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Handsome Pod. Chatting with friends on the Handsome Pod. Chatting with friends on the Handsome Pod. Cheers.
Welcome to another episode of the Handsome Pod. I am, of course, your pal Mae Martin. I'm joined by my excruciatingly handsome co-host. I'm Tig Notaro. An unfortunate fame, sir. These are all true statements. I'm Tig Notaro. And we're handsome! Are you guys feeling handsome? Well...
Yes, of course. Oh, because you're in the car. We're in our casual handsome looks. I know. And I've, oh, I don't need to say it, but I've undone a top button because my jeans are too tight. And so I feel like a pervert over here. Wait, why are your jeans too tight? I don't know. I think I shrunk them in the wash and it's making my stomach actually hurt. Oh no. So I undone a,
under the button and then I thought can we see let's show the camera yeah there we go that don't look loose I mean that does look loose well because the button is undone and then I thought I don't want them to think something's about to go down those don't look tight that looks loose that doesn't look tight over there to me
Also, Mae and I have coordinated with your room. Oh, yeah. I'm green like the wall. Oh, we should say, if you're listening, we're in Tig's office. Yes. If you're watching on YouTube right now, you're loving the color coordination happening here. If you're watching on YouTube, you just saw my pants loose. Pants. My pants. And if you're not on YouTube right now, you should go there and see Mae give you a little midriff. Yeah. A little midriff. A little midriff and unbuttoned pants. Yeah.
Get yourself on YouTube. It's where all the good stuff is happening. And Fortune's shirt is the exact same color as the sofa. Yep. So that was thrilling. And then there's Tig. And then there's me. Yeah. And my little boots. But that cardigan's pretty cute on you, though. Fortune! I am a married woman. That is a platonic friend compliment. I don't know. I kind of get a vibe that you're into me. Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
I do. I'm good at that. I can tell. You can read a vibe? I can tell. What are you picking up? Yeah, what are you picking up? I don't know. I just feel like you're... You just shooed me away. I just feel like you're always eyeing me.
You're always asking me to go get something. Like a piece of candy. I think you're wanting to look at my backside. Oh, well, you never know. Tick's face is the background to your phone. I hate to see you leave, but I'd love to see you walk away. Something like that. It's nothing like that. Is that the saying? No. I don't know. Have you never heard that? No. I hate to see you. I hate. Is it opposite? I don't know.
I hate to see you leave, but I'd love to see you walk away. Wait, you don't know that? No. That's a two against one? Yeah. Oh, it's a great pickup line. I hate to see you leave, but I'd love to watch you. Is it a great pickup line?
I'm trying to imagine. You should have it more together. It's when you're checking out someone's backside. No, we get it. I'm trying to imagine someone being like, oh, okay, all right. Is there a mirror in your pants? Because I could see myself in them. That's pretty good. Or nice jeans. Wait a minute. They look better on mine. You've heard that one, right? I have not heard that one. Have you heard that one? Two against one.
What else? Is there a mirror in your pants? Yeah, because I can see myself in them. Who on earth would say such a thing? It has to work for someone. Can I tell you my pickup line? Please. Like, let's say I'm at a bar or a party or someplace that I'm never at. Yeah. Excuse me. And then make my way through. That's it? Yeah. And then people are like, who's that enigmatic, humble person?
So I go to, if I'm at a party, group of people, maybe it's a friend of a friend, we're chatting. I'm like, whoa, you need to slow down. Are you trying to make out with me right now? And then I might say, I mean, I haven't done that in years. But then they make out with you. Yeah, of course. Have you ever had somebody be like,
Be like, ew. Yeah, what do you, that's weird. And then just leave? I mean, I'm not doing it right as I described, but it's like the timing has to be right. They have to be kind of walking by you and then you go like, are you trying to make out with me? Yeah. Or you go like, are we going to make out tonight? Oh, that's good. Yeah. Because that's more of like. It's less of a you're a pervert. Less of a threatening thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Stop trying to make out with me.
And they're like, what? It feels accusatory, you know? Yeah. I was like, are we going to make out tonight? They're like, I don't know. What is your pickup? Oh, the mirror thing wasn't good enough for you? Is it just staring at your co-host all the time? Yeah, probably that. There's got to be another pickup line that would work. But like one to ten, how attracted to me are you? I mean, is there... Now let's be serious. Like a 12, is this on there? I'm not great with numbers. Hmm.
Wow. Hopefully it doesn't make things weird on the pod. There needs to be more of a rom-com about two handsome individuals. Like there's usually if it's a queer story, it's like there's a femme and then there's like a, what about two handsome fellas like you and me? Me and you? Yeah. Hey. Hey.
Why is everyone so attracted to me? I'm just out trying to make a living. I'm at work. May on a scale of 1 to 10. Sexual harassment. May on a scale of 1 to 10. How attracted to you are? This is sexual harassment. We can't hide it anymore. When you ask it, it's not. But when we ask it. Well, because I'm like, I can tell that. Clearly it's happening over here too. Yeah, I'm here. You're sitting far away on that couch.
I knew the handsome pot at one point was going to get sticky. Sticky! Oh, God.
Okay, but if the world ended and there were no other... And it's gonna. And it's gonna. We're almost there. How long do you think it would take before we were like, I guess we should have sex? Before May starts being like, are we gonna make out? Are we gonna make out? I don't know. It feels offensive if you guys say a long time. Like three days? Four.
Yeah. I'd probably just go for it right away. Just get right to it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Polyamory. We're now a Mormon family of wives and husbands. No, with this two against one dynamic that we have, I think it would be a nightmare. I know I'd always be the one left out. You guys team up on me. Oh, really? Yeah. So you think Forge and I would be just hooking up constantly? Like not even coming up for breath. Okay.
That is hilarious. Just like Fortune. We can't be bothered right now. You gotta take that flannel off right now. Your cardigan's getting in the way. Can you take that off? And I'm like, guys, I've got no one else to talk to. Everyone died at the end of the world. You're like, mate, Fortune slowly removed my hiking boots.
Wow. What a story. Yeah. Yeah. I like to be the pursuer, but I, I think I give off a vibe on stage of like intense vulnerability or something because people are so forward with me after shows and that does not, it really doesn't do it for me. I have to, I kind of like having to be the one to be like,
a little chase. Really? I don't know. I don't know. Maybe that's not true. You do give off the vibe that you would want someone to bare their soul to you. Yeah, maybe. But you remember in school where you could just write, will you go out with me? Check yes or no. Yeah. Did you really do that? Yes, I did do that. And people and this guy one time wrote a poem for me. Maybe he's listening now. We're still pals. What's his name?
What up, Devin? And he wrote a poem that said, all I remember is it ended, this is grade 10, it ended with, fill the void, rid of the itch, and go out with me, you sexy bitch. And he read it in front of all the kids in the class. Was this when you had braces and acne? Oh my God. I think the braces were off. Okay. We're talking shoulder length hair. How old was he?
14 for something, maybe 15. And it was okay to read that language in front of the class? There was no teacher present. It would be wild. We didn't have teachers in Canada. Yeah, no teachers. We didn't have teachers. You got the itch. Go out with me. What was it? Fill the void. Rid of the itch. It was a weird alternative school with people
Poets? Yeah, that were like learning Latin and stuff. Wait, what was it? Fill the void, rid of the itch, and go out with me, you sexy bitch. It blew my socks off. You sexy bitch. And did you go out with him? Yes, he was my boyfriend. For how long? I believe that, yeah, that tracks. I was like, I could tell you would have been into that. I was into it. I was like... What if somebody read that poem for you? When you were 14. I would have been like this, like, wait, what?
Spill what, Void? Are we itchy? Yeah, what itch are we talking about? Who are you calling a bitch? Yeah, yeah. Sexy's nice. Thank you for that. I do remember being a little bit like... Nah, bitch. I don't know. I remember I was at a comedy club years ago with this woman that I was dating. This was like...
I had not started doing stand-up, but I was very obsessed with it. And she came across two free tickets to the comedy club. And we went. And there was a comedian on stage talking about women real casually. Like, you know, and this bitch walks up to me. And I was like, I was so... Like, this is not cool. And I turned to her and I was like, I...
I was so appalled. You were scandalized? I just, I was like, oh my, I felt like a grandmother. That's really funny. And it's so crazy how much I wanted to be in stand-up, but I wasn't like. You didn't have that like thick skin, green room culture vibe. You were like, how dare you? That bro talk. Yeah, I like that. And I mean, I've eased into it just fine and I'm used to it, but I was like, I can't believe this guy is calling women bitches.
And we might be peers one day. Yeah. I'm going to be in this field with this guy. No, thank you. Oh, my God. I can't even imagine a time where you're going to comedy clubs as an audience member having never done stand-up. Who, me? Yeah, like it's me. I remember doing that. Yeah, me too. Yeah. Oh, my God. I was like...
Obsessed. I think I could do this one day. Maybe. Yeah. I don't know. We'll see. But your early sets, you were just like, bitch this, bitch that. It was crazy fortune. So many bitches were harmed through my material. My first set ever where I talked about just the most mundane things. Like, I don't like the seeds in strawberries. Oh, my God.
Like, this was my rant. We know this about you. We do know this about you. That was in my first set. That checks out. What was that leading to? What was the punchline? Honestly, I don't think there were many punchlines. But it was a set at the end of a six-week class. So everyone in the audience was just like friends of everyone. So they were laughing at anything. It was not a true set. So you took a stand-up class? I did, yeah. I did, too, in my teens for high school.
I don't know, six weeks or something. Yeah, yeah. I needed something to just get me on the stage. Yeah. And I wasn't, I was too scared to just show up to a club. Once I did the class, then I showed up to the club like on a regular. And what did the class teach you? Honestly, just to get up there and try. Yeah. Yeah. Point of view, like just to have, yeah. His saying was like, crap it out is like. Crap it out. Yeah.
to get up there you're talking about bro culture like crap it out get your slap your dick on the table and say here i am so you would just crap it out so everybody at the beginning of class you'd go up there for like a minute and just or two i can't remember and just talk about nothing yeah or like whatever was in your day just to get in the habit of like
being in a microphone. - Crapping it out. Gotta get in the habit of crapping it out. - Yeah, that is important though 'cause when you start, the gap between your taste and your ability is so massive. You're like, why am I not really good yet? But you gotta crap it out.
Years ago, there was a competition for like the funniest person in Orange County or something. That's a tough competition. There's a lot of, you seen the OC? There's some funny team. Well, I had heard from a friend of mine that she was going to this competition. And so I signed up for it. Oh my God. Just to do a bit.
Are you serious? Yes. And I had the intro music was Lionel Richie's Hello. And so when they announced me, I had them play Lionel Richie's Hello, which is the slowest song ever. And then I started from the very back of the room and took my time walking to the stage. And I did the most...
Just pedestrian, terrible, terrible jokes. And was she a comedian? Yeah, she was dying laughing. Oh my God, that's funny. And then we were sitting at like, of course, bombed, which was what I was going for. And then I was sitting with her, um...
I was going to say chatting, but then I was about to go into our theme song. I can't say that word anymore. So I was talking to her and the guy came up to tell her that she was moving on to the finals. And then he told me I was disqualified. Why? Oh, just he'd been eliminated. Well, I had been eliminated. I thought you broke the rules. No, no, no. I'm sorry. I was eliminated. And then I told him, I was like, I was like,
okay well I've I told him I had rented a limousine oh my god to drive off to celebrate and he was like I'm sorry but and I was like and oh I know what I did I go you know what I don't care I'm still gonna compete I'm still gonna compete but you're like I'm gonna yeah and he was like you can't you've been removed from the and I was like I don't care I'm gonna show up and I'm gonna win this thing
And he was, I'm certain he had no sense of humor. He couldn't detect anything. And my friend, the best trait of a comedian. Well, he also did comedy lessons. Yeah. These MCs of these types of shows are there. They always have no sense of humor. Some of the best. You go, I've rented a limo. Yeah. What am I going to do now? Yeah. I'm going to drive home.
removed from this. I don't think so. I'm celebrating and I'm coming back and I'm going to win this thing. I can't get my money back from this limo. So I'm going to go. He must have thought I was out of my mind. I feel like when Trump loses the election, that's what he's going to, he's going to be like, I rented a limo. I'm not, whatever. I tried to get political.
political i never in my life have i ever tried to get maybe you need to button your pants i can i tell you another button another button's popped all right let's zoom in zoom in on my maze crotchet wow
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By the end of this, it might be pants off. It might be pants off. Wow. I'm with friends in my handsome pants. Handsome ponties. You're going to be in your handsome ponties. Oh, my God. I almost forgot. Wait, guys. Oh, yeah. We're not alone in this room tonight. No, we're not. What? There's a ghost right behind you. Special guests. We do? These were... And if you're listening to this, I'm holding two knitted...
Wait, is that Canadian? Knitted? Yeah, did you say knitted? Okay. Two knitted stuffed animals that a handsome pod fan gave to Fortune at a live show in Pennsylvania? In Hershey, Pennsylvania. She hand-did all of these. Hand-did them. Hand-did them. What's the word for it? Hand-knitted? Hand-knitted. And this is, I guess...
I don't know if I have no memory of talking about my two cartoon characters. Oh, yeah, you did. Because a lot of people said they would love to see that as a cartoon. Really? Yeah. So my idea is a cartoon with avocado bear and guacamole. And he's a bear and then it's a mole. And the way she's knitted these are literally exactly what was in my head. Like this is exactly how I always pictured them. That's cool. I don't know. Can I use these to make like a...
- I say go for it. - I say whatever you're dreaming up, just go for it. - But she really wanted you to have those. - 'Cause hopefully the police won't find out whatever law you're thinking of breaking. - I imagine she wanted to inspire you, so yeah. - I'm just gonna go into Netflix, throw these at Ted Sarandos and walk out. - And say, "Where do I sign?" - Yeah, I'm gonna treasure these forever. I honestly, it's surreal 'cause I for years have thought
Almost every time I cut into an avocado, I think avocado bear. Yeah. How can you cut into an avocado knowing avocado bear? I know. His little belly. I love that this guy works.
or person sorry not a person guacamole um can't see very well i guess yeah of course has glasses like all the best cartoon and wait youth you pictured guacamole with glasses yes i'm sure yes i'm sure i have like a drawing somewhere okay find it but also the glasses oh come off come off um
The glasses don't fully cover both eyes on Guacamole. That's part of the bit. No, yeah, they're super wonky. Also, cute little guy. Knitting is hard.
Right? Yeah. Let's cut her some slack. Let's cut her some slack. Poking holes in the, well, they don't actually fit perfectly. She's like, she's like watching this right now being like, it took me three weeks, all day, all night to make this. And I go, eyes don't fit. My grandma used to knit stuffed animals. Yeah, go on. Hold on. You ready for me to blow your mind? Oh.
Oh my God. Now the avocado bear has glasses. Anyone watching on YouTube on this episode really is getting a lot of treats. Holy shit. Yeah. So I think out of the box. I think that maybe this is meant to inspire you, friend. Yeah, I feel inspired. Good. Avocado bear. That's what our pod's for. Inspiration. It's a little drunk. Oh my God.
- Oh my God. - To save lives, to make people laugh. - Wait, why'd you take the glasses off right away? - I really whipped them off. I was like, "Well, they don't belong to the bear. "How is the mole gonna see without his glasses?"
I called it guacamole. I forgot it was a mole. It's a mole. That's the whole joke. I said, and here's this guacamole thing. Oh, my God, Fortune. Don't let me hear that. That's... I mean, that's... I guess it's not a pronoun, but it's like... She sent you something, too, but I didn't open it to see what it was. Yeah, it was something in a Ziploc bag. Yeah, so...
You might be blown away later. The same level of enthusiasm. I haven't opened it yet, but I'm going to. Now, wait. Fortune, what did they make for you? Or did they only make us things? No, I did get something, too. She knit a hat that looks exactly like Biggie's face. Oh, my God. And Jack's put it on him today. And he looks like, what is it?
Isn't that Star Wars movie? No, no, no. An Ewok? Yeah, an Ewok. What's that from? Star Wars? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It looks like an Ewok. So it's pretty funny. An Ewok with two faces? Well, it completely hides his face. It's a hat that hides... It's a hat. It's like a... What do y'all call them? Beanies? Like a beanie? Yeah, yeah. What do y'all call them? In the South, we call them toboggans, but other people call that a sled. Wait.
I call it a toque, but you're calling that a toboggan? I don't know what anybody's talking about at this point. Isn't a toboggan a sled? But in the South, where I'm from, people call a beanie a toboggan. The way your hands are. A beanie, a toboggan. But out here, people call them beanies. Canadians apparently call them toques. So I don't know why...
We can't all just agree on one name. Yeah, why can't we all get along? What do you call them, though, beanies? I don't call those things. You have one, right? I have a beanie? Yeah. You ever go in a winter situation? Yeah, I put on my winter hat and head out. Okay, well, that's not a fun name.
You made a real stick in the mud about this hat. Stephanie, grab my toboggan. And then here comes a sled. We should post it and I'll post if you're listening on YouTube, I'll post pictures. I never know what to post. That's what I always wonder. How do people like, I'll think like,
Oh, that would be fun to post and then I forget. Yeah, that's all right. For me, it's pure vanity. If I stumble upon a picture that I think I look okay and I'll find an excuse to post it. You're like, it's Friday. You got to post your fern colored t-shirt. Are you one of those people that posts a picture or says to people like, oh my God, we need to post this and you look amazing and everybody's like,
That's one of my pet peeves is when a friend posts one that I like my one of my best friends, Gabby, we took a picture together and she was like, I'm going to post it. I can't express enough that I looked like there was something wrong with me. Like my face was contorted into this kind of like red like and she looks great. And I looked her in the eye and said, Gabby.
Gabby, don't do this to me. Like, don't post this. And she was like, I won't, I won't. I promise. But there was a little glint of mischief in her eyes and she fully posted it like an hour later. And then I felt like a psycho being actually annoyed because I was like, who cares? It's just Gabby's. And she was like, you're being crazy. And I was like, God, I did directly look you in the eye.
And did you talk to her about it? Are you waiting for her to hear this episode? I think it's one of our three arguments we've ever had. Wow. She brings it up still. She's anytime we take her, she's like, is May happy with it? I look bad in so many photos and I'm just like, whatever. Don't.
Don't talk about my friend like that. Don't you dare talk about my friend like that. But I have a lot of great pictures out there too. I'm just saying it's a mix. There are some like... So you're saying you take some good photos and some bad ones? I know, it's shocking. Okay. But you know in LA, like you'll occasionally walk around and like suddenly there'll be like photographers somewhere. Yeah. And you don't know that they're there. There are some pictures out there of me that are so crazy. I'm like...
Oh my God. And I'm like, am I making this crazy face in life? Like, how did they capture the most horrendous, horrific look possible? I used to post them. They were so absurd. You must be just in the middle of a word or something. I think, or like, I'm in the middle of realizing someone's in front of me so my face contorts. And they capture that exact moment. I came out of therapy once and...
Somebody was there with... Like a paparazzi photo? Yeah. Oh my God. You're like crying. You've been crying. No, I hadn't been crying. I don't cry. What did you tell me about? I was fine. Do you remember what you were talking about in therapy? In therapy? Yeah. I would love to rehash all of this. Probably the pressures of fame. Yeah. How to deal with a coworker that's in love with me.
That must be hard. But I don't remember what it was. It was just, I don't think they knew I was at therapy. But I was coming out of there and they're like, Tig! Oh my God, not the headspace for this. It used to crack me up because I used to work in a customer service call center for like a glamour photography place where you could pay like,
an insane amount of money and then you get a makeover and they do a photo shoot of you and and yeah and this place was so shady we should take a glamour shot together is on our list already oh it is yeah well keep it on the list and people would like 18 year olds would sign up and they'd sign up for these payment plans that were like four years long and they're like tied into thousands of dollars anyway but people would always call and they'd be fuming they'd be like i want to cancel it
Because I that's not what I look like and I feel like but it is a photograph of so you would not let them out of their country I did that's why I got fired because I was just going out. Oh, you were like yeah, these pictures aren't great. I'll give your money back So but you flip through them while you're on the phone. I mean, yeah, it is a rough
But also people don't know what they look like. Like we don't know what we look like. Oh, I feel like I've looked like this for so long. I so often see a picture. I'm like, I don't know. It's a photograph of me. And it looks like you're like recognizing yourself for the first time. Or like it is me. But I'm just like. You feel detached from it.
Yeah, am I describing like... It's not quite what you... I don't know. It reminds me of when I first started doing stand-up. We're not judging. I was just trying to... I'm describing like acute depersonalization and dysphoria maybe. I thought everyone felt like that. I'm sure there are a lot of people that do, yeah. For sure. Where you're like, that's not me? There's got to be. That can't be something that just you has, you know? Yeah, true. Wait, when you first started stand-up? Yeah, I, you know, I was all...
wired full of nerves and excitement and I would videotape myself so I could hear my set and work on my writing and I would be so startled by how I was coming across on stage compared to what I thought I thought I was so cool calm and collected and I was like
so uncomfortable and I felt like filming myself and watching my sets in my first year or so really helped me kind of I'm like that like I'll take my audio so I can like remember if I came up with tags or bits or stuff and I'll start hearing my voice and I'm like oh my god how does anyone listen to this I know
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- I'm really excited about this guest. We've all been on her podcast. - Yeah, very successful podcast. - Individually. Yeah, very wise person. - Very funny. - Very funny, I think. - Very funny. - Yeah. - Our guest today is an author, activist, and podcast host whose best-selling books are "Untamed," "Love Warrior,"
Glennon Doyle. Glennon Doyle. That's who it is. Glennon Doyle. Glennon Doyle. Glennon Doyle.
I will say, like, I don't think that you planted or planned this, but you got Glennon's book behind you on the shelf there. I noticed it earlier. And Abby's. And Abby's, yeah. And Abby Wombeck. Oh, and Untamed, Glennon Dwell. Yeah. Didn't even plan it. Just didn't plan it. There they are. On the bookshelf. Big fans of theirs. Yeah. Glennon's known on her podcast and her books to be very open and vulnerable and talk about things. And you were talking about...
You tend to get vulnerable. Oh, I can't stop. Yeah, because also people respond to it so much that then it kind of becomes this monster. You can't stop. I just got to share. It's a vulnerable monster. You can't stop. You can't stop this thing. And what a pairing of those two, Gwyn and Nabi. I was a huge...
fan. I am a huge soccer fan and I used to watch Abby pretty religiously. That's a power couple. Very big power couple. No doubt. Doing really cool things together. Stephanie and I are pretty powerful too. More powerful than your relationships and Abby and Glennon. We do have a chart going. Should we listen to the question? Yeah, we should. We should like to talk
a little more about he's gonna keep talking about stephanie and i are more powerful than glennon and abby and fortunate jacks and may and barbity see glennon's not gonna know if you're kidding or not well yeah i think she gets it now she knows you're ridiculous yeah i'm dumb no not that don't talk about my friend like that don't talk to talk to me like that my friend
Hi, handsome. Hi, I'm Glennon Doyle. You, Tig, Fortune, and May might remember me from the We Can Do Hard Things podcast. I've actually invited every single one of you on my pod. Oh, God. I actually wrote to you to ask you if I could be on your pod. How dare you? So we have a little imbalance there, but it's okay. We'll work that out later. Here's my cue.
I want to hear about a friction point in each of your relationships. And by that, I mean some sort of situation in which one of you is absolutely sure you're right and the other is absolutely sure that they're right. And you have never been able to come to any sort of compromise or decision or middle ground on it. And maybe you never will. That's what I want to know. Oh, man. I like you three a lot. A lot. A lot.
We like you too. Also, we always planned to invite them on the pod, both of us. But we thought that they were coming to our live show and we had this whole plan. We were going to get down on one knee. Pull them backstage and be like, hey, can you submit a video to the handsome pod? And then Glennon shoots a text going, not going to be there. And then we were like, yeah, whatever. Whatever.
Well, things come up, obviously. They have kids and busy lives. No, there's no excuse. But I'm just... But Mae is right. That's why we had waited to ask. Yeah. So... Man, friction points that... Where both people are like... Standing their ground. I don't... I haven't had that yet with Parv. Like we...
Yeah. How long have you been together now? Like a year, kind of. Wow. Or not even a year. Yeah, let's be honest. Yeah. How long? Eight months? No, like 10. 10 months. Yeah. 10 or 11? 11. Or 12. We met 11 months ago. 9 maybe. Whatever. Could be 7. We've like, yeah, there's nothing like that. Yeah. Yet. Nothing. Nothing.
we've butted heads but usually then one of us is like ah you're right like oh yeah y'all no one like really digs their heels we haven't found the thing yet i don't know maybe have you had an argument or do you both just go yeah you're right let's go have a drink kid that's that's how we talk to each other yeah uh we have had an argument uh about what we're gonna eat on christmas day and the argument was one of those things where neither of us
It wasn't even an argument. But then it was like, are you mad? It was like, no, I'm not. But you're saying that you're mad. I was like, well, I'm not. Like, it was about nothing. But I felt crazy. Yeah. And but I'm too big a fan of hers to, you know, really stand my ground for long. Yet. That will change at some point. I know. I think you're right. I mean, you know, I know I am. You can like and love the person as they are.
More than any person in the world there at some point there will be something yes where you're like Okay, I have no I don't love that thing in previous relationships. I feel like I've had yeah Yeah, what about it? So okay? What's something that you that keeps coming up? Oh, I always tell well I don't always tell Stephanie that would make me a psychopath, but I remember one time I said to her 99% of the time I
love being with you laughing with you it is like euphoric yeah but then one person i can't stand you i cannot you are the worst person i have ever met did you say that in an argument or just outside of an argument like i can't even remember and she was like same
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. It's definitely a mutual thing. Oh, my gosh. It's like we get along so well. We work together well. Yeah. And then those moments happen where it's like... Who are you? Who am I talking to right now? And same for her with me. It's just... It's so wild when that happens. I have remembered one argument that we had that was...
I felt we were lying in bed and Parv says, if there's a scale of predator to prey in the animal kingdom. So right away I'm in for this conversation. It's like right up my street. It's may facts are just begging. It's hypothetical. It's facts. And she's like, where energetically do you fall on predator to prey? And I said, um,
either bottom of the prey column or top of the... No, sorry. Bottom of the predator column or top of the prey column. So I'm... Maybe like a fox. So I'm eating like small mice or something. Okay. Or a fish or something like that. But I'm...
like I'm not like a apex predator or something. Yeah. But then also I'm not, I'm not like a worm. Have I lost everyone? I think we're still, we're still falling. I was listening. It could be maybe like a sort of, it definitely feels like something where I would zone out or wander off. But you were still with me. Thanks man. But then we started arguing about what animals were counting as predator and what counted as prey. And then about, and then I,
Oh, it just, it became, it became a real argument, which made me laugh so hard the next day that I was like, were we actually mad about that before we went? What were you arguing about? Okay. Who was more of a predator, of animal was a bigger predator? I said that a fox counts as a predator. She said it doesn't.
Obviously a fox is a predator. Yeah, and then also I didn't realize that she was talking sort of sexually energetically. Oh, I didn't. I just thought she meant like the essence of your soul. So when I was being like, oh, maybe I would be like an otter or something. I didn't. And then when she's like, that's not sexy. Yeah. Then sexually, I'm like, well, I don't know. She's a shark or something like you're an otter in the sheets. Yeah.
I think she... Do otters have those big flat tails? Beavers. Oh, okay. I'm a beaver. Otters have big tails but not flat. Anyway. Well, I feel... Here's my concern. If in your first year... Because I don't think Stephanie and I got into an argument in our first year. Yeah. And if you two got into an argument in your first year and it was about if...
About foxes and otters and prey. I'm concerned about your future. I will say that through this argument I'm talking about, she was laughing hysterically at how annoyed I was getting. And the more annoyed I got, the...
She was crying, laughing. But I was legitimately like, I don't understand what's going on. And she was like, you're she was denying my reality of being gaslighting me. Bottom of it. She kept being like, oh, so you're prey. And I was like, no, I'm not saying that. I'm saying I'm bottom of the predator chain.
Oh my god. I would have had to have walked out of the room. I would have been like I wish I just like I can barely give a shit about this and I would have just walked out of the room. Like what are you talking about? Yeah. I can't really. Okay. I'm going to have to get the in case you're invested. I'm going to get the details again from Barb. Yeah. We're all invested except for Dave. You just got to find out. Are you invested? I'm right here. I'm
I'm right here with Mae. Okay, what's the biggest thing with you and Jax that keeps... I mean, we... I would say, like, you and Stephanie get along such a high percentage amount of the time and love being around each other. She's the only person I've ever met that I can be around all...
a lot and be totally cool and fine and besides staying over there. And that made me feel good because I was always worried about like in a long-term relationship what do you do when you they're tired of each other. You know like you want to
what now what do we do and she says that too she's like god I get so tired of so many people but you know not you so I that is always nice you know um our arguments that kind of keep that sort of rear their head would be like communication you know like just different styles of communicating um like she won't
tell me if she's upset about something oh that's tough um until it's like i'm really upset and i'm like i could have done something about this you know before so when you can sense someone's annoyed and you're like is everything okay and they say yes like you got to take them at their word but you feel uneasy she yeah doesn't so i that's the
one thing that i'm always like can you please just communicate with me how you're feeling and then her annoyance with me would be having to tell me over and over again to do certain things yeah like but like mundane things like putting up dishes or uh picking out up after myself like she hates feeling like she's nagging yeah but she feels like she doesn't have a choice because i'm
not she goes you a lot of things you'll listen and adjust to but these certain things but you will not pick up after yourself i i do like i'm not a slob but like occasionally i'm just so busy that i'm like i put something down and like i'll get to it like that night or whatever but she like it's not on her timeline yeah she's like that's tough why don't you just take it with you you're going up there anyway you know what i mean it's so it's not like major major things
And then. People's brains work differently. I sometimes just don't see the mess that is there. But I'm not like a disasters all over our house. It's not to that extreme. Cause she's cleaning it up. Really?
That is true too And a lot of that falls on her So it's more annoying Because she's like I just spent four hours vacuuming and cleaning What the hell are you doing in there? No it's just I'm in a war Four hours vacuuming But she's a clean freak also And I'm not to that level So we'll never see eye to eye on the clean part Because to me our house is spotless And she's just seeing the flaws And stuff in it And like you know
She has sensitivity to sound. If I'm talking at this level, she's like, stop yelling. And I'm like, I'm not yelling. That's not yelling. Do you get in her face and you're like, I'll show you yelling. I'm not a yeller. But the sensitivity to the sound makes her feel that way. We can never quite come to a common ground on decibel level.
decibels in fights either. Does that make sense? Yeah, that makes sense. You gotta just text it. Text it out. Sit in the same room and text it. In caps. But we are pretty good about like she needs someone in a fight to let it go kind of instead of escalating it with her. If I were to escalate it with her it would be a like big fight but a lot of times she'll be like I'm going to the room. I'm like okay.
i'm not like come out of the room you know what i mean but if i were aggressive and like we gotta fake you know she wouldn't like that yeah but i just let her like no no but we gotta get to the bottom yeah i would prefer her go away calm you know get get a break from me because i'm sure i'm being annoying
uh too and and like instead of like we gotta do that like i think we maybe maybe it was on our live show we talked about this but that's like my big advice that someone gave me that i was i'm like that never go to bed angry thing i don't think that's true i think sometimes you gotta stand up right now yes you gotta sleep you gotta i'm like yes sleep it off yeah man yeah yeah i'm like why are we want to
fight till four in the morning. Yeah. It's when we wake up, it won't feel as big. Yeah. And you've been going, you'll be like, maybe I'm a predator. Maybe I'm a, an otter is a prey and I can see that. I was just saying to Stephanie today or yesterday when we were having our morning coffee, I was like, it is, she had told me something about a friend of ours and their family and some dynamic and weird thing that happened. And,
And I was like, it is so insane when you think about
all of the houses in the neighborhood yeah but if you take the roof off and you look in the air at the aerial view and like get out of here pick up your and then you move to the next house and you know all the different like somebody throwing a shoe at someone yeah but you put the roof on it's just quiet but um because when she was telling me the story I was like
what happened? She's like, yeah. And I was like, that is because you would drive past their house and it just seemed quiet. Yeah. Take the roof off.
Well, I mean, fighting is inevitable in the healthiest of relationships. Not in Mae's life. Well, yeah, but it will happen in time. Don't say that. But also, not all fighting is bad. Sometimes our best communication happens right after a fight because she's finally revealed to me what was bothering her. You know what I mean? Totally. I had to get to that fight to find out that information. You could have makeup sex. Yeah. Yeah, sure. Yeah.
Well, that's supposed to happen. Yes. The whole like staying in communication and don't like create that separation. It's hard. I feel like Glennon and Abby are experts or at least they maybe they just seem so wise and they're so open about it. We're like Esther Perel. There's no world where.
Where they don't fight. Yeah. Esther Perel. I mean, it's just, it's not, it's not realistic. Can you imagine how annoying it would be to have an argument with Esther Perel? Cause she would just be like, okay. Like she'd be so infuriatingly calm and she would be smarter than you. You know she's my dream girl. She's so sexy. My celebrity crush. Yeah. Yeah. A hundred percent. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But it would be so, you couldn't win an argument against her. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I typically like Stephanie Esther Perel.
Or I like an exhausted housewife look. Oh my God. Oh my God. I don't even know what you describe her though. That's not, that's not Stephanie or Esther. I said that one time and I, I never, I've never stopped saying it. So I was like, what is your type? I'm like, I like an exhausted housewife. It's me that opens the door and they're like, like I have been vacuuming for four hours to clean up after fortune. How can I help you? Um,
But yeah, it's, I feel like I have a hard time fully moving on in the moment. But I always, as upset or angry as I am in a moment, I am also struggling to not laugh. Seriously? Yeah. We laugh a lot at the end of fights. Yeah. Really? When Stephanie and I are in it, I'm like...
Okay, I can't look at her because I'm going to start laughing. Even though I don't know what that says about me psychologically. I love that. And we also have this pattern when we'll give each other space. Mm-hmm.
As soon as somebody walks in the room, it is all over. It is. We, then you're laughing. We start laughing or like, cause you're remembering like what you were. Yeah. Like the other day she was cleaning out her closet and she piled some things on the, um, couch and,
And she was saying that she wanted to take those things over to the office over here because she doesn't wear it a lot. And so that pile is sitting there and our cats all got on that pile of clothes. And and so I was upstairs. She was downstairs and we had had our little rift. And then what was the rift about the the clothes?
The pile? No, no, no, no. It was completely unrelated. And something she would not want me to share. This is where we tell all our relationship secrets. But I...
started laughing when I saw all the cats sleeping on this pile of like really nice clothes like gowns and nice coats yeah and so I took a picture of all the cats sleeping on that and I texted it to her after us not talking for like an hour and I said is this all the stuff going over to the office and I knew that would make her laugh when she saw all the cats on there and then she just wrote back no oh
But that was her. Yeah. Yeah. Like I'll crack a joke and she'll be like, whatever meanie. And like, I know like she's fine. Yeah. Yeah. I would say even though this isn't like a really intense argument, but it is in the way that it will not go away. Yeah.
Is the temperature in our house. Oh, yeah. This, I can't believe this. I mean. That you two are at such opposite ends. It is. It is. She wants it so hot and you want it cold. Yeah. Like a freezer though. Like, well, I'm, I typically, especially when I'm sleeping, more comfortable when it's cold. Yeah. Me too. Me too. I like it freezing. And then when I'm,
in full-blown menopause yeah i'm dripping in sweat and um but the temperature that you told me that she likes it at is outrageous yeah what was it 78 or i mean i she she i think she would be thrilled if it was 80 degrees in our house really that is is very hot i've i've brought that up with her i think since with stephanie yeah do we need that intervention like that is crazy oh don't do that oh
Oh, no. No, she laughed so hard. Yeah. We were all talking about this fight that you and Tig had. Don't people love that? But Jax is always like, what did you say about me on the podcast this week? I'm like, sorry. I know. Every now and then Stephanie will be like, I need to listen to that show. People keep saying whatever. Really specific. Yeah. But it is...
really a point of contention it is it is not casual you're gonna get your own wing of the house and i know well somebody mentioned that we could get like a bed that has different um temperatures yeah like a sleep number kind of bed yeah maybe we'll get um sponsorship like yeah maybe sleep number get a water bed and divide it into and freeze and your side is a
You've frozen it to ice and it slowly melts. Oh, and hers is boiling. Hers is boiling. And it slowly warms your ice and your ice cools her boiling. Okay. Yeah. Get on that, y'all. They come on to summer. Yeah. Oh, my God. Water beds. Do those exist? That was huge.
I never slept on a waterbed. You are missing out. Yeah, man. It's so stupid. That seems like insane now. Yeah. It's so funny because in the 80s, it was like, if you said waterbed, it was like...
sexy that's so cool whoa that's hot which sloshing around yeah like you don't want you want to get purchased surely oh my god did you say surely sorry I called you surely I don't know why
Well, if you're going to have a point of contention, I mean, thank God it's something like that because if it was a giant point of contention, it would be hard to reconcile. Say a couple, one person wanted kids, one person didn't. That would be significant. One's Trump, one's Biden. So at least it's like that's something that it's more
annoying than anything, but it can be like... And just to be clear, we have certainly had our massive rough patches in our relationship. We're not just like, brr, I'm cold. No, we're so hot. But that is one that... That doesn't go away. It does not go away. It's near daily. Yeah. It's like... Yeah. Yeah. I mean, we've certainly had, you know, big blowups and whatnot, but luckily at some point
at some point, one of us gives or both of us gives because at the end of the day, you're like, is this worth? - Yeah. - Just like-- - And how good are you at giving in?
- I think we're both fairly, like no one's really digging the heels in super crazy in our relationship. It's definitely the healthiest relationship I've ever been in. And is it perfect? Absolutely not. But it's like, we really like each other. We really respect each other.
And we like spending time with each other. So our foundation is super solid. You're talking about us, right? Yeah, you and me, bud. Our foundation is so solid that it helps so much when those bigger fights come up. Yeah. Yeah. Well, should we hear what Glennon has to say? I totally forgot that we needed Glennon's answer. I was so caught up in our issues. Yeah.
Okay, here's the situation, the friction point for Abby and me. Abby speaks way too loudly all the time. So loud. So loud. And also, she can't hear. Interesting. Probably because she's always speaking so loud. So she thinks that I don't speak loudly enough. And I think that she just cannot hear. It's kind of like our ongoing...
Situation where Abby thinks that I am irritable and I think that she is irritating. You can't decide which is correct. That's funny. That's really funny. One time, Tig came to my home. Oh, here we go. Only once. Never again. And I'll tell you why. I'm sitting there telling a story on my couch and Tig is irritated.
so interested in my story that Tig is leaning forward towards me and more forward towards me and I'm like oh my god I'm such a good storyteller Tig is so into this and so finally Tig is leaning so far forward that I kind of look at Tig and I pause and Tig goes why are you whispering really do you remember that do you remember that
And that was the best moment of Abby's life. That's hilarious. That's really good. That is so funny. I hope that you can hear this. We heard you again. Very funny. She's very funny. That is really funny. Shit. So you were team Abby. Uh,
In that argument. I mean, I didn't even know I was caught in the middle of this. And wait, when Glennon says, and I won't come over again, does that mean because she won't let me come over again? I think so. She's implying that you aren't coming over. No, I think she's implying that after Tig betrayed her by aligning with Abby. Well, we'll never know because I'm not talking to her again. But that is funny that she brought up decibels. But here's the thing is I do kind of have a,
hearing well. Same. Yeah. I don't have the best hearing. Really? So it made me realize that another annoyance that Jax has of me is she thinks I don't listen to her. And part of it is I can't hear. Because Jax speaks softly as well. And oftentimes I didn't hear her say the thing. I really want to go to Glennon's house and talk
for her be like Abby can you talk a little quieter it's like her like I want to go and take one for the team yeah what is your issue here Abby relax but yeah that would be a similar thing for us Jack sings I'm not listening I can't hear her yeah well Glennon thank you so much for this
for stirring all this up i mean oh my gosh i can't wait till abby's on the i i didn't know that abby was loud but i guess i haven't only i've only really heard abby in like a interview i've met abby and glennon but maybe it's that sports thing i'm like yeah yeah right right on what's good come on glennon it's dinner time when they record the podcast abby's
30 feet away from the mic. It's a really great podcast. And also, Together Rising, I just think is so phenomenal. They really, really raise the cash and get it out to people. And it's... There's no...
middle person. It's, you know. Yeah, get involved. And it's cool to see them bringing their worlds together, her expertise in Abby's sports world and they bring like a lot of interesting perspectives on things. And her sister Amanda is so great on the show. She's so smart. So funny too. What a podcast. What a podcast. Do you guys have anything to plug?
Thank you for listening, continuing to listen to Handsome. Subscribe. Subscribe and share it with your pals and spread the word. Yeah. I mean, if you like Glennon Doyle and you like Handsome Pod,
send this episode. Yeah. Come on. Yeah. Why are you holding back? That's right. But we appreciate all the people who have been listening. Uh, so fun to go on our Instagram page and see all the comments and, and all the love that you guys are giving the pod and, and thank you again to the person that knitted guacamole, uh,
And Avocado Bear. Jeez Louise. I don't know if that's her name. And thank you for that thing that's in the bag that I haven't opened yet. Is that curly something? I don't know. I guess all that remains. Oh, what remains? Let's keep it handsome.
Handsome is hosted by me, Fortune Feimster, Tig Notaro, and Mae Martin. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Ouellette. Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com and follow us on social media at handsomepod. What a podcast! What a podcast! What a podcast!
