Episode 566: David Icke and the Reptilians Part I - The Biggest Secret
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The road leads to here.

JK Ultra. It's coming to these North American cities. We got Denver, May 16th. Seattle, June 8th. Washington, D.C., July 13th. Chicago, Illinois, September 14th. October 16th, we got Boston, Massachusetts, November 2nd, right here in Los Angeles, California. And then on December 7th, we're going home to Brooklyn for a show at the King's Theater. Yeah, Brooklyn, baby! It's time for you...

To laugh again and open your fucking eyes. Yeah, at the same time. There's no place to escape to. This is the last podcast. On the left. That's when the cannibalism started. What was that? Okay, you want to start? Yeah. I don't know, are you ready to start? I've been ready.

I'm already annoyed. All right, Eddie, first of all, first lesson today, you know what I'd like you to do? This is my middle finger. Okay. Right now, I'm not telling you to go fuck yourself. Okay. It might look like it. Okay. But I'm not. And that's the David Icke way to live, right? I want you to feel my middle finger. Touch it.

How does that feel? Solid? Soft. Yeah. But also, but solid. Hasn't done a hard day's work in his life. I mean, it's a little mushy. But feel it. I feel it. But you feel like it's here in this room with you. It is in the room, but it's not hard like a penis is hard. You're wrong. It's very hard. This is as hard as my penis gets. That's it? Wow. But I also, you're wrong.

Because we're not solid. We are perceivers. We are mushy. We are awareness. Yeah, I know we're mushy. We are not objects. We have no solidity. Oh. We are boundless. We forget this and thus we entrap the totality of ourselves in a vicious circle from which we rarely emerge in our lifetime. Okay. Don Mattingly. Oh, thank you.

Welcome to the last podcast on the left, ladies and gentlemen. My name is Marcus Parks. Here with the sports reference is Henry Zebrowski. You know, we are, this is, there's a lot built up to the series. This is big. This is a lot for me to bring to the table. Look at what I have in my hands. His books. He has so many books in his hands. Of course, Ed Larson is here with us as well. And the books that Henry has in

in his hands are of course authored by the one and only David Ike the mastermind behind the reptilian conspiracy more like David Yikes having fun today already wow wow and you say you're ready huh yeah so you've been keeping that in your pocket for what 14 years yeah I um I always thought that if I went to Rikers Island on the bus like the worst thing you could do is like as you're pulling up you just be like looks like we're all headed to Yikes

All right. I'm going to go sit in the back of the bathroom so I can smell the shit. David Icke.

is a troubling subject in the fact that today I have consumed up to now, up to today, I'm not exaggerating, 20 hours of David Icke material. Right to a solid just watching it. Just watching with my eyeballs. And I am getting sick.

stupider. Yeah. Yeah, you like it though. No, I'm past that now. I was liking it. He likes the surface level. He likes the idea of it. But actually getting into it is a fucking slog. Trust me. And I read Dianetics. Yeah. All right. And I sort of understood Dianetics. I tried to read the Communist Manifesto.

which was even more difficult to read because it's all fucking real. Right? But this shit is, this is difficult. But you know what I did understand? I actually got a moment today where I understood David Icke a little bit closer because, you know, he begins all of his books with quotes. Every, that's how he does it. And all of his lectures and everything that he talks about, he always got quotes to prove everything. And so what he says here is that as you both, for first of all, be warned.

Because ridicule is the tribute that mediocrity pays to genius. So first of all, when you guys make fun of me. Don't make fun of me. I'm too smart. I'm too smart. By making fun of you, I make you a genius. Yes. So everyone who's ever been made fun of in the history of the world is a genius. Yep. That is what David Icke unlocked. That is the power that he unlocked. Where did that go? Who is that quote attributed to?

Anonymous. Yeah, you never know. So he read that shit on a fucking internet comment. Yes, definitely read that in a dove, like little square of chocolate, you know, when you open it up and it says stuff. But I understand that today because I was walking down the street carrying coffees for our staff. Which we appreciated. And then I was coming down the street. Didn't offer me one. Nope. You weren't here yet.

I was here. I was at the coffee shop before you. Yeah, but you were getting your salad. Yeah, I got a salad. You were getting your weak man's lunch. And I was sitting, I walked down the street and the fucking wind came, knocked my hat off. Everybody's sitting outside of the restaurant. Oh, they laughed at me. How, was it a snicker, a giggle? They literally pointed going like, they were inside the glass and they're all like, I saw it.

I saw what happened. Did you get your hat back? No. Oh, wow. You lost your hat? Yeah. It rolled into the middle of the street. One of my favorite hats. It rolled into the middle of the street. Got hit by two cars. Just fucking wait. Because I had a bunch of coffees in my hand. I'm not going to go out there and just pick them up. I felt like a target. I would want to hit me. Imagine to be so wealthy. No. Did you let your hat...

To let hats go. Oh, a disposable hat. I didn't want to become a target. You go home to your hat dispenser and just pull another one out? No, you take the coffees, you put them on one of those outside tables, you wait till traffic stops, you get your hat. You slap it against your leg, you put it back on your head. No, I didn't want to be laughed at again because I didn't want to be shown just how much of a genius I am.

I really am. But no, it is difficult. Fastest man within 10 feet, my ass. Fastest man within 10 feet could get his hat out from the street. No, fastest man with 10 feet knows it's better to save your energy for the show. And I just didn't want to. I'm also one of those. I don't tie my shoes in the street because I'm so afraid someone's going to come up behind me and just grab me in my ass and start. Not full on like rape. Nobody wants to. But like taking my like fucking wallet and shit. And pulling my pants down and laughing at my butt.

This is the Valley. It's chill. Super chill. It's chill here, man. It's fine. You're not in Fresh Pond anymore. I can't show weakness. It's not weakness. Tying your shoe, walking with an untied shoe is weaker than tying your shoe. No, but I learned from David Icke that accepting my weakness makes me strong. You know, people have been reaching out to me.

They're like, Ed, how are you handling all the content? Is everything okay? Emotionally, all the murder and stuff. This is what pisses me off. I know. You know, today is like what drives me completely insane. I can read about the fucking guys from Chicago lopping off tits all day. You can? Sure. All right. Let's get into the story of David Icke and the reptilians.

David Icke is a former soccer player and BBC sportscaster who, for all intents and purposes, lost the plot of reality after visiting a psychic in 1990. I let you say he only had a pinky grip on reality to begin with. In order for that to push you over the edge? Yeah. Clad in his trademark turquoise tracksuit, Icke subsequently wrote a book called The Truth Vibrations. Truth, truth, truth, truth vibrations.

Then he went on talk shows to tell everyone that he was the son of the Godhead, not the son of God, important distinction, and he had therefore been chosen to bring the truth to the people. But back in 1991, David Icke's truth was mostly about the aforementioned vibrations, good and bad, along with all sorts of other New Age hokum that nobody would have paid attention to had it not been for the novelty of the situation. Basically, David Icke's coming out would have been the American equivalent

of Marv Albert making the rounds on talk shows to tell us with deadly seriousness about color energies, life forces, a 12,000-year-old plot by mysterious forces to keep humanity down along with the inevitable end of the world as we know it. And I'll also tell you, yes, and I'll also tell you, I know for a fact that I was just checking to see if that sex worker was made of chocolate. Ha ha ha!

And the experiment failed. Let me tell you about cockatiels and how they can help you heal from the flu. Can't buy a bucket. You know, I simply, because in order to even buy the bucket, I have to find one. Is anybody working at these hardware stores?

See, what many people don't realize about David Icke is that prior to his established notoriety, he was more of a colorful, if anti-Semitic, British character for most of the 90s, writing various books about the power of love, as well as millennia-long conspiracies and ancient civilizations. And this is all using bad science and worse history. And of course, we will be delving seriously into the thoughts and processes of David Icke. And I will say, upon this...

dip into the swamp. He's definitely anti-Semitic. Yeah. I'm glad you were able to join us on that one. Larry King does look like a lizard. We all know that. Barack Obama unfortunately does have sideways eyelids. We know that.

But that's again, that's because he's Hawaiian. David Ike, he is a it's you know what? Because I realize that we're going to, you know, we'll keep my tongue firmly implanted in cheek. Indeed. Explaining the reptilian theories. But he is. Yeah, he's not.

He's an extraordinarily dangerous individual. Yeah, he's not an innocent man. Well, in 1999, eight years after he came out as a new ager, David Icke went global when he released the book that has since become his double-edged sword because it both made him famous and it guaranteed that he would never be taken seriously by anyone with half a brain ever again. That's his superpower. No shame. And we have learned in the 21st century, is that not the ultimate...

They took the currency that runs this whole fucking world right now. No shame. Well, in 1999, Ike self-published The Biggest Secret, which, as many of you already know, is how most of the world came to discover the reptilian agenda. You know, you can't name a book Biggest Secret. Because it's not a secret anymore. It's the biggest secret until the book. Yeah, now it's nothing.

Now it's the biggest truth. See? See? Anything you say, I can say some stupid bullshit to tell you you're wrong. Got his ass. Boomerang effect. I'm so stupid. Yeah, see? Got him. See? Now his fucking confidence is destroyed. No, but you're not stupid, Eddie. You're not stupid. You're just...

Ignorant. Which David Icke really explains really well. It's not that you're, it's like you ignore because you don't know because you're so deeply entrenched in the matrix. Look at your shirt. Look at your hat. Look at your face. You're so deeply entrenched in the matrix that you won't, you can't see on the outside and it's not your fault because you are trained to ignore the signs that make you ignorant. I'm more ignorant uncle. Yeah.

Who's going to be worse today, me or David? I don't know. I think it's all of us in a race downhill. In a nutshell, David Icke's reptilian narrative is that for 10 seconds...

I didn't do it, though. I didn't say it. Well, you didn't say it, but you did it, and I had to acknowledge that. Join the Patreon if you want to see jokes like this that you can't hear on the show. Well, David Icke's reptilian narrative is that for tens of thousands of years, every government, every secret society, and every multinational industry have been run by an alien race called the Archons.

And these are all run either through direct rule or reptilian puppetry. First thing that you're incorrect about. Archons is just an example of one of the archontic forces that might be facing us and keeping us in this giant, what some people call a prison prison.

planet. Let me ask you this. If I would have said draconians, would you have also told me I was wrong? Yes, because the reptilians are actually the ones that are a part of this, but they're in a lower rung than the draconians. And that's all according to the thought processes of Maestro Pastore in the Encyclopedia of Alien Races. Right. And if I would have said Anunnaki, would you have also told me I was wrong? Yes, because the Anunnaki are just the beginning forms of this. And like now we're dealing the reptilians, obviously they took over, but all of these are just the samples of

of archontic forces. Do the reptilians lay eggs? No. Unclear. Unclear. No, they don't because it's all psychic breeding. They do a lot of DNA testing. They put into a bunch of labs and technology. But that's the draconians more than the reptilians. Reptilians are the foot soldiers of the draconians. Thank you very much.

In one of their many forms, reptilians are semi-physical inhabitants from the so-called fourth density, which is a plane of reality that vibrates at a higher rate than our material three-dimensional world. It is, however, a misnomer to say that the reptilians are shapeshifters. It is a misnomer. Rather than, say, Odo from Deep Space Nine, who changes literal form.

Shank to Sung. Yeah, yeah. That's who I prefer to reference. Sure. Yeah, Mortal Kombat. That's much cooler. That helps. Yeah, yeah. It helps them understand. Well, fourth density reptilians wear so-called human suits when they're in the 3D realm. This is why some YouTubers were obsessed with finding TV clips that supposedly showed these human suits glitching out. This was particularly bad in the Obelisk.

years, especially after the release of the famous Secret Service video. Oh, yes. Very, very familiar. Also, one thing that no one talks about with the transition from the Obama presidency to the Trump presidency was getting rid of all of those large, flat rocks that Barack Obama was commonly. They were all right next to the basketball court. Well, you got to refuel. Hey, of course. Yeah. You can't regale this temperature.

Well, in other forms, the reptilians are aliens from the Draco constellation, physical beings who have been coming to Earth for hundreds of thousands of years, feasting on the flesh of humans and using them to mine for gold. Well, we made them in order to... Well, reptilians, I'm not saying we.

Reptilians made them to dig for gold. The reptilians made humans to dig for gold. Yes. I didn't see that anywhere. You're not reading the right sources. Draco is the dragon constellation, correct? Yes. So that makes sense. Yeah. I'm connecting dots. Literally through the constellation. Exactly. When yet other forms, reptilians can also be native to our planet, although they, unlike us, come from the Earth's interior. Inner Earth life. Magma. Yeah. Yeah.

Yes, Magnus. Now, like most alien conspiracies, the reptilians also control the world through hybrid programs, breeding with humans to create a reptilian custodial caste that comprises the world's royal and elite bloodlines. Well, mostly it's because they are allowed to work during the Christmas holiday when the rest of us have time off. True.

For example, David Icke was the first person to say that the British Royal family is a bunch of lizards. And one time, you can't be wrong all the time. That's a great claim to have. Before,

Before me, nobody was saying that the British royal family were a lot of lizards. People called them rats, they called them dogs. I called them lizards. Everyone was saying that Queen Elizabeth is just a female dog. But I know for a fact she is a sex lizard one. LAUGHTER

Now, the reason why the reptilians have hijacked the human race tend to shift for the reptilians are nothing if not multitaskers. The central idea, though, is that the reptilians are a naturally dominant species who want to make the world a horrible place so they can feed off our bad vibrations or at least

That's my understanding of it. There are warlike species that go across the various galaxies and they conquer worlds for resources and slave labor. And so by the time they're here, but they also work underneath the draconians. So this is completely literally real, which is only what you were saying before is only one of the explanations. The rest is that all of this is psychic thought forms that are on an interdimensional plane.

working for us and with us. Well, that's how he pivoted. Because when he first wrote The Biggest Secret, he was like, these are literal lizard people.

Oh, no, he's still talking about lizard people. No, the literal lizard people are there. They're still there. I thought he pivoted to say, well, I wasn't actually talking about reptilians. I was actually talking about psychic platforms. He basically says they go half and half. This is where we really get into the nitty gritty of learning nothing. This is where we really get into none of this

and he does change depending on who he's talking to and what thing you talk to because I was watching stuff from 1993 and then I watched a bunch of stuff from 2010 and then I watched a bunch of stuff from 2022 and it largely it doesn't change but it

There you go. Well, one thing that does stay constant is that the only way to defeat the reptilians, according to Ike, is to embrace his version of love, truth, and understanding, which, of course, can only be properly understood if you buy Ike's books and attend his lectures. I understand nothing. I have thousands of pages, David Ike. Email me.

All right, email me, explain some of this shit. But if you follow David Icke's instructions, the reptilians will lose their psychic control. And if enough people break free, then the reptilians will lose the war that's been raging in the background of human history for thousands upon thousands of years. And this is why Lawrence Fishburne doesn't answer fan mail anymore. Because he says David Icke believes that we all need to escape the Matrix. But I'm starting to think

And maybe this might be against my too real to be kept inside mentality, though. But that Matrix is like, nice. It's cool. But outside the Matrix is like where David Icke is. David Icke seems to just like not be doing good. So he doesn't like all those weird aliens are attacking the ship. Yes. Okay. But he's not, though. He's in California. Yeah. He's not. He's just outside of the Matrix. But I think he just means he's.

outside of hireability. He's outside of having a job. He has to do it all himself. Now, when it comes to talking about the elite bloodlines who control the world, David Icke gets into trouble areas. That's a good way to term that. Trouble areas, yeah. Because he, like 99% of conspiracy theorists, just can't help but make the Jewish people a central character in their narrative. Jealousy. Well, he's always like...

Yeah, a bit weird, aren't they? I'm a bit different, eh? I'm a bit different, aren't I? You know what they do in there? Oh, you got little hats. Why do you wear a full hat?

Well, it's because we did our homework in school and you didn't. Well, David Icke has spent his career denying that he's anti-Semitic, saying that it's not that all Jews are reptilians, it's just that a Jewish person is more likely to be a reptilian. This is an argument that he will not, and more importantly, cannot back down from, lest his entire argument fall apart. So he's not like anti-Semitic, he's semi-Semitic. Yeah.

You know what it is? Is that he came up with a bunch of imagery. We'll obviously unpack this over the next two episodes. But he came upon a bunch of imagery that he thought would be really helpful in his... I'm just going to say monologuing. Whatever you'd call his version. His narrative. Because he's not a cult leader, but he wants to be. But he also kind of doesn't want the responsibility of...

Managing people. He just, he wants resources. He wants people to listen to him. Yes. And buy his shit. And pay attention. And go into his lectures and do all this type of shit. But I feel like once he came across this idea of like these reptilians and stuff, and there might've been a lot of people that would've been like, you know, this is like a direct dog whistle, right? Like this is direct anti-Semitic dog whistle. Like this is like old. And I think at some point he was just like, but maybe when did you think about that then? Yeah.

Maybe you need to think a little bit of that instead of like, oh, maybe I should change it to cat people. Maybe I could change it. There's got to be like friendly dog people that want us to learn from them. Well, that's the thing. I guess you could say that David Icke sort of backed his way into anti-Semitism. You could kind of make that argument. I'd say he moonwalked.

into antisemitism. He did so by making classic old school antisemitic conspiracy theories the centerpiece of his world domination narrative. And he did so before he even started talking about reptilians. In other words, let's just say that David Icke and Heinrich Himmler had similar bookshelves. Mahogany! Laughter

But I think what's most telling was that when David Icke was constructing his reptilian mythos, it made perfect sense to him to think that Jewish people, particularly Jewish people in power, are subhuman blood sucking reptilians who eat the flesh of humans. Basically, it's the blood libel story in another form. It's called globalist.

That's the term they use. Yeah, that just means Jewish. Yes. Lastly, while there may be a wide, wide outside chance that David Icke isn't anti-Semitic and is just using the framework of other conspiracies because he's a lazy, if prolific, writer. There's a teaspoon of that. Now, the vast majority of people who follow and believe David are most definitely blaming the Jews for many of the world's injustices. But they are also, then they have the back door, which...

which is, we're still just talking about reptiles. You know, this is reptiles. Yeah, but it could be said that David Icke is provocative on purpose because while his ethics are dubious, I do think that he believes everything he's saying in writing. And that includes the things that directly contradict the other things. And there's a lot of things in David Icke's writings that...

that directly contradict many, many, many other things. He can't say the same thing twice. Every single thing has changed. It just depends on the vibe of the room that he is talking to. Also, we always ask this question when we've done cult episodes. This is different than a cult leader episode. No, this is a conspiracy theorist episode. Yes, but I think about him...

And I really wonder where does his belief start and stop? Well, I think we're going to cover that a little bit later on. Once we really get into his character, like we'll talk a little bit about that. Because by being so outrageous, David Icke ensures that he's being talked about. And in talking about David Icke, you're talking about reptilians, which is what David wants. But above even that, I think what David Icke really wants is,

above anything else is to talk about David Icke. I wish I was friends with Snoop Dogg. Everyone would know and they'd call me in. I'd do a bit of the Olympics. Wouldn't it be nice? Go in there, you can see me. Oh, smart man, Mr. Icke, talking about the Olympics. Oh, fancy man, isn't he? Oh, he might be.

I've been watching so much of him. Yeah. And it's just that he always says, when he talks about George Bush Jr., oh, boy, George Bush. He always calls him boy George Bush. You know, like he's got, you know. That's really fun. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. Finding work-life balance can be tough, but Squarespace gives you the tools to reach your goals and have time to celebrate.

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So, without further ado, let's explore the story of David Icke himself, how he found his way into the reptilian agenda, and the incredibly negative consequences David Icke's work has had on the world since The Biggest Secret was published in 1999.

Born in 1952 in Leicester, England to a working class family, Ike admittedly had a rough poverty stricken childhood. So did Ozzy Osbourne. But that was in Birmingham. You know what I mean? Yeah. I know Birmingham, but I know Birmingham, especially back in the fucking 50s was.

Yeah, but that's what made fucking Medu what he is, Frank. But Ike does make sure to say over and over again in his various biographies that he's always been a persecuted soul, even if he has to use the tiniest incidents to make his case. Because let's be frank, nothing happened in his childhood of any consequence. I mean, his father was a dickhead. That was the worst of it. That was the absolute worst. It's from Lester.

Bo Lester, think about it. Think about it. Honestly, have you ever been there? I could use some less Lester. Well, for example, when it comes to his persecution, the best example he had from his childhood was a time when he was falsely accused of throwing paper darts in school. I knew they knew all the marks.

Was it going to be on me then? Oh, a bit of a target on old David Icke then. And there was also another time when a baker unjustly yelled at him for stealing a cake. I would never steal cake. I only steal chips. I only like savory. I don't like sweet. Everybody knows that about me. Knows that single thing about me. I hate sweet. I like savory. How dare you?

And that's the extent of his childhood persecution. Yes. Yeah, that's it. And nevertheless, Ike makes a big deal out of these incidents by saying that his astrological birth chart shows that false accusations and persecution were always going to play a central role in his life, which I think is how he deals with being constantly and mercilessly mocked the world over. Yeah, make it a feature, not a bug. People like to make fun of me because it's in my astrological chart. And I also say this, you know why they make fucking fun of you? It's because I...

Are you talking right to him right now? No, no, I am. I'm talking to a lot of people right now. All right. So I also like astrology. We're in Los Angeles. There's only so much. You're going to bump into it as much as you want. Capricorn. You know, you're around ladies. If you even want to talk to a witchy lady, you're going to need to figure out how to do that. It's going to be through astrology. I'm on the cusp. He is. But if you're one of these people that uses Chiron in your astrology...

Don't talk to me. Okay. It is the single most, I think it's one of the more annoying things in esoteria. Yeah. This Chiron stuff. Have you looked into this at all? Isn't it that like if you're born under a Chiron sign, you're like extra super special? Yes. Like it's kind of an Indigo Children type thing, right? Very much so. Yes.

Well, Ike also proved himself to be a pain in the ass from an early age. In one story, he played a tree in a school play. But when the kid who was supposed to chop him down didn't perform with enough conviction, David refused to fall until the chopping was more authentic. Yes. And motherfucker, he was doing that. I had an acting class that was like old. They would do. It's like I had an acting teacher who was great.

But his whole thing was like, I don't believe you. Whenever you'd say something you wouldn't believe. And so to get us to, for him to believe us, like he'd throw shit at us. Like he threw a chair at me, threw a bench at me in the middle of the scene where you'd jump over. He's like, I don't believe you. And he was like 300 pounds, but he would like cycle around like a fucking jungle cat. Like it was a huge man who would get down on his hands and knees and walk around and shit. Was this high school or Florida State? That's Florida State. Okay. Yeah. And then he, but.

just that idea of David Icke as a tree being like, oh, I don't believe you. It's because he's like a 10 year old, like a 10 year old on stage during a performance to the point where his teacher had to pull him off afterwards being like, you ruined the play for everyone, David. And he was like, I'm in a car to class. Yeah.

I'm a special boy. I'm going to make like a tree and get out of here. You're funny. Ike is also almost defined by contradictions in his personality.

painfully dull autobiography. I spent... We spent a lot of money. Our man Neil on the UK. Thanks, Neil. He got us this book. NecroNeil got us this book, The Light of Experience. This fucking book sucks. Yeah. I hate you, David. This thing is... Yeah, it's too expensive. It's his autobiography? Yeah. Yeah, we spent 50 bucks on it. Oh, my God. We should put it in one of those boxes outside of a church where they give free books away. Did I tell you how I've been...

Semi-terrorizing A little library in my neighborhood Oh, you've been fucking with the little library? Not fucking with it, just putting books in it Yeah, your books You know, they're always gone So I'm educating Somebody To be an insufferable God

God, just an impossible person. Well, in this dull autobiography, Ike claimed that he was always a different, more special boy than everyone else. He actually used the word special boy. Yeah, he is. And that specialness made him shy. He claims that he prefers to be left alone, but that contradicts every profession he's ever pursued, from professional footballer to TV personality to politician to author and lecturer. Every job he's ever had has been a public-facing job. How dare you?

He's an introverted extrovert. Okay? Yeah. And that's what you don't understand. I understand. No, you don't. I understand I'm an introvert who is a podcaster. No, but David Icke is so special. Yes, and that's why he must...

talk at a minimum of 12 hours at a time. I have never met an introvert with so much to say. And each thing is just, he just talks. He talks. He talks. And he's just like, it's that little smile on his face. See, that's the funny thing is that David Icke, ironically, is one of the people that introverts like me avoid because people can be draining. Of course. And he is the most draining human being in existence. He is a psychic draconian.

But speaking of football, as I just mentioned, it's somewhat of a misconception that David Icke was a famous footballer. Yeah, I didn't know this. While he did play part-time for a couple of minor pro teams, his football career was over by the age of 21 due to a diagnosis of rheumatoid arthritis, or that's what he claims. My uncle was a bit of a biggity bug. Yeah.

I do wish that I could perform on the soccer field because you know why? It is a true meritocracy, friend. You show up, you're better than the other boy. You jiggle the balls. That's how I know it's good because I'm jiggling the balls past the other skinny little boy on the other side of the fence. But guess what?

All of you don't understand is that there's deeper, deeper thoughts to be had. I don't think I'll be kicking this little jiggly ball. I need to be in my thought sphere talking to you about truths, true truths. It's vibration from a middle pot. That's what you get, sir.

It's annoying as hell. Can I get anything else? Unfortunately, no. Probably just play defense. He was a goalie. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. Well, that's the thing is that that's what he says, that he found the most solitary part of the soccer field. And he enjoyed being the defender, the man who defends.

It's because he wasn't smart enough to not use his hands. Hey, man, goalie is complicated. We're getting a lot of emails immediately. But he does have rheumatoid arthritis. You can tell now from his hands. Yeah. His hands are kind of gnarled. He's got the James Cromwell hands. You remember that?

Yeah, yeah. I remember this. He's still going. His hands look like a bunch of cruel bananas. Yeah, James Cromwell from Babe. Yeah. Yeah. All kinds of shit. Oh, who's the other guy? There was another old guy. They're all dead. James Cromwell's alive. Yeah, he was in Succession. He was fantastic. There was somebody else who had big hands. There was another actor guy. Richard Harris. He's fucking, I don't know. He's dead.

Well, after being interviewed by a local TV station about the end of his sports career, David decided to try for a job in media. And by 1981, he was a full-time sports reporter for the BBC. By the end of the decade, David Icke had become a household name in sports reporting. He's like John Madden, you know, Dick Vitale. Marv Albert. Marv Albert. He was that popular? Yes. Yeah, everybody knew who David... If you watched football, you knew who David Icke was. Okay. Oh, man. So this is like...

He's like their Joe Buck. Yeah, Joe Buck or, you know, what's the name of a... Michelson? Michelson? Al Michaels? Al Michaels. Yeah, yeah, like Al Michaels. But Al Michaels is cool. Yeah, Al Michaels is great, but known to that, but, you know, to that extent. I wouldn't say he was like a Troy Aikman because Troy Aikman was a massive superstar before being a commentator. That's a good point. Yeah, he's just a guy who's just very good. He was very good at his job. He was the very peak of sports journalism, which is having...

middle to low talent but in just being able to talk into a microphone yeah he's really good at not shutting the fuck up yeah in fact his first book which was called it's a tough game son it was not about reptilians but about breaking into professional soccer and by the way the book title did have an exclamation point at the end good

How do you not know it's a father yelling at his son without the exclamation point? Because it is important to yell that into your son. Yeah, it really is. When you're reading the book to your son, you're supposed to like, while you close it, you hit him with it. Yes. That's why the back is blank. That's the hitting sound. That's why I love punctuation. So powerful. Can say so much.

Ike's relationship with the BBC, however, was terminated when Ike, in the only thing he's ever done that I agree with, he refused to pay a tax implemented by Prime Minister and perennial villain Margaret Thatcher. It was a tax that shifted even more of the tax burden from the rich to the poor. Thatcher hated poor people. But unfortunately, it was mostly just because he didn't want to pay money. Yeah, he didn't want to pay money. He tried saying that he was trying to stand up for the working man, but I don't think that was the truth. I think he just didn't want to pay.

I watched some BBC videos last night and they were graphic.

BBC Big Beautiful. Oh, Big Black Cox. He's talking about Big Black Cox. Big Black Cox. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, BBW is Big Beautiful and BBC is Big Black. Big Black Cox. Very graphic. They don't leave anything to the imagination. I actually prefer more Big Hitchcock. One of them I think was a snake. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so much better when you kind of don't know who's fucking what or how they're getting fucked. I was like, you go in the other room and all you hear is,

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so much sexier to imagine. I don't need all this. Show me the cart.

Show me the furniture. While Ike's sports broadcasting career was winding down, he began experimenting with alternative medicine and new age philosophies to treat his rheumatoid arthritis. These are like the two things that really kind of started down. Because first it was, the reason why I think he did the tax thing was because he was leaning into the populist movement. And he was trying to look cool. And I also just think that

he was bad at his job. I think that eventually he just didn't want to do his job anymore. No, he was very good at his job, but it wasn't special enough. It wasn't. No, it wasn't special. He wasn't getting, he wasn't special enough. He was just another guy, you know, and just another guy who talked about football on TV, but him getting into alternative medicine, new age philosophies. That's how David Ike launched himself down the slippery slope that

that ended in reptilians. Actually, it ends in 5G spreads COVID, but we'll get there. By the late 80s, Ike's interest in New Age beliefs turned him on to the environmental movement, and he subsequently joined the Green Party as a small-time politician. After six months of holding a position as national representative, though, he quit or he was fired, depending on who you ask, because according to him, strange things started happening to David Icke. Is the Green Party the same there as it is in America, where it's like kind of infiltrated

It's environmental friendly. I just want to like him so much, but you keep hearing about shit like this. Well, you want to like everybody. I do. Yeah, you want to believe the best in people, but David Icke, there's nothing. Yeah, he's a total, utter piece of shit. I was more talking about the Green Party than David Icke. Ralph Gator!

Ralph Nader, fucking the enemy of freedom everywhere. Because of the fucking forcing us to fucking, that's keeping us in the matrix of the safety of our cars. Alright, how dare you tell me I can't fucking die. I like smashing my head against the windshield. It's one of my hobbies. Laughter

Well, in 1989, just after Ike wrote his second book, an environmental work called It Doesn't Have to Be Like This. It doesn't have to be like this. He claimed to have found himself followed by a presence, a presence so strong that David was forced to address it. He said, if you are there, will you please contact me? Because you are driving me up a wall.

Pretty soon after, David claimed that the presence introduced itself in the form of a psychic named Betty Shine. I'm here for your money. And Betty, more than anyone else, would be the one to send David Icke down the path that he still walks today. Betty Shine. Same world as... I'm going to go... The Colonel Tom Parker of Esoteria. Betty Shine sent David Icke in. She sets him up. She... There's...

Where is Betty shine? I mean, Betty shine. She winds them up and lets them go. Yeah. Where the fuck is Betty shine? She's a temple. I would love to know.

Author and, oh yeah, well, she's an author and opera singer. Oh yeah, she did right. Yeah, she does claim. She loves the amphibian race. Frog people! Now, David himself told two different stories as to how he met Betty Shine. In the first, David said that he and his son Gareth were having lunch at a cafe when someone recognized David from TV and started chatting him up.

Suddenly, though, David found himself unable to move because he was fixated on a stack of books. He then heard his presence telling him to look at a particular book. Then David felt that the discovery of this book was behind the presence.

In another version, David and his son were having lunch at a cafe when he had a tremendous urge to look at some books. I get it. Yeah. Chosen almost at random, David bought 13 British pounds worth of books, and one of them was Mind to Mind by spirit medium and healer Betty Shine. Now, Betty Shine, she's got that, like,

How do you put it? She's got a big stupid face. She's got like pan face. It's like a Barbara Walters face. Yeah. But squished down more. Yeah. Cabbage patch head. Cabbage patch head. Exactly. And she's on the cover of this book and she's smiling. So I feel like he's just like, oh, look at that. It's my wee grandmam. Oh, I could trust her. She's got to be something in there, right? Oh, mind to mind. I've got a mind. She's got a mind. That'd be nice right there. Talk right to my mind. That's easy. Take my eyes and ears out of the equation.

There you go. Ike said that he devoured the book in 24 hours, then immediately wrote to Cheyenne requesting some healing sessions. Unfortunately, I had to go back to the bookstore and buy one for reading. Within just a few weeks, Ike's rheumatoid arthritis was suddenly gone, but

But that's what he says. But I mean, the way as Henry said, like, if you look at his hands today, like that rheumatoid arthritis didn't go nowhere. Yeah. His hands are too. They're all fucked up. Wicked witch hands. Yeah. But while Ike believed she was a healer, Shine apparently had to prove that she was a competent psychic as well. And by the way, all of this comes from David Icke himself. Yeah. Like this is not this is not even he's writing this as if this is like

I don't know. Like, it makes sense. Yeah. Like, it's like a thing that, like, she should be proud of. Yes. Where it's been like, no, you got taken for a ride by this woman that just was just so excited to fucking jump on you like a horse. Well, the thing about David Icke is that he shows his, and, you know, in the parlance of Texas, shows his ass a lot. Yeah. I mean, without realizing that he's doing it. Yeah. He tells you exactly who he is. Yeah, like, if he's Christ, too, he wouldn't know if it wasn't for this chick. Mm-hmm.

Yes, exactly. Now, to prove that she had the gift, Shine told Ike during a session that when he returned home, one of his two cats would have diarrhea. No shit! I've got to go home! And sure enough, when Ike walked through his door, one of his cats was indeed a shitty little kitty. Hey, let me check. Oh my god, did someone melt some fudge in this lizard box?

That's diarrhea. This apparently was more than enough to convince David Icke. But perhaps the reason why the cat diarrhea was such a turning point in David's life, and it was, is because during that same session that foretold the cat splatters, psychic Betty Shine was supposedly possessed by a powerful spirit.

Quite suddenly, while Shine was talking about something or other, she announced that a Chinese man from the year 1200 named Wang Yili had appeared for the sole purpose of speaking to David and also Socrates was there. He's there. He's always there. Yeah. Don't let him anywhere near your kids. So hold on. He's a smart guy. He's a funny guy. So she speaks Chinese then? Well, no. Do all ghosts speak English? Is that what happens once you die? You know English?

know English? If you look at the amount of human beings, there's a lot more Chinese ghosts than there are any other type of ghosts. Yeah. Right? Maybe more Indian people ghosts. But does that have to do with Ed's point?

I'm just saying. Socrates didn't speak English, right? No. He's Greek, right? English didn't exist then. Oh, no. He's in there. He's talking. He's talking. He's saying Eros. Does she know no shit what these fucking ghosts are saying? No, but then ghost translates. There's a ghost translator in her head. Yeah. All right. And also Goldberg. And that's why she decided to come forth and say a bunch of stuff that if this was a different time period, I wouldn't.

I would get to illustrate for you what she sounded like. I would imagine that she did not speak in Chinese, but I would imagine her choice of accent was highly inappropriate. Did you see what she's... Depending on how method she gets with it. There's a whole paragraph that I'd like Eddie to now interpret in a way that I would have interpreted this 10 years ago. Okay. Am I reading it? No, you're not allowed to read it like that. Oh, okay. Yeah, you can't. Oh, I see. Yes.

I remember your old personality. Yes, that is gone. I'm still in free speech jail, but honestly, it's been so fine. It's so nice that once I got the Koran, I really finally got to sort of come to peace with myself. Well, eventually we transferred you to Norwegian free speech jail, and it's a lot nicer. That's why I have the computer. Yeah. Well, during the session, Betty Shine channeled the spirit of Wang Yi Li so he could deliver a message to David Icke. I just wish I had a recording.

that we can play of it. Wang started with predictions, saying that a massive revolution would occur in five years' time, electric cars would be used in eight, and that in 20 years, 2011, there would be a different kind of flying machine, very different from the aircraft we have today. All right then, Betty, describe it. Very different from the aircraft we have today. Oh, no, I'm hearing that. But say something specific. Quite strange to your eyes.

Double helicopter. What would have made the big kidded helicopter my dream? There's already double helicopters in 1990. Triple helicopters. Amazing.

Wang then went on the old environmental trip, saying that deep sea drilling was destabilizing the earth and that the sea would reclaim the land. Therefore, man needed to treat the earth with respect, lest the earth reclaim itself. Same shit they always say, which is all true and, you know, should be listened to. But it's, you know, hack at this point. Oh, David, I have to tell you that there is someone else here. Yes, I am talking to Wang. Yes, Wang is here. And Socrates, of course, what's up?

Socrates, good to see you. Obviously, we'll be right with you. But there's another man here with Socrates. It's some young guy. Yeah.

Another ancient Chinese master. Yes, he has something that, some sort of substance that he would like to give to you. It's a sauce that he has brought with him from his homeland. Oh, yes, definitely. Oh, let me taste this sauce. Oh, salty. Very good.

Socrates, I can see why you love the various sauces of this some young guy. So Yang continued saying that, yes, it was going to be David Icke's job to bring this message to the world. The reason why David was chosen was because Icke had passed many tests of courage, like playing soccer.

I mean, you got to flop. That's it. But that's acting. That's it. It's not being tough. He was a goalie. He was a goalie. So at least the balls flew at him. Yeah. Yeah. So I guess that, yeah, I guess he could have got hit in the face. But it's all he did to become the new Messiah. Mm-hmm.

I've heard worse explanations for you besides. What are the trials that Jesus went through? 40 days in the desert. Yeah, 40 days in the desert. He had to play with wood for a while. Yeah, he had to suck all those guys off every fucking week because if not, they were going to shoot him in the head. Yeah, his wife was a hooker. Yeah, and that's hard on the ego. Yeah.

You gotta be able to be a strong person to date a sex worker. Well, Ike was also told that he was destined to become a great healer of the world, a communicator, and that he would become very famous. Very famous. Sometimes David would have to learn the hidden knowledge he needed to impart, but, and this is key, sometimes that hidden knowledge would just appear in his mind. Where do you think my ideas come from? Yeah.

It's very convenient. Yes. Oh, it works. He lives in a world where... We're going to get more into this in episode two. His...

the destructive concept of do your own research that is driving our very world into a maelstrom of chaos is what he is like. That is what his whole gig is. Yeah. Is that you decide what's real or what's not. Fuck the experts. Fuck it. It's about what you feel is correct. Yeah. No, and...

A hundred years time, if the human race is still around, maybe 500 years from now, do your own research, I think is going to be outlawed. Like the phrase, do your own research. It's like, it's going to be one of those things like, no, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah. The research is done. Read your own book. It's just like, but you know what it is, is that do your own research when you're buying a new,

pair of shoes. Yeah. Do your own research when you're looking for a deal on a TV. That helps. Also, like, looking into stuff, you read books and stuff. Just understand that eventually... When I decide how to buy a TV, I don't do my own research. I'm looking at someone else's research. I go to the guys that have, like, watched 15 TVs. Yeah, I look at that shit. It's just, oh, you know, we'll get, you know, huh, what, huh.

Now, while I don't believe that the ancient spirit of a Chinese man inhabited the body of a British psychic to tell a BBC sports reporter that he was destined to save mankind. I do believe that a woman claiming to be a psychic did say all of this shit out loud to a person who believed her.

From what I can tell, it was this encounter that changed David's life. Because like all psychics, Betty Shine knew exactly what David wanted to hear. He wanted someone to confirm what he'd always believed. That he was a very special boy who was destined for very special things. And it can only be him. Because he's got the smile. He's got the fucking legs. Yeah, that body of his. And he's got the mind. And the voice. So, finally...

He's not reptilian. No. Okay. But he could see them? No. He can't they live them? They live, by the way, is real. That is real. So is the Matrix. So is Truman Show. Yeah. Truman Show, Matrix. Basically, David Icke watches movies and thinks they're real. Yes.

Cool. Yeah, I mean, it's a fun way to live life. And we're all just fucking orbs briefly experiencing humanity, which is why I will not submit to a breathalyzer, officer.

Well, David Icke said that he was, quote, very unsurprised by everything the spirit of Wang told him. And he was equally unsurprised that Socrates, one of the greatest minds in human history, had showed up for the event. Someone must bottle this sauce. This, this, this, this, this, this, this cream. Everybody Wang, come to me.

In fact, this revelation made David feel relieved because he saw himself as something of a Socrates. Can you imagine waking up every day? Do you do that? What? With how hard you work? Do you go wake up and be like, I'm the new Socrates. No. Doubt? You feel you experienced doubt? I experienced, yeah, a little bit of doubt in my abilities. Just the tiniest bit. Good. Yeah. Yeah.

Not me, though. I know.

I feel nothing! You hatless piece of shit. Fuck you! People only ridicule the mediocre, ridiculing the geniuses. On David's interpretation of history, which is wrong, Socrates was guided by a divine force and was sentenced to death for it. But in David's case, even his reading of his own life is wrong because the worst thing he's had to endure is ridicule. He wasn't fucking...

He's still blabbing, talking shit to this day. They say sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me. But I will have you know, I prefer to have my wiener hit with a stone because one star reviews are fucking my algorithm. I am Shadowbent!

And that is worth the death itself. But supposedly what sealed the deal for Ike, besides the cat diarrhea, of course, was the confirmation of one of Wang's predictions. Wang told David that earthquakes would begin to occur in strange places. And sure enough, David claims that four days after the channeling, a 4.9 earthquake shook the Welsh-English border.

Now from there, Ike plunged himself into the world of esoteric authors like Edgar Cayce and Nostradamus. And he took those predictions that those men made as 100% correct. This even included Nostradamus' prediction that one day a giant dog from France would be crowned Pope and would actually fulfill his papal duties as a giant dog. For as little as the Pope does, it might as well be a giant dog. I mean, it still could happen. Ha ha!

We don't know. We're about to lose another pope. This guy looks bad. Yeah, get him out. I'd vote for a fucking dog. Big dog. I mean, a giant dog, too. And this pope was like, people are buying too many dogs. They're not having kids. He's anti-dog. Dog pope. He's going to be licking shit. He's going to be smelling stuff. Yeah, dude. And then we put a cat in charge of the Greek Orthodox. Amen. Yeah, dude. Change it up.

What I also love is that he didn't read real esoteria. No. He didn't read Madame Blavatsky. He didn't read Alistair Crowley. He didn't read any of the stuff from the Golden Dawn. He went straight to the easy shit that you could get at a Hallmark store. He read the people that read those other people.

And the people that translated that shit into new age bullshit that's easy to digest. I mean, it's not necessarily easy to explain, but it's that sort of fucking new age bullshit where, like David Icke does all the time, where you just say it as if it's true. Yes. And if anyone tells you that it's not true, all you have to do is give them a condescending look and say like, well, I guess you're one of them, aren't you? Yeah. It works. Yeah.

But since Ike decided that all of Cayce and Nostradamus' predictions were true, he also decided that everything else they wrote about must be true as well, which is how Ike came to believe in the lost civilizations of Atlantis and Lemuria, also known as Mu.

Now, with particularly the works of Edgar Cayce, Ike added a couple more tools to his box of esoterica, which is both a strength and a weakness of David Ike. Yes, because he's a folder. Yeah. See, Ike is the kind of writer who piles everything he knows into

every theory he creates and connects all of it by just listing a bunch of factoids one after another, after another. I call it the Cold Stone Creamery effect where you get into conspiracy because this is the problem, right? Love Cold Stone Creamery. It's amazing. Really do love it. But also I feel like in some ways what's nice about having going to a place where there is a set of

for the thing you're going to order, right? You have a bunch of people who went, again, this is like reading research from people that like know what they're talking about. They put together flavor profiles that make sense. The problem is that with us, right, as big, fat, dumb pieces of shit, right, is that I go into the Cold Storm Creamery, I'm throwing a bunch of random fucking garbage in there and it doesn't all fit into a cohesive package

dessert-like meal. Tastes like brown. Tastes like brown. And I'm like, so that's what he's doing here. He's putting gummy bears in. He's putting peanut butter cups in. And that doesn't make sense. Those two things should not be together. I know some people are going to call me a prude or whatever, but for me, that makes you a dessert fucking pervert. And I actually think that you should be sterilized. Yeah, and also, like Colson Creamery, if you tip David Icke, he has to sing.

He has to say, only you. Well, by doing this kind of information overload, Ike is able to overwhelm his readers with so much information that it starts making sense to people with weak critical thinking skills, only because he keeps telling you over and over again how much sense all of this makes.

This guy's smart. He's telling me it makes sense. There's a bunch of this stuff that I don't really understand, but it sounds good. So if he's telling me it makes sense, then it must make sense. And therefore, I now believe in reptilians. What I believe is that he tried to see what sticks.

is that when this all came, and then he started going down this avenue, he's going to go out on the, we'll go to his first public appearances, which has really fucked him up. But he writes in generalities in the beginning. The first three books are all vague, vibes, crystals, horseshit. It's not till later on. Well, the first book is vague and crystals and horseshit. The second and third book are quite different indeed. Yeah, but he puts like,

In the light of experience, he puts some stuff from Lemuria, but it's not quite what it gets to. Yeah. The biggest secret. Oh, it's not quite there, but it's definitely a lot of wink, wink. Rothschilds. You ever thought about them? Hey, you ever think about that?

But Ike's informational vomit also turns off the majority of readers who correctly see his writing style as pathologically compulsive, considering how many of his books and how many of

of his, I don't know, dozens upon dozens of books are often over 500 pages long. You can't not say he's an extremely prolific writer and commentator. Well, he's prolific. I was talking to Caroline about it the other day and she just pumped shit out. She used a great word with this, compulsive. It is compulsive. He is a compulsive writer. He has to do it. He's self-published. You can't be prolific and self-published. He didn't start self-published, but he got to be obviously because then, you know,

people are starting to understand that. Trouble areas. Trouble areas. He's also like, he wrote out all this stuff. I find it interesting because it's like how, like, I hate to be like this, but like, you know, like Trump's an idiot's version of a rich person. David Icke's an idiot's version of a smart person. Yeah. Where you look at all this stuff, it's purposely written complicated. And then at first you think, oh, he must be brilliant. Look at all the stuff he knows. And then you read it and you're like, oh, he's just piling stuff.

This is actually, it's unreadable. And the problem is that the dumb reader, and I'm not maligning our dumbs, because it's hard, because you're just ignorant.

But it's like these guys are like you at first you think it's so complicated and you're like, oh, it's so stupid. I'm too stupid to read this. And then you're like, oh, it's because David Icke's genius. Yeah, he could put all this together and I need him to explain to me what he wrote. And it just takes you a long time of pouring through it. Would you begin to realize, oh, this is I've just wasted hours. Yeah. And then all of a sudden you're standing in front of a synagogue with a machine gun in your hands. You just I should have been a content creator.

Now, within a couple of weeks of his first meeting with the spirit of Wang, Ike contacted psychic Betty Shine. Spirit of Wang is some fucking porno movie. Ike contacted psychic Betty Shine and told her that he'd been seeing weird shit. He'd been seeing images of eyes everywhere he looked.

Betty, who probably knew that she'd hooked a big fish with a well-known television personality, told him that this was because his psychic powers were finally developing. And guess who was the only person who could help him develop those psychic powers further?

Betty shine. Yeah. I mean, how else are you going to do it? Yeah. In more sessions that I'm sure I paid a premium. Wang Yi Lee kept returning with more messages. I wish I could. I can't. The spirit supposedly told Ike that he was supposed to communicate a message that would change the world, that he would write five books in three years and that he had to quit politics completely because politics were anti-spiritual. And it's not just because they wouldn't have them and nobody would vote for them. Yep.

Yeah. Shine, meanwhile, channelingly, supposedly continued to prove her psychic abilities in the same vein as the cat diarrhea prediction. In one session, she, he said that the spirit of the book David was reading at the time was in great anguish as it lay against a newspaper in his suitcase. The spirit of the book. The book was having a bad day. Yeah.

The book, Shine slash Lee said, was much troubled by a story in the paper about bovine spongiform encephalopathy. That's mad cow disease. Fancy. Yeah. The article was not truthful. Whoa. The book, however, was truthful. What? And the book was upset because it was laying against an article that was saying the opposite of what the book said. You sound like me at the very height of this.

Of my like OCD Like panic You know what I mean? Like that is such a nonsensical thought Yeah Where you're like Oh I better go I'm making To me it's always like Oh no Carmi's gonna be sad Yeah You know and this is a dog Yeah Yeah they do feel like that But you're just like You're thinking this thing Like this like They don't think like that You look at Carmi's eyes And yeah she loves me But she's also like Chicken? Yeah It's a dog That's even But even that kind of makes sense She would eat you Yeah

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Carmi would absolutely eat you. Yeah, of course. Most of your dogs. All your dogs would eat you. Yeah. I don't think Rambo would eat me. I just think it'd be hard to get through the skin. Thank you. Yeah, I don't think Rambo has... Yeah. He's got good teeth. He's got good teeth? He's got good teeth. He's got something. Yeah. Yeah.

Now, after spending quite a bit of time with Betty Shine, Ike moved on to a psychic named Judy and brought along his wife, Linda. Linda, by the way, was starting to buy into all of the New Age lifestyle shit just as heavily as her husband. Oh, yeah. David and Linda were told that they'd been together in Hollywood

Hundreds of previous lives going back to ancient Greece, where a mystical marriage tied their souls together for eternity. David and Linda, by the way, divorced in 2001. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. About two years after The Biggest Secret. Well, that was because there was extenuating circumstances. But from there, Ike received strong psychic messages to work with a psychic in Calgary named Deborah Shaw. Okay, I'm getting a vision.

She's blonde. She's got huge tits. I have to speak with her. Shaw taught Ike the secret rituals and ways of the Native Americans, whose spirits came and spoke with both of them after these two white people desecrated a burial mound by endlessly chanting above it. More deep, more deep, more deep. I find it interesting, too, because in the UK, they find, which I do understand, like,

they find Native American lore fascinating. Yeah. Right? Because obviously they came and they killed all of them. But then the, while they were killing all of them, they found a bunch of cool stuff. It was also the Spaniard. It was also the French. Yeah, but they came and they found a bunch of cool stuff. And they're like, seems like those people were subjugating might be like groovy or whatever, but fuck them. Right? I do understand. But they wipe them all out. But now they're like super interested in it. And so he does go through a

he is a man of many hats. Yeah. He became a Native American for a while. Well, that's the thing is that he has a very, until he gets to reptilians, he has a very like Sonoma journey. Like first he gets, really gets into Native Americans and then he gets really into turquoise.

Turquoise is different than teal. I'm a teal boy. You're teal and orange. Dolphins. Coral, orange, teal. Teal is entirely different. Teal gives off the energy because turquoise gives off the energy of generating love and wisdom. It generates love and wisdom and teal invites the power of cuckoldery and choking in the fourth quarter.

Oh, I see what you did there. Wow. Wow. Wow. I mean, I guess this year would just be more apt to say like choking at the end of the season. Yeah. Yeah. Which in the fourth quarter of that last game. Yes. And I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that. And it was, I mean, I know what I've been for.

The last time the Dolphins won the Super Bowl, I was dead. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You weren't even come. It was around this time that David got fired from the BBC for refusing to pay the aforementioned tax. But now that he was completely unfettered,

he could finally begin work on his third book, The Truth Vibrations, which is pretty much, it's the new age pablum you'd expect it to be. It's awful. It's nonsense. Truth, truth, truth, truth vibrations. It was very hard to hold the book because it was always shaking. Yes. But I sat on it and made my clit fucking huge.

Well, this time is what David unironically refers to as his turquoise period because he began exclusively wearing turquoise tracksuits. I almost bought one, but I didn't want to fucking go into debt. I didn't want to pay money for this series. You paid hundreds of dollars for the materials to David Ike directly. And you're not going to pay a hardworking American fashion designer who still makes turquoise

turquoise tracksuits. No, I was looking at it. It is definitely made from pure petroleum from a bunch of children in India. They look decent. Yeah. But I do hate that he wears like dress shirts under the tracksuits. It makes no sense. It's very British. It defeats the purpose of the tracksuit. The polo shirt underneath the tracksuit is very British. Yes. Yeah. It's for going to tennis games. Yeah. It's for stepping on lessers. Yeah.

Well, things also started getting a little sexually adventurous in the Ike household around this time. Hey, man, of course. Yeah, when psychic Deborah Shaw moved in and entered into a throuple with Ike and his wife. This is when he's at his most interesting. Yeah. Because I think that he's, yeah, he's kind of full of some ideas, but he's dressed in turquoise. He's getting his dick sucked twice a night.

Right. He's got a psychic lady who's been like, I bet tonight I have a vision. We're going to do butt stuff. And they're all like, whoa, let's see if that bad vision comes to fruition. You know, but sex.

And when they all hang out with him and his family. But this is kind of when, like, if he just stayed in this lane. Yeah. And kind of made some, like, you know, got into maybe skin care. Yeah. If he gooped it. Yeah, if he gooped it. It could have been fine. Well, the whole point of skin care is to make yourself attractive enough to fuck. Yeah. Yeah. Or at least moist enough to touch. Yeah.

Well, as they told the press when the story broke that a Marv Albert type was in a relationship with two women. Oh, yeah. This short-lived arrangement was called the Turquoise Triangle. Meh.

Man, oh, man. They way should have stayed in this spot. They really should have. The turquoise triangle? Ah. These Nami need big fucking apple... Adam's apple British people. I'll say, man, they get freaky. Oh, my God. These fucking weird-ass crooked teeth, fucking backwoods swamp people, they fucking... They suck like... Like, nobody's watching because nobody's watching. That's because they start fucking at 12 and it's not interesting by the time you're 40. Yeah. Yeah, you've got to spice it up, but it's like...

You know the type of sex that only like a couple on TikTok has where like the lady is 300 plus pounds and the man's maybe like 100 pounds? And that type of twisted ass, licking asshole, sucking feet, fucking taking a crumpet, putting up your pussy. I have four words for you. Fred and Rose West. Yeah.

Who are they? They are the peak of British sexuality. I'll send you some stuff on them. Thanks, I can't wait. I'll make sure I get my tea and crackers ready. Make sure you crumble them up, put it in a bowl, shove them up your ass. Well, Deborah Shaw, psychic Deborah Shaw, soon changed her name to Mary Shawson, and Ike's wife changed her name to Mickela, because she was an aspect of the Archangel Michael. David remained David.

Oh yeah, of course, because obviously it's the brand. But now that the turquoise triangle was out of the bag, Ike held a full press conference with his wife and Deborah Shaw to announce to the world that he was the son of the Godhead, not the son of God. Not the son of God. That would mean he'd be too big for his britches. Yep, that's right. So he's the son of God's boss.

No. No. He's the son of God's corporation. Can I ask you to explain Godhead to me? Sure. This basically, it seems, so David Icke, he doesn't want you to think he's Jesus Christ, Eddie. Okay. Okay, because he's too humble. Also, Jesus Christ isn't real.

Exactly. All right. In David's cosmology. He's not real unless he is. He's a spiritual creature that may or may not have been physical. Okay. But in his mind, they said apparently Betty Shine says that she explained to him the Rosicrucian concept of...

of the Godhead. Got it in there. You got the Rosicrucians in there. The term son of God, right, in that Rosicrucian means someone who has purified themselves and developed such a high level of self-sacrifice that they have reached a level of consciousness that rises above bodily desires and selfishness to the greater good and the brotherhood of mankind. You know, sports journalists. That's what they always do. But that's the idea that it's not the son of the Godhead

means that you have done so good at being so cool that you get to, because all you want to do is help people, like me. Like, I'm a guy, I give and give and give and give and give endlessly. Part of me letting the hat go

Just letting the hack be free. All right. I don't want, I don't, why do I hold it back? Yeah. All right. And I'm trying to accept my head and that's what I took it as a synchronicity. I'm sitting here working all day, right? David Icke says, Oh, look, the synchronicities points you in the right fucking direction at all times. Guess what?

heard they're talking about Rocky on the radio. They were talking about radio from an old Howard Stern from a long time ago. And then I go to put on the David Icke video before it began the other day and then a YouTube commercial because I refuse to pay for YouTube Red. I won't do it and they won't give it to me for free. And I went and I, because I did, the first thing I did was play the commercial that had the Rocky theme. Wow. Okay. What a coincidence. But who is the Godhead? Ha ha ha.

I think John Lovitz is going to play it in a Marvel movie. Now, because of the bizarre nature of David Icke's press conference with his two wives, David Icke was invited to be interviewed on a primetime chat show called Wogan.

Presented by a well-respected journalist named Sir Terry Wogan. Man, Sir Terry Wogan. I don't know what this show was. Is it like, was it like Sally Jesse Raphael? No, it's like. It's a Wogan. Joe Wogan. It's more like a David Frost. Okay, so it was a serious. Very serious. Journalism. It was a serious chat show, yeah. Yeah, because the reaction, it felt like he was in a, he went to be on fucking, what's his name? Like he was on. Cavett?

No, it kind of felt like he was on Springer. Springer? Oh, no. Well, the environment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The environment was a little rowdy. But no, no. Sir Terry Wogan was a serious man from what I could tell. I might be getting a bunch of emails saying that he was like, I don't know, like John Cleese and I just don't know. But from what I read, he seemed fine. Okay.

See, in this, Terry Wogan had a household name who had quite suddenly lost his mind and obviously wanted to talk about it. So Ike was a no-brainer for a guest. Oh, yeah. But while Ike thought that this was going to be a national platform to tell people his truth, it was instead the most humiliating experience of his life.

After Ike went on and on during the interview about the true history of the world being lost for 12,000 years, how the world was going to end, but in a positive way, and that great disasters were going to befall Great Britain within 12 months, Wogan went in for the kill.

Wogan asked as many questions as he could through David Icke's steamroll style of being interviewed. But Wogan was also able to make a couple of jokes, much to the delight of the audience. The atmosphere prompted this absolutely devastating exchange. You know, the best way of removing negativity is to laugh and be joyous. So I'm delighted that there's so much laughter in the audience tonight. But no, it's a...

But just let me say this. They're laughing at you. They're not laughing with you. Fine.

Whoa. Sheesh. And I could see how, like, we've had bombs. I've had seminal bombs. Right? Like, I've had bombs in my lifetime doing comedy that have taught me lessons that I needed to learn. Yeah, of course. Like, I've walked up, I've failed extremely badly, and then you're kind of like, okay, we need to revisit this. We need to think about how we're approaching these various things.

He decided that this was his ridicule thing. This is the moment where he's like, oh,

This is my thing now. Yeah. Yeah. He doubled down instead of rewriting. Nobody has doubled down more than KFC, than fucking David Ike. David Ike has sex toppled down. Yes. He doesn't. He, I don't think he's ever been up. He has been, he is so doubled down. He is, his head is sticking out of his mouth, which is up his ass.

Nice. Now that 15 minute interview absolutely destroyed both David Icke's reputation and his ego, making him a permanent figure of ridicule. But it also hardened his resolve. Icke had two choices. Give up and backtrack or...

or go all in. We're going all in! Yep, David, of course, went all in. And like a cult of one, he would continually up the ante year after year with increasingly unbelievable claims. I think all to keep himself believing in everything he was saying. Because that's the thing about cults. That's why cults get

bad because the cult leader always has to have something new they always have to have a new crazy fucking thing for everybody to follow that's how heaven's gate went from a bunch of nerds to a bunch of nerds chopping their balls off to be in debt you just have to keep because you have to stay ahead of the crew you got to stay because if you lose them they could potentially fucking kill you you know i mean they could all freak out so you're trying to constantly kind of monitor this group and a

cult leader always in our minds either has one or but one foot in the belief system and one foot out david ike is somebody that i i am still puzzled we keep talking of how much he believed yeah because of the way he doubles down and how

how much he talks. But then partially, I wonder if that is the, again, another one of those things that he's doing on purpose. They say, look how real I am. I don't shut up. I think his thing is that he talks and he writes, but he doesn't think.

And that's how he gets. And that's what that's how he stays where he is. So is he popular? Like, do people like do people believe and follow him? We're going to get into that more in episode two. But let's just say that three percent of Americans believe that reptilians are real and they do run the government. Yeah. So fucking depressing. I mean, I was one of them for a long time and I'm not putting against the reptilians. But I also feel like, you know, don't they want to do something else? Don't they want to be in show business? They are.

Nice. Now, around the time of the Wogan debacle, Ike's thruple fell apart and Deborah Shaw left after she got pregnant. After she gave birth, Shaw told David that she didn't want him to have anything to do with their child's life, which was a request David honored.

But from that, the media piled on by saying that Ike had abandoned the child and was inventing a religion only to sleep with women. No! Although the likely explanation is that Shaw was kicked out by Ike's wife once the turquoise triangle got a little too real. I'm just going to put this again. Even for David Icke,

They don't work. Don't open your marriage. Unless you've already been talking about it for a long time and you both do. I'm just, that is my advice. Don't do it because it's hard because if David Ike can't keep two women happy and one of them thinks he's the son of the Godhead,

Are you going to do it? I don't know. I've seen throuples work and I've seen throuples fail, but I have seen a lot more throuples fail than I've seen throuples work. You just got to get that dick game strong. You got to be good at texting. Know what proper emojis to use. And then also, you know, don't. I think turquoise is not a sexy color. Also, don't name it.

Don't name your throuple. You're not a team. But after publishing a couple more books that were more or less harmless, David Icke pivoted to full conspiracy mode. Icke began writing about globalists, which, as we all know, is code for Jewish folk. He was looking for a model. He was looking for a model for his giant leitmotif conspiracy theory to fit together.

in because he didn't really have much of a conspiracy theory at this point he had a very vague conspiracy theory he was way into end of earth predictions and he thought but it was always this thing where it could never be negative well he was always had to be positive the earth had to go through all of this up people because if not the earth would explode or he said not exist or some garbage something and he'd oh and he'd been saying in truth vibrations that the earth's

history had been lost for the last 12,000 years. 12,000 years ago, there was a great cataclysmic upheaval that destroyed Atlantis and Lemuria, and we've been working to get back to that truth ever since. But then, that's the thing, is that in order to keep that going, he had to ask, well...

Who were the ones that caused the cataclysm? And who is it that's keeping us down? It was Venus. It was Venus? Venus got too close when Nibiru hit Planet X and split up and then we were made at Earth. And then Venus came by too close to the former planet Earth. And then the ice from Venus is the reason why we have ice on Earth. I hope some people die in the next episode. Ha ha ha!

Well, a lot of people are going to pretend I in this episode. Okay, fine. Let's go. Yeah. Well, in 1994, Ike wrote a book called The Robot's Rebellion, in which he claimed that a shadowy cabal that may or may not be made up of extraterrestrials controlled the world. What do you think of that? What is it? Put that in your brain. Think about that one.

This plan, he wrote, was laid out in the anti-Semitic forgery, The Protocols of the Elders of Zion, which is the go-to text for anti-Semites who claim that the Jewish people are subhumans hell-bent on total world domination. Are you familiar with The Protocols? Oh, yeah. Actually, do you not see his back tattoo? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's every word of it written on it. It's like, I'm in school.

crazy to me. I fucked up though. I put it on left to right. The Protocols of the Elders of Zion, just so you know, is the quote-unquote proof that Jewish people run the world. Yeah, and it was a forgery written by the Russian secret police many, many, many years ago in order to justify pogroms. Do you know how many Jewish people I know that have asked to borrow money from me? Ha ha!

Have you thought about going down to the pet store and talking to some of the iguanas? But Ike had an... Because that's his big thing. He's against banks. David Ike is so against banks. Well, it's because of the Rothschilds. Well, it's the thing. He's against the concept of you loan money and they pay you a percentage, which is, again, they get a percentage more on the loan. Usury. He's against usury. But that is, again, that's another weird, like,

anti-Semitic. It's like, it's all, it's too much. Not, not anti-Semitic. You know what I mean? Oh yeah. Well, that's the whole thing about, you know, Jewish people and why Jewish people got into banking is because they were pushed out of so many other professions, uh, that they kind of, they had to figure out how the fuck to survive. And back in the day, Christians actually were against usury. It's in the Bible. Oh yes. That's why Jesus destroyed the fucking, all the guys in the thing. He went, he was like,

Yeah, you fuck bitch. And he'd come out and he was like, I didn't eat tea bag the guy, which people also, which people also use as an anti-Semitic thing by saying that like Jesus was going into a den of thieves, which some people think is code for Jews. But the thing is, the reason why the Jewish people got into banking is because Judaism has no law against Jews.

usury, has no law against interest. And so that's why Jewish people started banking is because that's, you know, it was a fucking service that needed to be there. Yeah, it's the same. Pay the interest back, so on and so forth. But now, of course, you've got, I mean, how many fucking Christian bankers do we have today? A lot. Quite a few, even though in the Bible it says that you should not charge interest against the rule. The banking mecca of America is Charlotte. They say we give...

I say we give the banks to the robots. Yeah. It's the same reason the Jews started Hollywood, because they were pushed out of every other fucking industry. Yeah. And they came all the way out to Los Angeles and they fucking started performing because it was the only thing they were allowed to do because performers were supposed to be lesser than people. And now we're better than them. Now we're better than them. I thought they went to California because they're used to the desert.

Can we point out that you're Jewish? I would like to point that out at this point. Well, he's half Jewish. My father's Jewish. My mother's Catholic. I'm an atheist. All right. Yeah. Great. Yeah. So there you go, everybody. I'd still get angry. He's one of them. When people talk bad about the Jews, I'd still get mad. But Ike had an explanation proving that...

that all of this was not anti-Semitic at all. In his world, it wasn't the Jews that were behind the protocols of the elders of Zion, but the Illuminati. It just so happened that the Illuminati were mostly Jewish. Yeah. This sort of I'm just saying logic would become a hallmark of David's career. What you think about that? Yeah. Give it a little think about that. Well, I think that fucking Shine sounds like a Jewish last name. That's what I think. You should probably change it from like Shine-Ole. Yeah.

Well, this sort of logic also got David dropped by his publisher. After the robots rebellion. That's how it goes, bro. Yep. After the robots rebellion, Ike went even harder against the Jews with a book called And the Truth Shall Set You Free. Sometimes the truth sets you free from your publishing contract. Ha ha ha.

Now, while the anti-Semitism and the robots rebellion kind of skated by and the truth shall set you free was way too anti-Semitic for his publisher who refused to print it. And so Ike entered into the world of self-publishing where he remains to this day. Because the only person going to say no to you is you. That's right. And you know what I do every day? I say no.

Bezos will put out any fucking book. Any book! But after the book in which he claims Jewish people themselves partially funded the Holocaust, he unleashed his magnum opus. Flip over this fucking table. Yeah.

He unleashed his magnum opus upon the world. This volume would make Ike famous the world over, exposing the hidden history of life, the universe, and everything. In other words, it's time for us to finally get into the history of the reptilians. As was laid out in David Ike's 600-page book, The

the biggest secret. Okay, so sit down. This next segment should only take five or six hours. And we're really going to get into it. I still believe that he just found a fun image and he ran with it, but we'll get there.

Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcast Plus on our Apple Podcast Show page or the SiriusXM app now. Now, the concept of the reptilians was by no means a David Icke invention. In the early 90s, a newsletter called the Cosmic Awareness, which was channeled by the founder of the Aquarian Universal Service. And that's as good as being there. Yeah. That's as good as experiencing. They published their own version that was very similar to David Icke.

The way the cosmic awareness put it, many of the political leaders of our world have been switched with cloned robotoids. That was their word that were piloted by interdimensional reptilians. This is pretty damn close to one form of reptilians that Ike discusses. But did they take 600 pages to describe it? I don't think so. It was basically a newsletter, which I'm sure David Ike read because he was in that scene.

More interestingly, though, is the theory I've seen from multiple sources that says that the idea for reptilians came from none other than Robert E. Howard, creator of Conan the Barbarian. What?

I'm a massive Conan guy, by the way. I love Conan. I love Conan. I love the books. Like, the actual, like, short stories, the Conan and the Barbarian are great. I love the comic books. And the movies, of course. I'll watch any sword and sorcery movie that has ever been made. I fucking love them. And the guy that wrote Conan, Robert E. Howard, is this very interesting character where he was, like,

closeted gay and then he committed suicide. It was like a whole thing, but he's like, he's got this dark, crazy, great story. You'll love it. I'll get into that. See, I never went past Oliver Stone. I love the movies, though. I think the movie's fantastic, too. Yeah, no, Conan the Barbarian. It's incredible. Such an amazing, such an amazing. Dro.

Drawing upon the writings of Madame Helena Blavatsky, Howard used her versions of Atlantis and Lemuria, amongst other theosophical ideas, to create a race of serpent men for Conan to crush and see them driven before him and to hear the lamentation of their women.

Robert E. Howard's lizard people had human bodies and snake's heads, but they could use their shape-shifting and mind-control abilities to infiltrate humanity from their underground hidey-holes. Combine this with the description in the Cosmic Awareness, and you've got the broad strokes David Icke used to create his own reptilian race. I also don't think it was that big of a jump. I think that he was...

Every single... Let's just go out and say a con man. Like, this is a con man. Where...

With Madame Blavatsky and Aleister Crowley, part of what they were trying to do was give you some kind of mastery over whatever you think about magical abilities or the being able to harness the esoteric arts. The goal was to open up the coffers so that you can understand and then you can go and maybe experience some of these things on your own. And I think that's however you want to deal with it. Obviously, Madame Blavatsky had semi-accomplished

cult, but mostly it was like a series of people kind of like taking care of her and she, but mostly it was like,

Not innocent, but it was like it was kind of for thoughts for thoughts sake. And maybe you could get something out of this practice. I mean, the Nazis did take quite a few ideas. Well, there was the issue with David Icke is that I still feel that everybody's looking for their thing. What's their gimmick? And for a while he was trying the turquoise and it was dumb.

And then he was trying the normal woo-wee-woo, like, oh, we got to get out of our own way. You know, we're all psychic beings and we're going through, you know, every 10 years. Because, like, you know, the first time it was supposed to be 1997 was the end of the world. And then it was like 2001 was the end of the world. And he did all these, and then 2012 was going to be the end of the world. All this fucking bullshit. And he put all these together. He couldn't really figure it out.

I think that he, there were several things as that he found this. He also brings up Robert E. Howard. He talks about reptilians and just being an awesome villain in general, right? Because there was a lot of talk. If you look at other people, they've talked about alien abduction materials, like people who have dealt with alien abductions have kind of talked about there being a gray and a mantis and a reptilian all hanging out. They're all a team of rivals working on the ship together. And people have talked about this, like seeing that kind of imagery.

But he got into Gnosticism and he saw the Archons and he was looking for a thing. He could be like, this shit's always been this way. So he saw the Archons and they were lightly described as dragon-like.

It's like lizard-like. And the Archons are the villain of the Gnostic world, which is this idea they're like thought forms that are coming to corrupt us. And they're stealing our energy. Christ was the villain of the agnostic world. I'll give you a book on Gnosticism. You'll go to sleep on top of it. I'll give you The Invisibles. You'll love it and understand it even better. You might. But I think he took that and he was like, that's it. And then he got into the, he started looking up

I think he went to the library and he's like, famous snakes. Like he just went, famous snakes. When will this come up? And then he discovered that the concept of the Anunnaki and the idea of drawing the, you know, the idea of these like snake people or lizard headed people because his idea is then you take every piece of what is probably, you know, Gilgamesh talks about lizard people. Other things talk about like have little like dragon like characters. Sure. Instead of him saying in his head,

oh, this is allegory, poetry, fiction for thousands of years ago. He's just like, oh, now I see. If I tell you it's a bit of a reel, then maybe you think about it different. What do you think about that? I tell you it's actually completely real. Hieroglyphs, they weren't comic books. They were picture books.

They just take it. It's like a photography. A man came, big horse head man. He came into the room and everyone's like, oh, here he goes. And nobody's scared of him because they're used to him. They make the big guy in the hieroglyphs. He's bigger than the rest of them. Oh, it might be symbolic that he was more culturally important. That's right. Got your ass in a fucking cage. He was taller than them. He was just physically larger than them. And it's an exact photo representation of those people. Yeah, he just kind of talks.

Help me! This book was supposed to have this sense here. I gotta break you out of this. Children of the Matrix. It has the most comprehensive explanation ever written of the reptilian manipulation of human society. It is 499 pages long.

I've known you for 22 years. I don't think I've ever not listened to you more. Now, one of David Icke's many goals with The Biggest Secret is to chart the history of the interbreeding tribe of bloodlines that control the world today, thereby revealing the true nature of the capital G, capital A global agenda.

This conspiracy is three pronged.

Remove those who are a threat to the agenda. Use those in positions of power to enact the agenda. And create problematic events so the people in power can come forth with a solution, thereby subconsciously ensuring that the world has faith in the institutions that serve the agenda. And David Icke acts like he made that up. He called it problem, reaction, solution. Yeah. He said he made that up. It's called a false flag. Yes. It's been around for a long time. Ancient history. Yeah.

Over millennia, the bloodlines have created a network of mystery schools like the Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn and secret societies like the Freemasons to covertly introduce said agenda, while simultaneously creating all religions to mentally imprison the masses and give convenient excuses for wars when needed. And even though there are some women involved, like a certain...

Uh, yeah, somebody get the balsa wood because somebody's cage needs to be relined. This is my favorite part. The conspirators are overwhelmingly male. And since they go back to Babylonian times, David Icke refers to them as the Babylonian Brotherhood. Or Brotherhood of the Flame. And Brotherhood of the Serpent. Yes. Basically, everything of consequence that's ever happened in human history is due to the machinations of the

brotherhood that's where you're a fucking idiot Eddie I feel like one yeah

The Brotherhood includes, amongst other lesser bloodlines, the British and European royalties, along with all of their aristocracies, every duke, every... What are some of the other ones? Dowagers? I don't fucking know. Dowager countesses. There's also the Rothschild banking family, the Rockefellers, probably all the U.S. presidents. Most. Most of them. Most. Probably all. The sheriff of

Nottingham. He was in it. He was bad. Martin Luther King Sr. Yeah, man. Winnie the Pooh. He's real. And all United States bankers. But

I'm sure that you know all that, being the thinking people that you are. Oh yeah, everybody's already fucking at their local bank asking for their money in gold coin. But what you didn't know is that there's a secret behind this secret. The biggest secret. And that secret is that the global agenda is created, controlled, and guided by an alien race called the reptilians. They're the guys.

Yeah. They're the deer, the ones doing it. And it makes sense that they're named after a creature on Earth. But it has not always been here on Earth. Let's not get too far ahead of ourselves, my friend. Also, one of the more biologically imperative explanations is that the lizards naturally, they come from a world where instead of the primate getting consciousness, it was the lizard. Mm-hmm.

Now, as far as where these reptilians came from and when they got here, Ike quotes ancient alien author Zechariah Sitchin in his claim that the reptilians were first known on Earth as the Anunnaki. Anunnaki. They were believed at first, I think, to hail from the planet Nibiru, which collided with one of its moons to create our solar system's asteroid belt.

And from what Henry has told me, well, we already went through all that. When Neptune... You want me to do it again? It's Venus. Well, Nibiru clashed into Planet X and then it split off into Earth and Venus. And then Venus gave us our ice. That's why we have ice. Yes, but Venus is hotter than Earth.

Because it's closer to the sun. It was just on its way towards the sun. And it's why we have ice. Because Earth used to be totally tropical, and the only people who lived on Earth were black people. And on Mars, which was closer to the sun at the time, because it got moved out during the explosion, was filled with mystical, technological events, white people. And then when the shift changed, when Mars got knocked out of orbit, all of the magical white people from Mars jumped onto planet Earth, killed all the black people here, but then the reptilians showed up on the planet Earth

and took all the white people, fucked a bunch of them, made a bunch of people that then would go on to become the black nobility. Those bloodlines would go on to take care of the planet Earth from then on. So are black people not reptilians? No. No. Actually, he said... Except for Barack Obama, but he's half white. Yeah, exactly. Again, it's because he's from white. From what David Icke says, the only royalty that is not reptilian is African royalty. Okay. I can get behind that. Ha ha ha!

There's always something. That's the thing, though. That's the hook. He's got you hooked. Now, the beings known as the Anunnaki first came to Earth 450,000 years ago. To the date. Before the destruction of Nibiru so they could enslave humans to mine gold, which could then be shipped to their home world. But the headline here is that the reptilian Anunnaki are the reason why there are so many serpent gods throughout human history.

David Icke discovered more about the secret history of the world from an African shaman named Credo Mutwa, who we mentioned in our sexual liaisons with the alien episode. Credo was the guy who had a bad experience with the greys and pissed on an alien's chest before being forced to have sex with a blonde monster woman screw on vagina. Hey man, we've all been 25.

But outside of the greys, Credo Mutwa had extensive knowledge of all the alien races that have been lovingly and meticulously cataloged on Bibliotheca Pleiades these many years. Yes. These races include the Pleiadians. Space hippies. The Plejarans. I actually am not sure of the Plejarans. I think the Pleiadians and the Plejarans are the same. You're being racist. Weren't the Plejarans, wasn't that a Dave Huggins thing?

Let me check my encyclopedia. Continue. The plagiarians represent all of his plagiarisms. Yes, yes. Billy Meyer. Thank you. Billy Meyer was the plagiarians. Was he the cleaning guy?

That's Billy Mays. Billy Mays. Fervent enthusiasm. Love that guy. Yeah. Yeah, Billy Mayer was a totally different guy, yeah. He created fake UFO photos and he convinced a bunch of people that he was like a guy, but he was just some weird fat Swedish guy. Yeah, yeah. He had sex with, I think, Asket. Yeah, Simjassi. Yeah. Pata. Yeah, there was all kinds of stuff going on. Good for him. Yeah. No, he had fun. He had a lot of fun. But...

This guy, Credo Mutwa, also... Who's a very interesting guy. He's a very interesting man. Very, very interesting. But he had knowledge of the Draconians, a.k.a. the Reptilians. Reptilians, by the way, control the Greys. You know, the Greys... Yeah, yeah. And the Draconians rule the Reptilians. Mm-hmm. All right. The Draconians rule the... But I think that... Don't the Draconians rule the Reptilian hybrids? No. That's Tesla. Ah!

Well, according to Credo, the reptilians have controlled humanity for thousands of years, but they've been a part of Earth's history for 350 million years. Or I guess the draconians. Draconians are the ones of the planners. The reptilians are the foot soldiers of the draconians. The reptilians work alongside the greys. The greys are controlled by the tall greys and the tall whites. Well, all reptiles and dinosaurs descend from the draconians, right? But

But some of these dinosaurs evolved into bipedal humanoids who maintain control over the mammalian humanoids and those that are reptilians, right? The funky ones. The funky ones. Or Larry King. Yes. Larry King. These evolved dinosaurs also created hybrid programs that have been going on for hundreds of thousands of years. That's how we got the Aryan race, which means Nazis are reptilians, or at least the high-ranking ones were.

Hitler was definitely reptilian. Oh, yeah. Yes. Very much so. He made sure he said that. Yeah. He made sure to say that Hitler was a reptilian, therefore not anti-Semitic. He's not anti-Semitic. Because he doesn't like Hitler. Yeah. There you go. Yeah.

Now, according to Credo Mutua, part of the reason why reptilians maintain control over humans, part of the reason, and tell me if this sounds familiar, is so humans can be harvested for their adrenaline. And the adrenaline of children is the most potent and sought after. It is. This is right. It's delicious. And those little fuckers, man, they go. Oh, yeah. I'm sitting there. I'm hanging out with my nieces and nephews. And they're running around in circles. I'm like, what the fuck?

fuck will this stop are you gonna actually you promised me you'd send me her pituitary glands oh absolutely yeah i got an ice cream scoop i'll give you before you leave next time you go back well this is right out of the q anon playbook or should i say that the four cham pranksters who created q anon took a page from the reptilian playbook which has been around since the beginning of

fucking time this is exactly where the q anon belief that democrats harvest children for adrenochrome comes from because q anon is nothing more than a cobbling together of the edgiest conspiracies out there which makes sense considering how it came from the edgiest place on the internet 4chan also you know that credo mutwa believed that he was making prophetic sculptures and there's a belief that he uh he predicted that aids was going to be a thing because he made this uh

he made this like sculpture of a king with a huge dick and he had a bunch of lesions which looked like lesions on the dick that were in the exact shape as the AIDS ribbon.

I mean, all ribbons have the same shape, no? No, the, yeah. Yeah. Like the little, uh. Yeah. The loop. The loop. What color is the AIDS ribbon again? Red. Red. I know the yellow ribbon has the same shape as the red ribbon. The blue ribbon. Yeah. I don't know, buddy. It's on the dick. How dare you? Ribboned for no one's pleasure. No, it's not.

Now, according to David Icke, there are three suggested origins for the reptilians. The first theory is that they're just aliens. Which is kind of, yeah, they're just aliens. The second is that they're interterrestrials hailing from the hollow earth. The third is that they're from another dimension and they manipulate humanity by possessing human bodies. And that the only way they can be in this reality is by generating aliens.

like a human body or puppeting humans from the other dimension. And it makes sense that Earth is hollow because it's just floating in space. Otherwise, it would just sink. Exactly. And... You are fucking catching on, bro. Have you ever walked up to a hole in the Earth and just go...

You blow it like a beer bottle. That's a fluter. Oh, no. Here it comes. It's a fluter. Andre fucking 2001. Yeah, dude. Fucking woo. Well, David Icke writes that all three of these are true. Because Icke is incapable of making a decision when it comes to the narratives he creates. I like all of them.

Because you know why? Because if not, it shuts off one of the lines that he can talk about. Exactly. And he has no way to wiggle back out. Yep. Now, in the extraterrestrial theory, the alien reptilians that help control Earth come from the Draco constellation, making them the Draconians. Some of them do. Yeah, some of them do. The bosses do. But Draconians, they have wings, right? Some of them have wings and some of them don't. Grand Draconians have wings.

Ah, well, the winged ones are supposedly where the story of Dracula comes from. Dragon, Draco, Dracula. Fucking get it? I'm on it. Yeah, fucking alpha draconians. Alpha draconians. Okay. But the thing is, if there are a bunch of stars make up a constellation, then each one of those stars has their own fucking galaxy. And they could be millions of miles away from all the other stars. You think he's thinking too much? Yeah, I think you're thinking a little too hard. I'm trying to think! It's just ridiculous!

me. That's your first problem. Yep, that's your first problem is that you're starting to think about ivory tower science. Yeah, yeah. It's called Victorian physics. Mainstream lions is what you're helping right now. So your brain right now is like this, right? It's like a rock hard. But you know what you need to do and it's tight. What you need to do is

Relax it. Relax it. To really let that information in there. What you want to do is get that information in there. So I want to get fucked instead of fucked. Yeah, you need to be a bottom for knowledge. Yeah. You, sir, are living in a...

postage stamp reality. Oh, you're just ready. Oh, I know how it is. Cause you know, I know how it is. It's hard to be there sitting there looking at your game shows, looking at your football games, looking at your little bippity boos. You're playing the little man. He's a hedgehog. Oh, I've never seen a fast hedgehog.

Now you tell me, oh, this one hedgehog's the fastest one of all. Oh, what are you telling me? Oh, it's because you don't want to look up because you're afraid of busting a little, oh, postage stamp sausage machine factory lifestyle that you used to. Because you post stamps over here, you sit down with your tiny little feet, you jump over here. Guess what? Oh, so scared. Now I can see how the sausage is made. Oh no, I eat sausage. And that's why you're ignorant.

suffering from dis-ease. So why don't you tell me, Ed, what postage stamp reality sausage factory means? I mean, mail me sausage. He just heard records. Yeah, yeah, yeah. P.O. Box 470, North Hollywood, California. If we could put some dry ice with that, too, honestly. Yeah, real dry ice. A lot of sausage doesn't travel super well. Yeah. Well...

I want no Jimmy Deeds shit either. No, no, no. Good sausage. Well, part of the job of the draconians is to breed with humans to make hybrids because those hybrids can easily be possessed by the interdimensional reptilians. But I could not figure out how the hollow earth reptilians fit in all this. They're like cousins. But how do they fit into the agenda?

There's plenty of space in the middle of the earth because it's hollow. No, but they're out. They were the ones. There are certain packs of reptilians that have been a part of. So when the split came off, when the people of Sumeria understood what was going on and were being subjugated by these lizard people, because that's the one thing that the

the top of the pyramid can never control, which is the base of the pyramid. Because the base of a pyramid, if you remember, it's four sides, it's a square at the bottom. Yeah, I was right. There's a... The bottom of the pyramid is... I was very wrong on that. It's much bigger than the top. My science project was, like, really bad. Yeah, everybody was upset. Yeah. But it's like...

Because the base is so much bigger than the top, right? There's so many more people. And that's the thing about the people at the top, as they understand, is that you have to control all of the people at the base. In the Anunnaki, they underestimated humankind. And the power of all of us, when we all combine our fucking thought

together were unstoppable. And the Anunnaki couldn't face it. So when we combined and we chased them off, some of the Anunnaki ran underground. And that's where the forever, constantly monitoring the various secret schools. The comic book store closes at five, so I'm like really on the clock here. I'm just sure you want an explanation. If I don't come at this this thickly,

The emails I'm going to receive, I already, I know that they're coming. There's also people shutting off their cars because they don't understand. This is real. This is what you have to understand. Uh,

The fact that the comic book store closes at 5 just proves that only people without jobs read comic books. Hey, a lot of people with jobs. They're open until 7 on Wednesdays on the day the comic books come out. And they're there all weekend. All weekend long. It's very busy on a Saturday at Earth 2. Oh, yeah.

Well, the breeding programs created by the extraterrestrial reptilians have, according to Ike, hard evidence. Oh, yeah. He says that the so-called reptile brain present in humans is proof that reptilians have been futzing around with humans for millennia. And this claim is further proved by David's insistence that the pheromones in human women and iguanas are chemically matched. Okay, I can see that.

Is that why Miami's so horny? Oh, yeah, man. You look up in those trees, nothing but fucking reptile pussy. That's all I think about. When I look at an iguana and I think of its rough scales and its tiny razor sharp teeth and its claws, the first thing I think of is, God, I want to fuck it.

I'm going to rail that thing till it's a sock. Yeah, man. You can make a fleshlight out of an iguana. Oh, yeah. You just got to fucking remove all the stinky parts. Yeah, you can make a fleshlight out of anything cylindrical and wet. Anything's wet. That's right. Thank you for listening.

Stop at the end of the episode. We're not even at the end of the episode. We're not even at the end of The Biggest Secret. No. Well, concerning those interdimensional reptilians, Ike says that they are directly involved in Satanism because when Satanists summon demons, they're actually summoning reptilians from the fourth dimension. And the speech is the Aleister Crowley idea that when he was talking

talking to Lam. Lam was the fucking alien entity speaking through him and channeling. So Satan's not real, but Satan is. Well, no, Satan is not real. Satan is a reptilian. Well, Satan, what we know is Satan is a reptilian. We don't know anything, Eddie, because we have always been, since the beginning of rational thought, in a prison cell.

A holographic prison created by reptilians. We have no view outside. We actually have never even known God because the reptilians have kept us from doing so. Oh, okay. Yeah. But that's the thing is that the fourth dimensional reptilians aren't even the ones in charge. From what I can surmise, it seems like the whole operation is managed by fifth dimensional reptilians. Which is why they couldn't do COVID until they got 5G. Yeah.

But he doesn't know a lot about the CEOs of the reptilian agenda. He just kind of glosses over that. Unless he's learned a lot more since The Biggest Secret, which I'm sure he has. It's all about... You can imagine...

That's all it is. Okay. What do you think about that? I can imagine. He just says some stuff and he goes, hey, what do you think about that? Roll that around on your bean. Right around there. I don't think a lot about that. Oh, it's because you're dumb. You're dumb and I don't want to kiss you no more. I was thinking about it because you've got a ladylike version, even though you're a bit of a dude, aren't you? Well, has anyone beat the shit out of this guy? I'm sure at one point. At some point, right? I want to say he got cream-pied.

Yeah. Not the old-fashioned one. Over at the BBC. But as far as reptilians and power on Earth go... You must bottle the sauce. Absolutely incredible. Oh, it's... You're scrummy. This sauce is a bit claggy. Claggy. No, no, no. Sauce can be claggy. Unless you use the sauce to bake a cake. Claggy. Claggy.

There's a lot of stories we've covered with people putting common cupcakes and stuff like that. That is true, which I would imagine would make the cupcake very claggy. Did you know that the comic book store closes at 5? As far as reptilians and power on Earth go, Ike writes again and again that the British royal family are reptilians. Yes. As proof, he writes that Princess Diana used to call them lizards and reptilians. And she supposedly once told a close confidant who told David Icke that, quote,

They're not human. They're not human, which is why...

They fucking whacked her. Yeah, and Ike is one of those British people who were absolutely devastated by the death of Princess Diana for some weird fucking reason that I will never understand. Don't step into these waters. People find... People love her. People love Princess Diana. I love Princess Diana. Yeah. She's fine. One of the things is that she was a British person in a royal family that even... Like, the bar was so low for humanity so that her just... How many landmines have you

dug up. She was just watching it. I get it. She did some good things, but people in England lost their fucking mind. I think it's because it was such a low bar for humanity for the royal family, and she was like a crack in it, and they were all like, so watch now. They all think that Kate Middleton's dead, and it's just probably because she's got a colostomy bag. And no one wants to see it. Laughter

Now, over in America, the full-blooded reptilians are the Rockefellers and the Bush family. But what's interesting is that while Bill Clinton is not a reptilian, even though Ike says that all presidents were probably aliens. That's because he could play the saxophone, which is extremely difficult for a reptilian. Have you seen their lips? Yeah. Their tongues. Yeah.

Hillary Clinton is the reptilian in this relationship, which I suppose makes the Rodham family the reptile line. Oh, yeah. David Icke, by the way... She can't even play the skin flute. David Icke, by the way, was also the first person to say that Hillary Clinton was a blood-sucking, flesh-eating subhuman. He can't be wrong all the time. I don't think he's the first person to say that. I think we're looking at Bill being the first person who said that.

But he was the one who put this into conspiracy thought. And when Pizzagate came out that said that this woman was eating flesh and this woman was drinking the blood of the innocents, that made sense to the fringes. And that gave Pizzagate a little bit more conspiracy weight. And when QAnon came out, it fed back, which QAnon came from Pizzagate. It just all feeds back to David Icke. Well, definitely what David Icke has pushed into the new century. Yeah.

But the most powerful of the reptilian bloodlines is also, just by coincidence, David says, the one that happens to be Jewish. It's just coincidence! That bloodline belongs to the Rothschild banking family, who have been subject to anti-Semitic conspiracy theories for centuries and are still a favorite target of modern conspiracists like Alex Jones. Yeah, well, nobody, like...

It's weird. Like, I'm not going to wear a shirt that goes like the Rothschilds. Yeah. I'm not like a fan necessarily. No. They're one of the oldest, wealthiest and largest banking families in history. You don't get there by playing nice. Yeah. We're not saying they're like fucking great people or nothing. Well, you're a banking family. But the problem with the Rothschild conspiracies is that they're usually framed as the Rothschilds being the front men for Jews everywhere who are all doing their part in a plot to take over the world. Yeah.

world. It's way more like Larry David's the front men for Jews everywhere. Where do they stand on the Koch brothers?

The Koch brothers. This is right before. Their big thing is George Soros. Okay. Because the Koch brothers, that's Republican. They don't want to go too far on that side. They want to make sure that it's the Democrats. That's the enemy. Okay, gotcha. So George Soros is a reptilian. George Soros is a lizard. Warren Buffett? Unclear. Oh, no way, dude. No way. Probably lizard. Okay. Because he's a banker.

Jimmy Buffett. Jimmy Buffett, not Warren Buffett. You know, I don't know if any of them are. Are they related? No. Man, have they ever been together? They're fucking, I mean. Jimmy Buffett's dead now. They fucking coined both of them, I'll tell you that much. Yeah, they very much do. I haven't actually seen any, no, Beyonce's a reptilian. Yes, we know that. Yeah, Beyonce's a reptilian. She's black. But she's special. She's Illuminati. Yeah, she's Illuminati reptilian, but also a robot.

Gotcha. Yeah, Taylor Swift, reptilian. We know she's a Nazi. Madonna, reptilian. Madonna. That makes sense. Does it make sense? Yeah. She looks horrible. She's morphed into a lizard over here. She's just got a stylistic thing where she wants to look frightening. Yeah.

Well, Ike, of course, uses this concept to great effect by co-opting the Rothschild conspiracies and slotting in the reptilians. At the same time, he claims that he can't be anti-Semitic because the Rothschilds aren't actually Jewish. They're reptilians. They're reptilians. Only their fathers were Jewish.

But either way, Ike wrote that the Rothschilds funded the Holocaust, started the Atlantic slave trade, they run the KKK, they suppress secret disease cures and alien technology, and they've masterminded every attack on Christendom in history. Ike makes this claim in the same breath in which he says that

Christianity is also a reptilian institution, but explains that away by saying that Christianity was co-opted by the reptilians while also saying that Jesus wasn't real because the only mention of Jesus in historical records was written by a Jewish historian who was a reptile. The biggest secret, now available on Amazon. Ha ha ha!

You know, like you watch, it's just, it's because he never wants to be wrong. Yeah. So everything is included. Yeah. Now the method by which reptilians maintain control over the world is through an interconnecting web of secret societies who have been orchestrating wars, pandemics, and general mayhem for thousands of years. This has been my big thing I've never understood about this entire, I mean, not saying that this doesn't make sense.

But I've been having sometimes understanding this one thing about reptilians, which is why do they need the middlemen of all these secret societies when they can just show up and rule us all with an iron fist?

and take over the entire planet with literally little to no resistance. Yeah. I think they like the game. That doesn't make any sense. Reptiles also have very small brains, and their brains are in the back of their neck. These are thinking reptiles. Yeah. These are reptiles who have evolved. We're not versus the Geico gecko here. Oh, man. He's British. Oh, my God.

Well, the Freemasons are, of course, reptilian, as is the Skull and Bones Society at Yale. Skull and Bones, I cry, it's a blood-drinking, satanic society consisting entirely of reptilian bloodline families. But there won't be a Jewish person to be found in there. No, certainly not. It's like the worst party in the world that I also kind of want to go to. Why? It just...

It's a horrible part. It's not going to be good, but I do want to one time let me go to fucking all... Can I go to Bohemian Grove? I won't say anything. Just as long as both of you are okay with getting spanked. Hand, yes. Stick, no. No paddle? No paddle. What does she look like? It's not the she, my friend. It's Prescott Bush. Yeah.

I'm still alive. Yeah, it's going to be the ghost of Henry Kissinger. Whoa. Or actually, it'll just be the corpse of Henry Kissinger because what I heard is that... It's Grandpa's time! Get Grandpa! I heard that in Bohemian Grove, they actually have Henry Kissinger's corpse set up like an animatronic doll and they just kind of get... They put him on like this big spring and they spring him back and they let go of him and he spanks you so that way Kissinger can spank people for all eternity. Yeah.

You lying? Nah. Where is Bohemian Grove, supposedly? Upstate. Upstate California. I'll take you. Yeah, great. We'll go sometime.

Well, additionally, the Knights Templar are reptilian. These fucking guys, dude, they're back. Jesus. The Knights Templar has got nothing to do with this, man. No, they're the reptilian enforcement wing, but their main job is to protect the royal bloodline of the legendary Merovingian family. And, you know, I did find that Knights Templar does exist.

They just live in Indiana. Yeah. And from what I can tell by their website and from them being from Indiana, it looks just like the KKK by a different name. Marcus. But they got big, fun hoods and lots of jewelry and aprons. And they said a lot of stuff. And I didn't see... Yeah, there might not have been a black person...

In the group photo. Yeah. They got a lot of like fun names for each other. Yeah, like different level of wizard or different level of tactician. Well, the legendary Merovingian family...

oh my god it's so funny because you keep coming back to it like it's gonna make sense you keep coming back to the script like this is gonna get easier to work it's just getting harder and i wrote this i do really applaud you for like actually sitting there and trying your absolute best to make

a shred of sensitive. I actually do believe, I can already hear people screaming about how long we're spending on this, but I want them to understand the reason why we're walking it through is because of how much these ideas permeate through the rest of conspiracy theory thought from here on out. And so next episode when we kind of go into that, like that's why we're here so you can kind of see like this is what's in these quote unquote secret books

This is what's in here. We're doing it for you. We're doing it so that you don't have to go and get accidentally indoctrinated because of this. Because my brain's covered with a fucking crust. And it doesn't get in. Well, the line that leads us to January 6th runs directly through The Biggest Secret.

Oh, and and this is like this is like the biggest secret. All this shit is about understanding conspiracy thought in America where we are, not just America in the fucking world now. Yes, because where the where America goes so follows the world, unfortunately.

Well, the reptilian bloodline of the Merovingians includes the Egyptian pharaoh, Ramses II, all Roman emperors, every member of the British royal family, the Bush family, Leonardo da Vinci, Isaac Newton, and Jesus Christ, although Ike, again, had already said that Jesus was a creation of a reptilian Jewish historian. Yes.

But as far as the Merovingian legend goes, a Merovingian queen was pregnant by the king, but when she went for a swim in the ocean, she was raped by a quinotaur, which is an aquatic bull with five horns and a fishtail. And at least one dick. The result...

The resulting hybrid offspring, which was somehow reptilian despite being the offspring of a fishbowl, replaced the first baby probably by eating it in the womb and became the founder of the Merovingian bloodline. Their present-day ancestors are reptoid half-breeds who regularly sell out the rest of humanity to the New World Order, which I suppose is the same as the Old World Order if, as Ike says, the reptilians have been running everything for thousands of years. That's the problem! Is that it? Oh, she just says whatever! Yeah.

It's just fucking whatever. And so this is an allegory, but everything else you read is fucking picture perfect fucking reality. As far as how reptilians stay in power, that's the job of the Rosicrucians, who I know you love. We did it. They scheme and manipulate people in situations to ensure there's always a reptile in every driver's seat and

unless there isn't. Unless there isn't. JFK, for example, was not a reptile. Yep. Although it's never fully explained how we bypassed all these reptilian safeguards to capture the presidency. Catholicism. No one wanted, yeah, Catholicism. Which I guess would mean that Joe Biden is also not a reptile. Yeah. No Catholics. That's right. No Catholics allowed. No, but he does need a salt lick because if not, he nutrients drop and he does fall down. No, no, no. The Catholics are reptilians because the Pope's hat

is shaped like a fish and that fish... That's what the fishbowl is represented literally what it's talking about in this just story. Honestly, if these motherfuckers want to go around ripping off the hats of cardinals and bishops and popes, I'm all for it. Yeah, that's what directed at the pope. If you got rage, go get the pope.

Well, according to Ike, at least 33 American presidents are of a reptilian bloodline. But probably all of them are also reptilians except the ones who aren't. There's some that aren't, but the ones that are, are. Yeah. Got you. As far as the people sitting next to the seat of power go, it may not surprise you that Henry Kissinger was one of the planet's most active servants of the reptilians. I'll tell you what, that's so nice. I'll buy a bottle of something. So important. I'll get the little water bottles full. I'll go out. This way. Yeah.

Clear your throat. Oh, my God. I've never done it. Oh, my God. I've always sounded like this. But when it comes to America, America, guess what?

Never really existed anyway. At least not in the way that we think it exists. We ain't solid, idiots. And it's with the illusion of America, as well as how all this goofy fake shit has actually shaped the real world we live in today. It's with all that that we'll return next week for the rest of the reptilian agenda. Oh, yeah. And it doesn't stop just because you sleep.

The reptilian agenda goes on all night. Well, they're nocturnal. Exactly. Are they? Well, alligators. That's why I advise you for the next several weeks, stay awake. Yeah, and if you're one of those foxes who got a lizard in your house, sleep with one eye open. Just guess what? Today's their January 6th. They're going to rise up.

I'm going to bite off your clits. So you have to be careful because that's all an iguana wants to do. It just sees you as a big old worm. Yep. And we're fucked. The more you worm, the more you squirm. Yep. My dad said that. Good advice. Yeah. My dad used to say that all the time. Sir Isaac Newton. Yeah. You reading all of this, like, explains to me why you like doing so much. Me? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

This is easier than Dune. For sure. But it's harder at the same time because Dune is nice. I don't think it's nice. It's better than this. Go to patreon.com. It's just as long. Last podcast in the life. See some of the incredible visual jokes I did for you today. You're going to love it. Go to twitch.tv twitch.tv slash LPN TV to watch all of our new Twitch streams.

It's going to be fun to do. Go follow us on the socials, Instagram and TikTok. Which hopefully soon be gone. Yeah. At LP on the left. It's going to take a while. It's going to be a whole thing. I know. I know. It's not going to be that open and shut. But until then, follow us. Fuck yeah. Yeah. Because then I don't know why. Yeah. And go. And out. Go out. You don't have to go anywhere. Go onto your computer and buy tickets.

to JKUltra. Last podcast on the left, new tour. We're going to be back out to several North American cities. Yes, several North American cities. And of course, we're also coming to Australia in August. We're doing it in New Zealand. And so go check it out wherever tickets are sold. Yeah. Denver and Seattle are up first. Yeah. Yes. Yes. So go. We're coming to you fuckers. Yeah. And we might also be having a couple of other international dates to announce, but we're not going to be talking about that.

just yet. Very soon. Yeah, spin the globe, you fuckers. Yeah, dude. If you see a lizard, kick it. Yes, man. I got two cool things coming down the pipeline here. First one is we're doing a second Brighter Side every week now. It's going to come out on Wednesdays and we're calling it. Are you ready for this? I'm ready. Brighter Side Stories. Hell yeah. He's doing it. He's doing it. We're doing it. Cross over. Unfortunately, we are going to have to sue him for copyright infringement. Well, that's between you and me and we'll talk about that later. We'll talk about that in private. Please sue me. I need the

press. Also, I'm going to be in Tallahassee, Florida. I'm going back. I booked a show, kind of. I just want people to come. I'm working for free. I'm doing like 15 minutes. What are you doing? I'm going to this place called Bird's Aphrodisiac Oyster Shack. Oh my God, buddy. It's a guy named John Strickland's birthday, and I'm doing like 10, 15 minutes on this show. I had to like talk my way onto

the show. It's very funny. Yeah. So please come support. That's on the 23rd of March at 8 p.m. That's Burns Aphrodisiac Oyster Shack in Tallahassee, Florida. That's hilarious. I can't wait. I'm not getting paid. No. You get paid in oysters. It's a free show. You're like Walrus. If you want to buy me...

If you want to treat me like the Wallace from Alice in Wonderland. You literally don't do this. He's going to get gout. He needs to be careful. I got gout. Give it to me, baby. I love it. So I'll see you guys. All right. I'll see you next week, guys. Hail Satan. Again. Hail none of these fucks. No, man. You know what I hadn't said in a while? Magustalations, y'all. Thinking about that when I was driving and my mind was wandering the other day and I should have been paying attention. No.

Well, Magoosalations to that. I'm always selling kind of on autopilot. Yeah, that's true. It's dangerous in L.A. People just walk out in the middle of the street.

Yeah, pay attention while you drive. I'm the person walking in the street. The thing with somebody who knows what's nice about you is that you can take at least one big hit. I can take a car. I've actually been hit by a car, jumped on the hood, fell off, and I was fine. I did too, but I was fatter. Yeah, I was fatter then. I would not do well. No, no. Just do butt first. Let it go in. God damn, I'm already eating these oysters. We gotta get out.

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