Karens Gone Wild
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One, two, three. Terrible. It's like a little sea lion. Better than an orca, I guess. Orcas are cool. No, I know, but they're so big. So, Pumps, what have you had it with this week? What I've had it with is women in particular. Now, I think men are probably just as bad, but my experience is more with women. Okay.

That I have never seen without a Starbucks cup in their hand. It's like an attachment, like me with my Stanley. Okay. Never separated from the Starbucks. But when you meet them to visit at a Starbucks, they stand in line behind the 27 people that are in front of them. And then they get up there and they don't know what they're going to fucking order. I never go to Starbucks and I know what I'm going to order. Like the indecision with ordering food.

It's one of my biggest pet peeves. I mean, it is one of my biggest I've had. It's restaurants, particularly though, drink places. I think restaurants where you have to stand in line.

to order and you're in a long line and then you've got some yahoo that gets to the front mind you they've probably been in line for 20 minutes it's as bad as the tsa lines at an airport and they're not prepared it drives me crazy and then they start interrogating yes the person about things that are in the menu when the menu's been in front of them the entire time right and it's

It's fascinating that somebody would not be overtly familiar with the Starbucks menu. I mean, like I said, I go to Starbucks three times a year and I know what I'm going to get before I even get out of the car. I don't have to read every menu item. I don't have to ask the clerk what his favorite is. That's another question that drives me crazy at restaurants and at drink places when they're like, what do you like better?

Well, how do you know his palate's even comparable? Well, what I don't like about that question is it allows the waiter to stay at the table longer. There's more unnecessary small talk. It's kind of feeding the stray cat a little bit. Right. You know, because then they're like, oh, well, mine is this. And then it starts a lot of unnecessary chit chat with the waiter that and I used to wait tables. I used to wait tables in college.

I liked it when the customers didn't like to talk to me as much. Right. Just in and out. A stealth waitress. Yes. Get their shit and move out of the way. You're blaming the waiter for the unnecessary small talk, but I'm blaming the patron. It's both. Asking the questions. No, the patron does, but I have been in situations where the waiters start grandstanding. Oh, no doubt about that. But I'm particularly talking about people that are like, well, what would you suggest? I agree. Or what's your favorite? But I think that that can prompt...

a waiter that's dying to grandstand, it gives him a platform. Totally. Yeah. And then you're sitting there and then they're like, oh, these people really admire my taste in food. So I'm going to continue talking to them about my taste in food and maybe other things that nobody wants to hear about. And we can talk about his kids and the car he drives and

All kinds of things. No, but people that are not ready. Like I think when you get to the front of that cashier line, you need to be able to rapid fire. Lock and load. Rapid fire order. Have your payment ready and then get the fuck out of the way. It's a total lack of self-awareness. Like number one, there's 45 people in front of you. There's 45 people behind you. Right. No one wants for you to ask 50 questions about an item on the menu immediately.

That you have had every opportunity for years to order. And I think that if you do, you've not figured out the types of coffees that are available by the time you're an adult and the types of milk that can go into that.

I just, maybe you need to give up drinking coffee altogether. Right. Like if you are unable to order coffee, then you're just banned from coffee blackball shoot. Like if you can't order your coffee in under five, 10 seconds, then you're, you're blackballed from Starbucks. Maybe coffee should have a hit list.

Great. I like that. Right. Coffee hit list. Coffee. Somebody needs to create a Twitter account. Coffee hit list. Right. And then they could photograph the offenders and just start banning these people from drinking coffee. Somebody needs to step forward. We need a hero among us to step forward and defend coffee. Defend the other patrons that are waiting for you to order your coffee. I think sometimes all this fruity coffee is that's not real coffee.

Well, there's this new place that, I mean, literally wraps around the building with people in the morning getting their coffees. And I was asking one of my kids about it and they said it's like coffee and Dr. Pepper and Red Bull all in the same drink. And I'm like, that's horrifying. Isn't that gross? This is exactly – I'm even more committed. If I had spare time –

I would be the spokeswoman for coffee and start the banning list because that place needs to be put out of business immediately. Right. Do not mix soda pop and coffee. Coffee, Red Bull and Dr. Pepper. That is just disgusting. Yes. I mean, who would even want that? I guess a bunch of idiots that are rounded around the corner. I've had it. Had it with that. I mean, coffee should not be bastardized so much.

Well, Ms. Welch, what have you had it with? I'm going to go crazy today. Oh, I love the sound of that. I'm going to tell everybody something instead of that I've had it with, something that I can't get enough of. Okay. And what I can't get enough of is how much ass play you're getting in the UK press. Oh my gosh. Yes. That is so embarrassing. Like if I was capable of being embarrassed.

That would be embarrassing. So, listener, the HuffPost UK and the Daily Star, which is also a UK tabloid, have both rolled out articles about the Star article.

of our show. The hot, the hotter one. The hot one. Cramming a teaspoon up her ass to unconstipate her. Kylie, would you share some tidbits from both of those articles with the listener? Yeah, this is the, the Daily Star. Okay. How far would you go to get some particularly stubborn poo out? For one mother with nerves of steel. Oh.

And few boundaries when it comes to sharing things on the internet. The answer is very, very far.

I think that's a pretty good description of me. She nailed it. Nailed it. I mean, the Daily Star, I'm going to tell you something. You nailed it. She has zero boundaries. Zero boundaries. Tell the listener about that time that you had this breakthrough in therapy and you came home and called me. What you told me and what I said. I think I came to your house after therapy because I was like, we've had a breakthrough. I mean, like, I have been enlightened today. And I'm like, she told me I don't have any boundaries.

And without even missing a beat, you said, well, I could have told you that a long time ago for free. Yeah.

It's true. It's true. Daily Star, you nailed it. It took her 10 years of therapy to get to the bottom of that. And the Daily Star got it in 0.5 seconds. I mean, you say one little thing about a spoon up your ass and they just nail it. I'll tell you what, those Brits are clever. They are clever. They're clever over there in the UK. Okay. Read some more about Pumps' ass in the UK. The Huffington Post UK, their headline was just...

This woman's story about a teaspoon and post-birth constipation will haunt you forever.

You see that? Yeah. You see that? I do. Your ass is literally... An international sensation. Yeah, particularly in the United Kingdom. Okay, first of all, for the record, the permanent record, as you like to say, I never got it up my ass. This is what urban legends are made of. Okay, this is how it goes. Across the pond. This is just what happens. You said you used a spoon...

We add on, we urban legend type people. Right. And now the story is just going to be that you crammed a teaspoon up your ass and you have to accept it. And you have to embrace it. And you barebacked it. And that's just where this story is going to go. And that's where it's going to land. And for generations, generations upon generations of constipated pregnant women will share this story about you cramming and barebacking that teaspoon right up your ass.

And I mean, I'm going to give it to the UK press. I am so glad that you guys are rolling this thing out because I think it is a story that needs to be told. It is absolutely a profile in courage. It really is. It is a profile in courage. It's very courageous that you did that. I'm so brave. You are. So, I mean, I love this ass play you're getting in the UK. Yeah. I think it's fantastic. Another thing I can't get enough of is...

is you seem to have pissed off the entire state of Florida. I know, but I'm like, I don't care. I mean, most of the people in Florida...

Bye. Girl, bye. I mean, is this a double down, Kylie? Yeah. I'm kind of a double downer. I mean, she is doubling down. Here's what I have to say to the thin-skinned Floridians. Right. We live in Oklahoma. We have no room to talk. We have zero room to talk. But one thing we Oklahomans have appreciated, because usually we're the assholes in the news. Sure.

Always. We always have some idiotic politician doing something completely idiotic that embarrasses us. Right. But lately, you guys have taken that away from us. Right. Right. I did notice a lot of people from Florida were mad. They're really, really mad at you, which leads me to the introduction of our podcast. And I would like to say welcome to I've Had It. I'm Jennifer and I'm

The star of our show in 49 states. Except Florida. Except Florida, which I think maybe I want to be the star in Florida now. There's no way you could be the star in Florida. I am just the supporting star. And I mean, Florida, I'm here for you. I am. I was just in Florida recently. And one thing I appreciate about traveling to Florida is how young I felt.

Right. Because everybody's old. I went to Naples and I was just like, man, I felt like I was 25 again. Right. You could take to the streets and be like a young girl. I just thought I was hot shit. Yeah.

I did. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Pumps, do you remember that time I made a big laundry list of everything that was wrong with my husband, Josh, and marched into my therapist's office and made a presentation? I sure do, very vividly. And then the therapist flipped the script on me and was like, well, then why on earth did you pick him?

It was at that moment I realized I needed to stop focusing on others and focus on the one thing that I could truly change myself. I'm a big believer in therapy. Currently, I'm working on how to draw boundaries with my kids. Good God, you probably need to schedule another session or two. The

The best thing about BetterHelp is that it's all online and suited to your schedule. It's flexible and convenient. All you have to do is fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist. Don't like your therapist? No problem. You can switch at any time for no additional charge. Discover your potential at BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash had it today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash had it.

Well, today we are going to have on some pretty famous TikTokers. Excellent. And they have a podcast that has just been released called The Social Dose. Okay. And the stars of this show are Paris Nicholson and Michael Judson Berry. Okay. So we want to talk to them about

TikTok because lately we have had a lot of viral videos on TikTok. Right. The most viral of which being the one about you cramming the teaspoon up your ass when you were constipated. Hello, Paris and Michael. How are you guys? Hello, Jennifer and Poms. Hello. Yeah, fabulous. How are you? Great. Fantastic. We are just here in shiny and sunny Oklahoma City. Where are you guys today?

I am in LA. And I'm in shiny and sunny Jersey City, New Jersey. Paris, what have you had it with this week?

I've had it with too much this week, Jennifer. I really have. But today I'd like to go ahead and say that I've had it with wine culture. I was recently in Santa Barbara this past weekend celebrating a friend's birthday where we did a wine tour. And I swear to God, all those wines tasted exactly the same. And yet the whole time they're like, I kid you not, one of the wines they described as having a moist texture.

forest floor quality to it. What the hell does a moist forest floor taste like? Right, how would you know? Exactly. The other one said smoked meat. And I said, there's no meat in wine. What are we doing here? It's fake. It's made up. It's a racket. It's just a way to sell grapes. I don't know. All wine is tasting the same to me. And you should never pay more than $10 for a bottle of wine. And I've always said that.

It's words to live by. Wine culture. I mean, that really is something that we haven't tapped into. That is a good one, really. I mean, because there is... The deeper you go, the crazier it gets. Right. And there's a lot of snobbery involved in it and a lot of one-upping each other about wine knowledge. There's a lot of grandstanding and dick measuring when you go out to dinner and people are ordering a bottle of wine. I mean...

I'm like, ugh. And then they taste it at the table. Let's just go ahead. Everybody get your dicks out and let's get the tape measure and end this right now. See who's his biggest. Instead of everybody bickering over what the best wine is and what year it is.

And the sniff and the swirl it in the cup. The legs. The legs. You don't know. The legs, yeah. What's the fucking difference? I did a divorce one time. This was 100 years ago. Like you got divorced? No. Well, I did. She's a divorce attorney. I'm a divorce attorney. Oh, okay. So I had a case where it was a...

high money case or whatever. They didn't fight over the kids. They didn't fight over the house, the cars, nothing. They fought over the wine cellar. Like it was a death to the fence. I mean, gladiator style death over this wine thing. So we ultimately ended up, the other lawyer and I went over to the marital residence and it had this huge wine cellar. And we just flipped a coin on who got to go first and drink wine and got it all settled. Yeah.

But we just did like you pick, you pick, you pick. But I'm not talking. I heard more about wine and wine futures than anyone should ever have to hear. And I'm just like, I'm bored to tears by what you're telling me. It all sounds and tastes the same. Yeah. Yeah.

I think it is when they explain it to you and you're like, I guess I taste that. Where it's like, it has hints of honey with rosebud and little snippets of a mom's bar. And you're just like, sure, I guess I taste that. It's all placebo. It's lies. But you feel like you're uncultured. One of the best things that ever happened to me was an email that I received accidentally about 10 years ago. So I'm a member of a country club where I can play tennis. My kids can go to the pool, etc.,

And listen, Internet, don't browbeat me because I'm a member of a country club. But that's neither here nor there. So apparently the club sommelier was having an affair with somebody. So the club sommelier's wife gets all of the email addresses of like every single member of the country club. And she sends an anonymous email.

that says, did you know that such and such the sommelier of the club has been having an affair on his wife and dead to death and goes into details. Okay. And it was, I mean, I am like tap the vein, keep it coming. This is fantastic. Was it a club member? I guess. I don't know if it was a club member or not. He was having the affair. It was just that he was having an affair and he was treating his kids and his wife like shit.

Okay. Sign me up for the newsletter. Every single person has copied on this email. So then like a couple of people hit the reply all and it's like, you shouldn't have sent this. But this one guy writes...

My name is blank, blank, and you're a chicken shit coward. I love him. So I've known this guy's name for like 10 years. Right. And I'm like, I love this guy. Right. And the saying you're a chicken shit coward. I'm like, that is 12 out of 10. Right. Chicken shit, chicken shit coward. I have been saying ever since then.

So one day I'm at a client's office. He's an attorney and I decorated all of his office. And he's like, Hey, Jennifer, let me introduce you to my client. Blank blank. I mean, it is as though I just met Barack Obama. I'm like, starstruck. What? Are you the guy that hit reply all in 2010 to the Somalia affair email? And he's like, I sure did. And I go, and you sure as hell aren't a chicken shit coward, are you? Yeah.

I mean, this guy was so epic. But anyway, that sommelier was super naughty and the wife was super mad and I was there for all of it. But I will say, I do not... A slutty sommelier. A slutty sommelier. That is kind of fun. And I'm sure if it was one, it's been more. Because you always hear about the tennis pro and the lifeguard, all that. But here's... I do not do anonymous letters. Like if you don't have the balls to put your name on it,

Go fuck yourself. That was the guy's point. Right. Is that you're a chicken shit coward. Right. Chicken shit coward. If it's your husband, because it was anonymous, we all know it was the wife. Right. Or her best friend. I mean, we're just deducing. Everybody fucking knows the wife wrote it and made a fake Google account. I mean, it's like when you're watching a Dateline special. You know the husband did it. Right. Absolutely. I mean, you know, they drag it out an hour, but the wife obviously did it. But I agreed with the guy that hit reply all and said, yeah.

You're a chicken shit coward. Right. You just say, my name is Mary Sue and my husband's a sommelier. He's fucking so-and-so and he's shitty to me and shitty to our kids. Like I would have more respect for that. Agreed. Yeah. I agree. And I think nowadays you can just make that a TikTok post and really get the message out that way.

Exactly. That's true. Right. Because the technology has really grown since 2010. Right. So like this sommelier better watch out. But Michael, why don't you tell us what you've had it with this week? I've had to fly a lot recently and I'm actually about to go get in a plane right after this. So this is very fresh in my mind. I've had it with just poor airplane etiquette, if you will, but especially what makes me nuts. Yeah.

And I'm sorry if any of you are this person, but when the plane touches down, it's not even finished taxing and people are already standing up and getting their bags. She's guilty. Guilty right here. Yes. It's ridiculous. I'm like, where are you going? That's my head. I'm like, you're not going to get off the plane. It's not about where I'm going. It's about letting my blood circulate better.

I understand like wanting to stand up for that. So more, I guess not that person. It's the people who then go into the aisle and start to as if they're going to get off the plane. Right. Like they're going to rush. Get out of here. I'm insufferable about it. I admit that I'm a part of the problem, but I when something is over, I want it to be over. And I'll tell you what irritates me more than those people are the jet bridge operators.

They know that plane's coming in have that fucking jet bridge ready and it takes them 20 minutes And it's like oh the jet bridge is going up. Oh, it's the wrong height Then we got to bring it back down then they're going back I am in the aisle I mean Panting like a dog running up and down thinking I need to get out of this plane immediately and this jet bridge Operator needs to get their shit together and get them connected. Oh

Oh, I had never actually thought about that. It's the jet bridge. Because you don't get out of your seat before they even do the fashion seatbelt. And Michael, she's telling you it's about circulation. It's just she has her panties in a wad. I mean, she's just done. It's just we've landed. Let's move on. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Yeah. No. Let me tell you guys one of the biggest dick overs Pops has ever pulled on me.

Okay. Okay. I can't wait. We go on a girl's trip, okay, to Mexico. And we're in our 30s. And we had discovered, and United Airlines doesn't really do this anymore, but at the time when you checked in 24 hours before your flight, you could pay an additional like $99 and upgrade to first class. So on our way to Mexico, we all did this.

All everybody, all members of the girls trip got to sit in first class and we thought we were hot shit. Okay. On the way home, we go onto our United app and we noticed there's only one first class seat. Okay.

So we all unanimously decide that we will stay back and coach together. Okay. And it was agreed upon because we were a we. Okay. Not a me. We were a team. We were a team. So we get in the car that's taken us to the airport to drop us off and pumps. I mean, she starts like squeezing her vagine and she's like doing kegels and she's like, I've got to get out. Will y'all carry my suitcase in for me? I'm going to get out. I'm about to pee my pants. I'm about to pee my pants. I'm about to pee my pants. I'm about to pee my pants.

The whole thing was staged. She marches right up to the ticket counter and buys the $99 upgrade and left us all sitting in the back and coach and felt zero remorse about the entire thing. Zero guilt. I stand with pumps. Thank you, Paris. Listen, that's...

I would have done it. I respect that. The commitment. Right. The full storyline. The Oscar winning performance about pissing her pants. Yeah. And our friendship, despite this cuntiness, our friendship has survived. Yes.

And that's the true test of friendship. Right. If you're thrown under the bus. Right. And you're in coach and she's in first class. So all of you out there that think Pumps is so down to earth and she's your favorite, just know that she will fucking take that seat with the remorse of a sociopath. I mean, there's none. Yeah. I've done it to my kids too.

I put them in coach. Kids deserve that shit. I didn't deserve that. Emily was in high school though. My daughter. She deserved it. Kids haven't done anything with their lives yet. Right.

Oh my God, Pumps. I have had it with inaccuracy of my takeout orders. Oh my gosh, you've got to start using HelloFresh. It completely takes the hassle out of mealtimes. Oh, you are so right. HelloFresh is the best. As you know, I am not a pro in the kitchen and HelloFresh's foolproof recipes arrive pre-portioned and easy to prepare in just a few steps. I mean, the kids and Josh think I am a new woman.

The best thing about HelloFresh is there are no trips to the grocery store. You don't have to Google recipes. It's just excellent food delivered straight to your door. I have had it with grocery stores and takeout food. And if you have to, go to HelloFresh.com slash had it podcast.

HelloFresh really does make your life easier. So let me share with you all, you guys are TikTok famous.

And we are new to TikTok and we do not operate our TikTok. Kylie, our esteemed producer, operates our TikTok. And I'm going to share something with Pumps and with you all that I discovered two days ago when I was looking at our TikTok feed.

So, I open up one of our TikToks. It is our most viral video, 8.5 million views of pumps talking about cramming a teaspoon up her ass, but that's neither here nor there. Okay? You can read about this in the press in the United Kingdom. Nonetheless, I look at the hashtags and Kylie has been throwing us under the bus with these hashtags.

Listen to this. Hashtag Karen's gone wild. That's brilliant. Yes. So Kylie is going to Kylie, would you please defend yourself to the social dose and to I've had it and tell us what's going on with this hashtagging. First off, it's working, isn't it? It's working. Can't argue with that. Touche. I do want to read you.

Karen Urban Dictionary definition. Okay. A middle-aged woman. Okay. Check. Right. Typically blonde. Check. Oh, really? It says typically blonde. Makes solutions to others' problems an inconvenience to her, although she isn't remotely affected. So that's a thousand percent. Yeah. Well, it's true. It's true.

please. Standing there on the high road. So what are the hashtags you use? It's the premise of this pod. Exactly. Hashtag Karen's going wild. Hashtag Karen's of TikTok. Karen. Hashtag Karen talk. Anything with Karen in it, I'm hitting it. Wow. The people agree.

Yeah. I'm not going to lie. Actually, this week, I saw one of your TikToks make its way to Twitter. One of my friends retweeted it and was like, I'm obsessed with these women. So Kylie needs a raise. She's doing everything right. Trust her. Yeah.

So I want to talk to you guys about TikTok, though, because I'm kind of new to it. I mean, I started one during the pandemic and I did a few dances because we were all, you know, and then it takes a lot and I'm not techie enough to like produce that type of content. So Kylie does it.

but I recently was watching like the, um, the hearings with that, uh, CEO of Tik TOK, who is super impressive by the way, like the way he's great. And so cute darling. I missed him, I guess. Cause you're not on Tik TOK. Oh, right. Cause you're too busy out Karen. I'm too.

losing spoons apparently right forks and knives yes stealing first class what kind of trends are going on on tiktok right now that y'all are covering

That's a great question. Yeah. So on our podcast, The Social Dose, we cover the hottest trends on social media, what everyone's talking about. And most recently, I'm not sure if you saw this. Are you girls on Twitter? Yes. Did you see the AI photo of the Pope wearing like a long white Balenciaga puffer jacket? Yes. Where he looked like one of Rihanna's dancers. Yeah, that was fake.

So everybody thought that was real, myself included, because when it comes to AI generated images, there's like a couple of things I'm familiar with. Like AI is really bad at rendering hands. So if you look at a photo and you're like, is this AI? Zoom into the hands because they'll look like a weird mushed up like spaghetti pile. Great tip. But the hands on this photo were perfect. They were perfect, normal Pope looking hands. So I was like, oh, it has to be real. And even Chrissy Teigen tweeted. She was like, I thought the Pope photo was real. We all thought the Pope.

came out with this look and was like stunting on these bitches. But it was all a lie. A man named Pablo, who's a construction worker, who said that he actually was tripping on shrooms when he came up with the idea to use AI to make this image. And now we all get to enjoy it. Yeah. I thought it was. And I thought it was so current because we all just saw the Rihanna with her dancers in the white puffers, which I loved that whole performance. I thought it was so great.

But I thought he looked really cute in a Balenciaga puffer. Oh, I think he needs to buy one. Yeah. I think we all need him to get this. Right. So you guys get – we get a lot of hate comments on TikTok, which we love.

And so Kylie's going to share some of our hate TikTok comments with you guys for feedback. Okay, real quick though. Do y'all get hate comments too? I'll be honest. I am very lucky. I get very, very few hate comments. Oh, Paris is so popular. Michael's so popular too. Maybe we're just assholes. Me. We're Karen's.

Everything I do typically is Schitt's Creek related and Schitt's Creek is so beloved by people. It's like a source of happiness that no matter like who you are, usually it makes, if you find me, it means you love Schitt's Creek. And so you usually tend to enjoy it. So the worst I get is people being like your Johnny impression could use work.

Right. Your videos are reaching a much wider demographic. So you're going to find the lovers and the haters and they're all going to duke it out in the comments, which is great for your engagement. Oh, yeah. We want to focus on are the haters because I am so flattered.

that people that dislike us take so much time out of their day because to me that requires more emotion and more commitment than a compliment. And so Kylie, would you share some of our hate comments that we've received on TikTok? I can't wait for this. You two are working on my fucking nerves. You need to get lives. You fucking are complaining about everything and everybody. You need to get fucking hobbies. Yeah.

Well, clearly they're not listening. This is the hobby. This is the hobby. Oh my God. That's so good. I have to tell that person, this is just the fucking tip of the iceberg. We've only been on podcast for four and a half months. I mean, we're just revving our engines. The complaining is about to fucking skyrocket to the moon. Overdrive. Who's next? Okay. This is from a girl.

Why do you think any of us care about what some 70 plus year old have to say about anything? Seems pretty narcissistic to me. Not the ageism. No. Right.

Like even if y'all were 70 plus, like you still have voices. You still have things to contribute. Here's what I want to do. The people that say, why do you care in a comment? I want to be like, why do you care? Why do you care? Why do you care? Why are you commenting? And they'll be like, well, then why do you care? And I'll be like, we may be 70, but we'll, we'll sit here and do this shit all fucking day. Because when you get older, you don't give a fuck. That is the beauty of age. But I mean, just for the permanent record, for the permanent record, I am significantly

significantly younger than pups. Four years is not significant by any standard. It is significant. By any standard, it's not. Because when you're, I mean, you're in your 50s and I am not. And that's why the, you'll be 49 in three months. Not three months. Four months. Sorry. Right. That's a, there's a difference there. There's a difference. Yeah.

One whole month. A lot can happen in one month. A lot can happen in one month. Read some more hate comments for us, Kyle. Yeah, these are great. Okay, I have a couple of these that back up my hashtag usage. Okay. Which one? The Karen? Mm-hmm. Okay. I'm guessing you guys have a huge fan pool of hateful Karens. Oh, no. Actually, we don't. Probably, actually. The Karens don't like us. Oh. They don't? Really? No, because we're too progressive. I was going to say, I get that. Like,

Like that's where I guess parents can be progressive. Karen's aren't Karen's kind of like the January six, you know, I think Karen's just like an over mother or helicopter mom and everybody's business. The Karen's are like your local neighborhood terrorists. Exactly. Exactly. And here's the deal. I don't participate in anything in my neighborhood. My life is about making it as small as absolute possible.

Yeah. I love that. Yeah. I feel like the reason y'all get so many hate comments too, is because you're really good at rage baiting. Have you heard of this before? No, but I'm intrigued. This is something that like some content creators will do. Basically you do or say something that is naturally so infuriating that people can't help, but have an emotional reaction. And then they go in the comments to like, give you a piece of their mind.

But because you're bringing up so many things that frustrate people and like your main thing that you talk about is things that are pissing you off and that you've had it with, that is enlisting an emotional reaction in your listeners and your commenters. And they're like, oh, yeah, I hate that too. Or they're like, how can you say you hate that? Like it's enlisting strong emotions, which is, again, great for your engagement. So keep up what you're doing. Well, Pumps is a great rage baiter because she just pissed off. And I'm not even trying to be. She just pissed off the entire state of Florida. Oh.

A couple of episodes ago. That's a good one to piss off. Yeah. And then she doubled down on it before we had you all on. How'd you do that, Pubs? Because I said when they were talking about a principal got fired because he showed Michelangelo's David in Florida. And I said they should just annex Florida off the planet. We were just talking about this. I mean, it's true. Like they're horrible to LBGTQ people. They're banning books.

I mean, there's a lot about Florida that just needs to go, period. I used to live in Florida. I actually moved to L.A. recently from Miami in November. And the way I've always described Florida is if you were to take the country, turn it on its side and just kind of shake it violently, all the people that didn't have a firm grasp on reality trickled down and collapsed. And that's why we have Florida. Yeah.

Paris, now they're going to hate you more than me. Thank you. Yeah, but anyway, the rage baiting pumps is particularly when it comes to Florida. She's nailed it. Right, but I didn't know I was doing that until he just said that. I think it's great. You're really good at it. Keep it up. Accidentally rage bait her. Keep it up, Karen.

I will say I'm prepared with one hate comment that I was able to find. Oh, sure. Like I'm prepared to share it today. Please. So I posted a video. There was a TikTok trend going around where people were sort of posting a photo of themselves now, like looking good. And the quote is like, I wish I met you earlier. And then you cut to an embarrassing clip of yourself doing something when you were younger. Right. So I did that. And somebody commented. Let me see.

Mind you, I went to college in Florida at FGCU. They said, and you were also extremely rude to people when you were at FGCU. But anyways, someone's got a grudge. And I commented back. I replied because I don't get these opportunities very often. I commented back. I said, I'm a very nice person to people I don't know. If I was rude to you, you deserved it. And I stand by it. Oh, I love that. I'm not just rude for no reason. I've never been rude for no reason. Right. Right.

How about somebody all these years later going on your TikTok and they're still mad about it. I wonder if he or she was thinking about you all the time. I have no idea. I tried to click the profile. It's just like a random profile. I'm like, I don't know who you are, but you know who I am. That's right. See, I'm with you, Paris. I think it's somewhat flattering that somebody takes so much time because if I don't like something, I just simply cease putting energy into it. Right. Imagine that. It's an immediate.

immediate cease of energy. And so to actually hunt you down and watch, they're obsessed with you. I think they really like you in college. They live in their head rent free. Yes, you do. It's really important to find the humor in these hateful comments because really they are hysterical when you really think about somebody sitting there typing with their keyboard courage, just wound up and fuck you and Karen and you're 70. I'm like, keep, come on, come on.

Come on, this turns me on. I love that term keyboard courage. I've never heard that before. Really? I'm new to this. Oh, keyboard courage, yeah. I thought you just came up with that on the spot and I was really, really impressed. Well, I mean, she is sharp as a tack, but no, she did not. You are though, because it wouldn't surprise me.

The keyboard courage, though, it's like I was talking about in another episode about like all the boomers on Facebook, which, by the way, Internet, I want to tell everybody we are not fucking boomers. We are Gen Xers. Did someone say we were? All the time. They keep saying they're boomers. And I'm like, no. 70 plus. What?

We are Gen Xers. When you watch Stranger Things and you see those kids on bikes in the 80s, that was our childhood. Minus the Demogorgon or whatever it was. But anyway. Depending on where you live. I digress. But the boomers on Facebook, I mean, they are just the keyboard courage. And you know they're sitting there. Fucking Bob or Dan is sitting there with a resting heart rate of 160 acting like he's going to take on the federal government. And it's like, fucking calm down, Dan. You know, they've got news.

That's a resting heart rate of 160. You know they do. And they're sitting there with the bald eagle emojis and all that shit. And it's just like, listen up, Bob. You're not going to be able to make it to the front door. All right? Simmer down. Get off the Facebook. Turn off Tucker Carlson. Okay? Enjoy your retirement. Enjoy yourself.

Let yourself have fun. Right. Let life be joyful. Get on that. Get on that Tic Tac application. That's right. Well, guys, we cannot thank you enough for joining us, educating us. Right. About Tic Tac, because I really think it is a super cool app and I find myself spending more and more time on it.

When you notice a little follower soon, and I'm sure your TikTok name will be pumps, pumps, pumps. Right. Like your Instagram name. Yeah, I will definitely follow y'all. Well, make sure she follows you guys. And I'm going to keep an eye on her For You page. And listener, Michael and Paris have a new podcast that talks about and breaks down TikTok trends called The Social Dose. And as you can see, they are darling, as we say in Oklahoma. Darling. Precious. Precious.

precious little darling. So please follow them on Tik TOK and other social medias and go hit up the social dose for all the tea on Tik TOK. Thank you. Thank you so much, lady. It has been such a delight being here. Michael and I, since our last little chat have been saying that he's the pumps and I'm the Jennifer. Yes.

- I totally see that. - I think that's true for every friendship. - And pumps, I am honored. - There's only one pumps and one Jennifer. - We even matched, like we're both wearing black, you two are wearing white, like it's- - Yes, we did. - That is true. - Michael, would you go steal the seat from Paris? Would you do that? Would you feign having to pee your pants and then go steal that first class seat? - I a thousand percent would. I feel like my machine is leaking everywhere, even with these depends.

And then I would totally snag that first coffee. I'd be like, sorry, Paris. Bye. Sorry. Don't get it twisted. By the way, I lost a spoon. I need to go find that. God, something else. I can't sneak up on anybody. I'm just rattling and clattering. Exactly. Right.

Well, you guys have a wonderful week and we hope to have you on again soon. Good luck with your podcast and we hope to see you on TikTok. Yep. All right. Bye, guys. Bye, guys. Have a great rest of the day. Thank you so much, ladies. Bye. They're so cute. So cute. So fun. Kylie, I think this is something that we need to do. I think we need to set up your TikTok and then weekly I can check your... For you page. Yeah, your For You page. Okay. So we'll do that. Now, I have...

Embarrassingly enough, because y'all are talking about what's on your TikTok page, whenever I get on TikTok, because Emily left it on my, like her app is on my phone for some reason. And I do the cheerleading competition routines. Oh.

Yeah, like the cheerleaders. Like the serious, like stenting, like crazy stenting cheerleader. That's the only thing I've ever Googled. Well, you know what? Or TikTok. You know what you cannot find that you're going to have to put not interested? Listener, Pumps had a horrible addiction to Dr. Pimple Popper. Yeah. And she would stay up all night till 3 or 4 a.m. in the morning.

Watching these extractions. I mean, I had to stop. And she had to stop. And she's currently sober from Dr. Pimple Popper. How long have you been off the Pimple Popper? Gosh, I would say probably...

Four or five years. Congratulations. I mean, I had to get off of it because I could just spend hours. Congratulations. Four years off of Dr. Pimple Popper. You need to be careful because on TikTok, I think there's a whole algorithm with like hair, ingrown hair extractions and pimple popping extractions. There's a whole thing. So it could be a minefield. Right. Like if I disappear for days on end, you'll know that I've gotten on the TikTok. I do not want anything to happen to your recovery. No.

Okay. From extractions. Okay. Because four to five years sober, that's impressive. And we commend you. During the COVID deal, I got into earwax, removing earwax. So these four to five years, there's a relapse in there. Might be. A little bit of earwax removal. Yeah. I even got one of those machines that ultrasounds to your phone. I didn't have any earwax, which I was so disappointed. I want to leave the listener with a very special story.

One time I had an ingrown hair very close to my vagine. Yes. I remember it well. So I called pumps to come over to extract it. She arrives with a bag full of supplies. She immediately puts on a...

around her head with a headlamp on it. And she has all these tools. Yeah. No gloves. Just went right in. Goes right in, right towards my vagine with the tools and the headlamp extracted the ingrown hair, pulls it out. And she's like going, Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God.

You would have thought she was the one having the orgasm. She loves this shit so much. Love it. Yeah, I have all the tools. I have the headgear. You have to have light. But you know, my eyes are getting so bad. It's getting harder and harder. Yeah. Well, I mean, I think that maybe it might be time for you to- Retire. Yeah. You really need to take your recovery from all of these extractions to the next level. Right. But only a true friend would go in to-

And ingrown hair in your most private area. It is love. And I just went right in there. Never even thought a thing about it. Right in. Zero gloves. She went right in there and just. Which why wouldn't I have had gloves? I smoked at the time. Like I had 7,000 pairs of gloves. Why didn't I put any on? That's just how much you love me and my vagine. Again, we're continuing the Pumps Lesbian Arc. Follow along on Patreon. Yeah.

listener, you can hit us up on Patreon. But this has been a wonderful episode. So much fun. Very eye opening. Very eye opening. And I'm not really offended to be a Karen. I just think it's who I am kind of. Please subscribe, follow, rate, review.

Subscribe on Patreon to follow a lot of things that we're going to be covering about pumps is sobriety from the Dr. Pimple Popper. Any, any relapses? I am going to be filming her algorithm on Tik TOK and sharing that her for you page with the Patreon users. I will try to update that at least once or twice every,

a month to see how her algorithm is evolving. Right. To see what I'm really interested in. Yes. And follow us on social media. All of it. Like shit, rate shit. Just do that shit. And I think we're going to do live streams on Patreon. We just haven't quite figured out when. Yeah. We're going to do live streams on Patreon. And then other than that, pumps tell them. We will see you next Tuesday. Or Thursday. And what does all that mean? Although you always make fun of me. Cut. Cut.

Oh, God. All right. Bye, listener. Bye, listener. And action.

What's up, everybody? I'm Sarah Gretzky. And I'm Natalie Buck. And we've definitely been known to cause a scene. So whether you've binged a show this weekend or you don't even know what a streaming service is, don't worry, because on Causing a Scene, we've got you covered from Netflix to Hulu and everything in between. Grab your popcorn or your martini and get ready to cause a scene with your new best friends every Thursday.