Birthdays Are Narcissistic with Nick Viall
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Savings assumes pre-purchase of Brita System. This episode of I've Had It is brought to you by Just Thrive. Right now, you can save 20% off a 90-day bottle of Just Thrive probiotic or Just Calm at justthrivehealth.com with promo code HADIT. So are we supposed to start the podcast? One, two, three. Oh my God, that might be my best one yet ever. I'm so proud. I'm so proud.

I mean, this is going to be a great episode. The clap off. I mean, it's so... I'm just getting better and better and better. Okay, listen up, listener. You do know I wake up at the crack of dawn. Right. And a couple weeks ago, a few weeks ago, it was the coronation. Right. And I watched the BBC because I've sworn off American news. Right. So the coronation comes on. This thing is snoozefest.com.

Beyond all snooze fest. Beyond all snooze fest. And it made me have an appreciation for America.

Because when we have a ceremony for a really old person, like look at Joe Biden's inauguration, you've got Katy Perry singing. Right. And fireworks going off and John Legend and they trotted out and it's like we're really fucking good at entertainment. Right. We are so good at entertainment. This coronation.

was a circle jerk. That was horrible. All circle jerks, stuffy, all in the Anglican church. And I'm like, you guys have Harry Styles.

He's British. Trot him out in his little Gucci outfit. Yes. And have him shake in the church for King Charles. I mean, make it entertaining. And granted, we are very small minded. A.D.D. Yes. You know, attention span of a Nat style Americans. But we do entertainment very, very well. Absolutely. And I, too, I was out of town that weekend for the coronation and I was the first one up in my group.

And so I turn it on. I'm like two hours in and nothing has happened. I mean, it was. And then my girlfriend started like coming in and getting in bed with me and we were watching it. I was like, they're like, how's it going? I was like, it's so boring that I can't even talk about it. Like nothing has happened. Could you imagine being there? No person. No. Sitting on that wooden pew. No. And oh my. No, that's a nightmare.

I mean, that is like one of those things that I would never have FOMO about. No. Ever. I would rather not.

paint the interior of Westminster Abbey with a fucking Q-tip. Right. Two coats because at least it's active. You're doing something. I felt sorry for the little kids. That is passive boarding. I don't feel sorry for kids in general, but I felt sorry for anybody that had to sit through that.

I started watching and then the BBC, the anchors are reaching at this point. Right. Yeah. And I'm just like, if this would have been going on in America, it would have been cut. Right. It would have been about a five minute deal. We would have trotted out a dance routine. Right. You know, so there's a lot of things y'all do great in the UK, but I would say on the coronation events, you've got Harry Styles, you've got Mick Jagger, you have the fucking Spice Girls. Right. Paul McCartney. Paul McCartney.

McCartney, trot out your stars and have them do cool shit. Right. Because that just was very like lacking in modernity, lacking in excitement. And I'm just like, okay, before I was like, okay, yeah, the monarchy, whatever, it's tradition. I'm like, snooze fest, hit the bricks, trot out somebody entertaining. Right. No. And I loved, loved, loved Princess Diana. Well, I mean, I can only imagine considering you're the Princess Diana of Paris.

Oh my gosh, I totally forgot about that. I mean, I can only imagine the parallels you must feel with your life and hers. Well, you know, it's class not ass over here. But you know, I mean, Elton John sang at her funeral. Right. Bring Elton. In the same location, the same venue. Right. I've got to be more entertained.

I have to be more entertained. I mean, at least I'm in a politician. I didn't like very much was Trump, but at least he had sex with a porn star. And I found that rather entertaining. Right. And he says crazy shit.

So it's entertaining. It's somewhat entertaining. Right. And I admit, listener, that this makes us sound incredibly vapid and shallow. And you would be 100% correct in that assessment. Right. Because we are. Because we are. Speaking of the listeners. Okay. Let me tell you what I've had it with. I'm going to do a little dramatic reading. You know, that's one of my favorites. We received a one-star review on Apple. Oh, no. Oh, no.

Loved this, but starting to get political. Don't alienate your audience. Look what happened to CNN.

Get rid of your young, woke producers. They are ruining your podcast. They are cap lock boring. Every single show seems to have a drag queen or something. I am so sick of it being shoved in my face. I'll just have to watch the little snippets on TikTok that are funny. Sorry to have to unfollow, but I'm done. Okay.

So much anger. She's mad. There's a lot to unpack. So much. Let me start at the top. Okay. First and foremost.

This person's user identity is just a series of numbers, which number one is chicken shit. Right. Anonymous. It is chicken shit coward. Tell us your name. Fucking own your shit. Okay. Number two, we get to be political if we want to be political because it is our podcast. And I bet you that this is a not once but twice voting Trumper.

If you were just going to guess. If I just had to take a wild stab at it. Right. Who's a little butthurt because the optics of us on social media, when you see us before anything comes out of our mouth, middle-aged blonde women, people are thinking Kellyanne Conway. Karens. Megyn Kelly. Right.

And then they start hearing what we have to say. And we are allies of the LGBTQ plus community. We are allies of the black and brown community. Absolutely. We are allies with marginalized groups for moral reasons. Right. This isn't just to be cute and fun. We morally feel an obligation to support marginalized people. Right. That's just right off the top. Right. Let me dive into this. Anonymous chicken shit coward user. Yeah.

Our producers, Kylie is gay and Richard is black and they're not fucking going anywhere. They are going nowhere. They will continue to produce this show. They have great ideas and they are their own ideas and we have our ideas and they are our own ideas.

And if you just want to continue watching the little snippets on TikTok, guess who makes those for you? A lesbian. A lesbian makes those because God knows pumps and I aren't making them because we don't fucking know how to do that. Right. So it's fine. Give us a one star. We don't give a shit. But what I do care about is.

is people that are so intolerant of open-mindedness, of accepting marginalized people, of loving people without judgment. The name of this podcast is I've Had It. And sometimes that segues into us having it with homophobia. Yeah.

And having it with racism, which we have had it. And the permanent record will always reflect that. And you can give one star after one star after one star. But we're not fucking changing. That's right. All right. Preach. That's right. Very well said. Kylie?

Now, here's the deal. Kylie and Richard, here's the deal. If y'all start showing up late, I'm not doing your shit. You just went on the permanent record that we are not going anywhere. I'm about to start slacking. Drop the mic on that one.

I know this will be recorded so you can always trot it out. But no, we love you guys and you are not ruining Jack's shit. You are contributors and a part of our team and you are incredibly valued. And I think, I don't know what this podcast would be without the two of you. That's right. I mean, just be basically Pumps and I sitting on the phone making asses of ourselves. And now we have Misery Loves Company in the form of you two superhumans. Yeah.

Who put up with so, so much. With all of that, I would like to welcome everybody to I've Had It. This is a place, this is therapy. Because don't get it twisted, listener. Do not get it twisted.

When you go out in the world, be kind to people. Right. But there are things that are so annoying. Fingernails on a chalkboard, like that fucker in that one-star review. You have to have friends that you can get this shit off of your chest. You have to release it. Get it out. Get it out. Release it. That's what this podcast is for. The releasing of petty grievances in an effort to...

to prevent homicide. That's right. We are crime fighters. We are crime fighters. Crime preventers. Welcome to I've Had It. I am Jennifer. I'm Angie. We call her Pumps, and she is Princess Diana. She is.

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There is no safe like Simply Safe. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. You know, Pumps, as therapeutic as our friendship is, I have found my work with therapists the one thing that has really helped me get better, deal with vulnerabilities, deal with insecurities, deal with marital problems, etc.,

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I mean, this has been, I mean, I'm going to say a five-star pre-show. Maybe 5.1. Yeah. Yeah. It's really, despite that one-star review, I think we are exceeding expectations and the permanent record, which by the way, listener, let me let you in on a little something. I ordered recently a leather binder that is embossed that says the permanent record.

And if there are any ambitious listeners, and I'm thinking YouTube might be the best candidate for this, any ambitious YouTube listeners, if you want to go through all the episodes and any time we refer to the permanent record and you make a note for us, like as our little administrative assistant.

I will give you full credit and we will make all of these entries. Here's the caveat about the permanent record. We control the permanent record. So I might go on the permanent record and say something like, Pumps is the Princess Diana of podcasting. The very next episode, I can grab the permanent record and

And amend it. Right. Pumps pissed me off today. She is no longer. She's just a bit. She is the Camilla Parker Bowles of podcasting. And I can change it. Right. And we should also put a section for great trolls. Oh, yeah, we do. We need to keep. Yes, we do need to keep. We just need a record.

Right. And I know that some people... As if the video and the podcast itself are not that. I think our young listeners, which the majority of our listeners are way younger than us, are probably going to say, you do have a record. It's digital. And that would be true. But we like antiques such as a leather bound notebook. Right. We like to write things. Okay. Listen up, listener. This is a big day. Big day.

Big dick energy. Big dick energy. We have as our guest today, he was a bachelor and then he was like a contestant on The Bachelorette and he was in Bachelor in Paradise. Yes.

He has a podcast. He was on Dancing with the Stars. It's like hot guy summer. Right. It's total hot guy summer vibes. Let's welcome to I've Had It, host of the Vile Files, Nick Vile. Thanks for having me, ladies. Yes, Nick. How are you? So good. Great to be with you. Congratulations on your show. You guys are crushing it. I mean, totally. Thank you. Just absolutely slaying the podcast world. I mean, it's a total fucking layup for us.

- Hashtag humility.

Absolutely. Between the two of us, I think we're just dominating the entire, I don't think there's any other podcast that need to exist. Agreed. Totally agree. And now this greatness has collided. That's right. And by the way, I like your backdrop. See, we have this nice cowhide wallpaper. You have a nicely decorated set, which I'm an interior designer. So I really appreciate the aesthetic you've got there. Well, thank you so much. Yeah. It was just me and Etsy. Yeah.

So Nick, let's, I don't want us to get too friendly yet because this is a podcast where we oppose toxic positivity in all of its forms. And this is a place where we come to dump toxic

Petty grievances that I really I love that so much. I'm such a fan of your guys this show. I love hating on things. And we are world class haters. I mean, world fucking class. You should have heard what we were ripping before you came on here. But anyway, Nick, I just want to jump right into it. Tell us what you've had it with. Birthday weekends, friends, birthday weekends.

Have you ever been invited? It's like, it's my birthday weekend. And then they double down and go, it's my birthday week. And the friend that has, they invite you to the weekend. And then it's sound.

Sounds fun in theory, but it just ends up being a bunch of responsibility. And then you're sleeping on an air mattress. And then, you know, you have to hang out with a bunch of people like you've never met. And I'm just here to tell you, it's not cool. I don't I don't care if it's your birthday generally at all. Really? That's the thing. Nobody cares. I agree with you on this. And there is something far more sinister at play than just the birthday weekend, Nick.

And it is the birthday month. And these are the most egregious offenders of all. And you know who I'm talking about. They announce it like, oh, July's my birthday month. And the person's like 31. It's not even a fucking significant age. They barely fucking done anything with their lives. They barely scratched the surface. And they're trotting out a goddamn birthday month. Are you fucking kidding me?

No, it's awful. Yeah. As if they're the only one that month that has a birthday. Yes. It's like, so you're completely have full control over July because it's your birthday month. We don't even hardly wish each other happy birthday. Here's, here's, here's what I feel about this. You know,

A lot of people make a big deal about breastfeeding, right? And it's like all mammals breastfeed. This is something that is not original. It's not new. You didn't invent a new trick. All mammals do it. Baby bears do it. Baby koalas do it. Or maybe they're marsupials. But nonetheless...

I want to be factually correct here. And then the birthday. Know your animal. Everybody has a birthday. Everybody has one. And these people that think they're so universally unique and such a gift to this world that they're going to celebrate an entire month. I think if you want to do it, fucking swing for the fences. But it absolutely exhausts me. And I immediately see a red flag and think I cannot –

participate in life with this person. This person cannot exist. They're the same person who calls everyone else a narcissist. Which is another thing I can't stand. You know, the word narcissist has turned into like a word, you know, you just use for people you don't like anymore. Right. You know, it's just in my practice. And if everyone's, you know, everyone's a narcissist, but you, it's just like, Oh, maybe, you know, spot it. Got it. I, I,

I'm a divorce attorney and every single client without fail has diagnosed their soon to be ex-spouse as a narcissist. Every single one. Every single one. I had one client that went through like a psychology textbook. She ordered it off Amazon and she highlighted...

all of the things that were similar. So it was just pages and pages of yellow highlight on this psychology book. And she's like, do you need to keep this? I'm like, I got it. Thanks. Don't need the psychology book. Let me tell you something I really rather enjoy though. And it is like people that are having a meltdown on social media and

And like their relationship is falling apart. And then they start posting like quotes about narcissists on their social media. You immediately know the husband, boyfriend, girlfriend, wife has fucked around. Right. And I'm like totally like just I'm like, you know, tap in the vein. Like, what are they going to post next? Who all like this? And I'm just way down, like deep dive in in this total online meltdown. But.

there is this new trend that's coming around. Social personality disorders are very real. Mental illness is very real. All of these psychological buzzwords are real, but there is a movement of faking fakers that are hijacking all of these words and adopting them into everyday vocabulary. They're self-diagnosing. They're diagnosing. Yes. Yes.

Yes. No, it's wild. I've been fighting with the Internet for like the past two years about this. I finally I feel like I've just given up. It's just yeah. No. Yeah. Everyone's self-diagnosing. Everyone's a gaslighting narcissist and covert this or that. And to your point, you're right. These these are real words and they're real diagnosis and there's and real people suffer from these real terrible things.

But like everyone's an expert now. And like the places is the internet. This is a place where people are going to just, you know, validate like their misfortunes. And, you know, if everyone else is selfish, like,

then maybe you're the selfish one. Like, you know, it's like, people are just like, I can't possibly understand why no one understands what I'm going through. They're narcissists because they're not thinking about me. All the time. Exactly. All the time. Constantly. Again. Okay. So I did a deep dive on your Instagram. Okay. And so. I'm sorry. That's embarrassing. You have like total hot boy summer vibes, right? Yeah.

and then i see your fiance who's like total babe and i'm going through everything last night like totally researching as a guest so then i google you and so i thought you were probably like early 30s and you're 42. really because i did the same thing i had no idea he is 42 okay and let's just discuss this fiance of yours and i read first of all she's a total babe i mean so pretty she's so hot so kudos to you on that

And I understand that she slid into your DMs and that you fucking carded her. I carded her to make sure she was real because catfishing is a real thing. Right. So catfishing is a thing. I know friends who have been personally catfished. I know acquaintances who are like deep in a catfishing situation and

I mean, unfortunately, I've experienced people who thought they were being catfished by me. She is. She's a beautiful person. And when she DM'd me on my Instagram, I was just like, she's so beautiful. There's a good chance she's not real. Yeah.

Your big niche is dating advice. And so we're going to go through your top five here. We're either going to comment on them or give you an alternate one. So the first one is don't try to get somebody to like you before you know if you like them. And I'll give you an example of this. So my very first boyfriend in high school, his name was Sean. He was super into like hiking in Colorado in mountains and like rappelling, like hiking and rappelling. And then he was into archery.

So I became into hiking, rappelling and archery. Obviously. He bought me like a bow and arrow and we would go shoot the bow and arrow. And then I got these hiking boots and we would go to a sister's house in Colorado and we would hike. And I was granola.

Joan of Arc. I mean, it was unbelievable. We dated for like three years. The minute we broke up, I have never shot a bow and arrow since then. I was going to say. Nor do I, nor am I super outdoorsy at all. And so I think a lot of people do this where they completely, they meet somebody and then they completely, they pop their representative out to

to represent them in the beginning parts of dating. Yeah. I couldn't agree more. Yeah. I mean, I do, I talk about this all the time on my show where a lot of, they'll do this thing. People, when they're dating someone, we want a couple of dates and yes, they, they're, let's say you meet on a dating app. All right. They think they're hot and then immediately in their brain think I like this person. They'll, they'll, they'll bullshit to themselves and their friends be like, no, I really have to get to know them and find out if I really liked them. But their basis is like, are there six to,

And they tell a joke, oh, I'm in love. And then they meet them in person. And if they live up to those expectations, right, let's say they're as hot as they represented themselves on social media, then they're really telling themselves, I am in love. And if they make them laugh at all on the date, they're just like, I had the most amazing date. And from that point forward, everything that's going on in their brain is, I need this person to love me.

And then if they're lucky enough to do that, right? So you're on five or six dates and the person's like, no, I like you too. Let's be boyfriend and girlfriend. People literally stop getting to know each other. All they're trying to do at that point is just maintain the illusion of the fantasy that we're meant to be to each other. Although that line of people say things like, I feel like I've known you forever. I'm like, oh my God, same. Should we talk about our wedding now? Or like...

But I think too many people are actively trying not to get to know the people they're dating for fear that it might not live up to the expectations they have in their head when they matched with them on a dating app, found out that they were students too and told a couple of jokes. Right.

Most fun ever. You know, did you ever do this, Pumps? So when I was younger, the same boyfriend that was in the hiking and the archery, I would practice writing my name, my first name with his last name. A million times. In cursive. Of course I would. Naturally. In fucking cursive. I would write it over and over and over, practicing. And now...

48 year old Jennifer, I'm so mad at myself for taking Josh's last name. Right. I wish I would have kept my maiden name. Like it's amazing how we set ourselves up and how society has just kind of thrust upon us that you have to find this relationship and this is going to fix all of your problems in adulthood. And in fact, I would even go as far to say it exacerbates your problems in adulthood. Oh yeah. Agree. Oh yeah. We spend most of our time in, especially people in their twenties and I don't know, I, people in their twenties, 20s,

try to live up to expectations they set for themselves when they were 16. It's like, how dumb were we when we were 16? Totally. When I was 25, I had a meltdown on my 25th birthday because 25-year-old Nick didn't have the BMW that 18-year-old Nick told himself. How fucking stupid is that? But we do that, right? We do. Okay, your second dating tip, which I completely disagree with,

I love that. Lack of communication. And I'm going to tell you, this sounds good in the early days that people need to communicate a lot, but I've been with Josh for 22, 23 years. I've been to fucking rehab with him five times, five family weeks, Nick, I have talked to,

I've talked about everything. I've talked about little Josh. I've talked about little Josh's inter-child issues. I've talked about mine. We've had 15 different therapists. We have talked and talked and talked our guts out. And I want to advise our listeners and yours, if you marry a yak mouth in the beginning of this relationship, that motherfucker is still going to be yakking 20-something years into it. And in this stage in my life, I want to fucking talk less. I want a smaller life.

less people in it, more efficient communication. Everybody needs to shut the fuck up. That's hard to disagree with. But you said here, you said efficient communication. Efficient. Right. I love that. Yeah. Be purposeful. I just think,

Back to the other thing. I just think we have to be able to ask questions that we're often afraid of asking. Just don't keep up the fantasy, so to speak. I agree. That's true. And so it's just more...

Communication doesn't mean not shutting the fuck up. I know I can be obnoxious with my fiance. I'll go on some tangent and I'll look at her face and be like, I need to shut the fuck up. In no way interested in what I have to say. And that is totally fine. I just talk to myself in my head most of the time. But I do think in terms of relationships early on in dating, communication is actually finding out

you know, that your person might not like archery and that's, and that's okay. I do think it's, I appreciate the couples who can sit in silence and be comfortable with each other and, and not get anxious just because, you know, the couples were like, we have nothing to talk about. It's just like, it's okay. It's fine. Totally. It's a gift. We've spent all fucking day together. Like what else do you want to,

right let's just enjoy each other's presence agree fine it's a total gift back to the people that feign like like i did i feigned liking camping and archery what this is

I was a bait and switch. And thank God I didn't marry poor Sean because it would have been, I baited him in like I was Miss Granola. I was fucking Joan of Arc. I had that bow and arrow and I fucking hit the bullseye. I would have switched on that motherfucker so fast. And then I'm off to the Gucci store doing incredibly shallow and pretentious and high end style things. And he would have had...

hated my guts and I would have hated his hiking boot you know archery right I would have hated his ass when you came out as a label whore it would have been a real shock totally totally it would have been not and all the lectures he would have given you he would have like sat you down and giving you like a powerpoint presentation of how you're like you're just not good for this world and

How like your morals are off because he liked designer bags and things like that. He would have been right. You know, it's, it's a hundred percent true. I ended up marrying somebody that's far more shallow and vain than I am. And so I kind of have the moral high ground in the relationship that I've been in for the last 22 to 23 years, because Josh is way more shallow and pretentious than I could ever dream of. I would agree with that. Yeah, he totally is. So it works. You know, I flipped the script and,

Okay. Know who you are. That's right. Okay. Next up is not trusting your gut. I'm going to let pumps tell you because she is an expert in this. I'm the worst divorce, but why don't you share with Nick?

about your gut and how you didn't trust it when you were dating your ex-husband. I like went, swam through sharks to red flag Island. Couldn't get there quick enough. But one time, and this was kind of early on, he was out of town. He said he, and our plan was he was going to be back in time to meet my mother for dinner. So I,

He calls and says, hey, I'm running late. I'm not going to make it. I'm like, okay, that's fine. So as I'm going down the elevator, somebody in my building's like, oh, hey, I just talked to your, you know, my boyfriend at the time. He wanted me to meet him, da, da, da. And I'm like, well, that's weird because he told me he was out of town or he wasn't going to be back in time. So of course I immediately start stalking him.

and find him at this nasty ass strip bar in like a strip mall. Like it's not even a nice one. And I go up to that place and the bouncer won't let me in. Start being a complete fucking nut. It's on a video camera inside the strip club. So he like marches his ass out, starts with just a line of bullshit a mile long. We get in this huge desktop,

at the strip bar in the strip mall on the camera. And do you think I still married in it and tripled down three times, three kids? I did. I just did not ever. It never occurred to me that was a bad sign.

I bet it did occur to you. Yeah. I'm trying to give myself a pass. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah. I mean, it's we we don't like listening to our guts at all. You know, we're very we're very convincing people to ourselves of how to bullshit ourselves.

Exactly. Denial. A denial is huge. And I think it's like it goes back to when we first started this conversation with you. There is a desperation, whether it's on The Bachelor or Bachelorette or in real life, this desperation that we feel when we're really young to race to find our partner.

Right. To start this family. And we haven't done all of these steps that you're talking about here because we are so myopically focused on that's the next step that we have to do in adulthood. We have to find our partner, best friend, the person I'm going to spend the rest of my life with. And here's the deal, kids. It's fucking hard. Yeah, it's not easy. It is hard as shit to maintain a relationship.

It's the rest of your life is a really fucking long time. I don't think people fully relate. Another thing about the gut I was thinking about the reason why I think also I were so bad at listening to our guts is because we have egos. And so when your gut saying, Hey, this is fucked up. He's definitely doing some shady shit and you should be mindful that your ego is like, that might be true, but.

you're special and you can get them to change and you can get them to you know turn around and if you do you will be more special than all the other people he or she didn't do that for and so we're just thinking wait a second yeah i actually could be a hero here right that's that's a big reason that's so true that's like ding ding ding it is true pumps is an egomaniac i am so glad that you pointed that out nick that is very insightful and thank you i could

I could sense it. Add that to the permanent record, Pumps. Well, I mean, it's unbelievable what we have to put up with. She's the star of the show. So, I mean, you peg that fucking bullseye. You fuck off. You know, Pumps, now that we're in the throes of summer, I think we could all use a little wardrobe update. And I'm so happy that I've discovered Jenny K.

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All in one place. Find your perfect somewhere with Hotels.com. Okay, Nick, number four is not speaking up on where you want to go on a first date. Completely disagree with this. I think it's terrible advice. I'm going to tell you why. I don't want to make decisions. I make decisions all fucking day. And I think it's a great tell that

If some guy asked me out and he said, Jennifer, I want to take you out. And I said, great, I'd love to go. I want to take you to Applebee's at 8 p.m. on a Friday night. I would immediately know he just violated two fucking rules. Number one, 8 p.m. is way too late. It's dangerously close to my bedtime. 8 p.m. is.

And number two, I'm not fucking eating an Applebee's. So this is good information before we ever start this first date. So convince me why I'm wrong. I think you make a lot of good points. You can learn a lot by what they say, but you also can learn a lot by how they respond to your ideas. Right. And you can learn a lot about, you know, hey, I think we should do this. We should do that. You could see how willing they are to make you a priority.

and go out of their way and show an interest in things that you show an interest in. Right. You know, people don't pay enough attention to how people respond to the things they say. Right. That's so good. I want to play a game with you and it's called Had It or Hit It. Oh my God. Welcome to Had It or Hit It. I would hit it. Had it. I hit it every day, sometimes twice a day. Okay. Shirtless selfies. Had it.

I mean, I'm embarrassed. Like I, I used to do it a lot more every,

You know, like one of the hardest things to do in life is to like just scroll back six months on your social media. Yeah. It's really. And then like you read a caption you thought was clever and you're like, what the fuck was I saying? Yeah. I'm going to say I had it, but also I'm actually going to do that again in the future. A hundred percent. We love it. Yeah. You can totally twist. I love that you don't delete. I have like my whole Instagram page going from way back when. And I just, I will not delete a post. I will stand by it no matter how embarrassed I get by it. Yeah. Okay. Okay.

Had it or hit it. Golden doodles. Well, I love my dog, Jeff, and he's technically not a golden doodle. He's an Australian copper dog, but also he's a golden doodle. So hit it for sure. Yeah. Sorry. Poodles are getting laid all the time. We're talking about that. I mean, the poodles are having I'm talking about hookup culture. Fucking poodles are right in that. OK. Professional colors. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. Had it or hit it. Texting your ex happy birthday. Oh, had it for sure. That's a great way of making someone else's day about you. That's for sure. Like, no, I just want to wish you a happy birthday. Also, do you still love me? Yeah, it totally is. Could that be a little narcissistic? A little. Yeah, it's a little narcissistic. Okay. Had it or hit it. Open relationships. I'm going to say hit it. You know, really? Here's why. I just like it.

It's not necessary for me, but like, I think it's for other people. And I, I have friends who partake in said lifestyle and, and, and,

They seem to have a pretty healthy relationship because at least what they are is fucking honest with each other. They're really good at setting boundaries. They know what each other's like and what they don't like. And it's not for everyone. And most people don't, aren't even capable of having that level of honesty. But like my friends who have done it, they, they're, they are very connected couples. So I think if you do it right, it can be great. But, um, I think nowadays, um,

You know, for the headed people, it's probably the people who are using all the all the the the the conversations about open relationships and to like excuses of of trying to get their partner to have a threesome. Because what they really want to do is suck other people and not be labeled a cheater. Right. So there is that, too. OK, because I mean, the bachelor bachelorette, that's kind of an open relationship.

No, it is. Not even kind of. Right, right. So would you... So I have to expand on this. You're about to get married. Would you have an open relationship once you're married with the woman that you're engaged to? No. I have no intention and we have no plans of doing it. There's no way... I don't think I could do it. I don't think I could do it. If somebody wants to do that and that's...

I mean, there's no way. No judgment. I've grown emotionally and my emotional IQ is skyrocketing as well established on this episode. I don't think I will ever get there where I'd be like, yeah, sure. Yeah, go fuck her. That's fine. I just don't think I could ever be okay with that. Okay. Had it or hit it. Small talk in an elevator with strangers. Right.

Had it. No, I want nothing to do is that shut the fuck up, please. I don't want to get to know you. I'm not interested in getting to know you. If I like, I, I, I hate, I mean, I have a, I love talking, but I hate talking to people. Especially in life. I let, you know, I just, I, I am not interested in what you have to say for most people. Like I find most people to be really boring and uninteresting. And so like small talk in general, um,

Is this not my favorite? I do not care about your day. I agree. Totally agree. I just don't care. We've had it. And I'm not really good at defending. Yeah. A recurring theme on this podcast that like a thesis sentence is,

All roads lead to yak mouths. When you've had it with something, it always leads directly to a yak mouth that won't shut the fuck up, whether it's on the elevator, the hotel receptionist, you know, where all of the places that you can get. Uber drivers? Uber drivers are the worst. The yak mouthing is just too much. It's too much. It's like they only got the job because it's like they became Uber drivers because no, like their friends won't talk to them or something. I don't know. I think Uber drivers

Uber drivers became Uber drivers because no one else would talk to them and they'd just insist on conversating with you. My Uber score suffered because I would refuse to talk to my Uber driver.

I had to start picking silent ride only for my Uber score to go up because I would just, I would get so, and then I'd be huffing and puffing in the back. Just like, I was like trying to like non-verbally tell them to shut the fuck up. They can't pick up on the cues. Yak mouths, we've diagnosed, they do not pick up on verbal cues and or they don't care. And they just push through with the yak mouthing to torture everybody around them. Okay, last one. Had it or hit it.

couples that communicate with each other in the comment section online. I mean, like, okay, here's the thing. Had it, but self-awareness, I've definitely done it. Only because...

I don't like how many emoji eyes can I comment on my fiance's page? And I'm just trying to support the cause. So like, I'll just, what the fuck do I say? And I'll just say things like, what's for fucking dinner? Cause I'm being snarky. I'm not actually having a conversation. Like we're not actually conversating. It's just the appearance of it. Cause I don't want the fuck to comment. You know, how many times can I be like, I love you. You're the best. Um, so yeah.

Okay. I just want to have it, but like I've done it. Yeah. It's like, it's right up there with the, certainly the selfies. Right. Yeah. So I just want to warn you because we, we've come to a lot of conclusions that we have identified relationships where people communicate online as a precursor to divorce. So I just want you to know that we have diagnosed that this could potentially be a problem. We've warned you in advance that,

And we have zero degrees or zero evidence to this whatsoever. We just wanted to pass the knowledge along. I think that's good to put out there. Also, couples who try to oversell the relationship on social media. Totally. Which, again, you could accuse Natalie and I do, but we only do because we have... What else am I going to fucking post? You know? I'm not...

Here you go. I like to think that we have way more fun than that we don't share. But if you look at my social media, it also looks like all I do is talk about my fiance. So she's, I mean, this girl is hot. She's a total babe. She's hilarious. She's, she's actually, it's annoying because she has a better personality than a body, which is amazing for me. But, and her body is, she's amazing. So I'm very lucky. Okay.

Nick, we have a fuck, marry, kill for you. All right. We have two. We have two. Okay. Michelle Obama, Rachel Bilson, or J-Lo? I'm friends with Rachel. I know. That's why we picked her. Yeah. I'm going to kill Rachel because I think she'll forgive me. I'm going to marry Michelle. Yeah, totally. You got to fuck J-Lo. J-Lo seems like an...

I mean, her new movie, I just feel like I'm not capable of making J-Lo happy. Right. She's super sexy. Yeah, she's super sexy. I mean, I think it could be a quick shot situation. You don't look as good as she is at this point in her life without having great expectations. And I don't know if I can meet those expectations. So, yeah. I get that. I'm going to hit it and quit it with J-Lo. Okay. Chris Harrison.

Timothy Chalamet or Colton Underwood? Oh, can I kill two people here? No. No, we're not bending the rules for you. I'm going to kill Colton. I don't like people who stalk other people. I'm going to marry Chris just because it would be a loveless marriage. There are lots of those out there.

And then I'll fuck Timothee Chalamet because obviously total babe. And he's a superstar, you know? But I also don't think he's not capable of giving a happy marriage. No, I mean, he's too busy being a movie star. That's right. Remember then maybe where he fucked the peach?

No. You didn't watch Call Me By Your Name? I don't. Do you remember it? Y'all didn't watch Call Me By Your Name? Call Me By Your Name. Call Me By Your Name? I didn't see that. Oh my gosh, it's so good. He fucks a peach. Spoiler alert. Yeah.

Well, Nick, this has been a real treat. I think we give you shit, but I think your Instagram feed is great. You're hot, so you can go shirtless. Well, thank you. Fiance is a smoke show. You have a lot of depth, a lot of great insight. I love the self-deprecation. I want to do this with you again. This has been so fun. Oh,

Thank you for having me on. I would absolutely love to do it again. When you two ladies are in LA, I hope that I can have you on this couch for our show, if you would be so kind. So just get out to LA. We're coming. Have a little West coast trip. Yeah. Yeah. Great. Let's have our people talk. I'd be so fun. That will be great. I love it. Nick. Thanks so much. Thanks, Nick. Thank you so much, ladies. All right. Congrats on all your success. Bye-bye. He's fantastic. He's so cute. He's,

So cute. Yeah, real handsome. He had really good dating advice. Yeah. I've got to show you on his Instagram. Did you like his fiancee? Yes, I did. Total baby. So cute. They're both darling. Listener, go give us five stars. Write a review. Subscribe on Patreon. Do all the stuff you're supposed to do. And we will see you next Tuesday or Thursday. Thank you, listener. I'll tell you what I've had it with. I'm Adam.

Hey y'all, it's Savannah Chrisley, and I've got a new podcast titled Unlocked. We're creating a space for people to truly be vulnerable. You're used to seeing me having to have this picture perfect bow on the life that I live. And frankly, that's not who I am. I'm a little wild. I'm a little crazy. And I love really, really hard. I really hope that you'll join me every Tuesday as I bring on friends, family,

and some guests that I'm pretty sure you're going to recognize. Listen and follow Unlocked now on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, YouTube, or your favorite podcast app.