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Our first show was so much fun that we're doing it again and we'll be taking your guys' questions. Plus, we're going to have a bunch of surprises and maybe a special guest or two. So get tickets at DynastyTypeWriter.com now and join us. Again, it's February 12th. Your link will last all week and you can get tickets at DynastyTypeWriter.com.
Hello there pretty little handsomes. It's your friend Tig. I wanted to let you know I'm going to be working on my new stand-up material in Los Angeles February 25th at Largo and March 1st at Dynasty Typewriter. Go to tignotaro.com for all ticket and show information. See you there.
Welcome to another episode of The Handsome Pod. It's your gal fortune famester. And also me, Mae Martin. Well, and it's me, Tig, as well. I'm here too. Would you believe?
I believe it because every time we do this the three of us show up. That's true. That's half the battle. It is half of the battle. What is the other half?
Getting through the pod. Looking handsome? Yeah, looking handsome is a good portion of the bottle. Well, I'm going to respond to Fortune. I'm going to say you look dandy, kid. I already said that before. I appreciate that. You look like a pretty little lady. You know we have a new sweatshirt that says pretty little lady in our merch store and I'm going to be rocking that thing a lot.
I mean, I already I'm constantly like correcting people on my pronouns and like and so just to add confusion to the fire, maybe I'll wear a pretty little lady sweater just to really mess with people. Might as well. You should just create chaos. Yeah. Keep everyone guessing all the time. We could also make a sweatshirt that says pretty little they them. Oh, that might be good. I could wear a hat that says little cowboy.
A sweater that says Pretty Little Lady and then a sticker that says they, them or something. Yeah. Well, my dream, because I have run into just hairy, burly women
straight men that love this podcast and it excites me so much that they're in on this and i really hope they're gonna kick down the cash for a pretty little lady y'all better kick down that cash kick it down kick it down that cash i've never heard that phrase you better kick down that cat i
Somebody said that to me, I think like 35 years ago and my brain went, well, I'll be using that again. Where do you think that's from? Do you think that's like there was an old farmer at the top of the stairs and then his wife was like, kick down that cash or something? Kick down that cash. Yeah. Girl. Yeah.
She was like, I'm going to the store. Girl, you better kick down that cash or you're not coming back in this house. What town is this character from? The Old West. That's the town. That Old West town. You better kick down that cash now.
Don't you come back in this house if you hadn't kicked down that cash. I like that they keep all their money in coins, too. Yeah. And pile it at the top of the stairs. Because you can't trust the banks back then. Because they stole your money. You can't trust them now. Thank you.
finally all my money's disappearing we're taking down the banks that's where we were going after next if you went and checked your um bank balance one day if you're using like an ATM and you look in it and there's accidentally 400 million dollars in it would you say anything that's a lot to just accidentally be in your account that's in my account right now 400 million yes in Amsterdam yeah
are you saying what would you do people always think they can just keep that but the bank's always like oh we eventually they're like we made a mistake you're not supposed to have that you sound like you're speaking from experience hey don't ask me any questions that's what i always say to stephanie when we uh when we're getting into something i'll say something and i'll say uh no more questions
When you're getting into something. I thought you were about to be talking sexy. Sexual. That's what I thought. Like right before you have sex, you go, don't ask me any more questions. No more questions. This is a no questions zone. It's only sexy time. Or no, if I'm talking about something and as I'm speaking...
I'm realizing I have no idea what I'm talking about. I'll say no more questions. Yeah. That's better than admitting you're wrong. Yeah. Yeah. So no more questions. Now, May, I haven't had a chance to ask you about this. It's been a couple of weeks since this happened and I kept forgetting to ask you. You were like all over my Google. Really? Yeah. Because you had a big announcement. I mean,
You mean about my relish? Your relish, yeah. You're still together, right? Well, unfortunately we... Can you imagine? It was a big deal because you guys sort of like... We all knew. I honestly didn't know it was like a...
Not like a secret, but I didn't know it was. I didn't realize people didn't know. I didn't really realize people didn't know. And yeah, basically. You thought people didn't know when you said, I'm heavily involved with this one woman? I didn't know they knew who it was. Well, of course they didn't. Well, I don't know. I thought I was being pretty obvious because we're like all over each other's Instagram. But yeah, it was pretty exciting. But I did not expect. Well, okay. This is what happened.
Parv. Now, can I use your name now? Parv. I mean, you're the one that officially came out on Instagram. Parvati. Well, okay. Parvati. She did. So Parvati, she's about to be in Traders. Or I guess when this comes out, she'll be airing already. People are excited about this show. Oh, man, I'm pumped. It's a reality show. It's my dream. What is it? It's like toxic lying in a castle. Yeah.
Well, for people who don't know, Parvati is from the Survivor franchise, very popular on there. And this is who you're in a relationship with. And live with. And I'm heavily involved with and live with. And she's in like the Mount Rushmore of Survivor.
And I'm like, to me, Survivor contestants are bigger than any actor, musician, celebrity. Like I have seen every season. Really? Oh, like I could write a PhD thesis on Survivor. That is amazing.
So, wow. So, you were like admiring her from afar for a bit. I mean, like a casual 15 years, probably. Whoa, for real? What season did she start on? Well, she was on season 13 and then she came back season 16 and won that season. And then she was a runner up. Season 20, she was a runner up. Here's my question, though. Correct.
Could she really survive on an island? Oh, yeah. Big time. Really? She won. She can start a fire with a flint. I haven't seen this in person, but I assume. Could she hide in Thailand? Eat Thai food and find her. Shout out to past episodes.
All the past episodes I just pictured as little cartoons and they're like, yay. So you had followed her and had loved her work in Survivor. You were very impressed with her skills.
Yeah. Yeah. Anyways, so now I'm getting embarrassed. So anyway, so she is about to do this reality show called Traders. And so they she's about to do all this press for it. And she was like, oh, it's so funny. They contacted me and they said, you know, you have to say stuff about yourself and your identity so that they know what press to send you for. And there was like a drop down menu of like
are you like LGBT or straight or an ally? And she was like, yeah. So I said, I'm an ally. And I was like, um, you're like, you're kind of into more than that. Yeah. And she was like, oh, I didn't really get what that meant. I was like, well, it's like,
sure you're like thanks for all the support she's like i'm rooting you on so then she like emailed them back and was like oh apparently i'm super i'm queer i'm super queer actually so forget it i'm not an ally i was like no you're still an ally but you're like i'm a queer ally yeah and then uh so i think off the back of that she was like it was new year's eve and yeah she was just like i want to post these pics but we truly did not expect i had like friends in england being like
Saw you in the newspaper. Like, what? It was insane. I can't believe anyone gives a shit. You were in my Google alerts. Really? What's happening? But what are you alerting? Just on May? No, because we're in the podcast together. On Parvati? Yeah. No, I haven't watched Survivor in a long time. But no, because we do this podcast together, there was some handsome, you know, adjacent things. Right, right.
Yeah, it was it was crazy. Yeah, it was exciting. But positive feedback, right? Positive feedback. I've never been like publicly in like, like, open really publicly about who I'm dating. I'm super private, but I'm in I'm in deep, man. It felt very, it felt very natural. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm pumped.
That's awesome. Ah, jinx. But I will, I'm still going to be referring to her as the woman I'm heavily involved with. Okay. Okay. But now we know who you're referring to. Well, we always knew, but everyone else now knows. That seems like new merch. The woman I'm heavily involved with, with an arrow pointing the other way on the t-shirt. Yes, that's such a good idea. That's pretty good. All right.
Imagine if you got that on a tombstone, like you were buried with your spouse. You didn't kick that cash, dear. We should go on a triple date, though. Yeah, let's do it. For sure. We just got to get fortune to get a kid. Oh, yes. Well, can my dog come? Yeah, Biggie can come. Can my three cats come?
sure that's very lesbian of you i don't know i'm scared of your cat tag after that oh yeah you got that scratch across your belly you got seriously attacked by your cat i did but it's coming along pretty well if you'd like to see yes please okay
Oh my God. Wait. Whoa. That's right across your belly. It's like a kind of Batman villain origin story. What'd you do to piss off your cat? Well, my cat, Linus, we have three. There's Fluff, Skip, and Linus. And Linus...
precious little animal on this planet. In his first year of living with us, he very sadly got a plastic bag handle caught around his neck. So he was trying to run and get away from the plastic bag and it was...
on him and making a terrible loud noise. So it made him very skittish. And it was just sad because we were trying to like catch him to get the bag off, but he was scared. And he's very affectionate, but any slight move...
It is like the bag is right back on his neck. And so I was carrying him over to the couch to have, you know, a little struggle time. And when I passed by the bar stools in our kitchen, I just pushed one of them in out of the way.
Oh, Lord. Oh, no. He jumped from my arms and dug his claws into my stomach as he was jumping. And I immediately... I mean, look...
I've had cats my whole life and I have had those horrible moments where something scares them and they're on you and they dig in and jump. I have never had anything like what happened that day. This is another level. Yeah. Listen, it's on brand for me, guys. Yeah, that's true. That's true. And so as soon as he jumps out of my arms, I'm like,
It was so painful. I knew it was really deep. And I immediately moved my T-shirt out away from my stomach because I was like, I am gushing blood. And for sure, I was just dripping blood. I was bruised. My stomach in time became...
Did he know that he did that? No, he's a cat. He doesn't know anything. Did he apologize? Did he apologize? Well, fortune. He apaw- Apaw-logized. Oh.
But this is why I'm scared to get cats because... No, don't let it scare you. Don't let me bleeding out. Don't let my cat going for the jugular send you running, Mae. Having a cat to me, it's like, you know, when you're playing with a balloon and you feel like it could pop at any minute. That happens frequently. I'm always going to say, haven't played with a balloon and...
I don't know when. You know, you're bouncing a balloon. You know, balloon animals. And it's all fun and games, but you know at any minute it could pop. Or, you know, if you have a relative that's a little scary. I didn't know a cat could do that, just jumping off of you. Yeah, well, I mean, he used my body as his springboard, and his claws just went in deep. Did you cry? Yeah, did you cry? No. No.
No, look at me. Don't not crying. I did not cry. I actually immediately felt so sad for him because I, I, I hate when he gets startled like that. It's so sad, but people were very worried about,
uh about cat scratch fever which is a real thing what's that well i don't know that you die i i think you have to be like knocking on heaven's door at that point i think that people can die from anything sure this is the biggest fight that you guys have ever had wait what is cat scratch fever besides a song wait it's a song oh boy two against one yeah uh yes
Cat scratch fever. I forgot how it goes though. Ted Nugent. Cat scratch fever. That's what I forgot. Cat scratch fever. If you're a homeowner who doesn't want to deal with switching your home insurance, we understand. Switching can feel like a lot of work. That's why Allstate is dedicated to making finding a lower home insurance rate as easy and simple as possible. Check Allstate first and you could save $574 on your home insurance.
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I can't believe my cat scratch didn't go to your Google alerts. But anyway, I was shocked by that as well. Okay, well, I just washed it with soap and water and everything was fine. Okay, so if you start frothing at the mouth a little bit, we'll know. Yeah, you'll know. We'll know. We'll know. Sometimes though, I think about like, if you're a cat and you said you picked him up to take him to the sofa for snuggle time.
I mean, I would love, I wish someone would pick up my whole body and carry me to the sofa. But like, that's, that must be very disorientating for an animal. They get their whole body picked up and just carried somewhere. Well, here's the thing though. It's not just out of nowhere. I mean, sometimes it is if I'm like being a little snuggle hog. Maybe.
But sometimes you can tell when they're just like hanging around, they're rubbing their face against the wall, they're looking at you, meowing. They're wanting some attention. And so, yeah. I want to go back to rubbing their face against the wall. Now, is that normal? Is that normal behavior? Yes. Yeah. Because there's some sort of glands that are in the cat's face. I don't mean to like take your Mayfax and run here. No, it's a tick tip. Yeah.
Tick tip. Tidge. It's a tidge tip. And now that I'm talking about it, I'm not quite sure what those glands are, but something about it feels good to them. And so they rub their face against things. It's like my dog, he rubs his butt against the grass. That's right. He's got glands down there.
Fortune's got a dog who's got a butt that's got a gland. I've never had a cat, so I don't know much about them. I just know that everything's on their time, right? You get snuggle time with them when they feel like it. That's right. My current dilemma is that there's a lot of conversation going on in the house where I live about getting a pet rabbit.
and it's because there's these Instagram people who are like cuddling them and they're so relaxed and soft but I know the reality is going to be this like skittish little guy and I don't think they are that cuddly and it's going to be
They can be. Really? My friends have a pet rabbit. What you're going to be dealing with is a lot of poop pellets. Yeah, a lot of poop pellets. Yeah. So I don't know if that's what you're looking for. I made my dad get us guinea pigs when I was a kid. And then I said I would be the one to clean out the cage. And obviously, I never did it. And then one time he got so mad, he went, they're just little shit machines. And I'd never... He so rarely swore. I was like, oh my God, dad swore. Yeah.
i would like a pet wombat because they're um they're marsupial their poo is actually in cubes they poo in cubes and they're so cuddly they're really cuddly a wombat yeah but i don't i think it's illegal i think i'd have to be like justin bieber like smuggling an exotic animal over the border wait does he yeah animals
Well, he had a monkey that got taken from him at the airport. What? At the airport? Yeah. At the airport, they were like... No, man. How do you show up with this monkey?
I mean, on what planet do you go to the airport and bring a monkey? He was just trying to bring a monkey back from vacation. You know how you do. Wait, why are you so casual about that? Because, you know, he was like, is it too late now to say sorry? I...
I'm assuming that's one of his songs. But I even feel like a lunatic anytime I've had to put my cat in a carrier and fly them someplace. Much less a monkey. I truly am like, this is insane that I'm bringing my cat on a plane. I know. That's when you know you've got too much money and fame. Everything's boring to you now. So you're like...
well obviously the next step is i'm gonna need a monkey yeah and you think i can just talk my way out of anything like no normal rules apply to you like i do you remember um led zeppelin rode their motorcycles into chateau marmont like right into the restaurant oh no not yeah yeah do we remember that well i don't know what were you up to in the seven and i were dining i wasn't
I wasn't born yet. We were dining together and... We were having some snacks. Yeah. Here comes Led Zeppelin. But you know what? On the stairway to heaven. Right.
Right down the stairway. But you know what the fucked up thing is like? I mean, maybe that was a different era where that was kind of celebrated, but they didn't get banned from Chateau Marmont. But Britney Spears, she got banned because she put food on her face and she was just having a good time. She got banned for putting food on her face?
To this day, we'll not let her back. Maybe Google that. Well, I'm not even going to Google it. I'm going to say, Thomas, while we're recording this, can you call Chateau Marmont and see if you can make a reservation for Britney Spears? Get her back in. Was that recently?
No, that was like when she was shaving her head. I think they've let her back because I believe I heard someone say that she was staying there like maybe in the last year. I have Britney Spears on my Google alert. Oh my God.
love that on this podcast you can confirm that she is not banned from chateau marmont thomas will you please make a phone call and and try and see if you can book a reservation for britney spears britney spears yeah i know because someone party of two someone was staying there at the same time as her it was during her recent divorce and she what they said she was there
I have pop culture gurus on the ground. Good God. I guess so. I did a weird... I do a lot of prank phone calls in my spare time. Wait, now? Currently? Yeah, yeah. Alone or with a friend? With friends. That would be really troubling. What if they just did that alone?
Hello, who is this? Is your refrigerator running? This is Debbie from England. The hairdresser. If you do get a weird phone call one time that's like, it's your refrigerator, you'll know it's me. But the weird... You know when you are doing a prank and everyone's laughing and then it goes a little too far and you think, who am I? So I called Soho House in LA and I said, for some reason...
I said, I'm Adam Lambert's agent. Adam Lambert, kind of a niche celebrity who's on American Idol. American Idol, yeah. He's not that niche. He's also the lead singer of Queen now. Oh, fuck yeah. How do you know that? Because I love rock and roll. Put another dime in the jukebox, baby. I also played Joan Jett's mom in The Runaways and got cut out. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
anyway i called and i said adam's gonna be there in about 20 minutes and i said he's he's a member and they checked and he was a member so it seemed like i really knew that and then i was i was making insane demands like i said he needs a piano and he needs sushi and he needs he wants to practice playing your song isn't that insane i'm gonna need a bowl of sushi
And with wasabi and everything. It was really weird, though. It got to the point where I was like... And they were saying yes? They were saying yes. And then kind of none of my friends were laughing anymore. And I just thought, what am I doing? You went too far. What was the thing you asked for that they were like, that's too far? Sushi. A monkey? No.
I shouldn't be admitting this. Adam Lambert, if you're listening, I'm so sorry. I don't know why I did that. I'll call them back. I'll tell them. If they were weird to you at the Soho house, now you know why. Yeah. Oh, God. You remember when U2 made it so that everyone with an iPod just automatically had their new album on it? Yeah. That was not a good day. They should do that with Handsome for everyone. Wait, why was that not a good day? Because a lot of people didn't want it. The songs weren't that great. It was one of their worst albums. Yeah.
It just felt so presumptuous. Unless this is with or without you, no thanks. You love with or without you. With or without you.
With or without you I can't live With or without you
I have one more celebrity news item about a celebrity not obeying the rules, but it's just a funny one to me. I saw it yesterday in the news that Pierce Brosnan went to Yellowstone National Park and he just thought, I'm going to walk past all the signs that say don't go here and I'm going to get in these hot springs.
And he got caught. He was posting pictures from them and stuff. And they're saying... That's his first mistake. That's his first big mistake. I would say it was his second. His first mistake was passing all of the do not pass these signs and then getting in the hot...
springs was the second go ahead me i mean that's pretty much the story but they're saying that he might face jail time and fines and but um also like six months ago somebody put their foot in the hot spring and it like dissolved like in a cartoon to the down to the bone no no i mean i might be that's not true that would be the biggest headline i've
that everyone would be talking about. I will say of all the things that I've said on this podcast, that was maybe the most made up. There's some kernel of truth. But yeah, in my head, it was like a cartoon. Like he put his foot in and then came out. It was just a skeleton foot. No hot springs for me. Only Irish springs. Yeah.
Irish. Irish phrase. Did you ever see the commercial? I don't know. This might be a 70s commercial where the guy is walking along and uses a knife to like cut part of the soap, the bar of soap. Like whittling a soap? I don't remember this. I'd like to do that now that you mention it. I've not seen that. Did you guys remember when herbal essence commercials were like the biggest thing? Like they were like in a shower and it was like orgasmic. Yes. Oh.
Oh no, Fortune, you've just forced us to picture you having an orgasm in the shower. Oh no, with a headset on? I have to sit down because I'm winded. Oh.
How much would Herbal Essence have to pay you guys to do one of those commercials and really commit to it? Full, like washing your hair full. One million dollars. I'd do it. No charge. Take 400 million. Yeah.
No charge. You got to make something. I'd do it for a million. One million. You wouldn't do it for 900,000? As I said it, I was like 500,000 for sure. Wow. 200? You just negotiated against yourself. Not 200. May would do it for 200,000.
No. 250. I even find, have you guys ever on screen had to have an orgasm on screen? No one wants that from me. We just got it from you. We just got it and we loved it. It was like this though. I wasn't fully committed. I was more just like splash. Well, we don't know. I was splashing water on my face. I'm not, yeah, I've not been in, it's funny because when I was on the Mindy Project, my character in the last season gets engaged and
And I started laughing when I realized at the end of filming that my fiance on the show and I never once kissed or like had any sort of affection. She's like, well, we're engaged. We're engaged. Good for us. You sleep in separate beds like Ernie and Bert. Yeah.
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you had sexy time on yes and that's what I'm saying is like having a pretend orgasm is so embarrassing in front of a crew of people and and you I don't really know what I look like when that really happens and oh it's just so I don't know if I could do the herbal essence thing did you have any problem being in the nude on
on camera yes it was weird because i wrote it so i'd be like oh guys this is hell and then i'd be like well i did write this so i can't really complain but now i gotta take my pants off yeah my pants my panties my panties my panties are staying on i did find it so weird just
Just humping. So strange. And then everyone else is like, okay, and cut and just moves on. And you and the person are like, anyway, they're eating a donut. Like, good job, you guys. Yeah.
Speaking of donuts, one time when I was in the very early days of my acting career, I was on the Sarah Silverman program. I played a police officer and there was a little tray of donuts behind my desk in the police station.
And between takes, I turned and took a bite of one of the donuts. And I was so new that I didn't realize that that was not for me to eat.
Oh, shit. So all the continuity was... Well, they had to replace it. Yeah. But I was so embarrassed. But, you know, I have to say a friend of mine, she was in a movie and there was some note about her...
underwear needing to be thrown like on the floor and she thought it meant her actual underwear and she's like oh no oh okay and she took her underwear off and tossed it on the floor oh my god production was getting ready to start filming and they were like whose underwear is this
And she had to claim her dirty underwear that was sitting... She was like, that's mine. I thought you said to throw my underwear. And they were like, in the scene with other underwear, not your filthy underwear. Oh, my God. That's insane.
You only learn by being in a mortified situation like that. Yes. Well, we'll do that again. I weirdly had a donut incident as well filming because I had in the scene I'm walking and eating and talking and eating a donut and I'm
I am allergic to coconut, as you know. And so when they were getting the donuts, they're like, is there any, are you allergic to anything? I was like, yeah, coconut. So somehow it got lost in translation where they said to the chef, we need donuts with no coconut. And the chef heard donuts made of only coconut. So the whole donut was constructed of macerated coconut. There was no, it was like the only ingredient. And so I took a bite and I, I didn't want to fuck up the take. We were already so, and I,
Wait, you didn't smell the coconut? No.
No, I was acting, you know? I don't know. I just put it in my mouth and then I swallowed it and then I was so sick for days. Oh, no. But it's really funny to tell someone just no coconut and they go, yep, got it. So just coconut. Coconut coming up. Coconut. Coming up and coming out. Go on. We should get to our question. Let's do it. All right. Well, today's question is from a hilarious comedian who's
iconic in the stand-up world. Margaret Cho, you know her from countless specials as well as recent movies like Far Island and the TV show Drop Dead Diva and Good Trouble. Let's hear what the very funny Margaret Cho has to say. It's Margaret Cho. Hello, handsome pod. The handsomest. All of you, the handsomest. Have you ever considered being a cad?
Have you ever considered being a rake, using your handsomeness for bad, for evil? To me, it's a fascinating idea. A cad, a rake can become a heel so easily. But it's a necessary part of being handsome. Do you use the handsome for the good of the world or do you use it for a sinister end? Yes, that's what I would like to know.
And also, what do you think about my Veruza Balk shirt? I love you guys. Okay. Veruza Balk is a big crush of mine and she was in The Craft, but also she, when she was little, was in Return to Oz from the 80s, which is a very dark sequel to Wizard of Oz that is, you forget how dark it is until you try to show it to a child and then it's,
Real scary. Yeah, she's cool. Yeah, I love that t-shirt. Whoa. What a question. That was amazing. I didn't know what the term rake was. No. That's another word for cad. A cad, like a rakish fellow, I suppose. I have never heard that. I...
Have a Margaret Cho story. Yeah, give it to us. So I was 22 and I was at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival and I saw Margaret Cho was playing and I'm like huge fan, huge crush on Margaret Cho. Just like I got to go see her. So excited. And
I forget, maybe we had a mutual friend, but we met and she was so nice. And I was like, I love you. And she was like, come out with us tonight. I was like, oh my God. So I go home, I get all dressed up. I'm freaking out. I'm going by myself with like her and her friends. And we go and see this like Australian drag show, but this troupe that are super funny. And at one point they're pulling, they pull a ticket number out of a thing. And they're like, whoever's number we call, you got to come on stage. Yeah.
And something as soon as they said that I was like, I know it's going to be me and I don't want it to be me. And sure enough, it was me. And I'm like, OK, I got to like be funny, but not look like I'm trying to be funny. And I don't know what this what's happening. Yeah. So I go on stage and they put me in a chair. And then this like muscly, oiled up Australian guy is giving me a lap dance. Hello. Hello. Hello.
And it was great. But then at one point they give me a metal spatula and he bends over like to, and he's like, spank me. And so I'm, you know, I'm game, I'm game. And so I, I just misjudge it. I pull back and I, I hit a too hard and be like,
clip his balls between his legs and he, he like screams almost and like squeezes his legs together and the mood shifts. Every, I'm like, I'm appalled. I'm like, oh my God, I'm so sorry. And everyone just like, no one's laughing anymore. Oh,
Oh my god. He's like limping. Yeah, and they were all looking at me like, what the fuck's wrong with you? And I was like, I didn't mean... I didn't mean to clip his balls. Does Margaret remember this? I don't know. I haven't brought it up with her. Oh my god. She didn't say anything about that.
In my mind, I was going to go out after the show with her and her friends. And I think I just crawled home to hide because it was so embarrassing. Margaret's seen so many things. I don't think anything could faze her. She's the best. No. Margaret is like that...
stand up you know what I mean no matter what she's doing in her career no matter how far along she is in her career she's always
doing stand-up. She's doing theater. She's doing open mics. She's, you know, she's not somebody that's like, I'm too proud to do this. She's just like, she's got something to say. She goes on stage. She doesn't care. I mean, that's how it seems to me. Maybe she'd hear me and be like, that is incorrect. But I don't think so. I mean, she, to me, is like one of those true, true stand-ups.
Yeah. She came up in that San Francisco era with those like unbelievable comics up there. Like that scene was crazy. Crazy. And she like, she does music and she does all kinds of, she's like a real artist, I think. Yeah. Yeah. I was telling her a couple of years ago how when I was meeting with managers, um,
who ultimately nobody wanted me. But when we were meeting, they would say, you know, whose career do you want? And I would always say Margaret Cho. I love Margaret Cho's career. Her question kind of requires that we actually believe that we're super handsome, which doesn't, it doesn't, I mean, maybe you guys, to me, as you know, I don't know, I feel like I'm 13 all the time. So...
I don't know. Have you ever knowingly used your handsome for evil? Well, to expand on what you were saying, you see yourself, that's like your view of yourself as like a 13-year-old. Is that what you said? Like I think maybe if I was like a cisgendered handsome man, then I would be corrupted by the power and being raised in the patriarchy. You know what I mean? But I think because I grew up like a pimply...
you know, with a ponytail. And I think that I will always feel that kind of awkwardness inside me, which I think is a good thing. Your 13 year old self will always hold you down. Yes. And prevent me from ever like, you know what I mean? From feeling yourself too much. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I was, listen, I'm not known for my looks, but
Don't talk about my friend like that. Do not talk about my friend like that. I don't mean that in a derogatory way. I just mean like, you know, I've always been a big gal and because I didn't come out when I was younger, I wasn't able to like
Fully know who I was. I think the most attractive version of yourself is when you're in your own power of like, this is who I am. You know what I mean? And you know what you're bringing to the world. I think that's so attractive. And I didn't know that about myself for a very long time. So I couldn't use my handsome for good because I was unsure of myself and my confidence was low.
lower and I didn't have that rapport with guys. They didn't see me in that way. So I had to develop my handsome qualities via my personality, making people laugh, drawing people in that way. And so that was where I would
be considered handsome more in those days. And I would try to use that for good. But could you use that for evil? Like you're, you are one of the most insanely charming people ever. Like I'm imagining you on survivor or on traders or on one of these like cutthroat reality shows. Yeah. Cause you'd never, I would never suspect, but I imagine you're good at like matching people's energy and you know what I mean? Making people feel comfortable. So I get, you could probably, uh,
I have used it for evil in the game Mafia. Oh, exactly. Okay, if you're listening and you haven't played Mafia, it's just like one person's a bad guy and you got to, in a group... Sniff him out. Sniff him out. Yeah. Like, I was the killer and it was down to me and my friend. Fortune!
And it was like a big group of friends that we were playing. And it was so heated. My friend was like, she's clearly the killer. Oh, my God. Like, I'm not the killer. And I'm like, you guys, I mean, come on. It's me. I didn't really think I would do that.
And I was like trying to charm everybody. And they're like, you're right. You could never do that. And then I ended up being the killer. And the whole room was like, oh, my God. So I have used it for pretending. Well, this is all good to know. And I'm going to keep an eye on you. Can we get Thomas to add to the list like a character?
a game of mafia, I would love to. May, all you have to say is Thomas added to the list. You don't have to say, can we get Thomas? I don't want to overstep my station in this pod. I feel like take, you have the authority to ask Thomas to put stuff on the list. No, we all have the authority. You just say, Thomas, put it on the list. Right, Thomas? Yeah. Okay. That's right. Yeah. May, you can order me to put stuff on the list. That's fine. All right.
All right. I put it on the list. Tigger, have you used your handsome for evil? Well, I mean, I think similarly to you, I mean, would you call it being a late bloomer? Yeah, for sure. It seems like we got three late bloomers here. And I was blooming late. And it was such a weird thing to...
come out and have people attract it to me. I was like, what me? What do you, I, because my whole life and childhood, I was just like the funny friend tagging along, you know, rock and roll guys or the popular girls. And so the only thing that I can even kind of say is that I, um,
involved in ways with people that there wasn't long term potential yeah not necessarily on purpose but
You're like, "This is fun for now." Yes. You know that they're more into you than you're into them. As you're saying that, I'm like, "I bet there's people in the world who would say that we have." A trail of tears. Yes, I bet. I bet you all both broken some hearts. I've not really broken anyone's heart. You have never broken a heart, Fortune. Never.
I was always the one that got dumped. Shit. Okay. Well. Would you? There was one relationship. Here we go. Here we go. Here comes the truth. No, one was like a mutual thing. It just wasn't working. We both knew it. But for the most part, I was the one.
But I was also dating people that were like had one foot in one foot out already. Right. But that's what was appealing to you at the time. And you didn't realize it. Yes, because I had my own damage and issues I had to work through to finally get to the point where I didn't want that or seek that out.
and it it became eventually i did work through that stuff out and that became very unappealing to me thank god have you ever like maybe margaret's thinking like like have you like hooked up with a fan like have you ever done that because i know that's a male comedy thing that happens a lot right like yeah male comics for sure comics and their fans i feel like i'm lucky that that dynamic does is doesn't do it for me at all yeah
I don't think so. I think I want to be the one that's like, I kissed somebody once, like a show weekend, but it wasn't like a fan. Well, yeah, and I've certainly, I think any sort of interaction I've had with somebody was based on a genuine...
potential interest or attraction. It wasn't just like, oh, you're into me, so I'm going to drag you. But I'm curious, what would that look like if none of us have used these
Powers for evil. What would that look like? I kind of almost can't even imagine it. Like, what would it be? I mean, I do think attractive people, in a number of instances, have a leg up. Oh, definitely. Like...
that their path in certain ways is a little easier. But it could be golden handcuffs too. I mean, I don't want to speak for Parvati, but I think in the early 2000s when Parvati was on Survivor and she was kind of known for being like,
and flirtatious and it was such a misogynistic time and then that like label was so like they just sort of think of you as one thing yeah and involving looks and not the other things you bring to the table yeah I really not use my handsome enough I guess
No, now you're just married with a dog and you can't do anything with it other than prance your handsome face around the house. I use my handsome personality to meet my wife. I'm grateful for that. They had in England for a very brief time, there was like
you know, Pret a Manger, that chain of sandwich shop. Oh yeah. I didn't know that's how you said it or how it was pronounced. Yeah. Pret a Manger means ready to eat. I'm always like Pret a Manger. Pret a Manger. Like the
baby Jesus and his pret a manger they had a thing where they they announced that the staff had the power to give a free coffee to their favorite customer of the day and so everyone was going and being so charming and handsome and like hilarious and yeah and I definitely would try and get
that coffee and then you're kind of bummed when you don't get it. But see, you know, I would give that coffee to, I'm always drawn to like cute old ladies. Are you? Yeah. Like I like that. They melt my heart. Not in an obviously sexual way. I'm not talking in that terms, but I have such a soft spot for old adorable ladies. Like,
I just, if they need help across the street, I'm just like, I think I see my grandmother in them, you know? Of course. I would be like giving them coffee. I'd be like, I don't care about all you other people. They'd be like, stop flirting with me. One of my favorite moments when I was at an airport, somebody was pushing,
like 900 year old woman in a wheelchair through the airport and she was pointing to go over to like coffee bean and tea leaf or something and the guy rolls her up to the counter and i'm standing right behind them and she just says yes one ice cream cone please oh my god
That's amazing. You're like, give her what she wants. Yes, make it happen. Make it happen. Yeah, that's amazing. It's just like in her mind, it's like still the 20s and like, of course they would have an ice cream cone. And an orangeade. Here's 25 cents and keep the change. One ice cream cone, please.
Let's hear what Margaret had to say. Yeah. My answer is yes. You want to be a rake. You want to be a cad. You want to be a heel. It's an essential part of being handsome. It's an underrepresented area of handsomeness. To be a rake, we need more rake representation. And so I think that being a rake, being a cad, being a heel is essential and important. So that's my answer.
Okay, I'm googling rake definition. A rake, a cat, a heel. So we need them in our world, Margaret says. Oh, here we go. In a historical context, a rake, short for rake hell, analogous to hell raiser, was a man who was habituated to immoral conduct.
particularly womanizing. Often, a rake was also prodigal, wasting his usually inherited fortune on gambling, wine, women, and song, and incurring lavish debts in the process.
wow i'm obsessed that should go in your mayfac what a rake is 100 all right i'm a rake all right let's i mean i love i just needed the definition but i've raked around town you're like well that checks out my inherited fortune i squandered on wine i love that margaret's like oh we need more of that i guess maybe she means like we need
People who like own their shit and are into themselves. You say a womanizer? Yeah. Remember that Britney Spears song? Womanizer, womanizer.
I bet she sang that at the Chateau Marmont. See, just there when I thought it was going to continue, it stopped. It never stops when I think it will. I'm a cad. Yeah, you're a rake. So is that what she's saying? Is just like a womanizer and you've got no problem just...
doing your thing, you're owning that you're hot, you're coming in, you're getting the gals. Maybe. I bet there's like a sweet spot between a rake and where I am now of like people pleasing. Like I guess it is good to stop
you know like uh there's this word like owning like owning your yeah because there's a word um pusillanimous and i love that word and it means contemptibly timid because it's like it's like you're being super polite and timid but it's actually contemptible it's so annoying you're pusillanimous
So maybe somewhere between Pusillanimous and rake hell, hell raiser. I think she was saying there should be a balance. Like, you know, yes, yes. There's a balance where you have some of that and then other people who aren't. And that's kind of what makes the world go around. Well, because if everybody was unsure of themselves and not being confident and going, you know, like, Hey, what's up? You know, everybody just kind of be in their own corner. Hey,
hey what's up what's up what's up bro that's how you know i was never a cad i was always like are you wanting to talk to them over behind me so yeah a balance because you gotta have those confident ones out there running amok and giving some heartbreaks along the way
And then you learn from that and you grow. And it helps you to get your heart broken. Oh, 100% it does. It's kind of a gift in a way. It's a terrible gift. A terrible gift. It is a terrible gift that you want to exchange immediately. In a way, Linus gave you a terrible gift.
Linus really did give me a terrible gift. Gotta frame it like that, yeah. Yeah. What a podcast. What a podcast. Everyone go out there and use your handsome...
For good and occasionally a little bad, but try to not be too crazy. Just make sure you squander your inherited fortune on wine and women. We have a very cool show coming up. Our live stream that we did over the holidays was so cool.
Fun broke records it broke records people said they wanted more So we're giving people more we are doing another live show at the Dynasty typewriter this time on February 12th, it is a Valentine's week of love. Yes, this will also Stream all around the world and you can buy tickets not just the night of the show but
leading up to the show, the night of the show, and what, a week after the show? You can keep buying tickets. And again, I'm still floored. I can't believe it.
that our show broke their ticket sales records. Oh man, it's crazy. Let's try and beat our record. I want people watching from all over because it doesn't matter if you're in the wrong time zone. You can buy the link and then stream it whenever you want. Have a little watching party. Are you watching on Valentine's Day? You watch it the weekend after Valentine's Day?
Make sure you look handsome, though. Yeah, we want everybody to look handsome. Send us pictures. I might switch it up and wear a cozy sweater. Oh, yeah. Okay. We're going to be taking people who are listening, their questions as well. So this show, we're going to focus on
love because it's Valentine's week. Even if you're single though, we're going to talk about it all. You guys can ask us all kinds of questions about relationships, about being single, about finding love. Maybe you can meet the love of your life through the handsome pod.
I wonder how we can get singles together. I want to connect people. Our first handsome baby to be born, like from two handsome listeners. We need to start a handsome dating site. Oh my God. Where handsomes and pretty little ladies who listen to the podcast can meet each other, fall in love. How do we do that? Seriously, that's a great idea. Put it on the list. Figure it out, Thomas.
So get your tickets. You can go to DynastyTypewriter.com and watch with us on February 12th live or for that following week. You got to check out HandsomePod.com and check out the new merch as well. We got a little cowboy hat, a pretty little lady sweater. Not to be confused with a cowboy hat. No.
No, absolutely not. It's a little cowboy hat. It's a hat that says little cowboy. Exactly. It is a baseball hat, but it says little cowboy. I think there's a Ponties sticker. There's a lot of good gear. Yeah, there's a new pack of stickers with Ponties, Mayfact, and What a Podcast, which there's also a What a Podcast mug. I've been seeing our t-shirt a lot at my shows. It looks so cool. And the handsome hats and everything. They're awesome. Go to handsomepod.com to get all your stuff.
This is something that's new for me. Stephanie and I have been starting to do a live show. Oh, nice. It's called She Said, She Said. And it's based on when I used to do, well, not used to do stand-up, but when I would do stand-up and I would talk about Stephanie or our family and Stephanie would be in the back row of the theater. And I'd say, Stephanie, is that how you remember the story to go? And she would say, in the darkness...
Not exactly. And then we would hash it out in the show. And so now instead of her sitting in the back row in the dark, we both sit on stage and we talk about things in our relationship and about each other. And then we share how we saw it. And then the other one shares how they saw it. That's great. Yeah. That's at Largo. Um, is she said, she said, go to their website. And then I'm also going to be working on new standup at, uh,
dynasty typewriter. Go to their website for my tickets and for handsome tickets. I'm the same. I'm just check out my Instagram because I'm at Largo and the Elysian doing improv and I don't know the dates off the top of my head, I'll be honest. Well, I'm in the thick of my tour
It's going until the end of May. Coming up in early February, I got Denver, Colorado, tickets for the second show, Poughkeepsie, New York, Madison, and Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Houston, Durham, we added a second show, then I have LA, New York City, Toronto, and we just added a third show in Seattle.
So you can go to fortunefeast.com for those tickets. Oh, and Wilmington, North Carolina. There as well. Lots of shows. You guys, we're just trying to bring a lot of handsome stuff to the world. You can catch us anywhere, basically. Basically. But I guess all that remains in the meantime is...
Keep it handsome. Handsome Pod. Handsome is hosted by me, Fortune Feimster, Tig Notaro, and Mae Martin. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Ouellette. Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com and follow us on social media at handsomepod. What a podcast!