The Useful Idiot with Michael Cohen
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So are we supposed to start the podcast? Ready? One, two, three. I mean, did you just do a little fist bump after that? I did. I was so excited. That was a good one. A celebratory, uh. I'm just so proud of myself. What have you had it with? Okay, what I've had it with, as everyone knows, I'm a big consumer of the news. And what I have had it with

is these legal commentators in reference to, let's say, Rudy Giuliani or Donald Trump saying, well, he has to testify under oath. And I'm like, this motherfucker, if his lips are moving, he's lying. Right. I have reverence for being under oath. The average American has reverence for being under oath, that you wouldn't lie under oath. These people have no fucking conscience. They have zero conscience.

pause lying under oath. And so when these commentators, and I see it every day, all day, when they reference it, I just want to slap them. Because I'm like,

Bitch, please. They act like the under oath is like a checkmate. Like a huge difference. Like they've got Donald Trump in checkmate because he's going to be under oath. And I'm like, this fucker doesn't even know when he's lying, I don't think. So why would under oath matter? He has a reptilian sense of being able to lie. Right. And he thinks people believe him because a lot of the

supporters do believe him. Right. I've just, I've just had it with it. I've just had it for people giving him normal emotions that under oath would make a difference for him. I agree with you. There needs to be a lot more simple statements out of commentators and the press. Donald Trump was, gave a press conference today and he lied six times. Right. The lies are

Blank, blank, blank, blank. Instead, they still try to cover him in this kind of nuanced way, and I don't think they really know what to do with him. And the thing is this, when you think about it,

People will say half the country support him. That's false. It's a minority that supports him because I think there's more Democrats in America than there is Republicans, and not all Republicans support Trump. So there's, of course, some have peeled off. Some are still like clinging on to the like Mitt Romney, Reagan, John McCain days.

And probably vote for him just because they can't bring themselves to vote for a Democrat. Right. And then you've got just the full-blown cult. Absolutely. And they do. They believe everything that he says. It's crazy. Right. I think you're right. Just a simple fact check. Like, this was the soundbite that was given. We counted 42 lies. Here's what they are.

So we're not going to show it. Here's what he said that was factual. Headline should be, Donald Trump lies again. Again and again and again. They can't cover him like a normal person, like your average citizen, because he has zero –

I mean, he just has zero care about whether he's lying or not. And his lies are objectively false. They're verifiably false. But he says them anyway because these people want to believe him. I saw the day that the Super Bowl was out. I texted this to you. But he basically, he puts out a statement taking credit for Taylor Swift's musical success. Yes. When you sent that to me, I about passed out. I was like, that cannot happen.

be right. He cannot actually be saying that. And then he's like, I'm the man. I've done more for her than Biden. Right. I gave her success. I'm the man that gave her success. Yeah. She should support me. And I just thought, what? I just would hate to be in his head. I would think it would really, really be a scary place. But it's not for him. No, he likes it. All right. Let me tell you what I've had it with. I've had it with, it's a phrase and also a group of people.

I've had it with the mama bears. Yeah. I know that. I know that group. I'm a mama bear. I'm a mama bear. Yeah. And you see it like, let everybody gather up mama bears. I think it was Sarah Palin that first started that. I'm sure somebody probably did before and somebody is going to probably be fact checking me on YouTube right now. But that's when I remember it really like, come on mama bears. Right. And the moms of Liberty, they think they're mama bears. Yeah. Number one, um,

You're not a bear. Let's start there. Let's start there. You're not a bear. It's just this kind of like hyped up, like helicopterism that these mama bears do and then that they engage in. And I think that the approach is also...

We need to listen to our children. Sometimes the mama bear is a dumbass. Right. Well, because first of all, she thinks she's the bear. Right. Sometimes the mama bear group are a bunch of dumbass helicopter parents that aren't teaching their children autonomy that are then going to have a generation of pussy bears. You know? And it's like...

All of us feel, every mother feels an inherent evolutionary, it's just in our DNA to protect our children, to protect our cubs. And they're no different or superior than anybody else.

I would even make an argument that there's an inferiority because they're doing for their children what they need to be teaching their children to do for themselves. And we all know kids are mama bears. Oh, yeah. They're assholes. Right. They're spoiled little entitled brats typically. Not always, but typically. But I just see it as like, hey, mama bear. And then like.

I heard somebody at a basketball game the other day saying, "Yeah, you know, I'm a mama bear." And I wanted to go, "Oh, I see. You're a better mom than the rest of us because you're a mama bear."

Shut up. Shut the fuck up. Stop it. You're a power mom on steroids. Your kid's a pussy. Stop it. Your kid is a pussy. You're not a bear. Your kid's a pussy. Stop it. Stop parading up at the school board meetings being a nut. Sorry that your husband has profoundly disappointed you. Yeah.

You can pause all of this and start correcting course. And it's going to start first and foremost with you shutting the fuck up about being a mama bear.

Just live your life. Don't run around grandstanding, screaming at the top of your lungs that you're a mama bear and then finding other mama bears because then all you are is a cult of crazy mama bears that are raising a generation of pussies. Teach your children to have autonomy and quit being a mama bear. I've had it. Stop it. I completely agree. What bugs me about that is the whole dichotomy of

I'm a mama bear. So as a mama bear, I'm going to get on the moms for liberty because I'm such a great mom. I want to discount everybody else's parenting and say how their children should be raised because my way is superior. That bucks the fuck out of me. I think what drives me crazy about the mama bears is that

They are so intimidated by stuff that's not their business. Right. And they see the way that I might raise my children, which is being accepting, being open-minded, and

accepting members of the LGBTQ plus community, embracing diversity. They might see that as somehow a threat to the way they mother their children. And it's deeper than just how cheesy the mama bear thing sounds. They claim the moral high ground. That's what drives me crazy. If you say you're a mama bear and you hang out with other people that identify as mama bears...

I think you're a problem. I think your friends are a problem. I think the whole lot of it is a train wreck catastrophe. And I've had it. I agree. I've had it with a mama bears. Had it. Just be a mom and shut the fuck up about it. Correct. Welcome to I've had it. God, we're cranky today. Aren't we always cranky? Is that a new? I mean, sometimes, yeah. Sometimes. Now, this seems especially cranky. I'm Jennifer. I'm Jennifer.

I'm Angie. And today I think we're going to do some disappointing affirmations. One of my favorite activities. If we haven't been disappointing enough yet, we're going to really try. All right. So disappointing affirmations, as you know, is our favorite Instagram account by Dave Ternowski. And he sent us some books. He has actually published books of his own.

fight and plight against toxic positivity, which I love this shit so much. So I'm going to do a dramatic reading for the listener, Kylie and pumps. Do you want another one? Yeah. Okay. Okay. All right. You ready? Ready. Okay. It's okay. If you weren't where you wanted to be by now, your goals have always been unrealistic. Okay.

That's a good one. Be proud of yourself for how far you've come, especially considering that you've only ever done the bare minimum. If that isn't a statement to teenage kids. Absolutely. The half-ass of all half-assers. Be proud of yourself. You always do the bare minimum. Always. Why do something right away when you can wait for it to give you crippling anxiety? Boy, that's words to live by right there. Oh, shit. Okay. Okay.

You can fuck up anything you put your mind to. I should have that tattooed on my forehead. I think you always say that every time I read these. Yeah. There's one that you want to tattoo on your forehead. If I knew back then what I know now, I would have just fucked up my life differently. Totally agree with that. Would have made all different mistakes. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's insightful. It is. It really is. Okay. Let's do a couple more. Just because it didn't work out doesn't mean you failed.

You successfully fucked it up. It was intentional. It was a successful fuck up. All right, last one. You are not alone. Everyone else is disappointed in you too. I don't know why all of that is so comforting to me. I love it. I find it funny and poignant at the same time. It just is so much more realistic because the toxic positivity, inspirational quote stuff, it just, it's so...

It's unattainable. And it's kind of cheeseball-y. It's total cheeseball. Cheeseball city. I don't like it. I don't like it one bit. All right. We have an executive producer named K-I-L-E-Y. Hello, Jen. How are you? Hi, Pumps. K-I-L-E-Y. K-I-L-E-Y. What's going on on the internet? I've got two reviews that I'm going to read to you. Okay. This one's five stars. Okay. Titled Wonderful. And they write...

It's so nice to see this mother-daughter duo getting along so well. So they think Jennifer's my mother. Uh-huh. No. No. That's not what they think. That's not what they think. I love it. Jane and Klumps have an adorable relationship that should inspire all of us to reach out to our elderly parents. Jane is always complimenting her aging mother. And I love hearing her granddaughter Kelly's voice. I just wish they were a little more liberal.

I think they've only had four or five drag queens on the show, which tells me they're only mildly progressive.

I like it. That tells me she's a listener. She pays attention. She's paying attention. Yeah, I like it. She immediately knows who's older, who's younger. Likes to rub it in. Crack that case. Yeah. In no time. Pandering to Jennifer, obviously. Yeah, total pander, you know, which is a direct path to my heart. It doesn't take much. I'm the cheapest date on the planet. Right. Very transactional. You like me. You say I'm younger than pumps. I love you. Right. You went in right into pole position. The most vapid relationship I could possibly have.

All right. This one is five stars. It's titled Imposters. These two are imposters. One of them claims to be a judge. The other one says she has a gold medal in pickleball. Pickleball isn't even a part of the Olympics. I think the listeners that have fallen for the lies need to come together to crack the case of who these two women really are. The one that says she's a judge also says she is not a lesbian. One look at her and I knew that was a lie. Okay.

Little does she know I've been called a drag queen. Yeah. I've been confused with a drag queen. Yeah. You know, I've really had it with the real Judge Judy. I know. We've taken that out of my nickname. She fucked you so hard. She fucked me so hard. I mean...

I really like that nickname, Judge Judy. I know, but I don't feel good about it anymore. I would say, welcome to I've Had It. I'm Jennifer. You'd say, I'm Angie. And I would say, she's Judge Judy Diana. And I felt like everybody just universally was just like, just starting to wet their chops. Like it was just like, yep, she's Judge Judy. And we were all ready to go into the grievance courtroom. And then Judge Judy has to go endorse Nikki Haley. Right. And it was like a total dork.

Well, and she says she's moderate on abortion, and she's not. She's a conception abortionist. I hate her. Here's where I lost it with Nikki Haley.

America has never been a racist country. I just, I can't with that. It's just shut up. Shut up. Shut up. That is so incredibly painful for so many people of color to hear something like that. It's just, it's gaslighting. A hundred percent. It is pure and it's cruel. It is a very, very cruel thing to say, to tell people what they see and the pain that they suffered doesn't exist. And so I,

I don't know what the hell's going on with the real Judge Judy, but she's dead to us. I'm just, I mean, you know, it's a sad day. It's just another disappointment. Just another disappointment by the bozos in the world, of which we are too. So what do you do? Yeah. You know, I'm sure that there's just a lot of people that listen to this podcast that just can't quite seem to shake it, that just think, God, that was just another disappointing episode. Right. Right.

They really suck. You know, sometimes I watch a show and it's not great. I'm like, well, that wasn't that great. But then I go to the next one. Absolutely. It's like a series. And I'll watch 10 episodes of just kind of a disappointing series. And I imagine that so many of our listeners probably feel that every Tuesday and Thursday. Right. Boy, they really do suck. But I'm going to stay. I'm going to stay with it. I'm going to ride that wave all the way to the end. Yeah. Just to see if maybe there's a glimmer of hope. Maybe they can turn it around. Just to see if you come out of the closet. Right.

That's all we got going for us is this lesbian arc. This lesbian arc. Will she or won't she? Yeah. Is she going to do it? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's just, you know, the last 10 listeners that we have, they're just waiting with bated breath. Is she going to come out or not? With my welcome packet ready. Yeah. Listener, this is so funny on the Hot Shit Tour. So many people.

people in the VIP lines immediately welcome pop. They say, you know, Hey, we're lesbians. We're, you know, we're here for you. And I'm always such as you bring my welcome packet. It's pretty cute. Here's the deal too. I was very flattered because someone, uh, some woman told us that I was her hall pass.

I thought that was sweet. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Totally forgot about that. That's exciting. That is exciting. I was very flattered. Yeah. I mean, you know, you have a lot of options out in the world. Yeah. Whichever path you choose. All right. Well, listener, we have a guest today that is one of Pumps' boyfriends. Right. That she spends a lot of time with. Lots of time.

On the internet. And she messaged her number one algorithm boyfriend, Ben Mycelis. The true love of my algorithm life, Ben Mycelis. Her soulmate. And said, could you please connect me with Michael Cohen? Right. He sends the phone number to Pumps. Pumps texts Michael Cohen. And this is the former Trump attorney fixer that paid off Stormy Daniels.

that now has become enlightened and is advocating for democracy and the downfall of Trump. And, you know, that's just pumps his love language, all of that, all of that. So she texts him and then he calls her and she's sitting at my desk, puts him on speakerphone. I have never seen a woman this excited in my entire life. The remainder of the day, she shimmied and pelvic thrusted around the desk,

podcasting studio. I'd look over and she was just going, uh, uh, uh, uh. And then she'd start shimmying and she had, I mean, just grinning from ear to ear. She was bouncing around the studio like a pinball machine, wasn't she, Kylie? I have never seen her glow like that. It's unbelievable. It was a glow. It was beaming. Well, like when he called my phone, my heart skipped a beat a little bit. Oh, and then she kept pulling up her contacts. I have Michael Cohen's phone number.

In my phone. In my call log. I was like, look who's the last person I talked to on the phone with. Michael Cohen. I mean, she is just lapping this thing up. So what we like to do at I've Had It podcast, it's kind of a make a closet lesbian's wish come true program that we've done here. Right. Pumps. I mean, this is a great day for you because you're going to have a star guest. Yep. You listen to this guy's podcast. I watch his YouTube channel.

He's in my room every night with Ben. Yeah, it's kind of a menage. It really is. We're a menage. Me, Ben, Michael. An algorithm menage a trois. I like that. Algorithm menage a trois. It implies some intimacy that we don't have, but I want. Yep. Interesting. Interesting. Yeah. All right. Well, let's connect to Michael Cohen and see what he has to say.

Do you suffer from having a parasocial relationship with two barely competent middle-aged women?

If so, please go to I've had it podcast.com or to any social media site. I'm talking X, formerly Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, et cetera, and click the link in bio and come see us at the hot shit tour. Make your parasocial relationship real at the hot shit tour. Right pumps. Tell them it's so fun. We hope to see you there.

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Go to HappyMammoth.com and enter the promo code HADIT on the checkout page. Let's welcome to I've Had It one of Angie's parasocial algorithm boyfriends, a huge love of her life, a man with whom she spends a lot of time, Michael Cohen. How are you, Michael?

I've had better days. I've also had worse days, but I'm doing okay. I'm doing okay. Well, thanks for being here. Jennifer said before you got on, like, you, Ben, and me, I want us to be an algorithm throuple. That sounds kinky, but I'm willing to try anything.

No, she, when we, we go on tour with the podcast and on the plane ride, she listens to your podcast. Then we get to the hotel room and it's like Midas touch.

And then it's just, I mean, she is just so deep into this. This is like... What is it that you like most about it? What do you like most about mea culpa? What I love about mea culpa is you have insight into all of these issues that nobody else has. Like you have firsthand personal experience. So your perspective is so much different than ours.

And honestly, I've become one of those people that the dopamine hits of Trump, like I'm not in the MAGA part where everything he says is great. But it's like I can watch the news and I just fast forward to what we're talking about Trump. Like I get a dopamine hit with the lies and the crazy. And when he goes, boop, boop, boop, beep, bop, bop, you know, all that shit. And I also like your impression.

I do like your Trump impression. Do you know that I used to actually do that to him while sitting across the desk from him? And he would look at me. Sometimes he'd get angry. Most of the time, he knew that we were just, you know, fucking around. But yeah, I used to do the same impression to him across the desk when I was working for him. Is he able to have any humility at all, like laugh at himself at all? No, no. I didn't think so.

Okay, I have some questions. You know, I know that you cover all the legal stuff and all of that is covered ad nauseum. We want to go a little bit more lowbrow here on this podcast and ask kind of the juicy questions. So we live in Oklahoma City, Bible Belt, and you see a lot of Trumpers here. And every county in our state went red for Trump, even though the city that we live in is kind of purplish-bluish. So I have a question. Is Trump religiously

At all does he believe in God? No. No. I mean, there's no other way to describe it. You know, I remember when we were deciding in 2015, 2016, and the campaign was just beginning to get going. And I don't know where he found it, but what he did find it was that photo of him when he was –

I don't remember whether it was communion or it was a religious event. And he was at the church with Vincent Norman Peale. And somebody had said to him, it could have been Reverend Paula White, that that's a photo that you should run with. And so we did. And it got tremendous pickup because of the name recognition of Vincent Norman Peale.

Suffice it to say, we used that photo over and over and over again. And I bring that up because you won't find another photo because I think that was the first time he was like maybe eight or nine years old in the photo. That's the one time I think he was in church. Okay. What does he, you were there like when all the evangelical preachers come and they're praying over him and it's like this hallelujah fest and

and it's almost like you're waiting for a rattlesnake to come out. It's like real Jesus-y. When these people leave the room, what does he say about it? - When we were heading back up in the elevator,

And he turned around, he looked at me, he goes, can you believe that they buy this bullshit? That's what he legitimately believes. I knew it. You know, it really is truly amazing because he has no religious conviction at all. Anybody who has even a slight religious conviction could not act in the way or could not say the things that Donald Trump says. I agree.

So does he, these people, does he think they're crazy or does he like them because they like him? Is it just transactional? If they're effusive towards him, then he ricochets that like back to them. Yeah. So if you say something negative to Trump,

He wants to hit you back 10 times harder. If you praise him, he will embrace you so long as there is a benefit for him. He saw a major benefit with the evangelical community because he was being shunned.

By so many others. And I'm referring going back to 2015, 2016. Was he embarrassed by their support at all? Because if you think about where he lives, Fifth Avenue, Manhattan, it's not a mega church. Divorced twice, married three times. You know, extramarital affairs. He does not represent their support.

religious ideology. And they will tell you that we don't want him as our religious commander. We want him as our commander in chief, because they had only one thing in mind, and that was the repealing and the overturning of Roe v. Wade. So it was transactional, not just for Donald, but for both of them.

So Donald saw them as a vote and a community that has significant membership. They saw him as the useful idiot in order to achieve something that they've wanted for 50 years. And I want to be clear about something, too. The term useful idiot is not a derogatory term. It's actually a term in espionage.

What does Trump think about the Ted Cruz's and the Marco Rubio's and these guys that are real, you know, their politics or this breed of Christian morality and their traditional guys and all this fucking bullshit that normal people like us see and we're just like, oh, stop it. Does Trump share with us that kind of like, oh, stop grandstanding. This guy's a blowhard. Or what does he think of Trump?

types of Republicans? He thinks nothing of them. You got to go back to your original question. It is fully a transaction. It's just transactional, plain and simple. When Marco Rubio was attacking him and then he came up with little Marco,

Marco and it, that got picked up by the media and it drove Marco Rubio crazy. What did Donald do? He just continued to promote it. And that was a requirement that anyone that would go on television or anyone that would speak to the media has to use the term little Marco, same thing for low energy, Jeb, et cetera. That's all part of the game plan. Uh,

And the same thing with Ted Cruz. But then remember, Donald gets very personal. He's a visual guy, meaning if you, in his opinion, if you're not attractive, then he's very quick to pounce on you.

on your looks, especially if you're a woman. I mean, he's a total sexist and a misogynist. And the fact that Ted Cruz could be out there

championing a guy who attacked his wife, who called her ugly and stupid and a half a dozen other things. People need to start to think about who's Ted Cruz? Would you allow someone to speak about your wife that way? Would you then champion that person?

especially in light of all of the negative comments. Forget about that. He just said about your wife, about every woman. Right. Yeah. Let me ask you this. Considering he is so into optics and that's like such red meat for him that he would deem Ted Cruz's wife to be unattractive and would call her a such triple down on it. Probably proud of it.

When you see his supporters, not all of them, but like let's talk about the January 6 crowd. And this is kind of, I would say, a rural type of Americans, kind of redneck-y type of Americans. We see them a lot around here in the suburbs of Oklahoma City. Maybe not the thinnest, maybe not the best dressed Americans.

you know, kind of like the American Eagle shirts. Maybe missing more than half the teeth in their mouth. Exactly. Unshaving, mostly bald, lots of tats. Trailer park, kind of looking. Does the optics of that bother him when he would go to his rallies and he would see the types of Americans that came to support him? This guy that lives in a penthouse on Fifth Avenue, hasn't flown commercial in years. Did the optics of that bug him? And did he say anything to you about that? Well,

The answer to that is yes. Initially, shaking their hands and knowing that Trump is a jerk.

Thermophobe really freaked him out at these events. And so he uses and we all used in the office for years. When you go to the hospital and you see there's these round cylinders that are filled with white bees, but it tells you not to use it on your direct skin could cause cancer. We use them every single day.

on our skin. I mean, we use them like they were sani wipes because that's what they are, but they are extremely strong. We'd wipe down our computers, but he had the ones also that were in the individual pouches and he would have Keith or myself, we'd have several in our pockets. And after shaking their hands, he would sanitize his hands. And again,

These are toxic, according to what a doctor once told me. I didn't know it. I saw it says it on the side, but I never really thought much about it. You know, clearly, it's obviously not as carcinogen as the thing states because Donald's been using them now for at least two decades. But he would sanitize them with the same cleaner that you sanitize an operating room with.

What would he say when he would see these crowds? You know, because here's a guy who hangs out at Mar-a-Lago and he's, you know, at all these bougie-ass restaurants in Manhattan. And what would he say? He doesn't think much of those people either. You see, look, let me be clear about something here. Donald doesn't give a flying shit about anyone or anything else.

other than himself. And that includes his own children, by the way. He doesn't care about the wives, doesn't care about the kids. He cares about Donald J. Trump, plain and simple. We got to go back to the term transactional. That's going to be our word of the day. Because each one of these four teeth, three brain cell losers,

To him, he now sees as a vote. He sees as a potential $5, $10 donor. So he's not looking at them as a human being. If they were an IPN address, if they were just a digit or a number, that's what he sees them as. He doesn't see them as...

any anything human. It's they are a vote, a potential vote for him in order to get what he wants. Re-election, power, money. That makes sense. OK, I have like three or four different follow up questions that are kind of about what you just talked about. Number one.

He's so obsessed with looks, right? He has all the money in the world. I would think he would invest in like hair plugs or Botox or, you know, he would do some maintenance. And Jennifer always tells me it's because he's so narcissistic. He looks in the mirror and thinks, God, I look great. But I'm like, so Angie, Angie, I'm going to have to now.

Turn around and say, you clearly didn't read my book, Disloyal. No, I read Revenge, but I haven't read Disloyal. Right. And I can tell because there's an entire chapter that's dedicated to his hair. Right. It's called the name of the chapter is called Flip, Flap, Flop. OK, let me let me just say to you, he did try a hair transplant. That's the reason for the flip, flap, flop. It did not work.

take well. And that was obviously many, many years before I, um, started to work for him, but the hair transplant, uh, did not take in those days. What they would do is they would take a swatch of the, of the scalp. They would, it's called, uh, they would take a strip and then they would transplant the strip, um, that leaves scars. And so, you know,

Hence, again, the flip-flop to cover the scars that resulted from a botched or a

Non-successful hair transplant. I always think I tell Angie, she's like, why doesn't he try to lose weight? And I'm like, this motherfucker wakes up, looks in the mirror, puts on his makeup, combs his hair over, and he sees Brad Pitt looking back at him. Like he, he cannot even imagine that he would not be attractive. That wouldn't even enter his mind. I mean, the delusions of grandeur are just textbook with this guy. Yeah.

Well, it also goes to say something about our society. You have to remember there was an interview when Donald and Melania just got married.

And the reporter asked Melania, would you have married Donald Trump if he wasn't Donald Trump, the billionaire? And she turned around and cleverly said, do you think that he would have married me if I didn't look like this? Right. The point being his image of himself is skewed because.

women have always found themselves attracted to him based upon the money and the power. Right, right. If Donald didn't have money, I assure you, he never would have been successful in landing somebody with Melania's looks or Marla's looks. As it comes to Ivana, I never found Ivana, even when she was young, to be attractive. But that's just my opinion. He probably could have landed her.

Okay, let me ask you this. There was, okay, so he kind of entered, I remember growing up in the 80s, he kind of knew who Trump was. And he was this billionaire in New York, and he was into all this gold stuff. And he was just injected into the popular culture. And then he started becoming political with all of this birtherism stuff.

And kind of this obsession with Barack Obama. I'm like, what the fuck does he care? Like he would know why is this blowhard getting involved in this? This is my like he was just it was kind of like this ambient noise over in the Fox echo chamber.

And then it all kind of starts, you know, getting a bunch of steam and you can tell like, oh my God, he's kind of waking up all these angry white people that are mad that a black man ate off the china in the White House. And they're all kind of coming alive. And I could see it around, you know, where we live. And I'm like, fuck, this is kind of scary.

And then you can tell he has this kind of obsession with Obama that you can see that always creeps out. Is he jealous of him? All right. So we have to break this down. This is a multi-pronged question. As it relates to Barack Obama, Barack Obama epitomizes every single thing that Donald tries to portray himself as, which is articulate, brilliant. Attractive.

Right. Handsome and athletic. That's that. And that's what I'll never forget. I was sitting in the office and we were talking about Obama. And I made a comment that he is incredibly articulate and his delivery when giving a speech or reading off of the teleprompter or even his voice.

his sort of interesting wit that he possesses. I said, it's second to none that I've seen in a long time. And that actually sent Donald into a rage. No, no, he was really fucking furious. He was furious. He's white girl jealous. Yes.

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Let me ask you this. When he won the presidency and he didn't win the popular vote, did that bother him? And did he talk about it a lot? And did he try to rearrange that to where everything was against him when he ran in 2016 against Hillary and he didn't get the popular vote? So he lost the popular vote by a considerable number of millions of votes. His response was

Well, you know, look, how do you compete in the state of, for example, California, right? He goes, they're a completely, you know,

Democratic blue state. And, you know, when you have these massively populated states that are heavily blue, that was his rationale. He had to rationalize why he lost the popular vote. And one of the ways that he tried to do that was talking about the size

of the inauguration. The biggest ever in history. Everything with him has to be big. It has to be the biggest. It has to be the most. And nobody else other than him could attract such. Do you know where that actually came from? Again, it goes back to Barack Obama. When he saw the photo of Obama in Germany,

That pissed him the fuck off like I've never seen. He was furious about the fact that Obama was there on this stage and there's like a million people. Right. A million people there to see Barack Obama in Germany. And Trump was like, I would get even more. Yeah.

And everybody around him, myself included, of course you would boss. I mean, if you went there, if you went there not even as a candidate, you know, you would, of course, have gotten more. So when he see, because I mean, it was such a, I mean, I remember that Sean Spicer comes out and,

And it's like you're watching an SNL skit. And I'm like, is this guy for real? I mean, this little fucking dork out here just lying like we can't see that Barack Obama's crowd size was so much larger than Trump's. Does everybody just have to sit around this little tyrant and lie in front of him? Yes. Yes. It's all about mental masturbation for Donald. Okay.

It's what it is. And if you don't go along with the lie, you get browbeat and berated and you're out. You're out. You're out. You don't even get browbeat and berated. That's short term. And then you're out. Everybody that is surrounding him, they all do the exact same thing. They know what he wants to hear.

You're the best looking, you're the smartest, you're the most athletic, right? You are the most popular, right? These are the things that you have to say. You know, when you think about...

you know, as a layman and you think about presidents and you think about the White House and you think about these intellectuals and it's a team of rivals and all of these, you know, smart, logical things that they do. And then you think about that buffoon in the White House was with a bunch of beta males just sitting there ready to beat him off in a big giant circle jerk. It's really,

frightening how everybody just bends over to this guy who, to me, like when I see him speak, I'm interested in it just because it's like an interesting psychological case study because it's like, here is what a narcissist looks like, you know, and you can just watch it. It's kind of entertaining. But to think about him having power as he did and what he would be like if he were to get a second term, I mean, I think it would just screw over the entire world order.

One of the things Donald Trump said, if he becomes president again in 2024, he wants to rewrite the Constitution. You imagine this fucking dummy trying to rewrite the Constitution in Crayola crayons? Seriously. And one of the first things he wants to do is he wants to destroy the tripartite system of government that we have followed for the last 240 years. It works.

He wants to destroy the judiciary. No more courts. No more Supreme Court judges. He doesn't like them. Basically, he also wants to eradicate the legislature, meaning there's no more House, there's no more Senate. They could maybe have a title, but they'll have no authority to do anything. And all power—

And this is not my words, by the way. This is his words. So I want your listeners to follow me on this. It's not me saying it. I'm just repeating what Donald's saying and putting it into context. So he gets rid of the tripartite system, gets rid of legislative and the judicial branches of government, and confers all power to the executive branch, namely the chief executive himself. And what does that then make him? A dictator. The king.

Right. Dictator, the Fuhrer, the monarch, the supreme leader. Tell our listeners what he wants to do with free press, which is...

Forget free press. The president of MSNBC, he wants to jail. Remember, I was unconstitutionally remanded back to prison, put into solitary confinement for another 16 days, 51 total days of solitary confinement because I refused to waive my First Amendment constitutional rights and not publish the book Disloyal.

That you, Angie, have still not yet. I'm going to. There are rules that have existed for a long time, long before Donald was even born.

He doesn't believe in abiding by those laws because in his mind, they don't apply to him. The only rules or laws that he wants to abide by are either the ones that he wants to create or the ones that he will create that benefit only him or what he's trying to do. That's not...

a system of law and order. That's not a system of justice. Remember, Lady Liberty, the scales of justice, she wears a blindfold. Why? Because law and justice is supposed to be equal to all Americans, not just the rich.

not just the powerful, not just the president of the United States. The same laws that apply to him are supposed to apply to the rest of us, but they don't. They don't. And he has really opened up this country's eyes to the issues that exist

in our Department of Justice. Look, let me be clear about this. Our Department of Justice is broken, and it's been broken for a long time, before Donald, and it'll be broken even after Donald Trump. But there was still an appearance. Donald has ripped that wall down.

And we all know right now how flawed the system is and how corrupt it can become when you have a president who empowers a willing and complicit, bloviated, asshole attorney general like a Bill Barr to do his bidding. There is nothing that he will not be able to do.

And he has no moral compass to pull back from it. Speaking of the legal cases, I know you testified in the New York civil fraud case. I know you're a witness in Alvin Bragg's hush money case. My question to you is, if the choices are Trump loses $500 million, like that's it, can't practice real estate, or the other choice is both his sons, Eric and Don Jr.,

go to jail, but he gets to keep his money, which would he choose? Kids go to jail. Ha ha ha!

Years ago, there was a case that involved Eric Schneiderman, or was it Cy Vance? It was one of those two cases that was being brought against the Trump Organization for the Trump Soho Hotel, where they had lied to the public in documents and so on. And it was Don Jr. and Ivanka that were in trouble for this, because they were the ones that put out the statement that...

was being looked at by law enforcement. And I remember Donald saying, if it's either Don Jr. or Ivanka has to go, let it be Don because he could handle it. Ivanka would not be able to. And I looked, I was somewhat shocked. I mean, Don is his least favorite person

But, you know, I don't know. I looked at him and I was like, that's a that's a crazy. He goes, he'd get along great with everybody inside. You know, he's he's rough like that. Ivanka would come out. Her roots would be down to her ears. You know, she'd be you know, she'd be calling some lady mama, you know. And so he goes, she couldn't handle you know, she couldn't handle that.

Wow. And I'll end it on this. It's our obligation, the three of us and many more people, to ensure that our voices are heard so that we can educate the masses so that this November 2024 election, again, preserves democracy for future generations.

I agree. Well said.

Anyway, it's so lovely to meet you and keep fighting the good fight. And we'll have you on again. Jennifer, anytime, Angie, anytime. But Angie, you got to do me a favor. You got to slow down with all of those, you know, those pics that you keep sending to me. My wife is getting a tad bit jealous. I love it. And before we have you on again, I will read Disloyal. You got it. That's a deal. Thanks, Michael. Bye. Great to see you guys. You too. Bye-bye.

Let's just discuss how many boyfriends you have now. I have so many boyfriends. I'm now in a throuple with Michael Cohen and been my stay list. I mean, isn't he funny? I really, really, really like him. And I think it's important to note that the easiest path, the least resistance for him

Would have just been to shut up. Right. Shut the fuck up. Take the pardon. Move on down the road. To throw yourself out there with that rabid MAGA base that goes bananas, cult-like bananas, and he's out there every day with your number one algorithm boyfriend, Ben Mycelis, they are hitting the internet pavement and making sure that we all vote to ensure

ensure that we live in a democracy. It is so incredibly important. It's overwhelming and sometimes sad to think about. And I know sometimes our listeners just think, God, I'm just so exhausted. And yes, we all are. But this is, November is going to be here before we know it. We cannot, under any circumstances, have Donald Trump win the presidency again. This podcast would be done. There's no way you'd be able to sit here and bash him.

And I mean, it's just bananas. It's bananas. But I love Michael Cohen. He's great. You better read his other book. I'm going to read his other book. I'm going to download it and read it on our next live tour. You need to quit sending him all those selfies too.

I'm just glad our listeners know that I'm incapable of sending a selfie and that that was a joke. They know immediately. Everybody knows. Everybody knows that would never happen. Everybody knows that it was a joke. Our listeners are smart. Okay, listeners, let's continue this conversation about Michael Cohen and all of Pumps' boyfriends at our after show over on Patreon.

And join us at the Hot Shit Tour. If you are a member of Patreon, you can send us a voice memo. And Pumps, tell them. We will see you next Tuesday or Thursday or both. Oh, and give us that five-star review. I'll tell you what I've had it with.