The End Of Hot Mess… (S1)
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Welcome back to another episode of Hot Mess with Alex Earle, and honestly, it just feels right right now that I'm recording this. This is the last episode of season one. It is the season finale. 🎵

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I'm recording this midnight before I have to leave for New York tomorrow morning at 7 a.m. I still have to finish packing. I'm a little bit of a disaster right now, but I thought we would sit down and do one final episode of season one. So, throughout this

past season, which I can't even believe it has been a whole year of me doing this. Like I feel like I blinked and it's just over. I have let you guys in on my life and I've tried to kind of like catch you up to speed on what's going on, who I am, things that have happened in my life. We started off talking about my relationship. I went into stuff in college. I went into things in high school. I was talking about dealing with anxiety and eating disorder.

talking about the parties that I'm going to, what I'm doing in my life, and it's all led us to here. I have introduced you guys to so many different friends and family members in my life. I really wanted this first season to feel like you were just kind of getting to know me a little bit more. It was very fun, very chaotic. This past year was my first year out of college, so, you know, we had to do a lot of the catching up on college. I'm sure some of you guys at some points were like,

why is she talking about college so much or going out there? But I had to let you guys in on everything and tell you what's been going on in my life. And I'm sure some of you guys at some point of this were like, when is she going to stop talking about college and what she did in college? But it just felt like a big part of my life and I had a lot of funny stories from college. So, you know, you needed to get to know me. But what I will say now is say goodbye to the hot mess that you know.

We're going to be changing things up for season two. Hot mess is over. Goodbye. But I'm really, really excited. I've been...

contemplating for a while about what to do with the show and how to make it new and interesting for you guys and I'm very very excited so you guys will know what I'm talking about next week. I know I keep saying that big things are coming and you know they are. I just feel like we've been working on this for a minute and there were so many different moving parts so without me saying too much I

This is the season one finale of Hot Mess with Alex Earle. And for the Earle girls who are dedicated, listen to every episode. I love you so much. And I think you're going to enjoy this episode as well. So I don't want you to like log off right now when I say that I'm going to be doing some reruns. But what this episode is, is we're going to do a compilation of the best of moments of Hot Mess with Alex Earle.

I went through the episodes from this past year and I pulled different parts or different stories. And basically what I want this to be is anyone who didn't listen to season one of Hot Mess, they can kind of watch this and get a little inside scoop on what they missed, a little trailer. And if they want to start at season two, they can start at season two. And when we were pulling these clips from the first episodes I did of Hot Mess, I don't know. I feel like I was speaking so differently. Like I guess I just wasn't used to podcasting yet or...

I don't know like it's so crazy how much changes in a year like the person I was sitting here talking to you on episode one I just feel like I'm not that I'm not that person at all anymore but I just feel like I've changed so much and it's so crazy like listening to myself talk and explain these things and these stories which is kind of crazy that I have this like online diary for you guys.

and honestly myself. So what I'm also going to be doing in this episode is after each little clip or story that I'm rerunning, I'm going to talk to you guys about it and tell you what was going on behind the scenes of this. So the first part that I'm going to play for you guys is it is from episode one of Hot Mess. It's me talking about meeting Braxton and I don't even know if I can like listen to this story back again, but it's just it's me, how I met Braxton. I think a little bit about our first date and

It's a very fun story, very interesting. I just feel like I don't know. I feel like I don't even recognize myself for some reason. But nonetheless, here's a little bit about how Braxton and I met. So I have my dress on. I'm running out of my house. My roommates are like, where are you going? And we head to South Beach. Wait, South Beach is we had to South Beach. South Beach is this way.

We pull up to one of the biggest hotels in South Beach. It's red velvet. It has like a very old school vibe to it. And this is not a frat party that we're going to. This is a huge party. There's celebrities there. We get to the door and...

They ask for your name, they have to cross it off the list and they confiscate your phones. I know I said I wasn't gonna drink tonight, but what do we do? We beeline it to the bar because if there's any chance of me mingling with any of these people tonight, I need some liquid courage. As we're standing around the bar, this guy comes up to me and he's like, "Oh, you should really go talk to my friend over there." And he points to this guy. I'm like, "Yeah, okay, whatever. I'm not focused on that right now. I'm having drinks with my friends. We're having champagne, we're having tequila shots, we're having vodka sodas.

That was not a great concoction for me because I then had too much liquid courage. So my friend goes to the bathroom. I'm awkwardly standing there alone. There's only so much small talk I can make with the bartender. So I start looking around and I see this guy. It's the guy that my friend told me I should go meet before. He wants to meet me. I go right up to him. I shove my hand in his face and I say, you. He looks at me like I have six heads and he's like, what? I go, you wanted to meet me.

Alex, Alex. I mean, it ended up working out in my favor, but why was I doing that? I don't know. I didn't know who he was. I didn't know that he was an NFL player and I was not trying to like be cool of any sorts. I literally was just like, I'm bored. You wanted to meet me. I'm going to talk to you.

We end up talking and I found out that he also went to the University of Miami. So we have like an immediate connection there. If you if you're a cane, you just you got it, you know, a lot of school spirit. It was very easy to talk to him. We got along very well. And before you know it, like an hour and a half went by and we don't have our phone. So I'm not even keeping track of the time. And I really I still don't really know who this guy is too much. But I'm like, we got to go.

I have to be in the airport in two hours. I grab my friend. We do the classic Irish exit. We're not saying goodbye to anyone and we're getting out of there. The next day, I somehow make it on my flight. I'm in Wyoming. My friends are asking me how the party was. I was telling them I met this guy. He was really cool, but I probably won't ever see him again. I don't even know where he is. I barely know his name and whatever. It was what it was. And flash forward, I get a text from a random number. It says...

So you're just going to leave without saying bye to me. And I knew exactly who this was from. Also, mind you, I did not give him my number. So he had to put in a little work to get in my number. So that caught my attention. And I was like, you know what? Let's see where this goes. Maybe I will see this guy again. Flash forward, I'm back.

back in Miami, I'm walking around campus and I get a text from this guy that says, be ready at 5.30, we're going on a date. Being the studious girl that I am, I know that I had class from 4.30 to 5.45. So I tell him that

I couldn't be ready. I had class like, is that OK? I still don't I don't know what we're doing, where we're going, but I'm like, I'll be there. He's like, yeah, that's fine. I'll pick you up from class. Mind you, he also went to U Miami. So he knows the campus and people on campus probably know him. I'm freaking out. I'm running around my college house. I'm like, I'm going on a date. All my roommates are like helping me get ready literally to go to class and then to go on this date.

But I don't know where we're going, what we're doing. So I was like, I want to wear something nice, but that can also be kind of casual. So I put on this bodysuit, a pair of jeans, and I was wearing sneakers to class. But in my backpack, I brought a purse and I brought a pair of heels. I show up to class and my friend looks at me when I sit down next to him and he's like, where the fuck are you going? Because I usually show up to class in my PJs, my hair in a bun, looking like a rat,

And listen, it's Miami, so people show up to campus in all types of different outfits. You have girls in bikinis, you have girls in pajamas, and you have girls in bodycon dresses. I told him I was going on a date after class, and this was probably the longest class of my entire life. I was so...

and excited and I didn't know what we were doing. So I'm like going through my head, like where could we be going? And like, it's too early for like a dinner kind of, I don't know. Like I just, I had no idea where we were going.

After class, I sprint across the parking lot. I see him sitting literally in like the furthest corner of the red lot. That's what our campus parking lot is called. And I get in the car at this point. I put my heels on. I have my purse on. We're in the car for like 15 minutes. We're going in the opposite direction of South Beach, Brickell, all the like fun Miami places. We're literally driving into like the woods. I look at him and I'm like, are you kidnapping me? Where are we going? And he's like, I don't know.

He turns to me and says, the airport. What? I'm like, what do you mean the airport? I can't leave. Like,

class in the morning I I don't know where we're going I don't know what that means and now I'm like nervous I'm like who is this guy do I even know him and we pull into the airport and this isn't the regular Miami airport this is like a small little private airport and there is a helicopter sitting there with a guy outside and he was like we're going on a helicopter ride around Miami for sunset

I feel like I am in Fifty Shades of Grey. This is like the coolest thing I've ever seen. I am used to dates with frat guys where I go out and they forget their cards and I'm the one paying for dinner. Like I've never seen something like this in my life. And now I'm like wondering, like, did I dress wrong for this? I'm in heels like we're going on a helicopter ride. I don't know what's going on. And we get in. The pilot asks us if we want the doors closed or if we want the doors off for the ride.

I'm trying to seem cool and adventurous. I was like, yeah, I'm the cool, chill girl. Like, whatever. Let's get crazy. I was like, no, we don't need the doors. Oh, my God. We needed the doors. Within one minute into this helicopter ride, I had whiplash from my hair. My extensions are in this guy's mouth.

He's eating my hair. We're up in the sky and it was beautiful But I can barely see because my hair is like this it's tangled in my lip gloss I have knots in my hair that I know i'm gonna have to put conditioner in we literally had to go to CVS after this date and stop and I had to get like a brush because I was like I don't I don't even know I can't even look you in the eyes right now with my hair like this So psa ladies if you're going on a helicopter date either put the doors up or you need to wear your hair in the slick back

tightest bun of your entire life. While I'm on this date, I get a text from my dad because sometimes my dad tracks me, I don't know, but he literally sees me flying over the woods and he's like, "Where are you?" I text him back a picture of the beautiful view of Miami. I tell him, "I'm on a date, dad. Don't worry, I went to class."

It's just another day in Miami. I don't know why hearing that back is so crazy to me and just hearing about me talk about Braxton, but I wasn't really like telling you guys who he was and I don't think you guys understand. So the day that this first episode of Hot Mess dropped,

I was in my living room. I put it up on my TV. I was so scared and just I guess it's weird talking about like even this party that I was talking about, right? Like everyone in my life and the people around me and my friends, everyone knows who I'm talking about. So it was kind of weird, I guess, but at the same time, like I have to let you guys know what's going on. But I just remember being so anxious about that and I

at the time, Braxton and I were, we were talking but we weren't dating yet. And I obviously was like, "Hey, so I'm coming out with a podcast and I'm gonna make the first episode all about you." And he was like, "Great, thank you so much."

And I played it for him in the car when I think we were like driving to the mall or something and I was so embarrassed. Like first of all, hearing myself speak, I still hate hearing myself speak on this podcast. Every time I hear a clip back, I'm like, oh my God, like I just, I don't like my voice. I don't like the way I speak, but whatever. I'm playing this,

first episode for Braxton and I think there was some things in there too that he was like oh my gosh are you gonna put that in and I was like yeah like I have to share this I have to put this in and it was just so funny because it was so embarrassing and I was so scared and now like looking back like how close me and Braxton are now but I was just petrified because I like really liked him I didn't know if we were gonna date or if we weren't gonna date and I'm playing this episode

for him, about him, just because, like, I wanted to be respectful and make sure that, like, everything was okay and there wasn't anything in there that was, like, a huge, major, major red flag. But it was pretty crazy, yeah, and I kind of can't believe that I just, like, came out with a podcast and made this whole episode talking about this guy and we weren't even dating and everyone just, like, blatantly knew who I was talking about. So...

that happened. And then this next clip that I'm going to play for you guys is when my sister Ashton and I were in Paris and we were podcasting together under the Eiffel Tower. And the backstory on this is I was there for Paris Fashion Week. Ashton was studying abroad. So basically, Ashton came over to Paris to meet me for a few nights and we went out there. We actually had so much fun, but the podcast was still new. It was still fresh. I was

very, very excited and adamant about my camera equipment. I was like, I have this suitcase of camera equipment. I can bring these things anywhere. Like I can podcast from anywhere. Like why would we not podcast under the Eiffel Tower? So Ashton and I get in a taxi in Paris. I call it to the Eiffel Tower, which is just like, I don't know, just like the street, the block around the Eiffel Tower. But if you've ever been there, it's pretty...

Like it is a massive yard. And then there's also sidewalks and there's little trails to even get there. So we get dropped off on the side of the road and Paris is all like cobblestone. And I'm pretty sure the area we were walking in around the Eiffel Tower was like rocks. So it's like that kind of those kind of rocks you can't even like drag your suitcase. And Ashton was like, Alex, this is so ridiculous. Like, what are we doing right now? And I was like, Ashton, it's fine. Like, let's go. So I'm dragging the suitcase through this yard.

yard in Paris to get to the Eiffel Tower through these rocks. And, you know, there's so many tourists there, but there's also, I feel like, local people there just sitting and chilling. And here we are, these two Americans with this big, I'm pretty sure this was like my bright green suitcase at the time, lugging it to the middle of the Eiffel Tower. And like, people are trying to get their photos in front of the Eiffel Tower and we are setting up full-blown camera equipment. I have the

all the wires connecting everything. I'm setting up the cameras. I'm like looking, checking the different angles. We have the microphones attached and people were looking at us like we were absolutely insane. And this was a moment where I was just, I was so excited about the podcast. I was like, I don't even care that people are looking at us right now, but we're going to plop down in front of the Eiffel Tower. And then we bought some wine from a

There's just people walking around the Eiffel Tower with like buckets of wine. I don't know if that's like legal to buy or safe or whatnot, but I'm pretty sure we got a bottle of wine for like way too expensive. Ashton and I here are telling a story about

this little argument that we had. And I mean, there's nothing better than a sister argument. And I posted this story and us talking about this story on the podcast because I was like, oh, everyone's going to be on my side. Like, I'm obviously right in this story. I guess that's a problem I have. I always think that I'm right. And maybe sometimes I'm not right. And I was like,

A hundred percent like everyone is going to agree when they hear this podcast episode About this fight that we were having they're going to be on my side and then we put this out We put clips of it on tiktok and everyone was like on ashton's side and you know, it's fine I still think that i'm right But I see where you guys are coming from but I think maybe you guys were just trying to be nice to ashton but I'll let you guys decide for yourselves if you haven't heard it or maybe take a take a second listen guys I know that you listened already but

I think you guys need to really put yourself in this situation and in my situation and see what you would do. Okay. Roll the clip. You make up things in your mind that make you mad and they would not make any other person in the entire world mad. I have a perfect example of how Ashton makes me mad. Okay. We're in high school.

And I come into her room and she's sitting in bed and across the room is her backpack. No, I was not sitting in bed. I was sleeping with the lights off. Okay. So I go in to Ashton's room and I just needed flashcards because I was studying because I'm studious. Like I just wanted to write my stuff down from a test and I knew she had flashcards. So I go into her room, I turn on the light. She's like, I'm sleeping. I was like,

I'm sleeping, why would you just turn the lights on? Like, because that's, that is a normal reaction for when someone walks into your room while you're sleeping and just turns on all the lights. Are you kidding me? That is a normal reaction.

That is a normal reaction to me. Oh, God forbid that I want to study. So, see, she's so dramatic. You can already see her getting worked up. So, I come in and I'm like, I just need the flashcards. She's like, no. And she... No, you go, do you have flashcards? And I go, no, I don't. Get out. I'm sleeping. But I knew she had them. I didn't. You did. You did. No, for the record, I didn't. Because eventually I was like, here, look through my fucking backpack. I don't have them. I wouldn't lie. Okay, just let me tell the story.

I win this story, by the way. Oh, yeah. She does not win. She won to my mom because of what happened. Wait. So...

I go in. I'm like, okay, I just need these flashcards. She's like, I don't have flashcards. I'm like, can I just check? And she's like, no, I don't have them. And I'm like, but can I just check? And she's like, no. And I'm like, if you just let me walk over there, check that you don't have them. I will leave your room and go to bed, but I just want to like check and see if you have them. And she's being so stubborn. Okay. Wouldn't let me walk across the room. We had a 30 minute fight over this. It could have been done in 10 seconds. In my defense, in my defense.

I didn't have flashcards, and I was trying to go back to sleep. But that's not the point. You should have just let me check. But I didn't have them. Why didn't you believe me? So then, I...

was like I don't care whatever she won't let me come in we're going back and forth I'm like what can I throw what can I throw at her head yes because that's a normal reaction for when someone doesn't let you have their flashcards well because she's crazy so I'm like what's my nearest weapon and I oh I'm the crazy one I'm not crazy this is normal I take a straightener and I just threw

threw it at her because I was like... Chucks it. Stop. Square in the face. I didn't mean to hit her in the face, but I did hit her in the face. And then I got a bloody nose. And then my mom comes in the room because she hears Ashton crying. Well, I'm crying with a bloody nose at 12 a.m. Oh my god, it was like two drops of blood. And...

Not the point. I was sleeping and then I somehow ended up with a bloody nose. But all you could have just let me check for the flashcards. I didn't have flashcards. But if you just let me check, I would have left. Anywho, so my mom comes in. She's screaming. That does not justify you throwing a straightener at my face. And obviously my mom took her side because she had a bloody nose. Mom always takes your side though because Ashton's like the baby. Like Ashton was the youngest and I was the oldest. This was like before our little siblings like...

You were just the baby, so you always got all the attention and all the praise. Because you would always beat me up. But you were just a baby about it. I would be like this, and she'd be like... Well, then I realized I could use it to my advantage a little bit. Yeah. She cries wolf. She's like, Alex hit me, and I'm like, I didn't hit you. Yeah, I started to do that. But at the beginning, it was because...

You would... Mom always believed me because you would always hit me and always beat me up. So... Well, you could hit me back. I started... That's just not my thing. I just... So that was our little sister argument over flashcards. And it got a little brutal. But you know what? That's what happens with sisters. We fight and...

I still think that I'm right in this situation. But this next clip that I'm going to play for you guys, it's a little bit longer, a little bit more emotional, a little bit deeper, a little bit more serious. This was an episode I recorded talking about eating disorder that I had in high school and just very disordered eating for a few years of my life. So I do want to say a

and put a trigger warning before playing this clip. Just letting you guys know that I'm going to be talking about that. And if that's something that is triggering to you, then maybe skip over the next like 20 minutes of this podcast or 15 minutes. But basically, I...

Didn't really know if this was like a good idea to talk about on the podcast or I was really really scared because I know subjects like this are really serious and I don't want to trigger anyone and I just I don't even know like I'm not a professional in this you know what I mean it's just something I struggled with but I wanted to talk about it but I was scared that I wasn't gonna have the right things to say and I kind of just put myself in the living room I recorded for like

like two hours. I was crying at some points and honestly it was like very therapeutic but you know sitting here recording this it's

Crazy because so many people that are close to me in my life didn't even really know that I was struggling with an eating disorder. And I didn't even tell my parents. I put this episode out and my parents actually texted me and they were like, oh my God, I didn't even know you were going through this. You should have told me. And it's just so crazy how big of a secret I kept this from everyone in my life. And it still makes me emotional talking about it now because...

I just think this is so relevant for girls and you guys write into what would Alex do all the time and ask me about this type of stuff. So I also think that this is really helpful episode if anyone does want to go back and listen to it in full, but this is a part talking about

My story, what I struggled with, and then how I kind of gradually got out of it or realized that it wasn't normal. I would start to track my calories. I had an app where I would put in everything that I ate and, you know, I would get stressed out if the numbers went too high. I would buy juice cleanses and try to do these juice cleanses. Like I was just so obsessed with this diet.

dieting culture, I just went down such a bad path with myself and my body and my image and I started to have this sort of body dysmorphia. I would look in the mirror and I would see someone way bigger than me.

The person that it was and I couldn't understand like I couldn't grasp I was never happy with the image that I saw in the mirror I would constantly, you know pinch the sides of my hips pinch my arms It makes me so sad like I wish I could go back and hug myself because all that started to run through my mind was Food calories when am I going to work out next? What's my next meal going to be like? How do I make that meal small? Like if i'm gonna go have a meal out with people like how do I make this so that?

I'm able to sit there and just have a little bit of this meal and that no one kind of notices. As time went on, I realized I wasn't good at this restricting myself from eating. Like I always was hungry. I always wanted more. And this very quickly turned into me having this binge eating disorder. This is while I'm 16, 17, 18 years old. I'm in high school. I ate nothing at lunch. I was starving. So I would come back home and I would eat

everything. Like, I don't even know how I consume this much food. I would do this every day. I would come home. I would eat every single snack, everything in the pantry, things I don't even like, things that weren't even cooked. My mom would say to me, she was like, oh, you're like really hungry today. Like what's happening? And I was just like, yeah, I don't know. Like, and I would try and hide it. I would bring food up to my room. In my mind, I was hungry. So I ate and I

Because I restricted myself from eating food a lot of the time, I became overly obsessed with food. And that's where this binge eating disorder comes into play. You don't have a full stomach. Like you are so set on getting any food that you can into your body because your body is in starvation mode. Here I am after school eating.

Eating all this food or it would be super late night taking food up to my room and finally comes to a point where there's no more food left in sight and I'm finally content. I don't need to eat anything else. This is where the guilt starts to come into play. I would feel so guilty for the food that I just ate and my mind would go a million miles per hour trying to just calculate how many calories I consumed and

How many carbs I just ate like what was going on? How was I going to work this off? I would stress myself out so much that then I thought okay Well, this could all just go away if it all just came back up

If I just made myself puke, like, I wouldn't have to deal with this. All those calories would be deleted. I could go on with my life. I wouldn't have to stress. And I can also kind of keep eating this food when I want to. I can still have a sandwich, but then if I just stick my fingers down my throat, you know, it wouldn't be a problem. After every meal, I would run away from whoever I was with and I would, you know, find the nearest bathroom and I would purge. Now...

Every time I ate, I would think to myself, where's the nearest bathroom? Where can I do this? Where can I go to a bathroom that's private that people won't see me do this or people won't hear me do this? All I wanted to do was get those thoughts out of my head that were making me feel so guilty about the food that I just ate.

So now I'm planning out the food that I'm going to eat, when I'm going to work out. I'm planning how I'm able to get rid of the food after I eat it. It became a very toxic cycle for me. Part of the reason I don't think I realized it is because majority of the girls in my friend group in high school all had an eating disorder. We thought that that was healthy. We thought that you were supposed to be paper thin.

you know, we would wear uniforms to school where our skirts were really short. And I remember just thinking like, oh God, like my legs need to be so thin to be in this skirt because they're going to be out. Everyone's going to see. And if someone walked by and her legs were thinner, I was like, oh wow, like that, I need to get my legs like that. Like,

I shouldn't be eating the lunch that I brought today. Like, why don't I just like, you know, go, I'll have some fruit instead, or I don't need to eat. I can have a juice for lunch today. And, you know, then I'd be so hungry. I would come home and then I would, you know, rummage through everything, eat everything in sight. I would, you know, freak out, order pizza, eat the whole thing and more. And then I would feel so guilty that I would have to, you know, go to the bathroom and then make myself throw up. And then I would finally feel better. And then,

It would start all over again the next day. I went to a dinner with my mom and my sister and we ate dinner I was like, okay Well now time for me to go to the bathroom like I would do this out in public shamelessly Like I was just like this needs to be done Like I would sit at the dinner table thinking okay How long until I can get up and go to the bathroom? I would go to the bathroom come back and because I had just thrown up my eyes would be kind of red and bloodshot and

And my mom said to me, she was like, Alex, like, did you just throw up? Like, what's happening? I lied. I was like, no, you know, I was just really upset about something. I was crying a little bit. I just lied straight to her face. And I think that was the first time anyone had ever realized or asked me what was happening. And I started to then feel guilty about that because, you know, I thought, OK, well, maybe if I can't say this out loud, like maybe I shouldn't be doing this. OK, yeah.

It's still so hard even hearing myself talk about that. And I hope that honestly that this is helpful for anyone who's also struggling with disordered eating and any unhealthy habits when it comes to self-image.

And I just want to let you know, I love you all. And maybe that is a topic that we can get into in the future again, if you guys want to. Another thing actually that happened after that episode is some of the girls that I went to high school with like texted me after and, you know, because I was just kind of talking about like our larger friend group in high school. And obviously, I wasn't calling anyone out, but people, you know, we know who we were. And

It's just crazy because I think none of us at the time really knew we were dealing with that and we just thought it was so normal to behave and act that way and I don't know starve ourselves and count calories and it was just so toxic. So that was a pretty hard episode for me to put out and one that I don't know there's some episodes where I upload it I'm like okay easy breezy like good to go and then there's some episodes where I'm like is this a bad idea I don't know like

I don't want to get myself in trouble for talking about this, but at the same time, I think this is important. So that was one of those episodes, but I'm happy you guys liked it and I hope that it was helpful. And then this year, I also told you guys a lot about past relationships that I've had and times that

They've not gone so well and this one episode in particular, it did so well. You guys were obsessed with it. It is called He Cheated But I Love Him and basically this was about my first love and my first boyfriend and

It was about how he cheated on me like so many times, but I was like, I didn't even care. I was so blinded. I was just letting myself be disrespected. And I feel like it's, you know, it's what we go through as girls, especially with your first love. And like before your first heartbreak, I just feel like you're a different person. You're kind of a little bit naive and you're just also like a little bit crazy. And like, you don't, you're so attached to this person. Like I was literally like a leech, like you're,

He was controlling my whole entire life. I'm going to play a clip for you guys, talk about how I got cheated on and, you know, all the fun stories that come along with that. So you want to be a marketer? It's easy. You just have to score a ton of leads and figure out a way to turn them all into customers. Plus manage a dozen channels, write a million blogs and launch 100 campaigns all at once. When that's done, simply make your socials go viral and bring in record profits. No sweat.

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We are going to talk about my first boyfriend, and this dates back all the way to me being a junior in high school. I had experienced my first love. I was very different than I am now. I was very naive, and I dated this guy. He was two years older than me, and his name was

Chad. That's what we're gonna call him on here. As summer came to an end, we're going back to school. I'm going into my junior year of high school, but he was starting his freshman year of college. Being the cool, chill girl that I was trying to be, I was like, you know what? We don't need to date. Like, we can just do this sort of open relationship. So he goes off to college, and basically our agreement was that

I guess he could get with other girls and see other people, but we wouldn't really like talk about it. I just had no idea about any of this college stuff that went on because I was like so little and he...

he would talk about like, oh, I'm rushing this frat. I can't talk to you. We would go a few days without talking. And I was like, wow, he's rushing a fraternity. He cannot talk to me. This is the coolest thing ever. And I let him kind of just be a little bit manipulative to me because I was so young and I don't know, I didn't know. Your first love, you are a super head over heels person.

You don't think they could do anything wrong to you. Like, you know, completely blindsided if something goes wrong and they are just like your world. Like I...

have never really been like dependent on a guy, but I feel like I was like dependent on him for like being a part of me and like making me feel good and giving me a confidence boost. And I remember he would go out to parties and wouldn't answer me. And I would sit there like bawling my eyes out in bed. Like I was so distraught. Like I would get physically sick over this guy not answering me because I was just so like

enamored with him and enamored with this relationship and this feeling of love I guess that I felt Chad came home for the holidays and you know he's wrapping up his first semester of college I'm so happy he's back in town and Chad is going out to this party and

Chad did not invite me to go to this party with him and I was like wait I haven't seen you all semester you're finally back at home like I'm so excited to see you and he didn't invite me to go out with him but you know you always make excuses for them when it's like a toxic relationship I'm like oh well he just really wants to be with his friends like that's okay like you know it's it's no problem like this party's with his friends like he doesn't need to invite me

Not great, Alex. Not great. I would never think this way now. But I was just like, okay, well, whatever. He doesn't want to see me. He's going to this other party. Flash forward the next week in school, in my high school, I sit next to this girl in my class who was at the party with Chad.

And she has a big ass hickey on her neck, like huge. And I was like, huh? I was like, okay, like whatever. And people started to talk because they're like, oh my gosh, like XYZ has a hickey. Like what happened? So I hear from people around school that the guy that she had made out with was Chad. And I was like, wait, I'm,

Not sure it was my Chad because my Chad was just having fun with his friends at this party. Like he did not mean anything wrong by this. Like he didn't do anything. And it turns out it was Chad. I think I even ended up seeing like a picture or a photo of

Oh boy. So Chad comes over to my house, you know, Chad the cheater comes walking through the door and he's like, I love you so much, baby. Like this had nothing to do with you. Like, I don't know. It was a drunk kiss. Like it didn't mean anything. Like, don't worry. Like I didn't invite you to the party because it was older people. Like, don't worry. And I was so furious and like so upset, but

You're also so upset that like someone wouldn't put you first and like wouldn't like you so um

I don't know. I would just like forgive him because I think when you're at that point in these relationships, like you just want to hold on to the fact that like someone could love you and someone could care about you so much and prioritize you. And then when they do something to betray you, you just really want to hold on to the words that they're saying, you know, but actions speak louder than words. And Chad was being mischievous, but I was like, okay, it's fine. Like,

you know what, he loves me, he's telling me he loves me, so that means he loves me. No, no, no. You know, that was an example of not such a great relationship. And then on the other hand, we have a great relationship, Braxton. So at this point, I'm talking to Braxton for like nine months and we still weren't officially dating because I was just so afraid of Braxton

not even commitment, just like having a boyfriend. I just didn't want a boyfriend because I had just gotten out of a relationship before. Then I met Braxton. I was like, I don't need a boyfriend. Don't want a boyfriend. Like that's not on the cards for me. Don't need a boyfriend. Don't want a boyfriend. Like young, just graduated college. Don't need a boyfriend. And I

literally day after day, I'm hanging out with Braxton. I have feelings for him. I introduced him to my friends. I introduced him to my family. I'm literally posting him. I'm going to his football games. And I was like, okay, maybe like we are dating right now without even actually saying that we're dating. And I guess it was the label that really freaked me out for so long. I don't really know what was going on with me. And at this time, I had also been going to therapy. So, you know, we're working through a

And it comes around time that it's Braxton's birthday, but this was like a month after his birthday because this was the only time they had gotten off for football. I planned him a trip for his birthday. It was a surprise. And this episode was actually so much fun too because, again, I brought all of my camera equipment to the Bahamas and

And he had no idea where we were going and we got there. It was a big surprise. We had this little, I don't know, this like little villa on the beach. It was like actually the coolest thing ever. And so I was podcasting kind of about my relationship with Braxton on this trip. And then I also had Braxton on the podcast. So this was like a very big deal. And mind you, at the time, we still are not like officially, officially saying that we're dating yet. So...

I thought it would be funny to ask him on the podcast, like, do you want to be my boyfriend? And then it didn't really go as planned. And I guess, I mean, I'll just play it for you now. Everyone always asks why we're not dating yet. And I feel like

I have just taken my time with that. I said I was warming up to the idea. It's only taken me nine months, you know? Yeah, it's not too long. But we've never actually, like, actually popped that question yet. So I was just wondering, would you be my boyfriend? You're not asking me to be your boyfriend. That is not happening. What is this, a movie? See, this is what I'm saying.

Come on, you're gremlin. All right. So apparently NFL man had his own plan to ask me out. He just showed me this whole movie he made. He puts down the microphones. He's saying all these sweet things to me. And I say, yes. So my surprise was that because I've given you such a hard time all the time, I was going to ask you when we were recording this.

But I just got debunked. I asked him to be my boyfriend and he said no. Last night, all of this was supposed to go down. But she got really tired after dinner. So we just fell asleep. So I knew it would happen in the morning. And you asked me early this morning. You were like, are you nervous? Why is your heart beating so fast? Yeah, because we woke up this morning and his heart was like... Well, because I was going to do it while we were in bed. And then she pops out of bed and she was like, let's get going. So I was like, okay, I'm not reeling her back in from this. And then it was going to be after we filmed this segment.

But then she tried to ask me to be her boyfriend, which I am. I wouldn't be able to sleep at night knowing that. So that's why we had to put this down. And that all happened. Recording this episode. I OK, the behind the scenes of this episode are so funny because first of all, I was so nervous. Braxton was so nervous. I was like, I feel like this is a big deal that we're podcasting together. And I

I, you know, we had a little champagne before the episode. I was like, let's just have a glass of champagne. So we are just like loose and talking and we're ready to go. And then there was a part of this episode, which I didn't show in the clip that Braxton was answering questions about me.

and I was behind the camera and I was like, what's your favorite thing about Alex? And he would answer. And if the answer like wasn't something that I liked or like what I thought he was going to say, because I was drunk and you know, when you're a little emotional when you're drunk and I was sitting there, I was like, really? Like what's going on? And the

the girl who edits these podcasts I was like I'm so sorry that you're hearing my whining voice behind the camera right now and it was just like it was so funny and then I had asked Braxton to be my boyfriend and all of a sudden he's like and then he pulls out this video and then he was like well this is how I was planning to ask you and you know a little cringy but I

I'm happy that I got to share that moment with you guys. I feel like I really strung out the whole we're not dating for a while. So I feel like I kind of owed you guys a little...

a little letting you in on that one. So, you know, that was another serious moment of the podcast. And then again, just like some unserious, really, really funny stories. This one is a story from college, my freshman year of college with Hannah, one of my really good friends. And this story is just so hilarious. I basically thought that I got an STD

And I didn't know who in the world to tell besides Hannah. Like we had just been at school for maybe not even a month at this point. And I didn't really know anyone. And my friend said that she was going to be a nursing major. So I thought it was a good idea to go to her room. And I'm just going to play this story for you guys because it's so funny. There is one story, though, that sticks out to me in particular when talking about college tailgates. And this was my freshman year.

And I still think about this story very often. This is my Roman Empire, I think, because I left this place

tailgate thinking I had an STD. So let me take you back. This tailgate in particular had a mechanical bowl, which is obviously so fun. And you know, like drunk girls, like they're eating that up. Like I'm in my skirt, I'm flying around. I had my little game day outfit on at this time. It was very popular to wear these like pleated, like cheerleader skirts to the tailgates.

So I rode that bull not once not twice Probably like 20 times that day thinking that it was just like the coolest thing anyone's ever seen after the tailgate I go home. I sleep I had you know, my chipotle like usual and I wake up the next morning I'm showering in the communal showers, which are just never cute either and i'm like looking at my legs I go to shave them. I'm like, what are all these bumps? and my mind immediately

flashes to an STD. You might be thinking why? But one job I had when I was in high school

The girl there told me that this girl she knew went to a bar. She rode a mechanical bull. She had shorts on and she got like an STD situation all over her legs. It was very not cute. Like it was like, like, oh my God, I just, I can't not cute. So I look at my legs and I'm like, oh my God, I have the bull riding an STD. Oh my God, what am I going to do? And like,

I don't have a car. Like I don't have my parents here. Not that I would tell my parents, but I'm like, what do I do at this point? So my friend Hannah was a nursing major. And for some reason, she's probably taking not one nursing class. And I'm like thinking that she can save my life. So I trudge over to her dorm. I'm like freaking out. I'm shaking tears in my eyes. I'm like, I'm like knocking on her door. I'm like something really bad happened to me. And I need to tell you.

Wait, I think Hannah's here right now. Hannah! Wait, I'm gonna go get Hannah because she's actually in my apartment. You don't even have to be in it. Do you remember when I came to your room after the tailgate and I thought I had an STD? Guys, it was scary. It was scary, right?

I don't, it was like bumps everywhere. And I was like, oh, she's a nursing. I'll visualize all down the, all down the inner thighs. This girl comes in and she's like, Hannah, she's like, Hannah, you're a nursing major. I'm like, first of all, I'm taking bio and like first year math, but, but I'm literally like goggles on, like, let's investigate. Let's look at what this is. She's spread eagle. And I'm like in there like.

Yeah, that's syphilis. Like for sure. I'm looking on WebMD like. But you had a like kit, like a safety kit under your bed for some reason. She pulls out this kit and she's putting like bandages on me. I don't know why we thought that would get rid of it. Alcohol prep the area. Give me a scalpel. We're going in. But did you tell them what it ended up being? It was just rug burn from the not rug burn, bull burn.

It was just bull burn from the tailgate. That was scary. But I was just telling this story and I was like, holy shit, Hannah's here. She needs to tell this. So yeah, that's how I thought I got an STD from a bull. That was a fun one. That story is so funny. And these are moments where I'm like, I can't even believe I'm sharing this online. But you know what? It's funny. And maybe someone out there can relate to that. And...

Then going back to a little bit more of a serious topic, I had opened up about my acne on here and I did a full episode without any makeup on. And I was just, I'm struggling with my skin again this year and I still am right now at times. And it's just like acne was one of the big things that helped me gain a lot of traction, I guess, online. And just like being real about what was going on with my skin and showing like my skin behind the filters and talking about my Accutane experience. I've been on Accutane before.

three times and then my skin started breaking out again this year really, really bad and I just was like, I don't know what's going on and I don't really know what to do. So I did this whole acne episode and in this I shared a story from middle school when my acne was really, really bad and I was experiencing it for the first time. This story was from one of these teachers that had called me out and I would get in trouble honestly a

a lot at school for wearing makeup at times or just literally anything. Like the teachers in middle school just did not like me, the principal's office. I remember one time I had like too many earrings in, if a nail polish, I went to a Catholic school. So basically anything out of the realm from your uniform was like a no-go. I literally got in trouble one time for my bun being too big. And at the time it's because I had a lot of hair and

Now I don't really anymore, but at the time I did and I got in trouble for having too big of a bun. So this next story is something in the acne episode that was a little triggering for me when I was younger and struggling with acne. Let's take a trip down memory lane. I think

my first experience with acne definitely started in like middle school era and you're going through puberty it's not cute you're starting to get some pimps on the face and you're going into school every day I personally went to a Catholic school where you weren't allowed to wear makeup you had a uniform you couldn't wear nail polish earrings I mean I was in trouble all the time for those things and

And I started to break out on my forehead, on my cheeks, you know, typical puberty, preteen acne. And of course, I was embarrassed by this. You know, other people my age started to deal with it a little bit. But in fifth, sixth grade, that's where I think I started to first kind of

have a crush on some boys in my class. I wanted to look cute for school. Maybe I threw on a little side pony at that time. And I'm starting to deal with this acne. My mom, she's very similar to me. We have a similar skin type. And I mean, she still deals with acne. So we'll get into that down the line. She was trying to help me out. I was feeling insecure. I was like, what are these things that are popping up on my face? Like, I don't feel cute. The texture on my skin's a

it's all red. Like, I don't know. I don't like it. So as my acne started to get kind of bad in middle school, my mom was like, you know what? I'm just going to help you out a little bit here, girl. Like, I didn't really know anything about makeup yet at this point, but she would put some concealer on my face. She was like, we're going to try this out one day because I came home from school every day. I was crying. I was like, I hate what's going on with my skin. I don't feel good. I also was a dancer. So I had acne not only in my face, but I had it on my chest and my back. And I was just like,

Mom, like I just feel so ugly. I don't feel good and she put some concealer foundation on me Whatever it was and I went to school here I am walking into school kind of like my first time covering up my acne with makeup and I'm feeling a little bit better and I will never forget I'm sitting in class and the teacher calls on me and she was like Alex are you wearing makeup and Immediately like, you know when you get embarrassed in class like I felt my face getting red. I was like, um

I don't even remember actually what I said, but she calls me up in front of the class She told me that I needed to go to the bathroom and wipe off my face with the makeup She stood there with me I you know I wet a paper towel rolled it out from the thing and I'm wiping my face like I am trying not to burst into tears at this point because now not only did she just call me out in front of the class for wearing makeup and

But two, I'm gonna have to walk back into class where I very visibly just scrubbed my face in the bathroom. It's red and I'm taking off my makeup with a paper towel. Obviously, you can see my acne and it's just like everyone is sitting in class waiting for me to come back in because they're like, what just happened to Alex? So I come back into class. Of course, everyone's like, ha ha ha ha. They're laughing because it's middle school. Everyone likes to like joke and shit on each other. And I...

I think this is kind of like my Roman Empire. Like, I think this is where my hatred for acne stemmed from. And from this point on, I went home and I knew, okay, I can't wear makeup to class. So what can I do? How can I fix it? You know, we're buying all these different skincare things. I'm seeing like proactive commercials online. I'm begging my parents to buy me anything that they can to, you know, fix my acne and everything.

It just didn't go away. Like for me, it was sticking around. It's still here to this day. And I hated myself for having pimples on my skin, which is normal and everyone else deals with it. But it just felt like I was walking around with this like stamp of embarrassment on my face. So to the teacher that picked on me in front of class and made me go to the bathroom and scrub off my makeup...

So one of the biggest things after this episode was that when this all got put on TikTok and whatever, and people were listening to the story and they were like, oh my gosh, Alex Cooper has like the same exact story. And it's crazy because one of the first times I met Alex, we had actually talked about how similar our like

acne experience was and she was telling me this story and obviously I also used to listen to call her daddy all the time so I had also heard the story and I'm like holy shit like I went through like literally the same exact thing and I think it's just so messed up how teachers can like treat kids at times it's almost like they're bullying them but that was another episode that I feel like

was a little vulnerable for me to put out and I also remember just I recorded that without any makeup and just like watching the clips back. It was like, oh my god, I don't want to air this right now. Like I'm so embarrassed. Like I look so gross. I look disgusting. Like my skin doesn't look good and then I was like, okay, well, this is just like the exact opposite message that I'm trying to put out with this episode and then I put out an episode about friendship breakups and this episode

episode, I honestly, I don't know if I would say I regret putting it out or regret things I said or I don't know. I guess what was hard for me about this episode was, well, first, I'm going to play the clip for you. Out of all the kind of different friendship breakups, for me, I think sitting down and talking with the person as much as I know you don't want to do it. No one wants to do that. No one wants to sit down and talk and like

have this big fight but it's just so much better to like get out there and maybe there's something that this person's going through that like you don't know and maybe they're not telling you something and you didn't know about this xyz and you are able to kind of like resolve your problem and like be friends but I always always think it's better to sit down and talk with someone

hear them out, let them hear you out. If you don't want to be friends with them after that and if they don't want to be your friend, then that's something that you just have to like accept and be self-aware of. But I think having a talk is always the better route to go when going through these kind of like friendship breakups. And there can be a lot of red flags in friendships and like those friend relationships. I think...

you know, if someone seems almost like jealous or like makes negative comments at you or tears you down in any type of way, like that's not a good friend and that's not someone who's like supporting you because behind your back, they're like secretly like

I don't know, planning some scheme. Like they don't actually like love you with their whole heart. Like having a good girlfriend should feel like hyping each other up. Like you want her to feel as good and look as good as you want yourself to feel. I think that's been a really big thing with Kristen and I, who's my roommate, my best friend, like,

We both have our own passions and goals, and we help each other try to achieve those goals and hype each other up. And I want her to look good, feel good. She wants me to do the same. And there's no competition. There's never anything weird when it comes to a guy. And that's another big thing. If you and your friend are having a weird situation over a guy, that's just...

not a good friend and you're gonna go through so many different friends in the different phases of your life but the only thing that you can really control yourself is being a good friend to them and respecting them and hoping that they're a good friend in return and if they're not a good friend respecting yourself enough to cut that person off

And I think a good piece of advice for friendships is to give them as much as they're giving you. You know, you shouldn't always be the one that's reaching out first, trying to make all the plans like they should mutually want to hang out with you. And I think being self-aware if they are not answering you like, you know, I've been in that situation before where I'm like, OK, like clearly they don't want to be my best friend. So like, you know, taking a step back and realizing that.

I think is super important and will help you find the girlfriends that are going to want to answer you and hang out with you. You know, you're one step closer to that once you stop putting so much time and energy into maybe someone who like isn't valuing you as much as you value them. But I guess what was hard for me about this episode is

you know these aren't made-up stories these aren't made-up characters like i'm talking about people in my life and people that have hurt me or you know people that we've just drifted apart from and

That episode was hard. Like I had some of my friends who I was friends with reach out to me or have had like their mom reach out to me after the episode and I just like it's crazy because majority of the people listening have no idea who I'm talking about but like the small group of people in my life and in my circle that do know who I'm talking about I'm like, oh I feel so guilty about talking about this but at the same time I also want to give you guys advice and I also want to give like my real life experiences to you and

That episode, I don't know, people were also trying to guess who was who and placing people and honestly, it was just like wrong and I don't know, it was stressing me out more and I just, I don't know, like I think the overall theme, like I think a friendship breakup, honestly, kind of struggling with one again right now and it's actually an insane situation that I want to talk to you guys about, but I'm trying to make sure that

that it's nothing that I would regret saying because even if you guys don't know who I'm talking about, like, the people who I'm talking about know I'm talking about them. And I don't know. It's just, like, I'm not sure how that one sat with me. And maybe I think the advice from it was really good, but I guess maybe more so just kind of, like, stressed me out and made me feel a little bit guilty because people...

had reached out to me afterwards being like, hey, I'm sorry. Or like, I listened to the episode. I'm sorry I did that. Or like, hey, F you. So, you know, I didn't feel really great after doing that. But I don't know. That's something I'm still trying to figure out with

talking online on here and sharing my life experiences and my stories, but also being discreet enough to where people don't know who I'm talking about. At the end of the day, I want this podcast to let you guys in on my life and that's what I said when I started this. I wanted to give you guys more of the behind the scenes of what's going on in my life and I

I guess that comes along with stories and things that have gone on in my life, but sometimes it stresses me out. So another thing that we did this season was we had the students on the Alex Earl Scholarship on and they are just the absolute sweetest people.

in the world. I love them. They were actually so great at podcasting too. I was like, you guys are better than me. So I'm going to play this clip for you guys now. Wait, I don't know if I ever told you guys this, but so the way the scholarship worked from like my end is the school goes through the vetting, you know, see who's qualified for it and everything. And it was really just supposed to be one student, not two. And they sent me the

this long email and they're like can we get on a call because there are two students like that we think are really good for this scholarship and what they were like we can show you their videos but they were like I think you're going to like love both of them and they're like I think we need to do like two people for this scholarship instead of one and I was like okay so I watched your guys videos first of all Leslie made a get ready with me which was so amazing and I was literally like this is so funny and I loved it it was so sweet and

Elias made a whole movie. Yeah. Like a whole movie. Actually a whole movie and it was so good and I was like, okay, we're taking two, like we're doing two. We have such a funny story.

about the videos so after we met the first time at the lunch me and we obviously like all got each other's numbers yeah and like Elias and I texted and we're like oh we need to hang out we need to like talk more about this like this is so crazy so we decided to go out and get like dinner um one day and we were like talking about this and we're like oh my god like this is insane like this is crazy and

I had no idea it was supposed to be only for one person. Elias is the one who told me, he had no idea. He's like, "They couldn't pick between our videos." And I'm like, "Oh my God."

And then I was like, wait, that's crazy. What was your video? Because we hadn't seen each other's videos. We had no idea what we did. She's like, what was your video? And I was like, oh, me and my brother. We filmed in New York and kind of showed the progression of my life. And I was like, what did you do? He told such a touching story. He was like, how did you guys come up with these videos? At the time that this was happening, my brother had just finished a film program specifically for film. And so like,

since we both love film, we were like, what can we do to like make this like

show who I am like as a person and so we were like okay considering that like I take the train every day because at that time I was working in Times Square we could show like my progression from like growing up in the Bronx to like where I want to be and so like the video we start off in the Bronx and we take a train and like the train represents like the timeline of my life and then like it goes along and we get off at the last stop of the train which is like

the New York Stock Exchange. And it's like, kind of like finance, like where I want to be. And so like, we just kind of like edited it out and like, oh my God, my brother's a godsend because like we stood up all night, like editing this video and like he was mastering the audio. Yeah. So like it was, it was, it was a crazy process, but like I, I couldn't do it. I couldn't do that without my brother. So like, Oh,

I was in like tears at the end of the video. I was like, oh my gosh, this is insane right now. And it was just so well done. I was like, I could never put together a video like this. It was crazy. But yeah, so originally the scholarship was, well, it's for students in the business school. And we were thinking more female, just like women in business, you know,

that was kind of the angle we were going with it. And then we saw your video and I was like, well, shit. That was literally something that we had talked about because my brother was like,

this scholarship has a focus on women and I was like yeah I mean absolutely she said everybody's welcome and so like I was like I'll just do it because it's good practice for both of us and we wanted to do a short film anyway yeah and I was like this is kind of an amazing opportunity and so like once I got the call I was like this is insane like this is not real yeah yeah it was crazy Elias is such a girly pop though he's like definitely he's definitely an earl girl like he's he's fine

Are you an Ur-Girl? I'm an Ur-Girl now, 100%. You have no choice now. You have no choice. So I talked to you guys a little bit about work and having a scholarship at the University of Miami. And I honestly don't talk too much about work, but I guess that was kind of me not wanting to

I don't know. It's just like what I do isn't relatable, I guess, and it's not really normal. So a lot of the times I kind of feel weird talking about it, but it is something that I want to incorporate more and share more with you guys because...

There is a lot going on and a lot of advice I have and a lot of stories I have in that realm besides me going out and partying. But I think, you know, this first year I really wanted to just like, I mean, it's called Hot Mess. So I wanted to share the hot messy stories that I have, but there's a lot more to come. And then this may be and this may go down as my favorite story of all time, but

It's the craziest story. It's the weirdest story. It's the most disgusting story. It's the funniest story. It's so good. It is about this time that this girl, or I don't know how or what, but you have to listen to the story. Someone peed in my drawer in college. I don't know.

I had woke up one morning and one of my drawers, specifically my crop top drawer, was covered, not covered, drenched in pee. All of my crop tops were drenched in pee. So I'm going to tell you how this happened and it has to do with me leaving my door to my apartment unlocked. So the story starts with a girl who, she was a year older than me and she just like did not like me at all. And this is a girl in college that I would...

go out with or not go out with, I guess. I would see her out at parties. So that's how I, like, knew her. Obviously, I, like, followed her on Instagram and if I saw her, I would say hi, but I didn't actually, like, know her at all. Like, I wouldn't consider her, like, a friend of mine. And basically, she was dating this guy. Her and said guy had broken up. After her and her boyfriend had broken up, probably, like...

A few nights later, I ended up at this dinner in Miami at this very fancy restaurant. And I think there was 15 to 20 people at this dinner. So it was a really big group. And I had got invited by one of my friends. So we went. And this girl's ex-boyfriend, I guess we'll call him Trevor. Trevor?

Trevor was at this table making a drunk fool of himself like being so out of pocket was just so blacked out like being a mess and we're at this fancy restaurant so everyone's like hey Trevor pull together right now Trevor decides to take his shirt off in the middle of this restaurant and stand up and he's kind of like dancing around and a waiter came over and was like I

hello, sir, like put your shirt on like or you're going to get kicked out right now. And he starts rubbing his nipples and looking at the waiter like whatever, whatever. And I'm standing here like dying laughing because I'm like, this is the funniest thing I've ever seen right now. Like this guy is about to get kicked out of the restaurant. So naturally, I was taking a video and I put it on my Snapchat story.

and I was just like, this is hilarious. It's funny. I'm pretty sure he did end up getting kicked out, but anyways, didn't really think much of it, and the next morning, I had went to go to this boat party in Miami, and Trevor's ex-girlfriend was there. The girl that I had known, kind of acquaintance, whatever, she was there. She came up to me and just ripped me a new one, like absolutely screamed in my face. She was like, what the fuck is wrong with you? Why would you post that? Like, you're so stupid.

I remember her saying like, do you know what everyone thinks of you? Everyone thinks you're an idiot for doing that. Like you look so embarrassing. It looks so try hard for posting that. And I was literally just standing there and like, I have a problem when people yell at me like that. Sometimes I literally was like, okay. I was like,

I'm sorry. Like I literally was just like so calm like and wasn't reacting back to this So that's where she started to like really not like me so that this is like the background context She was fresh out of a breakup. She probably didn't want to see that Maybe she took it out of context, but like I wanted nothing to do with her sloppy drunk ex-boyfriend trevor I feel like she just got very heated by that and I was like, you know what? She can take it out on me, whatever but since that moment

this girl and her whole entire friend group did not like me. Like, they were, like, outwardly mean to me and my friends. Like, I would go to parties and they would glare at me. They would not say hi to me. They were, like, pretty rude. And this was right when they were about to graduate. So, I was a junior in college. They were seniors in college because they were a year older than me and I had been neighbors with them. And this was right when I had moved in with a random girl. So, I

My friends had gone abroad and like the week before I chickened out I was like i'm not going abroad So I needed to find a place to live like very last minute and this girl that I knew from like classes Seemed normal seemed cool. She was like hey

I have an empty room in my apartment. Like do you want to move in with me? And I was like, that sounds perfect. Like let's do that. So I moved in with this girl that I didn't really know and her apartment happens to be neighbors with the girl who just like really, really hates me. So it's fine. You know, sometimes we did have some like run-ins walking out of the apartment where she would just like glare at me down the hallway and it was like really awkward, but never really thought much of it. I was like, it's fine. Until this one night,

I get ready to go to a concert and I had a boyfriend at the time and my roommate also had a boyfriend. So I was like, you know what? We should all go to this concert together. It will be fun, a little bonding experience. So the four of us pregame, we leave the apartment and we go to this concert and we're

the four of us had been actively posting at this concert that like we were all there like, oh hey, like it's the four of us like group hanging out. So I feel like it was pretty apparent that we were both not at the apartment. We come back from the concert, go to bed, wake up, good morning, la la la. I'm getting ready for class and I go into my closet and I open this drawer and this drawer that I opened is where I keep my crop tops for going out and also like my tank top. So I think I was just looking for like a tank top to wear to class.

And I pick it up and I was like, oh, like that one's kind of wet. And I just kind of like threw it on the floor. I didn't really think anything of that for some reason. And then I go to pick up another one and I'm like, wait, this one's kind of wet. And then I'm like picking up a third, fourth, fifth shirt. I'm like, why are all my shirts soaking wet right now? And my first thought is like, oh, there's like a leak in the ceiling or something. So I'm looking up, I'm sifting through these clothes. I'm like, is anything leaking? Whatever. So I go then to smell these clothes and

I don't think you guys understand the rancid smell of piss.

Is all over all of my crop tops and I was like wait what like there's no way So I pull in my roommate i'm like, can you smell this all of my shirts are soaked There was probably like 30 40 shirts in this drawer and i'm like, please smell this like what do you smell? And she was like that's pee and I was like, okay, so who the hell peed in my drawer So my first thought obviously was my boyfriend Sorry, but he was like a frat boy at the time

you know, a drunk doodaloo. I was like, he probably got up in the middle of the night, opened my drawer and like peed in it. So I start calling my boyfriend. I'm like, do you think that you accidentally got a little too drunk at this concert and walked into my closet and then opened my drawer and like peed in there and mistaken that for a toilet? And he was like dead set on like

I promise you that didn't happen. Like I wasn't even that drunk after the concert. Like, I don't know. I was like, maybe you were sleepwalking. Like maybe you don't know, but I just wanted it to make sense. And it was too high to the point where like, I couldn't pull down my pants and like squat in this. Like I would have to be standing up on some type of like ladder. Like it was a little too high for that, but I feel like a guy could maybe walk over and like,

lean his little thang in there and take a little pee and he was dead set on he's like Alex like I wasn't even drunk like what are you talking about that did not happen I was like okay so then what else could have happened

My next thought was my roommate who had a little dog at the time. I was like, could the little dog have climbed up onto this dresser, opened it with her little paws and taken a squat in there and really just gone down. Then I was like, wait a damn minute. Like, this is like a little dog. She had a little tiny fluffy dog, like the size of my hand.

this pee or the amount of pee in this drawer covered all 30 of my tops. Like everything was soaked. So it was like a little dog, like couldn't have produced that much pee, like that much pee would drown a dog. So I'm really like, I don't know what's happening right now. And I'm asking my roommate, I'm like, are you sure? Like,

you don't think anything else could have happened? Like, what is going on right now? The next step we did was we called maintenance in the building. And I don't know why we thought maybe, like, maintenance would know of this, like, pee issue or some type of leak that smelled like pee. And we had...

the maintenance guy, the poor maintenance guy from our building came in and we're having him sniff my shirts. And this is after we had already washed them like twice through. We put in those little pods that try to make it smell good. They still reeked of piss. And he's leaning over smelling these shirts and he's like, yep, that's for sure pee. And

And we're like, okay, so do you know what we could do about this? Do you know anything with this? And he's like, no, I'm sorry. I don't really know how to help you here. And he's like, maybe it's a ghost.

And my roommate at the time starts questioning this maintenance guy. Like, well, what do you mean like a ghost? Like, how could a ghost like get in here? Or like, what can we do about a ghost? Like, if there's a ghost problem, what can we do? And I'm like, there's no way that we're harassing this poor maintenance man right now about a ghost pissing in my closet. So anyways, it was what it was. I

I being me just was like, okay, well, it definitely was my boyfriend. Like he definitely peed in there. That's just something that definitely would have happened. It made the most sense. I couldn't think of anything else at the time. So I had to throw out

all of my crop tops, all of my cute princess Polly little crop top slutty tops that I got for going out in college were all ruined, wasted. I could not salvage a single one of them. They all had to go in the trash. I never got sick of that story. Honestly, it is so good. And then someone who

I found that I really, really loved podcasting with was my sister Ashton. So we had her on for an episode where we talked about her breakup and her past relationship that she had and how much she's changed because Ashton has done a full 180 since the past two years. And you guys know her as like cool. She's kind of like

I don't know. She just has this cool vibe to her. She seems very confident, doesn't care. She's very nonchalant. And that was not who she was two years ago. She was, I feel like, a little shell. And she went through a pretty bad, not, I guess, a really bad breakup, but she went through a big breakup with someone she was with for almost four years. And we had her on. We talked about some

some girl talk about breakups and how Ashton and I actually weren't close for a few years because of this relationship because I was like beef with the guy that she was dating so we weren't that close for a little bit so I'm gonna play for you guys a clip of that now for any girl who's like in this position because this is such a common position to be in of like

in a toxic relationship maybe or maybe it's not toxic but it's just comfortable and you want to leave and you want to get out but you don't really feel comfortable doing that or it's scary you don't want to be alone like what would your biggest piece of advice be because i'm not gonna lie ashton was like literally had no backbone until they broke up and then she literally went like cold turkey on this man like

hasn't seen him like was like bye and I did not expect that I expected her to be like begging at his doorstep like so upset like she literally just like turned around and left and like how did you do that or like how would you what's the best way for like coping with that honestly I don't really know how to say it I just knew that

It had run its course and I knew that if I had any self-respect and wanted to become any way, like if I wanted to become independent in any way, shape or form and learn how to be myself, I had to learn.

just stick with it and just kind of go like no contact because I knew like no contact is the best I knew all the stories of everyone like no contact or you know talking to your ex after you break up and not really being broken up I've seen it with my friends who like break up with their boyfriends but still talk to them every day and then

nothing really changes and then they get back together and then they fight again and they break up so I knew I was like if I want to do anything for myself and learn how to be independent and maybe a little more confident and learn about myself a little bit I need to just genuinely be alone and that's like what kept me going which was crazy because even at the time I still had no like

So... Like, you didn't want to do that. I didn't want to at all. I wanted to run back to him immediately. So you put, like, almost, like, facts over emotion, and you kind of just, like, closed your eyes and did it. Yeah, I was trying to be very logical about it. Like, you were just, like, pulling off the band-aid, and you're like, I'm just gonna do it. Yeah, I was like, it's already over. Like, I just knew I needed to do this for myself somehow. I guess I have...

self-respect or something but like something like that I just knew I needed to do it for myself even though I was genuinely terrified if you can't tell from yeah how attached I was so it's some good girl talk this episode and I mean there's so many more episodes that I've loved and so many more stories but I can't also make this episode five hours long but those are some of the like

top highlight moments from this year that I've loved and stories, stories, why can't I speak? I need to sleep. Stories that I've loved sharing with you guys and this year has just been so much fun. I always say I'm probably sharing too much on here, but that's what we do. We are a hot mess and I like to let you guys in on everything and basically for anyone who

didn't listen to season one hopefully this can be a good recap of everything catch you up to speed kind of give you a glimpse on season one of what you missed or maybe this was good to kind of like tease some episodes that you didn't watch that maybe now you want to go back and watch

and now we are looking forward to season two and things are going to change things are going to be better things are going to be bigger and I'm so excited to show you guys don't forget to subscribe to this podcast follow this podcast next week next Thursday episodes drop every Thursday you guys will have a little bit more of an inclination of what I'm talking about

And I'm very excited for it. Love you guys. Earl girls, you are the best. This has been the best season ever. Like this past year, podcasting has been so much fun and I feel like it's made me so much closer with you guys. And honestly, like I...

I love going out and sometimes we're out at the bar, me and the Earl girls talking and you guys just talk to me about how like a story in here has helped you or how you like listening or how it distracts you from something in your life or I don't know anything about it. It just like it's so sweet and you guys have no idea how much it means to me and I can't believe anyone is listening to me talk for an hour each week. That's also insane to me. So I love you guys so much and I

I will see you guys next Thursday for a little surprise. Bye!