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Welcome to another episode of Handsome. I'm Mae Martin. I'm joined, of course, by my handsomest friends. Tig Notaro. And Fortune Feimster. Here we are. Well, well, well. We're together again, you guys. I've missed you. And I, you. You too. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you
I saw somebody say on the handsome page that they were thrown off or somewhere and
that they were thrown off seeing videos of us not in suits and drinking whiskey. So I'm wondering if we need to, you know, pull it together a bit. I think you're right. We've dropped the ball. We need to be wearing like three-piece suits. Now, I don't know if we have that many suits to be able to do that, but we should once in a while be like, this is the suits episode where we are. But also, why can't you just reuse the same suit? I feel like...
I have suits that I've gone to wear more than once, and I've maybe gotten a note from someone, oh, you wore that to the whatever premiere. I'm not somebody that cares about that. Yeah. Also, we only need the top half. We could be just wearing our sweatpants. I thought you said all we need is the top hat, and that would be a fun addition. Totally.
to the hands of the beam. Yeah. It's a top hat. I wore my suit that I wore for my wedding at like 10 other events. Same. Same. I think that was even pre-getting married. Yeah.
Yeah, it is. Oh, that was pre-marriage? I think I wore it for like seven things before marriage. Wore it for the marriage because we got married in the middle of the quarantine pandemics. Right. And then probably wore it like seven more times afterwards. And then where is that suit now? It's in the closet just waiting for my next marriage. Just kidding. Oh, don't even joke about that.
I'm kidding. What if I was like, or is it, Fortune? And then I pulled it out and I somehow had your suit. That would be a good prank. Pretty cool. And what an elaborate prank. I know. I'd love to prank you guys somehow. I don't know how, but. Y'all are really dying to do pranks.
Maybe that, like, because Tig, I think you could pull something amazing off if you, but I'm almost scared to invite the prank from you. Yeah, I know. I'm not asking for it. Why am I the prank? I mean, I do love a prank. I got that from my mother. My mother was a full-blown prankster, but is it because I've told you I like pranks? I think so. Yeah, right? Yeah. Okay. And I like a long play out of a prank where you don't quite know why something's happening or you're seeing someone or something appears and then...
Oh, you're like the long game. Four years go by. Something where you really unravel when you find it out because you're like, nothing I believed was real. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I want to be in a straight jacket after this prank just in a padded room. So you would essentially have had to break into Fortune's house. Yeah. Go through Fortune's closet and look on Instagram or Google what Fortune's wedding suit looked like. Get that. They did.
Then get out of the house. Yeah. And then slowly lift it up on our Zoom. You have to get past my guard dog. Oh, Biggie. I'd have to get past Biggie. We are looking at Biggie once again, completely unconscious.
Biggie is here. On his back. He's here for. Belly exposed. He's here for most of our recordings. Yeah. On my desk. Passed out. I don't see anything that looks like a private part on Biggie. If I didn't know Biggie was a boy. He's like a Barbie. He's just smooth down there. There's. It's just furry. It's just furry, furry, furry. I see.
He's like a Barbie. Yeah. He doesn't identify as anything but adorable. Exactly. Do we really need to promote the Barbie movie anymore? That movie... I haven't seen it yet. Is that bad? I haven't seen it either.
I know. I want to see it. And I love that it crushed and made so much money. But yeah, still. Cash we are not going to see. I know. We have no stake in that. They didn't have a handsome Barbie. But I feel like we talked about this. Yeah, you almost became the handsome Barbie. That's right. I forgot about that. I saw someone be like, I can't believe Mae wasn't in that. Yeah. It would have been perfect. Hmm.
It's weird. Like the things that people online are like, oh, you should cast me in this. And then I'm like, why do you see me? Because people used to say I looked like the villain in Toy Story 1, like that little evil kid.
There's a little evil redhead kid in Toy Story with them. Anyway, we'll cut that out. Whatever. No, we won't. But Mae, you do look like you could be related to Margot Robbie. Really? I'll take that as a high compliment. You could be Margot's Barbie bro. Barbie bro. Barbie bro.
Where my Barbie bro's at? But don't you think that they might have a sequel because that was so popular? And I feel like... Of course. Barbie bro would probably make that movie. Okay. I have to get this... Copyrighted? Copyrighted, yeah. Yeah. Oh, we already have competing movies. Yeah.
Guys, I just got back from Toronto and so many people, I say so many, two people came up to me and said they love the podcast. And one was on my flight. The flight attendant came up and she kneeled down in the aisle, which is kind of alarming at first. You feel like you're in trouble, right? Yes. What have I done? And then I was like half asleep and she was like, I love the pod podcast.
Yeah, I know. It was so nice. And yeah. I know. I've got really, really great feedback from people. And I've even been closing my live shows before I take my big final break.
uh bow or do you take a big final i do i have a i have a gown on and i curtsy it's that's more you know reason to come out and see the show is just to see the gown that i wear uh live in concert and your pigtails my pig my braided pigtails and my bonnet but i do i say also
Check out the new podcast, Handsome. I mean, I'm going for it. That's so nice. Then I'm going to add that to my live shows. I haven't even thought about doing that, but that makes sense. You know what I even say? You know what I even say before I do my closer? I say, well, I'm about to head out, but when you're driving home tonight and you're thinking, what did Tig tell me to check out or subscribe to? It is my handsome pod. All right, now let's finish this show. Let's do this.
get this closer. And you know, you're in front of thousands of people and then you know they're driving home and they're like, what did she say? That's so good. Yeah. I like, you know, before I go and change into my gown for my final bow, I just want to
Oh, right. I'm in army pants for the majority of the show. Then I do my costume change for the big finale. Just for that handsome announcement. Yeah, you plug the pod. Then you go off for 20 minutes and change, get full makeup on, come back out. I make my handsome announcement in a gown with a bonnet on and braided pigtails. And if this is the first episode you've listened to...
Listen to the others for that to make sense. I hope it becomes like a cult thing where they screen videos of us making the podcast in like a cinema and then three actors sit on stage and kind of act it out. It's going to happen. You think? It's also going to be handsome on ice. Yeah.
Yes. Ice skating? Well, you know how they have like Disney productions on ice? Right. Handsome will be on ice eventually. I just hope I don't have to ice skate at any point. It'll be all three of us in wheelie chairs, like wheelie office chairs, and they just wheel us out on the ice. I feel like Mae can ice skate. I was going to say, Mae should ice skate. You know, I'm accident...
prone and I have my health issues. So we want to keep me safely off to the side. So Fortune and I will sit in chairs on the side. Like commentators. On the side. I wrapped in bubble wrap. A best in show type of situation. In bubble wrap. While May is out skating. Yeah, zooming around. There's our little handsome one. In one of those like Disney like tuxedo kind of...
I would love that. And, and tuxedo tails. Yes. And they're playing, um, putting on the roots or something like some, or, uh, singing in the rain or something on the roots. That's my ice skating song. If we could have this zinger, my God,
Oh my gosh, look at these dance moves. Look at these. Oh, we're putting on the ritz. And if we could take a moment and, you know, Thomas, drop in a moment of that song. So for people that aren't familiar with it, they'll hear it now. It's a banger. Come let's mix, we're Rockefellers. Walk with sticks or umbrella's in the mix. Putting on the ritz.
And we're out of putting on the ritz. That's my tune. That's my tune. Actually, I was doing press for a docu-series that my friend made. And she's like one of my oldest friends, 23 years. Actually, it's a docu-series about figure skating too. But 23 years I've known her. And we were doing one of those...
things you do with in press where you have to like play games, like, like, uh, how well do you know each other kind of thing. And so they said, what's May's favorite song. And she wrote down on her whiteboard or whatever. And like, she knows me so well. And we've talked about music and she turns it around. She's written someone's knocking at the door. This like Paul McCartney song. Oh, someone's knocking at the, it's so not me. I don't even know that song. You don't.
No. Somebody ringing the bell. Yeah, it's spilling me out. I don't know what I'm not going to do. I was like, do I have this like jaunty energy? What is your favorite song if it's not that? Excuse me, guys. I'm taking a solo over here. Sorry, sorry. We're like, continue. You're talking over my solo? Okay, I'm finished. We don't want to pay for the rights.
Do me a favor.
Mae, what is your favorite song? Do you have one? Oh, man. Yeah, I've got two. So it's, well, three. Okay, Benny and the Jets. Okay. A Day in the Life. Wait. Is that your favorite song, too? Is that Tig's favorite? Benny and the Jets? Yeah, man. When I was, I don't know, three or four. I think it maybe is when the song came out. I was out of my mind over that song. It's so good. And the way it creeps in, that piano. Yeah. My mother. Benny and the Jets.
Fortune. Fortune. And now I'm trying to sing. Tig, someone knocking at the door. Benny. Somebody ringing a bell. Putting on the lips. We blend them all together. Oh, my gosh. Somebody make a mashup. But yeah, my mother would, I remember she'd be pulling up in her car and Benny and the Jets would be on and she would crank it and turn or roll her window down. She'd be like, Benny.
Benny and the Jets. And I would drop everything I was doing or she'd come out of the house and tell me when Benny and the Jets was on. Anyway, wow. Yeah, it's got that like driving beat, like that slow, steady piano thing. Creeps in. I have a less pure experience of it because it was, oh, anyway, it doesn't matter. Well, when I was like. Yes, it does. Yeah.
When I was like 15 or 16, that was sort of like a druggy song for me. And no one I knew was doing hard drugs, but I quietly, privately was, secretly. And then I would blast that song. And I really was like, this song is what it's all about. Like that lyric, you fight, where you fight your parents out in the streets to see who's wrong. And so when you're doing hard drugs to soft. Soft rock. Soft rock. Benny and the Jets.
Right, actually. Now that you say that, it's not like I was like death metal. Benny and the snort. Or techno or something. But it is kind of a kooky song. I mean, I don't condone it, obviously. You're like, I am just...
Racked on coke, listening to James Taylor. And Carole King. Putting on the wrist. What's the other one? A Day in the Life, but also Great Gig in the Sky, Pink Floyd. I want that at my funeral, I think. What about you guys? Favorite tunes? Well, Benny and the Jets. Tig, I can't believe we have that in common. We got it, kid. Tig got so excited when you said that, like, your face lit up like it was Christmas. I loved that. You went...
Benny and the Jets. That's my tune. Do I have a favorite song? Hmm. Oh, weirdly enough, my favorite, one of my favorite songs, I actually got to sing with the band.
I saw this on Instagram. Tell us about that. I've been listening to the chicks since I was like 18 years old. And they have a song called Goodbye Earl. Sure. It's a great karaoke song because the whole crowd will yell like, Earl had to die. What?
What is this song? You've never heard it before? No. Is it one of those story songs? Yes. Oh, I love that. I love that. For years, that was like my go-to karaoke song because it was in a key that I could, you know, hit. Yeah. And it's just a fun crowd pleaser. Who doesn't want to scream, sing Earl Had to Die? Yeah.
Yeah. I was a fan of that band forever and became friends with Natalie Maines and then ended up on their last show of their U.S. tour that's just wrapped after two years. They let me come on stage in Nashville and sing Go Bye Earl with them. Were you nervous? That's like teen fantasy. That was...
So nerve wracking. I was like losing my mind because I was like, I kept picturing me at 18 listening to them in my car, like scream singing all their songs. Scream singing. Crying. Because, you know, they have so many good, they have so many hits. Yeah. They are so good.
they're really good and i just kept picturing myself as a in college and it was like a real surreal trippy moment but then i would remember i had to sing and it was the last song in the concert so i was trying to enjoy the concert but i was so nervous and i just didn't want to mess up right because it was their final song of this tour and then once i got on stage it all just melted and i had a blast i was really
Really? Kicking. And now it was like, yeah, I noticed you hamming it up. I go, what? Oh, my God. It was like a dream thing of mine. That's so dreamy. It did make me realize that I am meant to be a comedian, not a singer. Because touring as a musician is a whole other ballgame. And it's...
way harder, a lot more work, a lot more time consuming. So scary. I mean, it's like that fantasy when you're a kid that I used to have this fantasy that because I love Third Eye Blind, that band from the 90s. I would picture it so clearly being at their concert. And then suddenly they're like, Oh, no, guys, the lead singer sick, we need someone to step in. And then the spotlight would find me and I'd be like, I can do this. And then I'd get up and
That was my dream. That's right. Maybe Tig at your, or Fortune, at your next, like at the end of this tour, the stand-up tour, for your last joke, you get Natalie Maines up on stage and she does it with you. You never know. Tig at the Indigo Girls, which they're closer to Fonz than another favorite of mine. And that goes right back to the Barbie movie. Here we are promoting it again. God, we just can't stop promoting it.
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Do you remember that story song? It sounds like it's in the same vein as Earl Had to Die. The Leader of the Pack, and Bette Midler would sing it. The Leader of the Pack. I love a song that has a vroom vroom in it. Oh, sound effects? Yeah. I feel like that time period when Leader of the Pack came out, I feel like there were a lot of songs where there was always some bad guy named Johnny singing.
who needed to not like meet the girl's parents. Came down to the yard. Yeah, just like, and then somebody's always like, Johnny, me, no! Like, I know that's very much that song, but I feel like there was a lot of mention of like. A lot of bad Johnnies. Yeah, a lot of bad Johnnies during the 50s. Leather jacket. It's Raining Men had Thunder and Lightning. Thunder and Lightning! Puppet is rising.
These days, I feel like modern day Johnnies don't connote bad boy anymore. Johnny sounds like little Johnny. Like it doesn't sound like, watch out for Johnny. Dirty dancing. Johnny. Johnny. Oh, yeah. He was bad. Yeah, he was a bad boy. Johnny is so frustrating. With a heart of gold. So frustrating. Here's the thing. Because he's misunderstood. In the 50s, it was little Johnny. Right. You know, you pat him on the head. But guess what? When he grows up in the 50s, it's Johnny, no!
He doesn't care. Switchblade, leather jacket. He's getting the heck out of here. He's done with these people. Yeah. Don't get too attached. Smashing the window and driving off because he forgot his keys. What is my favorite song? Oh.
Oh my gosh, there's so many. I mean, that's the thing. Yeah, I could name like 10 songs, but I won't. One song that is you always think is going to be good at karaoke and then it is not is Ground Control to Major Tom. That one because it's a lot slower than you remember. And there's long parts that are just like 10 songs.
nine and everyone's like oh come on another crowd pleaser total eclipse of the heart oh yeah here's my karaoke song donnie d's on the back up drug free so put the crack up no need for speed i'm anti d-r-u-g-g-i-e my body's healthy my rhymes make me wealthy anyone anyone know what this is
I'm in shock. Was that another Johnny? What is that? Well, we'll leave it to our listeners to write in and tell us what that song is. Tell us what it is. And who knew that Tig went so hard? Oh, yeah. Look, I love 70s rock. That is my sweet spot. But then throw in a little Donnie D's on the back up. Was it Donnie or Johnny in that song? Donnie.
I miss the days like around that era like Salt-N-Pepa when there would be a little skit in the song like a little scene. I saw Salt-N-Pepa in concert once and was just scream singing their songs too. Let's hear some. If I love a song, I'm scream singing it. Can we hear some? Oh. Push it. Push it real good.
I try to do that. Oh my God. Fortune, that side of you makes me not want to upset you ever. Like the delivery of that is that little Johnny's ball went into your yard. Now let's go back to you telling Johnny to get that ball off your yard. Johnny, I'm going to need you to get that ball off my yard. Push it real good off my yard. Push it real good. Off my yard.
These are all my favorite songs. Yeah. I love Oh My Men by Barbra Streisand. What a tune. The end of Funny Girl. When her hands go up and her voice catches. Oh, man. When I'm doing karaoke, people want and expect me to do boy bands and Bieber. And deep down, what I want is to do Barbra. Do you love Guilty? Yeah, Guilty. Yes. And we've got nothing to be guilty with. And we have nothing to be guilty of. I love Guilty.
oh this is my favorite part of the song we're really singing today
There is a line in that song that says, make it a crime to be lonely or sad. Can you imagine the cops calling up?
Arresting lonely, sad people. There'd be a lot of people in jail. Excuse me, ma'am. Excuse me. Excuse me. It looks like you don't have friends and maybe it's making you a little sad. Get in the back of the car. You're going right to the clink. Yeah, we got a report that you're going to movie theaters alone with a pumpkin spice latte. Well, I invited my friend and they didn't want to come. And so I was like, well, I don't want to miss this movie. Get in the car.
Are there going to be people there I can hang out with? Yeah, I guess it'd be a whole prison of lonely people. Yeah, maybe it's a great way to meet because, you know, social media these days is really disconnecting us as a society.
All right. Guilty is my favorite. I do love a duet. Yes. And I love, I also love the Michael McDonald and Patti LaBelle duet on my own. Well, if you're going, you know, full circle Elton John, don't go breaking my heart. I wouldn't if I tried. Or with Miss Piggy. Who? On the Muppet show, he did it with Miss Piggy. Miss Piggy?
I wish I could go on the Muppet show. I filmed a thing with the Muppets. You did? I'd be more starstruck than any. That was a pretty surreal thing. I filmed with Kermit and Fozzie Bear. What were they like in person? Great.
No, it's very magical. There's all these rules and stuff. And they keep track of like, you can't just improvise things about them. They keep a like strict record of their history, like things about them, history, things have been said about them so that they're never like, you know, oh, Kermit went to school. No, he didn't go to school. You know what I mean? You can't take pictures of them when they're not in their full form.
situation yeah i love that they keep the magic of it it's pretty great and the guys that that do them they um direct themselves they're on these like dollies and they have monitors and they are like having to direct themselves where to go and it's all this like they coordinate for hours like how to hand things to each other and move it's pretty wild amazing i love that a muppet is like no no don't take my picture don't take my picture it's on my hand your hands on my ass
Okay, I'm ready. I think Tigger had coffee today. I just am energized from all that singing. I'm in a great mood now. Oh my God. After I rapped and sang duets, I did have coffee, but I'm the annoying order that's six shots of decaf. What? Do you have that? I have that. I like...
Strong tasting coffee, but it's not for caffeine. I don't have caffeine. What? So, okay. Six shots though. That's crazy. But maybe there's trace amounts of caffeine in the decaf. So then the six altogether equals like a millimeter of real coffee. But you know, real coffee is stronger than shots. Huh. And your favorite fact is wild blueberries are healthier than regular blueberries. Wild blueberries. That's right. Yeah.
I'll always remember that now. A lot of people wrote in about that going, that's good to know. I'm going to add blueberries to my diet. Oh, nice. Yeah, I saw a lot of feedback on that. We're saving lives here. On our social media? Yeah, on the old handsome pod social media. We've gotten some great interactions going on there, guys. So if you haven't followed us on the old Instagram or Facebook...
Do it or Twitter, whatever you're into. I'm checking it every day. I love reading the comments. It is fun to read the comments. It's cool. Like, uh, I got excited when, cause Jennifer Garner shared a video and then, so then I DM'd her, oh, thanks or something at,
Something electric like that. And then she hearted the thing and I thought, that's cool. She's really cool. Yeah, she gave a shout out to the handsome pod. She said, I love these three funny people. That was really nice. That's us. That's us, guys. Actually, it was Tig, Fortune, and Thomas that she met. Oh.
No, we're all handsome. Should we get into this week's question? Yes. Okay, I'm so excited because I have a question from my friend Elliot Page. I'm so pumped that he did this. He's also one of the funniest people. That's so cool. Elliot, I did a thing with Elliot. Oh, what'd you do? Tales in the City. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I did something with Elliot, but I don't know what it was. Really? Wait, guys. Yeah.
I think I've done a couple of things with Elliot. And one of them was with Jennifer Garner, too. We did a live reading of Juno. Oh, yeah. But yeah, he's great. May, how did you and Elliot become friends? Is that a Canada connection? It's such a Canada connection. Yeah, it was. Well, I always knew and told the story that like, I met Elliot when I was 19. We had a mutual friend. And we went to a bar in Kensington Market in Toronto. And
and met and had a fun night in that bar. But I didn't think that he remembered that. And then years later, like years and years later, I guess he watched Feel Good and DM me and was like, hey, cool stuff or something. And I was like, we've met. Do you remember that we've met? And then he was like, oh, yeah. And then, yeah, we became friends. That means no. That was like, yeah, you're right. You're right. Yeah.
No, I think he did remember. But yeah, then we just have a lot in common. We're very, I think, kindred interests. Yeah, yeah. We went up to a cottage and he's such a good natured person. I...
I was trying to choreograph a Backstreet Boys dance and I just, I found the vid in my memory. We were all doing it. Everyone was having a great time. And then I, I found the video the other day and it is just him sitting on the couch patiently and I'm doing it for myself pretty much. Anyway.
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Elliot Page, you know him from movies, Juno, Inception, Hard Candy, and his hit TV show, The Umbrella Academy. Really, what I'm most excited about is his new book, Page Boy, that is so good. It's so well written. And you should get the audio book as well. It's very sexy as well. Very good. Oh, nice. Anyway. I can't wait to read it. Here's his question for us. Hey, handsome podcast. It's Elliot Page.
And my question for you is, do you believe in ghosts? We're getting upon that season, that ghost season. They only come out in October. Is that right? Right? Isn't that how ghosts work? Yeah. I feel like if I had to guess if you guys believed in ghosts...
I would say that, yeah, you do. You're guessing that about both of us? Yeah, just my guess is that you do. And I bet, Fortune, you've seen one and Tig, you didn't believe in them for years and then something happened and you did. Is that accurate? Well, Fortune, let's hear your answer. Okay, I would think that Mae would believe in ghosts because I think you're kind of up for anything. You think I'd have sex with a ghost? No.
Based on the fact that you are up for anything. Yeah, that I have sex with my clone and a ghost. I definitely believe in ghosts. But wait, what is your guess about me, Fortune? Well, I would originally say maybe no, but then you're from... I feel like there's a lot of ghosts where you're from. The deep south? Yeah.
They do seem to hang out there, you know? Right? There's a lot of old stuff there. Kind of military. Because they're already dead and they know the hurricanes can't get them. Yeah. You know, it's like they're just probably it's fun for a ghost in hurricane weather to just whip around in their little skirt. Yeah. So I feel like you may I feel like maybe you've even seen a ghost before.
Now I believe in ghosts for sure, but it is totally blind faith because I've never actually seen a ghost. I'm actually talking about it in my live show right now. And I have people in my life who've seen ghosts and their stories are like, my mom has seen several ghosts. And although she is kind of, I would be like, Oh, my mom's not that fanciful, but she, she is.
So I don't think she's making up, but she could be is basically what I'm saying. Yeah. But she swore up and down that the house that I grew up in was super haunted. And I knew as a kid, it had weird energy. Like I'm an energy person. I can like go into a house and feel if there's like a heaviness in there or there's a weird like vibe, but I can't, I've never seen a ghost. I do feel like some people are more susceptible to it.
um and she said like she would hear things going up and down the stairs and we'd all be sound asleep they love going up and down stairs what else is there to do they gotta get their steps in up and down there's always like a child in some victorian outfit yeah now my grandmother was not a frou-frou person like hippy dippy whatever and she and my she and my mom both claimed to have seen
my grandfather after he died. Oh, wow. He visited them both. Shortly after he died? Yeah. At their house on separate occasions. A lot of what I hear is that ghosts, it's either right after they die, they've got like some unfinished business, they want to come say goodbye or do something, or it's like the ones that are really around haunt Alabama.
talking about this so confidently. It's because they don't even know they're dead. Like they're confused or they're kind of stuck. And yeah, I have never seen one I'm so... I'm desperate to. I feel like if I were a ghost, I would be a confused ghost wandering around going, wait, what happened? Yeah. Where...
Where? How come I'm in my same? What house is this? I'm in this house. It does feel like an in-between, right? Yeah. You didn't end up where you're supposed to be? Like there's an opportunity to move on and you missed it? Yeah. Like did we miss the portal? But also, if that's true that people, you know, from Little House on the Prairie times,
Like if you die and then you have unfinished business and you're just kind of hanging around to get it finished, why are all the people from the 1800s wandering around? Like what on earth is it going to take to finish their business? I know. It's been a long time. It's been a long time. You would think that you'd more likely see, you know, 80s news.
New waivers. Yeah, I'm not hearing about ghosts with AirPods in. No. Yeah, you're right. It's always rattling chains and being from the 1800s. And all those olden timey... And they would be... I mean, if they were haunting our houses, they would be stressed by all the gay stuff going on, right? Like if they're from another time. Wait. And all the new electronics and the furniture that we have. Right, that too. Yeah.
Can you imagine some ghost that's like, what are all this gay stuff? Yeah. They would be so homophobic.
Unless they're saying, wait, you two ladies are living together? I don't want to be a part of this world. And then they move on. Yeah. I'm so upset I'm going to rattle a chain. And not to mention non-binary or trans. That's like a Christmas Carol type of ghost. I know.
That is so insane. Apparently, one in five Americans say they have seen a ghost. That seems like a lot.
Wait a minute. That's a May fact. That is a May fact if I've ever heard one. May fact. We can't ever guarantee that these facts are accurate. But May said it. So therefore on the handsome pod. We can guarantee they came out of May's mouth. I googled it. Okay. And these are the two facts. Okay. The first one sounds sort of official. One in five Americans say they've seen a ghost. The second one I cannot back up. But it made me laugh. Ghosts.
Love the smell of lemons. Oh, I can get on board with that. I read that on a list of facts about ghosts. And they love the smell of lemons. This part of the pod is brought to you by Lemon Pledge. Even ghosts dig it. Yeah, I don't know why that would be, but... Use Lemon Pledge to clean up your creaky wooden floors. Well, lemon has been around for many...
That's true, fortune. So all those Christmas Carol ghosts have probably smelled lemon in their lifetime. That is a fortune fact. Lemons are not new. Yeah.
Why do we have friends that like, if they've seen one ghost, they've seen like 10. Yes. And then other friends that have seen none. That's why I think some people are, have that thing where they just see them. Yeah. If you've seen one ghost, you've seen them all. That is the thing. My, one of my friends, like if she goes to like a weird hotel, uh,
I'll be like, I know she's going to see a ghost. And then sure enough, she's like, yeah, saw a ghost. I'm like, what? Why do these ghosts only go to you? Hotels and theaters, they seem to be haunted a lot. Oh, those lights. Remember how at the end of the night, a lot of theaters will put a lamp on the stage? The whole theater's empty. Then they come bring a lamp and turn the lamp on on the stage and leave. And that's...
Why? Ghost related. Oh, so the ghosts can hang out? Well, I don't have any facts. That's your job. All I can do is rap. The ghost lamp. Well, I definitely, you know, the energy stuff is for sure real. And when you go in an empty theater, you can feel almost the energetic echo of the
hundreds of audiences. Like, I guess there's been so many people gathered there and like laughing and having emotions and crying. Okay, Thomas says, a ghost light is a single bulb left burning whenever a theater is dark. So far, Tig, you're on point. Some argue its function is to chase away mischievous spirits. Others insist it's to light the way for the ghosts that are said to inhabit virtually every theater, keeping them happy and contented. Huh. Okay. Well,
I don't think I believe in ghosts. Oh, really? Wow. Yeah. Really? Your personality, I was thinking no. But then being from Mississippi and close to New Orleans, I was thinking maybe you've seen something. Well, you know, when I first got together with Steph, I can't say I don't. Stephanie has a very kind of...
You know, she's into ghosts and mystical stuff. And, you know, what are those...
Crystals. Yeah. Crystals. You know, she has handfuls of gravel. You know, sand in her pockets. And she's that kind of person. No, she's into that stuff. And I think before we were together, when I would meet people like that or go out with somebody that was like that, I was like, yeah, baby.
But Stephanie brought this groundedness with her mystical beliefs. Yeah. And I remember when I was doing my original podcast that was, I mean, so long ago. But when I first met Stephanie, I was listening through to an episode for, you know, to put in edits or whatever. Yeah. And I was talking to my co-hosts saying, well,
that Stephanie saw a ghost and I was laughing about it on the recording. And Stephanie was in the kitchen and overheard this. And she said, can I ask you something? And I said, yeah, sure. I wasn't thinking anything. I was just listening to this conversation and me laughing about Stephanie seeing a ghost. And she said, do you think I'm crazy? And I said, no. And she said, do you think I'm a liar? Yeah.
And I said, no. Yeah. And she said, then why are you laughing about me saying I saw a ghost? Yeah, I love that. And I was like, oh my gosh. And that is the epitome of...
what I love about her is just that pragmatic like yeah she was just like if you're laughing then you're essentially saying oh Stephanie's crazy yeah also it's like we don't know like and increasingly we are understanding more and more how little we know about everything from the origins of the universe to the way everything works and
I feel like science is kind of bridging the gap now between say like quantum physics and metaphysics and like,
Eastern mysticism and things that spiritual people have been saying for years. So they're like, we keep finding these links. And so I feel like it would be arrogant to just write it all off. But I have not had a firsthand experience, but I really want to. I haven't, but it did change my, the way I go about my thinking or my response from people.
say that they saw a ghost and also what ties in so nicely is that whenever I say oh I'm so sad that my mother never met you or that she never met our kids yeah and Stephanie's very much like I feel like she's who brought us together and I think she sees us and I
And I remember we were at dinner once and I said, oh, my mother loved this song. And then the next song that played, I was like, oh, she really loved this song too. And I was like, oh my gosh, she really loved this. And Stephanie just looked at me and she said...
And do you think that's just by chance that those are playing? And I said, um, touche. And she said, yeah, I, she said, I do not. And then that's kind of where she leaves it. Oh, is Jack's kind of witchy like that? My girlfriend's very, very witchy, very open to all that. Girlfriend. Um, she's, she's never seen a ghost before.
honestly i'll have to ask her i don't know if she's like a crystal oh well she's not a crystal type of she's very jack's very cut and dry very yeah she's not uh frou frou like i that word she's gotten a little bit of that living in la yeah yeah like la is the place like when you go hang out with people and you have a dinner they're like everyone let's go around the table and
and say one thing that, and she's like, oh my God, here we go again. I always found it,
Chateau Marmont kind of creepy. And whenever I've been there, I get a weird vibe. And I have friends also who are like, I don't go there. It's just got a weird energy. You know, dark stuff's happened there. And then I was reading about how there was a family staying there and the little kid was playing like a make-believe game and was like, I'm playing with John. And it was John Belushi. He was playing with the ghost of John Belushi. And he kept talking about, he described him and...
The mom was like, holy shit. And it turned out he died in that room. Oh my God. So, you know. What was a play date like with a child and John Belushi? That's such a good question.
I know. So you're fine, honey. I'll be back in a little bit. I think what freaks me out and partly has stopped me from fully believing in ghosts is just my fear of like, I don't want to get stuck. And I don't like to think of my loved ones as being like stuck. But I think it's more what people are like, no, it's not like they're here all the time. And they can just
They're on another dimension. I definitely just think there are things we can't explain in that way. You know, that there are things where you're like, oh, I don't, that's not, that doesn't seem of earth, you know? Yeah. I used to find Jack of Diamonds cards on the street all the time. And that is a strange thing in my family. Like my parents in their twenties went to San Francisco to visit a friend called Hector and,
And they kept finding Jack of Diamonds. And it was a very cursed trip. Like they lost all their money in a casino. And weird stuff was happening. And they're finding these cards. And then they couldn't find their friend who they'd gone to visit. You know, he wasn't picking up the landline. This is before cell phones. And so they just couldn't find him. And like months, they ended up going home. And months later, he was like, oh, sorry, I got... Anyway, Hector became a thing. And then they...
recently googled that um the official name of the jack of diamonds is hector prince hector so that's a weird coincidence and i've i often find jacks of diamonds well i don't have any story like that but i do have a story about a rock great
I thought you were going to say, but I do have a rap about a rock. Speaking of singers and songs I love, Edie Burkell, you know her? No. Who's that? You sing that song, What I Am. What I Am. Anyway, look her up. You look so disappointed in us. We're sorry we let you down. But she mailed me a present that I opened.
And this was the epitome of the difference between me and Stephanie. I opened this present. Stephanie said, what is it? And I said, I don't know. It's a rock. And she was like, let me see. And she said, oh, my gosh, it's a crystal. And I was like, okay. I said, but what is it? And she said, it's a crystal. And I was like, well, I know, but what?
What is it? Like, I truly... Yeah. It was so not... This is actually this present moment
the world of crystals to me because Stephanie was like salivating as she opened this box and she was telling me more about crystals and now it's on our mantle at our house and it's really beautiful. But I was like, but I kept saying, but what is it? Because to me, I thought Edie had just sent me a rock in the mail. Yeah.
You're like, thanks for nothing. Feels like a threat almost, like a rock in a box. But now when I am traveling and I see crystals, I mean, I actually even sent one to Edie, but I've gotten Stephanie many crystals now over the past handful of years.
And our sons are very into crystals now. And do you have like sort of secret superstition? Like if you're in a crystal shop looking for one for Stephanie, are you kind of like, which am I drawn to? Like which is... No. No, really? You just grab one? This is pretty. Yeah, this is pretty.
Isn't pretty enough for a pretty little lady? In fact, I was a little insecure when I mailed a crystal to Edie because I was like, I don't know anything about crystals. So I don't know if I'm sending her a low rent crystal that she's like, oh boy.
yeah you know this is this isn't quite right yeah so it's solely based on if I think it's pretty yeah I don't know enough about them to know what's what but I know they have all kinds of healing powers and energy some people like really swear by them yeah yeah so I mean if there were as many ghosts as like you know one in five people seeing them like would we have figured out by now a way to prove it like
Like I know on those ghost shows, they have all those devices and they see like energy and stuff. Well, Stephanie's friend sent her a video the other day that Stephanie showed me and she was like, oh my gosh, look at this. So-and-so's friend caught footage of a ghost. Was that you? That was me. Yeah. Oh, yeah? Oh. I sent it. I don't know why I haven't brought it up. Oh, okay. Yeah. I saw that video.
You didn't know it was from a maiden? No, they sent a... It's insane, right? Well, it just looks like...
a lady would just walk down the hallway. Okay, so I'll just, the context is, is a friend of a friend. No, it was, so my best friend went out in LA to, he wanted to meet girls. He's British. He was like, I'm just going to go out and be British in a bar and see what happens. Sure enough. Yeah, they do well. We've all been there. We've all been there. And he meets these, you know, he's out putting on the wrist. British in a bar. British in a bar. And he meets these two girls right away and they're really getting along and somehow they start talking about ghosts.
And they kind of go quiet and they're like, well, yeah, our friends actually just got a video of one in their apartment and they broke their lease. They went, showed the video to their landlord. He was like, I can't explain this. And he let them break their lease. And they were like... Oh, because they were scared. They're like, we don't want to live here. Yeah. And he was like, yeah, fair enough. But what is the worst... He said, fair enough. That is a ghost. Fair enough. What is the worst?
See, I was like, that looks like somebody walked down their hall. It just looked like a person. Yeah. She didn't look like she was from the 1800s. She didn't look like a punk rocker from the 80s. She's in a nightgown. A nightgown with long black hair. So basically, they're doing a...
TikTok dance. In the apartment? Yeah, so they're filming this TikTok dance and they think they're home alone and they didn't notice this until later when they showed it to their friends but they film and the camera kind of pans over and just as it pans over you see what looks like the most solid human being but with no feet glide past the door and it's nightgown, long black hair and it's goose bumpy. I did not see gliding. I saw a person...
walking down the hall. But also my question is what is the worst thing a ghost can do to you? There are some evil spirits out there I believe. But what can they do? You can run your hand through their... Scare the shit out of you. Yeah. Okay. So you're scared but are you gonna die? I don't know. I've watched horror movies. It seems like they've got powers. But clearly this let's say this is a ghost. Or just two girls trying to get out of their lease. Yeah.
Trying to go viral and get out of their lease. See what happens when you're British in a bar. This is a good idea for someone trying to get out of their lease. If I were a landlord, though, and I saw a woman walking down a hallway, I wouldn't be like, okay, I see all the proof I need. Don't sue me. I'll let you out immediately because I have no questions. Like, did you have a friend over? Is this a viral video? Because, you know, so many people try and make viral videos. Yeah.
And also, why are ghosts always in nightgowns? I know. Why? I know. Why? If I was a ghost, I would...
Maybe I would want to be just a generic, like, rattle a chain, put on a nightgown. Yeah, I think it's kind of like aliens. Like, it's the people who are doing hoaxes and making fake videos or being crazy that give the real ones a bad name. Like, because I'm sure there's aliens. And some of those videos are real. There's got to be some cool ghosts out there. Yeah, there's got to be some real... There's got to be cool ghosts in skinny jeans somewhere. Yeah.
There's got to be. Oh, my God. I totally died. And I don't know where I am. Do you know where I am? Whose house is this? I never lived here. I'm not carrying this chain. Why are they doing all this gay stuff?
Oh my god, these are two girls. Even the ghosts are homophobic in some of these scenarios. Well, the ghosts aren't homophobic. They think they're always popping in on slumber parties. Right. They would never assume that it's a... Yeah, they're from the 1800s. They're just like... You guys braiding each other's hair right now? Yeah. Yeah, ghost. Yeah, ghost. There's definitely been... Yeah, ghost. Yeah.
Yeah, Ghost is up there with Clone for me. Clone. Yeah, Ghost is the new Yaz Queen. Yeah, Ghost. Should we hear what Elliot said? Yes. I gotta say, I kind of believe in ghosts. I
feel like there are so many stories that have no explanation and this life and world is full of so much mystery. I'm kind of like, why not? Thank you so much. I can't wait to hear your
about your thoughts on ghosts yeah elliot's like me there's things you can't explain it's the why not thing that i like nothing would shock me like if a little worm crawled out of my ear and was like hi i'm your soul and i've been conducting this experiment of life i'd be like all right yeah really yeah like up for anything you wouldn't try and get out of your lease
You just accept it? I would call my landlord immediately. If I saw a ghost, I would probably want to get out of there. I would not be into that. The place I stayed at in Toronto, the closest I've ever been to seeing something was our first week there. And I saw a shadow go into the bedroom. And I thought it was Jax. And she was on the top floor. It wasn't her. I go, wait, why did you go into the guest room? She goes, I'm...
Wasn't in the guest room. And I saw a shadow go in there. And then like an hour later, we were on the couch. There's no air vents anywhere near that vicinity. And a cold air went over my arms in a very like...
specific way that like stood out where I was like whoa I go oh the air must have kicked on and I looked up and there was no vent anywhere so I there was something you held on to that story for the whole pod I know but it wasn't like a ghost ghost you know what I mean like I didn't see a
an actual thing. It was just like, there are these, some things happening that were weird. But then I never, I was there for another four months and never saw anything again or felt anything again. I hope people write in and tell us their ghost stories. Cause also sometimes when people tell you a story, you can just tell from how they're telling it that it's real. You know what I mean?
Is that a bad that I am I really gullible? No, my mom loves telling people about her ghost sightings. Yeah. Yeah. I want to know and I'm and I'm open to it. Yeah. And also don't be shy to write in if you had a worm crawl out of your ear. Don't be embarrassed if a worm crawled out and said that he was your soul. Just put in the subject line. Yeah, ghost.
Yeah, ghost. Yes, ghost. My godfather was this hilarious Greek man. He lived in a little village in Greece. My parents used to live in Greece. And he was full of stories. And he would just like hold court at the he ran the local taverna. And he just sit there the whole night telling stories. And one night, and he had a funny way of speaking because he learned to speak in the Navy.
And so he'd go, you know, man, really, I can say somehow, you know, the other night, really, I'm walking home and I could feel, you know, somehow, you know, someone following me. I turned around, there was a cypress tree there.
walking, following me down the street. Anyway, he thought a tree followed him and the way he told it was so real. This tree definitely... I hope he got out of his lease. He definitely was drunk. Yeah, he was wasted. Yeah, let us know on our social media accounts, have you seen a ghost? And we might...
Read your response on a future episode. Yeah, we'll read our fave. Yeah, because Halloween is coming. Yeah, ghost. Also, write in if you haven't seen a ghost. Yeah, just write in, no, I haven't. And we'll read that. Bye.
But also, ghosts are year-round, apparently, not just October, so it doesn't have to just be Halloween for Halloween. Whoa, what is that accent? I've never noticed your accent. I thought you had a different one. Yeah, I like... What do you do in school announcements? Morning announcements? Hey, everybody, there's a diffusing ghost. Hey, everybody. Halloween's coming up, so make sure you bring your ghost in. If you want to join the ghost club, they're going to be meeting tonight at 3.30 in the school library. Okay.
Bring a white sheet and wear it over your head. Well, let's be specific. Oh, God. Oh, shit. Yeah. Oh, shit. Yes. I forgot. I forgot we're in the South. I was like, ugh. Yeah. Oh, boy. Oh, dear. Oh, boy. Let's leave the white sheets at home. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
The ghost club has been canceled. Okay.
It's true. What a fun episode. Yeah, that was a super fun episode. Yeah, you guys. I learned so much. Thanks to Elliot. Fortune, do you have any things coming up you want to promote? Yeah, I'm on my tour. If you want to see some stand-up comedy, you guys, I'm coming in mid-October on to Sioux Falls, South Dakota, Oakland, California, Evansville, Indiana, Dayton, Ohio, Charleston, West Virginia, New York,
Just added a bunch of shows like St. Petersburg, Orlando and Jacksonville, Florida. And we just put the Chicago Theater up on sale. That's going to be in February. Nice. And those theaters could be haunted. Yeah. Oh, and I guess you go to fortunefamster.com for tickets.
May, do you have anything you want to tell our lovely, handsome listeners? I'd like to say on the 8th of October, I'm doing the LA Folk Festival. It's a music festival. Nice. Yeah, I'm going to do some stand-up and also play some tunes, which is always very scary for me. And then on the 10th, I'm doing improv at the Elysian with Stephanie Allen, famously a ghost head, and Alana Johnston. Yeah, ghost. Yeah, ghost.
And then I always plug these Largo shows, but I'm there on the 12th and the 22nd. And tickets are at the Largo website. Tig, what about you? Oh, yeah. Thanks for asking. I am going on my European tour. October 5th, I'll be in Stockholm. October 6th, Brussels. October 8th, Copenhagen. October 9th, Lisbon. October 10th, Amsterdam. October 12th, Berlin. October 15th,
Oslo, October 17th. Brighton, October 19th. Manchester, October 23rd. Dublin, October 26th. London, and then I'm back in the States, October 28th. La Crosse, Wisconsin. Then I am going to be recording my next stand-up special in Brooklyn, November 4th. Get your tickets now.
Also, before we go, again, because we've gotten so much great feedback from listeners, we
If you have one friend, if you have two friends, if you have three friends, if you have endless amounts of friends or family that you think would enjoy the show, tell them to check it out. Send up an episode and be like, hey, this is so funny. I think you would laugh so hard. You'd really relate to this, whatever it is. But follow the show on social media. And most importantly, subscribe.
subscribe, subscribe to the show. Cause then it'll just appear in your, um, podcast inbox or whatever the terminology is. We'll take it. Yeah. Yeah. But tell people and let's build our little handsome community. Yes. Because,
So far, so good. It's going great. And by the way, Tig put on a dress just to make that announcement. Yeah, Tig changed it. I did. I had a wardrobe change. Also, tell the ghosts in your house about it. We need some ghost listeners. We'll take it. We'll take anything. We just appreciate everybody who's been listening. The response has been incredible. And we can't wait to just keep going, keep doing this, and to also...
Keep it handsome. Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Ouellette. Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com and please follow us on social media at handsomepod.
