Asserting Our Dominance
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Hey, listeners, it's Jen and Pumps with I've Had It, and we want to share some very devastating news. It takes a lot of people to make I've Had It be the podcast that it is. You know me, you know Pumps.

You've heard Kylie and you've heard us talk about Seth. Some of you probably heard us talk about Javi. And we lost Javi over this past weekend to gun violence. And the episode you're about to hear was recorded prior to his death. And we are devastated and shattered into a million pieces over here. And we're

I know a lot of you have donated to his GoFundMe page and have sent us the sweetest messages, and we just want to express our gratitude and our love for our cherished co-worker and friend, Javier Morales. So are we supposed to start the podcast? Ready? One, two, three.

It is a average day with an average clap from America's greatest legal mind. You know what? You know how we like to call you the legal eagle? So some people were saying, who's going to tell him? I guess there's a guy on YouTube that his YouTube channel is the legal eagle. Oh, no, we're infringing. But here's the deal.

He is the male legal eagle. Right. And we all know this is the year of the woman. Absolutely. I mean, and I guess my question would be, does that legal eagle have a Siberian husky? I would think probably no. So I think we all know who wins that competition. Yeah. I think that's just right on its face. Because what makes you so unique is.

is you are a bald eagle with a Siberian husky, whereas this other eagle is probably a bald eagle with a bald eagle. And so that's the distinction. That's the distinction. When you launch your legal eagle YouTube channel, it will be America's bald legal eagle with a Siberian husky. And I would challenge that legal eagle. Do they have a Meemaw meat curtain jingle?

Do they have a Meemaw meet and phone number? Wait, Meemaw meet curtain phone number and business card? I doubt it. I doubt it. Do they have a drag name? Probably not. Meemaw drag. Have they been abstinent from sex for...

24,758 days. Is that what the ticker is? I doubt it. I doubt it because that would be insane. Right. Right. Only a fucking weirdo that would happen to you. Nobody as hot as you would voluntarily not have sex for 30,000 days. So, but anyway, we digress, listener. Welcome to I've Had It.

I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie. She's all of the things, all of the things that I call her and more. And Meemaw Drag, just don't forget that one. Today we are continuing our sexless in the city. Meemaw takes Manhattan in-person interviewing spree. And today we interview our dear friend. She is a Grand Slam champion in tennis, Renee Stubbs.

Our favorite Australian. Very favorite. Power, lessee, extraordinaire. Pumps and I follow her on Instagram. And I have to say, you guys, she advertises the gay agenda very well. Absolutely. And the childless woman lifestyle very well. I mean, I want to be her. She's always going around with cool, attractive lesbians. Always. Doing cool, attractive lesbian things. Always.

at cool events. And I just, I'm very envious of her life every time I see it. And I'm also happy for her because there's not, she's such a great person. She's so funny. She's a hard worker and she is great at her job.

commentating tennis, she's fucking phenomenal. Like I even feel like I know what's going on when I clearly don't when I watch her. So listener, you may remember she's been a guest on the pod before, but she also is an ESPN tennis commentator. And for those of you listeners that are tennis fans, you'd know immediately who she is. For those gay triots that are not

watching tennis, I don't understand what's going on with you. It's a fail. Because there are some very hot things going on in the tennis world. But Renee covered the Olympics for NBC and Pumps and I just had so much fun watching her. And anytime we go to New York, we want to connect with Renee. And so here is our interview with our best Australian friend. Absolutely. Not even a question. Is she our only Australian friend?

Well, that's irrelevant. That's irrelevant. I would like to now play our interview with our very best friend from Australia, Renee Stubbs. Welcome, patriots and gayatriots. We are here with a little international episode. That's right. With our favorite Australian on the planet, second time on the podcast, Renee Stubbs, in person this time. I love it. I am no longer a virgin. And...

And I am here in person with you. It's very exciting. I'm very excited to actually be face to face. And listener, since Renee was on the podcast last, we've developed a budding friendship. Yes. We are text buddies. Yes. Every time I come to New York, we go dine together. Yes. Pumps wants Renee to fix her up with an Australian man. Yes. Well, you are heading there. Okay. So here's the deal.

So we were going to go this year and it's my son's final year of high school. Oh, you can't. And he plays basketball. And he plays basketball. And so we were going to try to condense it down. And then we thought, let's just punt it to 2026 because we want to stay like three weeks. Yeah, that's a good idea. That's why I didn't have kids. Yeah, it's a big problem. Just a pain in the ass. A total pain in the ass. And they sabotage your schedule and your travel plans. They don't care. No, they don't. It's all about them.

Totally. That's why pets are really a lot more...

conducive to having like a very stable relationship because they're so excited to see you all the time. Yes. And now, I mean, listen, I don't have cats. I don't have a dog. I am childless, but I will be voting and I know who I'm voting for. And you're, cause you're an American citizen. I am. Yes. I'm a dual citizen. So that makes me very happy when I get to go in there and punch things. Yes, absolutely. Let's get to the matter at hand. Renee, what have you had it with?

I have had it with, I have so many. I think I texted you so many. I have your list. I have had it with when someone texts messages you and you get it like immediately like, oh, yeah, okay. They text you and then you think about the question and then you answer it and you send them back a text and then there's crickets.

It's like, what the fuck? You just text me. I just text you back. And now you're not texting me back. And it wasn't like, oh, are you coming tonight? Will I see you at seven? Yes, you will. Done. That's a normal conclusion to the text message conversation. But it's, hey, what do you think I should do later today about going to this party? And you're like, well, what if you blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Crickets. I'm like, what?

But I mean, we're talking anything. I'm sure there's people out there that go, yeah, this happens all the time. It does. It kills me. I'm like, you just wrote to me and I just wrote back to you and now you're ignoring me or you now are done with me. You're leaving me hanging. This is what perhaps calls it when people big time you. Yeah. Yeah. They're big time. So tell her what your ex-husband used to do all the time. Okay. So he would call me to tell me he would call from work when I was home with the kids and

He would call to tell me he was too busy to talk on the phone. And I'm like, motherfucker, you called me. Like you called me. It drove me crazy. I can't even tell you. And then what was so funny is when I got a divorce, he would do that to my kids. And I would just be like, okay, and hang up.

My kids, when they were little, they would go, well, then why did you call me if you're too busy to talk on the phone? And I would just be like, fucking A, yes. Yes, finally they can see why I divorced this asshole. One of very many reasons. Yes. But it was a huge one. Remember, it would drive me crazy. Like, why are you calling to tell me you're too busy? Shut the fuck up. Just don't call. I just can't even believe that. Oh, yeah.

It was daily, wasn't it? She would come over to my house all the time. We both used to smoke cigs. And so we'd smoke cigs on my front porch and her phone would start ringing. She'd go, oh, fucking A, it's Kirk. And she'd answer the phone. Hello? Okay. If you're so busy, then I'm busy too. What are you doing? Are you with Jennifer? Are you smoking cigarettes? Yes. Yes, I am. And I'm sending papers over to you tomorrow.

We are plotting your demise as we speak. So what we call that is when somebody big times you. Like they texted you, you respond, and then they big time. They're too big for your time. But then they give you the thumbs up one. You know, the little bloop? Yeah. Because that means bloop.

Good. Done. Got it. Yeah. At first I resisted the bloop, but now I feel like it does. It finalizes it. Everybody knows we're done. I'm kind of into it now. I kind of do that little bloop or the heart or the exclamation point. Okay. Renee, I have a story about, okay, so last time you were on the pod, you talked about airport bathrooms, how nobody cleans up after themselves. It drives me crazy. It still kills me.

So every time I go in an airport bathroom, I think of you as I'm cleaning up. So today I'm like, oh my gosh, I've got to pee.

I'm sitting there and I noticed they have the drape covered. So the pilot is in the bathroom. Okay. And I'm thinking, okay, so I like do my watch my TV, whatever, like 10, 15 minutes later, I'm thinking, okay, now I can go. No, it was the pilot. He was still in there. By this point in my body, I'm like, I have to go. I've been thinking about it. Now I have to go. So he walks out, they drop the curtain, whatever. I go in, it fucking reeked to high heaven. No, he pooped.

It was a triple flusher. He did not triple flush. I had to flush it twice before I could even do it. I had to wipe everything down before I could do it. I'm like, this is a fucking pilot. I don't feel safe if he can't do any better in the bathroom. And I thought of you the whole time. I was like, I cannot wait to tell Renee. I'm so excited to think that you thought about me while you go to the toilet every time you drop your pants. Every time. That makes me super excited. Second of all, the fact that

The pilot, he got to go. He's in there drunk. I want him to do it before he gets to the airplane. But sometimes, you know, it's an early flight. You have a coffee. We get up two hours early no matter what time. Because I want that to have a soft landing. Oh, my God. That's what I have.

I am not a morning person, but you guys, if I have like a seven, no, if I have like a nine o'clock flight and I live here in New York, so getting to JFK is like an hour. So I got to get up at like seven, right? Minimally, I got to leave at seven. So that means I got to get up at 4.30 in the morning because I have to calm down, have my coffee because like 10 minutes after my coffee, it's like,

Let's go. Right. If I don't do a number two before I go out into the day, I am a see you next Tuesday. Same. Let me tell you what I do. So when we travel together...

She struggles to do a number two. And every morning we share room and we're always on the road. So we share room and we have coffee and double espressos delivered to ignite the fire, if you will. Right. Get it going. Because you guys are big timers. That's right. We're big timers. So I have my coffee and I stand up and I look over at a pups and I go, I've got to go poop. And she goes, you're the biggest cunt in America. Yeah. It's so fast, Renee. And then I come back out and I'm dancing and I'm like...

That shit was so much better because I know that you can't do it right now. So I enjoyed it that much more thoroughly. And she is just like flipping me off. One day I like pre-announced it. I'm like, I'm going before you. And then I couldn't, I got stage fright. And then she rubbed it in even more. You had just like prairie dog going on. Yeah. I am very regular in the morning. So if I'm not, it's a bad day for me. Yeah.

So on the same flight with the triple flush negligence by the pilot, how many stripes did he have? I couldn't tell. I could just see it. Like I could see the thing open and I could see the hair. And so when I left, when we left and we were looking, I was looking in and I was like, you fucking are gross is what you are. Did you give him a side eye? Yeah, I was just like, ugh. So this was a 6.45 a.m. flight.

And we're seated and it's dark when the flight takes off. And so everybody has their shades down. Everybody except for one guy. One motherfucker. God, I hate that person. He's across the aisle from me. And as he opens it up, he opens it up about halfway. It blinds you. It's coming straight into me. And he's just ducked back like playing solitaire. And his face is kind of back behind it.

He's playing solitaire. And I chewed him out in my brain the entire flight. I end up putting like clothes over my head. I did the same. She had a brochure. Can you not see me? I had a brochure up. He could have given two shits. So when we get off the plane, he was probably about four feet ahead of us. I fucking hate him. And I want to go up to him and pat him on the shoulder and say, I talked to everybody on the plane and everybody voted that you were the least fucking

fuckable passenger on this entire flight. The pilots, the flight attendant, even everybody in the very background. Even that pilot that just shit. It was a unanimous vote and everybody thinks you're the worst passenger and the least fuckable passenger on this flight. I hope you have a great day. He's probably a guy that will wear flip-flops on a plane. Yeah. And put them up on your arm stool. And he'd be that guy that's sitting next to you that takes up the entire arm of

of the seat. Yeah. Instead of like, can we share? Yeah, I have to assert my authority when somebody over hugs. I always push right back. Sometimes it's women too. They're just as bad. I'm like, let's just, let's have a little, you have the front, I have the back. Yeah. Okay, let's just like keep our arms like that. But like,

People that put their arms on both sides and don't give a shit about you, especially men with fat arms, it's just nasty. It is. I agree. I could go on all day about travel nightmares. Okay. You actually, right up on your next list, because you travel as much as we do, is let's just talk about people when they board the plane. Yeah. Oh, fuck. And the problems just getting on the plane. Yeah. Just walk us through that.

First of all, it's the people that don't understand that planes are numbered. One, two, whatever in the back. 40, 50, 60, depending on the flight. So have an idea of what your number is. And it's A, B, C, D, E, F, G, A. It's the alphabet. Okay. One's on one side, one's on the other. And they're numbers. And they get on and they're like, what's your number, Peter? Yeah.

I'm just like, it's keep going. You're 28. We're at four. Keep going. Just keep going till you get to 20 at least. Right. And then no A is...

A is against the window. You can see it right there. And then they go, I mean, listen, I've accidentally got into an A seat at 28A and I'm 27. Sometimes that happens. We've all done that. And I'm not going to be a complete asshole. But it's the people that like are in 48 and they're like looking at 10 and they're like, oh, how much further, Henry? And then you're on the corner. If you're on the aisle, I very rarely take the window because I hate being, feel like I'm stuck. Right. I like being on the aisle.

And so if I do have to poop, number two, I can get... I'm just kidding. I cannot drop kids off in a public pool. It's just something I cannot do. It's like it's desperate measures if I have to poop in a public arena. Same for me. And these people that have backpacks on that turn and whack you in the head, you're like...

My head is here. You are walking there. You turn. You have a lump on your back that's the size of a rock and it has now hit me in the head three times. I don't get it. Put the backpack in front of you or get it off your back or don't turn. Take an idea that there are actual other people on the plane. So get your number right. Get your backpack off your back and if it's on your back, make sure it's not hitting everybody in the fucking head or the lady with the oversized purse just goes bang, bang, bang, bang. Yeah. Oh, and...

I didn't even think about this one. Just worked out. I'm looking at you people out there. If you get out of your chair, my chair in front of you is not your chair. It is also not your... It's not your rail to use to get up.

Your chair, like this chair, you're able to grab your chair and push off your chair and get up and walk instead of grabbing my chair and my hair and pulling me back like this and then getting up. So I'm like, I could be dozing, having a nice little sleep, and all of a sudden, boom! I'm like, motherfucker, it is not your chair. That's my chair. Please. Air travel is a minefield. Clean your toilet. Okay.

Walk down the aisle without hitting everybody. And most importantly, don't grab my fucking chair in front of you. Thank you.

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Life is a lazy Susan of shit sandwiches. In all sincerity, we share a lot of our struggles that led us to this grand stage where we can talk about petty grievances. You can click the link below in the show notes to pre-order your copy now.

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at hellotushy.com with the promo code HADIT. We think there needs to be a rating system for travelers. Yes. Where TSA rates you, the flight attendants rate you, fellow passengers rate you like Uber. And if you have a high... Maybe we should start an airline. Exactly. What about Uber Airlines? Exactly. If you have five stars...

You get to board early. You get all the extra space. You can sit in the front of the plane. And then I think you have planes that are just for the one and two stars. Right. This is the nightmare flight. They can travel together. They can take all their shit out of their pocket one at a time as they go through security. Let them have it. I don't want to shame people that are overweight. But honestly, if I'm sitting next to you and you're in half of my seat, that's not fair.

I agree. Yeah. It's not fair. Okay. Let's talk about, then you get through and you're going to get your bag. And you've texted me multiple times and said, remind me the next time I'm on your podcast to talk about this. So here's your moment. Yeah. So I'm basically giving a PSA for everybody out there on travel and don't be an asshole.

When you get off the plane after behaving yourself, not touching my chair, not hitting me in the head with your backpack, counting your steps back to the seat you're supposed to be in. When you get off the plane and you go to baggage claim, you know what your bag looks like. Yeah. Okay. So we all know what our bag looks like. Some may look the same. I have taken the wrong bag from time to time. So also check that your name's on your bag before you leave and get into an Uber or a taxi.

Secondly, when the bag is coming off, then you walk up to get your bag off of the belt. Until that moment, stand the motherfucking far back from the baggage claim so everybody can see their bags. There is nothing more infuriating than having, especially an international flight where there's like 300 people, there's 6,000 bags and they're all going around and everyone is standing over the top of the thing. And you're like looking because you can't find your bag because everybody's

Everyone's standing in front of you. So as somebody who traveled for a living and I always had really, really big bags because we had so much shit with us when I was on the tennis tour.

And so I would see my massive big toomey bag coming around the corner and I walked up there and let me tell you, people lost kneecaps. You took them out. I ripped that bag off there and if any person, and I didn't care if there were five, because if you're a parent that allows your five-year-old kid to stand anywhere near that belt, your kid's going down as well. I would rip it off there and if anyone was close to it,

And then sometimes I'd be like, oh, my God. And I was like, you don't need to be standing there. Your bag is not coming off. Back off. Have you seen these? I mean, can you imagine how stressed I am? This is why I had to meditate. I literally would go home after travel day and be like –

Get in the cab on back to home and just like – just so I didn't have to deal with the mental stress that I had to deal with. I just – I don't understand it. You can see your bag. Just step back. Yeah. I agree. Traveling brings out the worst. It's like the people that crowd the boarding gate. Yeah. Oh, my God. And it says boarding group one and 75 people from group five gets closer. I don't understand that. I was so mad when we were coming back from – we were in Rome and

And like we were all standing there to board. This guy that is standing right next to me, he has number eight on his thing. He's an eight. I can see it. And he bangs through everyone. And here's what I wanted. I wanted the flight attendant to say, I'm sorry, you're boarding group eight. You're going to have to go back. Like I wanted him to be sent back, but she didn't. And I thought that that's why it keeps happening because they don't just say boundaries.

No, you have to go back. You're group eight. I'm telling you, we need people that have a whistle. Yes. An empire shirt at the gates. Yes. Fuck.

Violation! To the back of the line! I mean, it would really straighten things up. What was that show? We can do it. It was Seinfeld. Wasn't it Seinfeld where he's like, he was the only person in the lounge, remember, waiting for the flight? They're like, group one. And he's like, he was like group six or whatever. And there was no one there. And they're like, group two. And he's like,

I like group three. And he's like, pretty fucking sure I'm the only one getting on the flight. And finally he got to him and he goes, okay, go on. So people do make fun of it because it is kind of funny. But also I'm thinking why not –

Also, load the back of the plane first. I agree. I agree with that. There are countries that do that. Australia does that a little bit better. Yeah, that's brilliant. Yeah. It's just unnecessary stupidity. You're welcome. You're welcome. We're going to change the travel society. Travel with Renee. I think we could, the three of us, we could go over to LaGuardia maybe tomorrow morning. Just knock it out. With a whistle. With a whistle.

Right. Here we go. You could bring out your ESPN commentator voice. Right. We've got somebody standing too close. Too close over here. Too close to the line. People going through TSA haven't taken their computer out of the bag. They haven't taken. They go back to the line. Back to the back of the line.

Fuck me. Let's talk about how fun was it for you to cover the Olympics? We watched it. You were great. Thank you, ma'am. You were so good. And I was so happy every day when I turned on Olympic tennis. And you were like the queen anchor. Yeah, you were. And it made me so happy. And I'm just going to say this. I think you're the best female ever.

I think, I'm not even going to say female. I think you're one of the best tennis commentators. Who's a 10 man? Tennis commentators out there. You're funny. Thank you. And I learned something. Insightful. Insightful. If they would just put a little bit more top spin on it, it would curl in. And then all of a sudden the player starts doing it and you're like, called it. Called it. Yeah. Well, thank you. I do appreciate that. Was that fun? Yeah, I loved it. I mean, listen, I was calling the beautiful Paris Olympics in a beautiful studio in Connecticut. Yeah.

So it wasn't as fancy. I know it sucks. But, you know, NBC saves a lot of money by housing us all in Connecticut and having us call out of booths that are as...

sexy as like your really bad closet you had as a teenager. And so, but I had such FOMO of Paris that I got on a plane and went over there for 48 hours. She tackled for you. Yeah. Because it was the women's Australian. Yeah. So Australia, my friend, Sandy Brondello, who's the coach of the New York Liberty here in New York as well,

She's the coach of the Australian women's basketball national team and we were in the semi-finals against... I was supposed to go over for three days and I got on the tarmac in Newark, speaking of travel nightmares, and I could see this crazy storm coming up the coast and I was like, we've got to get out of here now. It's coming up. And I was like, they were cancelling flights to Toronto and Canada next to me and I was like, we've got to get on the plane. We've got to get out of here. I was going for three days. I'd already paid for my Airbnb and

And we get on the flight and they load us on and like, hurry up, get to your seat, sit down, pull the plane back. We get out on the tarmac, we get out into the tarmac, engines go off. Three hours later, they go back to the thing and they cancel my flight. I was like, fucking hell. So I didn't think I was going to go. And then Sandy's like, come on, come, you know, we're playing the US in the semis. I've got your tickets. Let's go. So I was like, ah, fuck it. I already paid for my Airbnb. So I took the same flight the next day.

And I got in and I got to watch USA Australia and Aussies got crushed. But that's okay because no one's been in the U.S. in basketball. And then I got to watch the beach volleyball. Australia played Brazil. And that was the coolest venue. It was amazing. I've been to Paris a hundred times. And I got to tell you, the Olympics there was amazing.

It was so beautiful, the setups of everything. I thought when Paris got the Olympics, I was like, where are they going to have everything? Like there's not a lot of room in Paris. It's very busy. It's very congested. And it's small. And it's small. Yeah. And they put everything along the river, along the river Seine, because you have those beautiful walkways and from the Place de la Concorde, from the Arc de Triomphe, all the way down there. You don't realize like how much actual space there is. You know, at the Louvre,

Like it's so big and expansive. That's where they had that floating like the torch. So it was just incredible. I'm so glad I went for the two days and then I flew back and I got back into, you know, working Cincinnati and then the US Open. But it was so worth going to. And I've said, please, Paris, put your name up for another Olympics because honestly. And they had all the infrastructure. They had Roland Garros for tennis and then they used Roland Garros for boxing the second week. Yeah. So they had a lot of indoor centers. So it was incredible. Yeah.

I was just going to tell you my favorite part of your coverage for the Olympics was they were showing somebody's box and somebody was picking their nose like a family member. And Renee says live on air.

Stop showing that person. He's picking his nose. And I thought I would die. She brings it up all the time. I loved it so much. Oh, well, I was right in the middle of saying something and then boom, they went to the, you know, because we weren't in control of the world feed. You know, we're not always in control of what they're showing. Right. And then bang, I think it was Madison Keyes. Well, it happened twice. It actually happened at Wimbledon on ESPN as well. It was Madison Keyes' soon-to-be husband. He was like giving it the old. And I was like, no, no, don't go in. Don't go in. We've got the camera on you.

And he didn't. And then the second one at the Olympics was the same. And I'm in the middle of the conversation and the guy's picking his nose and I'm like, get it off, please, God. I loved it. As long as he doesn't eat it. That would be so great. Can you imagine?

Pumps, our ability to suck and then wake up the next day and suck more than the previous day is undefeated. It's unparalleled. We are the champions. If you would like to see how bad we suck, please join us in New York City in November for, you know, just some world-class shit talking. That's right. Live. Live and in person. That's right. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.

Pumps, you know, sometimes how you're living your life and you feel like you're doing something and you feel like this isn't really me. I'm putting on a show here. Absolutely. I know exactly. So, you know, Halloween is upon us and that's a time where we all wear masks. But I think as some people suffer with like imposter syndrome or not feeling confident enough.

I, even at my age, still experience these shortcomings. And I have found scheduling appointment with my therapist at BetterHelp really centers me and helps me feel more authentically myself.

What's really helpful in that regard, letting down the mask, is doing the therapy from home with your BetterHelp therapist. Listener, if you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule.

All you have to do is fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist, and you can switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. Take off the mask with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash had it today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash had it. Okay, we're going to play Had It or Hit It. Are you ready? Yep. Oh my God. Welcome to Had It or Hit It. I would hit it. Had it.

I hit it every day, sometimes twice a day. Okay, had it or hit it summer camp? I would say hit it. I never went to summer camp, so I'd love to go to summer camp because summer for me was going to tennis tournaments, you know? Oh, yeah. So all my friends would go off and do things like that. I mean, when I was real young, I would do tennis camp. Right. So that was kind of like summer camp for me for like two weeks. But when I got a little bit older...

you know, I was playing tennis tournaments in those times of time off of school. So I would love to be 16 again and go to summer camp and not be a professional tennis player. I mean, I wouldn't do over my professional tennis life because it was great.

but that would be fun every now and again. I've had some people tell me some great stories about going to summer camp. Mary Trump told me a great story about her going to summer camp, how much she enjoyed it because she would get away. I don't know if you've read her new book, but she would get away from her crazy family. And she said it was the first time she felt normal and she felt joy was going to those summer camps. So yeah, hit it. Okay. Had it or hit it, self-checkout.

Hit it. I fucking love it, especially here in New York. Yes. Here's my only thing. Every time I check out, I'm like, who's going to know it's an organic apple or an organic banana? I've done that.

You cheat at self-checkout? I have one time, and I got away with it. For what? Why did you cheat? To save money? No, I just, they said I had a Honeycrisp apple. I didn't know they were a lot more expensive than a plane, so I just put apple. You're out there skirting the system. So I skirted the system, and then I kind of liked it. The next time I got away with it, and then I stopped. I was like, okay, no. You're out there stealing apples? I'm stealing Honeycrisp apples. Stealing organic apples.

Crisp apples. Uh-huh. America's legal eagle. Yeah. I did it twice and I was just like, you can't. There she goes. Yes, Renee. There she goes. Come on. Come on. Out the door with your getting apple that she should not have paid for. Listen, I love it. I love it. I'm in control of it. I know exactly what I'm doing and I'm out of there. I like them. I used to hate it, but now I love it. Yeah. It depends on how much stuff I have.

If I have like a big, like I just had two sacks or two carts at Walmart with my son and we had to self-checkout and it was a fucking disaster. I wanted to kill him. How many apples did you steal? No, no apples. Not this time. This was like when it first started happening, the stealing of the Honeycrisp apple. I paid for the gala price. Oh. But I didn't like steal fraud. Here's the thing. That store is fucking you over anyway. Right. With the price. I agree. So.

You go. Yeah, I agree. Just take one. Just take one. Okay. Had it or hit it, birthday dinners.

Oh, my God, I hit it. I love a birthday dinner. I had the most amazing birthday dinner here in New York. My friend, Daniela Kalmeier of Kalmeier Clothes, I have her jeans on, she put together the most amazing birthday dinner for me in two, like literally two or three days. She said, hey, what are you doing next Tuesday? And I said, well, it's my birthday, actually. Let's have dinner. And she goes, what?

So she put together an amazing group of my friends. She said, well, send me all your friends lists. And so I did and they all came. It was the most amazing and it wasn't special. It was like 53, like who gives a shit, even though I never got to celebrate my 50th. And I did say because it was during the pandemic, I was like this kind of feels like my –

My 50th. It was beautiful. I think it's great. I like celebrating people's lives. I like a birthday dinner. Right. I don't like a birthday week or a month. Well, some people love a birthday month. Yes. Okay. Had it or hid it, Sunday Funday.

Again, I like I'll hit that. I think people need a day where they sort of either spend it with their friends or their family. Sundays were often me going to my best friend's house uninvited in Australia. I'd ride my bike up there because they would always have we call them roast dinners.

And I would always just burst through the door and they're like, okay, guess she's coming for dinner. And so I love that. I love that. I mean, for me, I didn't have a traditional sort of life. So Sunday was usually either celebrating a win of a tournament or something like that, which was kind of great, or being depressed that I didn't win or being depressed that I wasn't in a final.

So Sunday was either a great day or a terrible day. Yeah. You have to make up for it in adulthood. Yes. Okay, last one. Had it or hit it, Kamala Harris. Oh my God, hit it. Hit it, please. I bought a Kamala 47 sweatshirt in Union Square here in New York City. I just walked by and gave the guy 50. He's like, how much? He goes, 50. I go, fine, here you go. She's just phenomenal.

I actually had dinner the other night because the Clinton Global Initiative was here with all the hula bala that was happening at the UN and everything. And I actually had the absolute honor and pleasure of having dinner with a group of women, with Hillary Clinton. And when Hillary was talking, I was thinking, God damn it, like she should have been our first female president. She deserved it.

But then she's, I'm just reading her book actually. And, you know, she spoke about standing on the shoulders of the Shirley Chisholms and all the people that have come before her. And Shirley was such an incredible, you know, just beacon of hope for women to run for public office the way she did.

And then Hillary came along and just took all of that shit that was thrown at her. And she is, honestly, have you guys met her yet? I have. I have not. She's just the kindest, nicest person. She's little bitty. She's incredibly warm and engaging and so personable. She's so nice. And down to earth, like an immediate connection. My friends are looking for a place upstate and she goes, oh, you got to give my realtor, her name's Muffin. I'm like...

Is this person real? Like she was like, yeah, she's great. She's engaging. She's just so, she was so nice. But so I thought about that and then sitting across from her when she was talking, I was like, God damn it. Like she should have been ending her second run as president right now to hand the baton over maybe to Kamala. And then I thought, no, she would also be the type of person that would sit back and go, just like Shirley, I had to take Kamala.

I had to put the stairs in place for Kamala to walk up on them and ascend to the top office. And so I just think maybe that's one of the reasons why I really feel like Kamala's going to win because I just feel like all those incredible women that have come before her

have got her into this position now of being vice president for the first female and now ascending to the top of the ticket. So I'm here for it. I met Kamala very briefly. You guys have interviewed her and I'm sure you think she's awesome. I met her very briefly with Senator Gillibrand in L.A. when she was running for Senate actually.

And Kirsten was out there fundraising because they have to all fucking fundraise. Yeah, yeah. Because if you don't fundraise, you can't win, which is a joke. I know. But, yeah, I met her really briefly out there. She's just such an impressive human being. Yeah. And for someone like that orange-headed, nasty, gross, disgusting man –

to say that she's mentally disabled, you have problems. You really have a problem. I don't care how much you want to win or how much you want to stay at a jail and all that. So to call one of the most accomplished women in the country, in the world, mentally disabled, first of all, that's so disgraceful for people that have mental disabilities. That's so disgusting.

And second of all, to call one of the most accomplished women who's incredibly bright and mentally disabled, you are fucking, you're just not a human being. He is a terrible human being. And it's not, it doesn't just stop there, right? There are millions of people. He's already made fun of disabled people. Right. I mean, anytime someone writes something to me or has a go at me about supporting Kamala and they say something about Trump, I'm like, this is a man who made fun of disabled people?

made fun of immigrants, really incredible people. He's made fun of war veterans. He's made fun of anyone that doesn't look like him. He's made fun of people chanting Jews will not replace us. So he's essentially not supporting the Jewish people by saying you're okay with that. Like there's so many things and I just go I don't care. Inflation is worldwide. Right.

Australia is, our gas prices are out of control in Australia. If you go fill up your car in Australia, I tell people this, I told one of, this guy that used to drive me at the US Open and I think he might be somebody that would probably vote for Trump, but he's just that typical like guy that works hard and he lives on Staten Island, which is very Trumpy.

And I just happened to slip in. I was like, you know, yeah, prices in Australia. If I filled this car up in Australia, it'd cost me $160. He goes, what? And I go, yeah, it's so expensive. I said, if you, ours is like $2 a litre.

You're like $6 maximum a gallon. Yeah. That's like normal payment in Australia and it has been forever. In Europe, same thing. And they go, really? And I go, yeah, do some research. They do. America, you guys pay the cheapest gas in the world and have forever. And then when it goes up $1, it's going up $1 everywhere else in the world. Right. But they're paying $7 a litre, $8 a litre. You guys are paying $4 a litre and you're losing your frigging mind. It's like if it's not $2 a litre –

It's like, fuck. So, you know, just do yourself a favor. Do some research. Really look at it. You know, if you want to vote for Trump, fine. But just do some research on what really is important and look at the facts. That's all I ask. I just want to say it's not fine with me if you vote for Trump. And I just want that in the permanent record. I agree. Fuck you. Here's your...

Fuck him. And his fat orange ass. Fuck you. That stinks. That's my girl. That's my girl. Okay, Renee, thank you so much. Oh, my God. It's a pleasure. We love you. I love you guys. And you really are our friend now. Yeah. I know. You're our buddy. I called you when I was actually doing the Olympics, and I just listened to one of your, the Gatorades and Patriots one, and I was in fucking tears. I was driving along in my little car, and I was crying. So I love you guys. I love what you guys are doing, and you're killing it, and so I'm here for it.

We love you. All right. Thanks. Tell them we will see you next Tuesday and Thursday. Listen up, patriots, gay triots and natriots. We have a new podcast that has dropped. It's called IHIP News. It's Monday through Friday, every day, 15 to 20 minute hot takes on the political landscape of the United States of America, always served with a side of petty grievances.

We are on all the available platforms, Apple, Spotify, Google, whatever you get your podcasts and YouTube. Please go rate, subscribe and review so that we will chart upwards with America's greatest legal mind pumps. Pumps, what does an eagle say? Caw, caw. A little bit more enthusiasm. Caw, caw. That's it. That's, that's. Caw, caw. That's the patriotism that this country needs right there.

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