SUPERFLY #40 - Judd Apatow JOINS!
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I can't do the third shift of hot dogs. I used to have like a couple at the beginning, a couple five innings later. Now I can't. Is there an eating clock? What? You eat four hot dogs in a game? You fat ass. Jesus. Dodger dogs are two feet long. The game means nothing. It's all about the relish and the mustard. It's settling in and eating. That's the beauty. And you probably have a waitress. Well, that's the best place to have a hot dog is a baseball game.

Hey, Dana. What's up? Welcome to Superfly. I'm getting a haircut later today. Oh, you are? Let's not bury the lead. It's just a little bit much. I need more face, less hair.

You know, if the hair's too bouffante, then, you know, so anyway, I know it's exciting for the people listening. No, listen, I suffer a little bouffante-ism now and then, but right now mine's sort of scraped back. My room is a hair dark in the nearers, so save it, YouTube. We don't want to hear that. And also I do take sips of water sometimes and I actually hate it myself to see it. So I'm sorry. Okay.

People watching, but sorry, I'm just trying to live. No, I think that's a good thing. No, I just, so I went to the dentist. Okay. And usually at some point when I go to the dentist or the doctor, the dentist or the doctor will say, wow. At some point where they're checking me out or doing diagnostics, they say, wow. Something's wrong or something. Something's blowing their mind.

So I went to this guy before and he did a diagnostics on my teeth. And then I went in to get a crown, which, you know, it was kind of, you're like the king for a day. Sure. And, you know, I said, you're going to say, wow, at some point today, he goes, oh, come on, don't be silly. So they numb you. And then I swear to God, the thrill was doing Beethoven's fifth. Or it was sounding like it was crying. Oh,

Like I've stopped the drill. So anyway, then under his breath at one point, as he got down, got all that stuff out, he goes, wow.

So then he announces to me, you got two nerve endings down there. I can't put a crown on it. It's all 3D. You can see the tooth. It looks all shiny and red. I can see them hanging out of your mouth right now. It's all... Look like ropes. Right back here. And so he says, there's two nerve endings full of bacteria that are about to explode. So you need a root canal stat. So today after this...

I'm going to get a root canal. I don't quite know what they do, but I know they numb it up pretty good. So that's exciting. Fucking sucks. Whatever it is. I don't think I've had one. Oh, you've had one. I don't think I've had shit. I mean, my teeth aren't great, but they're kind of, at least they're working right now.

But I don't have tons. I used to have those silver fillings, more boring stories, but they found out those are bad for you, whatever. So they jacked them out. It's another scam. The dentists go, let's say they're good for you. And then we got to take them out. They get paid both ways. They're coming and going.

And then... No, you just look good. Smile big. I'm not really about my teeth. I kind of have buck tooth. Well, here to why my stuff's not so great. So I had buck teeth. I was going to be called Bucky.

And so they said, you got to get braces. Parents at first couldn't afford the bottoms. So the guy literally said to me, I'm sure I've said this on the podcast. Can you just push on, get a habit of pushing on this tooth to push it back? Because we can't afford the bottom. Finally, my parents, you know, five kids, teacher salary, scraped together, got the braces. But first they said, but first.

let's pull four of your teeth, two up here and two here. So that's why I have a small mouth and a little like this. Otherwise it'd be like fantastic. And then I got shitty braces. By the time I never brushed or floss, I don't know how you floss with braces. I had head gear. I, when they came off, I had like seven cavities. And from then on, I've had to take care of my teeth, but luckily for finding full candy corns in it, aren't even chewed. Yeah.

No, but how do you brush? I had braces. It's horrible. I had the kind you hit on with a little hammer. You probably had that too, like a rubber hammer. Deesh, deesh. No wonder my neck's fucked up. And then they never take them off. And then I had the rubber bands, which are horrible. Yeah, those and the head thing with the headgear, which was hard. I had a key in there on a retainer during SNL to open the upper palate.

Oh, you had it later in life. I had them early and then they like, we bought you. Cause my mom got it like out of the yellow pages. It was like get braces and a free balloon. It was probably a hundred dollars. So we had no money. So I get these shitty braces. My teeth were like this. And then they go, we got to get four wisdom teeth out.

they took them out and this will make you fucking puke i did but when i i i come home like this way too much everything you know as a kid you've never had even aspirin i haven't had anything yeah and so i come home like hello and then they go go to sleep and i had four impacted so they're all smashed with gauze they go change your gauze so in the middle of night i get in the middle and i go i throw it in the sink i put new ones in

And the next day I'm bleeding so much, I'm sick. And she runs me down there. They go, he almost died. He pulled all of his stitches out in the middle of the night. You did. I ripped everything out. I had to go do it again. Cause you were. I just went in my mouth and went sick. Sickening. Sickening. Cuckable. So.

I would have gotten hooked on a Vicodin. I didn't have time though, but I did get aspirin and then I, and whatever. And I didn't have any pain pills. Yeah. I don't know. I take a lot. I don't like, I just, I don't like general anesthesia. I said, just numb me up. And they go, do you do gas? No, I just do the shots and they go, you're, and it's like, this is a joke I used to do on stage. You go, a dentist having sex. All right. You're going to feel a little prick.

Sorry. That's all I got. And then maybe some little balls. I don't know. You know, when you're starting out, kids, you know, you're just anything that gets a laugh. You're not thinking what your peers think. But no, I don't know. I will tell you, I had an adventure. Plus, I hope you're okay today because we need this thing to keep going. Oh, it's going to be fine. It's modern dentistry. If you need a ride, let me know. All right. All right.

Oh, you do? I'll hit you up. Yeah. And I want to sit in the back because I get car sick after dental work. So I want to look like you're my chauffeur driving me through West Hollywood and just having people honk and go, look, I guess Dana hires David Spade to be his driver. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Things have really switched. But you go like, here's you, I'm driving. And then I'll just film you like this. And then I'll ask you questions and watch you go like they do on TikTok.

Modern dentistry is no big deal. Don't worry about it. I did get a cavity once where I didn't do the numbing and I wouldn't do that again. That was hard. Fuck, that wouldn't even cross my mind. Idiot. All right, so here I am this weekend. I went down, finally get to golf because I did

Six or seven weekends on the road straight. Jeez. It is a bit of a grind. What do you do with all that money? Okay, go ahead. I have Atlantic City coming up in a week. I have Reno and I have Sacramento. Okay. But those are fun. Those are just like fun ones and maybe a corporate. So here I am. I get to golf. It's finally decent weather. So I'm in Newport. I'm out there. Eesh.

Anyway, there's helicopters, which aren't always on the golf course. The golf course is kind of by the water. So that's the nice proximity of it all. So anyway, they're so hot. They're so close that you're like, okay, move. I don't know what's going on. And we're getting mad because it's so loud, you know, whatever, over, over, over for maybe 10 minutes, 15 minutes.

And that's not usually the idea of the golf course is to keep it quiet. So then I leave and I see a couple of cops when I'm checking out and I drive by them and I go, hey, what was going on with those helicopters? They go, oh, we had a boatload of migrants come on the beach and they all ran and they ran on the golf course. So they're all chasing and it's a whole thing going on around us. And I was like, who is our caddy?

No, I'm kidding. But someone threw on overalls and jumped in. But do you see them running? No, they were on the course next to us. They were running all over. And that was all the stuff. It was. Yeah. But they, by the way, I would have grabbed a cop and said, give me that free phone and give me that stuff and let me get out of your way. Because why are you running? So they just come right on the beach and they go, this happens sometimes. And I go, where'd they go? And they go.

i don't know well that blows open the whole idea we got to close the border now we got we should close the beaches first you have to close most come in point magoo or something point magoo storming point magoo aunt blabby a perfect isn't safe yeah listen it was just sort of uh

It was sort of funny to me because I thought these Keystone cops are spinning around and everyone's running around, but we don't know anything. I wish we would have known at the time. Would I be scared? I don't know if I'd be scared, but I just thought it would be, I would help. I think they're probably just desperate to meld into the population. If it's like The Great Escape with Steve McQueen or something, you know, it's like they just want to get past everything and meld into it. Yeah. A guy runs up to me, need a fourth? We're like, oh, sure. I'm going to play through.

He grabs a club. He shoots a 62. And he's really good. And it's a movie because he's so good. Yeah, he's just a natural. I can't do the accent, but whatever accent it would be. By the way, only 25% of people of Mexican heritage are coming across the border. 75% is from other countries. Just a fun fact for our listeners. That's a longer hike though. I would think Mexico because it's right there.

Right. I don't know. It's not Canadian, is it? We're going to take them out. We're going to deport 300 million people. Excuse me, sir. You're going to. You're going to get caught up in the net. Just grab you accidentally. The rhythm I love of Trump, and I've been doing it, but when I see him do it, when he goes to the gruff thing, it's such a funny thing. He's just talking like this, and a lot of people said, we'll do it.

And then he sees the energy is going down a little bit in the stadium and we're going to do it. We're going to do it. It's just, he thinks that's so hard. And you kind of lean in when he does that. So, but you know, Biden's, Biden's my guy right now. He's my guy. So. Yeah. Also. Okay. So I, in the news, I saw that Tom Brady, you know, his ex-wife is Giselle. I don't know. Did you know this? Giselle, she's a supermodel. They call them supermodels now.

And she has supermodel. Better than a regular model. So she gets pregnant. She's pregnant with the karate instructor or martial arts instructor. His whole life is just, you're the karate guy, yeah. So they go off and I like that they keep saying, she's going to raise the baby in her $11.5 million home. They don't just say, it's a nice house. 11.5. Well, why wouldn't they round it up to

12 million. They should do something because it's actually just funnier. That's homework for my brain. I don't need to... It's so much millions of houses. Okay, so for people who just came in from Mars, Tom Brady was married to Gisele Bundchen who's a supermodel for...

decades she's still gorgeous in great shape and she's everyone's gorgeous involved in this photo behind this marriage and you know what the two dots over the U and her name are called do you know Dana they're called a thing like a semicolon or something they're called an oops-a-long

I think. Okay, so- Cut to YouTube comments. Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. Yeah. Okay, but then Tom Brady posts this Instagram the next day. Can the child within my heart rise above? Okay. Why?

Well, I get that. Go ahead. Well, because just human male, female, forget this trio of dandies, these boots. Just think of the human thing of being instinctually even proprietary over an ex in some ways. There's left vestigial feelings about that. Vestigial? Vestigial, leftover feelings. Yes.

Scottsdale Community College gets dominated by College of San Mateo. So the point would be Tom Brady is asking himself, can he just be magnanimous, be happy for them, be a good stepdad or whatever to the child? Or he can be petty, reflexively jealous,

uh, not wishing them. Well, these are like just, just human things that he, he's trying to rise above your take. That's my hot take. Jesus. She got a lot for people driving around. Can the child within my heart rise above question mark three hearts. There's three people involved. The chop chop guy. I didn't notice that Giselle and Tom.

Well, is it those three or what about the karate guy? Is that four? Well, I put Chop Chop guy. Okay, we'll call him. No, he's a jujitsu champion. There's the Haya guy. Yeah. Haya. Do people still say Haya? Okay. So it's that and it's also, but now he has a kid with Bridget Monahan, correct?

And then two with Giselle. I'm ashamed to report that I know these things. I'm ashamed you don't know. No, I'm ashamed that I know. What am I? Should be reading history books. Yes. So that, and then, so there's another kid and this is from Landslide, the song. Right? Yeah. Can you put your best foot forward? How does it go? And if I see my...

What if the next Instagram is, and if I see my reflection, it's not covered in hell. See my reflection. I'm doing Bruce Springsteen as Stevie Nicks. Yeah, Jesus. Stevie Springsteen. And I see my reflection. I'm Bruce Springsteen. And I'm not a billionaire. He announced this week that he's not a billionaire.

He did. I spent too much money to be a billionaire. I am officially not a billionaire. On what? Those same Levi's he's worn? No, he sold his catalog. Good for him for a half billion. But there's taxes. He's fine. He's fine. I'm not worried about him. There's a guy playing him now from the bear. I know. Does he look enough like him?

I guess it's sort of just, it's not supposed to be. A lot of these biopics, they say, I just want the essence of the guy. Well, if he's playing young Springsteen, Springsteen really...

built himself up, you know, with a tank top, really put on a lot of muscle. Oh yeah, that guy's jacked. And he, Jeremy Allen, why is that his name? Yeah, he's pretty built up, but yeah, who can, I mean, Timothee Chalamet is playing Bob Dylan. I saw the trailer and I think he'll be good at that. Listen, as long as they're good looking people, everyone's going to go. That's all that matters really to me. Well, Timothee is a little bit closer to Bob Dylan in a sense of sort of

I don't know, baby face or whatever. Just kind of lean. Yeah, lean. Now, Danny, you've heard the song, I Can't Eat Another Hero. Right. Or the song, We Don't Need Another Hero. Yeah, but here we do. Here we do. Here on the podcast.

Because hero bread is kind of what you've all been waiting for. At least I have where I don't want to cut out bread. I don't want to stop eating rolls. I can't take it. I want them. That's all I care about in life. And now, because those aren't as good for you. Right. Give us a better bread. That's still good.

And cut that stuff out. Yeah. And what do you got? You got Hero. Hero bread. So it's basically zero to one grams of net carbs, zero grams of sugar, lots of fiber. So like during the holidays, you know, you can really go crazy with the bread. You've got grilled cheese, cozy pumpkin soup, buttery Hawaiian rolls with the family dinner, French toast casserole around the holidays. But now with Hero, it doesn't, it's guilt free in a sense because it's

It's low carb, low sugar, high in fiber, but tastes amazing. Yeah. And what do you want? I mean, you still get to eat bread. A lot of people just don't eat bread at all. They just have to cut it out. But if you could have it again and it's not bad for you, it's actually good for you. Then you got the low carbs, you got the fiber. So yeah,

It's a plus. I mean, there's really no reason not to try it out. The people from Hero Bread did a lot to give it texture, make it fluffier, you know, taste and be like regular bread that's full of sugar and carbohydrates. So it's kind of like, I'm going to say it, a win-win.

Yeah. It's a strong statement, but yeah. And you know, also I eat croissants on the road sometimes because toast gets too squishy when they, if I, if I did ever a room service or something, but they're coming out with croissants and they got some new surprises coming out. So Hero Bread is offering 10% off your order of their new recipe. Go to hero.co, use the code superfly at the checkout. That's superfly at H-E-R-O.C-O.

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The Menendez brothers, and I will safely say I haven't followed the whole. All I've heard is they might be out by Thanksgiving. So when are they hosting?

The show after Thanksgiving. Yes. And when will, how long after they step outside the prison will they be on church chat on Saturday Night Live? Oh yeah, that's a good one. Well, well, well, we did a naughty thing. Jesus doesn't like what we did with our parents. Now we're out. Yeah, it writes itself. Oh yeah. I'm inviting them on church chat. Yeah, if they don't host somehow, if they're somehow not hosting, will they, it will be played by who?

You know what? Look at the guy on the right, because Mikey Day is pretty lean, and he could definitely play Menendez's brother. Because this is way back. That's not offensive to Mikey, but I could see him. No, I think I could see him doing that. Yeah, they're kind of lean, fit, you know. I do think off the top of my head...

That the guy on the left, Eric, would be played by Colin Jost? I don't know. Well, you might have to put the host in there. Who's the host? Well, Eric and Lyle are not the hosts. They're just guests. Now they're guests if they turn it down. They probably could pop up. Would it be a controversy if they come on?

No, I mean, they served their time. They're, for whatever reason, they're being let out and they promised not to- Kill anyone? Yeah, they said, what we did before, we're not gonna do again, judge. And he said, case dismissed. We realized everyone got mad about it, so. Yeah, in our- Yeah, but would people get mad if they came on SNL? And you understand it would be a great thing for SNL, it'd be fun.

but with people at home, which, hey, it's controversy. Did, okay, pop quiz. Did OJ ever come on SNL? Of course, he was never convicted. Right. So he could have come on. He was convicted for the wrong thing that I would have gotten mad about. Someone stole his stuff and then he wanted it back. But that's, he did a real no-no. Both, you know, combined...

Some of the parts Ted Bundy ever did Ted Bundy ever do a guest spot on he ha.

Hee Haw. Hee Haw is fucking big, or people don't know. Hee Haw. Yeah, a Western Saturday Night Live or a Western laughing, basically. Yeah, Western sketches and songs. I remember Bernie Bernstein going, because... He produced it, didn't he? Yeah, and he goes, they take Hee Haw money just as they take any other kind of money in London. You know, money's money. It doesn't matter, you know, because people look down their noses at Hee Haw. Oh, yeah. Compared to...

you know, whatever shows. Bernie did Alf, Alf also, right? A puppet makes money. Rule number two. No, we love Bernie, but Bernie was old time show business to us. Muppets, puppets, any sort of puppets. Actually, we have a show called the outfits. They can be a puppet or a puppet and it comes in all faces. It's all funny. Okay. Let's do more headlines.

Because we've got a guest today. So we got a couple more. We got to get to our guests. Oh, yeah. Why are we what? Oh, who wants to know that? Oh, oh, we're talking about trick or treating. Well, unfortunately, we taped this the second before Halloween happened. So this is costumes I thought were funny. I saw.

This is a person dressed as a foot. A foot in a... For those of you at home, there's a... I don't know. It's a foot in a thong. What are those called? Those shoes? A thong shoe. A thong shoe. Nowadays, you say thong. Not the undergarment. Yes. And that shit, they have a big red toe and it's a little crooked. Is a G-string different than a thong, Heather? No.

No. But those are beach thongs. They're called thongs as well as underpants. They used to be called something else that we can't say anymore, but they're called flip-flops, let's say. Oh, they're called flip-flops now. It's a guy dressed in a flip-flop, standing up in a flip-flop.

painting is it's too hard to describe it's funny though i think it's funny horrible costume to walk around in horrible i'll announce the best costume my brother my older brother in new york went to a costume party like this and so what he did was he just put all these with rope or whatever he put mirrors all over his whole body and all around him and he and people would say who are you going as and he says i'm going as you

Because they would see their reflection. I can see my reflection in the other guy's costume. Okay. Okay, here's one. This is the Olympic pole vaulter. And that's the costume? You got it. I think the hard part about this is, A, you can't get a rod because the pole will fall. But also, the pole...

He made it just long enough where it's a hassle, but it's not totally debilitating to bump into people. Right. It might be funnier if it was 10 foot across. Yeah. You know, like the real Povalter. I would just go, I would be the Povalter in the pit and just have wheels on top of the pit and just roll around as Povalter when they land in the pit.

You just want to be the pit? Well, look, I mean, there is no more. Like, well, look. Look, there's no more sexual sport. In high school, guess who got the girls? The pole vaulters. They're going down the runway. They're very fast, very muscular. They've got this long phallic pole. They plant it.

Then they climax over the bar and land in a bed. I mean, it's really, it shouldn't be allowed. It should not be allowed in high school. It's so perverted. Too sexual. You should have the church lady talk about how bad the Olympics are. Yeah, pole vaulting is. We like to take our pole. We grip it. What are you for Halloween this year? Skeletons in the closet.

Wait. Skeletons in the Closet isn't bad. How long did it take you to make this? One month. You're telling me you made this whole costume from scratch? Yeah. Okay, that's good. Skeletons in the Closet is good. I mean, it's a month of prep to go to a friend's party at a dorm in an apartment complex. That's a lot of work. I thought she was going to Heidi Klum's party.

You know, basically, uh, you're not impressed. Halloween really what it's all about. David, just for a second here, I mean, is about three to six year old kids, uh,

who are jumping out of their seat. They're so excited to ring the doorbell. They have their costume. They say trick or treat and they're adorable. I've took a tweak, a candy, you know, and there's free candy. And then as the night goes on, that's six 30 or six. And then it's by nine 30, you got like a 15 year old kid, you know,

He's got a pillowcase. He's just ransacking. And a gun. He just puts sunglasses on. I'm a guy at the beach. And he's just grabbing and grabbing. And then eventually there's a guy with an Uzi that opens fire. Yeah, I'm robbing you, man. Did I? Yeah. You know, it's funny because there's schools now I read that are banning Halloween parties because Halloween is bad. I don't know how it's bad, but it's bad. So I think they should just say,

Okay, let's just say it's a costume party at school and you get free candy because that's all it is really to 99% of the people. I don't really know what the bad part is, but it's something that is against someone. So if it is fine, fine.

Eighth graders like to do mayhem. And I've done that, you know, throw eggs. They want to have shaving cream. They want to get people wet and crazed out. You know, I was traumatized by Halloween because my parents moved.

October 31st. So my first day of kindergarten was Halloween. And so I'm being, I'm late. I'm introduced to the class and they all have crazy masks on. They seem like scary. And I had no costume. We have to march around the playground. So they just gave me a plastic fireman's hat. And that was my cost. Never forgot it, man. Trauma. That was your first like SNL sketch. You're like, I'm a fireman. Yeah.

You should have come as Dwayne or Garth or the church lady or something. I don't know. You blew it. You blew it. Are you going to man the door this year and pass out candy?

Dude, to come up this hill, no one's that strong unless Carrie Underwood comes up with her legs. Dressed as the Tommy boy guy. Yeah, that's what I am. I do. I did post a lot of people when they, I like when they post costumes of something I did. There's a lot of Emperor's New Groove. Joder. There's some, Joder, actually, I take it, it's very flattering, but a lot of them are too easy. Oh, I did have one. I'll play it next week. I have a kid.

dragging a meteor around town that was funny. He really got into it. Oh, really? That's funny. Yeah, yeah. Around a whole town and he's doing lines from the movie. That is. But show dirt is like flannel shirt, mullet, you know, it's too easy. So there's bench warmers. That's kind of funny because one has a bike helmet on and one has a vest on.

And then there's grownups, which all you really need, it's really easy and lazy, but you just need one guy with a Kentucky fried chicken bucket over his head. And then that's, that sells. And then you're good. The rest of it is spade and cargo shorts. Well, you've got Wayne and Garth. Well, Garth, any woman. It's always a woman. Oh, there it is. Oh, look at this kid. Okay. Oh, cute. That's the age. Oh, but just for laughs, let's see how much you're worth.

Well, it ain't a meteor. Yeah, it is. He walks slow like I do. What is that, a tire? It ain't no meteor. It's a big old frozen chunk of shit. What? This kid's milking it. See them airplanes? They dump the toilets 36,000 feet and the stuff freezes and falls to earth. We call them Boeing bombs. No, that can't be. That's not what it is. That's a space peanut. You see the peanut?

Dead giveaway. Yeah, that's a space peanut. All right, that's enough. I don't want to give away the whole movie. It makes me like that movie because it's so ridiculous. Movies are fun, you know, just so ridiculous. I like that kid. He gets it when you got the ACDC shirt. There's people at Comic-Con that one guy has a really good one with a full, full overalls.

full real meteor. I think it's a real meteor. I got to say, I'm just going to insert this as a, it's kind of one of the most flattering things you could do as a comedian and doing characters in movies are on Saturday night live and decades later, people in young people are dressing up as them. It's very flattering. It's like it, I do love it. Yeah. It lasted. I think that comedy, when I was coming through my formative years, Bonnie Python and stuff, bonding over comedy, really even more than drama. Yeah.

catchphrases and stuff for sure oh when we were in high school just all we cared was comedy movies yeah totally so fun all right next one what else what else running out of time we're getting close to the we're getting close to the end folks you can we have a guest go about your cover oh is another costume this is so weird i don't know how they do it hi guys good morning

Even better he does that. Okay. No, don't get to figure it out. No, no, I just did that last second. You did? Well, his real feet are out the bottom. Is it a magic trick? I didn't get it. Optical illusion or is it a visual? It's a very good effect. Can we see it one more time for people who are just listening? I like that he goes from that to standing up.

That feels like a better trick. That's pretty good. I'm not sure I totally figured it out. Yeah. I like that you're like, oh, that old chestnut. And then you thought. Well, I thought his left arm would be fake, but it didn't look fake. You know, like half his body would. So it's an optical illusion or it's a deep fake or it's AI. Yeah.

Something. AI can really, when I look at Instagram, any news report about something can be an AI. They fake the voice now. Any photos of people can be anything they say. So it's getting scarier to say this is real. This scares me. This doesn't. You just don't know 100% anymore. Nope.

The only good news is like within three or five years, Mike Myers and I could just be hanging out. What's up, man? Let's go to the AI and just say the AI Wayne's world three, uh, and just some silly plot, click the button. And within one second, we'll have a 90 minute feature film. We'll be digital copies of ourself from 30 years ago. And the movie will be a hit.

Take one second. I want to do a hologram stand-up where we go on the road. You don't go on the road. You just do the, they get in there in their own house or they get with people and you appear on the stage and do your act. They kind of. I think that's going to happen. That's happened, I think. Todd Rundgren did shows. I already did a tour. Yeah, it happened. You can do it from one place and it beams into all the living rooms. But yeah, holograms.

Beam me up, Dana. You fight technology. You're more fearful of technology. I fight every day. I go, no. Quick impression of you fighting technology, 2024. I don't understand it. I can't believe it. It's too much for me. I don't like it. It's not my best. You're the devil. Take it away. You can do a quick impression of me, too, if you want. Okay, here's Dana. That's you getting your root canal.

Give me another liquid Vicodin You got a Vicodin drip there Like a gerbil Here's you watching me get the Root canal With closed circuit You found out where it was You're watching me on a little TV screen In your mansion And then I press a button More pain Less Go deeper Less Novocaine Fake Novocaine Yeah

I don't think this is accurate of you, but it's kind of accurate. Here's how fake your dentist is. Because you got the cheapest guy. So...

At the end, he's running out. So he just melts down Advil's and puts them in an iron. Then he goes like this. And then you get the steam of the steamed Advil. Here's you with a closed circuit camera out in the parking lot watching me just in pain, swollen up, going to my car. Heather!

Heather, look! Heather, help me look. It's not my best impression, but it's just an impression. It doesn't have to be accurate. You know, that one stung because it was so accurate. Here's an impression of you watching me kill at the comedy store. No, here's me. Here's you watching me do a bit at the comedy store and deciding that you might use it for your own act.

Oh, yeah. Here's me. Switch that word. Switch that word. He'll never know. Get laughs. I don't know if I can generate those kind of laughs. By the way, last night I went to the comedy store to say hi to Bobby Lee and Santino. They were doing that together. And then, of course, I went up. Stage hog. So I went up and it was pretty fun.

Oh, you know what I did do though, Dana? We have all this new material that hasn't been exposed yet. I got my drink, my water, because I do between jokes. I don't have to explain that. I go like this, live fly buzzing in it, in the water, live going in my mouth. On stage. I stopped it. Stopped it. Freaked out. Couldn't remember my act. I'm like, what do I do? Did you tell the audience what just happened? You could do 10 minutes on that. I did not. Isn't that funny? I did not. You hid it from the audience? Yes.

I don't want to give away all my tricks. I just was like, I was, I thought they'd be so grossed out because it was like this. It bumped my mouth. Sick. Dude, I couldn't even focus. I barely killed and got a, barely got a standing ovation. Did you just one standing ovation? Cause that's not, that's a low bar. Ladies and gentlemen, David Spade is on the way to his car. Wait a minute. He's coming back out again. When I did my special, uh,

They, they do. I think they did do a standing ovation, Heather, but I think if I, I might've earned it, but it went well, but I think they feel like they should. Oh, they stood up when I came out. That's good. Who doesn't? It's hard. I mean, well, yeah, they're, yeah. Now you're like, they're thanking you for the years of fun.

3,000. You know, the one before it was in Minnesota, which I loved the theater. Great crowds there. Yeah. But it was about three years ago and I couldn't hear my opener, Bobby, killing. And he usually does really well. And I'm like, oh no, they're a tough crowd. I told you this. So I go on and they're like this, and then I'm not doing as well. And if you've ever had a show that's important and you're like, this is going to be a tough set.

And we're not just at a comedy club. It's like a tough set when we're filming it. And so I'm working, working. And then I realized they're all on masks, but I didn't know. And so the laughs would be like, ha ha. But now they're like this. You didn't know the audience was masked? No, they, they, I said, oh, I don't want to. I said, they go, I think that one, you know, because of COVID I go, no, no, I don't want that. But then they never said, oh, you don't have any say in it. And, um,

I'm like, oh, is that why they weren't? And I was worried about so many other things. I go, I don't know if it was worth it. I did love, I did like the special. That's not the problem. It's just, and they were a great crowd, but you can't hear it as much. And so there's more pausing because you're like, but this one's like great crowd. No, that's just was not what comedy was built for as a mass crowd. Mass are for robbers or maybe magicians, but they're not for a comedy crowd.

Yeah, Nate did one during COVID and he had everyone sit 10 feet away from each other. Oh, rather than mask on. I don't think they had masks on, but they were all back and it was just, it was still funny, but-

That's just the one where like, now I get my special, like Nate was like, this will be great. And then it wound up being funny, but that's not the ideal situation. You just want a regular comedy. And this, this one was a regular theater, Denver, two shows, a lot of fun. So that's not even out. It won't be out for a while. Um, it must, it must have been a blast having all that energy come at you. I did one where, um, you know, uh,

It was sort of near a college and a lot of the kids had free dental care. But anyway, a lot of them apparently had dental work the day that I was going to shoot my special. So a good amount of the audience had cotton in their mouth and I couldn't really hear them. But I shot the special. But you ever have a set like that where you come out and they're just not laughing that hard. And halfway through you go, they had dental work today. It's free at the college and all their mouths are full of cotton.

And I go, why am I shooting this special in this situation? But I just held, did the best I could. I shot a special and they all, I realized that they all had a pillow over their face. I knew you were going somewhere. We go from mask to cotton. Okay. So why though, David, let's just follow this scenario. Why would they all have a pillow over their face? Well, that's a great question because that day was a pillow fight they had on this campus. Then they were so tired, they fell asleep face down in their pillows.

But it was still a pretty good show. I did a special in a sort of sketchy area of the country. And everyone in the audience had a hood over there.

Let's look at a clip. I think we have a lot of clips for that. They're actually, the worst special is when the tickets just didn't sell and the whole theater was empty. If it's not full, that's tough. You got to shoot it anyway. You got to shoot it anyway. It was just one person out there and his name was David Spade. And I thank you for that.

All right. We will go. Should we talk about? No, no. We'll go. I'll talk about next time. Okay. It's nice meeting you, Dana. And this is a really fun one. And let's bring on our guests right now. Yeah. We have a great guest today. He's been on our podcast before. Ladies and gentlemen. He's in the waiting room for a half hour. Ladies and gentlemen, we present to you the one and only comedy host.

because he's had his fingerprints all over comedy for at least two decades. From 40-Year-Old Virgin to Superbad. Yeah. To other movies and specials. Anyway, what can't this fella do? And he's going to tell us about his new charitable events coming up, which is very cool of him. We're going to talk about stand-up and everything fun. And what is this person saying? Judd Apatow. Yeah, there you go. All right.

We'll be right back.

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Thank you.

I'm going to call you a legend.

Yes. You like that? I'm going to call you Appetudio. You like that? Just for the amount of time you've been part of the American comedy scene. We've been around a long time.

That's how you get. That's why you're a quick question. Enough about your credits. There are plenty. It looks like a CVS receipt. Now, Dana had a question about the baseball game. This will be on Friday. It may be over, but I just wanted to make the comment and you can answer the question.

Baseball as a sport. Yeah. If you're going to the guy who makes, I'm not going to pick on Aaron judge, anybody who's on a cold streak, you know, 19 strikeouts in a row. Could you take a Judd, a David or me, put us in the same position and,

And then the team would be the same. Nothing would change. We wouldn't get a hit either. There's no other sport. Baseball, basketball, you'd be killed. Or sorry, baseball, football. But in baseball, I thought to myself, I can do as good as Aaron Judge is doing most of the time. It's brutal when they get the yips.

You know, when like someone gets the yips and they can't pitch or. What is it? Do you know baseball that well? I mean, do you have any specifics for people? You go to the games. Someone said they saw you. Is that true? I went to a couple of Dodger games and I went and the person who brought me said, these are great tickets. You're right behind the plate. And I'm like, oh no, does that mean like I'm on camera the whole time? Every second. It's just you're at the corner. It's pretty rare.

I'm literally in the center the entire game for three hours of me staring, not wanting to do what I normally do, which is like eat hot dogs and burgers and not pay attention. So I just sat there like frozen for three hours. How far was Jon Hamm from you? What was the rogues gallery of stars? I didn't see him. I saw Mary Hart. There was definitely some heart happening there. How did she score that directly? She's in like...

The shot when they show the batter up close, she's like right next to the bat. You know, she's in the tight shot. There's a fold up chair. If the ump is brawny enough, there's a fold up chair right behind him. And I thought I saw Lorne Michaels sneaking a peek over the shoulder. Just one quick insert here. They know that. So sunflower seeds are big. I understand that. They know they're going to be seen.

50, 60 shots of the coach of the Yankees spitting out sunflower seeds. So they know it's coming. They're going to spit them out. It's just not a good look. I mean, what do you, what do you think about this? Cause this is all over the web. I mean, this is blowing up. Well, I, that's what I was like on camera. My whole thing was don't eat. Don't eat. No, it was hard to tell Judd that. How much you eat because it's,

Now that they have the pitching clock, the game's faster. So they rush the pitchers to pitch. So the game is like 40 minutes shorter, which means I can't do the third shift of hot dogs. I used to have like a couple at the beginning, a couple five innings later. Now I can't. Is there an eating clock? What? You eat four hot dogs in a game? You fat ass. Jesus. Dodger dogs are two feet long. The game means nothing. It's all about the

relish in the mustard. It's settling in and eating. That's the beauty. And you probably have a waitress. That's the best place to have a hot dog is a baseball game. There's hard liquor. You get a seat that's closed. Suddenly it's full on hard liquor.

The thing, Dana, when you go to these games, if everything goes wrong and you're totally bored, you can watch the game. But there's so much other things going on. That's why Judd wants to not just sit there and stare at the game. He's like, oh my God. Well, I have another question. A super fan, by the way, during the regular season, it's the 150th game, the team's in last place, is still riveted by the game. But,

Every sport, and especially baseball, for me, when it comes to the World Series, I'm riveted by every single second. But in the middle of the season, I'm not going there. Dips a little. I love the World Series. I think it's incredible. Judd, comment. Well, I think it was shocking to see the Mets play so well. And oh, God, no!

Oh, get that pussy cat out of there. It's a preview for cat NATO. I prefer the Mets when they're terrible. Like when they started winning, I almost start drifting as a fan because when I was a kid, they were always so bad. I love this to be the only fan at the stadium. So I have trouble when they're great, but it was fun to see the Mets play well. Yep. Wait, I have a big, this is a controversial question. This is just at press time, which is way before this airs, but, um,

Then this chubby sort of portly fat guy that tried to take the ball out of the glove. Yeah.

I don't know if he was that heavy. We want to disparage his look. He was like me. He was husky. Husky is the most benign word. Bad bod. He had a dad bod. Oh, yeah. He had a dad bod. Farley always said, I'm a husky. That's the size he wears. Okay. So husky guy and his buddy who get...

I mean, I get all the hijinks and hey, it's your team. But when you are snapping Mookie Betts' clavicle while you're bending his hand back and giving him carpal tunnel and stealing the ball, fine. And they get kicked out, fine. But they're back. They're allowed to come back the next game. I don't think they should be allowed. That was shocking.

If there is a next game in New York, whoops, we don't know. This comes out two weeks from now. No, there is for sure a game after that game. I don't know if there's a game after that game. Well, it's sudden death for the Yankees every game.

They have to win. You don't care that they're coming back. You don't care. I'm intrigued by both teams. I just think that you can't be that good and not explode like they did last night for 10 runs. Can you use the word, are they choking the yips? I mean, in the first three games, or just a little bit of luck on the Dodgers side with throwing people out? What's the answer, Judd? One might say, I'm not a big fan.

expert on this, but it might be that the Dodgers

are playing really well. I mean, as a Mets fan, it's hard to take. That's a crazy go out on a limb. I like the Mets, the Dodgers, the Yankees. They're scoring more points. I'm not even rooting for anybody. I'm kind of like that. I root for players. Like I want Aaron Judge to go crazy. You know, I root for the players because my heart goes out to anybody who's on that stage, who's that brilliant.

since he's 10 years old and watching him struggle like that. So I root for players. Listen, listen, by the way, this just in the Yankees allowed the players to come back, but the MLB overruled it and banned them. Wow. Wow. There you go. Forever. Forever.

Chad, we don't have a ticker tape here. We just have a couple. We're going to see similar looking men at the Dodger stadium, you know, with fake mustaches and noses on seated in the exact same place. So I think there's more to this story than what we're hearing. We got the facial recognition technology like it. Oh, that's right. AI. Yeah. It finally comes to the rescue.

All right. What about Aaron Judge? His life is all green lights. If he's got a little bit of trouble, he'll be fine because he's like 6'8". Is that possible? 6'8"? Is that even a number that's possible?

Oh, yeah, it is because it's on every girl's Instagram. The guy's got to be minimum 60. Yeah, it is kind of weird when you're really good looking and gigantic and then a superstar athlete and worth hundreds of millions of dollars. You're kind of like, is there anything that's bugging you right now in life? Yeah, I know. Dana's like crying for the guy. They say that a lot of the reason why people are the quarterback is because they were good looking guys.

in junior high and high school, and they just kind of keep getting opportunities into their sexiness and handsomeness to play. Sexy privilege. We're like the goofy, ugly guy who might have become great, not talking about myself, but maybe never gets a shot. He never got in there. And the handsome guys get the shots, and next thing you know, every quarterback looks like Tom Brady. Even backups are good-looking.

Exactly. That's what I love about comedy. It doesn't matter what your mug is. You can have any kind of look. If you're funny, people, because I was sort of a cutesy guy for a long time until I reached this age. Adorable. I was still adorable. Spade and I were like, you know, well, you don't look funny. I was told that by some manager. You know, you don't look funny, kid. Not funny enough? You don't look funny.

You don't look funny. I have a question for Judd about the state of showbiz because Judd's got his- Judd has a lot to say. Pulse or whatever. I just read, because we were sort of bitching about how in LA there's not a lot of shooting because- Or at least the wrong kind. You mean photography of film production. There's-

There's not enough tax credits. Everyone goes to Georgia. We all know this. Judd knows this better than anyone. One of the first things, Judd, when you get a budget of a movie is like, where do you shoot it, right? Isn't that an early? That's right. It's not always LA. Unless the movie takes place in LA, right? Well, they always want you to make the budget lower. I think in the old days, you could kind of convince them it would be better in LA. Now, I think they go, just go to Prague. It

It looks like LA. Go to Prague. I remember we did a movie in Shreveport, Louisiana.

with Harold Ramis. And so we did it to get the tax break. And we kept hearing screaming like, and it was ruining all the takes. And we're like, what are we next door to? And they said, it's a monkey sanctuary. We're monkeys. That's where they live out their day. That's where they send you to make a movie, not LA, which has all the good equipment. Yeah.

Do you switch it out and make your film a Tarzan movie, even if it's a romantic comedy? I mean, you know, you write fast. I mean, come on. We just make it a- On the fly. Jungle Cruise 2. Dana, this just in. So they're changing, Gavin Newsom is changing the tax credit in LA because of our podcast. They only had 350 million a year credit. They just bumped it to 700 million.

And that's not going to go into effect till next summer, so a year. But I think it's okay. It's not enough when everything is in billions now. Everything you hear about is a billion when you hear 2 billion, 20 billion, 100 billion. So when you still have an M in front of it, it doesn't sound like it's a huge help.

But it will help. So I appreciate the effort, but we got a lot of crew. We got a lot of people here that want to work and they're in the Tinseltown Hollywood and we got to make it a little easier. We have studios are all over the place. Don't want them to go down. We don't want a tax break, which is more than Jessica Alba has in the bank. Yeah.

Yeah. At any given time. I personally love the businessman artists thing. I'm envious, but when I see people leveraging whatever their career is and then becoming a gazillionaire with different products, it's like, you know. How come you never bought like a cell service?

Yeah. I was, I thought I, you know, in the nineties, you couldn't even do a commercial in the eighties. Hans and France were offered. Just do it. The first Nike campaign, just do it. Couldn't do it. Weren't allowed to do it. Well, I said, no,

Just forces at play. It's not what we do. And then everybody, it flipped. And now you see even cast members that are out of SNL doing massive campaigns for commercials. They leave the show to do a commercial and come back. I turned down a lot of commercials and I would have gone, I don't, I'm fine, but I would have gone back and done them. Leno was right. Leno did Doritos. They do Doritos. I remember I had a friend who left SNL and they did commercials

commercial for the phone company and got paid more money than they got paid for like eight years on SNL. Yes. Well, Dana, I did one for a MCI. No, I did one for a, what's in your wallet. Oh, 1-800-collect. Oh yeah, I did that too. But when I, 1-800-collect where I go, Hey, call. And I was on a payphone going, Hey, call 1-800-collect. You know, I did that anyway. Hilarious. So, um,

When I did a Playboy interview, which is like kind of a big interview, not just Playboy, but it's just a big interview. And so Gervitz called me and he goes, I'm sorry. I'm reading this interview. I'm sorry. I just got a call from MCI. You didn't happen to say in the interview, you do commercials for 100 Collect, but you don't really use that for collect calls. You use Sprint. Did you say that? I'm sorry. All the people that are going to have to give back their millions of dollars take one step forward. That's you, Spade.

Is that what happened? Yeah, they called and said, we want our money back. And you apologized. And I said, no, I was just saying that. Kidding. There's literally no defense. I was like,

I was just being honest. I would just say that it's opposite. In those days, it was like, oh, you do a commercial, you're selling out. No. If you do a shitty movie with a shitty director and that's your face on the face of a shitty movie, that's selling out. Everyone knows when we see our heroes doing a commercial, they're getting paid a lot of money. But this is not their...

creative area. This is not their art. But you want them to hopefully be decent. So, well, that's a bonus. But they're never going to be a 10 out of 10, usually. So Judd, would you like a commercial? Judd Apatow for... Would you direct a Super Bowl one in RU right now? Well, here's the thing. I got offered a Super Bowl commercial and some company wanted to do some sort of variation of

Seth and Paul doing, you know how I know you're gay as a Super Bowl fan. And I was like, I don't think that'll work. I don't either. And they hadn't asked them yet. So I just said, no, like, I don't see how you can adjust that joke to make it work. Then I watched the Super Bowl. They're both in it. They made millions. And it was funny. There you go. Yeah.

You cut yourself out of the equation? Hilarious. I didn't believe in ourselves. Did you turn the TV off and storm out of the room when you saw that? I was upset. The one thing I wanted to ask you, just because I'm curious, because we briefly talked about it a little while back, is just the culture of Hollywood in terms of what they'll green light. And I know now it's...

It, it, it, you just said something interesting that, and it wasn't negative or whiny. It was just sort of like observing that when you pitch things, if it's subtle and kind of quiet, like something like the office or whatever, they want something that can trend or make noise or be noisy as a concept, you know, um, chimpanzees go on a spaceship and then come back to earth. And, you know, uh, earth, a kid is alive and as president of the United States, you got it.

So how are you navigating that? I know we're going to talk about your standup in a second, but as a filmmaker, well, I have a new theory, which is, I feel like everything is like the newspaper business. If it bleeds, it leads like everything is doom scrolling because they don't want you to shut anything off. So they're obsessed with it being really intense. That's why almost everything on the streamers is either about the biggest star in the world or a serial killer, right? Everything is a thriller. Yeah.

Everything is like intense. Hypersexual. Yeah. You know, some actors, you know, like Nicole Kidman, which I love her shows because they're just sexy thrillers. Because she's in every one. She's in a lot. Good for her.

It's all like completion rate. Like we must have them completed. We could not put on a film if anyone shuts it off. And so there's an intensity to everything, whether it's sexy or exciting or terrifying. And I think it changes it so you don't have...

quieter, subtler, whatever funny human things. Cause I think they're afraid people are going to shut it off or not go. And you lose a lot of good stuff when everything is, is so wired. Yeah.

Yeah. Every TikTok starts with, I just got shot. And then you go, really? And they go, let me back up a minute. So I was born in Michigan. And everyone's like, oh my God. And then it never gets to, you know, it takes, and I hate when it says, wait for it on it. Wait for it so I can make money when it hits a minute. Wait for it. Yeah. They're so terrified. And I'm like, it wasn't worth the wait. Yeah.

Yeah. I think if you have to tell you it's everywhere, is this like, I think when Nicole Kidman comes out at the beginning of AMC, she should tell you in this movie, or we want you to watch the whole thing. It's like saying, wait for it. It's like,

ideally stay till the end. Well, I have to say the movie going experience now is bigger and better for me than it's ever been because only in church or in a movie theater are you pretty much required to turn off your phone or basically on takeoff on a plane. So you go into a dark theater, so you turn it off and you're trapped in the movie.

where you might click away if you had a thousand choices, but you hang with it. And then a lot of times, that was a great movie. And it's so peaceful. I pay to go to a matinee just because I'm in a dark room looking at a screen with images. It's fun. It's still fun. Well, you shut the world off. Judd, comment? I think there's nothing better than laughing in a movie theater with a lot of people. And we need more. Let's do more.

You know, I miss, Judd, preview screenings when it goes well. It's so fun. Oh, when you test the movie? See the movie for the first time. Oh, my God. When you've been working on it for years and you show it to people for the first time. I remember when we showed Superbad for the first time.

I convinced Cameron Crowe to come to just give us notes if we screwed anything up. And it just killed so hard. It was like winning the Super Bowl. It was just so great. It was so funny. It was like carving on SNL doing Biden. Yeah. Come on. And guess what? And by the way, come on, folks, let's get real. Let's get real time and go do it.

You know, that was a little nerve-wracking. I thought for the first one, and I think I overdid his walk a little bit when I came out, but the... Did he get shot? You know, you don't see it. I had never seen myself do Biden, so I made adjustments, but I was waiting for someone to maybe heckle me, and I had it locked and loaded. Get your facts straight, Jack! I was ready for that. But so far...

The New York Times co-signed it, so I'm happy. I remember when I heard it the first time and I said to you, I go, look at Dana. Everyone's struggling to figure out their Biden and you have it just nailed quietly in your own little world. And I it was the dream that they would have you do it on the show. I'm glad that all worked out. Bizarrely was invited to do it before Biden was when he was before the debate.

problem. And then afterwards, Lorne Michaels still, you'll come in, you know, you don't, you know, he just wanted me to be there. But anyway, yeah, it's fun to be able to do a character that's kind of ironically new and then is leaving the stage very soon. So it's like a little, you know, you know what I like about it? It's like you alpha dog, the whole show you're like, Oh, by the way. Yeah. I'm still the best one who ever did it. Boom. Yeah.

This is my favorite Superfly episode so far. I think they didn't know they needed a good Biden until they saw it. Then they were like, oh, good. This is a great addition. Who would be the other character that you have loaded that you're like, second half. I would love to do James Carvel currently on those Zooms leaning over. Yeah. And I like the Southerners. I do like both. We both love Senator John Kennedy. Yeah.

Now, you tweeted on October 4th, your words, not mine.

That you would believe. So anyway, that's those two. If they were invited, I would, I would try to do a deep, deep thing on them. So no one does RFK. Is it, is it offensive to try to do RFK? I did it here only explaining what dystonia is. I have a brother with dystonia and it's just, it's not lethal, but his vocal cords are just constricting. And so that's his voice. It doesn't stop him, but it's,

It is all stuck back there and you have to get used to listening to it. I think it's just hard to listen to. I get used to it. I listen to him on Joe Rogan. But the ladies like it, so it's not hurting them. Yeah. Well, look, he's a Kennedy. They go, oh, did he have anything going on? Well, look at his uncle and dad. Come on. Born with a boner. But is a Republican Kennedy a Kennedy?

How does he hit on the ladies setting up data? I don't know. Let me hear him hit on. How does Trump? It's unbelievable. A Republican Bobby Kennedy Jr. I do. I do. Jack Kennedy and Bobby Kennedy from heaven talking about their son. You know, you're right. Your son is certainly a colorful character.

Uh, it's a very, uh, uh, extraordinary positions on different, uh, issues. I know. I, uh, I agree. Jackie, uh, dances to his own tune. It's just the same accent, but slightly more Bugs Bunny. But, um,

I like that they're so compassionate about him. They're not mad. Well, they would be. You know how Jack Kennedy, if you ever want to just be happy, watch a John F. Kennedy press conference in 1961 or two. The charm, it's off the charts, the way he was, I see you're a question. And then he would do some self-effacing joke. I mean, what a master of that. So anyway, I don't know how we got here, but where should we go next?

But yeah, I'm happy to do other things on the show, but it's been fun to do Biden. And I do try to George Bush seniorize it in that I take liberty. He never said, I can't believe it's not butter. You know, I make it a character. And I when I'm doing the character, I like the character I'm doing. Like I like to I like the character of Joe Biden that I do. So anyway, that's all I got to say. He's a nice man.

Yeah. I mean, I, it's a human thing. Neil Young used to say that about Paula. It's a human thing, man. Cause when I told him I was going to the white house, we were at a, after SNL, we were sitting, I go into the white house to George Bush senior. He goes, it's a human thing, man. So in the end of the day, all the politics, it's a human thing. And so I would love a president Biden to come on and just be fun to do a little thing with him. Judd went to Coachella with Biden, I think.

Judd hangs to all the celebs. So enough about that. Now, what about your comedy? What are you doing with this comedy thing right now? I'm at the New York Comedy Festival. I'm at the Beacon Theater on November 9th. You're headlining the Beacon by yourself? I have some friends that surprise guests. Last time I did it, Sandler came and Mike Birbiglia. So this time, it's a secret, but there will be people there that you'll be

you'll be happier that they're there than I'm there. You're kind of really just hoping I tricked people into joining me and that's the reason to go. And I can say right now, there are people way better than me on the bill, secret people you'll be excited about. So, but are you going last? Are you headlining?

Well, that's always the question, isn't it? Because when we do Largo, sometimes it's Judd's night and I'll go on and go over to see Judd and hang out.

But sometimes, Judd, you do beginning and then middle and then end, right? Sometimes I do like 20 here, 20 there. Yeah, yeah. You know, depending on how it's going. But I'm also in Atlanta at the Variety Playhouse this Sunday. These are all benefits for hurricane relief. Like David Spade, I've made all my shows benefits for the Red Cross for hurricane relief. Right, David? That's nice, yeah. Right?

I gave fat ones to the bread cross about 10 years ago. Remember? I think you remember. Cause I put out a press release. They haven't spent it all. They can't spend it all. So you can ask juddapatow.com slash events. And the one in Atlanta, the money goes to Georgia and the one in New York, the money goes to North Carolina. Yeah.

That's cool. What's the date of the Beacon one? It's the 9th of November, and it's the 3rd in Atlanta. And what day of the week is the 9th? It's Saturday. Oh, it's Saturday. And it's just a few days after the election. So it could be any kind of night, depending on where you sit. Because I was going to, if it was a night I could be there, because I will be in New York, but if it's Saturday night, it might be tricky. I was just going to be in the audience and raise my hand and then...

Yeah. Oh, well, and then come up and do Biden. Do you have a show that night? Yes. Oh, boy. But I happen to be there. And then, okay, so that's the ninth at the Beacon for the hurricane relief. And then the second one is on what night of the week? On the third in Atlanta at the Variety. It's a Saturday, right? Got it.

You know, it's funny when you give money to Red Cross or something and you do a nice gesture immediately after someone like Taylor Swift gives a million dollars. Everyone goes, wait, what did you give again? I go, well, listen, it all is thrown into the pot. A million became the kind of bar of like- Yeah, it has to be at least a million. And you can't be like, I'm going to give $75,000. And it's like- And someone else gives a million. Yeah.

I know. That's the problem is that when you do these things, you say, like, you're going to do an event, you'll make some money, and then the money just goes there. We don't need to know how much. It's all positive vibes. It's all going to a good thing. Can I? Go ahead. Do people give privately anymore or is that not in fashion? You're not allowed to not brag about it. Okay. Okay.

Well, I could do some retroactive bragging then. So I was not posting on. It's like you try to give money to a politician and then Elon Musk gives them $150 million. Yeah, that's right. It's like when you see someone go, oh, we saw George Clooney leaving this restaurant and TMZ caught him giving a bum $100. I mean, a homeless guy.

I mean, a not home guy, whatever it's called. And then they go, oh, well, when there's 18 paparazzi there, I'll give 200. How about that? So a thousand for a thousand dollars. Let's talk about trending bang for your buck. You go to a diner with friends or whatever, and you leave a thousand dollar cash tip. So you're for people that were blessed by America in our lives. We can do that. And that'll trend big.

But if you give $500,000 of a million for hurricane relief, people are like, yeah. Yeah, Sandra Bullock gave more. Yeah. Sandy. Yeah, but when you give a big tip at a restaurant like that, then the next time you come back, when you bring it back down to 22%, then you're dead. Oh, yeah. They always heard. It's true. Bill Murray said he always...

I think he said he had to carry 20s during SNL. Now it's 50s, now it's 100s. Because if anyone gets a little less, they go, a little tough out there in the career. Yeah, Bill Murray. He's got financial problems. Because you're only getting 100 every time. Look, when they take my bag down to the car, it used to be the bellman, then he's gone. Then there's another guy with the trunk open. Mr. Spade, it's all good. I'm like,

Oh, that guy gave it to that guy. I have to dust my bag for prints to see who I give money to. I grazed it. If you go to the hardware store and on the screen it asks you what your tip is, what's your move? For buying nails? Yeah. Well, I just went and picked them up and brought it here, so I...

I just tip half. I just tip half. And when I go to a Four Seasons or that kind of hotel, I pack my jacket with 20s. Yeah, half at a restaurant. I pack my jacket with 20s like a magician. And then any guy leaping valet or whatever, it takes me usually, which I'm fine doing this. I know it's not what's going to break me. It takes me about $200 to get to my room. But then I go, well, why not? I mean...

I mean, I worked on Tips. Did you ever be a waiter or a busboy? I was a busboy. I was a busboy at the Eastside Comedy Club on Long Island because I wanted to watch comedians when I was in high school. First, I was a dishwasher. I had the same trajectory. Yeah. Dishwasher was...

But I couldn't see the show because I was in the kitchen. I was like, this is a miscalculation. I can't see. It was literally like Rosie O'Donnell. Was it the Hobart 3000 where you'd run it through a thing? The Hobart? Hobart 3000 was my dishwasher and the dishes would pile up. You'd get no break and I would eat off the plates that were left over. Would you eat off of it? I had a friend who was a waiter and he ate like a half a hamburger off of someone's plate and then both his arms got hives. So...

We all realized not to do that. I ate everything when I was a boy. Hives from a hamburger. I can't connect those dots. Well, who knows what saliva from the guy's last bite. That's what he told his girlfriend.

Yeah. She goes, how'd you get these bumps? He's like, babe, you know, I'm a bus boy. I ate the wrong hamburger. I loved being a dishwasher. I love just having my hands and everyone's melting wet buns and breads. And it was like a video game because they would dump the dishes and you had to clean them fast. So the area where the dishes got dumped didn't get too loaded up. Right. And it was like a human video game.

Yeah. And then you'd stack them and they'd be hot. You stack the, you know, the bread roll plates and you, and you, and then you'd have to mop the entire kitchen for the night shift or day shift and clean up for hours after. When I, when I smell, when I was doing those, you know, you put them all in the racks, Judd, and you push them into the steamy machine and that smell, if I cut through the kitchen and you smell it, I just go, Oh my God, I'm so glad I'm not doing that anymore. It's so hard. Yeah.

Oh, I get the opposite. I'm just like, oh my God, that was so fun. I used to put on Foreigner 4 and listen to Jukebox Nero while I mopped the floor at 1.30 in the morning. Yeah, that's cool. It wasn't Monday. All right. Well, I think that's enough for Judd. He did a great job. We had a lot of fun with Judd.

He had his curtains almost closed. He did everything right. Let me just ask you one quick question. Where are you in your standup right now? Are you in shape? Do you have a new thing? Are you in your standup? I do have a new hour. And I think it's kind of interesting. I tell a very long story about taking ayahuasca that leads to a lot of other things.

Kind of stories about youthful trauma that is kind of interesting. I usually don't tell like a really long story, but this is such a crazy one. Sometimes they're good. It's good to feel good. People talk about ayahuasca on this podcast and our other sister podcasts, ayahuasca, MDMA, you know, whatever, Neil Brennan. Have you done the ayahuasca?

- I have not. I did mushrooms in my 20s and I thought, "I'm good." - David? No, David's not. He's not gonna do that. - He's not gonna trip. - Not risky like that. I did read that you were shopping with Leslie and you were sitting over on the side or something. There's a lot of reports on you sometimes on the sites.

And a photo. And a photo. Although one thing, David, you'll relate to is when I took ayahuasca, my back was out. And I thought, what if I'm tripping and just start like leaping, but with a bad back? And that's why you can't do it because, you know, your back or your neck will go out. My neck, yeah. Would it fix it? Or it would fix it. Because I'm sure a lot of it's mental. Were you kind of, without being pithy, were you fixed a little bit? Or I guess it's in your standup.

Was I what? A bit? Fixed. Neil Brennan just said it between ayahuasca and MDMA, and this is all public knowledge or whatever. He kind of got out of his depression. Not, I mean, it really helped him at least last time we talked. Well, it was, well, I'm Catholic now.

That's the only big change. That's a fix. Me too. I'm Lutheran. I'm Lutheran too. I was raised Lutheran. There you go. Yeah. So, yeah. Okay. Well, thank you, Judd. Well, have a nice time in New York. If I'm not in the show, I'll drop by. Yeah, drop by after dress. Yeah, I could just squeeze over there. All right, Judd. Miss you. Judd Stanov is funny. Go see it. I've seen it.

This has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly. It's executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Jenna Weiss-Berman of Odyssey, Heather Santoro, and Greg Holtzman. Hope you liked it.