Detecting Shame in Your Kid

2024/11/5

Good Inside with Dr. Becky

AI Deep Dive AI Insights AI Chapters Transcript

Dr. Becky

Dr. Becky 在本期播客中强调了识别和处理孩子羞耻感的重要性。她指出，羞耻感不同于负罪感，羞耻感会让孩子认为自己本身就是坏的，而负罪感只是针对行为。羞耻感会导致孩子出现各种问题行为，例如：极度愤怒的反应、回避挑战、完美主义等等。Dr. Becky 通过两个案例分析，深入浅出地讲解了如何识别孩子身上的羞耻感，以及如何有效地进行干预。她建议家长们要学会成为孩子羞耻感的‘探测器’，及时发现孩子羞耻感的信号，并采取相应的措施。在处理孩子因羞耻感而产生的行为时，家长需要保持冷静，给予孩子支持和陪伴，而不是一味地责备或批评。同时，家长也需要培养孩子的抗挫能力和成长型思维模式，帮助孩子更好地应对挑战和挫折。Dr. Becky 认为，连接是克服羞耻感的关键，家长应该与孩子建立良好的沟通和联系，帮助他们克服羞耻感，建立自信。 Dr. Becky 详细解释了羞耻感和负罪感的区别，以及它们对孩子行为的影响。她指出，羞耻感会让孩子将自己的行为与自身价值观联系起来，认为自己本身就是坏的，这与负罪感有本质区别。羞耻感会让孩子难以学习和改变行为，因为他们需要保护自己的自尊心。Dr. Becky 提出，要有效处理孩子因羞耻感而产生的问题，家长需要首先识别和减少孩子的羞耻感，然后再针对具体问题进行解决。她列举了多种识别孩子羞耻感的迹象，例如：消极的自我评价、回避挑战、爆发性反应、责备他人、完美主义等等。Dr. Becky 强调，在处理孩子因羞耻感而产生的行为时，家长需要保持冷静，给予孩子支持和陪伴，而不是一味地批评或责备。她建议家长们要培养孩子的抗挫能力和成长型思维模式，帮助孩子更好地应对挑战和挫折。Dr. Becky 认为，连接是克服羞耻感的关键，家长应该与孩子建立良好的沟通和联系，帮助他们克服羞耻感，建立自信。

Deep Dive

Key Insights

Why is it important for parents to recognize shame in their kids?

Recognizing shame allows parents to intervene effectively, avoiding power struggles and explosive arguments. It helps preserve the child's good identity, enabling them to learn and change their behavior.

What is the difference between shame and guilt?

Guilt is about behavior being out of line with one's values, while shame is about the belief that the self is bad. Guilt separates behavior from identity, allowing for reflection and improvement. Shame merges behavior with identity, leading to defense mechanisms and shutdown.

How can parents detect shame in their children?

Signs include global negative self-talk, avoidance of challenging tasks, explosive reactions to minor incidents, blaming others for things they didn't do, and perfectionism. These behaviors indicate that the child's identity is tied to their performance or mistakes.

What should parents do when they detect shame in their child?

When shame is present, less is more. Parents should provide a calm presence, showing love and support without trying to logically convince the child. This helps the child feel lovable even in their struggles.

How can parents help their child build resilience against shame?

Parents can focus on building a growth mindset and frustration tolerance. Teaching the child to feel proud of overcoming challenges rather than tying their identity to perfect performance helps them develop resilience.

Why is shame often hidden and what can be done about it?

Shame is hidden because it's a taboo topic. The antidote to shame is connection. Parents can help by fostering open communication and creating a safe space for their child to express their feelings.

Chapters

Dr. Becky defines shame and explains its impact on kids, contrasting it with guilt and discussing how it affects parenting interventions.

Shame is an emotion that relates to self-identity and worth, unlike guilt which is about behavior.
Recognizing shame in kids requires a different parenting approach to avoid power struggles.
Shame can lead to explosive reactions, avoidance, and perfectionism in kids.

Shownotes Transcript

Shame is powerful. And if shame is present with our kids, parents need to jump into action and heed the alarm. Why? Because when parents develop the ability to de-shame their house and de-shame dynamics in their kid, it allows them to intervene differently and actually start to make progress quickly. This week on the podcast, Dr. Becky teaches all parents a very important lesson: how to become shame detectors with their kids. Get the Good Inside App by Dr. Becky: https://bit.ly/3XAPSlq)For more on the Deeply Feeling Kids Workshop visit https://bit.ly/4ege3KM)

Follow Dr. Becky on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drbeckyatgoodinsideSign up for our weekly email, Good Insider: https://www.goodinside.com/newsletterOrder Dr. Becky's book, Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be, at goodinside.com/book or wherever you order your books.For a full transcript of the episode, go to goodinside.com/podcastTo listen to Dr. Becky's TED Talk on repair visit https://www.ted.com/talks/becky_kennedy_the_single_most_important_parenting_strategyToday’s episode is brought to you by Airbnb: Let's be honest, parenting is expensive, especially around the holidays. If you’re traveling over the holidays and have an empty home consider making a little extra income by becoming a host on Airbnb. Every little bit helps, especially during the holiday season! Being an Airbnb host means that you are providing another family with an amazing experience and it's a great way to earn some extra money for all the different things you wanna do. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb dot com slash host.

For more on the Deeply Feeling Kids Workshop visit https://bit.ly/4ege3KM)

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