Side Stories: A Tale of Hit & Run
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Hey, Cam, mine's sending me over our new Wi-Fi password. Oh, sorry, Mitch, you can't be trusted. What? It's your phone. It's different than mine. Cam! And I thought I was a judgy one. No, it's just messages between different devices aren't encrypted. Okay. Since when do you know about encryption? I know what encryption is, and it's because I'm the last line of defense against any would-be Wi-Fi thieves. Cam, come on. Okay, fine. I'll send it somewhere more private. Thank you.

Can you believe? Last podcast on the left is going back on tour.

The road leads to here. JK Ultra. It's coming to these North American cities. We got Denver, May 16th. Seattle, June 8th. Washington, D.C., July 13th. Chicago, Illinois, September 14th. October 16th, we got Boston, Massachusetts, November 2nd, right here in Los Angeles, California. And then on December 7th, we're going home to Brooklyn for

for a show at the King's Theater. Yeah, look good, baby. It's time for you to laugh again and open your fucking eyes. Yeah, at the same time. There's no place to escape to. This is the Lost Podcast. On the left. Side stories? That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories. Yes. Mmm. Ah, coffee.

I don't care what the doctor keeps telling me to stop having it. I don't care. My coffee's from five days ago. Whoa. I put it in the fridge. I made you buy it for me, and then I didn't drink it. You got to be careful. And then I put it in the fridge, and I let it go, and now it's today, and I'm drinking it, and I like it. It tastes fine. Mold grows. It's cold brew. It's brew cold, stay cold. I think I'm okay. Have you seen now they can do it with sound waves?

Cold brew? They're doing this whole thing with sound brew. Get colder! Get colder! Get colder coffee! Calm down! You've got coffee yet! Calm down! You've got coffee yet! I've been trying to do it. I went into the local coffee shop that we know. I yelled at the coffee for a while. Honestly. Honestly.

It got colder, and everyone there, yes, they asked me to leave, but at the same time, they applauded. Afterwards, they were like, what an incredible show. Are you someone I should know? And I was like, if you were going to know, you would have already. You missed the boat, my friend. I'll see you in the bathroom. And then I bleemed myself in front of all of them. That's what I've been saying recently as well. I gave him a bleem. Yeah, you better bleem it. Welcome to Side Stories.

What a great way to start. My name is Henry Zebrowski. I'm sitting here back again with Ed Larson. That's right. I'm back, baby. I'm back. Thank you, Marcus, for filling in for me for a week. He loves it. He does love it. He loves it. He loves it. He literally told me he loved it. He did. It was excited about it. Of course. But you, it was going to be sad news. I know.

I started some conspiracy theories accidentally. That's cool. Not wanting to talk about the fact that Rambo was very sick. He was in death's door. That is Eddie's dog. Multiple people have sent me Reddit threads about how I'm in prison. Yeah. And honestly, it would be great for the show. But we actually had a very well-behaved trip to New Orleans, except for Marcus's paranormal experience. Now, you skipped the paranormal trip. Yeah, I went to the concert. You put me in the middle of...

New Orleans during Jazz Fest. And you're like, we're going to go talk to ghosts. And I'm like, it's jazz. It's the best jazz in the world. I understand. I'm like, these guys are dead. They had their chance. Kermit Ruffins is here in a line.

Hey, buddy, it's a reboot season. Okay? We're bringing the ghosts back. It's called In the Life IP. Now, if there was a trumpet playing ghosts... Oh, sure. I'm in. Yeah, I mean, that would be very lucrative for French Quarter Phantoms. Yeah, it'd be very Haunted Mansion. I would say for the upcoming series, we'll talk about it this week, but we're working on another long-form series, which I think is going to be really interesting and also fucked up. But...

That concept of, you know, of course you're going to make money if ghosts are real. That's going to be an extremely lucrative business. You know what I mean? Yeah, but who owns the ghosts? The ghosts, but the ghosts don't know how to monetize it. But that's the thing. So are the ghosts on these ghost tours...

Whoa. Holy shit. Interns. Yeah, yeah. That's how you flip it. You flip it. All right. We have a couple of updates. Rambo's alive, by the way. Rambo's alive. Barely. Barely. But he's alive. He's alive. So, Eddie, we're here. Wish me luck here. Eddie had asked me for a recommendation for a dog executioner, and I offered myself. I said, I can come over there. He won't even know. I'll rot him in his sleep. Yeah. I was like, well, I don't want bite marks on him. And you're like, ooh. Ooh.

I want to suck your dog blood. That's how I get through it. But I'm glad you're here and he's okay for now. Yeah. But we do have some updates. We went to the Museum of Death and I saw the Kevorkian, you know, the chamber and it got me hit hard. Oh, I thought you were saying it got you hard.

No, no, no. It didn't get me hard. Yeah, I thought you were just like, oh, Jack, I got you. I had done been hard. Yeah. But I'm glad. We're bringing you more into the true crime realm. You're learning. You understand that instead of having fun on vacation, you're supposed to go see bad things. It's so funny. I show up to the Museum of Death, Henry's birthday, and I literally walk in to get his tickets, you know, because it's his birthday. He can't buy for tickets.

And I go in there, I'm like, I got Henry Zebrowski out there. Like, who? Exactly. I was like, maybe it'd be kind of cool. Your last podcast on the left, like...

Yeah, I think I heard of that. Hey, man, that's what I take. My favorite is the, what do I know you from? And then you have to sit and list your various credits as they just go, no, not that, no, not that, no. Isn't it always Wolf of Wall Street? No, I mean, no, it's crashing sometimes. Okay. Hey, crashing, and then last podcast. But yeah, but then, you know, then it always turns into just been like,

you're the guy that tried to fuck my wife. Or you like say something to me like, that's not me, buddy. No, that's not the credit. All right. To updates. In a sad move that shows the weakness of the corporate state, Panera Bread has blinked.

They're removing the charged lemonade because it has led to several deaths. But that is on us. Yeah. This is what happens, guys. If we don't react in the proper way, if we don't drink. So it's caffeine lemonade? It's extremely caffeinated lemonade. There was a lot of discrepancy about how it was advertised.

advertised how it was put out. How many people has Red Bull killed? Monster Energy drink? Panera Bread. That's what I'm saying. Is there weak? They backpedal. I never liked Panera Bread. I'm not a Panera Bread person either. This is not, they're not for me. No, I know. But also at the same time, they do make sandwiches to order. So that's, that does technically put them above some of the other, and they have murdered. Above gas stations. The fact that they have murdered

as well buy a drink. Also, in my realm, put them up a rung in the fast food world. Oh, they've killed people before. All this bread and the diabetics that go in there. They do it to the side. You know how many people choke on soup? They wish they were killing more. Oh, yeah. They wish they were killing more.

But they can't do it directly, and they've been so mad about it for so long. They've been doing it indirectly, slyly for so long, and this makes them so upset because all they wanted to do was murder. Now they got a chance to do it. They did it with a charged lemonade, but Panera Bread saw that it was too powerful for us to handle, and that's why we can't have nice things. It should have been 18 and older for the lemonade. That's how you lean in. That would have gotten so much more money that way. 21 and older. 21 and up. You want the fucking lemonade?

Lemonade? It's dangerous. It's charged, baby. I don't think you can handle the lemonade. That's right. You don't want this. That's how you market it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's how you lean back in, being like, I don't even think we should sell this. Well, we should probably stop selling this. Yeah, two more lemonades. Yeah, exactly.

That's where Panera Bread got their asses handed to them by the American public. They should fucking sell it to Chipotle. They'll take it. They're all in bed together. They're all owned by McDonald's. Oh, it's the same company. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They should just move it over to the Chipotle. People are already shitting and pissing and puking and fucking. Chipotle, unfortunately, is the thinking man slop.

Yeah. And it is branded itself. Mexican food by McDonald's. Yes. And they act, they're like, oh, it's free range. And it's just like, because they make it all like whatever, but it is just diarrhea fuel. You can't tell me no one's kicking those chickens. They need charged lemonade. Yeah, they could really use it. Chipotle, we're looking at you. Charge your lemonade. You know what you need? Turbo horchata.

Charge the horchata. Why not? Put taurine in it. Turbo horchata sounds fucking brutal. Can you imagine? Shit and pure beans. So in a moment of corporate weakness, people are saying about how we're in a corporatocracy, but this shows how these pussies will jump.

Anytime we fucking get together and tell them to jump. So that's what we got to do. Who are we in bed with now? I don't know yet. I'm going to find out who brings out the next drink that kills people. Yeah, I'm ready for that. That's what I want. I want to be with those guys. Acid bills. I want to be with them. Because again, it's a type of carelessness that I love and I crave. And then another big update.

So we covered this when this came out. Okay. Very briefly. The Las Vegas alien story. Oh, yeah. This happened last year. I like this one. No, there's... Obviously, it was debunked to all hell.

People didn't like it. But the fucking, we see the spaceship in the cop video. Well, this is where it takes an interesting turn. Because we've had a lot of very public UFO, kind of like, I don't know if it's hoaxes, but things going in and out. Like right now, we had the, one big wave was with David Grush, the whistleblower. And he was all over the news, and he was talking to the U.S. government. And now, He's wrong because he's still alive. But things like,

and all these various places that are looking to talk to him, like all the A-Row, all the other weird things that are not A-Tip, but he just starts showing up. So we're getting into a place where is David Gresh out of story? Is he trying to do getting into the production world like Tom DeLonge did, where they just started making television shows? I don't know. But that kind of grows throbbingly

fizzled out. The Peruvian alien mummies rose up. A lot of people still been talking about they are kind of the jury is out on whether or not they are real or not. They are obviously, they might not be aliens, but there's some people thinking that there's some form of baby mummy that they were made back in the day and that they had its bones in them. Okay. I don't know. It could be like an owl pellet, but for babies. But it's a mummy.

It's a mummy, but it could be constructed. And we, so we don't know. That's kind of, that's a weird, hazy place. We don't know what's, what's a hoax and what's not. And this is another one of those stories that came out at the same exact time last summer. Yeah. Where this Las Vegas family, now they reported that a UFO crashed in their backyard or close to their backyard. And they saw two, we are now saying two entities behind a tractor from where they were living. They were living in this kind of like, and so they had a piece of farm equipment. Yes. Yes.

And so we know that the son of the family went to YouTube. This was on April 30th of 2023. So almost a full, like, we're almost at a year. Yeah. And the son had made a whole video explaining the things that he saw. He actually then redid it recently due to this new news. So,

One of the things that made this story so compelling was that there was a piece of dash cam footage, body cam footage from a police officer where you saw a light, a blue light streak across the sky and land somewhere in the neighborhood. That looked cool. It does look cool. And it looked real as fuck. Yes. There was also video from the family that

saw these entities in their backyard where you see them panicking discussing amongst each other what the hell are we looking at you can kind of hear the worried tone in their eye and then there's a video where you kind of see over one of the family member's shoulders where you see something that is not unlike a fart in a night vision camera yeah it was like it was a blurry shadow like creature that they're saying is absolute proof that aliens were in this backyard now

I don't know. But the thing that makes now the story, the update that has come in is that they have went and I guess experts in video editing have went and looked at the body cam footage. They've went and looked at the footage that was sent in by the Las Vegas family that saw the fucking aliens and they completely believe it was not doctored. So whatever it is, what they got was real. But

But we just don't know whether the story as a whole is real. So now that family has had you. So the footage could be fake, but it wasn't digitally altered. It wasn't digitally altered. There could be a guy in a suit or something like that. But if you can still see something in that video, because I tell you, I don't see Jack Jet. I've looked and looked and looked and looked

I've done it stoned. I've done it sober. Yeah. That's the one that gets me. Well, this was the one that really made a lot of people, like, they thought it was interesting because you saw these cops. Like, scared-ass cops. They were spooked. They didn't know what the hell was going on. They went to go look at it. They didn't want to be involved. Specifically, you hear it in their worry. You hear it in their voice when you're talking to the family. That's why I believed it.

A little bit, yeah. At least they're like, well, something's going on. And now you're having experts weigh in and say, well, the footage wasn't faked. So whatever happened is extremely mysterious. The son came back out and did another UFO, like, little breakdown. Like, he talked more about his story. His story has not changed. Isn't there something weird about him? Like, didn't he, like, try to be... He went straight to YouTube. So there are a lot of people that want to say, well, he tried to capitalize...

on this story immediately. But isn't that what you're supposed to do if you get footage of an alien? Don't you go straight to YouTube? It's the internet, Eddie. They are angry no matter what the fuck it is that you do. If you caught alien footage with your cell phone... I would spray it everywhere. Everywhere, right? I would show it to everyone. You would all call me... I mean, we get the exclusive. Of course. Last but not least, we get the exclusive. And then guess what else would I get? I would get torn to pieces...

I'd be called either a CIA op or I'd be called a moron or a gullible. That's how it happens. Yeah, of course, every day, about everything. So it doesn't even matter. No, it doesn't. So your life wouldn't change. No, it would get worse. It would objectively get worse. I would show alien footage and then it would be destroyed from every angle and then I would be destroyed from every angle and then you get pulled...

of the UFO world and all of a sudden I'm going to have to hang out with Dr. Stephen Greer and act like he's like my buddy and I'm going to have to all of a sudden I'm at a MAGA rally. Like that's like what happens. I'll still hang out with you when you're crazy. No, I mean, but I want to go fun crazy. Yeah. Just bump me back

I don't want to be conservative crazy. I just want to be eccentric. Yeah, because I don't care about politics. So it doesn't get it all the way in there. So in the end, I'll never be that type of crazy. But my goal is to dress in one color

For about 25 years and be almost unable to speak to. Man, you really need to just get the David Ike jumpsuit. I have been pricing. You've been pricing it? Yeah, I've been looking at them. Okay, good. But this video, everybody wanted to come out and debunk this because it does seem really outlandish. And it does seem like maybe this kid's trying to get attention. But I will say...

The videos that he, when he expresses himself and he's talking about the story, when he says like what I saw, it's pretty compelling because he does have a lot of emotion behind his voice. He does seem really scared. The eyewitness drawing of the alien is very silly. Yeah. Looks a bit like Shelley Duvall. And it's not very good. But again, it's not done by an expert. It's done by a child or a teenager. Now,

What intrigues me about it is the fact that it's Vegas. Now, I'm coming from an idiot's point of view. Everyone knows that. No, Eddie, no. But see, the thing is, if aliens are coming here, why would... I mean, Vegas seems like a good spot to go. A beacon of light in the middle of a dark desert darkness. Well, I kind of like the idea that...

In my mind, the phenomenon is half psychic in reality. Like if we are dealing with these things, oftentimes I think that they are doing it through like a window. Like we're being looked at like the way people inside the CVS look at you for your prescription. Yeah. Where they're sort of looking either through a thing to see us or they're kind of kind of dip in and out.

Abduction scenarios happen in a semi-permeable, semi-reality way, somewhere between dimensions. I don't know. I feel like abductions are a thing of the past. No, they're all over the place. That's 80s shit. Buddy, we're about to go to contact in the desert. You're about to meet. You're about to get abducted yourself by an abductee. I'm very excited. It is going to happen. But this story, Vegas, it's falling down, crashing. I kind of like the concept, which is, you know, super dumb. Like it has, there is no evidence for it.

These are the bad aliens. Yeah. The ones that crash are bad at it. Yeah, they're going to find it. They're drunk. They want to go to Vegas and party. They're bad aliens. They are literally bad pilots. They're fuck-ups. Yeah, the UFO would just end up in the lobby resort world. They're angry. I think of UFOs in these various... If it is a nuts and bolts phenomena and these various alien races have gone to such extents...

to make sure we don't know that they're real. The fact that every once in a while one just crashes to me just points to the fact that, well, they can't all be Michaels. Sometimes they're Fredos. Maybe the alien mummies are trying to go to the Luxor and they're like, why does this pyramid have a light on the top of it? It's not like the other pyramids. We're in a non-serious place.

This is a non-serious point of discussion. Because there's a... Again, they're interdimensional. They don't need lights. They don't need neon. They don't need sex workers. They're interdimensional. I mean, but I'd rather them, you know, pay for it than take it. All I know is...

If they are partying in Vegas, I want to be with them because no one was having more fun in Vegas than a series of aliens besides the group of pilots that took down the towers in 9-11. Because that weekend before 9-11 must have been so fun with them. Man, I'll tell you what, man. If Phish was painting the sphere that weekend, the world would be a different place. Maybe they fucking would have been too busy jamming, Dave. I don't think we should do it.

Plays are scary, man. It was fucking scary getting here, man. Unfortunately, I believe it was our actions that led to 9-11. Sorry. Like Eddie's laughing about that. Bit of truth. I put in there a bit of a fib. I said where I don't care about politics. Maybe I know everything. Oh,

Maybe I know everything. You do read the news. Ask me a political question. Do I read the news? Who is the Attorney General of the United States? I have to Google it myself. Is it Paula Deen? I don't think it's Paula Deen anymore. I think they kicked her out after she said- Is that Jack Smith? Jack Smith. Plus Merrick Garland. Merrick Garland. We knew that one. We knew that one. No, I don't know him. I've heard his name. He looks like a pussy.

God, you're going to get us killed. What is he going to do? What is he going to do? Destroy us. Oh, am I going to audit it again? Oh, well, try to find any fucking leaks in this shit, man. You try to find a fucking leak in it.

Look at this fucking guy. I want to knock his glasses off. I mean, I think you're a good man, Mr. Garland. I want to knock his glasses off. I appreciate you. What do you do, man? You want to fight me, dude? Appreciate all the work you do. I don't know what you do. He locks people up and shit. Yeah, well, I fucking hate that. Yeah, well, you know, some of them deserve it. Don't fucking arrest me, dude. Okay.

Keep antagonizing him. I'm not antagonizing him. I don't know him. Yeah. I don't know this man. Yeah, I know. That's what I'm saying. You don't know him. I don't need to know trivia to know things. You know what I mean? That's trivia. But I know bigger, better things than that. I know more important political ideas than that. Yeah. It's not about names and places and dates. That's not what politics is. Politics is being amongst the people and knowing the people. Like how Panera Bread...

Does not know the people. Does not know the fucking people. Yeah. I know the people. I'm sure Merrick Garland could suck down a fucking Charged Lemonade. Look at him, guy. He fucking sucks five dicks each morning. I don't know. Not with those tiny lips. I know, because whoever's dicks he's sucking ain't smiling. Getting lots of teeth. Yeah. Are we supposed to be rooting for him? Do we like him? I think we like him. He's whatever. We like him enough anyway. I don't know. Whatever he is. I mean, they all suck.

You know, I mean, even the ones I like, I hate. Just for the record. The only... Oh, yeah, I hate. Same. I think that the more I like you... If I vote for this guy, like, know that I don't like him or her. You know, I'm just saying that because the other person terrifies me. Yeah, if I like a politician, I want them to do... They better act like a fucking train dog. Yeah. For me. Yeah.

All right? That's all they are. You're a little fucking Merrick Garland. You're a little fucking dog, and you're supposed to do the shit you need to do. All right, look at Jana Reno. I remember her.

She used to get stuff done That's a fucking thick ass fucking woman That fucking neck can get anything done You can fucking punch her in the face And she'll still go to court She'll laugh her ass off I like the taste of my own blood I don't know dude I don't know who these people are She fucking eats herself out whenever she was on her period I heard

She was so tall. It's crazy. I heard that too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I heard she ate her own pussy. She would get a diva cup and then she would take little shooters all day long. She would have her own pussy blood. Yeah, I heard that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I fucking heard that crazy. Yeah, man. Meanwhile, Bill Clinton's there smoking fucking a cigar the opposite way. Yeah.

Fall asleep at a job drinking your pussy blood, Janet Reno. Yeah, she had to change her last name to Reno from Las Vegas when she started drinking her own pussy blood. Guys, we're just, this is a thought experiment. All right, this is not a political podcast. Again, if you want to know about the many varied crimes of Chad Daybell, Lori Vallow, I will explain that to you for hours.

I know Zulema. I know Ian, the sons. I know the kid. I know all the whole crew. Like, I could really give you a long breakdown of anything but, I guess, things that matter. Yeah. Well, I guess that's as important as it was. And I feel like that's the end of our updates. Good work. Live from Northland.

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I was going to do the talk about the eunuch maker, Marius Gustafson. He just got sentenced to 22 years in prison. Not enough.

For his Unic maker moniker and his like streaming service, which is interesting. He would pay-per-view a penis cutting off channel. They would. Yep. So what they would do is very similar to, which is now very controversial, the Red Room book.

by Ed Piskor where they would talk about the YouTube channel essentially for snuff films. He had 21,000 subscribers between 2021 and 2023. I did not know that this is so many people. 21,000 is a lot. 21,000 is quite a bit. Did you just watch Penises Get Cut Off? He made somewhere, but he said something, they believe that he made something like $385,000 on Penises.

Technically consensual penis mutilation videos. This happy, jolly Santa looking man. I was going to say he looks nice. No, well, he had his own dick cut off and he ate it. And he also ate his own dick. Oh, yeah. I didn't know that about him. No, he's fucking. That's why he got so big. He was a eunuch. Those guys get huge. That's what the dolphins need. We start cutting the dicks off of these linemen.

Is that real? I don't think eunuchs are any bigger. Sidestories, LPOTL at gmail.com. Do you gain weight when you lose your dick? I think you get real big. I don't know. I don't think so because I feel like it's not just so... You got to lift weights. What else are you going to do? You can't jerk off. I don't know. Idle hands, bro. But this guy, he froze one of his own body parts off. Yes, castrated males or eunuchs tend to gain fat

and lose muscle. That's really fascinating. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, eunuchs are big. That's why they were like bodyguards back in the day. What? Is that true? Eunuchs were bodyguards? Can I even say eunuch anymore? For like another week and a half, we could say eunuch. But these guys, wow, I didn't know eunuchs were often employed as bodyguards in the Middle East and China.

They were considered to be trustworthy and strong. Haven't you seen History of the World? Yeah, but I always thought that it was like a joke. No, it all has some kind of based in fact. That's fascinating. That's what makes it funny is that there's a little bit of truth in there. Wow. Yeah. I learn every day in this job. I learn every day.

Well, this guy, he had many people volunteer to have their dick and balls cut off. They had hands frozen off and smashed like he did with Unit 731. That's one of the... How much would he pay them? I don't know. I don't know. Would they split it with him? There's not a lot of details. I wish... I do want to know the ad split. Oh, we only got 100 views on your dick getting cut off. I do think that there's probably... We're going to have to have a little bit of like, listen, we love your work here. The numbers weren't good today. We honestly... We love what you do here and we want to like

sponsor you and like believe me we all love when you ate the cum from the recently cut off dick and balls from that priest who then committed suicide like we love that here it was great and we honestly and we all loved it Deb loved it Brian loved it I just are I'm just thinking that

The public wasn't into it. We want to catch the wave. Do you have something that's more in an Andrew Schultz? Like, I'm looking for something more in a sort of a young teen boy demographic. Can we do what? What kind of penises do young teen boys want to get? Watch get cut off. Yeah. Can we glue another penis to you and chop off that penis? Does the skibbity toilet have a penis that they want to be cut off live? Because I don't know. Do they have exclusives?

Does Skibiddy Togilato have an exclusive with YouTube or can we, do we get that? Does Unikmaker get that? Unikmaker, was he on, he wasn't on YouTube though. No, unfortunately no. He had his own service, which is kind of impressive. Honestly, I kind of want to, I take him as a really good example. Yeah. Of the independent content.

content maker. Yeah. Because that's a success story. It really is. You're getting money per view. Unlike YouTube, you ain't getting shit. And he knows his audience. He knows what they want. And he just dials it right in. Get a hold of that mailing list.

Those are fans. If they're watching penises get cut off, they like this show. Actually, I feel like these days it's more so, I feel like that's a two bears thing. Now, do you think that, now here's a question about people who watch penises get cut off. Conservative or liberal?

You think so? I think liberals, more often than not, are allowed to do the things that they think. You know what I mean? It depends, because now liberal's a bad word, because it's not liberal, it's whatever it is, right? The concept of you're on the, like, I feel like you're a little bit more groovy. You probably won't be as mad.

About like, you know, things going down with your penis that you didn't maybe fully expect would engage your penis, but you are engaging your penis and you're willing a little bit more to sort of like do that and be like fine with it. We're like these guys that, you know, a lot of times they'll create whole laws to try to go after the one person.

like pervy thing that they are specifically into. Cause I think in the actual research of getting this loss, they get to like legally go do a bunch of that perverted stuff, like on the side and then come back and be like, that's bad. Nobody should have their asshole eaten out by a train conductor anymore. Yeah. We would, I think we talked about this once before on the show, but the people who watch the most child pornography have to be cops. Yeah.

Yeah, sure. Yeah. It's whoever's. Yeah. And then the content controllers at Facebook, YouTube, Gmail, like Google. Like even that gets sent to the cops. Yeah. Oh, yeah. There is a do you know that there's like a pantheon? I wanted to write this. That's what the season two. I'll let you guys know the spoiler of this. The season two of Trollville was a concept we had where my character would play.

be one of the human eyeballs because they do need human eyeballs on the extreme content that comes in. So they've been trying to outsource it all to AI bots and bots that will catch child porn, catch people doing torture videos and snuff films. But you still need a person there. What about all these eunuchs?

Have them do it. But why should they be sad? Just because they don't have a penis anymore? I mean, who knows? They're probably already sad. There's already something fucked up with them. I mean, think if you don't, if you voluntarily... We don't have to worry about them jerking off to it. Well, it depends. Well, I don't think that they are, but I feel like it's still hard on their brains. I think that if you were voluntarily cutting your penis off and you're not in a transition position... You're literally gonna... You're not like a super chill dude. You're not in a transition position. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

I'm learning and growing. Yeah, I don't know.

I've lost the point of this conversation. You know, but it felt good to really talk it out. You know, I think it's good that we got the update section to half an hour today. I don't know how we did that. We didn't get to any new stories. These are roundtable rules, man. We see how far we can go before we actually get to stories. But you need new stories to have updates later on. They're all side stories, so they can be new ones or old ones as far as I'm concerned. But this is side stories, so on side stories, they're main stories.

sure all right let's get to some new stories what's what's first on your talk let me see what i got here all right we have this is honestly this came in very last minute it was right before i started recording and it actually is like it's fucked the story of a person that hit okay tell me about this you loosely started talking about this before we walked in here this is a hit and run

tail. Do you like that? Do you like a hit and run? A tail of hit and run. This, it is fucked up. So a person by the name of Karen Fisher, 20 years old, this comes out of Houston. On May 3rd, Steven Anderson was walking on a Texas street to pick up mail and a car ran him over. Now there is full on video of this hit and run. Was it intentional?

Watch this video. So the person is Karen Fisher. That's a suspect. Now, if we look right here, we're going to see in this video is caught on video and it's truly fucked up. It's not just a hit and run. So Steven Anderson, as you'll see, so we play this video a little bit. He was like just hanging out.

Here comes this older guy. Just a run-of-the-mill human. Yeah, seems alright. The car...

Oh, yeah. Literally, it went at it. Aims for him. The car knocks him over. Pushing him further into the street. Neighbors are on the phone. Oh, then she backed over him. All right, so now you see the car hit him. She then backed over him.

Right? Pushed him in the middle of the street. She's now just wandering around. So she got out of her car. She started wandering around. She's confronting people. But then in the video, you see her. She has stabbed the corpse multiple times. And then she straddles him after he's dead. After someone came out from inside of their homes and put a blanket on top of his dead body. And then begins to make out with his corpse. Then she gets up. Tries to break into this car.

This car won't let her in. She seems to be disoriented. No. I know. I don't want to go too far and say I feel like her judgment might have been impaired. And that is when she leapt over the corpse and ran away. So she ran away. No shoes on either. No shoes on. Running down the street. Very dangerous to drive with no shoes on. It is. And because, I mean, maybe at first you could say maybe the flip-flop fell off.

got stuck underneath the accelerator, fucking killed the guy, right? That's what I would do. That's what I'd say if I did this. Yeah. And then I'd say, oh, I had too much acid indigestion. That caused me to stab the corpse, make out with it, and then flee to see my friend. Well, you're trying to bring it back to life. I'm just been... CPR. I'm upset.

That's what I would say. I was beside myself, officer. Now, was the guy already dead when they stabbed him? Well, he wasn't doing good. And so they rolled over him twice. He was still probably in a form of a life. She then ended his life by stabbing a bunch and then kissing him. But it's all just all done on camera. Middle of the day. This is an afternoon. And she definitely...

aimed for him. She went to kill him. It's also really strange. I mean, just strolling up to him with the knife like that. It was just like...

It was like, oh, I know this motherfucker. But it was very interesting because they did not have very much of a criminal record. The records show that Karen Fisher was on community supervision for five years for evading arrest in 2023. I hate that charge, by the way. What do you mean? If that's the only charge, evading arrest, what was the arrest for? Basically, what that normally means from the amount of dash cam footage I've watched is that

normally it means that you have been stopped for something that is either speeding or not turning, not doing a turn signal, like a light, like some form of infraction. And then you have blown up the situation to where they're trumping up the charges on you or they just don't like you. Like truly they don't want you. Resisting arrest is an opinion crime. It is. And they are a, you would have to show like a lot of times now they have the body cam footage to show it. And a lot of times they just do that to kind of

bump up your bail because you have pissed off a police officer. Yeah. Because you've done something. This person doesn't, let's just say, I'm going to go on a limb and say the person that ran over this person, Karen Fisher, is a handful.

Yeah. I think she might be a lot to deal with because that morning she was also charged. I mean, there's got to be like crack or something. I mean, she was also. There's definitely drugs involved. I don't know. Maybe Advil. She was charged with assaulting a staff member at the hospital on the same day at the murder because they were. Oh, yes. Yes.

Imagine being that person. This person was really, really, but they were immediately arrested and they were being held on a $2 million bond. I don't think they have it. I'm going to go ahead and say, I don't think, judging by the lack of footwear,

I'm going to think they don't hang them. No, I think they may not. I think you're right. I think you're right. But that was a very scary video. That's kind of just why I wanted to show it. I was like Grand Theft Auto SVU. It was very, very scary. And you just got to be got to be careful out there. All right. Don't wear headphones at night. Don't wear your headphones at night. I wear my headphones at night. I love it. You shouldn't do it. You shouldn't do it. It makes you a mark. Does it? Yeah, dude. Even with the earbuds? Well, you're a big guy. I'm so big. No one fucks with me.

It's kind of nice. Sometimes all the guys that fuck with the biggest guys are like true psychopaths. Oh, yeah. Well, those guys you got to watch out for. I just keep myself away from them. You can see them a mile away. Yeah, because they're like clenched fists and walking down the street all heavy. Sometimes you have to take a shoulder and just deal with it. Oh, yeah, sure. But that's fine. I can live through taking a shoulder. And now we got this. This is another fucked up story. Poison expert.

Accused of filling wild. I can't believe this guy is so fucking stupid. This guy, this guy, Connor Bowman, 31, is accused of using liquid. I believe it's colchicine to poison his wife. 32 year old Betty Bowman died on August 20th. Now, this was he was a medical student resident. She's also a doctor, right? Oh, yes. Or an anesthesiologist or something. They were both on their way.

She was a pharmacist. Pharmacist. Okay, that's what it was. And he was working in, I guess, yeah, he was a medical resident. Now, he knew that, I guess, this medicine that he fed to her was called liquid colchicine, I believe that's how it's pronounced. And it was for, I guess it's supposed to be for gout.

But it can be fatal in high dosages. And they thought that maybe they would look for it. But she had gastrointestinal distress for four days and then she died, which is a major sign that you've been poisoned. And he said no autopsy and he wanted to cremate it. Oh, of course. Yeah. Boom. Done. And that's how, you know, same thing with Chad Daybell. Immediately, everybody that died in the vicinity of Chad Daybell, he wanted that everyone, everybody needed to be immediately cremated.

because they believe, which is now I've learned from watching hours and hours of the Chad Daybell-Lori Vallow trial, that they believe that the entire police department of Rexburg, Idaho, had been infiltrated by demon zombies. Oh, good. Yeah. It's just that easy. But this guy, he decided... Demon zombies aren't going to Idaho. No. That's like the last place they go. I just feel like Idaho. You know, who's going? Everyone's leaving. I love you, Idaho. Yeah. But everyone's leaving. How much Irish can you take? Irish? Well, it's potato land.

Idaho potatoes? Yeah, but we're going to get into a whole thing. Should we just cut this? Probably. All right, cut it. Or bleep a bunch of stuff. Yeah, I love that. What? 9.6 of Idaho's population. Which is not enough. Slightly. One-tenth of the people who live there. I guess so. That's just America. Yeah.

So what got this guy was the fact that he looked up whether or not he could list himself as a widow on Bumble and then locked in a widower like the thing. Because I get it. I bet you in his mind, he's thinking, I'm going to so much pussy is going to be jumping at my face. They are going to think I'm Katie Lang. That's...

Like these guys are, these women are not going to let me go. Right? If they think I'm a widower. That's like, it's like a person who watches too much porn, right? Yes. Guys who watch too much porn think that they're just going to get laid the moment they're like not married anymore. Guess what, buddy? It ain't as generous out there as you think. We have a couple of divorced friends and it ain't pretty out there, buddy. Hold on to your loved one.

Hold on to your loved one. But this is very... Two days before he poisoned her, he looked up what a widower looks like, the meaning of widower. How he can get on, basically how he can position himself as a widower. Because then he said that he told these women that immediately connected with him. Because guess what? It worked. Because people are like, oh my God. He was getting messages that were like, are you sure?

And you feel comfortable flirting and dating again. But it also was like six days later. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He jumped right on. It was like really soon. Well, it's because he kept telling them, my wife, like super tragic story.

I was there every minute for my wife. And when we helped her with an assisted death a year ago on her deathbed, like these like super fake stories about how what a brave husband he was to help her through her last moments. Like the internet exists. The obituary is not even out yet. I do find that very interesting that these men really do. There's been several of these, like Chris Watts and the story of him and Shanann Watts. Like Chris Watts, like legitimately thought

Oh, no. My mistress is going to be so thrilled to find out my wife and two children died mysteriously and disappeared. She's going to be so horny for it. She can't wait. Like this idea that like you don't think that

Women are private investigators. Oh, they love it. I mean, I like it. I understand. I understand. But they look up your every movement. They have said that they're like going over all your movements with their friends. They are looking at multiple opinions about your move. Everybody's looking at your stuff. That's over, dude. You don't get to just restart it.

It doesn't work like that anymore. You can't just wipe out one family and build another. Yeah, does it keep happening? Yes. Does it? Do families get wiped out on a whim over fucking just like literally seeing a new pair of boobs? And guess what, man? Guess where you can see a new pair of boobs? On the internet. They're all over the internet. You go to a strip club. You can fucking get cam girl. There's so many places you can go. You can just see another pair of boobs. You don't need to kill your family. You can go... And guess what? There also is...

Divorce. Divorce seems like such a better option than murder. I actually don't know, but I do think that it's always better than murder. It's always better than murder because you're not going to get away with it.

No, not anymore. Those days are over. It's over. That's done. 83 was like the last time. Divorce ain't fun either. Yeah. But again, we've said this. We've talked about this many, many times and we'll always say it. Just get in the car and leave. If you want to, if that's how you got to do it, be a man and leave. Just go. Go to Mexico. Yeah. Go to Portugal. Yeah. Go to a place where you could meet. Peruvian mummy town. Find an easily foolable person that wants to be with you. There's a lot of them.

You can go get one. It's very, very easy. But yeah, he killed her. I mean, innocent until proven guilty. But I mean, he's a poison guy and his wife died of being poisoned and he was trying to figure out what a widower was two days before he killed her. We're not lawyers. I'm just mad he killed her on Julie's birthday. I do, yeah. I mean, everybody's been mad. Everybody's been killed on everyone's birthday. No one's been killed on my birthday.

I'm sure it's been happening. I'm going to look it up right now. I'm sure it was, yeah. October 5th. Homicides that have happened. On October 5th. I want to know a good one. Yeah, this is good. I want to know. Deaths, October 5th. No, no. City of Long Beach. I'm looking at Long Beach. I'm sure I can remember. I don't know.

Wow, Long Beach was the first that came up for me as well. Yep. Here we go. October 5th, 1999, Dr. Harold Shipman. Yep. He went on trial. That's someone he killed. That's someone he killed. Harold Shipman went on trial. Extremely boring person for somebody who killed 300 people. 15, yeah. Extremely, extremely boring. Yeah, no, right here. Murder investigation, 800 block of Atlantic Avenue. This is in Long Beach. Traffic fatalities. A couple of those. Yeah, but traffic fatalities happen, you know. I'm not worried about that.

Yeah, I think that's fine. I mean, that's going to happen, you know, unless it's the woman we saw earlier running over the guy twice and stabbing him and kissing him and shit in front of everybody. See, that doesn't happen. Yeah. You know. Shout out to the lady who put a blanket on him. I mean. What a nice. I guess. Oh, Joseph Goebbels died on your birthday. Oh, nice. What?

Oh, Kerbal's died on my birthday. Yeah, he killed himself on your birthday. Oh, thanks. Yeah. Oh, that's a new factoid. And his children. Oh, great. Oh, that's also when Adolf Hitler killed himself. All of his children had...

h names yeah hydrum hedwig holden helmet healed guard like george garman yeah he had all h children that's so cute see this is why these conversations lead somewhere they really lead places and we learn so much not one henry wow he had six children with h names and not one of them was henry we'd probably be heinrich

Yeah. Henry, I just learned, is the ninth most popular name amongst newborns. I know. Everybody's saying Henry. And it's honestly kind of driving me insane. I'm getting a little bit of a twitch from it because everywhere I go, I hear, down, Henry! Henry, don't put that in your mouth! Henry! Henry, come here! Henry, stop that! Henry, get off the man! Well, dude, try having the name Ed, dude. Anytime anyone screams, it sounds like they're saying my name. Like, Ed! Ed!

That's what you hear? Yeah, that's what I hear. What a horrible trap you're in. Yeah, yeah. What are you going to do? All right. Well, I think that we've talked enough. Baby, Flipper died on your birthday in 1997. How did Flipper die? How did Flipper die? It doesn't really say. But one of the Flippers. Autoerotic asphyxiation.

That'd be incredible. He jammed a cork in his blowhole and fucking tried to suck his own dick. Fucking full finger at himself with his fucking dolphin ass until he comes out his front. According to the trainer, Rick O'Berry, the dolphin that played Flipper on the 1960s TV show Flipper, died by suicide in his arms. Yeah, they talk about that in The Cove, but that's a different Flipper. What? There was a lot of Flippers. You gotta be fucking kidding me. After being found covered in black blisters and beer...

Why? Danny Aiello III. Dolphin committed suicide on my birthday. It's a different flipper. Flipper committed suicide on my birthday. I am getting that t-shirt made. Flipper committed suicide on my birthday. Yes. Too real. Too real, buddy. Too real here, man.

I'd be careful out there. Yeah. So, yeah, Goebbels, that's a good one. That really is a good one. Thanks, Eddie. No problem. See, now you get to say that forever. Gordon Lightfoot died on your birthday. That's the boring.

Is that from last year? Have some respect. I think it was last year. It was last year. Yeah, because I remember the memes. Yeah, and then they were still trying to sell tickets to his concert like two weeks later. I'm like, nope. I literally got an email. That would be incredible. They're like, go to Gordon Lightfoot. I was like, I don't think he's coming. Yeah, they're just going to play a CD and just have an old man stand next to a stool and just like, we'll get a couple of people. They'll still think he's alive. Yeah, I remember when that boat died. No one's looked closely at Gordon Lightfoot for about 15 years. Fly from your grave.

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We actually, there was so much stuff we didn't get to today, but it was all animal news. It was literally all animal news. One was the bear dragging the victim from the wreckage. The guy that, like, they found him dragged from the car because he fucking died in a car crash and the bear ate his fucking remains, which is hilarious. The Chinese zoo dying dogs that look like pandas. I mean, again, not, not. It's the only place where there are pandas.

I don't know. We should be dying dogs. But I actually feel like it's nicer to the pandas in a way. I'm sure. Honestly, I would love to get a chow and diet like a panda. I think that's so cute. Look at that thing. I know. It's so cute. That thing's adorable. You dye Wendy's hair. Of course. No, we do. Honestly, I'm already getting, I know I'm getting emails talking about like why, blah, blah, blah. But I think with side stories, LPOTL at gmail.com, explain to me. Because I think it's actually probably better for the animals if they keep a dog dressed. If they don't have

the proper enclosures and the proper treatment plans for this endangered animal the panda i think that this is actually a responsible way for people to think they have seen a panda yeah and you've yes you've seen a dog which is much easier to take care of than a panda yeah man i'm just worried with all this tiktok shit how we're gonna make china sell part of their tiktok in america it's not gonna happen i'm just worried a year from now but we just got our pandas back

Oh, you think they're going to take the pandas back? I think they're going to take the pandas back again. I think good luck coming to try to take our pandas back. They did it in the first place. We sent them back. Well, guess what? They're this time. They were the first thing on a plane during COVID where the pandas leave in San Diego. You want a fucking hot war? You come for our pandas. All right? They're their pandas. We just borrow them. They're on lease? Yeah.

They're China's pandas. Isn't that crazy? We shouldn't be indebted to them with our panda economy. Honestly, I feel like we're already way indebted to them enough. We used to have pandas in D.C. I say we give those pandas back. That's leverage we don't need on us. I want the pandas. But we could go see them. I'm actually, and I just talked about this because I went to go see, we went to the L.A. County Fair. We went to the petting zoo, which was cute and it was fine. It wasn't as depressing as I thought it was going to be.

But I'll see an animal on Zoom. I don't need to see an animal in person. Really? I'll see an animal. I'll see a picture of an animal and I'm fine with it. You don't like going to the zoo? I hate the zoo. I think it's like a prison. Whoa. I hate the zoo. Well, some zoos are awful, but some zoos are wonderful. And if you're born there, I mean, like I've lived in an apartment. Is it weird I'd rather go to a human prison?

Yeah, that's very weird. It'd be kind of cool. Think about this. Instead of going to the zoo, you go to a human prison, you go to death row. Okay. And you can go and you could see all of them and then you pay money for each one of them and tell you their story. That's a true crime podcast.

That's literally from the mouth of the killer. You're just producing. You're not enjoying yourself. Go get a hobby. You're just working. That's an incredible idea, though, right? Yeah. Jail stories? Yeah, jail stories from the death row guys while they're in their cages. That's fun. Don't call them cages. I'm just saying, when they're in death row, they can all tell you their own stories.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fun as hell. I feel like that's way more, like, cool than with animals. I hung out in jail to make the jail special with Jeff. I hung out there. No, it's scary in there. It's very frightening. And no one tells the truth. No, of course not. They're all lies. Yeah, that's what we discovered for all the years we've been covering serial killers, all these guys. They don't... They are...

The reason why you cannot trust a jailhouse confession is because it gets them out of the fucking jailhouse. It gets them out of the cell. It gets them to talk. It gets them a lot more privileges. So unfortunately, they are selling it under the guise of I want to, you know, do something good for all the time I've spent inside. But a lot of times it's because there's a lot of self-interest involved, which is why you can't you have to take jailhouse confessions with a grain of salt.

Oh, for sure. And also the story about that we didn't get to the morbidly obese monkey after he died. He ate himself to death. And he's the cutest guy. He fucking lived a great life. He lived the life the way he wanted to. He is a big fat guy. And he was on a diet. But hey. What are you going to do? He died a James Gandolfini death. And I hope I'm next. Man, that's like that was one of those things that.

Rodney Dangerfield died on my birthday. Wow. You're still looking at who died on your birthday? No, I was looking at yours before. Now I'm looking at mine. Now I was curious. Steve Jobs! Wow. That's a good one. He ate papayas to death. One of my favorite jokes is everybody wanted to work for Steve Jobs, except his pancreas.

You hear that? It's not my joke. I just repeated it. It's not my joke. I'm throwing it out there, but I think it needs to be told as much as possible. Oh, and I also got, so one little, like, before the list of emails. That is a fat monkey. That is a fat monkey. He's cute. He died? Yeah. He ate himself to death. But he went out like he wanted. That's what I'm saying. Like James Gandolfini. Yeah. He chose this life. Yeah. Was his son next to him? I don't think. I think his son is long out, dude. I think that that monkey...

He's living his own life. He's not concerned about child care. Yeah. All right. So let's do a little bit of listener emails. One thing I got was a response to a little bit of a skeptic bump against Marcus's experience with the paranormal, with the doweling rods or where we go. These these two swinging things. There's a thing that is called an idiometer.

or phenomena, the idiometer phenomena, which is the idea that you can, it's used in hypnotism and it's used in various other sort of chicanery processes where you put an idea in somebody's head and then they subconsciously reflect the idea. So the idea is that maybe that in the

sales pitch of talking to the ghost, right? And this idea that we're setting a parameter, the doweling rods go wide when it's yes, they cross when it's no, you've been subconsciously told a part of your brain that this is what you're looking for and you're asking questions. And then unbeknownst to you consciously, your hands will use the idiometer effect and it will do unconscious movements that will make the thing move.

the way you want it to. Oh, like a Ouija board. That's what they also say about Ouija boards. I will say, I do find it interesting that the doweling rods...

In my hands were wiggly and in others they weren't. So I find it interesting. But they didn't move for you. They didn't do anything for me. And there's no chance of a motor being in them or anything like that? No, they're just a sleeve thing. You could pull it out. You look at it, it's like a sleeve. It's like a cylinder. So it's just a metal pole. It's two metal poles. It's two metal things. It doesn't need to be plugged into anything? No, I could see how. So, but I understand that there is a, it's what, you know, like confirmation bias, like all of those things. You go into a scenario expecting something to happen.

and it's a little bit easier for it to happen. And something like the neometer effect might explain some paranormal communications, but I still feel like it's very, and of course we have our ardent support

skeptics that think that anything that's woo-wee is stupid, which you're allowed to live that life. I know what I saw. Why are they even listening to the show if they believe that? It's both. It's all. Everybody's interested. That's the weird part to me. It's like, well, that's what we talk about. Well, they like to listen to get angry. Oh, okay. Which I do understand, but I... This is the type of thing where I was in the room

It was weird in there, but I do understand that it's a consciousness thing. I still believe it's a consciousness thing. I don't think that we necessarily spoke to an entity in that room that was outside of that room. The way I look at it is, I don't feel like ghosts can answer questions because they don't have brains. That's why they use our brains to answer the questions. Oh, wow. I love this. Yeah, dude. Get high, dog. Fuck yeah, man. I got weeks left to the last stream. Don't fuck with me, dude. I got fucking to wait, dude.

All right. I got one last little letter. Now, it's been a while since we've had poo-poo news. Yeah, we feel like we could talk about it. I feel like we can have a little break. It's time for us now. I feel like there has to be some for us. We love poo-poo. It just comes up a lot. I'm a big poo-poo boy. I mean, really, it hits with the nephews. Oh, actually, before the poo-poo story, this actually really... Maybe I should wait till Marcus to talk about the crucifixion update. Is that there was a crucifixion that happened...

in Ireland where a guy was basically fucking with a neighborhood crew and they nailed him to a fence crucifixion style and apparently that was very often done during the troubles that was considered a paramilitary style attack

Paramilitaries dole these attacks out for everything from repeat criminality to dealing on the wrong patch to owing the wrong person money. These paramilitaries are a leftover stain from the troubles. They're now a little more than gangsters. Where is this? This is in Ireland. This happened to a guy. They're just kind of crucifying people in Ireland? They've been doing it. Apparently that's a thing that they used to do. The man that was crucified last week was repeatedly warned by the local boys about stealing...

A warning he did not heed, so they burnt out his van and nailed his hands over his head onto someone's garden fence. Now, apparently that's not like a real, that's not a cross crucifixion. No, it's just to offense. But still, the act of nailing someone to something is called a crucifixion. Interesting. See, I thought you had to be on a cross. I don't think so. I believe that a crucifix is just a fun way to do it.

Okay. You know what I mean? It's the artistic way. All right. So if it was like a... You could nail anybody to any plank of wood. Any plank of wood? What about like stucco or sheetrock? Oh, yeah. I mean, I don't know if it'll hold. You have to put one of those little anchors in there. Yeah, yeah. Definitely got it. Yeah, yeah. Do that. But yeah, apparently they're one, the more so, I guess the more common way that the paramilitaries fuck somebody up is they shoot you in the back of the knees and it's called kneecapping. Damn. It's not good.

You don't want to be in any disagreements with those guys. But also, it's an extremely complicated topic that we don't know a heck of a lot about. I take back my Idaho comments. And here's the poo-poo story. Thank you. I need some dookie in my life. Shout out to my family in Wichita, Kansas. Please don't let this happen to you. I live in Wichita, and there's a nice little restaurant near where I work in town. My coworker and I, we eat there regularly.

Today we went in, we had our food, and we were about to leave when I had to go and take a shit. Told my co-worker I would meet him back at the shop because it might be a minute. We laughed. He left. I entered the bathroom. There are two stalls and a urinal in this bathroom. One stall was occupied, so I took the other. It was mid-shit when an envelope was dropped onto the ground in the stall next to me. I said, hey man, you dropped something. They then kicked it into my stall and said, open it.

I hesitated and I said, do you need help or something? They said, yeah. So I opened the envelope and said it was a hundred dollar bill and a note that said, please do not judge me. I have a problem. Please do not flush. You can keep the money if you don't flush. I have a second envelope with $200 for you if you leave your socks in the bowl. I laughed and I said, are you for real, man? He then held another envelope down under the stall to where I could see it.

I got back to the shop, and the first thing my coworker asked me is if the restaurant was out of toilet paper, to which I said something like that, and I held up 300 bucks. He didn't believe me, but I know you guys would appreciate the experience. So I don't know. I doubt. I mean, it's a very silly email. I'd love to see the proof. Yeah. Not the poop, but if...

If it is true, because were you here, were we talking about that? That's a guy hard to be gay in Wichita. It's intense. If you're spending 300 bucks to like, there's a, there's an LGBT like, like world and stuff. And all, there's always pockets that you can kind of go to and really intense cities and stuff like that. Like, you know, like, okay. See, even has a really like thriving LGBT community. Uh, but it's all like, you know, even though it's a very, very conservative town, but

But my thing is that we've had, there was the Calgary shit eater that we covered a while ago where it's that this does happen. Well, I don't think he's, I mean, who knows what he's doing with it with socks and the socks are in the toilet. Honestly, truly my imagining. You can't see it. It's been him just going. Well, I,

Putting his hands in the bowl, mushing around. Taking a sock, putting it on his head. Jerking off a little bit. That is an expensive activity. Hey, you know. Did you $300 worth? I know. We spent more to go see Neil Young, which is almost the same thing.

Yeah, the West Edmonton Mall poop eater. We've been dealing with these. So these guys are out there. And then we dealt with the whole saga of talking to various OnlyFans producers. Oh, shit, my phone. We talked to various OnlyFan producers that talked about selling their poo-poo and how lucrative it is. And, you know, sometimes I wonder, am I in the wrong business?

I mean, I'm pooping three times a day. Oh, if I could sell my, if I could move my poop to, in a way that wouldn't just sicken people. And I just feel like, I mean, if I'm selling my shit, if you're buying my shit, like you do have a problem. Like I think that if you. What? Moving movements. Yeah. That's my new business. Yeah. That's a good name for a shit selling business. Is it weird though? Cause in one way it's like, I do understand if it's from a hot girl's butt.

Like, if it's from a hot girl's butt, I don't want it. Yeah, I'm not saying I'm into it. I'm just saying. I mean, if I have to play with shit, I'd prefer it to be from a hot girl's butt. But why is that? Why is it? Because it is still shit. Well, a big, fat, sweaty man. I mean, my shit. I mean, it's Philly cheesesteaks. Oh, yeah. You know, like, at least that's like roughage. Yesterday, I thought a hamburger. I tried to cover a hamburger with vegetarian sushi.

What do you think my shit was like this morning? You covered a hamburger with vegetarian sushi? Yeah, I ate vegetarian sushi then for dinner. To be like, we're all going to go to lunch. Oh, but you had the hamburger for lunch. We're all going to go to lunch. We're all going to go to lunch. We're all going to go to lunch. We're all going to go to lunch. We're all going to go to lunch. We're all going to go to lunch.

really healthy breakfast doesn't count breakfast should usually be healthy anyway but one healthy meal a day i think is a good way to go that's all i do yeah but then but the problem is that when you eat one big fat meal right and as a fat man when you look at a fucking vegetarian menu and you're like i can go shit hell on this yeah i could eat whatever i want it's got calories and something i ate too much chinese food last night it did not go well

What are you going to do? Nothing. Except change. Yeah, I don't think I can. I'll change my clothes. Not my lifestyle. You got to live every day knowing for a fact that changing is for losers. Hell yeah, man. Love the fact that I stay exactly the same. Learn no lessons, tell no lies. These fucking pussies, man. Yeah, dude. I don't need to learn. I don't need to grow. I don't need to get healthier. All I need to do is laugh. Because laughter is the best medicine, especially if you don't have insurance. Because it's the only medicine you'll have. But then you find out a lot of times...

It was like we were saying on stage the other day, which I do believe. Shout out to everyone who came out to Side Story. Sold out show at the Masonic. So much fun. I can't wait. Hopefully we get to perform there again sometime soon. It looks like we are. We might be, but we can't announce it yet. But we'll figure that out. And then it's nice about laughing.

because laughter is the best medicine. But what I also thought was really nice is that when you were talking about when you went to, when you took Rambo to the dog ER, I think it's so nice that they actually just have humans in there like doing medicine instead of bringing in like the Patch Adams guys. Oh yeah. I hate, don't make me laugh if I have cancer. Also, I mean, I don't think dogs would get it

Dogs laugh. Side stories, LPOTL. People say they don't, but I think they do. I think that they do. Oh my God. Shout out to Blue, the dog that died behind me. But when I went to, when Rambo was in the emergency room. He said, I don't even want you to look up Rob, can dogs laugh? I want them to email me. Side stories, LPOTL, gmail.com. I know that dogs laugh for a fact. I've seen, I've told jokes to Rambo and he laughs. I mean, I do believe that is a confirmation bias. Yeah.

But you're allowed to have it. Patreon.com. I pushed Tootsie off a chair once, and he looked at me, and he smiled, and I was like, that was fun. You like that, yeah. I know you like the rambling. Go to Patreon.com slash podcast on the left if you want to see our bodies. Yeah. Go to TikTok at LP on the left to help China gain mastery over this country. Go to Twitch.tv slash LPNTV to see all of our incredible streams.

Incredible work. Good Pud is coming back. Hell yeah. As you know, we have our podcast. We've been recording it. That's going to come out very soon. Are you going to release it weekly or are you going to put it all at once? You'll see. Okay. That's a good question.

Very good question. Then we go to lastpodcastontheleft.com to see us on tour. We are going to Denver this week. We are sold out. We cannot fucking wait to see you. I think there's like eight tickets left. Yes, we can't wait. It's been so long. I can't wait. I love Denver. We're going to have a blast. It's one of my favorite places. We're coming to Seattle. We're coming to Brooklyn. We're coming to... Go to lastpodcastontheleft.com. DC in July. Please, come and see us. That's going to be fun. And Australia, I promise you.

We are putting together. It is happening. I got the itinerary. I sent it. I got a new passport. We are going. Plane tickets are purchased. There's going to be a visa. Yeah, it is going to happen. We cannot wait. The actual, like, I owe you a live stream. It is happening. We are working on it. It's going to happen right before we leave. I promise you, you fucks. I promise you. We're working on it now. We're just trying to get all of your information bundled in a way that isn't too...

Like what Morgan Freeman did in the first Batman film. But then Batman knew how important it was to not allow such a nefarious tool like Morgan Freeman had built. Are you going to make me quit? I'll fill my scruples. Am I Morgan Freeman in this conversation? I don't know. Because that would make you Batman. Yes.

And Marcus is Alfred. Yeah. Yeah. No, Mark, you're Robin. I'm Robin. I like being Robin. I'll be Robin. But I'm no acrobat. I'll tell you that much. No, no, no. More like a fatcrobat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey! Thank you, guys. Come on, fuckers. All right, we'll see you next week. Yeah, eddietunes.com. Yeah, go buy his fucking jokes. Yeah, thank you so much for everyone who watched my movie this week. That was very sweet of you guys. Yes. All right, love you all. How America Killed My Mother on Amazon. Enjoy it. Go watch it. Get sad. Hell, Satan. Hell, my mama.

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