It’s Not Imposter Syndrome, You Actually Suck
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So are we supposed to start the podcast? Ready? One, two, three. There you go. Girl, please. Girl, please. Girl, please with that clap. Pumps, what have you had it with? Okay, what I've had it with is when you buy a package off the internet and you pay for shipping. Correct. And it says, do you want your tracking number? And you're like, yes. And then it says, do you want to insure this package in case it's lost or damaged? Correct.

And I'm like, bitch, I just paid for tracking. So if it's lost or damaged, that's on you. You track it. You fix the damage you caused in transit.

So I fucking had it with all these extra grift fees on shipping. There's too many. Yeah, it's getting out of control. It's like you can't just there be the cost of something and then the shipping. You know, in Europe, they're bewildered when they come over here with sales tax. Right. Because...

In Europe, all of that is just included. What the price is, that's what you pay. But when you get to the United States, you have the item. Let's say you're shopping on the internet. You have the item. And then you have the sales tax. And then you have the shipping. And then I have seen a request, would you like to tip the warehouse workers? So there's an extra grift. And then there is an additional now with this racket with the shipping where...

To ensure the shipping, all of that is inclusive in the shipping fee. Right. That's one fee. That's the shipping, the tracking, all of that, one fee. Stop with the grift. You know what I think it is? I really believe this.

I think that with all the Donald Trump grifting, we've just exposed how many grifts there are on people and how easy it is to grift people. And now they're just grifting everybody. Everybody's like, oh, look how people, how easy it is to grift these people. I love, I love blaming Donald Trump for a lot of things. I blame him for everything. And I like where your head's at on that, but I'm going to disagree. And what it is, is we have not...

raised the minimum wage in this country for entirely too long and it is impossible for people to live off of that. And corporates are all about

They're stockholders and the CEO earning hundreds of millions of dollars. And then the employees that run it are making minimum wage and then they have to live off benefits. So basically what the United States of America has become is we are like.

socializing corporations. We allow them to not pay their employees enough so that they can make tons and tons and tons of money. Our taxpayer dollars subsidize where they do not pay the employees enough. Like if you look at all of the places minimum wage that are on the New York Stock Exchange, Starbucks, Walmart, Apple, all of these places and they pay the workers minimum wage but then the stockholders

or get these big fat checks. Well, who subsidizes all of that? The taxpayers. But what do we as a country do? We berate the workers that make

a low wage, and then we worship the fat cats that make all this money. Well, I bet you $1,000 that your extra shipping, if you pay extra shipping, the worker doesn't get it. All goes to the corporation. Of course they don't. Yeah. Of course they don't get it. It's just a big fat grift. Yeah. It's a big fat grift and I've had it. I agree. Let me tell you what I've had it with.

Okay. In general, I've had it with sexism. Right. But I am going to target that. I'm going to pinpoint it to something even more specific than generalized sexism, which is teenage sexism. Okay. Let me give you an example. Last night, my son was playing in a basketball game at a small town outside of Oklahoma City, like a rural area, a rural high school.

And my son goes to a private school and I understand what the optics of that are. And the rural town was beat my son's school and the student section at the end of it. And I like all the smack talk in sports. I'm not against smack talk. I think it's fun. That's a part of it. They start shouting, daddy's money, daddy's money.

And I was sitting there and the more they did it, the madder I got. Because you know who pays for my son's private school? Mommy. Mommy. Yeah. It's mommy's money. It's mommy's money. You little shitty rednecks. It's mommy's money. You little sexist rednecks. That's it really pissed me off. I thought, you know, this teenage sexism did ever occur to you that maybe mommy writes that big fat check? Well, no, because it's patriarchal America out there.

Yeah. So specifically the sexism being passed down and I'm all for trolling in sports. That's what sports is. You get to smack talk. It's fine. That's a part of it as long as it's somewhat respectful. And I get the optics of browbeat in a private school. I understand that and I'm not against that.

But it's not daddy's money, you little shits. It's mommy's money. Right. If they would have said mommy's money, I'd be like, good for you. Way to troll these private school kids. Right. But the daddy's money thing just kind of got up and sat in my craw. I love it so much. I wish you would have gone over there and been like, listen to me, you little fuckers. It's not daddy's money. Listen up. I know your mom probably has a side gig being a trad wife doing all this weird shit on TikTok.

But listen up, when I wrote that check for that private school, it wasn't daddy's money. It was mommy's money, you little redneck. That's what I wanted to say to him. I just kind of, I didn't know because I'm always up on the high road. Always. Look up. I didn't go pick a fight with high schoolers. Okay. Very proud. The restraint is unmatched. All right. Welcome to I've Had It. I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie. All right, Kylie, what's going on? And Kylie is our illustrious...

Beautiful, talented, smart. Thank you. I've got a five-star review. Okay. And it's titled, Road Hard and Put Up Wet. They write, I'm a marine biologist from Texas, and I've heard cleaner mouths on alcoholic folks who grew up in Mariana's trench. I've never believed in a love language until I heard these two beat a dead horse.

Oh, I like that. Because we love to be the dead horse. Also, I'm impressed that a marine biologist...

Gave us five stars. No, me too. And you know what I wanted to be when I was little? What I thought I wanted to be when I grew up? A marine biologist? A marine biologist. Yep. Oh, wow. That was like my middle school. I wanted to go. I wanted to work with all the sea animals, swim with whales, do the whole nine. Really? Teach a dolphin to eat a fish out of my hand. What happened? You know, I don't love fish. I don't...

I don't love the ocean. Yeah, what happened? I certainly don't like sand. Yeah. So that just kind of, but that'd be cool. Do you like whales? Yeah, I like whales. I like whales. I'd like to be on a boat tracking whales. Yeah. But I also like indoor plumbing. Let me ask you this. Were you in your eighth grade pumps self, were you envisioning like scuba diving down with the animals? No, I know I'm going to get a lot of shit for this off the internet, but I was kind of more imagining myself at SeaWorld.

Right. This was before Blackfish came out. Before Blackfish came out and before we realized the abusive nature of their captivity and all that. So I thought, you know, I'd get in my wetsuit every day. I'd dive in. I'd come up on Shamu's nose. You have a whistle. Oh my gosh, I'd have a whistle. I'd be great. I'd be bonded with my dolphins. Cirque du Soleil with Shamu and pumps. That's exactly what I was thinking. Oh, I'll tell you what, man.

Yeah, that could have really been a sensation. It could have been. Poor Shamu, just kidnapped and tortured for capitalism. Yeah, that's a tough deal. It is a tough deal. Yeah, and then, you know, your dreams of being a whale trainer, that's really ambitious. Yeah. But I didn't realize...

The height of my ambition. Yeah. You know, I've discovered a few things about you on this podcast that I didn't know for all of these years. And I think it was several months ago I learned that you were a lifeguard. Right. Which goes into my marine biology. I could save anyone. Which I'm still incredulous at that. But we won't get into that. We've already covered that. We can go out in the pool this summer and I'll save you in a drowning situation. And you will just be so impressed. Okay. All right. We'll do that. And then this whole...

Marine biology? Yeah. That's probably before I discovered I wasn't great at math, too. Right. Right. That I needed to be in the lawyer. Would the Southern Baptist upbringing, would that have caused a problem with the biology part, the evolution, the study of evolution? Well, I went to public school, so no. Okay. But yeah, no, I mean, it could have been an impediment. Yes. Yes. But no, not in my case, it was not. Yeah. Just think of me.

Braces, zits, diving in with the whales. That's what I thought. And I also thought I wanted to be married to someone named Randy. Why? I don't know. Randy? Randy. And not because it's like Randy sexually, but I just always thought. Angie and Randy. Angie and Randy. Wouldn't that be so cute? Sitting in a tree. Yeah. Randy. I've never even met a Randy that I know of. Really? Mm-hmm. I don't know why I liked it. Randy. Randy. Randy.

Angela, Dawn, the marine biologist, and her husband, Randy. Yeah. What would Randy's job have been? Good dreams. I don't think I got that far, but I just really liked the name Randy when I was like middle school. So there's some Randy's out there. Aren't you just full of surprises? All good. Yeah. All right. All right. I've got one from Jessica and she writes, unfollowing. You're just unkind, dried up.

and unfeminine at this point. - Dried up, 100%. ♪ Mommy's money ♪ ♪ Mommy's money ♪ - I could go with the I'm not feminine. I mean, I can take that. I was watching softball the other night and it wasn't even a team I knew, but I just liked it. - For fun? - For fun. - Yeah. - But you're very feminine, I feel like. I feel like Kylie's very feminine. - I'm feminine, but I think it's a, I also am, I own a business. I'm completely financially independent.

You know, I concuss.

I can do what I want to do when I want to do. And I think her definition of feminine is trad wife being submissive, not having strong opinions about politicians or the world at large, maybe running a business, having your own bank account, telling your husband to go fuck himself, stuff like that. Probably doesn't fit into her definition of feminine. I don't think we are overtly feminine, either one of us. But I mean, I don't think we're like butch.

I think you're both feminine. But yeah, by her definition, not at all. Right. That's what I... Right. Your big dick energy, you know. Yeah. Yeah. Our dick is way bigger than anyone that she knows in the male world. Any of her alpha male friends. Yeah. You might be dried up, but you got a big dick. I got a huge dick. What was that comment? Was that on Apple? That was on Facebook. No shock there. Oh, Facebook. I totally forget that we have a Facebook. I didn't even know we had a Facebook. Yeah, we do. Yeah.

I never even get on there. What the hell goes on on Facebook? A lot of that. Yeah, I was going to say that. Just butt hurt boomers? A lot of boomers. Butt hurt boomer parade? Oh.

Oh, yeah. The Butthurt Boomer Parade. The Butthurt Boomer Parade on the I've Had It podcast Facebook page. That would be a great just episode to just do dramatic readings of that shit. I always forget about Facebook. It's a goldmine. A goldmine of unhinged content. All right. I'm going to do one last one. Okay. This is on YouTube. And she writes, I love Jen so, so deeply. But I think I've had it with pickleball. The hag needs to shut it.

You see, this is what fuels me. This is love. I drink this haterade. And what this motivates me to do is train harder. Right. And talk about it more. But I'm going to tell you, I recently, since you...

Brought up pickleball. I'm going to be self-deprecating. Kylie, why? I'll tell you what. Your favorite pickleballer and I, my favorite partner and I, got skunked the other day. 11-0. Really? Total skunk city. Couldn't score a point. So you know what we did the very next day? What? We showed back up there. We played three games in a row together. And we won all three with a rock solid exclamation point.

And we walked out of Chicken and Pickle with a little pep in our step and even did a follow-up text after we walked each other to our cars. To each other. Another victory lap via text message. You just cannot keep a good woman down. You cannot. You cannot. And I will say, I've said it before and I'll say it again, and I mean it. You're a very gracious loser. There's no question I've got my shit together athletically, mentally and physically.

Thank you for pointing that out and painting that picture. Yeah, I don't know that I was going there, but okay. Yeah. That's what I deduced from that. Okay. Okay. That's what your takeaway was. That's a really healthy takeaway. Not narcissistic at all. Absolutely. You never are. No, never. I've never heard you. I have never in my life even considered that description of you. No. Never. When you think of me, you just think humility, grace.

Do you suffer from having a parasocial relationship with two barely competent middle-aged women?

If so, please go to I've had it podcast.com or to any social media site. I'm talking X, formerly Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, et cetera, and click the link in bio and come see us at the hot shit tour. Make your parasocial relationship real at the hot shit tour. Right pumps. Tell them it's so fun. We hope to see you there.

This episode of I've Had It is sponsored by BetterHelp. You know, Pumps, we always feel like we're running out of time. We don't have time. But actually, when you think about all of the time you waste not doing something productive, it really adds up. So I've tried to be very cognizant of this. And right now, at least once or twice a month, I am carving out some time for me to get online with my therapist at BetterHelp.com.

It centers me. It grounds me. It makes me feel more connected to the world around me by carving out this space and time for myself with my BetterHelp therapist. BetterHelp is so great because it's convenient and flexible, and you can do it from your own home on your own schedule. Listener, all you have to do is fill out a brief questionnaire, and you can get matched with a licensed therapist, and you can switch therapists at any time for no additional charge.

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Okay, so I have some articles from The Mirror. Love The Mirror. This one is titled, I proposed to my dead husband's mistress after meeting her at the funeral. What the fuck? So his secret girlfriend, he had a secret girlfriend, and she came to the funeral because his family knew about her and knew that he loved her, so they invited her to the funeral. Okay. First off, kind of a dick over to the wife. So she was angry. She was rude to her.

The girlfriend tried to come up and say, I'm so sorry. Kind of felt bad that she was there. And she ignored her. Then like a week later, the girlfriend turned up at the widow's door to explain herself. For the love of God. They ended up kind of hitting it off. One night after a few drinks, I told her how I felt. And surprisingly, she returned the feelings and she kissed me. One thing led to another, which led to us making love. And we ended up dating for the next few years.

Recently, we got engaged and she posted it to social media, which somehow led to my ex-in-laws hearing about it. They began to call and harass me, saying how disrespectful it was to marry the love of my husband's life and that I'm disrespecting him, especially now that he's dead and that I need to get over the past. I need the in-laws to shut the fuck up. I'm totally into this. Same. I think this is...

Fantastic. Now, obviously, the guy having the affair, the husband having the affair is bullshit. But the fact that the wife and the mistress would be compatible and get along makes sense. Tracks. Right. It makes sense. It tracks. Yeah. And so then they fall in love. They get married. It's a little I mean, the late in life lesbian thing is all the rage. Right. Good for these gals.

I'm into it. I like it. I feel like everybody walks away a winner. Yeah. Everybody gets something good out of it. I will say just as one point, the rarity, I just, I don't love the mistress going to the wife's house a week later. You just have to let that go. In this situation, we had a happy ending, but normally I think that would be hurtful. Don't you? Yeah, probably. But I'm such an ally.

of the LGBTQ community that I even support her before she was a lesbian. I pre-support. Pre-support? No, that's probably right. I mean, that's... But we don't know that... Did they text or did she just show up? I don't know. If it was just a show up at the door, I don't know how that feels. But again, we have a happy ending. We do. We do have a happy ending. How about the in-laws?

It's none of your business. Back off. Y'all move on. Y'all move on. Yeah. Telling the wife anyway that –

It's rude to marry the love of your husband's life. That's shitty. Yeah, they're the ones being rude. They sound like dicks. Get over it. All right. I have one here from the Daily Mail, and it says, Mom sparks fierce parenting debate after revealing she'll only be throwing her children parties for their first and 16th birthdays.

She detailed her, quote, hot mom take and shared that she decided against parties because she never liked attending her friends' children's celebrations when she didn't have kids and wouldn't be subjecting her pals to the same events. And so obviously everybody's got an opinion about this. Right. I've got mine. For my kids, they had a birthday party every year, one. One birthday party, invited their friends together.

I'm not a huge like let's have 95,000 birthday parties. I oppose fundamentally birthday weeks. I think a birthday month is ridiculous. The most self-absorbed narcissistic like let's celebrate. I'm so great. Let's celebrate me for a month. Like read the room. I'm so special. Read the room. I've had it with all of that.

Here's my thing. If this mom wants to do first and 16th and then on the other days it'd be no big deal, good for her. Yeah, I have zero issue with it. I would even, my recommendation would be they're not going to remember their first birthday party. Just cut that out. Go straight to 16. Just write it out to 16. Yeah, yeah. I think the over partying, like I think the reason we have birthday weeks and birthday months at this point with like young adults is because we had...

You think it's the personality disorders, NPD? No, I think it's we had 47 birthday parties when they were little. Because at the end of the day, fundamentally, nobody gives a shit if it's your birthday, except for you and maybe your parents. Nobody gives a fuck. Everybody has one. Everybody has one. Every year. That's the thing. They're not that special. That's the thing. So when you put all of this in, you know, like, oh my gosh, it's your birthday. It's like,

Everybody has one. It's like an asshole. Everybody has one. So it's just like- We're not having asshole parties. We're not having asshole parties. That's your day, 365. Which might be kind of interesting. I think I'd like that more. But yeah, all these birthday parties for kids and making it seem like, oh my gosh, your birthday is the biggest day on the planet. I'll tell you what gets me about this, and I think I've said it before, is when somebody wants to take off work on their birthday. Yeah.

So fucking what? It's your birthday. Right. Like everybody else has a job. Everybody else goes to work on their birthday. If everybody didn't work on their birthday, guess what? No one would be at work. That's right. So, I mean, just enough already. Yeah. Everybody is freaking out about this, but I'm going to be in the camp that we're celebrating today.

Normalcy too much. Celebrating mediocrity. We are. And it's really over the top. I remember...

Speaking of over-the-top parties. I got it. I knew the minute you said speaking of over-the-top party, I thought here it comes. Let's just go ahead and talk about Emily, your daughter's. Was it third? Okay. It would have been her third birthday because Luke was born two weeks before her third birthday. It was actually, I had a blast at it. I really did. I'm going to tell you what she did, listener. She had some ponies and they were, there was like a post and it was like a real live carousel where the ponies walked in circles in her front yard. She had a

But they were real ponies, not the fake ponies like the ones in Central Park. And then we had a clown that was the creepiest motherfucker you've ever seen in your life. Right. His name was Chester. Easily, you could have called him Chester the Molester. And I think we did. I think we did call him that. And he made balloon art for all the children. I think you had some princess characters. Some princess characters. Yeah. Some, a balloon animal maker guy. Was there a goat? Yeah, there were goats. Yeah.

Here's what happened. In my own defense, my own defense, which I know it's fucking ridiculous, but in my defense, for some reason- You're a biologist. Well, I'm a biologist. An animal lover. And obviously I had to do some experimentation on these animals. Now, every time I would have a baby, like right before I'd have a baby, I'd feel guilty like- For the other one. For the other one. Like you're going to get less attention. You're not going to have-

you know, you're not going to be the special only child or Emily, you're not going to be the only girl. Like you're going to have a sibling. Instead of thinking I'm giving you the greatest gift you'll ever have, which is the sibling. Right. I felt super guilty. So my youngest was born two weeks before my middle child's third birthday. And so I mom guilted it to the tune of you look like an asshole, you stupid fuck.

It was ridiculous. I remember the cake was like three tiers. The whole thing. I had a blast. I like animals. I thought the clown was wildly entertaining and creepy. The magician. The cake was delicious. It was a five star party. Oh yeah, the magician. Yeah. Yeah. The princesses. I had a blast at the party. I kind of like a kid's party more than an adult party, except for the kids. Yeah.

Right. The kids being there sucks. The kids were entertaining. But I remember the goats and the ponies. I really quite enjoyed them. I mean, what an asshole. What an asshole I was. Yeah. I mean, still am, but just in different ways. Yeah. I wouldn't pull that off again. But, you know, I mean, you're tapping into something I think is so important to talk about.

And it is, our parents did not feel this need to over-celebrate us. No. And this need to feel like when you said...

Instead of giving her a gift for her birthday, the sibling is a big gift. Well, what if the sibling's a fucking asshole that bullies you? That everything in the planet has to be done for this child. Right. And I fell prey to a lot of that in raising my kids that, you know, everything has to be a certain way when life isn't a certain way. Life is the way that it's dealt each and every day differently.

And sometimes you have a great series of events that happens. Sometimes you have an average mundane series of events that happen. And sometimes some really crappy shit happens. And so, I don't know. I think all of that stuff is rather...

It's fun in the moment, but anxiety-inducing at a later date because you don't understand why everybody's not as excited about you or your birthday as your mom that threw the petting zoo, Chester the Molester Clown birthday party for you. And listen, I had some humzinger birthday parties for my kids too. I don't think I had a petting zoo, although, hashtag goals. Maybe for my birthday, upcoming birthday, I could have a petting zoo. My gosh, Jenny's a big 5-0. Come ride the donkey. Yeah, we still...

Here she is. Here she is with the, it always slips in. Pumps needs to get laid. She's always talking about writing stuff or cramming stuff in holes. That's just the thesis of the podcast. Lately. Yeah. Yeah.

Ride the donkey. It's a sad state of affairs. I used to, my birthday's in the summer. Yeah. And so all of my friends would be out of town in college. They would go back home. Yeah. And so I changed my birthday. Yeah. To your half birthday? I changed it to April 12th, I think. Yeah. And I changed my Facebook. I changed everything. And I would tell people it was April. And so for like two or three years in college, I celebrated my birthday there.

in April so that everyone was in town. Birthday fraud? Birthday fraud. To this day, I just saw one of my best friends from college. She said something about my birthday. She was like, I don't ever know when it is because you lied about it for a couple years. When is it? May 29th. Let me ask you this. Did your parents throw over the top birthday parties for you growing up? I don't even remember.

See? And Emily doesn't remember that. That's the telltale right there. They don't even remember. No, they don't care. And a lot of it is a lot of moms do this to impress other moms. Right. I did mine over the top. I know you did. But I mean, to appease my own guilt. Emily didn't give a shit. I didn't give a shit what everybody else thought because everybody else thought I was ridiculous. But it made me feel less guilty. Yeah. But no, you get the one-uppers. I mean, you still get that.

with all kinds of things like adult parties, dinner parties. Well, you got moms that try to out mom you at school, bringing lots of snacks, volunteering to do stuff that the students should be doing, helicoptering around the school. The one-upmanship with moms is

It really exceeds the one-upmanship with teenagers. Jen, why don't you tell the class what you did yesterday? You power mom. You power mom. Okay, let me tell you what I did. For this game that I went to when my son's school played the teenage sexist school, the coach had emailed. We're playing in this tournament, regional tournament. Can anybody...

bring dinner for the kids for them to eat at the school before we board the bus to go to this small town. I didn't have anything going on that evening. I was in town.

And I clicked reply. And I said, I would like to volunteer to bring the food. Good for you. Yeah. So I assume you were in your kitchen making sandwiches, casseroles. How did that work out? So I went to, this can be very embarrassing to admit, my mother will be incredibly mad at me for this. But I went to Chick-fil-A.

I bought about $250 worth of hate chicken. Right. And I drove it out to the school and dropped it off. And see, listen up, kids. Listen up, listener. A lot of parents are mad at their kids because maybe they don't go to Sunday school or maybe they missed a Bible study class. Right. My mom gets mad at me if I go to Hobby Lobby, Chick-fil-A, or Home Depot because, as my mother will say in her darling Dallas Texan accent...

darling, they're terribly mean to the gays. I can't, I don't know how you support or eat that hate chicken. Right. Yeah. Yeah. No, mom, I'm sorry about that. I'm sorry to the LGBTQ plus IA community. It was easy. All the homeschooled people that work there run it efficiently. Yeah.

They're so happy to be out of the house. Right. They're not homeschooling. And they just, they're efficient. And I got it and I took it there and it's a demerit on my card. I'm going to do better. But I was a good mom, great mom yesterday. You power mom. But you know what I did? I walked in. Dropped it off. I asked where the team was. This gal that was the palm coach was like, I don't know, but you can set it all on this table.

I sat it there. I turned around and left. I didn't grandstand. I didn't click reply all. I didn't get in the group me. I didn't take a victory lap. I save all of that for pickleball. Right? Channeling it all in a healthy spot. I'm incredibly humble when it comes to doing selfless things for my children. That's right. I don't even have to talk about it. Y'all are the ones that brought it up. Right. I was just going to let it go. I was shocked when you told me that. Yeah. Look at you. Yeah, I did it. I did it. I took...

the boys food. Granted, it was hate chicken. Bought with mommy's money. Bought with hashtag mommy's money. That's right, baby. Mommy's money. All right. So, you know, Pumps, when we do these live shows and you and I both get a lot of DMs, personal emails to the podcast, letters sent to the podcasting studio, we always are joking around in here and laughing and

Making fun of shit and having fun, trash talking, all this stuff. But, you know, some people that listen to this podcast have experienced...

something really painful in their lives. They're looking for a respite from that. They're looking for a time to laugh. And particularly in the VIP lines, you know, we've talked to people who are going through divorce, their spouse or significant other is addicted to drugs or alcohol. There's been a death. Somebody's, you know, in chemo treatments. And they use this podcast to kind of giggle and get an escape.

But I bring all of that up to say, number one, for all of our listeners who are out there going through shit, everybody fucking goes through dark days. Dark, dark, dark, dark days. And Pumps and I certainly have done that. But I think the Internet is a really hard place to navigate when you're going through darkness, sadness, anger, depression.

you know, just shit is not falling into place. In fact, shit's falling out of the sky and raining hellfire on you and you're just in a funk to end all funks. The internet can be so problematic because of all the toxic positivity on it. The world of toxic positivity on the internet, I think is so dangerous because it teaches that

You should never feel negative emotions. Right. That they're bad. And this is something that is being projected on this Gen Z generation about feeling negative emotions because everything that's on, you know, the Internet for them is, oh, my God, look, it's Bama Rush and I'm doing this. And it doesn't show the emotion.

other human side of it where people are hurting and crying and struggling and can't afford to even go to college and all of these things.

All of that being said, all that stuff is going to be out there. There's nothing anybody can do with it, but we have to have an opposition to it. We talk often about our favorite Instagram account. And I think that Dave, the person who runs our favorite Instagram account, Disappointing Affirmations, shares with us that

our frustration with the toxic positivity community. And let's package everything up with a beautiful bow on it. Pick up the rug, sweep everything underneath it. I'm so special.

I'm having a birthday month. The world was supposed to be arranged for my day. I think he gets it because, I mean, nothing motivates me or makes my heart smile more than his disappointing affirmations. So we have actually, Kylie has contacted Dave and we are going to have him as a guest on and he is going to do a dramatic reading of some of his greatest hits of disappointing affirmations. So let's get Dave on here.

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Okay, let's welcome to I've Had It podcast, the author of the very best Instagram page that warms our cold black hearts so much, the author of Disappointing Affirmations, Dave Tarnowski. Dave, how are you today? I'm doing great. Thank you. How are you? How's everybody? We're good. Congratulations on your book.

Thank you so much. So is any of this like an ops, an opposition to the toxic positivity on Instagram, which I think can make people feel very depleted and insufficient as human beings to read this ridiculous high bar level of, uh, Zen that we're supposed to have after viewing some inspirational quote. Yeah. It's, um, because it's forced, um,

It's sort of like at a corporate place where you're supposed, it's like enforced or mandatory fun. Right. That's what a lot of positive affirmations are. And it's just, it's making people believe things and, you know, God bless them again if that's what they are into or whatever. But this whole that you can never have a negative thought, that whole part of it just bothers me because it's so...

Right. As a student of therapy, and Pumps and I have both had quite a bit of mental health therapy, I find your quotes so much more helpful than all of the other bullshit that I see. Like seeing before you came on, like my biggest pet peeve is everything happens for a reason. Absolutely.

or it's a God, that shit drives me crazy. So, okay. Let's have you read some of your greatest hits and then we'll talk about them. So let's see. So I'm starting out with, um,

And I had this weird thought of reading them as Bryan Cranston doing Walter White. Love it. It's a great show. I'm going to see if I can do it. Okay. Right. No one is coming to save you. You are the adult. I'm so sorry.

Oh, my gosh, Dave, you are everything I wanted you to be. Plus more. This is exceeding all of my toxic positivity defense dreams on the planet as Walter White. This is too good. All right, go on. The only person you can truly rely on is you. What a fucking nightmare.

See, all of these, I tell Jennifer every time we read it, like we should tattoo this on my forehead. So I have that bone to pick with you. I feel like you personally sought me out for these affirmations because it's like you fucked it up. Guess what, girlfriend? You got to fix it. Like you're much larger forehead. I'm going to need a much larger forehead. And lengthened. Yes. Is that a thing? I don't know. Oh, there's all kinds of things. I'm sure.

so this this this next one speaks very highly to um how i felt preparing for this okay it's not imposter syndrome you really do suck at everything i am the person who writes these just just so you know it's like this is basically an autobiography oh i love that but you know to me that really shows like such a uh

I'm drawn to people that are rooted in reality. Like that is so much more appealing to me. And I feel like I, I,

mate with them intellectually so much more than I do like superficial flattery and superficial charm. I just start cringing on the inside when I'm around it. I just think it's so insincere and I gravitate towards real sincerity even if that sincerity is something that might not be pleasant. I have found after all of the emotional shit that I've gone through in my adulthood life that being around sincerity is so much more genuine and I find that so much more comforting because it's real.

It is. It is. And it's not something I planned per se. It just started coming out and people picked up on it in an incredibly major way almost immediately. And so it was validation because I felt seen, you know, that's sort of, that's my, my biggest thing with this book and with the page is to help people who need to feel seen to

And that's one thing that the toxic positivity does not do. Right. It puts pressure on people that your life has to be perfect. So if your life's not perfect, what's wrong with you? And the reality is...

Everybody's life has really, really low peaks and valleys. I mean, there's valleys, but there's a lot of low peaks and everybody goes through them. So to minimize what somebody's going through and it's bullshit. She makes stuff up. There's low peaks. Low valleys. Yeah.

Sorry. Very low valleys. I mean, there's a lot of days that are fucking hard. I mean, it's bare minimum is an A++ for the day. So for to get on the internet and say, oh, everything's so great. Then it makes people think, well, what's wrong with me? What's wrong with my life? So what I like about your side, it's like fucking it sucks sometimes. It's hard to be alive sometimes. It's really hard to be an adult. Okay. Read us another one. All right. All right. So let's see. Just be yourself.

but not your real self. No one wants to see that shit. No one wants to see that shit. In the Walter White voice, it's so good because I just picture the blue meth in the background, you know? This next one, this was the meme that made my page. It just exploded after this. And it's, have a panic attack. You've earned it. Yeah.

You know, at the end of the day, what I love about this book and your mantra is that it's basically saying feel your feelings and you're responsible for yourself. And throughout all of the other shit that goes on the Internet and all of these toxic positivity quotes and.

All of this stuff. And again, like you said, maybe they help people. To me, they infuriate me when I see it, especially when I'm feeling really bad. It's just like a pile on when I read like an inspirational quote. I'm kind of like a fuck off. Right. With your, you know.

But these, these I can wrap my head around and laugh because sometimes humor is so medicative to get through really hard times. When you laugh for a second, it just, it breaks. It's a little respite from the seriousness of the intense feelings that you're feeling. And that's why I think your page has exploded so much because it's so relatable to stop laughing.

laugh at yourself realize this is a part of the human experience and then get back to feeling like again right yeah it's still yeah i've always said negative affirmations need to be a thing as well you know and it's um one of the things that i sort of um you know hoisted myself by my own petard was calling it disappointing affirmations because anytime it's not disappointing enough

For folks, they let me know. It sucks because I could be having a good day and it's hard to write something that's really dark when you're just sort of like, la la la.

I'm here as a content producer. So I'm like, all right, let me get this stuff out. And they're just like, this is too positive. And I'm like, what is this positive? I think people are getting more jaded the longer I go on with this stuff. Well, your page has brought us immense joy. Yes, we love it. And we love to do dramatic readings from your book. One of our listeners even made a jingle and everybody loves it. And we love you. You're one of our favorite readers.

favorite, favorite Instagram accounts. Everything you say speaks to our cold black hearts. Dave, thank you so much for joining us.

Thank you for having me and thank you for being such great supporters. I so appreciate it. Yes. And listener, you can find Dave at disappointing at disappointing affirmations on Instagram. And there you can click his link to buy his book. And then we also he also has a book of postcards. That's a great idea. So if you want to do snail mail to Sydney, I thought that was such a clever gift idea because let's face it, it's fantastic.

very hard to find people gifts because everybody just gets what they want with the internet, you know, at their fingertips. So these are great. Dave, thanks again. Thanks, Dave. Good luck with the book. Thank you so much. Bye. The Walter White. Chef's kiss. I like

Love Breaking Bad so much. I do too. The fact that he married the two of those things together for us is just fantastic. Yes. I love the disappointing affirmations. I can guarantee that I'll laugh out loud every day. Oh, they're so good. Because they're all applicable to me. Yes.

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