Giggling about roasting, the Illuminati, and Gucci
01:05:31 Share

Welcome, friends, to the Playful Scratch from the California Lottery. We've got a special guest today, the Scratcher's Scratch Master himself, Juan. Juan, you've mastered 713 playful ways to scratch. Impressive. How'd you do it? Well, I began with a coin, then tried a guitar pick. I even used a cactus once. I can scratch with anything. Even this mic right here.

See? See? Well, there you have it. Scratchers are fun no matter how you scratch. Scratchers from the California Lottery. A little play can make your day. Please play responsibly. Must be 18 years or older to purchase, play, or claim. Sup, gigglers? Gary, fix your Wi-Fi. Manifest that shit. We can't be managed. I mean, the day just got away from me.

Hello, Gigglers. We're jet-lagged. No, we're not. Okay, sorry. I'm jet-lagged. I went to Barcelona four months ago, and I'm jet-lagged. Just kidding. I didn't. I came from L.A.,

yesterday. My left eye is twitching so bad that I couldn't put my eyeliner on. Has that ever happened to you? Like it was twitching. I was like chasing it. Have I ever been tweaking out so hard that I can't do my makeup? Yeah, for sure. So it's 9am. We're fighting for our life, but we are like

we have so much shit to talk about this is like our version of witching hour like I woke up this morning it was like 730 I was like am I legit getting up to go do giggly squad I was like shit needs to be talked let's go I didn't even wake up Des I was like this is not for you I also like I miscalculated um

I mean, I live in Guam. I straight up commute to work. I... No, like, you have one place you have to physically be each week, and you chose the farthest possible apartment. 20 minutes into my drive, I'm like, hmm. Yeah.

is interesting. This is interesting. I even contemplated I was like I might have to start taking the subway there and then I laughed to myself. I feel like I'm never right but like was I low-key kind of right? I spoke up about it. Here's the thing when like you are best friends with someone when your best friend says something that's like 100% right completely valid like if anyone else said it you would be like yes. When they say it you immediately ignore it.

Because you're like, no, that bitch is crazy. She's psychotic. She doesn't even know what's happening. And then, like, it comes to fruition. You have to just be like... You have to just ignore it. I'm not even mad for you not listening because I assumed you weren't going to listen. Because, like, you thought that I was, like, low-key trying to force you to live next door to me, which is valid, which was so true. I just kept sending her apartments next door to me. Do you truly feel like that? Because, like, sometimes I'll be thinking about, like, manifesting my life or, like, my literal...

partner will be like where do you want to live and in my head I think well my kids have to go to school with Hannah's kids so I'm waiting for her to decide if she's full-time Hamptons or full-time Brooklyn because then I could make a better informed decision actually someone asked me about kids recently and I was like well Paige isn't ready isn't ready

And they were like, how does the math have anything to do with you? And I said, Paige isn't ready yet. We're going to be like 75 and be like, oh, we never did it. I'm like, well, you never picked a place to live. And you're like, well, you never were ready for kids. I'm like, okay, well, now we're here. Well, you live so far away from where we record our podcast, you never made it. If Paige never comes again, we know what happens.

So I was in Hollywood. I've joined the Illuminati. Yeah. I do have to say Grace said something hilarious because I walked in and that was my line. I said, hi, I'm back. I joined the Illuminati. And she goes, I feel like the Illuminati is like kind of jukey. Wait. I feel like millennials are obsessed with the Illuminati and Gen Z is like, okay, get over it. Like,

It's whatever you want to believe. I'm like, okay. I was like, sorry, you know how hard it was to meet Kat Williams and join the Illuminati and then you just call it Chucky? She also said your skin was so good. Which is crazy. Which could be part of being in the Illuminati. The baby's blood. Yeah. Or I got like,

little bit of vitamin D for the first time because I was walking in LA. Yeah. I low-key, like, had two... Why do I keep saying low-key? I... Yeah, you're just so fucking LA. Is that... I was watching your stories, like, sometimes when you're not in New York. I don't know why. Not when you're in, like, other places in the country.

Really just specifically LA. I watch her stories as if I don't know you. Wait, that's the biggest compliment ever? Because I feel like sometimes you don't watch my stories. Like you're kind of like you watch it in like a like, yeah, I know I was with her. Like I don't.

Right, right, right. Like I can click through because I'm like, oh, I was there or like, oh, I know she told me about LA. I'm like, who is she hoping that you comment on it? Like sometimes when you're like, like your hand up and you're doing like point five like stories. I'm like, who?

Is she? She's living her best life. I literally have to go through the week. Like, I thought last episode was like the craziest story ever. My week was going to go downhill. LA threw so many fucking crazy. Well, you like extended your trip. You're like, sorry, I'm not going to be back till. I was there for. 2025. People were starting to get sick of me. They were like, do you live here now? And I was like, okay, time to leave. Mm hmm.

After I spoke to the gigglers, the next day I went to the roast. Yes. We haven't even talked about the roast. No, we haven't even talked. We haven't even talked. I have so many questions. Did you watch it? Fully through. Start to finish. Ask me anything. AM fucking A. Oh, she pulled out her phone. Oh, she has notes. She's never once had-

Okay, now, as a viewer watching it live, everyone's talking about Kim Kardashian. I just love that she stole the show. First of all, this is my first statement I want to say. I thought she crushed it.

I have so much to say. So Kim was two tables in front of me, which is crazy. Crazy. Because we're sitting there for five hours. Like I sat with Kim for five hours. You breathed in some of the air that she exhaled. I'm a little mad because I think once she looked at me, like the one time I was filming her. So I was kind of, Kim, or maybe she was like, is that the Giggly Squad girl? Yeah. No. No, I feel like she did. She didn't come up to me and be like, oh, I know every pretty girl in LA and how do I not know you? No.

Jen Garner commented on our Instagram. She did? What'd she say? She, like, all these hearts and stuff. Grace quit. Grace just quit. Oh, yeah. Didn't Jennifer Garner comment on our Instagram? What'd she say? A lot of emojis. Okay, she posted a grandma, which is so funny. No, I love her. Okay, shout out Jen. No, I'll literally throw myself in front of a bus for her. We love you so fucking much. Capital One. Okay, so...

So anyway, we actually, we sit down and I've never been to like an award show. It felt like an award show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was sitting like right up and everyone's kind of looking around. Jim Gaffigan stands up. He's sitting at Chelsea Handler's table and he starts walking like away from his table. And I turned to my friend and go, that's Jim Gaffigan. Like we know each other. That's Jimmy. That's Jimmy. It's old Jim. Old Jim doing his thing. I realized he's walking towards me. Oh.

He's walking towards me. And then I realized he just came to, like, stand here and gossip with me. Like, he literally was like, so, like, what's... Who's that TikToker over there? Wait, I feel like he's so good at, like, having the tea but not being a gossiper. Oh, yeah, because he's joking? Yeah, he's...

kidding he asked me like who one comic was and then at one point we were just laughing and he goes why are the kids choking these days and i was like i'm not into it i'm why are the kids joking and then we find out he grew up in the place in indiana where my brother lives and so anyway it's very cosmic it was very cosmic so jim and i are best friends to the and i couldn't even process like to the point where i was like jim do you want a photo like what are we doing no wait

I just want to say one thing. When you were sitting there and Kim went up to do her set, was the whole place booing or was it... Let me give you every moment. So first of all, we all sat down and the roast was like the second it was about to start, Kim and her publicist just like...

very quietly sneakily walk in no one knew she was coming no one knew she was coming and she really like people were like mad about that too that what?

I saw like clips on TikTok that comedians were like, oh, why is she above other celebrities? They didn't tell them because they knew that like all the comedians would make a joke about her if she was there. Well, let's be honest. If all the comics were making jokes about her, people would have been annoyed because it's the Tom Brady roast and like leave Kim alone. Okay, leave Kim. Okay. Yeah.

Yep. Let me begin. So she gets in. She's super. She's just sitting there. And she's so cute. Like, I'm watching her. Like, she's literally, like, watching, turning to her friend, giggling, checking her phone. She's a girl. She's a girl. She's literally just being a girl. She's just a girl. And, like, yeah, she has a ton of drama with the other most famous woman in the world right now. But, like. At the end of the day, they're both just girls. They're both girls. Girlhooding. Yeah. So we had no idea she was going to go up. The second I hear them call her name, I'm like.

I immediately am nervous for her. Yeah. Because I was like, Kimberly. Yep. Noelle. Kardashian. I know the whole world's watching. Like, to see someone. And she's not. No, I would have thrown up. It's not like she's a football player about to play football. No. This is crazy. So I'm watching her. Wait, it's not like she's in her element.

No. No. No.

And did the joke, she went up and like murdered? No, like is funny. Destroyed? Like fully murdered. So what happened is she got up and the crowd was very like, ooh. And then it kind of turned into some boos. But there's also like 20,000 people. Which is insane. Not everyone was booing. It's just there's so many people. And I immediately am upset. Yeah. So I stand up. Because she could see me. I stand up.

Wait, you're like, that's my friend. That's my friend. You're not going to do that to my friend in front of me. And no one else is standing up around me. I don't care. In this moment, I know she needs me. I stand up and I start clapping like this. Because why are we acting like Kimberly Noel Kardashian has done anything worse than any of the men on that stage? Kim Kardashian's never beaten her wife. Has done anyone on that stage. Probably. Probably.

Sorry to everyone sitting on this stage. We don't actually think that allegedly just in mathematics one of you has to have. In mathematics there's one of you that has. One of you has hit a girl. Hit a girl?

Or at least been rude to a girl. Yeah. More than. Or gave an STD to a girl. A hundred. Or put girls in therapy. Yeah. There was a bunch of football players up there. They've done some fuck shit to girls. Okay, if I was stuck in a forest, would you rather be stuck with Kimberly Noel Kardashian or any of those men on the stage? I would. Well, Gronk is one. I would be like, beat that bear up. He'd be like, 100%.

Take the shot glass, break a shard of glass into the bear's eye.

Okay, as a viewer, we couldn't tell. The boos. Yeah, like we couldn't hear them. So she's a genius because she was just playing to the camera. Yeah. And that's what's interesting about comedy is you have to, you can either play to the room or the camera. But like Ben Affleck was playing to the camera like completely bombing. But I was looking at my agent. How no one booed him. Well, because everyone was confused. Like no one knew what was happening. Or they were like, maybe this is a lead up to something.

I thought it definitely had to be. I was like, there's going to be a crazy reveal. There's going to be a crazy beat drop. He's leading up to something. And then when it was serious, I was like, oh, this guy is...

This guy's speaking from his own experience, from his own heart. This guy went roguer than Gronk. I feel like there's going to be a moment where you just see Tom Brady with his hand on his shoulder. It's going to be okay, dude. Calm down, first of all. It was the one part of the roast where I was there for four hours. It was the only time I lost focus. Here's another thing I'll say about...

Kim Kardashian and the booze. First of all, anyone who goes somewhere and boos not at a sporting event, immediate jail time. What are you doing? No. No, like, you're booing someone expressing themselves? No, that's like clapping on a plane. Like, keep

Keep your hands to yourself and shut your mouth. But it's so funny how people were mad she was there, but then they were also mad that she didn't make it about her and let all the comics... It's like she's not on the stage. Also, let's just point out, everyone sitting in that crowd, they're football fans. They're fans of Tom Brady. That's like a different crowd, I'm sure. Like, the majority of the people are from Boston, which, like, shout out to Boston because that's our favorite place to do Giggly Squad. But I will say...

I would be very weary of men who, like, loathe Kim Kardashian. No, that is such a red flag. It's such a red flag. A man who boo's a woman...

It's kind of like, if you break it down, men that like really hate Kim Kardashian is because they hate that she like flipped the script on all of them. They hate that she became famous because yes, she had a sex tape. So she used her body. So the men were like, you can't do that. You're not allowed to use your body. We choose when you're hot. Yeah, we choose when you're not a whore. Then she was like, oh, actually, I'm also super fucking smart. Mm-hmm.

And like, I'm going to be a lawyer and I'm going to do all of this thing. And the men were like, no, you can't be both. You can't be like this sex icon and smart. And she's like, well, actually I can and I'll be like a billionaire out of it. So like the men that like loathe her existence freak me out. Yeah. Because it's like, what are you so mad about? And then I really took it back and I was like, what does my dad think? My dad's like,

My dad loves her. My dad loves her, too. Loves her. But, like, not in a creepy way. No, it's like, proud of her. Oh, yeah, she's killing it. Yeah. Kim Kardashian, she crushes. And so then I was like, hmm, interesting, interesting. Keep that in the back of your mind, ladies. That is such a great thing to ask a guy on a first date. Yeah. Do you...

Thoughts on Kim Kardashian? Just thoughts. Hate her or love her? Hate her or love her. And if they're like, oh, I don't really have an opinion, even better. Give him a blowjob. He doesn't even know what's going on. He's dumber than you expected, and that's great for us. I've always been obsessed with, like, I've always been obsessed with, like, successful people. I can't wait for Chris to go on a date now, and he's like, someone just asked me if I love or hate Kim Kardashian, and it's scaring me. Okay, I do think that eventually we should do some...

sort of dating show with Chris and the Gigglers because the Gigglers all want to fuck Chris. Yeah. But they don't know what he looks like or anything about him. Which is such a Giggler thing to do because we're women in the arts. We are creative. We're going to make up in our head. They've created their own scenarios. They heard his voice. And also they like that he gets our humor. Yes. So honestly, marriage material. Yeah, there's something there. Chris, don't get your head all big. Look at him looking at me all happy. Even if we made it just like a...

Some clips. Like we don't even have to do a full date. De-center me. Yeah, we'll de-center you.

I love that. So anyway, yeah, Kim, when she walked on stage, the average person wouldn't be able to handle that moment. Or the average person would be like, actually, I'd rather stay home because I'm rich. No, could you imagine standing up on a stage and 20,000 people just booing you? And then all these hot football guys watching you? I would have started laughing, and then I would have passed out. What?

I've been like, this is actually insane. And then I'm like, it's too much. It's overload. The fact she didn't faint was iconic. I'm like, if she didn't immediately go backstage and vomit.

Then she should be president. No, she literally did it. Sat back down and enjoyed the rest of the show. No, and then at the end, then the very last guy that went, I mean, he just like eviscerated her. When he said like, oh, speaking of a whale's vagina, I go, if you say Kimberly Noel, I will lose my fucking mind. And she just sat there and was like, good one. No, that's hilarious. Also, when you're a girl on the roast, it's like they're going to make fun of your pussy.

Wait, that's the other thing. It's like a good one. Good. Whales. Good. I made Craig watch Bridgerton with me this weekend because I'm getting ready for the new season. And every like other word. Because I'm training for the new season. I'm literally training. I watch all of them.

And every other word or like why you can't do something, I'm like, well, he would like ask a question. I'm like, no, they can't do that because they're a girl. And he's like, well, why can't they get married? I'm like, because she's considered a whore. So they can't. And he was- The men made these rules. No, and he was so baffled about it. And I was like, okay, it's not that much different today. Literally, they wanted to kill Kim Kardashian because she got fucked on camera and now is a billionaire and they can't handle it. So it's literally nothing has changed. Also-

Oops, sorry. That's the police coming for you. It's the Illuminati. They're like, she's figured out too much. She called us jukey. Wait, we would have beef with the Illuminati. Like, could you imagine someone coming to us and being like... If we disappear, it was the Illuminati. Yeah, we're like, we just feel like you guys are doing too much. Kat Williams is like, I told you that I'm getting the spot. They talk too much.

I can do like 20% Kat Williams. You can do someone doing Kat Williams.

You're absolutely right about that. She's absolutely right. Takes a genius to know a genius. Wait, that was really good. That was good. One more thing about Kimberly Noel. Yeah. I'll make a whole separate podcast about her. Do not come for her vagina because we all know for a fact I've seen her wear these bikinis. The girl has a marble vagina. There's not even a hole. No. I don't even know how she got pregnant. It's a small split.

It's a sliver. We all know. We've all seen it. Oh, God. No, I love her so much. But then the tea that I want to give the gigglers is there's an after party. Yes, which I heard Tom didn't even go to. Tom and Kimberly did not go. So people, I think, were trying to be like, where's Tom and Kim? Where's Tom and Kim? Part of me was like, Kim, if you're going to show up, how do you do it?

Have sex with him. Wait. And I don't mean it in like a you just like I mean. This is a hot take though. I feel like Tom. I stand them. Really? Because I feel like Tom gives Kim the ick. Yeah.

Like, I feel like when Tom initially got single, Kim was like, wait, this could be so cool. And then Tom did something. She was like, wait, no. Because I just don't think you can go from the type of guys that Kim has been dating. Pete Davidson and Tom Brady are two of the most different people. You can't go funny guy swag to meathead athlete. Yeah. Yeah.

And I don't... Pretty boy. Funny is definitely not his thing. 100% no. But those are literally the men that I would go for back in the day. The ones who were like so tall, so beautiful, so not funny. And then I'd wonder why something was off. Because you have to be smart to be funny. And that's what Victoria Beckham told me. And she remembered. And I remember. Okay.

Three years later. So I get into the after party. And first of all, wait, your outfit. So I found my stylist. I mean, that's your stylist. I found my stylist, Tabitha Sanchez. Shout out to you. She just starts pulling outfits for me. Right. And I'm like, what is this? And she goes, 2004 Dolce. Don't.

The fashion world is sometimes so... No one says Dolce & Gabbana. They only say Dolce. It's that Dolce Vita lifestyle. She just goes, she does Dolce. Yeah. And I was like, I don't know if this is going to like fit. Just like I hope it fits. You immediately like put it on and you're like, yes, I'm a monster. Well, someone said they were like,

Dolce is made for like Sophia Loren. Like they design it for voluptuous Italian women. So she was like, your body's actually perfect for it. Like a model would have to like get it cut up and stuff. She was like, this was made for your body. And I said, bury me in this. No, literally. And I showed up so many character energy to that roast. You also just like, here's the other thing like about fashion is,

When you're wearing something that like so feels you, like it changes your whole perception of things. Like so when people are like, oh, it doesn't matter what you're wearing. You put too much pressure on it. Like, no, it literally connects to your energy and you're different. So people are treating me with respect. No, because you are probably walking in standing different, commanding a room different because you're like, I know that I fucking look so good and I love this outfit. I love it.

I love the fit. Nothing could go wrong. My mom literally called me because I was like, why did they put me in the deadline article? Did you see that was Grace? I thought Grace photoshopped it in and it was a bit. No.

For real. I call my mom. I start dying laughing. I'm like, why did they do that? And she goes, I don't know. I was like, who hired Grace at Deadline for two weeks? Or like a giggler works at Deadline. It's a giggler. Definitely. A giggler definitely was like, wouldn't it be hilarious if we swapped Kim and Hannah? I genuinely feel like the gigglers are all around the country just like pranking us with certain shit. They're like, wait till they see this. They're going to die laughing. It's like,

We can't have our faces on a strip club. But it's giving Illuminati. No, it is. So I called my mom and we were laughing about it. And she goes, well, this is what happens when you invest time and energy into your outfit and your makeup. No, that is the most mom shit. And I was like, okay, I'm trying really hard out here. I'm tired. I'm trying to like, I have a lot going on. I'm like, thank you. Thank you, mom. Thank you.

She's like, you're doing good, but just remember, you can always be better. But she is. It's so funny. I feel like our moms use each other against each other. I don't know. No. Because Kim, I know Kim is rooting for me, where my mom will be like, Paige puts effort every week into how she looks. Yeah. Paige has time off. You know what she does? She invests it in herself. Yeah.

And you see the results of it. My mom literally hit me the other day with one of the most diabolical sentences. I did something and she just straight face looked at me and she goes, you're a lot like your dad. And I was just like...

Wait, that's the meanest thing I've ever heard. No, I literally looked at her. And, like, at first I was like, because my dad is, like, the nicest guy ever. Like, truly the most empathetic, the most compassionate. But he's not running the show. He will tear up. He's not running the show. But at any moment he can just be like, fuck you. Like, he will switch at any moment. He's Italian. Not like, oh, he's...

But like if someone does something, then he can switch. Don't take my kindness for weakness, Gary DeSorbo. So my first reaction was like, oh, thank you. And then I was like, fuck you. I was like, what the fuck?

How the fuck does that mean? How dare you compare me to a man? No, and I've thought about it every day since. I'm like, what did she mean by that, though? It's so funny because last week I was feeling myself and I was like, I know people say I'm a lot like dad, but like, let's be honest, I'm like you. And she's like, you are?

And I hung up. It was the nicest compliment I've ever gotten. I was like, my mom's not a hunker. No, there is like sometimes there will be moments with your mom where you're both like just girl, both being just like girls. And like your mom will say something, like I'll say something to my mom like that I'm afraid of or scared of. And I'm like, well, what would you do? And she'll say like, oh, my God, you're so much smarter than me anyway or like stronger or like why are you even worried? And in that moment, you're like, oh, we're just like –

Girls. We're just girls hanging. Yeah, literally. Doing taxes and putting yourself on a budget is one of the scariest things ever. And that's why I make my mom do it. And when she was going through my taxes, I said, okay, put me on a budget and anything that I don't need to be paying for, let's just get rid of it. And the amount of subsistence

That's why you need Rocket Money. It's a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so that you can grow your savings. Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when using the app's features.

So if you've been trying to save money for a while and just can't figure it out, can't budget correctly, then give Rocket Money a try. Stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscription by going to rocketmoney.com slash giggly squad. That's rocketmoney.com slash giggly squad. rocketmoney.com slash giggly squad.

Welcome, friends, to the Playful Scratch from the California Lottery. We've got a special guest today, the Scratcher's Scratch Master himself, Juan. Juan, you've mastered 713 playful ways to scratch. Impressive. How'd you do it? Well, I began with a coin, then tried a guitar pick. I even used a cactus once. I can scratch with anything, even this mic right here.

See? See? Well, there you have it. Scratchers are fun no matter how you scratch. Scratchers from the California Lottery. A little play can make your day. Please play responsibly. Must be 18 years or older to purchase, play, or claim. This episode of Giggly Squad is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give BetterHelp online therapy a try at betterhelp.com slash giggliesquad and get on your way to being your best self. Hannah and I are always talking about therapy, and honestly, sometimes we talk about stopping therapy too because sometimes it just gets overwhelming.

but inevitably we always end up going back. There are so many times in my life that I'm doing therapy, that I'm not doing therapy, and truly I feel better when I am doing therapy. So whether your schedule is packed with kids, activities, big work projects, or you're just overwhelmed, it's easy to let your priorities slip. And when you're ready to go back into therapy, try BetterHelp.

It's entirely online. It's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. All you do is fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist, and you can switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. Never skip therapy day with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash giggly squad today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash giggly squad. Giggling in bed brought to you by Mattress Firm.

are you ever going about your day and just like random little things will happen to you? like i don't know your boyfriend was snoring the whole night so you woke up the next day just not having any sleep.

or maybe your neighbors are super loud and they stomp around at the most inconvenient times. well if that happens to you the way it happens to me, then you must be wondering how are these people sleeping at night? my guess is that they have a mattress firm mattress. mattress firm offers a premium selection of mattresses so you can get your best sleep ever.

and you can rest easy with mattress firm's 120 night sleep trial. love it or your money back. i have a mattress firm mattress and honestly it's changed my whole life. i also have an adjustable base which

I'll never go back. I'll never not have an adjustable base. So even if I'm annoying people during the day, I'm also sleeping soundly on my mattress firm mattress because when you're matched with the right mattress at mattress firm, anyone can sleep at night. Text Giggly Squad to 766693 for an extra 20% off your next purchase at mattress firm. Exclusions apply. Get matched at mattress firm's semi-annual sale and clearance and sleep at night.

You know when you discover a new binge-worthy show or a song that you bump on repeat and you have to share it with all your friends so they can experience just how awesome it is too? That's kind of what it feels like when you discover that Mint Mobile offers premium wireless for $15 a month when you purchase a three-month plan. It's such an awesome deal, there's no way you can keep it to yourself.

All plans come with high-speed data and unlimited talk and text delivered to the nation's largest 5G network. You can ditch overpriced wireless with Mint Mobile deal and get three months of premium wireless services for $15 a month. Mint Mobile is here to rescue you and your squad with premium wireless plans starting at $15 a month. To get this new customer offer and your new three-month premium,

premium wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month. Go to mint mobile.com slash giggly. That's mint mobile.com slash giggly. Cut your wireless bill to $15 a month at mint mobile.com slash giggly $45 upfront payment required equivalent to $15 a month. New customers on first three month plan only speed slower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited planned additional taxes, fees and restrictions apply. See mint mobile for details.

Support for today's episode comes from Honeylove. Honeylove truly has revolutionized blogging.

bra game, I have a little bit of a different problem than other girls. My boobs are so small that like I actually wasn't wearing the correct bra size for the longest. And now I finally have a bra that doesn't ride up. So if you're tired of bras riding up, if you're tired of bulging in the back, if you're tired of the design just not being right and you hating the fabric, Honey Love's fabric is so soft and their best-selling crossover bra is their most popular

comfortable and it is sure to be your go-to bra but if you're looking for even more comfort honey love doesn't just have bras they also have extremely comfortable shapewear tanks and leggings for everyday support so they have you covered for everyday looks workouts weddings

and more. Honey Love is not just supporting women, it's empowering women. So treat yourself to the best bras on the market and save 20% off at honeylove.com slash giggly. Use our exclusive link to get 20% off honeylove.com slash giggly to find your perfect fit. After you purchase, they may ask where you heard about them. Please support Giggly Squad and tell them that we sent you. Honeys, you deserve this. Free the pain and discomfort. Keep the support with Honey Love.

So I get to the after party. I'm trying to think of the tea. I mean...

Shane Gillis is hanging out in the corner with Dave Chappelle. Dave is smoking a cigarette. I love that Dave does not abide by any smoke laws anywhere. 1995, I think it was a law. You can't smoke anywhere. Dave was like, not me. Even cancer. He's like, nope. No, thank you. Unsubscribe. Unsubscribe. Block. So they're there. And then Tom Segura actually...

Came up to me, said hi. And also, so I'm best friends with Andrew Collin, who wrote some jokes, shout out, for Nikki on the Rose. Which... We didn't even... I mean, we didn't even... Nikki...

I mean, they really, they had only two women on stage. Right. And, like, that was a lot of pressure for her. Yeah. She was so incredible. And also the women are so overprepared. She's done these so much. She was, I know all the guys were, like, practicing their set, but I just knew that she was going in with, like, a vengeance. Like, she had an extra chip on her shoulder. Yeah. And then, like, throughout the whole rest of the,

rose. A lot of the other guys were like falling asleep. Like you couldn't see it, but they were like, okay. Nikki is sitting there laughing, high-fiving Jeff Ross. She's in it. She's working. That bitch is working for her check. And it's just so great for people to

See how fucking amazing she is. Even that small difference with men and women. Men can sit there. Yep. Like, who's next up? Bert Kreischer, we were joking, was literally reading the teleprompter with his mouth. Lying there and reading it out loud and laughing. Imagine if Nikki did that. If Nikki did that. They'd be like, she can never come on another rose. They would have dragged her off stage with her, like dragged her. Yeah. And her to sit there for four hours. In her tiny dress.

Your shoulders must have hurt so much. She also looked really good. And that's not important. But when she walked in, I kept trying to mouth it. I said, you look beautiful. No, she looked so good. She had definitely no idea what I was saying. She kept being like, what? Yeah. Also, her hair color is the perfect blonde right now, I think. Yeah. She didn't know something about it. She's just like, she's glowing. Yeah. And also shout out to Nikki because when I was on the come up, she...

literally took me around to spots in Manhattan, like at the stands in the cellar. Like imagine... She was your mentor. So she's my mentor. She's literally what we say, like, girls need to help girls who are like...

In the same profession. She literally was like, do you want to just come to some spots with me? And I just followed her around, asked her like the dumbest questions and she answered it all. And it just felt like so, it makes it feel touchable and tangible. So shout out to Nikki. So your hey, Nikki. Then Gronk is just like talking to everyone. I went up to him and I was like, you're actually very smart. And he just was like, thank you. And I was like, oh God. Yeah.

That didn't go very well. Wait. He was like one of the best parts of the show. Well, because he was so gronk. He was being so gronk. If he wasn't like that, people would have been upset. And the funniest part about it was like everyone that was making jokes about him all

all night long. You're like, oh my God, wait, that's so funny. That's like, blah, blah, blah. Then he gets up and says one word and you're like, wow, you just made everyone else's joke so much funnier because you are exactly what they described. I could see the teleprompter. He went off the teleprompter for like two minutes to the point they gave Kevin Hart the mic to be like, maybe we might have to segue this. That's the thing why the roast also was so impressive because we knew it could have been a complete shit show and somehow it just wasn't. Kevin Hart did a great job like,

Keeping the flow. Yeah, that had to have been so hard. He's such a talented professional host. Side note. Oh, yeah. Who do you think was... The funniest? I thought was the most attractive. Guy up there? Mm-hmm. Who do I think you thought was the best looking guy up on the stage? Like, who would I be into? Oh, my God. Not to make it about me. I would say... Besides Bill Belichick, who...

Was so funny. Literally, imagine going around a party hall. I think you're going Tom or Gronk. Drew Bledsoe. I was going to say. Drew Bledsoe. Fuck, I forgot he was on this thing. Such a zaddy. His voice was so low. I met him afterwards. He's huge. I was just like talking to his belly button. And like funny. And also, he's the guy who like, do you know the story of Drew Bledsoe? Yeah. He's the fucking- This is a sports podcast. Yeah, this is a sports podcast. He's the star. His joke when he talked about his-

30th wedding anniversary. That's so good. That is funny. That was so good. So he is the star. They call it the franchise quarterback. They're paying him millions and millions of dollars. He gets completely obliterated. His knees, like, falls off. Yeah. He's in the hospital. His knees are like, I quit. Falls off. His knees are like, I'm going to cut myself. And then...

So then they throw Tom in, this young quarterback. Yeah. And he's like, does okay, does better. Next thing you know, they're like doing really well. Yeah. Drew Bledsoe finally is healed and is like, what's up guys? I'm ready to like go back. I'm getting paid $10 million to be the star quarterback. And Bill Belichick goes, actually Tom's going to stay in. So he lost his job because he got injured and Tom became great and then he got traded off.

But he showed up to that roast to be like, that was the hottest thing. Like, I love a guy who actually can laugh at himself. Yeah. And, like, it's almost like more of an ick that Tom won seven Super Bowls. It's like gross. Like, Drew is like... No. Guys. Stronger. Not that I'm just like... Just went through more. I'm not just like blindly like, oh, I hate men. Like, sometimes yes, but like, this was one of those moments where I was just like, Tom Brady's literally giving me the ick. Literally.

Also, when Bill Belichick went on, the way he's changed the way he was sitting, like he literally turned to him and was like, Daddy, Daddy, love me, Daddy. It was so funny. I thought I was convinced at the very, very end, like before Tom got up, that Giselle was just going to walk out. There was murmurs that Giselle was there. If they were in a better spot,

Personally, I think that would have been the funniest thing. Like if they were actually cool with each other and she walked out and was like, now I'm actually going to roast you. And it's just like. Yeah, they're definitely not there. No. But also the fact that he got mad at the Robert Kraft massage joke.

But then didn't care that everyone just ripped on his wife. Yeah, didn't give a shit. The whole time. Yeah. But Robert Kraft... Was that when he got up and said to Jeff Ross, like, don't say that again? Knock that off. That made me... That gave me the ick. From the live audience, we didn't catch it. Interesting. It was not picked up to, like, we didn't hear it at all. I just know that Jeff Ross afterwards was, like, kind of apologizing to him and Kevin Hart called him a little bitch. But we didn't... When I heard the audio, I was like, okay.

Yeah. Because it wasn't like that in the crowd. Also, Robert Kraft was like dying laughing. He was at the after party. What was the joke he even made? Because Robert Kraft, it's like just a fact that he got in trouble because he like paid for a happy ending massage. Oh. Fight a nickel. No, literally fight a nickel. Literally fight a nickel. And that man has a lot of nickels. Yeah. I'm sure that's not the worst thing he's paid for sexually. Yeah.

Come on. So, yeah, I saw Andrew Schultz at the after party and like it was just all very fun. Yeah. And I'm like, this has been amazing these two days. So I get home and when I was getting my hair and makeup done, you know when there's just like chaos in the hotel room? I get back, can't find my charger, which is like a literal nightmare. I'm in a foreign land. Yeah.

No charger. I'm scared. I'm alone. And I have to be up at 6 a.m. for this charity golf tournament. What? Just wait. So there's 4% of my phone. So I put it on airplane mode. I freak out. I somehow wake up in time. I charge it in the Uber.

I get there and they're like, look, everyone's just here to play golf. No one's like trying to get interviewed. But like if we get some interviews, fine. Just like, let's see what happens. No pressure. Are you playing in it? So somehow I, yeah, I am playing in it also. I ended up just playing with Jared Freed the whole time. They were like, go play and network with new people. I was like, hey, Jared. He was like, we've

We've known each other for eight years. I was like, hey. We had so much fun, though. We probably had so much gossip to catch up on. Shout out to Jared. I had so much fun playing with you. Actually, I'm so happy I played with you and not someone else because I would have embarrassed myself saying something stupid. So I'm standing there. Jared made a Justin's peanut butter cake.

cup joke and I don't know why I just like never forgot it and like it just like really stuck in my head Jared loves a food joke he loves a food joke they were eating peanuts it was just really fun yeah so they go Cat Williams coming I did not think Cat Williams would be the first one to show up at the golf charity event I did not take him as a prompt nothing's not I just I just didn't see a man I did not see like I think he like the night before had his like

Special. I don't know. I just didn't even think he was going to show up. And they go, Cat Williams is here. So I'm interviewing Rory Scoville, who's my favorite person. And Cat Williams is just watching. And apparently, he was like, what's all this about? Yeah. And he wasn't sure if he wanted to get interviewed. Don't know what happens. Next thing you know, he's walking towards me. And I was like- No, I'm freaking. I trained my whole life for this. I felt like a calmness. I looked this motherfucker in the eye and I said, Cat-

Your Every Day I'm Hustling beginning to a stand-up special was the greatest start of a stand-up special, and you inspired me to do comedy.

He immediately like lights up. Yeah. Like happy. Because at the end of the day, he's a man and all you got to do is compliment them one time. But I would also argue Kat Williams is a girl's girl. Oh. Kat Williams is, he's gossiping. Yeah. He's conspiring. Yep. He's taking people down. Taking people down. He's like, whatever, I'll say it. He's a girl's girl. So I was like, this is- He's the girlfriend that like is like, whatever, I'll text him and ask. Literally.

And I want to work towards that every single day to be that. Like, whatever. I don't give a fuck. I'll text him. So, and he also came with a fit. Like, he put thought into his fit. So, the first question I have is to go, Kat...

what was your inspiration behind this album today? Yeah, what's the journey? And he basically waits like eight seconds before answering. And I'm like, okay, this isn't going great. Like literally give me anything. I can't. So he's like, but he's like, he thinks before he speaks. Yeah. And then he starts going and I think I start giggling and next thing you know, I'm like, we're riffing. And then he starts singing some song because I was like, how do you relax or something? He starts singing. I start singing with him.

He calls us Ebony and Ivory. I sang with him for like- You're a woman in the arts. Multiple minutes. And then finally I asked like, what's your least favorite golf rule?

And he starts going on this whole rant about like, well, rules are made up. Rules are this thing. Like just talk about rules. And I'm like, you have to go for it. Like I felt like there was a moment there. I just go, why do I feel like you don't know any golf rules with the way you answered that question? And he pauses and everyone is like tense. Did he laugh? He goes. Wait, I watched the video. I know.

He goes, it takes a genius to know a genius. And then I just calmly look at the camera. I go, Cat Williams just buried me. And he starts doing this hilarious dance. Everyone's clapping. It was like the greatest moment of my life. This is the first interview. Did you call your dad and tell him? Well, I walk off and I go, guys, let's leave. Yeah, no, we got it. There's nothing else for us to do here. There's nothing for us to do here. We got the shot. Jared can hit by himself. Jared doesn't fucking need me. He's fine.

I'll leave Jared for dead. I'm leaving. I'm going home. I have to find a charger for my phone. You know how my phone is rapidly dying and I'm pretending I'm a professional? Women, literally, the craziest thing can be happening to us and we can just sit... Literally, Kim Kardashian was booed in front of 20,000 people and she sat there with a smile on her face. Like, we could be bleeding from our vaginas and we're just...

Something could be going on, but in the back of your head, your phone's dying. But we're the emotional ones. No, but we're crazy. We're the crazy. We're crazy. You know how badass it would be for us to actually go crazy? No.

Don't tempt me. Don't get my good time. So I'm like, we're done. Then they go, oh, Will Ferrell's here. No. So I told everyone, I go, Cat Williams was my North Star. I'm done. Then I go, wait, wait, wait. Actually, Will Ferrell's also my North Star. Like a true girl. He was my, like on the pod, I said. He would be your number one. He's your. You love him. Give me a chance. What is it called? What are the Gen Z's doing? Hear me out. Hear me out. Yeah.

Will Ferrell. When I say this man is an angel, an angel among us, first of all, is making him giggle. Yeah. I feel like he is also one of the girls. He's a girl's girl. Yeah. And then at the end, like, I'm very, like, I want to do the interview quick. And then I'm like, get out there. Like, sorry for wasting your time. Please leave. He just stands there and he goes, are you playing? And I'm like, I can't handle this. No, he's like just chatting up. Yeah. And then, of course, I'm like, you know, I was a tennis player, you know? Yeah. And he's like, oh, my wife loves tennis. What's your opinion on pickleball? Yeah.

Next thing you know, we're like having a very... All of a sudden, you're in a league together. And you're like, how did we get here? But you know when you have small talk with people throughout your life and then like you're having... No. I try to avoid it at all costs. But like pickleball is a very standard small talk conversation for tennis players. So I'm having like a normal small talk conversation with Will Ferrell. And he's just so fucking crazy. No, that's... Because I actually don't ever remember him ever being like normal. Like he's always doing a bit. Yeah. And he was like, yeah, see you out there. I was like, where?

Right, like even him coming out on the roast, like he was doing a bit on top of a bit. He had layers of bits. So many layers. He's a genius. So that happens. And I'm like, how is today this morning? Like I never thought a morning would be a good experience for me. But I'm experiencing the best morning I've ever had. Then Charlie Day comes out.

I made fun of his mustache. You know Charlie Day from Always Sunny? Yes. I make fun of his mustache. You could tell it was like too early for me to do. Like he was like, okay, like he's a nice man. Like, okay, we're just trying to play golf for the kids. Yeah. And I literally was like, what's with the mustache? He was like, what? And then he was like, actually it's for a role. And I'm like, that's literally the only answer. Yeah. That someone could give. Like men would be like, military. I'm like, that's not a role that you need to have a mustache if you're in the military. Yeah.

They love to say it's a rule. I've never heard someone say it. No, they always go for the military. I think it's because they can't have a beard, so they just grow out the mustache and they blame the military. Just go to therapy. Talk about your mom. Let it out. Then I met Blake Griffin. Oh. You know what? Shyer than I thought. Like, shyer, sweeter. Not like a big, loud personality. Very sweet and funny. Yeah. He used to go out in the city. I would see him out a lot. Oh.

I never talked to him, though. He's kind of like laid back. Yeah. You know who's not laid back? David Spade. Yeah, no, I could see that. My new best friend. He was hilarious. Like, David Spade and I are friends now. Did you guys exchange numbers? Did you see anyone on the plane going or coming there? On the plane, I saw the woman from, oh, God. Wait, I said it. Tara Lipinski. Tara Lipinski.

Oh, the actor from T-Mobile, Verizon. No, but that was at Air One. There was one on the plane. Me when anyone asks me a question. And then maybe, yeah. Me in any professional setting ever.

I'm trying to figure out if there's any other people. I met Bill Burr, who was like angry at 9 a.m. So on brand. Well, what you were missing in New York City while you were like out living your freaking life. Sorry, I'm still name dropping. I'm not done name dropping.

I don't know if you saw, but New York City made a portal, which is basically a video chat call with Dublin. Dublin. Did you say that? In Ireland? Some giggler out there is like, Hannah needs to see Des's other family. They've already closed it, shut down. It's over. People are showing their dicks. A girl got a flash of her tits. Yeah, obviously. And they were like... Which side? New York or Dublin? New York, obviously. Okay.

This is why we can't have anything nice. This is why we can't have nice things. And I just like. Wait, I didn't know that. It's gone. It like just happened like yesterday. They're like, and we're done with that. That was a great. Kid in Dublin's just like crying. No, but like the thing that I was like was really annoying me.

I was like, first of all, I blame, you know me, I blame everything on the mayor. Like, even if it has nothing to do with the mayor, I'm just like, what? Why the fuck do we need a Zoom 24-7 with Ireland of all places? Like, what? Like...

What's going on in Ireland? Also, it's literally like chat roulette. No, I'm like, stop calling it a portal. You're freaking everyone out. You're freaking everyone out. It's a literal Zoom that's probably going to end in 45 minutes because those timers are really finicky. Shout out whatever girl showed her tits. Can you DM us? It was like a OnlyFans girl.

Oh, so she's professional. Yeah, no, it was like, people pay for this. She was like, no, I actually know how to do it right. It wasn't just some drunk girl at brunch. She was like, sorry. She was like, actually, you're supposed to go right then left. You're doing it all wrong. But also, like, with our tax dollars, is that, do I have to really see more double fuckboys? No, that's what's really pissing me off. I'm like, who built this fucking portal?

Summer can be so busy and traveling is a lot. There's a lot of barbecues, there's a lot of parties, there's a lot of things planned, and that's why you have to take your health and wellness so very seriously. That's why I love Thorne's nutritional supplements that keep me at my best and ready to enjoy all of it. I've been obsessed with the Sleepy Girl mocktails for months now. I literally can't fall asleep without them.

them because they really do make my sleep so much better. Thorne has everything from daily greens plus, B-complex, creatine, magnesium, or basic prenatal. The magnesium is what I use for my sleepy girl mocktails at night and it truly does taste so good. And with Thorne, I never have to question what's in my supplements. They go all out on quality manufacturing processes and ingredients to make high quality supplements, earning them the top industry certifications.

Feel your best and make the most of your summer with Thorne. Go to thorne.fit slash giggly squad and use code giggly squad for 10% off your first order. That's T-H-O-R-N-E dot F-I-T slash giggly squad. Code giggly squad for 10% off your first order. Thorne.fit slash giggly squad. Code giggly squad. These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.

Are you ever in a pinch and you need to talk to a healthcare professional, but you don't want to step foot in a doctor's office? This has happened to me countless times. I've been on trips and I feel the dreaded UTI symptoms coming on, or maybe you forgot your birth control and you absolutely need it.

And going to urgent care for sexual health treatment just isn't convenient. It's also frustrating to explain yourself every time you need a prescription. Like, you know your symptoms, you know what you need. That's why with WISP, you can get sexual health care you need same day without stepping foot in a doctor's office.

You can privately message a healthcare provider online and get same-day prescriptions for BV, yeast infections, UTIs, STIs, birth control, emergency contraception, and it's all delivered discreetly to your home for free in all 50 states or sent to your local pharmacy to pick up within three hours. If you're going on a bachelorette party, you want to delay your period, or you're traveling, you feel a yeast infection coming on, don't forget about WISP.

Take 15% off your first order with code GIGGLY only at HelloWisp.com. That's H-E-L-L-O-W-I-S-P dot com. Prescription products require a consultation with a healthcare provider and medications are available if medically appropriate. Must be 18 or older. Restrictions apply. See website for full details. One thing I learned recently is that COVID.

cookware is really not the healthiest for you. And you don't think about it because you really think about the food that's going in your cookware. But most cookware and appliances are made with forever chemicals. That's why Our Place is a mission-driven and female-founded brand that makes beautiful kitchen products that are healthy and sustainable. Most cookware brands continue to see these chemicals due to low cost.

Their products are made without PFAS and Teflon. And in comparison, most of today's nonstick pans contain PFAS, also known as forever chemicals. Our place is in everyone's kitchen from Selena Gomez to David Beckham. Well, if the Beckhams have it, then sign me up.

You can upgrade to Our Place today and say goodbye to forever chemicals in your kitchen. Go to FromOurPlace.com and enter code GIGGLY at checkout to receive 10% off site-wide. That's FromOurPlace.com, code GIGGLY. Our Place offers a 100-day trial with free shipping and returns.

Welcome, friends, to the Playful Scratch from the California Lottery. We've got a special guest today, the Scratcher's Scratch Master himself, Juan. Juan, you've mastered 713 playful ways to scratch. Impressive. How'd you do it? Well, I began with a coin, then tried a guitar pick. I even used a cactus once. I can scratch with anything, even this mic right here.

See? See? Well, there you have it. Scratchers are fun no matter how you scratch. Scratchers from the California Lottery. A little play can make your day. Please play responsibly. Must be 18 years or older to purchase, play, or claim.

Then I did After Midnight with Taylor Tomlinson. Wait, I watched it the other morning. I literally, I'm a freaking mom. You're a stage mom. I'm a stage mom. Paige and I have these weird moments where I'll just text her when I just get a weird vibe. A good vibe, but just want to be like, hi. I think I said hi, I miss you, chicken. Yes. And you were like, I'm literally watching your videos right now. I woke up early because I was having anxiety. Shut up.

And so I'm like sitting on the couch like by myself trying to just like fricking date. So I'm like, I know what I need. Trying to process one emotion. I'm like, I just, I need to see. So I'm like, oh, Hannah's episode. Wait, I'm,

Yeah, so I was like, I'll put that on. Like, I'll watch that. It's light. It's funny. You won't have to think to it. I won't have to think at all. It's like, she's here. I'll be fine. And it was so funny. And Brandon, I know. Kyle. BKG. He's very funny. So funny, so nice. I was nervous because I've never done a show like that. I also haven't been allowed to be on a cable show in years. I don't know how that let me back on that.

They were like, just after midnight, she could go on. So I wore Miu Miu for you. Wait, that's what I wanted to say. You looked phenomenal. Thank you. But the most embarrassing thing is at each commercial break, after the first break, the showrunner guy comes up to me and goes, hey, can I grab you for a second? Live? Was it live? No. No. But he was like, can I grab you for a second? Yeah. Takes me off the stage and I go, I'm fired again. Yeah.

He's like, what did I fucking do? Because he definitely seemed like he was being awkward about it where I'm like, did I say something? And he pulls my sign and he goes, hey, you have a little...

I'm like, what? You're sweating. I'm sweating. So he pulls me aside. He goes, can we just blow dry? And I was like, yeah, you literally scared the fuck out of me. I thought I was fired. And he's like, no, no, no. You're just, we're just, you're sweating. I go, I don't care if I'm sweating. I'll hold my hands down. He goes, well, let's blow dry it. We care. We care. They were like, this is our show. We have to uphold some kind of respect. We care about aesthetics. Yeah. So they literally take me aside, blow drying me. Everyone's waiting for me to be blow dried. Stop.

Like a fucking wet rat. But they don't tell you in Hollywood. But they don't tell you in Hollywood. It's a crazy place. So they put me back in. But I think it's like, it was because it was a game. Like I got, I wasn't nervous at all. I was like,

Well, actually, I was trying to not be competitive. I really was trying. I was like, this is our- Well, because it's a game show, but not really. Well, they told me, the first thing they say, they go, this is not a real game show. And I go, that's what people say when they don't want you to win. That's what they say when they want you to be distracted. They go, don't worry, it's for fun. That's what they say. That's what losers say. Yeah. So then they pulled me off again.

blow-dry me again. And I realize, oh, this is a thing. You got blow-dried twice? And Taylor is, like, waiting for me. Yeah. Then they pull me aside. They take out these, like, pads. And I go, this is Miu Miu. You can't just, like, stick a pad onto the Miu Miu. And they were like, Wait, Hannah. They literally put period pads on my Miu Miu. You were like, no, no, this is Miu Miu. High heels on my Miu Miu. You were like, what is that? Don't change up on it. That's how I'm feeling. Period pads on my pitties.

Okay, name of the episode, period pads on my titties. Put it on my tombstone.

I feel like Nikki would be so proud. They put it on my Mimu. Yeah. And I was like, can I text Paige? I don't know if this is legal. I was like, I think this is illegal. Like, I think there's a stylist that just died somewhere. That's how it works. The fashion community is very mad at me already, and I'm literally on the edge. So I end up having these period pads in my arms. Yeah. But it was so funny because I'm chill. But, like, I'm chill. I'm like, you're not being competitive or weird. Like, you're not freaking anyone out. I love it.

I love the classic, don't be weird. You're not being weird. The conversation in your own head where it's like, you're not being weird. You're being cool. Just continue that. Don't be weird. Don't be weird. It's a weird inner monologue. Do you know when anyone, when you're a competitive person, when someone, and it's not like I'm not even competitive with other people. It's more like I'm competitive with myself because I have PTSD that people will be disappointed with me if I lose. Yeah.

Oh, God. So I'm standing there and I'm like, no one cares who you want to lose. This is a game. This is stupid. This has nothing to do with your self-worth. And I'm literally like, don't show anyone that you have a crazy winning, like competitive side. So I'm so chill. And I'm like down by like a thousand. I was keeping score. And then the last round, she's like, okay, we're doing a speed round and everything is 500 points. And immediately I'm like.

came over me I couldn't hold her back anymore I was like I was like pretending like I couldn't click the button the whole show I was like sorry mine's broken I don't know why I'm just trying to make sure it's not stuck oh did I win again that's crazy the whole time every time I got it I'd be like oopsie I didn't even want to answer and then

The last round, I go, every fucking second. And, like, Brandon and Heather were looking at me like, oh, now you know how to click the button. I was like, I got, like, 4,000 points. And I was like, thank you. No, that's every girl on a first date. You're like, I don't know how to read the menu. And then, like, three dates in, you're like, everything you're going to change about yourself if you want this to work. No, literally. And everyone was, like, kind of scared. Like, at the end, they were like, where the fuck did that come from? And I go, I don't know. I don't know her. I was trying to suppress her. So did you win? Yes. Yeah. I won. So funny. She gave me, um...

skipping rock because it's like a fake game show. You saw that, yeah. And they give me the rock and I'm like, this is funny. Then I walk off stage and one of the producers puts his hand out for me to give him back the rock. I go, this is my trophy. He goes, do you want to keep the rock? I go, yeah, I want to fucking keep the rock. And he's like, okay. And I'm like, don't fucking take my trophy away, you sick fuck. I'm a winner. Wait, that's, they were like, the props department?

Carmen actually needs this. CBS sent a really weird email tomorrow. They're like, we think there was a mix-up. Then Nicole does. And he goes...

I go, hey, babe. And he goes, did you fucking win? I go, yeah. He goes, oh, my God. It's like, Jesus Christ. Like, chill the fuck out. You never learn your lesson. You never learn. Like, no one cares. That's my husband. He goes, oh, my God. Oh, you had to win. Wait, I love when you say husband. It always, like, freaks me out. It's so crazy. No, it's so crazy. So crazy. I'm like, you're what? Well, people, how's your husband? And I'm like, shut the fuck up.

And it's not because I'm like obviously like trying to be single around town. It's just like not good for the brand. It's not the vibe. Literally someone called in on burner phone last week. They were like, hey, so I'm married. Ew. Ew. Ew.

dying laughing like it's no like it's no it's like stop like we can't it's literally like we can be but like don't tell people don't fucking say it out loud yeah like that's so weird also like I feel like weddings are changing where like everyone should just be getting like a small intimate gathering where you look super hot with a photographer like let's we need small intimate gathering merch I mean it needs to happen we we're working you guys we're working on a

a change in the merch. No, sorry about our merch. This is the thing about the merch. We are switching companies currently. How many times do you need to say merch? We're switching companies for our merch because as you know, Paige and I, mostly Paige, takes fashion very seriously. Yeah, and our merch company literally just like tried to like bring us into the Illuminati and we're like, no, we can't go. We have to leave you guys. So look out for a new merch drop. I know it's been years. Then I did shows and then, oh, I interviewed

some love is blind cast how were they they were great because they're just like of the most recent season I think it was like a combination but there was like the Jimmy guy which was funny because I didn't watch it because I can't watch reality TV or it makes me have agita but everyone says it was amazing yeah I said on this podcast that I think Jimmy looked like a thumb so that's awkward I may or may not

I mean, I'm going to post the video soon. It was actually, he was very, because he's like Southern. I'm sure he's really nice. He's Southern, so like they're just silly. They're silly. I had no idea what was going on. That's definitely a word for them. Oh, I went to Kevin Hart's production company's brunch. Oh, sorry. We forgot about it. Sorry. Forgot. And how was that? Well, I was like, I saw Kevin Hart twice.

twice a week already. And they were like, do you want to come to his brunch? And I was like, honestly, the guy's everywhere. There was a giggler. I know there was a giggler on his team. So the gigglers. Stop. The gigglers are so successful. And they're so beautiful. No, like every time I meet a giggler, I'm like, you are gorgeous. Yeah. And I can tell when they're like a little more page than Hannah, like page coded or not. This girl was actually page coded. It's so funny because when the Hannah's come up to me, that's the first thing they say to me. They're like, we get it. Like, we're not your vibe.

And I'm like, I didn't even say anything. We're at a bodega. I don't even know what's going on right now. So my favorite is when the gigglers come up to me with two of them and one of them goes, she's my Hannah. And then there's some girl comes up like, hey. And I'm like, me and you, girl. And just like the pretty, the pretty girly girl. She like walks out from the bathroom. Yeah, she's like, hey.

And it's always perfect. I'm like, this is perfect. Whoever has a slick black bun, I'm like, you're beige. And they're wearing bows. Like, it's actually like... No, you can spot them in a second. In a second. So yeah, the brunch was fun. I ran to Chelsea again. But this is where you have Chelsea and I're like...

Sorry. You have to be careful. You don't want to overdo it. You guys, what I've learned and on top, get a laugh, move on. Get a laugh, move. Always be moving. Get a laugh, move. Don't stay to see yourself become the villain. Yeah. That's what I've learned. Go home before that. Go home. So I was hanging out with Harry Jowsey, who's just picked us up in an orange Lamborghini.

Is he a real person? No, he's an AI Australian man. But honestly, he's so fucking sweet and I've known him for years. I saw him from a distance at the LA Fashion Awards. I think he was just at, like, it was at the Beverly Hills Hotel. I think he just happened to be at the hotel. When I walked in, the first thing I thought was, who is that huge guy over there? Ginormous. And then I was like, oh, that's Harry Jousey. And I just was not expecting him to be massive. Huge. But, like, it was...

It was just so LA, like driving in a, I was like, can you even spell Lamborghini? Like, where did, how did this even happen? Yeah. It's orange. So we show up to Kevin Hart's, like, rental. He is really successful from OnlyFans, right, too? And people don't even know. See, it's so funny. Like, literally the Dublin portal got shut down because of a woman on OnlyFans. But Harry's out here. Just swinging his dick around. Swinging his schlong. He said he just shows his butt. That's what he said. Yeah.

And was there any... Oh, yeah, I met Jeff Ross. I met Kevin Hart's photographer. He's my boy now. What a crazy job. This guy travels around with Kevin Hart everywhere. And just takes pictures of him? At all times. No, I need that. What?

Give me that guy's number. I will. He literally just is everywhere rolling. And Kevin has like a huge. The amount of times I've thought. He rolls deep. If I just had a fucking photographer at all times, I'd always get the shot. Have you seen that Miss USA thing?

No. Something weird's happening in the Miss USA universe. Miss USA stepped down. Oh. And usually when someone steps down, the first runner-up immediately takes the spot and whatever. And usually people only step down because, I don't know, the insane things. Steps down, person...

First runner up doesn't accept it, says nope. Then Miss Teen USA steps down. First runner up says nope. Miss USA puts out a statement like that she's like stepping down. Now there's only like a couple months left of her term. So they're like, this is crazy. The first letter of every sentence of the statement she put out spelled out, I'm silenced. And typically...

They run, like, the social media account for themselves and, like, you can see their real personality and whatever. And Miss USA put out a thing that, like, that will no longer be allowed. Like, someone from the company will run their social media, like, when they win. So people are like, that's weird. And no one's saying anything. Wait, so you're telling me the Miss Universe USA company is toxic? It's a scholarship program, not a beauty pageant. Oh. Just kidding. Yeah.

No, so we don't know what's going on. Even as a young girl, I did not support that shit. Pageants? Pageantry? I don't support it. And I know Miss Universe is like, oh, these are the smart ones. Look, the fact that we're rating women, can we not? No, pageants are... And I support women in the arts. For sure. Like, if you're going to do it, win. I support you. Go off. But like, no. We saw what happened to Raquel. Like, just don't.

You know what else we didn't talk about? I don't know why this just made me think of it. Gypsy Rose Blanchard doing a Mother's Day video. And just being like, I'm allowed to feel how I feel about my mom. And on Mother's Day, I choose to think about like the good times. Did someone come and go, what happened? Please explain. Story time. What is story time?

64 parts of her. And, like, people were just like, this is so insane. But then other people were like, well, she is allowed to, like, feel how she wants to feel. Like, the woman did, like, abuse her her entire life. And it's like, yes, but she also plotted her murder. Like.

I kind of love that she's addressing it. I think it's weird if she didn't. Like, being quiet on Mother's Day, that's fucking awkward. At least say something. And look, if you abuse a child in any capacity, I think, like, automatic death penalty. Like, I think this woman should be dead for what she did to a child. Look, abuse is a very complex, layered thing. Yes. And the woman...

and they clearly had great times together. And she was like, she's still my mom, which is, like, I get, valid. Like, it is, there is a layer where you're like, okay, that's still, like, the woman who gave me life. But I was just like, what a... Get ready with me as I... As I describe how I plotted my mom's murder. Things that would send our forefathers into a literal coma. Gypsy Rose Wander talking about her mom's murder on TikTok. Can you spell Munchausen? Absolutely not. No.

It's giving German. It is. Yeah, I love how I missed all this news because I was in La La Land. No, you're literally. That's what the Illuminati does. They don't let you see what's happening in the real fucking world. They distract you with celebrity and shiny things. I'm like, our portal is shut down. No one's doing anything. How will we know what's happening in Dublin?

Dublin. Also, shout out, I do have shows in Dublin and London. I have a couple tickets left. Go for it. I don't know if this is my personality. I don't know if my mom was onto something when she said I was like my dad or if it's because I'm a Scorpio. But when I'm mad about something, it takes me two full... Years. Two full weeks. Ten business days. What?

A solid 10 business days. To get mad. To calm down. Oh. I love how I got everything wrong. To calm down. So if I'm mad on a Friday, you better believe that Monday, I'm still ripping. I'm still fuming. See, I'm like never, as a Leo, I'm never mad. Yeah. But then...

Once I am, I will lose all the friendships because I will say the real shit, and then I'll be fine after. It takes me so long to get mad. But then I'm there, and I'm like, well, I'm not going to waste it. Who else needs a dressing? I lied. I'm mad for the rest of my life. I'm mad for the rest of my life. Once I realize I legitimately am righteously mad, why would I unmad myself? I did the reunion on a Friday.

I'm going through the airport on a Tuesday. Told someone to fuck off. What did they do? Piss me off. What did they do? They pissed me off. They said, do you want oat milk or skim milk? I said, fuck you. Fuck you. First of all, let me just preface. We were at LaGuardia Airport. So you can throw a fuck you out there anytime. That's like saying hello. There was this like older woman, like full on mom, but like older than that, who was like mad. She was behind me in line. She was like mad at me.

like mad that I was in front of her in line and like didn't feel like I was doing the line correctly. Now I travel literally once a week. You know a line. I know the security line. I know how to get through the line. Thank you so much. I don't know a lot. I know how to get through a line. And that's a double entendre. So anyway, so she's like trying to say something to me and I literally don't even know what's going on. Like I am like, wait. You're definitely not trying to talk to me right now. Yeah, I just like turned. I was like, what? Like I literally said, what? Yeah.

And she just like kept going that like I wasn't doing the line right. And I was just like, okay, lady, like it's Friday morning. I'm like, I'm exhausted. It's a full week later from the reunion. So I get through security. I get my bags off the belt.

And I'm walking by her to go to my gate. And I could tell she's like thinking of something up in her head to say to me. And I'm just like, lady, I don't give a fuck what you're about to say to me. And I could tell she's starting to say like, I hope you have. And I just look at her and I go, fuck you. And I keep walking. She didn't even say anything yet. No.

No, in the line, she had started chirping me. I know, but for all we know, she was about to sneeze. Apologize. She was about to apologize. She could have been apologizing. For all we know, and I hit her with, fuck you. And I walk by, and I'm like, I feel lighter. I feel lighter. I immediately call my mom, because I'm like, wait, what? Then you cry. I'm shaking. I go, mom, I just got into a fight with a lady.

In the light of the important. I got your physical altercation. I've been shot. I tell my mom the entire story thinking like, oh my God, wait, then I have anxiety. Like, was I wrong? Was I in the wrong? I tell my mom the whole story. My mom goes, good for you. And I was like, yup. And I knew it. All you need is your mom being like, you were right. And then I'm gone. I'm away from it. You need one friend to say exactly. And you're like, and that's it.

So I'll burn LaGuardia right down. You just redid it. I'll burn it down. Shout out to my papa, my other grandpa, who I don't talk about enough because he's alive and loved my life.

Alive and well gets no love. Gets no love because he's a literal angel. Grandpa in heaven was like, wow, the gigglers love me. Yeah, my current papa, he doesn't listen whenever it gets sexual or the fart stuff. We don't do that to papa. I think he has to tell my nana what we said because she can't hear. Right. So he actually is the ultimate giggler. It's such a love story. My papa has one of the funniest stories because he's a tough guy from Brooklyn, right? And apparently he was walking the subway, apparently.

And he tells a story about how he was like, I saw this guy and he was going to mug me. You know when you could just tell he's going to mug me? No, Papa, but keep going. He was walking to it. I could tell he was going to mug me. He goes, so I just turned and I broke his fucking nose. What if he wasn't going to rob you? You're there at five and you're like, Papa, what? Papa, what? No.

There are different rules in New York because when I called Craig and told him that story, he goes, you said fuck you. I go, it's LaGuardia. You can literally, that's how we greet each other in the morning. If I were to do that to someone, I would then, they'd be sitting next to me on the flight. They would be in the Uber with, like they would be with me the whole day. I'm immediately on the phone with my mom. I was like, wait, she looked like a bitch that would live in Charleston. If she's on my flight, good. I have more shit to say.

But she wasn't. No, so my papa, the story's so crazy because he was so proud of himself. He's like, I can tell this motherfucker was coming for me. No, I'm proud of him. What if he just had a long day at work and he's going home and he's so tired he's about to see his family? That guy's version to his grandkids, very different. Very different. Very different.

I was like, you broke his nose. Jesus Christ. He goes, then I had to get a rhinoplasty. I couldn't afford the surgery. Like, I never got to go to college after that. He's like, I never make eye contact with an Italian. And you're like, okay.

With that said, thank you for getting with us. This is a journey. We have, we added second shows to a lot of the shows that sold out. So if you were like, shoot, I missed it. Go to our website right now. I don't know why you're going to say www. Amanda, please talk on.

Gigsquad.edu. Wait, why are we not GigglySquad.edu? Wait. We could have probably bought that so cheap too. Net, like, .org? That's probably illegal. Yeah. Okay, we'll talk to you guys later. We miss you so much. Bye.