Nobody Likes You
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So are we supposed to start the podcast? Ready? One, two, three. It is a great day. The star of our show looks fantastic. The blazer is cute. I love it. What have you had it with, Pumps? What I've had it with is people that have, like couples, that have to pat each other's ass in public. It's so unnecessary. It's happened to me over the weekend.

at a Starbucks where they were just doing the little ass rub. And then I was in the airport and the girl was sitting on the stool and the guy was sitting next to her and he was just doing the ass rub. And I'm just like, you can't wait five minutes until you get home. You can't even go in the family bathroom and knock it out. I mean, why do we have to touch all the time? I don't get it. I think it's gross. I think it's unnecessary PDA. I don't like ass patting. I've had it. Ass patting in public.

Here's the deal. I don't know that that bothers me too much. It does me, especially when it's old people like my age. It really doesn't bother me. If somebody's patting an ass in public, what really bothers me is when somebody sticks their hand down their pants into their ass in public. Oh, yeah, like getting their underwear out of their ass or whatever? Just any sort of. You've seen guys and girls. No, stick their hands down and start scratching their ass in public. Okay.

A public ass scratch. I'm not into it. If somebody's patting somebody's bottom, whatever. Swing for the fences. I don't care. I just don't. I'm just not a PDA-er that I just, the ass patting, I just feel like it's unnecessary. What's going to happen? I mean, why are you doing this? Let me ask you this.

In the last 20 years, have you been in love with anybody enough to rub an ass in public? No. Right. Not even close. Maybe I'm out of practice. So maybe, maybe. Maybe it's me. Yeah. Maybe it's a reaction to other people's happiness. No, I just think it's a reaction to other people being gross and patting asses in public. I'm going to stand by it. Over the close ass pat. Yeah. But it's more like an ass pat rub. Like a.

I don't know. I just think it's unnecessary. Kylie, do you and Anna rub and pat each other's ass in public? We do a little ass patting. Just gentle. A gentle little ass pat. Is it prolonged, though, or is it just a keep moving pat? No, I'm not, like, herding her along. But I know, but is it like a pat, pat, pat, pat, rub, rub, rub, rub, pat, pat, pat? Or is it just like a swish kind of thing? I think...

Because I think there's a difference. Wait. Here are your options. Is it a pat, pat, rub, rub, pat, pat, rub, or a shh, shh, shh, shh? It's more of like a rab-putt. I think it's the first one. I don't have a problem with it. See, I don't like it. I'd have had it with it. Listen up. Listen up. Global listeners, forced listeners, Pumps has had it with your ass rubbing. The ass rubbing, especially in close quarters like at a Starbucks. Yes.

Here's the deal. You know, I just think some people are just in love and they like to pat an ass. But let me tell you what I've had it with. Okay. What have you had it with? I have to do a little background build up. Okay. Okay.

So, you know, when you're eating a plate of food, some bites are superior to other bites. Yeah. Meaning like if you have a salad, some bites have a little bit of chicken, a little bit of cheese, maybe more salad dressing on it, and then maybe a little tomato. And it's a superior bite to all the other bites on the plate. And as a consumer, I eat my food and I think, well, I'm going to save that bite. I'm going to delay gratification. Right.

I'm going to save that bite for after I have about five or six boring bites, right? Well, every Christmas morning, I make cinnamon rolls, right? Josh, no matter where I am in the house, if I'm eating a meal, he hovers over and monitors the bites on my plate. So weird. And that superior bite that I'm talking about

Oftentimes, I turn to look at my dogs, to look at my human children, maybe see what's going on in the television. And that superior bite is gone. Did he take the middle of the cinnamon roll? That's exactly what he did. That's a huge violation. It was Christmas morning. Everybody opened their presents.

We then go to the Christmas Island after I prepared cinnamon rolls. And don't get excited, listener. They were the pop and bake kind. But nonetheless, that's what I call cooking. Right. And I'm eating my cinnamon roll. And I turn to talk to the boys about their gifts. I'm talking to my dogs. I turn back around to my plate. And I had started from the outside in. Sure. I was saving the superior bite for last because I can delay gratification. Right.

I looked down at my plate and the center part of my roll was gone. And Josh is just chomping like a goddamn chipmunk, eating my cinnamon roll, the center bite. And I've had it. I've had it with him stealing the best bite on my plate. So did you...

Get on him? Well, who do you think you're talking to? Well, yeah, I was going to figure. No, I sat there like a wallflower and just let my man eat the best part of the cinnamon roll. Because he deserves it. And never said a word about it. What'd you say? I was like, did you just eat the center of my cinnamon roll? And he was like, well, I thought you were finished. Which is a lie. I was like, nobody on the planet leaves the center part empty.

of their cinnamon roll unless they're some sort of fucking sociopath. Right. That's the best part. Of course you save it for last. Yes. And he just, I mean, he just ate it with reckless abandon, reckless disregard. But you know what? It's a pattern, pups. There are often times where we order food and we, you know, we have takeout and we're sitting at our kitchen island and we're

He's always looking over my plate or our son's plate. And he's always superior bite shopping. Yeah.

He is shopping for that superior bite because in every plate of food, there is a superior bite to all other bites. Right. And Josh Welch is like a heat seeking missile to those bites. And he's constantly stealing them from me. And I've had it. Did he show any contrition at all? No, I didn't think so. Welcome to I've had it. I'm defeated. And I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie. We call her Pumps.

She's the star of the show, my favorite person, because she would never steal the center of my cinnamon roll. I mean, we could go back and just say this is probably one of the problems with being married. You know, we'll add that to the list.

Kylie, what's going on on the internet? I have an email from a listener. Oh, I like the emails. She calls herself Luscious Lindsay. Like it? And she writes, I've been listening a while and waiting for the moment when my day of seething rage would come. Well, it was today.

Today, I just about fucking had it. I went tits up with blind rage when someone was sharing their favorite TV shows and another person just went on and on about how busy they are and they don't have all that spare time to watch TV shows. You can read between the lines until this person is just so high on their fucking horse that they've never even heard of the TV show.

They think they're such hot shit and insinuate that a show could never move them deeply or change their perspective because watching TV is for simple folk. Listen up, Kendra. Six Feet Under was amazing, and you don't know about it because you're kind of a twat. I bet when it's your birthday at the office, people are real annoyed that they have to sign your card.

Oh, that's a great point. That's a great one. Being annoyed at a forced card sign, that is a great grievance that we haven't spent any time on. Yeah, that is a big one. Furthermore, Six Feet Under was a fantastic show. And anybody who likes to flex about not watching TV, I worry about that person and their mental well-being every bit as much as I worry about people who claim they don't like dogs.

Both of those things live in the same spaces. It's the false superiority that, oh, I'm too busy for television. Well, that right there, because you started with I'm too busy, tells me you're not too busy for television. Right. You just never watch Six Feet Under. Right. Or maybe you have comprehension skills and you can't comprehend television. Right. Or maybe you're just watching TikTok. Maybe you're dork and nobody likes you. Maybe you're just patting people's asses all over the place. Maybe everybody hates your guts and hates signing your Christmas card.

And nobody likes you. Nobody. Nobody that I've had at podcast studio likes her. That's right. I can tell you that. I love the tits up reference too. That's fantastic. I do too. That is a great email. I like these emails. So I think it's now time for our favorite account on the World Wide Web. As you know, it is Disappointing Affirmations, which is fighting toe to toe with every performative email

inspirational account that traffics in toxic positivity. I always laugh out loud at these. This account is literally going toe-to-toe with these people, and I think it's probably winning. And as a surprise, Kylie, didn't we have a listener make us a jingle? We did. Rocky Patera on Instagram made us our own custom Disappointing Affirmations intro song. All right, let's hear it. Disappointing Affirmations

Do you want another one? Yeah. Okay. Okay. All right. Here's the first one. Stop living in the past. Seriously. Your present self is a fucking mess and needs your help. Pups is at Pupsville. Oh my gosh.

That was so great. Sorry about the technical difficulties, but I had to throw my head back and laugh. It's so true, though. It's so true. Why are you worrying about what you used to do? You're fucking up right now. That's right. Okay, here's the next one. It's okay if you aren't where you wanted to be by now. Have you considered giving up? I needed that years before in my marriage. Just give up. Just call it. Be done.

It's okay that you're not where you want it to be. But that's so true because maybe your idea of where you want things to be is so unrealistic. So unrealistic. Almost always. The whole never give up crowd needs a little bit of this. They do. Just give up. Just sometimes redirect. How about give up immediately? Just fucking stop. Yes, immediately. All right. Here's one. I hate it whenever I feel good.

I just know it's going to end badly. Isn't that the truth? I was just going to say, isn't that the truth? You know, when everything's going great. I just start getting nervous. Yeah. What's going to happen? Yeah. It's coming. Okay. Here's the next one. Be proud of how much you've accomplished. No one ever expected much from you.

That's good stuff right there. That is high quality. That is high quality. Like that is a missile launched at the toxic positivity part of Instagram. For sure. Yeah. It's okay to have feelings, but do you need to have so many? I need to put that on my forehead.

I don't want to hear about all your feelings. Too many feelings. Yeah. That many feelings is just a lot of work. Yeah. It's a lot. It's a lot. I think people overfeel. I think people overfeel and I think people over talk about their feelings. I think sometimes like there's all of this great new therapeutic stuff.

progress that we've made. But in that, in solving problems, often you create new problems as well. And sometimes people take it too far. Right. Too far. And feel too much. There's really like feelings are really a tightrope. You've really got to find the right balance in them. Not everybody wants to know all your feelings all the time. People need to focus on mastering feelings. Right. Not too much. It's the Goldilocks effect. The Goldilocks.

Not too cold. Yeah. Okay. Stop romanticizing your past. You were miserable back then too. Yeah.

so true. That is so true. The revisionist history crowd is the worst. It's unbelievable. Yeah. It is the worst. Yeah. When people are like, oh my gosh, when my baby was little, it was so great. I'm like, it's fucking miserable. You didn't sleep. You had shit all over you all the time. Burp. Yuck. No, I'm with you. Don't romanticize about the past. It wasn't that great. All right. And that will conclude our reading this

This week of disappointing affirmations. Do you suffer from having a parasocial relationship with two barely competent middle-aged women?

If so, please go to I've had it podcast.com or to any social media site. I'm talking X, formerly Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, et cetera, and click the link in bio and come see us at the hot shit tour. Make your parasocial relationship real at the hot shit tour. Right pumps. Tell them it's so fun. We hope to see you there.

This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Pumps, now that the holidays are over, I think it is the perfect time for a lot of us that had to spend a little too much time with our families of origin and maybe that crazy uncle to go to our therapist to do a little fine tuning. That's why I am so grateful that I use BetterHelp.

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and get 15% off by using the discount code HADIT. The link is below in the show notes. Kylie, what do you have on tap for us today? We've been sent quite a few voice memos. Ooh, yay. Okay, let's hear the voice memos. I love these. Okay, so we have asked people and let them know that they can send in advice as well. And Erin has sent in and needs your guys' advice.

Hi, Jen. Hi, Judy Diana Pumps Dolly. Hi, Kylie. So my name is Erin, and I'm in a little bit of a pickle. My sister is getting married in the spring, and she wants to go to Miami, Florida for her bachelorette party, which I think is vile, disgusting, and awful because who the fuck thinks the state of Florida is cute?

And I made a vow never to go back there again. Also, she caught a little attitude with me over Christmas, so I don't really know if I want to spend a whole bunch of fucking money to go to fucking Florida. Help me. Do I go? I mean, I think she's probably going to end up getting married again, so I mean, I'll have another chance to go to one of her bachelorette parties, but damn it. Lordy. If she's anything like our mama, for sure. Help.

Erin, I'll tell you what, that is a pickle. That is a pickle because Florida, man. Okay, here's the thing. Here's the thing about Florida. Their governor, Governor DeSantis, whom we refer to as Governor Kittenhills, he is really screwing that state up. He's doing his best. However, Miami, I think, is still pretty cool. I do too. I think Miami's cool and I think Miami's a cool place to go visit. But I also want to say this about red states because we live in one.

Red States are represented by these crazy people and they're loud and they're obnoxious. But also in red States, you have super cool people like pumps and they need to be visited too. And so, I mean, kitten heels drives me crazy. Don't get me wrong. I think he's a freak to end all freaks, but I do think that Florida needs visitors that are open-minded and liberal and

I do hate giving kitten heels the tax dollars. But also one more thing regarding your sister. Granted, she could get married three or four times. Right. And everybody's got to have a first husband. And the husband she's marrying right now will be just as good as any. But you can't ever go back to do the first husband bachelorette party again. And even though your sister might be being a twat, I think you should go, Erin. That's my opinion. See, I think that...

The Miami thing, I just, I have a hard time with people having bachelorette parties that are so expensive for the other guests. So I think that maybe, depending on the financial circumstances, I might plead the financial circumstances and just say, I really can't go. You know. Why would you not go? Kitten heels? I just wouldn't go because I don't like bachelorette parties and I don't want to go to Florida.

But if it was my sister, I mean, here's the deal. I'd probably go because it was my sister. But I just have, I just, I think it's unnecessary to fly all over the country when you get married. Because like he said, half the time you end up divorced. Right. I mean, unless she's going to pay for it. And then I'm all in.

Erin, I think you got to go. I think you got to go. You got to go. Is your mom going to be mad if you don't? Is your dad going to be mad if you don't? I wouldn't. I mean, you're an adult. I wouldn't worry too much about what your mom and dad think. I would worry about... Well, because you're terrified of your mother. Right. But...

For those of us that aren't terrified of our parents, I wouldn't worry about it because you're a grown adult. But your sibling relationships are the longest relationships of your entire life. Those are the people with whom you know the longest. And so I think you got to go. I hate giving kitten heels the tax money, but I think you got to nut up and go.

What do you think, Kyle? Maybe he could post a Venmo sticker on the back of his car. Raise some money. There you go. And then when you get home, you can have a minty bee. Exactly. Yeah. Right. Okay. Up next, we've got Chandler.

Hey, Jen. Hey, Pumps. Hey, Kylie. So I've had it with my birthday being Insurrection Day. You know, it used to be kind of cute that January 6th was Epiphany. So even though my birthday was so close to Christmas, it was like, okay, that's fine. Now it's just the day that the dumbasses and Donnie T made it to the Capitol. There's nothing cute about that. And I've had it.

I completely agree. That is a total dick over. It's just one more thing the Republicans have screwed up. Right. One more thing they've taken away from her, her birthday. Her birthday is now a national monument to a coup d'etat and the worst day in American democracy. Absolutely. Since the Civil War, let's say that. You know what amazes me about the insurrection in the digital age?

They all knew it was being filmed. And then they took their own camera footage as well. And posted it on their own social media. They like recorded themselves breaking the law, committing a crime, doing all kinds of other fuckery. And they post it on their own social media.

Here's what gets me about the insurrection if we're going to go there is all the people that are like, well, you know, the president called me. He called, he wanted me there. Like, did he? Did he want you there? You know what's so funny about the insurrection is while he was watching it, Trump, he says to his aides, I wish these people didn't look so trashy.

The aesthetics of how redneck they were bothered him. Of course it did. Right. He wouldn't have them over. But anyway, I think that is the biggest dick over. That is a dick over. I think that's a total dick over. The one bright spot, the one silver lining might be that like 20 years from now, they make it a national holiday to commemorate like...

Going back to democracy, like making it a day about America. I don't think they would ever make that day a national holiday. I was trying to make the good thing about it. Like a day like Freedom Day or avoiding a democracy day. Bunch of rednecks. Yeah, but I mean thinking about like that we didn't succumb to a coup.

You don't think? Maybe in 20 years? I think you started walking down this road and then the more you started explaining it, the more unlikely it became. Yeah, you're right. Here's the deal, sis. You're fucked on the birthday. It's a total dick over. It's one more thing that Donnie T screwed up for you. Right. Okay. What's next, Kylie? Okay. Up next is someone else that needed some advice and her name is Liz. Hello, fellow queers, Kylie and Pumps, and Jennifer. My name is Liz.

My name is Liz and I need Jennifer's wise, wise wisdom on how to become a world class pickleball player. I went to a pickleball New Year's Eve event and I had a blast and I'm just really trying to, you know, become my best self and getting into the world championships of pickleball.

So how do I break into that world and, you know, just make lots and lots of lesbian pickleball friends, maybe find a pickleball wife, you know, just really become a world champion just like Jen.

I'm just going to say this. I've had it with people encouraging the pickleball talk. Go ahead. Liz, that is a great question. And let me just tell you that before you embark on this, you have to silence out the hate. You have to silence out the haters and the detractors. That's what I do. I don't acknowledge it. I don't think about it. You just have to go and focus. But there's many facets to being a pickleball champion. Mm-hmm.

But let me tell you, there are certain things that you just can't coach. There are certain skill set and swagger that you just can't coach. Some people have that it factor and some people don't. But primarily what I would say is get you a coach. Get up early and start going and drilling all the time. Drill as much as you can.

Find your group of ladies to play with or a group of guys to play with. And even if they're better than you, you go out and you commit and you just pound that ball as hard as you fucking can. And if you're having a hard time playing, like what I do when I'm really going through a rut is I think about people that say hateful things about my passion for pickleball. And I think about how mean they are to me. And I think about just whacking the ball right in their face.

when I'm hitting it. And before I know it, I'm playing great. I love it. Just go out there and train as hard as you can. Silence the haters. That's all I have to say. I thought that was beautiful. Thank you. Gag. All right. Up next, we've got Olivia. Hello, ladies. My name's Olivia, and I have had it with people doing things for the reason that our ancestors did it.

I'm tired of the glamorization of homesteading. Like it's some glamorous lifestyle. You just wake up, pick your flowers, make bread. These people were purely surviving. I looked it up. The average lifespan in the year 1900 was 47 years old. So you want to do what they did?

And I also think that they would laugh at us if they knew that people were choosing to give birth unmedicated. I think they would think that we are absolutely batshit crazy. Anyway. Homesteading. All of the whole like...

Back to better days and all of that, all of that referencing to me is like, like coded language that number one, they can't live in the moment or the now, but also that they want to return to some sort of traditional or conservative way of life. Right. They want the women not to be able to vote and or work outside the home. Right. They don't want, I mean, you just don't say gay. Right.

And there won't be any gay people. Instead of being socially progressive and understanding that all people are the same. Everybody's humanized. Humanize everyone. Right. But no, the homesteading thing. Yeah. Like I would want to roll out of bed and make fucking bread from scratch. No, thank you. I'll just go buy it. It's just easier. I just, I think that the problem with a lot of this stuff is if people were doing this

In the 1980s, we wouldn't know. Right. We just know too much. We wouldn't know about it. Now, sometimes we just know too much. And then in that knowing too much, there's a percentage of people that are doing this because they're totally into it. Right. And then there's a percentage of people that are doing it for performative purposes. And it's always the performers that ruin everything for everybody else. Because the people who are genuinely interested in it, good for them. Right. But I would say if you're genuinely interested in something...

Like you probably aren't spending more time on that editing and posting videos than you are the thing you're actually in love with. I would concur with that. You know, it's like these performative mothers, the amount of time that they spend in videoing the things they do with their children has to supersede actually doing things with their children. Agree. Absolutely agree.

Pumps, you want to know something I'm going to change about next year? What? I'm actually going to play more racket sports, not less.

And because I use Lume products religiously, you will not have to worry one bit about me smelling anything but fresh in this podcasting studio of ours. I'm so glad. And I, too, rely on Lume. I love the Lume wipes. In fact, I just reordered. And I love the all-over body deodorant.

For my teenager that plays sports after school, it's been a game changer. You know, we might not be the best podcasters in the world, but we smell like we are. Yeah.

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at lumideodorant.com. That equates to over 40% off your starter pack when you visit lumideodorant.com and use the code HADIT. This podcast is brought to you by eHarmony. Pumps, don't you think finding someone who gets you and everything about you is really hard? I think it's so hard. And

And you know what? You're not alone. That's because we're human and there's a lot of different humans out there, which is why eHarmony's personality-based dating app helps you find someone you can be your whole self with, someone you can be fully comfortable with. Do you think you could give it a try, Pumps? I really like the idea that it's personality-based. So yes, I think I could. That's what true connection and compatibility are all about, Pumps. Being seen, heard, and understood.

That's why more people are turning to eHarmony. You know, I think you are a fantastic candidate for eHarmony and I think you could actually connect with somebody. I'm really hopeful about this and I think Kylie is too. When you match based on personality, you're already one step ahead when it comes to getting to know one another. Try eHarmony and get started today for free. eHarmony. Get who gets you.

Okay, Kylie, who's next? Up next, we've got two from Sophie. Okay. Hi, Pumps, Jessica, and Kylie. I am an avid listener. And today I've been writing my first I've had it because I fucking had it with sick people in public. Did we learn nothing from a fucking global pandemic? You guys took away three years of my college experience.

Just so that you can fucking cough up a lung in public again. Put on a mask! Sneeze into your elbow. I'm fucking had it. Had it. Sorry. Sorry. I've had it. I like the soft tiptoe away. Sorry. I've had it. I couldn't agree more. Have we learned nothing from a global pandemic?

I feel like sick people, there's just like, they're right back to not wearing masks. Whether it's obviously if you're hacking up a lung, somebody else can get it more often than not. So when I was 19 years old, I went to Japan and this is in the nineties. And if somebody was sick, they wore a mask in public. And I asked my friend Kazue, who was my host, I said, Kazue, why are people wearing masks in public? And he said,

And she says, it is because we Japanese are so polite. Right. We do not want to get other people sick. And I thought, well, that is so nice. Right. It makes so much sense. The sneezing, the coughing, the snot slinging, all the crap. Keep it contained. Don't spread it. So then nobody would ever dream of doing that. No. In the shit show, selfish parade country of ours. So much so that when we actually had a global pandemic, we

All these truckers and all these nuts just went on a goddamn parade, you know, about their freedom or whatever. Right. I mean, fuck being polite or pro-life. You know, none of that mattered. But anyway, I agree with her that like if you're super duper duper sick and coughing, but you have to go in public, just slap a mask on. It's not hard. It's common courtesy. I agree. And I just don't understand why people don't do it now that COVID's not technically a pandemic anymore. People are still giving it to each other.

Yeah. I mean, I think she's just talking about like even just like a generalized cough RSV situation. You'll be around people like on airplanes or on public transportation. Or standing in line with them and they're just hacking. Yes. And it's like, just put on a mask. I think it's common courtesy. I think she's onto something. More people should do it. She's right. All right, Seth, let's play the second one from Sophie.

Hello, Jennifer, Pums, Kylie, Kylie's bitch. Sorry, I'm in a rush. I'm doing this quick. I have had it with nasty work emails. I fucking had it. Don't you see my manager? Also, why are you saying I don't know if everyone's working from home, playing with their children and pet? No, we're just not replying to you because you're not that fucking important. Like Jesus Christ. We'll get to you when we get to you. Okay, calm the fuck down. Sophie's just had it. She's had it.

That is so true. Sometimes with people I don't like, I might take a day or two to respond just to irritate them on purpose. So you know what I did once? So there was this guy, I was working on this big commercial interior design project. And this guy that was like one of the lead guys from the construction department on the project was unbelievably like,

unaware. Like I was shocked. And this guy was probably 15, 20 years older than me. I was shocked that he had made it that far, not only in his career, but also in life. Right. I mean, just a level of incompetence that I was just like, whoa. So he calls me one Friday afternoon at like 4.50 PM on a Friday and says, I need X, Y, Z by the end of the day today.

And I'm like, dude, the end of the day today is in 10 minutes. Right. Not going to happen. And he's like pitch to fit like he needed it. So this girl that worked for me at the time, she and I as a total tit for tat retaliatory thing,

we would prepare these really long things that we needed as feedback. And they were all arbitrary, nothing really real, but we create this busy work because he was just dumb enough to fall for it. Right. And we would program the email to go out at 4 59 PM every Friday. And it would be like a 20 to 25 point bullet point email. And we would say at the end, well,

Thank you for getting this back to us by the end of this week. I have done something similar. I had this one lawyer. I hated his guts. He was a pompous dick. Everybody hated him. So he made a big, huge point at his office. Don't fax anything because he's charged by whomever owned his office. He's charged a certain rate for every fax. So he's like, let me pick it up, put it, send it in the mail. This is before email.

So he pissed me off one day really bad. And so I had discovery to send to him and it was like a hundred pages. And I sat at that fax machine and I didn't fax it once. I faxed it twice on purpose. Just because I was like, fuck you, you dick. There are certain ways to like really fuck with people in work settings where it looks like you're being a good worker. But like that guy, when he sent, when he sent me that, I was like, he,

It was something he had dropped the ball on. Right. And then he wanted you to fix it for him. Yes. So we punished him. I think that this girl and I that worked for him, we did it like every Friday for like the next three to four Fridays. And we would be crying laughing as we were creating the emails and like just this fool's errand that we would send him on that he was dumb enough to fall for. But I'm with her. It's like, oh, God.

And I'm such an asshole that if somebody's not responding to my emails, I have zero issues sending like three or four a day. Right. Like I will be the squeaky wheel if I need the information. But if it's just like you can get back to me anytime, I'm fine if I don't get it till the next day or like 24, 36 hours later. My biggest thing are people that like...

text you non, like I work typically from, you know, eight to five would be appropriate hours to text me. And then I have some clients that text me at 6 30 AM and at 9 PM. And they're always the same people and on Sundays. And I'll respond to the text, Hey, at home with my family, can we talk about this Monday morning?

And then the person responds, yeah, I just didn't want to forget about this. I'm like, if you put it in email, then I'll see it Monday morning. Because the thing about a text is it's, I've got, I'm going to get 200 texts between now and then it's going to be pushed way down the phone. And the people that like, I really am making a concerted effort not to text people whom I'm doing business with unless it's work hours. And if it's after work hours, just send them an email. Yeah, no, I do that too. I have some clients right now that are just working me over. It's like-

6 a.m. I'm a morning person and I'm up. I don't want to think about your ass just yet. Right. I need a little time. Yeah. I'm pretty guilty of sending really early morning emails. But an email is different. Email is a completely different. You get to it when you get to it. An email is a completely different form of communication that I think can be sent at any time. I do too. And sometimes you use that time to your advantage to flex. Like, look who's up at 4.45 a.m. working their ass off.

It's a nice timestamp. The text, it just gets way too personal to do it outside of work hours. No, I completely agree. Okay. The last one is from Hearts of Palm. Hey, Jennifer. Hey, Princess Diana. What I've had it with, and this is now a pandemic across the UK. It's parents coming onto buses with prams, you know, kids in prams. I can't stand it. I can't.

I'm always behind. I'm always behind these people. And then they're getting on and they look to me and the guy, are you going to help me? Are you going to help me put the pram in the bus? Why? No, that's not my child. That ain't my pram. You're the one that decided to go out on public transport, you know, with the pram in tow. Why should I help you get it inside? I've got back issues. I ain't touching that.

And when the child stuff falls off the pram and they look at you and go, could you pick that up, please? I'm like, why don't I just shove a broomstick up my ass and I can sweep the floor as I go along. How about I do that then? You know what's so great about the British accent? It's fabulous. You can really, really present being a total asshole in a very rational way.

sort of way elegant yeah it's it's very it's elegant assholery yeah i'll tell you what how about i get a broomstick cram it up my ass or i think he says arse we hung with this brand why yeah i didn't bring my baby on here yeah i mean i gotta love it it's so right people with kids just assume everybody a thinks they're cute and b wants to help that's just not true

Yeah, you know, the further I get from my kids being super little, and I know that this is incredibly hypocritical, the more intolerant I am of babies and toddlers. And I was there. We had them. We were some of the biggest offenders. We were the biggest offenders. I personally was an offender. We were nightmares in restaurants. Nightmare. Our kids were nightmares. If there was public transportation in Oklahoma, we would have been...

everybody's most hated moms and children in the city. No question. We would have schlepped our strollers on there and expected every motherfucker to help us. Absolutely. Been pissed if they didn't. The further I get away from that era in my life, the more I'm with this British guy here. Yeah, me too. I don't want to help. I don't want to look at it. I don't think your baby's cute. Why did you even have this baby? What are you doing here?

You know, why are you taking up too much room? Yeah. Tell your baby to shut up. And I don't think it's cute at all. And I don't think you're cute either. And for that matter, you're not cute either. Yeah. All right, listener. Well, thank you so much for tuning in. Please join us on our Patreon. We have formed a full-fledged cult. It's called the Cult of the Titty Mamas. Yes.

And you can join to figure out what all of that is about. As you can imagine, Pumps and I are the cult leaders. Please leave us five-star review on Apple and send us voice memos with your grievances or maybe some advice you'd like to receive from us. Check out the Hot Shit Tour and Pumps Tell Them. We will see you next Tuesday or Thursday or both. I'll tell you what I've had it with. Let's hear it.