Butcher at the Barbershop
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Listen up, patriots, gay-triots, and nay-triots. We have a new podcast that has dropped. It's called IHIP News. It's Monday through Friday, every day, 15 to 20-minute hot takes on the political landscape of the United States of America, always served with a side of petty grievances. We are on all the available platforms, Apple, Spotify, Google, whatever you get your podcasts and YouTube.

Please go rate, subscribe, and review so that we will chart upwards with America's greatest legal mind, pumps. Pumps, what does an eagle say? Caw-caw! A little bit more enthusiasm. Caw-caw! That's it. That's, that's... Caw-caw! That's the patriotism that this country needs right there. So are we supposed to start the podcast? Ready? One, two, three. Gay-triots, patriots, they-triots. Caw-caw!

It is a great day in the United States of America as we head into the election season. Pumps, what have you had it with? What I have had it with, and I've said this before, but it bears repeating. I've had it with TSA readiness. We were just traveling. We were in a line to go through security. This couple walks up. Kylie and I are standing there. They don't have their boarding passes out. They don't have their IDs out. It's like it's a social call. Like they're just going to walk up and they're going to say, hey, John, come on back.

So then after 45,000 hours of them shuffling through their stuff and getting everything, they go to security. They have shit in their pockets. They have water in their bag. They have their shoes on. The TSA tells this same couple who are middle-aged, so they have flown before, you know, you have to take your shoes off. This woman, first of all, she's barefoot. She has these nasty ass wedges on.

She holds each shoe up to the TSA agent and says, this is my shoe. This is my shoe. And I wanted to go, fucking Karen, nobody wants those shoes because you're nasty ass dry skin.

Crested heel is all over the shoes and now the floor that people are on. And the level of bare feet I saw in the airport, it completely grossed me out. And I've had it with these travelers that act like it is the only time they've ever flown in their entire life and they're my fucking age. That's just not even true. I've had it. You suck.

I couldn't agree more. I mean, I am shocked. Each time I go through TSA, and I'm in the, unlike you and Kylie, I'm in the TSA pre-line because I have my global entry thing. And so if you have TSA pre, you're a frequent traveler. You know the rules. And we just got back from this trip, and I'm

three different occasions, a person goes through the x-ray machine, the walking metal detector, and they have their cell phone in their pocket. And I'm like, I know that you frequently travel because you have TSA pre.

What part of empty your pockets when these poor TSA agents stand there at the top of their lungs? Make sure your pockets are empty. Make sure your pockets are empty. You start hearing the drum towards the back of the line. Absolutely. A total of 100 times before you finally proceed through the metal detector. And these morons...

These idiots have crap in their pockets. And I think, how is this possible? How are you this incompetent? How? How do you care so little about being a good traveler? I mean, my goal each and every time that I go through is I want those TSA agents to think that woman has her shit together. And let me tell you what I've started doing. What?

After you go through the metal detector and your items go through the x-ray machine, so many people just think it's somebody else's job to put up their tray.

Our most recent flight, there were about seven trays just stacking up. And I looked at this guy who didn't put his up and he was putting his belt on. I looked at him the entire time and I remained eye contact on him because of my peripheral vision. I could see the trays and I just stacked them one on top of the other and then marched them down like the Terminator, Jean-Claude Van Damme, and put them at the end and just stared at him like, listen up, MF-er.

Clean up after yourself. Right. Which brings me to my I've had it and it's travel related. When you go to the gate and you're sitting down because you have, you know, 45 minutes or so until you board.

And the person that was in the seat before you just goes ahead and leaves their trash in the seat. Yes. And doesn't have the decency to pick up their fast food, calorie-ridden, horrible American food snack and walk it over to the trash can. They just leave it out like it's somebody else's job to pick up the trash. So I've started...

As I go through, if I just see some stuff sitting around, I just go ahead and pick it up. For example, we just came back from Philly. There was a Dunkin' Donuts coffee cup in one seat. And about five seats down, there was a McDonald's sack. Nobody was sitting in any of these seats. I just went ahead and picked it all up and threw it in the trash so it would be cleared for the passengers because I've had it. Pick up after yourself.

If you're in the airport bathroom and you wash your hands, if they have paper towels, when you dry your hands, go ahead and give the sink a little wipe down. Right, because it splashes. I've had it. What is it? What are people thinking? They're not thinking. But they're obviously sending a clear message with their behavior that somebody else is supposed to come after them and clean up. I think it is so rude. And I just think.

Would you want someone to leave their trash for you to clean up? No, nobody wants that. Pick up after yourself. It's so rude. It's just a better way to live. Like leave the place that you're sitting, that you're borrowing for that 45 minutes or if it's the airplane bathroom or the airport bathroom.

Leave it in a condition that you would want to receive it. And if we all did that, maybe we wouldn't all be such psychotic freak shows on a podcast with microphones. Heart rate increased because we have to deal with these selfish motherfuckers day in and day out at the airport. I've had it. I'm not proud to admit this, but when we were going through the TSA line and this woman and this man were so ill-prepared and

When she ripped her shoes off and started telling the TSA guy that this was her shoe, my heart rate was probably up 70 beats. I mean, I was...

I was outraged. In my mind, I was taking that shoe and I was pounding her over the head with it and saying, you stupid ass nut job. Nobody wants your fucking shoes. It's maddening. It is. It is other madness. And it just makes you feel like, okay, we're all in this together.

Can you just do your job? It's a job to get through TSA. That's your job. It's a privilege to be able to qualify to fly, to be on an, you know, not be on a no-fly list and keep your shit in order.

Be invisible. Do your job. Don't grandstand. Don't showboat. Put all your shit in the tray. Put your tray up. When you go and eat, throw your trash away. When you get on the airplane, don't be a dick and act like a nut. It's just exhausting. We travel all the time for this podcast.

And just the selfishness and the lack of courtesy in the American public, it ruins what used to be a really fun thing, which is flying. And now it is like I can't stand it because I have to deal with it.

with these selfish, entitled people that think that the airport is set up exclusively for them and all of their shortcomings and their inability to follow rules and put their trash in the fucking trash can. Right. I totally agree. I remember the days where you actually got a special outfit to ride on the plane. And now it's just dump truck city incompetence and

Self-entitlement. It's just ridiculous. Welcome to I've Had It. I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie. Kathy, our producer, is with us today. Kathy, what is going on on the World Wide Web with our reviews? We've got some new reviews. And I've got a one star for you. It's titled Worst Podcast Ever. Okay.

And Gigi writes, if you want to spew hate and feel misery, this one's for you. I mean, you know what? Based on the intro we just gave, that's pretty spot on. Right. I mean, that goes perfectly with us today. Because even just thinking about my airport experience, my heart rate's a little up. I'm going to admit it. Yeah. Gigi nailed it. Nailed it, Gigi. What is it? If you want to spew hate and be miserable? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Nailed it. We're your girls. I think we deserve two stars, but I mean, I'll take the one. I'll take the one. It's not easy spewing this much hate. No, it's not. Getting this worked out. Okay, this one is from Tate, and they write, This is the only avenue I can find to locate my precious girls. Dear, dear pumps, with the beautiful golden mane that I emulate, I took a pic of pumps into a hairdresser and requested the same style haircut.

I came out looking like an assisted living resident who sees a beauty school flunk out that cuts residents hair once a month. I do not look like pumps, nor do I resemble any normal facing American woman. Now I am a lesbian intent on turning pumps. But at this rate, I'll have to settle for a blind, desperate lesbian with a short haired dog face fetish. Heartbroken in Fort Worth.

Oh, wow. There's nothing worse than a butcher at the beauty shop. Butcher at the beauty shop is the absolute worst. I remember when I was probably in kindergarten.

My mother loved to go to the mall. And so and it was in the era where you could just like walk, even though I was five. This wasn't weird at the time. She walked me into the beauty shop at the mall and it was like a hair school. Right. Where that where they were like students and getting trained. And so she dropped me. My mother's like an avid walker. And she said, Jennifer needs a trim. I'm going to go peruse the mall and I'll be back in about 30 minutes. Right.

So this student hairdresser cuts my hair and she cuts the back in a bob. And I told her I wanted my bangs just straight across the front.

And as she starts cutting, each time they're crooked. So she would go up and up and up and up. Finally, I leave. My mother comes to get me. And I have no bangs. They're like a centimeter long. And then I have this little Dutch boy, Bob. My mother picks me up. And we walk out. And I'm like...

My hair looks terrible. I mean, it was butcher at the barbershop and it was leveling. And I have the school picture somewhere and I look ridiculous.

All so that my mother could burn calories walking at the mall. She didn't have any oversight. There was no oversight by Linda. No oversight. Let me tell you this story. I just remembered it when you said that. So when I was in like middle school, which is that you look like shit anyway. You've got braces. You're awkward. Everything about you is unattractive. So I go to this new hair person and I'm acting like a little snot hole. There's just no question about it. Very impatient. Probably shitty. Right.

She turns me around and it was, she took my hair from like this long, like, you know, shoulder length. And it was so butchered. It was probably not one inch all over with a little bit longer on the top. And it was like.

She did it on purpose. Yeah. She was like, fuck you, you little twat. I've had it with you. And it was... And you know, a haircut like that takes a year to overcome a bad haircut like that. I mean, it was so short. Yeah. It was so bad that when I got in the car, because my mom had dropped me off and then she picked me up. When I got in the car, she looked at my face like...

Her face fell and I immediately burst into tears. And of course she was like, I think it looks great. I really, I really, really like it. You know, just lying to try to get me to not be so upset. Now a bad haircut's the worst, but I want to say thank you to her for trying to emulate me. I'm, I think that's the only time that's ever happened in the history of the world, but I appreciate it. I think it's wonderful. Okay. You know, we, uh,

have been whistleblowers on a lot of things, right? Like, you know, that couples that communicate online, that it's a big tell, blah, blah. Well, the data is starting to catch up with our podcasts. I was on Instagram the other day, and this popped up on my feed. And it is a new study that claims that happy couples are less likely to post their partner on social media.

And what I have to say to that is it's a burden for pumps and I to be right all the time. All the time. Always right. We were telling you people. And here's what it is. They did a survey of 2000 couples between the ages of 18 and 50, took a closer look at their happiness levels and social media habits. The results found that those who share three or more couple selfies per week are allegedly 128% unhappy.

happier than their more discreet counterparts. But it gets worse. Only 10% of the selfie-crazed couples consider themselves, quote, very happy. Meanwhile, 46% of couples who are more private on social media said they were much happier. The studies suggest that, quote, trust issues are

could be causing these unhappy couples to post more often on social media. And what I have to say to you, listener, is we fucking called it. Totally told you. If they're posting around all the time, somebody is fucking around. It's to prove a point. Somebody found out. Somebody fucked around. Somebody found out. Interestingly enough, just this last week, I found out about a couple in this exact situation. Like the night before I found out it was

A fucking around situation had just been the doors blown off. Okay. Within 10 hours, the cheater is posting a montage of how much he loves and adores the partner. And I just thought, if this is not in any kind of study, it should be because once again, fucking nailed it.

Totally. And I think it's a total insecurity in a relationship when you have to prove yourself

to these people you don't genuinely care about, like the people that follow you on social media. It's this imaginary thing we make up in our head that has value. But the fact of the matter is it doesn't have value. Nobody's going to be on their deathbed saying, I hope I didn't let my Instagram followers down. I hope my Instagram followers know how in love I was. But there's just this... Every time I see couples with overt love posts...

I just always cringe and I just think something is amiss here. Who are they proving this to? Because it's not to each other. Because if it was to each other, it would be so much more meaningful done in private. Absolutely. But when it's done on the Internet, it's for an audience to make up for some shortcoming.

that you have in your relationship. And it's just, you see it often, but I always know couples that do this, the curtains are starting to close. This relationship will not have longevity. It's not going to stay the course. Now listen, listener, I have had massive relationship problems and I have not shied away from sharing those with you all because I think anytime you're in a relationship,

you're bound to have problems because it's just part of the human experience. You know, at first you're in love. Pheromones are going bananas. You're screwing like rabbits. It's great times. And then that subsides a bit. And then you have to share things like oxygen, for example. And bathroom space and closet space. Yeah, and it can feel suffocating. And so all I have to say about this is there's no question about

That I can always tell when I see these couples online. And you always know it's even worse, too, when there's a post and then they comment to each other instead of saying it to each other in private. Thank you, baby. Oh, you're my baby. Oh, I love you. I love you. The back and forth. You're just like, oh, my gosh, that thing is imploding over there on their street. I just I immediately I just cringe. I just cringe. And I think, oh, my God, like.

you are doing this for this imaginary audience because there is a deep-seated shortcoming and desire to prove to people that genuinely you don't care about. I have to say. That you're in love. I cringe, but I like it. Same. No, I do too. I mean, if it wasn't

out there, what on earth could we, how could we earn and garner these one-star reviews? Right. How could we do it? How could we be so hate-filled and miserable and give the people what they want without these nut jobs and these performative relationships on the internet? And now we're scientific. Totally. Now it's statistically proven. That's right.

Okay, listener, today we have a guest that we have become friends with. I'm going to say he's our

We're friendly with him. I was going to say we're friendly. I wouldn't say we're friends. I think he would say we're friends. I think friendly. Okay. All right. He is a congressman from the great state of New York. And you may remember him from Trump's first impeachment trial. He was the prosecutor for the government in that case. And he was a

And of course, as you know, he won and he was impeached. But this man then ran for Congress in the great state of New York. And he has a really cool district. It's like lower Manhattan to Brooklyn, like a really cool area. So without further ado, let's welcome Congressman Dan Goldman to I've Had It.

Pumps, our ability to suck and then wake up the next day and suck more than the previous day is undefeated. It's unparalleled. We are the champions. If you would like to see how bad we suck, please join us in New York City in November for, you know, just some world-class shit talking. That's right. Live. Live and in person. That's right. Pumps, I am so looking forward to this crisp air because I love to roll out.

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Listener, for this episode of I've Had It, we've partnered with eHarmony, the dating app to find someone you can be yourself with. Our listener knows that we're unapologetically ourselves and don't feel like we need to pretend to be anything else.

That's probably why y'all listen to our podcast. You stay true to yourselves and have had it with pretending to be someone you're not. That's especially true when you're out there on the dating apps. Pops, what's going on out there on the dating apps? It's unbelievable how many people try to be something they're not on dating apps.

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Okay, let's welcome to I've Had It, our friend, Congressman Dan Goldman. And before you say anything, we were arguing before you came on, which is no shock to our listener. But I said to Pumps that you were our friend because we bonded at the DNC. And Pumps disagreed and said we were just friendly with you. We're friendly with you. We're not like friends.

Yeah, no, I mean, I think we are friendly on our way to being friends, but you do need more than one meeting in order to truly become friends. So maybe now after this, we are friends. How much do you love that political answer? I mean, that was politics 101. It's really good. So I'm going to circle back.

at the end of this episode and check in with you to see if we have entered friend zone. Okay. Because we're in friendly zone right now. Friendly moving. Okay. I was telling our listener that you represent a super cool district in New York. And what barriers is that?

So I have lower Manhattan, which is pretty much below 14th street is my district, which means I've got the village, Soho, Lower East Side, Financial District, Tribeca. And then I have a huge chunk of Brooklyn, Northwest Brooklyn, downtown Dumbo, Brooklyn Heights,

Park Slope, Brownstone, Brooklyn, all the way down through Borough Park, Sunset Park and Red Hook. And so it is unquestionably the coolest district in the country. And I'm working very hard on being the coolest member in the country.

You know, I've got a little bit of a ways to go. You know, when I think about like co-workers and, you know, workplace grievances, I would imagine that you have a lot of those, particularly when it comes to the self-described freedom caucus. Can you tell us what it's like working with people like that? You know, it's...

I get along with most of them very well personally, which is always surprising to a lot of people because in committee rooms or on the House floor, certainly I don't hold back in attacking their political positions and their their views.

Um, but there's no point in making it, uh, personal and cause we work together and we're here all the time. And at some point down the road, we may find a silver bullet on an issue that we both agree on could be for totally different reasons. Um, but I want to make sure that I'm able to work with everyone in order to actually get stuff done when, when the time is ripe for that.

You've just perfectly articulated why Pumps and I could never be politicians because we're way too petty. See, you just described the high road. And on that high road is Congressman Goldman. And he's just walking and he is able to separate personal feelings towards policy differences. I'm a petty person. And I would if I ran into some of these Freedom Caucus members in the elevator or something, I think I would be like, seriously, no.

what's your deal? Like, what is your problem? Who hurt you? You know, I don't want to mislead you. I, you know, I'm not going out to coffee with Marjorie Taylor. But, you know, if you're someone who, you know,

um actively tried to overturn the 2006 election i mean 2020 election uh it's a little bit harder to have that personal relationship with that makes sense yeah you know they really identified themselves like the freak flag red flags you know via their vote um

for the election results after the insurrection. So that's kind of, you know, that's kind of a benefit because sometimes people can't identify their crazy co-workers. They have a hunch. But let's get on to the matter at hand. We like to talk about grievances. Congressman, what have you had it with?

Well, the number one thing I've had it with right now is all of the doubters of my New York Liberty, the best team in the WNBA, proud season ticket holder. And there's just is not enough of a resignation and acceptance around the country that they are going to win the title this year. And too many doubters, too many haters. And I've had it.

I love that. I see. I'm a big women's sports fan and I love watching the women and how good, I mean, they're so getting so good at this game and the Liberty is fun and exciting. Now, weren't they in it last year, but lost? Yes. So this is their time. They, um, it was a crushing loss. I was, uh, there with, with my kids and the final game. Um,

We are now season ticket holders. I have four girls and we love going as does my son. And so we're, we're pretty excited. I will say, you know, obviously Caitlin Clark has brought a tremendous amount of attention and excitement around WNBA. I'm actually going to go to see her play tonight in Washington against the Mystics and

But if you have not been to the Barclays Center to watch the Liberty play, you really should go. It is a fabulous environment. It's a lot of fun. I like it. Okay, let's shift gears and back to your coworkers. And one of the things we had emailed with your staff about prior to having you on is

is the duplicity of your coworkers where they say one thing to the voter, but when it comes time to vote, they do something differently. Particularly, we just saw this with IVF. Yeah. I mean, one of the other things I certainly have had it with is the...

hypocrisy from the Republican Party and especially many of the so-called moderate Republicans in the House, a number of whom are in New York.

who tried to portray this thoughtful, moderate, reasonable approach, especially to reproductive freedom, but then vote against abortion access. And then you see it in the Senate where every single Republican voted against a bill that would guarantee the right for anyone to get IVF.

And I I found the explanation for that vote to be troubling because the rationale they gave is, well, IVF is legal in every state. And my response is, well, two years ago, so was abortion.

And we now see that there are more than 22 states where abortion is illegal. And the same rationale, the same sort of religious fanaticism that drove the Dobbs opinion applies in a different but equal way to IVF. And so if you are asking me or the American people to have faith

that the Supreme Court will ensure a woman's family. It's not just women. It's a family's right to use IVF

then you are calling us idiots because you would have said the same thing about Roe v. Wade. And in fact, all three of the Supreme Court justices that Donald Trump appointed did say the same thing about Roe v. Wade during their confirmation hearings before then they flipped around and and voted against it.

So the fact that the Republicans will say we support IVF, Donald Trump says he supports IVF, but when it comes time to vote...

They do not vote for it. And that should tell you everything you need to know. And that's why voting records are so important is people can pay lip service to lots of things. But when the rubber meets the road is when you have to vote on a bill to show what your true belief is and

And once again, in this case, the Republicans have voted against families, have voted against reproductive freedom. And that is a consistent through line that scares the heck out of me as we move forward. What do you think this obsession is on the other side of the ticket, from the top of the ticket all the way down to a local level with controlling women?

breeding and reproduction. What is this bizarre obsession? You hear J.D. Vance constantly demeaning women that maybe haven't given birth, but they have stepchildren.

demeaning an entire species of an animal, cats, and attaching them to women who don't have children. And it just seems to be like whatever they say at the top, it just starts resonating down through it like they get their marching orders. And this obsession with controlling women, do you think it's to keep women in poverty or to keep women out of positions of power? What do you think their endgame is with this? First of all, I think it's important to know that around the country,

more than 80% of the votes at the state level to ban abortion have been by white men. And when you then think, okay,

They want to force women who don't want to have a child to have that child on the abortion front. And then they want to prevent women who want to have a child from having a child on the IVF. The only way to reconcile it, as you just said, Jennifer, is that they just want to control women.

And it is part of a pattern where this Republican Party wants to return us backwards to the 1950s, where men dominated. You could not love who you want or marry who you want.

women had lesser rights. People of color had lesser rights. And it was a very paternalistic

antiquated country and society. And you can look at many different, you look at immigration, you look at reproductive freedom, you look certainly at LGBTQ attacks and rights, and it is a clear through line that they want to take us backwards. You look at even their anti-appliance legislation.

They're against modern technology making stoves more efficient and more energy efficient. I mean, they literally want to take us back to, you know, 75 years ago. And it's it's it's a little scary. And that's why I think it's so important that.

that Vice President Harris has framed this election in a very simple way, which is that we're not going back. We're going forward. And the Republicans want to take us backwards, and Vice President Harris and the Democrats want to take us forwards.

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Okay, let's shift gears. Now we're going to play our game, Had It or Hit It. And I think we played this with you at the DNC. So you remember it. Oh my God. Welcome to Had It or Hit It. I would hit it. I hit it every day, sometimes twice a day. Okay. Had It or Hit It, Taylor Swift. Obviously Hit It. Hit It. Everybody's a Swifty now.

I wasn't even a huge Swifty. Now I'm 100% a Swifty. I have been co-opted by my children and have become a strong Swifty. I love a good male Swifty. I do too. With his daughters. Okay. Had it or hid it inspirational quotes? Hit it.

See, we're we're anti. And this is why you're in charge of things and we're not right. This is why you're good at your job. And we're petty podcast hosts right here. No, I think, you know, you get a lot out of those inspirational quotes when you think about them.

I get a lot of increased heart rate and misplaced anger. But again, this is why you are good at being in charge of people and we just have these microphones, which I don't think is a good idea, the latter. Okay. Had it or hid it, Elon Musk. Had it. Had it. I've completely had it with him. He just gets crazier and crazier. And you know what? On my Twitter feed...

I don't follow him and he always shows up in my feed. So I just blocked him. Yeah, he's gaming the system. He's a nut job. And now it's gotten so bad. My disdain for him has gotten so bad. Now when I see people driving Teslas, I immediately have disdain for them when they're just trying to, you know, save the planet.

I do too. I'm just like, I see a cyber truck and I'm mad. It's such a waste of a brilliant mind. Why could he not put his money and his mind in solving cancer or Alzheimer's disease? Why does he need to do, you know, take this Twitter to a really, really awful place. And again, you know, he likes to stand on his,

soapbox, but what he, his actions are very different than his words. Okay. Had it or hit it Android users. And we all know what happens when you're texting with an Android is you get a green bubble. Had it for sure. My only hesitation on this is the people who I know who have Android users are

are actually used very often the most tech savvy of my friends. And they all swear that the Android is much better than the iPhone. And I always say to them, you may be right, but you lost this war. So just get in line. So I don't screen anymore. Yeah.

I'm with you. And the same thing, like the guy who does my audio visual at the office or at my house, he swears by the Android. But I'm like, you ruin every group text we're in. You are the skunk at the garden party with your green text bubble. I've had it. Okay, last one. Had it or hit it. Kamala Harris and Tim Walz.

Hit it. Hit it. Got it. They're on fire. We are we're gearing up for the next seven weeks. And I think the biggest and most important thing that your viewers should remember is what Vice President Harris says, which is that they are focused on representing all Americans and they are focused on lifting up all Americans all up and down the spectrum.

And the other side is focused solely on helping big corporations and the uber wealthy. And you look at their policies and that's all it's focused on. And you look at the opportunity economy and what Vice President Harris and Tim Walz say they want to do with our country.

And it is all about building, continuing to build out the middle class and lifting everyone up from the bottom all the way to the top so that we can make this country the place that we all want it to be. Congressman Goldman, are we friends? We're definitely friends. We made it. Next time we're in D.C., we can go for coffee as friends do. I won't hold you to it. We won't be that psycho. I promise.

But anyway, thank you so much for your time and for all of your insight and for all of the hard work you do in Congress. Because for a lot of people in red states that are in right wing media bubbles, they vote against their own self-interest. And I always remind them one day your daughter or somebody you love might need to have private meetings.

OB-GYN appointments. And there are people that are fighting for you right now until you realize you actually need that right. And you're one of those people that fight for all of the girls and women outside of your district that live in a red state like ours who have had our rights stripped from us. And it means the world.

Absolutely. And we will continue to do that. And I look forward to continuing to talk to you all and make sure that we get the word out there that the policies the Democrats put out, put forth are designed to help those who need the help the most. And that's where we're focused.

All right. We believe in you, Congressman Dan Goldman. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. OK, bye. OK, could you imagine every day you get up and you come to work here and you've got me whom you can tell to fuck off anytime you want at will? You've got Kathy and Seth and other people, the dogs. Could you imagine getting up and going to work at the United States Capitol and looking over?

And Matt Gaetz. Marjorie Taylor Greene. Lauren Boebert. Lauren Boebert. I mean, just all... Moses, Mike, those are your coworkers. In my mind, it's immediately a toxic work environment. Immediately. Because number one, these people are so radicalized that they don't even represent...

The majority of the Republican Party, I mean, the MAGA party, 100%, but just like normal people that call themselves conservative. They're not even on that. Plus, they're fucking crazy. I mean, and you cannot argue with crazy and you cannot argue with stupid. You can't fix it.

It just is what it is. And they're just this loud, never-ending, constant, just yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. I don't know how you don't just go in there with the baseball bat. I mean, that's what I'm doing in my head every time I watch it on TV. We can't go in there with baseball bats because that's what they do. No, I know. I know, but in my brain. What I would want to do is if I were a congresswoman...

And I was at work and the Freedom Caucus was having a little meeting. I'd like to accidentally just walk into the room and go, oh, I didn't realize y'all were in here. FYI, the earth is billions of years old. You know, we do a little fact check. We could do like just slip notes under the door every night. Like the Bible's not real. You're not Moses. Yeah.

Science is real. Earth is not flat. Just little reminders under their door that what they're saying makes absolutely no sense. All right, listen, subscribe. And I don't know if you all know, but we are trying to get 15,000 reviews.

We kind of lulled out. We stalled around 11,000, didn't we, Kathy? We did. We had this big push to 10,000 and then y'all even overperformed. We got to 11. And now it's been this big, it's like idle. It's plateau city. It's plateau city. And listen,

Me Kurt and Me Ma is not going to be on this earth that much longer. I hate you so much. Can you at least get her to see when she pulls up Apple reviews to see that 15,000 people love her? Is that so much to ask America? And not just America. The world? I don't even know how to look at how many reviews we have. So don't do this for me. Do it for Kylie so that we won't browbeat her. I thought her name was Kathy.

That one time I made a mistake one time and I have to live with it every day. What's thrown in my face? What's the governor of Kentucky's name? Randy Brashear. Andy Brashear! That was such a mean trick. God, I hate you so much. Yeah, I do. I call him Randy. I don't know why. Because secretly you revealed to the listener that when you were growing up as a teenager, you desperately wanted to marry a man named Randy.

Yeah, when I was in middle school. Andy Brashear, no disrespect. And I'm not, I'm just saying he is an attractive, marriable man. He's attractive. He's kind. Yes. He's a take home to mom kind of guy. Look at this great prize that I found. Right. And I think it's a Freudian thing. It could be. That's a great point. That you just made him a Randy. Made him a Randy because he fulfills my- Because he's that decent of a person. He's a great person. He's a wonderful person. Yes. Because you know what? All the decent people come on this podcast.

Well, yeah. Except for us. I was going to say fight for democracy. But I like the narcissism, Pumps. I like it. Listener, y'all have created a monster. Do you see where that default's setting? All right. Subscribe. Review. Do all the stuff. Click our link in bio. Make sure you're registered to vote. Vote. Vote. Vote. Pumps, tell them. We will see you next Tuesday and Thursday. I'll tell you what I've had it with.

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