. Oh, spice. You get your, obviously you get your catheter put in the fun way by mouth, which I think you don't get a lot, but I did pitch an idea to Natalie that got was really funny. Okay. No, it's like, why have we not seen a pet cleaning service or a pet? You know, like I'm just surprised. Yeah. Yeah.

Why have we not seen OK Groomer? OK Groomer? Yeah. Like instead of OK Boomer, it's OK Groomer. And I thought that that would be fun to do. And you make it so like, oh, come to OK Groomer. It's the only cancel culture safe place for your dog or cat or your horse. That's right. To get washed, bathed,

and told to vote for Trump. Yeah, and we'll go ahead. We'll take the clippers and we'll put a dick on the side of him. I mean, again, cancel culture-free grooming experience, OK Groomer. And I thought, that's amazing. Natalie says she thinks that everyone at OK Groomer is going to get shot.

Everyone. OK, no. They're the ones who do the shooting. But she says that then it sounds like it's going to become a new comet pizza where people are going to go to OK groomer because they're not going to see the fun, like full of zest for life, like idea behind. Oh, you think they're going to be confused with groomers as in like people who talk people into sex? Yeah.

I don't know if that's a term. I don't even know if that's a definition. Welcome to Side Stories. I'm Henry Zebrowski. This is Ed Larson. I don't think... Okay, groomer. No, no. I think, okay, groomer. Yeah. She said that it might bring violence towards the people inside of the place. And I was like, but the best part is they're all safe because they're surrounded by dogs. Yeah, or you get a van.

And you show up to people's houses. So you're saying that we should have a big white van that says, okay, groomer. Paint it whatever color you want. You're just saying, just a van. You do understand there was a, I will push back on this idea, only because you know that there's a connotation to a roving van. Yeah. But if you put okay, groomer on the side of it, everyone knows what it is. Yeah. I mean, now I'm starting to understand it sounds like a mobile thing.

pedophiles like delivery service. It's like delivering pedophiles to your home. So yeah, it's not good. No. All right. But it's flawed. It's flawed for sure. Yes. But I just thought it was a funny name. It is a funny name. See what I thought at first when you came to me with it just now, when you said, okay, groomer, my brain didn't go to okay. Boomer. It went to okay. Cupid. And so I thought you were just trying to hook up groomers with each other.

Like you're saying, okay, what you meant just then was putting together people that cut the hair of animals together to hang out. Yeah. So they can meet each other and fuck each other and get to know each other. Yeah. You're as innocent as a babe at arms. Is that? I think that's what it is. You're innocent. You really thought of the position, like the job groomer. Yeah. That's not just from the CIA.

That's amazing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. Yeah, that's what I thought. We haven't gotten you there yet. No. Well, I also don't... I believe in everything you've taught me. I just don't care.

That's kind of my thing. Sure. Good. No, it's a good, honestly, very good condom against fucking up against being radicalized on the internet. The news has always been a nightmare for my entire life. It's been a fucking disaster, nightmare, terrifying place. The key to not get radicalized on the internet is have a thick layer of fish provided, not care juice that surrounds your whole brain. You just came back from fish. You saw them at the sphere on 420. Yeah.

If you cared about a single thing, I would be pissed. Like, if you came back from fish on 420 and you were like, we really need to think about the infrastructure of this country. I'm going to be like, where did you go for the weekend? How are you not? Why aren't you? Why are you here? Yeah, man. You should have quit your job, dude. The TV was so big. It's so big. It's the fucking TV.

size of a fucking building. The fucking hieroglyphics were their albums, man. Did you know that?

I didn't know that. Some fucker had to come up and be like, yo, man, the hieroglyphics are their album, man. Man, that's crazy, dude. Some guy, wow. Yeah. We saw through all of it. Yeah, lots of people talked to me the whole weekend. I was in Vegas the whole weekend. I went to fish only for one of the four shows at the Sphere. And the entire weekend, people were just walking up to me like, fish? You want to fish? Like the entire weekend, handing me pieces of paper that I was supposed to hand to other people. For what? For what?

I don't know. They do this weird pass them around things. I don't know. I didn't participate. I was there to just eat mushrooms and fucking stare at the big TV. And you did a really good job at it. Oh my God. I did a good job. I saw your footage and, but again, I'm glad you're here, but I am surprised that you still are financially solvent only just because fish, I feel like liberates people.

Oh, yeah. And it liberates a type of person. Dude, people were spending money. I almost like... Fish does very well. It was crazy. Right before, I was like, I'm just going to check and see how much my tickets are going for. And they were going for like five grand.

It was so hard for me not to sell them in this fucking... Julie got in the one, the lottery, so we didn't pay too much. But like, it was fucking, yeah, dude, it was fucking crazy. Yeah, dude, that might be worth not going. It was hard for me not to go. But I was like, you know what? We're just never going to do this again. You're right. And that's it. This is my sixth time seeing fish. I was talking to people like 178 times. I'm like, I'm quitting now at six. I'm quitting at six. Why? Why?

I'm done. I've done it. I've seen fish everywhere. The sphere is the top. You're saying that all the noodling sounds the same. No, it doesn't sound the same. It's just I'm fucking done. I did it. I have pan flutes. What we should do is that whenever Ed gets too reasonable, we should get some noodling.

to play. Every single time he says something that's too cogent. I like Cars, Trucks, and Buses. Yeah, we just should hit him with some unrecognizable fish song. Do they have melodies, fish songs? Yeah, they do. They have Taste they played. That was really good. Yeah, Holden likes them. Farmhouse. They have hits, but it's the live albums. It's the experience. That's what I hear. I've heard. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, this guy. Is that the guy from Fish? No, no, no, no, no. This is just, this is the song I like.

Yeah, man. It's fine. Welcome to the other side, you fuckers, man. It's just... Fucking light your fingers on fire. 420 is over, dude. Glass melts and becomes the sand again. Taxes are due, friend. That's what this song says to me. That we're just paying what's-his-name's taxes. Phil! Oh my god, yes. I had to pay some taxes. Well, good work. Really good work. Well, I'm glad that you're alive and I'm glad that you're still hireable. Some updates. So last week...

Number one, Eddie brought up, which ended up being kind of an uncomfortable topic for us, but we did kind of get through it. Eddie, for some reason, made me answer what animal I would have sex with. And I just said chimpanzee, just for the sake of saying chimpanzee, to end it.

I was just trying to end the conversation. Yeah. But now people have sent me so many articles about all the different ways people have sex with monkeys. I got another clip on mayor gasms, which is people having sex with the horses. It, we, I feel like we are, we need to guide us back. We need to guide us back to the, to, to other stories, other things to towards other, to,

content, you know? Because the orangutan sex slave story that was sent to me, but the shaved orangutan that he had dressed up like a little girl and they put lipstick on, which is like, in the end, we're kissing? Yeah. That's what we're doing? It's definitely Deadwood rules with the orangutan. I just don't really understand. You're gonna kiss the monkey. If you gotta kiss anything, kiss the neck, kiss the tits. I'm only having sex with a chimpanzee because I'm forced to because you're gonna shoot me in the back of the head. And it is vaginal sex with a

woman chimp. Yeah. Well, shave the breasts. You're going to have him shave the breasts? I'm just saying, when I saw that story, because it was the orangutan sex life story, that it was the guy that was arrested for the monkey torture ring. The guy who was from the white power, the neo-Nazi guy. He was just serving up monkeys and blenders, and people were paying him for it. Again, we're working too hard. So these articles were sent to you? Anything about the pigs? About pig sex?

No. Really? No, there was a... So you picked Sarah. You like the popular shit. I do. You know, that's me. I'm a poser. When it comes to my bestiality, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like a Dua Lipa. Dua Lipa was an orangutan. Now, I did get a message from my friend Sarah who did send a message to Marcus Parks that was, honestly, it was...

a fairly sexual picture of the anamorphic deer. Oh, nice. It was going to welcome a lovemaking session inside of themselves. That's great. What do you think will be the first episode we don't talk about humans fucking animals? It will come.

Now. Just like the animals. We're going to change right now. We don't know. They can't consent. All right. But the big comeback that we got. Yeah, this was crazy. I love our listeners. I can't believe this poll results. But I asked. I actually feel like it is crazy.

what I was expecting, but I'm glad that we got as much reach as we did. It was a little off from what you expected. Sure. So we asked everybody, and I still want you to ask people this because it's fun to do. We said, ask a stranger, not a friend, not somebody that was into true crime. When you ask them,

what's the first thing that you think of when you hear the word murderer? What's the first person? And get their response. You had said something along the lines of you thought it might be OJ Simpson. I thought OJ would be everyone's answer, would be the layman's answer for murderer. But I think largely it's because you like a sports just like most people.

Sure, you like a sports and you like, and he would be very famous. I said something like Charles Vance. He was also the one that was on the news most. Yes, of course. Well, especially that time period. Crime of the century. Well, people for our age. There's been like, let's just say, there's been like how many trials of the century? Well, there's crime of the century, which was Lindbergh, baby. And that was taken early. But you can't call it the 20s. I don't think it's not the crime of the century. It was one baby. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. He was a Nazi.

Another Nazi. Charles Lindbergh. We're going to do a whole series on that. I can't wait. It's very, it's actually, that story's fascinating. All right. So here's the poll. So we got back. Overwhelming amount named...

Jeffrey Dahmer. Well, the Netflix show set that off. It was Jeffrey Dahmer, Ted Bundy, and John Wayne Gacy were the top three, and they were pretty close in numbers. It was like Jeffrey Dahmer, we had 59 mentions, Ted Bundy, 49, John Wayne Gacy, we had 32, and the number four was OJ Simpson, followed closely by Charles Manson, and then Jack the Ripper. Yeah, Jack the Ripper makes sense.

I'm surprised. And then, yeah, those are the only ones that are 10 and over. The rest of them are just a couple. Well, here are some of my favorite outliers. We have some really good, funny outliers. Hitler was twice. Of course, that makes sense. Yeah, he got two. Anakin Skywalker. Yeah, he killed all those kids. And it was before, and then he would become. I hate you. Yeah, and then he would become Darth Vader, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then just the fictional character Blade.

Yeah. Which I do think that makes sense. Chris Watts. But Blade didn't kill people. He killed vampires. Yeah. Vampires start as people in that world. Maybe. Then they said, ooh, political. Lockheed Martin. Whoa. Rock and roll. Very much so. But that only had one. That only had one. And my personal favorite, myself when I'm down at my wife's pussy. Oh, yeah. He's a murderer. Like that guy. Yeah. We'll have to meet him at some point. We probably already have. I wonder what the wife has to say. Yeah.

Oh, and then one more PBR for my husband, please. Yes. And then also the very, very funny answer of your mom. Yeah, definitely like that. So thank you so much for the maturity. Scar for the Lion King. Scar for the Lion King. That's fine. Again, he only killed one. True killer. But he only killed one. He tried to kill more. He tried. Yeah. I also tried to be a professional baseball player in my mind.

Did you? No. I'm just saying try. It's also from Star Wars. That's not Star Wars. That's, fuck me. That's Lion King. But there is no try. Only do. Oh, I got you. Yes. Grogu could still fucking suck my dick. Whoa. Hey, Grogu. And that's not pedophilia. That's not pedophilia. I love Grogu. That's not pedophilia. He's an old man. Grogu's 50.

He's 50 years old. Side stories, LPOTL at gmail.com. If an alien is a baby to us, but a baby to them, but old to us, can you fuck it without space charges? Let's ask. Let's ask the people. Let's ask the people. I got to know what you guys think.

What are the intergalactic laws on fucking Grogu? Fucking Grogu. Again, I'm not into it because I don't want to hear his weird little whimpering. No, not at all. No, I don't want to hear it. He can slurp some eggs, though. You haven't watched, right? No. You would like The Mandalorian. I watched the first one. Again, my review was controversial. More like Mandaborian. Whoa!

Oh, you asshole. I'm pretty special. I'm pretty smart. I'm pretty educated. And I am. Very nice. You like dude. And you don't like the Mandalorian? Is this too much, too many things happening? You know what it was about the Mandalorian? I think Mandalorian was fine. Yeah. I just saw one episode. I don't like TV.

Oh, there it is. I don't really like movies. I like movies more than TV as well. Yeah, me too. I like movies. I like documentaries. And I like my non-fiction shows. Yeah. And I like my reality shows. I like my...

My drag race and I like my Top Chef and I like my shows. Now that I'm thinking about it, I don't think I've ever heard you talk about 1883 or some shit like that. What's that? That's the Harrison Ford, Helen Mirren prequel to Yellowstone. No, am I in Host Spice? No, but you would like it.

It's a lot of murder. A lot of murder. I mean, it's not enough. It's still not enough. Everyone says a lot of murder. And then I go to watch a show because I love murder. And I go to watch a show for all the supposed fucking murder in it. And then it's all like classy and shit. I like faces getting cleaved. I like arms being stripped of their flesh.

It's so weird. I've seen all these Taylor Sheridan things and I don't like him, but I've watched all of it. I don't know how there's a spell on me. I just think it's your algorithm. It gets sent to you and you like it. But I don't know if I like it because I always end up mad. I think it just turns me off. Mentally, not sexually. I get hard as hell. I get hard as hell watching Yellowstone. Except with that one lady. There's that one lady in that. She's spicy. No, the wife.

The wife. The spicy wife. I don't think he has a wife. What's the name? What's the blonde woman in that show? That's his daughter. That's his daughter? That's Costner's daughter. She's like my age. Yeah, Kevin Costner's old. Whoa. Ha. Old daughter. Yum. Can there be a thing that's MILFs but for daughters?

all milfs are daughters henry what not anymore doc now once they hit 27 all right um and that's a fallacy but again i love a milf so yes so that's uh that was the update i do think i got a lot of great messages people saying like it's amazing to get good old-fashioned crowdsourced

information that is this is our family feud people know the name jeffrey domer they know the name it's the netflix show if it wasn't for the netflix show i bet he wouldn't have been number one and they well they don't know their crimes well they know like jeffrey domer like it's all the big subset it's jeffrey domer cannibal ted bundy they don't say anything about ted bundy but they know that ted bundy is a name yeah he's a killer and then john wayne gacy evil clown yeah yeah

And then O.J. Simpson, that guy from the Hearst commercials. That's what they love. But no, our audience, because also I feel like true crime, while it has always been an interest of a large section of humankind, it's just now way more of the mind. I mean, it's kind of going in a... It's in a... How do you put it? It doesn't really go away, but true crime had hit a peak, and then it receded, and now we're trying to figure out what to go next. I think.

I don't know what people want. They don't know what they want. Like your hair. It knows where it's going next. It's going to hell. It's going to my fucking. No, you know where it's going, man, is my fucking my sides, my ears. Yeah. Natalie had to show me the other day. I had full like it looked like you got to shave your ears. They had little beards on. Yeah. Fuck. Yeah. No, Julie gets in my ears for me.

Yeah, you got to talk to Natalie. She's got to get in there. Or you got to talk to your barber. Yeah, sometimes Sony does it for me. I got my ears waxed recently. You got your ears waxed? I had to put wax in my ears and then rip out all the hair. Yeah, man. 10 bucks. What do you call that? It's not a Brazilian. That's like a South Dakotan. Ha ha ha ha.

What do you call that? What do you got to go get your earlobes waxed? Yeah, man, you got to find the Armenian barbers for that. They know what you're talking about. We are becoming orangutans. It is happening to us. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. Finding work-life balance can be tough, but Squarespace gives you the tools to reach your goals and have time to celebrate.

Squarespace is the all-in-one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online. With the new guided design system, Squarespace Blueprint, you can select from curated layout and styling options to create a personalized website optimized for every device. Get your website discovered fast with integrated optimized SEO tools. Plus, make checkout easy for customers with easy-to-use payment tools. And with Squarespace AI, you can explain what your site is about

choose your tone, enter what you need, and get auto-generated text. And that helps you save time. I know I'm sitting on about two literal wheelbarrows filled with horse pics. Now, part of the issue has been is a lot of these pictures are getting stopped at customs because some of them do depict various world leaders in horse-like circumstances that seems to be

pinging a lot of these custom agents accounts. Now, so what I've done to do is like, so while I'm trying to work on hand smuggling these horse picks over various country borders, uh,

I then also have time because Squarespace is doing all the other ad work for me to go and work on my killdozer at home. So thank you, Squarespace, for allowing me to diversify in the best way possible for this country. Head to squarespace.com for a free trial when you're ready to launch. Go to squarespace.com slash left to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

Hey listeners, love this pod and want even more? You can be the first to unlock exclusive bonus content, early access, and ad-free listening to the latest podcasts from your favorite shows. Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcast Plus on our Apple Podcast Show page or the SiriusXM app now. Also, one piece of nerdy sci-fi news that I wanted to cover before we bring in our very special guest. We have a guest! We have a guest today. This...

I need literally, I'm saying, I'm talking about this story because I want someone to explain it to me. Sidestories, L-P-O-T-L at gmail.com.

Because from what I can see here, I don't particularly understand it, but I want to know what they're talking about. So this came from the debrief. The debrief is that they cover a lot of like tech news and stuff within like military tech. And they have kind of led the charge of talking about whether or not some of UAP stuff we're seeing UAP like or UFO and any

these weirds of transmedium vehicles, these weird orbs, whether or not they are technology that we just don't know about, that China has or Russia has or we have and we're literally lying to our own armed forces about what we have. That's one theory. And this article that just came out, NASA veterans propellant-less

propulsion drive that physics says shouldn't work just produced enough thrust to overcome Earth's gravity. Now, this was developed by a man by the name of Dr. Charles Bueller. Bueller is a NASA engineer and co-founder of Exodus Propulsion Technologies. And what I don't seem to understand is what it seems to say here is that if you electrify something correctly...

It floats. So he is essentially saying that you can, they, they, they can charge an object in a way to produce what they called, what they figured, what they realized was one gravity. So what they did was then what that means is that if you can get it to one gravity, that means it's actively fighting against the avid, the gravity of the planet earth. And so that means there's a one to one. So eventually with that, what you could do is increase that. And then it'll like be able to just very, very easily leave the planet earth.

Okay. Sure. And this is the electricity fuck tells gravity to go fuck itself is what you're saying. See, this is why you shouldn't let your kid go to fish on 420 because what it does is it makes you number one, lethally curious to anything a man hands you that has a drug or gone. Yeah. And two, you know, I think that,

Yeah, it does help simplify our understanding of things. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, yeah. So, like, maybe, do you think Ted Bundy floated when they electrocuted him? Yeah, he was like, oh, oh, oh, oh. Hand me the knife, you snow fizzy lifting drinks.

So we can make UAPs now. Well, they're saying that, well, what if we already have? Or this is all very theoretical. I would love for someone to explain it to me in a way that a fat-bodied comedian man might understand. Yeah, UAPs, I feel like, from what I've been learning from you these last couple super serious UFO mandates...

they would have to be drones. Some of them. I feel like why send a person? Why send an alien when you could just send a robot? It's very possible. Or do they send things in a, I think the concept of them sending a, the,

image of a ship, like a hologram of a ship with them in it from very, very, very far away. Okay. And so what if some of the stuff we see... But what's the point of that? So that they can do recon. Like, let's say they are... This is all under the one specific umbrella that these are flesh and blood groups.

creatures that have to eat, like they have to have stuff. So what if, but they could just be a bunch of jelly. Absolutely. But they might still need to eat. They might still need to do stuff. So let's just say one concept is they are either running out of resources like we are or running out of literally just living space or are they a conqueror race? Are they just curious? Literally just curious. Are we them?

From the very, very, very far future. Or the very, very, very past. Who knows? And that maybe they're literally this. So then they couldn't create an interdimensional window, ostensibly, to look at us from there. That's one theory. Mm-hmm.

I don't know. I don't buy it that they'd come here. Why? You're here. I know I'm here. I was born here. Yeah, man. You didn't ask for that either. Yeah, but I think that if we were going to another planet years away, how old am I going to get getting there? Unless you can do it instantly through an interdimensional porthole. I don't think they have those. Those don't make sense. See, this is the thing. I thought fish would... You got to let it in. You got to let it in because you can see there's so many things capable. How do you think Phil...

Gets from place to place to place. Who's Phil? The lead singer of Fish. Trey. Trey Anastasio. What's Phil?

Phil? Is it from Pantera? No, it's fucking Punxsutawney Phil. Who's the lead singer of Pantera? Who cares? Dimebag Daryl's not him. Trey Anastasio, the only way he gets back and forth is by, I mean, like, he probably just thinks he sits in a magic chair and all of a sudden he's playing his electrified bandro. It is surprisingly thought out. Yeah, of course it has to be. You were right.

Phil Anselmo. Oh, he's the other guy from Pantera? That's the other guy from Pantera. That's what I was asking. I was going to say, yeah. I don't think he's a nice guy. Yeah, he pissed off Dimebag Darryl and then Dimebag got shot. It's really very sad, actually. Well, these are the updates. I think we learned a lot about nothing. And now it's time to get some news stories. But for that, let's bring in our guest. Yes. Right from your grave.

And now we have a very old friend. You fucking old piece of shit. A very old friend of LPN. It is so good to have you in studio with us to check out some of these horrible stories. Dan St. Germain. Long time listener, first time guest. Glad to be here. Nice to see you, buddy. You're here promoing your new special, Dan's Fatty Dance. Dan's Fatty Dance, LPN Network.

Check it out. It's on YouTube for free. Yeah. And I think it's, I think it's pretty funny. That's a solid pitch. Yeah. It's fine. I, you feel like you could, might enjoy it. A little. Yeah. I don't want to like, I don't want to go total Schultz. He Schultz where I'm like, this is fucking next level.

But I also don't want to be like, this is a piece of shit. Like Philip Seymour Hoffman, Boogie Nights. Like, fuck it, this piece of shit. Well, that's sad and it's kind of scary in a way. Yeah, fighting on the middle ground. Yeah, because also, it's never...

changing everything. I find that when someone says that it is, it's definitely not. Definitely not. Yeah. No. There's a few instances like when they let Jackie Robinson play that probably changed everything. A couple changed everything. That changed everything. When Marlon Brando didn't take the Oscar and he sent that Italian woman.

That changed everything. That changed everything. Was she not Native? She wasn't Native American? She was Italian? Absolutely not. That's fucking hilarious. Love it. Love it. Love it. A grift on a grift. God, that's hilarious. All right. So here we go, Dan. Perfect. You're going to love this story. Yes. All right. So now this was, I actually find this extremely interesting. A 10-year-old allegedly confesses to randomly killing a stranger when he was seven.

So this was in Texas, obviously. This 10-year-old child, according to the Daily Beast, the child nonchalantly confessed to killing a man. Yeah. Like, executed him in his sleep. That's the man? That's the dead man. That's not the child.

I wish that was the child. He looks like an amalgamation of us. Yeah, he never made a single correct choice. If you die, unfortunately, and this is not, I'm trying not to victim blame here, but if you die in a trailer, sitting in a chair, getting your face blown wide open by a seven-year-old. I think he was dead asleep, though. Completely dead asleep. Shot him in the face. Just asking for it. Took his grandpa's gun and went and shot him in the face, and then the grandpa ended up stealing the gun, not knowing that this happened.

So he thought he just killed himself. So apparently they will. They said it was suspicious because of the angle. He obviously was shot in the fucking face. So this child apparently was left without a super any form of supervision and then went in. And I guess his son. This was no. This is a neighbor, dude.

This guy had nothing to do. It was like a stranger. It was no motivation whatsoever. Dude, watch out for this kid. Dude was just asleep. Dude was just asleep. And so the kid apparently saw him walk by in the trailer. He saw the gun. He was in his grandfather's car. It was in the front. It was in the dash compartment, right? He pulls it out. The kid just suddenly, oh, this is not fun.

Oh, my God. I've seen this on the TV. John Wick uses this. That's John Wick's favorite toy. There was like three different accents. It went from chimney, sweet British to Kyoto, Japan. SNL stop call. We got Brooks Whelan over here? Let's calm down. You did fine. You did fine. You did fine. But then he was asleep and it's just asleep like a schmuck.

And the kid walked up to him and just blew his fucking brains out. And then apparently stood, looked at his now fully dead corpse, walked back, put the gun back into his grandfather's stash compartment, and then just walked away. Like he was fucking Johnny Cash. Seven years old. Yeah. You know, what I think is because you guys are, you know, it's a burgeoning enterprise, this last podcast.

on the left. And you know how Nickelodeon had like kids news? Yes. You guys should have him on to do like last podcast on the left, kids news. I would love to hear from his perspective. Yeah. Sports Illustrated for kids. I had that. That was nice. It's like when the New York Times reaches out to Republicans.

Exactly. It's like that type of thing. We can still throw Kurt loader on to every once in a while. Oh yeah. He speaks to the kids. Yeah, for sure. But I would, I would, I would bring him on, bring him into the fold. So when asked the child stated that he had never met Brandon, uh,

and did not know who he was, although he had observed him walking around the RV earlier that day. The child was also asked if he was mad at Brandon for some reason or if Brandon had ever done anything to make him mad, and the kid said no. I thought that Brandon was trying me, and I knew that I had to fucking regulate him.

So I went with my child's hand and I ended his life. Yeah. So the child was able to direct law enforcement to the gun. And then, so this is where this all came from. So he just kind of casually said, I shot a man to watch. And this was three years later when he was 10. Oh yeah. Think about it. He's a kid literally sitting there smoking a cigarette going like, yeah, I fucking killed. I killed a man two years ago. Like he was fucking, what was that wrestler that killed his molester?

that killed his molester? Who was the wrestler, the guy that killed, it was the, he went back and murdered the guy that molested him? I'm not sure. I know, I mean, there's been famously a ton of, oh, that was the MMA guy. You're talking about Cain Velasquez shot. No. Well, he never killed anybody. He also killed his molester? No, he didn't. He tried to kill his son's molester and ended up shooting the dad of the molester.

Jesus Christ. It's not even that one, though. This is Dan Stachemire with Pedophile News. Check out Dance Fatty Dance. For all your pedophile info, come here. By the way, Sandusky Innocent. No, I'm just joking.

We need to take a look at the evidence again. That guy was a wrestler who did that? That was another wrestler who, oh no, this is the guy. This is a famous guy, Gary Plowshae. This is a famous story of a guy that shot. I have no idea what this is. He shot the guy that molested his daughter as he was on his way into court. He popped out from behind. I saw that, yeah. That's the guy who did that. He shot him from as he was walking into court. And he also got, how many years did he get?

He had a bunch of time. There was another story. I think he got off, right? Or he didn't get a lot of time. You got to get in trouble for that, unfortunately. Unfortunately. Wait, no, no. He was sentenced to seven years suspended sentence with five hours probation and 300 hours of community service. Having said that, if you go to prison as a guy who murdered your kid's pedophile, you are a...

I feel like you're Tom Brady. Yeah. Yeah. You go in there, you're made. Yeah. You can do whatever you want. Yeah. I'd imagine they treat him all right. Yeah. They treat him all right. The guy that I was talking about was Marty Genetti. Marty Genetti. No, that was, I understand. I we've, we've covered, I have a wrestling podcast, wrestle roast. That's turning into a working stiff, but it's me, Robert Carpenter, Mike Lawrence and Scott Chaplin. All very funny gentlemen. Um,

Marty Giannetti said that he wanted, he murdered this guy who molested him at a bowling alley or tried to molest him. And it's all bullshit. He's just one of those guys who just lies all the time. He starts saying some stuff. Because they investigated it and the police had to come out and be like, yeah, I think he did.

I never told no one this, even my brother Gino. Yeah. Because Gino would have killed him and I didn't want my brother gone. Hell, he'd only recently come home from Vietnam. I was 13 working at Victory Lanes bowling alley buying weed from a fucker that worked there. And he put his hands on me. He dragged me around the back of the building. You already know what he was going to try to do.

That's what he said. And then he said that was the first time he made a man disappear. Yeah, he talks like a Huckleberry Finn character. It's a really sad story. I made him disappear, pa. But he also said something very uncomfortable about his daughter on Facebook. Yo, he's not a... He's not well. I'm not voting for him. He's not well. He's not well. All right, good for Marty. Thankfully, he'll be here next week.

as our guest on Side Stories. Yeah, I can't wait. I would feel honored if I shared the dais with Marty Gennetti.

I love that guy. But the kid was, all right, so back to the kid. It's weird he said it, but it totally makes sense. While the child was too young to face criminal charges for the incident, he was just recently pulled from a bus because he was charged for making a terroristic threat to another student. So he's already ready. This kid's fucking. Yeah. This kid. He's an ex-Marty Gennetti. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, dude. Put a tracker on that kid. That scares her. I think they did, actually. Have you ever seen this juvie? No, he got nothing. He got absolutely nothing. Because in Texas, if you're under 10, you can't get convicted for murder. Really? And that's what we should be using to fucking kill people. Child assassins would be an incredible business plan.

And then we put them on the human traffickers and we call it Children of the Port. Oh my God. You guys are just printing. Is this kind of podcast called Printing Money? Is this the Printing Money Network? Because I'm just smelling those dollar bills. Yeah, no. All we do is make great ideas. I came up with Ho Spice, the idea. I remember that. I listened to that. And then Natalie shut down OK Groomer, the pet service that comes to you.

Okay groomer And she was mad at that Because she said it sounds like everybody who works at okay groomer Is going to get murdered by somebody Like a common pizza guy I'm also because we're talking about pedophiles I'm thinking grooming like Okay groomer Like it's a pedophile who tells tall tales Okay groomer Yes

We've heard it before. Okay, Dan Schneider. You were the second guy with JonBenet Ramsey. We've heard it. You were there before it was cool. It does work, actually. I don't know how we didn't think about that. There's another revenge murder in the news if you guys want to check it out. Please. A ram has killed a New Zealand couple. This one's fucked.

fucked. This is like, they went to go, they went on a, what do they call it? They went to go check on them, a welfare check on these very, very old people. They were in their 80s. When they went out there, the old man, I guess, went out there to feed the ram or some shit. It was a rogue ram. It wasn't their ram. Oh, it was rogue? Yeah, it was a rogue ram. They didn't own it. I don't think many people own rams.

They're not like Ram is different than sheep. I could be an idiot, but I'm pretty sure that Ram are their own thing. Dodge Rams. That's right. Well, he already made the joke and I'm glad I should have done. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. Dodge the Ram. That was what he was saying before the show. And I didn't approve.

Yeah. I didn't approve the joke. I'm just bringing out those at midnight puns. Many small flock owners have just one ram, which needs to be separated at some point. That makes sense. Because the ram's got to fuck. The ram's the one that fucks all the rest of them. Oh, the ram is like the rooster of the sheep community? I'm just saying stuff too, buddy.

I'm also just saying stuff, but I'm pretty certain that that's true. They had some sheep, some chickens, and some cattle. But they killed, so basically they showed up, the old man went out to go feed the sheep or some fucking garbage. The ram immediately murdered him. I don't know if you call it murder with the ram.

I don't think it's murder I think it's just you know they were killed by an animal but then the old lady was like where's my husband and she went to go look for him got got and the ram finished the job ram got her too wasn't that Spanish horror movie that came out last year where they were looking at the goat when evil lurks it sounds like a scene from when evil lurks did you see lamb I haven't seen lamb yet lamb fucking rocks dude when they're all like it's weird it's like the half man half lamb or whatever

That's some good shit. It's really fucking weird. But then the police came because I guess that's who you call because they showed up. They found the two people fucking rammed to death in their pen. And then the fucking ram bowed up at the cops and they had to light them up and shot the ram in the head. He squared up. Oh, yeah, dude. That ram was coming in. That ram didn't want it. He said he was not driving. He was traveling.

He says that he broke his contract by not signing his license. He says that legally I can't have a license. I'm a Ram.

That guy looks like he's upset from having to kill the Ram. I think it's not fun. I think that we, we actually did cover like a not funny statistic talking about how many dogs police officers have shot, like, you know, and how they just don't give a shit at all. That's not fun. But I don't think like anybody's like super jazz, but I do feel like if you just got to kill another type of animal, even that's kind of sad. I think once the Ram killed the second person, it signed its own death warrant. Oh yeah. And then it's the son of Ram. Yeah. Yeah. Then it's like a serial killer. Yeah. Yeah. They had to kill. And I didn't,

I honestly didn't think New Zealand cops and guns. I can't believe he killed two people, though. Killed two people. That's wild, dude. Married a married couple. That's wild. That's more than Mark David Chapman. Ha ha ha.

He is a very... That is a murderous animal, dude. Oh, my goodness. Well, shout out to them. Shout out to who? The dead people. Oh, fine. I guess. But also, 80s is hard. People work long into their 80s. I just don't understand people who have that type of hardcore... Like my Chris, who works on Your Pretty Face is Going to Hell, who worked on Your Pretty Face is Going to Hell. His father...

is like 85 years old and he still like manages vintage apple orchards and shit. And it's like the only thing my father can do is smoke. Yeah. And I don't know how they get to that. I don't know how they, I mean, that's a hard job. It's extremely, he's out there all day. And vintage? Yeah. What does that mean? He saves apple lineages.

So he goes in like this is a very specific role in society. Yeah. How like people killed by animals. That's got to be like very rare in general. Right. Got to be surreal. I've done lots of dead people in my life. Yeah. Not one of them was killed by an animal. You have alibis.

Preach one? Yeah, I do. I do. Good, good, good. Yeah, I'm at lots of restaurants. He's at lots of restaurants, lots of movies. Around 201 deaths annually. Yeah, it's not that much because, again, we don't have, it's not like we're in America. That's only in America. We're not in a quote-unquote agrarian culture anymore. Yeah, well, I'm trying to write this new bit about like,

You know, my sympathy for your crocodile death depends on what area of the world you're from. Like if you're from Indonesia, I'm like, I feel bad because you were just trying to fish for your family. But if you like...

You were in Florida or something. It's like you were trying to, it's like this fucking croc thinks it's better than me. Like, it's your fault. Oh, yeah, yeah. The more First World Nation it is, the more fault it is. Do you ever see that video of, it was a little old lady and she has a very, very tiny dog on a leash and you're watching her fight this little dog. It looks like a fucking Looney Tunes cartoon. Yeah. Where it's this little dog going, bark, bark, bark.

at this alligator just like staring at it and this little dog and she's like come on come on this the alligator just takes the fucking dog and the lady in one go like he's just like the dog hits the back of the alligator's throat and the fucking chomps on his arm and literally just pulls the lady like just kills them both yeah just sucks them right in the lake man it's not cool dude where do you get those videos i'll send you some later sent into us

You talk about fucking, we have another super morbid one. I want to send you, I'm glad Dan's here. All right, we can show him this one. There's lots of morbid stuff. Yeah, this one's really fucked up. This is fucking, yeah, you'll like this one. This is a horrible, horrible video. Is this Brazil? No, I want to do the first one I wanted to do with the dude getting lit up. Okay, yeah, let's do that. Because we already talked about it with the Ram. So this is just, I just wanted to show you this video and you can get this reaction. This is like, this is fucked.

So this is in the Seattle Police Department. Man by the name of Chief Adrian Diaz. So a guy, so they had set up a sting at a double tree.

Which makes sense. Where they were setting up an old man to come and I guess... 67. They say the... They call it a meeting between two young girls, age of 7 and 11. And unless they're there to do candy sampling for Hershey's, I don't think that it's like a meeting. You know what I mean? I think he's there to have sex with these little girls. And so what the cops are there, they set it up as a sting and they show the video. This is dash cam footage from inside of...

of the room. So they were waiting for him to come in. And so if you want to pull up the video, I just want to show it to

to Dan. Not this one. We're going to do that next. That's next. Henry's email, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a nightmare. It is unfortunate, man. It is unfortunate. So these two police officers were inside of the hotel room and then all of a sudden I guess they were waiting for this dude because he was supposed to come in and they were just going to grab him and then this fucking happened. ...

Jesus fucking Christ! Jesus Christ! Dude, yeah, that guy didn't see any chance. That's fucked up. So this guy was like, he came in. The reason why it's truly crazy is that that guy was coming in with a gun ready. He thought that those little girls with the little girl handler were in that room with the police. But then you saw the dude as he pulled it up. That was a crazy move by the cop because the cop put...

He did, I guess, with this guy, a perfectly executed defensive maneuver where he grabbed the gun as he pressed it to his chest. And then he, I guess, shot himself in the arm. But then those two just got to just let him off. So do you think this guy was coming to kill the

people who held the children? I think that he was coming to steal the children. You think he was coming to steal? He wasn't like some weird vigilante? I mean, either way, it was a bad move. It was definitely a bad move. You don't pull a gun out of the cop. I say if you're going to... That's the actual sound of freedom.

You know, what if God, I guess if it was a water gun, it would be bad because if that was a funny joke, that would be a funny joke for a human trafficker to play, wouldn't it? And then I also wonder if you were to you're going to bring cereal and candy.

Well, yeah, I just think, I don't know. I think there's something to like all these people who have been fucking weaponized by anti-fucking just misinformation. Oh, yeah, of course. So you think that he's saying that that guy is, so you're saying that that guy was scared of his own pedophilic activities. And so he brought a gun to protect himself. I think he was posing as a pedophile to go to get these children and become a hero. And then the cops killed him.

All I know is if you're a cop If you're the cop in that situation And you're talking to other people It's like, I shoot this kid He was 16, he was sticking out, he felt terrible And he goes, oh really? I just killed a pedophile That was about to shoot two girls Yeah, those streamers go off Oh shit He gets into work, he gets a free milkshake Yeah, no, this cop's definitely not going to buy a drink For the rest of his life That's the best way to kill somebody Yeah

So this guy, so they were conducting an internet crimes against children tax force operation. Yeah. So that's what that, that's what I guess this is. So I guess they, well, they do the thing that they, they build a case. They have like the, they, you ever, there's a series on TLC, I believe that covers the units of the,

There are largely female officers. To shoot a predator? They're cops that act like children. Oh, yeah. And when they call, they go like... Do they have little handcuffs? I don't think so. But it's weird. They have these two very slight...

lady police officers and then they are not then they hire a service that is not cops that just sounds like children they get an of age woman who will sound like a child and they use to communicate with the pedophile to get them hooked right to get them all that service is just for the cops

What was that? Is that service just for the cops? I did just sound like somebody who's about to use that service. So maybe forget what I just said. Is that service just for the...

Just for the good? At what level UCB class do they teach you? Act like a child for the police. I think it's once you get to Matt Besser's home. I didn't book SNL, but... Hey, I got this new... He's teaching me. Internet crimes against children apparently are up 67% from 2022 to 2023. It is very, very bad. It's bad. That's crazy. Makes sense though, right? Does it?

I don't know. I mean, it just feels like the internet keeps getting bigger, so... Yeah, I guess so. Well, it's also more, I think that we're paying attention to it. I guess for one year, that's crazy. And we're paying attention to it a lot more. Because, you know, for a long time, as long as we've been covering true crime and you read about how, like, essentially, it wasn't a crime to do anything to a child until, like,

1995 or whatever. Like it's been a long time. No one has cared about kids. They've been viewed as disposable for, for, and now we're just trying to fix that, which I think is probably the uptick is that it's more so in the actual pursuing of it by the police. The cyber tip line received 36.2 million reports of suspected child sexual exploitation in 2023. And go check out Dan St. Germain's.

Spatty dance. Spatty dance. I have never... There's only some things you can hear on his spats. This plug's really helping me. I want to say, first off, out of all the podcasts I've done, last podcast, probably one of my favorites, if not my favorite. Thank you, Dan. Huge fan. I got...

I listened to it during my last breakup. Not the one you guys knew. The one after that. I got really too into the Franklin cover-up. We talked about this many times. It kind of ruined my life. And then the Robert Pickton stuff. I wrote a thriller about that and I left comedy stand-up for two years to just write thrillers. So in a lot of ways, my favorite podcast. In other ways, too,

my...

Have you really wrote the Robert Pickton screenplay? I did write a Robert Pickton. It's not exactly. If you know Robert Pickton, you read the screenplay, you're like, oh, this is clearly based on that. That's awesome. But it's not. It's like an homage. It's not totally. It's fiction, but he's clearly the basis for the character. It's like a fan. You're like, you're from a fan's perspective. Yeah. Yeah, you're talking about from the fans, like how the fans love him. I am firmly in the side of the victim during the script. Yeah.

Firmly on the side of the victims. There's not, no, there's not a, I'm not, it's not like, well, I'm Robert Pickton. What if you may be wondering how I got here?

oh you know feeding people made out of sausages his like i've always wanted to see pictorial of the actual like the idea of that the hangout yeah going to the with the pig palace doing all that i got so into it when i went to when i was writing it i was headlining the vancouver yuck yucks because i hadn't like left stand up yet and i went around to all the spots picked and used to pick up uh

in Vancouver. Wow. Again, just research. It was very dark. No, I didn't pick them up. I had met Sarah at that point. It was such a dark area that when I went into the strip club, that felt like a Starbucks. Yeah.

When I was there, I was like, this feels really nice. Wow. Ooh, this is nice. I'll hear your story. Really, really, really bleak, really bleak down there in Vancouver. No, it is. There's some places in Vancouver that are tough, which is a beautiful city. But I also hear it's wonderful, but I have heard that before as well. With open-air drug market. I was just walking around there. I love the people.

of Vancouver. It was horrible. I went there the last time we were there. It's the Walking Dead, unfortunately. Their heroin problem is insane in downtown Vancouver. I feel bad for them, but it's the most blood I've seen just open in a city. And that's saying something. Yeah, good work, Canada. Honestly, you're beating us. It could be syrup. Dublin and Vancouver is the most open blood I've seen.

New York, I saw a lot of open blood. We'll get you there. New York's gotten, when I was in the East Village, I mean, I'm living in Queens now, but people are just shooting up right now. Oh, yeah. Right. And by the way, I just got out of rehab again in December. Yeah, that's cool. And the kids on drugs now in their early 20s,

I'm never going to hear anybody say that the 70s party hardest, that our generation partied hardest. These kids are on medical grade fentanyl and end of life drugs a lot. They're super straight up drugs. It's basically like comparing the NBA before they left black people play.

You know what I mean? Like, we're the white NBA. And these new kids are like when Jordan showed up. They're taking host spice drugs? They're taking, like, you can't understand them. They don't fuck. They just go. And, you know, like, you couldn't handle. And I'm like, yeah, you're right. I couldn't. No, no. I just like alcohol too much. Yeah, yeah. It's the Post Malone generation. Oh, dude, it's crazy, dude.

Do they all have face tattoos? A lot of them have face tattoos. 70% want to be DJs. Hey, that's a fucking great entry-level career for anybody who loves fentanyl. It's a real job now. It is, sorta. That's fine. But I'm glad that you look good, though. I'm good, yeah. Six months back. Fat dance, fatty dance. Check it out, baby.

Hey, listeners, love this pod and want even more? You can be the first to unlock exclusive bonus content, early access, and ad-free listening to the latest podcasts from your favorite shows. Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcast Plus on our Apple Podcast Show page or the SiriusXM app now. All right, we got one last. Let's end the story. This story I love because we've been

What we've noticed with side stories and with Last By Guess in general, which I'm sure you've noticed as a listener, is that for some reason, stories and things come in cycles.

A lot. Like, you know, we're just, we're trying to get out of our current bestiality cycle. Like we're trying to get out of it. A lot of people have been fucking animals lately. It's just been a lot, right? It's hard not to mention it. But then we're getting into the updates and then I'm talking about people get disgusted. We got to stop talking. The problem is with your personality, although you want to get out of it, I don't know if that's possible for you. I'm locked into this antagonistic. I feel like you have to talk about horse clits. I can't. We did it last week. I know. We did.

My hands are tied. I don't know what to do. This is me. Your hooves are tied. I don't want that. Did I tell you I used to be a movie usher at the IFC? Oh, I remember that. A true story. You got fired. No, I quit, but I got thrown out by the projection or like a cartoon. He threw me out because I was drunk watching wrestling results.

But anyway, I was there. This was about a day after Baldwin had called his daughter a fat pig on The View. We were showing that documentary about Mr. Hands, the guy who got fucked to death by a horse and died. Yes. At 10 a.m., this is the day after Baldwin got canceled, he came in to watch the first showing of that movie, the horse fucking movie. Zoo. Yeah, zoo. Hour and a half later...

Hour and a half later, I hear from the back of my ear, I hear, disturbing, wasn't it? And I turn around and he goes,

And I'm like, somehow I think that led to the rush shooting. I don't know how it happened. I don't know. I have like my JFK, the little arrows going everywhere. There were horses on set. It was crazy. One of the craziest. Like, why would you? Like, what a Looney Tunes. Just like he had to relax. He's been, I'm getting a lot of heat. A lot of heat. I don't know why. Yeah.

But the cycle that we're currently stuck in is fucking people weekend at Bernie's in people. Yeah. It is this idea of people using other people's corpses for monetary gain. It is now. This is going to be the third story we have covered in as many weeks over someone doing it. Pardon me.

I wonder if they influence each other. Yes. If they, if it's like almost like copycatting in the middle of Brazil. So I don't know if they got our news down there. All right. So this comes, yeah, this is in Brazil. A woman brought a man in a wheelchair into a South American bank, but, uh, an attempted to take a loan out on his name, but the man had been dead for hours.

Erica de Sousa Vieira Nunez, 42, was arrested Tuesday following the bizarre incident in Bangu, a neighborhood in western Rio de Janeiro. The woman claimed that the man, identified by police as 68-year-old Paulo Roberto Braga, was her uncle and wanted to sign papers for a $3,250 loan. And then when he arrived at the bank, it was very much so a dead man. And what the best part is, is that this woman was so concerned with

positioning her dead uncle into a way that would make him look like he was alive. She was not paying attention to the fact that the teller was actively filming her.

Yeah. Do this. And she's like smiling next to the body. So there is footage. We get into Bernie's is never as fun as you think it's going to be. No, it's not because of the stink. And it's the sallow, open mouth stare of a corpse. That's a real corpse right there. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So this is a video. Oh, my God. She is just, she is musing. She is holding up his head. Is that one of the aliens from Mac and Me? Sir. Man, we did it, Joe. It's...

That's what it looks like. She really isn't asking for that much, though. That's my thing. It's like, if you're going to do this, I would at least go for 10K. Well, I think that's probably why she should have gotten it. Yeah.

I also, this shows the desperation to get it, but this guy is extremely dead, and the way she's operating his hands like he is Gonzo. Yeah. Like he is doing it like he is a Muppet. Like she's just moving his head back and forth. Oh, wow. She's like going like, hey, pay attention, pay attention. Smacking his face, making him go, oh, yes. But the teller's filming everything. Yeah, because it's so obvious, unfortunately. Unbelievable. You know, and I just...

I don't have a single dead person I have access to. I just want to try it once. You will. Okay. If, if I'll give this, you know what? I will give the last podcast network permission to use my, my body for a bit. Is that, that's saved. Thank you. Yes. We are going to do that. We're going to use that. That is, I'm not leaving my wife about it first, but yeah, well, I mean, she probably won't be happy. She's, she's already out of the, you know, she'll, she'll have left me at that point. No, but,

because then she'll get you after. That's the show you're talking about, Undercover Underage. Yes. On Discovery Plus. That's so weird that that just came up.

Like that, actually. Yeah, the show is called Undercover Underage. She looks like every West Coast comedy booker I've ever seen. Oh, my God. Yeah. She does. Sort of like Jordan Jensen. The cops in Rio said they've never seen anything like this. Well, that's... And that's in one of the murder capitals of the world. Yeah, dude. That's in Rio de Janeiro. Yeah, that is crazy. That has to be absolutely insane. All right, let me... Do we got anything else? Do we got anything we want to cover? I wanted to get a quick...

You know, we got a problem here, Dan. I'm sure this hurts you. Red Lobster is considering Chapter 11 bankruptcy. No shit. I'm really happy that we did. We had two. We had open death. We had a corpse. Yeah. But now I think it's important to get to one of the main stories we were going to try to cover this week was the Red Lobster's going away. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And guess who they're shifting the blame to? Us. Immigrants?

No, us. Yeah, because we ate too much of the endless shrimp. They legitimately say that America has devastated the shrimp economy. Because they used to only do it once a week, and then after COVID, they had to get people back in the restaurants. Is that guy, like, weeping? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. Man, we had no idea how much...

shrimp they could eat and then one man would come and he'd bring a bigger man and I'm like oh he certainly won't just be and then he'd be ordering the shrimp and I figured well don't you want a steak man

Don't you want one of our delectable pasta dishes? They lost $11 million in the third quarter last year in shrimp. Wait, okay, total? That doesn't seem like that much to me. Maybe I just think we're fatter than we...

I think that we're fatter and then maybe shrimps are smaller. Look, the only thing we're going to really miss, I mean, I like red lobster, but cheddar bay biscuits are the only thing we're going to like. I mean, they're going to sell those biscuits forever. I make the cheddar biscuits at home and we make them better. I would just say if you're like Outback, make an aggressive move to get the cheddar bay biscuits. Actually, that's a really fucking good chance. Oh, shit. This is a good chance for

for Sizzler to put their ass back on the map. Yeah, Sizzler should come back. They're the last boat standing. Again. I've never been to the, is Bubba Gump good? It's not. No, it's not. I've went with Mike Lawrence a couple times. He likes going there, but it's horrible. Well, he eats shrimp chips. He loves it. You know, guy who runs writing seminars now, he eats shrimp chips from a bag. That's when we knew him.

God, but Red Lobster was kind of fine, though. I feel like Red Lobster, I liked my meal at Red Lobster more than these other chains. That's why I think that Sizzler has an opportunity. I think Sizzler, Bubba Gump is bad. Outback is bad. Why? What's wrong with Bubba

Gump Outback's okay The wings are pretty good At Outback The wings are good The capuri or couture I don't know how Last time I will get your producer Like he's gonna know No I would ask you If there was one person It's delicious The wings that I had There were fucking delicious Really Last time I went to Outback I'm also a piece of trash And I was relapsing When I had those wings Oh

That's the most understandable part of it. I was like, yeah, of course. Yeah, those are relapsed wings. The wings were so good. It was in Detroit. I was supposed to go home. I got too drunk and ate the wings, and I just stayed another night at a motel near the airport. Goddamn. I'm going to my wife the next day. She's not letting me go on another rehab trip, guys. Yeah, no, you can't.

It's not worth it. It's just wings. It's just wings. They're really good. They're really good wings. Did you go to rehab for the wings? I have more dead mom stuff. We'll talk about that on Brighter Side tomorrow. That's right. Are you guys doing... He's going to come do Brighter Side stories. But are you doing...

Was it dead parents? No, no, no. I was just popping his podcast. Yeah, yeah. No, I'll bring it up, though. But yeah, the Kapuri wings are good. Well, I'm just glad they brought you back. And I'm glad that you're here today, Dan. I'm always glad to see you guys. I miss you guys. This has been great. Is there anything else? We got Dan a gift.

Oh, we did? Yeah, we got you a gift, Rob. I said no gifts. Yeah, we got you a gift. We got you a gift. Here you go. This is for you. I hope you like it. I hope you like it. This is my dad's movie. His father wrote the film.

The new film, Freud's Last Session. And we got Dan a signed copy. We signed it. We signed Marcus, Ed, and I signed a poster for your father's film for you. I want to give this to my business.

Dad's father wrote Freud's last session. It was in the theater. He's a little bit bummed out because it was more of a bomb than he thought. So now I don't think me giving him this poster is going to help. No, but my carny friend...

Signed it because they got it clearly for free in some package. Yeah, it was that. We were giving it away at the movie theater when I went. This is one of the great. Yeah, yeah. He stole it from the trash. So like the origin story is going to depress the fuck out of him. Okay.

This is amazing. I think it was still playing. It's on. Hey, check it out now. Freud's West. Great play. You know, like the great, great play. And they adapted it, you know, but it is on, I think Amazon, you can rent it. Apparently Anthony Hopkins is fine.

Yeah, he's Anthony Hopkins. Yeah, he does his job. Did your dad get to meet Anthony Hopkins? Yes. Well, at least there's that. They softly kiss. No. He did meet Anthony Hopkins. Yeah, my dad, I don't know how I became...

such like a fucking like a low rent art form no comedy have you not seen the internet comedy is the most important art form that there's ever been we are the only one speaking truth to power we're the only one saying the right stuff about vaccines about race and gender issues i don't know about you guys i get more news from the daily show than i do the real news i don't even have any honestly

I don't need these letters. We'll do letters next week. All right, that's fine. The only letter I have, it's like... That's fine. It's actually...

All right, you know what? I'll do this one last letter for Dan. Okay, one last letter. This is just proof I have time to kill before my dinner, and I just want to hang out with you guys. And I also want to get a higher approval rating than Holden. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let us know how Dan did. Compared to Holden specifically. Compared to Holden. If one of them had to come back, would you rather it be Dan or Holden? I already know the answer.

I already know the answer. Hey, Holden got a 53%. It's a Biden win. We've talked about it. And we'll be announcing it on Holden's podcast. All right, here's one horrible letter. I'll get your response on this. All right. I loved your episodes on Herb Baumeister. Great. Well, my dad, who was a big, tall man from New York, he had been married twice and had four kids. No one knew his secret. Apparently, my 52-year-old dad likes to wear women's clothing and participate in BDSM.

On Halloween night 2000, he put on a contraption that would lock his hands under his knees so he could jack off all while choking himself.

Yeah.

Oh, so they felt the need to write that to us? Hey guys, now that I know this, you need to know this too. I can't be the only one who lives with this for the rest of my life. So his dad died from blackface. That's the one, that's actually the only time you can get away with blackface. His auto-erotic fixation. Man, if only Kimmel had done that in the sketch.

Instead of Charles Barkley. That should have been the cover. If you're not laughing, you're crying. By the way, I did talk about this on one podcast, but I feel like you guys are the ones that I really should bring it up to.

I did start wearing two years ago while I was on the road, women's underwear, older women's underwear. Yeah. Over 55 because I find I have a very large ball sack. My dick is very mediocre, but I have a very large ball sack. Me too. And I don't, if you have a large ball sack, it has the same dimensions as a, as an older woman's Audi pussy.

So, uh, old lady bloomers before you were in normal boxes before I used to date a roommate. So he's seen a lot of my grundle before, but I'm trying to say, I know what you're working with. Oh, like Mrs. Dad, fire underwear is the way to go, dude. Really? Yeah. It feels great. It's been great. Shout out to me on these breed. I still love you.

Just make sure you're not fooling around with your lady that night. Truly. Because I've taken that, Sarah's been into it and I've taken it off and she's seen him. She goes, I'm good. Yeah. Does she not do your laundry? Not anymore. Julie and I do each other's laundry. So it's like I couldn't have old lady. She would never trust me with her laundry. Oh, really? No. Yeah. Why would anyone? Absolutely. She would never trust me. Julie trusts you with her clothes? I'm great at it.

I could fold. I had to do chores when I was a kid. Yeah, I wash clothes, but I don't wash Natalie's special clothes. It's her special clothes. She has special clothes. Yeah, well, she does have weird clothes. Well, it's just the panties. I don't wash panties. I read the labels and everything. Don't put it in the dryer. I just don't want to ruin anything. Yeah, you got to read the labels. Well, you know, there's actually incredible advice, Dan. Yeah. I actually didn't know. I mean, look. I love my Tommy Johns. I'll say this. If you get a nice air condition. Yeah.

you know like just is there a brand you like uh i just got the bloomers that were they were women's hanes i believe i believe you're not even going for upper level i'm not even going for jokes on this i'm just giving you guys thank you but what about your legs are you get chafed you're a big guy uh thanks ed uh no i'm just joking i was more thinking about me um

No, they didn't shave at all. It's just a nice, like, well, I'm not, these are too young. By the way, you named your special pants. I'm talking about bloomers. I'm talking about, no, I'm just joking. But I really don't care. Bloomers. I'm talking about bloomers. Like, Google bloomers. Bloomers. Yeah, I've seen bloomers.

I've seen bloomers. They're always like, it's always something like Mary Todd Lincoln. But like flowery, can you flower? That's closer is to those there, but flowery bloomers. That's what I've been, I've been wearing. Well, I know what I'm getting Eddie for his birthday. It's not, I mean, it's a nice, you know, it's, it's, you know, if you have an Audi pussy or big balls, that's incredible. Your balls don't go on the other sides of the thing. Like, like elephant ears. I mean, like the,

if I'm like shooting, you know, like if I need it like for standup, I won't. But if it's a night in and I just needed to breathe, then I wear women's underwear. See, I just wear, is this what you do? No judgment. No, mine's a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. That's Benjamin Franklin slave wife. Yes. Yeah. That is, that's Lolita bloomers for women. Anything that says Lolita, you are not allowed to purchase. Yeah.

You cannot purchase, Dan. It has to be like Grumpy Ethel's Coveralls. Yeah, I want to see nothing with a cute name. Cranberry Bog Bottoms. Well, this has been an incredible, incredible episode. Thank you guys for being here today. Very fun, guys. Go to patreon.com slash podcast. This is so funny. If you want to check out all the other stuff that we do, if you want to see our bodies, if you want to see behind the scenes footage, it's there. Go to TikTok at lpontheleft.com. I don't know what it is. LP on the left, whatever it is.

TikTok. It's going to be gone soon. Then we go see... Then we go to LastPodcastOnLeft.com. We're going back on tour. And so for those of you that don't know, there are some of you... I'm sorry, you're part of the plug section. Oh, yeah, for sure, buddy. For sure. So this week, we are doing... And those of you, I think that we have it on our Patreon. And...

We also might release some tickets, but I don't think we are. I don't know yet. Thursday and Friday, we're doing our full-on, we're writing our show in front of people. Yeah. Our last podcast on the Left Live show, we're doing that Thursday and Friday at the Sirius XM Garage. That's on, if you can. You're writing it in front, like people are watching your process? We come up with material, like we've done this every tour, and then what we do is we kind of like,

the first couple of shows we'll do with no specific material. We just improv and then we go from there and then we'll go and cobble it together and write it after. So I'm excited. I think it's going to be fun. Come see us and we're really going to be working shit out. So it's going to be pretty good. And we're going to have to because Denver's almost sold out. We're going to have

to do a show. We have a show in a couple. Also, this week, I'm going to be on page seven, so check that out. I'm sitting in for MJ this week. Oh, great. Yeah, and so I'll be there, and then also Dan is going to be on Brighter Side Stories. I'm excited. You guys, the next Denver show, I know you already have the venue now, but the next one you guys should do

in the underground Denver airport. You guys have to do it. They're just so... It's the same thing. Have you ever stayed at the Watergate in D.C.? Yeah, they're not. They like lean in. Also, they smell us when we come in. Oh, yes. They're like, yeah, he likes it. Put it in the other room. I want to do it on the Ramsey's front yard. There you go. That's where we'll be doing our follow-up meet and greet.

Over at the JonBenet Ramsey home. So we'll see you there. It's been fun. Triple L, baby. You know, live every day. Know what's good for your balls. Be the arbiter of what's good for your balls and let anybody tell you what's good for your balls. And, you know, love the fact that you wear women's underwear, but it's not even about anything. It's about comfort. No, or an outie pussy. Balls are an outie pussy. And then laugh, especially if you have a big gaping outie pussy. Then you have something that can hold it.

Dance, fatty dance. Dance, fatty dance. I don't know why I started screaming my plug. Dance, fatty dance is the special on YouTube. Please check it out. I also have a wrestling podcast, Working Stiff. And soon, which maybe I'll come back in a year for this, me and Sean Donnelly are going to do a new podcast.

We haven't discovered exactly what it is yet. I want to see Sean. I miss Sean, too. I miss Sean. He's the best. I did have a horror movie broadcast for like 16 weeks and then had to end it because of rehab. The show was really funny, though. You were great on it. Yeah, the show was really funny. But I will be having a new comedy podcast with Sean Donnelly coming out. But if you like pro wrestling, check that out. And please, please goddamn watch my special. And if you like wrestling, pray for me and Dan Soders.

Peacock show to go. God, please. Somebody pray. I will. I'll light a candle. It's me, Soder, and Stone Cold Steve Austin. Come on. I promise. I'll light a candle. I'll do it. I swear. I'll do it. I'll come on a Sunday. Every one of my friends is a millionaire. Don't. Listen, he's going to be fine. He's going to be fine. Just please, please check out the special. But this is fun. And please remind Holden that I was a better guest. Oh, we will. On Twitter.

We will most certainly do it. All right, bye fuckers. Hail Satan. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors. You can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.

Hey listeners, love this pod and want even more? You can be the first to unlock exclusive bonus content, early access, and ad-free listening to the latest podcasts from your favorite shows. Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcast Plus on our Apple Podcast Show page or the SiriusXM app now.