Side Stories: Death by Mukbang
01:14:49 Share

Would you buy bananas at a laundromat? How about a haircut at a hardware store? Probably not. So why would you trust your GLP-1 weight loss journey to anyone but Whole Health Rx by The Vitamin Shop? Backed by 40 years of wellness expertise, Whole Health Rx is where modern weight loss meets whole body health, coupled with nutritional support,

education, and a medical advisory council. If you're one of 30 million Americans who may be on GLP-1s by 2030, it's time to get informed. Visit www.vitaminshop.com slash GLP-1 to see if you qualify for breakthrough meds like Ozempic, Monjaro, Zepbound, Wigovi, or compound versions. Starting as low as $199, embrace real results with GLP-1 medications prescribed by experienced healthcare providers.

including new orally dissolving semaglutide and terzepatide tablets for all the weight loss with none of the needles. Learn more about Whole Health Rx, including full safety information about increased risk for thyroid C-cell tumors at www.vitaminshop.com slash GLP-1.

ADT knows a lot can happen in a second. One second, you're happily single. And the next second, you catch a glimpse of someone and you don't want to be. Maybe one second, you have a business idea that seems like a pipe dream. And the next, you have an LLC and a dream come true. And when it comes to your home, one second, you feel safe. And the next, something goes wrong. But with ADT's 24-7 professional monitoring, you still feel safe. Because when every second counts, count.

Visit ADT.com today. Who's Travis Kelsey going to date next? Don't know!

Ariana Grande wants to meet Jeffrey Dahmer's parents. That's inappropriate. You're going to hear about a lot of that stuff on page seven, hosted by Jackie Zabrowski, MJ Neffel, and Holden McNeely. And you're going to love it because you're going to hear all about celebrity gossip and you get lots of different blind item tips in there. And you're going to hear a lot of Holden talking about his life.

Yeah! And you gotta check it out. I think if you go and you listen to this podcast, you're gonna learn a lot about how Ariana Grande likes sitting on SpongeBob's lap. Why, though? Why, though, does it have a lap? Weird-looking man, huh? You can listen to stories about Ariana Grande. You can listen to stories about Tom Brady. He's mad about the roast.

Let's do it on page seven. It's got my sister, Jackie Zabrowski. She's like me, but more Hillary Clinton-like. MJ Neffel and Holden McNeely. Check it out on Last Podcast Network, where all podcasts can be found on your phone. There's no place to escape to. This is the last podcast. On the left. Side stories? That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories. Yes.

I'll be doing more of that when we get there. I got this week. I got a lot of biosphere talking, a lot of shadow biosphere. It's crazy what's in there, dog. A lot of stuff that we can't see. That's because of the shadows. Yeah. Very dark in there. You can't see inside that biosphere. I need to get my biosphere flashlight. The shadow stuff's really very, very interesting. I was reading the story. Are we recording? Oh, this is great.

So this MIT psychologist, which I think is hilarious, he came out and he was like warning against this big idea about falling in love with AI. Okay, yeah. Where he's like, don't fall in love with AI. Because they have to talk to you. But it's really funny. I can see how you could fall in love with AI. Oh, very much so. But it's really funny the way he talks about it. Because you think, oh, misinformation. Yeah.

you know, we're going to let the robots in too deep. Like, is that's what it is? Is it because it's stealing the, or the way we codify our brains, but no. In too deep is what we're going to be doing in these robots. Yeah, dude. Honestly, just make them, make them good at it. They have sex robots. So do you think they could put an AI brain in the sex robot? But the reason why the psychologists weren't against it is he just straight up says, do not fall in love with the AI because it just pretends and does not care about you. Which sounds like,

the most emotional. He's hurt. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He made this AI and he did not understand no one will have sex with him and he thought that maybe finally if I've engineered a personality, maybe I can connect to it. It's like the same. It's the same warning you give to people that don't fall in love with someone who works on Wall Street. Ever once. Yeah, yeah. No, no. They say pretend to love you and then they'll just leave you. Oh, yeah. Or anybody looking to try to train you in a sport, especially when you're 10 and

And they're in there and they're telling you, oh, how great your legs are, how great your arms are, you know, and they're filling up your torso and they're telling you all this stuff about how you're going to jump better. You're going to jump bigger than the other kids. Never listen to them. They're just lying to you. They're looking for money. Every adolescent coach should have to fuck a grown woman in front of a group of people just so we know they like fucking women. Welcome to Side Stories. My name's Henry Zebrowski. I'm sitting here with Ed Larson. One of the best points you've ever made. Yeah.

And I do agree. Oh, you want to be a coach of the Boca Jets? Oh, well, have sex with a grown woman then. Let's see it. Let's see it. Okay? I want to see you get hard and make love to a traditional Christian woman.

Because I got to see what you're capable of. All right? Because you know what it is? Honestly, even if you are a pedophile, hide it. Yeah. Don't do it at work. No. Don't do it anywhere. But yes, especially not at work. Super don't do it at work. Yeah. I feel like that's an extra crime. On top of that, it's child labor.

Then we're getting them taxes. And that's when the IRS is really going to get involved. And that's when a lot of people get in trouble. Once you're messing with people's taxes and stuff. Yeah, man. IRS, man, stands for in some real shit. Yeah, dog. Well, I guess today I must have forgotten to put my long legs on. Oh, just me. Oh, I'm the dog.

Dollmaker. Hi. Did they steal that from us? I honestly... We saw long legs. We saw long legs. No spoilers. It's very murder fist. There is a little part of me that was like, did these guys see Dollmaker? Yeah. Did they know? Because... There's a good chance. The fact that the term, and there's no spoilers here. No. The term...

evil satanic doll maker was said in something that I was not in. Yeah. Makes me feel like things are getting close. It's getting a little close. It's getting a little close. You know, we posted it last year. Oh, we did. On the Instagram. It did great. Oh, it did. And Nick Cage, if there was someone I wanted to play the doll maker in a film. Other than you. It's him. Yes. I want it to be him. I would actually cast him over you. No offense. I would as well. How are we going to get this made? Ha ha ha.

Do you think we're going to get it made with me as the doll maker? No, I would need to be, who'd I be? One of the boys. Yeah, you'd have to be a boy. Yeah, I'd have to be one of the little boys. But no, he didn't do the little boys, did he? No, he just killed the little girls. No, he did the families. No, no, he did the whole family. Sorry, I don't mean to spoil. No spoilers here. He killed the entire family. Many of them.

But you don't even really see it, so it's not really a spoiler. Go check out Long Legs. It's very good, but it's definitely way more of a thriller than I thought it was going to be. I think a lot of these movies, I really like Long Legs. I give it, you know, like four out of five stars. I say four out of five, yeah. Yeah, but you know, I find a lot of times with horror movies, they just don't stick the landing. That's my problem with the genre in general. The key is how you know a horror movie sticks the landing is that they don't show it to you. I think that's the key.

key is that if you go the third act my imagination is scarier than whatever you got if you're gonna show me the shit that he said in private to me and his wife yeah Eddie is fucked yeah man so if you want to try to get to the center of this man's dark labyrinth of a mind you

We need to have something extra. Yeah. Four-dicked. Four-dicked. Tortoise. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Standing up. Going, feed me, fuck me, feed me, fuck me. I ripped off my own butt pussy lips. That's just from his mind. That's off the dome. That's the scariest thought he could think of. So don't come at him with no half-assed scares. All right? Because to scare him means that you have to scare his idea of himself. Woo!

Oh, my long legs are on. He's great in it. I mean, I love it. I can see how people would hate it, though. The Guardian gave it a bad review, and I'm like, shut the fuck up. Shut up, British. Go away. Fuck you. Get out of here, British, talking about our American movies. Yeah, you leave us alone. Whatever, British. You haven't helped anything else. Yeah, you fuck it. You don't have any countries attached to you. You know who would be good? Who? This is where Nick Cage...

as the evil doll maker would be good. What's his name? Owsley? Owdley? I don't know what you're talking about. His name in the movie. Oh, I don't know. I forget. But he, I've actually heard he's on the short list for Kamala. Oh, yeah. Because they need a white. I'm going for Kamala!

Yes, please have an abortion. Yes, please. What we need is more puppets. Listen, if you're going to have abortions, I'm loving it. Got to do it over Zoom. Show the world.

I love that about him. Love his verve. Actually, she's calling up J.D. Vance herself. That's great. He's going to run for VP on both sides. On both tickets. I can't wait. It's going to be amazing. I can't wait. I did a little bit of research, too, more so into...

It's amazing that we've only been in this week for 10 years. Yeah. And so I went and I was reading about the, you guys remember that we had an attempted assassination of the former president of the United States? When was this? Oh, 10 days ago. Yeah.

I looked into it deeper because guess where that story went? It's gone. It's absolutely gone. It's so funny. Like, even when it happened on Saturday, we record on Tuesday. We put this out on Wednesday. No one gave a fuck anymore. No one. It was already gone. Half the podcasts in the world had, like, banked episodes for the summer. I feel like the Reagan assassination attempt is more topical. Oh, Hinckley is way more in the news. Hinckley's trying to sell tickets right now. He was the first one. Did you see he made a tweet?

It said violence should never enter into the political sphere. Like he did an anti-violence, political violence tweet, which was just like, first of all, he has Twitter.

Oh, my God. The guy who tried to kill the president of the United States has Twitter. He gets to just go post about, like, he's trying to book shows. They should give him OJ's account. Oh, man. Let him run it every once in a while. Like he used to do with Tig Notaro. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have other people come in. Casey Anthony gets to run it for a while. Former killers get to take over OJ's account. Nothing would make me happier. Hello, Twitter world. I'm Casey Anthony here.

Hey, just so you know, I'm single and the vagina is open for business. Oh my God. John Hinckley said, give peace a chance. Yeah, he literally says. Which is a John Lennon quote. And then straight up, which he ain't wrong. He says, give peace a chance. I was like, his top pin tweet is, listen to Airplane Over the Sea by New Drew Milk Hotel. It's my favorite novel. It's great. It is great. It's a phenomenal album. I love it. And John Hinckley is really on the pulse. Yeah.

Wow. Yeah. And it's true because it says first, violence is not the way to go. Give peace a chance. And the second one was him decrying the use of cancel culture against him and his music career. Yeah. It's a fair statement to say he's a victim of cancel culture. Well, I mean, make your concerts free, man. Yeah, dude. Do it on the street. Show me. Impress me. I listened to a couple of songs. They are hauntingly interesting. Are they good? Yeah, they're fine. Is he better or worse than Manson?

This is a Marcus question. I think even with the Manson stuff, I think it's like fine as a novelty. I tried listening to it. He's got a nice voice. His lyrics make no sense. I don't think he has a nice voice. Well, if he wasn't Charles Manson and if he was somebody else, you might say he has a nice voice. Maybe. I think you might.

I have his most recent album on vinyl that I bought. Manson? Yeah, Manson's album that he made in prison. I bought it on vinyl for me and Marcus. I think I got you one, too. Oh, yeah, that's right. I just don't have a vinyl player. Yeah, I know. It's more of a memento. Yeah, I have it standing up. And it's one of the things I regret buying it.

Yeah. Yeah, because you're like, oh, I just gave a hundred bucks to Charles Manson. Nah, he didn't get it. They go to like victim associations or the record companies and stuff like that. Don't worry, if there's a group of people that are bigger vampires than serial killers, it's the record companies. I think they figured out how to make sure that he didn't get any of that money. You know, they really get that locked out in every penny they have access to. But originally, so I was talking about looking up the assassination and more about like the assassination attempt. Yeah.

And kind of what all went into it because it was so mysterious. And I think in the end, my final take, because it went up and gone. We really have no, there are no real political motivations behind old Tommy Crooks. We know that the last thing he looked at was pornography. Can't find out what porno it was, but I actually have never related to somebody more. Yeah. I mean, that's the last thing we looked at. Oh, every day. Yeah.

before i go to sleep i must see two penises in a vagina just so i go to sleep yeah and that's got nothing to do with the state of the country i'm more of like a nostril sex oh you like it hey he just that's him that's what he's allowed to do again horror movies if you're going to confuse and scare eddie it's got to be worse than that yes please has to be worse but the it seems like he just literally walked up a ladder he was there hours before they had flagged him as a

possible problem. He was carrying a rifle around, a huge bag and a scope. And they saw him look through. People, do you hear it on video? Yeah. People being like, there's somebody on top of that building. Well, a bunch of cops don't care. That one cop went up, saw the gun in a very, just hearken to the heroes of Uvalde. He saw that gun and he did what any cop knows to do, run away. Yeah.

so that you could continue to be a cop in another day. I will say he was dead to rights. His hands were on a ladder. He couldn't have pulled his own gun to protect himself. That's his job.

But what, to get shot in the head for no reason? Unfortunately, yes. It's his job to confront a man with a gun at a rally. That's his job. That's what he's supposed to do. He's supposed to take that bullet so that other people can hear the bullets come and shoot the other guy that is bad guy. This is why cops need grenades. Oh, hey, I've been saying it. He could have gone down that ladder, tossed a grenade on the roof, and everything would have been fine. If we were allowed to live life how I play Halo, it'd be only grenades.

But, so, yeah, and what apparently is one of the biggest nothing burger stories of the year, somehow. Yeah.

Really continues to be so, and there is nothing there. It really just seems massive, total catastrophic failure of the Secret Service and the local police. And I think it's largely to do with the temperament of our former president. Well, he has his own personal security staff that obviously has been fucking with the Secret Service forever. And they told them, they knew that there was an active threat 10 minutes before he walked on stage.

I can, and maybe this is obviously total conjecture. If you go to our former president and you say, hey, we want to hold because we want to do X, Y, Z, and then that man probably says something along the lines of, I'm going to get this fucking shit done because I got to go. Because he probably doesn't listen to a single thing that anybody has ever told him ever. So he probably ran out there to be out there as fast as possible as soon as they told him not to go. So I will still say I believe he brought it upon himself.

So we'll get there and we will find out. But we do know that Tommy Crooks was also looking where Biden was going to talk. And he was looking at a bunch of other stuff. So it was not president specific yet, it seems like. Yeah, he was just down to kill anybody. Yes, and then the Secret Service said... And then he got his AR-15 very easily. Very easily. Super, super easily. And it's also a super easy gun to shoot. Yeah. Looks fun. Yeah. I've never shot an AR-15. It seems like it's so easy a child can use it.

You know, it's very, very fun. Very, very fun. One day, one day, Eddie, you and I, we'll defend the great nation of Burbank together. There are so many AR-15s for sale in Burbank. Very many. Very, very many. But yeah, that's all the kind of research I did on that. There was really, and then nothing else really came out of it. Isn't that fucked? Yeah. But one more update.

I did get some good bear advice. Oh, there's plenty of bear advice. I'm not talking about being on scruff because we all did learn. We did learn about that. We do know that that's for men of the more hirsute qualities. Yeah. And apparently they are on scruff. It's a little bit easier maybe to find a friend. Yeah. You know, versus just sex. That's what I heard. That's the thing. You know, you guys got it all figured out. They really do, man.

We're wrong. Just cut women out of this whole ordeal. We don't have to ever deal with them ever again. Just hang out. Have an app. Seriously, dogs. Is there an app where dudes can go just fucking hang out? Just imagine being able to have sex and just like, there's not a woman there. Unbelievable. Where there would be like just another fucking cool ass guy. That's what I like seeing, man. Just me and my fucking boys slinging cum on top of each other.

You want to get a burger? Fuck yeah. Yeah, I'm already having one. Yeah, dude. I came. I'm going to take a nap. And then we can go to Burger Town together, dude. It's the easiest thing. But that's not the update. The update is about bears. Now, according to this, so I said the perennial advice for all bears, which was brown lay down, black attack, white goodnight. Yes. And that apparently is woefully true.

over exaggerated and not correct anymore. Okay. So there's new stuff here. It says here you suck a bear's dick. No. Yeah. No, I'm reading it wrong. So this is what you do. So encounters with grizzlies are circumstantial. This is according to one of our listeners. Yeah, grizzlies will fuck you up. Oh, yes. But now I'm also seeing that apparently grizzlies and brown bears are largely the same. Yeah, they're similar. And they are a lot of times a grizzly can be confounded for a brown bear and vice versa.

It's like a golden retriever in a black lab. They're close. Different colors. Yeah, but they're not the same. Right. Now, encounters with grizzlies are circumstantial. A normal grizzly taken by surprise or a mama with cubs will be territorial and will want to neutralize the threat. Back away slowly. Don't run. And only if you are attacked. Cover your neck and hide your face and be quiet.

However, a predator grizzly, usually one that attacks a campsite, wants you to be food laying on the ground. So you have to fight back and be more trouble than it's worth to them. If you're in a group of three or more people, always stick together because they don't like groups.

Black bears are generally shy unless they're too used to associating with people with food or otherwise really abnormal. A black bear that associates people with food will attack in frustration or perceive people as prey. If a black bear is aggressive, it is only because they want to eat you. And you have to fight back and never lay on the ground because they will sit on you and eat you while you are still alive. Lots of noise. Yeah, you go, ah, ah, ah, ah.

No, real big. Oh, I forgot my long leg. Fuck you. Fuck you. It's all about you. That's what I would do. Cuckoo. Yeah, cuckoo. Cuckoo. Sorry, I'm doing the Nick Cage acting. At what point do you say to Nick Cage, like, love what you're doing. We can't understand you. We don't know what's happening. It's in the bag.

Cuckoo! We're moving on. Cuckoo! I think we got the scene. Yeah, you're actually right, Nick. Actually, we did grab it. Good work. Yeah, yeah. Do you think we can give you one with the line with... We're wrapped! Yeah, you're right. You're right, Nick. You're right, Nick. It's over. Back to the bears. Most importantly of all, just carry bear spray and have it ready in bear country. Yeah. It's extremely effective against bears and other aggressive animals, and it teaches them to stay away from humans, which potentially saves their lives...

their lives in addition to yours. Be careful because bear spray rhymes with hairspray. Don't bring the wrong thing. Don't bring hairspray unless you're trying to cut their hair and being a fun...

creative person in the forest. That's right. But never try to do a bear's hair without them saying yes because that's bear rape. Yeah. That's bear hair rape. That is bear rape. There's a sad bear in Florida that we're not supposed to take selfies with. It's because it's honestly it's a very sad story. We were going to cover this story. I just briefly wanted to bring it up while we're talking about bears. Yes, it's extremely sad. DeSantis recently made it legal to kill bears in Florida. So thank you. But technically I think that bear is asking for it.

Yes. So there's a bear just sitting sadly by a pole. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And people are taking pictures of it. And it's because it's extremely distressed because its natural environment is being destroyed. Yes. And it has nowhere to go. So it's a young adolescent bear and it has nowhere really to spread. And so it's sitting by a pole because it's all fucked up. But then that's also the type of bear that's more likely to attack you because it's got nowhere to go. I saw a fun bear story on Instagram Reels I'd like to talk about. I don't know if this is real, but I love the story. An albino...

grizzly bear they found it in montana so they're like this polar bear is like too far away from up north and so they took it and they brought the they brought it back to the arctic and then it's like it's like why isn't this polar bear getting along with the other polar bears because it's an albino grizzly bear somebody noticed and they sent it back to where it's from they sent it back and then someone else found the bear and they're like this polar bear is lost and they sent it back again and then someone

What the fuck? Why would you do this? The unluckiest bear in the world. Yeah, that's what it is. That's what they're called. The unluckiest bear. The unluckiest bear in the world. Albino grizzly bear mistaken for a polar bear sent to the Arctic five times. Jesus Christ. That's a children's book.

That is a children's book about not understanding people's origins. It just keeps getting captured and sent back to the Arctic. At this point, he must be like, do I get my diamond status? Like, do I get scooped up by Delta each time? That's amazing. That's extremely sad. It's very sad, but also unfortunately hilarious. Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. It doesn't even, you can tell it's a grizzly bear by the shape of its head.

Yeah. A polar bear head looks very different than a grizzly bear head. It does. It is a thinner head. It definitely is a grizzly. It more looked like a normal, well, not a polar bear. Yeah. Well, it's white. Either way. Well, have you spoken with Kamala Harris about running for vice president? This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. Finding work-life balance can be tough, but Squarespace gives you the tools to reach your goals and have time to celebrate.

Squarespace is the all-in-one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online. With the new guided design system, Squarespace Blueprint, you can select from curated layout and styling options to create a personalized website optimized for every device. Get your website discovered fast with integrated optimized SEO tools. Plus, make checkout easy for customers with easy-to-use payment tools. And with Squarespace AI, you can explain what your site is about

choose your tone, enter what you need and get auto generated text. And that helps you save time. I know I'm sitting on about two literal wheelbarrows filled with horse pics. Now, part of the issue has been is a lot of these pictures are getting stopped at customs because some of them do depict various world leaders in horse like circumstances that seems to be

pinging a lot of these custom agents accounts. Now, so what I've done to do is like, so while I'm trying to work on hand smuggling these horse picks over various country borders, uh,

I then also have time because Squarespace is doing all the other ad work for me to go and work on my killdozer at home. So thank you, Squarespace, for allowing me to diversify in the best way possible for this country. Head to squarespace.com for a free trial when you're ready to launch. Go to squarespace.com slash left to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

Hey, listeners. Love this pod and want even more? You can be the first to unlock exclusive bonus content, early access, and ad-free listening to the latest podcasts from your favorite shows. Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcast Plus on our Apple Podcast Show page or the SiriusXM app now. All right, these are the updates. You want to do... Let's do these first stories. Oh, here's an update. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This one's a big one. You know, we were talking about they cut out Joey Chestnut. They banned him. Well, so I wouldn't...

I will say, I do find it interesting is that Joey Chestnut did go and get an advertising deal with Impossible Meat. And then he broke away from the OG hot dog eating championship because it fucked with his ad deal that he made, right? That is really why he did. He didn't do it. But Nathan's banned him. Well, because that, but it was all a thing because there was a little bit of a marketing kerfuffle. He said he's willing to come back.

It is a marketing thing. They're going to come back around and do some form of Joey Chestnut comes. If he comes back, I'm definitely watching. Of course. Yeah, because there's no way they didn't suffer a loss this year not having Joey Chestnut.

I know that he didn't. Yes. He's banned from Coley Island. He takes his... Yeah, because now he's going on to Fort Bliss. Where's Fort Bliss? Oh, yeah. He went to an army base and took on like four people at once and beat them. Of course he did. He's literally a better athlete than Tom Brady. He literally took on the army and won. We pitched him into trying to roast for the Tom Brady Roach several times. We said we got to get him in there. I legitimately pitched...

Joey Chestnut and no one listened to me. It should have been him. And then I ended up not working on the roast at all. That's what happened. That's what happened. But...

Because, not because, but happenstance, cheating scandal rocks Nathan's 4th of July hot dog eating contest. This shit's coming out now. This is like two weeks after the fact. They're looking back over footage. This actually came out on July 10th, but I found the article late. Oh, wow. But this man by the name of Weary.

stole a plate from a competitor to inflate his total. Weary denies the claim, although he admits there might have been some confusion. Nick Weary, the fourth place finisher, didn't even steal fourth place. This is the thing. I feel like that's such a loser move. That's such a loser move to cheat in fourth place. And then still get fourth place. Still get fourth place. You don't even move up to third. That's garbage. And you ready for this?

His wife won the women's competition, and she ate 51 hot dogs. So she ate more hot dogs than he did legally. Yes.

Wow, she's hot. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, she's very attractive. Whoa, she's attractive. He's gross. He's gross. I hate the sight of this guy. He looks like a xenomorph. Yeah, he was credited with eating 46.75 hot dogs on July 4th, but that figure grew to 51.75 on the Major League Eating website. Oh, dude, this is something else, buddy.

This isn't even about the hot dog eating competition. This is about an in-house competition between him and his wife. And I think his wife, the more she surpasses him, I can kind of see the fact that she might be not as attracted to him. Oh, of course. She's definitely a fucking way better person than he is. And I'm sure they will break up by the time this episode comes out. If she found out, and if this is how she finds out, I hope so, please come to the show. What's her name? Sidestorieslpotl at gmail.com.

Her name is Mickey Sudo. You tell Mickey Sudo, we want to talk to you, and I think you should leave him. That's the thing. And the reason they're saying the reason he did it is once you eat more than 50 hot dogs, you go into another bracket in the major league eating. 38% tax bracket? Yeah.

Yeah, no or no. Does it affect your taxes at all? You just become a more technically you become, let's say, an official professional fat fuck. Yeah. Right. Like if you get to 50 hot dogs in one sitting in that amount of speed like that is I mean, that is a large that's an insane amount of hot dogs. Yeah. So so he said if the M.L.E.

determines I was miscounted, then fix my number. My placing did not change if that was the case. I would never want to take placing or number I didn't earn, Weary said. I would never cheat a contest. But he did, though, didn't he? I mean...

Where these five hot dogs come from? I want to know. So does each plate. So each plate is five hot dogs on it. And at the end, they count how many empty plates there are. And then they minus however hot dogs are left on the last plate. My question is, is there are no. So in a hot dog or any sort of major league eating competition, I'd love to know. Side stories, LPOTL at gmail.com. There's no form of. We should talk to Barry Rothbard about this. Oh, yes. Yes. I could talk to Barry. Actually, we know some competitive eaters. Yeah. Bring them, bring them in.

I wonder if there is, like they do in other sports, like is there no slow-mo cam?

I mean, is there no like camera? I think it's so chaotic up there. There's no camera above. I'm actually surprised if there's this much advertising involved and prize money involved, they don't have some form of like above camera watching their actions because it would be so easy for them to bring in empty plates if it's that amount of chaos at the end because that's the idea, right? It's like he's obviously playing off the chaos. Where are you going to hide the plates? In your shirt?

I didn't know what kind of plates they are before you get there. They fucking learn how to cheat in professional chess using automated butt dildos. I know. They will figure it out. Yeah. They know how to get the plates in there. These people sit and thinking about, they sit and they think, how can I get the plates in there? All day. Look at Tommy Crooks. He had a dream.

Tommy Crooks just wanted to do one thing, shoot somebody that would make him super famous. Right? And I guess it worked. He looked for the gap. Right? So the same thing. This guy, he obviously knew he was going to do this because he's a bitch and he's upset about the fact that his wife ate more hot dogs than him. But guess what? Your wife's a better person than you, dude. Yeah, she's a better athlete. She's a competitor and she's a winner. All right? And I think that she could be a model.

And I think that if we come down to LPN, honestly, we're starting a modeling agency. Oh, yeah, that's right. Yes, yes. We're starting a modeling agency. I'm looking for, honestly, my big thing is, remember, have you seen Tuchuki? I have no idea what you're talking about. Marcus showed Tuchuki on the stream. He goes, Tuchuki. Oh, yeah, I love Tuchuki. Tuchuki. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember Tuchuki. It's T-U space C-H-U-C-K-Y, Rob.

Tuchuki is going to be my first guy. Okay, you're hiring Tuchuki? I'm going to, as a model. I like guys the shapes of loaves of bread. I love, I want Tuchuki. He's my name, just be Tuchuki.

I'm too jokey. When you say it like that, I remember. Yes, I want him to be in a thing. I want him to be on television. I want him to have a, you know, he doesn't have a social media presence, I guess. But I'm going to find him, and I want to put him on some sexy heels and a corset, and I want him to be the new bisexual, tiny person, fucking representative of the country. And if I get a tall, slim woman who's eating hot dogs, fucking, that's incredible. The first Toffee? Yeah.

Yeah. You know what toffee is? Yeah, thin on the outside, fat on the inside. Fat on the inside. Yeah. And that's good for modeling. Is it? I don't know. I imagine it catches up with you. I mean, yeah, it's bad for your health. Eating hot dogs competitively is the same as tasting heroin competitively. Yeah. It is the same amount of destruction you're doing to your body. You think so? Hot dogs are probably...

Even though I know Jackie, I already can hear Jackie fucking screaming like a petulant. Nitrates are why she sounds like that. Yeah.

If she didn't eat that many hot dogs, she probably wouldn't be like, why are you always making fun of me? Yeah. Right? Hot dogs are considered unhealthy because they are high in fat, sodium, and preservatives. That's right, Rob. Thank you. They also contain nitrates as a food preservative. You're poisoning yourself from the inside out. But at the same time, they are delicious in moderation. That's right, man. As are all things. What do you think is the right amount of hot dogs to eat before...

It's too many. I say three. I... In one sitting? Yeah. Technically...

If I'm going to eat hot dogs, I've decided that day is for hot dogs. Okay. You don't mix and match? Oh, no, I do. Okay. If I'm eating hot dogs, though, yeah, I'll end up eating two. But the way I do it, I'll do two to three. But if I'm eating three, the last two, probably haven't had a bun. Yeah. That's how I cheat. You know what I do? I do at a barbecue, two dogs. At a hot dog stand, three to four.

You're just hanging out? Yeah. You're just hanging out in front of a hot dog stand like you're an old-timey baseball player? Or a hot dog restaurant. Oh, yeah, that's different. That's a restaurant. Yeah. If you're just standing outside of a cart housing a bunch of dogs, I feel like eventually people would assume that you're some kind of weird bitch. Well, I'll buy them and take them to a bench, and if I got to go back, I'll go back. No more for you! No!

You kidding me? They love me. No more for you. The World Health Organization has classified processed meat like hot dogs as carcinogenic to humans. Okay. And eating just one hot dog a day could increase the risk of colorectal cancer by 18%.

Yeah, but that's a hot dog a day. That's 365 hot dogs a year. What's Joey Chestnut doing to build up his way to the hot dogs? That's why he's switching to the impossible meat. That's what's hard. Oh, my God. His asshole must look like the fucking plague. Oh, you know his asshole must be the same exact size and shape of Rosie O'Donnell's face. He's got one of those things where if his shit could press out cookies made of shit in his shape, they would be in a swastika.

And not because he's anti-American, just because of how all the polyps would force it into a swastika shape. Oh, man, a swastika made out of hot dogs.

Complicated. How many hot dogs is that? Five? Let me do the swastika hot dog. I think it's six. Technically, do you call them wings of a swastika? What do you call that? I would cut... How many hot dogs make a swastika?

Oh, it doesn't say. Oh, new search item. Yeah. This will be fine. Oh, yeah. This will be fine. It's an ancient. Your swastika spelling is horrible. Yeah, yeah. You need to work on that, Rob. You need to be able to say that more. At least, thank God it doesn't autocomplete. No, they don't know. Yeah, they don't know. They haven't done the science yet. We'll have to make a Quora entry. Yeah, they'll have to do that. That's one of those write-ins I'll do if I give it to like a breast cancer thing or if I give it to one of those things. Hey, can you also do some research on how many hot dogs it takes to make a swastika? Yeah.

Oh, wow. No one's done it. No, four dogs. Why is there swastikas on that one hot dog? Hold on. Hold one of these up. I've got to count real quick. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. A whole package. Yeah, eight hot dogs. What a waste. Or like a couple footlongs. What a waste. Yeah. Why do this? Certainly don't use Hebrew National. No. It actually will not form into a swastika. It won't allow itself.

Now, this is... An upside-down cross, though. Man, I want... They, oh, yeah, it always does work. Satanic barbecue is actually a really good idea. Hail Satan! Oh!

Oh, yes. I wanted to stay in the athlete world for two seconds if you don't mind. We want to talk about the Olympics. We want to talk about the Olympics. Yes, the Olympics. Olympic diver Tom Daley and more show off that the cardboard anti-sex beds athletes get aren't really...

are strong enough to hold sex. Well, isn't that idea they are specifically anti-sex beds? Yeah, they made beds out of cardboard for the Olympic athletes because the Olympic athletes, as everyone knows, fuck a bunch. Whenever they go to the Olympics, they just bang each other because they're the hottest people in the world. And they do nothing but train and work and they're all nerds. They're trained for fucking. Yeah, people don't know that they're also like socially...

Inept nerds. It's like the first time they all get along with everybody. Well, everybody's the same. Everybody's a workaholic. Everybody's like the type of dedication it takes to be an Olympic athlete is insane. Even the losers are winners. Oh, yes. Of course, because you had to be. You had to win to get there. Yeah. You had to win to go lose on the international stage. Yeah. But they so basically they started this in 2021 in Tokyo. They started making the beds for the Olympians out.

of cardboard to keep them from fucking so much. But the beds apparently in Paris were made too well and they can fuck on them. I think they can fuck on the floor. Yeah, they'll be fine. Yeah, they'll fuck in the bathroom. They'll fuck anywhere. Why do they want them to not fuck is my question. I do believe, I said this before,

I know for a while they were talking a little bit about the spread of STDs. Who cares? I think that that is technically an issue. Do you think chlamydia makes you a worse weightlifter? No, but it will. Yes. Yes. You think so? Yeah, if you're pissing goop.

Your head's not going to be in the game. But you're not going to get the goop until next year. No, the goop comes pretty fast. If you get an STD, if you fuck someone with an STD at the Olympics, that STD isn't going to show up on you until at least a month later. But I do believe that sometimes if you do get an STD, something like herpes, in that moment it feels more like you're sick. Like you get sick first.

And then the thing comes up. From what I've heard... We obviously don't have herpes. Sidestories, lpotl at gmail.com. Can herpes really hurt your skiing? Yeah. I'd love to know. Because, yeah, in 2020, the Tokyo Olympics, they said they had no sex. Sex ban was placed because of the COVID-19 pandemic. Oh! So there's like, sure, that makes sense. They don't want them all getting COVID. But I also think that there's more human things here at play. I think it's stuff like...

Two people might share some intimate knowledge about the way they're going to approach a sport that is probably considered proprietary for each country. And so think about how often we sent. We talked about this with the Manhattan Project. There were sex workers that were used specifically to get a guy fucking hard as fuck. Like you get him as hard. You get him right to cumming.

And then you go like, so where are you going to be on Thursday? And then you start getting all the covert information from him because you're fucking, you're holding the cum in your hands, right? Yeah. We're like,

All it takes is one person. Maybe this is planning too far ahead, but it does seem like you could go and seduce somebody from another team and then find out stuff that they're planning to do. I feel like I couldn't even tell you my own name before I come. That's exactly it. But I do think that you black out and you'll say anything. You think so? Think about this. Let's say somehow you're in the Paris Olympics back area.

which I think you'd be there because you're a caterer or a janitor. I'm definitely cooking. Yeah, no, you're there and you're some kind of caterer and a woman that is there. Like, let's say, though, there's a... Okay, let's take this out. Let's say at the Olympics there was a catering

on top of it. Okay. Right? And you have an award-winning... Sliders. Sliders. Award-winning sliders, and the recipes you have for your sliders are very, very secret. And you have... It has taken you all the way to the international stage of slider making. You want to know the problem with me as an American slider maker? My secret recipe includes Russian dressing. What the living fuck? It's collusion. Karl Muller...

Where's mother at? I don't even remember him. I don't even know what he does. But think about this. Somebody could seduce you and try to steal those secrets from you and then they using it for their own. I still feel like that's real competitors. Those are real competitors. They will take anything. That's what you're in the sea of. But do you think a gymnast has a tip that another gymnast doesn't know? Maybe. Maybe.

I bet you each, there has to be like things that people do in competition that is different, that give us people edges all the time. There must be. Because they always like, look at like, you know, Bill Belichick, right? Wasn't he kind of famous for being a cheater? Yes. And so like. Cheated against the Dolphins when they were the worst team in the league. But mostly it was like, it's not even so much cheating as it's like win at all costs. Yeah. That's what they'll do. Mm-hmm. He's losers. He's losers.

You can't trust them. I will say. What's happening? It's the Summer Olympics, right? Let them fuck. It starts this week. I love the Olympics. You don't care about sports that much. I think the Olympics are a lot of fun. I'm more interested in just kind of like just sports or whatever, but mostly I watch it to pass time. Yeah. And I do get interested in certain players.

Don't watch them do things. You know what I like about the Olympics? It's like the one time every four years that you can yell at another country. You know, the people from another country. That's what it's for. Yeah, I guess the Olympics are coming up. We're not really doing a lot of coverage here. Speaking of Olympics...

This is a sport that really needs... I'm really just even angry at the fact that this is not at the Olympics. Muckbang. Yes. Now, those of you that say that muckbang, which is the act of binge eating large piles of food for people's pleasure on the internet, people say that, oh, it's not a sport, it's just you getting big. Then...

Tell me, why did this person fucking die doing it? Unfortunately, we lost a great mukbanger. Top one. Mount Rushmore of China of mukbangs. Yeah. Pan Zao Ting, a 24-year-old Chinese streamer specializing in mukbanging, eating...

Large quantities of food for viewers' enjoyment died during a live stream due to consuming too much food. This is pretty crazy. So I do not know. It's also what's interesting about- There she is. They give her name, but they cover her eyes in this picture for some reason. Yeah, I don't know why they don't. They cover- There's something extremely sad about this picture of this young woman just housing a chicken tender while her eyes are blurred out. Like she's an Epstein.

They'll give us her name and her age, but they won't show her picture for some reason. I don't know. And so in China, which I do find it was interesting, they had cracked down in the mukbang streams in 2020 because they viewed it as a waste of food. Yes. Well, they should have been busy with something else. You're right. You're right. And then to the defenders, they were taking... People were getting fines up to 10,000 won, $1,400 American. But they're still very popular. Mukbang is everywhere. I think that mukbang is still like... People seem to like it. I think it's the...

You know what I think it is about mukbang? Of all of the other weird kind of... It's not necessarily a paraphilia, but, like, something like this, like an eater thing. I do understand, because I do feel like it...

The lady or man looks like they're doing it in like a feverish pace. Yeah, well, it's supposed to be sexy, right? Well, it's supposed to be, yeah. You're supposed to see their effort, watching them expand, seeing them cover with the food. Why do I like Joey Chestnut, but I don't like mukbang? Because Joey Chestnut is an era. What is going on with my brain? Honestly, you know why? I think that you and I are very, maybe in a way,

There's a toxic masculinity inside of us that searches for competitions to win. Yeah. And we like that Joey Chestnut uses it as an objective to win. 16-time champion. He is a man that largely has no other abilities, right? He's a true American hero. He arrived and he made hot dog eating his moon landing.

And he made a life out of it, and he went and he won. He's not some loser. He's not a third-placer. He's not hiding in fourth place, stealing plates from his wife. He only wins, yeah. Right? He only wins, right? That's why we like him. The thing about this lady, just mukbang, my thing is eating with no goal. That's what I do. Yeah. So why would I care if you do it? That's very true. I do that. I eat with no goal 24-7. When's the last time you got sick on food?

Oh, not that long ago. Yeah, me neither. I ate too much sushi recently. We went to, honestly, it was really good. It was a restaurant in the valley. It was some Italian place, and it was really nice, but we way overordered, and I just fucking, but I was in that mood where I was like, I'm not taking it home. Yeah. I'm eating it fucking here. I want it now. And I ate all of it, and I was upset with myself.

Because Night Horse came to dinner. Yeah, and also I think it's the word mukbang is an upsetting word. Yeah, sure, sure, sure. So this is the thing. Rob really wants us to read this. So mukbang, it's a South Korean term. It translates to eating show or eating broadcast. It's a popular online video, a genre of video where a host known as a mukbang eats food while interacting with viewers. Now this is why, this is according to Google's AI, why they like mukbang. Entertainment. They say mukbang creates a sense of community.

Vicarious satisfaction or satiation. Some viewers watch mukbang instead of eating. Ooh, that's sad. That's not good. That's not good. That's not good. Parasocial effect. They said they mukbang can have a similar effect to watching television characters. I don't know what television you're watching. Homer Simpson. I guess, but even he's not eating most of the time. Most of the time he's doing foibles that lead to adventures.

People like the sounds of the eating, which I've heard, according to some of our more, I'm going to say ignorant reviews of Good Pud, where they seem to attack the sounds of eating, but they don't understand that's the sound of life. That's the sound of the blood rolling through our veins. Yeah, Good Pud. Go check it out. And the education. People sometimes say mukbang videos can sometimes be educational. I don't think that's true. No.

Yeah. It's like, oh, tacos? Where are those from? Taco Town. Let's eat some. All right. So this woman, Pan Zong Ting, the thing about her was that

This woman was fucking crazy. She used to be a waitress and people used to mukbang at her restaurant and she saw that they were getting gifts and stuff. So she's like, I want to be a mukbang. Why am I working? And they ended up killing her. She literally was like, why should I work work? I want to be a mukbang star. So they became, but apparently it's very competitive. And so Pan kept struggling to be more extreme. So technically,

Technically, Pan had already been hospitalized once with a ruptured stomach. Her stomach's ruptured. They don't say what food that she was eating. We do see chicken tender. Ooh. I love it. I am hungry. Yeah, don't look into that. Honestly, it looks pretty good. Now, this is here. So she continued to stuff her face. At one point, she was hospitalized. She was diagnosed with gastric bleeding.

The food was undigested. That's how they know it killed her. That's the brutal part is that it expanded her stomach. She ate herself to the point. Pan started coming up with all sorts of extreme challenges, such as eating nonstop for at least 10 hours a day, consuming over 10 kgs of food per streaming session. So eventually, when they found her and she died alive on stream, she collapsed on stream and she died live. We all die alive. But she was streaming live. Yeah.

She was streaming live, which is technically weirdly what she was searching for. And I will say, just so you know, this is the never-ending series of diminishing returns that all internet content creators are clashed to. Maybe this is how I let Rambo go out.

Mukbang. Mukbang. Make some money on mukbanging for Rambo. He'd fucking go. He would like to go out. I know. He'd be sad. He'd be like the guy. I was watching that Ren Faire documentary, which I didn't particularly like, but I liked the first episode. Everybody really wanted me to watch it, and I just couldn't get into it. I'm sorry, but the one thing. I don't even want to go to the Ren Faire. I love the Ren Faire. It was just, honestly, sadly, I watched it, and I thought it would be more pleasant, and it's more unpleasant and sad. It makes me sad.

But the guy that ran one of the, the guy who's like the main focus of the episode, he's an old, old man. And he said, I wish there could be a service that I could call and die how I want to die. Which is, he's like, I'm 98 years old. I want to be fucked to death. I want a woman to ride me until I just die with her on top of me. It's the only thing I care about. And that was what he was spending the last months of his life looking for. You should go to Cat House. I know, but Cat House, they get mad if you die in there.

He was looking for someone whose one job was to literally come and suck and fuck him until he just died. And she knew she was going to be there and sucking and fucking him until he died. J.D. Vance. J.D. Vance would love to fucking suck him until he dies. J.D. Vance would love to fucking suck him until he dies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right? Because isn't he doing that with Peter Thiel? Yeah, I think J.D. Vance. He has sex with Peter Thiel.

Teal, right? I believe so. Yeah, Peter Teal owns them. I don't know if it's sex as much as it's just straight fucking. Just cum? Yeah, I don't think there's any kissing. Yeah, he's eaten cum. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But some people love eating cum, so I hope he does. Yeah, no, I don't want to kink shame JD Vance. No, I love that he loves it. He's got a big bare face. He looks like he's got the perfect beard to collect...

A bunch of little icicles have come from a big old billionaire. I think that he loves it. I can see the frosting by his lips. And maybe, hopefully, I'm good for him. Yeah, make me an effigy. How do I get in there? Like.

Hey, listeners, love this pod and want even more? You can be the first to unlock exclusive bonus content, early access, and ad-free listening to the latest podcasts from your favorite shows. Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcast Plus on our Apple Podcast Show page or the SiriusXM app now. So Pan, sadly, she's gone, but according to the Olympics, they're still not going to let it in there.

Because they... No muck banging. There's no muck banging. You know what the new sport is this year? What? Flag football. Is that serious? Yeah. Isn't that weird? Flag football? Who gives a shit? In France? Yeah. Doesn't every country add something they're known for? Yeah. But didn't we add like break dancing? In 2028, we're adding break dancing.

LA is. Flag football? Yeah, flag football. In Paris? Yeah, I know. I don't know why. I guess you're too scared to play normal football? That's the weirdest thing I've ever heard. Why would you? I don't think of flag football in Paris. I think of that in Columbus, Ohio. Yeah, or like on college campuses. Very strange. Very interesting. So flag football. But it's for ladies? And men. And men? Yeah. Is it co-ed teams? No! Nothing's co-ed in the Olympics. That'd be cool.

Co-ed Olympics? That'd be awesome. Yeah. Obviously, the lady eaters are just as good as the male eaters. Okay. We now know for a fact, and that sometimes the husbands have to cheat because they're fucking bitches. That's right. And that's dumb. And that was dumb of them. All right. Here we go. I do want to talk before we get out of this. So just guys, so you know, I send stuff to Ed.

Yeah. Often. And it's usually really upsetting. And I like to do it to him because I think that those of you who don't know when Henry and I were roommates back in the day, he used to put pictures of dead people in my pillowcase. Yes. Yes, I did. But it was fun to do. Right. I thought it was funny. I would wake up in the middle of the night and I pull a picture out of my pillowcase and I'd be like, fuck, not another dead woman. But it was just because I had access to the pictures.

You had access to the pictures because you were working at a photo lab at CVS and a lot of people were taking pictures of dead people. And then they're not picking them up. At funerals. These aren't criminals. These are pictures of funerals. And they wouldn't pick up the pictures. They wouldn't pick up the pictures and Henry would take them home and put them in my pillowcases. Scared the shit out of him. Honestly, it was a lot of fun. So this has been going on for like 20-something years.

So I send him stuff from time to time. Also, now that we got to, right? Now you have to read the stuff I send him. Yeah, now you employ me to torture me. Yeah, yeah. And I like that about this arrangement. I'm happy about it because I sent him... It's actually a nice arrangement. It is. And we're having fun. We're having fun. Now, I... This story is...

This came out last year, but I can't believe I missed it. And the only reason why I wanted to talk about it just real quick was more just showing what I send to Eddie. I'll send you off on your own adventure because I never went into this. Jessica Camilleri, who's serving a maximum sentence of 16 and a half years right now for beheading her mother, Rita Camilleri. And this is in Sydney, Australia. So I do want to, when we go, see who else we know about this woman.

Jessica Camilleri, the only way to really describe her is that she is the female Mike Myers. Yeah. She was born...

extremely violent and spent her entire childhood extremely just fighting women fighting every woman yeah a couple dudes but she liked dudes she was obsessed sexually obsessed with men yeah hated women so she would glom on the men inappropriately like so starting as a little girl doing stuff like grabbing men by their crotches or

Weird with the teachers. Yeah. Weird. But then at the same time becoming extremely hostile and getting kicked out of every single help home. And I mean every single place she gets getting put in and she gets kicked in and then she's kicked out. Almost every woman she ever saw. Jessica Camilleri then gets to be an adult and she gets like big, like,

She's Bella Gunn-a-size. Yeah, and this isn't like an insult to big people. She's just powerful and scary. She's built like a fucking line. Brick shithouse is, I think, the term. That's the term. She's got a big scary smile if you look at her thing. Yeah. She attacks people by grabbing them by the head and smashing their face down to the ground. Usually ripping the hair out of their heads. She did it time and time again, and she kept doing it and attacking people. Then she got into...

phony phone calls where she saw numbers. She would fall in love with somebody. Yes, and what she would do is she'd fall, she had this kind of form of synesthesia apparently where she would see numbers and a sequence of numbers and they would make her feel a certain way and she'd become obsessed and she'd dial random numbers in the phone. That's how she got the numbers. She began to make

thousands of calls to various people. People in Indonesia, all over the world. Everywhere. And then she'd get fixated on one person for a while and call them, I'm not exaggerating, they're saying upwards of 300 to 500 times a day. Yeah. Calling and calling and calling and calling and calling. And when they pick up,

If it's a man, she starts saying about how I want you to fuck me. I want to suck your dick. It's really, really intense stuff. When they finally say, like, ma'am, I don't know who this is. Please stop. It slowly turns into, I'm going to find you. I'm going to kill you. I'm going to behead you. I'm going to play with your guts. She starts getting this obsession with horror movies. It's Baby Reindeer meets Halloween. Yes, it is. This lady is scary.

Eventually, she attacks a bunch of people at a... The mom has done everything possible. I think Rita Camilleri, the victim, did everything in her path. Every single thing she could possibly do. This is one of those stories like an Adam Lanza style where Jessica Camilleri, in no uncertain terms, was just born incorrect. Yeah. No, she's just a violent person and is going to be violent no matter what. She then, her mom, finally in the last straw saying, we are going to institutionalize you. It's over.

Jessica Camilleri flips out, uses over seven knives to stab her mother in the neck, face, and upper torso to the point. Over 100 times. Over 100 times, breaking knives in the process. She had 95 defensive wounds. That means she was alive for most of the attack. Most of it. And then she literally used her body weight to then twist her head the rest of the way off. Yeah. And then called the police on herself.

And I believe we have the 911 call. Yeah, no, it's upsetting. Yeah, she took the head and brought it into the front yard for a little while. Yeah, she was playing with the head for a while.

She said it was self-defense. And then she had a neighbor call the cops for her. Yes, because she went to a neighbor saying, help, my mom tried to attack me. I defended myself. And then the neighbor saw that she was covered in blood with a decapitated head. And I tell you what, that guy kept it cool. He really did. Kudos to him. He really was like, you might want to send someone to the house right now. You might want to send someone. So you have the 911 call? Yeah. All right. It's not that long. It's only two minutes.

Beeping

Hello, this is Alison from Police Emergency. We just received a call from this number. Yes, I need you to get the ambulance and the police out of the yard immediately. To which address? 128 St Clair Avenue. Please come. I need you... This is an immediate life or death situation. Which suburb or town is that in? St Clair. So it's 128 St Clair Avenue, St Clair. And what's the nearest crossroad, please? Listen, can you talk to the neighbour? I'm busted. Can you just talk to him?

Rochford Street is it? Could you, because my hand's bleeding, yeah. Thank you. Can you talk to... Oh, my finger's broken. Yeah, your finger's broken.

I don't know, we were just at home, but she just came in screaming for help, and when suddenly I opened the door, she said, just help me and call the police or ambulance. And she said to me, she had a fight with her mom, I think. Okay. Yeah, she had a fight with her mom. My mom was trying to stab me, and I was all graphic.

So did she just say her mum tried to stab her? I don't know because... Yes, yes. I don't know. In self-defense, I think I killed her. Yes. Can you tell them to come immediately? Yeah, can you please just come immediately, please? Okay, so she believes that she may have killed her mother. Mum has had enough of me because I admit I've been a challenge in this situation.

this ongoing thing has been going for months anyway, she had enough of me, she grabbed me by the hair and dragged me from my room all the way to the kitchen and she got a knife and she tried to stab me with it and I grabbed the knife off her because I thought she was going to stab me so I stabbed her back and I was so heated up with anger I just kept stabbing and stabbing and stabbing her and I took off her head.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the way she kind of lightly drops that in at the end. So she is, yeah. That's also her move that she said her mom did, which is grab someone by the hair and pull her down. It's literally all that. That's what she did time and time again. So she's arrested. She gets up to go to jail. When the EMTs come, she starts screaming, can you put the head back on her? See, that's why everyone's like, ugh. So they thought that maybe there might be some issues here. So they went, and when she was arrested-

She got tried for it. And then they do to her, honestly, she is mentally, she has a, she obviously is some, she has a learning disability. There's definitely something. Well, she had a 55 IQ. Yes. There's something going on here that's beyond that. Right. Yeah. And so they came in, they first said, well, we can't try her then as like essentially like completely competent. So she got some. But she does know the difference between right and wrong because she lied about what happened.

And she tried to cover it up. Get out of it, yeah. Yes, and so yes, she definitely knew what was going on. Also relieving out the fact that there was a little kid there that she sliced in the face who lived. And that kid lived. And that kid tried his best to save his mom. And also, the kid went and hid and saved themselves. Yeah, and then the cops found him. But it's just interesting because at first, she got, I want to say she got like 25 years. And then they appealed. They brought it down 16 and a half years. Since she's been in prison, she's attacked.

A half a dozen people. More. She just attacked two prison guards at once. This chick's fucking intense. She got fucking pulled on people's. She attacked two prison guards recently. They have not added to her time yet. She ripped the hair from their heads. They have quit working at the prison. They have quit being prison guards because of working with her. That's how frightening she was.

us. Yeah, it's a weird situation because obviously this person should not be among society. But I also don't believe in imprisoning people their entire life. You and I are the same in that way. Well, what do you do when somebody is a broken human? If we were all dogs, the dogs would kill this person.

dog. Yes. Right? But we're humans, so we can't do that. What do you do with somebody like, we actually, I thought it was interesting how like we had that one letter where he said his son was talking about these cannibalistic impulses and they got him into therapy, but you really gotta get him very, very young. I feel like this woman would have attacked people no matter what. Yes, they have to then respond to the treatment, which is extremely difficult. So what do you do with a very, because we do know there's a very small section of the population.

That are this level of, I'm going to say, is it broken? Is it unhelpful? Like there's something about like somebody where they're too far gone. Like a Ted Bundy or like one of these things. What do we do with these people? Well, we killed him. Well, we did. Eventually. After he escaped and ran away and did a bunch of stuff. So he, you know, okay.

So I just thought that was a fucked up crazy story. It is an insane story. You could go into it. It was one of my favorite true crime websites. I believe it's dreading to the story on them, which is great. So shout out to Sydney if you know her. Come to the show.

Her name's not Sydney. That's Jessica. Jessica's from Sydney. Yeah, from Sydney. That's what I'm saying. We're going to be performing in Sydney. Well, she's in jail for at least a couple. She'll be in jail for another 10 years at least. Yeah, but I'm saying, you know, some of her friends. Oh, yeah. If you know her, yeah, come on by.

Also, six people. There's actually not much more to the story. This is another mystery that I hope to uncover more over the next couple of weeks. Six people entered into a Bangkok hotel at this little room. So essentially they all got together for a meeting. Seven people.

And six were found dead and they can't find the seventh person. No, they now believe that the person that poisoned all of them was in the room. Oh, okay. They do believe that whoever it was that poisoned them was in the room and died as well. Oh, so now they're trying to figure out which of those six people that are dead was the one who poisoned everybody? Apparently. Well, what I think it is is that there's information that we just are not privy to yet because they're going through it. And it's in Bangkok. Bangkok.

Yes. There were six people in a hotel room. They got room service together. Apparently, one of them was some form of investor and that the others were people that had given this investor a certain amount of money. And I guess according to some rumors, one of the theories is that an investment went wrong.

And then something happened here. And one of if it wasn't the person that was in charge of the investment or the person that was like brought the group in, because a lot of times with investments, what will happen is, is that like one person will like bring in like a couple of people from the outside with them into a situation. So it sounds like I don't know who it was that then poisoned everybody. So they know that there was a white powder found somewhere.

on the food. There was a woman that had answered the door. They brought a bunch of room service before everyone else had walked into the room and met up for whatever this meeting was. There was a woman that appeared stressed

that signed the check for the food that came in before, whoever that person was then poisoned all of the cups that was spread about because they all had a cup of tea. They all immediately died. Yeah, and they didn't poison the food because some of the food is still covered. Yes, so I don't know what happened. We don't know what happened. We don't know why just yet. But the idea of like,

everybody's getting poisoned. It's like not how you make a good return. You really do. And I'm going to say this as a person who does invest pivot, you don't get to kill everybody. Like just know that what I learned, it's a super obnoxious. And I think that people do say this and they say this as a thing. And I don't know why, where they're like, look for the success in your failure.

They were like, oh, I actually prefer to fail because I learn more with failures than with wins. And that's, I don't like that. You know what would be cool? If we just stopped making cyanide. Why do we even make it anymore? Rats? Is it a rat poison? Let me look it up. What is the actual purpose of cyanide? I think it is just to be a poison. I think it is just to kill people. Yeah, but I think it's to kill not people, it just does. You know what I mean? Like, I think that it's just, it is for...

Oh, it's used to manufacture paper, textiles, plastics, and pesticides. Well, you know, I think we can find something else to make that stuff with. I don't know. Pest control? Medicine. It's used in emergency medical situations to lower blood pressure. Yeah. Whoa. I mean, at this point, it's obviously too much of a problem. Well, no. I mean, I find it, I feel like that's one of those things, it's just, it's super cheap. Chemicals don't do anything wrong. People do.

Oh, there we go. All right, Mr. NRA. Chemicals are innocent. I don't know. I'm saying chemicals are innocent. Guns are not. Guns have mean thoughts. Yeah, you think so? Because look at cyanide technically can be used to help. So could a gun. Well, but it's helping by killing. Yes. See, cyanide itself can be made into medicine. Unless you're shooting out streetlights. That's just fun. That's awesome. That is fun. Yes, that is just harmless fun.

No one's getting mad about not being able to see the road at night. There's nobody going to be upset about that. It could be different if you could also use a gun as a spatula ladle. Like if there were things that you... Toothbrush. Toothbrush. Oh, God. That's how you know the dentist doesn't like you. Here's your prescription.

One Remington full mouth. All right, let me do some listener emails. Listener emails. What do you fuckers have to say to us? Bet you a bunch of fucking cool ass shit. A lot of penis bifurcation that I'll be hitting on this week's episode of Lost Podcast. Yes. That's not today. That's not today. You have to wait two days to...

And learn about flaying penises. And you're also welcome because we didn't do the story about the guy with the dog fucking room. Yeah, there was a guy who fucked a bunch of dogs and we decided not to talk about it even though we're not talking about it. But that's as far as we'll go. All right, here's a great story. I just want you to know that we hold back sometimes. Scruff is enough. All right? We hold back. We're responsible. Here we go. Here's an alien abduction story and I love it.

To preface, I am an engineer by trade with no known mental health issues or psychiatric problems and no history of drugs. If you have to say that, I don't, you know. No, it's good to do it at the top of an alien abduction story. If this was a job interview, you'd be like, all right, buddy.

I finally told my boyfriend this story when the topic of psychic phenomenon aliens came up between us and he suggested sending it in. I will say, I just talked, I was just watching a talk with the CIA guy, Jim Semivan. You can't trust any of these guys, but he was alien abducted and he said that there's a term, what's a term that he uses? Or it's, there's a psychological term for it was absolutely physically real. Okay. That's how he experienced it. I was at a very low point last March.

Stuck in a job I hated and dealing with other normal life problems. My job at one point made me move 5,000 kilograms, 11,000 pounds worth of 25 weights in a night. Right? I had to move 55 pound weights. Oh, man. 11,000 pounds of 55 weight dumbbells I had to move in one night. Nice. You're pretty strong. Yeah, you're strong, girl. You work for York? Ooh.

Now, it sucked. That night afterwards, I started to wake twice in the night when I'm physically, typically a heavy sleeper. I fell asleep for the third time, and I had a dream that I was back in my childhood home's living room. I recognized that I was dreaming when I typically don't dream at all, but I felt like something grabbed me and started moving me down a black tunnel full of pulsing yellow light. It felt like getting grabbed by a vaudeville hook from a cartoon. I was falling, but also moving sideways.

The next thing I knew, I was in a room that felt like a cross between a hospital ward and a children's nursery. The floor was made out of translucent cubes and bright colors like red, yellow, and green. But the walls were sterile gray metal. I was sitting on what felt like a gurney.

The architecture of the whole place was bizarre. The only door I could see looked more like it belonged in a submarine with a porthole window in the center. I wasn't there long before two humanoids that looked to be about three feet tall walked into my view. They looked like they were wearing rumpled and oversized dark gray business suits on top of silver body suits that covered everything from the neck down. Their skin was a sickly gray color and their faces looked scrunched, but not unkind.

I wasn't strapped down or anything, but I felt like I couldn't move. I didn't feel afraid of them. One of them said in a voice that I heard in my mind, you look like you need help. It was in my skull, like it was in my skull. One of them grabbed a line of clear tubing filled with a bright pink liquid attached to a needle. They went behind me and the needle went into my spine directly between the shoulder blades.

I felt every movement as it entered my spinal cord and lit up the nerves there. It hurt, but I didn't cry out or make any noise. Even now, over a year later, I can still remember the sensation. I don't remember much after the needle stopped and they started pumping in the pink fluid. When I woke up and checked myself, there was no visible marks of what had happened. For days after, every part of my body was sore from moving those 25-kilogram weights, except my back.

That horrible job ended abruptly the next week, and within two weeks, I found a much better one. My life has been on an upswing ever since, and in basically all aspects. So I don't know what happened or if aliens really were involved last year, but if they were, it looks like they gave me the help I needed. You know, I am in the camp that if aliens exist, they're cool. Well, that's cold. You're a psyop from the Central Intelligence Agency.

What are you talking about? They don't want us to believe in them at all. No, it's because, and I do believe this, because I was just watching a thing with the CIA, Jim Semivan. It's like the main issue with the quote-unquote UAP slash NHI situation is that the way he put it, I don't know how to believe this guy at all. He was in the To The Stars Academy, and I was just watching this thing. He basically said...

The truth about what we know about aliens is essentially if someone came to you and told you your father wasn't your father, he's your uncle, but it's times a million.

And I was like, that doesn't really make a heck of a lot of, I don't even know what that means. I don't think that makes sense. He says the word is undigestible. I know what I talked about with you today about how he's like, the news is- Like pans, chicken fingers. Yes. He said the news, for her. He said that essentially the news about aliens is both going to ruin your day and you can do nothing about it.

And it's most likely not going to affect your life at all. So why no? So that's kind of what they're saying. And I do believe that what I hinted at last week is actually getting closer to closer what they're talking about. Is that there are people walking around, and I do think it's one of the things that they're saying, is that they don't even know that they're aliens.

That they're walking around and they have a different DNA and they are walking around and they have a different origin that they're from another dimension. But if one of those, one of them died or committed a crime, then we'd have the weird DNA. Not always. Really? Not always. If you think about how often I was like, cause when I read about that Lydia Fairchild story and this idea of someone having chimera DNA and you realize the stuff where it's like, unless you commit a crime or if you're in one of these things in which your DNA must be sequenced,

There is no reason to look at your DNA. And the majority, the grand majority of human beings haven't had their DNA. You think 23andMe is in on it? Well, or that's not what they're looking for. They're looking for something else. Well, if they get one and you're like, this isn't a human. Well, it probably, have people send stuff too. I bet you as a corporation, they are going to send you

Stuff. I also know for a fact they'll send stuff and say the DNA is not viable. Oh, okay. They will definitely tell you if you have done the, quote unquote, if you've done the test wrong. Yeah. Your spit is green. Essentially, like, you can do the test wrong and then the test is not viable. They do, that does happen. I do believe they send you something back. But I do think a lot of times they'll just populate it.

Because it's a company. It's people doing it. So it's like, it's not a government agency. It's like, it's, or even with a government agency, it's people doing it. So on some points, there's definitely half-assed marks. I definitely think you can send stuff in and have it not register. And they're like, ah, it's junk. It's like this, just instead of this thing. Where it's like, who knows? I'm saying that's, obviously, that's the craziest shit on the face of the planet. And I'm saying it like, that is a very esoteric and fringe concept load I'm talking about. But it's just more just understanding what...

Does weird mean? What does understandable mean? And maybe it literally is just like we can't understand it. And that they have no, these things have goals that are not, we don't feature in.

They don't consider us. Yeah, so if you're an alien and you send in your blood to 23andMe, they'll just say you're from Newfoundland. You're from Brant's. Yeah. We are from Brant's. Wow, another side story. It's another riveting day of news. And, you know, we really boiled down to it because I love to read the news. I love...

I live the news. I love the news. I live the news. I make the news. When we don't have news to do, we go out and do it. If it wasn't for the news and menus at restaurants, I wouldn't read. The meat piles were us, buddies.

And we're going to laugh about it. We didn't get into any of that. There was another meat pile. I don't want to talk about Canada. We're going to wait. We got a lot more information. People talking about meat piles. There's a war out here. We're coming to Australia. I want to see your meat piles.

They're pretty free with them over there. Last time I went to Australia, I see people like their boobies out there. New Zealand, Auckland on August 6th. And then we're going all over. We're going to Sydney, Brisbane, Melbourne, Perth. I cannot fucking wait. I'm going to be the girth in Perth, baby. Yeah, baby. Don't worry. There's others. Adelaide. And that's all of it.

Those are all the days. Yep. Those are all the shows. Go to LastPodcastOnTheLeft.com to buy those tickets. We're still there. We've already done our extra stream for you Australian people. So you've loved that already. You loved it already. You loved that. And then we got new Last Podcast coming this week. Go to the Patreon.com slash Last Podcast On The Left to give us money to watch us perform. Watch our whips flap back and forth. Go on the stupid socials at LPOnTheLeft.

and go see our twitch streams twitch.tv lp and tv go check it out and they're on our youtube number 13 side stories in chicago at the park west we still got some tickets go see it um i want to give a special shout out to k um quatro ceramics beautiful mug i love it so much it says uh regressive porn laws ruined my sesh

Now I only jack off to eddytoons.com. But just so you know, there is no pornographic material in eddytoons.com. He doesn't sell that. No, but you can buy these ham daddy hats. Yep. You should really sell them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you go down there, help him. Help his family. I love it. Yeah, no, Julie's been doing great over there. She's been making all kinds of merch. Support his wife. Yeah. Do you like wives? Yeah, if you like wives, go to eddytoons.com and support mine. Support his fucking wife. Yes. You pieces of shit. Okay? Okay.

Because none of you supported Melania. That's right. Yeah. That's good about her. And you saw that weird kiss they did. Oh my God, what if she's Kamala's running mate? That'd be incredible. I don't care, do you? Donald. Donald. But I'm looking very stretched. Hail Satan. Hail Satan! Hail Satan! Oh! Oh!

Your Space Coast vacation is preparing for liftoff. Start counting down now. 10, 9, 8, 7, it's time for a beach vacay that feels like heaven. 6, 5, 4, come explore Melbourne and the beaches. 3, 2, 1, it's time for some rocket-filled fun. Count down to your best beach vacation ever on Florida's Space Coast. Launch your planning now at visitspacecoast.com.

Hey listeners, love this pod and want even more? You can be the first to unlock exclusive bonus content, early access, and ad-free listening to the latest podcasts from your favorite shows. Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcast Plus on our Apple Podcast Show page or the SiriusXM app now.