Giggling about masseters, marriage, and jail romance
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Sup, gigglers? Gary, fix the Wi-Fi. Manifest that shit. We can't be managed. I mean, the day just got away from me. Hello, my grateful gigglers. It's another beautiful week. Can I say something controversial? I was just going to say, you're speaking...

I was going to say why you're speaking so calm because it's a Sunday morning, but we got right into Monday energy. I hate when like these like rich life coaches are like practice gratitude. And it's like, yeah, you're like in the hills in L.A. and like you have eight people who work for you for your home just to upkeep your home. Hate a life coach. Hate a life coach.

We do have some Giggler life coaches because we've come for life coaches before. Well, like one of the message me, it was like, don't come for my art. But you know what? We have to stand for something. No, I'm, I'm so proud of them for standing for literally anything.

If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything. I don't know why that slogan is like burnt in my brain from like middle school. To me, it's then go be a therapist. It's like, yeah, they don't want to go to school to be a therapist. But then also like, this is my thing. Be a recruiter. Call your friend. Work in HR. Yeah.

See, I consider myself a life coach, but I don't go around saying it. It's just my friend calls me. I'm going to give her advice from someone who didn't go to school. You don't have business cards. You're not... This isn't... It's not a... It's a bit. But there's two types of life coaches. The ones who like...

say all these lies like I made three million dollars last month and they're like living in their mom's basement and they're like this is what you have to do and buy this subscription service and then there's the life coaches who were like really successful but like did something illegal I feel like that's a personal assistant

Like if you're calling yourself a life coach and you're just coming in and like getting me organized, you're an assistant. You work for me. But also like how are you going to hire life coach? That's the most general shit ever. Like, oh, I help people with life. What? That was true. It's like any drug that comes out or any like miracle cream. If that was true, everyone would have one.

Speaking about, um, speaking about miracle drugs, ozempic, um,

I you asked me you said how are you back in the city and I said I feel rejuvenated I feel excited I feel grateful and I did my hip-hop yoga yesterday so like I'm sorry why seven yoga shout out you guys are my everything it's yoga for girls with ADHD self-diagnosed wait now that you're back in the city should we start like working out together yeah

can i take you to y7 i would love to it's dark so like you could literally sleep the whole time no one knows i enjoy hot yoga but now with my episodes i'm wondering if i can handle hot yoga because i've passed out in hot yoga many a hot yoga i'll pass out because i forgot to have breakfast

I'll pass out if it's just bored and we need some drama. I mean, don't tempt me with a good time. I'll pass out to get out of a conversation. I'll pass out to get out of a FaceTime call that I can't think of a good excuse for. My hands are tingly. Gotta go.

I go to yoga. I'm feeling myself and I'm walking home. And like, mind you, I live right by a Trader Joe's and the girls would be so disappointed in me. I never go. But I love bragging like I'm right by Trader Joe's. I was like, yeah. And I'm like, little do you know, I never go. I go, you're different. You're literally Kim Kardashian. I love my pool. I've never been in my pool. I love my Trader Joe's. You never used a jacuzzi. You never used a jacuzzi. Yeah.

So we go to, so I go into Trader Joe's and I'm like feeling myself. Suddenly I feel like I'm a new person. I'm like, she eats vegan dumplings. Like I was loving it. I was judging other people. I was like, oh, almond milk. Interesting. Not good for you. I was just going up and down rows. But then I couldn't find the one thing I was excited for, which was cottage cheese. Yeah.

So I go, but you know what? I'm very bad at finding things. And I'm not afraid to ask for help.

And that's one thing about me you should remember. Oh, I'm out of, yeah, I'm out of her desk for help in some type of store. I am asking for directions. I'm asking for recommendations. I'm asking because one thing I know is I don't know. Yeah. So I go up to one guy and he's like, oh, it's in the chi section. I was like, pretty sure I looked at chi section, but it's fine. I'll go again. I've missed that before. I've missed it before. Yeah. I've missed. I don't have a life coach. Okay. Things are popping off over here.

So I go there. There's no the cheese section. They don't have it. So when I asked them to buy the cheese section, I said, hey, cottage cheese. And they go, oh, it's by the cream cheese, like dairy section up front. I go valid. Totally valid. I was there before, but I didn't see it. But you know what? I don't have a life coach. I'm going to go. I trust you. Not me. Perfect. Never trusted myself for a second. Yeah. Go to the front.

And now I think I'm getting gaslit. Yeah. Because there's nothing. And I'm staring at it like a dum-dum. Like, I'm, like, going through every... I'm like, it's easy to miss. They're all white. Maybe I'm missing it. Finally, I ask one more guy. This is three people in a small Trader Joe's. And the guy goes, oh, we're out of stock of cottage cheese. Of all brands? Does Trader Joe's only sell to Trader Joe's? They have their, like, own Trader Joe's brand. But, like, cottage cheese is, like...

the glue that holds trader joe's together trader joe's or hannah burner both so when did this cottage cheese kick start because it's been going so i freak out i didn't go karen i kept it to myself but i start posting online i said my trader joe's you took to the internet i

went to the internet i didn't cry but i was close i said my trader joe's is out of stock of cottage cheese the apocalypse is coming girls just warning you keep an eye out someone responds my trader joe's is out of cottage cheese too so then i'm getting upset then i get a dm this morning someone says hey

Everyone's on Ozempic and they need protein. So they're all eating cottage cheese. So this girl, my DMs is blaming the Ozempic girls. Oh no. Cause remember that girl was obsessed with like taking a carrot and just having cottage cheese for dinner, which is, you know, not enough calories for dinner. So there's a problem in these streets and like, I don't want to freak people out because I think there are more important things going on in the world. But this is,

This is a problem. They're now directly coming for you. The Ozempic girlies are coming for your brand. And I'm fine. You guys floating around in the wind. No, literally floating. Don't come for my fashion. A brisk wind and they're gone. Because let's be honest, you're not even enjoying it like I do. Yeah.

You don't even like it like that. They have no taste buds. You have no taste buds. You don't have no pleasure from eating food. And you're taking it away from me. So there's a war happening in Lower East Side right now. So that's how New York City welcomed you home. They said, watch this, bitch. You want to get re-angry? And then I called Des and I'm like, he's not going to understand. I'm going to keep it for Giggly Squad. He's like, how was your day? I was like, good. Great day. Good morning.

How are you? Because you've been Mrs. Bella the ball. I've been socializing. I've been socializing. But you're not just socializing. You're socializing in like couture. Like you're socializing in tight dresses. In a ball gown. Which makes it that much worse. I just want to say how real the gigglers are and how like now when people are like, what are you like laughing about on your phone?

I'm like, oh, like my friend said something funny, but it's a giggler, so I don't actually know them. So people will be like, oh, what'd they say? And I'm like...

This is too layered right now. I was about to say, the layers are so layered. It's like an onion. I can't. Where do we even begin with this inside? Where do I start? I'm like, I don't know. This random girl that I don't know just DM'd me something really funny. And now I'm going to respond. But like, it's you wouldn't get it. So it sounds like I'm lying right now to get out of this conversation. And partly I am. But also, you won't get it.

So I literally am like posting pictures of my dress. I'm not kidding. In .2 seconds, I had every giggler that's ever listened to Giggly Squad laugh.

That's so funny, Paige, because you don't dance at weddings and now you love this detachable skirt for dancing. So everyone just called me out and like, dude, they keep you so fucking honest. And I love that. I love that. They call out the hypocrisy and it keeps us grounded. Wait, no. And then Craig was like, what are you talking about? You love to dance at weddings. And I was like, what?

a dude thing to say i'm like i fear that you don't know me no i because guys in their head are just like that's my girlfriend she dances at weddings with me and that's girls dance at weddings you love shout you love when the shout comes on the second shout comes on i'm in the bathroom shitting myself no i hate shout at a wedding my favorite part of the wedding is

When I can like go to the bathroom and start to do the like side comments, like when people are coming in, like, ooh, feet are hurting, right? I try to get, I try to bring the mood down a little. I'm like, ooh. You're like, a lot of happy tears. Let's reel it in. Let's all get on the same page. Fish steak. Oh my God, no, but we went to, we went to Craig's brother's wedding this weekend, which was like,

at the most gorgeous venue in the world, but it started right... Yeah. It literally looked like where they filmed The Notebook, like in that swan, like rowboat scene. Like, it was so pretty. But it rained, like, a little bit during the ceremony, which actually, like, looked so cool as she walked down the aisle because there was, like,

category for wins but like a Beyonce video yeah it made her by the way should we thank Beyonce just for what in general just in general just in case I'm not ready to because I'm on I'm still on the side of TikTok where she's a murderer and no but they're saying you have to thank Beyonce or she kills you yeah oh

Thank you, Beyonce. You know what? No. I'm not a... I'm not... No. No. I don't succumb to peer pressure. And I certainly don't... I've never been grateful for anything. No. And I'm... If you want to kill me, come try.

I'd like to see you try. I interrupted you. So there's a category four hurricane, but pages, I mean, pages, Craig's brother's future wife is looking stunning. Stunning. Battling the winds. Like as she's walking down, it looks like we hired like wind people because her veil just looked insane. I'm soaking wet.

So my dress got all wrinkly. So then the gigglers are also like sick dress, but also do you own an iron? And so I literally tried to DM everyone back and I was like, it started fucking raining. So anyway, I did dance for two songs because Craig literally. Does he like dancing at weddings? Loves it. Loves it. Loves it. Loves it.

To one point, his 90-year-old grandfather came and sat next to me because he felt bad for me because I was sitting by myself. Wait, I'm obsessed. I do love old people at weddings. No. I love them. And he was like, I can't believe Craig is on the dance floor and you're sitting here. And I was like, honestly, it's better. I like to let him, you know.

I'm like one thing about me grandpa is I love to be alone um this is what grandpa doesn't understand you're there for the photo and you got the photo I think you got the photo immediately hours ago I got the shot hours ago I'm literally a lamp here I don't know why I'm still here like

There's no better release once you've known you've gotten the photo and you're like, someone could fucking tear my arm off. And I'm like, it's a great night. No, there is no relief. It's like getting into college. You're like, oh, phew. Don't have to think about that for the rest of the day.

But when you haven't gotten the shot, everyone who talks to you, you're like distracted. You're like, my hair is falling by the second this conversation is obsolete because I haven't gotten the shot and now my bangs are stuck to my forehead. Also, I don't know about you, the person I am at the beginning and end of the wedding are two different people, especially because I just started using primer and setting spray like yesterday. And I'd be like, why is all my makeup gone?

Oh my God. It's also interesting to go. Well, like Craig's brother is, I think actually my age, maybe a year younger than me, but his wife is younger. So like everyone was like a little bit younger than me and I, you know, have been going through my episodes. So I haven't, I didn't drink at all because I'm just like not trying to drink right now and like extra fuck myself up. What do you tell people when you have to, they think you're pregnant? Yeah.

No one asks me. No one tried to take one shot with you.

not one person wait hannah that's so funny you bring that up because every like event we go to sometimes craig will be like oh i hope like no one gets like upset they're like i'm not drinking and i'm always like who the fuck would get upset if someone's not drinking i'm so the craig because everyone comes up to me trying to get me fucked up all the time where i feel like people respect you no people respect you

I don't know because now I'm thinking about it. Like, does no one think I'm fun and like want me to be involved? Have they never met Pam? I'm like, how did it never come up in conversation that people are like, oh, you're not drinking to me? Like, no, like literally no one bothers me, I feel like, about it.

Maybe they've heard about my episodes and they're like, better not. The old man was like, do you want an Advil? You're like, do you want a beta blocker? Let's get fucked up. You're snorting beta blockers with his grandpa in the back. No, literally, I was nervous that I didn't have any beta blockers because I was like, oh my God, imagine I make this wedding about me and I just have a full panic attack in the middle of the ceremony. And a lot of people were offering me Xanax and I was like, wow, my life has changed so much. I feel so...

wait that's how they were greeting you they were like hello here's my gift i'm like i have generic xanax i have mexican xanax in case page needs it i'm like i'm okay jesus and i like forget people listen to the podcast i know people kept texting me going is page okay and i was like what she's fine she gets watered twice a day

I'm like, did something happen today that I didn't know about? And then I'm like, oh, they mean from two. That was two weeks ago. Get over it. No. Sometimes people will say something to me and I'll be like, who told you that? And then I'm like, oh, I did.

Or people will be like, I'll look again. They'll be like, oh my God, sorry. Listen to the pod. I'm like, no, we literally force feed this pod down all your throats. And then we act weird when people know things about us. Sometimes people will say things about you. And like for a split second, I'll be like, are you friends with Hannah? Like she didn't tell me that she had a friend that you were her friend.

I get like mad. I'm like, how did Hannah told you that? Like I thought she only told me that. My favorite is people will tag us and they're like trying on outfits for the show and I'll respond sometimes and I'll be like, you look so good and they'll respond to be like, but do you think Paige would like it? They actually probably didn't like that I liked the outfit. They were like, okay, well now I have to change. We're like the mom and dad. It's like, cool dad, thanks, but I really need mom. Yeah.

Oh, God. So overall, it was a success. Overall, it was really fun. And I loved my dress.

Did you see the video going around of you and Craig eating ice cream? Wait, I did? And, like, I was like, how did people get that video? Because no one, I wasn't even, like, tagged in it. Was paparazzi there? We were just, like, taking pictures with the photographer. I don't know. Maybe the photographer had posted it. It was you guys, like, posing a little too long for the photos. Yeah.

Well, okay, if you notice, I start hysterically laughing because in the middle of that photo, I start making fun of Craig for posing for a photo. I was like, what a loser that you're posing for this ice cream photo right now. He was like, so are you. It's like, no, I'm allowed to. But like a guy posing for licking ice cream. Am I questioning? Oh, God. Anyway, time to start the pod. Oh, yeah.

People don't talk enough about coming home from a wedding and trying to, like, decipher who everyone is. And, like, you have to explain them, like, by appearance about, like, something they said. And, like, there's just no better, like, it's just so hilarious being like, oh, like, that was, like, his plus one. And me being like, I thought he was gay. Like, there's no way that was.

Everyone being like, Paige, stop. No, my last wedding that I remember being like that was my bestie Haley. Not Haley Bieber, my other bestie. Haley Nicola. Because I feel like she had like a thousand people at her wedding. A bazillion people. Yeah, a bazillion people. It's the kind of thing where I've known a lot of these people for a while, but I don't spend that much time with them. And for some reason, I really...

You know when someone's name just doesn't look like their name? Yes. Like, I'm like, you're not a Jennifer. Yeah. You're just not. It's just like, it's not happening. And then you have like a couple drinks and next thing you know, like, you're calling her Rachel. Yeah. And I like went like way too long calling one girl Rachel. And then finally someone was like, that's Jennifer. You have to like think of nicknames, like, because like you have to tell this story later, but you're like, I'm never gonna, I don't know this person's name. So I have to like think of like...

A deciphering characteristic. Also, during that wedding, it was, like, trending to do the, like, my name is Stephanie and this is my first drink of the night. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I took it upon myself to be, like... It's so funny. I've always wanted to be asked to be in one of those videos and never pronounced to be in one of them.

So it's all coming together. It's all coming together. No one cares if I'm drinking a soda water. There was a point where people would ask me about drinking and I'd be like, oh, sorry, don't drink. And they're like, we've seen you blackout on TV. I go, unless I'm getting paid for it, not getting blackout. Unless you're paying me, I'm not fighting with someone blackout. You have to pay for that shit. It's not for free. We're performing. We're performing.

So I basically am determined. I'm like this wedding, I'm going to get this content and put together this really cute video for them the next day. Cause I'm a director, I'm a creative director. So I'm all excited to getting everyone like, Hey, do you mind being in this video? Like at first drink of the day.

They don't factor in I got drunk. So there were like five people that I filmed where it was filming and then when I went to film them, I was stopping the filming. So it was just a ton of... You weren't getting any of the videos. It was a ton of... It was all good in the beginning. The end, it was just my feet. Like my feet and going, okay, ready? And then we go...

It ended up working out, but I missed so much footage. They don't factor in that you're the videographer at the end of the night. Yeah, and that's a hard job. That's a hard, hard job. Putting yourself on a budget is really just becoming an adult and being aware of what you're spending so that every time you go into your bank account, you're not completely shocked.

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I feel a manifestation coming up coming to my brain recently not about me nothing like about us which is sad but like it's just like something that like I feel I'm not interested it's about me I'm not interested I don't hear about your fucking dreams what the question I'm posing is where the heck is Fergie

And I feel that she's going to resurge in some type of collab with Sabrina Carpenter. Like a glamorous remake. Well, how Sabrina just did her Christina Aguilera thing. Yeah, but I feel like it's Fergie's time to come back. You know, it's funny. I just heard that Nicole Schlesinger...

And that's exactly how I say her last name in my brain, too. You know exactly who I'm talking about. I know exactly who you're talking about. And that's actually how she says her name. Nicole Strachaner for the Pussycat Dolls. She was offered the lead of Black Eyed Peas. You're kidding me. That's what I saw on TikTok. And Fergie and then Fergie got it. And then Pussycat Dolls. There was a whole thing about how it's like.

It was some weird... Yeah, like some... It wasn't a cult, but it wasn't not a cult. They were saying there was some kind of like high-end escorting Viper Room trafficking. Oh. There's a lot of trafficking that has been happening that no one's been talking about, but also this is alleged. Sorry for ruining the mood. You're like, Fergie's gonna make a comeback, and I'm like, and people are being trafficked. Did you even think about that for a second?

I love Fergie and I do have to say one thing to support Fergie. I feel like she had this like little bit of a blip when she had her Star Spangled Banner moment. Oh my God. I forgot about that. And people are weird with the Star Spangled Banner. Like they'll be...

they get... Like, if she just had, like, a bad night, people would be like, whatever. But when you sing, they're like, you hate America. Like, if you try to do a little too much, like, you hate America and maybe she didn't sound great. But my hot take...

Why the fuck is our national song the hardest fucking song to sing? Why do we set ourselves up for failure and put the most insane note in the Star Spangled Banner where everyone gets nervous? Like everyone's like, like, why can't we just make it a normal song that anyone could sing?

Why do you have to rip your vocal cord open to hit a note? People will literally go on Twitter and be like, I'll burn this country down. I'll move to any other country. Like those people will say the wildest shit. But when it comes to the star singled banner, people...

People will cut your head off. They get so passionate about it. I feel like I remember listening to Fergie and being like, but that's Fergie. She's a little bit freaky. She's a little bit weird. She's going to add a little twist to it. I wasn't mad about it. People were mad at her. Well, because who gives a fuck that she didn't sing it that great and tried to put a spin on it because she was bored.

Yeah, like, she's spicing up sports. Who cares? And, like, it's the Star Spangled Banner. Like, it's a thousand years, hundred years old. How dare you take away from all the shit she's done in her career because she was bored and fucked around and found out during the Star Spangled Banner. She made the London Bridge fall. So, like, put some respect on Fergie's name. She won World War I for us. Oh, my God.

I don't know. I don't know anything about wars. Oh, speaking of wars, we got in a fight this weekend.

Yeah, we did. And the funniest part of this fight is I knew she was going to get mad. And then I said, I'm not doing this right now. I'm not doing this right now. Save it for camera. I said, save it for camera. Save it for the podcast. Well, why don't you tell the gigglers? Because I want the gigglers to be in on it and they could pick sides. Yeah. No, this is a side picking situation. And I don't just say I'm kind of on your side. I am. I am on your side. That's funny.

Wait, that's so us because I feel like any serious conversation we've ever had and it's like about me, I'm always on your side. I'm like, no, I know. I do have to change. I'm on your side.

No, actually we started texting and I was like, wait, she has such a valid point. Let's do this on Giggly Squad. Also, you never get mad at me. So the second I can get a little reaction out of you kind of just makes me excited. It's like you care. Yeah.

No, I was literally, I think I was peeing when I got that text message and I was Sheena Shea on my phone. I couldn't have been more Sheena in that moment. No, I know I'm on your side because I told Grace what was going on beforehand and she was like...

Paige is not going to be happy. And I was like, oh, if she's taking Paige's side and she always takes my side. If she's taking Paige's side. No, Grace always takes your side. No, Grace is empathetic to you. But deep down, she's always on my side.

Sometimes I think Grace looks at me like a wounded puppy. She sees where you're coming from. I have to help you. No, Grace is just Hannah coded. Yeah. But she loves you. Okay, stop stalling. Tell the gigglers where we're at. Okay, so I decided I want to get Botox in my armpits.

Which, that's medical. Fine, that's medical. That's like administered by a pediatrician. That's like a doctor. That's a doctor problem. That's a personal problem. So I walk into a dermatologist, which by the way, I've only been to once.

for laser hair removal i've never like been to a dermatologist and i'm 33 and my mom was like can you just like go to a dermatologist so i go there and there was like no one in the lobby but i wanted to let everyone know in case there was someone hiding under the table i'm here for my armpits i was like armpits but she's like you need botox i'm like armpits hannah for armpits hannah for armpits and they were like okay so we walk in

And I tell the lady, I'm like, look, by the way, I'm 33. I've never been to a dermatologist. Can you kind of look at me and be real with me? Because like, I'm on red carpets now sometimes not to brag. I know by looking at me, you could probably tell I'm on red carpets. She's like, no, not at all. But like, I just would like some advice on what I should do. Yeah. First thing she goes, you don't need Botox on your armpits.

Oh. Well, she was like, do you change your shirt because you're so sweaty? And I'm like, yes. And she's like, okay, well, she's like, that's like the extreme. She's like, let's start with these like medicated wipes that you get over the counter. So like if you have a day that you shouldn't sweat, you do this wipe. So she's like, let's start with that. Yeah. I like a doctor. I appreciate that in a doctor. And I do have to say, I Googled this dermatologist and

And I like was looking at reviews and someone was like, she is really like harsh and straight up and I and like kind of mean. And I was like, perfect. No, perfect. I picked the scariest looking Eastern European woman. I said, I don't want someone to be my friend. I don't want someone. I want someone to fucking tell me like it is. That's how I like my psychics.

Yes, I want them to be like, you're gonna die. I want my doctors and my psychics to be the most honest people. To be real as fuck. Yeah, be real. And mean. So then I told her, I go, you know what? Now that we're here, I've been grinding my teeth since I was little and I wake up and I have headaches and I have a very strong jaw, not to brag. Do you think I'm a good candidate for masseter? And she looks and she's like, you are. She's like, we could start with a small dose.

She's like, when do you want to do it? And I was like, I mean, let's go. Let's do it. And then I feel like guilt. Oh, you did it? I feel like guilt come over me. Yeah. You better. You better, bitch. I felt Sicilian guilt. I felt the ghost of Peja Sorbok looking over me like...

I thought we were going to do this together. I thought we were going to do this together. My stomach did randomly turn the other day and that must have been my witch senses being like, something's not right. Or because you had chicken parmesan. Yeah. And I was like, fuck it, let's go. So I've never had Botox before. It's the like thinnest little needle ever.

Like it's like you don't even feel it. Yeah. Did they numb you at all or like do put anything on you? No, she just she did these first. She took this like white pencil, but I didn't know. I thought it was the needle. And I was like, wow, that was really that didn't even hurt. And she's like, that was the pencil. I was like, I have really high pains. I lie to myself. I'll tell I'm like, I have if you say out loud, I have high pain tolerance. It like helps you. I feel like.

So she put the white and I'm like, yeah, I've had pain tolerance. And then she put five in each side of the jawline. And when I tell you I had an immediate release. No way. And she says it happens. Like a lot of people get immediate release. And the next day I like woke up in the morning and I went to yoga and I was like, it's because of the masseter. Yeah.

but she said because you use your jaw a lot like you chew a lot and you obviously don't shut the fuck up you're it'll wear off pretty fast oh wait i never thought about like you talking it says that work your jaw out more than other like a quieter person and she's like and you're married so you're not giving a lot of blow jobs so your jaw your jaw is locked up

You're jammed up. But I really, I was also on stage this last week talking about like TMJ and why millennials might have TMJ and girls were all just like, get it. So I'll keep you guys posted on my experience so far. It's been positive. She said it takes like two weeks and it's probably a little placebo effect, but I'm, I feel amazing. Okay. Let's read the text message that I got from Hannah.

She said, also, I'm at the derm right now to ask about my armpits slash she wants to give me wipes first and I'm going to do masseter, Botox, and possibly IPL laser for redness. And I said, in all caps, what the fuck, Hannah? You're getting Botox without me? She goes, haha, wait, no. Masseter doesn't count. It's for TMJ, LOL. And I go, wow.

You're already hitting me with, in quotes, it's medical. You've changed. And then we didn't speak. Okay. Not to defend myself, but when you say Botox, I think wrinkles. Same. So, like, I would never. Wait.

You would never do something for appearance, like for a vain reason without me. Without you. Yeah. And also like I want I feel like if I went and I got the TMJ and you got like your forehead, that's not the same. And I also know that's not the same. But I do have to say as someone who now has gotten a form of Botox.

It's very thin. It didn't hurt a lot. But now we have to see, like, what happens. But then I looked at her. I said, be honest, bitch. What else would you do to my face? She didn't even bring up Botox. And, like, yeah, I have some resting forehead lines. But I do have to say, I don't fucking trust people who, like, you can't tell their expressions. Like, I think it could look good in a... But also photos, it looks like... I don't know. I just don't think...

I think your face needs to move or it gets weird. It's like distracting. I feel like this is one of the main reasons I haven't gone in to get Botox is one, I'm scared that it will like fuck up my face and then I'll have to like fix it to like get back to normal. And I'm going to be like, I should have never even done this in the first place. But the second reason is because I feel like, and I want like the gigglers who know about this to tell us what's right. But I feel like it's going to be conflicting. Yeah, we don't know what we're talking about.

When you're getting Botox, should you be going to a dermatologist office, letting a dermatologist do it or like a nurse there? Or should you be going to a straight up plastic surgeon? And like the because everyone says if you go to a plastic surgeon, you should go to the nurses at the plastic surgeon because they're doing it more often than the actual plastic surgeon. Yeah.

But, like, I'm like, is this a situation for a doctor? Well, it's annoying because everyone's like, if you get it, make sure you have a good person do it. But then you're, like, doing research and there's all these lies on the internet, people showing, like... Yeah, and then, like, I'll look at girls and they'll be like, you gotta go to my girl, she's so good. And I'm like, you look like a clownfish. Or they'll be like, this girl's so good. And then you click on the girl and she looks like a clownfish. Yeah, and I'm like, you guys...

You're not touching my face. Yeah, you're too deep in it. Like, you think your girl is so good, but you're too deep in it. You guys are in some cult together and you're seeing things through a weird fucking lens. I do think as you get older, like, some baby stuff is fine. But I remember I talked to a girl and she was like, oh, yeah, let me see you smile. And she's like, yeah, you have lines on the side of your eyes when you smile. I go, it's called smiling. That's insane to have serial killer eyes with a smile. I'd look like the Joker.

I had someone say to me, she was complimenting me, but I, Craig says I always have like a little bit of a negative brain. So I take everything like a little bit negative. I was like, I haven't gotten Botox yet. And she was like, well, you don't really need it because like Italian people, they, I feel like they don't need it till later because of like your type of skin. And I was like, oh, thank you. And then I was like, what the fuck does that mean?

You know what? I said the same thing to Des because I was like, she said I looked great. And I go, you know what? Because I have olive oil skin. I have very oily skin, which is bad in some ways, good in other ways. But, you know, she did. She said to me, you're Italian, right? So, like, it wasn't that she really knew. I felt like she was looking at my skin and was like, oh, you're oily. Like, you'll be fine. Oh, you have some, like, olive tone. I mean, she was right. Yes.

But I wanted to take it as I wanted to fight. What are you trying to say about my people? Yeah, I was like, do you have something to say about my ancestors? She's like, what's your problem with Sicilians? Yeah, what's your angle here? Because I know a guy. I know a guy. But I did tell her, I was like, what do you think I should, what can I do? And she recommended an IPL facial. No, an IPL laser. So laser, that reminds me of Star Wars. I feel like I've gotten that.

She said it just helps like balance out the tone. But my thing is like, I'm not a skin glass looking girly. Like that's not my vibe. Like I have freckles. I have...

It doesn't do anything to your freckles. It literally just makes your skin tone like even and your like skin glow more. Yeah. So I think I might get that. And I was talking to Whitney Cummings. She does like crazy facials. I mean, not facials. She has great skin. Amazing skin. But again, like me and Whitney have different complexions. Yeah. But I am considering finally trying mouth tape.

Do you still do it? Yeah, I do. Not every single night, but on nights that I do it, I enjoy it.

What do you mean by enjoy it? And I don't know if this is placebo effect because I feel like I do suffer from anything that is placebo effect. Like I'll be like, yeah, that works. But I do truly think I wake up more rested. Okay. They said I was looking at it. They said it's better to do the tape that just goes like down the middle than like cover your whole mouth.

Okay. But then also as a girl who has, I can get chapped lips. I like to go to sleep with my lips all lathered up. So like, how do you put tape on that? It's funny that you bring up this subject because I'm suffering right now from really chapped lips, but I did it to myself. You know, my Amazon laser that I bought that I'm like obsessed with.

Oh, no. Why are you lasering your mouth? Oh, you're lasering your mustache. I was lasering my face and I accidentally like hit my lip and it immediately looked like I had a massive cold sore on my lip. And I was like, I don't get cold sores. And Craig was like, well, it looks like you get you get cold sores. And I was like, I do not get cold sores. I burnt my lip. But now I don't know what's going on.

Because I think I literally burnt the shit out of my top lip. I do have to say, the one thing Paige's mom said was, please don't use the Amazon laser on your face. Yeah, I said, Mom, I'm not gonna. And then I did.

Next thing you're going to blind yourself. I know. I know. My mom is listening right now and is so mad at me. She's like, I told you. But I have to live and I have to learn. You know, and you know what? You don't learn until you make a mistake. And mistakes are about growth. And we fail upwards. And that is a theme of Giggly Squad. And now I know not to use it so close to my lip.

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Garth Brooks. Oh, the murder thing? No, it's coming out. Well, that. Oh. No, but there's like, it came out that he allegedly may have assaulted his makeup artist, which first of all, why do you have a makeup artist, Garth Brooks? Exactly. First, first point. So we first of all know that that girl was like, this job is, why am I here?

Wait, is Garth Brooks the one that's married? Who's Garth Brooks married to? And let me look that up. I think it's a country person. Oh, Trisha Yearwood. Why did I think he was married to like the Pioneer Woman? You know, the Pioneer Wood is giving Pioneer Woman energy by the name. You know, Pioneer Woman. Yeah, she's iconic. The redhead. I find her very soothing. Have you heard about Ina Garten?

That she's getting a divorce? Maybe, but also she just talked about how her whole life, like, she just had a really hard childhood. Oh, I thought there was something with, like, her and Jeffrey, and I was like, wait, I thought they, like, were obsessed with each other, and she was like... If they break up, I think Ina Garten should be the next Golden Bachelorette. But yeah, so Garth Brooke has accusations against him, and this podcast is all about learning and growing, and, um...

I watched his documentary and I was like, this guy's amazing. I think I literally just fully made up that Ina Garten and her husband were getting a divorce. The thing with TikTok is that people throw a lot of things out there. And that's why we should continue using it as our factual source.

So anyway, keep an eye on Garth Brooks. Keep an eye on basically any man in music. Just keep an eye out. Yeah, keep an eye out for them. I'm not down with them. I think we should bring something to the forefront. It's extremely important. And we changed the course of history when it comes to the rebrand of Limited Too, I feel. I fear that we were the reason...

I'm not getting how they're not talking to me. I feel like they're like, really? Are they trying to play hard to get? Are they playing hard to get? I mean, I even commented like, hello. I was like, hello, guys. Like we could be collabing. Who's in charge at Limited Too? Because just call Paige. She will take your call. She'll handle it all. The whole campaign is already done. She's already. I can see it already.

I already know what outfit I would want to recreate with the brown gauchos. I know the poncho. I can see the poncho. I'm like, guys, invisible teeth.

I really am starting to think that we have some secret beef. I'm like, we could get the whole band back together. I'm in contact with multiple of the originals. Why aren't you guys acting like I exist? It's like Laguna Beach doing a new Laguna Beach without any of the original cast members. We're just like, knock on invite Steven. Like, hello. Steven. Okay, which limited to trend are you? Fringe poncho. I did own one. A pink one. Gap.

like gauchos which if people don't know that's like the wide pant or the long shirt with leggings okay well fun facts about limited too because that not to brag because i started work i first did like my first shoot with them when i was in fifth grade and then i went and did from fifth grade to eighth grade so like the crew that did the limited two shoots i ended up like

really getting to know them and like now thinking about it they were like all in like their late 20s early 30s and I'm like in middle school and I like think they're my friends I'm like obsessed with them I didn't realize they were showing up every day like so fucking hungover like I just thought like wearing sunglasses in the morning was like a cool thing to do like

But when I was modeling for them, the stylist, her name is Liz Daniels. I was obsessed with her. I like DM with her sometimes. She was like an incredible stylist. And I would go in and request like what outfits that I would be put in. And she would look at me. Yeah. She was like, OK, you're in fifth grade. You're not telling me.

what outfit you're going to be in? And I'm like, I'm putting in a smaller class. If you put me in that green poncho again, I'm going to tell my mom that I can't do it today. I need to be in all the gaucho outfits. I'm obsessed with gauchos. I love gauchos. I'm the gaucho girl. My body is made for a gaucho.

But here's the thing. My arms were too long for the long sleeve shirts. Like I was never put in any long sleeve shirts because my arms were abnormally long. No one's ever said that to me in my life. They were like, put your stubs away. So they would have to put me in the outfits that didn't have long sleeves and some of them didn't go with the gauchos. So I would not throw a fit. But like I was upset. Wait, I love you being a diva on the limited two set. Like when you walk in, everyone goes...

I mean, she's kind of the problem. I'm like, I've been here for five years putting the fucking gauntlet on. This bitch just arrived. You just got hired six months ago. You wouldn't be here if it wasn't for me, bitch. It's like, okay. Actually, that is, I think, the first time I, like, was...

I'm privy to like girls being difficult to like people being difficult to work with. I'll never forget like this one girl was her first photo shoot. And so like she came the first day and she was like so excited and like amazing. We were all like the same age. It was like going to like camp. And then I remember she came the next day for the next day of the shoot. And she showed up like with big sunglasses on and was like, what time are we starting? Like, this is ridiculous. And I remember looking at my mom and starting to laugh.

Because I was like, wait, what's going on? Like, I'm here for the Cheez-Its. Like, are you kidding? We got out of school, bitch. Like, be thankful. I do have to say a warning, though. That's hilarious. I arguably in my 20s was too easy to work with. Like, I would say yes to everything. I would work overtime for everything. I would...

especially reality tv i would just want to make everyone happy and that cannot always do well so it's finding that happy medium i was i watched the documentary um about vogue on hulu it's so fucking good i like learning about all the fashion houses the prada girl is my everything no the the drama yeah

The drama. And I messaged Paige. The theatrics. There's this like old guy. He's not old. He's older. Who's been working at Vogue forever. And he has this like great hairdo. And whenever it cuts to him, he's just like.

It was the most spectacular look I've ever seen. Everyone's eyes went rolling back behind their heads. It was extravagant and so special. Like the way fashion people describe an outfit, you'd think they were describing like... It's insane. No, they're insane. And then it shows a girl with a skirt and you're like... I'm very happy that I do have like a split personality of like I love the fashion world, but also like...

I'm a comedian. Like half of watching it, I'm like, this has to be a bit. Like you guys are fucking, you're kidding, right? And then the French lady who'd be like, I fucking hate when they wear it. That sounded Russian. I don't understand why they would do that. And it's like, she's talking about a boot and she's like, how dare they? It's not sexy. It's not sexy. If you haven't watched it, Hannah just nailed that impression. Also, why did Tom Ford's voice change?

Tom Ford back then had this high voice and now he talks like this. Yeah, now he talks like he's a professional. But you can tell he's trying to talk low. Yeah. I think that's the fashion community. You change your look and so you can change your voice. Fashion is about change. Yeah, it's all about change. So anyway, limited to...

Let's stop playing games. No, it's also like I don't want to come off as like I'm begging or like... No, no, no. You know what? Maybe...

This is what happens. Sometimes it's just like a new group of people and they don't know the history. Okay, well, here's the thing. In the post, they said like we're getting like the original designers of whatever. And I'm like, okay, guys, I feel like you're blatantly saying you don't want anything to do with me. Should you send them a message of like one of your old campaigns and just be like, hey,

Well, I don't want them to... I don't want to feel like I'm stalking them. But I'm like, this is just like the most perfect collab. I know. I just don't want your ego to get in the way of like possibly a great thing. I think you should have your own collab. I think you should have your own line with them. Like the Paige DeSorbo limited to line. I feel like...

I'm not letting my ego get in the way because I'm like, I'm standing on my soapbox that I have, which is Giggly Squad. And I'm saying, yeah, say it. I'm here for you. Like, I'm here to collab in whatever capacity. I'm not asking to be the whole face of it. I just want like,

one picture in a locker. She doesn't want money. She doesn't need money. Like, why can't the campaign be us going into a locker and coming out into a boardroom the way you guys used to do it? Like, we'd go into the locker and then go into, like, this girl's room, like, secret room of school, back to school, but it's, like, back to work because we're all professionals now. And work is us podcasting. Guys, like, the ideas are flowing. The ideas are flowing. They're kind of, like...

Contact me. Like, you know how to reach me. I'm here. Okay, so that's planned out. Yeah. Done, period. I also love that Limited Too got bullied. Like, they came out with all this stuff for kids and people were like, no, this is for the millennials. No.

Don't give it to these fucking Gen Alphas that don't even know what the brand is. They were like, we wanted them to experience it the same way you guys did. And I wanted to be like, well, we're different. We're different. They don't appreciate art. Watching. What are you watching? What am I watching? Oh, my God. I...

have been like really in a binge mood like where like not like a normal binge mood like I'm talking I need five to six seasons like if you're hitting me with a two three seasoner I'm running through it I need five to six seasons of something you're so deep in an addiction right now you're like one hit does nothing one season does nothing I don't even feel it coming soon next season

Don't even start with me. Okay? I love you. I need three bad seasons. I need them to lose the plot. That's how many seasons we're in. Jump the shark and then...

I need 84 episodes, bitch. 84. Okay. So I never watched This Is Us. Finish This Is Us was distraught that it was over. So then I was like, I need to up the ante. I started Grey's Anatomy. I'd never watched it before. Have you ever watched it? Is it good? It's 20 seasons. I'm on season three. I couldn't be happier. How hot is Patrick Dempsey? Are you into zaddies now?

Okay, first of all, super fucking hot, but I actually think McSteamy is way hotter. But Patrick Dempsey's character, I don't know how so many girls loved him. He's the worst. He's the worst. Yeah, I haven't watched it. I would have punched him right square in the face. He's not that hot to act that much of a dick. During all the times those shows were going on, I realized I was in college just watching Jersey Shore.

mm-hmm like i missed everything else i did watch you know what you should watch from the beginning desperate housewives okay have you never seen it really no i've never seen it no i've seen have you never have you sorry i used to watch it with my mom it was so good realizing that your friend hasn't watched something which is like totally plausible that you've watched is the same energy as when like your friend takes a picture of you and you're like can you send me that

Kat Cohen just came out, who's a funny musical comedian. A song, like, can you send me that? Yes. Wait. It's really cute. I just heard that on TikTok. It's so funny. It's so good. She's a special coming out. She's so hilarious. Genius. Her, is it her husband? Boyfriend, I think. They have some funny videos together. Oh, yeah. They had that video of every time he leaves.

Is that the one you're talking about? Oh, he acts like it's his. It was a one night stand. Yes. Even though they live together and he'll be like, that was really fun. I love that. I love role playing. I love being anyone other than me. I love how you're an Oscar winning actress when it comes to avoiding yourself. 100%.

I do have to say, I hate when people get mad when I didn't watch a movie. If it's my best friend, that's fine because she's like knows me. But when people are just like, you never fucking saw American Psycho. People get hyped about it. But that's why I lie. I always go, yeah. And then they go, if they have a follow up, you're like, I mean, I saw it a while ago. I saw it a while ago. They didn't see it. And they're just trying to get out of the conversation. No, I always say I got to rewatch it.

Yeah, I haven't seen it. I saw part of it. I saw part of it. I saw a commercial. I feel like you did that all through like Breaking Bad. Des made me. But there's some shows that I can only watch with Des because I think there's I like that he likes it. So like he's like watch it without me. And I'm like, I literally can't enjoy it without you. But when it's on, it's like we're watching something together. But I actually have two documentaries for you guys to watch.

Speaking of bad taste in men, Jailbreak, Love on the Run on Netflix is so good. So intense.

Okay, so face. So fucking intense. It's so good. And part of me, I want to maybe I need to be her in a movie. She's this like badass. She runs the jail. And when you're a woman running a male jail, like you have to be tough. They're all like trying to flirt with you and get stuff from you. And she's just the shit. And she like boss everyone around. Everyone loves her. And she's like the mom all these guys never had.

Then comes this 6'7", tatted-up guy who I'm pretty sure, like, domestically abused everyone he's ever met. And he was in there because he, like, tried to murder his girlfriend. And arguably hurt the dog, which is, like, that's next. That's even worse. So she... Basically...

They say that he literally at one point said, you have a nice ass. Which like, that's enough to get me. 100%. Me too. That's how Des got me. Des was like, you have a nice ass. And I was like, I love you. We're not as high maintenance as we appear. If you notice, if you like my ass, I said, this man gets me. He has good taste. He's smart. He's funny. The way that your heart is commenting on your ass, how funny you are, and...

asking if you're hungry like i could pick you up so easily and also i don't even need a man to tell me i'm funny i just like when he he's giggling like he can't yeah like he's acknowledging he doesn't even want me to be funny he can't help it can't he can't help it can't you want them to hate that they love it they can't help but giggle at the shit you say and you're just like controlling them through laughter anyway so on the low they start

around, which is very difficult in the jail because there's so many cameras, but she's in charge. So she'd be like, hey, he's staying in because he has to fill out a form. You can take these guys out to the playground or whatever they do. This just like immediately turned into sleepaway camp. It's like, yeah. Nap time. Arts and crafts is in room B. Literally.

So then like they would like mess around. So then fast forward, she's acting really weird one day and she's getting really bad anxiety. Like she's starting to have like, like beta blocker anxiety. Buyer's remorse. She realizes that like she needs to do something. So she out of nowhere is like, I'm retiring. And everyone's like, what? She's like, I'm retiring. This is my last day. And everyone said she was so weird that day. And like she definitely was having some like panic attacks and stuff because she knew something was going down.

And it shows at the end of the day, she's like, oh, I'm going to bring this inmate to the courthouse because he has to do something with the court. And they show there's a video. Apparently, you're never supposed to let the inmate walk behind you. They always have to walk in front of you so you could see them. She's walking out the door, keeps the door open, and he's just walking behind her, which is like a no-no. Like if anyone else did that, she'd freak out.

He gets in the car with her to go to the courthouse. They're gone for like three hours and everyone's like, that's weird. It normally takes like 40 minutes. They disappear. They ran away together. Where? So no one knows. They're like on the run and everyone's like, this killer is with this woman. And then they realize like...

He didn't capture her like she's in on it. But then America starts to be like, this is romantic as fuck. We're low key rooting for them. No, we're sick. We're a sick nation. We're like, let lap in. And then everyone's like, he's going to kill her. But like he's and like they show all. No, I'm going to wait for more of a redder flag. Actually, I'm like not convinced. But their phone calls and she's like way older than him. And he's just like.

he's in love with her from the phone calls but like we've all been there like if i could the voicemails i could share with you guys of dudes who claim they don't like you and he's just like you're my everything i'm not gonna give away what happens but okay it's crazy jailbreak love on the run okay there we have it a light sunday evening watch

Just something to start your week off. Atlantic City, we're actually almost sold out. We're excited about. But Madison and Milwaukee and Minneapolis, we're coming for you. Get tickets if you haven't. Anything else going on, Paige? No, I think that's it. There's like, that's it. Like, period. Yeah, period. Sleigh, have a great week. Bye. We love you guys. Thanks for giggling. Bye.