The Gay Exceptions
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So are we supposed to start the podcast? One, two, three. Patriots, gay-triots, they-triots. All right, listen up, listener. We spent a week in New York City, and I just have to tell you, America's greatest legal mind shines in the city. It is sexless in the city. The way she parades around the subway, the way she

She had purchased this darling little tracksuit from Amazon. Yeah. And she felt so cute about it. So sassy. I put on my Instagram story a video of her doing pelvic thrusts on the subway platform waiting for the train. Yeah. No, I did. I was like fucking killing this tracksuit. And I'm just going to say could have been a lie because they're trying to sell me something. But we go into a department store and two people, two people.

Came up to me and said, I love your tracksuit. And I was just beaming. I couldn't have been more proud. All right. So here's what we did, listener. When we were at the DNC, we made a lot of friends. And two of my favorite friends are these Gen Z TikTok sensations called Twink and Redhead. And their names are Grant and Ash. And so Kylie messaged them and said, hey, Grant and Ash, can you meet Jen and Pumps?

We're going to have a studio in New York to film the podcast. And they were excited to do it. But I want to give you all some tea on Grant and Ash. So they are like a twink, obviously. Or twinks, depending on how you say it. No, depending on not how they say it, only on the way Pump says it. And the redhead. And they make, they have a single podcast.

I got fucked in Panera, which is an absolute overnight sensation. They troll the right wing relentlessly. And they're incredibly talented. Like Grant does all of the editing and Ashley contributes to all of the writing. And I never thought as a middle-aged woman that's much younger than my mother, Meemaw, that I would enjoy following these two Gen Zers so much. But listener, I'm telling you,

Twink and a redhead is a total sensation. Kylie, do you like them? I love them. They're one of my favorite follows. They're so funny. And here's the deal. You can tell instantly when you meet them. They're big thinkers and they're smart. You couldn't be as funny as they are and write their own lyrics. They're songwriters.

Without being pretty smart. Didn't you think they were smart? Pumps, I thought they were smart. I've really, I like that. I thought, you know what? You gave me hope for Gen Z. That twink and that redhead, they are as sharp as a tack. They are. They are. And they're super cute. And they have a great friendship. You know what I mean? They've been friends since high school. And I love that. That they have a huge amount of chemistry, I felt like. Oh, and I like their dry skin.

cynical, fight the good fight. And so without further ado, let's get to our in-person interview, sexless in the city for pumps, New York City with Grant and Ash of Twink and a Redhead. Oh my gosh. Patriots, gay-triots, and they-triots.

Listen up, listener. We are here with twink and a redhead or as pumps likes to call them, twinks and a redhead. I was just saying the last sorry. Twinks. Oh, you've been just saying twink. I was like twinks and a redhead. Yeah. Oh, I kind of like that. Oh, like T.W.I.N.X.

T-W-I-N-K-S. K-S. I would say X, but I'm not that cool. Oh. So, listener, we met Grant and Ash, a.k.a. Twink and a Redhead at the DNC. And it was instant Bond-a-rama. Totally. BFFs. And...

And we came up here to New York. We just got off a flight, so we don't look our best. But we had to immediately come to record this episode with the two of you. It's such an honor. You guys look gorged, by the way. Thank you. I was freaking out when I met you guys. I was scared of pumps. I can't walk.

I was scared of pumps a bit. We were intimidated by you. You guys looked so chic at the DNC. Oh, my gosh. Well, we're quite a bit older, too. So it was the respect your elders. Totally. But I knew you guys from the pod. So I'm like, they're nice. They're approachable ladies. But I still was just like nerve. Like, I was scared. Were you starstruck by pumps? Yes. Yes. Everyone was. I was like, Kamala who? That's pumps. I know. I know.

Isn't that sweet? I wasn't looking down at the stage. Right, you were just watching me. Literally. That's so funny. Okay, so, you know, we like to talk about what we've had it with. I mean, we have to start shit talking right out of the gates. So what have you guys had it with? Do you want to start? I could start. This is kind of a broad thing. Me and Ashley have talked about this for a long time, but we do like a lot of satirical content on our social media. Yes.

And I think I've had it with the lack of media literacy and critical thinking skills. Yeah. And if you want to see an example of it, you just go to our page and read some of the comments. Most recently, we had a video where we were singing at the DNC and

And it was an original song we made. We found out real quick that we weren't going to be allowed near any politicians. Let me play that song. Let me play that song for the listener real quick. Please do. Absolutely. Much more happens at the DNC than what people think. And I just can't believe this happened to me at the DNC. Oh, oh, oh. I got dicked down at the DNC. Oh, oh, oh.

Dick down at the DNC. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Thank you for having us. Thank you, guys. It's been a real pleasure. So you got Dick down at the DNC. Right. Like that was the goal of us attending the DNC. God forbid. God forbid. A lot of hot men in the room. Right. We weren't allowed near any politicians. Rightfully so. But God forbid.

going into the week, we kind of had the idea. We're like, we're probably going to meet Secretary Pete Buttigieg. You know what I mean? Like that was our dream. Everyone's dream. Yeah. And they would like bring creators. They'd be like, guys, it's time to go meet Pete. You two stay here. You two stay away.

- Stay away. - Specifically. - Right, so then we were like, okay, well we're just gonna take advantage of the environment and just do the content we would normally do, but at the DNC. And so Ash came up with this lovely tune, "Dick Down" at the DNC, and it went viral on conservative Twitter. - Tommy Lauren tweeted it. That's when you know-- - Which was like an honor. - You've made it. - It was an honor.

that Tommy like took us seriously to post it. We're like, we trolled Tommy. That's a goal. And didn't Libs of TikTok post it? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Now what's so hilarious about this listener is you guys then trolled them right back and made a statement that said we were there as opposites

and we are a straight heterosexual couple saving ourselves. We're manga size. Absolutely. Saving yourselves until marriage. Yeah. And you just stayed straight on the course. But then The Daily Show drops it and accuses you guys of being virgins. Absolutely not. That was the last straw for us. That was the last straw. Right. However,

offensive you can say anything about us but virgins virgins really a virgin would not use terminology like dick down you know what i mean not near this capacity seriously but i mean at least they used it like on a comedy platform you know like tommy lauren these people they were dead ass they're like people are literally getting dicked down at the dnc this is what they're paying first of all we had to pay to play we weren't paid to be there right what's my favorite

part. So, listener, the DNC, there was a lot of creators there. And then right wing media was like, oh, they're paying all of these creators all of this money. And you guys go onto our posts and start trolling these people. You're like, we got paid 500K. Yeah.

Right? Like, yeah, no, it was a million dollars. Kamala personally paid us a million dollars for the dick down video. For sure. And specifically wanted the dick down video. She asked for it. But no, but I'm like, why are you so mad? Like, it just shows some sort of, I think, like maybe sexual frustration or jealousy from these people. Like, they've never been dick down.

Never. Never been there. You know what happened at the RNC, right? You know what happened with Grindr. Oh, Grindr. Crash. Yeah. So there's some dick down going on on the DL. But they don't want to talk about it. I think there are glory holes at the RNC. I bet there's way more. I think there was a lot of glory holes. Totally. So many. That's great observation. Way more glory holes than at the RNC. Lindsey Graham was just posted up at the

That childless cat lady was probably just all perched up there. Dare I say, I forget his name, the man in the wheelchair. Kind of attractive. Greg Abbott. No, no, no, no. No, the younger one who's weird. Oh, Max the Cuff one. Yes, he's crazy, psycho. I'm pretty sure...

Let me not say, but I think he's gay. There's some gay, isn't there some gay footage of him grabbing panties? I think there was a scandal. He was wearing lingerie. Years ago or something. He was wearing some lingerie. Lingerie, but you know, but here's the thing. As liberals, we fight for their rights. Yeah. To be in glory holes. Yes. To wear panties. I want you in a glory hole. Right. That's where you want to be.

Good for you. Hell yeah. We're fighting for them when they can't even fight for themselves. Totally. Yeah. That's kind of beautiful. And yet here they are shitting on us for, you know, trying to normalize something. Okay. So let's just go behind the scenes. So you see that when Tommy Lauren like trolls you guys and libs of TikTok, are y'all like

Fuck yes. Are you dying with excitement? Some of the comments, like I was getting scared. I was like, oh my God. Like they are, they're very violent. Very violent. Very violent. So I didn't love that. Right. But I do feel, because when we were at the DNC, like our goal was to also get on Fox News. Yeah. We just really wanted to be interviewed by Fox and just troll them. Right. So this was like the next best thing. Yeah. There is like, oh, I'm sorry. I have a flex for you guys. Do it.

We interviewed Kamala in March. Yeah, March. And then Jesse Waters does a 10-minute takedown of us on Fox News. Top of the hour, right out of the gates. It's us. And he goes on for 10 minutes. And here's the thing. We loved it. But then you're right. It's like these demons from hell get released. And these people are violent. Yeah. It makes no sense. It's just so hypocritical.

They get so mad. Yeah. And we were getting death threats for sure. Yeah, we did too. Isn't that crazy? Like, do you hate something bad enough you'd make a death threat? Yeah. No. It's just like, what the heck? Over a podcast or over a get-dicked-down-at-the-DNC. Like, God forbid. Also, even if it was true, oh, God forbid. God forbid we got lucky at the DNC. Is that the worst thing in the world? We're just trying to make people laugh, like, at the end of the day. Okay, let's move on to this grievance about gyms.

Oh, that was also mine. Yeah. Let's hear it. Well, I unfortunately or fortunately, I go to a budget gym. So I go to a blank, my local blank. It's fine. Like it's relatively well, it's not clean all the time. But the clientele is kind of hit or miss.

And in the stretching room, you'll just find someone doing literally like handstand, cartwheel, sometimes a round off, rebound. We're on the second floor. The floor's shaking. And you're doing all that at a gym. And then on top of that, it's like, okay, let me take my shoes off and be like barefoot or in my socks in the gym. Okay, let me ask you guys this. Have you seen the men, they're middle-aged and they go to the gym

And they have their little kind of dorky outfit on and their elastic shorts are kind of up over their gut. And they're standing in the mirror and you can tell they're wanting to check out the women, right? But they start doing these like aerobic exercises and they're doing their arm like this.

Over and over and over. They're not lifting a weight. They're not really doing any sort of exercise. And they're just kind of like, have you seen that? I mean, this is epidemic where we live. It's horrible. And it's like, is it a lack of knowledge? Like were they never taught how to work out? I just, I don't know. What do you think about the people? We need to talk about this. We need to really, really talk about the people that are,

Yeah. Every workout, every day. I can't stand this. Every single day. Yeah. That they've exercised. Have you seen it in the flesh? Like the behind the scenes of it all? Yeah. I have sadly. I have. I've seen it in the yoga studio. Like if I'm in the background, like I don't need to be like sweating, no makeup on, on the treadmill. Like where's my release? I haven't signed my release. And a gym's like a place where it's like that's my kind of me time. Like I don't want to be checked out or looked at or whatever. Like I'll wear a hat. Like I don't want to be checked out.

And then I'm in the background of someone's like influencer workout video. I don't, I'm not looking my best when I go to the gym and I don't want to be part of that. No shade, but. Right. I just don't. Okay. Here's what I want to know. The person that's doing the roundoffs and the cartwheels, what's our age group? It could be, it's probably like 20 to 30. Oh,

They're old. Not like teenagers. But we live in Brooklyn. You know, the free spirits are there. So do you think this is like a frustrated cheerleader breaking out? What's going on here? Well, okay. So I used to do gymnastics and cheer growing up. We were former cheerleaders. Yeah, we were. Oh, my God. Period. Of course you guys are. Yeah, no. All right. Me too. Did you guys cheer in college? No. No. Oh, so not that good. No. Okay.

Not that good is right. That's exactly right. But y'all have the look though. Hashtag almost. Almost. In the 80s with the big hair. Hashtag almost. Hashtag almost. Okay, so when I was younger, I would go out with all of my gay friends and I would put on like a really cute outfit and this gay friend of mine named Dale, he was a hairdresser and he was just the biggest bitch on the planet. I mean,

love this man. And I'd walk out and I'd go, Dale, what do you think? And I sought his fashion approval so badly. And he'd go, oh, honey, almost. Oh,

I love that. I'm going to adopt that. So now that's good. Almost. So close. Just about. What were we saying? We're talking about the people doing the deal. Yeah. The gymnastics. So when I was growing up and I went to the gym in high school, I can't lie. Like I would do like a standing tuck. You were that person. You were in high school. And I also I was a competing like.

gymnast cheerleader at that time. You're an athlete. I was doing standing tuck burpees, which is like a real... Out of Planet Fitness, though? Oh my gosh, that's impressive. Okay, this is what you call showboating. Yeah, this is not exercise. That was a full-blown exhibition. Everybody here knows it. You're doing standing back tuck burpees? Yes. That's helpful. That is showboating. That was kind of a workout. I'm going to give you a little credit. Thank you. Hey, I really like it, but you know that you thought I'm fucking nailing this. Yeah. No, I was, but...

I would do it when no one was around. Okay, but you love to go in public. Like whenever we'd go to the beach, the city, anywhere, he'd be like, can you film me? And then he would just do like a round off backhand spring backflip. How's your toe touch? I was always in the back row. What about your perky? I could do a good. What about pike? It

Well, okay. First of all, herky's like out of style now. No one does herky. Nobody does herky? They're called like right hurdler or left hurdler and they're kind of different. What? Yeah. The herky is out? It's been out. Well, I knew that because of Emily. She's here and I knew that. The herky was like my best jump. Obviously, mine was a toe touch. Oh, really? Were you like center jumps? Okay. Yes, center jumps. Wow.

Back in the day, but not good enough for college. Homecoming queen. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. We lost prom king and queen. Wait, I was runner up for FSU's homecoming. Really? Hashtag almost. Literally. My dad, I get off the stage, my dad was like, you know what second place is? First to lose. Oh, my God.

Abby Lee Miller. Did y'all watch that? Dance Moms? I did, but even at the time when I was watching, I was like, this is abuse. Yeah, it was fucked up. Yeah, I was like, I can't stand for this. Meanwhile, I'm like 12. Listener, this may come as a total shock to you, but Pumps and I have not always been this pulled together and rock solid.

In fact, we used to be rather screwed up when you say pumps. I would say damn near psychotic. Totally. And we have written a cell phone expose. One could even say it's a manifesto. And the book title is...

Life is a lazy Susan of shit sandwiches. In all sincerity, we share a lot of our struggles that led us to this grand stage where we can talk about petty grievances. You can click the link below in the show notes to pre-order your copy now. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp.

Pumps, lately I feel like we've been going through so much and life just hits and hits and hits. And sometimes I just don't feel like myself. And when I take the time to pause and schedule a session with my therapist from BetterHelp, I always feel so much better afterwards. I feel like adulting is so hard and what helps me through the hard times and the hard decisions is

is the comfort of my own home therapy session with my BetterHelp therapist. Listener, if you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist, and you can switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. Take off the mask with BetterHelp.

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We all have that friend who wakes up early to go get everyone McDonald's breakfast while the rest of us sleep in. This is your sign to thank them. And if you're that friend, this is us saying thank you. Just a friendly reminder that right now, get any size iced coffee before 11 a.m. for just 99 cents. And a satisfying sausage McMuffin with egg is just $2.79. Price and participation may vary. Cannot be combined with any other offer or combo meal. Ba-da-ba-ba-ba.

Ash, what are your grievances? Okay, so my main one is something I just discovered. Have you guys heard about fridgescaping? Yes. It's the dumbest fucking thing I've ever seen. Can we get real? Like, can we have one place in our house that doesn't need to be, like, aesthetically pleasing? These women are putting, like, and men and people are putting vases of flowers in their fridge. They're taking things out of the plastic and putting it in these, like, gorgeous glass containers to make their fridge beautiful. Like...

That's a little ridiculous to me. They're like Chip and Joanna-ing their fridge. And I just, I can't help but yearn for the days where you could just have three Kraft singles and a Brita filter, you know? Yeah, right. Those were the days. Get real. Right. It's just, it's horrible. And it's becoming an epidemic. Is it? I mean, I just think, I saw that and I thought, these people are too stupid to live. Nobody's going to do this. And now they're doing it. I was literally on TikTok because I saw it the other day. And then I...

went on the hashtag Fridgescaping. It's like people are Fridgescaping their fridge for Halloween. They're decorating, they're putting twinkle lights in their fridge. What do we think this is? I mean, because I have a theory about a lot of this. I think that a lot of places in the United States lack culture. And so then these people get iPhones and then they get a social media account. And then all of a sudden they think they're creative and cute.

And then they start putting Christmas lights in their fridge and throw in a little vase in there. And it's – I think that this all leads basically as a straight line to a Trump rally. Yeah. Oh, wow. I do. You think that there's a pipeline from Fridge Scape being like QAnon Trump rally? I do. It's not far. You know what? I do. I agree as well. I don't think –

I feel like social media does have an aspect to it because like there's that whole like how can I get more and more creative? How can I be more and more different? And so like it probably started with organizing your house. And now it's like, well, how can I be different? Let me organize my fucking fridge. I also think have you ever seen how like Khloe Kardashian has her kitchen set up like every Oreo placed perfectly like get real like as if you're not just taking a handful and eating seven Oreos at once. It's ridiculous. I've had it.

What was the one you told me about the other day when you go through TSA? People are organizing and posting their vans. It's your generation. It's the Gen Zers. Let me tell you what they're doing. Show me a picture. So they get their tray and they put their shoes and then their purse and then their phone and their AirPods and they arrange it.

You have a job to do to get through TSA. I mean, my goal is I want the TSA agents to think she's fucking awesome. Totally efficient. She was fast. She did everything she was told. I want to be invisible. They're doing a photo shoot of the stuff they put in the tray before it goes to the x-ray machine and then posting it on social media.

For what? I have no idea. If someone was doing that in front of me, I would be detained. I would be detained immediately. I would be on a no-fly list. That's insane. I feel like that's just a whole new level. It's also like this whole thing with like,

I guess tying into media literacy again. It's like you have to rely on social media for everything, even to the point of like how you should organize your security bin in TSA. Like for yourself. Yeah. Like who's – what's the target audience? Like are you making it for people who like don't know how to go through TSA? Here's the thing that's happened with social media. When it comes to like acting, we all know that there are certain people that are good at it. Mm-hmm.

And they're on stages and on TV and in movies. And then everybody else is eliminated because you don't see them in those places. With social media, people start to think, oh, I can do that. I can do that too. And it throws them into this false sense of creativity and talent. And then we're all celebrating that.

This very mundane, boring thing. Like somebody picked up a vase and stuck it in their fridge and then took a picture of it. They did the same with their TSA tray. And I fucking had it. It's boring. It's unoriginal. Leave the creativity up to the creative types. Be a consumer of social media. Little known fact here. We don't run the I've had it social media. We have a millennial that does that. Of course. Because we don't know how to do it. You guys are very good content creators. I couldn't even dream.

I wouldn't know how to do any of that. And the trolling is A+. Christian Mingle, A+. That was my favorite. Oh, Christian Mingle. That was my favorite. Excellent. It's excellent. We love doing like fake brand deals. We do a ton with like Disney too because they will never work with us. Unfortunately, I feel like that's a dream, but...

We're too raunchy. We did a brand deal, a fake brand deal with Disney where Ash got flown out to Pandora to promote Avatar 2. And she comes back. Her mouth is all blue, like stained blue. And she talks about how she got real close with like the locals, like the Na'vi. I was sucking cock. Yeah.

Like the blue people's hall. Okay, I want to talk about your single. Oh, Panera. Panera. You got fucked at Panera. Yes. And so I want to play a little bit of that for our listener. So who wrote that?

Both of us. Yeah. We did it on a live, like a TikTok live, like maybe over a year ago. Was it on TikTok live? Two years ago. Yeah. Yeah. Let me ask you this. Do you think Panera has seen it? Yes. They hate it. Trust me. We've had direct contact with them. They ghosted us. Like cease and desist or? I wish. They haven't gone that far, but just like, I think they're like, pretend it's not happening. Yeah.

And we're not giving up. Yeah. We'll be relentless. Because the song originated as just like a TikTok video of me and Ashley sitting there and singing it. And it was just like...

And we have like a bunch of songs like that. There's one like about us getting fucked in a TJ Maxx that we're also maybe recording and producing into a real song. But they expressed interest back when that video came out, like when it was acapella, same lyrics and everything. And they potentially wanted to work with us on it, but then fell through. Months later, I let them know, hey, we're actually professionally recording it. We have a clean version too. And how does that go? It says...

Ate down in Panera. But we still give birth. Yeah, we still give birth. It just gets rid of the got fucked part. But yeah, it just feels like they edged us a bit and then ghosted us. Do you love Panera?

Yes, we did. Panera, we would go like three times a week in high school. That's where like some of our best ideas were born in a booth at Panera. So it felt like the perfect full circle. Absolutely. Yeah. And the food is, of course, glorified hospital food. It's not good. I don't think that's going to do well for your sponsorship. Sorry, Panera. We love you. I love your mac and cheese in a bread bowl. We do. No.

No, I would go to Panera and get two different soups. I've done that before. They're so good. Then you made a video. Yeah. So you write the song and then y'all sing it and you do all the work on this and then you do a music video that I saw drop and it was incredible. Thank you. I mean, really, it's wildly creative. It's hilarious. It's a good little jam. I think it's super fun. What else do you have on the horizon? Ooh. Ooh.

Well, we're coming out with an EP. Oh my God, this is kind of like the first time we're talking about it. We're dropping news on I've Had It. Give us the tea. We're coming out with an EP sometime in the fall. It's six songs. Some of our diehard fans, similar to Panera, might know some of the songs that are becoming real songs.

And yeah, we're doing live shows in November as well. Yay. Where are you going to be? BCC, Brooklyn Comedy Collective. We're doing two shows there for, are you guys doing New York Comedy Festival? Yes. Yes. As part of New York Comedy Festival as well. You're coming to our show. Yes. Ours is November 12th or 9th. Listener, ours is November 16th. Come to all. Yeah. Come to all. It's a matinee. And Twink and a Redhead will be at ours. That's right. Oh, I love it.

We are going to normalize matinees. Totally. We just did a show in Seattle recently. Started at 4 p.m. We were in bed eating room service at 7.30 p.m. Heaven. Isn't that great? We had the guy. He came in and said, let's order room service. We had a double room because we share a room because we're girlfriends. Not lessees, but girlfriend, girlfriend. Sometimes a finger slips in. Laughter

After a couple glasses of wine or two. Right. You never know. It'll work in a patch. So the guy comes in. Of course, he's gay. And he goes, oh, do you want me to push the bed, the table right in between your beds? And we were like, yes. That's so fun. He was like opening up the ketchup. He took

such beautiful care of us. He did great care of us. We loved him. We gave him a huge tip because we just loved him. Shout out him. Shout out the gay man at the whatever hotel. Yes. Four Seasons Seattle. Okay, Fancy. Listen, we're older. Yeah, we're older. We worked hard. Sometimes when we travel, we go, we have to stay at other hotels that aren't as nice and we accept it. But we'll walk in and punch because this is what I call a two seasons. Yeah.

We're going to have to stop. We're good if we know it's going to be... Listen up, listener. We've worked a long time. And Pumps is fucking old. She's earned her way to the four seasons. That's right. Good for you, Pumps. That's right. I want you guys to do a lesson plan. Oh, my God. Yeah. For us. Okay? Because we...

we're pretty cool. Yeah. I think there's room for us to be cooler. A lot of room. I think there's room for us to be hipper and we want the Gen Z's to educate the Gen X's. Okay. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Pumps could, I mean, she's kind of on the cusp Gen X boomer. I'm not on the cusp of the boomer.

- I am a full blown Gen X. - I fucking hate you. - Seriously? - Wait, so you're on the cusp of boomer. - No, I'm not, that is a lie. - I'm just a lot younger than she is. - She's four years, it's not that much younger. - Yeah, it's a lot significant. - What's the age difference between y'all?

A year. Yeah. But we've been in like the same school. I was like, I'm younger. Yeah. I still have my 25 glow. Kindergarten. So you hashtag almost made it to first grade. Literally. And then, yeah, there was like an X

Yeah, our town has a grade between kindergarten and first grade. That's where like the summer birthdays go where the people that just aren't ready. All my kids wear red shirts like that. Well, we prepared a list of terms that me and Ashley use pretty commonly. Yeah, I wouldn't say these are like widespread amongst Gen Z, but like this is our lingo. And it's spread. And it's catching on. Why don't you tell us what it is and we'll guess what we think it is and then you can enlighten us as to what it really is. All right, you do the first one. Okay. Okay.

We could use it in a sentence too. Okay. So the term is so clit. Okay. So clit. I'm going to say use in a sentence. Okay. So you don't have to raise your hand. Oh my God, Ashley, like your hair looks so clit today. Oh my God. Thanks. So sexy.

I'm going to say really, really good. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like it's fierce. You know how like, yeah, yeah. I feel like it's kind of an evolution and we just moved to it. Yeah. But it's something that's very chic, fierce, kind of a little feminine, but like it's a compliment. It's good. It sounds very female empowering. Yeah. Yeah. It's like it could really upset the right wing. Absolutely. Like if I was like Tommy Lauren, like serving class.

today like she'd be like kill yourself yeah she would die a thousand deaths yeah yeah okay so we did pretty good on that all right so next one these next few were kind of tampering into almost like drag lingo like a pretty lgbtq okay um this is the term boots so it's like oh my god you are serving i need to think of a word you're serving like mother boots in a lot of ways

Is boots bad? I'm thinking it's bad. No. It's good. Like you're serving like chic, rich boots. Okay. So like good. Yes. Okay. So like if Pumps and I are going to go shopping later today on Fifth Avenue and if she buys herself a new ensemble and she comes out of the dressing room, I can go, oh my God, you are serving boots. Yes.

Or does that sound terrible? It's almost like you need something before that. You're serving, like, what's the outfit giving? Yeah, you're serving, like, grandma boots. So I guess we could. Grandma boots!

Boots sounds like it wouldn't be good. I guess it could be like. I guess it's kind of like. It's an emphasis. Verse. I think it's similar to like, oh, period. Like, like it's an emphasis. Like you're serving whatever it is. Boots. Okay. Like full stop almost. Like full stop. Like that's what it is. Like boots.

over kind of like boots. No more questions. That's final. Boots. Yeah. And you can even like in conversation, like if I just said something that you really resonate with, you could be like boots. Like, yeah. But like there's not anything else to say. Your lips look great when you say that. They're very like, yeah. Oh my God. Thank you. What's next? Next one's crazy. Okay. NHL. This comes from a friend of ours. It comes from a friend of ours. But so like,

Oh, my God. I just saw Senator John Asa from Georgia NHL. Okay. Not. It's something like I want to fuck him. Yeah. Not humping limp dick. I don't think you'll ever get this. Okay. All right. Tell us. It's limp dick. Never. Never humping limp dicks. It starts with the word need. Need his. Oh.

Is it L? Yeah. It's pretty vulgar. It's pretty vulgar. Need his. Labia is not right because that's. Need his. Ready. Need his load. Oh.

Oh. I think that's great. She hasn't been laid as our listener knows. And I mean, we're up to like 12,000 days. Oh, God. Oh, God. Yeah. The last time she got laid, it was with a married man. She didn't know he was married. Yeah. Like, you could be at a bar, like, need his load. Oh, she will be. She loves a good acronym. I like an acronym. I like a naughty acronym. Yeah. Yeah. We like potty talk. Yeah. Follow up to NHL SOS. Yeah.

You see someone hot. President Barack Obama. Do you want to do something now? Suck on sex. Oh, you were so close. Suck on sperm. No, suck on sight. Suck on...

Like it's going down. Like immediately, like love at first sight, suck on sight. Like, yeah. So like if you're walking and you're like, oh my God, SOS now. Yes. Like SOS boots. That's so close. SOS boots. Use all of them together in one sentence for us. Oh my God.

Well, okay. So, oh my God, that man is serving hung boots. Do y'all know hung? It's like a big cock, right? We've been saying for years, if they're over six foot four, they're hung to the floor. Pretty much checks out. Yeah, it does. I've done some field research. That's right. 12,000 days ago. Go back.

Back in my young days, my your age days. No, yeah, I agree. I believe you. Your studies are accurate. Pumps, our ability to suck and then wake up the next day and suck more than the previous day is undefeated. It's unparalleled. We are the champions. If you would like to see how bad we suck, please join us in New York City in November for, you know, just some world-class shit talking. That's right. Live. Live and in person. That's right.

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And if you haven't yet, be sure to let them know that we sent you. After you place your order, select podcast in the survey and select our show in the drop down menu that follows. All right, let's play Had It or Hit It. Okay. Oh my God. Welcome to Had It or Hit It. I would hit it. Had it. I hit it every day, sometimes twice a day. Had It or Hit It, moo dang. Oh.

Hit it. I'm obsessed. I'm too. You hate her? No, I love her. I'm an animal lover. Oh, she's cute. And she's super cute. She's so cute.

I like that she's got like some sass to her. She's definitely sassy. Don't you want to touch her? Yes. Like what is that texture feel like? Slimy. Do you think slimy? Yes. Or is it rubbery? She's always got a glisten to her. I know, but is it like lubed up or is it like dry? Oh, you think Mudang's lubed up. She always looks like she's got a fresh coat of like baby oil on her. Yeah, just straight out of the shower. Yeah. Okay. Hat it or hit it. Matching family outfits.

Had it. Had it. That's embarrassing. Oh, you don't want your kid to have individualism? I do like a Christmas cake, Jay.

Oh, I like a Christmas PJ. But at least let's get like different colors maybe. I agree with you. It's like I think there's a – our generation started it where they have claimed the child's individuality and they're making the child the center of the parent's life. And you see like a lot of people in your generation have debilitating anxiety. And I'm like, well, yes, because the moms –

or power mom psychos that won't let the kids do anything. Yeah. Why don't you have family pictures and you say, hey, how about you pick out your outfit? I agree. God forbid. I feel like it'd be cool too. Just like not one color if there's a bad character. And something that they feel most comfortable with in a probably uncomfortable situation, like being in front of like a fancy camera or something. Yeah. You'll get a better photo out of that. Yeah. I agree. And it's a better memory. Totally. Like look at what, like when my youngest son, when he was like,

three to five years old, he was obsessed with tie dye. And he wanted to wear five tie dye t-shirts at a time layered on top of each other. And so I always remember it. And we have some pictures of him in it. And I'm so glad we do that. I didn't make him change. Okay. Had it or hit it true crime before bedtime, like a homicide before bed. Really? I don't like true crime. Really at all.

No. I literally can't watch like things like that stay with me. I don't really like horror. Like I watch Halloween Town when I was a kid and it stuck with me for years. Trauma. Yeah. So like true crime. I remember reading about the kidnapping of Elizabeth Smart when I was younger. It ruined my life. Yeah. Seriously ruined my life. I thought I was going to be kidnapped. I love a homicide before.

bedtime. I'd love to check in. And they've done a study recently and they say if somebody admits that they like a little homicide before bedtime, that it's a red flag, which is probably right. It might be. Listen, here's the thing. We have not always been this pulled together. You guys are really meeting the best versions of ourselves. Other than the straight from the airport. Had it or hit it. Impossible burgers.

Oh, I have a controversial opinion. No, I don't. Well, I was going to say I'm vegan phobic. Oh, wow. Yeah, that's a really like harsh claim. I'm not vegan phobic. I can get on board with that. Right. I can get on board with that.

I can get on board with vegan so big. I just don't want to hear about it. I don't want to hear about it. I don't want you to make, like ruin everyone else's dinner. Yeah. Exactly. No shade. No shade. So Impossible Burger, I'm glad that a restaurant might have that option for those people. But if it's Impossible Burgers for everyone, no thanks.

Right. Yeah. I kind of hit it, though, because I was I went through a phase. I was a vegan in college and I found, well, I don't really like burgers. I've only had a burger once in my life. What? Yeah. Of two years ago, I tried a burger for the first time. I got the shits. Yeah. Like it did not agree with me. How is that possible? I don't know. I just my my mom was a vegetarian growing up. So I just never had like red meat. Yeah.

And then I had a Shake Shack burger two years ago. It ran through me. Yeah. That would be hard. It was not okay. Yeah. No, that's not good at all. Okay. Had it or hit it? Country music. Oh, that's hard. I'm verse. Yeah. You know what verse means? No. Come on. You know what verse means? And y'all are a couple of hags. We are a couple of hags.

Or a couple that you can do, but verse. Yeah. So I've just been using verse in like everyday language. So I'm like verse with that. Because you're a top and a bottom. Yeah. Right. It depends on the situation. Yeah. It depends who's the country artist. Yeah. I agree. And like we may or may not have a song on our EP that's country. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So hit it with that. Okay. Hat it or hit it. Laura Loomer. Who the hell's that? That's.

Trump's new girl. New boo. Oh. Yeah. Super racist. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. All right. Had it or hit it. Disney World. Hit it. Hit it. Hit it. Hit it.

Hit it in a literal way. Are you Disney adults? I am. I think Grant more so than me, but I can respect and appreciate a Disney adult. I am, but it's kind of a bit. I really can. I'm like aware. I'm a self-aware Disney adult. I'm fascinated by the psychology because there's clearly something like nostalgic and you're kind of like trying to like reclaim from childhood and being a Disney adult. So I can, I feel like that's beautiful. I think I love the immersion of it all.

Like I love an immersive experience. I'm not a Disney adult in the way that like I'm tuning into like this movie all the time. Like I'm going to the parks. Like I'm a Disney adult park goer. Okay. Let me ask you this. What's your favorite ride? Oof. I think I went in June and I think there's a new Guardians of the Galaxy ride in Epcot. It's stunning. It's lovely. It's stunning. Lovely roller coaster. I think it's the best ride I've been on. I took my kids to Disney twice. Uh-huh.

You hated it. Here's the thing. I don't like group activities. I don't particularly like waiting in lines. And I...

I think I'm really cynical borderlining on a sociopath when it comes to stuff like that because I get angry. Yeah. I think that adults go there. But I like you so much. I think we have to give him a pass. Everyone gets, there's a gay exception for everything. And everyone makes a mistake. We do. Like couples that sit on the same side of the booth but it's like, but if you're gay,

- Oh, that's so cute. - Yeah, that's fine. Let them have it. - Yeah, I've had to go to Disney three times and every time as I'm driving, I'm thinking this is the most miserable fucking place on earth. - Wow, I just wish it wasn't in Orlando. It gets too hot. - Do you guys go to the LA one? - Yes, I've done the LA. - Oh, that one's so much worse. No shade. - See, I just can't ever go back to Florida. - No. - Period. - Yeah.

And you'll find every part of America at Disney World Park. Yeah. Yeah. Every genre of person. It's like studying abroad a little bit. Yeah. In your own country. Yeah. Crazy. Studying abroad at Epcot. We did a Disney swingers video. Yes. I saw it.

that it prompted a Rolling Stone article because people believed it the alt right believed it they believe everything and we're like these people around children like these are pedophiles someone told us we needed to go on have you been on Space Mountain yeah Space Mountain's a roller coaster in the dark and like it looks very close like the bars like are gonna hit you or something someone told us that we needed to go on Space Mountain and stand up

Talk about a creative death threat. Creative death threat. Telling us to get decapitated on Space Mountain. Just because we were swinging at Disney. God forbid. I guarantee there's a lot of swingers at Disney. For sure. I think there are more swingers than we know about just in general. I agree. Well, she's a divorce attorney.

She's a divorce attorney. I've had lots of swingers. Really? Yeah. Because what happens is that there are supposed to be rules with the swing. And they don't. And they never follow them. They never follow the rules. There's always a separate hookup. There's a motion. Yeah. They get tied up with one. And then they're separate. Yeah. Well, and swingers are super jealous, which seems like it would not compute that that would be the opposite. Yeah.

They're very, very jealous with their rules. I've heard that if like your children do like competitive sports, like a lot of times like the parents are swinging. You know, you're going to all these tournaments. What else is there to do? And you're in hotels and you're drunk. No. I...

My son plays AAU basketball, which is, and hers did too. And there's definitely been some slap and tickles with parties that shouldn't be slapping. Some rub and tug. More cheating in my experience. I had some one to two season hotels. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Maybe zero seasons. Oh, my God. Those travel hotels are zero seasons. Yeah. Yeah. They're bad. Yeah. Days in. Okay. Last one. Had it or hid it, megachurches.

You're just like, it's fraud. It's embezzlement. Yes. They got to be just taking your money and you're eating it up. And the shows, have you seen the TikToks of the Christmas shows? It's crazy. They have private planes. I know. It's crazy. It's horrible. I don't get how these people going to these churches aren't realizing they're part of some sort of mass scam, but...

I don't know. We just read an article where some church is selling plots in heaven to people. I saw that. They're buying their death plots in heaven. Yes. Where do I get mine for hell? It's reserved in hell for free. We started our podcast and kind of ventured on through this the last couple of years and

I've we've come to the conclusion that half of the country is just stupid. Yeah. And it's just it. We can try to say, how do we connect to middle America? How do we reach these people? You can't reach stupid. No, you can't. You know, it's sad. It's really sad. I used to think it was sad, but I really now you're just like you're over. You've had it. I've had it. All right. Grant and Ash.

Thank you so much. Thank you. It's a dream come true. No, literally. You guys are so iconic. So click. So click.

So we're going to make some tick tock. Yes. Oh, my God. Yeah. I did not do the bread one. Yeah. Oh, we're doing it. Y'all are going to get down with it. I'm a terrible dancer. You don't have to be good. Listener, make sure you go follow. I'm serious. This is such a great follow. Twink and a redhead. I started following them after the DNC.

After we dicked down together at the DNC. Dicked down at the DNC. And we had so much fun. Y'all remember how Pumps wasn't working and we were? I was just like, Pumps was in her own zone. So many people. It makes me overwhelmed. All right, Pumps, tell them. We will see you next Tuesday and Thursday. Bye, Ellie. Bye, Ellie. I'll tell you what I've had up with.

Listen up, patriots, gay-triots, and natriots. We have a new podcast that has dropped. It's called IHIP News. It's Monday through Friday, every day, 15 to 20-minute hot takes on the political landscape of the United States of America, always served with a side of petty grievances. We are on all the available platforms, Apple, Spotify, Google, whatever you get your podcasts and YouTube.

please go rate subscribe and review so that we will chart upwards with america's greatest legal mind pumps and pumps what does an eagle say a little bit more enthusiasm that's it that's that's that's the patriotism that this country needs right there

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