Shopping for Pain with Kaitlyn Bristowe

2024/2/13

I've Had It

AI Deep Dive AI Chapters Transcript

J

Jennifer

K

Kaitlyn Bristowe

P

Pumps

Pumps认为那些在街角打出“无争议离婚，250美元”广告的招牌具有误导性，因为这会误导人们认为离婚很便宜，而实际上离婚手续费和时间成本远高于此。她指出，即使是所谓的“无争议离婚”，也需要准备大量的文件和花费大量的时间，因为即使双方表面上看起来很和睦，也可能在一些琐碎的事情上发生争执。 Jennifer对CVS冗长的收据感到厌烦，认为收据上过多的优惠券和信息是多余的，她认为这些冗长的收据不仅浪费纸张，也浪费了顾客的时间。 Kaitlyn Bristowe对男人幼稚的行为感到厌烦，并认为那些对Taylor Swift出现在NFL比赛中感到不满的人是双标且虚伪的。她认为这些人对Taylor Swift的批评是基于性别歧视，并且他们对Taylor Swift的关注是出于对她的威胁感，因为Taylor Swift拥有大量的粉丝，并且能够动员这些人去投票。她还批评了那些在网上对Taylor Swift进行人身攻击的人，认为这些人应该用更成熟的方式表达自己的不满。 Jennifer承认自己对自己的狗撒谎，在天气不好时并没有带它们去公园跑步，而是开车绕着小区转了一圈。她认为自己对狗的行为是善意的，因为她试图在恶劣天气下为它们创造活动。 Kaitlyn Bristowe认为那些在网上过度炫耀财富和渴望关注的年轻夫妇背后一定隐藏着一些不为人知的事情。她还对那些在网上发布低俗内容的年轻人感到担忧，认为这些内容可能会对年轻人的价值观和人生观产生负面影响。 Jennifer对来自陌生人的网络评论不太敏感，认为那些评论的人不值得关注。她认为那些对她们的播客内容感到不满的人应该停止收听，而不是在网上发表负面评论。 Jennifer和Pumps承认过去曾沉迷于寻找痛苦，并认为这种行为在某种程度上是令人愉悦的。她们认为这种行为是一种情感上的受虐狂行为，并且她们已经逐渐摆脱了这种行为。

Deep Dive

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It's time to get the world talking about black-led brands. We all have our favorites, our ride or dies, and the ones we can count on to help us live out our best lives. But we can't keep them all to ourselves, so if you're feeling like black opal beauty, tell somebody. If the lip bar gives you a lip for every drip, let them know. And if your hair is doing the do, shout that out too. Because one shout out leads to another and almost half of black-led brands are discovered by word of mouth.

Join Walmart in shouting out your favorite black-led products, creating a new world of choices at walmart.com forward slash black and unlimited. So are we supposed to start the podcast? Ready? One, two, three. Nailed it. I mean, you are probably the best clapper in the country, hands down. What do you do for a living? I'm a clapper.

Yeah. I'm the best clapper in the country. My best friend told me I was. What about the people that are fluffers? I'm a pretty great fluffer. I don't think you know. I don't think we're talking about the same thing. I'm talking about getting in my jammies and getting all fluffed up with my bed, in my bed watching something. Yeah, that's not what I was talking about. Okay, what are you talking? Oh, like I'm an entrepreneur? No, strike two. Okay, what is it? A fluffer? Yeah. A fluffer is a person that works in the porn industry and

To get the people erect and keep them erect in between scenes. What? I didn't even know there was such a job. So you can imagine my surprise when you were just talking about how great you were at it. Well, I'm a great fluffer in my pajamas to watch something on TV. I don't think I would excel as a porn star.

film fluffer. Don't sell yourself short. You never know. How did you even know that? Is that on the internet? I think I've always known it. Kylie, didn't you know about the fluffers? Yeah, it's kind of common knowledge. It's kind of common knowledge. It's not common for me. I've never heard that. I didn't even know they had fluffers. Yeah, porn fluffers. So they just like

Oh my gosh. Or, you know, Pumps. Pumps is over here giving air hand jobs and we are literally 90 seconds into this podcast. Well, I'm just trying to figure out what a fluffer, that's what a fluffer does. What was that again? What'd you say? The old hand job. I mean, that's got to be what it is. I guess you could. We're already in the gutter. Pumps, what have you had it with? What I've had it with?

are these signs on street corners that say uncontested divorces, $250. I've had it with that because it makes people think, oh, well, this should be cheap. Well, let me just a few points to make. Number one, the filing fee in Oklahoma County or anywhere in Oklahoma for that matter is over $250. So that's one. Okay.

Two, it takes a lot of time, even in a quote unquote uncontested divorce, because I will tell you in 25 years of doing it,

I have had very few full-on uncontested divorces. People are like, oh, yeah, it's going to be amicable. It's going to be uncontested. Then we're fighting over stupid shit like a wedding gift 14 years ago. So that bugs me. Another thing is you have to prepare. Even if you have an uncontested divorce –

You have to prepare like five different original documents for it. Especially a legal mind such as yourself. There's no way that you're being anything but thorough in front of a judge in a court of law. Right. Here comes pumps. Attorney at law. That's exactly how it is. Your Honor, I object. Your Honor, I've had it. I should start saying that. Your Honor, I've had it.

It's irrelevant that my client is a fluffer. That has nothing to do with his character. It's honest work. Exactly. Yeah. No, but I see what you mean. That's a total dick over because then you've got these clients that call you. Right. They're like, well, we're not fighting over it. And I saw on the street sign, it's $250. So it demeans your overall career. But here's one thing people have got to understand about what you do. And I only know this by proxy. You guys. Yes.

divorce law. Oh my God. These people are insane. Imagine for those of you that are not legally married, that your most crazy psychotic breakup and multiply it times 10, 15 million. And that's kind of where you are. Right. And these people think that their lawyer is

is going to like make everything right. And it's simply not possible. Right. I mean, I've had to tell clients before, like, I can't change what 15 years of marriage did with one document. I can't change the behavior of your spouse. I can't change the financial situation you had while you were married. Like these are things that are out of my control. But...

It takes a lot of time and a lot of back and forth between client. Hand-holding. Hand-holding. Therapy sessions. Therapy, kind of a mini-therapist. So, I mean, the $250 just goes all fucking through me because I'm like – Let me ask you this. If there's a divorce case, all right, but it is like –

top notch juicy and the client's constantly calling you to tell you all this juicy crap that's going on. I'm talking about sexual misbehaving, spying, all the good juicy stuff, but none of it is relevant to the case at hand. Do you stay on the phone and get the intel or do you say, I don't need to know this. This is irrelevant. Let's move on to this. I am at the point in my life that I say,

I appreciate that's happened to you. Sounds to me like it's not, you know, it's not appropriate, but that's not something I can do anything about. Like we're a no fault divorce state. So who your husband or wife is banging is just not on the table unless there's a reason for it. Here you have once again proven

To the podcasting world that you are one of this country's greatest legal minds. I don't think that's true, but I appreciate it. That's what I'm here to do, Pump, support you. All right. A couple of things on my end. Okay. First of all, I've had it with the receipts at CVS.

They're 100 feet long. Right. Like they have coupons and all this shit on your receipt. And you're like, I don't need all that crap. So you're standing there, right? When you're not doing the self-checkout, you have a clerk and they're checking you out. This is not the clerk's fault. This person just works there. And then this thing starts printing and it prints and it cuts and it prints and it cuts. And then the clerk like starts tearing them apart and you get this stack of papers. Right. And I don't want...

any of it. No, I never get any of them. I want no part of any of that. Why are we getting, you know, 20 yards of receipts at CVS or Walgreens? I've had it with this. I've had it with that too. It's just, first of all, at least speaking on behalf of myself, they can give me a thousand coupons a

And I will never remember to use them. Or if I do remember to use them, I don't have them with me. I always forget. Always forget. So I've never been able to be a couponer. And now aren't all the coupons online? I mean, why would anybody need to hand you a paper receipt with all that shit? I don't understand. I don't understand why these corporations are flexing at the register. It's like a dick measuring receipt. Yeah.

And it just keeps growing and growing and growing. And I don't know who's behind it. I don't know what the psychology is behind it. It was a terrible idea from the jump. From the jump. Nobody needs all that. Nobody wants all that information. I've had it with all of that. Second thing I want to move on to is somewhat of a confession. Okay. Okay.

I'm always giving you a hard time about your relationship with your shaved Siberian Husky Blaze. Correct. I want to share some information with you and the listener. So sometimes, you know, on the weekends, on Saturday and Sunday, I go play pickleball in the morning and I get home and I load my dogs up and we go to the cemetery for an off-leash run. Right. Okay. They run. I have a little ball.

We throw it around. We have a fantastic time. Right. And this winter, sometimes it's either been too cold, too rainy, too muddy, too icy. So I'm running a scam on the dogs. Here's what happens. I get back from pickleball and they are on me like a tick on a dog. I mean, it's intense eye contact. Yeah.

They are pitiful. They're acting like I just dropped them off at the adoption agency. I mean, they act like they are the most abused animals on the planet and they're just relentless. So I'm like thinking, God, it's either really cold, really icy, whatever. So I get them all hyped up and I'm like, all right, let's go. Yeah, let's go on our run. Let's go on our run. And I get them in the car.

And we just drive through the neighborhood and I rolled down the back windows and I start calling for squirrels. And they run back and forth in the back seat. Right. And we go for about 20 minutes. Then I pull back up into the house, never let them run. And I take them inside and I fill the ice water up and I make it feel like this big event. Right. I'm running a total racket scam on my dogs.

Poor Cha-Cha and Tevye. Only when the weather is not conducive to their running. Right. Yeah. I'll admit I had, I did some, I didn't perpetrate fraud. I'm perpetrating fraud. But I did like, I felt really guilty for those like three weeks that you could not go outside here.

And so I've been very diligent to walk Blaze every day. That's when I started the racket of driving. Right. I mean, it's minus four degrees. And I amp him up in the car too. I'm like, look over there. There's a squirrel over here. Oh my God, look, another dog. And they just get really hyped up.

And then we come back and I tell them how good they are. Just I do everything the exact same as when I run them. So do you think they know they haven't been run or do you think it's such a routine? I think we're on the verge. I'm on the verge of getting caught. Oh. So we had inclement weather where I was unable to do it, where I ran the racket, where I drove them around. And we even drive through the cemetery that they run through for good measure. See, I kind of think that makes it worse. Then we were able to go back to our runs, our off-leash runs.

And then this past weekend, it was raining. I didn't want them to be muddy. I didn't want to have to give them a bath. So I ran the racket again, came back. Cha-Cha is the type of dog that when she gets back from any sort of activity outside, she runs to her water bowl as though she has been walking in the Sahara Desert for six months. It is a dehydration dog.

that makes your dehydration pale in comparison. Right. She's so loud. She's gulping the water like crazy. And so we got back this past Sunday. It was raining, played pickleball. I won six out of seven games. That's neither here nor there. I ran the racket on the dogs. Right. And we come back in. Cha-Cha is like totally drinking the water. I'm like, oh, so far so good.

I thought, well, I'm going to go watch one of these documentaries for our documentary club. So I go and fluff up in bed and the dogs were making the intense eye contact with me. And usually when we get back from our runs, it's nap time. Yeah. They leave me alone. They were all over me. So I'm going to have to figure out. Anyway, probably it was their slight catching on that is causing me to have this

podcast side confession, if you will. Right. I can see that. Do you think it's bad pet ownership? I think you're trying and you're making an activity for them. You're accommodating. They wouldn't want to be out there at minus 20 degrees. I think you're doing good. I think that's good. I'm sure so sweet. You're so much nicer than me. I know. Yeah, you are. All right. One other just minor update here. Things are really looking up for me in Australia. Yeah.

Oh, good. Yeah. I got a lot of DMs after I corrected the Brisbane pronunciation. Brisbane, Brisbane. And you said on the podcast, they hate you over there. And I received a lot of DMs. We don't hate you. We love the podcast. Oh, good. Thank you for even trying our Aussie slang. Honestly, none of us really care about anything. We just think it's all very funny. Yeah.

Like they're completely unbothered and they're nice. And so I really want to work on for next year for us to do the Brekkie tour in Australia. I would love that. Yeah, the Brekkie tour. What do you think, Kylie? You know I'm down for that. The hot ship Brekkie tour. Okay, how long is that? The hot ship Brekkie tour. How long is that on a plane? Because Kylie, you know, she didn't pee on a plane. I won't pee. She didn't pee.

She won't pee. No, I won't. It's like 24 hours, right? I mean, I don't think the flight's 24 hours. I think you fly from here to Los Angeles. Okay. And then probably from LA to there is probably like 12, 14 hours. 14 hours. There's no fucking way you can go 14 hours without peeing. I'll do it and I'll vlog it. I know I can do that. You really are confident about it. Yeah. I have no doubt that I could pull off 14 hours.

You know, the embracing of dehydration is admirable. I've been doing really good, Kylie, as my role model. I've been stopping drinking anything after dinner. Like no drinks.

I just stop. That way I don't have to pee all night. I've noticed the Stanley Cup hasn't been as ubiquitous as it has been in the past. Well, but my new thing is I take it with me. It's in my car. Yeah. So that when I get done with something, like if I come here, like when I'm done with this, I get in my car and it's like, oh, it's a treat.

Or I go to Luke's basketball game or football game and I leave it in my car. And then when it's over, it's like, oh, that's a treat. You're delaying gratification. I'm delaying gratification. You see, and that's the key because you know what the Stanley Cup is? It's instant gratification at all times in everybody's face. And I do love it. It's hydration theater. You're doing delayed gratification with the Stanley. I commend that. It's kind of a, it's like a job well done treat. I like that. I like that. Welcome to I've had it.

Also known as Say It Pumps. Girl, please. Kylie. I'm going to let you guys choose your own adventure today. Okay. Do you want a crazy story from a listener that emailed us or do you want some MAGA hate comments? Golly. God, that's tough. That's tough. We can't have both? Can we please have both, Mom? You can have both. What do you want first? Good or bad? Let's go to MAGA first. Okay, we'll start with the bad.

So we posted a video talking shit on MAGA on TikTok recently. Obviously, they found it. They put it on Twitter. Voila, here we are. Oh, really? Mm-hmm. Okay, so we're going to start with at the Fauciist. The Fauciist? Wait, is that some play on Anthony Fauci? It's a photo of Dr. Fauci. Oh, God. Oh, I thought it was going to say Fauciist misspelled. You know, they're obsessed with Dr. Fauci. All he did was try to save lives, but that's here and there.

All right. The tortured inner world of leftism is written on her face. It's always you. It's always Jen. It can only be. You're an it now. It can only be happy mocking others with smug. If it weren't Trump, it would be anything else. The black heart could get some chuckles from vacant wannabes.

which is our listeners, bitter clingers, deplorables, white supremacists. White supremacists? What? How'd they get that? Wait, they called you a white supremacist? What the fuck? See, that tells you they're dumb. Yeah. That's just not a very smart person. No, that's a low IQ. I mean, that's like, that's one of those things where somebody says that and you go,

Exactly. That's exactly what I'm talking about. Low IQ, can't get any nuances. I mean, just a real bottom feeder. It's just like, thank you for saying that. You've just proven my point. Excellent. I love it when my wife defends me. Do you hear that? It's hot. Yeah. Yeah. I just, first of all,

I do enjoy a MAGA hate comment because it's a special kind of cookie. Yeah, it is. I do like that. I like that they noticed your black heart. So congratulations to you. I was really touched by that. Right. Because that's spot on. That's right. So I just, you know. That was the only insightful true thing that they said. Right. Then at XXXFactors wrote, yeah, they're 80 years old. Not bad though. Here's what I love. So much to do with size.

Donald Trump is obsessed with size. A lot of these MAGA are obsessed with these huge trucks, these huge flags, huge tires. His name is XXX. Big guns. I mean, it just goes back to the thesis statement that we've said for years.

Teeny weenies. We just got a bunch. We just got a collection of teeny weenies. We do. All right. We're moving on to the email. Okay. From our listener, Sammy J. Okay. My sister-in-law's mom is completely blind.

I'm talking can't see her hand right in front of her face, level blind. She has been for over 20 years now, but somehow still has her driver's license and drives every single day. In parentheses, Louisiana, am I right? Recently, she's been in the midst of a lot of drama with her small southern town's mayor. She's been going and sitting outside of City Hall all day every day for weeks now and live streaming it on Facebook. Ha ha ha.

So, recently, because of her drama with the mayor, she has been more visible around town and people are realizing that it is her that literally almost fucking kills people every day with her car.

Because of this, people in town have been reaching out to the mayor and the city council trying to get her license revoked because she spends every day live streaming herself being insane and almost plowing people with her car. She caught wind of the reports slash calls for her license to be revoked. Now she is on Facebook screaming that people are discriminating against her for being blind and trying to take away her license. All caps, GIRL.

You are fucking blind. You should not be fucking driving. Anyways, thought I'd share this with you because I literally cannot make this shit up.

No, you can't. You cannot make that shit up. You know what the perfect response to that is? Girl, please. I mean, what the fuck? Here's the thing, too. Facebook fucked up her whole scam. She didn't have to live stream it. She's out there driving, and then Facebook gets everybody in trouble. Gets everybody in trouble. And I just find it so odd that she's claiming discrimination in the same post that

That she's saying she's blind. It's kind of, again, like you're making the point, like you shouldn't have a driver's license. She's confessing. You're confessing that you're blind. Right. Therefore, you shouldn't have a driver's license. They can't discriminate you against you to take your license because you're fucking blind. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, don't you have to take an eye test to get a car, a driver's license? Yeah, but if memory serves, I don't think I've taken, you know, when I had to renew my license, I don't think I've taken another eye test. I think when you renew it, you don't have to. But originally, I think you do. No, when you're like 16. Yeah, because I remember Dylan, my oldest son, we take him to get his driver's license. And he takes the eye test. And Josh was with him. And Josh called me. And he was a wreck. And he was like, what?

you're not going to believe this. And I'm like, what? And he goes like, Dylan cannot fucking see in his left eye. And he's 16 years old. And I was traveling on an interior design install, like in a different state. And I was like, what? We're both, neither one of us are hysterical parents. And he'd been to every pediatrician appointment, all the school sponsored, you know, hearing and site checks. And

I'm like, what do you mean he can't see? He's like, he had to look in that thing. You know, they did the right eye, the left eye, both eyes. He cannot fucking see out of his left eye.

All of a sudden, all these images come back to me. I remember Dylan when he was really little. He would sit in his high chair and he would like look at me and he would cock his head one way. And I thought, oh, that's so cute. Well, it's because he couldn't fucking see in the other eye. Josh and I feel like loser parents, deadbeat, horrible parents. I mean, it took us like both of us like a month to get over it. Right. And I'm like,

Well, he went to that pediatrician all the time and they do all the tests. They do eye checks. And when he had the other eye with it, it was fine. But when you isolated the eye by itself, Marilyn practically couldn't see. You know, I bet what happened because Dylan's super smart is that when he saw it the first time with his good eye, he just memorized it. Poor Dylan. I just felt like, I just was like, Jesus Christ. Well, I did that once with Sam broke his arm doing something. I can't remember what.

And I was just like, it's fine. I was like, if it still hurts on Monday, we'll go see the doctor. So we wait. We go to the doctor. Yeah. Broken arm. I mean, I just felt like shit. You just felt awful. Awful. It just wasn't that swollen. He wasn't like super in pain. Well, it's kind of like, you know, parenting kind of boils down to you try to make the really good person. You know, you try to go beyond. But at its basic core, it's like...

Keep the people alive and healthy. Right. That's just really your mandate. When there's a failure on that, when there's a shortcoming on just the, where it's like, oh my God, he can barely see out of his left eye. And we spent all weekend with a broken arm. Right. You're just like, I am an abject failure. Yeah. You're like, I failed this child. I'm a terrible parent. Yeah. Those are, those are not good.

They're not good at all. I do kind of like, though, going back, sorry, but going back, I like that now the mayor, she's been trolling the mayor. And I don't know what their politics are or whatever. But just in that situation, if I'm the mayor and somebody's trolling me, live streaming me on Facebook all day, every day, and I find out they're blind.

I'm fucking going for that license immediately. Speaking of mayors, Josh and I ran into the Oklahoma City mayor. We have a great mayor. At the sushi bar the other night. We go eat sushi on the weekends. And we run into our mayor, Mayor David Holt. He's a wonderful person. I helped decorate his office when he won. He's the bright spot. We bash Oklahoma politics all the time. But the mayor of Oklahoma City...

is a little bright light of normalcy. And he always tries to champion for Oklahoma City is a city that accepts all people. Now around Oklahoma City, there's a lot of xenophobia and whatnot, but he's at the pride parade. You know, he wishes the Muslim community happy Ramadan. Right now he's very inclusive. He's very inclusive. And I wanted to give a shout out

But David Holt, his wife, listens to the pod and he is just a fantastic mayor. You like the mayor, Kylie? I do like the mayor. I like the mayor. I wish he would run for governor. Well, yeah, I think he's probably too normal. Right. He's probably, I mean, he'd be too good of a candidate, a moderate person that could bring both sides together. So obviously we wouldn't want him. We want hellfire and brimstone, cram it up your ass kind of thing.

That's what we like here in Oklahoma. But not in Oklahoma City. No, Oklahoma City is better. Because he's very popular in Oklahoma City. No, he's very popular and he's cool. And I like the mayor. You know, he's about like six foot six. Yeah, he's super tall. I ran into him at an NBA game the other night.

Well, all right. Well, that's been our pre-show. We've covered a lot. We've just been solving the world's problems. From fluffing to our world-class mayor. I can't even tell you about this fluffing. I just can't even tell you that I'm just shocked. What did you think happened in between scenes? Have you ever thought about it? Well, no, I've never thought about it. Let's talk about this real quick. I've been thinking about this lately because I've been watching a lot of TV at night to kind of like relax, unwind.

And I used to think about this when I was younger, but now I'm thinking about it now. Think about when you and I were on that TV show, reality show, and then behind the camera, there's like 20, 25 people. Right. Multiply that to a movie. You probably got like 50 people there. And then imagine doing a full-blown sex scene. No, I can't imagine that. I think it would be so awkward and weird. It would just be, I just think you'd be self-conscious. You'd be nervous. Yeah.

inhibited, like all the things you wouldn't want to be. And then, you know, like do the guys, I mean, imagine because you're acting, you're getting into it. I'm sure they get erect. Right. But maybe they have to stay erect. I mean, I don't know how many takes it takes to make a porn. I'm not talking about the porn. I'm just talking about a normal show that has a sex scene. Oh, I just think it'd be awful. You hear people all like actors all the time talking about how miserable they are.

Doing a sexiness like you're kissing somebody that has bad breath and they're right up next to you with the camera I think I think it'd be really really hard. Yeah, really hurting you have to do it like 25 times Remember that guy that was in those pornos? What was his name? He was kind of a famous when he recently died Jeremy yes, Ron Jeremy Ron Jeremy. So one year with the kids and I were with Josh Well, Josh and I were with the kids

In L.A., we walked into an In-N-Out burger, and Josh goes, there's Ron Jeremy. And I looked over, and there he was, this porn star, sitting there. It's not attractive at all. Sitting there having an In-N-Out burger. I don't know. I've never seen any of his work.

How did you know Ron Jeremy? Like you could, I would not know. He ended up kind of becoming injected into popular culture beyond the porn. Oh, okay. Right, Kylie? Yeah, I don't know why I know him, but you know him. Everybody kind of knew who he was and you know who he was. And I've never seen one of his pornographic performances, but I knew who he was because he kind of got injected into popular culture beyond. But I do think he might have had a large penis. I would think you'd have to, to be in a porn. I think that'd be kind of part of it.

I would think so, too. Yeah. I mean, I would just think, you know. I wonder if anybody has like a small penis fetish. Like if there are porn movies with men with super small penises. I wonder if that's a thing. I don't know. Kylie, will you Google that?

Small penis porn? Small penis porn. Is that a thing? Small penis porn? You're asking the wrong person. I don't know. I would think it would not be. But then again, somebody has to like small penises. It's got its own category on Pornhub. Oh, it does? Okay. Here's what I want to know. Are you proud if you are the lead actor in the small penis porn industry? If you are number one, is that something you're like...

hey, I'm John Doe and I star in porn films, World's Smallest Penis, or wait, Small Penis Porn. I won an Academy Award or whatever the award is for porn because I have the smallest penis in porn. Like, I don't think you tell people that. I forgot to tell you, there was somebody on YouTube where you and I were talking about teeny weenies who kind of went crazy. And they were like, you might've seen this, Kylie. And they were like,

Stop with the penis size. You've got to stop body shaming people. Well, I guess we know a lot about that person. I know. It kind of made me sad. It kind of makes me sad too. I mean, because we're total assholes. There's no question about it. We're total assholes. We don't want to pile on, but here's the situation. When you're a woman, you fall prey to so many more layers of shit about your appearance and

And then you start looking at all these men that have been in charge of everything and the patriarchy for such a long time and how much harder it is, how much more criticism you're under. And you just get kind of feisty about it. You do get feisty. And we like to grab the low hanging fruit pumps in me. And that's the teeny weeny or the short hanging fruit. The small. It's too easy. It was a layup.

I lobbed it up and you just fucking... I did it. Yeah. I just served it up. Okay. All right. It's time to welcome our guest today on I've Had It. She is the host of Off the Vine Pod, Caitlin Bristow. Do you suffer from having a parasocial relationship with two barely competent middle-aged women? No.

If so, please go to I've had it podcast.com or to any social media site. I'm talking X, formerly Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, et cetera, and click the link in bio and come see us at the hot shit tour. Make your parasocial relationship real at the hot shit tour. Right pumps. Tell them it's so fun. We hope to see you there.

Listener, for this episode of I've Had It, we've partnered with eHarmony, the dating app to find someone you can be yourself with. Pops, what's going on out there on the dating apps? It's unbelievable how many people try to be something they're not on dating apps.

And what I love about eHarmony is it's real people for real relationships. You heard her listener. That's why we've partnered with eHarmony because dating on eHarmony is different. eHarmony knows that to find something real, eHarmony is designed to help you bring out your personality on your profile with their unique personality test. They

They even highlight similarities with your potential matches. And that's when the magic happens. When you form genuine connections and authenticity leads to intimacy. Listener, give eHarmony a shot and get started with their compatibility quiz so you can find someone you can be yourself with. eHarmony, get who gets you.

It's time to get the world talking about black-led brands. We all have our favorites, our ride or dies, and the ones we can count on to help us live out our best lives. But we can't keep them all to ourselves, so if you're feeling like black opal beauty, tell somebody. If the lip bar gives you a lip for every drip, let them know. And if your hair is doing the do, shout that out too. Because one shout out leads to another and almost half of black-led brands are discovered by word of mouth.

Join Walmart in shouting out your favorite black-led products, creating a new world of choices at walmart.com forward slash black and unlimited. Listener, for this episode of I've Had It, we've partnered with eHarmony, the dating app to find someone you can be yourself with. Pops, what's going on out there on the dating apps? It's unbelievable how many people try to be something they're not on dating apps.

And what I love about eHarmony is it's real people for real relationships. You heard her, listener. That's why we've partnered with eHarmony because dating on eHarmony is different. eHarmony knows that to find something real, eHarmony is designed to help you bring out your personality on your profile with their unique personality test. They

They even highlight similarities with your potential matches. And that's when the magic happens. When you form genuine connections and authenticity leads to intimacy. Listener, give eHarmony a shot and get started with their compatibility quiz so you can find someone you can be yourself with. eHarmony, get who gets you.

It's time to get the world talking about black-led brands. We all have our favorites, our ride or dies, and the ones we can count on to help us live out our best lives. But we can't keep them all to ourselves, so if you're feeling like black opal beauty, tell somebody. If the Lip Bar gives you a lip for every drip,

Let them know. And if your hair is doing the do, shout that out too. Because one shout out leads to another and almost half of black-led brands are discovered by word of mouth. Join Walmart in shouting out your favorite black-led products, creating a new world of choices at walmart.com forward slash black and unlimited.

Listener, for this episode of I've Had It, we've partnered with eHarmony, the dating app to find someone you can be yourself with. Pops, what's going on out there on the dating apps? It's unbelievable how many people try to be something they're not on dating apps.

And what I love about eHarmony is it's real people for real relationships. You heard her, listener. That's why we've partnered with eHarmony because dating on eHarmony is different. eHarmony knows that to find something real, eHarmony is designed to help you bring out your personality on your profile with their unique personality test.

They even highlight similarities with your potential matches. And that's when the magic happens. When you form genuine connections and authenticity leads to intimacy. Listener, give eHarmony a shot and get started with their compatibility quiz so you can find someone you can be yourself with. eHarmony, get who gets you.

It's time to get the world talking about black-led brands. We all have our favorites, our ride or dies, and the ones we can count on to help us live out our best lives. But we can't keep them all to ourselves, so if you're feeling like black opal beauty, tell somebody. If the lip bar gives you a lip for every drip, let them know. And if your hair is doing the do, shout that out too. Because one shout out leads to another and almost half of black-led brands are discovered by word of mouth.

Join Walmart in shouting out your favorite black-led products, creating a new world of choices at walmart.com forward slash black and unlimited. Hi, Caitlin. Welcome to I've Had It. How are you? You've caught me on a good day because I've had it with a lot of things today. Oh, perfect. I love that. I'm good, but thank you so much for having me on. I love your guys' podcast. Thank you. We're so glad you're here. So, Caitlin, you know, Pumps and I, before you got on, we were just ripping on a bunch of stuff. Yeah.

And I told Pumps the word fluffer came up and Pumps told me she was really good at that. And then I said, I don't think we're talking about the same thing. And so if I were to tell you, do you know what a fluffer is? How would you answer that question? I thought that was somebody who comes in in the middle of like a porn scene. Exactly. And like, yeah, redoes like your hair and like gets the bed sheets a little nicer and just fluffs everything up. And keeps the penis erect.

Oh, yes. And keeps the penis erect. Yes. Yeah. So I never heard of that. Pops was today years old and she's old, Caitlin. I mean, we're talking advanced AARP age. Yeah. She just found out about the porn industry fluffing right before we had you on. I had never heard that term before. I thought it meant like- Welcome to the party. Yeah. I thought it meant just like getting in your jammies and watching like a show. I had no idea. That's adorable. That's adorable.

Yeah, I'm pretty naive, though. And gullible has been well established. That's okay. There could be worse things that you don't know what they are. It's okay to not know what a fluffer is. Yeah.

All right, Caitlin, what have you had it with? Oh my gosh. Can we get like men in general? I'm really over men being babies. So that is just something I'm dealing with right now that we don't have to get too much into because I'm more into, well, I guess it kind of goes along with it. The NFL people like NFL football fans, they're all, they've all had it with Taylor Swift getting her moment at these games. It's obnoxious. And it's so obnoxious because I'm like,

it's just, you don't see Travis Kelsey getting shit on when he comes to a Taylor Swift concert. All the women are like, wow, he's supportive. He's so great. And then she goes to games to support return the favor. And everyone's like, we've seen enough. We'll blame the NFL then because they're the ones putting the cameras on her at all times, making a big deal about it. Yeah. But these are also the same people. I will remind everybody that allegedly had boycotted the NFL because of the kneeling thing.

And now they're back because they never left. Right. And now they're mad because Travis Kelsey got vaccinated and it's stupid bullshit. And I mean, at the end of the day, if she brings more people to the sport, she's

Yeah. I mean, aren't we all excited about that? But I worship Taylor Swift right now. And I was always neutral on her. But ever since she's pissed off the far right wing, I mean, I'm lapping it up. I'm a Swifty. I'm all in. I'm going to tattoo Swifty on my arm. Here's the thing. I read this article in all of the coverage. And I think she's been at five or six NFL games. They're three and a half hours long.

The most coverage she has gotten at any of these NFL games is 25 seconds. The average is like 17, 18, 19. But on one game, they showed her for a total in three and a half hours of 25 seconds. And people are going, shit. Honestly, I think it's rampant sexism.

Yes. And they're threatened. They're threatened because she does wield a big stick as far as followers and mobilizing people to vote. And it's very scary. And when it's a woman, it's even that much more threatening. And the temptation to tear that woman down is just, it's teed up and it's too delicious for them to try to do it. I'm with you on that totally. I know.

And I saw there's like TikTok videos of like young boys going to get her records and like smashing them. And I'm like, why are we like, why is everybody such a baby? Why can't everyone just use their big boy voice and say like,

stand up for what is really bothering you about this and talk about it in a way where you're being honest and you can actually back up your feelings. Don't just pout about it and cry about it and smash records and be like, eh. Use your voice. What happened to people using their voice and standing up for what is it that's really upsetting you? Aren't these the same people that were bashing their Bud Light? Right. Shooting their Bud Light. Yes, absolutely. It's this...

it's this crazy like reaction. If they don't get their way, they're going to have explosive diarrhea and throw feces all over everyone. It's just like, if you don't like bed light,

Don't drink it. Don't drink it.

Titty babies. Yeah. Titty babies, like they're still hooked on the mother's titty? That's right. It's a southern thing. They're titty babies. And so I think we're just going to have to cling on a little bit longer until all the boomers...

I know. I was thinking that same thing. I'm like, eventually, but then I worry about how they're raising their children and if that's just going to keep continuing to be a thing. And it's unfortunate because in like the bachelor fandomonium, whatever you want to call it, the bachelor nation, a lot of them are, um,

kind of in that same realm of people. And I see it so much and like going through a public breakup, just like there wasn't sides at the beginning. It was like a breakup that we both

agreed with the right thing, but people want to take sides so badly. And then those tiny babies go into like, oh, I see that I'm getting attention from this, me being a crybaby and I'm playing my little violin. Maybe there are sides I'm going to play into that. And then it turns into something that it never was in the first place. And I feel like that's just like the world we're living in right now. And it's so annoying. Right. Everybody has to take a side. Nobody can just see both sides. Right.

Yeah. And then we got to play into the sides because they're working for us. And then it's just like makes a bigger deal out of something that's nothing. It's I'm over it. Well, at the end of the day, the whole like Taylor Swift thing,

Travis Kelsey, it's all entertainment. I mean, all of that is just, it's not like they're going out making massive policy change. No, they're going to football games. It's a football game and she's a pop singer. And it's like, why are you that butthurt over all of that? But here's something you had emailed us when we were talking about having you on that you had had it with

comparing yourself to people that you don't want to be like, which brings me to a TikTok deep dive that I just did this weekend, which is a couple named Pookie and Jet. Oh, fuck. Have you seen this couple?

Oh, yes. I've also done a deep dive and spent an embarrassing amount of time on their TikTok. Yeah. So, listener, let me explain. The Pookie and Jet, it's this young married couple and...

I don't know what her real name is, but he calls her Pookie. They're white, of course. And Jed is always like, hey, Pookie, what you wearing tonight? She's like, I got my Hermes bag and I got a revolve top. And then he starts going in what he's wearing. He's like, well, I'm wearing a cashmere sweater. And he's like bringing her Chick-fil-A in bed every morning. I went back. I went back six or seven months. Wow.

I went deep. I went deep and I couldn't stop. I was like, this is insane. Stop watching it. And I couldn't stop. I was trying to get to the wedding, which I never found. Never got to the wedding? Oh, you never got there? No, I never got there. Shoot. I was going to say, I don't know if I went on that. I was scrolling for quite a while. But have they been doing this for like...

How long have they been doing their TikToks? And did they just recently blow up on TikTok or something? Because my girlfriend sent it to me and I've gone through so many different emotions with them where I'm like, I love this. And then I hate it. And then I'm uncomfy. And then I think it's hilarious. And I don't know where I land right now with these two. I don't know if they're entertaining and funny or just like really sad and pathetic. I don't know. Okay. So let's jump into that.

Number one, as a rule of thumb, I'm just going to say when your identity becomes like, you know, the families that have a family account and the husband and wives have a husband and wife account.

As a rule of thumb, I'm going to say there's some fuckery going on behind the camera. I agree. Just right out of the gates. Like couples that tweet each other or Facebook each other when they're sitting on the sofa and they're Instagram commenting. Right out of the gates, I think it's a red flag. Look.

I found it wildly entertaining. I don't know why. It was mind-numbing and gross and interesting and all of the emotions that you just described. But

I think that there's something about like that generation where it's like this overt wealth and thirst trapping on the internet that can be wildly entertaining. But I also hate if you're a Gen Z-er and you see that and you're insecure. And I don't know what the impact of all that stuff is going to be like long term. I worry about that too, because in this next generation coming up, I mean...

They have all of this internet crazy content that goes viral for the dumbest things where that's what they think is what they should be going for or striving for in life is to go viral for like,

the dumbest content. And I worry because some of TikTok is actually quite educational. I find I can learn a lot on there. And there's some things where I'm like, oh, this is great. And then you can just get sucked in the suck hole of some pooky shit. And you're like, well, what am I doing? And you've just numbed your mind for hours on it. And that's what a lot of our general, the next generation is doing. And it's aerifying. Well, you know, it's, what's interesting is like, for me, we didn't grow up pumps in me with smartphones in our hands. And

And so we have Kylie, our producer, will make these TikToks and Twitters and all this stuff and it'll go viral. I'm able to put my phone down and none of it is real. None of it matters. I cannot think. I can go...

A full day, day and a half, two days and not even think about it, not look at a comment because it's not real to me. It's I even get wrapped up in that. Like even sometimes I worry about what people are thinking or if I'm watching a story, I'm like, like I get kind of trapped in the is this real life thing? And and sometimes it like really bothers me. I wish I could step out and be like you. I wish I could be like, well, that doesn't even bother me because it's not real. Do that. Do the hate comments. Does it bother you?

It depends if I'm on my period or not. That's real. I don't want to talk about my ex too much, but like the fact that he can go out and say something and he's promoting something and then I can, I want to be the bigger person, take the higher road and that's,

you know, but then I get these hate comments and I'm like, am I not using my voice? Am I not standing up for myself or am I taking the higher road? Did I get consumed in that? Then on another day, like, let's say it's two weeks after my period, I actually can find it comical and laugh and be like, Oh my God, look what this person said to me. That's so ridiculous. Um, so it really depends. Right. Are you single now? Have you started dating again?

I've been on a few dates, but I just, I feel like I'm such a relationship girl. Like I went from, you know, I was in a relationship. I took two years to be single and I did like a lot of work from 27 to 30. Then I went on The Bachelor. Then I went on The Bachelorette and then I was engaged. And then I jumped into another relationship. I got engaged there. So now I'm trying to like,

Take a breath. And even though I'm, I would love to be in a relationship. I'm 38. I've, I feel like I'm in a good place for myself. I feel like I'm always ready, but I dating is,

Scary to me. It's a lot of work, isn't it? Dating is a lot of work. Has your ex, has he started dating? I don't know. That's always hard. That's all. I always want to be the first one that starts dating somebody. The thing is, like, I can, like, it's good. Like, you can break up and, yeah, you want to be the first one that dates. You want to be the first one in a new relationship. And you want to be the first one in a new relationship because when you see your ex go on and move on to be happy, it's like a whole relationship.

re-triggering impact, at least it has been for me in the past. In my experience, it's like you're happy for them. You want the best for them. You know that it's not right, the two of you together, but there's just still something about seeing what somebody else thinks. Think about it now though, Pumps. Think about it. Now you see it online. Back in the day, in the 90s, you'd say, oh my God, I saw John Doe at a bar and he had his arm around this girl. And then you're driving around trying to figure out who it is.

I don't, I mean, that would be a dagger. I think that'd be really hard. A re-impact. Really hard. I'm really good at, I call it shopping for pain. I'm really good at not shopping for pain. That's good. I like that. I'm really good at like not going to look for it to upset me. So I don't know. But also at the same time, I am in a place where I actually do want him to move on because I'm

I feel like he kind of uses the breakup to monetize. So I'm like, can you just, can we move on now? I'm like, I'm kind of ready for him to actually be happy. So it doesn't have to involve his topics. Don't have to involve me anymore. I'm really, I'm really impressed with your restraint and shopping for pain. And I never heard it called that before. Great. I don't know that I share that same discipline and restraint. And I know for sure that pumps doesn't because we launched all

Right.

Every second of it. Hey, if you enjoy it, that's one thing. I just know that I don't find joy. It's definitely toxic. It was toxic in the long term. It probably hurt us. We're more evolved now. Right. But I still think we'd go shopping for pain. I think we're still kind of fucked up. I'd stake it. I love a good stakeout though. I do. I love a good stakeout. I love like, okay, where are they? Let's find them. Like narrowing it down. I love all that shit.

I used to always want to be in the FBI. Well, see, there you go. There's some sort of like sick, twisted enjoyment from it. But if you have any kind of enjoyment from it, that's one thing. It might not be healthy, but you enjoy it. I actually like will make myself sick if I do that and I don't enjoy it. And like, I just know...

And again, I'll still... It doesn't mean I never do it. Like sometimes I'll get stuck in the DMs and be like, oh my gosh, people really are like hating on me today. And I'll continue. And then I stop myself because I'm like, this doesn't feel good. But I will never... Like anytime I've ever gone through a breakup, I will...

I will unfollow. I will not go look at their stuff. I will, if they show up on my for you page, I click the like, this is not for me. I don't want to see anything healthy. That is really healthy. Here's the thing for me. And I think maybe it's a Gen X thing. People that I know that I love or have an affection for, they can hurt me. Strangers on the internet.

You know, Karen in Toledo, Ohio, that could send me some barn burner, ash chewing DM or comment. I'm really kind of tickled and flattered that she took the time and care to pay that attention to me. And the meaner the comment, the more I like it, the more it warms my black heart. Typically, I'm not super sensitive about comments.

about the strangers. I'm just like, who cares what... It's just like, why would anybody care what Jennifer and Pumps in Oklahoma City thought? Like the people that get butthurt about the stuff we talk about on the podcast. I'm like, why do you care? Why do you care? Don't listen. It's real easy. Okay. Well, they're the ones shopping for pain as well. Right. Yeah. But I will say...

We have not always been this rock solid, Caitlin. And there have been multiple times where we have gone to great lengths. I mean, great investigative lengths to shop for pain. Yeah. I love that term. And here's what's so fucked up about it. We kind of enjoyed it. We had fun doing it. There was some S&M, emotional S&M thing to it. Yeah, definitely. I'm jealous. I wish I could find some sort of enjoyment in it. That would make my life easier. No, don't. Your whole thing of blocking all that's much healthier. Right. You're way healthier than we are.