Spider Homicide
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Listener, for this episode of I've Had It, we've partnered with eHarmony, the dating app to find someone you can be yourself with. Pops, what's going on out there on the dating apps? It's unbelievable how many people try to be something they're not on dating apps and

And what I love about eHarmony is it's real people for real relationships. You heard her, listener. That's why we've partnered with eHarmony because dating on eHarmony is different. eHarmony knows that to find something real, eHarmony is designed to help you bring out your personality on your profile with their unique personality test. They

They even highlight similarities with your potential matches. And that's when the magic happens. When you form genuine connections and authenticity leads to intimacy. Listener, give eHarmony a shot and get started with their compatibility quiz so you can find someone you can be yourself with. eHarmony, get who gets you. So are we supposed to start the podcast? One, two, three.

Just back in action. I think for fun, from time to time, you should do it. Five, six, seven, eight. And then clap. You know I have no musicality, though. One, two, three is probably a stretch. I can do the five, six, seven, eight. Okay. Five, six, seven, eight. Clap. Yeah. Okay, we can do that. I think it would be good. Pumps, what have you had it with? What I've had it with, you know I have a real problem with baby talkers. So when I was in the airport recently...

This woman who had sunglasses on inside, which goes all through me and huge, huge, huge lips. Like I know mine are big, but I mean, hers are like really big. Okay. She's behind me FaceTiming her husband and she starts baby talking in Spanish. And I'm just like, it's bad enough.

That you're in a line baby talking, but you're on FaceTime in a line baby talking. And the worst part is I can't understand what you're saying because I really want to. Right. So I just, I've had it with baby talkers in any language. So-

Sounds like there were multiple violations before you even get to the baby talking, bilingual baby talking. Bilingual baby talking. Which normally is an asset for you. I'm totally turned on by anybody that can speak another language. Like two languages, I'm your girl.

But she had on sunglasses. Inside, which is my number one biggest bugger I've had it ever. FaceTime call. Hate FaceTime. In public. In a line. And then baby talking. Like she was the trifecta of I've had it's. Yeah. You know, the airports really bring out the worst in people. Especially me. It reminds me. I remember one time the kids were pretty little and

And we were coming back from Mexico. And Josh and I, I mean, I think we had flight delays and we finally make it and we're in like customs and immigration, right? And we're like, you know, you're snaking through the lines. You know how they wind you through. And so there was like, I'm like, let's just go under this. Right. So I go under it. The kids go under it. Josh goes and unwraps the fabric thing.

Pulls it back. And then like 20 people like think he thinks that he works there and they start charging through. And I look at him and I go, Josh, you can't like you can't let all of these people pass you. This is eat what you kill. We're in customs like you have to jockey for your position. Right.

So he gets mad at me and the kids are standing there staring at me. And they're probably like six and nine. And he was like, what do you want me to do? And I go, you are such a fucking dick. Like everybody heard me. Right. The kids heard me. And then we just kind of stormed through customs and are just kind of pissy to each other.

But now that Josh and I are so much more evolved, beacons of mental health, multiple rehab stints and, you know, hours of therapy later. Right. We juggle now when we're at the airport looking for the couples that are getting mad at each other. Right. Like we used to. Yeah. And so we'll be in line and you'll see the mom like, watch him. Watch what he's doing right now. Look, look, he's pulling the... Yes.

It's so hilarious. And he'll be like, look, she's really giving him the business, isn't she? Well, I mean, when you have little kids, it makes it worse. But sometimes you see people that don't have little kids. That are fighting. That are bickering with one another at the airport. And I'm telling you, listener, this is peak entertainment. Yes. I used to be a part of the problem. Oh, I did too. But I'm a much better person now. I just am much more relaxed because I'm not married anymore. I think that's why I go through customs. I used to...

Like if we had a plane change, like coming through customs particularly, I would run out, smoke a cigarette and come back. So I would brave that line twice. I've done that with you. I mean, what the fuck? Multiple times. I mean, how bad do we hate security lines? And I just volunteered to double it all. Yeah. I mean, I would basically run off the jet bridge. Yeah. Run out there, smoke, smoke, smoke, run back, wait in security line again. Yep.

You couldn't be not addicted. I couldn't be not addicted. No, but I'm just telling you, listener, keep an eye out. When you're at the airport, you're bored, starting to get frustrated. Look at the couples and look at the teeth grinding. Yeah.

And the whispering and the low voice like this, like, get up there, get your idea. God damn it. We're just reporting pass. Yeah. It's really good because everybody like collectively is sharing this irritability and frustration. And obviously there's nothing more satisfying than taking out said frustration on your life partner. Oh, there's nothing better than that. But I no longer do that anymore because I'm just all cupcakes and roses over here. You're so evolved. It's unbelievable. Yeah.

enlightenment city over here, baby. I just, I'm only petty and little on this podcast. Right. I mean, I just look up on the high road and I only see the soles of your shoes. You know, it's cold up here on the moral high ground. You need to bring me a blanket so I can just curl up on the moral high ground. Yeah. All right. So let me tell you what I've had it with. I've had it with the over abundance of surveys. Oh yeah. Yeah.

Everything that I do, I go to get a blowout. Please rate your blowout. Did you like your blowout? You stay at a hotel. How was your experience? And it goes on and on. And then I've noticed something new. So it's like 25 emails after an event is over with it. Right. I don't want to relive. Now I've noticed something new when I'm using an app. In the midst of using the app, a little alert pops up.

Are you enjoying your experience? Oh, I hate that. On this app. Hate that. And then you're forced and you have to put... You can't go forward unless you fill it out. You have to put yes. And then it will prompt you again. Please give us...

a star rating and you have to do it. And so like I'm being forced into a Yelp review that I didn't opt into. Like I can go and give this thing a review later on my own terms. Should you want to. But they're engineering this app to where you're forced, you're locked and loaded. And then it's, and then I'm like, I didn't want to do this. I didn't want any part of this. This is ruining the entire app experience for me. Yeah.

Too bad there's no comment right there where you could say, I love the app until you sent me the survey and you fucking suck. That's right. That would be good. But I'll tell you, speaking of five stars and reviews, I would be remiss if I didn't remind our listener to go to Apple and leave us a five star review. Right. Because we do not practice what we preach and neither should you. Right.

Or if you're going to leave a one-star review, make it a great hate comment. Exactly. Because we enjoy those too. I saw somebody the other day on Apple left like a four-star review and explained why it was a four-star review. And then I was just like, you know, honestly, that's fair. I'd say we're about a four-star podcast. You don't even have to leave an explanation. Right.

For such a mediocre rating, you know, like, like, I'm fine with four stars. Right. I mean, honestly, in my opinion, that's exceeding the expectations that we had upon ourselves. Right. We're about a 2.5 and we're three on a good day. Right. Right. Yeah, exactly. Welcome, everyone. I've had it. I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie. We just want to thank everybody for listening to us on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

Because we have a lot we have to say, don't we, Pumps? We do. Not all of it's meaningful, but we have a lot to say. Yeah, it's a lot of rhetoric. It's a jet stream of bullshit. Right. But we stand by it.

Until we do it. Nothing we ever say is that deep unless we're talking about social justice issues. So everyone that loses their fucking mind in the comment sections, check yourself. Take a chill pill. Getting mad about apps and fucking airports is not that deep, people. No. Just petty grievances. Lots of them. Yep. Yep.

Kylie's here. Kylie, what's going on in the complaining world of the internet? You brought up five-star reviews. I've got one for you. Oh, good. This one's titled, I Roll Goddamn City. I like that. I love that. And they write, these two AARP members can make me laugh like no other. I'm so glad there are two people in this world that see how stupid the general public is. Love you, Jessica and pimps.

P.S. When Pumps is put into a home in a few years due to her age, please continue the pod.

That won't be a problem. I mean, Kylie and I will just continue right on. I think she said these two AARP. So I think you got lumped in. She rectified later when she said when pumps is put into a home. I was going to attack that. I think you're... She rectified it later when she said... I think you're trying to draw a distinction where there really isn't one. She rectified it later when she said when pumps is getting put into a home due to her age. No mention of me or that girl, Jessica. Okay.

You think Jessica's quite a bit younger than you? Yes, but that's not. Who else? I've also got a one-star review. Oh, good. Titled The Worst. Who gave these two Karens a microphone? Does anyone want to hear privileged white women complain about the mundane? Bitter, boring, and vanilla are the nicest things I can say about this podcast. I'll own a lot of that, but I will not own vanilla. I don't think either one of us are vanilla. We're like Rocky Road ice cream, not vanilla.

I disagree. You don't think we're, we're totally vanilla. I don't think we're super vanilla. I mean, I'm sorry. Pumps were white. We have blonde hair. We. Yeah, but we're, we like think outside the box. We not, we do in Oklahoma for the rest of the fucking world. That's really true. I stand by it. I'm Rocky road.

I'm not vanilla. You're a rocky road to me. Thank you, Kyle. That's sweet. You want one more? Yes. Okay. Five stars titled Keeping It Tight. Jennifer and her middle-aged lesbian friend are just fabulous. Five stars. And so it continues. That's good shit right there. Oh, listener. Before we proceed, I have to tell y'all a little something. The plot is thickening.

on all of us gaslighting pumps into the lesbian arc. So we all know about the erotic dream, right? So we were on tour a couple weeks ago and we're on stage and we're talking in New York and we're talking about pumps' erotic dream, which I always knew was with a basketball player

And pumps. That was a twin. You knew there was a twin. I knew she was a twin, but I thought you only had the erotic dream with one of them. Right. Come to find out it is a incestuous menage a trois with an orgasm via the star of our show.

Pumps with two twin sisters. And we need to remind the listener and the public at large, this is the singular wet dream this woman has ever had in her life. Is one not very many? I mean, I know it's not very many. I know boys have them more than girls. How many have you had? I don't even think I could count them. Oh, really? So over 10? Oh, my God, Pumps. Yes, yes.

Pumps, can I ask you a question about this dream? Yes. I mean, it's been 20 years. So, I mean, I don't know how many details I'll have. We talk about you being a pillow princess. Right. Did you do anything to them or did you just get? That's a great question, Kylie. And I can honestly say I don't remember. I would assume I know we kissed.

But I know that still qualifies as pillow princess. They did something to make you orgasm. Totally. But I don't know what that was. I'm just wondering if it was mutually beneficial for the twins as well. I'm guessing. I mean, if I had to like put a gun to my head.

I'd say probably not beneficial to them. You're not a giver. I'm not a giver in the lesbian dream, I don't think. I mean, I could have been. I could have been a rock star. I could have just been unbelievable in the sack, but I don't remember. Let's dive into this making out with people in your dreams. Who else have you made out with? Oh, I don't know. You know, like somebody you run into the supermarket, you haven't seen for a while, and you end up kissing in your dream or something like that. I mean, nothing like...

It wasn't like Brad Pitt or anybody. Do you think the girl in the dream would say you're a good kisser? These other people? Oh, I would think that I'm a great kisser in my dreams. You think the girls would say that? Yes. Both girls. Okay. I'll just, I ask Kylie this all the time. Kylie, what do you think about all this? I think it sounds pretty gay. It's just becoming my tagline because of you pumps. What else has been going on pumps? You were in court today. I had mediation today.

Liked my client. So that's always good. Oh, okay. So the mediator today told me that we had a case together like when I was a baby lawyer and

And the only thing she remembers about the case was that when the judge went off the bench during the recess, I went in the corner and took my pantyhose off and threw him in the trash can. I was like, I don't remember that, but it sounds exactly like me. I haven't worn pantyhose since then. And I also remember before there were cameras in the halls, I used to go through like going from floor to floor and I'd like spike up my Spanx.

in the hall, like pull my dress up in the stairwell, pull my dress up, put it down. And then probably like 10 years ago, I was doing that. And I looked up their cameras. I was like, well, fuck, we have reached the new life that you can't pull up your Spanx in the stairwell. What do you mean pull up your Spanx? Like if you're wearing Spanx and they like start falling or something, you pull them up. So I would like flip my skirt up, hike them up, like hike them up.

They were already at, but just readjusted. Okay. So you're lifting the skirt all the way up. And then grabbing both sides of the Spanx and adjusting them up. Kind of like an old chubby man, you know, that always would have like a toothpick in his mouth and he gets up and he's like. Yeah. With suspenders kind of thing. And kind of like pulling it up over his gut. So you were kind of doing the old white man. Yeah. 15, like 15 years in that stairwell. Then I got bested on the CCTV or whatever you call it.

So now I don't do that anymore. I wonder who was watching it. Probably no one. Oh, no. I think that maybe those twins were watching. All right. Richard? Yes, ma'am? Do you have anything for us? Oh, you guys sound great. I just love y'all voices. Oh, thank you, Richard. All right. So listen up, listener. We have...

a great guest today a really great guest she is a comedian and actress and let's welcome to i've had it sashir zamata listener for this episode of i've had it we've partnered with e harmony the dating app to find someone you can be yourself with pops what's going on out there on the dating apps it's unbelievable how many people try to be something they're not on dating apps

And what I love about eHarmony is it's real people for real relationships. You heard her, listener. That's why we've partnered with eHarmony because dating on eHarmony is different. eHarmony knows that to find something real, eHarmony is designed to help you bring out your personality on your profile with their unique personality test. They

They even highlight similarities with your potential matches. And that's when the magic happens. When you form genuine connections and authenticity leads to intimacy. Listener, give eHarmony a shot and get started with their compatibility quiz so you can find someone you can be yourself with. eHarmony, get who gets you.

So, Shere, how are you today? Welcome to I've Had It. I'm good. Thank you for having me. I love your set. Oh, thank you. Well, we like to meet here every Tuesdays and Thursdays to discuss little petty grievances that we've had. And we consider it therapeutic to get these things off of our chest with friends. You know, we have found being positive all the time doesn't work for us. And we've tried it.

And we ended up in hours upon hours of therapy sessions. And that's a different podcast on a different day. But we consider ourselves more enlightened now. We consider ourselves beacons of mental health. We do play- Past positivity and got to a new realm of-

Cynicism. Positive cynicism. Positive cynicism is our brand. So in that vein, Sashir, tell us what you've had it with. I've had it with people telling me to stop killing spiders in my own home. Oh.

It's my space. And I get to decipher who stays alive and not in my own home, I think. I can't stand the people that usher bugs out of their house instead of just killing them. I'm like, fucking get over it. Kill it. Move on. It's Darwinism. Truly. I mean, it's like this is there's plenty outside, outside of my house. And somehow you chose to go inside and now you're

that's just the rules this is my domain and I've seen all the articles that are like don't kill the bugs because they kill other bugs which feels like they wrote it feels like a spider with that article totally also just that like yeah if spiders are going to decrease the the bug count in my house they're adding to it they are the bugs I can just get rid of them myself I don't need the actual spiders I'll get rid of all the bugs I don't need to right I've had it with all the bugs

I totally agree. I was once bitten by a black widow. Yes. And it like I had the bite mark and then it showed through my veins where the poison traveled through and you could like see where it went. So I'm really big into spider homicide. I mean, I think it's something that three of us could band together to promote because there's look, it's a giant globe.

They probably outnumber us for sure. You know, absolutely. And I think that once you come on to enemy territory, like my house, your house, it's it's war at that point. Yeah. It's the death penalty. I agree. There's also this awful rumor that you swallow like eight spiders a year or something. Yes.

I Googled that. It's actually false. Yes. I Googled it too. Yeah. That was like a, I think it was a test to see how fast a rumor could spread or something like that. It was like a fake tidbit that was given to the people and the people ran with it. And they're like, yeah, we swallow them in our sleep. But it's like, we have esophaguses. They would close. It's not like our mouth is just open and like...

hallway for bugs to go down. And don't you just love that like so many people are so gullible that they buy into that that like, oh, yeah, as a species, we're swallowing dozens of spiders every night. Nobody wakes up. Nobody goes, what is this on my tongue?

Because you know the likelihood that one would get stuck on somebody's nasty ass plaque filled tongue. You know, that legs could get stuck in there and they'd wake up and people would be pulling spiders out of their mouth. And I haven't heard of one documented case of this yet. We have all of these people that love to believe bullshit. Right.

Yes. I mean, I believe a pretty crazy story. My mom told me that turkeys were so dumb that they would drown in the rain. Like it would be raining. Right. And they would look up at the sky because they'd be like, whoa, what's that? And then they'd swallow the rain and drown. And I was I I lived my whole life into adulthood thinking this was truth. And I said it out loud to a friend and they're like, you can't possibly think that's real. And I was like,

Well, my mom said it when I was 12. So why would I question that? And then we looked it up and it's, I mean, it's absolutely not true. Same kind of science with the spiders. Of course, turkeys would just open up their throat and then swallow rain and die. And they know what rain is. It's not like they're confused. I think what, what actually happened is, uh,

It was like a southern old wives tale because there were a bunch of turkeys that were dying in the rain. And I think what happened was it would rain. They try to run away from the water and they would like try to climb over each other at the fence and claw each other to death, which is a more horrible story to tell your kids on the farm. So I think a lot of kids just got told, oh, they're just drowning, which is not bad.

I was told that same thing as a child. About the turkeys? About the turkeys, yeah. Really? I missed out on that. Yeah, the drowning turkeys because they were so dumb. That's exactly what I heard. Yeah. Kids get lied to quite a bit. Oh, yeah. You know, starting with Santa Claus, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy. My mother would tell me this elaborate story and she would be like,

I'd lose a tooth and she said, Oh, Jennifer, you just put it under your pillow. And I remember when I was just your age, I put my pillow, I put my tooth under the pillow and I heard something in my room and I looked up and I saw this blonde hair and this white gown exiting the room and it was in fact the tooth fairy.

And I believed her. Like, I totally believed it. And then you know what my mother forgot one time? She forgot to fucking do it. My mother would forget to pick me up at school. So of course she forgot about the lost tooth, right? She would leave me at grocery stores sometimes. She totally forgot she had a kid. And so I wake up and I look under my pillow and I'm like, there's no money. So I go and tell my mom, she goes, oh, she must have been really busy, darling. Go back to bed.

So I go back to bed. She comes in, gives me this giant hug, slips like a five dollar bill under the pillowcase. And of course, then she leaves. And I, you know, I cracked the entire case because the tooth was under there and the five dollar bill and that jet stream of bullshit about her seeing the tooth fairies gown. It was just I mean, she totally whistle blew on herself.

Yeah. You know, it's a lie when there's like too many details. A white gown. Why is this important? Yeah, exactly. That is so true. Exactly. Well, what else have you had it with this year? I had these chairs, these outdoor chairs that I had like

these thoughts of grandeur that I was going to like wrap them up in twine. Cause I was like, it'll look kitschy and farmhousey. And I bought so much fucking twine. And then I started it and I was like, Oh, this is going to take me my entire life. Why did I ever think I could do this? And so I stopped, it looks so pathetic. It was just like one row of like twine on the top of this chair. And I gave up. And the other day I took the twine back to the ACE hardware and

And the cash person of the cash register was like, oh, what were you doing with all this? And I was like, oh, I was doing a project with these chairs. I gave up. And she was like, I would have loved to have seen that. And I was like, I gave up. Just take the twine away from me. I'm not this project will never happen. And in fact, I'll probably throw the chairs away. I just like don't ask me about it anymore. Do you do a lot of home improvement stuff all the time? I was like, obviously not. You know what the biggest racket in the DIY world is?

And it is the gingerbread houses around Christmas time. So my kids are now 17 and 20. But when I was this young, you know, just aspiring mother and I wanted everything to be magical for my children before I realized how doomed we all were. And so I would go to Target and I'd buy, oh, this looks so great. It looks just like what you see on TV. I'm going to build this gingerbread house.

I've never I've tried probably seven different times. They're impossible to build. Right. They fall apart. The walls fall apart. You are set up for failure. And then the kids are upset. Have you ever tried to do these? I tried to do it once and it was a disaster within the first 30 minutes. And I said, fuck it. I don't I don't know how you do it. Christmas time also just seems like.

a crafting nightmare for parents. I can't imagine. I don't have kids, so I haven't been asked to do this, but like I've seen videos of people doing the elf on the shelf stuff where you had to move an elf every night. I always forgot. Move by itself. Yeah, I always forgot about that. More lies. More lies. And then I totally. More lies. And then I would forget about it. It's just one more thing you have to do at Christmas, which is already overrun with shit. It's also very funny that we like

want our kids to believe in Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny as if those are good options like some some old man is breaking into your home when you're asleep and has also been watching you sleep the entire year right to make sure you've been good right and then

and then they like give you stuff or if you're bad, they give you cold. Like there's like, why is this a good story? I don't want to. Yeah. Now with all the breaking into houses and sex offenders, the Santa Claus is a whole new light as an adult for sure. Truly. It's like, don't trust strangers, but we do want this guy to enter our homes. Yeah.

While we're sleeping. So I did a deep dive into you and I noticed that you were a celebrity ambassador to the ACLU, which is amazing. The ACLU does amazing work. And specifically for the Women's Rights Project. So will you share with us and our listener, because we're either trying to enlighten our listeners that are in the middle of the road or get rid of the far right listeners. So do your part this year. Okay.

My pleasure. Yeah, I've been working with the ACLU since 2014. And they approached me because the things I would talk about in my stand up or things videos I would make, you

kind of aligned with what they were working with, with the Women's Rights Project. And so with them, I would make sketches or do speeches. And I basically try to like break down what they do in layman's terms, because they're lawyers and everything they're doing is very law speak and get a funny lens on it. So talking about like,

racial bias or privilege or forced pregnancy and the reproductive rights have been stripped from us recently. Those are big issues that the ACLU is working on right now. But I think that what they do is really important. And I think the work they do is important. And I think really what they want when they work with like celebrity ambassadors is more amplifications. And

I'm happy to do that whenever I can. So what is the what can you tell our listeners about the Women's Rights Project? Because I think that, you know, obviously, as a woman, you feel sexism and a gender disparity throughout your whole life. But I think it's I think if you're a woman of color, I think that feeling is even more intense now.

than Angie and I could ever imagine. And so can you please share with our listener the challenges that you faced as a black comedian, you know, forging a very successful career in your life? I've,

face a more disparity in my life than as a comedian, honestly. But you get surprised where you see it. I actually talk about this in my stand-up special that just came out about the medical industry and how they don't necessarily listen to Black women when we talk about pain. And this is an issue that really happens to most women in general. There's just like a long history of medical professionals not understanding the difference between pain

female bodies and male bodies because a lot of the research has been done on the human body is based on male bodies and not a lot of literature has been updated.

and then when it comes to african americans or or people of color um not a lot of research has been done period and so we might say something like i feel pain here or this is an intense heat here or something like that but then they're in their medical books they have things literally say things like black people have thicker skin or are

our veins are bigger or like things that are just are not true, but they're still being taught those things. So I think talking about it and getting more vocal about it, people are like, oh, wait, maybe we should actually like change some of this stuff or amend some of these things. But it's like it happens to

people I know currently, like my friends, my family, me, I got hit by a car in college and went to the hospital and they wouldn't give me painkillers because that is something that a lot of black people experience where they don't get painkillers because they are assumed that they can tolerate more pain. Whereas

If you are probably white, you will get painkillers immediately. Yeah, it's a disparity that I don't think a lot of people think about, but it's a bias that's very prevalent. Yes, you know, we had, so we've had the podcast now for about 11 months and our first black guest that we had on, Kylie, our producer, makes, you know, reels to put on social media and she spoke against Candace Owens. It was a really funny clip and

And we lost, from our first black guest, we lost 5,000 Instagram followers. And here's the disgusting parts this year. In the comment section on Instagram, they were flexing about it. The racists were like, oh, yeah, they lost followers. And they're celebrating this. And as a woman, it really made me sick. And then as a white woman, it really made me like sick.

Wow. You know, the experience that my friends that are of color have to go through so much more than I've had to. It just it really like made me sad for humanity and makes me want to platform and lift up.

all black voices because this happened two or three months ago. Right. Our first black guest and we lose 5,000 followers and they're celebrating in the comment section. They want us to shut up because we're white Southern women. You know, we're supposed to be a certain way. We're not shutting the fuck up. It's not going to go away if you ignore it. It's not like, oh, if we don't talk about it, if I don't think about race or think about injustice or anything like that, it'll just go away. It's prevalent. And it's,

these are also human issues it's not like this is a black issue or this is a woman issue or this is a indian issue like these are issues that affect all of us and i think as a human you should be concerned with these things because you want your community to be safe you want your community to be safe for your children and say for your neighbors it shouldn't just be like well i don't see it so as long as it doesn't bother me i'm fine because that's not like that's not even

i feel like a lot of like conservative or people touting like religion or something like that would be like well you know i don't want to be bothered with that i just praise god and go to go to school or whatever go to work but it's like that's not christian like that's not

That's not what I feel like America was built on. Like there's a lot of things that people are saying they believe in, but they're not putting it in practice. I mean, had it, had it, had it with it. You and me both. All right, let's lighten it up and let's play a game. Thank you for sharing that. It's something that I think

I think that people have to get comfortable talking about and platforming so that we have empathy, you know, reciprocal empathy for one another and for everybody's experiences. And we like to do a lot of shit talking on here, but any chance we can, you know, try to make a little bit of a difference, that's a hill we'll die on. Right. Yeah. I mean, I appreciate it. I'm glad you asked because, yeah, I do want your listeners to know.

think outside the box, think outside their community, because that is important. And that's what I like. I like doing comedy for that reason, because I do feel like comedy can break down people's defenses and help them listen more to someone else's perspective. Like in my stand up, I pretty much just talk about myself and talk about my life from a personal perspective. But that does include being a black woman in America. So if you are not that, you'll probably learn something. Right.

I did a show in DC a couple of years ago and this man came up to me after the show and he was like, I want to tell you something. First off, I voted for Trump. And I was like, bad start. Why? I didn't ask. Okay. And he's like, I voted for Trump, but I,

I loved your show. I had no idea anything. I didn't know anything about your work. I didn't know who you were. I just came to a comedy show, but I did feel like I could connect to what you were saying on a human level. And like, even though I didn't go through these experiences, I didn't feel alienated. I didn't feel like I was spoken down to. I just felt like, you know, this was just purely funny. And you were talking from your experience as you experience it in the world. And I

i love that because it's not like i'm trying to like get everyone to like hold hands and in my show or anything i'm just speaking my truth but i love that people are still able to understand it just because

there's something in there that you can relate to. And I think that's what I want people to get when they see art. It's like, this is a human experience. We're all going through this. Even if you hadn't experienced it in your life specifically, hopefully you can understand it a little bit more and have more empathy for the people that it is affecting. Agree. Totally agree. I love that. This isn't a good start.

Okay, we're gonna play a game with you called Had It or Hit It. Oh my God. Welcome to Had It or Hit It. I would hit it. Had It. I hit it every day, sometimes twice a day. So share, Had It or Hit It, going on dates for free meals. Ooh, hit it. I've definitely done that before. Really?

I know it's like, it is a waste of time. You probably will be bored, but for a free meal, I've been, I was broke in New York for a long time. And I was like,

If you want to take me out and wine and dine me and I'll just laugh at your dumb jokes for a little bit. There's no guarantee after I could. Maybe I did think I like this person. I did want to go on a date. It's a risk either way. So, yes, I'll take your food. See, I've had some bad dates. So, I mean, I would like rather lick cement, I think. So share had it or hit it. Eyelashes on cars. Had it.

They're ridiculous. They are ridiculous. Who is it for? Like, is it for the viewer? Like, is it for all the other drivers on the road? Are we supposed to like look in our rearview mirror and be like, am I in the movie Cars? Is this car flirting with me? I always think the person that put that on there thinks they are so cute and clever. And I'm like, you're not cute nor clever. You look stupid. Do you think they're Disney adults? There might be a strong correlation.

Because it's a very like Pixar thing to do. Totally. Yeah. It really is. It really is. Okay. I've had it as well. Had it or hit it femortizing? Had it. Okay. What is it? I have had it.

Femertizing is advertising with a feminist lean to it. And so many products and companies do it where they'll put like feminist values or all these like women, you go girl, rah, rah, rah, for you imagery in their ads for to trick women basically and being like, I guess I need that thing. And it like happens with like girls.

body wash, shampoo, a lot of period stuff where women are just like, they're like climbing the corporate ladder. They're riding horses, they're golfing, they're playing soccer all on their period. Can you believe it? I'm not doing any of that. I wanna lay down.

Show me that commercial where I just want to lay down. I have a pillow in my lap. I have a hot heater on my back. Like what? Stop making me go outside. I don't want to do that. Yeah. It's like the whole they do. And they do it with rainbow capitalism, too. You know, it's absolutely. They try to reach out to targeted groups. But we did it. We read Amazon reviews sometimes on our episodes. And one of them was for it.

pens that were made for women in pastel colors. I mean, how gross. Wow. And the reviewer was real tongue in cheek. Like I use this to prepare my recipe card for my husband's dinner. You know? Yeah. It's just that, but I agree. It's either, it's one of the two. It's either like, here's the gender role you're supposed to be in, or look what a boss bitch you can be while you're bleeding on day two of your period. And you want to literally kill spiders in your house. Right.

Yes. I just want to be in my house spider free.

Not to do anything else. Yeah. It's, it's very, it really is tricky and it's like, they think they're doing something good, but they're really like pandering and it sucks when feminism gets trendy. Not that it's bad. Obviously feminism is good, but it just sucks when it's being used for corporate use. Totally. And you know what I've noticed? I, I never thought about this until some other countries started doing this and they're giving all of their citizens free

Free sanitary, you know, like period tampons and pads. Really? Yeah. Yes. Scandinavian countries free. And you think about it, you know, like if you're broke and you're working minimum wage, you're barely making ends meet. And you have, you know, sometimes listener, these periods can be incredibly heavy and you feel terrible and they're expensive. They are expensive. And I really have had it with America for not giving away free sanitary.

you know, women's sanitary supplies that we need for our periods. It should be free. I think I saw somewhere at some state at least took the taxes off of sanitary products. I saw that. Yeah. I'm sure it's probably, it's probably Massachusetts, not Oklahoma. It's certainly not Oklahoma. They get all this stuff and you in California. Okay. Yeah. All right. Had it or hit it purity culture.

Oh, had it. Oh yeah. That's such a weaponized tactic to control women's sexuality and our bodies to be like, you're impure if you sleep with too many men or you're impure, even if you lose your virginity, the idea of like virginity as a social construct is so wild because it's like,

like, like someone took it from you. Someone has to take your virginity as opposed to you having a choice in whether or not you want to have sex when you, whenever you want to have sex. It's just like,

There's so many ways that you can shame a woman for owning up to their own body. And it's so unfortunate. I agree. So misogynistic. Tell her about the people, you know, that have given their about the rings. Oh, yeah. So they give their daughters like on their 14th, 15th, 16th birthday, something like that.

a ring to wear on their finger like a wedding ring, but it's a purity ring. And you promise not to have sex before marriage and you get to keep the ring. Now, how fucked up is that? It's gross. It's gross.

For a parent, a dad to have that conversation with a hormone pumping teenager and put that shame on them. It's so, it's so cringy. And where we live, you get out in the suburbs where pumps lives and it's full of people. No. And they like, they were listening to this. They'd be like, God, those girls are crazy. They're going straight to hell. And they're serious. Like they believe that that's how indoctrinated this culture is.

it's your thing your daughter is going to have sex she doesn't want to tell you why would you rather her have the information on how to do it safely and like how to not get pregnant or not how to not get a disease than for you to slap a ring on her and just lie to lie to you now now it's like

Now she has to lie to you. You have created a culture where she does not feel safe to talk to you. Right. And or or she's going to talk to her friends and get a litany of wild information because kids don't know anything. Right. And it's just like, why? Why are we having this cycle go? Just like give her information like here's how to do it safely. I'd appreciate it if you wait till you're married or until you're an adult. But like if you're going to do it, like I want to be in the loop.

Right. I think that's a much healthier way to talk to your kid about it. So share, had it or hit it. This is the last one. Drake. I think I'd say hit it. I mean, his music's very fun. I've never been to a live show, but, you know, he's pumping out jams. It's unfortunate. He released an album recently that was like very like gay club, like,

this kind of music and people were like no drake what are you doing you have that's not what we want from you but then beyonce did it and everyone's like yes we love this yes i feel bad that he didn't that he somehow missed the boat on that train but whoops

Yeah, I don't know that I'd know a Drake song from any other song. You would. I would? You would. They're everywhere. And he's collabed with everybody. You would 1 million percent know a ton of Drake songs. There's no way you could be alive living on the planet and not know a Drake song. I mean, it's just a megastar. Okay. Yeah. When you go to your WNBA games, they'll be playing. Yeah.

That's funny that you said that because the only time I ever remember being acquainted with him was when the Raptors were in the NBA finals and he was such a vocal fan and so fired up. And they were like, that's Drake. And I'm like, who the fuck is Drake? But so now I know he's a big music guy. I totally will. So sheer.

I hope you feel better. I hope you feel like you've gotten, I hope you're able to go commit homicidal rage to these arachnids in your house with zero guilt because we support you wholeheartedly. I do feel better. I feel cleansed from the inside out. Kind of like a giant rage out. Yes. Yes.

Thank you so much for having me. This was fun. It was so fun to meet you. You are so gorgeous. You have the most gorgeous smile. Oh, thank you. Thank you. I love it. All right. Thank you so much this year. I like that she likes to kill spiders because I hate little pussies about spiders. Nobody likes a, you know, somebody who's a,

I just, I don't think I could save a spider. I think there are savable bugs. Like a ladybug, I'm not going to kill. No, I'm not going to kill a ladybug. A roly-poly. I'm not going to kill a roly-poly. But a spider's going down. A spider's going down. Mosquito. A roach. All that shit. A fly. Can't kill them quick enough. Yeah. All of those are, it's capital punishment. Right. It's the death penalty. You come in my house, there's one penalty. Yeah, I can make exceptions for cute bugs.

Yeah, and less irritating. All those bugs that we mentioned are just fucking irritating. Yeah, they are irritating bugs. I'll tell you what will just not surprise you at all. My daughter, when she sees a spider, you would think that she has been hijacked on a plane. She is so panicked, screams bloody murder. I'll run into her room and it's a spider like less than a dime size. And she's screaming hysterically. I'm like, you're a big fucking pussy. And I stomp on it, pick it up, throw it in the...

Do you flush your spiders? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think I got to flush it to make sure if the murder wasn't 100% successful that the drowning will be. Yes. It's a twofold. Yes. You don't want any coming back. No, no coming back to life. That's right. We have to make sure it completely goes all the way down. All the way. Yes. Yes.

So I'm sorry if there are any Buddhist listeners that are upset, but we believe in homicide for annoying bugs. Right. But not ladybugs. That's why they're called bugs, because they bug you. They bug. Yeah, ladybugs, butterflies, butterflies.

Rolly pulleys are exempt. Correct. For sure. All right. Listen up, listener. Go to our link in bio. Hot Shit Tour is going to be at a city near you. If your city hasn't been picked yet, quit being a pussy in the comment section. We're coming to you. We're going to get to you. It's happening. We're only two women.

All right. And so we're going to make it to you. Go to Patreon. We're dropping a couple of videos there a week. We have our documentary club. Follow us on all socials, five star reviews, yak yak, blah, blah, pumps. We will see you next Tuesday or Thursday or both. I'll tell you what I've had it with. Let's hear it.