Meat Curtain Memaw
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Every day, our world gets a little more connected, but a little further apart. But then, there are moments that remind us to be more human. Thank you for calling Amica Insurance. Hey, I was just in an accident. Don't worry, we'll get you taken care of. At Amica, we understand that looking out for each other isn't new or groundbreaking. It's human. Amica. Empathy is our best policy.

So are we supposed to start the podcast? Ready? One, two, three. Welcome to I've Had It Podcast. The star of our show in her patriotic red claps us on. How are you, Pumps? I'm great. How are you? Fantastic. What have you had it with?

Okay, what I've had it with is when you're having a conversation with someone, but you're standing in front of a window that's reflecting or a mirror. And the whole time you're having a conversation, the person keeps looking at themselves in the reflection. It's fucking unbelievable. Yeah.

It's unlike number one, you look exactly the same as you did two seconds ago. Right. Number two, are you so gorgeous you can't take your eyes off yourself? And number three, the self-confidence to look at yourself in the mirror because I hate it. You know where the word narcissist comes from, right?

The character Narcissus who saw his reflection in a body of water. And so that's what that makes me think of. But you know who does this a lot? Who? Josh. Case in point. But have you had conversations with random strangers that they're doing that and it's weird? Yeah. It's weird. Yeah.

I don't know why. I just, I don't get it. I think it's so distracting. No, it is because then you start thinking, should I be looking at your reflection to get your attention? Right. If we're both looking at the same thing, are we going to be more connected then?

Like if you want to look at your reflection and I look at your reflection, maybe we're going to have a higher percentage chance of eye contact. Right. But if you're only looking at yourself during a conversation, I don't feel like you're present. Right. So yeah, annoying. All right. Let me tell you what I've had it with. I have had it with people.

that don't give a shit about anything significant, specifically morally or ethically significant, until it happens to them. Right. Oh, and that's an epidemic. And let me give you some examples. So I had a conversation recently with a person about politics, a very civil conversation. And this person has always identified himself as being a Republican. We were talking about the current presidential race.

And I said, well, you know, I think on the right side of the ticket, they want to do away with birth control and IVF. And he said, oh, I don't think they're going to do that. I said, well, nobody thought they were going to do that with Roe, but they did it. And all of these Republicans had an opportunity to codify birth control and IVF into law, and they voted against it. So they're sending signals to

And so basically this man has two daughters. He's like, you know, I have two daughters. That kind of bothers me, but I just don't think they're going to do that. And I'm like, so this guy's not going to give a shit about.

until his daughters can't get birth control. Or if for some reason his daughters couldn't conceive, he's not going to give a shit about these laws until the IVF affects him personally. Another example is he said the gun thing really didn't bother him very much. Isn't that shocking? And I think this is a, you know, like a microcosm if you

enhance it all over the United States. A lot of people are like this because we value individualism so much more than collectivism. And so they don't care about other kids getting shot in schools until it happens to them.

They don't care about the LGBTQIA plus community until it happens to them. They have a gay daughter or son. They have a queer granddaughter or grandson or non-binary person. And I just ask them, who's going to stand up for these kids? If you're not going to do it, then that puts the burden always on

Right.

Their biggest fear is telling their families because their families are going to be a part of the bullying system. Their families aren't going to go march like you and I will with them and get on a podcast and speak out vociferously in support of them and say, hey, we love you. We're proud of you. They make them feel bad about it. So I'm asking all of Americans right now.

Where do you stand on this shit? Are you going to be one of these people that sits on the sidelines that waits until tragedy via gun violence strikes or that you have this beautiful mixed race child that you realize, oh, my God, black lives do matter. Right.

Are you going to be one of these people that ends up having a gay daughter or gay son and you're going to be a dick about it, be hateful to them? Are you going to stand up and march and stand up and vote and stand up and fight for these people? Because I have had it with the moral duplicity of these people. On the one hand, to act like they are so deeply rooted in their religion, but you just peel one little layer back on it.

And the religion has taught them to think that everybody is inherently bad that's not white and goes to their church. And I mean, I have absolutely had it with this. And this is a drum that I think we should continue to beat because there seems to be an epidemic problem in this with people that are in our demographic pumps. That's what I was just going to say. The typical person that espouses these theories, if you're stereotyping,

It's white people, white men, white women, upper middle class that have a bias towards minorities and poor people. You know, and I just think about here we are in this country, and I think the diversity is what's so amazing. Absolutely. That we have so many different types of people that immigrated to this country.

And so I ask all of these people that are so, get triggered when they see a pride flag, or they get triggered that somebody might correct them about their pronoun use, or they get triggered when they think about immigrants. We were immigrants at some point. Right. Our ancestors came over here, had horrible human rights violations to the native population.

kidnapped and enslaved a lot of Africans. And a few hundred years later, here we all are. We're all here. We all live here. Who are you going to be? Are you going to be an advocate for every American or just the ones that look like you that go to your church and that live in your cookie cutter subdivision? Is that what you're going to be? Because I found time and time again, living in this

Bible thumper state, the buckle of the Bible belt, the people that are the least tolerant and the least kind and the most cruel to immigrants and the most cruel to sick people, the most cruel to people that live in poverty are the most religious people I know. And so it's a call to all of the people that go to all of these megachurches that live in these cities all across the United States. Who are you?

Who are you going to be? Who are you going to stand with? Who's going to stand for the kid whose parents shame them?

Because they were born gay. Who are you going to be when there's immigrants that are separated from a toddler, separated from their parents that are seeking asylum, escaping violence? Who are you going to be? Are you going to be the person that sits around and calls them illegal and says, round them up, deport them? Are you going to show some dignity and some grace and humanity? Are you going to be the asshole that says, I don't give a shit about guns? Then your grandchild or your daughter gets shot up in first grade and then you give a shit?

Like stop thinking about the now and play the tape through and have a sense of collectivism. You're clearly not getting it from your megachurch. So get it from somewhere else because the cruelty of these people that we live around, pumps, that we grew up around is a uniquely white thing in this country. And it really fucking pisses me off that more people that have platforms like we have are too scared to

to say this shit and post it on their Instagram because they're fearful of losing followers. And I think it's cowardice and I think they don't have backbones and I have fucking had it. I completely agree. All right. I wanted to share with you all, Kylie and pumps, a little story that I recently experienced. Um, so I went to Europe with my oldest son and his, uh, girlfriend. And before I went, uh,

Place where I play pickleball and tennis, a club that I belong to, the head guy was like, hey, we're going to do an inner club open pickleball thing at this place called Rose Creek. And it's in the suburbs of Oklahoma City. Are you down?

I said, yeah, I'm down. I'll go play. And he said, okay, it's 6 p.m. at this time at this place. And I said, okay. Well, 24 hours earlier, I committed to this like a month prior. I get back in town. I have jet lag. I'm exhausted. So I call the coach and I'm like, hey, I'm so tired. I just got back from Europe. I'm on a different time zone. I don't think I can play. He's like, look, I need you. I can't have you drop out. I've had to like grab the lifeguard to be one of them.

You've got to show up. So I was like, you know what? I gave my word. I have to show up. So I arrive at this place in the suburbs at 6 p.m. on the dot. And as I'm walking in, and you know, everybody knows how I feel about the suburbs. Right. And pickleball. As I'm walking in, there's a guy who has this hat on and it has an American flag on it and an AR-15 over the American flag.

And this girl that I knew introduced me to him. And I had just enough jet lag that my give a fuck meter was completely broken. So I just went right in. I go, what's up with that hat? And he's like, well, it's a such and such coffee brand. I go, AR-15 for a coffee brand? And he was like, well, yeah. And I go, is that Maga shit or something? And he goes, yeah, I guess so.

And so I'm thinking, you know, you're clearly wearing that to be provocative, you know, especially considering all of the gun violence in the country. Absolutely. That you run around with a hat, you know, and they always have to just desecrate the flag with all this nonsense. I just feel like the flag has really had a rough last eight years. That's why we've taken it back. That's right. So anyway, I'm just like, this is going to suck.

So I walk into the pickleball thing and I see a bunch of people that I know, a bunch of lesbians that I know. So I'm really happy that it's not all MAGA people. And I'm like, and the women that are playing pickleball against us were all lovely, A plus, great sports, darling people. They could not have been nicer. The person who organized it for their club could not have been nicer. Here's the problem.

So we just kind of got text to be here at six. Nobody practiced. Nobody had ever played with their partner before. It was just kind of like a potpourri free for all show up at this time. The other club, they had tryouts to make the team to play us. They had fucking tryouts. People that didn't make the team came to watch. No. Yes. Oh, my.

They had matching uniforms. What? They practiced for six weeks prior to this event. And then they show up at four for a two-hour warm-up because match play starts at six. So myself...

And nine other women that I barely know that I've hardly ever played pickleball with. The woman that I was partnered with, I've never played pickleball with. I've seen her before. Maybe played against her in one, you know, like very non-serious game. And you have to have kind of like some synergy. Right. We roll in and we get our fucking asses kicked.

Handed to us. I mean, I got skunked once, 11-0. It was an absolute smackdown annihilation of a team of people that were prepared, had tryouts, had matching outfits. They had gifts for us. They decorated it. Welcome to our pickleball place. Yeah. I walked up. Gifts? I walked up to Magic Mike. He's the leader of the club that I belong to. And he's a British guy.

And I go, you have thrown us to the wolves. Right. You did not prepare us. These people had tryouts everywhere.

people that are really good players didn't even make it they didn't even make the team they have matching outfits they have gifts they decorated it we got our fucking asses handed to us and i've never even played with andrea andrea's never played with me and i loved my partner she was great it was the most humiliating miserable pickleball experience that i've ever had in my life kudos to the suburban team kudos to you all okay here's my question

Is this like a reoccurring theme that they're going to wear their matching outfits like team play? Or is this they just got the matching outfits for this one event? I don't know the answer to that because I was told that I needed to arrive at six and that it would end at eight. I was not finished with my match play by eight. And at seven fifty nine, I looked at Magic Mike and I waved my hand.

And left because I fulfilled my time commitment. This was what I decided I would do. This is what I did. We all got our asses handed to us. Kudos to this other pickleball squad minus the Trumper that wore the Trump hat. Right. But all the women that we were lovely. I mean, genuinely, they were sweet, kind.

Lovely people. All the women that kicked my ass. Yeah. All of them were awesome. I mean, true. And I mean that sincerely. They were fantastic pickleball players. They were sweet. They had great sportsmanship. They, I mean, I was envious that they were so prepared. Right. I was going to say the next time Magic Mike comes along and says, we're going to do a team play, team match. I have a feeling J Welch is going to organize, going to practice. I told Magic, I go, listen, Magic.

When we host them, are you going to have gifts? Are you going to decorate? What the fuck are you doing? Right. We look like assholes. Yeah. Total unprepared assholes. Yeah.

I'm just glad that I know in my heart you shine as a gracious loser. You are exceptionally gracious, kind, zero ego in the deal. When somebody hit a good shot, I always say that's a great shot. And there was a point where I was playing these people where I was just like, I don't even think I can move my legs to get the ball. Like I was so defeated by their preparation before I even hit the court.

And the decorations. The decorations, the preparations, the uniforms, the team unity that they had. We had no riz. We had no ability. We had never played together. It was a good old-fashioned ass-thumping. We were out prepared, out dressed, practiced. We were all up right at six o'clock on the dot. And they're like already like broken out of sweat because they've been there for two hours warming up.

Yeah. Magic Mike. Trouble. Trouble at Magic Mike. Pumps, our ability to suck and then wake up the next day and suck more than the previous day is undefeated. It's unparalleled. We are the champions. If you would like to see how bad we suck, please join us in Seattle in September or New York City in November for, you know, just some world-class shit talking. That's right. Live. Live and in person. That's right.

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All right, Kylie, what's going on on the World Wide Web? All right, I've got a four-star review. Four? That's a four. I like a four. I do, too. It's honest. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. It's titled Bullies, and they write, I have been a longtime patriot, but in one of the recent episodes, Jennifer and Kylie bullied the star of the show, hence the star reduction.

I fucking love that. Here's the deal. There's unity in that. Here's the deal. I know that sometimes I go hard at Meemaw. I know. She's just not very nice to me. But if bullying Meemaw is wrong, I don't want to be right.

All right. I know. I know she's nicer. I know she's the star of the show. I know all of those things and I concur on all of them, but I will never not understand why she has such a visible camel toe and she can't feel it. And it makes me really worry about your vagina. You know what? You could, instead of saying large labia, you could say well endowed.

What do we call it? It's the Meemaw meat curtains. Meat curtains. Meemaw meat curtains. Meat curtain Meemaw. Welcome to the star of our show, Meat Curtain Meemaw. Welcome to I've Had It. I'm Jennifer and the star of our show is Meat Curtain Meemaw. Meemaw, what sound does an eagle make?

Patriots and Gatriots assemble because Kylie and Seth have prepared some voice memos where you all have sent us on Instagram your grievances, which is one of our favorite episodes. So Kylie, who do you have for us first? Up first, we've got Patti Higgins.

Hi Jen. Hi pumps. I'm sure what we're calling you these days. So I'm just going to stick with pumps. That's so true. I'm going to tell you what I've had it with and it happens every fucking day of my professional fucking life. You're sitting at work, working away and then somebody comes and says, hi, I hate to bother you, but, and I'm thinking to myself,

You really don't hate to bother me because here we are. You're fucking bothering me. Just say what you got to say and move on. It drives me literally fucking bananas. Thank you. I felt that. I was going to say, I did that to you this morning. It's one of those things that it's one of these habits where we're all probably somewhat hypocritical, like the driving issue. Right. Guilty. I felt her...

Because the delivery was spot on. Fabulous. It spoke right to my soul. I felt like we were twin flames, the caller and me. I mean, I just was like, yes, I understand this type of rage. And had it, had it dumb. Can we create a new word? Had it dumb. Had it dumb. And I really felt it. But I know that at some point today, when we disassemble from this fucking rage,

hollowed ground podcast studio of ours and we all go to our little desks, I will probably walk up to you or Kylie or Seth and say, hey, I'm sorry to bother you, but will you pull up the footage of da-da-da-da-da? And I'll do it. Right. Oh, I do it every day. And I hate it, especially if I'm really engaged in something. But I think what she's saying, I mean, Patty is spot on. It's annoying as fuck. But it's one of those things when you hear, I hate to bother you. It's kind of like...

No disrespect. You know, the minute you say it, you know where it's coming. That's a really good point because they are bothering you. No, I think you're right. They're bothering you. There's a nuance to that. With all due respect immediately means I'm going to be disrespectful.

You're exactly right. That's, yes. Look at, look at, look at meet Kurt and Meemaw cracking the case of the nuance of Patty's grievance. I'll tell you what, meet Kurt and Meemaw, attorney at law. Please stop saying meet Kurt and Meemaw. Attorney at law. First of all, it's disgusting. Kylie, will you please make a legal card? Please.

Please don't. For got injured in a car wreck, contact Meat Curtain Meemaw. And we can have like the American flag and an eagle. Yeah, and some curtains. I mean, why stop there? Meat Curtain. We can make a jingle. Oh my gosh. Nick. Is Nick out? Nick. Nick G. Nick G is our in-house rapper. Nick, please don't do it. Please make an ad for Attorney at Law.

Meet Curt and Meemaw with Eagle Sounds and just a little maybe 15, 20 second jingle that we can start playing with our commercials. Even though she doesn't want to practice law anymore. Nick, please do it. Please don't do it for America. You're a patriot. You're a gaytriot. Do it for America. Sometimes Meemaw doesn't know what's best for her.

I just, I have, I'm completely confident in saying meet Curt and Meemaw attorney at law. 1-800-CALL-MEET-CURT-AND-MEEMAW is not a good idea. I don't know much. Okay. I'll tell you what.

I'll tell you what, here's the deal. I think that this has a ring to it. We live in the biggest capitalistic, shallow, vapid universe on the planet. This stuff's got traction. What do you think, Kylie? 10 out of 10. What do you think is going to be more shocking, Meat Curtain Meemaw or when they call me about their car wreck that I have no fucking clue what they're talking about? Hi, is this Meat Curtain? Or how about I start a call? You're on with Meat Curtain.

Okay, let's role play. Let's role play. I'm going to be the receptionist. Okay, Kylie, you be the injured person in the car wreck. And then you're going to be meet curtain me ma. Okay, let's role play for the listener. All right. Meet curtain me ma attorney at law. How may I direct your call? I was just in a car accident and I really need meat curtains. Hang on. Let me see. Let me see if she's available. Beep.

Me, Kurt, and Meemaw, I think we have a new injured person on the phone. Are you available to take their call? No. Okay. That's not part of the script. No, but I want to... Oh, my God. I have everyone. Why are you going off script? I'm bleeding out. This is... This gets back to the... If you were having a medical emergency... You've got an injured client. She's got a claim. You've got... Me, Kurt, and Meemaw seeks justice. What the fuck are you doing? You...

Do you have any idea how many eagles of this country are just disappointed in you that you just went off script? We have Gatriots. We have Patriots. We have bald eagles. And you're refusing to help somebody seek justice who's been wronged? I've had it. I have fucking had it from top to bottom.

It's zero star review on your Google business account. Okay. Yelp, my all zeros for Meemaw Main Curtain's law firm. Please. It's Main Curtain Meemaw law firm.

Whatever. Anytime Meat Curtains is used and Meemaw, it should be a zero review or zero star review. All right, fun hater. All right, Kylie, who's next? I hate you. You know, I try to give Seth a pass on all this a lot of times. I just looped him right in. But you just bring him right in and now I have to hate Seth too. I could hear him giggling over on the other side of the sound wall. I heard him giggling. That's how funny it is.

I guarantee you right now, there are people with ear pods. Our listener has their ear pods in and they're on a walk. They might have even peed a little bit because that's how fucking hilarious meat curtain meemaw attorney at law. I'm telling you what, you would be the new Johnny Cochran. Just a white blonde woman. The meat curtain fits? Mm-hmm. Yeah.

That's brilliant. So you're a natural. You were born for this. If the meat curtain fits, you must acquit. It's so good. It's so good. You're a natural. You were born for this meat curtain, Meemaw. I don't think that's right.

I also just want to say, if you want to hear why we call her Meat Curtain Meemaw, it's on Patreon only. That's right, Kylie. And there better not be a reel about it. Yeah, I'm not allowed to make a reel, so you have to get on Patreon. Jennifer's like, make a reel. I'm like, no fucking way don't make a reel. Everybody on Patreon got their money's worth when we revealed the Meat Curtain Meemaw. I mean, that's the content that people want. We deliver to the patriots, to the gayatriots. And also, we have...

you know, the eagle is our mascot. Right. We're taking it back. Caw-caw! Fucking A. Caw-caw! All right. All right. Up next, we've got Austin. I've had it with people who insist on hugging every time they see you, usually when they arrive and when they leave. It's always like a little side hug. And it's people I see, I would say, relatively regularly, like maybe once a week or every other week. You know, I don't need to hug you every time.

Even my closest friend, if I hadn't seen her in like a year, I guarantee we don't hug when she picks me up from the airport or vice versa. Like, we just don't. I don't. I'm not a hugger. Never have been. The dry delivery of that is 10 star. I mean, there's nothing I love more than a deadpan dry delivery. This is my best friend. I haven't seen her in a year. She picks me up at the airport. I'm not hugging her. Yeah.

See, Austin, here's the deal. I'm a huge hugger. I hug people. I might hug Kylie in the morning. I'm just a hugger. I like to hug people. People I don't know, people I don't see. Do you think it has anything to do with your meat curtains? No, I don't, as a matter of fact. Do you think people that have meat curtains have more of a leaning to be huggers?

I know you hate me. Tell it to the hand. I know I'm a cunt. I know all the stuff. You're a hugger too and I don't know anything about your meat curtains. But you're...

Okay. I do. I like to hug people that I love. Now, here's the thing. There are certain people, if I don't feel any sort of affection towards them or I think that there's something I don't like about them, I don't hug them. I'm not a fake hugger. I'm not. But I mean, like if somebody I haven't seen since college. Yeah. I'm going to hug them. Yeah. No, wait. There's people. Wait, let me say.

I have a small select group of people that I hug regularly. Me too. There are people that if I haven't seen in four or five years that I really used to have a previous affection towards and I see them, I'll be like, hey, how are you doing? I'm not going to reach in for a hug. Now, if I've had an affection for you in the past, it's a full bear hug. I'm coming in. Do the meat curtains participate? Fuck off.

Fuck off. The batwing rap? The batwing rap. I recently, Roman and I, my youngest son and I, went to a place to have a burger. And we're in line and this girl comes up to me.

And she's like, oh, my God, Jennifer, it's so great to see you. And I literally am like reaching in my brain like who the fuck is this? So she goes in for like and it's not a I had first of all, I didn't have any idea who she was.

I certainly didn't know that we were at not just the hug phase, but a squeezing embrace because there are degrees of hugs. Right. You've got the hug and then you've got an embrace. You've got a pat pat. Right. And then you've got people that go in and you can feel them, you know, tighten their body,

with so much enthusiasm that they just want to give their energy and just like transfer it into your body. That's what I received in line to order the burger. And Roman's looking at my face over her shoulder and he immediately knows mom has no idea who this person is.

So we have to start talking and it clicks about like, I think 10 minutes later that we used to go to the same Orange Theory class. Yeah. That's the worst. We never hugged at Orange Theory. Not one time. Not one time. I never hugged her at Orange Theory. I don't know her name. I went along with the hug and stuff, but I think I, where I differ in this situation is I, my hugs are very personal.

authentic. Like I really feel an affection for the person. I'm not going to be like the girl on the cheeseburger line that's just giving out hugs to anybody. I'm very discerning about my hugs, I think. Yeah. I'm a big hugger. You are. I like to hug. Yeah. It's because I'm just so kind and sweet. Even despite hating me so much, you hug me all the time. I do. You do. You hug me all the time. But I have caught myself in situations like...

Like the other day, I was at Lowe's for the third time. What the fuck are you doing at Lowe's? Oh, I forget. That's where lesbians hang out. You're hilarious. No, I, it was an air filter thing. Wait, hold up. I got the wrong size twice. You're changing your air filters? Yes. I always change my air filter.

Wow. Wow. Is that kind of gay? It's pretty butch. I wish if I were better at it, I would take credit for being butch. But I'm in there and I walk in. It was the first time. And I said to the guy, can you tell me where the air filters are? And they were literally like, if it would have been a snake, it would have bit me so close. And I grabbed him by the arm. I was like, oh, my gosh, thank you.

And I thought, you got to be more discerning about grabbing people you don't know, strangers. So I'm trying to be more consciously aware of, you know, like I'll slap. Oh, my gosh, that's funny. You know, people don't like that more and more. Yeah. So I'm trying to be more discerning, but it's hard because as evidenced by my appearance alone just this week.

You know, some things are a total crapshoot. Like you can say, you know what? I think I'm going to try almond milk today in my coffee. And if it doesn't work out, no big deal. But when it comes to finding a physician, you can't just have this anything goes attitude. Let me give you an example. My son Roman has eczema on his arms and we went to see one dermatologist, long wait period, et cetera. It didn't clear it up. So then I'm like, how am I going to find another dermatologist for my son?

This is when I used ZocDoc. I was able to log on, filter through all of the necessary things, who's close, who accepts my insurance, who doesn't have a long waiting period, and voila, we have a doctor's appointment for the child.

I love ZocDoc because it gives feedback from real-life patients so you know what to expect from that physician. Listeners, ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high-quality in-network doctors. Choose the right one for your needs and click instantly to book an appointment. We're talking about in-network appointments with more than 100,000 healthcare providers across every specialty from mental health to dental health.

eye care to skincare and much, much more. So stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to ZocDoc.com slash I've had it to find and instantly book a top rated doctor today. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C.com slash I've had it. ZocDoc.com slash I've had it. Up next, we've got Matthew.

All right. Pumps full of pussy. Juicy Jennifer. Hopefully this is my second appearance on the podcast. Here's what I've had it with. And I just witnessed this now on the road.

I have fucking had it with 2010 Honda Civic drivers pimping those fuckers out like they're Ice Cube roaring down the street, racing up to a red light. There is no reason why you should have a muffler on your 2010 Honda Civic that is the size of the fucking Empire State Building. There is no reason why you should have truck tires on your little tiny fucking car with your little tiny fucking dick. There is no reason your car should be that loud. It's not meant to be that loud. It's a Honda Civic, babe.

Okay. Stop fucking pipping out your cars. Do us all a huge favor and pawn that shit because nobody gives a fuck. Nobody thinks you're fucking cool. Nobody likes your little blue interior lightings. Nobody fucking cares. Fucking pawn it. Move on. Fucking weirdo loser. What's this person's name? Matthew. Fucking A. I love him. No wonder Matthew's been on twice. He's fucking hilarious. Yeah.

The attention to detail and the grievance. I can visualize the car with his description. I saw the whole thing. Because we've all seen him. We've all seen him. And I'm like, what is going on here? I'm always like, are your attachments to your car worth more than your car? You know, that's a great, I think that's a, I look at it and I think, how much money have you put into this car? I've just had it with, why would you want to have a loud car?

Well, I mean, that's a whole other story. But I mean, you can buy cars that are particularly loud. Like that's their claim to fame. What kind of car is that? Like a Porsche. Porsche? Porsche? Are they? Okay. Are they loud? Yeah. Like, well, I mean, if the plus size over 55 men driving them do the revving and all that, they are. But typically, I agree with Matthew. It's a little dick situation. Let me ask you this.

If you met a man on a blind date, okay, and you really like him, okay? Okay. I mean, he's got all the red flags that you're climbing up dry humping immediately. All right. He's a serial killer in disguise. So naturally, I love him. Every fucking red flag a person could have. I mean, your non-existent ovaries are humming like you wouldn't believe. Yeah. And y'all met at the restaurant, okay? You had Ubered there. Okay. All right. All right.

And so and you're thinking, God, I really like this guy. He's attractive, great personality. He's on the right side of politics. And you're like, check, check, check, check, check. And he goes, hey, I mean, if you feel safe enough with me, will you let me drive you home? And you're like, yeah, you know, yeah, sure. Let's go. And you're kind of thinking, you know, I might even show him the meat curtain. I might throw the meat curtains on him. All right. So you and your meat curtains walk out of the restaurant, right? And he's just like a total. And then all of a sudden you hear this chirp, chirp.

And this car that's like a total souped up, like what Matthew was talking about. And it like has like LED and it does like a and it has like the ground lighting and all of that stuff. And then he's able to start it via remote. It's like and he opens the door. Let me ask you this. Does he still get to see the meat curtains or no? No meat curtains. Absolutely no meat curtains. That's a that's too far.

That's just too far. I'll tell you what else the meat curtains would stay at home at. That exact same man, all the bells and whistles in one of those Cybertrucks.

I think those are the most horrific contribution to society since Donald Trump came on the scene. So people that have jacked up cars or cyber trucks get no access to me, Kurt, and me, Ma. Zero. And I would probably, like the minute you started talking and I knew we were walking to the car and it was going to be just awful and souped up like Matthew's talking about, I'm going through the list of excuses how I get out of getting in that car.

I mean, I'm starting to think like, do I say, oh my gosh, I left my phone in the restaurant. Then I go back in, come out with my phone and said, oh my God, my son just called. He's just going to meet me here. So I'm just going to stay here. But then you have, is he going to stay? I mean, like I'm running all the traps. How do I get out of getting physically in the car? Yeah. But see, you're kind of fucked when you're out there.

He's got the car on by remote. The LED lights are going crazy. A little smoke poof out of the muffler. I mean, you're kind of like the only real way to get out of it is just to say, I can't do this. And I guess that's just where honesty is the best policy. But as we all know, if all the red flags had been going off at dinner, it'd be impossible for me to do that probably.

I think, here's what I think. The meat curds would not come out though. Red flags are now. Here's what I think. And I've known you for a very long time. 22 years. I think that the, if the red flags were all like hitting on every cylinder at dinner and you're already like visually dry humping all the red flags. Yeah.

I think the added red flag of the car is not going to be prohibitive for the meat curtains. That's just, that's just my take. I could see you calling me the next day and saying, okay, I met this guy. He's great. And you pitching in like going all chips in. There's just only one little area that's problematic. And I'd be like, did you fucking me? But yes, yes. But let me just tell you, here's the area. And then you tell me about the car.

I could see you trying to make car routes for the car. I think the meat curtains would dry up. I think they'd be beef jerky with that car. I really do. I mean, that just would be a turn off deluxe. I will say this. Not too long ago, Jennifer and I are someplace. We run into a guy, age appropriate, politically the same alignment.

all the things. But this guy has a red flag out of every pore, not every orifice, every pore of his body. So we're walking out and I go, you know what? She goes, you'd fuck him. She said without hesitation, do not pass go, do not collect $200. It would be meet curtain, red flag, dry hump city. I mean, I couldn't jump onto that red flag Island fast enough.

I don't think I'd stay, but I'd try. As much shit as I'm giving you now, I share the same affliction with you. So it's time for me to be somewhat self-deprecating. And I can tell our listener to go back and review the episodes where my husband was the guest. Right. Yeah. Yeah. So, I mean, I completely understand. And if I'm being really, really, really honest...

If I were single and I went out with a guy in the dinner at two hour and it's like politics, religion, he has great bullshit, he's self-deprecating, everything's a fucking banger. And I get out to the car, I'd probably push through. I'd probably push through. I think I'd probably push through. I mean, if you add someone my age with all those characteristics and had hair on the top of his head, I'd probably really go for it. The car could be fixed.

It can be traded. Yeah. But I mean, it goes back to there's some underlying issue that we have that car. Right. But we're arriving at the table with a lot of underlying issues. Touche. Truth speaks right there. Right. Yeah. I'm not coming in smelling like a rose either. Right. Right. I wouldn't be either. All right, listener. Patriots, Gatriots, Eagles, Patriots.

I don't think it's as funny as you do, but I think I'm getting better at it. I think you're a sensation. We might have to add that list to my talents. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, Nick, don't forget to make the song. Don't, Nick. Nick, do it. Okay. So we are going on tour. We are going to be in Seattle in September. The New York Comedy Festival in November. Please go to our link in bio to buy tickets to...

to see Me Kurt and Me Ma live and in action in Seattle or New York City and Pumps Tell Them. We will see you next Tuesday or Thursday or both. I'll tell you what I've had it with.