Spill The Wine...And The Tea
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Your time, not just to go back to school, but to come back and move forward with Purdue Global, Purdue's online university for working adults. Start your comeback at purdueglobal.edu. Hey there, folks, and welcome to I Do Part Two. This is a one-of-a-kind experiment in love and podcasting, and we are not here to help just any old body find love. Oh, no! We are here to help folks who are maybe...

Trying to find love again, maybe on the second, third, fourth, whatever time around. That's right. And we are some of your hosts, Amy Robach, TJ Holmes, Jenny Garth. And today we're joined by some of our celebrity mentors. You know them from the Golden Bachelor and their podcast, Bachelor Happy Hour, Golden Hour. We want to welcome Kathy Swartz and Susan Knowles to the podcast. Thank you. Still looking for love, baby. Ladies, look at how beautiful you are. Well,

Well, since we're all here together in San Francisco.

Why don't we go around and play a little question game? We can answer some questions from our listeners. We have them in a bowl, you guys. Should we go around and just pick one out? Sounds good. Yeah, yeah. And ask the question. Let's do it. Kathy and I are all good on questions, aren't we, Kathy? I love it. It's actually in an ice bucket. It's the answers. You know what? I wish there was ice in that bucket. I know. And I wish there was something in the ice bucket. But no, we just have your questions, listeners. So, hey, TJ. Do I have to answer? This is for everybody.

Well, everyone can answer it. It's past the bucket. Yeah, you're reading it and then we'll all chime in. All right. Should we all be setting our friends up more instead of letting them search online for love? Wow, she was ready to be jumping in. She's ready. Come on, Kathy. Given that looking on our own is not working so well, I will ask a stranger on the street to fix me up. But she's not kidding. I've heard her say it. Do you have any cute friends? Right.

She's asked for uncles, dads. Uncles, fathers, brothers. I meet somebody, you know, my daughter's friends. Where's your father? Where's your uncle? Why not? Do you think that's like the way it is? Like most women would rather just go ahead and be set up? I think in a perfect world, people would like to meet people organically and not just, you know, flipping through pages or flipping through the internet. Right.

But it's tough. In this world, it's tough to meet people. And as well as the dating sites, I have no problem with them. I marry a lot of people that met on a dating site. However, I think I've used them all. And to go back on them after being on the show is... It's the same people. They're still there. I was a setup. My husband and I were a setup. Does he have a brother? There you go. What did I tell you?

Never miss a beat. Do you feel pressure, though, if you get, as the friend, don't you feel pressure that, wow, if it doesn't work out, then I am the one that set those two up? Have you ever had that happen? Have you ever accidentally...

I don't think I have. Ruined someone's life? No. Wow. Not that far. So far, I've only had, I just had a recent successful setup. Yes. And so far, so good. Thanks, Amy. If they, oh my God, it was my best friend and a former producer of mine and they're still going strong. But if they broke up, I would feel personally responsible. I would feel bad about it. I have a question. Did they ask for a photo first?

Or did they know who the person was? See, I would want to see what... It's funny. We met, actually, we were doing a group thing and he came and she was there. And so it was no pressure. And he saw her and she saw him. But did they know each other was going to be there? Yes. And so it was a little bit, but there was not a lot of pressure. And then it took a while. I think it took like six months before they actually went on a date. Oh, wow. Because you and I don't have time. Yeah, that's too much.

Time is of the essence. Okay, so like six minutes later you want to be on a date. Not six months later. Okay, okay. Next question. I'm going to dig in here. Oh, I might have to put my glasses on.

Let's see. Okay, let me try not to. If someone has a bad relationship with their mom, is that a red flag? Oh, that's a good question. Oh, boy. And is it different for men and women? You know what? I think it depends on the mom. I would have to meet the mom to know because, look, I would like to believe all moms have the best intentions. Yes.

You want to place the blame. We all blame our moms for everything, right? But the reality is I would want to meet the mom before I made that decision. Yeah, you'd have to assess the situation. But do you know that old saying, if he's good to his mother, how he treats his mother is how... Yes, yes, yes, yes. Okay, but...

Is that always true? Yeah. Because that's my, I mean, I'm wondering. I need to know. Maybe for a friend. For a friend. And could he have too good of a relationship with his mom? That would also be, to me, that would be the biggest red flag of them all. Huge red flag. Huge. But plus it's hard. Mama's boy. Plus it's hard. It's the woman or the man. Or the relationship is.

I think it depends. Like my husband was treated as mother like gold and he treated me like gold. I did not get along with my natural mother at all, but very close with my stepmother. And so I think it really just depends.

on the situation. Yeah, generally speaking though, would it be a red flag? I don't know. You would like to think, but you always say, Robes, you talk about, like if you're too dependent on your mom, how close is that relationship? Correct. Is that also a warning sign and a red flag? For me as a woman, it

With the man, if he was too close with his mom, I would be concerned also just about where I stood, how the mom would view me. That all matters as a woman. Where do you fit in? Mommy comes first and we come second. Yeah, that's not going to work. But if he doesn't get along with his mom.

I want to know the reason. Yeah, I want to know the reason too. Why doesn't he like his mom? Maybe he loves her, but maybe they just don't have... I think it can go both ways. Like Amy said, we need to meet her too. We need to meet the mom. We need to meet the mom. Let's read the next question. We need more information. Okay, I'm going to be struggling to read this as well. You need some help, honey? When do you have the conversation about how someone's relationship is with their ex?

I don't care about that. I don't either. Because there's a reason why they're their ex and it might not have ended well and that's okay. And I think if you have confidence in who you are, start right there and move forward. Yeah. I usually have that conversation that comes out one way or the other on the first date. Like we're friends. He's there. We're parents together. Grandparents together. He's around. Oh,

Well, you mean ex-husband. I was thinking about an ex just in dating. But I guess it could go either way. Who cares? That's what I just said. Who cares? Yeah, I'm with you. Yeah. I want him to know up front. I want to know everything up front. Yeah, I only think you have to have the conversation when the ex shows up in our relationship. Then we need to talk about it. Right.

You don't want to know. You want to be surprised. I like a little heads up. Right? I don't care about it until it in some way starts to impact the relationship I have with you. Okay, so wait. Can I ask a question? This is Roman numeral one, you know, part B. You guys have exes.

- Lots of them actually. - Multiple. - Just a few. - Here's a question. Is it important that you get along with each other's exes so it's not too stressful? - My answer is two words. The first one is hell. The second one is no, I don't care.

I should have no relationship. I don't need any relationship with anybody in her past. No, I meant like with kids and stuff. Oh, her kids are older. My kids are older. So we just don't, it's not necessary. If it were necessary, if you knew that that person was going to be in your life, of course, yes. But in a perfect world and certainly when your kids are older, it's not as important. It's just, I mean, I don't need to know because if I know you and I love you, I don't,

I don't need to base it off of another relationship because dynamics are so interesting. And I think you can actually not be the best version of yourself in the wrong dynamic. And I wouldn't want to be judged by that. It's like judging somebody because of their past. Correct. You know? Yeah.

I know none of you regret the marriages because either children or lessons or both came out of them. But do you regret the time wasted between knowing it's what needed to be done and actually doing it, whether that was months or years? Hmm.

Regret's a big word. That's a tough word. You learn. You learn. But my mom would always tell me when I was going through a difficult time in a relationship, she said, it's better to know in five months than in five years. I know it hurts right now, son. I know you're heartbroken. But you just found out this isn't where you should be. And you found out in five months instead of five years. Congratulations. That's the lesson I always was taught. I like your mom. Smart answer. Yeah, she always taught me that.

And then you get stuck on stupid and you know, but you don't do anything about it. And you try to raise your kids and do the right thing for the family. And you wait till way, way later. Can I just ask a question? Does anybody in this room, I'm not divorced, wasn't divorced. My husband passed away. But does anybody think that having, staying together in a marriage for kids is a good way to go? Absolutely not. I don't.

I don't think it is either. When it comes to regret, yes. I think it's a tough word because you do, I do believe that

that we all make the best decision with the information we have at the time. And we're weighing things that we can't possibly know will change or evolve. And in that moment, a lot of us do what we think is best for our kids in that moment. So it's hard to look back and say, I should have, or I think should have and could have are like one of the most dangerous phrases you can use because you can't do anything about it.

I think you just have to understand where you were and give yourself a little bit of credit that you were doing the best you could. Like you said, Jenny, giving yourself at that time. Yeah. Yeah. I think on the opposite side, I think I would say I regret wasting time holding onto it, you know, because I wasn't in either in any of my situations. I've never been the one to leave. Like I stay, like I, I work, I keep working. And so I,

I think from the other side, I think I regret the time wasted on my side that I wasted. Weren't true to yourself. Yeah. Like wanting it just because that's the way it was supposed to be. Yeah. Supposed to. That's a tough one too. Right? Yeah. That's how we were taught and raised. Yeah. You gotta keep trying. It's...

Never give up. But the best is when you're children, you wait until they're out of school, and then you make this move, and they come to you and go, Mom, why did you wait so long? Yeah, they see things so differently, though, when they're older. Yeah. So, little regrets, not money. Some. Here and there, here and there. Okay, my turn, my turn. Your turn, your turn. Where's the bucket? Hope you don't get a paragraph. I'm going to pick a specific, a little worded one. Hold on. Okay. Okay.

Do you know in the first five minutes if you want to go out with someone again or does it grow?

i know it's in the first two minutes i know i know i say walk across the room really yeah i don't know about that because when i met my husband like he was across the room i saw him for the first time this was on a setup i just saw him outside i mean i get it no no no i i saw him and i said ugh you did your husband yeah

Yes. Wait, can I tell you, I met my husband at a fraternity party when I was 18 years old. I walked in. Everybody this back of the age when everyone was 18 drinking alcohol. I looked at him. It was a huge fraternity party. I was with my roommate. I looked at this guy across the room and I looked at her and I said, see that guy right there? She said, yes, I'm going to marry him. And I did 18 months later and we were married almost 46 years. Oh my God, I love that. That's amazing. That's a true story. However, now...

I do the same thing. We're visual people. Aren't we visual people? We are. But yeah, no, I had the opposite. You're not a visual person? I said, ew, and he, yeah. He pursued you then? Well, no, because I'm just saying you don't know.

What you don't know. Well, again, Susan, this is why we're single. We're so busy looking at... So wait a minute. You saw him and you were... You said, ooh, when you first met him. Yeah. What changed your mind? Well, I didn't want to date a, you know, a tall, handsome actor guy. Like I was over... I wanted just like normal, nice...

you know, not affected. I wanted that. Okay. And look at you now. I thought, I assumed wrong. I assumed that he would. Ah, one of the four agreements you do not assume. Okay, that sounded wild. You said, I don't want to date a tall, handsome actor. Like, who says that? Is there something wrong with her? Good call. Like, what?

Who really says that? Susan, she can handle it. You got to walk a mile sometimes. He knows the story. The ear story. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, how about you, TJ? When a woman walks in, do you know immediately? Like, yeah, I'm never going to see her again. Questions about the five minutes. You do know minute one if you want to...

Keep talking for minute two and two to three and three to four. It's called chemistry. And then at some point, it might be 15 minutes. It might sometimes even be 15 years. I was going to say or eight years. It could be that you figure out this is not where I want to be or exactly where I want to be. So yeah, that chemistry, you know immediately when it doesn't work. And sometimes it happens in 60 seconds. Yeah. In 60 seconds. Yeah. Again, we had chemistry, but we had no idea about romantic chemistry that we were going that direction. But we hit it off.

Oh, yeah. We liked each other. Obviously, it's working. Yeah. We liked each other from the moment we met each other 10 years ago. But that's a different thing when you... Yeah. Well, we were also not available. So it wasn't even a consideration. So that was a different perspective from when we met. We weren't even considering it. Neither one of us were options for the other. It's like, hey, you're cool. Yeah. So we were just like, I like you. I dig you. I like hanging out with you. And so that was just where it was. And that's where it stayed for eight years. Yeah. And then you got hot.

It happens to me all the time and I find out they're gay. Oh man. If they're too fun. Darn it. Yeah. They're too well dressed. If they're too beautiful. They're perfect. Okay. Here's a question here. Okay. Best advice for someone dating someone who's lost a spouse.

Best advice for dating someone who's lost a spouse. So I win that question. You win that question. You're the winner. Yeah. Although you're not dating someone. Well, yeah. The best advice for dating someone who's lost a spouse, I think the advice I would give them is...

Don't try to recreate the relationship you had with your spouse. Look for someone who genuinely just makes you feel happy in the space that you're in now.

and try not to look backward and look forward. That's what I try to do every day. I try to just look forward and give people a chance when I meet them and not compare them. Don't compare people to your spouse. I would think try not to replace their spouse. My second bit was exactly that, that

Don't think that your heart is closed off. It's like having a child. You have a child and you think, I could never love another child. And then when I have my second child, it's just your heart expands. So my husband will always be in my heart. That's such a good way of looking at it. Yeah, he'll always be in my heart, but I have room for...

for another person. I have room for love in my heart. So I would tell people to be open. That's such good advice. Now I'm going to cry. It reminds us of something. I know you remember this. Patrick Swayze's widow spoke to us about the love she has now and the husband she has now. She said, there was room in my heart for both. And he was the one who always supported her in that and made sure she, I know,

There was the love of your life, and I'm here now. But she spoke of it in such a way that you're speaking of it now that I'd really never heard somebody talk about it. That's beautiful. We're watching Joan's season. Did you hear her keep saying with the bachelorette? Yeah, it reminded me of Joan. Yeah, and the guilt and all. It's like, okay, move on. What? Yeah.

How long? How long since your husband passed? He died. It'll be six years in February. That's not that long. That's not that long. It feels like so many things have changed in my life. You know,

Team sports. My husband was a huge sport. So he's missed so many things in college football and basketball. And grandbabies. He's missed grandchildren being born. And he's missed marriages. And he's missed divorces. And he's missed weddings. And it just seems so long. It seems so long. But you know what? I carry him every day in my heart. But I have room for that person that could come and join me where I am.

Oh, that's beautiful. Yes. This is coming to us from Chrissy Burns. She's 43 years old. She's a single mom. She asks, how do I attract the right guy that actually wants a commitment? Why am I only attracting men who want something casual? We're twins. Um,

Yeah, I mean. I get it. Wait, you have a commitment thing? No, the men that I meet, I attract the wrong kind of men. You attract the wrong kind. You guys don't want a commitment. No, you don't.

We were yelling at me the other day. You keep picking the same kind. Wait, wait, wait. What's the kind? The wrong kind. I think Susan doesn't. I'm not sure you're clear on who it is you want. And so I think she gets into it and then goes, hey, that was fun for 10 minutes. I don't think you found the guy you want. I don't think you haven't found the guy worth committing for. That's just my opinion. This is true. This is what happens when you're together a lot. Okay.

You see things in one another. Where are you? Like, where are you meeting men? How are you? Like, what is it? What energy or what are you putting out that is attracting this thing? I am open. And I feel as if and I've been told I intimidate men. I'm very outspoken. I am not shy. But to sit and have a conversation with me is easy. You're funny as shit.

Like you make me laugh all day. And maybe when you are like good time girl and fun, it gives off the wrong impression that you just are here to have fun. That's what people say to us all the time that we're funny and we're huge personalities. But we, I mean, I just, I almost cry. We have our really sensitive side. It's just, but men are like, whoa, you're a lot. And it's tough too, I think, to go and put your intentions out initially, like on a first date. Hey, I want something serious. Whoa.

You know, that's like, guys run from that. When I meet them, I say, I'd like a house on Martha's Vineyard. Do you have one? That might be off-putting. That might be off-putting. Should I stop leading with that?

leading with that question? Possibly. I'll keep my house, you keep yours and we'll buy another. I root for straight to the point. I don't fudge it very well. When you get to a point you don't have a lot of time, it's like, okay, let's figure out where you stand, where we stand, what do you want, what are you looking for? Is that a bad opening? What are you looking for? Really, at our age, we've talked about this, isn't it? At our age,

You know, we've raised children. We have grandchildren. I know what I'm after. You sort of know what you're after. Really? Kind of. And I just think, you know, why waste time? I mean, yeah. T.G. and I talked about this, I think, just in our last podcast. Almost immediately when we just...

got to the point where we were, I was like, and here's the deal. Like, this is what I would only be okay with. And he's like, this is what I would only be okay with. And just as adults setting the boundaries immediately when you recognize you have feelings for each other is important. But also you guys have lived and so have you, Jenny. We all have. You've lived life. You've had other spouses. You know, you've learned those lessons that make you strong in your, if you will, boundary setting, right? Yeah. And it's just, it's like, again, I don't want to waste time.

I'm just a hopeless romantic, though, too. I know. It's sickening. I know. Sickening. All right. I'm moving on. Six months later, you realize, yeah, that's not it. I fall hard fast, and I go. And then she's like, I think I have a bus to catch a man. Oh, wait. Okay. So there's something there. Is there? What? Let's dig deeper. Oh, boy. Here we go. She's a love addict. Therapy again. I got Kathy. Now I got Jenny over here. All right. Here we go. This one's from Brittany.

It looks like Brittany Dion Kabakis. I'm sure I'm butchering that name. Say it with authority and it's good. That's it. Brittany Dion Kabakis. That's your name. Do Amy and TJ find it hard working together and being together and yet still finding time for the date nights? Trying to balance life and love can be so hard sometimes.

As it is. Do tell. LOL on the date nights. We are together 24-7. I think we have, I, I can only speak for me, I am blown away at how I can be with one person

for so much and still feel like I miss him. Yeah, and I actually feel like I miss him. Like, if we're working, I'm like, wait, I miss us. I hate them. Can we, can we, actually, you hate us. I hate them right now. I hate them. You said you hate them. I hate them. You want everything you want. That's what she said. It's called envy. It's called envy. We understand that we're really annoying and we do have our moments where things aren't

hunky-dory, but we, for the most part, I would say more so than not, and again, I am shocked. I know me. I've lived with myself for 50 plus years, and I have never been this person where I'm like, how am I still...

Happy to be with you and wanting more, if that's even entirely possible. But yeah, I mean, we have had to, more so for me, he's had to say, let's go on a date. Let's go out and we can't talk about work. We can't talk about the podcast. That's hard, isn't it? And I have messed up. Oh, sorry. No, and that actually was nice.

All right, TJ, come on. I'm dying. Don't you want what they have? I hate that you make love. I want what you have. And what you all are talking about, it all comes down to a foundation of friendship. We were built for eight years on friendship. Very important. We are good to go. I know her as well as anybody else on the planet. So...

That's where we started. Hopefully you know me more than anyone else on the planet. Not as well as anyone else. For your daughters and your parents. I wanted to leave it like that. Okay, okay, okay. But it works because we don't necessarily do date nights. I hate the idea of date nights.

I just hate having to plan being a couple. It's like work. It's like a Valentine's card. In my head. It's okay. Other people want to do that. But our date nights are date days and date mornings. We take a walk and go get a bagel. Just quiet time together sometimes. And go get lunch at Mexicali and look out for the sun.

in the window and have our margaritas. All right, enough. We're used to working together. So that was always like the fun. So work stays kind of fun for the most part. And then we actually get to like be together. Do you have time for other, do you have time for other friends to go out with your other friends? Not really. Oh, not a lot. They dropped all those people. That is what, you get busy.

You're busy. And you're okay to disagree. You agree to disagree. Are you each other's best friends? Absolutely. That's so important. I want my best friend. That's what I lead with my best friend. Absolutely. And we were, we were before like, like that's what was happening. Like I was like, this is the guy I just, who I tell everything to. Like what? It was,

It's crazy. I don't want to upset you further by continuing to talk about it. I love your relationship. I say cheers to you guys. That's what I say. When do you need to kiss...

by to see if there is physical chemistry. Oh, when you never wait, how long you have to wait when you kiss them. But wait to see if that's the problem right there. Well, you know, there's chemistry before you. Correct. Either I want to kiss you or I don't. And if you're going to stay more than five minutes, it's because I want to kiss you. And you know, if you turn the cheek, it's over. Oh, absolutely. Oh, God. If you're wondering whether or not you want to, that's a red flag. You don't want to.

Then you don't want to. Exactly. You can't force that.

All right. I'm not going to chime in on the kissing one, but I will chime in. We will all continue to chime in more. We're going to continue with this fun round of questions from our listeners in part two of I Do Part Two Q&A. You get where we're going. So in the meantime, call us at 1-844-4IDOPOD. That's 844-443-6763. You can also email us at

at idopod at iheartradio.com or follow us or and follow us on Instagram and TikTok at idopod2pod all questions. What? You don't understand what I just said? Hopefully the listeners do, but that is how you can get in touch with us. Let us know if you would like us to help you find love second time, third time, fourth time around, whatever we are here for you. And we'll be back in the next episode with more answers to your questions.