cover of episode Best of the Football Ramble 2024: Part 1

Best of the Football Ramble 2024: Part 1

2024/12/24
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Football Ramble

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Pete Donaldson
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Pete Donaldson: 本集回顾了2024年足球漫谈的精彩片段,包括迪恩·加夫尼被车撞、尤尔根·克洛普的裸体、以及马克·劳伦森关于摩萨德的阴谋论等。节目中还讨论了其他足球话题,例如苏格兰球迷的表现、欧冠比赛、以及英超联赛中的争议判罚等。 Pete Donaldson: 节目中穿插了对肖恩·康纳利等人的讨论,以及对一些足球比赛的分析和评论。 Pete Donaldson: 节目最后还谈到了阿森纳队夺冠的可能性,以及米克尔·阿尔特塔获得的荣誉。 Andy: Andy在节目中参与了对各种足球话题的讨论,包括对球员表现、球队策略、以及比赛结果的分析。他还对一些争议事件发表了自己的看法。 Andy: Andy还参与了对尤尔根·克洛普未来去向的猜测,以及对米克尔·阿尔特塔获得荣誉的祝贺。 Vish: Vish在节目中主要参与了对足球比赛的讨论,并对一些争议事件发表了自己的看法。 Vish: Vish还参与了对肖恩·康纳利等人的讨论,以及对一些足球比赛的分析和评论。 Marcus: Marcus在节目中主要负责提供一些足球相关的信息,例如欧冠历史上出场次数最多的球员等。 Marcus: Marcus还参与了对一些争议事件的讨论,并对一些足球比赛的分析和评论。

Deep Dive

Key Insights

Why was Dean Gaffney in the news recently?

Dean Gaffney was in the news because he was run over by Wesley Fafana, breaking his collarbone. This incident was widely discussed and even mentioned in the Football Ramble podcast.

Why did the Football Ramble hosts bring up Sean Connery?

The hosts brought up Sean Connery in a humorous context, mistakenly thinking he was still alive. They were making jokes about him potentially inspiring the Scottish national team, only to be reminded that he died in 2020.

Why did the hosts discuss the West Ham vs. Bayer Leverkusen match?

The hosts discussed the match to highlight West Ham's performance and the atmosphere in the stadium. They noted that West Ham dominated the first half but struggled in the second half after Leverkusen made decisive changes.

Why did Mark Lawrenson mention Mossad in his conspiracy theory?

Mark Lawrenson mentioned Mossad in a humorous and exaggerated way, suggesting a conspiracy theory about Robert Maxwell's death. This was part of his comedic routine and a highlight of the podcast.

Why was the Dutch referee Jan Smit banned for life?

Jan Smit was banned for life because he celebrated with the winning team after officiating their title-winning match. He was filmed lifting the trophy and singing with the players, which is considered unprofessional and biased.

Why did the hosts bring up Mikel Arteta's Royal Order of Isabella the Catholic award?

The hosts brought up Mikel Arteta's award to highlight his achievements and the honor he received. They noted that it is a Spanish civil order of chivalry and that it was a significant recognition of his contributions to football.

Why did the hosts speculate about Jurgen Klopp's attire for his final game as Liverpool manager?

The hosts speculated about Jurgen Klopp's attire for his final game to add a humorous and light-hearted element to the discussion. They imagined various outfits, including a nude appearance, to emphasize the significance of his last game and the emotional impact on fans.

Chapters
This chapter starts with a discussion about Dean Gaffney getting run over, transitioning into a mix of football highlights, discussions about various football teams' performances, and a humorous anecdote about Sean Connery.
  • Dean Gaffney was run over by Wesley Fafana and broke his collarbone.
  • Discussion about various football teams' performances and mistakes.
  • Humorous anecdote about the mistaken belief that Sean Connery is still alive.

Shownotes Transcript

Translations:
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When it's PCS time, you know the drill. Pack, research to new base, get the kids in school, because family supports family. At American Public University, we support military families with flexible, affordable online education that moves with you. As a military spouse, your tuition rate is the same as your partner's, just $250 per credit hour. American Public University, education that moves with you.

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Hello and welcome to the very best Football Ramble episode you will hear all year. That's because it is quite literally the best of the Football Ramble 2024. I've gone back into the archives myself, with no help, and fished out our very favourite moments for you to enjoy while you're buying those last-minute Christmas presents. I see you slithering through the middle aisle of Lidl. But seriously, if you could buy me a scented candle for the studio, that would be great. I've been sweating like a dog in here and I have been eating a lot of hot tamales.

Anyway, today is part one of our best of 2024 countdown. So I'll be taking you right up to the end of last season. We begin with Dean Gaffney. ♪♪

It's Monday and Pete's back in the pod. Hello. Good to have you back. I'm back. And now it's very interesting, Peter, that you're back today because today is actually Blue Monday, hence the opening lyric. Is it? Right, okay. So I'm here to make it better. Yes. You, and it's not only Blue Monday, everybody, because it will soon become Fireball Monday. It's bloody Pitbull's birthday. Can you believe it? Is it now? I'm glad I came back. In the words of Martin Tyre, can you believe it?

There's a lot of people asking after you, Pete. I've got a few DMs on Instagram saying, you know, where's Pete? Is Pete alright? I was like, Pete's fine. Just lying low before the list comes out. But he's fine. Vish, you know for a fact I moved in with a rich family in a big mansion and I destroyed them from within. Slurping up big goopy bath bits. Look, Peter, right.

Your legal cases are your legal cases. Don't use this as a platform. Has it coincided when you cast United upturned with form? Yeah. I've arrived. At 2-1, he went, oh, I'm coming on Monday. Yeah, I fancy it. I fancy it. So then, highlights of the weekend. Peter, get us underway. Well, I'm already looking down this running order and no one seems to be mentioning Dean Gaffney being run over by Wesley Fafana.

And if you think we're going to get away with not mentioning that, we're going to mention that. Yeah. Because he only broke his collarbone, didn't he? I broke my collarbone. Fell down the stairs. Oh, so that gives you carte blanche to talk about others who have broken their collarbones. Did Wesley Fafana lend a hand? I don't know. I'd say it was a bad one. It was a bad one, but he was breathalysed at the scene. The police went...

It just sod off. It sodded off. So it's fine. Have you got a match to go to? That is genuinely so weird. Like a meeting of generations. Yeah. I mean, Dean Gaffney has been out since 1995, hasn't he? He's been out a lot. He's been out a lot. He used to go out a lot in the late 90s and early 90s. Well, he's kind of like, who's that? Is it David Ghandi?

He's kind of like David Gandhi through a frosted glass. You know what I mean? If you don't know what we're talking about, bear with us. He's quite Gandhi-ish. Yeah, I know what you mean. There was a fork in the road and he went one way and Gandhi went the other. Gandhi went on tube London Underground billboards.

Yeah, he climbed into his Jaguar from the 70s and Gaffney went and just stared out drinking. So I thought maybe New Year, New Peter, but your highlight is a man getting run over and breaking a bone. Am I a footballer, to be fair? This is relevant this time. Football, thank you. This time, yeah. By the way, Dean Gaffney guest starred...

in the extras Christmas special you know the Ricky Gervais Steve Martin show in 2007 playing himself working in a car fine warehouse because he wasn't famous anymore so that's 17 years on he's back in the mainstream under a car but he's back in the mainstream he flew in the air apparently it was a little while ago

This happened a little while ago. I thought it happened on Saturday. No, no, no. It was just revealed, I think. Oh, I see. All right. So Gaffney's laughing about it. Yeah. Okay. Gaffney's laughing. Do you have any football highlights? I think they're in a weird little space now where the mistakes they're making, whether it's their lack of cutting edge up front...

or this weird propensity to shoot themselves in the foot. Like Patterson yesterday when he tried to flick the ball between two Northern Ireland players in his own box. Um,

there is a short-term familiarity about it, which is why they boo, which is like, oh, for fuck's sake, not again. It's us again kind of thing. Why do we keep doing this? Yeah, I understand that. I think it comes from, because there's no other way of, you can't just, you know, they're not tutters. They are tutters. They're not tutters. They are. No. Well, you've got to understand this. They're fannies. You're not fannies. If Scotland play badly and lose, it's

Speller will stick the boot in and then he'll disappear off Twitter for a week until there's a couple of shows more under his belt that he's all forgotten about. He just likes to drive by Scotland sometimes. I'm not having a go at Scotland. I'm having a go at the fans. Oh, in which case, I apologise.

Pushing it down, they pay to go. What are you brewing for? Hey, get moising. Sing the wee song you did last year. So, Andy's point about this is a working out period, they're playing big teams, these are almost fixtures by design, really, to push themselves to the next level.

What they do need, though, is a bit of inspiration. As we saw with Wales, just get your most famous available countryman to have a word. Who's that? What's Connery up to? Yeah. Between now and the Euros. He's dead. Sean Connery. Is he dead? He died ages ago. What's Connery up to?

By the way, don't think for a single second we're editing that out. No way. No way we're editing that out. Vish, I'm very, very sad to break this news to you, but it has been some time now. Sean Connery's there. What's Mary Queen of Scots up to? What's William of Orange up to? In my defence... In my defence... What's Sir Walter Scott up to? LAUGHTER

In my defence, you lot bring him up so often, I just assumed he's still alive. It's a tribute. It was never a tribute. They could put Robert Burns up front. Oh my God. Sorry, can you... Connery if you're listening. Sorry about that. In his defence, in Vish's defence, every now and then I say Junior. Obviously, that made you think he was still alive. Yeah. I don't know what these news headlines are doing, but, you know...

I had a Connery impression earlier and if that doesn't mean he's alive I only realised last week that Oasis are technically not together again not back together because your man's playing the alley pally with the high flying birds is it if you want don't try and deflect no I'm just saying I'm putting it on you who else do you think is alive what other former bonds do you think are alive just

It is true though because I've heard that Daniel Craig died in the last one so you can't tell me that. Spoilers! I've heard they are adding Rob Roy McGregor to the coaching team ahead of the summer so fingers crossed that'll have an effect.

When did Sean Connery die? Oh, dear. In the past. Yeah. It was definitely in the past. Sean Connery died. Fucking hell, four years ago. Yeah, 2020. Yeah. Yeah, there you go. 31st of October. Rescue this back, Marcus. Fish is having an absolute western. I really have to say this as well, just in case it... Craig Brown is also not with us anymore.

Why did you mention that? Yeah, I just wanted to bring you up to speed with the people who I do impressions of. I just Google Scottish people who are dead. Nick Huber is fine at the time. He's still alive. He's not Scottish. Oh, Marcus. Get a fucking lobotomy. Who's lobotomised, bitch? Tell me who it is.

Own up to it and you won't be in trouble. You'll be absolutely fine. It was a great win for Northern Ireland. Robbie Coltrane's dead. Yeah, we know. We know. We read the fucking news. You're one of the only journalists in here. Hey, what about nuns on the run though? Yeah, classic. Come on. Classic. Get the title and walk backwards. Yeah. Great win for Northern Ireland.

It was a great meal for them. And I feel like Northern Irish fans listening to this will be very, very pleased with the coverage of this. Incredibly pleased. We really congratulate them as much as we possibly could. We could. Chick Young's still alive, so you can do it. Of course he is, yeah. Which Chick Young? Because there was two. There was a fan that he met once. Talking shite again. Oh dear. Right. Shall we talk about Fulham's new stand or shall we... No. No. No.

Was there an understanding from West Ham fans, you think, that they knew that Bayer Leverkusen was such a good team? Yeah, I think they did. They were dominating the first leg, weren't they? Yeah, but they had every chance in the first half. West Ham really went at it. And the atmosphere in the stadium, which is really hard to get up and keep up because it's such a big stadium. They kept it going for most of the night. But second half, it was quite difficult because...

Alonso made some quite decisive changes. They kept the ball much better and they took a lot of the sting out of it. And they were a bit fortunate with the goal with deflection, of course. Yeah, in the end they were. They will find a way not to lose because that is their unbeaten run up to 44 games now. So again, to sit here and say, well, West Ham, why didn't you beat a side who'd gone 43 games unbeaten before you? They couldn't have done much different. Kudus was good, wasn't he? Yeah. He's really good. He's a hell of a ball, beautiful.

he's brilliant anyway I mean if Bowen scored that chance obviously it's level and there's still a lot more to play so you're into chaos theory but with the atmosphere being what it was but he was good obviously his assist for Antonio and so on but look they gave a great it makes me sick

Break. It's going to break. It's going to end the show. I'd break. End it. End the whole thing. Can't get any better from there. No. Well, what did you make of Liverpool? Well, it can get better because I've got a little joke. Which is what all the best comedians do. I've seen Jimmy Carr's Netflix. I'm about to be outrageous. Okay.

Just like I said to my neighbour who refuses to own a pair of bathroom blinds, I saw a little bit too much of Alison. They spent most of their time passing back to Alison and you're not going to win football matches like that.

Oh, it's good. Ladies and gentlemen, the North of the weekend is open. It's great. I can do it. Do you want to annoy me? I just don't do it. 11pm last night, I was up on the sofa trying to think of something to say. There's no point now, is there? Oh, pizza.

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I used to get invited to a Sunday lunch. All his family and his wife was there. I was the only one who wasn't part of the family. And he said, pointing at Ghislaine, "She is the only person in this room apart from me with any balls." I'll never, ever forget that. Do you think Robert Maxwell was evil? He was pushed over. Pushed over by... Mossad.

it's everything it's the comic timing of saying that it's the it's the camp voice it's so camp it's so camp and it's the idea that in 2024 Mark Lawrenson who can't get a gig is talking about Robert Maxwell conspiracies like 40 years after he died that is it's the highlight of the Euros it's amazing

The sign off Mossad is the comic timing on that. There are comedians out there that kill for that. It's so good. I really would. It's so good. Oh dear. Can we just as a you know like we've got that Phil Neville button can we just have a Mossad button now? Show some fucking respect. Oh dear. Thanks to Thanks to Play it again. Thanks to Fred of the Rambles Swedish House Play it again. Play it again.

Swedish house furniture. My goodness, thank you. You can become a friend of the Ramble too by heading over to patreon.com forward slash football ramble. Access to the Discord, you can chat with us other Ramble listeners, get ad-free episodes of the Ramble up front and on the continent. And Mark Lawrence's weekly conspiracy theory, exclusive for Patreon subscribers. Mossad. Alright.

Round three. The Champions League last 16 returns next week. So what are the top 20 all-time appearance makers in Champions League history? The Champions League last 16 returns next week. I didn't want to be in it anyway. So what are the top 20 all-time appearance makers in Champions League history? There are 20 answers and Marcus, I need one from you. I know this sounds ridiculous. Players, obviously. Players. Cristiano Ronaldo. Oh, that's a controversial one. Um...

How about Lionel Messi? Leo. I will have Sergio Ramos. Sergio Ramos. Got to be. Correct. Raul. Raul. Zinedine Zidane. Good. I'm certainly not as confident. He's got to be in there. I don't...

Oh, this is massive. This could be the win for the 51.1%. Surely you've got to get this. Ika Kasias. Surely that's the win. Well done. There it is. Yes! He's done. We've finally got it. Oh, no. He's up out of his seat. He's gone. He's out of there. He's away.

Thank you.

Thank you very much for listening to the Football Rumble preview show sponsored by Betfair, part of the ACOS Creator Network. Join the three of us tomorrow for the mailbag. Follow us on X, Twitter, TikTok, YouTube and Instagram at Football Rumble. Follow us on Spotify. The gate's staying closed. There's no weekend, everybody.

If you spray your Nalgene over us, we'll be very upset. Oh, it's massive. You got a new Nalgene? It's the best weekend for ages. It's a shame. Who would have thought Zenedine Zidane would have stitched me up like that? I'm not doing the mailbag. Fantastic. Do join us for the mailbag where no doubt Luke will be still full of cheer. Yeah. Well done, Luke Moore. You hang on in there. Is that the title, by the way? You've got it. It's the lineal title. Actually, no, don't we need three people? No way. Yeah, I think we need three people. It's the title. It's the title. Where's the belt? Give me the belt. Give me the belt.

Give me the bell. I'll get pretty quiet up till now, guys. No, you haven't. Massive news for the Luke Nation, this. The Discord's going to be popping off. Do you know what? I never thought that Pitbull would say, stop the party. But look at you guys. Don't make me go and get my keys from the other office.

Everton 2 Nottingham Forest 0 big win for Sean Dyche's men like look at that Everton 2 Nottingham Forest 0 nothing more to add like exactly like it just looks like such a kind of like routine one team beat the other one to nil but there's so many stories that come out of this I watched the game it was really boring I'm sort of quite grateful to Forest for

stepping up and providing the entertainment post-match. Well, indeed, yeah. Five minutes after the full-time whistle, Nottingham Forest released the following statement. Three extremely poor decisions, three penalties not given, which we simply cannot accept. Well, you're going to have to. We warned the Pugmall that the VAR is a Luton fan before the game and they didn't change him. Our patience has been tested multiple times. NFFC will now consider its options.

Yeah, I mean... You've not got any option. That's Maranakis, isn't it? It is, isn't it? I'm not deadly serious. With a ghost writer. It's a folded text. Just get this up. Get this up right now and I'll pay the fine. And the funny thing is, though, that all this chat about the VAR being a Luton fan, it's been now reported that Mark Clattenburg spoke to Pugmore before the game and it was raised that he was a Luton fan and it was just like, yeah, that's not important. Don't worry about it. And even...

Nuno Espirito Santo said after the game, that's just not important. Yeah, and Mark Clattenburg had an article out in the Daily Mail yesterday after the game, sort of like really going in hard on all this stuff. He's a prat. He really is. He's such a dickhead. What makes you think that? Everything about him. But he has really stepped up into the sort of...

main character look at me vacuum left by Mike Dean isn't he but he's not even a ref he's not even on the bench exactly it makes it all the more ridiculous I still like him so someone somewhere is lying because I mean it

The VAR is not a Luton fan. He's a Ramble fan. Because we had a lovely time here. Oh, yeah. Again, yeah. And everyone's been sort of saying this euphemistic kind of forest admin. This kind of like dark force. Yeah. They love it, don't they? Forest admin. He's a forest admin in the same way Jai Bolsonaro is the forest admin. He burns it down. Burn it down. He blamed that on Leonardo DiCaprio, didn't he, Bolsonaro? He did, yeah. He said Leonardo DiCaprio was paying people to burn down sections of the Amazon. Yeah.

Was he really? No. Where's my money? I'd do it. Yeah. I mean, regrettably, we've got this post-truth world and it seems to be in the Premier League as well. Yeah. No, that's true. Do you know what I mean? And it's getting worse and worse. But if you went like 20 years ago and you heard the sentence, we warned that Pugmall, the VAR is a Luton fan. It's like, what is happening here? The word warn comes up.

up a few times because in the Daily Mail article that Clattenburg wrote he said you will have seen the statement released by the club how the PJMOL were contacted to warn that it was not appropriate for a Luton fan such as Atwell to play such a pivotal role in a massive match that would impact the relegation race it's like you don't dictate to them yeah that's right and it's amazing it's an astonishing you're on St. George's Park yeah the only option you have is to just file a complaint

That's the only option you have. You can complain. Absolutely. No one would question that, but this idea of, well, we're going to find out the truth and our options, it's like the game's not going to be replayed. Firstly, the result doesn't necessarily benefit Luton. Well,

Well, that's what a lot of people said. A draw would have been a better one. Yeah, a weird one there. But also, you know, surely we have to put our faith in these people to be able to be objective. If you kind of put it into law that such and such is a fan of X club so can't officiate on Y club, it suggests that they...

that they're crooked. Well, Jim, I'm not... You can't codify that. I personally won't be happy until Donald Trump, Boris Johnson and Liz Truss are refereeing in the Premier League. I would very much like them to slap a £10 million fine which takes them over FFP. I think that would be delicious. And we're going to decide how many points you get deducted five minutes after the final whistle on the final day. But, but, but...

we must talk about the game because... No, I want to talk about Nuno Espirito Sandoz stood outside having a tab. Yeah, well... Stood outside Goodison Park having a cigarette looking like Ben Affleck with his cups of coffee. He's just having a... He looks absolutely destroyed. Just having a cigarette in his full kit.

Just put that on a T4. I love it. I absolutely love that. That could galvanise. That's the sort of image would galvanise the place. It is glorious. It's just him having a... It's not even crafty. I'm just going, I don't care who sees me. I'm so rinsed. Apparently that photo was taken...

eight hours after the game the next morning it looks like he's just done something really bad in a lock up that no one knows he owns I can't believe I've just done that yeah I am going to have to move away from my family no one will see me again but I suppose I'm financially secure yeah the game itself like

I understand why Forrest were furious, by the way. And if there are any Forrest fans who are listening or anybody listening who are kind of annoyed at what we're saying, we can have the opinion that their response is wrong and idiotic and also have the opinion of, but they were right to be aggrieved by some of those decisions. And Forrest have been on the end of some really bad decisions this season as well. I completely understand that. But

But they used to be the good guy, didn't they? Who are the good guys? Pugmall, innit? I thought it was us. Well, it's us, and that's why we're going to be staging a mock execution of Pugmall at the live show. I'm creating the hangman's noose as we speak.

How about that? Now the other half live, eh? Indeed, yeah. Speaking of title celebrations, everybody, let's go to Holland, or the Netherlands, as the whole thing is called. There's a Dutch referee now called Jan Smit, who we all know and love, because he's been banned for life. Now, normally if you get banned for life, it's for doing something a little untoward, whereas this guy is a flippant legend. He was banned for life because he celebrated with the side who'd won the title, and...

And he just officiated the match in which they won the title. So it's Dutch fourth division side, St. George's, who secured this title by drawing with SV de Valken. And the St. George's goalkeeper was the hero after he scored a stoppage time equaliser. So an incredible scenario. There's already so much going on here. And an awful lot going on there, absolutely. The goal came after the referee had awarded it.

It gets worse and worse and worse. It really does. It really is so bad. It's like Dante's seven levels of fucking hell. Come on, you've got to get through it. So the referee awarded 15 minutes of stoppage time. Now, I don't reckon they have VAR in the fourth tier of Dutch football. Could be wrong.

So this is the equivalent of League Two. Yeah. Is it professional at that stage? No, it's not. So 15 minutes of stoppage time. De Valken ended the game with eight men after the ref sent three of their players off, right? So it's fair to say St. George's were given a helping hand. After the game, the ref was filmed lifting the trophy and singing with the St. George's players. And he was wearing a shirt covered in cannabis leaves as well. LAUGHTER

A legend. A legend. The thing is, have you seen his response to it? He thinks it's all over the top and all that nonsense. I wasn't partying with the players at all. I just sang a song and held up the bowl once.

I just happened to be singing a song. I was celebrating. The circumstantial evidence is overwhelming. Let's be absolutely fair. You can't do me for assault. I only punched him once. Let's be clear. None of us watched the game, right? So maybe those three players justifiably were sent off. Maybe. And they didn't leave and there was an understandable 15 minutes of injury time. I love the lack of self-awareness. The referee's gone, that was a difficult game, that one. Wasn't it?

God, I had to make some big decisions there. Probably best if I just keep my distance. Oi, give us a lift of it. Just once. Nobody will see. And he's given it gusto as well. But yeah, he said, I find it too sad for words. So he's sad, his old Jan. I mean, banned for life. I mean, to be fair, he is 61. So I'm not sure how many years he had ahead of him. That seems to be like a very kind of convenient fig leaf punishment for a 61-year-old referee. Also, it would have been sadder if his team didn't win. Yeah, exactly. Exactly.

Exactly. When it's PCS time, you know the drill. Pack, research to new base, get the kids in school because family supports family. At American Public University, we support military families with flexible, affordable online education that moves with you. As a military spouse, your tuition rate is the same as your partner's, just $2.50 per credit hour. American Public University, education that moves with you.

Learn more at apu.apus.edu slash military. Hey marketers, are you ready to discover the latest trends in podcast advertising? The podcast Pulse report by ACAST is out now, packed with fresh audience insights into why podcasts are a must-have marketing strategy. Learn how podcast audiences are more engaged than ever, why hosts are trusted voices for brands, and how niche shows are delivering massive impact.

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But Arsenal, though, they know... This title is tainted. That Champions League win, tainted. Hang on, this title has not been decided. This treble is tainted. It's not been decided yet, this title. Arsenal will need to win this fixture. They want to get it done and dusted early. But again, Sean Dyche and Everton are Sean Dyche and Everton. And they're not going to roll over. And they're on a fantastic run of form. Would you like to see someone egg Richard Masters?

No. It's nothing. The YouTube... Yeah, we are on YouTube now, Marcus. No, that was just an itch. But there's something about egging public figures, which is a very British tradition. It was milkshakes, wasn't it, when all the far-right... No one gets hurt with an egg. It's just embarrassing, isn't it? But you can't be endorsing... Prescott might punch you. I am endorsing it. In football stadiums.

Okay, if you see Richard Masters on that short walk between the Emirates Stadium and the Laddison League and you happen to have an egg in your pocket... How do you hide eggs around the... Can you get an egg? Can you sneak an egg into a Premier League ground? It's not getting picked up by a scanner, an egg. Yeah, but what if... It could be quite dangerous. You could heat it in a microwave. You know, like they're taking grenades, aren't they? So you're taking a microwave with you as well? Yeah, absolutely.

in my room. He used to live just outside, didn't he? And presumably you're still welcome there. Exactly, yeah. Leg it towards the Emirates with an egg like Batman and a big bomb. How big is it? I'm going to egg Richard Masters. I'm sorry. Ostrich egg. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Crazy. That's true. They're still around, famously. Well, Mikel Arteta, we've

We're not sure if Arsenal are going to win the league or not. It's unlikely. We are sure. The supercomputer has only given them a 16% chance today. But what Mikel Arteta has won, other than the hearts and minds of the Arsenal faithful, he has won the Royal Order of Isabella the Catholic.

It's a Spanish civil order of chivalry and honour. Oh. And they say chivalry is dead, Andy. Yeah, well, I think if there was anything that was going to propel him to get the award, it would be the fact that his hair didn't move at all under the Manchester rain at Old Trafford last week. It's pinned on. Which is very impressive. If people listening to this haven't, because the video of him

getting invested with this honour is on Twitter to watch which is now known as X as we all know that's right yeah if you are listening to this show and you are not linking Richard Keyes to this video you are letting everyone down Richard Keyes needs to know about this and I'm going to end by saying she's been quite earnest it looked like a lovely occasion for him and his family he looked super proud he was really well turned out his family looked very happy and I don't know what it is but it's obviously very important good on him good on him I felt very very pleased and proud for him well done Mickey Artex erm erm

Right. Should he wear it? Yeah. On the final day? I think so. I think he should. Indeed he should. What is Jurgen Klopp going to wear on the final day? Because of course... A baseball cap. It's his final game as manager. Would you like to see him on his final day? Baseball cap market. Shirt. No socks and shoes. No trousers or pants.

I really would. Touchline attire. There's something more... Soften his anger that we've seen so many times this season. There's something more sort of weird and pervy, isn't there? If you saw a nude man walking down the street, you'd think, well, something's happened. What's going on there? Whereas if it's a bloke who's got, like, full... Top half is fully dressed. Bumbag. Bumbag and penis out. There's a story there. Sex person. Like Bernie the Bayon Bear.

Yeah, because he's got just a waistcoat, right? Well, he's just normally the buying shirt. Or like the San Antonio Spurs coyote. But they've got no appendages. I was about to say, they're not human beings. But they should have. Yeah, and you can't have a mascot penis on the inside. Hang on, are you offended when you just see a dog walking around? Unbelievable. Look at that, it's another...

new dog everywhere they're everywhere in this city what is he doing what is he doing what is he doing I as you know Andy on my travels in South America I have seen in Buenos Aires a dog wearing a pair of jeans yeah and it's on the bell mobile phone absolutely and although I do feel in hindsight and in foresight that it was definitely a touristy trap thing you take a photo of it right that's five pesos but

But in Peru, I did see in the beautiful city of Arequipa, a dog trotting up the high street with a pair of blue shorts on. No one else around. There was no explanation for it. I like the dog having the mobile phone on his belt because if you don't pay five pesos, you're going to call his agent. It was right. It was right. Yeah. So, yeah, I'm sure Jurgen Klopp will be fully clothed for the game. Would it undermine the tribute to Jurgen Klopp's career at Liverpool if he came out with his cock and balls on? LAUGHTER

Or if he was wearing white trousers, Lil' Weestead. Would it ruin the entirety of his Champions League win in Liverpool? Yes, it would. Such a moneyed and storied club. Just a little piece there. We could do a mailbag special on him tomorrow. A fucking ball bag special. Yeah, you're right. It would ruin everything. Isn't that weird? Aren't we pathetic human beings? Or would it be worse if the mosaic that's going to be up in the stands wasn't completely new?

They've got mental. Oh, God. Oi, oi. We ran out of trouser-coloured mosaic tiles. Why did we ask Pete Donaldson to put them up in our corner right now? No, we asked him, I just go in. LAUGHTER

Well look, yes, it is his last game. And he's gone. And he's away with the goodness knows what. Last game as Liverpool manager. It's fair to say it's been a success. It's been an incredible journey. He's been an amazing manager for Liverpool. He's been great for the Premier League as well. I think he's going to be sadly, sadly missed. I don't know where he's going to pop up next. Andy, is there any chat about that? Don't say pop up. Sorry. Pop up next. He's going to pop up next.

He's been very firm. Andy! You're usually above slash below all of this. Andy! He's been very clear. Andy, has he got one eye on a job? Yes! It is proper style. Oh, God. Jesus. Goodness me. Yeah.

For God's sake. Go on. I'm actually genuinely interested in what he's going to do next. Thank you for listening to part one of the Best of the Football Ramble 2024. Part two will be out on Boxing Day. If you fancy a bit of Christmas Day listening tomorrow, we have another cracking episode for you. It's a special year-end edition of Jack's Encyclopedia, expertly hosted by me. So don't miss it. For now, goodbye and have a very Merry Christmas. It's Christmas! It's Christmas!

Should never have encouraged us. It's getting more and more like Pam Doove every time. The Football Ramble is a Stack production and part of the Acast Creative Network. Saucony owns the streets at dawn. Saucony keeps the pace with run crews. Saucony also moves through music festivals and strolls to neighborhood coffee shops. But Saucony is not just about where you go. It's also about who you're with, bringing you closer and connecting you to those who move like you do.

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