Nick Swardson
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Yes, I have actually stayed at Airbnbs from time to time. And truth be told, I do really like them. I'm being totally honest right now that I've had great experiences with them. Yeah, I mean, you can have your look at you go get your own place, get your own pool, your own living room. You're not going to walk in an elevator. You're not going to see people when you're walking around in your undergarments. Yeah.

Yes. And if you don't understand what we're talking about, you should go online. What we're saying is you have a house with a kitchen and a bathroom and it's just for you, tailored for you. You liked your Airbnb over a hotel. Yes. And I do think I've had relatives stay nearby and sometimes it's very nice for them to do an Airbnb and have a little house and they're not underfoot. The last thing you want is your house guest to say, excuse me, um,

Where would I find a towel? That's a toughie when it's because they're naked. Well, it's like the 1800 time you say on the towel rack. Yeah. Thank you. I was going to look there. People don't even think hotels sometimes just go, hey, I'll go there. I'll get an Airbnb. So you won't regret it.

All right. This next little squid that is going to be on the show, Nick Swartzen, old buddy of mine. If you're in the Happy Madison universe, you would know him from, just go with it, Benchwarmers. He was in Grown Ups 2. Bucky Larson. He was Bucky Larson.

I'm trying to think of the other ones. He's in pretty much all of them peppered throughout. Also Reno 911, he played Terry, the ice skating crazy character. Yeah. No, Terry, the roller skating. What'd I say? Roller skating on Reno 911.

What a crack up. He can go to Comic-Con the rest of his life just over that one. So very lovable guy, very funny. He's got a new special out on the tour. He loves starting it live, grew up on all of us and wanted to talk to us. And we like talking to him. You had fun, Dana. He's just one of those exceptionally likable, real people. He's been just incredibly funny in everything he's in for the last 25 years. So,

It's fun to catch up with him and talk to him. And he's going to be out on a tour next year called Toilet Head. Nick Larson. It's not. Sorry. Nick Swartzen. I was thinking Bucky Larson. Nick Swartzen in Toilet Head coming to a theater near you next year. And his special is called Tell Joke from Face.

I think so, yeah. On YouTube, and that's going to be out soon as well. We hassle him about that very quick on his feet. Always has been. Enjoy Nick Schwartzen. Well, I was just going over Seriously Who Farted, Toilet Head, and certain other things. I thought, I want to get with the program. I don't want to be left out. Look at him. He does all his church slaying and all that. He's afraid of anal material, bottom line.

feces. I'll let you guys talk. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, that's all you're going to say the whole time. I'm not allergic to diarrhea. That was out of special or is that what a burn? That's going to be on my tombstone.

Weird guy, but definitely wasn't allergic to diarrhea. Anyway, we introduce you later. We record your intro, so that's why we just start talking. Some people go, do we have a start point? Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah, that's fine. Yeah. This is it, and you've been doing great. You're doing great, sweetie. David, you look really good. You look like a Muppet that was dipped in diarrhea. Yeah.

Good Lord. Welcome to it, Dana. This is my life. I hang out with this guy. It's hysterical. You guys, let's get down to business and talk politics. Yeah. Let's make half the country hate us. My manager is Rob Schneider. And he really cues me in on what's up to date. They're poisoning our water. I remember when we were on tour with...

i don't know spade if you remember this we were um i believe we were in dallas and sandler got sick and we had a big show in new orleans the next day and uh he had like a really bad like sinus infection so i was like oh you should get a b12 and a cortisone shot

And Rob goes, no, no. Green tea. No. He needs green tea. And I'm like, no, he has an infection. I've seen this before. Like, he needs, like, science. And Rob's like, no, no, no. Yeah, listen, I went to the University of TikTok. I know more than Rob. I remember, yeah, we were waiting, like, in the Dallas, like, lobby for everyone to bring their bags down to go to the next city on this middle of, like, a nine-day tour.

And they're like, Adam's still not feeling good. He's not coming down. And we're like, oh, wait. And Rock's like, I want to walk around.

So we're all sitting there. We don't know what to do. And Nick suggests B-12. Like typically, you know, you get the doctor to come over and they give you a little Pink Floyd shot, you know, when no one's looking and you're like, I'm John Bonet now. Let's do this. And they kind of jack you up a little bit and you get through the show. But we had that all set up and the doctor goes up and then Rob ran up there after him. And we're like, Rob, do not. And he goes, that was a close one. He almost fixed him.

He almost got the show going again. I said, this is a process. You squeeze a lemon. You take some magnesium. We're like, oh my God. Cancel the show. I had a guy who was obsessed with pomegranates. Pomegranates, man.

It's literally for everything. It's a, it's a miracle. It's a miracle vegetable or whatever. Pomegranates. I mean, I, I, I subscribe to that stuff, but it's like at a certain point, like Adam was really sick. It's like, you know, a cortisone B12 shot would have fixed him immediately. Or at least we could have done the show. It had canceled the show. Like green tea. Like if you get, if you get shot,

By a gun. You're not going to pour green tea on your wound. Well, yeah, he needed an IV. He needed water. He needed hydration. He needed a smear of pomegranate on the hole. Something that can kill bacteria. Yeah. He needed a pomegranate butt plug. Yeah, or just... There you go. Pomegranate's a funny word, isn't it? Was Norm on that one?

Norm was not on the Dallas one. No. Norm was on an earlier one and Norm was actually the most fun in probably a group chat because we have a group chat of everyone just ragging on each other. Yeah, Norm always confused about everything. Yeah, what? What do you mean? What is it? Was it breakfast?

Like, yeah, it's called breakfast. Just everything confusing. Yeah. Intentionally always doing a bit like every moment. It was so funny. Like, what are we doing here? Is this called zoom? Is that what they call it? Zoom? Yeah. Why do they call it zoom? Where are we going? I mean, I'm still in my chair. It's not going very fast. We're doing a show in space.

In space? What's going on here? One time, Nick, we were on the same floor, you know, usually, and Norm, I think I told this to Dana, but after the show, of course, the show turns into like, we get there early, then we hang out in Adam's dressing room, which is like a palace, and then we go, we do the show, and it ends late, and then they find some restaurant that'll

take us idiots to eat steak at midnight. So we do that. Everyone's wondering why they feel sick and gain nine pounds in four days. So then we eat like scallop potatoes at 2.30 in the morning. And then we go back to the room and Norm goes, he's walking me to my room and he goes, what are you going to do now? And I go, fall asleep within 14 seconds. And he goes,

well, you want to come hang out? And I go, Norm, I actually sleep at night. I'm going to probably take a tub and go to bed. And he goes, why don't you just take a tub? I have a tub. I go, I'm going to come in your room and take a bath. He's like, we can just talk. I go, no, this is the optics. Aren't good. Norm. No, no, thank you. And the next day he goes, Spade wanted me to take a bath with him. That's what he says in the group chat. And I'm like, no, no, no, no. So,

That's amazing. I love that. I remember one time I think we were at Mohican Sun in Connecticut Casino and we were backstage and it was me and Norm and then you guys, David, you and Rob were in Adam's dressing room and Norm and I were in the hallway and there was a security guard walking down the hallway towards us and he had a gun.

And I go, oh my God, Norm, that guy's got a gun. And Norm goes, what? A gun? Oh my God. And he ran into Adam's dressing room. Do you remember this, David? And he goes, hey, there's a guy with a gun. And Adam goes, what? What the

the fuck and uh all you guys were like oh my god this guy with the gun and i was like oh no no it's a security guard was a joke i was just messing with norm and norm goes no but the guy's got a gun and uh adam adam got mad at me and he goes he goes what that's a joke that the guy has a gun i'm like i was just messing with norm i didn't think he was gonna run in and scream at everybody i was just trying to get in trouble and i got reprimanded

And I'm like, he works a word, you know, my favorite story, which we said before, I tell it shortly, but he's in, he's playing with love. It's some casino. And he's after the show where, Hey, give me, I need $800, you know? And John's like, no, no, you don't finally wears it down. All right, here you go. But pay me back tomorrow. And then Norm comes in. John goes, where's my money? He goes, I don't have it.

And John gets really mad and goes, what are you getting mad for? I lost $8,000. Why are you mad at me? You only lost $800. You only lost $800. What a battle of the most insane voices. Norm and Lovitz in a conversation. It's just driving anybody insane. I told John that Norm was kidding and Norm was intentionally saying,

Once John took a bite of this was like, well, I'm a better Santa than you, you know, because I've been doing it longer. So I'm better. You're not a real stand up. He would say that to John and John would get super mad and excuse me. What? You know, angry. And then I said, the more you get react, the norm's going to go work. That is just so funny. Oh, going back to diets and how we would eat late at night. It was so brutal. It's like David said, these horrible meat sweats.

Like, I mean, Adam would eat steak at midnight. It was like insane. But I remember one time we were doing the Zohan and I was at Adam's house. Yep. I was at Adam's house and this is before he had his kids. And he was like all stressed out because he wasn't losing weight. He was like, I keep gaining weight. And I'm like, really? And he's like, yeah. So I go to his refrigerator. He had two huge refrigerators. One had food. The other one was just ice cream sandwiches.

And I go, what is this for? And he goes, I like ice cream sandwiches. And I go, well, when do you eat them? And he goes, well, I wake up in the middle of the night and I'll have like four.

I'm like, in the middle of the night, you have four ice creams and you're wondering why you're not losing weight. What are you doing? What are you in kindergarten? What was the answer? Did he get rid of the ice cream sandwich? He didn't put the math together. Yeah. No, he got like a Navy SEAL to train him and punch him in the penis. Nick and I, I've known Nick since the very, very old days. When did I first see you, Nick? Was it, it wasn't.

I want to say Benchwarmers is before Benchwarmers, right? The first time I ever met you, Dana, I don't know if you were there. It was at the Aspen Comedy Festival and they had an SNL reunion in Aspen. Oh, wow. Yeah. The HBO Comedy Festival. Yeah. Farley was there. And that was the first time I met you, David. I don't think you remember it. I remember we went out with Dave Becky. Okay. I love Dave Becky. Yeah. And Dave, didn't he used to book you at like the San Diego Improv or something? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Mm hmm.

So we went out and you had just booked Just Shoot Me. And you were talking about it. We were walking around asking you and me and Dave Becky. And you were like, yeah, I just booked a sitcom. It's on NBC. Is that a good network? Yeah. Yeah. And you were super cocky. Was that good when it's the major main best one? And then I'd walk up to other people and go, bye, guys. I go up to other two strangers and go, yeah, I guess I'm just going to do this new sitcom. And they're like, oh, hi. Hello. And you're like, bye bye.

Oh yeah. We should get in a Nick that he has to be an SNL fan because he's a little twerp from Minnesota. You're up there struggling along, not fitting in. I'm guessing. And no one likes you. I'm guessing. And, and then, then you probably, when did you start on the old SNL train? So I, we all started standup young, right? I started when I was 19. You were how old David?

I was 19. Dana, you were how old? Well, a little asterisk here. There were no comedy clubs when I started. I mean, literally. So I did do a set. It was the old west. When I was 20. But then it would be months before. With Charlie Chaplin? What did you start with?

There was not a comedy scene. I mean, by the time 1980 came, I got out of college. They built a comedy club called The Punchline. But before that, it was just the Holy City Zoo. It was a bar. So you just didn't get a lot of sets. The train tracks were laid by the time you guys got there. So you start doing it and you do five nights in a club.

in my day we didn't have a dixie cup with a string i played a delicatessen and that's true i played a delicatessen i so you know so you're getting yours yeah so you're you're a real ham at the delicatessen this guy's a yeah that's part of my special you're like what you're you're doing a special

Oh yeah, you did a special, right? Yeah, I got a special coming out July 18th and then I've got a whole new hour touring this fall, Toilet Head. Oh good, well we'll cut this part out, but what's the special? So wait a minute, I have a question. So you're going to record the special, the special comes out and then you're going to tour? So you have a whole extra... Okay, go ahead, go ahead. Well, can you tour with the special? You have to have new material, right? No, I have a special coming out. It's already recorded. Oh, I got it. That was recorded last year and now I've got a whole new hour touring.

for the fall and I'll record that at the end of the year. Wow. We always talk about this. How do you get an hour? I don't know. It's hard to get an hour. Yeah. It's the hardest thing ever. It's so tough. But to answer your question, David, so when I started standup, I wasn't a big fan of standup. So I was a huge fan of SNL. So for me, my favorite years, I don't know if it's because just my time, but like, or my age, but like the late eighties, early nineties, like you guys' era, I think is hands down the best era ever.

'Cause that cast was such a banger between you guys, Farley, Rock, Tim Meadows, Kevin Nealon, Phil Hartman. I mean, like it was just insane. - Mike Myers. - Mike Myers. I mean like- - There was a coalesce. There was like, yeah, I agree with that because you had the new, the bad boys of comedy

coming in rock and spade and everybody. And then you still have Phil Hartman, myself, Mike Myers, Jan hooks, Jan hooks. And so it was sort of, uh, I said, when we interviewed Lauren, I said, didn't,

All the errors are good. But I go, but didn't you have a lot of weapons? You had Toots as the cat or Sandler would sing a song. Mike would do sprockets. There were so many reoccurring characters. But anyway, just because I was there doesn't mean it was the best. Whoops. So many. I mean, it was crazy. One of my favorites. Who wrote Massive Head Wound Harry? Oh, yeah. Was it Jack Handy? No. No. I did.

Different people worked on it, but I believe Rob Schneider was the core of it. Isn't that what Rob told us? Oh, my God. No, he said Joe Biden wrote it. Rob said Joe Biden wrote it. I asked Biden, did you write Massive Heavy on Harry? He said, yeah, Harry is a massive vibe. I agree. So you did write it. Anyway.

How to get canceled. Who wrote the effeminate heterosexual? That's a great Lyle. Lyle, the effeminate heterosexual. That was me had a hairdresser who was so effeminate and he was completely straight. And so that essence came from then Smigel did the song. And then that was that. And I guess I heard a rumor that it was Tim Burton's favorite sketch. I don't know if that's true. You hear weird things like Tim Burton. That's so random. Yeah.

I love sketches that have a little song up front. He's lying. Oh, you know, I love that where the whole premise is completely right up front and then you go in. Here's the song that says the whole sketch and then you just act it out. I don't think they do that as much anymore. Maybe they do. Toyota's national sales event is happening now, meaning it's a great time for a great deal on a dependable Toyota truck.

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I want to do that. I want to be a funny guy on TV. Yeah. I was like, again, I started doing improv and I did sketches and stand up. I just never thought anything about it. So my improv company folded comedy sports. And so I was like, okay, I'll just try stand up. So I went and I tried it and it went great. It wasn't like my first time was awesome.

And then it went all downhill from there. That's everyone says that first one was good. Then you bomb and you start collecting bombs. Yeah. One of my favorite stories is when I first started, I got successful really quick when I was really young. I was 19 and I got the HBO comedy festival for people that don't know. That was a huge deal. So I was a new face at 19 years old. I'd been doing standup for six months. And so long story short, I go to the Bay area and,

And I had all this heat on me. I'd signed with Dave Becky, who's a manager. And this guy, John Fox. Do you remember that name, Dana? No, of course. He booked all of us up and down the coast, Seattle Underground. Yeah, totally. Yeah, absolutely. Booked a ton of clubs. So I go to the Bay Area and he booked me in Santa Cruz. I believe the club was the Crow's Nest, if that's right. Yes, yes.

So he, I fly into the Bay area and he drives me personally into the gig. And he's like, he goes, you have a ton of heat on you. Everyone's talking about you. I'm really excited for you to do this room. I'm like, okay. He goes, I'm going to drive you personally. So it was like an hour and a half drive. And we're talking comedy the whole time. And he's talking about you, Dana. And he was like, you remind me of a, of a Dana Carvey. He's like, he was, he came in hot, young kid, just smoked the room, blah, blah, blah.

I'm like, I love Dana Carby's. One of my favorites. So anyway, long story short, we drive to the gig. I bomb so hard. So hard. Like it was one of my top bombs of all time. And then we had, then we had to drive home for an hour and a half. And he didn't talk to me the whole ride. Oh,

So we went from being like all excited and I take it and it was just the most awkward. And I just kept thinking of, ah, I am not Dana Carvey. Like he just kept holding me up to the bar of Dana. And that was all an illusion. I mean, I, I started, I did some sets and then I happened to win a comedy competition, but then I bombed opening for bands and bombed all the time. I mean, you just bomb until you,

But you're more experimental, aren't you? When you're going to tell you all this, how I'm supposed to do it. Were you just like going up with your energy the way I would perceive you? And if the crowd hooks it, then you're in. But if they don't get it. Yeah, I have. When I started out and I don't know if you guys were like this, but like starting out in stand up, I was terrified of silence. So I was so physical and energetic.

because I didn't want any silence. Like I didn't want any kind of dead air. So I was just manic and crazy, just a crazy person. So like that made it even worse when you're bombing. So when you have like energy times a thousand and the crowd's like, yeah, no. You know, sometimes it's tough when you go up, you guys know that if I'm doing a corporate or anything, you know, you can still bomb in this day and age. And I go up and I,

And I sometimes catch myself going, folks, if you're not buying the first three jokes, you're not going to buy the last. I mean, it's, it's, I don't have a big, I don't change to Southpaw in the middle. Like this is my sense of humor. If you're not really into it at the beginning, first 10 minutes, it's very rare to win them over, but you can, you can trip into a bit and,

That sort of clicks. And then they start to go, all right, we'll give you a chance. And then you do another one. And then that's the best feeling if you can turn them around. But it's, it's kind of true. Like if they're not buying your whole vibe,

It's just tough. They just like no sale. Did you in the early days at some point have a bit or a joke that was what, what I would call surefire, like one that you could lean on. You know, I had Jimmy Stewart as a waiter, uh, that never didn't get a laugh. You know, and I don't know if at some point you do have like the one bit that never, it's like Spade doing, um, Tom Petty at some point.

Not always going to get a reaction. He had the hat. He looked like Tom Petty. Hard to follow. Funny face. Yeah, mine, I would impersonate a cat vomiting.

That's already funny. Yeah. So I would impersonate exactly like a cat vomiting and that would always kill. That was one of my first go-tos. You could actually say you're going to do that later in the act. Go, you guys, if you stick around, I'm going to do a cat vomiting and it keeps getting a laugh and then just never do it because it's just funny anyway. I love just stuff like that. Like abstract, just with no connection to reality or anything. Here's a cat vomiting. The idea of someone doing that makes me laugh.

Well, also like the big thing too, is when you have a closing bit, like that's so key, like trying to find a really good closer. So God, it's so stressful. Fun is when you move a bit.

from the middle of the act and you go, let me try to close with this. It's such a victory. You go, oh my God, I have a fucking closer. Like a bit you're just working on. You go, oh my God, it's so strong. I can put it at the end. And then you do a special and the grossest part is you got to rip it out of your fucking claws and go, nope, you don't have that crutch anymore. You're like, God dang, I finally got that one to work. Yeah, it's the worst. I remember I used to open for David Cross and we were doing the Houston Improv

And or the laugh stop. Sorry. And I was going to the bathroom. I was taking a pee in the bathroom. And I thought of a joke where I was like at the urinal or toilet. It was at the toilet, Jimmy. It was at the toilet. No wonder it always killed. It's funny when I hear anyone do it. That's why somebody talking like that. Go ahead. So I was like, I thought of a premise where I was like, God, what if I came as much as I peed?

Like I peed for like a minute. I'm like, what if I orgasmed came for a minute? And I told David that and he was like, oh, you should tell that on stage. And I go, really? So I told it on stage and it did well. And then I forgot about it. And then a decade later, I talked about it. I like, I found it in one of my notebooks and I was like, oh, and I did a whole, then became my closer 10 years later, I'd forgotten about it. And I randomly just said, come pee in my notebook. Yeah.

And then became my closer on my Netflix special that I did. I have common PMI notebook. It is interesting when you keep, I don't know about, I keep massive pieces of paper around. I I'm incredibly lazy, but I I'm terrified of forgetting a joke, but you will go through it once in a while. I got big gobs over here and you go, Oh, that one. Why'd I stop doing that one? It is fun when you go, Oh, that bit'll work. I look at mine, Dana. It's like, it's like,

I put a joke like, yeah, last time I did that was when I was 12. And then in parentheses it says cross eyes here. That's the funny part. Yeah. And I'm like, oh, right. I got it. I can't forget. That's the real killer part of that one. Like I give myself notes. Oh boy. So what's your, what's your closer? What's your closer on this special? I don't want to give it away, but you did it off. You did it off the grid. You did it yourself, right?

Sorry, my computer does that. It's a little. Yeah, I was like, what is that? It's on YouTube, which is all the rage. Release it direct to consumer. Is that the idea? Or was it? Yeah, because I had gotten I was talking to Hulu and Amazon on these places, but they wanted to release it next year. So I've got my fall tour. So I was like, I'll just throw it on YouTube. Like, I don't you know what I mean?

I'm not making any money. I'm just like, I want everyone to see it. It's a promo. Even Schneider said, if I do another one, I don't even want to try to sell it to Netflix. I would just say, could you put it on? Just take it for free. And if not, I'll put it on YouTube because you really just need a calling card of like, here's something and you generate a little money from that. And then you push the tour. Like musicians, you probably make more when you go on the road. So you got to

get people interested yeah everybody i mean you make money from touring we're not all you know sandler and rock and chappelle or it's like here's eight billion dollars

No, I mean the new Netflix deals are, yeah, it's more just for the platform. But how did you film it then? You're in charge. Look at Dana's thing. The thumbs up is so weird. It's so fucking funny. There's people, something I clicked and then balloons will come down sometimes. Dana does something and he has a thumbs up pop up on the screen. It's so funny and a balloon. I don't know what makes it pop up. Whitney did this and balloons kept falling on her. I feel like it makes me feel like I'm doing well.

Yeah, you get thumbs up, you're like, there, look, look what I just got. Look what I just got. Look what I got fireworks from doing that. Let's stop again. People are hearing this. Oh, you got it again, your thumbs up. No, but then the fireworks came for some reason. It's funnier than the whole thing. It looks like I'm jacking off. I'm going to stop. Close with that. Your orgasm is fireworks. That's amazing. So where did you, I'm just curious about that. I did the San Jose Improv, and these producers came in, and they offered to shoot it for me.

Yeah, they were great. 450 seats, giant balcony. Yeah, it's a great club. It's one of my favorites. Great club. Yeah, they fill it up. I might even do my next one there. Yeah, it's great over there. I do think like that's like a small theater. It's a club, but it's like 450. So it's sort of like the perfect size to do comedy, to record comedy. Yeah, it's great. It was awesome. And the crowds are awesome.

I really loved it. Yeah. David, I don't know if you remember this. One of my favorite tour moments speaking of Rob Schneider. We did Orlando and he got all he was mad about something. Of course. And who stole my magnesium? Yeah. And your intro. Do you remember this? Rob goes on stage and he was like, before he introduced you, he goes,

Let me just talk about the shooting at the gay nightclub. Oh, the Pulse nightclub? Yeah, he goes, it was one year ago today that that shooting happened. And the people in the crowd go, no, it was six months ago. It wasn't a year ago. Yeah, half a year. Yeah.

And they're like, yeah, no, it was six months. And he goes, and he looks on the side of the stage and I'm standing next to a crew member. And he goes, that asshole told me it was a year ago. This guy, this random guy, this crew member. And I'm standing next to him. The guy goes, I've never talked to Rob in my life. I have no idea what he's talking about. Excellent. I remember that. He goes, anyway, Joe Dirt. To the angry crowd and sad crowd. Yeah.

Hey, anyway, there was a big gay shooting. Here's David Spade, a big gay comic. Yeah, it's like, what a weirdo. I know. Do you like group shows? Do you like group shows, Nick? I love it because, I mean, David and I had talked about this. The sandwich over is amazing, but it's hard doing 10 minutes.

It's really hard. Like in a big crowd. I don't mind doing an hour. I mean, I love doing an hour, but it's like, it's a catch 22 because it's easy doing 10 minutes, but it's also hard if that makes sense. But it's great being with my friends. Like, you know, the sandwich was amazing. I mean, those are my best friends and Norm and, you know, it was just great. Where was the show where you have that picture of me, you and Adam back behind the stage is an outdoor event. It's huge event.

That was in Minnesota. Yeah, that was like 20,000 or something. But that was the one where I kept telling Sandler, I go, we have to do Minnesota. It's my home state, my hometown. We have to do it. He's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then finally, like he didn't do it. And then finally he did. And it sold out immediately. They had to add like 5,000 seats. It was like crazy. You know, I did my last special in Minneapolis. Yeah, you did the Pantages, right?

I don't look in the past. Cracker Barrel? No, I don't know. Do you remember, Heather? What was it? It was a Cracker Barrel pop-up. Yeah, it was Cracker Barrel pop-up. Next to the freeway at the iWork store. What's the theater? Cracker Barrel pop-up. Let's do that. What's the theater that has three sides to it and goes straight up? It's like an amphitheater in Minneapolis. I played that a few times. I don't remember the name. The Orpheum? But I do remember. Was it the State Theater? The Orpheum. Orpheum.

Now, my next one is in Denver. But I remember the audience as being especially great in Minneapolis. Yeah, they're phenomenal. They're fine. That's why it was tricky because when I started, I did really well, like I said, out of the gate. I'd never bombed in Minnesota, not even close. Good job. You're doing great, sweetie. Oh, yeah. That was fun. All the cats vomiting.

Oh, that's fun. Oh, he's vomiting on his own penis. Yeah. Oh, that's fun. But then when I moved to New York is when I really started vomiting. Everybody told me it was the best advice I ever got. Neyland, actually, I opened for Neyland at the Mall of America. And he told me, I go, I think I'm going to move to LA. And he was like, no. He's like, go to New York.

I remember him, Judy gold, another comedian told me to go to New York. And I went to New York and I would eat the hottest shit on planet earth. I got booed off stage. It was just a toughen you up and just go. If you can make it there, you can make it anywhere. Kind of. Yeah. Basically it was like, cut your teeth, go, go to the, go to the big Apple. What would be a typical area is Nick Swartzen. What would be a typical opener? Yeah.

for you opening line or opening. You look young. Curious why you look like a high school junior or whatever. And why would they boo you off? Did you go super blue then? Or what was it? No, because I was so clean.

And I would have to get, you know, when you're starting out, any stage time, you just have to get whatever you can get. So I would go on in the village at like one in the morning. And I'm following, you know, Dave Attell and, you know, Rock and guys like that. And I was just so clean. Like, I don't want to hear about a cat vomiting. I'm following like four hours of like pussy jokes.

Yeah. No pun intended. And then then I've also the pussy's vomiting. Yeah. See what I did. It's hard to follow a hyper confident East Coast comic just with almost like he's going to beat up the audience if they don't laugh. The fuck's up, New York? You know, following one of those guys. Yeah, this fucking guy. Look at this guy. The furrow. This queen.

What are you, queer? Now welcome, Nix Flirtson. Hey, everybody. Hi. Hi. I had a hot dog. You know what's weird? Mayonnaise. Yeah. Why? Because you put it on your hot dog. Boo. Boo. Get the fuck out of here. Some people put ketchup, but I'm kind of off kilter. I put mayonnaise. I put mustard on my butt.

Oh, that's really the weird place. I remember one of my biggest thanks to was I was doing stand up on Conan O'Brien and I was doing Conan and I was at the comedy cellar and I was doing Conan the next day and they were like, do you want to go run your set? And I'm like, no, it's good. It's tight. And they're like, no, you should run your set. All these comics. Mark Cohen was like, no, you should run your set. And I'm like, no, no, it's fine. And they're like, no, they're yelling at me. So I'm like, OK, fine, I'll do it.

So when you run a TV set, you can't really interact with the crowd. You just have to like stick to your time. So I go up and it's dead. I'm bombing horribly. And I've got to do this set on TV the next day. All your confidence goes out the window. All of it goes out the window. So I snap at the crowd and I go, none of this is funny. None of this.

I'm doing this on TV tomorrow. And they go, nope, it's not funny. I wouldn't. And I was like, fuck you. And I just walked off stage and I went upstairs in the restaurant with all the comics. They were all laughing. And I was like, oh, real funny guys. And they're like, that was amazing. You just totally ate shit.

And I was like, yeah, great. That's their help? Yeah. I know. Comics are so brutal. When you get your set to where you like it, it's almost like, I don't even want to trifle with it. I know it. I just want to go do it. And you're like, go do it again. You're like, I can't. I don't want any difference of what's going on right now. Yeah, I don't want to trifle with anything. I don't want to trifle with shit, dude. God, I haven't heard... Oh, thumbs up, David. You got a thumbs up for trifle. Oh, thanks, Dana. But isn't it my...

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That's $50 off with CodeFly at BlueNile.com. BlueNile.com. Oh, I want to talk about Benchwarmers because everyone asks me about Benchwarmers all the time. So you started writing. You're starting with Sandler. You meet Sandler. Somehow you're writing Benchwarmers with, was it you and Cover or you and Sandler? Who wrote that? Sandler called me. I remember I was in Nashville and I was doing a gig and he called me. I was in my hotel room.

And he was like, hey, I thought I sold an idea to Sony. And I'm like, what is it? He goes, it's called, or he didn't have a title yet, but he's like, it's Three Little Eagers, whatever. And he gave me the premise. He's like, I want you to write it.

And I'm like, okay. So me and Covert wrote it. And then Sandler jumped in. And I remember I had a voicemail from you, David. And you said, I've read a ton of scripts. I've had a lot of people write roles for me. We wrote it for you and mine. And you said, I've rarely seen somebody write something this perfect for me. Oh, great. Yeah. I remember loving Benchmormers.

It was great. Well, you know David's voice. That's perfect. I mean, it's a great way to write. Like, okay, David's character is going to talk like this and say this because you kind of can just process. Yeah, I mean, yeah, I just knew his sarcasm just from watching him for years. You know what I mean? And was it me and Rob in mind? We just didn't know that third one, I don't think. It was you and Rob, and then we couldn't peg the third one.

And then we got John heater, which was great. John was amazing. John, you know, I just saw an SNL. Everybody. Yeah. You know, he did a Dana. We should have mom because he, he's a great dude. And he also did a pretty funny monologue when he, I didn't know he hosted SNL and a great monologue. I saw yesterday on my Twitter. He hosted SNL. Yeah. Not funny. And, uh, everyone in the audience, he goes, uh,

A lot of people say, you know, he wasn't doing Napoleon, but he's like, a lot of people say that, you know, I stole some of these characters from back home, but these are just original characters. Then he goes, I have a question. He goes, oh, hey, Rick. And this guy in the audience stands up dressed exactly like Napoleon. Now he goes, I think you stole it from me. And he goes, no, it has nothing to do with anyone I've ever met. And then Bill Hader, not Bill Hader, but God damn it. Bill Simmons.

No, Joe Biden. Bill Cosby. Was he a cast member? Go ahead. Everyone stands up as a cast member from Napoleon Dynamite. Anyway, who gives a fat fuck? I saw it. I laughed at it. John Heder was fun. I think there was a chance of using someone else. I feel like, this sounds like a lie, I saw Napoleon Dynamite, the first half,

And I alerted Sandler and the squad and going, I don't know who we have. This guy's funny. He might be weird, but you know, I have no say in this. I'm just saying I like them. And then I think it's sort of, everyone's sort of heard about the movie in it. He came in and remember, we were trying to get him to do Napoleon dynamite, the whole goddamn movie, which is so rude, but I was going to say that. So for people listening,

David and I nonstop would do Napoleon Dynamite to John Heater. And he'd be like, all right, you guys. I get it. Gosh. All right. And we launch like when people say, like when I say you lost your, I mean, these lines still make me laugh. I didn't write probably any of them. No, you just lost your membership at video spot. And he goes, dang it.

Just to get him to say it like Napoleon Dynamite or a little bit. We all would like go, what? I can be a fan of someone just based on one line. And I think I saw that movie six times because all the kids in the neighborhood wanted to see it. And cousins and everybody. But on the bus, I think the little girl goes, what are you going to do today, Napoleon? He goes, whatever I want. God.

- It's so stupid. - Comedy like that where it's inexplicable, there's no actual joke. It's rhythmic and bizarre. It really just laughs. Any young person right now has not seen Napoleon Dynamite or a whole person. Just see it, it grows on you. First few minutes you're like, what am I watching? - I think it's perfect. I've seen it probably a hundred times. I could probably quote that entire movie.

And then back to benchwarmers anyway. So anyway, benchwarmers. Go ahead. No, I was saying one of my other favorite moments, David. I don't know if you remember this. We were in Vegas. You're doing the Mirage. And John Heater came with his wife. And so John Heater's Mormon. So they don't drink alcohol. So David and I were drinking. We're at the bar. And we're like, hey, John, why don't you have a drink? And he goes, I can't. You guys know that.

we're like yeah but you could have one get off my back no i can't you know i can't they get ordered a glass of milk or something and we were like yeah you could do like one shot he's like no you guys and i remember his wife i remember his wife because his wife goes ah but john we could maybe have one right and he got so mad he was like no we can't you know that

You were going to get a little bit of soaking action tonight, but not now. What did he think? You're going to get a funnel and hold him down with the funnel. We're so we're such losers doing that to him. But I remember there's another funny joke that you gave me when the catcher

because you're still out you're still fat yeah god i can't remember i go you're a good catcher of donuts in your mouth great um one of the catchers was jack nicholson's kid ray who was a stud who is actively being a stud right now ray was great so patrick schwarzenegger was in it patrick schwarzenegger was in it dan patrick was probably in it right

- Yeah, he was. - All of Sandler's squadron. - Yeah, he was. - Super fun, fun to shoot in the valley of LA. I wish we could shoot another movie. That was such a blast that summer. - I wanted to do Bench Warmers 2, I told you that. I had conceived the whole thing. It was gonna be like Bad News Bears 2 where we go to Japan. And I had a whole thing mapped out. I told you and Rob and John and everybody was on board and then we lost the rights.

So Benchwormers. And then they made a Benchwormers too, which was, I don't know, some nonsense. So Happy Madison didn't own Benchwormers. Someone else took it away. Something happened. They sold the name. I can't remember what happened, but yeah, but we, we lost it. But yeah, it's, I still think it was. Lovitz is very funny in that. And Lovitz is another one where he doesn't want to do Lovitz. So it's like John here where it's like, just do like your voice.

And like when we were doing Benchwarmers, I remember Lovitz would like fight about, you know, like Sandler would be like, no, just deliver it like John Lovitz. He's like, I don't want to do John Lovitz. I don't want to do that. I have range. I'm going to do a whole nother character. Sandler was like, are you fucking dumb? No, he wrote it for you in your voice.

Like just deliver the cup. The way you picture it. Yeah. I am not John Lovett. He thinks he's Benicio del Toro doing like a whisper. I'm Daniel Gay Lewis.

What about Reno 911, another monster hit? Reno, I still see clips from that. You know, the good thing about the internet, there's not one good thing. I became a national phenomenon, but I'm a treasurer. Dana, you would never have seen this because no one really did. Reno 911, of course. It was another one of those quirky, funny...

- Swarty on roller skates. A lot of ad-libbing, I would guess. - It was all ad-libbed. - A lot of funny people in it. - The movie was ad-libbed. I remember they gave me the script for the movie and it was like 15 pages. And I go, "What is this?" It was all locations.

There was no dialogue. You're in a bowling alley. Go. Yeah. That's like a dream. Terry skates up. That's a dream part, right? Yeah, it was amazing. To not have to repeat lines all day. You do three masters at 7 a.m. and by 6 o'clock that night at your close-up. And if you miss a word, the script supervisor goes, ah, you said your elbow was out and you said the before. Yeah. If every take is it's a real live take.

No wonder it's so fun. Well, that's like curb, those kinds of things where you can, it's hard for the editor, but if you can pick the right shit out, I saw some bridesmaids, uh, you know, bloopers and you're like, God, some of these are as good. You know, you just don't know. It's Sophie's choice. You go, this is the one that's going in the movie for all of time. And there's one just as good that no one will ever see. So you pick the take.

And you got to live with it. And that's hard because you sit there and go, that's good for this reason. That's good for this reason. What joke? I mean, you never know. Well, also we would try to make it, I mean, especially me, I would try to say the most insane things to break the other cast members and make them laugh. Yeah.

So my character was so outlandish. So I was just trying to come up with just pure insanity. It's like wrong. Missy where Lauren had such a great fun part where I was straight man. And then when you're insane like that, you can really say anything. And when we're at a date and she's like, quit trying to, I fuck me.

across the room to some tough guy and i'm like what are you doing like so every take they'd be like do this one a little drunker you know what do this one a little sexier no do this one a little more insane and it just turns out to where you that was another example of there was a wrong missy was such a fun movie that worked out for us all nick was in it with us and um

but there's so many very well that day but i did you did great you're my buddy in it we're buddies from portland we're pals yeah you always did nick didn't want to shave his beard by the way dana just what'd you say dana i said nick is always funny i don't think i've ever seen you not funny i remember what was the one sandler did with jennifer aniston is just go with it yeah just go with it

Were you in that one too? I mean, or there was every time you come in, you're like doing something so insane. I assume it's like your own little ecosystem. You, you sort of invented. I'm just a crazy person. Yeah. I was the guy that was, I played part German and I resuscitated the sheep. That's right. And I was like, Oh, so shape. I remember, I remember Sandler called me. I remember exactly where I was. I was a baby blues barbecue in Venice. And then Sandler calls me and he goes, say, what are you doing?

And I go, I'm having dinner. Why? What's up? And he goes, can you do a German accent? And I go, uh, what? Like this? Like a girl. It's a, it's a bar. It's house of food. And he goes, okay, perfect. Call you tomorrow. So then he hits up the phone and he calls me. He goes, we're doing a movie in Hawaii. You, me and Anderson, you're playing a half German dude. And I was like, what the hell? It was like the most Sandler. What a blast. Yeah. It was amazing. If there's a whisper that he might have something going, then it's always like confirmed basically. Yeah.

Hey, I might need you for this. Would you want to do something like that? Dana, what did we first do together? Was it Jack and Jill? Yeah, I think so. Jack and Jill? Was that when you played like a puppeteer? Yeah. And Regis Philman was in that. Yes, that's right. Yeah, I did a puppeteer weirdo or something. It was like a cameo. I mean, I don't know. What did you play in Jack and Jill? Yeah.

I played like his coworker. We're all in jacket show. Everybody. David, were you in jacket? I was, I was a girl in jacket. Oh yeah, that's right. I made out with Al Pacino.

Look, I've only been in two Sandler movies trying to give an assist and help out. One was Little Nicky and one was Jack and Jill. They were 10 years apart. They underperformed. Not that they weren't funny. And so I was a jinx to Taffy Madison. I think Jack and Jill is so funny. Totally. I left the goddamn premiere of Jack and Jill and I was like,

I may be wrong. This is going to make $100 million. And I did the same thing with That's My Boy. I laughed the whole time. I'm like, am I? That's My Boy is phenomenal. It's fucking hilarious. It's so rough. I like when he plays dirty, R-rated. When the comedian, when you get a sense that the person on screen is having so much fun,

Like Sandler's commitment to the Jill character and how joy doing that. It was just bouncing off the screen. So who knows why things are hits? What was the biggest hit you were ever in, Nick? Would it grown up? Not Bucky Larson. Bucky Larson. That's one of my favorites. God, I don't know. Probably just go with it or maybe click. What about grownups to dummy?

Grown Ups 2, yeah, it's another one. Yeah, come on, fool. But I would say the biggest one that didn't do well at all in the theater, but Grandma's Boy.

oh yeah that became just why i'm talking about grandma's boy just kept going and going and going right it just it made it like i knew when we were writing it i was like oh this movie is so bonkers weird it's not i don't know how they're gonna market it like i i knew it was not gonna do well but i knew when it hit dvd that it was gonna be explosive and it was it like made like as much as titanic and like dvd it's like

Yeah, that's one. I had one scene in it, Dana, again, and I heard about this

To this day. I mean, grandma's boy, if you get a scene or you're just in a movie like that, that just, they used to grind. That's what happened with Joe Durr, Dickie Roberts. When they, when you do them and they go to DVD, they do pretty good in theater and then you hit DVD and it just explodes and they make so much money off them. And then they go to HBO and they go here. So someone is making money. It's not us, but in, in a related story, one time, little Nikki, this Nikki and I were at lunch. I think Nick will remember this.

There's two things happen. We're at La Scala, like two old women, and we're having lunch. This is way back. And because, do you remember, two things happened. One, you had a residual check for writing Benchformers, and it was so big. I was like, holy shit, dude. And you had it in your hand. I won't say how much. And then I remember. $27,000. And then, don't try to do this. I know you're doing it.

And then Heath Ledger died, we heard, at lunch. Do you remember this? I vaguely do. Yeah, look at your diary. It's in there. Look at my diarrhea. We heard that. We were both a little thrown because I think we both obviously knew of him but had seen him out. And I remember I barely knew him and I had his phone number in my phone. But I didn't ever call him or talk to him.

But I remember just talking to him one night and then I thought, oh, how weird. And then I remember it was even worse because you were there for some reason and that made it worse. I was very sad. I never knew Heath, but I was a big fan.

I was sad and then you make me sad. And so it was all sad. This is a little off topic, but it's kind of interesting to me that Heath Ledger, his, his Joker kind of broke the whole form. Yeah. Oh yeah. With the lip and everything. And now Joaquin Phoenix does it. I don't know where the next thing to do is have Joker. How do you make it? Lipstick, but yeah, it was like this, then it's a weirdo, but the next show has regular, really well-groomed lip.

He should look like The Bachelor. Just go back to being the normal Joker. Because where's it going? I think the next incarnation is Rob Schneider as the Joker. As the poker. He'll poke you until you get irritated. Come on. Come in my cave. He comes into it. He comes up to Batman and throws fucking magnesium pills at him. He vaccinate everybody. He vaccinate everybody. He doesn't like vaccination.

No, he doesn't like it. He doesn't like it. Oh, let me just say, I met, this is a random segue, but I remember going back to the Aspen Comedy Festival. It was the only time I met Chris Farley. And I remember, Dana, you've been to Aspen, right? Yeah, you were there. Yeah, and I was there and I've been other times, yeah. But the altitude is really brutal.

So I was 19 years old and I remember I was having trouble breathing, like even like walking up just a couple of stairs. I was having trouble. I was 19. I was in good shape. And I remember very vividly walking home from a gig to the hotel and it was like 10 o'clock at night. And I just heard like a roar screaming down the street. And I'm like, what is that?

and i look down the street and it's farley shirtless it's like 10 degrees and he's got a cigarette in his mouth and he's doing cartwheels down the snow with his entourage i think johnny was there his brother clown of idiots yeah clown

But I'll never forget that. Farley was what? 400, 450 pounds. And he's doing cartwheels and chain smoke. Very agile. Down the street. And I just, I'll never forget the roar that just echoed. Aspen's a small town. It's pretty contained. So it just was thunderous like throughout the whole place. It was like crazy. I'm a nibbler, Dana. And I think you are too, but you always know me that I just have to keep the energy going. Um,

And I think because I learned from my dad, pistachios are a good source of just, you know, nibble, wake you up. They're always delicious. I actually named a character in a movie I did called Master of Disguise. The lead character's name is pistachio. That's how much I love pistachios. Ooh. Yeah. Well, wonderful pistachios have literally come out of their shells. It's the same taste. It's delicious, but-

It's a lot less work. As you know, cracking them open can be a little bit of a job. Less cracking, more snacking is what I say. That's what I say. That's what you say. And I'm going to use that when my wife goes to the store. Wonderful pistachios. No shells. Flavors come in a variety of award-winning flavors, including chili roasted. Honey roasted. Mm-hmm.

Sea salt vinegar, smoky barbecue. Sea salt and pepper is one I like the most. And I'm going to try this jalapeno lime. They don't have a red, red necky flavor just yet. Yeah. Look at him there. Red, red necky loves pistachios. I like to crack things open and put them in my mouth.

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which isn't us. eHarmony is a dating app to find someone you can be yourself with. We are not dating. I want to clarify that. But the connection is what you want in a dating partner. Just someone like, if you found someone that listened to this podcast, that's somewhat of a connection. And then you sort of build on that. You want someone with some common ground. Yeah. It's not, look, if you want to connect romantically over, you know, super fly or fly on the wall, yeah.

It just makes us happy. You don't want to be watching The Godfather and the person next to you goes, this movie sucks. So dumb. Yeah. You want to connect on all issues and harmonize in life. Similar sensibility, similar sense of humor, and similar sense of sense. I don't like when they watch The Godfather and they're like, everyone in this movie is so old. I'm like, they're 40.

Watch 2001 Space Odyssey. Too much of this movie is in outer space. I don't like it. When do they land? When do they land? Why is that stupid red light acting so silly? Who's friends with a robot? We know dating isn't easy. That's why we partnered with eHarmony because dating is different on eHarmony. They want you to find someone who gets you, someone you can be comfortable with.

Yeah. I mean, the whole idea is you're going to take a compatibility quiz, helps your personality come out in your profile, which makes all the profiles on eHarmony way more interesting and fun to read. So I think this is the goal of dating sites, and I think eHarmony does it great. It's just finding somebody you're compatible with.

So get started today with a compatibility quiz. So you can find some and you can be yourself with. Get Who Gets You on eHarmony. Sign up today. Nick, where was the gig you just did where you got altitude poisoning and you got sick? Dana, this is sad. Beaver Creek. Nice little town. Nick wasn't feeling well and he was doing stand-up.

And he tried to push through his show. It was 9,000 feet altitude. And I took an edible. Like, I'm the first person to do that in Colorado. 9,000? Seriously? 9,000 feet.

The people just live at 9,000 feet. They must all be distance runners or something. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, that's really high. So, yeah. And I totally brain farted on stage and then ended up on TMZ and they like took me off stage. It was like, it's a total mess, but it wasn't bad. I didn't like pull like some Michael Richards thing where I started losing my mind. No, easy on that. Michael Richards. No, you just shift. I don't say. Yeah.

So when you have that and you got the altitude, you got the edible in you and it's not happening, what is the back of your head? What are you saying to yourself internally? Abort mission. I am having trouble. I should get off stage. Or is it just sort of a slow motion? No, I could have figured it out. I was just a space cadet. He wasn't being very patient.

Yeah. It was just a total non-story, but it's funny in this day and age. Well, it made national news. It was like, yeah, it made Yahoo again, TMZ, like CNN USA today called me for a comment. I was like, what? Nick, Nick, we'll be back with more stories about Ukraine, but first out of Beaverton, Colorado, a comedian comes off stage 20 minutes early.

We'll be right back. Yeah. The best quote is like, Nick's like, I was in altitude. I take gummies and shrooms, guys. What are you worried about? Everyone's like, yeah, Nick. I'm like,

They're applauding this behavior. Yeah, they were applauding this behavior. The next weekend he sells out. This is the classic with things that happen. Oh, then I just ripped it. And then I did Aspen right after Beaver Creek. It had two sold out shows and people threw edibles at me on stage. The stage was literally covered in edibles. You're like, guys, scrape, scrape. I can't do all these tonight, but I'll pace them out.

People love that. But they you know, it's a human story, you know, I mean, they do love that. Talk about authenticity and stuff. And then you would you talk about it, make jokes and they throw out a bowl. I mean, then it's like, you know. Yeah, I was very self-effacing about it. I mean, I talked about it on stage for a while, but there was a rumor that you ate a bowl of your own diarrhea. And I was like, no, I don't know. No, I snorted it.

That's where you're wrong. Snort the pee. Hang on, Nick, before you go, let's look. First of all, let me see what else. I have a question for you. Like randomly at airports and stuff, when people come up to you and maybe some more obscure part of your career, what makes you happy? Like people come up and go, Bucky Larson's one of my favorite films or just random things from your specials or what do they say to you when they approach you?

I love it. My fans are so awesome. And I'll hang with everybody. David always gets annoyed by it. But I'll take photos with anybody. I'll get a drink with anybody. I just have a blast. So if people like Bucky Larson, Bucky Larson got 0% on Rotten Tomatoes. I think it's up to 3%. Fuck yeah. It's a phenomenal movie. So that one I always love. But obscure ones like my character in That's My Boy.

Like my random standup jokes. If somebody just pulls something from, you know, I've been doing standup for 30 years. So it's like if somebody throws out like a joke from 30 years ago, like I'll be like, whoa, like I get so fired up. I have a good one, but it's on Zoom. I can't do one of my favorite jokes here just because it's Zoom. It's very physical. I don't need to take off my clothes for it. Dana, what do you get approached for the most?

Oh, the most it's either. I have a joke for this one. Hey, do George Bush senior. And I go, not gonna do it. That's all one of those. Yeah. Beginning, middle, end. And you're out of Hans and Franz church, lady Garth, all that stuff. But once in a while, people will come up to me and go,

Oh, my friends, every month we talk about skinheads from Maine, which was a sketch that Stephen Colbert and I did on the Dana, the ill-fated Dana Carvey show. Oh, wow. It was a flight of fancy. Why are racists always Southern guys? Couldn't they be from New Hampshire or something? So it was like,

Well, you know, it's like, what you doing there? I'm whittling a hate stick for beating Spaniards. You know, so it's all that Petridge farm type guys, but they're complete racist. So the specificity of that and the, and the complete non sequitur of someone bringing that up to me is great. I like that. Chopping broccoli. I get a lot too. Oh yeah. I was going to say, but I mean, all time Garth is one of my Wayne's world. I can quote start to finish.

I still like will just randomly just pop into Garth and be like, I love you, dream woman. And then when you're playing the drum set, the guy goes, that was amazing, dude. And you just go, I like to play.

that's right you got it so good see that makes me happy any kind of line that doesn't really have a punch line that it just exists it can keep continuing to be funny if someone says thanks i like to play those are the kind that don't kill it and then they kill in longevity of a movie where you say this is our these are our three big jokes and then over time those get

on the back burner and these weird lines come out. Yeah, throwaways come out. It's the throwaway, the quirky ones. If you're going to spew, spew into this. Yeah, that's a great one. Just a little spew. But the rhythm of it, sometimes I would lose it. I'd start sounding more like a regular stoner dude. But the whole key is that guy talking like this, those sort of rhythms. Yeah, I could do it. I could do it. That part is infectious to me.

But anyway, thanks for being my guest today. Let's talk more about me. Well, wait, one thing, side note, is that I would get in arguments with Sandler about it because he never did DVD extras or outtakes.

yeah and i was always like like we have so much fun filming and i'm like dude there's so much great material here for a dvd everyone wants him at the end and he goes yeah nobody you know everybody else does that he's like i don't want to do it and i was just so bummed because people would love it because like i agree with you and i crack up all the time yeah he doesn't really like you but david so it's not true he's my best friend

Oh, that's funny because we were just laughing about you. Peter Sellers, they'd have to shut down the set. I mean, they would literally, he could not keep a straight face. They just go home. At the end of being there, they have outtakes of Peter Sellers and he just can't pull it together. Yeah. He was notorious.

hours and hours could not get one take. That's amazing. I didn't know that. Yeah. Look at, uh, just go on YouTube being there. Peter Sellers, uh, outtakes it's at the end of the movie, but it's fascinating. Really a guy that brilliant, you know, I love that stuff. I mean, recently on Saturday night live, they had the Beavis and butthead sketch where everybody broke basically. Yeah. I saw that. And Heidi Gardner, which I talked to Lord about it and she wasn't ready for because she,

Mikey day had escalated the, the makeup. So she wasn't prepared for it. So her looking and not even getting the giggles and trying to stop, look, and then just completely burst out laughing. It was an irresistible laugh for me at home. Yeah. It was like just losing it all completely. No pretense, like trying to hold it. Yeah. That was really funny. Mikey day is hilarious by the way.

I used to watch him before when he was doing sketches on like Funny or Die and stuff. He's such a talent. And a great writer as well. Yeah, really brilliant. Nick, say the name of your special again and say the tour so we get it out there for everyone. July 18th, YouTube, Make Joke from Face is the special. Okay.

And then in the fall is Toilet Head. Nick Swartzen.net. You have the best names. Nick Swartzen.net. Just those two are the best names. Yeah. Make joke from face. Well, it's like Seriously Who Farted. I remember when I was meeting with Comedy Central and that was my first hour special. And they're like, what do you want to call it? And I go, Seriously Who Farted.

And they're like, oh, that's funny. But seriously, what do you want to call it? Exactly. And I was like, seriously, who fired it? And they're like, oh, you're serious. That's what you want to call the name of your special. Oh, and I'm like, I don't take myself seriously. Like when comedians take themselves seriously or try to make like a cool name for a special or try to sound cool. It's just like, you know, over yourself.

You know what's interesting about names like that is that eventually at some production meeting, maybe for some other thing, they'll refer to Toilet Head casually. Well, we were shooting Toilet Head in San Jose. And when we shot Toilet Head, Nick wanted six cameras. We had five, I believe, for Toilet Head. Was it five for Toilet Head? Yeah. So that'll happen. So that joke lives on. As soon as people refer to it in a serious way, then the joke is complete. Yeah, totally. Yes.

Well, that's why when I thought of Seriously Who Farted, I was hoping so bad to get nominated for a Grammy for the album because I just wanted someone to say that on stage. Trevor Noah. Seriously Who Farted. And next up, the nominees are Nick Swanson, Seriously Who Farted.

And then the crowd would be like, what? What is that? Are they asking somebody who farted? And Dua Lipa is like, yeah, talking to me. And eventually it'll be truncated. You know, I was shooting Farted. I directed Farted. And yeah, I was on Seriously. Seriously, who farted? I'm trying to, what's the funniest accent to say that? Seriously, who farted? Maybe it's Garth. Nick Swartzen. Seriously. Seriously, who farted? Yeah.

I feel like a lot of people farted on Wayne's World. Seriously, who farted? During the shooting. All right, Dana. I mean, what's your name? Nick. Thank you, Nick. Nick Swartzen. Yes, thanks for having me. Nick Swartzen. Miss you. One of the funniest guys in America. Go watch his show. Watch us.

Make joke from face. Make joke from face. And his tour, Toilet Head, coming to a town near you. He will not be at Beaver Creek, Colorado on this particular tour, but soon he'll be at 12,000 feet. He's playing the Swiss Alps at 14,000 feet. My next special, I want to do 90,000 feet. And take a bunch of mushrooms.

From the space station. All right. I love you guys. All right. Bye guys. My favorite people ever. You're hilarious. Love you, Nick. Thanks for coming on. Namaste. This has been a presentation of Odyssey. Please follow, subscribe, leave a like, a review, all this stuff, smash that button, whatever it is, wherever you get your podcasts. Fly on the Wall is executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Jenna Weiss, Berman of Odyssey, and Heather Santoro. The show's lead producer is Greg Holtzman.