Tiffany Haddish
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Ah, that's what we're here to talk about. We're going to talk about it. Go ahead and start talking about it, David. I am right now. Watch this. Max is now included with your Dash Pass annual plan. You know what I mean? You can stream Max with ads. That's up to $120 value. Included at no extra cost. Terms apply. See doordash.com slash max for details.

Wow. Unlimited zero cost delivery fees on eligible orders. Members only exclusive offers or menu items. Yeah. You get, you get a lot of benefits when you do your DoorDash pass annual plan. Yeah. By the way, what's your dream night in? What would you do? Um, I would say I would probably watch the Gilded Age on Max. It's new season with my wife.

And I would have a soda or a light beer and get a cheese pizza. Yeah. Okay. So I would watch. I was doing this last night watching The Penguin. And that's on Max. And when I order Dash Pass, Door Dash, I get, yeah, pizza's a favorite. And I get some diet drinks, no names.

And I get basically food that to stuff myself, maybe a burrito also. Yeah. Um, it's a guilty pleasure. It's a guilty pleasure. I mean, you could watch, um, the house of dragon and we're dash past order some sauteed dragon. Um, yeah, that was a joke. Usually when you're in, that is a good time to order in. And so you can pair up stuff with your shows if that's fun. Uh,

There's no penguins out there to eat, but there's birds and chickens. Sign up for DashPass annual plan and get max included at no extra cost. It's your door to more. Terms and conditions apply.

Max is now included with your Dash Pass annual plan. Stream Max with ads up to $120 value included at no extra cost. Terms apply. See doordash.com slash max for details. So, Tiffany Haddish is a fantastic guest to have on our podcast. She's full of energy. Yes. A lot of funny stories. Laughing all the time.

And one of the highlights, I mean, she will in this podcast break it down moment by moment what happened when she was arrested for being a sleeper.

I think in her Tesla or something. So I'd only anecdotally heard that. And the real story we get to hear, you'll get to hear on this podcast about what happened and it's completely innocent. It's not what you think it is. So that's something to stay tuned for. It's a big story that got out there. And then, you know, she doesn't really talk about it, but she did talk about it. She was a lot of fun.

I've known her here and there throughout the years. And we asked her about Girls Trip and how it sort of catapulted her to the next level of fame, which is a weird thing for people. And she will explain why it's weird. A lot of people don't know it. They just say it's weird. But getting famous quickly...

more rapidly is very hard. Yes. And suddenly you're getting money. And again, you just learn, which is you need to learn early on the difference between what you're told, like the gross amount and the net amount. It's not a complaint. It's just a reality. It kind of takes your breath away. And then also where she lives and where just a lot of people are interested and

Maybe getting alone, stuff like that. She talks all about personal stuff. She's just, she's very open about her life. Very likable. Very funny. Yeah. We laughed a lot. I will say we did laugh a lot. She did crack me up and I'm glad she did it. We just, I haven't seen her much lately and it was just a great, you know, sometimes these are just good one hour episodes.

hangouts with people. Yeah. And we hope you like hanging out the way we did. Yes. I was so punchy toward the end that everything she said started to make me laugh. It's just, she was just struck me as a very funny person. And the first time I worked with her before she made it big, I thought, damn, she should be a star. Yeah. And then she opened for you somewhere. Yeah. Okay. So here she is, Tiffany Haddish.

Can I tell a nice Tiffany Haddish story right now? Yeah, we're going. We're going. It's only 20 seconds. So we're doing The Secret Life of Pets, you know, whatever, promoting it. We're going to watch a preview or something. So I'm there with family and my wife's nieces and her one niece sees Tiffany and flips it out.

Like starstruck. Can't believe it that she's there. And then my wife just sort of mentioned it, Tiffany and Tiffany came over and gave Audrey. We have a picture of it. This gigantic bear hug. And it really is an indelible memory. And it was so cool to hear about that. Does not shock me. It was nice. I was just, when you hear stuff like that. Yeah, it's very nice. Anyway, that's my Tiffany Haddish story.

Good story. Good story. I'm so trying to hook these AirPods up to this damn computer. She's traumatized by this situation. Oh, you have to do tech. I like when people like to hear this part because stars are just like us. You're a star. I am? Yeah. Oh, yeah. No, no, I guess. Yeah, I guess we all are. People know who you are. They even know who you are in Africa, bro.

Really? You are a huge in Cameroon. Huge. Is there a funny bone down there? I'll go down there and play. Not that I know of. Oh, I don't know where to do standup down there, but I'll go. I'll go. I don't go anywhere unless I'm famous. There's no way. Why would I go? But the name of my special should be, they're just like us.

They're just like us. They're just like us. How about I'm just like you? I know, but that doesn't really hit the ear. Well, it's a little self, yeah. Because in Us Magazine, they always say, Tiffany Haddish was buying grocery. They're just like us. I'm like, well, yeah. That's what we all do. Do you remember the song Too Legit to Quit? Yes, Too Legit. Too Legit to Quit. Who did that? Hey, hey. Hey, hey.

so what can't you do now i know you can sing that's hammered i know you can you didn't know i have songs that are out like i'm streaming on spotify and apple all right let's start with that i we got our research they didn't mention it so what are you i mean i could tell just by you doing that you could sing

Well, I'm glad you could tell. How do your songs come about? Do you sit with someone and write them? Do you write them yourself in your head? How are you? Well, I just recently released a song with Diane Warren. Her and I, we sat and we wrote. She did most of the writing. I gave her the premise and what I want the songs to be about and why I want to make these types of songs. And so we got one that just came out called Woman Up.

which I really think Kamala should have used in her campaign, but whatever. And then the campaign is still early. So she listens to this podcast. I'm sure she does. Kamala needs to use the song woman up. That's inspiring, not just for women, but for men as well. You know, you can't just be sitting in the bed and being all depressed and sad. You have to get up and get things done. I'm always telling Dana to woman up.

Well, man up's been around quite a while. Yeah, let's get woman up going. It's about time. Man up, woman up, and what will be the trifecta? And listen, Diane Warren is a huge, huge, one of the best songwriters of all time. She's sitting at the piano and you're sitting with her.

No, it was just us in the studio, just having conversations, just having conversations. Okay. And then, and then I came back like two days later and she had three songs for me. One called woman up another one called you're so fucking beautiful. And then another one called, I want you, but I want you gone.

Ooh. Can I ask you a question? Did she have a melody track that you sang to or did she have a scratch track or she just says she just you just started? How did you? Oh, well, when I came in the studio, she did have a scratch, like a scratch, like a sample. Yeah. She went to she want to hear you sing it all first to say, what do you got?

No, she didn't do that to me. She didn't? How does she know you're any good, though? Probably because she came to some of my comedy shows. And much like you guys, I sing sometimes in my show. Just little bits like, hey, audience, how you doing? I can sing. I can't sing. I'll just randomly go like, this is the song that doesn't end. Yes, it goes on and on, my friend. No.

I'll do that one or I'll hit them with Skinnamarinky dinky dink. Skinnamarinky do. I love you. Oh, you can hold that note. Skinnamarinky do. I love you.

I love you in the morning and in the afternoon. And I love you in the evening underneath the moon. So it's getting a more inky dinky dink in a more inky. I love you. See you next time.

I love you too. Boop. Boop, boop, be do. Boop, be do. Oh, wow. That's like my closer a little bit. Yeah. That's like 1930s kind of feel to it or 50s.

Well, it was from 1980-something, 1970, from The Elephant Show. Is it a real song? Yeah, it's a real theme song to a TV show that I used to watch as a kid. And my mom said that that was our family theme song. And if somebody was to come pick us up from school, they have to sing that song. Oh, that's a great idea. Because they go home with them. Great idea. Our family...

Theme song was, you're a loser. My mom said, if anyone picks you up, just go. Just go with them. No, our other family theme song is, you can't win now. You can't break even and you can't get out of the game. You guys know that one? No. Is it famous? You never saw The Wiz?

Oh, The Wiz. Oh. We just had Bowen Yang on who's in the movie, isn't he? No? No. No, he's in the new one with Ariana Grande. Wicked. Sorry, Wicked. Wicked. No, I'm talking about The Wiz. Oh, with Michael Jackson. Yes. Yes. And that's the Jackson song that he sang. Yes. Who else was in that? Diana Ross. And who else? Okay. Nick Cerebro. Nick Cerebro.

Nipsey Russell. Or Nipsey Hussle. He was great. No, Nipsey Hussle, not Hussle. That's a trend line. Great stand up. Yeah, Nipsey Hussle. I used to laugh at Nipsey Hussle on Match Game or something. He'd say poems for answers. Yes. Roses are red. Yeah, he played the Tin Man in that. He did? And Richard Pryor was in The Wiz. Oh, that's right. Richard Pryor was The Wizard.

You know, Dick Pryor, the thing about Dick Pryor. Oh, he did a movie with him. I did do a movie. He's buddies with him. I did a movie with, I did with Dick. And the thing about Dickie Pryor, it's called moving mid late 80s and he's moving his family across and I'm going to drive his car and I'm a schizophrenic. So I got to hang out with him and the director said,

Richard doesn't, he's not into it today. You know, can you get him going? I've only been at SNL one year. I'm like, I got to get Richard going. So I was trying to get him going. Best comedian of all time. To wake him up, you know, and then he's just, but he was so sweet. Tiffany, I auditioned for moving and didn't get it. And I was living in a house where Dana was living in the same house too. I was renting a room and I was like, hey,

Good for you. You know, I didn't know you auditioned for that part. Yeah. Dana, I get your, I was trying to get your scraps. Okay. So Tiffany, what are, how, how are you finding standup? Now? I just saw that you are on tour. Yep. And standup always evolves. It always changes as the person changes. So what is it like now when you come out and they go crazy and then what, what's your, what's your, what are you feeling when you're out there now?

I always feel like when they go crazy, when I come on stage, it's wild because I still remember eight years ago when it would just be like five people that go crazy because that's the kind of following I had. But the room would still be full, but it would be five people that know me. Now, everybody kind of knows who Tiffany Haddish is and they're like going bananas. I want to cry.

I always feel the urge to cry. And then I say something kind of like wild to them so that I don't cry. And then sometimes I'll keep clapping and I'm like, stop it. I'm going to cry, guys. Because I believe crying is a removal of old beliefs and a replacement of new ones. And I always feel like the audience is going to hate my guts before I get on stage.

And then it's like, once I touch, once my first foot touches the stage, then it's like, that doesn't matter anymore. Do you feel any pressure though? Because just, I'll give you an example. If I'm trying to go to just a club to drop in and I just barely have notes, I'm working out and ladies and gentlemen, he better get fast in your comedy safety belts. Here she comes. You know, it's like, there's Tiffany had it, you know, it's just like, ah,

It feels like a lot of pressure. The bigger the room, you know, until you get the first laugh. It's the small rooms that feel like a lot of pressure. It's the rooms that pop in and there's like six people there. That feels like a lot of pressure. It feels like direct judgment. Because you can literally have a conversation with each one of those people in the room. There's something to those little small rooms. And a lot of comics are on the road doing theaters.

But there's definitely something different about when you see their eyes and they're right up close and it's just that casual. You can talk to them like you're just talking at dinner and you're all just kind of a little group and you're just so, you can be so casual. And the big ones you have to sort of put on a show. You have to,

Play to this side and make sure they all hear you. And Anunzi makes sure that it's a little tougher. It's great. And the movements have to be bigger. Like, you know, like I do, like I make a lot of facial expressions when I talk. I think that's where a lot of my comedy lies. Like I might say one word, but the face that I make that goes with it is like, oh, that sells it, right? You're in one of those big old theaters and if they got like a whack ass camera or if there's no video footage at all,

Then you got to make it bigger. I'm like, oh, I'm making wrinkles trying to put fucking, fucking people. Yeah. This mistake I made the last special I did, I worked it out in clubs and then I was in a big theater and, uh, and there was no screens or anything. And it was very different. The bits I was working out in clubs are very small little stories and stuff. So, uh,

But it's fun to strut on a stage. I mean, Chris Rock is obviously the best at it as far as the physical movement back and forth. But yeah, it's a completely different sport than a little club. Very different. Very different sport. Very different. When you were doing like a stand-up, stand-up, stand-up, and then you get something like Girls Trip, which is a big thing in your career. Yeah.

What is the change? Walk us through the change. Like that comes out, obviously it's a big hit. You're a hit and a hit. What kind of are the things that you notice? I immediately noticed that people that told me that I wasn't going to be anything that, you know, I should give up. You should just maybe get into modeling or get pregnant by a rich man and just give up on this. We're instantly like, I believed in you the whole time. I knew you could do it. And I'm just looking at them like, do they think I have amnesia?

I forgot what you said to me. And you get offers and you get more attention. More offers, more attention, more free stuff. Phone rings, more free stuff. My bills are bigger. I noticed my bills are bigger. You know, things that were like so cheap, like a plumber.

You know, the plumber comes to my house. I have a leak. It costs 150 bucks to fix. Now the plumber comes to my house. It's like, oh, just need to change the washer on the sink faucet. And that's $500. What? Yeah.

Yeah, we need to change your washer and dryer because of your sink. Famous person price kind of thing. Yeah, it is kind of that. And then I'm like, okay, so I only keep pictures of myself in this room, right? Everything else is in a box, in a closet, away. Because if I have someone coming over to do some work, I don't even be here. I have my assistant in here, make it like it's my assistant's house.

And it's so that I could get the regular price. The real price. Smart. Yeah, because I still live in South Central LA. I still live in a little, you know, 2,000 square foot house. Like, I'm not doing it super big or anything. Oh, that's cool. I live modestly. My spend most of my money on clothes.

Are you through? When stuff like that happens. Go ahead. Oh, yeah. I'm sorry, Dana. I was saying when stuff like that happens and you do well, I think people think they hand you a million dollars the next day. You still have to... You do get offers, but then you have to go do them. Then you have to get paid. Then you get whomped with taxes. Then you get agent manager. People forget like...

It's really hard to build a ton of money. It takes a while. The gross and the net. And just by the way, which you can talk to, your monologue was hilarious. I looked at today when you hosted SNL, which you got the Emmy for, was all around this idea that everyone assumed that

Soon as Girls Trip hit, you got $20 million in the bank. I was paid the least amount out of the girls, right? The most unknown. And I didn't start seeing no real money until maybe a year or two after it came out.

Maybe a year and a half after it came out, because I started making real money. And like I did the night school movie and they're like, pay you a million dollars. I'm like, yeah, awesome. This is great. And I'm thinking a million dollars. But like you said, taxes hit and I don't got no kids. Right. Then representative fees that hits.

And that's like bananas. Then, you know, the parents feed clothing. So so I get to do these appearances of these interviews and they don't pay you to do the interviews or anything. But you have to buy clothes. You got to pay for makeup and all that. And by the time I was there for everything, I was all that, you know, I got like maybe two hundred fifty thousand left. And then I have black tax.

And I don't know if you guys know what that is. I don't. Nope. I want to hear, though. Some special Black tax? No, they be saying, oh, Black women are so mad. We not mad. Or they be like, they impatient. We not impatient. We the most patient. It takes hours. This hairdo took, you know, hours. Looks great. Hours. I was very patient. Black tax, though, is when family members...

reach out to you for money and they expect you to give it to them because we come from the same uterus or, you know, we have the same grandma or we was in the same foster home. So you should give me this money.

We're in the same town. We're in the same town. It doesn't take much. When I was homeless, didn't have nowhere to sleep, no nothing. You wasn't checking for me. Yeah. That's how I ended up like on the Carmichael show that they started like checking for me. Like, how you doing? What's going on? Can I hold 500? I need to hold 500. And then you like, you feel a little guilty. You're like, yeah, here goes $500. Right. You don't want to big time them. I get my taxes, I'm going to pay you back. They never pay you back.

And, uh, they're getting it, they're getting it clean. Like if you gave someone five grand that you probably have to make 20 to clear five and they don't sit. So you're basically giving them 20 and then they, they get a tax free five. And, uh, more than that, I've had, I've been hit up obviously from all sides and, uh, it, they don't, they don't, no one thinks of that.

How do you handle it? How do you? I didn't handle it well. I have a lot of wisdom now. I think what you're talking about is really good. The thing that I learned, if you systemically give someone a check and they're healthy and young and can work and you're systemically trying to help them make it, you know, or whatever, you will always write them a check.

the rest of your life. I think that in show business, you want to be a little greedy with your money because you want to get to a point where, say 10 years from now, you can choose the way you want to work.

And that to get net dollars saved. I know where this is. We know these are first world problems, anyone listening. But it's personal what we do. And so you don't want to have to do a diaper commercial at 60 if you can help it. So it takes a long time to get a big pile of money where you get to be free from in show business. All right. There's my two cents.

So, yeah, I still, I do the same thing. I think you, there's part of you that doesn't want people to be mad at you. There's part of you that you don't want them to think you're big timing them. And it's not that much in quotes. And if you could just, but it, but you feel like you start buying friendships stuff. It's all bad. You know, I remember one time we were out with, uh, I had a famous friend and he was going to dinner. We got an argument. And of course I said the meanest thing. It was his birthday. He was yelling at me and I go,

Well, I wanted to be the actual friend at your party, but have a good time at dinner with your agent, publicist, manager, lawyer, and your whole team. You know what I mean? And it makes you think and go, they all had to go, you know, because it's his party and they got to show up once in a while.

And I was just voluntarily going until we got an argument about it. But that was mean thing to say. But that same thing reversed with me. Like, you know, you have your friends and you don't know who's. So you feel dumb. Family members. My dad, you know, it's one of those where I don't know your family such, but my dad was deadbeat dad. And then he, of course, he come buzzing around. And then, of course, I bought him a condo. Like, it is just something you just go, I want you around. I'm going to give you money to be around, basically. So weird.

It's really weird. I spent a lot of money making sure my mom is okay. I got her out. Like that was my, one of my main. That's okay. Yeah. I took care of my parents. That's what I do. Yeah. That's different. She got out of that mental institution. I get her the best doctors, the best like food, everything. Right. And she's doing great. And that's when like, oh yeah, I'm glad I have this money and I've spent.

crazy amount like crazy amount of money like nurses and all that and when my grandmother you know she did so much for me growing up that i'm like i gotta do everything for her so i'm like two million dollars trying to keep her alive and i probably was making it worse for her like i probably should just let her go the way she you know yeah i know i've been there and done that the numbers sound very familiar um yeah i i you know i don't know where you're out of any sort of um

pinching yourself or any i wouldn't use the word guilt or because you there's hard knocks in your time on you know um and so you're still in touch with that i can tell completely so just as your friend on the outside just make sure you take care of yourself yeah so now like when people ask me for money i um i tell them look i really value our friendship i really value our relationship

And I can give you this money. Now you're saying you're going to pay me back. You probably want them. I guess I am. Yes, I am. Okay. I'm going to give you this money. Okay. And if you don't pay me back by my birthday,

Then I've decided that we are no longer friends. We're no longer in a relationship. Big responsibility. Yeah. Do they want to take that on? And if you want to take this money, you know, you value this money more than you value our friendship. I completely understand. Nine times out of 10, they always say, no, thank you. I'll get back to you if I really, really need it. Because they know they're not going to pay me back.

Yeah. He told me if they ask for 10,

give them five they always pad in a skateboard and something else if they want well there's one brother asked me they asked me for $25,000 I was like what you even made that in a freaking like you want $25,000 like yeah I need $25,000 I'm like okay wait I just spent all this money make sure our grandma get it what do you need $25,000 like I want to start a taco truck

I'm like, but you can't even cook. You can't even cook. Yeah, I'm going to just get some Mexicans off about a Home Depot. They can cook. And, you know, we're going to have a taco truck and I'll get you your money back within two months. I'm like, bullshit. Longstanding restaurants sometimes that are established for years, almost 17 years, are making $2,500 a month clearing. Yeah, it's so hard. It's so hard. Please miss me with this. Please.

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Well, that's good. You're doing good. And now you're still out in the road. Is stand-up still your favorite thing? It is always going to be my favorite thing. It will always be. I can't go more than three weeks without doing stand-up. And I start having like mental issues. Yeah. I have to get on stage.

It's fun to get up and do a set, especially if you live in LA, you can. That's what scares me. People go, why don't you move here? The taxes are so bad. I go, I like LA and I like that I have a few friends here and I like hanging out in the hall at the comedy stores. And I like just seeing a few comics and, and then you can pop on and buff out stuff and you feel, because if you have a gig coming up where people are paying money, you want to be good. And you're like, God, I'm starting to get scared to go on again because I'm

I just need to go on and feel it again, just to feel it, just to get the organization because I owe these people. And it's fun anyway. Think of a new joke is fun. Everything's fun. Whenever I'm stressed out, I head right to the comedy club. Even if I'm in another place, I'm like, where do they do comedy here?

When I was in Africa, I was just in Africa and I'm like, oh, it's too much time is going by. We cannot do some comedy out here. Is there comedy here in Africa? They're like, there's a restaurant that you could go to that might have it. Go to this restaurant. And they don't even have like a real stage. It's like four benches pushed together. Yeah.

in a boombox with the microphone and i'm like give it to me how fun how fun it's like karaoke basically how long were you in africa was this a month i was there for a month yeah i was there for a month and i went to three different countries and i want to go to all countries that had their independence you know um what are they dana go ahead

Chad. Tanzania? No. Morocco. Is that one of them? I didn't go there, but I believe they have their independence. I'm trying to just name countries because I saw this on TikTok and people couldn't name any. I'm just into world-class distance runners. It would be Kenya, Ethiopia, Tanzania.

Wrong, wrong, wrong. Go ahead. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Look at Tiffany just staring. Nope, nope, nope. I have a friend from Cameroon. They definitely don't have their independence in Cameroon. I don't either. It is crazy in Cameroon right now. I hear about Cameroon in the Olympics. That's about it. Right. Okay. Well, South Africa has their independence.

Okay, that's kind of a trick question. Okay. Assume so. They were owned by the Dutch. Oh, Zimbabwe, you said? Okay. Zimbabwe has their independence. And you're right about Tanzania. Zambia. Dana knew something about the Dutch. Yes. The Dutch had it. My father-in-law was Dutch and he felt bad about some of Dutch colonialism.

So I remember him talking about it anyway. They told me, they told me like, it's funny. Cause I went to Israel this year. This year has been a year for travel for me.

And I wanted to travel because I want to see more of the world. And I want to have better understanding of the articles I read and the things that I see. And also, I've read the Bible. I've read the Quran. I've read the Torah. I've read all these books. And where's the religious capital of the world? Israel. This crazy stuff is going on right now in Israel. Should I go? Shouldn't I go? But I've been trying to go for years. But I've been busy trying to go.

I, you know, connect, collect my acorns. Yeah. I've been collecting acorns, you know, collecting my money, stacking my money. So I buy my ticket, I go. And although there was, you know, there's this turmoil going on over there at the same time, I think it was a perfect time to go because there was no lines.

I got, you know, people were coming up to me, happy to share information about the history of Israel. I learned so much. And then to see the things that I read about in these Bibles and the Torah and the Quran, to see things in real life gave me a whole nother perspective and really has elevated my comedy and my point of view on who I am as a person, who God is and all of that. Like,

Yeah, it was really, I think who believes in God should at least go to Israel one time. It's crazy. That's so interesting you did that. I think it's great you're doing it. I mean, you've established your career and then why not do a few things like that? You have an opportunity not many people have and you take it. Was it scary? I mean, flying into Israel, did they?

Because I know people go on USO tours and they go, they turn the lights off, go on at night or they corkscrew down under an enemy fire. It wasn't like that. So yeah, I've done USO tours like in full war. There's a full war going on. And I've done USO tours and no, like that was more scary because you could hear stuff from the airplane. You could hear like that was more scary. Being on a big old commercial airline tour,

flying in was not scary uh going through the airport the airport was beautiful i was like it's kind of pampered you don't really unless you know what's going on if you were oblivious you just think i'm like i'm on a great plane i'm on a great hotel and you would think like oh wow there's no lines here where you know it's nice really there's traffic but it's not la traffic it's

I felt like I was in California. The weather felt like California weather. Oh, really? I found hot springs and like just all this beautiful stuff. Like, oh my God, I went to Masawa. I mean, not Masawa, Masawa's in Eritrea, which is also very freaking beautiful. And they have their individual space.

But I went to Masada and I was like, is this where Jamie Masada got his name from? From the Laugh Factory. Maybe, maybe. Who I consider like a dad. And I had to hit him up and he's like, oh, yes, I grew up around that area. And he's telling me all these stories. And I'm just like, well, I didn't even know you were from this part of the Middle East. I thought you were from another part. But OK, like crazy, crazy.

Did you go, did you travel with someone? I'm just curious. I went by myself. What? That's grown up. That's very grown up. I went all by myself. And when I got there, I met up with a few people that I knew. So like, uh, Michael Rappaport was there. So that was, that was interesting. It's fun. Hang. I'm sure. My friend, Matthew Siegel was there. And, um, one of the guys from, from cheaters was there. And, uh,

We did some tours together, stuff I did by myself. I wanted to find Black people. That was my other mission. Like, where are all the Black people? I know it's got to be Black. Where were they? In Israel. It's got to be some Black people here. Black people believe in Jesus. It's got to be some Black people. I found a bunch of the Ethiopian and Eritrean Jews.

I got with them. And then I found the largest diaspora, the largest immigration of black Americans anywhere in the world is in Israel, in Dimona.

And I kept telling everybody, I want to go to Demona. They're like, no, you shouldn't go to Demona. Why would you want to go to Demona? That's where they keep the secret weapons. The nuclear weapons are hidden in Demona. And I'm like, I want to go there. I want to go to Demona. Take me to Demona. Take me to Demona. That sounds interesting. I got them to take me to Demona. And it felt like I was in a hood, but not in a hood. Because they look like Black Americans. When they speak English, sound like Black Americans.

But then they speak fluent Hebrew and they're like all vegetarians. I was like their kibbutz was like so beautiful and so dope. And just I was just like, it made me so proud to be a human. It just made me proud to be a black American Jew. It just made me so proud and happy. Did you were you well known? Oh, yeah. I'm very famous.

Oh, all around the world. All around the world. Internationally known. You know, it's funny because I had prayed to God to, you know, give me a way to show these studios that I am internationally known and I could be in a film that's for international purposes. Right. And because I was told I wasn't internationally known enough. And then I took it down to Beverly Hills.

You took a nap in Beverly Hills? What? Took a nap in a car in Beverly Hills. Police came. Oh, that's right. Oh, yeah. You took a nap in Beverly Hills. That's right. That sounds like a chapter of a book. That probably got worldwide pickup. Baby, I was so shocked. I was so shocked when I came home just a few hours later.

how I was on KTLA, NBC, CBS, Fox, PBS, CNN. I was on ESPN, BB. I was like ESPN. I'm not even an athlete though. You know, BBC world news. I'm like, yeah, like,

this is kind of awesome. You know, like I prayed for the studios. I didn't know it was going to be like this though. It was like African world news. And when, when I went to those places, when I went to Israel, when I went to Africa, everybody brought it up. So do you want alcohol? No. Are you good? Do you want a car to sleep in? Let's get their alcohol. I seen the, she fall asleep in car. Oh, that's what you like. Yes. We know you,

love vodka you love vodka you love it so much that's all we drive and fall asleep in car we love everything about you mr. finney hardish no i don't i don't know what accent that is but sounds good what what was that story do you want to tell it all i know is the broad strokes you fell asleep in a car and you're fine

Yeah. So basically I was serving food to the homeless all day at the Laugh Factory every year during Thanksgiving. They do that. Okay. Fantastic. I served almost 3,000 people food and jokes, performed on almost every show. And I left there and that morning I woke up at 6 a.m. and put a pot of collard greens on, like cook this food for my family. Yeah.

And so I left from the live factory, went home, got the pot of collard greens, got the turkey, two turkeys, went to my family's house, served them. And then I got a call from a friend that lives in Beverly Hills in Bel-Air. The chef, they had to fire the chef and the food. They don't have any food. Do I have any leftovers? And I was like, let me see. Let me check with my family. Everybody had made their Tupperware. And I was like, yeah, I got leftovers. They said, can you bring it up? I can't be there until like 10.

They're like, fine. I brought leftovers. They ate it all. They were like, this is the best, best turkey, best, best, best, best. And then I did have a drink or two. I had probably two drinks.

I finished one. I didn't finish the second one. I fell asleep on the couch because I was exhausted. Right. You know, like that is being of service. And I think it's too much. Oh, yeah. I woke up. Somebody was like this lady was like, you can sleep here. Oh, she's doing something sexy. And I was like, oh, yeah.

I'm leaving. You're not going to have me in the news 10 years from now talking about something I feel bad about. Nope, I'm leaving. So I took some other people, felt uncomfortable. They wanted to leave too. So drop them off at home. Oh, a drop off. Okay. More work. Drop some people off. This is exactly what I thought would happen before this incident. Go ahead. Then my Tesla. Then my Tesla. Put it on autopilot because I knew I was tired.

And, you know, the Tesla, the way it's set up, your eyes closed. If your hands are off the steering wheel too long, it will pull over in such a way to get you help because it thinks that you have, you know, something's wrong. Incident. Yeah. So it pulls over. So it parked perpendicular to the sidewalk as opposed to parallel.

And had my ass out in the street. Wasn't that a light or anything like that? And I had been there for quite some time because the car had turned off. The police thought I was dead in the car because I was like this.

They said I was slumped over the steering wheel. To me, that means you like, like you leaned up. I was just sitting in my head with them and they thought I was dead because I didn't respond to them knocking on the window or whatever. And so the ambulance was there and I heard them talking. I heard talking. I opened my eyes and looked over and I was like, oh shit, she's alive. She's alive.

How scary people are to say you don't even know where you are. And I was like, oh, damn. And then I thought that was another prayer being answered because I had prayed to God to send me a handsome man with his own career that, you know, I didn't have to be like that. He could tell me interesting stories. So I'm thinking, oh, this is God sending me my prayers.

And they started asking me questions about drinking. And I was just like, you know what? Like, just take me to the police station. Let's just go to the police station. Because that's what I've learned. You know, just, you know, blowing that breathalyzer. Don't do BJs in the streets.

I'm sorry, what? So your prayers were answered because the arresting officer was very handsome? Is that what you meant? I'm sorry, did I miss that? Oh. Yeah, yeah. So you wanted to hang out. So was the EMTs that, you know, took my vitals and said my blood pressure was normal. I was like, good, I've been working on that. That's great. I got a physical. I got an $1,800 physical and, you know, thousands of dollars.

and some community service.

And, you know, letting these studios know that I'm internationally known. Yeah, nice. Was this ever really explained in the media, what you just told us? No, that I blew a .03? No. Yeah, and that you were just purely exhausted? You were in an AI car that assisted you? Yeah. That saved my life. That potentially saved my life. Yeah. And I'm so grateful. Like, you know, I know a lot of people don't like Tesla or whatever, but I appreciate that.

And I'm grateful that that car exists. What it's trying to do. Yeah, it's a good... I like that. So you blew up .03. That's not illegal, is it? That's like one drink. That's totally legal. .08. What is a .08? It used to be...

It used to be one. 0.08 is not, you're not slurring or falling down. I wasn't slurring then either. No, no. And yet it went global. What was the headline that did it? Were you like shocked? What did it say? Tiffany arrested for another DUI in the first DUI, which I want a hearing for. I want a trial. I want a trial because I was walking into my house. But weed is illegal. Weed is? Isn't weed legal? Not in Georgia. Oh.

Just wait long enough till weed's illegal everywhere and then go to trial. Weed really doesn't hit the air as something scary anymore. It's like people just go, huh? We do have bigger fish to fry these days. No, even Trump wants it to be legal for personal use in Florida. I think tobacco should be illegal. That kills more people. That's the one that, yeah. I mean, if we're really getting into it.

It's true. And as far as mind altering substances, there's nothing even close to cannabis. It's the, it's the most benign by a million fold. No one's ever overdosed on cannabis. Snoop's president. It'll, it'll change. Yeah. Snoop. That's my family right there. I love Snoop. I got, I got three songs with him.

Really? No, maybe it's two. Yeah, it's two. Well, it didn't surprise me. When they put him in the Olympics, when I heard they're going to put Snoop there, I go, he's going to own the Olympics. Because there's something about him that everyone loves him. I don't know what it is. He is a fun guy. He's a good guy. He's likable. You just want to hang out with him, put it that way.

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What about before we let you go in a second, but this last OG here for it, we can hang out, guys.

I have nothing else to do. We have a question for you. I just want to hear about Tracy Morgan because he's so funny. And that show, the OG, what was that? Oh, TBS. Yeah. Yeah. And he was, he had to be kind of fun to work with. Right. Didn't you work with him?

i we were not the same overlapping years i just know a little bit when he was there and he's he's a character he's yeah mr d he called me mr d it's not getting easier mr d not getting easier you know and i did oprah with him too yeah and did you guys have fun

Yeah, it was Chevy Chase and me, Tracy, Tina Fey. This is before the accident. Yes, but he had a kidney transplant or something and they put it in the front and he was patting it. You know, it's just an open book. Did he tell you that it was his girlfriend's kidney? I think so. Yeah, yeah. And he goes, it's right here. I think that's a jinx because that happened to George Lopez, right?

George took his wife's kidney and then they got divorced. You know, it's bad when you say, see you later, sucker. I know. I mean, it's a tough one because talk about...

A non-guilt-free divorce. I mean, jeez. You just go to the doctor. Did it take? Yes, it's good. I'm fine. I got to make a call. Make a call. It's over. Babe, we've been having problems. So are you actively- I enjoyed working on it. I learned a lot about myself working on that show because I was mostly the straight man. So being the straight man- You the straight man. It's interesting. Yeah, I was the straight man. Yeah.

And it was not the easiest because I'm on a crack joke. It's hard. I did it in the wrong way. It's a little difficult. Be boring to me and just do what they write. Just do what they write. And then after like three or four episodes, I was like, oh, okay, I got the hang of this. I can do straight man stuff. Yeah.

Straight men is valuable. It's necessary. Yeah. But I don't know why. Well, anyway, they cast you and whatever. It seems like they're wasting a whole quadrant of ability. Yeah. You got a lot of. It's very rare. A lot of people can act, you know.

Yeah, but you know how this world is. They just want you. Yeah. Also, it's not my show. It was his show, so it's for him to shine. It's for him to be funny. I am just a little squiggly line in the drawing. Did they ever say these words, the name of the show is The Tracy Morgan Show?

No. It's not that Tiffany had a show. No. I've had that. They never had versions of that along my career. They never had. He might've said it, but they don't. Remember, you are my show. Okay. All right. My show. Tracy Morgan show. We're going to get Emmys. All right. Just while we're doing this for the Emmys. Well, I mean, I'll get you pregnant. Okay. I could get. Oh,

That's a good threat. Behave yourself or I'll get you pregnant. That's a comedy album or something. No, he didn't say it like that, but he did use to joke about getting me pregnant and I used to laugh and be like, your son is more my speed. His son was like 30, 32. Oh, hot. He's all right. He's all right. Don't give away your cards. But, you know, I think TBS in their head is like, we have Tracy. If we could get

Tracy and Tiffany, it's just more potent. It's a great poster. It's great. And it's not a bad gig and blah, blah. So yeah, I've done a million things like that where you're just, sometimes you're the one they're writing for. Sometimes you're not, but just one more thing along the way. I am fine with being the not funny person in something. I mean, according to the internet or to some, some people's opinion, you know, pretty girl. That's loud. Yeah.

I love it. That's fine. And I just don't know how many female comics have done what I've done. You've done a lot. Who, uh, just that you're batting your eyes when you're a little girl, who are you watching and seeing that inspires you?

I'm watching Whoopi Goldberg, who I used to think was my actual birth mother. And she just... Because she has to live for the purpose of making people laugh. And she's going to come back and get me. Lucille Ball was my favorite to watch. Lucille Ball, Carol Burnett, Thea Vidal,

uh, uh, Oh, Marshall Warfield. Oh, I worked with her a lot. I worked, uh, did a comedy competition with her in San Francisco, which she won by the way. Of course she did. She's hilarious. Yeah. She is a force of nature and brilliantly funny. Yeah. Very funny. And, um, I mean, and then there's, you know, there's the George Carlin's, there's a lot of men that I watched, but, uh,

yeah, for women, that was like my thing. Christina Applegate was so funny to me. Oh, wow. That's true. I had to make sure I watched Married with Children. That's great. She loved to hear that. I was like, I have to learn how to be that girl because I am that girl. I'm not the smartest girl, so I have to learn how to be that and still get what I want. Yeah.

Yeah. Also, Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter Was Dead was a great, funny, weird movie. When she was on, we talked about that, right, Dana? Yeah. And someone said the other day they watched it with their kids and they were like, oh, we won't be watching this with the kids. Because you forget, some of those old movies like that are so raunchy because there was no PC police.

And it just would kill. And then you go later, oh, take that out, take that out. Yeah, that's not politically correct anymore. No, on reruns. It doesn't live forever. The Three Stooges was so funny to me. I used to definitely beat up my sister, not on purpose, but we were playing Stooges. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you put that on now, people would be like, oh, no, that's teaching the kids how to hurt each other. That's violence. Yeah.

I'm like, no, it's white on white crime. I'm learning. The big thing is you say, our kids so much better now. They've had 30 years to change everything. Is it way better now? I don't think so. It's all just different. They're even more violent. We didn't have Call of Duty. How about that?

More violence. We didn't practice gunning people down. We didn't have school shootings when I was a kid. Right. In the 1900s, there weren't school shootings. There might've been a shooting down the street from the school. There was fights. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's fashion. It's really hard to be a young person. When you talk bad about somebody, you had to watch your mouth because when they say, uh,

Don't let your mouth write a check that your ass can't cash. That's right. I would tell people that. My ass was talking crazy to you. Now somebody talk crazy to you. You hit them first or they hit you and you beat their ass down to the ground. Now you sued. Yeah. Yep. Oh, anyone's ready to sue anyone for anything. Yeah. Yeah. This lady wanted to sue me, said I was stealing her life. Yeah.

Well, that's a tough one to prove. That's a new one, Your Honor. Yeah, that's a new one. The theft of my client's life by one Tiffany Haddish. She stole my life. She stole everything. Everything that Tiffany Haddish has been through, she stole that from me. She making it. I'm like, well, here's my social worker, if you want to talk to her, and all my foster care folks. Here's my files. If you want to catch those rapes that I caught, you can catch those. You can have them. I'll show you.

You click every box. Every time a man ever hit me in the face, you can have that. You can have everything. You can have all of that. And the good. Take it all.

The reason we're laughing is because Tiffany is pulling things up and doing an act out. We're not laughing at the idea of it, but I just feel when I... Oh yeah, I forgot this is just audio. Not bad. You're just... Oh no, it's fine. But you seem... Well, I found this interesting. You do a special...

It's called She Ready. Then you produce one with other comedians called They Ready. I mean, who does that? Okay, wait. The first special was She Ready from the Hood to Hollywood. I know. But then when I saw it on the thing, they truncated it and I wrote it down that way. But I know it was from the Hood to Hollywood was the full thing. Yes. The next one was They Ready. Yes. Yes. Yes. And what was the long version?

The longer version? No, there was no longer version. Okay. It was just Stay Ready and Property at its top. I'm just going to get it right. Mm-hmm. So was that Tiffany Haddish Presents in a way? Yeah, that was Tiffany Haddish Presents. Yeah, for other people. Showtime. Yeah. I'm just saying. I'm just saying. It was Netflix. It wasn't Showtime. It was Netflix. Yes. I believe it. And I did that because I had a little juice, a little power. Yeah.

And, you know, I just wanted for the people that looked out for me over the years. Yeah. For them. I wanted them to have the opportunities I wish somebody would have gave any of us.

Just give me five on TV. Totally. So why? Like, what's the point of building up all this notoriety and celebrity and prestige if you can't open a door to help? Yeah. Pay it forward. Pay it forward. Some of those people, I slept on their couch, you know, when I didn't have no money to pay like my rent or whatever. They helped me get gigs. Like, I'll never forget. So you guys know Elon Gold?

Yeah. Yeah. Very well. Yes. And Elon told me in the beginning, like in the earlier stages of my career, he said, Tiffany, the only way that you will make a living in this business is by having good relationships with other comedians.

Comedians will always keep you working. If you can call any, you keep good relationships, you can call any of those guys and go, hey, man, I need to make some money. I'm having issues. Do you know of any shows going on? Like, can you link me up? And they will get you work. You will always work. And those comedians that aren't good, but they're good writers, they'll end up becoming writers or showrunners. And if you have a good relationship, they'll be like, yeah, we need to get you in there. And they'll get you in there.

Yeah. I like your attitude just about the whole thing. It seems like you're really connected to your, your struggle and your, your journey. So you're still feel very authentic. Sorry to use the word like just in the moment. Uh, in other words, people might watch out for like he or she, they're going to get a big head or they're going to be different, you know?

It's going to go to their head. I don't think it ever went to, I mean, comedy is so freaking hard at times in show business in general beats the shit out of you. Uh, even at any level, pretty much. I don't know who's had a free ride there, you know?

Do you read reviews of your movies and your performances and do they affect you or you don't read them? I don't really read reviews because I don't think anybody even does reviews anymore. Do they? It must be social media, basically. Yes, I read social media comments and I

Sometimes I get really upset with people because I'm just like, really? Why are you even following me if you feel this way about me? Why are you even here? I've DM'd people back and said, you follow me. You look like an idiot. You have all these complaints and you still follow me. Yeah, weird. You're weird. At one point in time, I got really mad. Somebody that was obese had said something about me.

And then they said that it looked like I, they said, oh, the way that I was acting is like, I got that. I got, I must got some of that powder sugar or powder, you know, that cocaine powder on my. And so then I said, well, you need to put down the powder donuts, you fat bitch. Like I just went the fuck in. I probably shouldn't have done that, but.

I'm from these streets. I was ready to fight her. I read that at like two in the morning. And so I was like, in my mind, it is 1995 again. And you want to get roasted. You want to roast me? I'm about to roast your fat ass. And I just kind of went in and I know she was fat. I had did my research on her for about 45 minutes. And

And I knew she was on her weight loss journey. And I figured, fuck your journey, bitch. Anything that ends with bitch is funny. Did you get in trouble? Journey, bitch, fat bitch with bitch. Well, it's like someone saying it to your face. That's why it takes so personal. I get mad when they say it's like they read it to you and ran. And you're like, no, no, I'm going to come catch you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like you think I'm not going to be on your shit? You want to contact me? Like you on my page. No freebies. I think you was on somebody else's page.

on somebody else's thing talking crazy but you in my page yeah crazy so then i had to sign it to did i get in trouble no because i went into my fake page i went in that ass and then i was like if you keep fucking with tiffany haddish somebody gonna show up on me oh good job have you ever said what's up fuck face on social media no i don't think okay what's up bitch

You know, my last time I fought back, it wasn't quite as harsh. This guy said, I have a picture of me on stage and I have a coat on. And they go, why do you wear stand up wearing a coat? And I go, really? Do you think anyone asked this question to Fonzie?

I wish the viewers or the listeners could see Dana turn super red when I'm embarrassed. I'm embarrassed. He likes it. There was a lot of oath to it. But the way he's giggling is like, you felt like I was saying that to you. Yes. Well, you hit it nice and crisp and hard. You really nailed it. It's a good, sharp...

Well, yes, it's my way. Also, sometimes I call people booger wolves. I mean, like you were ugly as booger wolf ass bitch. You know, booger wolf is my other favorite go to.

Haven't heard that. Is that yours or is that a phrase that people use? Booger Wolf. It used to be really popular in the 80s. It did? Yeah. See, you guys aren't Black, so you don't know this, but in the community, in the Black community back in the 80s and 90s, the Booger Wolf was

was the thing to call somebody. And that's like, you know, they're so ugly. Their attitude, everything is so ugly that there's like, you know, they're like a wolf. It's a hideous thing. I go back to... You're a Fred Wolf. I went back to Sammy Davis Jr. I think he would say, what's up, Jive Turkey? Jive Turkey was real cutting. Who said Jive Turkey first? I think J.J. Walker. Is Jive Turkey still around? Good times!

No, but wild turkey is. But let's bring back jive turkey. Jive turkey was only for like, that's only like when you want to like make reference to an old uncle or something. I've said jive turkey, not even joking, three times in the last two weeks. It's so funny to me. It's such a funny phrase. It really is. What is that, a turkey that dances? I don't know. I tried to invent a catchphrase once. Go ahead. It's a non sequitur.

One fourth grade, everything was like bitching, bitching was up and all of that. So I started saying to all the kids out of sight, man, that's out of sight. And it took me like a month and everyone was saying that's out of sight. Sorry. You didn't start out of sight. I started out of sight. 1965. Tiffany, before I let you go. I started shitty ready.

She ready. She ready. She ready. You started blank, blank, blank, bitch, whatever it is. Boogaloo fast bitch. Boogaloo fast bitch. I met Tiffany with Fred Wolf. I'm just getting a little punchy at this point. Yeah. Every time you say bitch, I'm going to laugh. I don't know. I'm just getting a little. Anyway.

It's, we have to read ads or something, but. Yeah. Thank you, Tiffany. And thank you for talking to us. And you're so lovely. I like that you're doing all this stuff and it just adds to your smarts. You're just someone going out there, feeding their brain. It's very nice to hear that. It's something that people talk about doing or think about doing. Not everyone does it.

I don't know. I want to evolve as a human. You know, this is the only life I'm living and I want to. I know it's such a good, inspiring thing. I can't. It is great to have Stan stand up as an outlet for that. If you, cause you've always done sort of you on stage and talked about you. So it's interesting to take all these lessons you're learning and experiences and then make a kick-ass stand up special and say, Dave Chappelle, follow that.

I would never say that to Dave Chappelle. No, I know. I said it because he's the goat. That's why I used him, ironically.

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Do you remember, by the way, we met at this kind of corporate event we did, the Beverly Hilton. Yeah, that was Casa LA. Oh, Casa LA. It wasn't corporate. It was a foundation. It was a charity. Charity, sorry, yes. But it was tables. So you're going to open for me. And they said, Tiffany Haddish. I said, Tufany Wattis? What? And then I went out and I said, uh-oh, I'm going to go look at my notes because I'm

Because, you know, I knew then I thought, you know, I don't know if a star is born or is that before Girls Trip or you had acting jobs. But I didn't really understand. But yeah, you were a star. Right before Girls Trip and I had acting jobs. And all I did was talk about being in foster care.

Yes, that was the connection to it. It was personal for you, but it didn't surprise me later on. Oh, she's a star. You know, I always go by people one way. One metric is like who you wouldn't want to follow.

You know, like I wouldn't want to follow Dave Chappelle. I wouldn't want to follow you. You know, some people go, I can handle Dana. Is that why you didn't take me on the road with you, Dana, when I asked you? Did you ask me to go on the road? Because I don't really go on the road. And you were like, you got really awkward and you turned red like right now and you kind of giggled. We'll look into it. I remember that. And then I got you in a headlock and I was going, come on, bitch. You got me a noogie. Yeah.

We'll look into it, buddy. He doesn't go on the road with me. He's the worst. I like doing standard, but I don't like to travel. That's the problem. No, that's the part that sucks. No, I'm working on that. I've been watching YouTube videos on how to manifest teleportation. So when I get that down, I'll be the goat for sure. Yeah. Tell us. We will, when you can teleport yourself to someplace else on earth,

Please come back. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm going to teleport myself into your office right now. Boing. Oh, shit. I dream of Jeannie. All right, Tiffany. We'll talk to you later. Thank you for doing this. Thanks for the laughs. Be well. Thanks for the laughs. This has been a presentation of Odyssey. Please follow, subscribe, leave a like, a review, all this stuff. Smash that button, whatever it is, wherever you get your podcasts.

Fly on the Wall is executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Jenna Weiss-Berman of Odyssey, and Heather Santoro. The show's lead producer is Greg Holtzman.