Jamie Lee Curtis asks about spooky stuff
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Handsome Pod. Chatting with friends on the Handsome Pod. Chatting with friends on the Handsome Pod. Cheers.

Hello, handsome listeners. This is your friend Tig Notaro, and I am joined on the handsome pod by Mae Martin and Fortune Feimster. And the three of us make one handsome trio. Yeah, we do. Hello, friends. Hi.

Hi. How are you guys? I'm great. It's so good to see you. Doing well. Always good to see your faces. This episode's going to come out on Halloween. I think that's pretty spicy. I know. A spicy meatball. I'm excited about that. We do have a spicy meatball asking a question. I know. I will say this one's pretty great. I mean, when you think of Halloween and...

Our favorite actress who's known for a movie called Halloween. I don't want to give it away. I'm excited. Are you guys big? Are you Halloween fans? Tig, are you going to go trick-or-treating with the kids? Well, this year I'm sadly not going to be in town. It's going to be my first Halloween. Oh, no. Without my little cubs. Oh, no. I know. It's a big, big...

Big day for them. That is, I mean, my kids, no matter if they're in little three-piece suits and a bow tie or they're in their swim trunks or they're in their pajamas, they both always have Halloween socks on. Are you serious? They do?

Yes, sirree. Stephanie and I are driven crazy slash can't believe how adorable it is. Yeah. And they just got new Halloween socks, which will last for the next couple of years. And the old ones that they have been wearing are like three years old. They don't even really fit them. There's holes. They love Halloween and they love their Halloween socks. And when they decorate our yard with all...

all of the garbage they buy from CVS or whatever, Rite Aid, you know? Yeah, yeah. They truly, when we have people come over, they hide...

because they can't wait to see how spooked our friends are when they come over to the house. That's cute. They so believe that everyone is spooked beyond belief by the garbage in our yard. That's so good. Your friends are like, Tig needs to clean up around here. Oh, Stephanie, what you really letting this play out? My parents used to do that. The grass would grow really high and people were too lazy to cut it and the Halloween would roll around and

It's part of the ambiance. Right. I had some neighbors at Easter time that would let their yard grow so tall and

And then the dad would mow an Easter bunny trail through the yard. Oh, wow. It was good. Yeah, they'd do their little egg hunt through the little lawnmower path. Yeah, it works for all holidays. Because someone asked my parents at Easter, like, that's so great that you guys let the grass grow for Easter. And they're like, yeah. And Hanukkah. Yeah.

I really miss, like, I know it's good to be more safety conscious now, but I do miss the anarchic

halloweens of like our childhoods where i remember going by myself with my friends when i was tiny and like going into people's houses they had haunted houses and like there was a garage like a car mechanic in my neighborhood and they would just do this horror maze through there and you'd go into the shop and in the it was awesome yeah i loved halloween now it's stranger danger stranger danger which of course is

very real yeah the big thing at my school was everyone wanted an invitation to kate davies halloween party and she would not invite everyone in the class which is oh that's mean i know i know and she had this big house and they would go all out in the basement smoke machine strobe lights and and would go and wouldn't invite everyone isn't that wild

I would go. Can you even get away with that these days? Like now I think you just have to invite your whole class. But back in the day, they were like, sorry, you dumb bitches. You're not coming to this party. You dumb bitches. Oh.

Like back then, I think you could just bully people and no one cared. Yeah. Whereas like now I do feel like you should, you should invite everyone. I guess it's a big house. That's a lot of kids, but it was a big house. Yeah. But man, it was fun. And there was one year in grade six where, um,

It was like the word got around that our teacher, Miss Garot, was going to go to the party, which was wild considering all the kids weren't. But they had invited the teacher and I had a huge crush on this teacher, but I didn't know that I did. But I was like, this is my chance to get her off school property. Oh my God.

I'm gonna... To what? To do what? Just to like... I remember my mind being like, oh my God, I'm gonna see her just in a social setting. Like, I'm gonna get to just chat to her. So I remember all the kids are in the basement and I'm just up with the parents. Suddenly get her alone. Yeah. I was just chilling with Miss Perot. And to what? We're just gonna chat about ancient history.

Quiz me. Quiz me. I wanted any tidbit about her personal life that I could get. Oh, yeah. Just to know something about your teacher did seem like such a cool thing back in the day. Oh, my God. I remember in class one day she let slip. She had a boyfriend called Peter Schmidt. And I remember that name to this day. And I sometimes Google Peter Schmidt. I'm like...

did they get married? Cause I can't find her. She was my favorite teacher. I was like that too. I wanted any piece of information. I was in seventh grade and there was a really cute young teacher and she revealed she had a boyfriend. And I think I was like, Oh yeah, tell us about him. She's like, it's none of your business. I was like, and where does he live and what does he do? Yeah. Peter's name is Peter Schmidt. Oh my God. He dated all the cool. Tell us about him. She's like, no, no,

I remember being kind of devastated to hear that she had a boyfriend. Tell us about it. Can you imagine? Let me just tell a bunch of 13-year-olds about my boyfriend. About my love life. I'm like, inquiring minds want to know, right, guys? And no one else is interested. You're just like, tell us. I'm like, man, I would love to know more about you. Yes. Yes.

I remember getting dressed to go to the party and it was all about Miss Garot in my head, but I didn't realize why, but I dressed like John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever. And I was maybe 12 or 13 and everyone else in my class was like a sexy spider. Like it was that age where people start trying to have hot costumes. And I wore like an open shirt and a white kind of suit, John Travolta. And I remember being like, hey, Miss Garot, what's up? Man.

This is insane. I trust as John Travolta. Shut up. You guys have a lot in common. I,

I know. Well, Fortune, you and I were also debutantes. That's true. But yeah, my friends, I was really close with these twins, Susie and Allie. And oftentimes when you're twins, you're very popular. Yes. I know because I have twins. But I was at Susie and Allie's, I think it was their Halloween party. And I dressed...

John Travolta, maybe it was their birthday party and it was just a costume dress up birthday. I don't know what was happening. It was elementary school. Or you just decided I'm going. Well, no, it was Grease. Grease was the theme. Okay. And all of the girls dressed in poodle skirts. Yeah. And all of that. And like, we're, you know, we're,

whatever the characters were in Grease. And then I showed up as John Travolta. Yes. And I think I was in like maybe first grade. Oh, little, little. And were you wearing like, what does he wear? Black t-shirt? Jeans. You know, I had a white t-shirt, leather jacket, tennis shoes. And then my hair was slicked back. And, you know, that's that thing where it's like, that's so awesome that my mother...

thought I looked so cool and takes me to this party, drops me off. And guess what I didn't account for? All of the girls wanted to dance with me. We're kissing me on my cheek. And I was like, whoa, this was not in the plan. I was just, I was just here to look cool. My motorcycle is out there.

outside and i'm gonna hop on it and blaze if you cats don't step back ladies you were very convincing as trivulsa yeah they went nuts yeah for a lot of queer kids halloween's a chance to have that like gender euphoria almost you get to dress up like yeah how you feel inside and you're right yeah then why did i go dressed as alf i'm like wait a second we did

big old man you're the big no i know you don't have to describe it we saw it immediately where did you get the costume or did you build it it was like uh spencer's remember yeah you know spencer's gifts it's like it was a big um shop at the mall back in the day that had like and you were drawn to al how old it was a very popular sitcom at the time

I think I was like 12 12 or 13 so you were not interested in dating no I was a late bloomer let me tell you I was so out to lunch when it came to all that stuff that is the funniest thing I've ever heard or thought of it didn't even occur to me I could go as John Travolta you showing up with your curly blonde hair

Yeah, I just distinctly remember walking around in this giant ALF mask. And I think I had like brown, like brown shirt and pants on. I love the idea. I can't either. And I love the idea that it's like John Travolta or ALF. Well, I guess I can't be John Travolta, so I better be ALF.

Then why did I go as Alf? You guys are like so handsome in your costumes and I'm just an alien that talks. Well, I mean, you're essentially an aardvark. Is that what it is? I don't know. I never saw Alf, okay, to be honest. Really? But why would I watch Alf? Fair point. It was so good.

If you youngins don't know about, please Google it. And so you can see what I look like, what you did look like, not what you currently look like.

No, I don't have any. I don't know why I never took pictures for my Halloween costumes. I only have a handful. I have a lot of pictures of me as Peter Pan. That was my go-to for like a long time. Oh, you are so Peter Pan. And also people just didn't take as many pictures back then. I know. I was also one year Dracula. I was also, I know not a very politically correct word right now, but a hobo. And, you know, had...

patches on my clothes. People put a black mark on one tooth. And my mother painted a beard on me. Oh my God. And again, I was like in second grade. A marker for a beard and one missing tooth. Yeah. And then a bottle of wine.

Oh, my God. Okay. Yeah. But I do. Now that I think about it, I give my mother so much credit that she was like putting me in John Travolta outfits and then dressing me like a male hobo with a beard. She saw you. You felt seen by her. She was just like, sure, sure, let's go. And then Dracula. And then now as an adult...

i always just go as an aging lesbian is what i tell you that's really funny i'm bad about costumes now that i'm older people are like what are you gonna be i'm like i don't know i dress up for work in costumes all the time i want to go with my girlfriend as barbie and ken this year i i would be ken sure um but also i hope i get to go trick-or-treating with with

with a kid. Oh, yeah. With her daughter. I bet you will. Well, and the kids like, you know, wants to be like the standard things. I think it's, you know, unicorn, pumpkin, that kind of thing. But I've got her really into wombats recently. I just started talking about the animal wombat that, you know, they poo cubes. They're cool looking. They're interesting. And it's really captured her imagination. And I'm like, kind of trying to

Be like, we could go as a wombat. It would be kind of cool. Like, let's, you know, push the envelope. Yeah. And is she going to do it? No, no, definitely not. Well, maybe float the elf idea, Pastor. I have a weird relationship with Halloween because I got the Dickens scared out of me

back in Dickens. Dickens scared out of me. Like, I don't know if it was just my parents or the time, the era of like, they just wanted to scare the bejesus out of you and didn't think about the consequences. Yeah. So there was a thing in my hometown where you just drove to a parking lot, right? An empty parking lot. And we're in the car. Now my parents have not told us

what we're doing. And it's the two of them in the front seat and I've got my brothers on both sides of me and they just park in an empty parking lot. We're like, do-do-do-do-do. All of a sudden...

All of these creatures and people and like Freddy Krueger's descend upon our car or on the windshield, banging chainsaw. And I'm like, oh my God. I'm screaming. I'm like, we are getting attacked. This is a car ride and now we are under attack. And I'm like, what? We need at least a pineapple distance between us.

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It's not like we paid a mission to go into a thing. We are in everyday life. And then all of a sudden a chainsaw is at the window. I died. That's so scary. But I don't know if my parents didn't have any sense because my mom was also, I was in Girl Scouts and I was in Daisies, which is five years old. Now the chainsaw incident was probably like nine years old. So that was traumatic. But at five years old, even more traumatic,

My mom was our Daisy Scout leader. And as a field trip, she decided to take our entire five-year-old Girl Scout troop to a haunted house.

We went through this haunted house. We were, my brother was there and my dad was there. We were crawling on top of all of them, screaming, crying. They had to shut down the haunted house, turn the lights on and try to show us that it wasn't real. And we were just like, like we could not stop screaming. Yeah.

Shut the haunted house down. I still do this. I don't remember a lot of stuff from when I was five, but I remember that entire thing so vividly. And then when you leave the haunted house, there's a witch banging a gong and we're just like...

I love how a gong becomes terrifying. I wasn't expecting a witch for a year after that. Oh my God. I mean, they stopped the haunted house to show us. And I look, God bless these people. They're trying to show us that the chainsaw doesn't have a chain on it. We're five. We're like, we don't understand what that means. Did you continue to say we're five lady? Yeah.

I don't care where a chain is supposed to go. You're like, look, kids, it's not even a real chainsaw. We're like, it looks like a real chainsaw. You're like, well, that's a real gong. It was crazy. I mean, yeah. Tell me, is the gong real? I still laugh at my mom. Like, what were you thinking? She's like, honestly, I don't know. What the hell?

That is so wild. Well, we're so perfectly about to transition into our question, but I will quickly say, because you said aardvark, and I just remembered a cool fact. A fact. A may fact. It's a true story. We need to get a may fact sound effect. Yeah. As soon as may starts to go into one of their facts, we have to play the may fact sound effect. But I think it should be like...

Well, that comes after the fact.

So the fact is, this is a true story from the turn of the century. There was this guy who he went on trial for shooting his mother-in-law. And then it turned out what had actually happened. And this is truly what had happened. He had shot at an aardvark. Those shells are so hard that the bullet bounced off, went through the window and hit the mother-in-law. And they were all like bullshit. And then it was like, no, we got to find that aardvark because you're going to see...

a dent in its shell. But yeah, that's how hard the shell of an... And wait, did they find the aardvark? They must have because he got off. They proved it. Well, you don't have more information on this mayfair? No.

And I could not tell you where I read it or heard it, but I know it. That is not what's important. What's important is that we have these Mayfats. That's true. All we need is a seed of effect. Yeah. Well, should we get into our questions? Let's do it. Yes, I'm so excited. Okay. I'm going to do the honors, and it truly is an honor. Okay. Our guest today, asking a question, it's Jamie Lee Curtis, folks. She is amazing.

A Golden Globe and Oscar award-winning actress and producer known for her roles in hit movies like Halloween,

True Lies, A Fish Called Wanda. Yes. Everything, everywhere, all at once. And also Knives Out, right? Oh, right. Of course. Yeah. Oh, man. She's the best. She's great. Yeah. Also, I want to say, just because I won't get to say it later, she's such an amazing advocate for trans rights and I think has a trans daughter. And I'm just always so grateful when I see her posting. She's just so vocal. She's

so cool. So great. So personally, thank you for that, Jamie. Stephanie and I met Jamie Lee Curtis several years ago, but she was like, you have kids, right? And I said, yeah. And you know, she wrote several children's books. And then I don't know, the next day, a box of like,

10 million books that she wrote showed up at our door. That's amazing. Yeah, so nice. So, so kind. Let's hear what she said. Hi there. It's Jamie Lee Curtis. Happy Halloween, everyone. Happy Halloween. Yes, iconic. My question is really a two-part question. Okay. Because I really am two parts. That's up to you to decide what my two parts are, but I am a sort of two-part person. Okay.

So the first part of the question is, what scares the fuck out of you? And the second part of the two-part question is, when my daughter went to college, there were a lot of college parties. And my favorite one that she went to was called Shock Your Mama. And what would be your costume to shock your mama?

I will tell you that my daughter went as a conservative Republican. Happy Halloween, everyone. Oh, my God. That's so funny. That would shock your mama. That's amazing.

Wow. That is, first off, that is so cool. Like what a perfect guest on our Halloween episode. Oh, come on. Yeah. Very spooky question. Feeling very handsome. Jamie Lee Curtis is very handsome. However you want to define handsome. Yeah, absolutely. Which is the fun about the word, but very handsome.

Very handsome. What scares the fuck out of you? Huh? I've got to think about it for a second because I'll tell you. Okay. Climate change. Climate change. Climate change. Climate change. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Big natural disaster. Here's my feeling. If there is no planet, you have no room for politics.

Social issues. Nothing matters if the planet is gone. So that should be, in my mind, the number one most important factor. And it terrifies me because, I mean, it's a bummer to talk about, but it does. It scares me because the planet is just...

being destroyed right before our eyes. And truly, it's like, you want to fight Republicans and Democrats and the planet has to be here for any of that to matter. Yes. And it's so 100% kind of humiliating for us as humans that I mean, since I was a kid, I've been reading articles like we need to act now this is happening now. And it's we just don't. It's like we're driving towards the edge of a cliff. And we're just like, Oh,

Put on your seatbelt instead of taking any of the turnoffs. All right, we interviewed Adam McKay on this radio show I do on Netflix. And he was ringing the alarm bells in a way that I was like... He did that movie Don't Look Up, right? Yeah. So he did a lot of research about it. And he goes, the alarm bells are sounding...

off like now and have been. Yeah. I mean, we're all going to end up moving to Canada when it all starts kicking off and there's the water wars and the, oh God, this all got real heavy. I know. Well, that's what scares me when I really think about, I mean, there's obviously so many things that scare me about this world and the politics and social issues, my kids, the world that they're living in. But I always go back to first and foremost,

The planet has to survive in order for any of these issues to even matter. My mom gets really excited about space travel and space tourism. And I get that it's exciting, but I'm like, okay, but come on. I have no desire to go to space. No, thank you. I'll move by the Great Lakes.

Oh, yeah. Let's all live by the great water over there. I'm pretty scared of the ocean. The idea of being out of sight of land just in the ocean or on a big boat that's sinking or something just the groaning waves and how powerful that cold water is in the dark and you don't know what's underneath you. There could be like an aquatic dinosaur that's still alive.

that freaks me out and also zombs because they is that short for zombies yeah yeah they like real oh i just said it but they call them zombs that's the first time i've done that but it felt good yeah zombs it's like a casual like like you know the old zombs that are around

I think it's... Yeah, those spooky Zombs. They're like, to me, especially the fast zombies in movies, it's like a metaphor for just human rage. Like it's about humanity. And the worst parts of us. And I think that's... And they never stop coming. You can't... They just keep coming and coming. Well, that's like the movie Army of the Dead that I was in. Those zombies like rammed.

Were you scared? Yeah, they were fast ones. Were they actually chasing you when you're filming? No, because I replaced an actor that got in trouble for sexual harassment and assault. Really? Yeah.

yeah and so then the zombies didn't chase you because they were like well because the movie was you had to film after the movie was done yeah the movie was done and Zack Snyder the director he said he was looking at the movie and he was like I can't release this movie because he just that guy just got in trouble yeah and so they erased the actor from the whole movie yeah and then Zack

gets me on a zoom and he's like can you come in and film this entire action zombie film by yourself on a green screen wow I would not pay to have footage of you I have it oh you gotta send it to you in front of the green screen I have it I have it I'm like

machine gun flying a getaway helicopter. There's a zombie in my helicopter. All by yourself. All by myself for like three weeks on a green screen. That's crazy. And also like huge props to Jamie Lee Curtis because I think fear is one of the hardest things to act because...

you know what's coming. You're not in a scary environment, but you're hyperventilating and it's really hard to act like you don't know what's coming. You go horse trying to be scared all day. The movie Halloween is one of my fears because my mom showed... We're talking about parents scaring their kids. My mom sat me down. I was six years old, put on Halloween. I guess she loved the movie. She wanted me and my brother to watch it. I was...

So when he jumps on the car, he's escaped a mental asylum, I think, Michael Myers. And man, which incidentally, the Michael Myers mask is actually a mask of William Shatner, Captain Kirk, which is painted white. Mayfact. Mayfact. Mayfact. Mayfact. Mayfact.

may fact may fact may fact yeah it is that is a scary movie fuck it's so okay so zombies and then the ocean so you're not you don't go zoms my bad zoms yeah yeah that's cool do you not go you don't go into the ocean as a result like you kind of stay away from swimming and stuff yeah

I'd swim in the sort of like really close to the shore, but I would never take a cruise. And I've seen the movie Poseidon, you know, I'm not getting on it. May's no fool. Because your fear is that an ancient... An ancient... Water sore.

The thing that's going to come to life? Yes. You know the Marianas Trench in the Pacific Ocean? It's like the deepest part of the ocean. Mayfax. Mayfax. Mayfax. Just knowing that it's there and it goes deep, deep down. Like anything could be in there, right? Just pitch black. Like what is in there? More people have been to space than have been to the bottom of the ocean. We don't know what is in there. The ocean is vast. Yes.

May, this is where we're similar again. Even though I am terrified of climate change, I cannot think of many other terrifying things aside from being not just... Okay, this is going to freak you out. Okay. This is terrifying. Someone tosses you from a boat. Oh. Okay. Mm.

Only that open water. They leave. Guess what? What? It's nighttime. Oh, no. No. That and you're just your little legs dangling in the deep. It kind of gives you. You better start learning to tread for an hour. Tread water for an hour. Yeah, you got a good hour. If not longer. Yeah, I went snorkeling recently and I thought about that, about the open water movie where the scuba diver couple got left behind or whatever.

Oh, yeah. And I was like, I don't know what I would do. I mean, it's terrifying. It's like you're helpless. Here's what I can suggest. When I am doing my hour-long water, when I tread water, the way you can take a break is just floating on your back. Yeah. That's scary in the Osh, though. Yeah. But look, if you're tired of treading, you just take a beat, relax on your back, and

And you're back up. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. But the, uh, Aquasaur is still going to get you. That's a good name. Aquasaur. Aquasaur. Well, like the Meg, you know, and, and we do know, like they recently found a, I got, I got a lot of facts today, but they found a, a shark in the ocean. That's 460 years old or something. So it was around in the Nepal. Hello.

Yeah, it's blind. You should see a picture of this thing. It's like, blind is just like... Wears glasses. It doesn't know why it's still alive. It's just like, what am I doing? It's like, can someone please pull the plug? Totally. It was around in Napoleonic times. That's crazy to think about. May fact, may fact.

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I'm embarrassed to share my thing I'm scared of because... Is it you in an ALF suit? No, I'm embarrassed because yours was so, you know, important to me and it is very scary because it's real. Yeah. And mine's a little ridiculous, but it's something I'm genuinely scared of. Okay. So early on in my relationship with Jax, I want to say this is like maybe three months in.

We had not gotten to the phase, the part of the relationship yet where you're like so comfortable that you're like, you know, you don't poop anywhere near that person. You don't fart. You don't burp. You're minding all your P's and Q's. And at some point that seal has to break. You don't know when that's going to be. But you're trying to prolong it as much as possible because you want to keep. And you poop near her? You want to keep the romance alive. No, no, no.

So we're sleeping and the morning is coming and I sneezed so hard and so loud that I involuntarily farted as loud as humanly possible. I can't believe I'm telling you guys this, but that's how much I love this handsome pod. I stopped farting.

Frozen. Froze. I played possum like, please, Lord, please make it so that Jack's still asleep. I was like, I don't want, I'm like, we haven't broken the seal yet. The romance is alive and well. Please, I pray that she's still asleep. And I'm just like, dear Lord, tense like this, not moving.

And all of... I mean, this was the loudest thing I've ever... And what scared me is that I had no control. I sneezed and it was just like, all bets are off. And all of a sudden, she starts going... She starts dying laughing. And I'm...

I go, oh my God. But she's laughing so hard that I start crying laughing. We're like hyperventilating laughing. That's a nice moment. It was a nice moment, but it has made me realize that at any point in my life, I can sneeze and that might happen. And it worked out in front of her. And soil in your pants. It worked out in front of her.

And I just am like, please, Lord, never let that happen on stage, on set. And what did the Lord say? He said, hold on, little lady. So it genuinely terrifies me that at some point that could happen. And if it does, I'm going to come on the handsome pod and tell you all about how I was humiliated. Would you rather you can never do comedy again? Oh, God. Or you can keep doing it. I'll take it.

Wow. You're like, I'm done. You can never do comedy again or you can keep doing comedy, but twice a year at a point, a random point that you can't decide, you are going to fart so loud and long. And it could be on stage. It could be in bed. It could be anywhere. God. Twice a year. Like really loud and really loud. At that point, I'd just have to own it. I'd have to be like, you know me. I don't know.

You know what I mean? Like, because it's my job. It's like, and I love it. So I would have to be like, guys, you, and that would just be what I say every time. You know me. You'd have to be like, guys, you're going to need to step back. Yeah. And what about you, Mae? You'd do it. You'd be like, that's fine. I'm like fortune wear, especially if I'm dating someone. Like, my parents have been married 40 years. They've never peed in the same room as each other. They don't fart. Which is wild. And I know that I'm human. And I know that.

I have fart in front of people, but I'm, and actually I find it very sexy when people are confident enough to fart around me. Like, I think that's awesome. Like when people even fart as a punchline to something, like nothing is more attractive. I'm not into fart punchlines. It cracks me up when some beautiful woman is like confident enough to fart. I love it. I don't have a fart fetish.

It's the confidence. So don't go farting around me. Don't go farting on me. And I don't even normally talk about farts or say farts, but I just had to share this. I don't normally say farts. I'm normally a lady.

lady but i'm the same i like i think if i farted around my girlfriend now i'd be like well goodbye and i'd pack a suitcase and i'd move to kansas to become like a pen we have we have a joke that if i fart in front of her i'll go well goodbye and i'll come i'll go become a pencil salesman i don't know where that part came from but would she want you to pack up and go to camp no she's like just get it let it rip it's gonna happen at some point well now it's like whatever but

Oh, really? It's the first one. It's when you hit the first one. Now it's like, whatever. Now you're letting rip. I mean, that's the thing. It's like, we've been together for eight and a half years. It's going to happen. But it's that first, it's breaking the seal that's like... I'd give up comedy. It's the point of no return, right? That's what it is. Right. I have a friend whose mother was very...

Not humorous. Yeah. She was very like this. Hello. And she would pass gas and then say, excuse me. That's so good. That's so good. Excuse me. Yeah. It would just be like, you know, would Fortune and May like to stay for dinner? Excuse me. Oh.

With it not registering on her face at all. It was just a matter of fact. I have gas and excuse me. That's so good. Yeah. So you would be hot for her, Mae. Yeah, I mean, it's... Yeah, I'd give up comedy. Mae's looking for a gassy gal. I'm not, girl. I'm not. Excuse me. I don't want her. I don't want her. Okay. Okay.

Wait, so what was the other question? Her other question was, what would you dress up as that would shock your mama? Shock your mama. What costume would shock your mama? That's so funny that her daughter dressed as a Republican. Yeah. My mom would probably be shocked if I was in like a hoochie outfit. A hoochie outfit? That's what I was thinking. You know, like a short skirt. My mom would love that. And a halter top. Yeah.

I know my mom like fully accepts me and who I am. But I know if I one day was like, you know what? I think I'm going to start wearing a little halter top and a skirt. She'd be like, amazing. She'd be so... Yeah. They're like, finally. I remember asking my mother, I was like, what would you do if I told you one day that I was...

in love with a guy and I was running off to get married. She said, I would think you were crazy. Oh, yeah. That's nice. Yeah. I was like, oh, good. She gets it. Yeah. Yeah, what would shock my mom? The problem is I've been in so many costumes in my career from the Groundlings days and from Chelsea lately. Like I have been in, I willingly now go into my hot tub in a

in a one piece bathing suit with a wig on and turquoise jewelry to play my character Brenda. He says, I swear to God, Tim.

So like, I don't know if I could shock my mom. She's seen me be so many different people in my career. Is this for a costume or like an actual... I'm thinking more broadly like a concept. Yeah, because if you got out of the business of comedy and you're carrying a briefcase and that'd shock your mama. I know what my mom hates is baseball caps and she...

Doesn't mind telling me. I wore one the other day to see a movie with her and we stopped walking at a stoplight and she turned to me and goes, I have to say something. I was like, okay. And she goes, I hate that baseball hat. Whoa. I was like, whoa. And I kind of laughed. I was like, all right, well, you know, so maybe a baseball hat.

What would you wear, Tig? What would shock my mama? Well, I mean, my mother was a dancer and she did ballet. And I guess when I picture myself in a leotard and a tutu and I came home dancing. You came home on the tips of your toes. Yeah, the tips of my toes. I think that would shock my mama. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, I like that. Because this is the person that dressed me as John Travolta and a hobo with a bottle of wine, five o'clock shadow. Yeah. And said that she'd say I was crazy if I was going off to marry a man. She knew who you were before you did. Yeah. I have been in leotards. I have dressed in leotards and ribbon danced. Ribbon danced. Once again, I'm...

Against your will? No, no, no. Or was this very much in my will? In my will. Why were you doing that? That would have been the Chelsea Lately days. They would put me in a leotard and I would just go out and ribbon dance. Were you like a little kid sister that they just dressed up? Oh, yeah. I was like a doll, like a large doll. Yeah.

Did you feel free doing that ribbon dance? It looks like a very kind of liberating. Yeah, I don't really have any qualms about dressing up as things, which is funny with Halloween that I'm like... Anytime it comes to a costume for Halloween, I am legit like I have no idea what to go for Halloween. But then if it's for like a sketch or comedy, I'm like...

putting on all these, you know, this jewelry and I'm in a wedge and I'm got giant sunglasses. I've got makeup and it's like, no, I think it's so funny. And then you're like, what are you going for Halloween? I'm like, I don't know. I have no idea. I have costume chest around my house with just wigs. I, when we sold our last house, I had to throw a lot of it away because it had been,

just sitting in my garage, but I have tons of wigs, costume jewelry. At any point, I could create a character. Stephanie told me when she went to New York to audition for SNL,

Her suitcase went through the, you know, thing. Yeah. Whatever. And it was just full of wigs. And she said that they opened it and searched it. And she just looked like something was terribly off with her. Oh, yeah. In what world? When Jax moved in with me, she started opening up these chests of wigs and like very random props.

And she was like, what is... You're kinky. Yeah, like she thought I was a freak. I was like, oh, these are just from my growling days. That's work stuff. Yeah.

Close that, close that chest. Yeah, if that's for the office, excuse me. I've had that at airports going through security with, and they find like a, like a strap on in my, if I'm traveling just with hand luggage and then think that's real bad, that's not a good moment. And I've had that also going into, like I was going on a date and I, what do you do? Like I knew I wanted to have this with me, this,

you know, and I had it just in my knapsack and we were going to see a concert and then they're checking back, they're checking knapsacks at the door. They're in their napkins.

And I've got a strap on in my knapsack. And I was like sweating because also it's very presumptuous because, you know, I thought I was going to be having sex. Was this a first date? It was like a third date. And I sort of, we'd had sex before, but it's still presumptuous to be like, I got brought my dick in my back. So then I'm going through security and I just thought, oh, so I...

I see the guy open the bag and he's looking through it. I see him see it and we have eye contact and my eyes are saying, please, please don't say anything. And he, God bless this man was just like, all right, go ahead. Yeah. Well, I would imagine they come across so much stuff. So many. Insecurity. I mean. All kinds of shit. Yeah. I mean, people got things to do across the country. Yeah.

He's like, here, take your wand and get out of here. What are you, a witch? Where's your gong? Is this your gong? Yeah, anyway. Well, those were great, amazing, amazing questions. Should we hear what Jamie's answer? Yes, please. I think what scares the shit out of me is...

The amount of hatred and bile being spewed from human being to human being. It just feels like the internet has unleashed this filter-less way of communicating. It just feels like humanity is gone and civilization and a civilized society is

where people talk to each other and listen to each other is just gone. And that scares the shit out of me. And what would shock my mama? Hmm. I think what would shock my mama would have been Deirdre Bobeirdre in Everything Everywhere All at Once. I think she would have been shocked.

by what I looked like in the movie. I think she would have completely freaked out if she had seen me in the movie.

And so I think if I was going to go to a shock your mama party, I would go as Deirdre Bobeirdre and let it all hang out. Thanks for asking me to be on your nice show pod. Yeah, I really, I really relate to that feeling of disillusionment and kind of a horror at the anger in the world. But also, I feel like once if you get out of

whenever I'm feeling down, I'm like, just, I gotta just put my phone away, get off the internet. And when you go out and about, and especially you guys must find like touring and doing standup, people are so kind and you just gotta find them, just be out in the world. But man, I think that's a really good point because I'm on the road right now. And I just really am so thankful for the days that I can get out and,

And take a walk, take a hike, go tread water, whatever it is. But not forget that being in close, in the middle of nature, it's so grounding and inspiring and life affirming. That's how I feel as I just walk through unbelievable beauty. Because when you're on that kind of walk and you think about

all these losers that are saying mean things and negative stuff that, I mean, I guess calling them losers is mean as well, but you know what I'm saying? Just like, fine, be home and do that. But guess what?

I'm out on the most beautiful hike right now. And that has nothing to do with me. And I think it's really good to remember that. But it is hard to avoid the internet because it's everything. It's everything everywhere all at once. Yes, it is. And the vitriol. Well, I think it's like it's done a couple of things. It's put people in bubbles. Like you're kind of interacting and hearing the opinions of

of people that think like you and so you're not getting information across the board in a way that you used to get so it's dividing people yeah it's giving people a platform to be nasty in a very anonymous and get rewarded for it and rewarded for the meaning yeah you get a lot of attention for it and i for whatever reason people seem unhappy these days and and there's a

that's a pandemic in itself of like, or epidemic, whatever the word is, of people just not feeling good about themselves. And when you don't feel good about yourself, you project that onto other people. And sometimes we think what we're seeing on the internet and the, and the vial and all that stuff in the media and the internet is how the world is right now. And that's certainly the case in certain areas, but I go on tour and then I meet all these lovely, amazing people in all these cities who are,

happy and polite and kind. So it is out there. Those people are out there, but I think we have to work extra hard to try to spread more positive stuff and shine lights on the, the,

kinder things in life and more positive things in life. I try to follow some of those like good news websites and things because otherwise you're inundated with like the worst parts of humanity and existential threat and things like that and maybe it's a slightly self-fulfilling prophecy because you're looking at all that stuff and then you go out in the world and you're like oh these people suck. I've seen what they're like but actually people are deep down I hope good but that is why zombies scare me the most is because... Zombs. Zombs. I'm so sorry. Zombs.

Yeah, to me, they're a representation of just like the pure animal rage that is inside some people that... Yeah. Go outside, hug a tree, smell a tree. Do that. My friend and I were talking this morning, trees...

are antidepressants. Totally. But also don't forget the importance of teaching kids empathy. The lack of empathy is what we're seeing. And I think that's what's happening and making discourse so negative is because no one's empathetic to each other anymore.

So I would encourage people to also teach the importance of empathy to the ones coming up that are going to be running things. But let me just say one thing that was cool to hear with Jamie Lee Curtis for her to talk about her mama, her mom in a way that's very like to her, that's her mom, her mom and you know,

But to us, we're like, your mom was Janet Leigh. Right. Who starred in Psycho. Again, another one of these like infamous, famous, scary movies. It's funny that she was an actor, but she would have been so shocked to see Jamie playing that character. It's like, I guess it was different times. There was a real kind of like glamour time and that character. Yeah. But it's so interesting when you hear...

Someone talking about, you know, I'm just talking about my mom, but you're like, oh, that's an icon as well. Or my husband, Christopher Guest. What an icon to me. I know, Christopher Guest. You're talking about costumes. I mean, yeah. I mean, any way you look at it, it blows your mind. Christopher Guest is Jamie's husband and his movies are like...

I die for his movies. I think I know every word. I can quote Best in Show. God, what a legend in the comedy world. And the horror world. Yes, man. And did you know Halloween was made for a budget of $300,000 only and it made $47 million in the box office.

Mayfax. Mayfax. Mayfax. And that was back in... When did Howling come out? 70s. 70s, yeah, right? Yeah. And so that would have been a lot more money back then. Mm-hmm. That's a fortune fact. Fortune fact. Fortune fact. And there's no... I have no specific information other than that was a lot more money back then. Yeah.

Well, thank you so much, Jamie Lee Curtis. Oh my God. What an honor. Yeah. Well, we certainly appreciate you guys tuning in to our episode this week of handsome. If you're enjoying the pod, please share with your friends when you're going to that dinner party. Angela's like, has anybody got any recommendations? Cause there's always that one person that really needs some. And she's always named Angela. Oh,

Always name Angela. And you're like, Angela, boy, are you in luck. Send her your favorite episode. Be like, oh my gosh, you got to hear this one. May had told us recently about meeting people out in the wild. Yeah, who have been listening. Who listen to Handsome. That just happened to me the other day. Someone was like, I love Handsome. And it's so cool to hear. So yeah, keep telling your friends. Share it.

share it with your boss. If you want some cool points. Yeah. You want to raise like you look handsome. I mean, maybe we don't say that, but yeah. Yeah. Spread the word, make sure you, you like and subscribe. Subscribing really helps us. If you do that on wherever you get your podcasts, give us a rating five star, five star, five star. And also let us know what terrifies you. I want to know what everyone's answer is to that.

Check out all of our social media accounts and let us know what terrifies our handsome listeners. And also feel free to dress as any of us for Halloween. Or even Mr. Thomas. And please send us the pictures. Please. Or also pictures of you as a kid dressed up in ridiculous things. That would be great. Alf. Alf. All right. Well, we did it again. Oops. We did it again.

Some people might be dressing as Britney Spears. Which Britney? There have been Halloween parties where people dress as different versions of Britney Spears. The handsome Britney. Yes. Let's do the handsome Britney this year. Fortune, do you have any things coming up you want to promote? Do I?

I am on my stand-up tour coming to Evansville, Indiana, Dayton, Ohio, and Charleston, West Virginia the first weekend of November. Then after Thanksgiving, Grand Rapids and Royal Oak, Michigan, Kansas City, Missouri, Louisville, Kentucky, St. Petersburg, Orlando, Jacksonville, and West Palm Beach, Florida. Then big shows coming up in the new year in Chicago, D.C.

New York City, and a bunch more being added. Go to fortunefemester.com for tickets. I have little shows popping up. I definitely am back at Largo twice in December and with some really special guests. So check out the Largo website. But in general, yeah, November, I'm just back in the writer's room. So, you know, if you're feeling like you want to see me, you can always check out Feel Good on Netflix. That's my sitcom. It's

pretty it's not really a sitcom it's pretty sad but it's a tv show or stream my special sap on netflix as well i am going to be recording my next stand-up special in brooklyn november 4th thanks for listening and as always keep it keep it handsome we'll never say that at the same time okay

Handsome is hosted by me, Fortune Feimster, Tig Notaro, and Mae Martin. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Ouellette. Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com and follow us on social media at handsomepod.