Side Stories: Pizza Problems
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There's no place to escape to. This is the Lost Podcast. On the left. Side stories? That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories. Yes. That's too bad. I'm already, I am already dead. I am already dead.

I'm a dead man. What should I bring to Thanksgiving? Dead man walking. Dead man walking. If you were going to bring a dead man. I'm going to say, if you're going to Thanksgiving this year, a good thing to maybe bring for the whole family is those dental dams. Oh, yeah. Teach your family how to use dental dams this Thanksgiving. You're right. You're right. Because it's been so... I've never used one. I've never seen one. You can use them in a...

Practically, for to-go food, for leftovers. I think that's a great, great piece of advice. Wrap all your leftovers in it and jam it in your wife. Dude, I think that that's a great, great idea. I think also, it's a good, you know what is really great about dental dams? Is that it's really, really good way to save yourself some calories.

for the Thanksgiving meal, so then you get the pleasure and the taste of eating it by putting it... You put the dental dam over your face, you mush the food into the hole where your mouth is, right? Yeah. And you can chew it all around, and you can get the juices sliding through around the dental dam in your mouth, but then you can just spit it out, and that's called a safer form of bulimia. Is that wrong? Is that wrong? Imagine being, like, about to eat out a woman, and you're like...

Excuse me, let me get my... Hold on one second. Well, it's good to do. Technically, we can't be angry about it. You're supposed to put it over the vagina. That is the most graphic picture, Rob, to start today with. Oh, man, that is wild. Wow, we are really happy Thanksgiving. I just postponed my dentist appointment. Hey, you better get back... Yeah, doctor...

If you have any extra dental dams. I think my south mouth has a cavity. They know what's going on. Welcome to Side Stories. I'm Henry Zebrowski. Sitting here with Ed Larson. He called out his actual dentist who does listen to the show.

I had no idea what a dental dam was. I'm not even frowning against the use of dental dams. I think you should if you've got the fucking old school gangster bumps. Yeah, you got them on the mouth or you got them on your south mouth. Fucking wrap it up. Dental dam it up. Wrap it up. I heard if you just throw it like a frisbee, it just attaches. Sticks. That's if you get it wet first. That's why foreplay is extremely important. We do eight play.

That is an R. Kelly bit. Is it? Yeah, 12 play. Oh, well, I don't go that far. That's for R. Kelly. That's right. He could have calmed some of that down, I guess. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Definitely at least nine play. No, I mean, let's go on seven play. If we could.

He's too randy. Well, we're going to be in Brooklyn. We are. We are going to be in Brooklyn next week. King's Theater. King's Theater on December 7th. Last podcast on the left. It's going to be so much fun. We still got, that place is gigantic. We still got like a million tickets to sell. We've sold 2,000 tickets and there's still so many tickets. So if you're there, come hang out. It's going to be wild. We're going to have a blast. All of our friends are going to be there. We're going to be hanging out. Biggest show of the year. We're going to have a blast. And then Philly's completely sold out, so you can't see it.

Yeah, but also we're going to be here in L.A. on the 21st of December. Welcome. Come see Classy Night Out. It's going to be a lot of fun. I got some good bookings. I just booked Blair Sochi. It's very, very thick. I think I accidentally also booked another person as well. We got a stacked show. We really do. We're going to have to combine acts or something. We're going to figure something out, but it's going to be a hell of a barn burner.

Come on down. December 21st at the Masonic Lodge in Los Angeles at the Hollywood Forever Cemetery. And the last one, last one is January 11th. We're going to be in Atlanta at the Coca-Cola Roxy. I can't wait for that show. I've never been to Atlanta other than to see Tom Petty and he's fucking dead. Dude, we are going to go to Gun Joe. Gun Joe? Gun Joe's my favorite restaurant. One of my favorite restaurants in the country. Really? It's amazing.

wonderful. There's a bunch of stuff we can go do. I want to go to Gun Show. If you're hearing this, Kevin Gillespie, I know you listen sometimes. We need a resi. By the way, a lot of people hit me up and said, you're full of shit about the varsity. They are wrong themselves. They said that you're a fucking idiot about the varsity. I've been going to Atlanta for a dozen years. I've eaten at varsity. They're like, the varsity's the fucking best and you're a fucking dum-dum. You are incorrect. You're a shithead poo-poo brain. Varsity is for drunk college kids.

And there's other things to do. But I'm going to take you to a better place. I better get better. You can give me a better hot dog.

We're not eating hot dog on the brain now. Eat it now. Eat it before we go. Dodger dogs are better. Just eat a Dodger dog. No, they're not. They changed. They changed the Dodger dog. It doesn't matter, all right? I'm going to take you to better places. I promise you I'm going to take you to better places. But I'm going to fucking hot dog. Speaking of places we've been to, we just came back from Humboldt County, and boy are my dreams tired. Yeah, man. Fucking saw the other side, man. But, dude, we want to give a big...

Big old thank you. White spread panic, man. We want to give a big thank you to Ridgeline Farms and Huckleberry Hill Farms that opened up their stuff. Johnny Casale, dude. What a bad motherfucker. Also, Mottoli Valley Sun Grown, also badass with Dylan over there. We just straight up. We learned a lot. We went and did a little. We didn't just smoke weed and do dumb stuff.

We did a full-on show with an amazing crowd. Maybe my favorite show we did all year. We sold 320 tickets in the middle of fucking nowhere. There's two restaurants. We had a blast. In a liquor store that is very scary. It looked like a...

level from Silent Hill 2. It's just like, we're the only place in town with liquor. Good luck finding another place with liquor. This is what it looks like. It was seven in there. Oh yeah, it is still, like literally, it is the group of most friendly murderers I've ever met. Yeah. And they were wonderful. Thank you guys so much. But we have learned a lot about the plight of the small farmer. If you go out there

and you see Huckleberry Hill Farms when you're at your dispensary... If you're lucky enough to get... We were very fortunate to get in there. I doubt anyone could just walk in there. But if you go into a dispensary and you see Ridgeline or Huckleberry Hill Farms... Or Mottoli Valley Sun Grove. You buy that shit. I'm on outdoor weed now. It's the best. I never thought that that was going to happen to me. I thought I was indoor forever with all the crazy... It's much better outdoor. We were smoking it in...

We never smoked before shows. No. And we got, we had to like show the growers we were cool. And so we're like, all right, you know, we'll hit it. And then, man, first of all, the farmer joints. Great.

They call them grower's joints. Grower's joints. They are the size of quarters. They are as wide as a quarter. It's amazing. They use the entire paper, and it stays perfectly. No idea how they do it. No idea how they do it. Just generations of having their fingers roll joints and grow weed. Yeah, yeah. But this, like, we talked at Huckleberry Hill Farms. This is like a generational farm. It was really amazing. We have no ties to them monetarily. We don't really...

But they, like, talking about how, like, my father used to have to farm for weed with an AK-47 on his back. And now he's sitting there in the full merch. So it is a wild, like, it really has been a long, strange trip that those guys have been on because it is fucking...

It just turned legal there. Yeah. Essentially. Yeah, it's hard for them because they used to make so much more money when it was illegal. Yes. Yeah, and like everyone's wearing shirts that say keep weed illegal. And I guess I didn't catch that at first. And at one point during our set, I was like, man, I love that weed's legal now. People freak out. We got booze. People got real mad. Yeah, people got booze. I was digging out of a hole. I was like, oh, shit.

But it was great, though. Honestly, we learned a fuck ton, and it was just what a fucking great trip. We can't wait to go back. I know that Henry has gone completely weed crazy. They gave us a lot of weed. More than we've had in a very long time. Yes, every moment that I'm sitting here at fucking work on Wednesday before Thanksgiving.

All I want to be. Usually when we prep for the show, it's casual and shady. He's like, can we just fucking get in there? I'm just going to get this done. I'm going to get back to my blueberry caviar that is sitting in my home. I know. It's so good. By the way, you didn't give me a blueberry caviar. You only gave me the black caviar. Two jars of black caviar. It's the same. No, one's blueberry caviar. Oh, I'll give you the other one. Yeah, I'll switch. Because you want the black. It's good. I'll give it to you. No, we'll switch.

This is what happens. It's tearing our friendship apart. No, no. I was explaining this to Eddie. I think weed is the thing I'm the greediest over. Like money, I don't care. Other shit, I don't care. But like weed, I'm like, that's mine. Lamb also. What? Lamb. You get crazy around lamb.

The meat? Yeah. Well, I like lamb. But I share lamb. I share lamb. You share weed. Yeah, but still, I'm like smoke. I keep my weed. I'm like, yes, yes, precious. Do you have any in your, I put some in my freezer to keep it good longer so I can smoke it next year. Actually, I didn't even think about that. I probably should. Yeah. Does it work like that?

I don't know. That's what we used to do when I was growing or selling. So I imagine that's what you should do. They said at least don't let it get hot. Yeah. Don't let it get hot. That's the main thing. It needs to be temperate. Yeah. Well, it's the winter. We're good. We're good. Thank you, guys. Thank you, Humble. Thank you to everybody who came out. Humble, Redway.

The Mateo Community Center, what a cool place to see a show. If you go on their website and you just find a show that looks cool, go there. The vacation, the redwoods are unbelievable. It's an amazing town. It should be a tourist destination. It should be. It's just extremely difficult to get to. Yes.

And so that is why it probably isn't yet. But also, let's roll in there. Because they don't got quite the infrastructure yet for the amount of tourists that should be there. Yeah. But one day. And maybe that's where people could put some money. Because that's what it needs. It needs a couple of pharmacies. Yeah. There could be a couple of fucking coffee shops in there. Well, you know, if you build it, they will come. Yep. Come and they will build it. Come and I'll go there. Yeah. Come and I'm coming. Come and it will be stuck to your leg. Come and I'm covered in cum. Oh.

Let's get into some stories. Do you think that's the plug they wanted? Yep. Come, you'll be covered in cum. Nothing they like better. Fly from your grave. Have you ever worried about the safety of your home and family? There's no better time to act. Now. You have to do it now.

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We got a couple updates. I do have a couple updates. Number one update was, I thought that did make me laugh quite a bit, was the, we talked about at the end of last week's episode about the naked doctor that has done a bunch of fucked up stuff to his employees. Oh, yeah. What happened with this guy?

And he, before his nudity problems, he was instructed by an HOA, his HOA of where his home was, to remove a bush that was obstructing a stop sign. So what he did was he removed the bush and then put in its place a giant rooster with two giant balls in front of it. All these roosters have balls. No, you see, but it's a funny play upon the fact that he said, you see what happens is when I shave my bush, you see my dick and balls.

Oh, cock and balls. Fun guy. Yes. Yes. Yes. He's a fun guy. And so he did this. The entire town actually kind of likes it. Yeah. Well, I mean, how do you not? They kind of like it. They think it's funny. But this was before the naked. It's not anatomically correct. No. No, no. It doesn't have it. It's like it's a rooster that has two literal basketball things in front of it.

Oh, okay. So it's not attached to it. He's doing it like it's funny. It's truly cheeky. So now they want to get rid of it because he's a predator. Well, this was like last year. This is just more of a, this is what this kind of guy is like. Do we have to find a new home for this cock and balls? To be honest, I think that's the most innocent thing about him. Yeah. Oh, for sure. It's what he got. He loves cock and balls. There's no question about that. He definitely loves his own. He definitely loves his own. But apparently it really was a long-term thing.

like situation in that house, which is really, really fun. I'm glad they got him.

And then what other updates? One less doctor in the streets. Yeah, I'm fucking sick of these fucking doctors running around everywhere. What's the other big update? Oh, the big, I mean, for me. Oh, yes. You have a huge update. Cato the whale. Cato the killer whale has died in Spain at the Tenerife Zoo. If you remember Cato. Tenerife. Tenerife. You been there? No, I just know it's been else. Oh, okay. Um.

Well, Kato was, remember, he was featured in part two of the Horrors of SeaWorld series. He was the orca that killed trainer Alexis Martinez on Christmas Eve 2009 at Laurel Parquet. And, yeah, it was a, he bit him.

He bit him. He rammed him against the concrete and stuff. Kato had a very, had a 29-year-old rough life. Yeah, he was like, I didn't know that he was forced to sleep with his cousin. Yes, they all are, kind of. But he said specifically it was like an incestuous thing that really shouldn't happen, that he was fucking his cousin for a while. I mean, like, you know, if you're not choosing to fuck your cousin, I think that's even worse. When you're in a cell with only your cousin.

Well, you know, I would automatically fuck my cousin just because I'm in a cell with her. No, I'm not saying you may be an animal, though. Yeah, I guess. But you'd probably do it. Anyway, so... I don't think I would. My cousins are all men. Kato was born in SeaWorld, lived his entire life in captivity, and was sold overseas to

And in the wild, we know a male can live up to 60 years old. And Kato had a very rough life. And his necropsy was taken care of by 21 vets, I believe. Geez. All in one go? They all took different parts of him? Well, you have to cut them up because you can't just take a 6,600 pound whale and just toss them in the back of a truck. What a fucking day. Yeah. Imagine that.

What a day. It's just like, you love this thing. And now we've got to saw it to pieces. Imagine if that's how we had to get rid of our own. Nothing would make me happier. Like, if I just had to go, like, when my father finally passes and I have to go and it's just being like, well, unfortunately, here's Mr. Zebrowski Jr. Here's the government hacksaw that you will use to separate your father's limbs to get him in our new space saver economy caskets. Oh, well, shout out. We love you, Kato. Have a good...

We see. It's hard for me. I'm not going to like Kato obviously killed. Kato is a murderer, but that was not a murder. It was a training exercise in the SeaWorld. Trainers were shipped in to do it on Christmas Eve. And this poor Alexis Martinez died. One of their best swimmers. I know orcas hate working on vacation. Yeah. So they flipped out.

They flipped out and I'd say big ups to Kato. I hope you're up there feeding them whale blubber to the Icelandics that are in heaven. Wouldn't that be crazy? Would you get up to heaven as a whale and you should immediately get hunted?

By all the Vikings there? I think they have their own heaven. I'd like to think so. I talked about this morning with my therapist about how dogs have little consciousnesses. And I wonder, I don't know if necessarily even... I won't burden them with a soul. But I would say to them, they do have little...

minds. They are different. Yeah, they're definitely different. Yeah. But I don't think there's much going on in Tootsie's head these days. No, Tootsie is... She's barking and coughing for attention. She's a reminder of all of us. Tootsie reminds us of, like, you know when they wheel out the 102-year-old, like the last living World War II vet or the last living Korean War vet, and they wheel him out and he's got

like 90 medals on a little hat and he's like, and he's saying horrible stuff under his breath, all the different slurs that he learned back in the day and he can't say anymore, but he thinks he's back then. You know what I mean? In his mind. That's what Tootsie's like. Tootsie reminds us to feel guilt about being alive. Tootsie almost got sprayed by Agent Orange. That's how old she is. Wow. Yeah.

17, man. Who are these old people you're showing us, Rob? These are Tootsie and Human Fork. Yes, these are literally looking at a pile of fucking Tootsies. God help me, man. 117, man. Rambo's 91. 122-year-old woman, Jeanne Calmet, with that big old cigarette and a glass of champagne in her hands. God love her. Oh, yeah. That chick was fucking blowing people before World War II, and that's amazing. 122 years old. Wow. Wow. She's dead, though. Okay, good.

Yeah, she's fucking dead. Thank God. Oh, yeah. This was a while ago. Wow, no, it wasn't. No, she's alive. Wow, July 2024. Yeah, she's going, dude. She's a madame. Madame Jean Carmel. We have like a half of- Do we cut her open and we check her fucking rings? How do we even know how old she is? You're just living in the redwoods. She died in 97. Oh, she died in 97? Yeah. Oh. Well, then who gives- Yeah, who fucking cares? Yeah.

All right. So here's, I just want to talk about this briefly, but Lyle Menendez. Oh, we'll talk about this slightly. Slightly, yes. Because we have not talked about any of the stuff. I think it's so funny that we have not talked about any of the stuff for the Menendez brothers, especially now that the LA district attorney lost his election. He was the big champion to try to get the Menendez brothers out. Yeah. He's gone now. So we have no idea what's going to happen with them, but it just shows that like, even in jail, like,

television makes you a bad person. Yeah. Lyle Menendez is breaking up with his wife of 21 years from jail. She has been

His champions fighting for him. Well, he's been in prison. This entire time. He's bald now. He's jacked. Let's just say Lyle looks really good. I don't know how you get supplements in prison, but he looks like he's getting them. He looks younger now than when he went in. Because she was fighting for him. She was trying to do all this kind of shit for him. And how does he thank her?

He cheats on her with a younger woman. 21-year-old. How did this even happen? Now he's divorcing her and he's going to marry the 21-year-old from prison. It's from prison. Men are dogs. That's all it shows them. Men are fucking dogs, dude. Lyle Menendez has a Facebook post that says, guys, this is not a cheating scandal. Oh, it's not? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why is he on Facebook?

I think it's his girlfriend. Oh, yes, that is his guess. It is from his wife. His wife. Lyle and I have been separated for a while now, but remain best friends and family. You weren't divorced yet. That's technically cheating. I continue to run his Facebook page with input from him, and I'm forever committed to the enduring fight for Lyle and Eric's freedom. It has been so evident for so many years. Maybe she likes it. No, click it to the fucking bottom.

curb, girl. Like, this is ridiculous. You fucking just move on. It's her job now. Yeah. She could try to get the new prison dick when it's all done. And she ends it by saying, I will never stop fighting for them. Please continue to join us in this fight. It's not you anymore, lady. You're out.

New chick's in! And is the new chick just going to be the new... Millie Buxy is her name, the 21-year-old student. Do you think it's just because his wife's just a bummer and she's always just like, ooh, prisoners' rights, ooh, all day long. And then finally gets this new chick who's saying fun, cool stuff about Riz. I mean, hopefully she was finally like, I need to fuck a human.

We've been together for so long. You don't think they didn't have an arrangement? They had to have had some kind of arrangement. Yeah, so I don't think it's about dick. Women are different. They are different. In that way. Every human is different. Every human is different. But if you look at it, it's different.

I guess so. I feel like they got apparatuses that can make them so much more satisfied than any human could ever do. You know what I mean? All they got to do is they get to have... He's got asparastises? What? Asparastises? Astastases.

That's what Lyle has. You're talking about prison sex. Prison sex. But I think that he's honestly, he's looking happy. He's fucking the luckiest man alive. He's holding his 21-year-old girlfriend. He's loving her. He is loving her. I guess because then she can fight for the next 20 years. Yeah. You know what I mean? So he can keep leveling up. Like, he can do the Leonardo DiCaprio thing from jail. It just shows you can shoot your mother in the face with a shotgun. Still. And two women will love you from prison. That is just like, it is not, you can do

anything. Bars in hell. That's what they say. The bar is in hell. You know, we talked about this on one of our update episodes, but I will say my opinion about the Menendez brothers case, and I will say this here, is that I absolutely

have come around to the idea that their father was a serial abuser. He was a serial abuser, and I do believe that they were abused at some point during their lives, but I do believe that it sets a bad precedent to make it legal for them to kill in retribution, because I do believe that the mother was killed in cold blood, and that if you just wanted to kill the father, you could have done it, and I would have believed that if it happened five years before, that it was in direct...

fear for their lives. And so the fact that it wasn't, it's one of those where I still feel like it sets a bad precedent, but I am also for people being rehabilitated. I think that the point of jail should be to get you out of jail at some point. Well, it's just they're in prison, not jail. Yeah, yes. But the, yeah, no, it should be to, yes, if this whole rehabilitation thing is supposed to work. Yeah, if it's a thing at all, they should be prime candidates for something like that.

almost ready to get out. I mean, just look at his abs. If you just decided innocence by fucking getting cut and access to creatine, Lyle Menendez is more innocent than the fucking Pope. He is hot. He

Look, I don't know how he got so, how is he so cut in jail? Well, that's what they do is dips and sit-ups. But I feel like, but it's still eating. Isn't most of what I heard, what people keep telling me, why I look like fucking shit even though I'm in the gym four days a week, is that it's about what you eat and what you drink. Henry, you are a pierogi of a person. I'm really sorry to break it to you like this. You're only going to get so cut. I don't want to be cut.

I don't think it's only going to happen. I'm just getting larger. I'm working out four days a week, and I'm just, my shirt's, nothing's fitting, and I don't think I look necessarily good. I just think I'm just getting wider. You're never going to have abs.

No, I don't want abs. You have abs. No, I will never have abs. I know I'll never have abs. That's not what I want. You're not going to get the cum gutters. I just want to be smaller. Slightly smaller and harder. Yes, as you're like, should we have, what should our second meat be? Lamb or... That's for Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving, we have lamb and turkey. We have two meats. Because there's a carnivore surplus in our friend group. That is the truth.

It's Thanksgiving. You're doing great, buddy. Fuck you. You're doing great. Why does Laia Llanes look so good? He always looked good. He didn't look that good. He always looked good. He was a child. Now he's fucking, look at him. He's jacked. Yeah. But how does he get the proper protein? Know what you should do.

Kill your parents. I've gotten close. I've gotten close. I see that Lyle Monendez body work plan, and I wonder if I should get a lot of reading done. I'll find out a lot about the mystique of Islam. I really would love prison. I gotta go.

I do want to completely, I want to slightly talk about, we're going to do an entire episode dedicated to this. It was going to be this week, but we had a little bit of snafus with schedule. But because of that, it actually, the episode got much better. But I want to talk a little bit about the UAP conference that happened yesterday.

I believe, two weeks ago. Yeah. What happened exactly? This came out right when Investigation Alien popped up, and I started watching that, and then I couldn't even concentrate on whatever this huge development in... Well, they talk about this as if... Court case or something? Basically, it always has to sound way more complicated than it is so that you won't understand. So this story came out. This was November 13th.

of this year, two weeks ago. They did the House Oversight Committee. And your silence was deafening. Deafening. I know, because I wanted to save it. But now it's time. I'll go through it a little bit. Yeah. They did a...

a report. The, uh, so originally in March, so March of this year, the Pentagon had issued a report saying that there's been no evidence of an extraterrestrial spacecraft, right? So, and you trust them, right? No, always. Cause they always tell us exactly what they think about themselves. And they're super, super like on the ball.

Not since a spaceship hit them on September 11th, 2001, had they dealt with it. Oh, yes. Now, the issue was led by, there was a man by the name of Mr. Gold. There was Lou Elizondo and Michael Schellenberger. Now, they brought forth this report, which was an independent study within the U.S. government looking for, what they are ostensibly saying is what they call a USAP, which is an unspecified

Special Access Program. Now what this means is black ops stuff. So this is money, congressional money, that is put in some giant budget and

And they can't find out exactly where this money is assigned. That's kind of what they're trying to figure out is, are they misappropriating funds and are they not looping Congress in on what they're doing? That's why they had this oversight committee. And what happened was that it revealed, according to whistleblowers from within the government, that there used to be several programs. First, it was ARO. There was OSAP, if you've listened to any one of us talk about it. These are what they call the UAP investigation programs.

essentially bureaus. Their goal was to go through every single bit of recorded sightings, things that they have pulled from all these different sources from the Navy, from the Air Force, video, different readings from machines, like all this kind of stuff. And their jobs were to sort of collate it and

essentially figure out how can we make material and technology from this stuff? Like, okay, if they're aliens, how can we use their stuff for us? That's the main thing. That's why we're spending money on it. Is it a national threat and can we do anything with it? And so when it revealed this, the, the oversight committee, what it revealed was that there is a new group and it's called immaculate constellation, which sounds like a fucking anime and,

But it is the name of the new in-group within the in-group, which they called the Umbrella Group, where a bunch of smaller umbrella groups are underneath that one. Do you think this is them trying to put God into aliens by calling it Immaculate Constellation? They do winks at it because it's kind of the opposite. They're trying to take the God out of it because a lot of our generals and our military, a lot of them are evangelicals.

A lot of them are Christian. And so they actually are the ones putting God into it because they're afraid of the phenomena. They think it's demonic. They think it's literally of the devil. Then it would be coming from the earth instead of the sky. Yes, they don't know. Well, it is coming from the oceans. Now we're learning this. So what Immaculate Constellation is saying is that they have something like multiple million...

of terabytes of 4K straight up, like the most clear footage you can see of UFOs. That we have telemetries, we have all this stuff and it's hidden. We're not showing it anywhere. And that we also actively know

that there are ships in the sky that are retroactively built by other programs within the United States government and China and Russia. Stuff like these triangles. So they're saying the stuff that we've been saying as theories for many years, it's real. Mm-hmm.

But these triangles are government-made, and they are made to ape UAPs. And all the stories of UAPs, they bring up the jellyfish. I know you don't believe in the jellyfish. They look ridiculous. I know, but it's in there. The jellyfish are in there. It looks like the ship is falling apart. They brought up a series of cubes. No, a series of orbs that traveled in a 4x4 cube formation. That was very interesting. The one where they said they found a giant...

circular UFO hidden inside of a cloud bank. Okay. That was very interesting. Very nope. Very nope. But what did we not get? Anything. A single picture or a piece of this information. This is why I hate this shit. Well, it's all these promises for my entire life. Yes. Promises. Well, I think that what we're seeing here is...

The U.S. government does not necessarily want to say that we are spending billions of dollars trying to understand this stuff in the sky. That is not necessarily a threat. We don't know what it's doing. Then why can't we trace the money? Because they... It's also... It's... This is the issue, is what they're... One of the...

Where's the money going? Who is benefiting? And we don't really know. This is the problem. Is that like, how expensive is it to collate all this data? Like we know that immaculate constellation has a type of AI that

That they use. That sweeps the. The archives. Of all of these intelligence groups. And they pull the best of the best. From all of these footages. Into one giant file. Like they don't take it from them. But they copy it. So they have like proprietary software. That is doing this. And they are.

organizing this data. Like that was, what's really one of the interesting things about the breakdown from immaculate constellation was the breakdown of UFO types, what they've seen, what they've done over and over again. It's really interesting. Like they go from triangles to boomerangs, to orbs, to jellyfish, to what they call natural. Yeah. Tic Tacs are considered, uh, essentially orbs, but then they go to natural, which is no implants. Yeah.

I mean, they bounce, but they go away. They naturals, which is like they look like weird, like amorphous shapes and stuff like that. But it's it's interesting in the fact that these people might get shot in the head or arrested if they're if they tell this information. That's why it's so hard. So they're up against a wall of red tape that says you are you are guilty of treason.

If this stuff gets out and treason, because it's considered to be the top, top, top secret, like technology that we have in our very last back pocket. So is that us then? Did we make the stuff? And that's why it's treason. We don't know.

We don't know. That's basically what they are alluding to. So somehow these objects know where our stuff is at all times. Because there's a possibility they're from the future. Who knows? The Tic Tac sighting from December 2017, we saw that video of the Tic Tac sighting.

When that went out by the ships, those ships had been there for two weeks. All of a sudden, this Tic Tac arrives. They said the only way they can really describe David Fravor, who came upon the Tic Tac, the only way you could describe sort of the reaction the Tic Tac had was that it was almost like it was surprised to see him there. It stopped at it in its tracks and then went opposite direction, came back, followed the plane at the exact same speed, then passed.

disappeared. And they're like, all right, what do we do now? They moved on to the next location of their, whatever they were working on. Cause then they go to another like collection point, Tic Tacs. They're waiting for them already. Yeah.

Uh, it's very, we don't know what the hell it is, but it's interested in us and it might be either. It seems like there's a physical part of it that is mimicking what we do. And then some of it is, is our stuff and we're making it look like UAPs. Now, did, why doesn't we have like, I don't know, Snowden or Julian Assange or anonymous fucking hack it and find this shit? Cause it's,

I think it's largely physical. I think they keep it off of these databases, and most of these databases aren't connected to the internet as you know it. They're connected into intra, like, LAN-based. Like, they don't go out. It's hard to get. They have their own internet. I think that this information is extremely difficult to get. And it's also, think that it's absolutely covered in misinformation and disinformation for the last 50, 60 years. So I think a lot of it's also, you got really good stuff mixed in with a bunch of fiction.

So I think that that has also been a truly... Because if you have one fake thing, it's all fake. It muddies the whole... It destroys the whole batch. Yeah. So that's kind of, I think, how they do that, which is... And then think about every single time, you know, I love you and Marcus, but I show you guys the footage and everybody says it's fake, which I do understand. It looks silly. But if you go on the internet, it's the same thing. Every single piece of... As soon as they put it out, everybody destroys it on its own. So what they have figured out is that we can just have

the internet and people debunk this stuff because they just don't want to believe it. So that's one way to maybe already destroy it. Or putting out the things that are purposely false. The things that you don't see in this jellyfish video that Rob is now showing for you again, this famous video. It looks like a meatball covered in spaghetti. Dude, it's fucking, this is real. This is real, this jellyfish. And then what you don't see is eventually this thing sliding in the water with no splash and then coming back up.

Yeah. So that's the other one of the other big revelations is just they are in the water and we don't know why they're in the water. We don't know what they do. We don't know what they come from. We don't know what their purpose are. We don't know if the U.S. government is actively working with alien intelligences. Probably not. I think that if they can't work with Marco Rubio, I don't know if they can work with an alien necessarily. You know, like you can't work with other normal, stupid ass fucking Congress assholes.

then how the fuck are we going to work with aliens? Well, maybe Trump will just deport them. Eddie. Oh, Eddie. That's a funny Jimmy Kimmel joke. You take it down the street. Take it down the fucking street.

I'd love to write for Kimmel. I mean, we all would. It's easy. It's easy. Just cry. I like him. I like him. All right. So what else is going on? Do we have any more updates? Those are all our updates. I mean, it's not even an update. I feel like, oh, this first story is really fucked up. All right, let me do a little story. Any alien news is an update. Yeah, for us. Yeah. Live from Northland.

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Okay. By some sources. And I think that's inappropriate. The Daily Mail. I think it's inappropriate. Man, I used to love the Daily Mail. I still do. It's where I used to get my trash, but they've gotten pretty evil lately. It's pretty bad. Yeah. That's what's good about it. They've upped their evil. Oh, yeah. Corey Burke is a young woman that murdered the living fuck out of her father, Timothy Burke, 67, with an ice act.

And it seems that what happened was that she was pretty upset about the election. This is November 5th. Wow. Police were dispatched to the area she lived at. Fucker. Yeah, be careful. Watch your power, lesbian.

lesbian daughters. They're coming for you. You think they're all pacifists and pussies? Some of them get angry. So she had apparently, she was trying to tell her father, her shut-in father, Timothy, who was 67, was barely movable, moved in with her. So he was dependent on her, right? So he was dependent on her. And

he moved in and all he did seemed to be he was I'm going to do a little bit of victim blaming here and say that he was unpleasant it sounds like it sounds like he was lots of people are unpleasant of course there's no excuse to murder him obviously but he was a he was a Trump voter and he was very proud of how well the election was going that evening for him and what seemed that she said that she was in a highly emotional state and then at the end when she wanted to go to

bed early at 8 p.m. He says he wasn't going to shut the lights off. He was going to continue to watch the election. She then proceeded to

to murder him hardcore. She flipped out. She choked him to death with the ice axe by throwing him down on the ground, choked him with the ice axe, and then fucking hacked at him a bunch of times, and he's fucking dead. So she came at him hardcore. Wow. Oh, yeah. And she said that she was upset. She first tried to say, I tripped. Oh, I tripped, and I killed him with an axe. Oh, I remember. You remember when the Menendez brothers tripped? Yeah. You remember? Man, what a loud trip.

Oh, my God. Oh, yes. Yeah, there were lacerations two inches deep on his ribcage and signs of asphyxiation. He also had several round bruises on the back of his head, as well as several curved puncture wounds. Sounds like that's what happened. I mean, you've got to be careful. It was a small, it was like more of a hatchet. It was an ice pickaxe. Yeah, it's what you use to clear up ice on your car and shit like that, I believe. Or for hiking, maybe.

Maybe. Either way. Either way, she used it. She seems nice, but not anymore. This is why, I mean, Thanksgiving is coming up. Yeah. And the politics are going to be more polarizing than ever this year. Yeah, so that's why I'm telling you, go get some...

White, what is it? White thorn rose. Oh, yeah. White thorn rose. Outdoor grown huckleberry hill. You need that fucking blueberry caviar. Yeah, the black caviar is not bad either. You just need to chill to ever live it. Fuck.

Right before Thanksgiving. Every time. Do it right at the table, too. Fuck be like, fuck y'all. They start talking about Trump. Just literally pull out a bowl or just a bong right at the Thanksgiving table. Or you can just buy an ice axe at the fucking hardware store. One or the other. And then put them next to each other. You don't need a permit.

You don't need a fucking handler's license. You don't need to conceal anything. You can just buy that at the store. Yes. And you can just equalize your family right there and then. I'm just saying, don't necessarily bring it to kill, but show them that you will. And she will die in prison. Oh, yes. Yeah, she's going to prison forever. I am going to say, looking at her haircut, she's not going to do well in there. Or great. I mean, whoa.

What's that one? Is that why she was called the power lesbian? It's because of this picture of her? She looks smoking in this one. Yeah. Well, she looks good. I mean, she's an attractive person, you know? You know, she'll do well in, uh, nah, she, I mean, God knows. Who knows? You know, but... Who knows? Good days, bad days. Good days, bad days. Anywhere. Anywhere.

It's good to spend these everywhere you go. Oh, yeah, but she is fucked. Oh, yeah, she's fucked. Don't murder anybody. Just wait four years. They just die, so just know. Okay, yeah, you're right, Eddie. Don't murder people. Just know that the hate that drives the people you dislike the most...

is killing them slowly. And that man at 67 was not, maybe he wasn't that pleasant, but you could see about how he was driven to go back. He had to crawl back to his daughter's house to go live there. And that's the ultimate revenge is getting the control back. And then you traumatize him back.

That's what you got to do. Take control of the narrative. Make it scary for him. I mean, make it scary for the people that are fucking hardcore coming at you. Wow. Her wife is an editor at Condé Nast's transgender news website, Them. Fancy. Yes. Very fancy.

Wow. She then challenging stated that she knew that it needed to happen today and knew that there was something important about election day. She explained that she had just been reborn on her 33rd birthday last month. Oh, she might have been having some other mental issues. Deep mental issues. Oh, yeah. You don't really just kill somebody over an election. The alleged killer went on to say that she, quote, wanted to help people change their attachment to their parents, but felt hyper-focused and disorganized when it came to her own attachments to her father. Yeah.

Yeah. And it's the most like McSweeney's way of explaining why you fucking murdered your father with an axe. That's pretty good. Yeah. That's pretty good. You know, I was working on my attachment style.

I'm going to say that more often. There's another irrational murder in the news. A woman in Virginia upset over a botched pizza order got her husband to allegedly stab and disembowel a worker who was arguing with her about it. This is important. All right. This is important, guys. All right. So obviously this is a senseless murder and it's absolutely horrible. But you know what this really is about?

It's about a husband anticipating the needs of his wife. And the fact that a husband, a lot of times, is tasked to do... You might even consider sometimes... And I'm not saying this about my beautiful wife or your beautiful wife at all. Sometimes a husband is tasked to do something he doesn't want to do. And he's told to do it, right? And he's told in a way to do it that you know...

That stuff's on the line. Yeah. Right. To do it. And you don't want to do it. You don't want to drive across town. No. You don't want to do the thing that they're asking you to do. But it's like, but I'm going to say right now, as a husband, it's important sometimes you've got to do those things, right, every once in a while because it's important to show because that's how you get them back. Yeah. Right? They get them to do it back. Like, if you got, in our marriage policies, we try to say yes to each other. We try to make sure we accommodate for each other and we try to help each other. See, I give a lot of, I don't know.

I don't know. You see that helps. She badges you in. Right? And so Catherine Harper, the lady, she told her husband to handle the situation. And her husband. Right? Because I don't know how badly this pizza was botched. Right? MOD Pizza, if you've ever been there. Man, they used to have an outdoor open mic at the Mod Pizza next to the old studio. Yes, I remember. It used to ruin my recordings. Yes, I remember.

angry at these fuckers. Oh yeah, dude, it's bad pizza. Yeah, but this 47-year-old Corey Harper took his wife's, Catherine Harper's, handle the situation words to heart when he stabbed a 24-year-old employee. Several times in the back and the front and then slit their belly open to reveal their intestines. Now, again,

as a man, horrible, horrible crime. As a husband, that's going above and beyond. And that is the kind of commitment, wrong way to do it,

But that's the kind of commitment we as husbands need to show our significant others. Yes, and how high? Oh, handle the problem? I want to see his fucking guts. Oh, Bernadette won't take over your shift for the weekend so we could go see Wicked like you want to before it's spoiled by your dumbass friends? Guess what? I'm going to go put her in a car all weekend.

I'm going to fucking lock her up in a garage all weekend, man. That's a husband taking care of shit for his wife. This is the MOD, the pizza, mod pizza. Wow, here he comes rolling in. He's not happy. Oh, okay. Wow. This is just moments before. Moments before. He's got the white L-M-F-A-O sunglasses on. No, that's an employee.

Am I flipping this back and forth? Yeah, the guy's on the other side of the counter. Wow, he's got like a little responsible... He looks normal. Yeah, he looks... He has like a vest on, like a suede vest. No, he's well-dressed. Yeah, why is he so well-dressed? It looks like it was recently his birthday and his clothes were bought for him by his wife. No, he looks like... These are definitely Macy's bought. Why is he so fancy dressed? This is a nice place. It's not fancy. It's just a vest and a shirt and glasses. It's a fancy...

For a guy who disembowels a pizza maker, he's very well-dressed. He's definitely not happy about it. What's wrong with the pizza? That's what I want to know. How botched was the pizza? Did it just say, your wife's a cunt and pepperoni on it? What's botched about it? I think that the guy lived, by the way.

Whoa, this is a big old fight, dude. Oh, yeah. Whoa, this is a big fight. No, it turned into... What in the living fuck? How could this possibly be about pizza? She told him to go handle the situation. Handle the situation. And then it's all... Then the rest of the fight happens off camera here. Well, yeah, because he's getting stabbed a bunch. Yeah, the guy's backing up because the guy's got a knife. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, and this is him leaving after the guy's fucking cuts are out. Wow, just leaving, man. Wow, just leaving, huh? Wow, no reaction. Oh, he had a knife in his back pocket. He also brandished a gun, too. Wow, he had both. Wow, really quite armed for the pizza store. Yeah, and you left. I mean, tensions run high with pizza. Do you mean the moments before Natalie gets her pizza is when I'm most afraid? You know what I mean? That anger that comes?

The anger before pizza is one of the most powerful, just fucking scary emotions. As of now, the victim is still alive.

Great. Yeah, which is great. My parents almost got divorced over a botched pizza order. How? I remember it was after we saw Mrs. Doubtfire. Sure. And my dad was thinking about divorce. Yeah. I was like, well, actually, or dressing like a woman. I might have gotten some stuff out of his system. It would have been helpful for him. And my dad wanted sausage and my mom wanted mushrooms.

And I remember we had my buddy Corey with us. We were driving. Corey was going to sleep over that night. And my dad got the sausage, even though my mom wanted the mushroom. And then she was like, Jerry, you fucking piece of shit. You don't care about us. It's like she's in the room. Then my dad took the pizza and he threw it on the ground. Whoa. And then he said, fuck this. And he started to walk home.

And my mom yelled at him all the way. It's not about pizza. And then we sped off. And then an hour later, he showed up home after she made him walk all the way home. And then they didn't get divorced that day. They got divorced when he did other bad stuff. But he was really stressed out. Yeah. But you can't just get two pizzas.

Just get two pizzas. Just get two pizzas. Have peace in your home. Yeah, and you can't get mushroom on one side and sausage on the other. It ruins it for the mushrooms. Because we all know the sausage comes over, the flavor comes over. It's just too much. It mixed in the box. You need two pizzas. Get a small mushroom or something. It's pizza. Yeah. Like, it's not that bad. It's not the most expensive. This isn't fucking caviar. See, I think this is why I like both. My two favorite pizzas are sausage and mushroom.

So I think this is just like a defense mechanism on why my two favorite pizzas. I'm like, I like both the pizzas, mom and dad.

Please stay together. God, so sad. Wow. That's really sad. And they didn't. No. No. They saw you like it. They saw you down there and be like, I got to get away from this fucking little bastard. They got divorced on my 20th birthday. Oh, nice. That's actually nice. That's fun. Then that means it wasn't your fault. No, no. I was long gone. Yeah. If it's, unfortunately, and I'm sorry if you're under 10 listening to this, if you get divorced, then- If your parents are going bye-byes. It's your fault. You did it. You provided the stress.

that made them break up. And they're going to say that it's not your fault, but it is. Yeah.

But you're not listening to this, and you better not be. If you're under 10 and you're listening to this, it's bad, and you're making your parents miserable. But if you can, there's a little plastic thing in your mom's purse. And if you can grab that and go to lastpodcastsonaleft.com. Go up to the first number. The first numbers you're looking for is 3712. That's an American Express. Get the silver one. Yeah, get the silver one. Because that always goes through.

So if you could just do that, just make sure you go for the big one, ever the most important looking card. You just read those four phone numbers. And if you're in the UK, it works as well. We have a UK merch store. Yeah, it really does. But make sure you choose the UK merch store and not the US merch store. Because it won't go to you. We're finally becoming soupy sales. This is how we do grassroots merch advertising.

And now it's time for some listener emails. All right. I have a listener email. I got a little bit of pushback because we were slightly callous.

about that VR thing with the Korean mother. I still don't feel anything. People were upset. But I do think it's funny. I do think I get why you're upset, but also I don't know what to tell you. We talk about all kinds of horrible shit. We did six hours of Yosef Fritzl material. No one complained. No. So that's fine. But mostly we were... I get it. Yes. I get it. We react...

Madness. Well, it's... Sheer insanity. Well, it's high emotion. So I feel like watching someone react like that, like, I understand that this woman is traumatized and it's traumatizing to see, but there is something about this idea of having a VR, like, meeting a loved one in a VR thing is an uncanny valley style that I just don't... of existence that I just don't... I can't wrap my head around. That doesn't... That would not make me feel better what that person went through, but I got a great...

feedback about other VR abominations because it is I have friends my buddy Chris Brown who did all the puppets for your pretty faces going to hell he's a genius my friend Chris Brown him Jeff Epstein my buddies Sean Combs you know my guys the guys I'm always with the guys I go hang out with you know I love Ornthal me and Ornthal go way back

But Chris Pratt, he lives in the VR. When he's not working, he's in his VR world. And I know that there's a lot of VR stuff that is, we're way outside right now. I mean, like, we don't know how deep VR has gotten. So here we go. So we talked about horrible sex fantasy creations, but it's already there.

You see, the popular metaverse platform VRChat is not only a quote-unquote place with its own fascinating culture and history, it is also a breeding ground for every single crazy fetish and kink you can think of, and fetishes that were previously unimaginable before the VR era.

You see, there's a practice called ERP, which stands for erotic role play. ERP has a large set of standardized software, hardware, 3d models, and hardware to make the experience as close to sex in the physical realm as possible. It's full demolition, man. Yeah. So they got dick sucking machines. They have all that stuff. Now they can tug on you, right?

ERP enables people to have sexual experiences in a safe environment. It also enables literally any kind of sexual experience you could imagine. The only real limiting factor for what kind of fetish creations is the amount of time an artist would like to spend in janky software making their creations. Some people spend huge amounts of money and time on models, worlds, and gadgets.

These practices are frowned upon by the general community, but it does not stop private groups from hosting in their own ERP platforms. These groups are tightly organized with their own security and age verification systems. Their activities range from standard casual sex and to sex battle royale games.

to wilder events where people crank it to experiences of alien penile probe insertions while drowning inside of a tube, or six-titted spider giantesses' vore, where participants are swallowed and become the baby she is pregnant with. Every time people call me weird, I'm not doing any... We're not weird. No, we're not weird. We are surprisingly milquetoast. Yeah. We are surprisingly normal. Yeah.

Just a little brash. Or you just say, come. Yeah. Ass. Fucking tits and shit. That's what we say. But otherwise, I'm just normal. These guys are all out there erping off. Oh, yeah, man. They're allowed to. But wow, Thanksgiving is now here. Yes. So I hope that you live every day knowing that...

Carbs don't count on Turkey Day. And you're going to love the fact that you get to eat as much as you want for a little while. No one could judge you unless, of course, you're Canadian or European. And that's wrong. You're wrong. I laugh at you, Europe and Canada, that you can't have it because our Thanksgiving is probably, I'd say, the top American holiday. Oh, yeah. I'd say that it's the top American holiday. Yeah. And that you're chomps.

And you don't get it. And I'm glad that we get it. But it is definitely stooped at murder, though. Exactly. Yeah. It is definitely like, you know, there is some guilt. Fuck it, though. I mean, I'm eating turkey. Every time I put it, I feel guilty until I pull that turkey out of the oven. All I know is I'm thankful. I'm thankful for the turkey giving its life. I'm thankful for the yams committing suicide so I can eat them. Are you going to use my gravy hack?

What? Is that an ax or something? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I take the turkey voted for Trump. No, my gravy hack for people out there. You don't cook a turkey the same way I do. When I cook a turkey, it's in a bunch of juices. What do you mean, though? I don't do that. You put yours on a little pedestal, and there isn't as much juice. But I baste it.

You baste it, but mine's like in a fucking bunch of fucking liquid. Yeah, but I do like it. I like it perched on the thing so they can get the proper heat underneath it. I'm not saying your turkey's bad. It's delicious. I love eating your turkey. I'm just saying if you make it like I do and there's a bunch of veggies and juice on the bottom. You still get that juice. There's not nearly as much.

But mine's another course. It's carrots and celery. Yeah, that's what I'm trying to do, too. Yeah, you could do it all the same. Yeah, but I'm just saying if you take that juice with the carrots and the celery and you put that in like a blender or a RoboCook. Yes, that's how you get it going. That is a gravy hack. Oh, yes, very much so. To not have to do the thing where you've got to whip it up real fast.

That is a hack that I've done in the past and people really enjoy it. But I do kind of like it. I'm making hard stuffing your mom's way this year. Oh, you are? Yeah, I'm going to make it her way where it's up your fucking ass. Hey, come on. You put meat in there and then you put the turkey juice in it all day long. That's what I'm going to do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's very good. It's unbelievable. And then you bake it. You bake it like 350. You can even do like sausage if you want. I'm going to do it more. Not too much or you get divorced. Well, I'm putting sausage in there. I'm making pork messes. Mmm.

Yeah. But you're not coming for dessert. You're only coming until dessert. Yeah, well, I mean, there will be food left over. I imagine. Remember when I did the Polish turkey and I stuffed it with kielbasa? Yeah, that was good. That was fucking awesome. That was good. Shout out, it was my mom's birthday yesterday. Happy birthday. Shout out to her. Mama Kathleen. She would have been 74 years old. If you want to honor my mom, you can go watch our movie, How America Killed My Mother, directed by Travis Irvine. It's a great holiday watch if you want to cry. You can go to howamericakillmymother.com, the

URL was still available. Also, don't forget, we are touring. We are hitting the road. We're going to be in New York next week. Philly is sold out. Go ahead and stand outside in the cold. Yeah, you fuckers. Yeah, you missed it. But we'll probably come back to Philly soon. Oh, very much so. And then also, we're going to be doing in January, Atlanta. There might be a side story show. So I want you all to know,

It's not fully set in stone, but I believe it is happening. Yeah. Dad's Garage. We're going to be doing side stories.

You're going to want to get your tickets for that immediately. Because it's going to be fully improvised, and we're not even going to be coming with stories. We're going to be taking suggestions from the audience itself. Is that what you want to do? Yeah. Fully improvised. All right. So we're doing no work. None. That's what he's declaring. No, we're doing improvised shows. The show at Humboldt was pretty improvised. But we had topics. Yes, we did have a list of things we wanted to hit. But it's not we're not going to even do that.

Wow. They are going to tell us what to talk about. Okay, that sounds good. It's called Improptu. What? And then in February we're going to be in Dallas. March we're going to be in Nashville at the Ryman, baby. Dude, cannot wait. Cannot wait to be back. April, Detroit on the 18th and then Toronto in May. And then we're going to add some more dates, I believe. Oh, very much so. Yeah, but we haven't done it yet, but keep your eye on LastPodcastOnTheLeft.com to check all that out. Join our

patreon if you want to watch us talk to each other yeah patreon.com slash podcast on the left also side stories comes out the video version two days afterwards on youtube so if you want to like hold out and watch us do this stupid shit you can do that as well yes of course yeah and then all the great stuff uh that we do on lpn tv uh it gets released on the youtube so go follow last podcast on the left on youtube check out hoopa goo goo game hgx

2 is going to be on December 12th. That's going to be a lot of fun. We got a full, I got a whole, I got Santa Claus is going to be there. It's going to be great. I got some Christmas music coming. The wonderful Sina Ghaznavi is going to be there. It's going to be great. We're going to have a great time. It's going to be amazing. What's going on? The Good Pood Thanksgiving special just came out. It's on YouTube. Go check it out. I think it's our best episode. It really, I watched the three second clip and I was just like with no sound and I was just cackling.

Yeah, I think it's literally our best episode. Yeah, so go check that out. It's amazing. We love you guys. Thank you for listening to Side Stories. Yes, you fuckers. Hail Satan. And hail Kato. Have fun on Thanksgiving. Don't be a fucking... Let's not bring up the millennial genocide guilt. Smoke weed instead of talking to your family. Fucking smoke that weed. I can't stress this enough. They matter less when you're high. They do.

Bye. Bye. Bye.

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