"Rode Hard And Put Away Wet" (w/ Will Ferrell & Harper Steele)
01:11:42 Share

This song goes out to my new best pal, PayPal. Now that I get 5% cash back with my PayPal debit card every month on the category I choose, my PayPal and I, we're going everywhere together 'cause I wanna pay with you everywhere. I pay with PayPal at the shoe store, the wind chime store, the dot com store, all the stores. Oh, I don't just pay, PayPal.

Terms apply. See PayPal app. This card is issued by the Bancorp Bank, N.A., pursuant to license by MasterCard International, Inc. Hey, everybody. It's me, Matt Rogers, letting you know tickets are on sale now to see me on tour. The Prince of Christmas tour, that is. I'm doing my whole album, Have You Heard of Christmas?, plus a lot more with the whole band all throughout December. Go to www.mattrogersofficial.com to see me in a city near you. And now, Lost Couch. Drums. Drums.

Look, Matt. Where? Oh, I see. Wow. Bowen, look over there. Wow, is that culture? Yes. Oh, my goodness. Wow. Las Culturistas.

Ding dong, Las Colteristas calling. I just whipped out an expression. You love this expression. I do. I say it often. I was rowed hard and put away wet. And I kind of used it in this way to say, like, we're old dogs when it comes to this podcast. Right. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, we just, we're withered and weathered. Withered, weathered, rowed hard and put away wet. A front runner for a title event. I know we'll come up with something better.

Did you want to ask about my sports pageantry? Yeah, you're wearing, now people don't know about this, but Matt Rogers being the Long Island king he is, is a huge fan of Prince, is a huge fan of the New York Mets.

Major. Major. So you're wearing a Mets t-shirt, and is that a baseball cap? A Mets baseball cap? I'm flipping it around to reveal it is actually a Pride-themed Mets cap that I got when I threw out the first pitch. I threw out the first pitch last year at the Mets Pride game, and I gotta tell you, it was a strike. Oh.

Wow. And I threw it from the mound. You knew this. You went from the mound? I went from the mound. Yes. Because you have to understand, my dad is a sports dad. That's right. He's a baseball coach. He was a baseball ball they used for the day. They really should have gone the extra mile there. But it wasn't. It was attached with a streamer. Yeah, I know. So it could be extra elegant and queer. Like Katniss Everdeen. Yes, exactly. What Katniss was famous for doing. Throwing the rainbow balls. Wow.

Wow, already off to the races. But anyway, so it's a huge week for the New York Mets. Explain. So I really can't, but I know that it's a big week. In fact, I texted my father to explain. They went to the Mets game last night, and I said, can you explain what's happening with the Mets this week? Because I know it's a big week.

And he said all these words. And so I know that they're playing the Braves, the Atlanta Braves. And they have to do well this week in order to stay in contention for the playoffs. Playoff implications. Oh, there's major playoff implications. Another frontrunner for title of app. We're really rolling at it today. But this is a major week, so I'm wearing my sort of geish.

And I pray for them. I pray for them. I root for them. Now, this is something that I want to come back to, which is this idea of you don't have to understand something in order to appreciate and show love. Thank you so much. You're welcome. You know what? I don't know how to do make clothes. And we're wearing them. And we're wearing them. Wow. By the way, I love this. Thank you. Bowen, would you want to describe what you're wearing? It's a little cable knit cardigan. It is the second day of fall at the time of recording. Woo! Woo!

We did it. We beat it. I have to say. We beat summer. It feels even better than the end of Labor Day weekend, which I famously said was the end of summer. But you were corrected summarily. It was controversy. Yes. And we court a lot of controversy on this podcast. Oh, yes. And now no one can say anything to me. It's fucking over. Stew season over.

Stoop season. What is the stew you're going to make this week? I'm going to make a bo co, which is a Vietnamese beef stew. Lemongrass down, bitch. Oh my God. I'm doing it on Sunday. We're back at work. You know, the top really jumps out when you talk about stew. The top? Yeah. I've really been looking forward to this episode. I saw one of our guests.

at Seth Meyers. I had the privilege and honor of doing Second Chance Theater. Our guest remounted his legendary sketch called Mr. Cotter, where he plays someone who has basically just rearranged his life to look like his favorite actor, Gabe Kaplan from the sitcom Welcome Back, Cotter. No one. No one.

No one knows what you're talking about. This is big mainstream stuff. People love John Travolta on this pod. We love Travolta. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's been on six times. He's been on six times. Hilarious. We gave him a jacket. Hilarious. And I stopped our guest. I said,

You and Harper have to come on when the doc comes out. Rave reviews at Sundance. I mean, come on. You know 100% on Rotten Tomatoes. That's all the percents. That's literally every percent you could get. And not for nothing, but you watch it and it works on every level. I mean, it's an incredible story of friendship, of resilience. I mean...

You'll learn. You will laugh. It's just got all the greats in it. And I really feel like I had so many emotions watching it. It's one of those like true feats of documentary film in that it captures so much. I mean, like it's just fucking great. Yeah. Yeah. It's incredible. Will and Harper. It's on Netflix September 27th.

You simply must watch. We're simply so happy that our guests are here. Give it up. Alphabetical. Alphabetical. Last name. Ready? Here we go. Welcome into your ears. Will Ferrell and Harper Stevens!

Welcome to the show. Did you drive here? Yeah. Did you? Did you guys drive here? I love driving in New York. Oh my God. It was so easy today too. Today. There's some events going on and I don't think it's Mariah Carey. It's Mariah Carey. She's performing at the UN General Assembly, which is also in town. Oh, okay. That's going to be. I always come to Manhattan during the UN General Assembly. Okay.

And I stay in midtown, in the U.N. area. Oh, yeah. Do you ever try to get in? I've tried a couple times as a foreign diplomat. And I'm tackled to the ground. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was surprised they didn't let y'all into the White House. Because I feel like when you pointed to your face and said, this is how we're getting in to see Big Joe, I thought, this might work. No. No? No. No.

I feel like you're going to get pushback, Will, because I think that one of the first things that's said in the film is you say, hi, I'm Will Ferrell, one of the greatest actors of all time. And then Matt and I were like, well, yeah, truly. You made it a joke and we think it's true. I don't like hearing this. Are you listening to this? I'm not. My mic's off. I can't hear anything. No. Thank you. I so appreciate that. Is this a matter of dispute between the two of you? Well, it's been a little bit.

That's a point of contention. What is your greatest role? Thank you. God, I love this. This is the greatest podcast ever. What is my greatest role? I'm going to say probably human being.

Human being. Human being, like the way you occupy space every day. The way, yeah. I think people do think you're great, and I think people need to know that there's work. There's just work to be done. We can improve every day. Of course. Work in progress. I'm a work in progress. Yeah, sure. Aren't we all? Yeah, absolutely. I feel I'm progressing. Yeah. You're progressing? Every day. I'm almost there.

- Oh, you feel pretty good? Like you're, yeah. - I think so. - Okay. - What is your greatest role? - What is my greatest role?

Human being. I start sobbing. I say best friend. Oh, my God. This becomes emotional immediately. I did want to ask about, so in the beginning of the documentary, you talk about your beginnings at SNL. You really felt you were a flop? You didn't think people were getting it at first? Well, I kind of have to warm up to the room a little bit. I see. Yeah, I'm not a guns-a-blazin'. At least back then, like...

sherry o'terry was the only person you were confident yeah i was like i wasn't very subdued human being yeah it was just more like feeling it out at first there were already clicks that had formed and people were way more like just really felt like they had been there the whole time i'm like it just was overwhelming and yeah but but it's funny to hear it was funny to hear after like you know a couple of rides were like yeah everyone just thought you were like

He seemed nice, but he's not that funny. I don't know what he's going to do on the show. People said to me, it's like, who is that guy? Why is he here?

Even though it was the same start week for both of you. Yeah, we both started, but I had kind of come in with the Jon Stewart show. So I had a little click, a little group of my own. And so I wasn't, and then Steve had already sort of gotten good in with the Second City people because of Cindy Campanera. They were best friends.

So I kind of had a little bit in, and then I just would get asked every once in a while. We were all sort of sizing up the talent. And I was also on the other side. My office was behind the page. Oh, yeah. The desk there on that side. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It wasn't part of the— No man's land. No man's land. And I'd walk over to the writer's room table side, and it was gorgeous.

Gales of laughter down the hall. Gales. Bits galore. Bits. Everyone doing bits. And I was late on the bit and I didn't already understand the inside joke and I go back to my quiet side. Yeah, not a good feeling to be outside of the bit. No, I'm just like... Well, also he just wasn't up for like bidding for no reason. Should I do some long distance phone calls? Yeah. On my phone? That's a good bet.

Doing your own bit. And then I was like, oh, I guess I'll go to Ikea and furnish my apartment. I don't know what else to do. They brought us in so early, too. Like a month in advance. Early, early, like into August. Oh, wow. That seems a little cool. It was fun, though, because there's no pressure at that point. So the show's not happening for a long time. And you're like, I can't wait for the show to start, which obviously we know is...

that's not really fun. It's the gales of bits. It's the gales of bits. It's the gales of bits. Well, you two came, I think, and it's documented in the documentary. You two came on a read-through day, I remember, and you both came down to say hi to everybody. It was so lovely. We'd heard the scuttlebutt that the doc was starting. Wasn't Travis Kelsey the host? It was Travis Kelsey. That was the week. Yeah. We were so, we were, once again, overwhelmed because...

That was not read through. Read through in the studio is so foreign to us. Totally. It was a little, yeah. Oh, you know what? We're recording this right before the first week back. And by the time this comes out, I'll know whether or not we're back on 17. I think Lorne, that's the mission Lorne wants. It's such an intimate, such a better, well, I mean, we can't, I can't compare it because I didn't sit through a read through on this, but what I saw, it looked amazing.

It's sort of hollow. And when you get up there on 17, it's intimate and there's lots of, yeah, the laughter you can hear. Or when I wrote sketches, often you couldn't hear the laughter. The silence was... Acoustically, it's better up in 17. But by the time, when did the bit start of you walking around? And was it that you were Lisa Kudrow's brother? Like you were playing someone's brother. You were like in character. I was Chip Kudrow. Lisa Kudrow's brother.

There was no character, by the way. No character. You had glasses on. I had the same vocal intonation. I wore a character of all. Your greatest role. Human. You kind of, and Lisa, I think is fine with this, but you kind of dumbed Chip down a little bit. Chip Kudrow said really one line. He would sit at read-through and we would all be going over the sketch and Chip would just go, I would invert that. That's all he said. Oh!

I didn't heard that Chip would be at the rewrite table super affable yeah I loved it oh good always showed up late always showed up late sure and then it was a Chip thing not a Will thing Chip would just sit there smiling and yeah giving thumbs and then someone Higgins or someone would go Chip do you have any notes I'm like

I would invert it. I would do the funny part at the beginning. Exactly. And then end on the setup. Wait, well, so then what would happen? Where would Chip be? Like, where would Will be when Chip was kind of just holding, just being in the room? It's like Superman and Clark Kent. You can never find Will. And there was no distinguishing physical thing either. That's what made it even better than the whole Clark Kent bullshit. But at what point was there the comfort to broach Chip?

Because I consider that a huge bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was at least, it was not the first year. No, that was a year. It was probably second or third year. Yeah. It's not bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sometimes it takes people a couple seasons to show themselves. But that's the other place Harper and I bonded, just constantly reminding ourselves and everyone else at the show that like, we're doing comedy. Right. Let's not take it too seriously. We're going to fail. We know.

We know that. Failing is kind of liberating, right? I mean, if you don't get all... Gabe Kaplan. Gabe Kaplan. But that ended up being such a triumph by the end. Well, sure. It took 20 years. It took 20 years to get laughs. But you know, all it needed was someone to show a picture of what Gabe Kaplan looked like. And then when the reveal is that you look like him, it's funny. Can I bring up, or you should talk about Box of Shit. Okay.

Now talk about Box of Shit. Oh, I don't know. Okay, yeah. No, no, no. I'm very proud of Box of Shit. Yeah. The first few seasons... That's a rule of culture number 80. I'm really proud of Box of Shit. The first few seasons of SNL, I would compile...

a viewing party called the Box of Shit. It was the worst sketches of the year. - Good. - And I had to, you have to include one of your own because you can't piss on people. - I imagine you didn't. - We all had shitty sketches though. Some people weren't invited to the Box of Shit viewing party 'cause they didn't have the same attitude. - Oh, of course. - Yeah, so you have to be careful there. But if you're thinking, was I on the Box of Shit? Yes, you were.

Yeah. You have to be able to roll in the box of shit. Yeah. But it became a point of pride. Of course. To get selected for the box of shit. And we had this one sketch, and I'm not going to name whose it was. It was a commercial parody, but there was a laugh on it that was from maybe...

42nd Street, it was the only laugh. It was so far away from the building and so... And we just analyzed it over and over again. Was it a laugh? Where did it come from? But it was silent. A commercial parody that was silent. Yeah. And the phantom laugh is just a fuzz of static. It was like...

40 seconds. And we're like, oh, that's just someone out on 40 seconds. Wow. Wait, can you do that again? ASMR. That's very ASMR. All you sound people, get out your equipment. Yeah, no, they're going to do what they're going to do. They're going to do it. Yeah, they're good at that whole thing. Open up the pods. Yes. Is that the right terminology? Not really.

Okay. Open up the pods. Let's open up the pods. You always think whenever you go into like a studio or something that there's going to be knobs like this everywhere. Nowadays, very few knobs. I like the knobs too. Turn that up. Yeah, yeah, exactly. You know what? I'm doing this too as if there's like one. The glamour of recording is one pod.

This is hanging off your ear the other side, and you sort of slide the knob and go, yeah, that's it. Turn the gains up. I don't know what a single one of the words or actions means. You sounded so professional. Thank you. I have some experience. I'm near some knobs now. This is very antiquated. You need to email somebody. Face the screen by ear. Yeah. That's not where you should be facing. That having been said, what if I touch this? Would it do nothing if he touched that? Would it do nothing? No.

Don't do it. You produced this podcast. Do you want us to go down in flames? No, it's not.

It's the only good thing we have. God, I saw. Talk about the joy of producing. Well, can I say something? Because I don't think Pete Will knows how much involved he is producing. He was under the table here working wires this morning. Oh, my God. I got in here at... I was a little bit late. So I got in here at 6.30. I'm usually here at 5.30. And I was making sure the board was hooked up. Yeah, totally. I got the Sony...

Yeah, that's the Sony. Sony full frame. I lined these up and I made sure the copy machine worked.

Did you get this really cold coffee for every year? It's not cold. You're kidding. Harper, you're not a fan of cold coffees. You want it hot. I wanted a hot coffee, but it wasn't going to happen. It can't always happen. Because the thing about hot coffee is it can become cold, whereas cold coffee can become warm, but it can't ever become hot. You're right. It should have been thinking cold. Yeah. Of course. Of course not. Well, you know, if you don't expect anything, you're not ever disappointed. Yeah.

My eyes glaze over and I don't speak for the rest of the episode. You just shut down. Pull out a paperback novel. Right, exactly. I think that one of my favorite parts of the doc was seeing you guys all interact with Tina and Seth and Colin and everyone together. And I wonder, like, what is that like to go into the room with all those people? And, of course, there's going to be the bits, but there is this very real thing of this transformation and this change. What were those emotions that were going through you?

Well, very family-like because, and I know Bowen, you're there now. You probably hate everyone there. Of course you do. He'll never say the truth, but I will. But I guarantee you in 10 years, that's your high school. You will love those people so much. So when I came out, the email got out to these various people that I worked with at Saturday Night Live.

They were so supportive, so sweet. So walking into that room was just really sweet and yeah, it felt like a family. I mean, I just was so happy to see every one of them, except for Colin Jost. - Except for Colin. And Tim, who thought it was a bit. - No one wants to see Colin. - No one wants to see Tim. - I'm so tired of Colin Jost. - Did Tim actually respond thinking it was a bit or was that a bit?

He didn't respond that aggressively. I think, yeah, he got the news from an old friend of ours, Marcy Klein, and I think it came to Tim. There's a way to tell someone that they've transitioned, and then there's a way maybe not to. But I hope you don't feel that your way was not the right way because it was completely personal. Oh, yeah, yeah, no. And I, no, I mean, it was, again, everyone,

which to me is the laughable thing. We have a friend who came out on the Ellen show and

But they were working at Ellen for like 10 years before they had the courage to come out to this game. And you're like, how is that possible? And I have that feeling. Like, why was I so afraid in the world of entertainment? It's ridiculous. I feel like that's sort of outside of it. One thing that doesn't really come up in the documentary but that I was thinking about is I was thinking back to that time. And even when we were really coming up in comedy, like –

It's funny. The other day there was a piece on Bowen and we talk about the sketch that we wrote many years ago. It was that first sketch that Bowen ever performed in our old sketch group. You can say it. I read it. It was about Joan from Mad Men and I wrote it and we were talking about it and I was like kind of reminiscing. And then I went back to those sketches and I was like looking in 2013 at some of the sketches and I opened one up. Yeah. And in the very first line, there's a transphobic joke.

And we were queer. We felt very progressive. And I actually had to sit back in my chair and I was like, wow. It flew out in the first line. And then I really thought to myself about how prevalent, not only just casual racism, casual misogyny, but transphobia was- In the comedy world especially. Absolutely. And so when we talk about the entertainment world, you were in the comedy world. Of course there was some. Oh yeah. And I just wanted to ask, like, to speak to that, like-

I'm certain that if we went back to SNL sketches from your tenure, there were things. Oh, definitely things I've not would not write again at all. Right. Of course. Yeah. No. To know that you were dealing with this in the midst of that, was that a rub or did you find yourself participating in that type of comedy writing? Because that's just kind of what you did. I think I got so good at disassociating that it just was and not paying attention to how anxious or how

miserable I was not paying attention to that side, just letting this thing keep going and just making sure that the train stayed on the track always. Doing the job. Just constantly just, and I love the job and I love the people. So it's like one of these kind of impossible things to explain. You're just living this experience that seems in every way beautiful. And it was in a lot of ways. And then there's just this other side that's falling apart. Do you think, I would say, do you think that disassociation,

led to, I mean, you're a funny person, but do you think comedy was a way to not? Oh, without a doubt. No. I mean, especially when I was a kid. Yeah, exactly. I mean, I became a class clown for a reason, you know, I had to distract. You flourish, but also hide. Yeah, of course. Of course. Yeah. You know, I think a lot of comedians, it's not about being trans or being queer or anything. There's a lot of things people are hiding in a comedy room. And, and,

Yeah, I think, you know, it's just a very disassociative kind of world, really. Yeah, I mean, there's a moment in the doc that's really beautiful where it's you two with Forte on a hot air balloon. Yeah. I love that man. I love that man. What a beautiful man. To get to that shoot, Will Forte went through 30 different trains and planes. Hell and high water. Yeah.

probably another hot air balloon. He interrupted like a ski vacation or something to meet us on, because we knew we were hitting Albuquerque at a certain date and

Like most people are like, ah, I'm busy. I can't, no. No, got out of it. Had to be there. Yeah. There's a thing that Harper says where she, where you say, you know, sometimes I wish I had come out sooner, but if I had, then I might not have met you guys and I might not have had a comedy job. And I wanted to ask about this, what you feel about this like temporal aspect to being a trans person. You've always been a trans person, but then the moment of,

coming out or of transition, which are also two separate things that are chronologically on different loci, let's say. How do we reconcile those things, though, of like you've always been this person and yet the moment of coming out is incredibly consequential?

Yeah, because I try to kind of reconcile it with the sort of transness of my whole life. So like a lot of the transness seeped through in so many great ways. And that's just that thing inside me fighting me the whole time and finally winning. And that's a really joyous thing to think about. Like I fought it so hard for so long. Or when I say I, this is all complicated. But yes, I tried to keep this thing down and it just kept fighting back. So yeah.

Yes. On the other side of it, it's like to come out in 1979, I mean, which I wish I could have done. I wish I could have come out in 1979. I'm not... I would have been as beautiful as Hunter Schaefer. But...

Oh, my God. But if I could have come out, then that would have been wonderful. I just don't know if the world would have been the same. And to get to – Lorne Michaels wouldn't have hired a trans woman in 1996. I mean, I'm sure Lorne – oh, no, of course I would have. No, he's not doing that. I mean, I could have had a wonderful life. I don't know what that life is. I'm not saying it was going to be misery or anything, but –

Yeah, I just I also value all the friends and people I made sort of just being half myself, you know. All that aside, though, like it is, I think, pretty incredible that SNL like has already had a trans head writer. Oh, I love it. I love it. I'm looking at the cast and the crew and the writers now. And it's just like, yes, thank you. But I'm talking about I'm talking about you. Like, oh, ask me, like, oh, what's it like with this?

you know, queer sensibility that's broken in. I'm like, well, I don't think it's broken. I think it's always been there. Yeah, second female head writer. I mean, Tina did beat me, so. Goddamn trailblazer. I know, exactly. Girl boss. You don't have enough. I don't care about that. You didn't need to lean in that much. No, no way. When is it enough? When is it enough? Stop. Gorgeous, talented. Did you not see that I was a woman? You should have seen that.

This is Tina's fault. Yeah. Tina repressed me to get ahead. That's a full quote. People magazine's coming for you. One thing that like really blew me away is, and it always blows me away, is when someone has a passion for solo road trips through the middle of the country. And one thing that, this is part of the ride that I was on in watching the documentary was,

How – I was checking in with my body like when you guys go into those bars, those hole-in-the-wall bars. Yeah, yeah. I had like a response to it. And one thing that I think was my pull from this was not only how beautiful your story was and how beautiful your friendship is but how afraid I really am of those spaces and how –

I feel like whether it's I've been conditioned or I've learned a need to unlearn, but I myself have a phobia of a type of person. I think that is learned because whether it's a trauma response or something, me being defensive, like, and I know that I can code switch in those spaces if I really wanted to. In fact, I did it many years to survive in my own right. You're code switching today with your domestic. Like this, I mean, but, but like,

I think the reason I even own this shirt is because I had it a long time ago. But just the ability to go into those spaces is now one that you have to think about in a different way. And I think...

Were you actively nervous those whole times? Did you feel protected by the cameras and by Will's presence? And so was that, yeah, I mean, I guess. Yeah, I mean, I wasn't as nervous. I mean, that bar going in by myself was a weird experience. I mean, I'm looking around at people I grew up with. I knew that world a little bit. That felt weird. But I also had a camera crew and my buddy Will was outside. Yeah. And I knew he was going to come in. So whenever I was traveling with Will, I didn't have a sort of typical trans experience, honestly. But no, I've been back and forth.

twice now. And I still, like you, I'm not sure I'm going to go back into that kind of bar at night. I will go into truck stops and the places that I love and I have, and I feel way more confident, but...

No, I mean, and code switching is such a funny thing. There's this thing in this documentary. It just bothers me every time I see it. We're in that Oklahoma bar and I'm talking to people and I go, y'all. And it's fear-based, you know, and it's not a bad thing to be fearful. It's safety, right? And I grew up in Iowa and I know what y'all means and I've said it and

But every time I see it now, I'm like, aren't you proud to be out Harper's steel? Why? You don't need to say y'all. Well, I still do a little bit. Oh, what do you mean? What's scary about y'all? Or what is it? I'm just trying to connect with these people in a way. I am code switching. I'm trying to connect with them and like, don't hurt me. Basically. Totally. And I, but I think there's, I don't know where, how this nests together, but I feel like there's, there's code switching. And then there's also like,

I would consider the y'all a signal just and like a pretty neutral signal. I take that back. You're right. Code switching has become a kind of a dirty word. And it's actually just a way to communicate sometimes with people. And I'm a heart of myself. But when you do a great bro.

- What do you mean? - I've seen, I've heard your bro. - Oh. - You do a really good bro. - He's a very powerful masculine. - So I've heard your bro, I'm like, hey man. - Whoa. - Yeah, yeah. So, so, yeah. So believe me, you can code switch. - Wow. Interesting. I mean, you haven't seen this guy do his bro. - Oh really? - But look at him.

I don't like the tension. This is the thing about like when straight guys can like, you know, wink at each other and be a little bit whatever. I will say this. I went to a straight wedding recently. I went to a straight wedding recently. But I don't know. God, I'm just thinking. Hey.

No, see, you get away with it. But it feels so weird. I wouldn't think anything either way. I would never do, anyway. But here's the thing. I went to a straight wedding recently and the straight men who are so comfortable with themselves are touching all over each other. They are all over me. I think that they want

more than any gay man ever has because gay men are so aloof and they're so like everyone wants to be like the one whereas these straight guys are like whether they're gonna go there because it's something intrinsic that they don't know about or like whatever I feel vibes with them and I know

I know vibes. Yeah. I know vibes if I know anything. I think it's because of the code switching. Oh, okay. I know what it means to be repressed, repressed, repressed. And then when something feels open, like it's like a certain openness. Yeah. They're interested. Oh, yeah. Like, I don't know what it is. And it's the married guys. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm just saying there's like- No, but this is a person who's very comfortable in his skin. Skin, yeah. And I envy, I always-

envy that in people, you know? That was so nice. That was a lovely compliment. Did you write Mark Spitz?

I did not write the Marks bits. Okay, but that was a lovely moment in the doc. But also, Sudi was telling me last night, was Robert Goulet, that was your last season? Was that all in the last season? No, I did it a few seasons probably. Okay, okay. But it was like, it was after. Towards the end, yeah. Towards the end. Yeah. I feel like, Harper, your tenure on the show is pretty expansive. Like you were obviously there when Will was there. Yeah, yeah. I was there with Lone Island and Tina and Amy and all these really wonderful, great. I mean, not to mention the,

really fostered so many voices at Funny or Die. Harper was like the go-to office. Creative director. Yeah. And

You'd stop by her office to get an idea or get a note, and she was like— I mean, I'm kind of a genius. Well, not kind of. Genius. You threw it away, but it's true. Oops, I crapped my pants. When you came out with that shirt, I flashed all the way back. That was one of the—I think I downloaded that sketch. On Kazaa. Kazaa! I was going to say Kazaa. Like Napster, but you weren't going to go to prison for it.

Albert Einstein didn't speak until he was six years old. When did you first speak?

No. I spoke as soon as I came in. Oh. You're like, hey, how are you guys? You're not so much of a joke. Don't talk with my sexuality. And then they did. And then they did. Is there a unicycle nearby? Yeah. So that unicycle moment, that was completely random? That was not? Oh, no, no. There's nothing written or composed for this documentary. And that was very strange. And the therapist at the Grand Canyon who was like trying to make amends for...

Yeah. So for those who haven't seen it yet, because it hasn't come out yet, there are a couple moments in here where you're talking about how you would unicycle around your neighborhood. In front of your childhood home. Yeah. And then a unicyclist just rides on by. It was the universe. It was the universe. And you get on the unicycle and nailed it. In heel. In heel. I was going to say, I mean, that was... Bad form, I'm going to say, for all unicyclists out there. For the unicyclist press.

That's going to do like the review of the new people mag. They're going to rip you a new one. They're going to rip you to shreds. The way you went up that hill too, you had to maneuver some terrain. Yeah. The core strength. Yeah. It was impressive. That's gotten every screening. That's gotten an applause break. When she gets on the, it's the don't rain on my parade of the year. And,

And there's always one every year. There's always to be one. Let's start. 1910. 1910. You know what? I mean, I think there is some buzz starting about, I mean, obviously the- A unicycle parade? The unicycle parade. That's starting up a unicycle parade. I think-

Please don't make me go in the unicycle parade. I think Bowen is hinting at Buzz for the Doc. Buzz for the Doc, but also Buzz for... This is a little bit of a spoiler. Start it, though. Kristen has a song. Kristen Wiig writes... So the running bit of the Chekhov's gun at the beginning of write us a song, and then you almost think it's not going to happen, and then it happens. And when it happens, it is the final release for me emotionally. I just...

Isn't it wonderful? She's just like, and that was a surprise to us. We didn't know that it was happening. We did the bit. We just called her. We actually hadn't heard anything. We just thought, it's not going to happen. I would check in with Josh. Well, did she write anything? Josh kept it a secret. Josh brings us in. Josh is like, why don't you guys come back? I made a few more little edits. I'd like you guys to just watch the movie one more time. I'm like, okay, sure. We come in and then he...

he revealed at the end. Wow. And Josh did Barb and Star. Yes. So he knew Kristen and was able to go and cajole her into writing a song.

But, oh, my God. I love her to death. She's so brilliant. And also, the song is not only beautiful, but also funny in the jazz. I mean, I won't ruin it, but, you know, it goes places musically. Yeah, we gave her some interesting notes. Yes, yes, yes. As part of the bit, and yet, she's good on that. She kind of makes, yeah. Except, did she pull off the country? Mm-mm. Nope. Ha, ha, ha.

- I think it was in there, Kristen. I think it lived in there a little bit. - We take it back. - What dribble. What terrible, terrible songwriting. - Awful. - Awful. I think we should ask Harper the question. - Okay. Oh boy, shit. - We're gonna ask you the question we ask all of our guests, which is, Harper Steele, what was the culture that made you say culture was for me?

I hope this is a good answer because I really don't know what you guys mean by that word culture. That's actually by design and it leads to interesting answers. But I'm going to tell you. So, Rocky Horror Picture Show. Thanks for that. It wasn't the movie. I was in Chicago. I saw it with friends. Afterwards, it was at the Biograph Theater. Afterwards, we went to a diner. I'm sitting with my bro-y friends. Mm-hmm.

and in comes four queens. Yeah. And they're over here and I'm over here. I'm watching this group over here. And if I could have split my body in half at that point,

I would have gone over to that table. But something kept me over on this side. And it was intense. I could feel it like, oh, there it is over there. You can reach it. Nope, can't have it. So this was after you had seen it? So I was like, I was 19-

81 maybe I was 20 years old. Yeah. Yeah. And so you, just to be clear, you went to see- I went to see Rock Your Picture Show. The whole night was magical. People up on stage doing Frankenfurter, whatever. Yeah. But it was really just being in that neighborhood of,

Sort of Chicago-y neighborhood. I can't remember what it is, but... Lincoln Park. Gosh, thank you, Will. Sears Tower. No, you have... I'm so happy. The fairgrounds. Southside. I'm so happy that you're here. Obama's house. No, this is my hype man. Winner's circle. I need this. Quaker Park. But anyway, yeah, it was in this neighborhood, and there, obviously, queer people went and saw the movie, and I'm sitting there looking...

And I don't know what their gender was or anything. It was just like, oh, this is fun over there. Were there remarks from the bros at the table? No. No, no. No one was really. In fact, there was another person who came out later at the table. I was just going to say, are you in touch with any of those bros? Oh, yeah, yeah. No, no. Of course, some of those bros you know. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. More Michael than I.

I was hanging out with Lorne Michaels and we were just like, hey, the Cubs are playing tomorrow. I've got an idea for this show. I'm thinking of going back. I'm thinking of going back. Well, you should. I told him, I said, go back.

You have to go back, Lauren. I think it's going to work. It needs you. Yeah. But anyway, that was my culture moment. I don't know if that's. Oh, no, it's an incredible answer. It's a perfect answer. In fact, I actually feel a little seen by the answer because when we were 18, one of the welcome week activities that I did, I don't know if you remember this, but they had the Rocky Horror Picture Show at NYU and they were showing the movie and it was interactive. And it was one of those things I had never,

I think I was aware of what Rocky Horror was. I think I just thought it was a movie with Susan Sarandon. - Right, oh my goodness. - As I want to think. But then in seeing what it was and seeing that it was a place for people to truly let their, I guess, freak flag fly and access this part of yourself that was like,

And then, you know, what's funny is a couple months later, Lady Gaga would sort of take over New York and the little monster thing would happen. And it almost felt like something was speaking to me on high to like see these things and feel these things. And I remember they had a moment in the thing where they stopped it and they said, we're going to come out into the audience and we're going to pick people out of the crowd and you're going to come up and everyone's going to do a fake orgasm. Whoa. Oh my gosh. For some reason. I wouldn't have been able to do it at all. No way. I don't know why, but I raised my hand. Yeah.

And I went up there and I did a terrible fake orgasm. Like horrible. And I got booed. One at a time.

We went down the line. By the way, do you still get booed? They lined us all up and there were these people in like fishnets and corsets and like crazy makeup. And like they got to me and I did this horrible thing. I think I was wearing American Eagle. You know what I mean? Like it was like horrible. I was in my like Long Island drag very much like this. And I did a terrible one and they booed me and I went to sit in my seat and I was like, wow, I am so far away from being the person I want to be.

Because you have so many checkpoints. Oh, yeah. It wasn't going to happen. It just wasn't going to happen. I've never seen Rocky Horror. Will Ferrell. Can I tell you something? If you see Will... I haven't either. Oh, okay. Oh, okay. Because I was about to say when Will sees it, he will come out.

Probably. Yeah. There's like a 70% chance. It's pretty high. Those are good numbers. Wow, wait. I can't believe you've never seen it either. But I remember it was always... It's not necessary, really. It was at a certain point. I feel like it is. But I'm loving that.

That's the same story, right? It's really, it came at a time when I was like, you want to know what it was? The way you felt compelled to go over there. I was compelled to get up on the stage and I didn't sort of have a body. It was like a tractor beam. It was like, I'm raising my hand and I went up there and had a bad experience, but it ended up being memorable and it ended up being really formative because I remember looking around and seeing people who didn't seem to care about

about anyone thinking about them and looking, oh, they look gay or they look weird or they look dark or they look fucked or they look ugly or they look really fucking hot. You know, it was just everyone being all those things all at once and the screaming and the lack of decorum being assigned. There was something about it that made me, and I think a few years later we would discover like,

You know, it's weird now because it's such a mainstream part of culture, but RuPaul's Drag Race at the time when it started was like, whoa, drag. RuPaul saying you're all born naked and the rest is drag. You don't have to be in these boxes. That was like a revolution at the time for a young person. People coming out as trans on the show. Yes. Not giving a vocabulary to people. Yeah, over time, yeah. But it's interesting you say that. But I feel like, see, you're still holding on to some of those. There's still some residue from that time, like the Mets shirt, let's say.

Right. And like the American Eagle sort of like aesthetic. And I feel like what I also really enjoyed about the documentary and Harper's story is that like there's this identity with the road tripping and like no

knowing where all the record, the best record stores are drinking shitty beer. I'm not going to lose that. I mean, that's, I consider that Harper, you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. And like knowing, like, I think Seth makes a joke of like, um, the list of the best dumpster, like dumpsters for use. No one wants my list of places to go in the country. I think it's my favorite line. Dumpsters filled with unused furniture. I love that. Oh, it's my favorite line. Yeah. I love that. I mean, I feel like there, you, I feel like there's this really beautiful connection to like,

beautiful ruin or something. Oh, absolutely. Yeah, no, I mean, yeah, there's the bad side where I felt like a monster. And then there's the good side where I see beauty in monsters. So there are this sort of back and forth fighting each other, I think. Yeah. Have you developed like a queer community? Do you feel like, you know, there's queer people that you

It's slow developing. It's slow developing. I have some trans friends. It's slow developing. It's one of those things that I just am looking for. The queer community, that's the community I was most afraid of for this doc. I don't, there's so many, the trans community can get a little snipey too. And I was really afraid. And then I did some screening just for queer audiences and it was, it was incredible.

I mean, you said it was super emotional. Oh no, I'm crying. I'm on the cover of the advocate. This is like huge. Like I just, it's like, not to mention if I can toot her horn, she's, she was in a Toronto film festival was on a panel of queer trans filmmakers and,

It was just, you were like the star of the panel. Oh, I was not. I mean, they're amazing people. But you were so hilarious and Harper. Well, that I am, yeah. And then a big group came to our screening that night and Harper was holding court with all these young trans and queer filmmakers. It feels really good. I mean, but it's a slow process for me because I've been so resistant. So, you know. I feel like you are. So invite me to your next.

Of course. You're invited. Both of you. Well, no, not Will. I don't have to. I mean, I'd love to. You're busy. I feel super uncomfortable around you. I make a great stew. I make a great stew. There you go for tops. You guys should do a stew party and watch Rocky Horror for the first time. We'll do something else. Yeah. We have to break the seal on Rocky Horror.

Oh, Matt, you know how much I love quints. Recently, I bought a crew neck $50 cashmere sweater that I adore. Oh, it's been a busy season of events and travel, has it not? And my wardrobe has taken a beating. A total overhaul isn't in my budget, but I am replacing some of those worn out pieces with affordable high quality essentials from Closet.

Quince. Quince has all the seasonal must-haves, like cashmere sweaters from $50, like I just mentioned, 100% European linen shirts, and versatile activewear. The best part? All Quince items are priced 50% to 80% less than similar brands. By partnering directly with top factories, Quince cuts out the cost of the middleman and passes the savings on to us. And Quince only works with factories that use safe, ethical, and responsible manufacturing practices, along with premium fabrics and finishes. Mm-hmm.

I love that. You know, Matt, I love all the products on Quince. The bedding, the kitchenware, the diningware, and not to mention the clothes. Upgrade your wardrobe with pieces made to last with Quince. Go to quince.com slash culturistas for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash culturistas to get free shipping and 365-day returns. Quince.com slash culturistas.

You're talking about this fight, you know, between your body and your mind your whole life. And then I think you were telling your kids before you set off on the trip that this was a way for you to come out more. Oh yeah. Yeah. I mean, there's an altruistic reason. There was about trans legislation being passed across the country that's been very violent and very... You guys know the political landscape out there for trans people and for queer people in general. But

So that was a reason to do it in terms of like, oh, this will have maybe some use.

But also, Will and I like to make weird things. We do a lot of weird projects. They've all been weird. And we're here to promote girl vision. Yeah, yeah. So when Will sort of like said... Lifetime movie. Yeah. Movie all in Spanish. Yeah, yeah. Love that though. We're the same. Yeah. So it was like the opportunity to do this sort of strange thing also was, I jumped at it. And then, yes, of course...

Anything that's helped me because you come out, you know, and I don't know if this is true of all trends. My experience is I came out and every day is just more confidence. So it's like there's a learn. There's a thing that just you just kind of keep moving forward. And I just thought, oh, well, this is going to really just make me just I'm done, you know, and that's and it did. It was really wonderful experience. And I did go back a few.

across the country again in both ways. And yeah, it was just easier. What I love about working on stuff with Harper is that we don't necessarily know that it's going to work or connect with a big part of the audience, but we know it will definitely connect with a specific part of the audience. Because it's genuine. It's genuine and we will always feel proud of it. And even though that's sometimes hard to

in Hollywood to push that through the committee. But if you give us a couple swings, we'll make something original. I think what you're getting at is this thing that I was saying earlier, which is like, you don't have to understand something or someone in order to appreciate it. And I feel like that is kind of the beautiful thing about this documentary is that like, Will, you are being such a wonderful, and I think this is a perfect example. Sudi was talking about this last night. Like you set this perfect example of

Someone is really opening up to you and peeling back the layers and you are just there to listen and say and not and not be like No, you're you're amazing. Why would you feel this way? You're just there to nod and listen and walk alongside someone I think that is such a good model that isn't really common Yeah in terms of friendship but I feel like even with Harper going into these bars and these spaces that are maybe a potentially hostile like I

There are people who, like, upon meeting a trans person, kind of, like, put their shields down and then there's connection that happens. And that is this thing that, like, you don't have to understand everything a trans person goes through in order to see them as a human being. Yeah. Another thing, too, in addition to all of that, it's just, like, the allyship. And, you know, it feels like we say it so much that it sort of loses its meaning. It's sort of like when you say, like, representation matters. Like, it feels like a...

press thing now or something, but it really is important. Like the allyship, like if there, if there needs to be a new way to say it for it to have impact in a different way, it's just like the whole time I was thinking like this allyship is giving comfort. And when there is comfort, there is the opportunity for dialogue. And that's why it's important that there are allies because like we need to be able to communicate about these things because it's only when we communicate that like,

I don't know, maybe someone watching who sees you walk into that bar, shoulders aren't going to be up here. You know what I mean? Because I did drop my shoulders there when you started to see the dialogue, that young man and his girlfriend coming over to you and saying,

you know, even after he misgenders you, there is the dialogue. There is not the thing of there was a misgendering and then the conversation is over. And he was receptive to the correction. Right. Receptive to the correction. Not defensive. And also then there was an opportunity to share and to learn and to feel good about it. Oh, yeah. And I also think as comedians sometimes and writers,

probably I think this is something we can all identify with, but we're scared of vulnerability. Oh, we're scared of being genuine. Because then that would mean, because you want to know what? The boys are not vulnerable. They have always thought of it as, and you talk about this, like I want to get to the point where I can see my vulnerabilities as a strength. And

That is something I think is really important to, as comedians, like call out. It's like we're scared of vulnerability. And then, you know, just I can say from listening to our fans, like,

they respond to that. They learn from that. And we're learning from it. I've gotten out of this is the learning that vulnerability is a superpower. It's like to be vulnerable. Isn't it? Because I'm just getting into so much deeper conversations with people around me because they see vulnerability and I express it. I don't have no problem with it. So that's been a, that's been just a crazy result of all of this. That's the thing I think is it's just, it's,

It was that era, too. Like, that sort of late 90s, early aughts, through the aughts thing. Like, whoever was saying how they really felt. You know what I mean? Like, there was no emotional comment there. Like, it was not like that. It was... Then you learn, like, it becomes a core belief that if you're, like, crying, you're weak. But now there's this weird pushback. Yeah. To, like...

this new form of masculinity. Like it's, it's so crazy that. What do you mean? No, just feel like politically speaking. Oh yeah. On the, you know. We're getting two kinds of comedy. We are getting a kind of vulnerable comedy and then we are also getting the other side, which there's room for all of it. Who cares? But,

you know, you can feel like people are like, Hey, let's, let's get away from vulnerability. Let's get away from it. You can feel that. And, you know, I felt it in a Texas steakhouse. So you can feel it, you know, as a queer person, I'm sure you guys have that spider sense. Um, and I, yeah. And I can feel it with this kind of kind of comic. I'm not against free speech or whatever people want to do with their comedy, but,

Yeah, I can feel that sort of backlash that's happening. Sure. But I feel like also we had a whole like we were on Fire Island, funnily enough, in August and we had we ended up watching Zoolander and Step Brothers. Because Catherine was here last week. Okay. Catherine was here last week. And so we watched those movies and we were just like, you know, this is the these are perfect examples. And like everything you guys you've done together is like are these examples of like

a comedy that is a sensibility maybe of like around masculinity but it is not like for a specific audience it is general in that way oh for sure and like it can happen it exists there doesn't have to be this like right division among among who it's for who it's by right right right whose idea was Eurovision oh Will's for sure Will's grown up in Sweden I I I

I went there, my wife and I went to Sweden in 1998. Yeah. The first time. And it just coincided with Eurovision being, and we were visiting her cousin way out in the country in this little cabin. And that evening she's like, shall we watch Eurovision? The Eurovision Song Contest. And I said, of course. What? And I sat there for the next three hours. Yeah. Transfixed. It was the final. I'm like,

what is going on? What is this thing? And this is spectacular. And I was like, this would make an amazing movie and I'm sure someone will do it. Yeah. At some point. No one wanted to do it. No one would touch it for 20 years. And finally, I don't know, there was just a gap in... You told me to watch it and I also, I really vibed to it. It was almost like the situation with...

what I was saying about Rocky Horror. Yeah, it was almost like that. I'm like, oh, okay. Yeah, that's over there. See myself in this. Yeah, this is amazing. And then we actually went to one just to kind of like do research. We went to Copenhagen. We went to Copenhagen. And that year, I don't know if you're Eurovision fans, but it was, and I think that this person, Conchita. Conchita. Conchita, yeah. Conchita verse one with the dress, the beautiful dress. And who we met later, who's wonderful. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. She's in Eurovision. That number. Yeah. Oh, my God. So, yeah, that was such a... Just walking around Eurovision with all these queer people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was the most amazing thing. Of course, that initially went way over my head. I didn't even... I was like...

Oh, interesting performance. No, and I'm sure I was like for you at that early part, I was like, it's so queer. But like there has to be like some sort of spider sense that goes off in your head that Will is going to be a safe person when he brings you Eurovision as a thing. And it's like, it's my dream to do this. Isn't it weird though, not safe enough to come out? Because I really wanted to come. I really wanted to transition seven, eight, nine years ago. Right. And like, I don't know what stopped me then.

Was the pandemic a pusher in that direction? Because it feels like that was when people made big decisions. A lot of people. Because I didn't have to go into an office every day and face people. That day wasn't going to be there where it's like, oh, I'm wearing a dress now. That's horrifying.

That's when I decided to go gluten-free. Huge, huge decision. Because you realize life is too short. Isn't that the same kind of decision? No. We are talking about huge life-changing moments. It wasn't good that you did that. Do you want to cry? We're going to cut that out. We're going to protect you from the joke you made. When I went gluten-free...

Oh my God. We have such a long way to go. There is a documentary about his gluten-free trip. Yes. Coming out. But it's on Roku. It's on Roku. On Roku. September 28th. It's on Roku Plus Plus. It's a Saturday release. It's not getting the same press.

I'm fighting with Roku right now. They're like, we don't know if we can show this. It's about your gluten-free journey. It's like Elizabeth Haxelbeck. And every time we've done it, he's constantly trying to piggyback it. And Netflix is like, stop. I keep bringing it up in the interviews. They're spending dollars on press for you. Yes, exactly.

Okay, it may be time to head into the segment, I Don't Think So, Honey. So this is, don't be yikesing. You gotta give one to Will, right? Oh no, I've already done this. You do it again. We're gonna do it again. So basically what's about to happen is we're gonna take 60 seconds each to tear something up. It's not that long. How do you guys do it? We do it. I can't do it. I don't want to hear about Ken. I'm gonna read off my phone.

That's fine. That's beautiful. I'm so scared. Here we go. I have something. You have something? Yes. This is Matt Rogers. I don't think so many times starts now. I don't think so, honey. Natty Light, you crazy bitch. What are you talking about? Natty Light. Love yourself. You're on this journey. Keep going. Let me tell you something. This pours like, tastes like lemonade compared to this shit. Oh my God. I'm talking to you as a Long Island bitch, okay? I drank a lot of Natty Light by...

I had to. In fact, I would put Natty Light in a funnel, take three beers at once to the chest. I'm telling you, don't continue down this road. Bud Light, please. Just Coors Light, anything. Heineken Light, Amstel Light. Get some culture. Get some culture in drinking Amstel Light. Natty Light, if you don't drink it and totally drink it within the first five seconds, it turns to devil's...

piss. This is bad. I will not stand. You will not leave this room still being a Natty Light fan. Also, nothing that goes from natural light to Natty Light is moving forward in the right direction. I don't think so, honey. And that's one minute. No more of it. Holy shit. That's like a blast furnace. I couldn't believe my eyes and ears and more.

Can you explain what you like so much about Natty Light? It's water. It's not beer. It's water. That's the appeal. Drink water then. At least it will hydrate you. Natty Light is just a road to hell. It's water and if you drink 12, you get drunk. She is starting to drink more wine. I know. That's true. I can't help it. It's the estrogen. What type of girl are you? Red? Red. Yeah, I love red. Lexa Goodred. Too much. Yeah.

Do we believe that it's genuinely good for you? Red wine? They say a pregnant woman can drink a glass and a half and the baby will be strong. No, in France, they all drink red wine when they're pregnant. They don't care. And then those kids, all of them grow up to be idiots. No, it's true. Have you been to France? We have. Deteriorating the whole country. The thing about Parisians being rude, it's true.

It's true. Oh, yeah, it's true. It's true. And it's because of the wine. Yeah. But I also then say, like, it could be because we're, like, I'm, like, so American walking in there being, like, y'all have ketchup? Yeah. And then they're, like, oh, my God. It is true. When we're in Sweden, you see the Americans, whoo, a mile away. Now, the Swedes are so, like,

Right. Super emotionless. I drank out of a carafe one time at a Parisian restaurant. They had a carafe and glasses. Rim to mouth. No. You took the carafe to the face? The waitress came over. She didn't say anything. She just grabbed that carafe out of my hand, took it away. I was in a grocery store once, and I wanted to buy some carrots. And I took two carrots out of the bundle of carrots. Wow.

And I brought them to the checkout and she went, just threw it down on the ground.

And I just started laughing. She wouldn't because I wrecked the bundle of carrots. You know what? You got to laugh. Yeah. Sometimes. Oh, you know what? You know what? This is. Are you crying? No, I have my own thing. So, honey, this is. Thank you so much for this. Because you're giving me fodder. Oh, OK. OK. Do you mind? No, no, no. Please stick it. You mind giving fodder? I can't follow any of this. I'm all about giving fodder. Oh, my God. Fodder. Fodder. Our fodder. Our fodder. Hello, mudder. Hello, fodder.

That was beautiful. We had something happening there. We did there. There was maybe a boy band. Are we...

98 degrees? Turn up the pot. Can someone turn that up? My favorite Kamala meme. Can someone turn that up? By the way, my dad texted me today. 143, he says. Yeah, he knows the lingo. 143? It's the name of Katy Perry's new album. Oh, okay. And it's shorthand for I love you, apparently. Like, one letter, four letters, three letters. It's an old pager thing. A 143. But now Katy Perry has sort of brought it back. Remember when I had my ham radio operation? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's right.

You had a ham radio operation? No, no. Oh. But Harper didn't. That sounds like Harper. Harper brought her CB radio. Yeah. On the trip? It was all cut out of the dock because we could never get it to work. It didn't work. There's a lot in the cutting room because in the credits you see all these other places. Oh, yeah. 250 hours of footage. That's crazy to me. The editors deserve Nobel Peace Prize. 16 days. That's almost all the hours in the days. Yeah.

- Yeah. - All right. - Okay. - So many hours. - So many hours. - Okay, this is Bowen Yang's "I Don't Think So, Honey." His time starts now. - "I Don't Think So, Honey," the current state of vegetables and produce at the grocery stores of America. Why did this person throw out the carrots?

Sometimes I don't need seven fucking carrots. I'm making one stew, not seven stews. The recipe calls for one carrot. Now I'm supposed to come up with other recipes that are carrot forward for the rest of my fucking week? Who do you think I am? I'm a single childless gay man. I'm cooking for one and I like it that way. And I don't want... Why is society constantly... 30 seconds. Constantly pushing us towards...

partnership towards domesticity with other people. That's a beautiful thing. That's a beautiful idea to aspire to. But why am I on planes? It's the responsibility on me to change my seat with you because you want to sit next to your partner. Yes. Make it about more. Make it, you know, this is, this is writ small, a larger thing about society that is,

- Is that a verb? I'm all over the place to play words today, but listen, here's the deal. I don't wanna buy one head of broccoli when I just need two small florets for my soup. - That's one minute. Thank you. Cut things off. - Cut things off. - I don't need all of that.

Can I tell you the whole thing of bananas? No. Guess what's going wrong? Four of them. Four of them. And there are so many people that could have benefited from if you take, if they should have taken the banana apart, I'll buy two, not five. Because we're throwing so much food away anyway. It's the food waste. It's ridiculous. And these carrots are going to waste and they go bad way quick

or anything. Cucumbers? Forget about it. Zucchini? No, but cucumbers can be so beautiful if you use them immediately. Thank you. Cabbage, forget about it. Rhubarb?

- Keep going. - Keep going. - Kewil can name like 30 vegetables. - Say her name. - Cilantro. - Cilantro. - You will not believe what he can do. He can name, seriously. - And wait five seconds in between each one. - And wait. - With only five seconds between each one. This man can list a lot. - List a lot of vegetables. - Wow. Incredible. - You know what's flashing in my head now? You guys having your pedicure with Molly Shannon. - Oh.

I want to do a pedicure with Molly. Oh, God. If you're going to do a pedicure, do it with Molly Shannon. Yeah. We both worked with Molly. I love the way she engages. The greatest listener of all time. Isn't that funny? Yeah. That's so funny. Wait. So when you met someone. Wait. Wait. Wait. Matt, hold on. Yeah. So your dad.

Right. Took you to the baseball game. Yes. Isn't that funny? And left you in the parking lot? And I thought that was so funny of him to do. You know, I thought, you know, baseball, it's like you could be at the game. You could be in the parking lot. It's just so funny how you can be in so many places at once. Isn't that funny? You're seeing Will and Harper today? Oh, they're so great. Tell them I said hello. Tell them I said hello and tell them again.

Tell the message to them all. Tell them again. Molly Shannon is, who's afraid of Virginia Woolf? She scares the hell out of me because I used to have coffee with her. And in my journals, I'm writing, I think I need to be a woman. And I'd go have coffee with Molly and she'd be like,

- My father came out later in life. And she's looking straight at me with those eyes, like piercing through. - There was a no-no. She's always present. - Maybe or maybe not. And it's scary. She's scary good. - Yeah. - Yeah. - There's a perceptiveness there. - Yeah. - Absolutely. - Yeah. - She's wild. - Will, I think you should go next. I think Harper should close this out. - Oh, Jesus. It's gonna be so hard. I can't follow either one of you. - Of course you can. - No, you can't. - Please. - Oh, you do it for a living.

I know. We do earn a living doing this. You guys do this...

Eight times a week. Like a Broadway show. Oh my God. We have swings. I only just realized how hard it is to do eight times a week thinking about doing this eight times a week. Now I really, now I really respect Broadway. No kidding. Yeah. Hey, Patti LuPone. Yeah. Hats off, man. You are a talent. And Mina Farrow. Don't forget. Of course. I happen to be listening to the podcast. This is Patti. I so appreciate that. I wanted to say. The shout out.

Okay, here we go. Turn your phone off. My phone is on in order to log the time. This is Will Ferrell's I Don't Think So, Honey. And your time starts now. I don't think so, honey. About... Here's the thing. Okay. Tell us the thing. I don't think so, honey.

It's not my business. Okay. Here's a book. You're on to something. Here's a book. This ties into the documentary. Here comes the tie-in. Here's a book that my mom literally had a self-help book on her shelf. All right. Called It's None of My Business What You Think of Me. 30 seconds. We got there. And even as a little kid, that was my mantra. If I walked in a room and I got dirty looks, none of my business what you think of me.

None of my business. And as we went through America. 15 seconds. America. The heartland. The rhythm. The flag. The, it was none of Harper's business what you think of her. Five seconds. She goes through

This world, loved, and herself, finally. And, oh, oh, oh, I got a good, I got a good camera. Oh, oh, oh. I can start over. Slay down, slay down boots. Slay down boots. Slay down boots. One minute. Slay down boots. Slay down boots. Thank you. Yeah, ultimately slay down boots. Just strike that for the record. No, we can't do that. Just strike it. And you know we can't do that. You know we can't do that. The point you're making is important.

Yeah. By the way, I didn't know there was a Kay Farrell. There was a Kay Farrell. The Kay Farrell connection to your openness.

There really was. To other human beings. There really was. She taught me to not like her. I mean, she's a beautiful person. She is. She made you a beautiful person. You know what? I think RuPaul says that too. Other people's opinion of me is none of my business. And if you know yourself and like yourself to a certain degree, that's on the other person. And if you don't like that, that's on you to figure out what to do with me. But you don't have to be the one to carry it. That's it. You know what's interesting? And I'm okay with how bad that...

I don't think so, honey. It was. Because I don't care what you think of me. There you go. But you know what? That's success. I care what you think of me. How was the audio?

It was great. Audio was a little spotty during that. I feel like there's so many times, actually, it's like what you said about touching the hot stove. It's like reading comments about you online is like you wouldn't touch a hot stove. Every single time I go to the internet. It's a hot stove. To gauge whether or not I'm doing well or people like me. It always is worse than when I wake up in the morning and baseline everything.

I feel pretty good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. It's always going to be a hot stove. And why would you touch it? Okay. These people got to go. Oh, oh, oh, oh. All right. So here we go. It's on my phone. So I apologize. It sounds like, it sounds like. Don't, you shouldn't have said that. This is. Well, no, they got it on camera. Authenticity is beautiful. That's what people connect to. I chapel wrong. I'm a writer. I'm not a professional writer. When I set up the cameras this morning, I made sure they weren't on. Okay.

- Okay. - They just have a red light. - God damn it. - Yeah. - Sabotage from boss. - Give me a countdown. - Wait, wait, wait. - Oh, by the way, before we're done. - I don't think so, honey. - Before we're done today, I have to go through some HR stuff with you guys. - Okay, no problem. - What do we do now? - I just gotta get your W2s. - Oh, okay. - Is that HR? - That's HR. - Accounting. - You do it all. - There's cutbacks. - You do it all. There's cutbacks? Are one of us getting cut? - No, no, no, no. You guys are safe. - Oh, thank God. - Can I say something? I know.

This is fucking huge. Okay, Harper's right. Harper's Steel, this is your I Don't Think So Honey. Your time starts now. J.K. Rowling. Yes! This is an hateful attack on Olympic boxer Iman Khalif. Yes. Demonstrates the very core of why some people hate trans women. Khalif is not trans.

She's a woman, but because she does not conform to JK's limited and frankly racist ideas of what makes a woman, she repeatedly called her trans and referred to her as a man. 30 seconds. Halfway point. I don't think so, honey.

No, no, no. Oh, I should have said, oh, and I don't think so, honey. Women can be beautiful in so many ways. 15. JK is not one of those women because when you are hateful and bigoted in your heart, you are ugly. Yes. I don't even think she's a honey.

- Oh my God! - That's one minute. We don't even think you're a honey. And you haven't been a honey for a very long time. She's dark sided. - Disgusting. Although Monica Leaf was at the Bottega Veneta show in Paris for fashion week. She looked amazing. Incredible. Wore a gorgeous suit. What are you laughing at?

Just the level of detail. Yes. She wore a gorgeous suit. That was so detailed. A suit is detailed. No, and then, have you seen all these things about like the mold in her house? The black mold? The black mold. No, I try to keep away from her tweets because they're dangerous and hurtful. However, Khalifa's

suing her. Yes. And the libel laws in England are better. The libel laws in France are better. I just hope she gets a fucking ton of money. Of course. JK is a dementor. And you know who's also like on this fucking tour? Not to bring other people into this, but Martina Navratilova is also being not good. Well, that's just her. Right? Yeah. People will just... She's being a stinker. She is. Women and trans women in sports...

in that whole conversation. It's like, all right, everybody, just calm down. Calm down or just even keep it to yourself. I don't know. It's just silly. Let's end on a happier note than that, though. We will. Well, we will. And I will say to end on a happy note because I know you guys have to go. This is just... We don't really... We're worried.

So what did you do? Why did you tell us that? So what? If it was not going well, you could just get out of here? There was a little bit of that, yeah. We just had a plan B. Yeah, well, guess what? You have to do your own pickups then. No, because you have to do pickups for your show. And so now you have no excuse. Oh, no. Butter, no.

Father said. I'm serious now. Thank you so much for this. Just like it really is. And I, I think that everyone is going to benefit from watching this and in a major way. And I'm sure you feel both of you feel like you've benefited from doing it. That's what art is all about. It's about the sharing and it's about the education and the,

You do it in such a light and beautiful way. The heavy moments are they really land. I can't say enough about how inspired and how much I look up to you both. Thank you. It's so cool meeting you. It means a lot. It's our honor. Heroic, both of you. It's very, very, very lucky that you're here. Thank you for coming. We end every episode with a song. Can I get my parking validated? Oh, you did drive here. Do you guys do a little wrap-up at the end? It's like, those two were

really terrible yeah we have a Howard Stern after show Howard Stern hosted yeah he does an amazing job oh he's here he does an amazing job he's really good he's a huge fan of the show he's wearing a Yankee shirt careful man careful God that's quick wait what's our song gonna be to end it

- Heartburn will go west. - Are you a book on this song? - I saw it twice and so I'm like, and then I texted Chris just like, you're getting an Oscar nomination and also she was like. - I love the jazzy part. - This is the jazzy, I'll be off the phone at, by the time February or March rolls around. - Anyway, bye! - Yes!

And our music is by Henry Kaburski.

See me in a city near you.

Don't just pay, paypal.

Terms apply. See PayPal app. This card is issued by the Pay and Court Bank N.A. Pursuant to license by MasterCard International Inc.