#690 - ARI SHAFFIR + JIM NORTON
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Oh shit! Make some noise for Red Band ladies and gentlemen!

Guys, we're back at Skankfest for the first time in years. We're in an arena act and now you get to see us in a real room. How's that? Fuck yeah. You get to watch a podcast that makes money.

Make some noise for Skankfest, Luis J. Gomez, Rebecca, Christine. We're here. It's been years. These shows here, specifically at Skankfest, are famously vulgar, a lot dirtier, a lot sloppier. There's a lot more feedback all the time. There's a lot of weird noises that happen that we're not normally used to with our high level of productions.

both in arenas, at the mothership, in Austin. So it's gonna be loosey goosey fun fun. I'm gonna be pouring into this Crown Royal a little bit earlier than usual. Very loose, fun episode. Is that cool with you guys? Are you guys happy to be here? If there's anybody that expected a different show or anything or wants to go do something else, feel free to leave. We'll bring other people in. Is that cool? Everybody happy?

Well, in that case, this is a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible. The Sunset Strip Comedy Club in Austin, Texas is now open. Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday. Go to sunsetstripatx.com for tickets.

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Thank you. I couldn't have completed this project without a little extra coffee. And since I brushed with Colgate's Pro Series toothpaste with an expert level whitening for a vibrant glow, I could show up to set each day camera ready and smiling wide. Well, Kelly, looks like a little Colgate gave you a lot of confidence. Colgate Optic White. Find it at all major retailers.

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You guys ready to start tonight's fucking show? Here to watch us watch comedians, two... I can't believe I was able to get them. Two of the greatest comedians in the world, two of our favorite comedians in the world, two of the best comedians at Skankfest, two of the best guests in the history of the show. Make some fucking noise for Jim Norton and Ari Shaffir! My goodness.

Jim Norton and Ari fucking Shafir. First time hanging out since Madison Square Garden with you guys. Jim with fucking two absolutely incredible sets. Back to back nights and fucking to see the love that New York gave you was incredible. Ari Shafir ended up costing us $100,000.

Typical Jew. And a lot of trouble. We tried, man. We tried to play by the rules. Word on this street is that MSG is interested in working with us again. Literally under the only request is no Ari Shaffir. Yeah.

It is unbelievable that the world's greatest, most famous venue in the world is like, look, we love you guys, but let's rent it back. One thing, no Ari Shaffir. You can bring Diddy, but not Ari Shaffir. Diddy's doing a whole fucking residency.

We're going to have fun tonight. You guys know how it works. We have a bucket, a little bit of a lighter load than usual, but that's cool. We're going to deal with it. It was a special super secret pop-up show here at Skankfest. Nobody knew about it except for a very, very small amount of extremely, like seven people knew about it. And so we wrangled comedians real late with like 30 minutes left before the show time. But if I pull one of their names out, they get 60 seconds uninterrupted. You know their time is up when you hear the sound of a kitten. That means they have to wrap it up then or else they bring out the angry Fremont Street Bear.

- You guys ready to start tonight's show? I'm gonna pre-pull a name. They're gonna wrangle the human being. Somebody from over here is gonna get them. This looks good, good enough to start. And while we do that, let's have a regular do a brand new minute, huh? Does that sound cool? You guys know this show at all? Ladies and gentlemen, here to do a brand new minute, make some noise for the undeniable superstar. This is the great and powerful Casey Rockett.

Good luck be a lady tonight. Snake eyes. I'm just trying to get my back blown out in this motherfucker. Put me in a little basket, push me down the river like baby Moses. Trying to get baptized. All right, cool. Man, love this city. City like this, night like tonight. It's good, get away from the fat cats on Capitol Hill, you know what I mean?

They got their little grubby fingies and everything. Movies, TV, especially movies, you know. Moulin Rouge? No, Moulin Asian. You know what I mean? It's just crazy to think about. And I was watching all the Terminator movies last night, which was hard because I hate machines. And...

I thought I'd do a palate cleanser so I watched all the Transformers movies and I was like, "You gotta be fucking kidding me." I can't get away. I OD'd on Whippets with Spencer's Gifts last night and they tried to revive me using smelling salts but they accidentally gave me poppers so my butthole was massive and crazy to think about around the holidays. Alright, thank you. I'm Casey Rockett. Have a good night. Casey Rockett.

Very, very lovely Vegas-themed set. You have a set of dice and some brand new, undeniable Las Vegas shorts. Kind of sexy to think about. Yeah. Very cute. Kind of just shaking that thing. Yeah. Hats off to the Casey Bulge. Not bad. Thanks. Yeah. It's a real flat front, though. I didn't think about that. I adjusted it so it would be that, so that's funny, but I adjusted it like that.

The rocket doesn't fall far from the tree in this family. It's actually funny you bring that up because I actually adjusted it to look like that so it could have totally normal. I wouldn't worry about that. You look good. How you been enjoying Las Vegas, Casey? It's fine. Are you only here for this? I'm here for Skankfest. Yeah, uh-huh. Having fun. It's fine. I lost a bunch of money on roulette. So it's been tough. Who's that? Black Hooker?

No roulette table. But they gave me something kind of cool. Ooh, ooh. Consolation. When you lose a couple hundred, they give you something kind of cool. So this is from Harrah's Casino. This is a picture of the Grinch with a gun. So it's kind of cool to think about. And it's signed by Gypsy Rose Blanchard. Wow! So it's kind of, you know, Passover.

Casey famously gives out pictures sometimes during his sets, one of the many trademarks of the great Casey Rocket. Thank you, happy to be here. Where do you get a pair of shorts like that? Oh, these old things? Yeah. You're dressed like half the hookers I've met in this town. That's usually what they change into at 6 a.m. after they don't shower. And they don't tuck as well.

You can see the thong through it, by the way. Yeah, the underwear that you're wearing underneath are blatantly more comedic than the shorts that you put on over there. Yeah, we're not going to make you do it because you're so smart and such a great artist, but... You want me to pop them off? I mean, this is Skank Fest. What do you guys think?

See what you're working with, buddy. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. A master of reveals. Oh, yeah. Even the band is getting into this. Look at that. How about a hand for LMNOP, the band tonight, ladies and gentlemen? Joel Rutkowski, Nick Liberatore, and Dave Lacey. Oh, my goodness.

That's a bolt. That's a bolt. That's more realistic. This is what I wanted to avoid. Damn, that's a hog, bro. That's nice. That's nice. I'm so embarrassed. I've never been so embarrassed. It looks like you have 13 erections right now. That's how my underwear looks in the back.

Smuggling in two of Diddy's victims in there. Oh, this is my nightmare. What a nightmare. Casey, you are such a goddamn superstar.

Always the funniest. Hair all the way. I mean, there's just no break between your thighs and your pubes. I can tell. That is just, it is hair all the way around. For those of you that might be interested in what the body hair of one of your favorite comedians looks like, it is 360 degrees all around the thigh with no, there's no lightning of it at all. Literally looks like, I mean, a full grown werewolf.

Very hairy, Tony. Thanks for asking. A lot of hair down there, and it's growing. Kind of good. Yeah. That came from within. I get goosebumps down there. It's all standing up. I can tell. You know what would be great? If you left all the hair and only shaved your asshole. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. I can't do it now. I would...

I'd love something like that. It feels good to have you guys looking at me. Like that. It's not typically something I do, so this is good for business. It's a special Skank Fest secret wild episode. Casey, thank you for getting it started. Thank you. You are a legend. We love you. There he goes, the great Casey. Ladies and gentlemen. Hello.

- This is Kill Tony at Skankfest. - Secret show? - Wow. - Valerie Vaughn, ladies and gentlemen. Heidi is climbing Mount Kilimanjaro right now, literally. And Valerie Vaughn is the full-time ring card slash waitress for the, how about one more time for Valerie, huh?

I'd hate to be the blind guy in the audience for that one. That was better than I imagined constantly. So now it's bucket time, everybody. We're going to meet one of these young Skankfest comedians. Maybe it's someone in the audience. Maybe it's someone that's been hoping to get on this show for years. Anything can happen. We're going to give them 60 seconds and talk to them all together. Make some noise for Hector Garcia, everybody. Here we go. What up?

We got any fans of borderline racism in the house? Yeah! I'm Mexican, I'm on the fence about it. You know I could go either way. I like racism in fun places like, you know, pool. You guys like pools? My favorite racist game in the world, guys. You go up to a pool table, what do you see? Just the white ball chilling all free. But the colored balls are all locked up, right? You gotta bail them out. What happens if you're colored? You fall off the table. Back to jail you go, wait till you post bond.

But when you're white, you slip through the cracks, you come back at the other end. White ball privilege, bro. They put you anywhere on that table you want, man. Line me up over here. Got a good shot of that red and yellow motherfucker by the rails. Half the balls are white, right? Like some kind of... Still want to see us all in holes. People chalking up, throwing up white powder like LeBron James. They make the black ball go last. Like some kind of final boss you got to battle, like Shona at the end of the movie. But what happens? You accidentally make the black ball. Everybody out of the water. We can't swim in that shit no more. Drain it, fill it back up again.

There's not even a Mexican ball. I think there's an undocumented Mexican ball that lives inside the pool table, comes out at night, does all the... Why else would it look so nice? He's hiding from the white and green ball. That's the Border Patrol ball, the 14. Thank you, guys. Hector Garcia. Proof that we have no border right now.

He wrote this joke like a year ago. Welcome, Hector. How long have you been doing stand-up? About eight, nine years. Oh, wow. Where at? Mostly in Phoenix, but I'm from Texas. Just moved back. You just moved back to Phoenix? I was living in Phoenix. I just moved back to Texas like last month. Okay. What part of Texas? West Texas, way in the oil fields. El Paso? Like three hours east of there, middling Odessa area. Pecos, Texas is my hometown. Pecos. Pecos.

It's El Pasto. Yeah. I like that you stuck with your theme. There was a moment there where it wasn't going, let's just say, well. But you kept going and the jokes were good and you were just like, fuck this audience. And they finally came around and they laughed. So I respected that a lot. And it's something we all do. So next time we play pool, we'll remember that bomb. It is true. You stayed in the pocket. You were very comfortable. Stayed in the pocket? Wait, what? Stayed in the pocket? Yeah. Because of what he was talking about.

Pool. Pockets. Oh, yeah, yeah. Okay, all right. So, Hector, what do you do for a living? I just left my job. I used to make chips. What kind of chips? Not Tostitos. I made microchips. You know, we sold it to Tostitos. They put it in their machines. Then they make the chips. You make microchips? Yeah, I used to. Okay, what do you do now? I'm just...

Free right now. I'm not working. Left my job like two months ago because I ran out of paid time off. Wow. If you had an unemployed Garcia on your Kill Tony bingo card. All right. I took a severance. They gave me a severance. I'm like, hell yeah, I'll see y'all later. So you left it with no net just to kind of do stand-up? No, they gave me a good chunk of money to leave, to quit. How much? Yeah.

How much? I'm curious to know. They gave me like $30,000 to quit. Wow. You must have been a shit employee. Get the hell out of here. Yeah, the way you were talking about this severance package, I was picturing maybe the light six figures, but $30,000 is what you're left with. How much do you have left now? About $2,000. When are you going to start looking for a job, Hector? Here pretty soon, man. Probably next month, I think.

I got my resume updated already, you know. Okay. What does it say on your resume? Other than making chips, not Tostitos. I grew up doing tires and tow truck with my dad. Okay. Man of the people. Yeah. Have you ever thought of getting into the coyoteing relatives across the border? No.

It's tax-free. That'd be a good way to fill seats at a show, right? I used to say, put you guys in the El Paso improv for a minute. Coyote comedy.

So Hector, you just moved back to the middle of Texas. Seems like a tough place to do stand-up comedy. What's your plan with the comedy? It is, man. I started there. When I first started, there was like one mic a week. I had to drive an hour to get to. And that's why I moved to Phoenix because there's so many mics over there. It was a better opportunity. But now I've got my feet under me. So moving back. Hopefully I get to Austin. I got a lot of friends out there that I stay with when I go over there. So we do go over there and hit shows and stuff like that. Okay. Okay.

All right. You quit your job and then just moved to a place that has no comedy. Yeah. Things are looking up. Yeah. What made you exactly go back there? Family. My family's getting old. My mom's getting old. Dad's getting old. I'm over here chasing this comedy thing, and I don't want them to pass while I'm around. Why? Why? They're not leaving me no severance or nothing. So what's your plan? Just to wait until they die and then move to a better city? Yeah.

No, just to be back there, man. Just to make that my home base. Because I live in an RV, so I'm pretty mobile. Mobile homeless. You know, I could live anywhere. Move back. What's your love life like? Newly single, guys. No kids. Never married. Wow, you sound gay. No kids. Mexican, no kids. 40. You look like Wetback Mountain. All right, Hector.

And he looks at his job. I'm not going to quit you. Unless you give me a little severance. I was actually dating a black girl, seeing if I could have a baby with her, you know, a wet black. Whoa. Look out. I like the confidence of grabbing the mic stand after that. Well, that's pretty much it. There he goes. Hector Garcia, ladies and gentlemen. On to the next one. Thank you, Hector. Thank you, Hector.

This podcast is sponsored by ZipRecruiter. Even though I work at a comedy club, it is technically my office. While there are many different types of offices out there, one thing's for certain, choosing the right candidate for any office is a huge responsibility. Well, if you're hiring and want to find the best candidate for you,

your office, you need ZipRecruiter. And right now you could try it for free at ziprecruiter.com/killtony. Red band. - Tony, I love ZipRecruiter. It's the best website out there for hiring. ZipRecruiter is the hiring site employers prefer for most, if not all, based on G2. How fast does ZipRecruiter's smart technology start showing your job to qualified candidates?

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Hey, I'm Roy. And I'm Maul. And we're the hosts of the new Roy and Maul podcast. That's right. I know you're probably listening to a podcast that you actually like right now, and we just interrupted it with an ad. That's all right. We're here. And I appreciate if you didn't hit the 15 second skip button. Listen to our show where we cover topics like music, movies, TV shows, which we love to binge watch. Of course.

Just lifestyle stuff. And give off crazy stories about our day-to-day lives. Yeah. Check us out on the New Rory Mall podcast. Listen to wherever you get your podcasts and let us know how you're feeling about our show. And once you're done listening to this podcast that you actually like, maybe you could check us out. We're going to keep it moving along. Make some noise for Peter Angelo. Peter Angelo is next. Your next bucket. The owner of the Orioles?

How's it going? A little about me. I'm gay and that's a surprise to me. Because I look like I tricked gay men to beat them up later. All my dates just look like a hate crime hostage situation. I don't know where I fit in because I'm a redneck. I like doing redneck shit. I like guns. I was a personal truck driver. But I don't really fit in with my redneck friends. I don't mesh with them politically or ideology. But I don't fit in with my gay friends either. I just fit in my gay friends. Um...

I don't know what's with me. I'm pretty sure I was built in a lab by the gay agenda. For the most part, they're making dudes who could host Queer Eye and look good on a parade float. Best I can do is drive the float. I'd be like, can I wave? They're like, nah, we tinted the windows. So I think there was this scientist in the bowels of a laboratory who finally got his experiment right. He's like, guys, I finally did it. I made a gay who could infiltrate a neo-Nazi rally.

Then you cut to me at a cross burning like, guys, white power, but a mouth is a mouth. I'm Peter Angelo, guys. Thank you. Peter Angelo. I was having trouble keeping track of everything. So are you gay? Yeah. You are gay? Yeah. Really? What the fuck, man? Wait, you're gay and I'm not? I know. This is fucking unbelievable. I don't believe you.

And somehow you would know you're like a good referee for this. It's like the worst episode of parent trap Unbelievable how long have you been gay for? Well, really? No, really you look like Larry the cable gay Get him done

I was going to change my name to Larry Fucks the Cable Guy. Yeah, that works. You're top or bottom? Both. I would hate to be under that fucking amount of torque. Yeah, I don't know how my boyfriend does it. I like the fact that Harry's like, I'd be delighted to fuck you, but you on top. We're not having that. I'm not a queer. You're not a starter gay. You're like, I've been there for a while, gay. Work up to me. Amazing. Stone cold, steep bottom.

Absolutely incredible. You might be one of the toughest looking gay men I've ever seen in my life. This is incredible. You look like a bear that hunts bears. What kind of guys do you attract? Do you attract guys that are like little cubs or what are they? I attract a lot of bears, but I like twinks. I like the small twinks. Looks like we have a new golden ticket winner, ladies and gentlemen. Love connection.

Hell yeah. Uncle Gazer. That's not bad. Absolutely incredible. I love the material. It's personal and interesting. I wish I had heard more about your opinions on the game of pool. Turns out you're the one that loves putting balls in holes. Sure do. You ever put your ball in an ass? No, I gotta try that though. That's the next step. Residuals. Now, how did you come out to your parents? Were they shocked?

Would you hold him down and say this? I got something to tell you. Taste it, Dad. Taste it. Why didn't you hug me? Spill my finger. They were fine with it, but again, I think they were scared of me, so it worked out. Oh, that's right. He's either a school shooter or he's going to blow his friends. Let him blow his friends. All right, they're giving the shots of taking him. Yeah. Absolutely incredible. That's what it sounds like when I cum.

What do you do for a living? I was a commercial truck driver for years. Yeah, yeah. A gay truck driver. Now it's comedy and I am an axe throwing instructor. An axe throwing instructor. I teach people to throw axes. Let me show you how to split something open. Yeah, yeah. Let's attack the wood.

Spread those axe cheeks. Can I fuck you? Let me axe. Do you ever hold an axe to a guy's throat as you're fucking him from behind? Oh, they love that. That's their favorite thing. It was a joke question. Fuck, I'm sorry. This is my life. So he's hitting a lot of the...

A lot of real issues here in my life. Yeah, go ahead. No, no, no. I was just going to ask you about rest areas. That was actually my next, that was actually exactly where I was going with it. Yeah. Break it down for us. You know, truck drivers famously have a lot lizards and whatnot. Is there a lot jizzard or something? Is there a gay version of it? Very probably. Grindr exists. I don't need to go pick up a prostitute or anything like that. On the i5, though, how are you going to find one? Oh, my. So, have you opened Grindr? Try it.

If I open Grindr here, my phone would explode. It's nuts. I don't need to. A lot of guys, because I'm straight passing the trucker, they think that's extra hot. They're like, oh, fuck me and your truck. And I'm like, no, I don't really want to do that. Well, where do you fuck them? In their ass? Yeah. In their ass.

Absolutely incredible. I just can't picture you taking it in the ass. It seems like he's fucking with us for comedic effect. How many of you want to see a guy fuck him in the ass right now on this stage? Is there a gay man out there that's willing to fuck this? This is skank fest. The next bucket bowl just has to take it. Let's call my boyfriend. Get him up here. Is your boyfriend here? He's not at the festival right now, but he's with me in Vegas. Yeah, he's a 150-pound Chinese man.

Is it Hans? Is it Hans Kim? Wow, where did you meet this guy? Grinder. Well, I guess Grinder is just the answer for absolutely everything. Does he rub you wrong time? Every day.

So you stopped driving a truck. Yeah. Why didn't you want to fuck in the truck? That seems like it would be kind of fun. Yeah, it's just full of dirt and sweat. Well, clean it. You got to smell it later. That's what an asshole is filled with. Red band. That's a good point. Red band. Look, it takes enough work to douche my ass. I'm not going to do a truck too. My goodness. And so...

I mean, this is just incredible. You think you're ever going to get gay married? No. I don't think so. It just doesn't interest me. Yeah. That's not fun. Right. Why would I do that? Right. You're just having fun playing with your ding dong. That's your boyfriend's name. Yeah.

So much fun. I mean, Peter, Angelo, I gotta be honest with you. This is one of my favorite interviews in a fucking long time. Big Gay Bear. We don't have any joke books with us tonight. But I'll tell you what. Here's what I will do. If you win you eventually make it to Austin, Texas, I will give you an automatic spot on whatever Kill Tony you show up to at the Mother's Show. Yeah!

You get a minute there. Peter Angelo, ladies and gentlemen. Fuck yeah. We're going to do something fun right now before we get back to the bucket. I'm going to bring another regular up here. God damn it. Jesus fucking Christ almighty. Mommy, what's up? What a fucking show this is. God damn it. One more time for Valerie Vaughn.

What a fucking... This is unbelievable. What a great night. You get tits in your face. I get a cold brew. Cold brew. Sit next to an old Jew. It's not even a full one. It's pre-opened and fucking tiny. Not even cold. It's warm. Give that fucking half a mo a beverage and let him shut up.

Make some fucking noise for Jim Norton. He has me crying. Somehow was just able to make me cry and sweat at the exact same time. I don't know if you noticed this, but I'm now covered in liquid. It's not Peter Angelo's semen. Ladies and gentlemen, another special treat. This is a super secret, amazing pop-up show, so it's amazing to me how many of our amazing, built-in star comedians that were able to join us tonight

This next man is one of the fastest rising stars in all of comedy. His only mission left in life is becoming a citizen of the United States of America. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the Estonian assassin, Ari Matti! Please do, bitch. I had to move apartments. You ever do that, sir? Cool.

I had to move apartments because the last apartment I got it was on the 32nd floor it was one of those high rises with one of those balconies and let me tell you my mental health is not at a position where I can have an immediate solution to all of my problems

Dude, I couldn't even chill because I would just get high and look at my balcony like "Do it pussy!" I've never thought about killing myself but I have romanticized it. I would love to kill myself over something minute. Like my girl gets back and she's like "You got the wrong coffee beans again!" And I'm like "Haha!"

Like I have a friend right now, he's trying to leave his girlfriend and his girlfriend did the classic emo thing where she goes: "You know, if you're gonna leave me, I'm gonna kill myself." And I've never understood how is that a threat? Like, I don't like you bitch and now you kill yourself? Sounds perfect! Thank you very much! C'est la vie!

Absolutely unbelievable. Yet again, another brand new minute from the all-powerful Estonian assassin Ari Matti. Thank you, my angel Tony. I mean, absolutely fucking incredible. I'm going to be honest with you. I missed the first 25 seconds because I don't know why, but I even wrote it down. You got tits in your face. I got a cold brew. I got a cold brew.

I don't know why, that is the funniest thing I've heard in weeks. But it's killing me and I wrote it down to get it out of my system. I couldn't hear or think about anything else while wiping tears away. Thank you, Jim Norton, for ruining my moment. You got tits in your face. I got, pause, a cold brew.

Thank you, Tony. Oh, my God. Ari, Matty, brand new Vegas shirt, clearly fresh out of the box. Yes. I know. I know. Everybody's already roasting me in the green room, dog. A golden shirt that's not ironed. What an oxymoron. I get it, dude. Fuck. Estonia, famous for their saunas, not so much for their steamers, obviously. I tried to... Okay, I fucking... Stop laughing. I tried...

I tried to iron it, but it's made of plastic. It started melting. Dude, I almost burned down the golden nugget. So I can't fucking iron it, Tony. You know, unlike Estonia, we don't have rolling blackouts, so you can just steam it in the shower with hot water. It'll never run out. Wow, okay. I never thought about that. American tip. Jewish solutions. It also requires...

You can use the shower for free. Hot water in the shower creates steam, therefore you don't need to rent or buy a steamer. The steam doesn't cost anything, he says. I actually don't care for that at all. How are you enjoying Vegas? Oh my god, I highly recommend the Golden Nugget. What a piece of shit.

It's the best. Dude, it's the best. It's got that fucking smoke in the walls. Makes me want to get a wife and hit her. You know what I'm saying? Trust me, so does staying at the Circa. Is this your first time in Vegas? Yeah, first time. Wow. I played my first gamble yesterday. A gamble. You ever do that? Yes, I don't wear condoms. I lost all of it.

What did you play? Black and Jack. Wow. Yes, it was a big... It was a lady with big tits, and I just kept giving her money, and then... I think they bend the rules there and they try to fuck me, but... Oh, shit. And then I saw a fist fight in the pool today. Ooh. In the pool? Yes, the Golden Nugget has a pool. Oh, wow. You sure that wasn't Peter and his boyfriend? That wasn't a fight. Who won the fight in the pool? Yeah. The security did.

But it is funny when two guys are starting to fight in the pool, because you know they have to like... Yeah. They're like talking shit, going at each other, so slow. How close were you to this fight? Very close. You could hear what it was about? I heard, fuck you, no, fuck you. Oh.

Well written by the people. And it's funny when that sort of stuff starts happening, how the men will, you know, clear the way, but women are always in the way of punches and kicks too. No spatial awareness, just bitches with cocktails.

It's all Vegas, too, when you can. Pay attention to your surroundings, bitch. Yeah, yeah. No doubt about it. Have you really romanticized killing yourself, or are you just kidding? No, no, no. I'm not concerned. I'm just curious. You're not concerned? No, no, no. You seem fine. No, but it is an easy way out. I always feel good. If I feel stressed about my set, I'm like, I can just do it.

Instant goal kill Tony Hall of Famer. No doubt about it. That fucking In Memoriam video would kick ass. Or if I jump off something and make it, come back. I get it. No doubt about it.

Positive push! It would be wild to make you an American citizen post-life. Post-mortem. Yeah. It's mortem. Mortem. Posthumously. Yeah. Both good words. Yeah, all good words. Post-life is not bad, though. No failures.

How are you liking America? What's going on with this green card? It's fucking annoying. I know I have a temporary work visa, but I think we can hook it up, you know? There was a woman that proposed to you. The audience is not... I don't think there might, so perhaps I should let people know that at the top of your set... Oh, she's Estonian, dude. I know this girl. You found an Estonian here? Yeah, she's Estonian, literally. What are we going to do with two useless passports? We are dead! Oh...

She American citizen. What? What would you do to Ari Matty if he said yes? Would you really marry him? Would you suck his dick until it comes in your mouth? So Estonian. These are Estonian angels. Don't talk to them like that. Okay, I apologize. These are not American women. They will steal your stuff. Wow, she just threw an actual ring at Ari Matty.

Oh my goodness. That's law. Look at this shit, huh? Did your husband give you this? See, this is how we do. We scam our way to citizenship. Absolutely. She's very attractive. Very beautiful. They're all banger, look.

You like Estonian women, right? I love them. So what's stopping you from being with this beautiful woman that just threw a ring at you? That's a pretty good sign. Okay, I said yes. There you go, ladies and gentlemen. Ari's getting married. Ari's getting his green card. And his dick sucked. Anything else we should know, Ari? No, not right now. I'm hoping better luck at the casino today. Are you able to work in America? Yes, I am. Okay, great. Yes, totally legal.

I mean stand-up. Can you get tech jobs and stuff? Absolutely. Okay, nice. How am I promoting my own shows then? Yeah. Ari's doing great stuff. Theaters all around. The Killers of Keltoni. His own gigs. A ton of stuff. Yes, it's going really good. Everybody's very supportive. Okay, this is... It's great. This interview has taken a turn. Why don't we bring up Jim Norton's bit again? Get this crowd back on board.

I didn't hear you, but I agree with it. You're killing it, Ari. Great stuff. Another new set. Enjoy the rest of the show. And it goes on and on. Your next bucket poll, ladies and gentlemen. Tony, I'm sorry. One second. This is the wrong flavor. If I could get another flavor.

Valerie, if there's any chance I get a different flavor of White Claw, that would be great. What flavor would you like? Just another flavor. I'll tell you if it's right after I get it. You have no request of another flavor? Like a watermelon? No, no, no. Get the fuck out of here. Jesus Christ. Oh, God. Almost forgot where we were until this fucking bum genie came out of a fucking...

Jesus Christ. Welcome to Skank. Can I have the one call? He's fucking kidding you, retard. Jesus Christ. He was waiting for it, too. Oh my God. Some of these people literally spend like half of their net worth to come to Skank Fest for three days. Wow. Thank you so much. I mean, Jesus Christ. Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah, that's right. I'm finally realizing why Ari only shaved half of his face. Oh.

That is the let me rub my head between your tits side of his face. Can we get another cold brew for Jimmy? I'm thirsty too, guys. Would you piss in a glass and throw it on me?

I'm talking to you, Ari. See you have a night where it unfolds. Ladies and gentlemen, your next bucket poll, 60 seconds uninterrupted, could be the next star, could be the worst set of the night, anything could happen. Make some noise for Connor Loughran, everybody. Here we go. They didn't tell me there were going to be boobs backstage. That's not fair. We'll try this anyway. I recently got an Amber Alert on my phone while I was watching porn. Can't have those moments back.

You ever get post-nut clarity, pre-nut? Reality came rushing in real quick, I tell ya. I was getting into it. I was watching the video, all of a sudden that alarm goes off. I was like, oh my god. I guess they're looking for you. Right on. Sick of these woke movies, guys. I tell ya, I'm sick of them. They're getting into superhero movies now. Even those are woke. Ant-Man, what's next? Uncle Lady? God, alright. Good enough. Alright, I'm calling it. Thank you. Alright, Connor Lothring.

Welcome, Connor. Hey, buddy. You were just on the show a couple weeks ago in Austin. It got me here. It's been amazing. Yep. Luis J. Gomez was one of the panelists, and he invited you here to Skankfest, and here you are. Yeah, buddy. Real time. It's all happening. Very funny writing. I like the writing. The jokes were good. I love the fact that you used the breasts. You came out as your opening line. It was really funny, man. They were unavoidable back there. I had to talk about it.

Oh, no, I mean, but you used it on stage. It was a fucking nuisance. They are lovely. It is. Connor, tell us more about you that we don't know yet. All right, we talked about I'm a convicted felon last time. What'd you do? For what? Drugs, don't worry. Not one of those bad ones. It's okay. It's not that big of a deal to be a felon. You could still be president of the United States. I don't know.

Change the game. Hopefully. Listen, brother, my hair's not real either. Let's fucking do this thing. I love it. I'm getting after it. No, it's more about me. Shit, I've been doing comedy six years in Cincinnati. Just moved to Austin. Got on your show fucking immediately. Felt like a bunch of strokes of luck. It's feeling great. Yeah. Awesome. Yeah. How's Vegas treating you? What are you doing for fun here? I'm so like, I had to book myself. I mean, I had to

pay my own way, that's fine, who gives a fuck, but I'm at Boulder Station, and it is... It is the... It's not a woo thing. Saddest hub of, like, down-and-out, we're gambling the rent people that you've ever seen in your life. Like, it's like, the people that were getting their heads slammed in the door in the movie Casino, that's who's at Boulder Station. That's...

I like there's a little resentment there too. Like, I'm having a great time. The hotel sucks. I hate to pay it my own way. Glad Lewis invited me. Paid for nothing. I don't have enough clout to say all that exactly. Yes. But yes, you covered me. I appreciate you. Yeah. No, that's amazing. How much time did you do in jail? Sorry. Like seven minutes. Do you mean stand up? What's that? Sorry. Uh,

90 days. Whoa. Actually, let me be clear, 76 days. I wrote a letter to the judge to get out early. I was like, hey, my grandpa's dying. And he was, but seriously. And so the judge let me out early, gave me early release. And then for that week, I became the write a letter to the judge guy for the entire cell block. Because it worked. It's like this guy's got some degree of verbiage. He'll pull it off. Wow. Yeah.

There's a movie in that somewhere. Catch me if you will. All the black guys are like, can I get all I got too? Like, no.

Doesn't work that way. I actually hung out, mostly I hung out with the black guys in jail. Oh, in prison there were black people? No, yeah, there's a ton. There's a ton. That's who I hung out with. It's actually like, it's a disproportionate amount. I don't remember this many outside, but here they are. Oh, yeah. Not in the neighborhood that you grew up in. I'm actually from South Hills, Pittsburgh. I was born a block away from Wiz Khalifa, if you can believe that. You can't. Yeah. All right. Sure. You must have been the yellow he was rapping about. Yeah.

Yeah. I went to camp with Biz Markie. I do cook a good... Yet you say he's just a friend. Oh, shit. All right, Connor. Well, what else is going on? Anything else we should know about? What was some of the worst stuff that happened to you in your days in prison? I mean, my cellmate snored as loud as, like, three dads.

You know how loud a dad snores? It was like three of them. What did he do to get in jail? I don't know. Snore too loud? I didn't fucking talk to the guy. Jail's not like prison. You don't ask everybody why you're here because it's not rapists. Nobody's trying to fucking fuck up a guy because he's in jail for rape. You're in prison for rape. But your cellmate, you should probably have talked to him every day. I talked to him a little bit. Listen, I'm trying to forget this a little bit. What's your favorite color? It was my...

All right. He was a snore, also the rape, I guess. No, I mostly hung out with the Crips because there was a comedian, a fellow Cincinnati comedian, his cousin was in the Crips, and while I was locked up, he goes, you know Marquis? I was like, yeah. I just played spades with those guys all day. Wow. Yes. It worked out. They'll call you gay for doing that. Fun fact. There's like a racial hierarchy in jail. Gay, gay, gay.

Okay. What? Shouts out Chandler from Cell Block D. Connor, very good. Connor, you're gay for doing what? Stick with the show. I thought you were gay for hanging out with black dudes. If you're at a table playing cards with black dudes, you're definitely getting fucked about those guys. Maybe, if they're cool with it. Yeah, if you don't write the letter. Exactly. All right, Connor. Well, fun times. Congratulations. You got pulled out of the bucket twice in three weeks. Connor Loughran, everybody.

Hey guys, what you're listening to currently, this is a commercial promoting the Pete and Sebastian show. This podcast chronicles the life of Pete Correale, comedian, writer, actor, and myself, Sebastian Maniscalco. What are your credentials? Fucking Dinero movies. My credentials are this cast. Ha ha ha!

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Your next bucket pool is inside! It is one of you! I have been informed that it is one of you! And it is the one that goes by the name of Sam Adamo, everybody. Or Adamo, perhaps. Is this him here? Sam? Come on up, Sam. Bro, I drive a fucking piece of shit. It sucks. I drive a Honda Civic with 200,000 miles on it from 2009. It's my favorite thing. It's the best. I have this thing in that car I call "Civic Superpowers."

I don't give a fuck what happens in that car. Like I was driving down the street the other day, there was a guy next to me in a Maybach. It's a fucking $200,000 car. He's fucking weaving to avoid potholes. He's scared! He's a fucking prisoner. I'm free like a bird! Fucking cutting people off. I'm not even checking my blind spot. I'm like, "You wanna do this? Fucking ball's in your court. You wanna touch me? This is your call, bro." You know? Why is it legal to fuck a 16 year old 'cause it's above the age of consent? But you can't see a picture of her after because it's considered child porn.

I ain't write the laws, it's just, you know, I don't know how much sense it makes. It's like you can suck on her tits in real life, but if you see them digitally, you're doing five things. Who wrote this cock tease? Thank you. Sam Adamo. Hello. Adamo? Adamo, yeah. Adamo. What ethnicity are you? Italian. Family's Italian. 100% Italian? Yeah, both sides. Which is gay to talk about, but it's what it is. It's not gay. I was just curious because your eyebrows look Iranian. Yeah.

Those things are fleek-esque. Yeah, I get that a lot. You take good care of them. You gotta suffer to look good, yeah. Do you color those in? Are you dark on them? That's a trend right now. No, I get them very aggressively waxed. Skin comes off, it's a whole thing, but it's the price you pay. Your accent says piece of San Gennaro, but your eyebrows say October 7th. Yeah.

Where are you from, Sam? Montreal, Canada. You still live there? Yes, I'm from there. Born and raised. Born and raised. Still there. How do you feel about Montreal?

It's kind of weird. We got French, so it's a weird city. The stand-up scene is split in half. To do it in English is a little odd, but it works. It's a good theatre city. It's a fun city. A lot of people come to give it a rip, which is nice, but a lot of tourists, a lot of fucking random French people just come to English shows. Shut the fuck... Get him out of here. This fucking asshole. How many years? Seriously, how many years?

This isn't that show, guys. Old enough to fuck your mother. You can go to one of the podcasts that don't have a format if you want to yell stuff out. It's every other podcast. Anyway. I like that you seemed a little, at one point, you seemed like you kind of gave up a little bit of faith. You seemed like you felt defeated. But then you asked a really important question that I've been looking for an answer for. Yeah.

I'm asking the hard-hitting questions. And I felt like I would really hope there's a lawyer here that could answer that. It's quite the pivot, yeah, but I had no choice. It wasn't going well, and we had to double down. It is what it is. Yeah, you know, the room of this magnet was a little different to what I'm used to. You know, the pacing's a little off, but, you know, whatever. I'm happy to be here. What is this piece of shit car that you speak of?

It's a Honda Civic, 2009. It's a quality car. I call it the Batmobile. No, it's great. It can take a licking. It does whatever it's got to do. It's still alive. It's affordable. It's a Jewish Cadillac.

Exactly. You roll back the odometer? Put it on blocks, drive it in reverse for a couple hours. Amazing. What do you do for work, Sam? Drop shipping. I've been doing stand-up two years, so I just fucking got to make it work. Drop shipping. Yes. Yes.

Drop shipping? Yes. It's e-commerce. I sell shit online. He buys a bunch of cheap shit and resells it on Amazon for five times more. Yep, we figured that out. Mostly sex toys. Dildos. Really? Is that true or are you trying to be funny? No, it's the fucking God's honest truth. Explain to us the business model of specializing in dildos. Yes, and a friend of mine would like to know how do you get shit off one?

Spoiler alert: I'm the friend. What do you need? Yeah. Another spoiler, it's my shit. Get him to go in purple if you want. It's not that glamorous, but when you start, there's a real temptation to look up the names of the people looking to buy them. Just don't do that. Just don't look up the people buying dildos. It's very demoralizing. Like what? What do you mean? It's a lot of gay men. Oh. That's not what you'd expect?

A lot of gay men in the Bible Belt. It's a lot of gay men, like, in the South. I've sold, like, zero in years. Like, two or three years to anyone in New York. Like, no one has any shame there. It's just all people in, like, Alabama, Mississippi. They're buying from a Canadian WAP. Fucking... Just pressing the fucking fulfillment button. Like, you fucking disgust me. Bunch of big double-headed ones to Jay Trudeau. Ha ha ha. I knew that would bomb. Ha ha ha. You...

Sam, what do you do for fun? You seem like the kind of guy that buys bottles at nightclubs. I fucking hate those guys so much. No, I don't drink much. I played soccer competitively most of my life. I don't now since kind of starting stand-up. I like to play in the winter on a recreational team. Bro, I got kicked off my team last year, actually. So I'm without a club right now. I'm without a team. Wow. Why'd you get kicked off? Because an article was written about me in the...

Pedophile.com? I have a podcast and I was talking about the indigenous and the local newspaper on the reservation bordering Montreal wrote about it. They know how to write now? Yeah, it's great. It's incredible.

And, no, the guys on my team got freaked out and they kicked me off. So, for fear that it might, you know, it might get us, you know. It'd be a shame if I came out on the number one live podcast in the world, just said what the team name is and fucking blew their cover. Can you tell us what you said about the indigenous on your podcast? I told them to put the bottle down.

You know? I like this version of you that's kind of coming out. Crown Royal, you know, it's ruined many a native family where I'm from. It is what it is, you know? Yeah, this guy's so much better than his stand-up was. Yeah, this loose version of you that's like, I shouldn't, but I'm gonna say it. I know, bro. Everyone tells me that. You're yourself now? You're not, like, trying to be anything?

I was sitting down. I went up cold. It is what it is, man. You're getting warm now is what you're saying. Sure, yeah. My dick is growing right now, bro. I got my Lululemon underwear on. So are your eyebrows. Yeah, the eyebrows. Are you coloring those in? Those aren't natural. I swear to God. You want to touch them? You want to rub your fucking face on? Go ahead, Ari. Go ahead. We got to do it now? Okay. Whoa, here we go. It's like Trump's hair. Damn, it's thick. It is, right? It's like something you stop up a hole and not let mice into your apartment. Sure, man.

What's your love life like, Sam? What's it like for a dildo seller from Montreal? I have a girlfriend. Her family's very proud of me. I've been dating my girlfriend for six and a half years. We met in school. You've been with the same girl for six and a half years? Yes, sir. Okay. Did she ever get high on your supply of dildos? She got one. She got one? Yeah. What color is it? It's whatever color my skin is. You made sure of that. You're not getting a black one. End of story. It's my dick, Tony. It's my dick. That's...

You have a great look too, you have great facial, like you act as well? No, no I've never acted. There's no money for, there's no money in stand-up in Montreal currently. I don't have an agent or anything. Mike Ward makes money. Pardon? Mike Ward makes money. He does, yeah, he's a good guy. He's a good guy. He's really good to us up there.

So, do you spend most of your time in Montreal? You go a lot of other places. You ended up here because you're a fan of the skanks? My buddy's actually on the festival. He's got a club up there. I'm a regular at his club, so he just had me come down. He's signed up. He's the best. He's awesome. So I'm just taking it in, man. I'm kind of a couple years in. I just wanted to take it in. I'm sure he's glad you're not saying his name.

What's up? How old are you? 27. How long have you been doing stand-up? A little over two years. So this is a pretty big deal for you right now. It's huge, yeah. It's fucking massive. I'm really happy to be here. I've been to New York a couple times, but I've never been this far west, so it's great to be around, you know...

The festivities, it's where it's at, man. Dude, I rarely see, like, potential in someone, but this you is, like, if you find this you on stage, you'll be great. I was just going to say the exact same thing. It's an absolute, and it's not because of your time up here. It's because there was something in the passion of what you were saying and the way that you were saying it. It's not because you were warmed up. It's because you felt like it was kind of wrong what you were saying.

but you wanted to say it because it was wrong when you said it, but it's not really wrong because you're in the free speech mecca. I can imagine why you would be a little bit more scared in Canada where people have gotten in trouble for jokes and can get in trouble and your prime minister is a giant fucking retard. He is. He talked at my school when I was 15 and I was like, no one's going to buy this. And fucking eight years later he was elected.

Next thing you know, you're selling dildos to change for a dollar. What are you going to do? But you're right. That's what got me in shit on the podcast, though, when I was talking about the natives. I wasn't celebrating it. I'm like, this is an inconvenient thing. What are you going to do? There's the Italian. Trying to help you. What are your mom and dad doing? What are they like? They sell this. They have pasta every Sunday? Yeah.

Yeah, we would do that mostly growing up. And your dad's super Italian? What does he do? Works in the leather shoe business or something? He sells backhands at home. No, he does. And he's educated. He's not a fucking retard like most Italian people. What does he do?

He's like me, yeah. Stick over here. What does he do, Sam? He works in marketing. He's just got a job. And mom's stay at home? No, no, also white collar. What does she do? Insurance. Okay, Jesus. There's a lot of questions, Tony. Is your mom Italian? What the fuck? Jesus Christ. All right, all right. I'm not going to... No one's ratting your family out. Make some noise for him. The Kill Tony debut of Sam Adamo, ladies and gentlemen. Oh, my God.

Wild times out here. If Skankfest was real, somebody would be in a seat right now. What? If Skankfest was real, somebody would just take a seat. If Skankfest was real... Somebody would have stolen his seat while he was up here. Can I have a water, please? Someone may have. They have very tiny waters. Alright. Can I have a water? Okay, your next bucket pool, ladies and gentlemen, goes by the name of Chuli Joy. Chuli Joy. Chuli Joy.

From the East of Georgia, Johnny Joy. Hey, what's up? So I recently hit one year clean and sober. And it's pretty tough looking like this because no one believes me. The other day, this guy came up to me and he told me that I reminded him of that cool turtle from Finding Nemo. Honestly, that wasn't the first time I've heard that.

Then this other guy comes up to me and tells me that I look like if ketamine was a person. I thought that was pretty accurate. I get it though. I look fried. I look like if Cheech fucked Chong and had a baby. Got time for one more? Alright guys, what do you call a gay dude that doesn't get sensitive? A cool ass dude.

What do you call a lesbian that doesn't get sensitive? A cool ass chick. What do you call a non-binary person that doesn't get sensitive? Chuli Joy. Welcome, welcome, Chuli. Went a little over your time there. It's okay. We're so close. Hi, Chuli. Am I saying that right, Chuli? Yeah, you got it. Hell yeah. So your entire identity is what you look like.

Kind of, yeah. That's what it seems like from your minute. Yeah. So let's talk about it. How long have you been doing stand-up? Like four months. Okay, where do you do that at? I started in LA at Fourth Wall in Hollywood. You know that place? Nope. You guys don't know? No. LA I know. You're not the fourth wall. You know LA. I do know LA. Oh, cool. Yeah, I'm taking a meeting. This is incredible.

You definitely do have a look to you. Have you always had that type of charisma, hair, everything? Yeah, for sure. Awesome! Do you surf? I don't really surf. You skateboard? I like riding longboards. Okay. Did you ever do shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots? Dude, honestly, I made a joke about this last night out of the mic. I've been hearing that all day, every day, and I haven't heard it at all. Shots, shots, shots.

Since I'm in Miami bitch came out because I'm from Florida and like it was crazy. I

Wait, is that the sexy and I know it guy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's him. Every day I'm chuckling. Okay. You like that? I like the stuff you said about yourself. The Cheech and Chong joke. The first two you had about your appearance were good. Yeah. And the joke jokes, like we do that when we first start just to fill the time. But you should concentrate more on your own stuff because you're very interesting looking. You have an interesting point of view. Ketamine was a great line. Ketamine. I got a question for you. What do you call a non-sensitive, non-binary person? Okay.

They cool. Oh good, wow. The bear, the bear punched up your joke. Um, truly, what exactly do you do for a living? So I have a house in Florida that I own and I rent it, so... So you're homeless? I'm more or less like nomadic. But I've been living in LA for the last like six or seven months. Where do you live in LA? I live in Santa Clarita at my friend's house. On his couch? I have a room.

Yeah. Is it the living room? No, it's actually the... I can't picture you having your own enclosure. Of all the things you look like, you look like a guy that doesn't have his own bedroom. Believe it or not, I do. Well, this belongs in Ripley's, because I do not believe it. Yes.

You have a room that has a door. I do. You close it when you go. And it locks. No way. Yes, dude. Is it a real lock or do you do it with your imagination? It's a real lock, dude. Okay. For real. What do you do during the day when you're not at the gym working on your calves? It's a twig. Damn. Oh, my God. Wow. Oh, my God. It's good, you know. How do you even stand on those? What?

What holds you up? Thank God the air conditioning's off or you'd get blown over. Those are the most realistic looking prosthetic legs I've ever seen. You got the hair and everything. They put hair on them now. God bless us, all of us. My goodness, this guy. No size change between the calves and the thighs whatsoever. Incredible.

It's a very lake-driven episode of Kill Tony. We're getting to see a lot of people in shorts for the first time. Skankfest, famous for their short-wearing comedians. You come to this festival often? This is my first time. I honestly came out here to sign up for Kill Tony on Wednesday.

How did you know? I didn't even know. Well, we had a sold-out, giant, massive show on Wednesday. That's a good way to get the word out. So you signed up on Wednesday, and you just stuck around. Yeah, somebody told me about an open mic last night, so I just went there, and then... You went here. I went to the open mic last night, and then I told myself... Oh, you stuck around for an extra night because you were told about an open mic? Yeah, and I was like, you know what? I'm out here. I want to do comedy. Like, I'm just going to go to Skank Fest. And then...

Just found myself in the line Wow Yeah, it's a wonderful scan Yeah, so this is technically my third time signing up for kill Tony because I was in Austin like a week and a half ago So I was just like damn third time's a charm. I guess yeah, there you go. Yeah. Well that really makes you think what you just said It's amazing. Have you ever had a concussion? Yeah

Do you remember how you got the concussion? Well, I'm curious because he's wearing one of those new pads that they put over the football helmets on top of his head. Yeah, you know, it's like being tall, you run into shit a lot, you know? I do know and I don't know what you're talking about. I've been tall my whole life. Yeah, but you also don't have that much hair, bro. No offense. Like, I got, like, hair in my eyes. Yeah.

So, like, I'll bump into shit. You know that that's a decision that you make, having hair like that, right? I like my hair. I actually cut my hair, like, a year ago, and I didn't like it that much. Like, I like the curls. You like it like that? Yes. Even though you're massively concussed?

and blaming it on the hair that gets into your eyes. I wouldn't say massively. I would. You've got a concussion just walking into shit? No, you said the hair, though, but if you hit your hair against the wall, that doesn't give you a concussion. Dude, so the last time I feel like I got a concussion, right, I was in my friend's warehouse, and he has, like, this, like, it's like a two-story short-ass little thing, and I was going underneath, and I thought the fucking...

Garage door thing was open and I went Nice at times that shit hurt so bad Solid job there. I was right on it red bad. That was underrated red, man. How was I supposed to know? Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I'm legitimately jealous of your hair supposed to be negative about stuff, but no, we should

Absolutely incredible. What's your love life like? You seem like the kind of guy that would fuck everybody's girlfriends. You're living under a muff. Well, I do have a special person in my life. You're fucking a retard? No. But like a month and a half ago, I asked her for a break because my life has been... The only thing that's going well right now, I would say, is comedy. But everything else has been... I'm not sure I'd say that.

I'm sorry, you're doing great, you're doing great, I apologize. So what was too stressful that you couldn't handle? Honestly, it was just like, she's like amazing, you know what I mean? And I was just like, my life was just, I was just like going crazy, to be honest. Like I was like having mental breakdowns, my living situation sucked, like...

I thought people were my friends and they were kind of like dicking me over and I was like going down and I was just like, I don't know where I'm going to be. Were you on drugs? No, I've been sober for over a year now. But what were you on before the soberness?

- We did cocaine mostly. - Why'd you get sober? What made you decide to like? - I'm glad you asked that. - Thank you, thank you. - I got sober. - Thank you, Jews are great questions. - I got sober because I was doing shitty drugs with shitty people and having shitty experiences. - How do you think they felt?

You were their bottom. They're like, dude, I did cocaine until 8 a.m. with a weeping willow last night. I got chia regrets. Wow. Were you sober when you hit your head or were you drinking? No, I was sober the last time. Like that time I talked about it. The house in Florida that you rent out for your entire living, did you inherit that from a dead grandparent? No.

I did. How long ago did that happen? That my grandfather passed away? Yes. He died when I was, I would say like 17 years ago. And you got the house how long ago? Over COVID. And how much do you get a month from that? $1,800. Okay. Yeah. Why was there such a gap between when he died and they gave you the house? Were they hoping anyone else would take it? Because this is what happened. Suicidist there first. This is what happened. So...

- My mom bought the house, or my dad, sorry, my grandfather bought the house, but also put my grandmother's name and my mom's name. So it was like, once they passed away, it was in my mom's name and then COVID happened in my parents. - We're gonna go to our senior real estate correspondent, Ari Shaffir on this. - Okay, so what you gotta do is diversify, first of all. That's the most important thing. You could have sued your mom for neglect.

Yeah, and gotten that house earlier. You got it. That's the important thing. Those are assets. And instead, all you got from your mother is her hair. All right, ladies and gentlemen, that's enough of that. Truly joy, ladies and gentlemen. There he goes. Way too long of an interview. What was Tony thinking? Wait a second. Wait a second. Is that...

Hold on a second here. What the fuck? Our house drummer, Michael Gonzalez, what are you still doing in Vegas? You were supposed to go home. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for the full-time Kill Tony drummer, Michael Gonzalez. - Got him a stick.

I mean, I'm gonna be honest with you, Michael. I didn't know you were still here. I don't know what's going on, but something tells me that I can't pass up on an opportunity like this. I think we should have a fucking Mexican drummer. Well, Dave Lacey. The great Dave Lacey.

Wait, right? Nick. Nick, liberatory. We're going to do a little drum solo competition. Oh, fuck yeah. And...

Then we'll get right back to the comedy show, but this is always fun. These are two of my favorite drummers in the history of comedy. Nick, famously the drummer of the goddamn Comedy Jam, where we've all performed and had a shit ton of fun. And it's a fucking freak of nature. Michael Gonzalez I've worked with every single week and all around the world for the last almost four years continuously. So let's have a little drum solo competition. This is...

A little drum solo from the great Nick Liberatore. Wow, holy shit. The great drummer of Elemento P. That's E-L-E-M-E-N-Y. And now, our house drummer, still in Las Vegas, nobody knows how, nobody knows why.

Just performed in front of 8,000 people on Wednesday night at the Resorts World Theater. Making his skank fest debut with a little drum solo. Make some noise for Michael Gonzalez! Wow! I think we all won here tonight. How many of you have Nick Liberatore winning that one?

How many of you have Michael Gonzalez winning that one? You know what that means. We'll see you back in Austin on Monday. You're still the drummer. Still the drummer of the show. How about one more time for Nick, though? Fucking stepping in.

We're going to go with one of our regulars, I do believe, ladies and gentlemen. I hope he's ready. I've not been able to warn the crew, but this should be, and hopefully is, a brand new minute from one of the greatest regulars in the entire history of the show, another absolute fucking shooting star. This is a brand new minute, or a riff session, if you will, from the great and powerful Cam Patterson, ladies and gentlemen. Why, yo!

My little sister just came out and told my dad that she was gay. It worked, it's on. Alright, we got it back. My sister just told my dad that she was gay. And my dad is not progressive. My dad is 64 years old. So he got a brother that's been gay his whole life.

He's 57, my dad just go, "He not gay, he just confused." That's what he been saying the whole time. And my sister came out and told me, she said, "Dad, I just want to tell you that I like girls." And my dad went, "Hey, I'm going to tell you something. You've been my daughter for 18 years, I love you, I'm always going to love you, and it doesn't change anything I feel about you, but you're going to hell." And my sister said, "Well, see you in hell then, nigga." And then my dad said, "I'm not going to be on the gay side of hell, I'll tell you that much. As if hell had two sides."

I wonder if Hitler went to heaven. What if he did? The dude did kill his son. Okay, that's it. I didn't have anything. Exactly. One minute from Cam Patterson. I had fucking nothing, dog. I do not... You're fantastic. That was terrible. I'm going to kill myself. I told Cam that we were doing a pop-up Kill Tony literally about three hours ago. I'm mad as fuck.

I'm not happy at all. Who are these niggas? I'm mad as fuck right now. I haven't got a fucking head. I'm mad as fuck. Don't be mad. Fuck you. I'm mad. We love you, Cam. I'm angry, nigga. Everybody loves you. I've never seen you sweating. Sweating like crazy. I thought it was fucking terrible, dog. Be decent at comedy sometimes. I'm going to blow my fucking brains out. Cam is a perfectionist. I'm mad. You are soaking wet right now. Yeah, I'm fucking wet.

I've never seen you swim before, but I'd imagine this is how wet you would be. This is how wet you would be if you could swim. You look like me waiting for my HIV results. Cam is wearing his free Kill Tony shirt, by the way. Hell yeah. We're branded, nigga. What's up with you? Hell yeah. I love being called that by you. It's always wonderful. Can I get a napkin? Somebody give me a napkin, please. What? I just wanted to wipe my face. I am sweating like a motherfucker. You used my shirt? Nah, I'm okay. Okay.

Cam, how are you enjoying Vegas? It's alright. I've been to strip club two nights in a row. I've been making them do push-ups in my section. You make the strippers do push-ups? Yeah, bitch, earn the money, yes. Wow. I've never heard of anything quite that diabolical before. It's pretty funny. I like it a lot. How many can they do? Not a lot. Not that many, dog. And they can't do, like, girl push-ups. They need, like, real nigga push-ups. You know what I mean?

And if you do more than 10, I'll give you 100 right there. Wow. But they never get more than 10, Tony. They never do. And it's always beautiful to see. You get to eight, you just throw them some rocks. No, I throw pennies on them when they do three. Where are those pennies now? Huh? That was good. Wow. Push-ups, huh? Anything else? Do you make them do sit-ups or any other challenges? Nah, they always be like, I can do squats. No, bitch. Push-ups.

Right. They're all working on that ass, but strippers have a weak upper body. Horrible upper body. Well, not really. Not really. Because they got to climb a pole and shit. So they should be good at it. They should be. What's the most they've done? One bitch did 50. 50? Yeah. How much did you give her? She scared me. She scared me.

I gave her like 150. I gave her 150 for that. Damn. Damn, yeah. I'm a good person, man. I'm supporting these whores. You know what I'm saying? That's great. Having a good time, man. Hell yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. That minute fucking sucked. I'm going to kill myself. No. No, you're not. No, it was actually kind of interesting. It was stuff about like the idea of heaven and hell. Nah, I mean, yeah, it's going to be something one day. Yeah, it will be. And then I had talked about it in the interview and shit. I

I loved that minute. I absolutely loved it. You're at Skank Fest. They're not used to seeing... These people aren't used to seeing or trying to decipher black people talking. So what you think may have been a failure really wasn't. You had the white people in the room that are used to black people laughing.

There you are. All 14 of them agree. All 12. Yep, that was great. The family stuff was funny about your fucking sister being gay. No, but it's got potential. It's just gonna be a minute. Definitely.

It's disgusting what she's doing, but... Oh, yeah, she going to hell. Your father's right, 100%. How old is this sister? She 18. 18? Wow. Do you think she's really a lesbian? No. You think she's faking it? Nah, she lying. I mean, I met all her boyfriends. They all scared me, so... Yeah. Yeah. She's in the public school system at 18, so... Nah, she in college.

Okay, now she's in college. Yeah. Right. Yeah. But yeah, she thought she was a lesbian while in the public school system is when she figured that out. Yeah, probably. Right. Has she ever brought any, have you ever seen her with a girl? No. She just told your dad she's a lesbian? She like to play jokes on him. I think so. You think she's joking. You're hoping she's joking. Oh, I know she's joking. Probably not though. Who knows? You're just like your dad. You think she's confused. She is.

Why are you gay? Why are you gay? Confused, they're going to hell. Do you know your dad's brother, you said, is gay? Yeah, he's gay, yeah. Do you know him? Yeah. You do? You know your dad's brother and your dad? Is he? Yeah. Kenny Patterson is here? Stand up, stand up, stand up, stand up. Where is he? Stand up! Where the fuck's Kenny? Oh my God, there he is. Kenny Rolls? There he is. Kenny Rolls? Wow. Let me ask one last question. Yeah. Wait.

Is your brother gay? Oh, is that your dad? That's my dad. I'm sorry, I thought you were the gay brother. Oh, shit. I want to show him, hey, how would you do that? That doesn't make him more gay. He's going along with it. He's going along with it. He's doing the right thing. Kenny Patterson's the man. He was also, of course, at the theater on Wednesday night backstage. And indeed, we had another 15-minute roast session on his feet.

They are the most frightening feet you've ever seen in your life. If you really want to see the true stars of Skankfest, now that you have identified Kenny Patterson, glance at his feet. Try to get close to him later on in the night. Catch a fucking glimpse. It looks like, literally, he walked through a volcano to get here. Unbelievable. You don't know where the ash and...