Jerry Seinfeld
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Yes, I have actually stayed at Airbnbs from time to time. And truth be told, I do really like them. I'm being totally honest right now that I've had great experiences with them. Yeah. I mean, you can have your look at you go get your own place, get your own pool, your own living room. You're not going to walk in an elevator. You're not going to see people when you're walking around in your undergarments. Yeah.

Yes. And if you don't understand what we're talking about, you should go online. What we're saying is you have a house with a kitchen and a bathroom and it's just for you, tailored for you. You liked your Airbnb over a hotel. Yes. And I do think I've had relatives stay nearby and sometimes it's very nice for them to do an Airbnb and have a little house and they're not underfoot. The last thing you want is your house guest to say, excuse me, um,

Where would I find a towel? That's a toughie when it's because they're naked. Well, it's like the 1800 time you say on the towel rack. Yeah. Thank you. I was going to look there. People don't even think hotels sometimes just go, hey, I'll go there. I'll get an Airbnb. So you won't regret it. Homes.com knows that when it comes to home shopping, it's never just about the house or condo. It's about the home.

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We've done your homework. Dana, we got a great fun comedian on that we both like. We've both known forever. Jerry Seinfeld. The Jerry Seinfeld who also did, what was his half hour show in the 90s called? It's called Skidoo or something. Yeah. Feld. I know it if I hear it. Feldman. So anyway, he may be, well, he wouldn't like this, but he may be kind of an icon at this point. But, uh,

It was very interesting to talk to him. That's safe to say. I mean, people throw Legend around or Oh My God. He is one of the best comics to do it, and he definitely has a show that is arguably...

the best sitcom or at least way, way, way up there. Yeah. Yeah. And we can look now 25 years later, how it's just ubiquitous. It's aired all over the world. And then Jerry is such, um, he, at his core, he's a standup and he's, he's a scientist about it and loves to talk about it. So that was very interesting. It was a really fun, interesting interview. It went by very fast, uh,

He has a lot to say and his new movie, Unfrosted. And so we talked all about that, the idea of writing and directing a movie, you know? Yeah. And all the cameos and there's so many comics and funny people that are in that movie. And it's got a great nostalgic feel to it. It was a lot of fun, that one. Just sitting with him. I don't see him that much. I see him about once a year somewhere in an event.

never get much time, everyone's around. So just to sit and we all- - And it's in person, by the way. - And we cracked up. Oh yeah, we all did at my house. - It's in person. - And we cracked up. It's good to just have hard laughs when comedians are on. - Yeah, yeah, Jerry loves comedians and loves talking about comedy. And so I think you might enjoy this. I hope so, we did. - Ah, here he is. - Here he is, Jerry Seinfeld. Men and women, do you have any chunk on that?

Yeah, I do. Well, in the olden days, I think Chris Rocks you end with male-female relationships. Yes, I do. The whole second half of my set is marriage and kids. Did you start? Yeah. Ten minutes in. It's pretty good. Yeah, we don't have a real start time. Eye to peace, everybody. Are you rolling? Yeah. Oh, good. How's your energy right now? One to ten? Uh...

Seven. Good. I had the premiere of the movie last night. I saw it. You were there? No, I saw the pictures. Oh, you saw the picture. Your family. You were smiling so much in all the pictures. Because I'm done. I know. Almost. Almost. This is kind of embarrassing, but I saw the movie twice. Wow.

Well, you know, you're cooking dinner. You got it on the laptop. You know, I'm not saying. It's a horrible chair, by the way. Work on that. This chair's horrible. I always thought you were taller. Why is he in the little kid chair? I don't know. It's shaped like someone just drew an L and said pad. Pad.

that. Chairs are now made for humans. They're actually designed to fit human beings. This is like Burger King. They want to get you in and out. Charlie, is that a better chair? Do you have a short torso? It's your chair. I'm telling you, it's a bad chair. Is Charlie's better? It doesn't look great back there.

Oh, this one might be better. Yeah. Chevy Chase sat on that one. I bet it might be a little similar. I think it's better. Okay, good. I think it's the same chair. You know, I only saw it in Frosted once, Dana. I just got these jeans. I put them on. I took the tags off this morning, and they fit. They fit perfectly? Isn't it great? What store? Levi's. Okay. Old school, yeah. I like it. What kind of jeans do you wear?

You know, they just asked me that. Just answer the question. You know, when I was growing up. Objection. Overruled. Yeah. You're a witness, Mr. Seinfeld. You know, the difference between men and women.

What kind of jeans do you wear? I don't really know. It's whatever wardrobe has. He has a professional shopper. No, I don't, Dana. I used to wear only 501 Levi's and then somewhere along the way I got lost and it just turned into brands I didn't know and they were the exact same but they cost more. The Sandler. What is that Sandler thing? I love that you would have a thing of Sandler. I know. Bob Athol.

This is his album. Yeah, 100% fresh. And there's Norm's book over there. Oh, that's great. There's just little pep. There's Will Ferrell. That's nice. It's all... All we have is each other. That's all we have. Comedians. Yeah, right? I was talking about how the only time I feel really calm is alone or with a comedian. Yeah. If I go to like a showbiz event, I will...

beeline to a comedian yeah and it's it's very a simple explanation is that we're all on the spectrum is that true oh yeah oh yeah nobody cares about the spectrum when you take it out this far it's not the one you think about yeah a little bit what's his name uh um neil brennan has a funny yeah the sprinkle of uh asperger's or whatever it is well he says psychopaths and addicts

Created the whole world, basically. Oh, right. Yeah. That was in his last special. Let me ask you a question. Has Lorne ever told you his thing about funny people? No. Because it sounds like something you would kind of agree with. I agree with everything Lorne says. Me too. So I say, I'm moving somewhere. And he always would say something like, will there be funny people there? That's the first one. And then the second one, he goes, because there's like only 900 of us on the planet.

Specifically 900. Sound about right. Globally. Globally. That's a generous number. Whoa, it's high? Yeah, because you would used to say like 50 comedians maybe in the country or any good. Or 25? That sounds high. Six? Well, the odds aren't good for us. Wait, are we in it? There's three more. I'm not picking them. I'm not picking them. All right. All right.

It's a rare breed. You don't have to rank them. I agree. Every time I'm at anywhere and if a comedian walks in, any kind of social event, I'm very happy because they're immediately critiquing the room and analyzing in a funny way. So if we're a dog, are we...

Jack Russell? What kind of dog are we? I don't think we're Jack. Jack Russell's are too upbeat for... Yeah, true. What dog breed would you say? A Yorkie. No, no, no. I know. Our Golden Retriever joke. Golden Retriever maybe? Golden Retriever, too social. But they're trying to please. Too empathetic and good in social situations. You need cynical, awkward...

A little bit angry and a little bit depressed. French bulldog? Yes. Bingo! Cat? For our listeners, look that up. What dog has that? People like those dogs. They're very popular in New York now. Valuable, too, so it's got that in there. Because they steal them a lot. They've got the ears stick up. Do you have dogs in your... I used to, but we gave them away. Okay. Did Leno take them? No, they were dachshunds and they were really weak.

Really weak dogs. No, I mean, they had no act. That's those little dogs. If you're a dog, your act is tennis balls, a master coming home, beach. That's your act. And they had no act. The only thing they can do is go to a gopher hole,

Stick their snout in it and be still and look down in the gopher hole for hours. Not enough for me. And that's not really entertaining. No. I agree. Weren't even excited about dinner. They were horrible. I hated these dogs. You got some lemons. Yeah. It happens. Take it.

So tell me about, I would like to hear, we don't see each other a lot. Yes, for sure. The table's just got turned. Yeah. Ask us anything. Well, I've done, I have my own talk show. I know what the hell, how to do it. Ask us anything. I want to know. Look, no one asked you this. No, no one asked us anything. I bring the ridge. Yeah. I come with a ridge. I didn't think of this, but I'm looking at you guys. I want to hear how this works.

what is this now in your life? This thing you thought it was just, oh, we'll just do some XSNL players. That'll be fun. And then it blew up. Yeah. So I like the sound of that one. Yeah. So what do you think about this now? Are you glad you did this? What is this? The only thing I wish about it that I wish it was on video because it'd be fun to see a lot more money too. Yeah. But I do like it because it's kind of old school. It's like a newspaper or a telegram. Why don't you video? I'm just sitting here. I,

We have cameras here. We have a second podcast we video. Yeah, we just started one so we can video and basically get out there because... Yeah, it's so easy now. Show business, boy, they really changed it up, didn't they? It's amazing. This is it now. This is all a comedian has to do. You know what's funny? You don't even have to be funny. Is that a lot are making so much money that it's... You said something the other day that was sort of forgettable, but...

It was a, no, you said something about movies and it sort of rang true with me that movies aren't the pinnacle, pinnacle. And it always was, always. And now you can make more in standup

there's these guys that are playing arenas and going on tour and they go I don't even have time to do a movie because I'm making so much money and it doesn't help me enough let's take the money out of the equation for a second let's pretend we actually care about the comedy movies are over was how you record movies are over which was really fun and they asked what replaced it and I said disorientation

is the new pinnacle. Well, we're all feeling somewhat disoriented. I think that you can't just talk about money because you're going to go down a bad road in your work if you really just go, oh, I'm making more money. It's exciting in the beginning, but then you got to... Yeah. What you have to...

except is that we have to chart a different path. Yeah, I saw it Nate Bargatze last night and Ted Sarandos was there and he's working on putting some kind of show together with Ted. He's going to lose money. It's so funny now, right? It's all money. He would lose money doing a show. Doing anything else. This is the thing I really hate. I've always hated about comedy is that we have to do other things. None of us want to, really. This thing we do like. Mm-hmm.

This kind of work is fun. You had it on wheels, basically. I had it on wheels. I loved it. But I had to edit. You don't have to edit. Well, this is at times. Now it's a long form talking with you and stuff. But at times it's like behind the scenes at SNL before you had to hone your sketch down. The best improv and the best lines were just in the writer's room. Me and Kevin Nealon would laugh for hours.

Yeah. Yeah.

when will we again be across the table for an hour? So you're meeting people for the first time and you feel such empathy for them and their journey and how they're feeling. So it's more emotional. That happened to me on Comedians in Cars. And now I'm friends with Eddie Murphy, which we weren't friends before. And everybody on the show.

You know, you're texting and it's so nice. You do a long chunk of time. We talked to Chloe Feynman the other day. We both don't know her. And then you sort of have a new thing. You go, well, they were very interesting. They know about their life more. So the thing is, I guess that we're just interesting to listen to for people? I don't know if that's true. I mean, I would never. I mean, unless it's somebody I really like. Yeah. Why would you listen? Do you listen to podcasts? No. No.

But you have. I have. Did you ever listen to one and like it? I kind of, you know, the thing is about entertainment now, Jerry, this is something that you would observe. People are always doing other things.

When you're at a comedy club, you're at the club. You may be getting a drink, but you're watching the comedian. Everyone listening to this will be doing something else. Gardening, walking, mostly driving. They'll be distracted. 12% this. So we don't have to be that good. Right. But we're still good enough. Howard Stern invented this, right? Yes. But we're better than him now. Yeah.

Right. Howard is interesting. Howard is a great interviewer. But, you know, comedy chops. I mean, can we speak candidly? Sure. No. Well, he got Robin. Well, he gets serious, too. And Robin is a big part of how he's funny. Yeah, they're all great. But let's face it. Let's be honest. He's been outflanked by some very... And yourselves, I would say, absolutely, this show is...

comedy podcast, this is the best one on the air. That's nice. Thank you. Because you guys, you play nice together. You're smooth. You're not jumping on each other, which is annoying to listen to. We're friends. We don't compete. We really don't. Right. He cracks me up. It's fun to hear him. I like to hear him score. I like to talk to guys like you. It's not always this level, but anybody in comedy is interesting to me, and we're all a little damaged and beat up.

And it's fun to hear. So some are tougher than others. You probably, when you interview, sometimes it is worse. - Yeah, that's why I had to edit it. I couldn't put that out to people with the best stuff. - You wouldn't put them through it? - I couldn't do it, no. And then I got tired of doing all the editing. - Right. - Yeah.

But I do think that people, like with a stand-up, if they love a stand-up, you or David or whatever, part of it is they're on your team. They're buying the ticket and they're there. They're already rooting for you. You're their friend. You're their guy. Jerry's smart. Jerry does this. This is my guy. So if you don't kill that night, you're still Jerry. So they just like to listen to us. If they've seen me on SNL doing crazy stuff, now they're hearing me now. There was none of this before four years ago, three years ago.

Who knew there was a market? Who knew people wanted to get to know us? Yeah. Who gets the credit for figuring, who figured it out? Dennis Miller. He did? I made that up. No, it's not Dennis. No. Who did the first big comedy podcast that people liked?

That was funny. I mean, Marc Maron is more. Marc Maron. Ours isn't that serious. We don't dig. We don't want to know that much. No, we like to put people on the spot either. Jesus Christ. Make us laugh. How interesting do you think you are? You're not that interesting. Okay. You're not. Right. When you're funny, you're worth it. Yes. This is my line, which you know me. Yeah.

I know you have a lot of great lines. No, but you know that I draw that line. If you're not funny, we're not that interested in you. That's still my true North Star. Yes. If I do stand up, I'm trying to really be funny. Yes, you've always been that way since you and I hung out. What year? 81? We've known each other? I think you might have blown through... Not in the 70s.

- Maybe, maybe. - Maybe late 70s, 'cause you were, we're like 14 months apart in age or something, but you and Jay Leno always seemed like my dad in a way. You were so much more professional. In fact, you're the first comedian I ever saw with an act, a real act.

That was at the other cafe in San Francisco. I remember it. At the Haight-Ashbury. Yeah. And our bits were all discombobulated. All of it was running into a corner ditch. And this was late 70s. And you're like, you had all this stuff laid out. I'd never seen anything like that. Yeah. It was like, but you advised me don't go on the comedy competition. You don't need it. No. This was a laugh off. No. San Fran laugh off. I did one. I did one. Came in second. Who beat you? George Wallace. Well, that makes sense. Yeah. 78. No.

You put him in on frosted. Yeah, I did. He has a funny line too. I love other people's anguish. Is that what he says? He's a bartender, yeah. He says, trouble keeps me in business. I love other people's anguish.

What about my, my remembrances of Jerry Seinfeld are the, you don't always remember your openers. No one always does, but we did San Diego improv on Garnett. We'll never forget that. And it was fucking great. And then I had my Honda and I had my skateboard in the trunk and I would skate around. And I think you thought that was interesting. And, um,

because I was so young like what was I doing there I was in Arizona and then my recollection which is funny that what you remember I don't remember all comics obviously that you were good but when you're doing like 45 every comic I'd worked with wasn't that many has the same 45 like stamped out on the road even if you see them five years later and you did 45 and the next night I watched you flipped about 20 of it was different I was like

I couldn't believe you had different stuff. And then you flipped it again the next set. It's maybe out of boredom. That's what I would have done now. But I was like, oh, he's flipping the order. And he's also changing different materials. So you have that much material. So I was just a fan across the board of that. And you were cool to me. Thanks. We had fun. Isn't it funny how...

I mean, I remember that so well. I remember sitting in your apartment in San Francisco so well. You guys don't think that I have forgotten any of these things. I just think that it was, there's so many memories. And also, I was newer. Maybe later you'd remember. But

When I have openers, some people say, I remember I go, oh yeah, now that you say it, I remember something like that. It's weird. It's weird. But when you hang out with people, if I hung out with Steve Carell, it would all be about the show we did. And I would go right back to 96. Just that it got canceled, but it wasn't Seinfeld. Put it that way. I was going to ask you a question. Do you think that most comedians, even the good ones, are essentially lazy comedians?

First of all, so impressed that you have questions. Is this a little preparation? This is out of respect. That's so nice. I'm so flattered. You and Jim Gaffigan are the two that I've most seen this really discipline. I don't even know if you call it a discipline. Willingness to tape the act, sit with it, work on the bit.

If it's not working, like I had a bit once that I could never get to work without saying fuck. Right. And it really frustrated me. Oh, that's interesting. And I tried all these different combinations. Right. It never got quite. Very interesting. But I only had one fuck in my act. Right. Did you ever say, what is the fucking deal? I did. I had one in a Superman bit, but I'm going to answer your other question because it's a really good one. I had one in my Superman bit.

It was one of my first bits about that Lois and Jimmy were these reporters and they were always tied up in an effing cave.

And how are they doing their job? You know, and if I took the F out of it, nothing, no laugh. So that bothered me. I go, so it's not funny unless I say F and cave. Well, especially if comedians use it casually. If you're going to use, we'll call it the F word. Yeah. Make sure it's a punchline.

Just don't go, oh, how the fuck are you doing? You're wasting. Oh, it's all wasted. It's all wasted. But did you ever figure you couldn't get it to work the same way? No, I couldn't get it to work. And I thought, well, then that's not funny. What the hell am I doing? Aren't I supposed to be good with words? Isn't that kind of part of this job? But as we know, there are many, many people, great, great comedians who use a lot of profanity and use it beautifully.

99% do not. But some do. So I can't say I don't have a problem with the word. But we're supposed to be good with language. I think that's what they're paying to see. Back to your question, are comedians lazy? Generally speaking. All humans are lazy. Period. Right, but they're not standing on a stage getting no laughs because of the laziness. Right.

No. All humans are lazy, period. Comedy is the hardest thing to write or do in humanity. Comma. I was thinking I had more. No, I don't have any. Look, we all know writers. My friend Barry Martis says, you think you're funny or you want to be in the business, you want to do it. Write me one page of stand-up.

One page. And you see exactly how... Right. Chops or no chops. One page of stand-up. Writing stand-up, it's poetry that makes air burst out of your mouth. That's what it is. Let me ask you a question. What I find... Please stop announcing questions. I want to... Stop...

I have a question. I wish. Question for you. Edward R. Murrow was my grandfather. It's on my mom's side. Quick question is the worst. You just doubled the length of the question. That's how much you know about quickness. I'm going to ask you a question. This one's very serious. Go ahead.

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That's $50 off with CodeFly at BlueNile.com. BlueNile.com. Do you do any race jokes? A lot of comics are doing race jokes. I don't have any. I would do any joke I could think of that works, that I like. I don't have anything on race. Race. Why would you ask that question? Because some African-American comics have race jokes, and it doesn't seem like a lot of white comics have race jokes.

Yeah. We'll take this out. I mean, I'm going to ask you a question. Why did you pause there? Because what he said was so stupid, I didn't know how to respond. No, I have another one. I wonder why black people think about race more than white people. No, I know. I'm just saying, is it possible? I wonder if that has something to do with their life experience. Well, is it possible to make fun of race if you're white? That's what I'm saying is like,

Is it too touchy or is it just too off limits or is it just better left on the side? I really, really get ill when I hear, you know, as a white guy, you know, oh, I'm white. You know, I really hate that crap. I don't like any of any of that.

White guy. I hate all that. Black guy. This guy. But I do love, and you'll say, but so hacky, I absolutely love any black people do this, white people do this. I love that bit. Never does it work. I don't care who does it. I don't care what you got. I love that bit.

Yes. It's funny. Yeah. Steve Harvey, the yellow suit special, white man fishing, black man fishing. Come on. Yeah. Love that. Have you ever seen Steve Harvey's bit? It's on YouTube where he's, if baby boomers went to war.

No. It's so brilliant. It's like nine minutes and it's extraordinary. So that's what I care about because we were talking about money or something before. I don't care how many tickets you sell. I don't care where you're playing. I don't care what you're raking in.

Let me see this stuff. If you've got great stuff, I am really envious and impressed. I don't care. So what are you going to do with this money? How many square feet is your house? Who cares how far you walk to take a leak?

I totally agree. Bits. Bits is our only currency. That's what I'm saying. Yes. And people ask, did you always think this and that? And I'll ask my wife because I met her in 79. Did I ever mention getting rich and famous? She says never. Right. Never. I was only trying to kill in the club, be as good as Leno. You are one of the great –

- Kill... - Club though. - You're kill obsessed.

Which is what makes a great comedian. You are up there, and I think I'm not at your level, but I have that. I have got to get these people. I have to get these people. That's what I care about more than anything. Yes, I do. It's nice to live a nice life, of course. It's nice how we live and all that. The best thing ever in the clubs, Jerry, was a woman with a napkin going like this.

Right in the front row? Yeah. Because you know that you've reorientated her world. That's it. Turning a crowd around is a good feeling. Yeah. If you're not working, it's not working and you're trying every trick in the book and it starts to come around and you're like, oh my God, 30 minutes in and I've got them. Did you ever open for music in the day?

And go out? No, that's too tough, I think. Did you do that? Oh, yeah. That's a tough one. It's kind of fun, right? It can be. I opened for Todd Runger. I opened for Robert Palmer. I opened for Tower of Power. Sometimes your hero will be on in a second. But first, this is me in 1978 going to college. Dana Garno. Boo! Fuck yeah! Doesn't that make a man out of you?

- Yes. - It does, it does. - I did it for Kid Rock. - Wow. - In like a probably 7,000 seater outdoor, outdoor to boot. Did I get them? Let's look at a clip. - When's the last time you really bombed? - Yeah, do you still bomb a lot? - No, I don't bomb. - In your mind, like you were off. - Look, I'm not gonna tell you where and when it was, but just recently it was- - Winnipeg in August. - It was within a couple weeks ago and I came off and went, "That was shit."

And I was really, and I'm still, I have a set tonight at the Hollywood Bowl. We're doing. Oh, that's going to be great. Is this, when is this? This airs in two years. Oh,

No, the Hollywood Bowl sounds like such a fucking fun show. Is it you, Gaffigan? Gaffigan, Mishen? And Bregazzi. Sebastian. Who's following Sebastian? Here's what we're going to do. Yeah, how are you going to do it? We're going to go out with a top hat with four number balls. Oh, I love it. I love it. So you might open. I might open. Yeah, I love it. In your mind, you may not want to answer this. Who's the hardest to follow of those three?

Following is a philosophical No, I think there's an energy thing No, no Following is me versus me

Yeah. I'll follow anybody. Oh, I see what you're saying. So they're all equal. I followed Cosby after 9-11. We did a benefit at Carnegie Hall. Right. And I followed Cosby, who I was adored as a child and sat there on the floor playing Why Is There Air over and over and over. And I followed him. It was no problem. So following, that's it. We can get into a technical discussion. What about Kenneson? Did you follow Kenneson in his prime? Oh.

Oh, well, now you're talking. I did and I bombed. Right. Five minutes. But that's loud, too. Loud is tough. Loud is tough. But, you know, look, remember in the old days we used to flip around TV and you're watching a cartoon and then you're watching porn and it's no problem. You can change...

You can change lanes. The human brain is built to change lanes. No, you just need a minute. If I follow Dennis Miller when he's really got them, I can follow it. But you have to deal with his energy for a couple minutes. No, forget it. His energy is none of your business. Well, it stays there for a moment. You can't, you know. Yeah, that's not your problem. I just go out and do something like that. Say I'm playing Tucson. I go, what's up, Tucson? What's up, Tucson?

And I have them. Okay, last night I did a set, right? But I'm on the bill. So they know I'm there. And that only matters because John Mulaney comes in and he does a guest set. And so he's very hard to follow anyway. And he's, I'm not saying I don't agree with you, but he's also a guest set, so it's even better. Oh, okay.

You know what I mean? His surprise. Right, right. He goes off and you want to tell the, you know, MC, which you would never do, do one joke in the middle. But I didn't even say that. Didn't use that bullshit, that crutch. I said, bring me right the fuck up. That's right. And then I went up and I just said, John Mulaney, great. You guys got lucky tonight. And then I go right into it. Yeah. And I did good.

And it's hard. I saw you. You just go right in it. You go, I got to floor it because you can't be the one they take the night off on. You know, if there's great comics in a row like you four tonight, sometimes they go, I've laughed too hard. If someone doesn't, their first joke doesn't work, they go, yeah, let's get some beers. And then everyone kind of goes down for you and you go, oh, this is the one they took off on. They just kind of said, he's not going to be that great. In your case, Jerry, I saw it up close. It was at the comic strip. Must have been early 80s. Wow.

We're going into the files now. So there was a lot of stuff going on. People were killing or drinking. The room was completely unsettled, this poor-ewer Jerry Seinfeld. So you came up, and I was just in the back watching.

And you're doing your thing. No laugh, no laugh, no laugh, but you're not losing it. You just keep going and going. And after about seven or eight minutes, you started to get them. And then you ended up killing. And I remember, I never forgot that. I go, this guy is bombing, but he's just laying out these great bits one after the other. No one cared. Everyone's talking, but you wore them down. Yeah. I gave you a compliment. Thank you. Thanks. That's so nice. Well,

Well, we could talk. He calls it out, too. Here's a compliment. Corporate gigs are like that. Corporate gigs, sometimes you can get them after like 20. They start hating you or just they don't care about you. And then they start to go, what the fuck is this guy talking about? And then they start to get some smiles. And then that's a big victory, especially a corporate gig. Yeah, so you do corporates.

We all do them. Yeah, you saw the house. Yeah. You think I get this from getting 20 bucks at the improv? I used to do like 50 a year. They're paying real money at these clubs now. At the clubs? Yeah, these clubs. You're making hundreds of dollars. Yeah. It's up to 50. No, not 100, but it's up there. 400 seaters, you know, two shows. Would you ever do two shows anymore? Yeah, I still do. Okay. In one night? Yeah, in one night. Wow.

What is your perfect size venue? A lot of people brag like we played this and it's bigger and bigger. I don't like to. You wouldn't care. It's not my job. Is a couple thousand where you want to stop and say? It's not my job.

The stage is my job. I don't care who's out there. Do you like it? No, I don't care what I like. I know what you fucking like. Would you prefer screens or not screens? You don't care. I don't care. Caring is not my job. Do you want the microphone to actually amplify?

That's not your job. Do I love arenas? No. Thank you. There we go. We cracked them down. We broke them. I don't love it, but it's not my job to think. If you're hired, you're supposed to do good no matter what. What? Are you saying if you're hired, you're there, you do good no matter what? I'm here to do the best I can. If it's one person or 100,000. The best I can with your setup. That's my job. Jerry, I have a question for you. Yeah. Good attitude. I know.

what you would have done. That's very political, this gesture. There he is, Jerry Seinfeld. Funny, good energy. Don't you love, Dana, just quick, when they go, look. The word look is like, what do I say? When they get asked the question, look.

And I disagree with everything you've just said. Who had the bit where they had the glasses on and they go, what do you mean my son's gay? Who was that guy? I don't remember. I had a putting a cigarette out bit to end the argument. Oh, I had one of those. But I used to do it that people who smoke, they're not annoyed by the smoke until they put it out. So anyway, that was great. I went to the pool. Don't forget your question. I want to...

What about the doctor eating show? Here's the question. What Jerry Seinfeld would have done? Yeah. Maybe a thousand seater out in West Virginia. A little soft. Jay Pharoah played the night before, so I assumed, so I said, sounds just like Jay. I mean, how's the sound? I didn't do a sound check. Oh, yeah, it's great. Sounds great. So I go up.

huge slap back hello hello hello I don't think they can fix it or they would have so I had to do the whole set feeling like I was in a fishbowl oh that's hard that's really hard because you start no it wasn't hard because hard's not my business yeah no hard is your business hard is exactly your business the choice is just to suck it up and do it that's right or to go could you guys but you start to have a mini production meeting because you're trying to be funny but you're like hey guys this guy from DeVry over here but honestly could you fucking fix this

And are you hearing that? And then blah, blah. And are these lights too bright? But you try to work it in, but you can't just stop and go, okay, here's what's going on. Because if they can't fix it, now the audience is onto it going. I did a show two weeks ago and I said, 10 minutes into the set, please go to the box office and ask for a refund if you're not happy. And $4,000 had to be returned because they cocked up the sound. They cocked up the sound. Oh.

So, by the way, when you had that bad set, did you think you were just, sometimes I feel like the audience is better than me. It was a B. It's a B. Yeah, I was about to say easy, easy, Dana. But you felt, sometimes the audience, you're better than the audience. Sometimes the audience is a little quiet and you're really on. And sometimes the audience is really good and I feel just a little. That's all fine. Yeah. But there are those shows where you can't get that coat off.

You know what I mean? You walk in someone's house, you got your coat on, and your job is to take your coat off and just be comfortable in their house. And that's a set. When you get your coat off in front of the audience, okay, I'm here with you. We're socializing, quote unquote. And I couldn't get...

Off of myself, you know. I have a trainer guy, Adam Wright, and he's a sports psych. He works for a lot of teams, a lot of Olympians. And we discussed the negative voice a lot, which every comedian is intimately acquainted with. The war between you and the negative voice on stage telling you, why would you even go into this field?

It's clearly not your forte. - It's not working. - Tennis is very strong. Tennis, golf, and stand up, you have to have a strategy for the negative voice so you won't be able to play. - I would say like the code analogy for me is sometimes I forget to say this one thing right before I go out, have fun. And if I forget to say that and I'm out there, why is this not feeling good? I'm not having fun.

But the good sets are like you're having fun. It's a subtle distinction. But if you forget to have fun and that voice is really loud, the best is when the voice is gone. Right. That's the best. Yeah, it's very hard to completely. But fun is not really a good clinical word. The sports psychology word is flow. That's the state that you seek in writing or performing music.

Or socializing. Flow is really the word. It is a bit overused, but there's no better word for it. Would you accept zone? Tone? Zone? Yeah, zone. I'll accept zone. But flow is a little more... Flow has movement. And that's what you're always trying to find. Let me try and do this bit a little different. Maybe I can find fun or flow. But when you get flowing, and then they get flowing, and then you don't have to work. Well, it's like...

you're enjoying it and they can feel it. Yeah. And it feeds, it's a feedback loop. You know, you guys are seeing the really good show. Do you ever do that? Do you ever like it's going really well and you say, you guys are really great tonight? Do you? I can't do that. I didn't think you would. No. I didn't think you would. I tell them it's their fault when they're not laughing. Yeah. I got to let them know. What I will say is my version of that is I'll just take a sip of water and go, let's go to work.

Okay. That's what I'll say. That's my way of saying this is a good crowd. I'm into this. I have a theory that most comedians, especially the all-time greats, have a little bit of a tell for the audience. And that's a little giggle. And if you look at Pryor, Pryor had the, yeah, a constant little thing. That's funny. Louis C.K. will do eight or nine minutes. And then once in a while, he'll just do a big laugh.

Just like, and you, you'll do it. And then you'll put a little laugh in everyone's mouth. It's very subtle. Yeah. But they're seeing that you're enjoying it.

Yeah, I've seen that. Your eye is stunning, by the way. You have an amazing eye. Thank you. That you know that and you tweezered those out. That's great. Well, now I'm just curious. No, I got a tweezer for you. I'd like to see a great comic that doesn't have one. I don't think you do tons of crowd work from when I've seen you. I do. My encore is always Q&A. Oh, okay. I guess that's crowd work. That's just fun, right? Yeah. You don't open with it. Yeah.

you win them over without it, and then you have it at the end. But a crowd work thing that's funny is when someone goes, hey, blah, blah, blah, and then they answer. And then if it doesn't get a laugh, he goes, two weeks ago in Cincinnati, I asked this lady the same question. I go, you're reliving a joke that wasn't from this crowd? Have you seen that trick? It's hysterical. I saw it last night. I was like, ay caramba. How do you feel? This is a younger person's thing that they do. This one's for me. I'm curious if it bothers you.

Any comedian that says, when I wrote that joke, that's not really part of the show, dude. Don't. That's not really part of the show. No. We've come here. Dude. We've come here to hear. Let's play the illusion that you're this funny. The magic. Yeah. The rabbit will appear. And we don't know how it got out of the hat. Yes. Don't say when I wrote this show. Right. Please. Please.

Now, when you're watching stand-up or watching a special, do you find yourself being analytical a little bit? What are you talking about? Well, you're going, oh, he's doing that bit. Oh, he's doing, you know, just watching the stand-up, maybe a young stand-up. It's all right. We can move on. Wow.

Wow. Note to self, never bring up... That was worse than the race question. Sorry about him. Sorry about him. You sit down for a... I was, thank God. No. You're just saying it's so obvious that you do. I am always... We're always... I have the meter running in the cab. We're watching... Yes, but... When I watched Nate, when I called... Great writer. Yeah, and I watched his second special, and I wasn't really that into him. I hadn't seen... I shouldn't say that. I hadn't seen much of him.

But the second one, his laugh per minute rate was so high. LPMs. Yeah. So you called him. So that I called him and I said, that was a really, and my daughter is writing comedy. And I said, this is what we call tight. This is what this defines tight. Yes. And so that, so the meter's running, but I will totally get lost in anybody I like.

But that other thing is also there. Well, once in a while, stand-up has someone come on and they have their moment. And so I think it was seven or eight years ago when I just was going through and watched Sebastian, his first kind of special. Yeah. And his physicality. Yeah. And his rhythm. Yeah. He's sitting there, he's clipping his toenails over there, eating the Cinnabon. And I was just like, okay, this is a rebirth for me. This is new for me.

familiar but new and i knew that that was his moment right and i'm trying to think the current but that happens once in a while you know it's funny it lasts a few years and not often not on not often once a decade yeah i mean definitely i think nate is having his moment sebastian had his a few years ago who was before that

Chris? Well, Louie. Louie. Yeah, Louie. Louie had his moment. It's quite rare. It's quite rare when all the pieces come together. Nate does have a high slugging percentage of like, you keep watching, you go, wow. Because a thing that I was not accustomed to and you probably weren't,

more is when a new thing of doing tour special, tour special. And I always feel like the first one's probably the best special. And then these are the second best jokes. It just feels like just because how hard I work on just jokes to work and I hate throwing them in the garbage. Yeah, me too. And you don't really have to, I guess, because I sort of like a little mix. I like stuff that I love and I like stuff that

Like if you were on, I wouldn't mind if you pulled out They've Seen the Fork or whatever that joke is. Yes, I still do that. But I hate to tell you this. We're old and out of it. Yeah. That's just not the way it's done. I'm told every day. Of course. But if I went to see George Carlin, I would love if he did baseball and football. Oh, yeah. I would love that. That's what I'm saying. But I think our day has passed. I remember a comedian coming to the Punchline in San Francisco. It might have been Frank Orchard or something. Wow.

But he was like 55. The Riddler? Right. And I was like, what is he even doing this for? Why would you still be out of the house? I was 26. Do you remember Denny's joke? Denny Johnston? No, Denny Miller. Oh, the Denny. Do you remember, for some reason, I want to see Nancy Reagan in Frank Gorshin's old Riddler costume.

Do you remember that joke? I think about that joke at least once a week because I love that joke so much. I don't know what it is. He has to say Frank Gorshin's old Riddler costume. And you see the image immediately. You get that image. The green tights. Yeah. I mean, Dennis. I love Dennis. Dennis, my favorite. I don't know why this one always stuck in my brain. Yeah. He's up there and goes...

Jimmy cracked corn and I don't care. Big pause. What the hell attitude is that? I'm so glad you're laughing that hard. I love Dennis so much. Dennis is brilliant. He was the one when I started, when I would go to the improv when I was like that old, I was probably 20, 21, and the chalkboard...

And it would be guys like you and Leno and maybe Dennis and Kevin. Not so much Dana because he was more up in San Fran when I started, but I'd see him. But I would go in there and it was such great comedy school. Just to watch and go, fuck, is everyone this fucking good? I mean, it's unreal. I got his big gulp one. You know what I mean? Big gulp. 32 ounces of liquid. Who needs that much liquid? I just stepped off the surface of the sun. I'm a little parched. You can only drink with a fucking undertow.

Got a life to lead. Chunk, chunk. Or the guy who didn't forgive the Pope. You're lucky my chick's not here. Yeah. Yeah, Dennis got a million. But I think in the Hall of Fame of our generation, I think of you and Leno and Dennis. You know, I saw Jay last night. We had the premiere of Unfrosted last night. Jay was there. Jimmy Brogan was there. Larry David was there. And I felt like I was getting married.

They all showed up. It was like, well, there's the life. That was the life. The history. It was fantastic that they showed up. Who wants to support me? Why? Jerry needs more success. Yeah, exactly. It's obnoxious. Help him. Help this guy.

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And hasta luego. So it goes out of your head. So now you have Rosetta Stone, David, tell them about it. Well, Dana, you know, more than anyone trusted expert for 30 years with millions of users in 25 languages. Uh, I mean, my gosh, they have Spanish, French, Italian, German. I don't think you can throw them a curve ball. I think they're going to know what don't they have the language you want. Yeah.

It immerses you in many ways. There's no English translations. You know what I'm saying? I know no English. You need a Rosetta Stone for English. No English translation, so you really learn to speak and listen and think in that language. That's the whole idea of Rosetta Stone is that it sticks to your head. It sticks to your brain. I learned German out of a book. It just doesn't stick as hard, so this is the way to do it. Just don't type.

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There's a true accent feature. It gives you feedback on your pronunciation. Yes. And of course, there's desktop app options. There's an audio companion and ability to download lessons offline. Yeah, so that's great. Lifetime access to all 25 language courses Rosetta Stone offers for 50% off. A steal! And I do think that the off-label thing that... I'm ad-libbing now, going off script.

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You just visit rosettastone.com slash fly. That's 50% off, unlimited access to 25 language courses for the rest of your life. Redeem your 50% off at rosettastone.com slash fly today. You know, not to talk about the movie, but Unfrosted, speaking of tight,

One thing that hit me pretty quickly was how fast it was moving. Not really like a normal movie. It was like, not only, it's got a story, so it's not just set up punchline, but it's really line, line, lap. I mean, once you get, it feels like a rhythm where it just goes, wow, you're not wasting any time. Mm-hmm.

you're getting the scenes out, which takes a lot of work ahead of time to just tighten, tighten. But I thought Gaffigan was funny. Everyone that came in, of course, I got the whole cast list here, but Melissa McCarthy's always funny. Yeah. Amy was in it. Bill Burr, of course, is a surprise. Takes you a second. Yeah. To find out it's him. But everywhere you turn, there's some funny people. Mm-hmm.

And the movie is light. It's maybe I wouldn't say Willy Wonka-ish, but something weird. Or airplane. Very light. Very fun. It's a mad, mad, mad world. It's people caring so much about something and so maddingly caring about the serial thing. That was the track we tried to sing. This I think is the director. This is my first note. Okay.

That was, I thought was great. The kid in the first scene. Yeah. So good. So good. So hard to get a kid that good. You're at the diner. Yeah. Who I just love this kid. I saw him last night. I hadn't seen him since we shot that. Yeah. I just was hoping is Isaac going to come to the premiere? I've got to see him again. He was just a sweet kid. He was funny. He didn't realize how funny he was. And he had some adult line like I've had better days or something. It was something really funny. Leave the box. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

And the guy at the counter says, tough day? He says, you don't want to know. That was it. You don't want to know. And then a little while later, you have the little girl in the dumpster. Like, she was a star. She was great. Amazing. Her voice, and then she comes back. She's got a lot of something. She's a killer. Did you add her because those two were getting laughs? Did you add a scene for them? No. You know, that's done sometimes. Oh, yeah, yeah. Someone's doing well. No, we didn't. We didn't.

- We didn't. But you know, when the scenes kill, obviously there were scenes like I cut, but their scenes all always work well. - All made it, yeah. - Tell me her name again, the little girl. - Okay, I got it right in front of me.

Her name is Daley Sheets. No, Bailey was the boy. The boy in the football. Her name is John Slattery, I think. She's kind of a cherubic face. Her name is John Hamm. I like when Amy calls her Cabbage Patch. Amy Schumer is so great in this movie. She's so funny. She's funny. Well, you had Gaffigan was so fucking funny in this movie. Yeah, yeah.

Like it was a perfect part for him. Like he looked like central casting from a 60s sitcom or something. I mean, it was his... Born to play that role, right? Yeah. The president, the son of the president of Kellogg's. Yes. Who inherited the company. And he plays it so earnestly. Buffoon.

Kyle Dunnigan doing Cronkite is, that was a great runner. And he did Carson too. I saw that with the face thing. Yeah, with the face replacement. We interviewed him right here. Oh, yeah. How great is he? He's as good as they come. As good as they come. Good as they come. Brilliant. Underused, undersold. I'm glad you used him in that. Very humble, kind of unassuming, but man, is he fantastic. Nails it. Christian Slater was great to see too. He came up with the whole Cronkite, I'll stop.

drinking when you stopped talking. Oh, yeah. That was ad lib in a take. I said, that's this character. That's who he is. Nobody knew that Walter Cronkite had an old bitch wife and a drinking problem. It is a season. It's our generation's, you know, it's such a touchstone. Yeah. I mean, cereal was huge in our family. Oh, sure. Huge. Silly putty.

X-ray specs. Yeah, they all get a shout out. Slinky or silly putty, if you got one. Which one? We'll tell you what Tom Hanks said.

Wow, that's a tough call. I'd probably go with Silly Putty because of the egg. I love the dual, the two-color egg. It makes you think of... I think they slam it too hard, then you never see it again. Yeah. Well, all that stuff... Or no, that's Super Bowl. Super Bowl. Super Bowl is the one. Super Bowl is a hit, too. Silly Putty is like you go for the newspapers. I went nuts when they came out with the Super Bowl Mini.

Do you remember the Super Bowl mini? Oh, the little tiny one. The little one. Gets lost faster. I went, wow, they made it smaller. Yeah. And you would slam it on the sidewalk and it would fly. I want a bigger one so I can fucking find it. Yeah. Sometimes they just go and that's it. You get one out of it and then it's like,

Down the street. Yeah, so you wonder, are kids having as much fun today as we had? No, I don't think so. The Stingray was in there too. You had everything. The Stingray. Everything I loved. Everything. It was a little indulgent. I have to cop to- Why would it be indulgent? I just love Stingrays. There's no reason for that to be in there. Oh, Steve Schwinn and the Stingray? Yeah.

Well, we had to kill somebody because I wanted to do the full serial honors burial. That was the bit I wanted to do. With the milk and all, yeah. I think the rhythm that you hit with the movie was like, if this joke wasn't your thing, just wait a second. Right. Here's another one. Well, we're comics. The rhythm of it. I'm not a filmmaker. I'm a comic. I mean, Jerry said he was a filmmaker. I think he did make a film. I have a 13-year-old nephew, and I said, what is the equivalent of...

of like a slinky for you to kill time and he said great question porn online porn okay so is that a joke no that's sad and slinkies would get all caught up only because you're never going to enjoy sex you're never going to enjoy it no and that's a shame isn't it i had a slinky and i don't like they ruined it they ruined it i know we had a playboy magazine at the dump and you had to work a little bit but there's hardcore porn for a first grader i don't agree with it

Just count me as don't like porn for kids. Yeah. Taking a stand. Who said this? I quit porn. Chris. Yeah. It's so funny. You could just do the pace without the- Tells me every day. Also the fingers on his shoulder. Spade. Spade. Listen to me. He had one of the greatest lines I've ever heard about porn.

How to be a professional comedian. We were talking the other day. We did Kevin Hart's Mark Twain Prize. He was talking to some young comic. I'm not going to mention that name either. And he was telling him, he said to the kid, what do you do during the day? He says, I don't hang out. Don't do anything during the day. And he says to the kid, during the day is when you make the money.

I go, yeah, we collect it at night, but we make it during the day. So that line, he and I really love that line, that that should be the code for sin. But I think all the young kids today, they do. They're either doing these, they're selling, or they're writing. But you make money during the day, you collect it at night. So you go out in the world and that's how you get bit. Yeah, yeah. Mm-hmm.

Look at things differently. Do you have any bit that's just in your brain right now and you haven't done it in your act? Just the thing you're working on. Tons. Anyone to sell? I had a notion. I don't have any. We'll fix it right now. You probably have thought of this. Question announcements. I've got a little bit of a grip on it that I did earlier to you. Yes.

No more. Stop announcing. I have a question. Right. One question. Well, that's in your question. Yeah, I'm working. You fell into the trap. That was a bit. So that was I kind of knew that. And I was sort of it's an assist. Yeah, that was an assist. I made that. Yeah. So that's one. That's my thing is this because the phone is always going in and out of the car talking to someone. I'm taking you into the car now. I'm going for a ride. Can I just have a conversation?

I'm putting you in my ear. Oh, okay. That's funny. My wife said the other day, oh, I just dropped you in the trash. Oh, that's really funny. That's a concept. I love it. That's so much more you that you can run with it. You're giving it to me? I am. I don't want it. That's too sweet. That's too nice. It's something you could make. I have enough. Yeah, you've already done so much for me just having me on the show. Yeah.

You're our biggest guest in quite a long time. That's cool. So give me, I don't want to waste the notes that you did. These are notes that I had about the movie that I liked. I missed the first hour, but I love it. I love Bill Burr as Kennedy. We love Bill Burr as Kennedy. He sounded like Kennedy, even his regular voice pretty much. Yeah. Well, Bill Burr is the only guy out of Boston that I've liked since Kennedy. Yeah.

Long time. Yeah, a long time. Those are my two, the only two guys out of Boston that I like. The peppermint twins are here. Yes, they are wearing the traditional garb. I think this meeting's over. Yeah. I mean, you know, him as Kennedy was so... Did you have to cut any friends out of the movie and tell them? No. Brush over that one? Okay. Um...

What is your favorite scene in the movie if you have one? The Pop-Tart launching in the toaster which I stole from Ron Howard's Apollo 13. I took the same track. Right. Spirit in the Sky, Norman Greenbaum. Very cool. Those Pop-Tart launches. I just like the energy of that. That was like, I felt like I was filmmaking there. It felt like a

Inside a toaster, that whole thing, like a rocket. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the funeral scene, which was a scene that a lot of people did not want to do. They said it won't work. It's not on story. And I said, yeah, but this is why you make comedy movies. Sure. To do something really silly that you think will play. Right. Mel Brooks, the cowboys come into the Busby Berkeley. What else? That...

whole movie to me is to just get to that and Harvey Korman saying Raisinets at the candy counter

Do you remember that? Yes. Count Vodkilla. Is that one of the ones? Count Vodkilla. It's hysterical. But it's just peppered with so many jokes that it's hard to remember all of them. But I just remember going, oh, it's still going. It's still going. It's still funny. It's still funny. It's over. Before I forget, John Hamm's moment with Melissa McCarthy when they're flirting. Yes. It's just a very – I thought John Hamm was –

stood out too were they all these cameos you had yeah so serious yeah about advertising yeah why are they so mean it's just advertising he gets in your face he was so cool about doing that and doing that with uh john slaughter yeah they were really amazing to do that that was a dream that you thought could we get them yeah yeah they would do it yeah

The other thing I wanted to do that I couldn't, I almost did, was Chris Rock was going to be the MC of the Bowl and Spoon Awards. Right.

We shot that right after the Will Smith slap, and I was going to have somebody come up on the stage and have Chris punch him out as they got there. And then Chris wasn't up to perform. He was still a little shook from that event. Yeah. But that was what that scene was going to be. But Cedric saved the day. I love Cedric. Yeah, he was instantly hilarious in that moment. Do you think that would have been funny if...

If Chris is the emcee of the bowl and spoons, somebody comes up on stage and he lays them out. Without the Will Smith thing, I think it's funny. It just sort of, there's still kind of a...

residual darkness around that moment. Yeah. Isn't that what we're attracted to? I don't know. Residual darkness? I'm just saying, we were in the writer's room. I'd be sitting with you and Spike going, it could be. Let's think about that. Yeah. But if Chris is there and wants to do it, you get it. I don't know if it would have worked. You can always trim it. It was an idea. Always get the shot. Yeah, yeah. So what was your first cut? How long was it? Because the movie's like 85 minutes before credits. 84 minutes, and there's not a chance in hell I was going to go over that. Mm-hmm.

I don't know how long the first cut was, but I definitely pulled out at least 15. Wait, you had a number in your head first? Oh, yeah. Wow. Woody. Woody Allen? I do the Woody. Woody would go 81, 82, and everyone's happy. No one's not happy with any call. It's too short.

We do comedy. We get in. We get out. I think you said about stand-up. Maybe I asked you just off the record at a party or something. At a certain point, it gets to be people. Even Rock with his specials, an hour and a half, I go, why don't you save a half for the next one? Just do a tight hour. And he goes, nah.

I think they expected from him maybe, but I was like, I'm from the school of after an hour, it starts to get... What they expect is not our business. It is our business. Don't give them what they want. You think they know what they want? If they knew what they want, they wouldn't have to pay to get it. Let's get that on a t-shirt.

Yeah. I feel like, oh, when I'm watching someone and it goes over a certain amount, I start to lose. And that's when I started to go, God, I love comedy. I'm starting to go, fuck, how long is this? You can ruin it so fast. And I learned that watching Jerry Lewis and Sammy Davis at the Sands in Vegas, Vegas. And Jerry came out. He did 45. Sammy came and they did another hour together.

And then Sammy started singing and it was like, this is now not a good experience. I always felt that Jerry Lewis telethon was too long. Sammy can go on a long time. I was sitting with Kevin Pollak's about to go on the tonight show. He's out of his mind. I was just there visiting. So excited. Sammy's singing. So Sammy gets a thing. Cause the name of love. And then he breaks it down, break it down.

Don't break it down. And I just see Kevin just deflating in the green room. There's a knock. Maybe next time. I want to hear more stuff you like that makes me feel good. You made me laugh. Your first name is Trap Pop.

Trap up. Did you see it coming that we were going to... It was a mirror image. Yeah. The silly putty. But I like, because you know, I knew it was going to change. I didn't know how you were going to find...

Figure that out. We didn't either. And that was a great way to figure it out. We didn't either. Does it make sense exactly? Yeah. Oh, okay. It's the exact reverse words. Letters, rather. So I said, if he's fucking cheating this. No, I didn't. Because it's- There was a big discussion of should we show it on the silly putty spelled backwards or make it say Pop-Tart? Yeah. Back and forth. And we like to do what it would really look like with the letters backwards. Funny when it's a bad name and everyone's like, yes. Yeah.

Yeah, like we've got it. It sounds horrible. It means nothing. Snap, Crackle, Pop, Bobby Moynihan, those three characters. Yeah. Mikey Day. That wasn't Bobby Moynihan. Mikey Day. No, he was Chef Boop. I saw the movie Mikey Day. Yeah.

You did a great movie recently. Do you still want to do another? What are you talking about? Wrong Missy? Yeah, Wrong Missy was great. Wrong Missy, thank you, bud. Yeah, I wrote one with Theo Vaughn. You know Theo, the comic? So we're trying to do that hopefully end of summer this year. Oh, great. Fantastic. So we wrote it together. Right. Even if you like one of us, just come to that one. Great. Who are you working with? It's about cereal. It's a little bit of a bump.

Netflix? No. I wrote that. We don't know yet. Oh, okay. Cool. We don't know who the lucky winner is yet. Embarrassing. You got James Marsden in there too. Yeah, James Marsden. James Marsden. Did you see Jury Duty that he did? No. Oh, it's amazing. I heard about it. Yeah, mock documentary. Yeah.

And the bloopers, I always like outtakes at the end. Yeah. I do. Yeah. We sing and dance and laugh and break in character. Yeah. You know, it's just fun. So, the movie's just fun. Yeah, thank you. And I do think that this will get a little zeitgeist. You'll have a strong opinion about this. This is so trite right now. You know, with the way the world's going, we need, I know you're, I'm going to, we need, I'm

I knew ahead of time. You know, in these troubled times, Mr. Seinfeld. I will pay money for you to stop talking.

Do you have to get the cast to stay to shoot the song? Yes. At the end of the day when they're tired? Yes. How was that? Not fun. I knew it. Anything extra on a day is like... Spike gets all the credit for that. I could not ask them. He would. He thought it would work. I never thought it would work. It does work.

Because the song is cute and it just gets you off. Yeah, the cow farting thing. When you're running through the cow fart thing. What were you thinking during that time? That actually happened to Spike in real life as a kid. They forced him to exit a dairy barn between two cow barns.

a line of cows. And I just found that so funny. He was so traumatized by it as a kid. So we put it in the movie. Your character is traumatized. There's nothing else to make him feel bad. I can't get clean. You're having a nervous breakdown. I can't wash it out of my mind. That was it. Yeah. What about you're clean now? What about my mind? I can't unsee it. Toyota's national sales event is happening now, meaning it's a great time for a great deal on a dependable Toyota truck.

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Do you still have this Mount Rushmore is just something someone lied about? Richard Pryor, Carlin, Cosby, Rickles. Is that close? Yeah. Yeah. But I do think I started the Mount Rushmore trend. Oh, by saying the Mount Rushmore of something? Yes, of something, I think. And my advisor, Tom Keeney, agrees that I did it with Rickles to introduce Rickles.

What's your comedy stand-up? Yeah, Dana. You don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but... No, no, but if you go back to... There's two ways for me to think of it. Like now, looking back, but like in the 70s, they were all magic. I saw prior on Ed Sullivan doing regular stand-up. Sure, of course. And they were all magic to me. Jonathan Winters. Absolutely deserves that. And, you know...

Carlin. Carlin. Carlin you have to put in there. And I think that. Prior to Carlin Winters, you got one more slot. Yeah, Robin. Well, then mid-70s, like Steve Martin, peak Steve Martin. Yeah, yeah. That's a pretty great group. And Robin Williams, who. Sorry, we're out of time. Yeah, we are out of time. Who I thought.

It's only so we have so much stone. I thought later about Robin and what- Robin. Because he was very, he's like, oh, I think I might have taken material from you. He was very, very shy about stuff. I said, I tried to take your whole act. I mean, the thing that he presented was a Shakespearean actor is pushed out on the stage with no material. And that was the brilliant conceit. Yes. And he's just wandering around and I don't know what I'm doing.

and he picks up his brave. Those are going, this is a Frisbee. And he could go. And so that was his genius. So I think those Steve Martin and Robin at that time for me, the rhythm of Steve. Excuse me. The freedom of Steve.

His freedom on stage is still stunning to watch. We'll talk about a performer expressing joy. The character, the happy idiot. So likable, yeah. But a very calculated...

Meticulous. Meticulously calculated to be funny slash dumb. It's got to be funny, dumb, happy. It's very hard to do. Yes. It's a recipe. The acting of it, because we were talking with him, and he goes, we talked about the excuse me, and he goes, oh, it's just a catchphrase. But I go, no, no, no, I saw you do it at the boarding house. You say, can I get a blue spot? Yeah. Can I get a blue spot? And you work your way to that excuse me, just ask for a blue spot. Can I do it?

Just the blue spot. And that's the brilliant thing. Excuse me. You think it's an actual screw up. When I was listening to an album and I'm sitting there riveted and he goes, can I get a blue spot for this? And then he waits and he goes, blue spot. And then he goes, red or blue. It doesn't matter. And then he keeps inching up and then he stops playing and he goes, you know, it's funny. I come here. I get up. I write jokes. He does a whole fucking set up.

And you think so. I'm like, someone actually fucked up. And it made the album. That's what I thought. If you asked me to name your Mount Rushmore, I think I could spend an hour and I wouldn't get it. I could not guess your comedy stand-up taste. But the audience and I are dying to hear it. We want to hear your... You can go. I have one more I'm going to talk about. You can't add any more. It's more people. That's the game. But Jerry, it's the best guy.

For me, on talk shows, the best guy ever, Rickles. Rickles. Rickles. Okay, I had to say it. Yeah. Rickles and Rodney, interestingly, no one ever talked about this. No, Rodney. And probably shouldn't. The two most exciting guys on The Tonight Show, tough to do an hour for both of them. Oh, yeah.

Oh, they better in snippets. Tough style for an hour. That's why he had the band, Rickles and stuff. Yeah, yeah. The genius of him, no joke. It was so dry. As a kid, it just made me laugh. He'd be out there with Johnny and Ed. Ed doesn't know the show's done. Ed's in the corner. Give him a cookie. Pack him an ice. Yeah, yeah. There's no real joke. It's just all rhythm and attitude. Oh, yes, those are jokes. Those are jokes. Well, they're just, it's stylistic. Give him a cookie. Yeah, yeah. Pack him an ice. They sound like jokes. Who cares?

Yeah, before you can answer. So you know what? And I just want to answer because those guys were 100-meter sprinters.

They were sprinters. Right. And then other comedians are long distance, middle distance guys. Bob Newhart. Bob Newhart, long distance runner. So. It's hard. I couldn't even do it. Come on. You got to give it a shot. We ran out of time. You can start with Jerry. No, no, no, no, no, no. I don't know. I know. I'd probably, because it changes over the years. That's why I was asking you yours, because you've seen so many since Rickles that has anyone even put up a fight?

That's a different question, but the question is to you first. Mine would be... God dang, I never even thought of it. I know Steve Martin. How about just think of specials as one way to do it? I know Steve Martin for sure because I listen to his album so much. Prior? Prior, we had his eight tracks. If I have to have a black guy in there...

You do. There you go. You do. You got to have one. You do. He's out of four? If you want to keep doing the show. That's Long Beach. That's his special in Long Beach. Long Beach. Yeah. That is. Yeah. Is that what it was? Well, he walks out. Long Beach is where he walks out. The crowd is still coming in. They're still coming in. He's opening up for Gladys Knight or something. Didn't he open for someone? He's doing it. No, it was Patti LaBelle. Yeah. Opened it. He's filming a special.

They said he was opening for someone. Is that possible? No, no, no. Patti LaBelle opened the show. That sounded crazier. Yeah, crazy. So he walks out. Is that what you're saying? He walks out when they don't even introduce me. Yeah, there's no introduction in the crowd. Still coming in and talking. I love it. That's so awesome. You gotta shut the fuck up or I can't assist with my gag. Sorry. Yeah. My best friend. I think that was Cosby.

Yes, because would you like a little pill? Come on, David. I mean, because I'm going to go back early like you did because that's what's shaping. Right. I would maybe put Carlin because I did go see him even at the Celebrity Theater in Arizona when I was 14. Wow. All right.

What about Sam? Sam Kennison? Yeah. What about Bernie Mac? Bernie Mac and Sam. I didn't see much of Bernie Mac. When I want to laugh, and I'm just, you know, that's who I YouTube those guys. Kennison in his prime. Get out of the desert. Go to where the food is. Go where there's food. Yeah. Go where there's food. And I saw him at Finney Bones, you might remember, Finney Bones in Arizona, and I would be an emcee, same thing.

drove him to his condo, had me go get him beer and do all that. And then he had a pile of Coke and he said, you want some? And I go, no. And he goes, okay, you can stay. And he was with Robert Townsend. And Robert Townsend said, he didn't want any part of that. So he goes, can you run me to my room? So I drove him to his hotel and thirstily came back.

To hang out with Kennison because I loved him so much. And I did want to do Coke. And I didn't want to do his because I didn't want to look like a mooch. One of my favorite Kennison lines is from a movie, the Rodney movie. What was it called? Back to School? Back to School. When he asks about why we went to Vietnam and he goes, is she right? Yeah.

before he goes into the ring. Is she right? Holding the rage? I thought Kinison when you said that and I go, I don't know, there's too many people to think of. But Kinison, I had to say was... It's not really fair. It really shocked me, Kinison. And I was like, fuck. When you see people that really put you on your heels and you go, fuck, that's new. That's a new angle. But there are comics and I'll say that I think we're all pretty good at

You can see you don't need an hour. You can see one joke and you say, okay,

It might be a fluke if it's good. And if you see another good one, you go, okay, he's good. That's right. Do you guys remember the Westwood Comedy Store? I went there like a Tuesday night at midnight. Maybe eight, ten people. First guy comes up dressed like Elvis, you know. And he's kind of going around like that. And he goes with the cigarette. Yeah, yeah. You know. Dice. Dice. I'm going to get you. And he was so electric. Then Kennison came up.

Oh, in the same show? And he goes, there is no God. And he took his beret off and he was bald. There's no God. And he got a guy so frenzied, the guy got up and took his pants down. What? Yeah.

He goes, "Yeah!" It was just like, I'd never seen anything like it. So I tried to get Kenerson to work. I couldn't get him work 'cause I went back to San Francisco. And they go, "What has he done? Who is he?" Well, you'll find out. - I also love Pablo Francisco. Do you know him? - All about him, absolutely. - I love that guy. See, now that's the kind of guy I don't see anymore.

Same energy. Remember those? There was guys that were crazy. Altman. Yeah, Jeff Altman. I miss those guys. I feel like we don't see a lot of that. Kind of that energy. Yes. Pure. Madness. Madness. Barely under control. You don't know what's going on. Did he later on do a thing where he played a video game character with music and lights and he's walking around like a... Who? Pablo. Oh, yeah. Pablo does a lot of Techno Club. Oh, he does? I watch him all

All the time. All the time. Just because I want to laugh. Altman, Bernie, Bernie Mac, uh...

I love watching Sam's first Letterman and then I'll watch the second one because I like the first one he was nervous and the second one he knew this shtick works this character works he had the long coat oh yeah and I love the way he took the mic nobody took the mic the way on a stand on Letterman in those days they hand it to you yeah or you use the boom which was so weak I was on a tonight show with Carson and Sam was out there doing his thing and then

he starts to do something you're not supposed to do, I guess. Yeah. It's kind of X-rated and I'm Johnny's an X-man. He's going, Oh, Sam, no, Sam to himself. Oh, Sam. No, no, don't Sam. Don't you think he's fucking up Dana? Really? No, I didn't say that. Okay. But I was there. Carson said, no, no, Sam. Oh, Sam.

And he's out there just... How great was Carson? He really did love comics. Yeah. For all his other political structures that he put comics through, they created the hierarchical structure to... I don't know why. Jim McCauley? Is that what you're talking about? No.

I'm sure it was, maybe it was Fred DiCordova. You come on, you don't sit down until you're approved. You don't just come out and not do stand-up until you're approved. It was a hierarchy that they built. Even though we were the best part of the show. Yeah, people wait for that stand-up. Do you remember your first set? I don't remember this. Did you get called over? No, but he called me back out. I walked behind the curtain and he made me come back out and take a bow. You killed that hard? No, I didn't.

But he liked it. I was not happy with it. I thought it was good, but everybody was killing it. And I didn't know in those days that if I don't have a mic in my hand, I can't do it. My thing doesn't work. Oh, did you use the boom? I used the boom, and I can't do it. It's so different. I can't make my stuff work with a boom. Well, you don't have any dynamic without a mic, because then you can go a little bit closer. Right, you have no vocal dynamics, and you can't move physically. Yeah.

Yeah, and you're so used to it. Every set you're doing is practicing like this. Right. And you walk out on the one that matters, and you're like, what am I doing? What do I do with my hands? So what are you excited about doing, David, in the near term? Okay, that's a good one. I think movies are hard, but I like them if I like to do them. Right. What do you like about it?

I think I like when they come out. When they're down. You like when they come out. You like the party. No, it's not. You're not even doing anything. You're sitting there. Sometimes they're fun to do, and then it's fun. But if you're just doing it for the money, which I've done in the past, if you're doing it, you don't love it, that's brutal. Amazing that you would admit that. Yeah. But you can tell which ones. But when you get one that's like the wrong Missy that does well, that becomes worldwide, and then Ted calls, then you feel like, oh, one worked. And I really like when...

a comedy works and you go, Oh, it actually worked the whole way. Cause the interesting thing was reading it and it's funny and it gets funnier and doing scenes about halfway through. I go, wait, we still have these scenes that are supposed to be pretty funny. If it works, this actually might be good. And you never know. Something interesting about movies is no one has it solved. No one has it cracked or they just make good movies. You cannot fucking go a hundred movies, AFI, and you're looking to watch a movie.

Or even like best science fiction. There are like 10 good science fiction movies. Let's just... I mean, obviously, comedy is our category. Greatest comedies ever made. Oh. Or movies that we think are what we would call great comedic movies. That is a short list. Right. What I was going to say in terms of the stand-up... You say yours and I'll agree. Our first exposure, Jerry, to funniness... Yeah. ...was probably Abbott & Costello Meets Frankenstein. Yep. And Jerry Lewis...

Loves all the Jerry Lewis movies. Yeah. I remember those being big. So the fun of movies are like you're making this movie and then you think of. Oh, you're like those guys? Well, you're just, you're trying to do something like they did. Yes. It's almost impossible. And they didn't make every movie that was great. No. Abbott and Costello goes to Mars. It's terrible. The trick is you have to meet Frankenstein. Those guys aren't, their movies are not great.

If you wanted to show an alien how funny Laurel and Hardy was, you're not going to show them the features. You're going to show them the shorts. Well, here's I have. OK, I won't say this question. How do you feel? Because someone was on the podcast recently and it was Michael Keaton and said as a kid, he didn't really get the Three Stooges.

And now he loves them. No, I'm not a fan. But I watched anyway because of Curly. Curly was so gifted, such a genius. Yes, the original Curly. The other two, especially Moe, you're not funny. Well, they were in their early 60s when they started. Moe would try to get them back on track, though.

Okay. When things are going wrong, which is a lot of the time. So he's like the studio exec. What's a great comedy film to you? Yeah, go. You have five seconds. I am not in any way comparing what I did in any way, shape, or form. But I watched Blazing Saddles the other day, and I felt like, oh, I'm in this universe.

I'm in this universe. The reality tone of this one is in that universe. Mel Brooks having a GOV on the back of the jacket. Yeah. You know, the big band in the desert. You know, things that we know are not really happening. But we like... Punches the horse. Yes, yes. Knocks out the horse. So, wow. I would probably have to go Marx Brothers. I think the Marx Brothers...

Their pacing today is still quick. Yes. You know, in the way they worked. Because they worked it out. Yeah. On the road. The pacing, the complexity of the bits, the physical bits with dialogue. Yeah. So I would pick one of theirs. There's a few, of course, that are great. What about something like Airplane that's sort of crazy? Airplane, absolutely. Absolutely. You know, Manhattan, Woody, yeah.

You know, I don't think it is funny. I don't know. It's Midnight in Paris is, I think, a great Woody Allen movie. And funny. Great. Absolutely great. You know. Yeah. Can you, do you fight? Yeah. You know, the guy who played him. Yeah. Yeah.

And, you know, Owen Wilson was the perfect surrogate voice for Woody. Yeah. Incidentally. Because Woody's like, Jim, sure. No, you're a terrific woman. And then Owen's like. Terrific. Yeah. Wonderful guy. Well, I was just wondering if you maybe want to go to a museum today. Was he in the Seinfeld? No, that Seinfeld sketch, not the Woody Allen. I think that was.

What sketch? We did a Woody Allen sketch. Oh, really? We did one. It was with Jason. The one I saw the day is today you played the game show host with me and Schneider and Sandler. Stand Up and Win. Yeah. Stand Up and Win. That's a huge one. That was funny. That was funny. The way you played the host was very funny. How about when you're the teacher? Okay. The energy's waning, guys. I know. Where is it? When you play the teacher and we're all in the audience. Yeah, yeah. And you go, what's the capital? And Farley goes like this. And you go, it's not Germany. He goes,

He puts his hand down. I think it was me, Sandler. I like seeing that. It showed up and I was like, oh, it's so fun to see old ones. It's like a group of everybody. Right. And it's funny and you were there and it's funny. Okay, that's it. I got to go, Jerry. I got to wrap this up. I got a million things going on. So Jerry Seinfeld, what's next? What's next? You've just done this movie. Any modeling for Kith? Remember when you modeled? I did, yeah. A lot of people liked that.

How do you do with the reviews? I love bad reviews. I love them. You love bad reviews? Yes. Why wouldn't you hate it? Of course. I didn't make it for you, particularly. I made a movie that bombed in 1988. It's called Opportunity Knocks. I remember Opportunity Knocks. I'm casually talking to Bill Murray. I didn't hear it when it was the best movie list. It's a Wednesday. The movie's coming out Friday. Bill Murray very seriously says to me,

Can you get out of the country? I mean, could you go to the woods? I mean, he's assuming the reviews will literally destroy me. Really? Any way you could hike somewhere and just be away from all electronics. But yeah, I got some bad ones. Yeah, but as comedians, it's not fair because we have Iron Man suits that we wear in show business, which...

This was the biggest thing that I experienced doing this movie is seeing the lives of these actors and how different it is from our lives. A lot of waiting. To have a house like this, like you have, they're sweating out each gig. I have to kill in this. This has to work or...

Or that's it. Or there could be a downturn. You and I, we don't think like that. Yes, we want our stuff to work, but you've got this metal Iron Man suit that nobody can get off of you. You can go out and work. Yeah. You can go out and work wherever you want. It was revolutionary to John Lovitz when I convinced him to try it. Yeah.

Yeah, how's he doing with it? He loves it. Good, that's great. Because the movies are, they edit, they cut my part, all that. Then he goes, I go to the club. They go, here's your dressing room. There's the stage. I do my time and they give me a check. You could not believe the arithmetic thing that stand-up is. It's kind of the most interesting thing about our careers is we lived through what it was at the beginning to what it is now. It changed underneath us. Yes.

And I give Ted Serenos a tremendous amount of credit for this. He changed who comedians are in the culture. He changed it. Definitely. Yeah. I went on Bert Kreisner's podcast. He goes, I'm playing Berlin tomorrow night. You know, these Netflix specials are global. Yeah. You know, hundreds of millions of people. Yeah. God bless America. All right. All right. My final thing. What are you going to do the rest of the day? You're going to go meditate to get energy. I'll go meditate and I'll just...

I got to come up with a bit for Weekend Update. Oh, you got to do the show tonight. I'm doing Weekend Update. Oh, this weekend? I need a bit. I don't have a bit. You don't have a bit? I don't have a bit. You're booked? I'm booked. I won't do it if we don't. I'm going to call Colin Jost and we're going to try and come up with a bit. Right. Okay. What could you do? They've invited me. I mean, I have to do it because when your movie comes out and you're on SNL, you're officially the guy of the weekend. You want to be the guy of the weekend, right? Mm-hmm.

You absolutely should. I'm just starting to think of what you could do. Did you see the bit I did where the president of Pop-Tarts calls me into the boardroom, Kelman P. Gasworth? Yes. I mean, was that in the movie? No, that was just a promotional bit. Oh, I saw it. Yeah.

Did you like it? With the guy Jeff. Where the guy says, how do you feel people just take your stuff and do whatever they want? I go, you mean like Friends? I didn't see that. Because he goes, I'm going to take your stuff. Friends the sitcom? Took stuff from Seinfeld? Well. We got our trender. That's all we needed, Jerry. That's going to go all over the world. I saw that promo, and you need that. That stuff's floating around on Instagram. Yeah. So what do you do on there? Anything in the news lately?

Anything non-protesty that's in the news lately? Yeah. Yeah. All right, I'll hit you with some stuff later. I don't want to sit in front of you. Okay, how does that stuff get written on the show? You mean the update stuff? Yeah, update guys. Do you want to have somebody on just to do an update? Yeah, usually it starts like right after...

probably the read-through on Wednesday. You would go to the update guy at the time, Herb Sargent, when I was there. I'm thinking of doing an update thing. It just gets in the ether. But if they say we have Seinfeld this week, they might even say it earlier in the week. But if the writers are freed up after they wrote their sketches, they go, everybody, let's brainstorm. And we'll come to them with three ideas. Okay, so I should say to them, see what you can cook up? If you could have Hugh Grant

You're doing something and then Hugh Grant comes in? Probably can't get him. He's in London now. But he also was incredibly funny. I love Hugh Grant. Yeah. It's just something about that accent. He's what men used to be. Funny. Hard drinking. Fun. Just, yeah. Collar open. Broad shoulders. Everything I wanted to be. Broad shoulders. Well, yeah. He's got really nice shoulders. He does. Yeah. Well, he looked good when he had the horns on. Yeah. All right. Comedians...

You know, Nate Bargatze has good shoulders. Almost no comedians have good shoulders. Can you name one? I can't think.

I was thinking about this the other night Sandler? I don't know Sandler had good shoulders when he was younger Younger but not so good There's our second friend Rude You really noticed shoulders That's your update bit Little shoulders Jay shoulders Jay had them I never had them Jay was scared Here's this comic

Shoulders, 7 out of 10. Here's this comment. I know you've probably already done this at home, but I'm going to go through it with you guys. And then we say, who's got weak shoulders? It's the relationship between the shoulder and the hip. Because if you have shoulders, what else do you need? When you're young, if you have really good shoulders, everyone's going to like you. Right, yeah. Everyone's checking their shoulders. You're going to get gigs. Yeah, you're going to get everything. You're going to get free food. People love big shoulder guys.

Little shoulders, not so much. Rickles, surprisingly, I saw him once with his shirt off. Jack shoulders. Jack. He has a solo flex in his dressing room. Deege. Deege. All right. I gotta pee. That's enough. Good night. We did a good job. That was great. That was fun. That was as good as we thought it would be. It is. It's great. It's great. It's great.

This has been a presentation of Odyssey. Please follow, subscribe, leave a like, a review, all this stuff, smash that button, whatever it is, wherever you get your podcasts. Fly on the Wall is executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Jenna Weiss-Berman of Odyssey, Charlie Finan of Brillstein Entertainment, and Heather Santoro. The show's lead producer is Greg Holtzman.