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Sometimes words seem so unnecessary.

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So are we supposed to start the podcast? Ready? One, two, three. Patriots, Gaitriots, Thatriots. All right, listen up. I want to talk to you all about something I've been putting a lot of thought into. I've been thinking about this more than I care to admit.

And it's regarding a grievance that Pumps had a couple weeks ago where she engaged with a man about putting up her Christmas lights. And then in turn, he wanted to have a lot of meetings, a lot of text messages, a lot of phone calls, a lot of follow-up. He wanted to overcomplicate it. And it's just really been sitting in my craw. And so I've been thinking about what happens when the lights come down. And I have a proposal for you. Okay.

I say you start playing offense immediately. Okay. I mean, it's just after Thanksgiving, you have the entire month of December. And I say you start texting this guy and saying, hey, I've been thinking a lot about how we're going to get the lights down. And I want to go over a few scenarios with you. Do you have time to talk? And then you get him on the phone and no matter what,

keep him on. Do not let him land the plane. Do not let him off the phone. If he's like, well, really, I don't think it's going to be that complicated. I'm just going to come. I'll take him down. I'll roll him up. And I'm like, that might not be that complicated for you, but I'm very particular about the way my lighting is put up. I want to know how you're going to store the clips. I want to know, are you going to roll the cords clockwise? Are you going to roll them counterclockwise? Yeah.

Where are you going to start? What are you going to put them in? How are we going to prevent them from falling prey to insect attack during the off season? And I think together with our listener, we could make a huge punch list of stuff and we just flood the zone. We go hard in the paint with this guy. And number one, I think it'd be a lot of fun. And number two, I just am curious about

If we do a counterattack of psychological warfare, how does he handle it? Okay, just a little update on that. I don't think a counterattack would put him off. I think he would like it. Because I texted him like the first day everything was up. And I said, hey, my tree lights went off. He's like, I'll be right over. And it's like seven o'clock in the evening. And I'm like, oh, no, no, no, no, no. You don't have to come over.

You know, it can wait till tomorrow. I just wanted to let you know. He came over that night. He came over the next three nights to double check. I had an electrician come out because he said it was something with my sockets. Then he followed up with where they were plugged in. If I liked where they were plugged in, just yak, yak, yak. So I'm telling you, I have now got probably...

15 to 20 more man hours in with this guy than I did the last time we spoke about it. So I just think he would like it. I really do. I mean, I think he would camp out in my front yard and be there toe to toe. Cannot get enough of it. Do we think he's attracted to you? No, he's like young and cute. I mean, he's early 20s attractive. Early 20s with this kind of can-do attitude? Yeah.

OK, I knew you were going to say that because he does definitely get the Hustle Award. There's no question about it. I mean, I have to give credit where credit's due. Like he cares. He cares that the lights are functioning. And what I want out of you is I want you to match that. I want you to match it. When he's talking about where things are plugged in, say, what's his name?

Jackson. Jackson. Jackson, do you think that's the best? Do you think we should use the top receptacle or maybe move it down to the bottom receptacle? What do you think with your experience? I think you need to match that intensity and that can-do attitude. And I think you need to be a can-do customer. Yeah. I mean, here's the deal. I've even said, just go buy new lights. Go buy a new timer. Like, I don't give a shit. I don't...

I just don't want to have to talk anymore. But now I'm, you know, all these days into it, I've got an electrician that's been out to double check. What I think the problem is, is I have a short in the light. So I'm thinking that's where I'm going to focus my energy is in the certain strand of lights that keeps going off and on. So now I think what I need to do is start pelting him every day because he has he seems to be resistant to just going and buying some more lights.

So I think what I need to start doing is start texting him every night. That's what I'm saying. That's what I want. When are you going to replace these lights? When are you going to go buy new lights? You can't go to Home Depot. I'm anti-Home Depot, but you can go to Lowe's. Buy new lights. Get them up. How soon can you get them up?

So that's where my effort's going to be focused is on this strand that's around the garage that works part time. I agree with that. But that gets us to how he's going to take him down. Is he going to start from the left of the house or the right of the house? You know, another thing I could do, because you know me, I'm like weird about like, I'm not even putting up any Christmas stuff because we're going to be out of town over Christmas. And it would literally drive me crazy thinking my tree and all that shit was up.

When I arrived back home, because I usually put my stuff down like Christmas Day. So I think I should start texting him the day after Christmas. When are you getting the lights down? When are the lights coming down? How soon can you get my lights down? Why the day after Christmas? Why not do it Christmas night? Okay. I could do that. I could put some energy into that because I have an aversion to the Christmas stuff after Christmas. I also think you could write him a paper.

That in your spare time. Yeah. Like I oppose a lot of people extend Christmas to the new year. I oppose this. I want my lights down no later than sunset on December 26. When the birthday party's over, it's over. I don't believe in belaboring celebrations. And I think that I think there's a lot that you two could work on together. Yeah, I could tell him I want him to take him down left. Let me ask you this. Are you going to use him next year?

See, I've thought about that. Do you have a relationship with him now? No, but here's my problem. He does have a can-do spirit. He's a hustler. He cares. He cares. So I feel like, am I jumping? Like, okay, so the guy I used before, I had to chase him and chase him and chase him. This guy's Johnny on the spot. I mean, there's no question about that.

So I think I'm probably going to use him next year because I think we'll have to have less of a relationship. Like he will have wrapped him up. He will have labeled him. He will have done all that stuff. So I'm hoping that next year we can have less interaction. So I think I will use him next year because of the hustle and the can-do spirit. So when you get to next year, my question is,

Do you just say, I want you to do the exact same thing you did last year? Or do you play offense and say, I'd like to mix it up a little bit?

I'd like to go all different color lights, all different areas. I'd like it timed to music. I want a musical presentation. I want to play the Nutcracker song and I want my lights to blink in tune to that. That's what I want. Can you put a Santa face on my roof that blinks alternately red, green? I've got something. What?

You can say, Jackson, I don't know what your political affiliation is, but I'm one of those woke women. And so I want you to put on my roof, fuck you, Trump, in Christmas lights. Let's see what he says. Do you have a problem with that? If I were guessing, I'd say probably, I mean, just based on all the stereotypical factors, he probably is a Trumper. But I'm going to tell you, he's such an eager beaver. I think he'd write it. I think he'd do it.

Because he really wants to make the customer happy. All right. Well, I've just been thinking about how this guy's been torturing you with all of this. And I thought, you know, why not attack back? I'm afraid he'd like it. That's the thing. I'd still be more tortured. Yeah. All right. Welcome to I've Had It. I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie. She's the star of the show. She is America's Meemaw. I would like to share a story from the news today.

And I relate to this. And the headline is Ohio man forced to cancel credit card to escape gym membership. Right.

So this guy, he had to cancel his credit card. So his name is Doug Madison, and he just wanted to cancel his gym membership, but ended up having to cancel his credit card instead. The 59-year-old could no longer afford the monthly fee. So a year after he signed up, he went back to the gym's website to terminate it. But it didn't have an option for members to cancel online. Right.

So he called the gym and was told he had to come in person. So he went to the gym, but even then he couldn't cancel. He recalls the employees telling him that they didn't, quote, have the ability to stop it or do anything on it because only his gym's parent company was authorized to cancel his membership. In the meantime, he says, while he's trying to do all this, they're still charging his account.

So he had no option but to call the credit card and to cancel his credit card because these gyms get people in a headlock and something's got to be done about it. Do you know how fucking mad I would be if I had to cancel a card over a gym membership?

Because then you have to redo everything else. Here's maybe another thing that you could do. You could just hire Jackson as a full-time employee to handle issues like this. Because at some point, he's just going to beat them down. Right. Enough to where they're going to acquiesce and assuage any concern or issue that he has.

And so I think maybe you launch Jackson. Yeah, just like they surrender to the constant barrage. Kathy. Yes. Do you have any reviews on the World Wide Web? I do. I also have an update on this exact topic. You know, the victory laps that we get to take because I think we make a difference when we complain about these things. As of October of this year, the FTC is finalizing a new rule called the Click to Cancel rule.

where businesses have to make it easy for consumers to just press cancel online on their subscription. See, making change everywhere we go. I'm going to credit ourselves to that entire thing. Yeah, that is long, long overdue. I'm going to say we did that. And when Stanley Cups are banned nationwide, I solely will take a solitary victory lap. I mean, that will just be the sorest winter smugfest anybody's ever seen. You know what we're going to do when that happens?

We're going to have Jackson make a float for you. With Christmas lights. With Christmas lights all over. And you know what I will do? And you can go down every street in every city in America. And you know what I will do? I will work full time with Jackson on plans. How many options do we have, Jackson? Let's run through every single one of them. I'm even going to say, let's do a rehearsal. Yeah. We'll have rehearsals. Try out different lights. Yeah. Do you want to do LED? Do you want to do soft? Yeah.

Okay. I would like, oh, do we have reviews? I've got two for you. This one is from Jason and he writes, hello to the bitch that complains and me mom meat flap. I watch your podcast while I'm at work. You guys ruin my day at work.

I get so into your pods that I get pissed at every single thing that I have also had it with. I get so mad at everything that happens in the world. But you guys do always find a way to make me laugh. I look like a weird fuck laughing at myself in my office. Lots of love from Jason, a gaytriot from the patriot state of Florida.

Ooh, that's rough. A gay triad in Florida. I feel sorry for the gay triads and all these red states. I do too. I mean, it sucks. It's tough times. Florida sucks too. I like how he hates us and thinks we're bitches, but also loves us. Right. That's the most relatable thing. It's so common that you love a lot about a person and also hate a lot about them. Absolutely. Who else? Okay, this one is five stars from Twirly Girl, and it's titled Eagle Sighting.

Every episode makes me laugh out loud at least once. I was recently in Japan missing pumps and Jen's shows. I was on a two-hour trip down the Hasegawa River in what can only be described as an oversized canoe when the guide then pointed skyward and shouted, Eagle! It was all I could do to not stand up, salute, and proudly exclaim, Caw-caw!

Thanks for coming along on the river ride, Jen and Pumps. Oh my God. I wish to God she would have done that. That is fantastic. How funny is that? She's in Japan and she hears my cackle. That is. I love it. That is so fantastic. I would have given anything for that eagle. Listener, this may come as a total shock to you, but Pumps and I have not always been this pulled together and rock solid.

In fact, we used to be rather screwed up when you say pumps. I would say damn near psychotic. Totally. And we have written a cell phone expose. One could even say it's a manifesto. And the book title is...

Life is a lazy Susan of shit sandwiches. In all sincerity, we share a lot of our struggles that led us to this grand stage where we can talk about petty grievances. You can click the link below in the show notes to pre-order your copy now. I've Had It is sponsored by BetterHelp. Pumps,

This holiday season, it can be such a joyous time, but you have to make sure because you're giving, going, blowing, that you pause and take some time out for your mental health. That's why I value very immensely my therapy sessions with my BetterHelp therapist. Let's not kid ourselves. Holidays, being around families are tough. And utilizing my BetterHelp therapist helps me be more calm, faithful,

facing this holiday season. Listener, if you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. What we love about it is it's entirely online. It's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. All you have to do is fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist, and you can switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. Find comfort this December with BetterHelp.

Visit betterhelp.com slash had it today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp.com slash had it.

Listener, Pumps and I have upgraded our potties to the Tushy potty. And I'm telling you guys, this is well worth it. And if you want to give the top gift to any family member, something no one ever saw coming, but that they will enjoy every single day of the year, multiple times a day, it's the Tushy bidet. I

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All right, now we're going to move along to we have some emails from some people.

listeners. And Vicki sent us an email and said, hello, ladies. I've had it with cutesy names for dental practices. Happy, sappy, or crappy teeth. Just give me the dentist's names. Gynecologists don't name their practice, vaginas are us. Urologists don't name their practice, better boners. I wouldn't go to a podiatrist's office called foot fetish. I don't want a dentist who does cute. I've had it.

I completely agree. I think cutesy names have gone over the top. I'm not necessarily just in dentistry, like everything. Everything has to have a cutesy name. I just like

This is where you come get a hamburger. It doesn't have to be, you know, upside down and flat burger. I hate all that shit. All right. Jessica sent us an email and it says, I'm a preschool assistant and I've been on summer break. You both have been keeping me laughing all summer long. I want to share a hat. It, my husband and I have different last names. I kept my last name. I didn't feel the need to change my last name just because I was getting married or even having kids. So my kids have his last name and the dogs have mine. Okay.

Honestly, the dogs win. My last name is way cooler. Anyway, I've had it with his family never acknowledging my last name. They continue to address me using his last name. We've reminded them so many times that I don't have his last name. We've been married for 16 years. They still ignore this and write his last name when writing my name. How fucking hard is it to just call me by my name? Get over it.

I think those people are assholes. I think they're doing it on purpose. I think they're showing a lack of respect for her. What do you think? Yes, I think that there's always this pressure on women to death kneel.

to the man's world. And it's always, the burden is always put on us. Like, you know, you'll see in the comment section of our podcast, quit cussing, quit cussing. These women cuss. They say, God damn. And there's this burden on us. But if you listen to Joe Rogan or Bill Maher or John Stewart or any of these men, they're

That is not put on them. Right. They can criticize religion. They can cuss. They can talk about politics. And the burden is not put on them to be a particular way. So this is so typical of the sexism that women deal with all of the time. And a lot of it comes from other women. Right. That's what I was just getting ready to say. A lot of it is pressure from other women. Yeah. Yeah.

All right. Allison sent us an email that said, I've had it with people's bandwidth. Nobody even knew what the fuck bandwidth meant until a few years ago. Now I ask someone if they want to do lunch and they respond with, I'm just not sure I'll have the bandwidth to do it, to do anything on Saturday. What the fuck? Just say no. It doesn't make you sound smarter when you say it. In fact, it actually makes me hate you a little. I don't care.

I don't care about your bandwidth. Answer the fucking question. I've had it. Allison, I completely agree. Completely agree. That was just a poor use of that term. She just didn't want to go to lunch. Fuck her. Never ask her out again. I do think after the election, I used this phrase quite a bit.

But I think that was an appropriate use. Right. That was an application that was worthy. All right. Nikki sent us an email that said, I've had it with gun-toting assholes. Had to share my recent Google review for my toy store in Edmonds, Washington. A couple came into the store on a busy Saturday full of children and families. They were greeted by an employee and asked them to please let us know if we could help with anything.

Then she noticed the man had a gun and a holster on his belt. She politely told the man that firearms are not allowed in our children's store. They gave a look and left. Two days later, we got a one-star review and here it is. I cannot support this business due to their stance on the Second Amendment.

It was important to me to support companies that uphold and respect our constitutional rights. Unfortunately, this business does not align with those values, so I will be taking my patronage elsewhere. Okay. This encapsulates everything I hate about these Second Amendmenters. Number one, nobody needs to take a gun into a toy store. That's one. Two,

If you are so fucking worried about the Constitution, then why do you want to flush it down the toilet and vote for Donald Trump? That's two. And three...

I get so tired of people acting like everybody needs a gun and, you know, gun culture and Second Amendment. Let's discuss when the Second Amendment was written, it was muskets that took 30 minutes to fire. Now we have automatic assault rifles killing kids in schools and nobody gives a fuck. I've had it, had it, had it. I hate him. I want to take that gun. I want to shove it up his ass.

All right, Natalie says, hello, I'm a longtime fan, short time listener. I would like to take this opportunity to share my I've had it experience. I have a group of friends.

that are younger by 10 to 18 years, new neighborhood. So some of their kids are young, about elementary school age. I see them on social media and the mom is posing with her six-year-old daughter with the caption, we are besties or we're twinsies all the time. Um, no, you ratchet ass bitch. Your elementary school daughter cannot sustain a fucking adult friendship. You cannot talk to her about your marital woes, your stupid husband or whatever bitch you're

has pissed you off. Stop saying stupid ass stuff on social media. I see it all. I see it all the time. What is this obsession with wanting to be your daughter's best friend? You are her fucking mother. Her face passed through your vagina. It reeks of desperation. Get your own age appropriate friends and quit using your kid for attention you desperately wanted from your daddy. Not fucking pretty. I agree with this. I always know it is a massive, massive,

massive red flag when the parent says the child is their best friend or the child says their parent is their best friend. You know that this is a very boundary-less, enmeshed, toxic situation. And that little kid is going to have big, big adult problems. Big. And it also tells me they can't sustain adult friendships. Like if your only friend is your six-year-old, you have some real issues. I mean, I...

I'm so grateful that I don't know the minutiae and the ins and outs that go on in my children's social lives. Yeah. Because it is none of my fucking business. I think it is weird as shit when kids tell their parents a blow by blow of what's going on in their social lives. And I remember in high school, the kids that did this with their moms, they were like,

Their moms were the pettiest, cattiest, meanest women that I ever encountered. And I just, I think you have to let your kids keep a lot of their life that is their own, especially when they're teenagers and young adults, you just kind of guide as best you can. But to be all up in that shit, it's just weird. I always think they probably were not successful at

building relationships as a young person. And now they see this as their chance to like, redo their high school experience. You know what I mean? Like, it's kind of like the sports parents that because they weren't super successful in sports, they want their kid to be the next LeBron James. And if somebody wasn't, you know, had a good group of friends, now they want to be in the middle of their son or daughter's group of friends. It's always the most desperate, obnoxious,

least attractive people. Well, and I think it's a signifier of a very broken relationship between parent and child. Well, very broken adult for sure. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, and when the kid is valuing the friendship with the parent over their peers, like Roman loves me, but they're apples and oranges. Like,

I feel the mom category. And that is it with Dylan and Roman. I don't feel the friend socializing. And I don't want to know what all goes on in their social life. They need to keep that with their peers. I think it's really weird. All right. Andrea says...

You know what I've had it with? The term buttery soft. Please, butter is not soft. It is greasy. It is slimy and it belongs on toast and popcorn. I don't want my legging shirts, towels or whatever the fuck else to feel like greasy slime touching my body. It is the Stanley Cup of descriptive phrases and should be banned. I love you guys. Andrea, just because you made the parallel with buttery soft to Stanley Cups, I'm your ally? Yeah.

And I am here to fight buttery soft as a descriptive adjective towards fabrics. I never thought about that until she just said that. That kind of makes sense. This holiday season, I've decided I'm going to indulge in hydration for my body. That's why I love Osea Malibu products. Their Andaria Algae Body Butter makes my skin feel so soft.

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I know everybody's going to think we're a nut, but when I holiday shop, I holiday shop for my pets. My pets have a stocking and my go-to source to get my little darlings everything they love is Chewy. I was just on Chewy last night getting my dog some toys and some special treats for Christmas.

And this time of year, Chewy's auto ship feature is the real stress reducing hero because you can't forget about your daily and weekly food. So I've set up the recurring shipments of all the essentials that we use and they show up at my door in one to two days. I'm never running out and I can change everything.

All right, Lisa says, Welcome, Lisa.

Here's what I've had it with. Dog people, I've had it with them. You can't have fireworks because their dogs have anxiety. Mother Nature can't have a thunderstorm because the dog is scared and dog people assume it's okay to come to my house and bring your dog to my house because your dog is so on a pedestal that you assume the dogs are welcome. I have cats and my cats hate dogs.

And I have to place my cats in a room away from the dog because your dog somehow is more important than my fucking cat. I've had it with dog people. And to that, Lisa, I say, welcome and fuck you back. Here's the deal. I agree with her. I'm a huge dog person. I would not take my dog to somebody's house. Oh, I would. You would. I mean, like to my house. Yes. But you wouldn't like roll up to Liz's with your dog. I have. I have.

See, I think that's rude. Yeah. All right. Alex says, hey, pumpers, Miss Jennifer Lemon. Oh, thank you. My husband. Oh, Don. And Kylie.

Can we please discuss how annoying people are who do not like cilantro? Listen, these people are in a fucking cult. Why is it that whenever cilantro comes up in a conversation or situation, there's always someone that will say, oh, I don't like cilantro. I have that gene that makes it taste like soap. Excuse me? First and foremost, nobody gives a fuck. Right?

Secondly, what is the gene? Can you name it? Were you diagnosed by a medical professional like it's some sort of condition? Why have I had this same conversation consistently every time the word cilantro is even mentioned? Nobody gives a fuck. I've had it. A loyal Gatriot, Alex.

See, there was an article or some study that came out a few years ago that was either you like cilantro or you don't. And I remember after that, everybody started talking about whether or not they like cilantro. But I'm with, I mean, I'm with Gaytriot. Who gives a fuck? Don't eat it. If you don't like it, don't eat it. We don't have to make a production out of it. Yeah. I just get so tired of when somebody doesn't like something, it becoming this huge topic. For example, Josh Welch hates blue cheese.

He hates it. If there is a cheese that is blue cheese adjacent and has just a slight hint of a blue cheese taste, he freaks out, calls the waiter over. We're sending stuff back. It's stage five meltdown. It's just I can't take it. I mean, it's just the food preferences that people have. I'm able to go sit down pretty much anytime.

98% of the time and just eat what's served. And if I don't like it, I just kind of smush it around on my plate a little bit. I'll even, do you ever do this? I'll even like scrape it to where it looks like I ate more. Yes, I've done that before. If I was at somebody's house or something, yeah. If it wasn't good, I'll just scrape it over and just to avoid-

about talking about it. So when people like die on a hill about cilantro or blue cheese or mayonnaise and we have to go on and on about it and belabor it in general terms, shut the fuck up. I agree. I've had it with that. Okay.

Adam Michael says, when you've pushed the elevator button and seconds later, someone comes up behind you and pushes it again. As if to say, I didn't press it good enough. And now the elevator is coming. I will break your finger back up, Dale.

I have to say, I agree with this, but I also do it. I was going to say, you're guilty of that. I agree and I do it. Yeah. Because I've been the first pusher and then some asshole will come up from behind me and do a double push. And I think, you fucking dick. I just pushed it. It's illuminated. Right. But if somebody else says it, then I go up and go, oh, oh yeah, it's already pushed. Yeah. I'm kind of the same way. It's just one of those things.

All right, Ryan says, long time lurker, first time bitching. I'm in college as an early 40 something and I've had it with this plague of create an account nonsense. For certain important things like utilities, credit cards, other bills, and my student portal, I understand it. But I currently have five different logons to five different websites to access e-text textbooks for classes. But I don't have a lot of time to do that.

But then there's this horseshit on regular websites of create an account for 0.0005% off your purchase. Go fuck yourself, Linda. I just want to buy your goddamn shoes. Stay up to date with your newsletter. Create an account so you never miss anything. No, I'm just buying sponges. I don't need some sponge related newsletters every other fucking day.

Then there are the ones that treat their website like an exclusive club and you have to create an account to even browse. It's gotten so bad that if a website doesn't have a, quote, check out as a guest, it's an immediate go fuck yourself. Nothing has made in-person shopping more attractive than having to create one more goddamn account. P.S. I love the show. Ryan,

I agree with this. 100%. And I am so adverse to joining these clubs. Yes.

That whether it's on a website or if I'm at a store and they say, what is your email? And they want my email information to check out. I have just refused to give it. I said, I don't wish to give out that information. Well, what is your cell phone number? I don't wish to give out that information. Well, we keep everything here in case you need to do a return. I don't want to do any of it. And then at the end, do you want to join the club? And it gets even worse than just the checkout. The other day I was on a website trying to buy something.

You're on and you're just starting to scroll down and you're honing in on maybe this hoodie that you like, right? And then all of a sudden the pop-up comes. Yep.

Join our club for 15% off. And then you exit out. And it's like, are you sure? Yep. And it's like, no, I'm fucking sure. Right. If I join the club, I want it to be my idea, not your idea. I don't want to be bribed into joining the club with some discount. I don't want any part of any of it. And so I think that there needs to be some business leadership and all these advertising executives that say, I've got it.

Let's brand as we don't want your email. We don't want you to join a club. Come here. One click. Get the fuck out of our lives. I would shop exclusively there. That's a huge branding opportunity. Yeah. Because I get so sick of it. And have you ever been on those sites that you're, it's in your cart, you're doing it, you're getting ready to pay and they say,

Do you want the newsletter, whatever, and you leave it blank and it won't let you buy it until you click you want the newsletter? Have you had one of those? Yes. But I've also had where I put something in a cart and then I've abandoned the cart. Right. Because I've decided I don't want it. I'm like, well, what if this company has one that's even better than this one? And then I get an email and I haven't entered my email that says something.

you left your cart. Would you still like to continue shopping? And I just think this is a lot of nerve. If I want to abandon my make-believe shopping cart, let me do it in privacy. Let me leave that debris on the internet. You don't need to come do a follow-up with me about my cart. That really pissed me off. Yeah. I've never even heard of that. Okay. Jen sent us an email that says, Hi, friends. I

I've had it with finding pee on women's public toilet seats. You do not have to hover, Janice, even though your meemaw told you that you might get the clap from sitting on a public toilet seat. That's not how she contracted it. I promise. It's okay to sit your ass down and pee and don't forget to wash your goddamn hands. Love you all. A true gay trick.

All right, Jen, here's what I'm going to tell you. I'm a hoverer, but I'm a wiper. Yeah. I hover and then I take toilet paper and I leave the toilet in the manner and the fashion that I would like to receive it. Yeah, I always just plop down. I mean, I make sure, I mean, I wipe at first, but I always just plop down. I don't worry about it. But I hate if I'm like in a super hurry or I have to pee really bad and I don't have an opportunity to wipe. Like it's usually at like a game or a concert or something where it's,

packed bathroom and you're just going in and out super fast and you plop down on somebody's urine, it's fucking gross. Everybody should wipe after they have her.

Diana says,

I've practiced yoga for decades. Women don't behave this way. Women are mindful and considerate. I'm sick of smelling men's asses in hot yoga class, and I've had it. Thank you for the opportunity to vent. Namaste. I have never heard of such a thing.

audibly passing gas more than once. Like if I audibly pass gas and yoga, I would run out and you would never see my face there again as long as I live. I mean, that's bad. Yeah. That's just, I mean, especially hot. She's been doing it for decades. The women don't do this. The men do this. And I just, you know, I'm not a man hater either, but there are just certain things that women in general take a little bit more care about.

Right. That men don't. And I would think probably farting in exercise class might be one of them. Right. I would hope. Okay. Natalie sent us an email and she said...

I've had it with every time I go anywhere, I got to fill out a goddamn survey about my experience. Take my kid to the doctor, fill out the survey. Bought a candle at anthropology, fill out the survey. Went to the pumpkin patch, radar service. No, absolutely not. Bloody hell, why? Every fucking place, I got to tell them what I think. I'm not getting paid. There's no coupon attached to filling out this 10-minute long survey. Get bent. Yeah.

Yeah, no, I hate that shit. It is so frustrating because recently I got one of these surveys and I just deleted it and immediately sent it to my junk folder, my email box.

Two days later, we're still waiting on your survey results. No, they shamed you? Yes. And I immediately just deleted it again. And I just... Why does everybody want so much out of us? Right. Why don't they even care? Why do you want us to join the club? Why do you want us to fill out a survey? Why does your light guy want to have 95,000 meetings? Why do people want...

so much out of us. I don't know. I mean, I think it's a great point. Like, isn't it enough just to give somebody your business? Why do you then have to survey them, get them to join your make-believe club?

terrorize their email box by sending them newsletters that nobody gives a shit about? Who are the animals that enjoy this shit? Being in the club, receiving the newsletter. I know you like a survey. I like a political survey. Okay. But my question is, like,

Isn't like the Yelp review or the customer reviews online? Why isn't that enough? Why do we have to do direct access? Why can't we just allow the people that want to do it, the other people leave them alone? I just, I don't know why people want so much out of being a customer. Why can't you just pay and then that'd be the end of it? Right. That's the end of the relationship. We don't need to belabor it. Just transactional. Yeah. And then it's over.

Don't feign that you care about continuing this relationship by terrorizing our email inboxes and sending us surveys. We know you don't give a shit. And you're not going to change what you're doing. Everybody knows that it's all for the grift. Yep. All right.

Let's do the last one here. Carrie says, I fucking had it with the Instagram parents posting photos of their babies next to fucking pumpkins. I dread the fall. I'm British. Where the idea of posting next to a vegetable is laughable. I just do not understand the pumpkin patch. You are choosing a fucking vegetable next

Do it at Whole Foods or Trader Joe's. How is that fun? I have to stay off of social media until the season passes because I lose all respect for my friends when they post the fucking pictures. Here's my child with a vegetable. I've had it. You know what? I've been looking for new stuff to be pissed off about. I like it. I join you, Carrie. This is right in my wheelhouse.

I agree. Quit photographing your children with vegetables. I just fucking love her. Yeah, I think that's excellent. All right. Well, I think that is all that we have time for today. And I'd like to thank all of our emailers.

for sending us some great new inspiration. Right. Hate-spiration. Hate-spiration. I like that phrase. Yes, because we need more things to be irritated with as we navigate the next four years, as we navigate the internet. And we need more grievances to stick into our handy-dandy filing system, which all of our Gen Z and millennial listeners make fun of us for having. But we don't care. We don't care. We like it. All right. Listen, we don't have any shows coming up

But we do have a Blue Sky account at YouTube channel. So join us in all of those places. Pumps, tell them. We will see you next Tuesday and Thursday and order our book.

Listen up, patriots, gay-triots, and natriots. We have a new podcast that has dropped. It's called IHIP News. It's Monday through Friday, every day, 15 to 20-minute hot takes on the political landscape of the United States of America, always served with a side of petty grievances.

We are on all the available platforms, Apple, Spotify, Google, whatever you get your podcasts and YouTube. Please go rate, subscribe and review so that we will chart upwards with America's greatest legal mind pumps. Pumps, what does an eagle say? A little bit more enthusiasm. That's it. That's, that's, that's the patriotism that this country needs right there.

People buy all sorts of things with Visa. What people buy is their business. But protecting every transaction, that's Visa's business.

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