Beautiful Disaster LIVE!
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bas.com slash bonkers and use the code bonkers at checkout. Fighting, fucking, and projectile vomiting. Finally, a rom-com for everyone. We saw a beautiful disaster, so you know what that means. ... ... ... ... ... ...

People of New Haven! We are here tonight in the pizza capital of the world.

To talk about the 2023 film. Yes, this movie came out literally months ago. Beautiful disaster. It's like Fight Club meets Fifty Shades of Grey meets American Pie, but produced by the Hallmark Channel. If you've not seen this movie, what do you need to know?

Well, there's a real good girl who's also really good at poker, but she's leaving that behind to go to college where she meets a dude who's in a fight club. A real bad boy who ain't that bad. They have an interesting relationship. I don't get why they're not together, but that's the whole movie. There's another dude. He's much older. We'll get into that.

And then the movie takes a wild twist when Brian Austin Green shows up as this girl's father and proceeds to turn this into a weird heist movie. More fights are had, deals are made, and in the end, everything turns out A-OK. And here's the thing. I hope you stayed for the post-credit sequence. So we'll talk about all of that later.

And more. But first, let me introduce my co-host. Please welcome to the stage, Mr. Jason Manzoukas. What's up, Joe? What's New Haven, Connecticut? I came to your city, I took a lactate, and I ate pizza. Or I should say, I ate a pizza. Get that A out of my pizza. Pizza.

Jason, Paul, you and I were backstage. We don't normally talk about the movie before we get on stage, but we were giddy because this movie was a treat. Well, my question for you is why are we even covering this movie? This should be an episode of Unspooled. Thank you.

And no, I will not guest on that episode. I fucking love this movie. Stop. It is, it's an odd, it's an odd movie because... It's not. I disagree. It might present as odd, but it makes all the sense in the world.

Well, there you go. I mean, there you go. And you know what I love about it? It's finally a rom-com for the dudes. Fucking fight! Vegas! Yeah! Girls love a bad boy who fights MMA but has a consent app. It's 2023 bad boys use consent apps.

He's such a bad boy that he also knows a lot about biology. All right, we're going to break this all down, but there's someone out there that loves a romance, that loves a YA, and she is going to break down all the plot with us. Please welcome my other co-host, Miss June Diane Raphael. Welcome, June. Oh, hi, Paul. How are you? I'm okay, period. I'm just okay. Now, June, your thoughts on this film? Yeah, absolutely.

So I've never seen a movie this long. This was the longest film I have ever laid my eyes upon. I would have liked more. Jason, at a certain point, Paul and I were watching it in our hotel and we stopped it. And I said, it's got to be almost over. This has to be over. What else could happen? They're together now. It has to be over.

42 minutes left. Oh, yeah. 42 minutes left. And I said, Paul, I got to get out of the room. And he said, where should we go? And I said, let's get a Diet Coke. It was an emergency. We had to leave. We had to walk away. This was a struggle. This movie doesn't require a snack break, an intermission, if you will. We took an intermission. Oh.

This movie rewards an intermission. Oh, yes. When they finally fuck, and goddamn do they fuck. When they finally fuck, and it's all over and boom, and I'm like, oh, okay, nice. I'm watching it backstage at this venue. I'm like, oh, okay. I guess I'm all done. Boom. 35 minutes left? And you will be surprised to know the movie is only an hour and 34 minutes.

That can't be true, Paul. That can't be true. It is true. It is true. But I understand because all of Act 3 is in its entirety a different movie with its own beginning, middle, and end. Yes. As if it's a short Judd Apatow movie.

There is something bizarre because the premise of this movie is in the middle, which is the bet. The bet, like that would be a whole movie. Live with me for 30 days.

And then they fall in love. But that's like introduced a half an hour in, and then there's like an hour after that. Oh, yeah. Like that's an interlude. The bet is an interlude. Paul, even before that, there's another movie in there, a movie I'd much rather see, to be quite honest, about Lucky 13 going to college. I'm like, give me that.

I'd love to see that movie. How is the movie not starting with her as a child and then jumping us forward? Why don't we ever get it? We get the briefest of hints of a flashback. When his dad, when Travis's dad is like, I heard tell of a gambler, a gambler in Las Vegas. They're in

No one, no one hears the tell of a small-time gambler in old Vegas. It's not even the new Vegas. And all five sons are like, whoa, Lucky 13? We, of course, all know who Lucky 13 is. And here's what I never got to the bottom of. I wonder if anyone has the answer up here. Is it why are there so many fight clubs in Sacramento? Wow, that part. Right.

And are they still auditioning for that production of Titus Andronicus? And also, how did her and America know each other? Yeah, maybe America's also from Vegas. There's a lot of questions. And the first one that jumped out to me was, we see her writing an email, and we're hearing it in voiceover, and we're reading it on the screen. Yes!

That was a red flag. And we're also receiving in kind of visuals all the articles about Lucky 13. Yes. They're giving us information, but no context, no understanding, no nothing. No, and my biggest concern was why is her font that big? She's a young girl. Her eyesight should be very good. Not only was it so big, it was big and it was bold. Dear dad. It was also bolded. Sorry I ran off. Sorry I ran off. I need a fresh start.

Also, what I love about this movie is they set up this premise, Lucky 13. I know eventually they get to it, but as an audience member, this was a question I had. I was like, okay, so she's a poker prodigy.

Fuck, did she play poker in a casino at 13? Underground. They keep saying underground. But there's newspaper clippings. Oh, I see what you're saying. So I imagine... It's like she was written up in all the papers. I had to answer questions that the movie would not dare approach. And I thought, I just had to assume that there was some sort of junior poker league that she played at.

That there was some sort of kids' poker league where they're playing with Pokemon. Here's the thing that I want to just draw your attention to, though, which I was truly mind-scrambled at, which was...

This movie came out this year. Yes. This is a contemporary movie. I don't accept that at all. So the period in which she is Brian Austin Green's, right? That's who it is, right? Yes. Daughter, Lucky 13, is 2013. Yes.

10 years ago. All of that took place in the era of the internet. And they're acting as if she's from the 40s. Like, I heard legend about you. I heard, you know. Yeah, there is this weird thing. This is a time where phones, everything is in full speed. I will say this. What I love about this movie is there are jokes. And they are making jokes. And I know that that is, it's a comedy.

sometimes it feels like the actors aren't sure what the jokes are because one of the first lines in the movie she's like, oh, and the showers suck. To which the lead character goes, I'm sure the showers don't suck. I was like,

Okay, this is position. Like, why would you doubt that? And why are you saying that? Is she thinking, like, does the shower suck you up? But then when she says, when they're having sex for the first time, and she says, is it in? I was like, home run joke. Great joke. And when she's drunk and saying, okay, you can turn around, and she's still topless all those times, I was like, this is kid's play.

This is killing me. This is good. The movie, I agree. The movie does itself so many favors by being funny instead of just... If this had been more Nicholas Sparks-y... Yes. Right? We've done some of those movies. More earnest or sincere, it would have been, I think, insufferable. I have to push back here. Please. Please.

Please, you mean on my contention that this is the funniest movie in film history? I know this is the third night of our tour and I know we're starting to lose our minds, but I had one laugh in the movie and it was at the scene where she was topless. I thought that was really well played and I did genuinely laugh.

But this movie, and we talked about this word I'm about to use, Jason, yesterday. We said this word is overused and it's lost its meaning. But I'm going to redefine it with this film and say the movie is cringe-worthy.

It is so cringe. Everything about it, I was cringing. I was bracing. I need a massage. I was so deeply uncomfortable with what I was watching. And I was so upset about the jokes that they were going for. And the sex joke, I actually was angry about that joke, Is It In? Because I'm like, all I've done here is wait for you two to fuck. And you're going to make a joke right now?

Oh, see, I really appreciated that they were also willing to let the romantic leads be silly, be goofy, tell jokes, be more not as... Jason. Like the scene where they're throwing each other around the hotel room and destroy the hotel room. Yes.

thought was very funny. Now, were there other actors in those roles? I might have even been more impressed by it, but I liked that because if it had tried to be an earnest sex scene, I think it would have been more cringe for me. Wow, okay. I don't disagree with what you're saying, but I will say this, that it feels to me like a lot of improv was used, and as somebody who likes to improvise, I will say that

to the detriment of the characters because she is neither naive nor innocent as much. She's like, I'm as sassy as you. And he's like, well, I'll out-sass you. Everyone's fucking sassy. And I'm like, I can't get a read on who is cool or who's not cool. I kept on wanting to say to them, just be yourselves.

Just be yourself. And then, that's the whole point though, is she's not being herself. She's like, I want to be a normal college person who denies myself. Myself would go with Travis. Travis is like my dad. I'm trying to not make chaotic decisions. But she doesn't say that, nor do we see her even transition. We see her on the bus. I'm like, tick, tick,

typing and we're like, oh, you're a normal girl. But I guess maybe she's not. Later in the movie, about an hour and 27 minutes in, she goes, now the reason why I don't want to be with Travis. I'm like, put that in the beginning. And you know what, Paul? I guess I have to say this. I didn't like who she was pretending to be and I didn't like who she really was. I didn't like either version of her and I didn't want to watch her for five hours.

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And regardless of the comedy, the reality of the movie, which is they go to this very exclusive college in Sacramento. Is it exclusive? What? It's all that goes exclusive. When I found out it was Sacramento, I lost my mind. Sacktown to the Macktown. I was like, none of this is present in the Greta Gerwig movie.

This is like more of a cool Lady Bird. Lady Bird just shows up at a fight club. Lady Bird's like, let's go to the circle. Well, this to me is the craziest thing. We're introduced to this. It's normal. It's normal. It's like, oh, my boyfriend's taking us out. And then all of a sudden we're in a dungeon from Blade 1. I'm like, oh, shit, is this a vampire movie?

And then they walk in to a full-on fight club and it's like, oh, we love fight club. This is, again, a movie made in 2023. Like, you got to come to fight club. Listen, and by the way, call me grandma. That's fine. But I didn't think it was funny. I know you love the comedy so much. It's the funniest movie I've ever seen. But I...

This movie's funnier than Anchorman. I didn't think it was a funny meet cute for her to have blood splattered all over her. That was insane. Was that funny? Is that supposed to be funny? No.

She was sprayed with another man's blood. And she's into it. She is into it. She's so into it that we cut to her masturbating in the shower, except it's not masturbating. It's just aggressive shoulder washing. The movie is like she's so turned on. What?

He's rubbing their own shoulders that way. That's all they can show is... That's like in Star Trek, there was an episode or a movie where Kirk hits somebody in the kneecaps and they go, ooh, and they go, that's where his balls are. So maybe she's got one of those upper deckers. Why? Jesus. I don't judge. I'm all about body positivity. You got an upper decker, you got one below the waist, wherever you got it, it's cool.

Do you think, do you think, what's the actor's name who plays Travis? The character's name is Mad Dog. Travis Mad Dog. Dylan Sprouse. Isn't he a mad dog? Mad Dog. When Mad Dog is in all of these fights, right? He knows, he's not caught by surprise. Why is he wearing jeans the whole time?

If I'm going to be in a fight club that condones and, nay, encourages kicking, I'm not going to be wearing my jeans. Jeans don't have that much give, although I know Chuck Norris made a jean, a kicking jean. Well, this guy is not Chuck Norris. I mean...

Imagine if, just swap it out, she falls in love with grizzled old Chuck Norris, a little fucking beef jerky in jeans just going ham on people. I couldn't, you know, and I know I'm saying a lot of positive things about this. Don't get me wrong. The movie is absolute nonsense. But...

Looking ahead at the movie we have tomorrow night and knowing what we've watched in the past, boy, was this a breath of fresh air. Yes. You know what? You're right. And you're right. It had a lot of elements that I... That's where I'm confused because knowing what I know about the movies we're forced to watch, you know, I'm not here...

With my own consent. I never signed a consent app letter. Neither did she. Yeah. Neither did she. She never signs the consent app. By the way, can we look at that consent app? I need to see this piece of technology. We have a picture of it right here. So this is the consent app, and it's got some good details. It's called Consent Date. Oh, this is interesting. She sent it to him. Yeah.

Carmen is requesting sexual consent. Yeah, because that's the whole... The movie likes to play in the post-Me Too era of can bad boys really be bad? And they attempt to explore that and it enraged me so much. I literally was losing my mind

Yeah, she sends it to him because he doesn't want to get into trouble. Now, is he saying that he doesn't want any BDSM or is she saying she doesn't want any BDSM? This is hers. She is requesting. The hearts are hers. But I'm confused about what allowed. What do you think allowed devices is? You think that's vibrators? I guess so. Allowed devices. I thought it meant like. I'd love to see that drop down menu. Can we just click on that, please?

Love to see what's in that drop-down menu. Guess what? I'd really like to see what's in more. Animals. More? Upper deckers. A section that's just gross. But I also just, again, the writing in this movie always got me because America's boyfriend brought our main girl to the fight club. And then they meet for lunch the next day and he goes, so, how was last night?

You all went together. You seemingly all left together, too. They didn't. Well, once they left, they stopped talking to each other. There was no recap of the night. There was no such a great time. Thanks so much. Nothing. How was last night? We all experienced it. How about when they... Like, why do we need to reset the table? We, the audience, saw it. They saw it with her. We don't need to... All we need to do is establish that this man is a college student, which...

The only way they get away with Dylan Sprouse, Zach from Suite Life with Zach and Cody. No, no, no, no. That's Dylan Sprouse from the Suite Life with Zach and Cody and Above Deck with Zach and Cody.

That's a Zack and a Cody? That's a Zack and Cody. That's Zack. What's so wild about that is for so long you and I used to take gummies and watch The Suite Life of Zack and Cody, and I can't believe that's him. Wow. Well, I think a lot of people thought that Zack was the ugly brother, and then people, when they saw this movie, said, oh, well, I guess we were wrong. Can I ask an admittedly deeply naive question? Yeah. Is he a known hunk?

I don't know. Thank you, women of New Haven. It's exactly what I was looking for. Yeah, so I couldn't tell because that was one of my questions. And same with the... Ashley? Is her name Ashley in the movie? Yes. Abby. Abby? Is she a known hunk? Is she a known honey? Okay, God. All right, well, I guess what I will say, and this is something that is a well that I just want to take the lid off of. We can go down it later, but...

But there is a series of films that use the word after, right? After we collided, after we fell, after Ever Happy, after everything. These are like romance, all romance movies? Yes, very serious, YA, kind of what you're talking about. And Dylan Sprouse is in one of these movies, so much so that they actually show clips of

those after movies in here so when that roommate is watching TV and crying he's watching Dylan Sprouse in an after movie so it's like a joke yes because this is made by the same producers who make the after movies now this beautiful disaster is also based on novels so are the after series beautiful disaster is the first book in

that has three follow-ups and six spin-offs. Please tell me there are movies to match every one of those. Well, so we'll get into some more a little bit later, but I will say this. So this is a series as well, but this is like, I imagine, the Fifty Shades of Grey version of the notebook version. If After is a notebook, this is the Fifty Shades of Grey. And what is it?

Okay, sexy fanfics, but based on what? All right, hold on. Let me get the mic to you. Let me get the mic to you because it sounds like you got some good information. All right, I'll come down. What's her name? Sarah. Sarah, okay. Tell us what we need to know about After. Can I just briefly, Sarah, have you read all of these books? I have not, but I've seen the movies. Okay, great. So let us into it. The After is based on One Direction fanfic, and it's basically Harry Styles...

What now? Yeah. It's Harry Styles basically abusing a woman who loves him for some reason, even though she's being abused by him. And in this movie, actually, there's a part where Dylan Sprouse throws a cup of something onto a guy, and his shirt says...

Fucking Trevor, which is his character's name. I saw that. Yeah, so Fucking Trevor is like a famous line from the Wattpad series from the after movies. So this is kind of, and people are saying... Give it up! Amazing. Thank you so much. Give it up for an expert. Give it up for an expert. Wow. And people... I think we gotta do the after movies, right? Okay. Okay.

I have a lot to share as we go down this road, but I don't want to just devolve it to just the Wikipedia. It is, wow, I'm learning a lot. What I will say about this that I really liked, and maybe this is the juxtaposition you're talking about between the after movies and this movie is, and I mean this, I liked that this movie was so... Funny? Horny.

Oh, it's so horny. I like that these are young people actually being horny and turned on and horny by... turned on by each other and experiences and it wasn't chaste and it wasn't... They're talking about sex I felt like in a way that I was like, this is what I want sex life of college girls to feel like. The TV show. Oh, I love TV. That show is so chaste in a way that I'm like, no, I feel like these people are talking more explicitly the way that young people might talk. I guess so, but...

I don't know, it feels like a natural time to talk about the morning boner scene. Amen. Do we have that on video? We do have the morning boner. Can we watch the whole thing? This is scene four. Now, here's my question as we're watching it. What's making the cat sound? I don't know.

Don't know we will unpack it here we go scene four we can't pause it midway So we'll watch it and then we'll come in here go scene four So

Are we supposed to believe that she is having a dream about a cat, and then when she touches his heart on, that feels like a cat? What part of the cat is my question? What part of the cat does she think she's touching? And if it's its tail, gross. Gross.

I'm correct, right? There are cat sounds. Not only are there cat sounds, but every time she grabs his dick, there's a meow. That's what I mean. Where is that coming from? So my guess is, here's my guess. My guess is somehow this scene came after the establishment of the cat that he gets.

in the later part of the movie. Remember he comes home with a cat at one point? Yeah, I remember that. And I'm like, oh, was this meant to be

After that, and that cat is still around because it is confounding that there are... It's almost like you're hearing her dream. Okay, there's still so many questions. Even if the cat is still around, why would the cat respond only in those moments? I agree. Okay, so then the only natural answer... Is the cat under the covers? No, is that the sound his dick makes.

That's the sound his dick makes. That goes to your theory. Every time she grabs it, we get it. I'm also like, what is her dream exactly? Like, why is she so... Oh, I got this cat by the tail. Oh, cat tail. But also, it's like she's acting so playful. Like, oh, yeah, you can't... But it's like none of this is what you would do with a cat. Unless she's strangling it.

Why? It was absolutely confounding. That's when I was like, this is the best movie we've seen since the Pope's Exorcist. Why does she immediately fall in love with the Frisbee dude? Like immediately fall in love with this guy who looks, and no offense to this gentleman, he is not a young man.

And I don't mean that like... He's an older man. We have to be honest. He's no less than 41. Yeah. Like not a day younger than 41. If he's in college...

This is because he never went to college originally. He's like, I finally... No, he's a professor. He's a tenured professor. Well, that's what I was going to say. I fully expected her to go to class and he was going to be the TA. He was going to be somehow... But I did. I laughed so hard when she hits him directly in the nuts with that Frisbee. I was like, I'm in. Jason! I'm in! Jason!

I mean, she's rubbing dicks. She's destroying balls. Wow. I'll take it. Please, do you remember what we watched last night? I do. Do you remember? I do. I do. She says something. Again, this is like one of those jokes that is a non-joke where she goes, she's like, you should put some ice on those balls. And he's like, you should put ice on my balls. And then they just continue the conversation. I have so many questions about him, Parker. Yeah.

find out later that he's a Republican, but that's coming. That's coming later on. But you know, they did him so dirty by just throwing that backpack on him.

Because I know they wanted us to like take him in in a real hazy way and not focus too hard. But every time that grown ass man walked around, not with like one shoulder on, but both shoulders on that backpack, with that backpack, I was like, this is,

very sad. Well, the movie... And if this is a girl... If this man is in college, like, you've also just made this character so sad. Like, it was... They have to humiliate him. I know. They have to. Because he's in, arguably, the better choice of someone to date. Absolutely full stop. And that it is... That she is constantly faced with him. He...

He brings her ramen to eat in the library? I don't think you can do that. I don't think you can eat ramen. Yeah. I was like, could you pick a more messy thing that could wreck books?

It's like saying, I brought Benny Hanna into this library. Can you imagine? You're working in the library. You are paying money to go to school in Sacramento. You are sitting next to someone who sleeps, then talks loudly and eats ramen with someone. I'd be like, get the fuck out of the library. I do want to put this scene on. This is scene two, the Frisbee scene, only because...

Look, you say she belongs with him. She bumps into him. There's very little connection, and we're supposed to be like, that's our triangle. Really? But that's the same with Travis. She's shower masturbating to one. The scene with Travis, her whole romantic MO is bump into someone. Because remember, she's trying to leave the fight, and she's like, I'm out of here. Boom.

And hand on shoulder. Gosh. She's like Dunzo. All she does is bump into people and fall in love. That's all you need. God help this woman on the bus. She's like, boom, boom. Oh. Shoulders, shoulders, shoulders, shoulders, shoulders. Let's watch scene two. Oh. Oh, no. Oh. Oh. Oh.

He's fine. Oh god, I'm hurting. It's okay, he's okay. I'm fine. Are you okay? No, I'm fine. I'm so sorry. Oh god. You're so cute and you're crying. I'm not crying. It's the wind. How long have you been captain of the Frisbee Club? Oh no, no, no, I'm not captain of the Frisbee Club. It was a joke, it was a joke. Hi, I'm Abby.

I'm gonna go. I'm gonna wobble. You should put some ice on your balls. You should put some ice on my balls. This is flirting in 2023. Okay. You should put some ice on my balls. Walks away. It seems like... I'm gonna say that to a girl later tonight in New Haven. You guys can pick me up at the police station tomorrow.

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Here's my question. Why did the movie need to tell us via text on screen, Tucker Dormitory? Why identify this single building in the entire movie? There's never text on screen again, I don't think. Las Vegas? Okay, I believe you. I think that they basically had the guy who did the Indiana Jones map to show you Sacramento,

to Vegas, the L-shaped drive. That same person was like, I got some extra time. You need anything? Yeah, make a graphic that says dorm room. Okay, got it. Quick question for you both. Where do you think this was shot? Toronto? Toronto? Okay. Because you're asking, I'm going to say it's weird because I would have said like Baton Rouge or one of those. Yeah, Shreveport. Or Albuquerque. Yeah. South Africa? Bulgaria. Yeah.

You got me, movie. Wow. Bulgaria. This is all Bulgaria. To be fair, that is also where Lady Bird was shot. Bulgaria stands in perfectly for Sacktown, baby. I am kind of shocked the whole movie. Like, it's such, it's like easy outdoor location. Bulgaria, what kind of tax breaks are there? I'm now understanding some of the bad guy's accents. Ha ha.

Oh my God. Wow, wow, wow. I mean, like, and maybe I'll also ask a question if there are young people in the crowd. I'm curious. Is it just now that everybody's always doing MMA fighting wherever they are, such that genuinely a theatrical production on a college campus in America is just an octagon so that Shakespearean characters can MMA fight each other?

But was it? I was really confused about that because we didn't hear any Shakespeare, did we? No, we just saw them fight. But it was Titus Andronicus. It was Titus Andronicus. We keep being told that that's the production. Wow. What is that? Why is there so much MMA and why is it not referenced that isn't this weird?

You can't say isn't this weird when the main character in earnest does the Macarena. There's also

There's also in Vegas an advertised fight on a billboard in which the bad guy appears to be choking the lead with a chain to death. To death. Is that part of what's being advertised? They spent all that money on the billboard, but it's in like a fucking dirty ass garage. Like it's not a stadium. It's Bulgaria is what we now know. I also had a question about Vegas.

So when they, again, they're always, she's always running away from him. He's not texting her back. I mean, that goes on and it was exhausting. I've never been so happy to not be single. It really exhausted me and upset me, but sorry, Jason, but it's just exhausting.

When she runs over and kisses him in the hallway in Vegas, they stumble into a hotel room and have...

sex all across the hotel room and break things. And it's set up as a comedic sequence that Jason really loved. He loves that type of comedy. I love that type of physical comedy that really lands and really works. And, but I, I would argue that that was a funny sequence. I did not find, you know, again, I'm, I call me an old shrew. I did not find it funny. Um, I kept on thinking during that sequence, is this their hotel room?

Because she was going the other way. Yeah. Or was this just an open room? Also, they seem to just fall into a room. There's people at the door. Their phone is ringing and police sirens are heard. So clearly they're making so much noise and causing so much destruction. The police have been called, but the next cut is them in bed.

Like, nothing's happened. He gets up, he runs out. She gets up, she runs out. There is glass all over the floor. There is more glass than in Die Hard. And they're walking around. They're fucking on the glass. It's fucking bananas.

They destroy the shower. They destroy everything. When she tries to get, like when they try to hook up on the minibar, she's just throwing champagne glasses out of the way so she can hold on. Paul, I know you know this, but you know, someone came to our hotel room earlier this evening to blow out my hair because I get my hair blown out for all of you. That's what I do for you guys. And of course, the moment I sat down, because I'm still watching the movie, put my little earbuds in.

And of course, I come right back into that scene. I know. And then I'm five minutes behind her on the couch. And neither of us explained to this poor woman what we were doing, why I... And I know I tell this story all the time, which still confounds me. I have not explained to this stranger...

why I'm watching a sex scene in front of her for her to watch as well. Why my husband will be watching that scene right there over by the desk on his own computer and headphones. Taking notes. Two minutes behind. It's like, I just can't get over it. Like, yeah, neither of us ever make an attempt to explain like, oh, we actually are here for a show. You know, we just let it roll.

That person is currently telling this story on their stage being like the weirdest thing. The weirdest thing I just saw. Do you think that Travis, being that he's one of the leads of Titus Andronicus, is thought of as one of the college's best actors? MMA actors. Honestly, did they run up to the board to be like, did I get it? Did he audition for it? He was like, oh!

He's like, ah, I'm in. I'm in the play. I'm in. And you have to fight Chernobyl. Oh, all right. I do think he's definitely known as one of the best fighters because Parker is so terrified of him. Oh, yeah. To a comical degree. And I kept on thinking, you know, our lead, Abby, Parker's freaking out in the car. Get out of my car!

I'm scared. Get out of my car. And I did laugh at that part. I did laugh at that part. Parker delivers some good, he's at some points too dry. And like at one point when he says like, she's like, how are your balls? He's like, doctor says I'll never have sex again. Hold, no smile, nothing. I'm like, these people don't know where the jokes are. And maybe it's Bulgarian casting. I'm not sure. But like he delivered that. I'm like, but then you would go, yeah, doctor said I'll never have sex again.

Give me a smile. Give me a smirk. Let me know that you're in on your own joke. He does not. Here's the thing. Here's the thing that's crazy. That is kind of, and we've talked now for, I don't know, four hours. How long have we been on stage? We've talked all this time and only with the briefest of mentions of what I'm certain is the crux of the movie. The game, if you will, of the movie, which is it's about the fight.

And Travis and Abby make a bet. If the guy, Travis says, I can evade every punch, he won't land a hand on me. And she says he will. And their bet is that she will have to live with him for a month. And then that's the bet. And then that should be the structure of the rest of the movie. How to lose a guy in 30 days. That's not a section of a larger movie where there's a Vegas heist at

at the end of it. Yes, exactly. It's the movie is How to Lose a Guy that we're going to see in 30 days. That movie will take place. What then happens after we've watched long, uninterrupted, the writer-director must be obsessed with MMA. And I wouldn't be surprised if the writer-director of this movie was one of the fighters in the movie. Well, you know who the writer-director is. Chernobyl? No. Oh, okay.

I was going to say what he's written, produced, and directed, Cruel Intentions. That's crazy because the entire time I was watching this, I was like... Now it makes sense. It really does because the entire time I was watching this, I was like, I think I would really love this movie if she was Reese Witherspoon and he was Ryan Felipe. Like, I think that if they were in these roles and understood the comedy and understood what they were doing, like, I would really love this.

So what I'm trying to figure out is, are these the Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe of now? And that's, and the women of New Haven, you spoke about.

But that is, because I agree, that is, because this does feel to me like edging closer and closer to cruel intentions, wild things, things that are pokey and, you know, funny and sexy. He also did that movie, The Sweetest Thing, which was like that really gross out movie with like, the sweetest thing was like... Christina Applegate. Christina Applegate. Yeah.

And Cameron Diaz. It was like a sexy, it was like a gross out movie. I don't remember. But there is such a, like the fetishization of MMA and the fighting and all that stuff. I was curious about that. But then I can't remember the point I was making about that. Shouldn't he be wearing a mouth guard? Travis would have absolutely no teeth at the end of every single one of these fights. He's never wearing a mouth guard so that he can flirt.

Hey, pigeon, I'll be right back. Well, he never gets anyone to punch him. June and I were shocked at this one scene that thankfully we rewound because we were looking at each other and we're like, what happened here? He goes, and now I know I'm going to make a mistake, but let me show you where I was going. He's like, I don't want to have sex with you, bitch. And we're like, oh. And he said, bitch. I was like...

Pidge. Pidge. And now, I'm so glad we rewound it, Paul, because I was so stunned. I was so stunned. I'd never heard anything like it. And then... To hear Zach or Cody say that... I don't want to have sex with you, bitch. Now, I would hear them say that to the doorman of that suite they were in, because he's a real hard-ass. Here's the thing you wouldn't have had to rewound if you had closed captioning on. It was right there, baby. Um...

Anyway, I remembered what I was going to say, which is that the whole game is set up about this. He wins the fight, so now they have to live together. And you would have thought that would be the rest of the movie. And instead, it's just, even though we've luxuriated in these fights, it's just a montage. Like a five-minute montage. This,

This woman has come to, she's left behind Brian Austin Green, her father in Vegas, to go to college. There isn't a single shot of her in that montage doing a goddamn ounce of homework. Well, sometimes when they show day one, they're in and out of that bed so many times. Like, which time are they spending in the bed? It was like, I thought it was day 30. It's like, oh, day two.

Five more times. Day three. I'm like, wow. Hang on a second. Keep in mind, because this is a contemporary movie, seven of those days they both had COVID. Okay. That's true. So seven days of that month, and they were on a Paxlovid. They had both started Paxlovid, but at different times. So you could also tell they had the weird metallic taste in their mouths. Oh, my God. So they were really locked in that room.

They couldn't get out of that room for five days. They couldn't get out because the roommates were like, no, no, no, you're positive. By the way, the original conceit is so shitty because it's like the shower is busted for 24 hours. She's like, well, you can sleep over here. Why? Just use the shower and go back to your dorm. She's like, oh, I can't. I have no place to study. In your dorm room, it's the shower. I know. Miss one day. I also...

I also really struggle because I feel like there was a lot left on the floor that they could have dealt with. Like, the fact that she is a genius, a savant at poker, like, let's see those skills. Let's see her read tells. Let's see her strategize and understand. It seems like her tells or her strategy is to make men sexually uncomfortable.

Like, she goes to that table like, oh, I was finger banging this person on Halloween. Oh, now, fuck you. And the guy's like, oh. Oh, but that's when she's actually playing. What do you mean when she's playing poker? I agree with June. None of her street smart skill set, poker playing skill set, is she using in any way, shape, or form to advance herself inside of either the social structure. What I'm saying is I don't think that she has more than just sexually grossing out dudes.

Like, I feel like that was her, like, her amazing poker skills is just being sexually inappropriate to men at the table. Like, that's all. We don't see her count cards. So you think her whole strategy is to be like, oh, God, had the worst diarrhea today. So you think she's been doing that since 13 years old? It worked better at 13. It's weirder. She's like, hey, what's that? It's like watching The Exorcist. What's that, a tiger print? What, do you want to finger me? I'm 13. I'm 13.

Full house. The TV show. Like, watch scene seven. But, like, at least in the movie The Hangover, Zach Galifianakis, you know, he gets a lot of things wrong, but then when he plays poker, he goes into, like, Rain Man mode and he can figure out all these things. I would have loved to have seen that. But what we see is this. Scene seven. Okay. No, it's roulette. There's a minimum buy-in of five grand. Ooh.

- Hey, Lion King. - Look, Angel, you look nice, but this is a high stakes room. Do yourself a favor and go to the main floor and pick out a shiny slot machine. - I can't go back to the main floor. You see, I'm at this bachelorette party and Cheryl invited this twat, Terry, who hates me because Lyle finger banged me on Halloween, which in my defense, I thought that they were separated. So there's my vibrator. - Loved it. - That's your strategy. - Hilarious. - I'll take what I can get.

We were in Providence last night. I want to go out to the crowd. I want to see what the crowd has to say. Be careful, Paul. We're already going to the crowd? Be careful. Be careful, Paul. They've got a pizza out there. It's full of clams. All right. Your name? Nancy. Nancy, and your question? How have we not put this together that there is another kind of lens to look at this? Travis and Lucky 13. What does it mean? All right.

Walk it through. Taylor Swift. This is the good girl. Wait, what's happening? This is good, Jason. I'm going to let her break it down. You know this and you can help me. Okay, so Travis. Kelsey. Kelsey. Oh, okay, okay. I get it now. I get it now. Okay, okay. Is trying to court the good girl. Miss Americana, if I must say. That's right.

And Lucky 13, he does some shifty things. Maybe he says, come and watch me in my arena. So you say that this movie foretold the future. Wow. Holy shit. Wow. Wow. So what you're saying is maybe by Super Bowl, Taylor Swift will puke in Travis's face. By the way, I loved it.

I loved it. Do you have a costume? It's only fair because he's got blood on her face, so it made sense that she barfed straight into his face. Okay.

So hot. Oh, let me get a costume and then you can come too. Sorry. All right. Hello. This is amazing. You're in a costume. What is your costume? Audrey 2 from Little Shop of Horrors. I love it. An unschooled movie. Great, great, great. All right. So what is your name and your costume? What is your name and your question? My name is Jessica and I wanted to know why she cut the hole for her money on the top middle of her mattress.

When you could easily put it on the side. Good question. Yeah, she keeps all of her money. She cuts a hole in the top middle where if she put it on the bottom or the side, it would be easier to get to and not as uncomfortable to sleep in. But your knees and your butt would get stuck in the hole when you moved around. Yeah.

I also wrote that I thought it would be very uncomfortable to have a hole right where you sleep in the mattress, and I thought that was foolish of her. But great for Travis with that giant penis that he could just stick it right in that hole and sleep comfortably on his belly. Thank you for that question. I'm going to move to you. People don't have to come to me, but I just wanted to make sure you can come sit down with your drinks. Okay, your name and your question. Okay.

I'm Nikki. I was going to ask if Abby is a virgin. I wrote this down too, but I miss it. Because I think she is. See, that's why... Okay, so I wish this was the Taylor Swift, Travis Kelsey, you know, backstory, origin story. Because I wanted her to be more of a virgin, kind of awkward, like math genius, poker genius, whatever.

And instead, I feel like the movie was telling us that she was somehow a bad girl before and was trying to rehabilitate herself and wanted nothing to do with poker. I don't think she's a virgin, but I... But why did they count? She's categorically not a virgin. Wait, wait, no, no, but why did they count? He's like, okay, I'm going to put it in you. One, two, and then she's like, I can't wait for three. That's just how people have sex now. She's very... She's pushing

That's how people have sex now. Who here does the countdown? No, no, no, no. No, she kept pushing him away. Like, when he started to, like, get into, like, her, she was like, wait a second, I have to go to the bathroom and talk to my friend first. Yes, and I thought there was so much made. There was so much made of the moment of penetration, and that's time I'll never get back. I'll just...

have to live with that but there was too much made of that moment where I was like is she losing her virginity can I ask you a question do you think okay because I'm genuinely curious if there had been a scene at the beginning of because I think the move what the movie is missing is context is context for her experience as lucky 13 with her dad and

If there had been a scene at the beginning where they are paper mooning themselves across Vegas, he's getting into trouble and relying on her to get him out of trouble. Again, I'd love to see that movie. She's a child who's responsible for a problematic, addictive father. Probably like Zack and Cody were for their parents in the fucking 10 years they did that show. How dare you? What? How dare you?

And for the first time, she's like, I choose me. I want to go to college and be normal. Nope. All right, your name, your question. I'm Steve, Team Fred, and...

I just want to know, June, do you feel like with all of this fighting, has it unlocked any more secrets into what a street fighter is? Or is this a street fighter from a question asked by a man wearing a shirt that says, what exactly is a street fighter? You know, it is funny because when you were talking about MMA earlier, I did think to myself, I didn't voice it, but I did think, what is MMA? What?

What is it? What is it? I don't really know. And I actually do assume it's the same thing as street fighting.

Correct? I don't think so, because none of it happened in the street. But it seems so lawless. But it did seem lawless, except that it didn't. Like, it was still, it seemed like it was... I didn't see a referee in there. Well, there was, but there was this, oh no, that was in the later fight. You're right. But there definitely was, like, the kind of idea of a organized, it didn't feel to me like in the first fight, one of them was going to die.

Like, it wasn't like one of the... Is that MMA? No, MMA. No, that's what I mean. It doesn't feel like... I feel like Street Fighter is like you fight till someone's dead, right? I guess we're still asking the question. I don't know. Like all good art. I'm up here in the balcony. Oh, be careful, Paul.

You have to be careful. Ooh, balcony monsters of New Haven. All right, what do we have? Be careful, Paul. Be careful. Somebody's got a sign up there. Somebody has a sign that says, Paul, my uncle is your cousin. Oh, my uncle is your cousin. Wait, mine? There it is. Guess what? I got family here tonight. I do have family here tonight.

My uncle is your cousin. That's the t-shirt. Which cousin? Paul, my uncle is your cousin. There it is. All right. Hi. Hi, I'm Dave. Dave, what's your question? Are you related to me? Not that I know of. Okay. How many people in this audience are related to Paul? Guys, I have some family here tonight. Oh, wow. Be cool. Let's not talk about sex throughout the entire show. All right. Here you go. Your question.

Do you think the fact that Abby comes from a troubled past and is introduced to a toxic influence like Travis through her friend named America is a comment on the deaths of despair and the downward spiral of the middle class? There we go. That's a question.

This movie is deeper than you all realize. Well, I mean, I would argue that the active B story of the movie is America getting fucked. The disdain that our lead character... No? Okay. The disdain that our lead character goes...

nurse's costume as if that's the most cliched like sex costume. My favorite part of that was that it was first thing in the morning. I don't know what you guys are up to, but I don't wake up and be like, should we put on costumes? To nobody. All right. Your name and your question. Hi, I'm Jason. Nice. This guy gets it. Hey.

So we're possibly non-consensually, violently destroying a hotel room and having sex. Why and where is the cat that we hear when the sink breaks? Say it again? There's a cat purred when the sink breaks in the hotel room. Oh, that's because... No, no. I'm so sorry, Jason. That's his dick. We have now established that. It is. It's established in the earlier scene. His dick makes cat sounds. And so while they're having sex, boy, is it purring. All right.

These are great questions. I'm reticent to leave, but I feel like I've... New Haven showing up. Wow, there's two people coming at you, Paul. Okay, here we go. Bring us home. What is your question? All right, so we see Dylan Sprouse's ass an uncomfortable amount of times in this movie. I only saw it once. It's there twice. It's there a few times? It's there twice. It's like four times. So if you remember, Dylan Sprouse was in Big Daddy with Adam Sandler, and he's got the line, but I want my own ass.

So if you think of this movie as a sequel to Big Daddy, what does that do to the way we view it? Wow. I just want people down here to know, two men had to participate in the asking of that single question, the entirety of which is predicated on us having seen an Adam Sandler movie, which I have not. So my guess is... We did see that movie for this podcast. We did not.

I just saw that movie on my own? That was one of the movies that we showed our children. What? Really? Yep. Siri, call Child Protective Services.

Los Angeles. I thought for sure we saw that movie for the podcast. Wow. We have never done an Adam Sandler movie, nor will we. Yes, we did. We did Jack and Jill, one of my favorite movies. I have huge news. We have not. We've never done an Adam Sandler movie. Well, good, because it should be unspooled. I will say we've talked about it, and you've had this exact same take, which is, I believe, why we haven't done it.

I've told June, we've talked about your memory. And I said to June the other day, I said, hey, it's 440. We got to go. You said, great. And you walked out of the room and you came in. You said, OK, it's 440. We got to go. Guys, women are doing so much. And that's all I'm going to say.

There's so much labor that's unaccounted for. That's all I'll say about that. Obviously, we have opinions about this movie. There are people out there that love this movie. It is now time for second opinions. Hi, everybody. I'm Mike.

This film is a saddening bore I don't want to watch anymore And I could spit in the eyes of fools On Amazon as they rave about a douchebag Fighting in his blue jeans Oh man, look at that caveman go It's Zach from That Disney Show

Take a look at the pigeon bailing out of bum dad. Oh, man, I wonder if she'll ever know. He's from 90210. How does get five stars? Amazing. Great job. Excellent. Excellent job. OK, here's the deal, people.

4,549 reviews. And this is a brand new movie, right? When did it come out? Brand new movie. This came out in April of 2023. Okay, the average rating is four stars. 59% are five stars. Jess writes...

Decided to watch this during my lunch break and within watching the previews, I was already hooked. I was waiting for a movie with Dylan Sprouse where he's not a second choice to the lead actress. Five stars. Already hooked.

Wait, is he normally, is he normally? In Always. Oh, he's Always? He's in Always. Got it. The other series. Oh, oh, oh, I see, I see. He wasn't just saying Always. I didn't know if he was like, that was his, if the twin brother was the hunk and he was the dud. Maybe two. Twins, there's a hunk and a dud, right? Allison writes, it's one of those movies where it comes into your life when you need it.

In my case, I had a very recent breakup and I'd given up on love and romance. The humor was a lightning addition. You agree, Jason. Sometimes you have to see it to regain faith. Plus, Cole Sprouse. Damn! What a guy! I loved it. Dylan Sprouse. That's the other one? She thought it was the other one.

I just saw a second opinion here that says, I was blowing a woman's hair out at a hotel room and watched 25 minutes of this movie over her shoulder. I found it chilling and upsetting. Why was she taking so many notes?

And why was her husband watching it on a separate screen and taking somehow more notes? And why is he just one minute behind her? Just a few minutes. Songman writes, I love you, Virginia Gardner. Emoji smoochie. This was a comedy slash romance. Enjoyable. Being a huge Virginia Gardner fan. Emoji heart eyes.

Gotta laugh, almost a breakup argument, then snap, love, and sex, make out, film, comedy, emoji. Laughing emoji. That was a tricky one to read out loud. I'll be honest, we are crumbling as a society. Brianna Chatham wrote this loved emoji face, hearts emoji.

The acting is honestly not the best, but I am obsessed with this movie. Maybe because I grew up on The Suite Life, but seeing Dylan all grown up and being hella hot just does it for me. The action is fun, and the enemies-to-lovers vibe is cute as fuck. Literally watched it six times in two days. I was off work. Don't judge me. Very cute. Five stars. Loved.

Six times. And what isn't in there is that that person pushed send on that review and then drove off of a cliff. Even I, a diehard lover of this movie, say six is too many times in two days. This movie would have needed like a hundred more boobs. And I'll end on this one right here from Lila M. Imagine a Disney Channel original movie, but horny. You know what?

Yeah, I agree with that one. I do agree with that one. In a positive way. I did some quick research here. Okay. Virginia Gardner, 28. Mad Dog Maddox, 31. Frisbee and the Nuts Dude, 34. The dad, Brian Austin Green, 50. Which meant he had her at 22. But he seemed young, right? Yeah.

50. 50 is young. 50 is like a young, normal, vibrant age for him to be. No, 50 is for sure young, Jason. 50 is young on the pulse, mural. 50 is totally young. The chilling silence was everything. But by the way, I'm realizing... New Haven is like, no. You're dead to us, old man. I'm realizing... I'm the same age as...

As Bag? Yeah. Well, here's what I'm realizing. Here's what I'll say to you, Jason, to lift your spirits. I thought he looked great. Oh, yeah. I thought he looked great. Here's what I'm going to say. I just realized a piece of information that I'm wrong about. Virginia is 28. The actress is 28. But the character has to be younger than 21 because she's not allowed to gamble. So she is a 28-year-old playing. Let's...

19. So how old is Frisbee guy supposed to be playing at 34? 23. Wow. Thank you. Why do you know? But ma'am, medical school? The answer is medical school? Okay. So in order to be in medical school, you have to be 23 at least? Well, what about Doogie? So great question. What about Doogie? That's the shirt. What about Doogie? Okay.

At the end of the day, they're all too old to be playing these ages. But let me be clear. If actors that were the actual ages that they're supposed to be portraying were grabbing even fake dicks in this movie, we'd all be like...

No, I didn't like this. I didn't like watching this. This was uncomfortable. Yeah, the age helped us. If you watched actual 18-year-olds grabbing dicks, this would have been chilling. This would have been kids. This would have been uncomfortable. So thank your lucky stars that everybody fingering in this movie is in their mid-30s. Now, what I want to tell you both... So that you can enjoy it, you fucking creeps.

What I want to tell you both is, before this movie was released, you guys don't know this, they shot a sequel. And the trailer is here. Take a look. Travis, our whole relationship has just been this crazy pressure cooker. Neither of us have been able to blow off any steam. I have always wanted a bachelor party. Okay, let's do it. Welcome to Contido, Mexico.

This is not about his needs. Put that down. It's about your needs. Wait a minute. What the hell? Hey, guys. This whole trip was a mistake. We want you to fight for her. What are you doing? You don't see the tear on your right in the face. Love, Abby. Love. Really? Yes, I'm on the... Nobody. You're no one needs.

There it is. Is it 2024 yet? That's exciting. Holy shit. Wow. All right. Now we will pose for our last picture. And thank you, New Haven, for this amazing show. You amazing crowd. We will be back. Thank you so much for coming. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Good night. Great job. Eat shit, Connecticut.

Thank you so much to the staff at the College Street Music Hall and our amazing tour manager, Beth Thomas, and everyone in the audience who made it such a great night, especially some members of my Connecticut family. If you want to feel like you're a part of the show, you can get yourself a shirt that we designed live with the audience at night. The shirt says Tucker Dormitory, Bulgaria. And you can snag that shirt at tpublic.com slash stores slash HDTGM. And everyone in the audience,

every shirt we made for the entire summer tour and pretty much every show is available there. We are going on a UK and Ireland tour. While most shows are sold out, there are a handful of tickets left for London and some tickets left for Belfast. So head to hdtgm.com to get your tickets. My book, Joyful Recollections of Trauma is available for pre-order. Have you not pre-ordered it yet? Well, you better get to it because it actually helps me a lot. I don't ask for much. I do ask for this, but

Here's what I'm going to do. If you do it, go to my website, show me your receipt, and I will send you an autographed postcard with a special message on the inside. I've already sent off like 700 of them. So I would love to continue to do it. I will do the first 3,000 that register and

If you do that, you also get access to Paul Scheer's Secret Scrapbook, where you get to see pictures and videos from my childhood that I won't release anywhere else. It's a special part of the website. So thank you for pre-ordering. I appreciate you. And you can get this book wherever you get your books, your audio books, your e-books, whatever you want.

It all counts. All right. And if you have a correction or omission from this episode, go to our Discord at discord.gg slash hdtgm or leave me a voicemail at 619-Paul-Ask. Then make sure you tune in next week to our Last Looks show.

As we talk a little bit more about beautiful disaster, and I will respond to each of your messages. Plus, Jason and I will stop by to chat about some TV and music that we are currently loving. And as always, we will announce our next movie. You can find us everywhere online at HDTGM. And last but not least, I gotta say thank you to all you listeners who support this show every week and our entire team who this show could not be done without. I'm talking about our producers, Scott Sonny, Molly Reynolds, and our movie pick

producer Avril Haley, our engineers Casey Holford and Rich Garcia, and our associate producer Jess Cisneros, who makes our amazing social media videos. That's all I got. We'll see you next week on Last Looks. Until then, bye for now. I'm just gonna be here now

Was it easy leaving the group chat when the bubbles turned green and every message was Cam likes this and Claire dislikes that? Oh yes, yes it was because I get enough overreacting at home. Like liking messaging again with WhatsApp. Message privately with everyone.

Hear that? That's what cooked when you order juicy beef sounds like. The steaming hug of two slices of melted cheese, the crunch of tangy pickles and sliced onions, all topped with a toasted sesame seed bun. That's the sound of a quarter pounder with cheese. First Beef at participating U.S. McDonald's. Excludes Alaska, Hawaii, and U.S. territories.