Pretty Little Episode #5
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Welcome to Handsome's Pretty Little Episode. It's Fortune. And you've also got me, Mae Martin. That's right. This is exciting. Today it's Mae and I. We're having a date, the two of us. I know. It feels special. It does feel special. Like to nurture this relationship. Is that what you were going to say? Yeah, I was going to say we...

May and I wanted to do an episode today, the two of us, to nurture our relationship. I know, but then you just showed your Alanis Morissette t-shirt and now you're back in my bad books. Because I'm remembering when you sang with Alanis. That's right. Well, I bought this Alanis t-shirt while I was there to...

Oh, at the, was it at that concert? It was at the concert. Yeah. Oh, I should have got one. I know. I was, I was, um, I was like, I gotta just, you know, rep our girl around Toronto. Yeah.

I always am looking for like the perfect vintage like band t-shirt and I always get scammed on Etsy and stuff because I'll be like, oh my God, like a real vintage Beatles t-shirt from their Beatles tour. And then it arrives and it's like a crisply printed, like it smells like plastic. And I'm like, of course, why would it be $30? That's a bummer. Yeah. You know, I don't always buy t-shirts when I go to concerts, but only I check them out to see if I like the vibe of it.

Yeah. Yeah. And it's got to be the soft tea. I can't do those big, hard, like crunchy teas. Yeah. I like a thick cotton, but not hard and crunchy. Not hard. We don't want no hard and crunchy t-shirt. Don't want no hard and crunchy t-shirt.

We were just talking before this episode. Now, as you guys know, our preload episodes are where you, our listeners, get the chance to ask us questions. And sometimes it's going to be all three of us, sometimes two of us. I don't know. At one point, is anyone going to do a solo? We don't know. We'll see. That could be wild. You know, mine would be just facts. But then what do we do? Talk to ourselves? Yeah, just go, hmm, what an interesting idea. But we were like...

Do we need an extra theme song? I don't know. You want to improvise one? I do love our theme song, though. Let's improvise one. Pretty little... Pretty little... Pretty little... See, it's already not great. Thomas, can you edit that into something amazing? Will do. Yeah, yeah. Olme is our resident songwriter, so you were the one. I'm imagining almost like a barbershop, like...

Like, pretty little, pretty little episodes. Pretty little, pretty little episodes. Pretty little, pretty little. And then Tay goes, dum-dum-dum-dum-dum. The problem with our podcast is we have too many skills. I just said skills. Skills. We have too many skills. It's hard to contain us. It's true. Our dramatic skills.

our musical skills, our poems. Our poems! And we're all acting right now. So it's been wild. I know you've been a busy little cowboy. Yeah, acting my little pants off. Yeah, are you enjoying it though?

You know, in a way, I've been wearing a mask since I was born. So it's very natural. I just lean into it. Yeah, no, I am enjoying it. I just got sent the first cut of the pilot. What do we think? I'm super happy. First cuts are weird. It's like... Yeah. It makes you panic a little. But I'm really pumped. It's scary. The show's scary. Yeah, it's spooky as hell. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's hard to even recognize you with that brown hair. I know. Look at how...

Are you used to it yet? Yeah. I don't, I'm not sure I'm going back, you know? Really? Yeah. Like I, now I see pictures of myself. I'm like, well, I was, I wasn't, I have, this is just the next phase of me. I was a phony. I was a phony. But that blonde is like natural, right? The blonde blonde?

uh no or no no oh no i've been dying oh whoa this is a breaking news yeah i've been dying in that blonde oh since i was like 11 i've been dying my hair and then this is now more natural i think it's the new me now i also breaking news um sun kiss my hair as well no i know maybe this is a

Pretty little episode full of secrets revealed. Yeah, my hair, if I were to let it go, would be a dark brown right now. Dark brown? I was born with very blonde hair, like Shirley Temple. Yeah. So by nature, I'm supposed to be a California blondie. But as I've gotten older, my hair keeps getting a darker brown. And I like the blonde, so I have it highlighted. Yeah.

Yeah, it's really, it's hard. It's hard to leave blonde behind. It is. It's a good time. Yeah, because, you know, it's just a fun vibe. But your vibe would shine through even a brunette. Like you've got that Shirley Temple energy. I think I'd need the blonde. The dark brown. I have these chubby cheeks and the dark brown just shines.

I don't know. Something about the lightness helps alleviate some of that. That's what I tell myself. But it does make you very recognizable. Like at the Atlantis concert, you're a beacon of golden light. Because I'm pretty tall. I'm 5'10". This big blonde ball of cotton is just...

shining and then i start talking i'm like hey y'all what's up and it's and you bring that megaphone around yeah i do go it's me go to concerts yeah hello did anybody notice me

Yeah. How are you? You're in Toronto at the moment? I am. I'm almost done with Toronto, at least Toronto. It's been pouring rain. Dude, I got caught in the rain and not drinking pina coladas. That's gotta be a... Yeah, I knew that was a song because my instinct was to sing that back to you, but then I... What is it? If you... No. If you like pina coladas and dancing in the rain and getting caught in the rain. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

I also don't know the lyrics to the most songs I make them up. I'm excited to hear what our listeners have to say to us. Yeah, let's hear it. Hi, Handsome Pod. My name is Cece, and my question for you is, what do you think that chemistry, as in with two actors doing a chemistry read, or with your partners, or even with some friends, it's

Do you think that quote unquote chemistry is controlled in any way by like the preconceptions that you have of a person? Or do you think that it is entirely out of our control who we do or don't have chemistry with? Oh, interesting. We were just talking about acting. Look at that. That's really interesting. Yeah. Part of it's acting, but then is it also life? Like chemistry with people in general? I guess she's saying, yeah. Is it?

the people that we're drawn to is that beyond our control like it's to do with our DNA and right or is it or

I feel like it's not controlled, right? I mean, to me, it seems kind of lucky if you have chemistry. Even thinking of this pod, we knew that we all liked each other and we were friends and that everyone was funny in their own ways, but we didn't know what the three of us together would be like, and we got very lucky that the chemistry was strong. Yeah, I don't think the three of us...

could fake chemistry that well for that long. Like, but I have definitely met actors and worked with actors who could have chemistry with a rock, like who just, they twinkle and they, you know, or I don't know if you've ever been to a strip club. I sure have.

Yeah, I know you have. Yeah. And they have an amazing talent at having chemistry with everyone. Oh, with everybody. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I love the like, I don't usually tell people, but my real name is Jessica. Yeah. You're pretty special. I got this vibe from you and I just feel like I can just be my real self. And you're like, oh, wow. They think I'm great. Yeah. They told me their real name. I can go down like, you know,

like spiritual rabbit holes where I'm like, Oh, we have chemistry with people that it's like in our soul contracts that we make before we come to this planet. We're like, yeah, like I'm meant to meet this person. And, but it's probably more to do with like pheromones or something or I don't know, or just like upbringing. Yeah. I mean, I do think people can fake it. Like you're saying, there are some people that are like these amazing actors who, um,

can just muster it up even if they don't care for the person. You know, you hear these stories of like, oh, you know, even though these people played like love interest in that movie was so romantic, they actually hated each other in real life. Like that can definitely be manufactured. Yeah.

um but i do think when it's real and natural it's a next level kind of thing next level yeah but it is funny like why yeah it seems so random almost who you well for me it's usually sense of humor and stuff but then sometimes someone will be someone like a close friend of mine will be like you gotta meet so and so she's like my best friend she's so funny you're gonna be obsessed with her and then you meet them and you're like

I guess I see it. But you guys just have your thing. They're fine. Yeah, like they click for whatever reason in a way that's not the same. Yeah, totally. I always watch those shows where people are reunited with lost family members and stuff. And they have this instant familiarity. That's cool. Like it would suck if...

Or like a twin that's been separated from their twin. That's pretty trivial. You've heard those stories of then they reunite 30 years later and they can finish each other's sentence. But it would suck. Imagine if you were reunited with your biological mother or something and you're like, we got no chemistry. Which I'm sure happens. You're just like, you kind of are a stranger to me at this point. Yeah. But I don't know. I think the preferences...

A natural chemistry that's easy. But if need be, you could probably muster it up. Yeah. Like if you were in a plane crash and you're like, okay, I guess I have to live with these eight people the rest of my life. You're like, I better find something that I like about them and something we have in common and like muster up some chemistry. You must. You try your hardest. And now, does it always work? It is not. We've seen plenty of situations where...

in life is like a relationship. There's the chemistry just wasn't there in a movie. There, there's no chemistry. We did not care about these two people trying to be in a relationship. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm feeling like this is kind of a wake up call. Like if you're in your life and you got a, you know, at,

ton of friends or you're like dating a bunch of people like actually think about who do I really have chemistry with like where I feel enriched when I hang out with them I feel because I feel like we we carry on a lot of I'm talking to myself carry on a lot of like uh like connections like hold on to sort of friendships and stuff that I don't know life is short like that's true I'm saying get rid all your friends yeah like what are you saying I don't know I don't know I don't know

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Well, what a great question. Yeah, thanks, Cece. I love your accent. For real, yeah, great accent. That's the coolest part about these questions is hearing where everyone's from and different accents and different countries, states. It's cool. Totally. I'm curious about what Cece thinks about this question. Yeah. I'm kind of leaning towards the idea that it's just out of our control, at least to some extent, because there are people who on paper could seem really perfect for each other,

but no amount of wanting to have chemistry makes it happen. And then there are people who in my life I've had like negative preconceptions of that I've had really good chemistry with when we've met. So I don't think it's really affected by that stuff. But I'm excited to hear what you guys think. Bye.

Yeah. Yeah. There are times you just, you can't even buy chemistry with someone. Yeah. It's just like, this ain't happening. Yeah. Well, I'm watching love is blind UK right now, you know, where they, they, you know, they don't meet each other. They fall in love through, through a wall and then they meet. And that's crazy. Cause it,

I don't know. It does kind of seem like you have chemistry through the wall. And then they do pick someone that they end up having physical chemistry with as well. Well, I say that. None of the relationships are working out. Except the one in Love is Blind, the American version, that one couple still together from first season, I think, Cam and Cam. I forgot their names, but they seem like super into each other. That's nice. I like that. If they've broken up, don't quote me. I don't know.

I think they're still together though. According to my TikTok, I'm not, I feel like it would tell me if they weren't together anymore. It is really funny though, listening to them, like try to force the chemistry. Like you're a bit, you've got the wall between you and they're like, okay, this is the British one. They're like, oh yeah. What's your favorite food? Do you like pizza or what? And then the other one's like, I fucking love pizza, mate. And they're like, no way. Are you serious? I literally, I love it. I love it too. And then they're like, I literally love pizza. Yeah. Yeah.

It's crazy. I also love pizza. Yeah. Have my accent. Really good. It's crazy, mate. I'll be eating pizza on the reg. Are you serious? Like, do you have it with cheese or what? Oh, you know, my preference is cheese. I love cheese. I literally hate it when I get pizza with no cheese. Oh my God, it's crazy. I can't believe I love cheese. My accent is getting worse. I like it. It's becoming...

Babe, we've got to get married. And then they just get engaged right away. Babe, you're my fiance. Yeah. So our point is don't force the chemistry, you guys. Let it come naturally. Yeah. You got more than pizza. Well, thanks, Cece. Yeah. Thanks, Cece. Hi, Handsomes. This is Jessica in Los Angeles. And my question for you three is if you could live inside of any painting, which painting would you choose and why?

Oh, boy. We'll never know what Tig's answer is. I know. What's that painting behind you? American Gothic. Tig would be like holding the thing or whatever. Are they holding something in that? Yeah, a pitchfork. Yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. We need an American Gothic painting, but with Tig. Yeah, yeah. Or what's...

Isn't there one called Whistler's Mother that's just like a woman in a rocking chair? Oh, really? I want that with Tig, too. We just want Tig to be put in all these famous paintings. Yeah, the Mona Lisa with Tig's face. Man, I'm trying to think of famous paintings now. Well, what's that painting behind you on your wall? This probably is some sort of generic painting bought when one has an apartment to rent out and they don't want to spend a bunch of money. I wouldn't.

I wouldn't mind being in that. It's just a blue. Yeah. I know what I wouldn't want to be in, and that's like a Salvador Dali with a bunch of melting clocks. The melting clocks. Scary shit around. Your face would be like melting too. I'd be like, get me out of here. I love a Van Gogh. I wouldn't mind being in Starry, Starry Night laying there. Yeah. I'm looking up. Looking at those stars. Starry, Starry Night. Yeah. Yeah. Because one thing that I...

Was shocked by. I went to the Van Gogh Museum in Amsterdam. And, you know, I've only ever seen the replicas, obviously, my whole life.

And when you see them in person, I couldn't believe all the texture to these paintings. And I was like, holy cow, like seeing them in person is a thousand times cooler. Yeah, that's really cool. So much more detail than you can see. Yeah, I'm going to pick Starry Starry Night because I love that. And all those textures would be really cool to see my body in that texture too.

Yeah, it's cool to him. When you see the texture, you really imagine him hunched over with his one ear. With his one ear. Yeah. I think I might want to be in that one of all the dogs playing poker. Oh, yeah. That's a good one. I'd love to sit with those guys, have a laugh, you know, talk about our lives. You have a visor on. Yeah, yeah. Do you know how to play poker? Yeah, do you? I do.

I do not know. Oh, man. I'm always looking for people to play with. I love it. My family, that's like the main way we connect is when we get together, we play. Betting money. Yeah. Yeah. Someone taught me once.

And I know I could learn again. I think I just got too bored because it goes on forever until someone until everyone loses their money and one person wins. Right. Yeah. It's got to be you got to be playing with the right people where the experience of it is fun and you're like having a drink. You're chatting. It's got to be a vibe. Yeah. Yeah. Because it is a long, you know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I would love... You know, in Titanic, he wins his tickets in a game of poker. I was like, that would be cool in a situation with high stakes where it's like, well, let's play a hand of poker and then see where the cards fall. That would be cool. And you'll end up on the Titanic. Yeah. Thomas said that the... Wrote that the title is Dogs Playing Poker by Cassius Coolidge. Thanks, Thomas. He's like, we should educate our listeners while also...

answering questions because didn't i say you know that one with the dogs playing poker i like that it's called that's why i typed it yeah you nailed the title oh that's hilarious i i do hope after this episode that one of our talented handsome listeners makes tig into the american gothic guy okay tig and american gothic or the lady i don't even know or both of them you and starry starry night

And me and dogs playing poker. Yeah. Oh, Tig has both of the couple in American Gothic. Yeah, both of the couple. The woman and the man. Yeah, that would be good. That would be really funny. And is the woman in a bonnet? No. Yeah, I think so. If the woman is in a bonnet, she is? Yeah. Oh, I need to, I got to Google it real quick. Because Tig...

Whistler's mother is wearing a bonnet. She is? Yeah. Oh, yeah. This lady's not wearing a bonnet in American Gothic. But Tay could play both these parts. 100%. That's in her wheelhouse. Does the lady in American Gothic have like a low gray ponytail? Yeah, it's like pulled back. And you can't see the pony, but it's definitely in a pony. Imagine a game where we had to paint...

gothic just from memory like just what we thought it was like before you failed because i couldn't remember if he was holding a shovel but it is a pitchfork great you'd have to just guess at what he's holding he's wearing overalls and it looks like a blazer he was really a man before his time as far as fashion yeah it feels like a brooklyn outfit now

Is he a hipster? Yeah. And then the lady's in a dress with a collar and like a brooch of some sorts. And neither look happy. Welcome to our art commentary podcast where we deconstruct. They're explaining very famous paintings that we all know about. They don't look happy.

Do we have an answer from our Jessica? From our Jessica? Do we have an answer from our Jessica from Los Angeles? I think for myself, I would choose a painting called Woman Leaving the Psychoanalyst by a Mexican surrealist artist called Remedios Varo.

And it's depicting a woman in some greenish-gray robes that look really comfortable. She's got a bit of a Tilda Swinton vibe.

with her hair. She's standing in the middle of this rotunda courtyard with an open sky. It's got a little bit of a somber tone, but I think it's really beautiful. And it just makes me feel really peaceful when I look at it. Cool. I think she's just showing off that she knows cool paintings. Now I want to paint what I imagined that painting to be. Because what the hell is a rotunda? A rotunda's round. Oh, okay. Yeah.

But is it like a... Rotunda is like... I think of it in the sense of driving. The roundabout kind of thing. Oh, okay. I like the idea of the green robes...

So is it like the woman's been healed by the psychoanalyst? She's coming out feeling at peace or something. It was too deep for me. Here we go. Let's see. Oh, not what I imagined. Not what I imagined either. That is wild. That is wild. Okay. I see the Maleficent. Yeah. Green. Yeah. Oh my God. I've never seen this. She said Mexican surrealist and that is surreal. Yeah. It's pretty cool though. It looks like she's holding a water balloon full of jizz. Yeah.

Sorry. That's our handsome analysis of that painting. Laughter

Wow. That's very beautiful, though. The colors are really neat, too. That's about the extent that I know of paintings. Do you think if you were in line at Erewhon to pay and you heard Jessica's voice, you'd recognize her from her question? You'd go, that's our Jessica. That's our Jessica. Our Jessica is here getting a $30 smoothie. Yeah. I feel like I learned something on this. I know. I'm loving our pre-lil episodes because...

I don't know. It's so cool to like learn about our different listeners and what they're thinking about. Very special to have this time with you. I mean, May, what a beautiful date we just had. I know. And neither of us had to pay. I know. We went Dutch. Yeah.

What's Dutch again? You split it? Oh, yeah. Okay, cool. Yeah. I said we didn't pay and then I contradicted myself by saying we went Dutch. This is awesome. Please keep sending your questions in. Send them into speakpipe.com slash handsome pod. That's right. Ask us whatever you want. You can ask us all three questions. You can ask two of us a question and one of us a question. The worm is your oyster. Well, Mae, thank you for hanging out with me and thank you guys for listening.

Thanks, Fortune, and thanks to all our handsome friends. That's right. Should we have a new sign-off? Keep it pretty? Keep it pretty. Keep it pretty, handsome. Keep it pretty and little. This is our creative process, in case everyone was wondering how we come up with our great ideas.

Keep it pretty. Keep it pretty. Handsome. Handsome. Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Ouellette. Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com and please follow us on social media at handsomepod. What a podcast! What a podcast!

Home insurance can be so complicated. It's daunting. We get it. But Allstate wants you to know that getting a great policy at a great price can be straightforward and simple. Allstate makes it easy to switch and save today. Check Allstate first and you could save $574 on your home insurance.

No hassle, just savings. You're in good hands with Allstate. Not available in every state. Based on the national average annual savings for new home insurance customers surveyed in 2023 who switched to Allstate and reported savings. Savings vary.